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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:07,007 _ 2 00:00:07,811 --> 00:00:09,843 Kick some ass at ballet, sweetheart. 3 00:00:09,871 --> 00:00:12,505 Everyone's anorexic... no one has an ass to kick. 4 00:00:12,507 --> 00:00:13,547 What's the matter? 5 00:00:13,572 --> 00:00:15,552 You wanted to be the swan, and they made you the lake? 6 00:00:15,577 --> 00:00:17,310 I hate ballet. 7 00:00:17,312 --> 00:00:19,085 Mom did what she always does... 8 00:00:19,110 --> 00:00:20,468 signed me up and then told me 9 00:00:20,493 --> 00:00:22,148 I had to go because she already signed me up. 10 00:00:22,150 --> 00:00:24,917 Mom-Mom does that to me with karaoke. 11 00:00:24,919 --> 00:00:26,586 See you later. 12 00:00:26,588 --> 00:00:28,888 Hey! 13 00:00:28,890 --> 00:00:30,423 You want to play hooky? 14 00:00:33,962 --> 00:00:35,228 TROY: Attaboy, John. 15 00:00:35,230 --> 00:00:36,829 Now back to combination one. 16 00:00:36,831 --> 00:00:38,898 Whoo, 70 years young, y'all! 17 00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:42,323 Yeah, Pop-Pop! Whoo! 18 00:00:42,393 --> 00:00:44,337 I hope I look like that when I'm your age. 19 00:00:45,073 --> 00:00:49,297 Hey, look at that, even with a Victoria's Secret model around, 20 00:00:49,322 --> 00:00:51,711 everybody's checking me out, huh? 21 00:00:51,713 --> 00:00:52,712 It looks so fun! 22 00:00:52,714 --> 00:00:53,980 Yeah, you want to try it? 23 00:00:54,687 --> 00:00:55,859 I don't think I should. 24 00:00:55,884 --> 00:00:57,483 Mom doesn't like violence. 25 00:00:57,485 --> 00:00:59,311 She wouldn't even let me do tai chi. 26 00:00:59,336 --> 00:01:01,931 Ugh, those people give the slowest high-fives. 27 00:01:01,956 --> 00:01:04,390 (Jasmine grunting) 28 00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:07,550 JOHN: If Jasmine can do it, so can you. 29 00:01:07,575 --> 00:01:08,961 Girl power. 30 00:01:08,963 --> 00:01:10,296 Or whatever you girls say 31 00:01:10,298 --> 00:01:12,465 before you talk behind each other's backs. 32 00:01:13,268 --> 00:01:15,801 Troy, show her some moves. 33 00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:18,761 One, two. 34 00:01:18,786 --> 00:01:20,260 One, two. 35 00:01:20,674 --> 00:01:21,651 Straight. 36 00:01:21,710 --> 00:01:23,510 Attagirl, Sam! 37 00:01:26,014 --> 00:01:27,246 Your girl's killing it, man. 38 00:01:27,248 --> 00:01:29,849 I know, looks like me in a wig. 39 00:01:31,317 --> 00:01:32,118 Dad. 40 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:33,819 I want to thank you for taking Sam to ballet. 41 00:01:33,821 --> 00:01:35,121 You know, I think it's really helping her 42 00:01:35,123 --> 00:01:36,322 with her anger issues. 43 00:01:36,324 --> 00:01:37,790 Oh, it's my pleasure. 44 00:01:37,792 --> 00:01:40,393 You got enough on your plate with working 45 00:01:40,395 --> 00:01:41,794 and taking care of the kids. 46 00:01:41,796 --> 00:01:44,096 Gosh, you're practically a Superman-Woman. 47 00:01:44,098 --> 00:01:46,332 Oh, well, thanks, Dad. 48 00:01:46,334 --> 00:01:48,467 Yeah, I'll drive the kids to all their activities. 49 00:01:48,469 --> 00:01:50,136 You... you mean that? 50 00:01:50,138 --> 00:01:52,038 Really, I mean you'll drive my kids everywhere. 51 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:53,746 Well, yeah. 52 00:01:53,771 --> 00:01:55,952 I mean just Sam, just to ballet, 53 00:01:55,977 --> 00:01:58,683 and you can give me gas money later. 54 00:01:59,097 --> 00:02:00,179 That's fair. 55 00:02:03,885 --> 00:02:05,151 There we go, stay low. 56 00:02:06,132 --> 00:02:06,942 That's perfect. 57 00:02:07,589 --> 00:02:09,055 13 years old, y'all! 58 00:02:09,057 --> 00:02:10,590 (cheering) 59 00:02:12,226 --> 00:02:13,559 Damn, she's tough. 60 00:02:13,561 --> 00:02:16,095 I'm not getting in the ring with her. 61 00:02:16,097 --> 00:02:17,530 I thought you were something special, 62 00:02:17,532 --> 00:02:20,493 - but she's a beast. - Yeah, I guess, 63 00:02:20,518 --> 00:02:24,086 if you're impressed with someone who can't drive. 64 00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:28,140 - Really? Boxing? - Mm-hmm. 65 00:02:28,142 --> 00:02:30,776 She knows that I don't like violence. 66 00:02:30,778 --> 00:02:32,128 I am gonna kill her. 67 00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:35,548 I'm as shocked as you are. I dropped her off at ballet, 68 00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:38,068 and she must have hiked the six miles to the gym. 69 00:02:38,093 --> 00:02:39,455 Dad, I keep trying 70 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:41,226 to encourage her to do things 71 00:02:41,251 --> 00:02:42,680 that will suit her, 72 00:02:42,705 --> 00:02:44,156 and she's just really resisting me. 73 00:02:44,158 --> 00:02:45,791 I'm at a loss with her, Dad. 74 00:02:45,793 --> 00:02:47,994 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 75 00:02:47,996 --> 00:02:50,229 So that's it with boxing? 