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1
00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:07,007
_
2
00:00:07,811 --> 00:00:09,843
Kick some ass at ballet, sweetheart.
3
00:00:09,871 --> 00:00:12,505
Everyone's anorexic...
no one has an ass to kick.
4
00:00:12,507 --> 00:00:13,547
What's the matter?
5
00:00:13,572 --> 00:00:15,552
You wanted to be the swan,
and they made you the lake?
6
00:00:15,577 --> 00:00:17,310
I hate ballet.
7
00:00:17,312 --> 00:00:19,085
Mom did what she always does...
8
00:00:19,110 --> 00:00:20,468
signed me up and then told me
9
00:00:20,493 --> 00:00:22,148
I had to go because she
already signed me up.
10
00:00:22,150 --> 00:00:24,917
Mom-Mom does that to me with karaoke.
11
00:00:24,919 --> 00:00:26,586
See you later.
12
00:00:26,588 --> 00:00:28,888
Hey!
13
00:00:28,890 --> 00:00:30,423
You want to play hooky?
14
00:00:33,962 --> 00:00:35,228
TROY: Attaboy, John.
15
00:00:35,230 --> 00:00:36,829
Now back to combination one.
16
00:00:36,831 --> 00:00:38,898
Whoo, 70 years young, y'all!
17
00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:42,323
Yeah, Pop-Pop! Whoo!
18
00:00:42,393 --> 00:00:44,337
I hope I look like
that when I'm your age.
19
00:00:45,073 --> 00:00:49,297
Hey, look at that, even with a
Victoria's Secret model around,
20
00:00:49,322 --> 00:00:51,711
everybody's checking me out, huh?
21
00:00:51,713 --> 00:00:52,712
It looks so fun!
22
00:00:52,714 --> 00:00:53,980
Yeah, you want to try it?
23
00:00:54,687 --> 00:00:55,859
I don't think I should.
24
00:00:55,884 --> 00:00:57,483
Mom doesn't like violence.
25
00:00:57,485 --> 00:00:59,311
She wouldn't even let me do tai chi.
26
00:00:59,336 --> 00:01:01,931
Ugh, those people give
the slowest high-fives.
27
00:01:01,956 --> 00:01:04,390
(Jasmine grunting)
28
00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:07,550
JOHN: If Jasmine can do it, so can you.
29
00:01:07,575 --> 00:01:08,961
Girl power.
30
00:01:08,963 --> 00:01:10,296
Or whatever you girls say
31
00:01:10,298 --> 00:01:12,465
before you talk behind
each other's backs.
32
00:01:13,268 --> 00:01:15,801
Troy, show her some moves.
33
00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:18,761
One, two.
34
00:01:18,786 --> 00:01:20,260
One, two.
35
00:01:20,674 --> 00:01:21,651
Straight.
36
00:01:21,710 --> 00:01:23,510
Attagirl, Sam!
37
00:01:26,014 --> 00:01:27,246
Your girl's killing it, man.
38
00:01:27,248 --> 00:01:29,849
I know, looks like me in a wig.
39
00:01:31,317 --> 00:01:32,118
Dad.
40
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:33,819
I want to thank you for
taking Sam to ballet.
41
00:01:33,821 --> 00:01:35,121
You know, I think
it's really helping her
42
00:01:35,123 --> 00:01:36,322
with her anger issues.
43
00:01:36,324 --> 00:01:37,790
Oh, it's my pleasure.
44
00:01:37,792 --> 00:01:40,393
You got enough on
your plate with working
45
00:01:40,395 --> 00:01:41,794
and taking care of the kids.
46
00:01:41,796 --> 00:01:44,096
Gosh, you're practically
a Superman-Woman.
47
00:01:44,098 --> 00:01:46,332
Oh, well, thanks, Dad.
48
00:01:46,334 --> 00:01:48,467
Yeah, I'll drive the kids
to all their activities.
49
00:01:48,469 --> 00:01:50,136
You... you mean that?
50
00:01:50,138 --> 00:01:52,038
Really, I mean you'll
drive my kids everywhere.
51
00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:53,746
Well, yeah.
52
00:01:53,771 --> 00:01:55,952
I mean just Sam, just to ballet,
53
00:01:55,977 --> 00:01:58,683
and you can give me gas money later.
54
00:01:59,097 --> 00:02:00,179
That's fair.
55
00:02:03,885 --> 00:02:05,151
There we go, stay low.
56
00:02:06,132 --> 00:02:06,942
That's perfect.
57
00:02:07,589 --> 00:02:09,055
13 years old, y'all!
58
00:02:09,057 --> 00:02:10,590
(cheering)
59
00:02:12,226 --> 00:02:13,559
Damn, she's tough.
60
00:02:13,561 --> 00:02:16,095
I'm not getting in the ring with her.
61
00:02:16,097 --> 00:02:17,530
I thought you were something special,
62
00:02:17,532 --> 00:02:20,493
- but she's a beast.
- Yeah, I guess,
63
00:02:20,518 --> 00:02:24,086
if you're impressed with
someone who can't drive.
64
00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:28,140
- Really? Boxing?
- Mm-hmm.
65
00:02:28,142 --> 00:02:30,776
She knows that I don't like violence.
66
00:02:30,778 --> 00:02:32,128
I am gonna kill her.
67
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:35,548
I'm as shocked as you are.
I dropped her off at ballet,
68
00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:38,068
and she must have hiked
the six miles to the gym.
69
00:02:38,093 --> 00:02:39,455
Dad, I keep trying
70
00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:41,226
to encourage her to do things
71
00:02:41,251 --> 00:02:42,680
that will suit her,
72
00:02:42,705 --> 00:02:44,156
and she's just really resisting me.
73
00:02:44,158 --> 00:02:45,791
I'm at a loss with her, Dad.
74
00:02:45,793 --> 00:02:47,994
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
75
00:02:47,996 --> 00:02:50,229
So that's it with boxing?
76
00:02:50,231 --> 00:02:52,331
One, two. One, two.
77
00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:53,146
This feels good.
78
00:02:53,171 --> 00:02:54,437
It's all about me again.
79
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:55,875
One, two.
80
00:02:55,900 --> 00:02:57,900
All right, let's wrap it up.
81
00:02:58,106 --> 00:02:59,605
Where's your granddaughter, by the way?
82
00:03:00,126 --> 00:03:01,352
Huge potential, that one.
83
00:03:01,377 --> 00:03:04,170
Well, turns out it's all
because of the steroids.
84
00:03:04,195 --> 00:03:05,277
It's too bad.
85
00:03:05,279 --> 00:03:06,653
She was the one person
I didn't have to pretend
86
00:03:06,678 --> 00:03:07,877
to be impressed by.
87
00:03:08,549 --> 00:03:10,282
Great job today, by the way.
88
00:03:10,284 --> 00:03:13,019
SAMANTHA: Pop-Pop!
89
00:03:14,288 --> 00:03:16,022
Oh! Hey, Sam, honey.
90
00:03:16,024 --> 00:03:18,224
Yeah, your mom told me you
weren't going to fight anymore.
91
00:03:18,226 --> 00:03:21,193
I was just telling Troy
how disappointed I was.
92
00:03:21,195 --> 00:03:23,529
You're not the only one disappointed.
93
00:03:23,531 --> 00:03:24,730
You betrayed me.
94
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:26,704
Troy?
95
00:03:26,729 --> 00:03:27,995
He'll be back in a second.
96
00:03:28,036 --> 00:03:29,802
Boxing was your idea.
97
00:03:29,804 --> 00:03:31,170
You got me hooked,
98
00:03:31,172 --> 00:03:33,873
and now you're taking it away from me?
99
00:03:33,875 --> 00:03:36,575
I don't think so.
100
00:03:36,577 --> 00:03:38,228
Troy?
101
00:03:38,253 --> 00:03:39,953
There's no one here,
102
00:03:40,048 --> 00:03:43,582
but you, me, and my two friends...
103
00:03:46,287 --> 00:03:48,402
I think you should let
her do it after all.
104
00:03:48,427 --> 00:03:50,314
Okay, you ratted her out yesterday.
105
00:03:50,339 --> 00:03:51,805
What changed your mind?
106
00:03:52,727 --> 00:03:54,360
I'm jealous, okay?
107
00:03:54,362 --> 00:03:56,696
Of your 13-year-old granddaughter?
108
00:03:56,698 --> 00:04:00,035
Before she showed up at the
gym, I was the hero there.
109
00:04:00,060 --> 00:04:02,649
Now usually at my age
that means keeping a pigeon
110
00:04:02,674 --> 00:04:04,040
from stealing your sandwich.
111
00:04:04,238 --> 00:04:06,880
Sam comes in, she stole my sandwich.
112
00:04:07,403 --> 00:04:09,008
She's really that good?
113
00:04:09,010 --> 00:04:11,153
Oh, she's a natural.
114
00:04:11,178 --> 00:04:13,656
Like Robert Redford
in that baseball movie.
115
00:04:13,681 --> 00:04:15,781
What's that called again?
116
00:04:16,433 --> 00:04:17,676
The Natural.
117
00:04:17,701 --> 00:04:18,543
No.
118
00:04:18,568 --> 00:04:20,135
Uh-uh, that's not it.
119
00:04:22,623 --> 00:04:24,390
Do you know what this
place reminds me of?
120
00:04:24,392 --> 00:04:25,376
It reminds me of a place
121
00:04:25,401 --> 00:04:26,881
where I would never take a child.
122
00:04:26,906 --> 00:04:28,172
What is that smell?
123
00:04:28,229 --> 00:04:29,736
It's passion.
124
00:04:29,761 --> 00:04:31,611
And determination.
125
00:04:31,679 --> 00:04:34,714
Oh, and a possum died
in the locker room.
126
00:04:34,935 --> 00:04:37,335
Okay, let's just get her and go.
127
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,649
I mean hopefully this is
just some weird fascination
128
00:04:39,674 --> 00:04:43,142
that she'll be over once she
realizes it's not forbidden.
129
00:04:43,144 --> 00:04:45,377
Are you sure you want
her to get over it?
130
00:04:47,181 --> 00:04:49,548
Is that Sam?
131
00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:51,150
(grunting)
132
00:04:51,152 --> 00:04:54,787
Oh, my God, look how strong she is!