76 00:02:50,231 --> 00:02:52,331 One, two. One, two. 77 00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:53,146 This feels good. 78 00:02:53,171 --> 00:02:54,437 It's all about me again. 79 00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:55,875 One, two. 80 00:02:55,900 --> 00:02:57,900 All right, let's wrap it up. 81 00:02:58,106 --> 00:02:59,605 Where's your granddaughter, by the way? 82 00:03:00,126 --> 00:03:01,352 Huge potential, that one. 83 00:03:01,377 --> 00:03:04,170 Well, turns out it's all because of the steroids. 84 00:03:04,195 --> 00:03:05,277 It's too bad. 85 00:03:05,279 --> 00:03:06,653 She was the one person I didn't have to pretend 86 00:03:06,678 --> 00:03:07,877 to be impressed by. 87 00:03:08,549 --> 00:03:10,282 Great job today, by the way. 88 00:03:10,284 --> 00:03:13,019 SAMANTHA: Pop-Pop! 89 00:03:14,288 --> 00:03:16,022 Oh! Hey, Sam, honey. 90 00:03:16,024 --> 00:03:18,224 Yeah, your mom told me you weren't going to fight anymore. 91 00:03:18,226 --> 00:03:21,193 I was just telling Troy how disappointed I was. 92 00:03:21,195 --> 00:03:23,529 You're not the only one disappointed. 93 00:03:23,531 --> 00:03:24,730 You betrayed me. 94 00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:26,704 Troy? 95 00:03:26,729 --> 00:03:27,995 He'll be back in a second. 96 00:03:28,036 --> 00:03:29,802 Boxing was your idea. 97 00:03:29,804 --> 00:03:31,170 You got me hooked, 98 00:03:31,172 --> 00:03:33,873 and now you're taking it away from me? 99 00:03:33,875 --> 00:03:36,575 I don't think so. 100 00:03:36,577 --> 00:03:38,228 Troy? 101 00:03:38,253 --> 00:03:39,953 There's no one here, 102 00:03:40,048 --> 00:03:43,582 but you, me, and my two friends... 103 00:03:46,287 --> 00:03:48,402 I think you should let her do it after all. 104 00:03:48,427 --> 00:03:50,314 Okay, you ratted her out yesterday. 105 00:03:50,339 --> 00:03:51,805 What changed your mind? 106 00:03:52,727 --> 00:03:54,360 I'm jealous, okay? 107 00:03:54,362 --> 00:03:56,696 Of your 13-year-old granddaughter? 108 00:03:56,698 --> 00:04:00,035 Before she showed up at the gym, I was the hero there. 109 00:04:00,060 --> 00:04:02,649 Now usually at my age that means keeping a pigeon 110 00:04:02,674 --> 00:04:04,040 from stealing your sandwich. 111 00:04:04,238 --> 00:04:06,880 Sam comes in, she stole my sandwich. 112 00:04:07,403 --> 00:04:09,008 She's really that good? 113 00:04:09,010 --> 00:04:11,153 Oh, she's a natural. 114 00:04:11,178 --> 00:04:13,656 Like Robert Redford in that baseball movie. 115 00:04:13,681 --> 00:04:15,781 What's that called again? 116 00:04:16,433 --> 00:04:17,676 The Natural. 117 00:04:17,701 --> 00:04:18,543 No. 118 00:04:18,568 --> 00:04:20,135 Uh-uh, that's not it. 119 00:04:22,623 --> 00:04:24,390 Do you know what this place reminds me of? 120 00:04:24,392 --> 00:04:25,376 It reminds me of a place 121 00:04:25,401 --> 00:04:26,881 where I would never take a child. 122 00:04:26,906 --> 00:04:28,172 What is that smell? 123 00:04:28,229 --> 00:04:29,736 It's passion. 124 00:04:29,761 --> 00:04:31,611 And determination. 125 00:04:31,679 --> 00:04:34,714 Oh, and a possum died in the locker room. 126 00:04:34,935 --> 00:04:37,335 Okay, let's just get her and go. 127 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,649 I mean hopefully this is just some weird fascination 128 00:04:39,674 --> 00:04:43,142 that she'll be over once she realizes it's not forbidden. 129 00:04:43,144 --> 00:04:45,377 Are you sure you want her to get over it? 130 00:04:47,181 --> 00:04:49,548 Is that Sam? 131 00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:51,150 (grunting) 132 00:04:51,152 --> 00:04:54,787 Oh, my God, look how strong she is! 133 00:04:55,623 --> 00:04:56,524 See? 134 00:04:56,549 --> 00:04:58,149 She's amazing. 135 00:04:58,196 --> 00:04:59,752 I know this is not your thing, 136 00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:01,728 but I think Sam may have found her thing. 137 00:05:01,753 --> 00:05:03,706 Now this was my thing first, 138 00:05:03,731 --> 00:05:06,532 but I'm working through that now. 139 00:05:08,936 --> 00:05:10,976 I guess she's at that age, you know, where I just... 140 00:05:11,001 --> 00:05:15,637 I have to get out of the way and just let her do her thing. 141 00:05:17,512 --> 00:05:19,712 That's my girl! 142 00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,171 Yeah! 143 00:05:24,643 --> 00:05:26,276 Oh, oh, honey! 144 00:05:28,813 --> 00:05:30,212 It happens. 