133
00:04:55,623 --> 00:04:56,524
See?
134
00:04:56,549 --> 00:04:58,149
She's amazing.
135
00:04:58,196 --> 00:04:59,752
I know this is not your thing,
136
00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:01,728
but I think Sam may
have found her thing.
137
00:05:01,753 --> 00:05:03,706
Now this was my thing first,
138
00:05:03,731 --> 00:05:06,532
but I'm working through that now.
139
00:05:08,936 --> 00:05:10,976
I guess she's at that age,
you know, where I just...
140
00:05:11,001 --> 00:05:15,637
I have to get out of the way
and just let her do her thing.
141
00:05:17,512 --> 00:05:19,712
That's my girl!
142
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,171
Yeah!
143
00:05:24,643 --> 00:05:26,276
Oh, oh, honey!
144
00:05:28,813 --> 00:05:30,212
It happens.
145
00:05:31,802 --> 00:05:33,483
_
146
00:05:33,508 --> 00:05:34,509
Ah...
147
00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:37,396
Oh, you been feeling sad lately, Jen?
148
00:05:37,398 --> 00:05:38,631
Huh, no, why?
149
00:05:38,633 --> 00:05:40,166
'Cause your tongue's depressed.
150
00:05:40,168 --> 00:05:41,534
(laughs)
151
00:05:41,536 --> 00:05:43,636
Oh, okay, yeah, that one was good.
152
00:05:43,638 --> 00:05:44,702
Actually it looks like you have
153
00:05:44,727 --> 00:05:46,051
acute infectious pharyngitis.
154
00:05:46,076 --> 00:05:48,117
So it means those tonsils
are going to go bye-bye.
155
00:05:48,142 --> 00:05:50,042
What, you have to take my tonsils out?
156
00:05:50,044 --> 00:05:51,544
Well, just to dinner, maybe a movie.
157
00:05:51,546 --> 00:05:53,279
I'll have them home by 10:00. (chuckles)
158
00:05:53,281 --> 00:05:55,147
- Another one...
- Yeah.
159
00:05:55,149 --> 00:05:56,270
Actually, when you think about it,
160
00:05:56,295 --> 00:05:57,860
you've been on antibiotics six times
161
00:05:57,885 --> 00:05:58,771
in the last two years,
162
00:05:58,796 --> 00:06:00,676
so surgery's the best option.
163
00:06:00,701 --> 00:06:03,098
No, no, I don't have time for surgery.
164
00:06:03,123 --> 00:06:04,934
Oh, surgery's fast.
165
00:06:04,959 --> 00:06:07,359
And I won't see you naked,
if that's on your mind.
166
00:06:07,361 --> 00:06:08,928
It is now.
167
00:06:08,930 --> 00:06:11,030
Anyway, Heather will
schedule something for you
168
00:06:11,032 --> 00:06:14,066
this week and we'll castrate
those throat testicles.
169
00:06:14,068 --> 00:06:15,401
(door opens)
170
00:06:16,637 --> 00:06:19,705
I mean he called my tonsils
"throat testicles"
171
00:06:19,707 --> 00:06:21,440
Maybe that's the medical term for them.
172
00:06:21,936 --> 00:06:23,943
I feel like I should
get a second opinion.
173
00:06:23,945 --> 00:06:26,080
All right, then get a second opinion.
174
00:06:26,105 --> 00:06:27,291
Yeah, but he's family.
175
00:06:27,316 --> 00:06:29,110
I mean if he found out
I got a second opinion,
176
00:06:29,135 --> 00:06:31,653
do you know the drama-rama
that's going to ensue?
177
00:06:31,678 --> 00:06:34,109
You know how awkward a
dinner table's gonna be?
178
00:06:34,134 --> 00:06:36,214
Okay, so then get the surgery.
179
00:06:36,239 --> 00:06:37,705
I mean he's a good doctor.
180
00:06:38,028 --> 00:06:40,386
And if not, you're a good lawyer.
181
00:06:40,411 --> 00:06:42,178
Come on, this is serious.
182
00:06:42,203 --> 00:06:43,502
You're right, it is.
183
00:06:43,631 --> 00:06:45,497
It's a conundrum.
184
00:06:47,308 --> 00:06:49,273
Greg, the answer is not in your beard.
185
00:06:49,298 --> 00:06:50,197
Hmm?
186
00:06:50,222 --> 00:06:51,549
Ah...
187
00:06:51,574 --> 00:06:53,662
Yeah, yeah, they're certainly infected,
188
00:06:53,687 --> 00:06:56,894
but I think a tonsillectomy
is a bit of overkill.
189
00:06:56,919 --> 00:06:58,723
You do? Oh, that's such a relief.
190
00:06:58,748 --> 00:07:00,645
Because my other doctor said
I needed to have them removed.
191
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,513
But he also called
them throat testicles,
192
00:07:02,538 --> 00:07:05,328
which was a medical
term I was unaware of.
193
00:07:05,353 --> 00:07:06,852
You know, there are some similarities.
194
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,227
Yeah, they're both round,
195
00:07:08,330 --> 00:07:09,863
and they're both glands,
196
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:12,021
and you can have them
removed and still be a man.
197
00:07:12,126 --> 00:07:15,397
Right, well, that felt oddly personal.
198
00:07:15,422 --> 00:07:18,174
Well, the antibiotics are going
to take care of that infection,
199
00:07:18,199 --> 00:07:20,295
but we're going to give you
a throat culture just in case.
200
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,457
And I'm going to send your file
201
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:22,590
with my recommendations
202
00:07:22,615 --> 00:07:24,181
back over to Dr. Hughes.
203
00:07:24,605 --> 00:07:25,532
What?
204
00:07:25,818 --> 00:07:26,977
No, no, no!
205
00:07:27,002 --> 00:07:28,334
No, no, no! No!
206
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,957
Oh! Ah...
207
00:07:31,279 --> 00:07:33,271
Can you please not
stand this close to me?
208
00:07:33,296 --> 00:07:34,862
Because you're incredibly sick.
209
00:07:35,149 --> 00:07:37,082
Right, right, right.
210
00:07:38,868 --> 00:07:40,590
I mean Tim probably
gets hundreds of emails
211
00:07:40,615 --> 00:07:41,642
from doctors every day.
212
00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:42,966
Plus his Joke-A-Day emails?
213
00:07:42,991 --> 00:07:44,221
I mean he can't read them all.
214
00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:45,629
Well, I hope you're right.
215
00:07:45,654 --> 00:07:47,153
Otherwise I don't know
how I'm going to face him.
216
00:07:47,545 --> 00:07:50,944
Although it would probably be less
painful than one of the bad jokes
217
00:07:50,969 --> 00:07:52,612
- he's going to tell.
- Mm...
218
00:07:52,833 --> 00:07:55,768
You guys hear about the corduroy pillow?
219
00:07:56,704 --> 00:07:58,270
It's making headlines.
220
00:07:59,140 --> 00:08:00,640
(laughs)
221
00:08:00,665 --> 00:08:02,319
Okay, I didn't get that at first,
222
00:08:02,328 --> 00:08:04,528
but then when it hits
you, it hits you hard.
223
00:08:04,530 --> 00:08:05,729
(quietly): I think we're okay.
224
00:08:05,731 --> 00:08:07,397
Yeah, no, they don't know.
225
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:08,699
Everything tasting okay?
226
00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:11,134
Any coffee or tea?
227
00:08:11,136 --> 00:08:13,103
I would love like an herbal tea.
228
00:08:13,105 --> 00:08:14,605
We have a delicious honey
vanilla chamomile tea.
229
00:08:14,607 --> 00:08:15,972
Yeah, that sounds good.
230
00:08:15,997 --> 00:08:17,674
Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, Jen.
231
00:08:17,676 --> 00:08:18,976
You don't want to just
take her word for it.
232
00:08:18,978 --> 00:08:20,344
No, oh, come on.
233
00:08:20,346 --> 00:08:23,039
Why don't you ask this
guy? Right here, you know,
234
00:08:23,064 --> 00:08:26,355
get the opinion of someone
that you've never even met.
235
00:08:26,433 --> 00:08:27,730
Here we go. (clears throat)
236
00:08:27,755 --> 00:08:29,426
Sir, my sister-in-law here
237
00:08:29,451 --> 00:08:31,365
just got a very solid recommendation
238
00:08:31,390 --> 00:08:32,723
for the chamomile tea.
239
00:08:32,725 --> 00:08:34,691
But she'd like to know your thoughts.
240
00:08:34,693 --> 00:08:36,864
I'm more of a eucalyptus
passionfruit guy.
241
00:08:36,889 --> 00:08:38,122
Well, there you go, Jen
242
00:08:38,397 --> 00:08:39,707
I'm sure the opinions of this
243
00:08:39,732 --> 00:08:41,698
random waiter that you
have no connection with
244
00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:43,133
must mean a whole lot more to you
245
00:08:43,135 --> 00:08:44,241
than your first waitress,
246
00:08:44,266 --> 00:08:45,903
who's practically family.
247
00:08:47,038 --> 00:08:48,058
JEN: You know what? No.
248
00:08:48,083 --> 00:08:50,274
I'm actually glad I got
249
00:08:50,276 --> 00:08:51,575
the other waiter's opinion
250
00:08:51,577 --> 00:08:53,377
because eucalyptus passionfruit dude
251
00:08:53,379 --> 00:08:56,513
saved me from unnecessary surgery.
252
00:08:57,472 --> 00:08:58,705
I'll just bring both teas.
253
00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:01,898
No, no, because you cannot
have it both ways, Jen.
254
00:09:01,970 --> 00:09:05,914
You see, because when you
seek out that second tea,
255
00:09:06,422 --> 00:09:08,392
the first tea cries
in front of a patient.
256
00:09:09,295 --> 00:09:11,094
You know what, I can't eat this.
257
00:09:11,096 --> 00:09:13,931
- Just bring me a cinnamon roll.
- It's okay.
258
00:09:15,027 --> 00:09:16,363
(phone beeps)
259
00:09:17,436 --> 00:09:19,654
(gasps) It's a voice
mail from Dr. Antro.
260
00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:21,623
ANTRO (voice mail): Hi, Jen. (coughs)
261
00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:23,581
This is Dr. Antro calling.