145 00:05:31,802 --> 00:05:33,483 _ 146 00:05:33,508 --> 00:05:34,509 Ah... 147 00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:37,396 Oh, you been feeling sad lately, Jen? 148 00:05:37,398 --> 00:05:38,631 Huh, no, why? 149 00:05:38,633 --> 00:05:40,166 'Cause your tongue's depressed. 150 00:05:40,168 --> 00:05:41,534 (laughs) 151 00:05:41,536 --> 00:05:43,636 Oh, okay, yeah, that one was good. 152 00:05:43,638 --> 00:05:44,702 Actually it looks like you have 153 00:05:44,727 --> 00:05:46,051 acute infectious pharyngitis. 154 00:05:46,076 --> 00:05:48,117 So it means those tonsils are going to go bye-bye. 155 00:05:48,142 --> 00:05:50,042 What, you have to take my tonsils out? 156 00:05:50,044 --> 00:05:51,544 Well, just to dinner, maybe a movie. 157 00:05:51,546 --> 00:05:53,279 I'll have them home by 10:00. (chuckles) 158 00:05:53,281 --> 00:05:55,147 - Another one... - Yeah. 159 00:05:55,149 --> 00:05:56,270 Actually, when you think about it, 160 00:05:56,295 --> 00:05:57,860 you've been on antibiotics six times 161 00:05:57,885 --> 00:05:58,771 in the last two years, 162 00:05:58,796 --> 00:06:00,676 so surgery's the best option. 163 00:06:00,701 --> 00:06:03,098 No, no, I don't have time for surgery. 164 00:06:03,123 --> 00:06:04,934 Oh, surgery's fast. 165 00:06:04,959 --> 00:06:07,359 And I won't see you naked, if that's on your mind. 166 00:06:07,361 --> 00:06:08,928 It is now. 167 00:06:08,930 --> 00:06:11,030 Anyway, Heather will schedule something for you 168 00:06:11,032 --> 00:06:14,066 this week and we'll castrate those throat testicles. 169 00:06:14,068 --> 00:06:15,401 (door opens) 170 00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:19,705 I mean he called my tonsils "throat testicles" 171 00:06:19,707 --> 00:06:21,440 Maybe that's the medical term for them. 172 00:06:21,936 --> 00:06:23,943 I feel like I should get a second opinion. 173 00:06:23,945 --> 00:06:26,080 All right, then get a second opinion. 174 00:06:26,105 --> 00:06:27,291 Yeah, but he's family. 175 00:06:27,316 --> 00:06:29,110 I mean if he found out I got a second opinion, 176 00:06:29,135 --> 00:06:31,653 do you know the drama-rama that's going to ensue? 177 00:06:31,678 --> 00:06:34,109 You know how awkward a dinner table's gonna be? 178 00:06:34,134 --> 00:06:36,214 Okay, so then get the surgery. 179 00:06:36,239 --> 00:06:37,705 I mean he's a good doctor. 180 00:06:38,028 --> 00:06:40,386 And if not, you're a good lawyer. 181 00:06:40,411 --> 00:06:42,178 Come on, this is serious. 182 00:06:42,203 --> 00:06:43,502 You're right, it is. 183 00:06:43,631 --> 00:06:45,497 It's a conundrum. 184 00:06:47,308 --> 00:06:49,273 Greg, the answer is not in your beard. 185 00:06:49,298 --> 00:06:50,197 Hmm? 186 00:06:50,222 --> 00:06:51,549 Ah... 187 00:06:51,574 --> 00:06:53,662 Yeah, yeah, they're certainly infected, 188 00:06:53,687 --> 00:06:56,894 but I think a tonsillectomy is a bit of overkill. 189 00:06:56,919 --> 00:06:58,723 You do? Oh, that's such a relief. 190 00:06:58,748 --> 00:07:00,645 Because my other doctor said I needed to have them removed. 191 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,513 But he also called them throat testicles, 192 00:07:02,538 --> 00:07:05,328 which was a medical term I was unaware of. 193 00:07:05,353 --> 00:07:06,852 You know, there are some similarities. 194 00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,227 Yeah, they're both round, 195 00:07:08,330 --> 00:07:09,863 and they're both glands, 196 00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:12,021 and you can have them removed and still be a man. 197 00:07:12,126 --> 00:07:15,397 Right, well, that felt oddly personal. 198 00:07:15,422 --> 00:07:18,174 Well, the antibiotics are going to take care of that infection, 199 00:07:18,199 --> 00:07:20,295 but we're going to give you a throat culture just in case. 200 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,457 And I'm going to send your file 201 00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:22,590 with my recommendations 202 00:07:22,615 --> 00:07:24,181 back over to Dr. Hughes. 203 00:07:24,605 --> 00:07:25,532 What? 204 00:07:25,818 --> 00:07:26,977 No, no, no! 205 00:07:27,002 --> 00:07:28,334 No, no, no! No! 206 00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,957 Oh! Ah... 207 00:07:31,279 --> 00:07:33,271 Can you please not stand this close to me? 208 00:07:33,296 --> 00:07:34,862 Because you're incredibly sick. 209 00:07:35,149 --> 00:07:37,082 Right, right, right. 210 00:07:38,868 --> 00:07:40,590 I mean Tim probably gets hundreds of emails 211 00:07:40,615 --> 00:07:41,642 from doctors every day. 212 00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:42,966 Plus his Joke-A-Day emails? 213 00:07:42,991 --> 00:07:44,221 I mean he can't read them all. 214 00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:45,629 Well, I hope you're right. 