262
00:09:24,061 --> 00:09:26,797
Not because you got me
sick... which you did...
263
00:09:27,008 --> 00:09:29,177
but because after looking
at your test results,
264
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:32,182
I actually would recommend surgery.
265
00:09:32,184 --> 00:09:33,684
Oh, no.
266
00:09:34,099 --> 00:09:35,698
Surgery?!
267
00:09:35,957 --> 00:09:38,689
The good news is we do
have a doctor in the family.
268
00:09:38,691 --> 00:09:41,758
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
269
00:09:43,028 --> 00:09:44,861
Look, I'm sorry that I didn't trust you.
270
00:09:44,863 --> 00:09:46,229
It's okay, it's okay.
271
00:09:46,231 --> 00:09:47,431
Let me see what we got.
272
00:09:47,433 --> 00:09:48,732
Uh, next week, no.
273
00:09:48,734 --> 00:09:50,634
Next year, no.
274
00:09:50,636 --> 00:09:52,436
I could do one tonsil in December.
275
00:09:52,438 --> 00:09:53,770
HEATHER: Oh, no, wait,
276
00:09:53,772 --> 00:09:54,977
here's one, honey, right there,
277
00:09:55,002 --> 00:09:56,984
- right in the year of the rat!
- Okay, all right.
278
00:09:57,009 --> 00:09:59,610
I can see that there's
still a lot of anger here.
279
00:09:59,612 --> 00:10:00,611
You're a lot of anger!
280
00:10:00,613 --> 00:10:02,045
Wow.
281
00:10:02,047 --> 00:10:03,780
Don't know why I ever doubted you.
282
00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,882
It's all I needed to hear.
283
00:10:06,992 --> 00:10:08,018
Bring it in.
284
00:10:08,020 --> 00:10:09,853
Come on. Give me a hug.
285
00:10:09,855 --> 00:10:11,054
Oh, oh, okay.
286
00:10:11,056 --> 00:10:13,624
- Come on, there you go.
- Thanks.
287
00:10:13,626 --> 00:10:14,925
Actually, I shouldn't be touching you,
288
00:10:14,927 --> 00:10:16,426
you are very sick.
289
00:10:18,998 --> 00:10:20,741
Would you stop trying
to please my mother?
290
00:10:20,766 --> 00:10:22,139
She already kisses you on the lips.
291
00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:23,367
That's as far as you want it to go.
292
00:10:23,369 --> 00:10:25,506
That's as far as
you want it to go.
293
00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:27,639
_
294
00:10:29,008 --> 00:10:32,000
Here, dear, here's something
to nibble on until we order.
295
00:10:32,025 --> 00:10:33,009
- Thank you.
- Oh, actually...
296
00:10:33,034 --> 00:10:34,752
Colleen doesn't really
like garlic bread.
297
00:10:34,777 --> 00:10:36,521
- And she has...
- No, but this is a garlic knot,
298
00:10:36,546 --> 00:10:38,648
which is totally different and yummy.
299
00:10:38,789 --> 00:10:40,266
And there's probably
not enough garlic on it
300
00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:41,932
to trigger my allergy.
301
00:10:42,299 --> 00:10:43,133
Thank you.
302
00:10:43,158 --> 00:10:44,971
Thank you so much.
303
00:10:45,386 --> 00:10:47,475
Would you stop trying
to please my mother?
304
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:48,634
She already kisses you on the lips.
305
00:10:48,659 --> 00:10:50,056
That's as far as you want it to go.
306
00:10:50,081 --> 00:10:52,201
That's as far as
you want it to go.
307
00:10:52,203 --> 00:10:54,922
And don't think I forgot
about you, sweetheart.
308
00:10:55,351 --> 00:10:56,372
Thanks, Mom.
309
00:10:56,788 --> 00:10:58,440
Oh, no, no, no, no!
310
00:10:58,442 --> 00:10:59,408
What is it?
311
00:10:59,410 --> 00:11:00,542
Get it, Sam!
312
00:11:00,544 --> 00:11:02,003
- (commotion)
- Sam, Sam, Sam! Get it, get it, get it!
313
00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:05,085
What? What? What? What happened?
314
00:11:05,110 --> 00:11:06,759
I put a spider in his...
315
00:11:06,784 --> 00:11:08,505
In his knots!
316
00:11:08,530 --> 00:11:11,333
JOHN: She got him right in the knots.
317
00:11:12,056 --> 00:11:13,606
JOAN: That is the best one yet.
318
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,120
I think he tooted.
319
00:11:15,145 --> 00:11:17,826
Funny stuff. Is this a thing you all do?
320
00:11:17,828 --> 00:11:19,061
How did I not know this was a thing?
321
00:11:19,063 --> 00:11:21,294
MATT: Because every time
she does it, I keep on hoping
322
00:11:21,319 --> 00:11:24,748
that she will remember that
she is a therapist and stop it.
323
00:11:24,811 --> 00:11:28,853
I will stop when it stops being funny.
324
00:11:28,878 --> 00:11:29,791
Besides,
325
00:11:29,816 --> 00:11:32,371
you won't overcome your arachnophobia
326
00:11:32,396 --> 00:11:34,487
unless you expose yourself to spiders.
327
00:11:34,512 --> 00:11:36,979
I was never scared of spiders as a kid
328
00:11:36,981 --> 00:11:38,881
until you started sticking
them in my lunch box.
329
00:11:38,883 --> 00:11:40,883
Colin McGrath used to
get sweet little notes
330
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:42,618
from his mom telling
him how special he was.
331
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:43,852
What's funny about that?
332
00:11:43,854 --> 00:11:45,988
Now, Mom, come on, you
have to stop scaring us.
333
00:11:45,990 --> 00:11:47,156
It's not cool.
334
00:11:47,158 --> 00:11:48,898
She used to hide in the basement
335
00:11:48,923 --> 00:11:50,225
and then jump out and scare me
336
00:11:50,227 --> 00:11:51,727
when I would go down
there to play bumper pool.
337
00:11:51,729 --> 00:11:53,323
I had to quit playing.
Could've gone pro.
338
00:11:53,348 --> 00:11:54,409
He was good.
339
00:11:54,434 --> 00:11:56,034
It's a tradition.
340
00:11:56,084 --> 00:11:59,715
My mom did it to me,
and I do it to you all.
341
00:11:59,740 --> 00:12:02,083
And someday you get
to do it to your kids.
342
00:12:02,108 --> 00:12:03,272
MATT: Okay, have your laughs.
343
00:12:03,274 --> 00:12:05,248
But if you think I'm
throwing in any cash
344
00:12:05,273 --> 00:12:06,876
at the end of this
dinner, you're very wrong.
345
00:12:06,901 --> 00:12:08,778
And there goes the excuse of the week.
346
00:12:08,803 --> 00:12:10,459
(whispers): John, stop.
347
00:12:11,337 --> 00:12:13,182
There's something I want to show you.
348
00:12:13,684 --> 00:12:16,051
There's something I
want to show you, too.
349
00:12:16,053 --> 00:12:16,985
(gasps)
350
00:12:17,475 --> 00:12:19,271
It's fake! It's fake.
351
00:12:19,296 --> 00:12:20,899
Your mom wanted me to
put it on your chest
352
00:12:20,924 --> 00:12:22,690
- while you were sleeping.
- (gasps)
353
00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:24,560
She's sick! She's a sicko!
354
00:12:24,562 --> 00:12:25,994
Now she's trying to
turn you against me, too?
355
00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:27,056
Mmm.
356
00:12:27,081 --> 00:12:29,048
I know, it's like she's sweet her life
357
00:12:29,073 --> 00:12:31,110
so her personality can have a cheat day.
358
00:12:31,135 --> 00:12:33,635
And there's nothing I can do
about it... she won't stop.
359
00:12:33,891 --> 00:12:35,457
What if you made her?
360
00:12:35,705 --> 00:12:38,140
What if you exposed
her to one of her fears?
361
00:12:38,527 --> 00:12:40,042
What's she afraid of?
362
00:12:40,765 --> 00:12:43,197
She's afraid that the
bagger at the grocery store
363
00:12:43,222 --> 00:12:45,021
- is going to give her a hug?
- No, dude, that's you.
364
00:12:45,046 --> 00:12:46,448
She's afraid of being
wrongfully imprisoned.
365
00:12:46,450 --> 00:12:48,677
I mean, that's why she had to
stop watching 48 Hours.
366
00:12:48,911 --> 00:12:50,863
Oh, wearing tennis
shoes on the escalator
367
00:12:50,888 --> 00:12:52,470
and her laces get caught.
368
00:12:52,495 --> 00:12:56,067
No, I don't think we've got it yet.
369
00:12:56,414 --> 00:12:58,447
What about perch, the fish?
370
00:12:58,472 --> 00:13:00,739
I'm afraid of them because
one once bit me in a lake.
371
00:13:00,898 --> 00:13:01,964
Huh.
372
00:13:01,966 --> 00:13:03,087
Yeah.
373
00:13:03,112 --> 00:13:04,666
Ooh, I got it.
374
00:13:04,668 --> 00:13:05,542
What, what, what?
375
00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:09,869
She is deathly afraid of
Dad's new robot vacuum.
376
00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:11,369
- GREG: Yes.
- Boom.
377
00:13:11,394 --> 00:13:12,818
Yes, she's afraid it's
going to come to life
378
00:13:12,843 --> 00:13:13,808
and watch her in the shower.
379
00:13:13,833 --> 00:13:15,199
And we can make it come to life.
380
00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:16,267
Uh...
381
00:13:16,292 --> 00:13:17,857
does Sophia have any
remote-controlled cars?
382
00:13:17,882 --> 00:13:20,415
I don't know, do perch have teeth?
383
00:13:20,417 --> 00:13:23,018
Nasty little suckers.
384
00:13:33,430 --> 00:13:34,897
Okay, come on, come on.
385
00:13:34,899 --> 00:13:36,454
Let's go, we have to hurry.
386
00:13:36,479 --> 00:13:38,944
We only have 15 minutes
until Dad's back from boxing.
387
00:13:38,969 --> 00:13:40,498
No, Mom comes down
for a bowl of ice cream
388
00:13:40,523 --> 00:13:42,156
between 9:00 and 9:06 p.m.