215 00:07:45,654 --> 00:07:47,153 Otherwise I don't know how I'm going to face him. 216 00:07:47,545 --> 00:07:50,944 Although it would probably be less painful than one of the bad jokes 217 00:07:50,969 --> 00:07:52,612 - he's going to tell. - Mm... 218 00:07:52,833 --> 00:07:55,768 You guys hear about the corduroy pillow? 219 00:07:56,704 --> 00:07:58,270 It's making headlines. 220 00:07:59,140 --> 00:08:00,640 (laughs) 221 00:08:00,665 --> 00:08:02,319 Okay, I didn't get that at first, 222 00:08:02,328 --> 00:08:04,528 but then when it hits you, it hits you hard. 223 00:08:04,530 --> 00:08:05,729 (quietly): I think we're okay. 224 00:08:05,731 --> 00:08:07,397 Yeah, no, they don't know. 225 00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:08,699 Everything tasting okay? 226 00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:11,134 Any coffee or tea? 227 00:08:11,136 --> 00:08:13,103 I would love like an herbal tea. 228 00:08:13,105 --> 00:08:14,605 We have a delicious honey vanilla chamomile tea. 229 00:08:14,607 --> 00:08:15,972 Yeah, that sounds good. 230 00:08:15,997 --> 00:08:17,674 Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, Jen. 231 00:08:17,676 --> 00:08:18,976 You don't want to just take her word for it. 232 00:08:18,978 --> 00:08:20,344 No, oh, come on. 233 00:08:20,346 --> 00:08:23,039 Why don't you ask this guy? Right here, you know, 234 00:08:23,064 --> 00:08:26,355 get the opinion of someone that you've never even met. 235 00:08:26,433 --> 00:08:27,730 Here we go. (clears throat) 236 00:08:27,755 --> 00:08:29,426 Sir, my sister-in-law here 237 00:08:29,451 --> 00:08:31,365 just got a very solid recommendation 238 00:08:31,390 --> 00:08:32,723 for the chamomile tea. 239 00:08:32,725 --> 00:08:34,691 But she'd like to know your thoughts. 240 00:08:34,693 --> 00:08:36,864 I'm more of a eucalyptus passionfruit guy. 241 00:08:36,889 --> 00:08:38,122 Well, there you go, Jen 242 00:08:38,397 --> 00:08:39,707 I'm sure the opinions of this 243 00:08:39,732 --> 00:08:41,698 random waiter that you have no connection with 244 00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:43,133 must mean a whole lot more to you 245 00:08:43,135 --> 00:08:44,241 than your first waitress, 246 00:08:44,266 --> 00:08:45,903 who's practically family. 247 00:08:47,038 --> 00:08:48,058 JEN: You know what? No. 248 00:08:48,083 --> 00:08:50,274 I'm actually glad I got 249 00:08:50,276 --> 00:08:51,575 the other waiter's opinion 250 00:08:51,577 --> 00:08:53,377 because eucalyptus passionfruit dude 251 00:08:53,379 --> 00:08:56,513 saved me from unnecessary surgery. 252 00:08:57,472 --> 00:08:58,705 I'll just bring both teas. 253 00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:01,898 No, no, because you cannot have it both ways, Jen. 254 00:09:01,970 --> 00:09:05,914 You see, because when you seek out that second tea, 255 00:09:06,422 --> 00:09:08,392 the first tea cries in front of a patient. 256 00:09:09,295 --> 00:09:11,094 You know what, I can't eat this. 257 00:09:11,096 --> 00:09:13,931 - Just bring me a cinnamon roll. - It's okay. 258 00:09:15,027 --> 00:09:16,363 (phone beeps) 259 00:09:17,436 --> 00:09:19,654 (gasps) It's a voice mail from Dr. Antro. 260 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:21,623 ANTRO (voice mail): Hi, Jen. (coughs) 261 00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:23,581 This is Dr. Antro calling. 262 00:09:24,061 --> 00:09:26,797 Not because you got me sick... which you did... 263 00:09:27,008 --> 00:09:29,177 but because after looking at your test results, 264 00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:32,182 I actually would recommend surgery. 265 00:09:32,184 --> 00:09:33,684 Oh, no. 266 00:09:34,099 --> 00:09:35,698 Surgery?! 267 00:09:35,957 --> 00:09:38,689 The good news is we do have a doctor in the family. 268 00:09:38,691 --> 00:09:41,758 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. 269 00:09:43,028 --> 00:09:44,861 Look, I'm sorry that I didn't trust you. 270 00:09:44,863 --> 00:09:46,229 It's okay, it's okay. 271 00:09:46,231 --> 00:09:47,431 Let me see what we got. 272 00:09:47,433 --> 00:09:48,732 Uh, next week, no. 273 00:09:48,734 --> 00:09:50,634 Next year, no. 274 00:09:50,636 --> 00:09:52,436 I could do one tonsil in December. 275 00:09:52,438 --> 00:09:53,770 HEATHER: Oh, no, wait, 276 00:09:53,772 --> 00:09:54,977 here's one, honey, right there, 277 00:09:55,002 --> 00:09:56,984 - right in the year of the rat! - Okay, all right. 278 00:09:57,009 --> 00:09:59,610 I can see that there's still a lot of anger here. 279 00:09:59,612 --> 00:10:00,611 You're a lot of anger! 