389
00:13:44,637 --> 00:13:47,910
It was really healthy for
me to move out of the garage.
390
00:13:47,912 --> 00:13:52,080
(vacuum beeping)
391
00:13:55,786 --> 00:13:57,186
Okay, go, go, go!
392
00:13:57,188 --> 00:13:58,520
Here we go.
393
00:14:04,895 --> 00:14:05,861
Oh, no.
394
00:14:05,863 --> 00:14:07,396
(giddy excitement)
395
00:14:09,166 --> 00:14:10,032
Oh, no!
396
00:14:10,034 --> 00:14:11,800
JOAN: No, no, no!
397
00:14:11,802 --> 00:14:14,303
No! No!
398
00:14:14,305 --> 00:14:16,505
I told John this was going to happen.
399
00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:17,673
No, no, no!
400
00:14:17,675 --> 00:14:19,208
(Joan screams)
401
00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:20,576
This is so good.
402
00:14:20,578 --> 00:14:22,244
No, no, no!
403
00:14:22,246 --> 00:14:24,880
Down! Down, robot!
404
00:14:24,882 --> 00:14:26,315
- (laughing)
- Down!
405
00:14:27,151 --> 00:14:28,283
Okay, good.
406
00:14:28,308 --> 00:14:29,507
No!
407
00:14:29,738 --> 00:14:31,197
Ah! John!
408
00:14:31,222 --> 00:14:32,654
Oh, we got a runner.
409
00:14:32,656 --> 00:14:34,890
(excited overtalk)
410
00:14:34,892 --> 00:14:35,704
(loud thud)
411
00:14:35,729 --> 00:14:37,198
Oh, no!
412
00:14:37,223 --> 00:14:38,160
That's not good.
413
00:14:38,162 --> 00:14:40,028
Mommy!
414
00:14:42,376 --> 00:14:43,786
Are you okay?
415
00:14:43,811 --> 00:14:45,578
- I think so.
- Oh, you're bleeding.
416
00:14:45,603 --> 00:14:47,970
Quick, get the first
aid kit under the sink.
417
00:14:47,972 --> 00:14:49,366
Go, go, go! Come on, go!
418
00:14:49,391 --> 00:14:51,663
I got this, I'm a doctor's
office receptionist.
419
00:14:55,412 --> 00:14:57,446
Oh, my God, oh, my God!
420
00:14:57,448 --> 00:14:58,413
No!
421
00:14:58,415 --> 00:14:59,636
No!
422
00:14:59,661 --> 00:15:02,584
Bug spray, bug spray...
423
00:15:04,722 --> 00:15:07,189
(screams)
424
00:15:10,634 --> 00:15:11,733
Are you kidding me?
425
00:15:11,829 --> 00:15:12,961
We got him!
426
00:15:12,963 --> 00:15:14,429
You were in on this?
427
00:15:14,431 --> 00:15:15,929
I'm sorry.
428
00:15:15,954 --> 00:15:18,141
I just really want your mom to like me.
429
00:15:24,725 --> 00:15:25,891
Hope you guys are real happy together.
430
00:15:25,916 --> 00:15:27,386
- Aww!
- Come on!
431
00:15:27,411 --> 00:15:29,144
- There's still a tarantula in there!
- Honey...
432
00:15:30,036 --> 00:15:31,419
COLLEEN: I love you!
433
00:15:32,562 --> 00:15:35,968
My beard is just vacuuming up that wax.
434
00:15:35,993 --> 00:15:39,035
It was so dry. A storm must be coming.
435
00:15:39,279 --> 00:15:41,004
_
436
00:15:42,237 --> 00:15:45,171
Oh, God, honey, when
are you going to shave?
437
00:15:45,196 --> 00:15:46,786
I thought you'd be done
with that thing by now.
438
00:15:46,788 --> 00:15:49,155
Nope, no, I'm just getting started.
439
00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:50,955
- What?
- Well, yeah, I figured
440
00:15:50,980 --> 00:15:52,265
now that I'm home every day,
441
00:15:52,290 --> 00:15:53,436
I've really got to look the part.
442
00:15:53,461 --> 00:15:54,507
Of what?
443
00:15:54,532 --> 00:15:55,764
An Amish farmer?
444
00:15:55,930 --> 00:15:57,630
Come on, give it a stroke.
445
00:15:57,632 --> 00:16:01,434
I really... I miss kissing
my smooth-faced husband.
446
00:16:01,436 --> 00:16:03,737
I mean, we could get
it on without kissing,
447
00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:05,921
it's just I know how
much that upsets you.
448
00:16:05,946 --> 00:16:07,865
You'll come around, you will.
449
00:16:07,890 --> 00:16:09,921
Just wait until it
softens up a little bit.
450
00:16:09,946 --> 00:16:11,870
In fact I just got this
new shampoo for beards.
451
00:16:11,895 --> 00:16:13,852
It's going to help.
It's called Beard-Poo.
452
00:16:15,389 --> 00:16:17,055
Ugh, yeah, I feel your pain.
453
00:16:17,057 --> 00:16:18,556
Tim went through a beard phase
454
00:16:18,558 --> 00:16:19,916
and I hated it.