280 00:10:00,613 --> 00:10:02,045 Wow. 281 00:10:02,047 --> 00:10:03,780 Don't know why I ever doubted you. 282 00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,882 It's all I needed to hear. 283 00:10:06,992 --> 00:10:08,018 Bring it in. 284 00:10:08,020 --> 00:10:09,853 Come on. Give me a hug. 285 00:10:09,855 --> 00:10:11,054 Oh, oh, okay. 286 00:10:11,056 --> 00:10:13,624 - Come on, there you go. - Thanks. 287 00:10:13,626 --> 00:10:14,925 Actually, I shouldn't be touching you, 288 00:10:14,927 --> 00:10:16,426 you are very sick. 289 00:10:18,998 --> 00:10:20,741 Would you stop trying to please my mother? 290 00:10:20,766 --> 00:10:22,139 She already kisses you on the lips. 291 00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:23,367 That's as far as you want it to go. 292 00:10:23,369 --> 00:10:25,506 That's as far as you want it to go. 293 00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:27,639 _ 294 00:10:29,008 --> 00:10:32,000 Here, dear, here's something to nibble on until we order. 295 00:10:32,025 --> 00:10:33,009 - Thank you. - Oh, actually... 296 00:10:33,034 --> 00:10:34,752 Colleen doesn't really like garlic bread. 297 00:10:34,777 --> 00:10:36,521 - And she has... - No, but this is a garlic knot, 298 00:10:36,546 --> 00:10:38,648 which is totally different and yummy. 299 00:10:38,789 --> 00:10:40,266 And there's probably not enough garlic on it 300 00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:41,932 to trigger my allergy. 301 00:10:42,299 --> 00:10:43,133 Thank you. 302 00:10:43,158 --> 00:10:44,971 Thank you so much. 303 00:10:45,386 --> 00:10:47,475 Would you stop trying to please my mother? 304 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:48,634 She already kisses you on the lips. 305 00:10:48,659 --> 00:10:50,056 That's as far as you want it to go. 306 00:10:50,081 --> 00:10:52,201 That's as far as you want it to go. 307 00:10:52,203 --> 00:10:54,922 And don't think I forgot about you, sweetheart. 308 00:10:55,351 --> 00:10:56,372 Thanks, Mom. 309 00:10:56,788 --> 00:10:58,440 Oh, no, no, no, no! 310 00:10:58,442 --> 00:10:59,408 What is it? 311 00:10:59,410 --> 00:11:00,542 Get it, Sam! 312 00:11:00,544 --> 00:11:02,003 - (commotion) - Sam, Sam, Sam! Get it, get it, get it! 313 00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:05,085 What? What? What? What happened? 314 00:11:05,110 --> 00:11:06,759 I put a spider in his... 315 00:11:06,784 --> 00:11:08,505 In his knots! 316 00:11:08,530 --> 00:11:11,333 JOHN: She got him right in the knots. 317 00:11:12,056 --> 00:11:13,606 JOAN: That is the best one yet. 318 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,120 I think he tooted. 319 00:11:15,145 --> 00:11:17,826 Funny stuff. Is this a thing you all do? 320 00:11:17,828 --> 00:11:19,061 How did I not know this was a thing? 321 00:11:19,063 --> 00:11:21,294 MATT: Because every time she does it, I keep on hoping 322 00:11:21,319 --> 00:11:24,748 that she will remember that she is a therapist and stop it. 323 00:11:24,811 --> 00:11:28,853 I will stop when it stops being funny. 324 00:11:28,878 --> 00:11:29,791 Besides, 325 00:11:29,816 --> 00:11:32,371 you won't overcome your arachnophobia 326 00:11:32,396 --> 00:11:34,487 unless you expose yourself to spiders. 327 00:11:34,512 --> 00:11:36,979 I was never scared of spiders as a kid 328 00:11:36,981 --> 00:11:38,881 until you started sticking them in my lunch box. 329 00:11:38,883 --> 00:11:40,883 Colin McGrath used to get sweet little notes 330 00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:42,618 from his mom telling him how special he was. 331 00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:43,852 What's funny about that? 332 00:11:43,854 --> 00:11:45,988 Now, Mom, come on, you have to stop scaring us. 333 00:11:45,990 --> 00:11:47,156 It's not cool. 334 00:11:47,158 --> 00:11:48,898 She used to hide in the basement 335 00:11:48,923 --> 00:11:50,225 and then jump out and scare me 336 00:11:50,227 --> 00:11:51,727 when I would go down there to play bumper pool. 337 00:11:51,729 --> 00:11:53,323 I had to quit playing. Could've gone pro. 338 00:11:53,348 --> 00:11:54,409 He was good. 339 00:11:54,434 --> 00:11:56,034 It's a tradition. 340 00:11:56,084 --> 00:11:59,715 My mom did it to me, and I do it to you all. 341 00:11:59,740 --> 00:12:02,083 And someday you get to do it to your kids. 342 00:12:02,108 --> 00:12:03,272 MATT: Okay, have your laughs. 343 00:12:03,274 --> 00:12:05,248 But if you think I'm throwing in any cash 344 00:12:05,273 --> 00:12:06,876 at the end of this dinner, you're very wrong. 345 00:12:06,901 --> 00:12:08,778 And there goes the excuse of the week. 346 00:12:08,803 --> 00:12:10,459 (whispers): John, stop. 347 00:12:11,337 --> 00:12:13,182 There's something I want to show you. 348 00:12:13,684 --> 00:12:16,051 There's something I want to show you, too. 349 00:12:16,053 --> 00:12:16,985 (gasps) 350 00:12:17,475 --> 00:12:19,271 It's fake! It's fake. 351 00:12:19,296 --> 00:12:20,899 Your mom wanted me to put it on your chest 352 00:12:20,924 --> 00:12:22,690 - while you were sleeping. - (gasps) 353 00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:24,560 She's sick! She's a sicko! 354 00:12:24,562 --> 00:12:25,994 Now she's trying to turn you against me, too? 355 00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:27,056 Mmm. 356 00:12:27,081 --> 00:12:29,048 I know, it's like she's sweet her life 357 00:12:29,073 --> 00:12:31,110 so her personality can have a cheat day. 358 00:12:31,135 --> 00:12:33,635 And there's nothing I can do about it... she won't stop. 359 00:12:33,891 --> 00:12:35,457 What if you made her? 360 00:12:35,705 --> 00:12:38,140 What if you exposed her to one of her fears? 361 00:12:38,527 --> 00:12:40,042 What's she afraid of? 362 00:12:40,765 --> 00:12:43,197 She's afraid that the bagger at the grocery store 363 00:12:43,222 --> 00:12:45,021 - is going to give her a hug? - No, dude, that's you. 364 00:12:45,046 --> 00:12:46,448 She's afraid of being wrongfully imprisoned. 365 00:12:46,450 --> 00:12:48,677 I mean, that's why she had to stop watching 48 Hours. 366 00:12:48,911 --> 00:12:50,863 Oh, wearing tennis shoes on the escalator 367 00:12:50,888 --> 00:12:52,470 and her laces get caught. 368 00:12:52,495 --> 00:12:56,067 No, I don't think we've got it yet. 369 00:12:56,414 --> 00:12:58,447 What about perch, the fish? 370 00:12:58,472 --> 00:13:00,739 I'm afraid of them because one once bit me in a lake. 371 00:13:00,898 --> 00:13:01,964 Huh. 372 00:13:01,966 --> 00:13:03,087 Yeah. 373 00:13:03,112 --> 00:13:04,666 Ooh, I got it. 374 00:13:04,668 --> 00:13:05,542 What, what, what? 375 00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:09,869 She is deathly afraid of Dad's new robot vacuum. 376 00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:11,369 - GREG: Yes. - Boom. 377 00:13:11,394 --> 00:13:12,818 Yes, she's afraid it's going to come to life 378 00:13:12,843 --> 00:13:13,808 and watch her in the shower. 379 00:13:13,833 --> 00:13:15,199 And we can make it come to life. 380 00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:16,267 Uh... 381 00:13:16,292 --> 00:13:17,857 does Sophia have any remote-controlled cars? 382 00:13:17,882 --> 00:13:20,415 I don't know, do perch have teeth? 383 00:13:20,417 --> 00:13:23,018 Nasty little suckers. 384 00:13:33,430 --> 00:13:34,897 Okay, come on, come on. 385 00:13:34,899 --> 00:13:36,454 Let's go, we have to hurry. 386 00:13:36,479 --> 00:13:38,944 We only have 15 minutes until Dad's back from boxing. 387 00:13:38,969 --> 00:13:40,498 No, Mom comes down for a bowl of ice cream 388 00:13:40,523 --> 00:13:42,156 between 9:00 and 9:06 p.m. 389 00:13:44,637 --> 00:13:47,910 It was really healthy for me to move out of the garage. 390 00:13:47,912 --> 00:13:52,080 (vacuum beeping) 391 00:13:55,786 --> 00:13:57,186 Okay, go, go, go! 392 00:13:57,188 --> 00:13:58,520 Here we go. 393 00:14:04,895 --> 00:14:05,861 Oh, no. 394 00:14:05,863 --> 00:14:07,396 (giddy excitement) 395 00:14:09,166 --> 00:14:10,032 Oh, no! 396 00:14:10,034 --> 00:14:11,800 JOAN: No, no, no! 397 00:14:11,802 --> 00:14:14,303 No! No! 398 00:14:14,305 --> 00:14:16,505 I told John this was going to happen. 399 00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:17,673 No, no, no! 400 00:14:17,675 --> 00:14:19,208 (Joan screams) 401 00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:20,576 This is so good. 402 00:14:20,578 --> 00:14:22,244 No, no, no! 403 00:14:22,246 --> 00:14:24,880 Down! Down, robot! 404 00:14:24,882 --> 00:14:26,315 - (laughing) - Down! 405 00:14:27,151 --> 00:14:28,283 Okay, good. 406 00:14:28,308 --> 00:14:29,507 No! 407 00:14:29,738 --> 00:14:31,197 Ah! John! 408 00:14:31,222 --> 00:14:32,654 Oh, we got a runner. 409 00:14:32,656 --> 00:14:34,890 (excited overtalk) 410 00:14:34,892 --> 00:14:35,704 (loud thud) 411 00:14:35,729 --> 00:14:37,198 Oh, no! 412 00:14:37,223 --> 00:14:38,160 That's not good. 413 00:14:38,162 --> 00:14:40,028 Mommy! 414 00:14:42,376 --> 00:14:43,786 Are you okay? 415 00:14:43,811 --> 00:14:45,578 - I think so. - Oh, you're bleeding. 416 00:14:45,603 --> 00:14:47,970 Quick, get the first aid kit under the sink. 417 00:14:47,972 --> 00:14:49,366 Go, go, go! Come on, go! 418 00:14:49,391 --> 00:14:51,663 I got this, I'm a doctor's office receptionist. 419 00:14:55,412 --> 00:14:57,446 Oh, my God, oh, my God! 420 00:14:57,448 --> 00:14:58,413 No! 421 00:14:58,415 --> 00:14:59,636 No! 422 00:14:59,661 --> 00:15:02,584 Bug spray, bug spray... 423 00:15:04,722 --> 00:15:07,189 (screams) 424 00:15:10,634 --> 00:15:11,733 Are you kidding me? 425 00:15:11,829 --> 00:15:12,961 We got him! 426 00:15:12,963 --> 00:15:14,429 You were in on this? 427 00:15:14,431 --> 00:15:15,929 I'm sorry. 428 00:15:15,954 --> 00:15:18,141 I just really want your mom to like me. 429 00:15:24,725 --> 00:15:25,891 Hope you guys are real happy together. 430 00:15:25,916 --> 00:15:27,386 - Aww! - Come on! 431 00:15:27,411 --> 00:15:29,144 - There's still a tarantula in there! - Honey... 432 00:15:30,036 --> 00:15:31,419 COLLEEN: I love you! 433 00:15:32,562 --> 00:15:35,968 My beard is just vacuuming up that wax. 434 00:15:35,993 --> 00:15:39,035 It was so dry. A storm must be coming. 435 00:15:39,279 --> 00:15:41,004 _ 436 00:15:42,237 --> 00:15:45,171 Oh, God, honey, when are you going to shave? 437 00:15:45,196 --> 00:15:46,786 I thought you'd be done with that thing by now. 438 00:15:46,788 --> 00:15:49,155 Nope, no, I'm just getting started. 439 00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:50,955 - What? - Well, yeah, I figured 440 00:15:50,980 --> 00:15:52,265 now that I'm home every day, 441 00:15:52,290 --> 00:15:53,436 I've really got to look the part. 442 00:15:53,461 --> 00:15:54,507 Of what? 443 00:15:54,532 --> 00:15:55,764 An Amish farmer? 444 00:15:55,930 --> 00:15:57,630 Come on, give it a stroke. 445 00:15:57,632 --> 00:16:01,434 I really... I miss kissing my smooth-faced husband. 446 00:16:01,436 --> 00:16:03,737 I mean, we could get it on without kissing, 447 00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:05,921 it's just I know how much that upsets you. 448 00:16:05,946 --> 00:16:07,865 You'll come around, you will. 449 00:16:07,890 --> 00:16:09,921 Just wait until it softens up a little bit. 450 00:16:09,946 --> 00:16:11,870 In fact I just got this new shampoo for beards. 451 00:16:11,895 --> 00:16:13,852 It's going to help. It's called Beard-Poo. 452 00:16:15,389 --> 00:16:17,055 Ugh, yeah, I feel your pain. 453 00:16:17,057 --> 00:16:18,556 Tim went through a beard phase 454 00:16:18,558 --> 00:16:19,916 and I hated it. 455 00:16:19,941 --> 00:16:21,326 You know, I think he was just happy 456 00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:22,771 that he could grow hair somewhere. 457 00:16:22,796 --> 00:16:24,329 Well, Greg thinks it makes him 458 00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:26,483 - less likely to get mugged. - Yeah. 459 00:16:26,508 --> 00:16:29,868 You know, Tim grew his so that we could play student and professor. 460 00:16:29,870 --> 00:16:31,793 I still always end up playing the professor. 461 00:16:31,818 --> 00:16:34,405 But I did come up with the perfect plan 462 00:16:34,430 --> 00:16:35,930 to get him to shave it. 463 00:16:38,078 --> 00:16:43,148 Man, my beard is just vacuuming up that wax. 464 00:16:43,150 --> 00:16:44,126 It was so dry. 465 00:16:44,588 --> 00:16:46,010 A storm must be coming. 466 00:16:46,035 --> 00:16:49,570 Well, whatever you're doing is working. 467 00:16:49,690 --> 00:16:52,834 It's natural and rugged and makes me feel 468 00:16:52,859 --> 00:16:55,794 like you could build us a deck. 469 00:16:55,796 --> 00:16:57,996 - Really? - Yeah. 470 00:16:57,998 --> 00:17:00,629 - So you're on board with the beard, huh? - Totally. 471 00:17:00,654 --> 00:17:03,134 In fact, I've decided to join you. 472 00:17:03,136 --> 00:17:04,269 Yeah. 473 00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:05,822 I stopped shaving, too. 474 00:17:05,847 --> 00:17:07,174 What do you mean? Like your legs? 475 00:17:07,199 --> 00:17:09,340 Like my everything. 476 00:17:09,342 --> 00:17:12,544 Whole kit and caboodle. 477 00:17:12,546 --> 00:17:16,448 But when... when we're sleeping and our legs accidentally touch, 478 00:17:16,450 --> 00:17:17,949 they will have stubble on them? 479 00:17:17,951 --> 00:17:19,173 Well, at first. 480 00:17:19,198 --> 00:17:21,830 But don't worry because in time it'll all just be 481 00:17:21,855 --> 00:17:23,722 long and curly, like your face. 482 00:17:23,724 --> 00:17:25,607 Yeah, okay, I see what you're doing. 483 00:17:25,632 --> 00:17:26,729 - Ha. - This is the trick 484 00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,726 that Heather pulled to make Tim shave his beard. 485 00:17:28,751 --> 00:17:29,865 Yeah, that's not going to work. 486 00:17:29,890 --> 00:17:31,463 What? You knew about that? 487 00:17:31,488 --> 00:17:32,664 Yeah. 488 00:17:33,451 --> 00:17:35,066 Tim is not a beard guy. 489 00:17:35,552 --> 00:17:38,336 It looked like his head was on upside-down. 490 00:17:38,338 --> 00:17:40,205 Good night. 491 00:17:42,876 --> 00:17:44,843 The breakfast of champions. 492 00:17:44,845 --> 00:17:46,444 JEN: Oh, babe... 493 00:17:46,446 --> 00:17:49,244 Can you please just shave the beard? 494 00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:50,377 For me? 495 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,117 Don't you see? 496 00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:55,820 All along, I thought I was grooming the beard. 497 00:17:55,822 --> 00:17:57,856 But it turns out the beard was grooming me. 498 00:17:57,858 --> 00:17:58,957 Oh. 499 00:17:58,959 --> 00:18:00,692 And, besides, Lark likes it. 500 00:18:00,694 --> 00:18:02,327 Don't you? 501 00:18:02,329 --> 00:18:03,362 Don't you? 502 00:18:03,387 --> 00:18:04,629 You like the beard, 503 00:18:04,631 --> 00:18:05,563 don't you? 504 00:18:05,565 --> 00:18:06,998 Don't fear the beard. 505 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,433 (gasps) 506 00:18:10,370 --> 00:18:11,803 Wow. 507 00:18:11,805 --> 00:18:14,301 She took the vomit right out of my mouth. 508 00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:15,340 I'm going to go clean up. 509 00:18:15,342 --> 00:18:17,909 (crying) 510 00:18:20,077 --> 00:18:22,411 WAITRESS: It's been really great serving you guys. 511 00:18:22,413 --> 00:18:24,446 I hope to see you again soon. 512 00:18:27,718 --> 00:18:29,084 What is that smell? 513 00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:30,204 It's my beard. 514 00:18:30,229 --> 00:18:31,931 Lark puked in it. 515 00:18:31,956 --> 00:18:33,288 Can you smell it? 516 00:18:33,290 --> 00:18:34,534 Not that you deserve my advice, 517 00:18:34,559 --> 00:18:36,535 but any time I want to cover up an unwanted smell 518 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,511 coming from my body, I go to one place... Benihana. 519 00:18:40,331 --> 00:18:42,531 You don't stop smelling, but you smell like shrimp. 520 00:18:44,435 --> 00:18:46,935 You know what, I can't finish this. 521 00:18:46,937 --> 00:18:48,170 Bring me a cinnamon roll. 522 00:18:48,815 --> 00:18:50,205 Cinnamon roll! 523 00:18:54,111 --> 00:18:56,578 Oh, my God! Oh, no, no, it's worse! 524 00:18:56,580 --> 00:18:58,032 Oh, no, how can it be worse? 525 00:18:58,057 --> 00:19:01,762 Now it smells like vomit on a hibachi. 526 00:19:01,787 --> 00:19:03,118 But in a good way? 527 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,353 I'm so sorry, honey. 528 00:19:04,355 --> 00:19:06,055 I love you, I do, 529 00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:08,090 but you, like, legit repulse me right now. 530 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:11,093 But in, like, a good way, right? 531 00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:14,205 Okay, fine, I will shave my beard. 532 00:19:14,230 --> 00:19:15,230 You will? 533 00:19:15,232 --> 00:19:16,502 Yes. 534 00:19:16,527 --> 00:19:17,666 Yes! 535 00:19:17,691 --> 00:19:19,458 There are plenty of ways for me to be a modern man 536 00:19:19,593 --> 00:19:20,458 Yeah. 537 00:19:20,935 --> 00:19:22,217 What do you think of those disks 538 00:19:22,242 --> 00:19:24,073 that people put in their ears? 539 00:19:24,804 --> 00:19:26,737 (Supertramp's "Goodbye Strange" playing) 540 00:19:26,762 --> 00:19:30,179 And I really have enjoyed my stay 541 00:19:30,727 --> 00:19:33,494 But I must be moving on 542 00:19:35,854 --> 00:19:38,001 Like a king without a castle 543 00:19:38,026 --> 00:19:40,055 Like a queen without a throne 544 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:44,378 I'm an early-morning lover and I must be moving on 545 00:19:44,403 --> 00:19:46,324 Good-bye, stranger 546 00:19:46,349 --> 00:19:48,363 It's been nice 547 00:19:48,365 --> 00:19:50,132 Hope you find your paradise 548 00:19:50,134 --> 00:19:51,500 Ow, ow! 549 00:19:51,502 --> 00:19:53,936 (crying) 550 00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:56,312 No, I...! 551 00:19:56,337 --> 00:19:57,792 You can do this! 552 00:19:57,817 --> 00:19:58,916 All come true 553 00:19:58,941 --> 00:20:00,762 - Good-bye, Mary - Good-bye, Mary 554 00:20:00,787 --> 00:20:02,678 - Good-bye, Jane - Good-bye, Jane 555 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,642 - (coughs) - Will we ever 556 00:20:04,667 --> 00:20:06,106 Meet again? 557 00:20:06,131 --> 00:20:07,330 Hey. 558 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:09,961 Guess who doesn't smell like puke anymore. 559 00:20:10,336 --> 00:20:14,229 Oh, there's the man I married. 560 00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:15,988 (groans) 561 00:20:16,121 --> 00:20:17,895 Sorta. 562 00:20:18,746 --> 00:20:19,682 'Sup? 563 00:20:19,707 --> 00:20:25,690 Um, you look super sexy. 564 00:20:26,237 --> 00:20:29,071 But I'm just... I'm a little bit worried about my throat. 565 00:20:29,482 --> 00:20:30,381 (coughs) 566 00:20:30,406 --> 00:20:31,340 Okay, just this once 567 00:20:31,342 --> 00:20:32,641 we'll do it without kissing. 568 00:20:33,929 --> 00:20:34,640 All right. 569 00:20:34,664 --> 00:20:36,264 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com - 570 00:20:36,314 --> 00:20:40,864 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39367

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