455
00:16:19,941 --> 00:16:21,326
You know, I think he was just happy
456
00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:22,771
that he could grow hair somewhere.
457
00:16:22,796 --> 00:16:24,329
Well, Greg thinks it makes him
458
00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:26,483
- less likely to get mugged.
- Yeah.
459
00:16:26,508 --> 00:16:29,868
You know, Tim grew his so that we
could play student and professor.
460
00:16:29,870 --> 00:16:31,793
I still always end up
playing the professor.
461
00:16:31,818 --> 00:16:34,405
But I did come up with the perfect plan
462
00:16:34,430 --> 00:16:35,930
to get him to shave it.
463
00:16:38,078 --> 00:16:43,148
Man, my beard is just
vacuuming up that wax.
464
00:16:43,150 --> 00:16:44,126
It was so dry.
465
00:16:44,588 --> 00:16:46,010
A storm must be coming.
466
00:16:46,035 --> 00:16:49,570
Well, whatever you're doing is working.
467
00:16:49,690 --> 00:16:52,834
It's natural and
rugged and makes me feel
468
00:16:52,859 --> 00:16:55,794
like you could build us a deck.
469
00:16:55,796 --> 00:16:57,996
- Really?
- Yeah.
470
00:16:57,998 --> 00:17:00,629
- So you're on board with the beard, huh?
- Totally.
471
00:17:00,654 --> 00:17:03,134
In fact, I've decided to join you.
472
00:17:03,136 --> 00:17:04,269
Yeah.
473
00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:05,822
I stopped shaving, too.
474
00:17:05,847 --> 00:17:07,174
What do you mean? Like your legs?
475
00:17:07,199 --> 00:17:09,340
Like my everything.
476
00:17:09,342 --> 00:17:12,544
Whole kit and caboodle.
477
00:17:12,546 --> 00:17:16,448
But when... when we're sleeping
and our legs accidentally touch,
478
00:17:16,450 --> 00:17:17,949
they will have stubble on them?
479
00:17:17,951 --> 00:17:19,173
Well, at first.
480
00:17:19,198 --> 00:17:21,830
But don't worry because
in time it'll all just be
481
00:17:21,855 --> 00:17:23,722
long and curly, like your face.
482
00:17:23,724 --> 00:17:25,607
Yeah, okay, I see what you're doing.
483
00:17:25,632 --> 00:17:26,729
- Ha.
- This is the trick
484
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,726
that Heather pulled to
make Tim shave his beard.
485
00:17:28,751 --> 00:17:29,865
Yeah, that's not going to work.
486
00:17:29,890 --> 00:17:31,463
What? You knew about that?
487
00:17:31,488 --> 00:17:32,664
Yeah.
488
00:17:33,451 --> 00:17:35,066
Tim is not a beard guy.
489
00:17:35,552 --> 00:17:38,336
It looked like his
head was on upside-down.
490
00:17:38,338 --> 00:17:40,205
Good night.
491
00:17:42,876 --> 00:17:44,843
The breakfast of champions.
492
00:17:44,845 --> 00:17:46,444
JEN: Oh, babe...
493
00:17:46,446 --> 00:17:49,244
Can you please just shave the beard?
494
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:50,377
For me?
495
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,117
Don't you see?
496
00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:55,820
All along, I thought I
was grooming the beard.
497
00:17:55,822 --> 00:17:57,856
But it turns out the
beard was grooming me.
498
00:17:57,858 --> 00:17:58,957
Oh.
499
00:17:58,959 --> 00:18:00,692
And, besides, Lark likes it.
500
00:18:00,694 --> 00:18:02,327
Don't you?
501
00:18:02,329 --> 00:18:03,362
Don't you?
502
00:18:03,387 --> 00:18:04,629
You like the beard,
503
00:18:04,631 --> 00:18:05,563
don't you?
504
00:18:05,565 --> 00:18:06,998
Don't fear the beard.
505
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,433
(gasps)
506
00:18:10,370 --> 00:18:11,803
Wow.
507
00:18:11,805 --> 00:18:14,301
She took the vomit
right out of my mouth.
508
00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:15,340
I'm going to go clean up.
509
00:18:15,342 --> 00:18:17,909
(crying)
510
00:18:20,077 --> 00:18:22,411
WAITRESS: It's been really
great serving you guys.
511
00:18:22,413 --> 00:18:24,446
I hope to see you again soon.
512
00:18:27,718 --> 00:18:29,084
What is that smell?
513
00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:30,204
It's my beard.
514
00:18:30,229 --> 00:18:31,931
Lark puked in it.
515
00:18:31,956 --> 00:18:33,288
Can you smell it?
516
00:18:33,290 --> 00:18:34,534
Not that you deserve my advice,
517
00:18:34,559 --> 00:18:36,535
but any time I want to
cover up an unwanted smell
518
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,511
coming from my body, I go
to one place... Benihana.
519
00:18:40,331 --> 00:18:42,531
You don't stop smelling,
but you smell like shrimp.
520
00:18:44,435 --> 00:18:46,935
You know what, I can't finish this.
521
00:18:46,937 --> 00:18:48,170
Bring me a cinnamon roll.
522
00:18:48,815 --> 00:18:50,205
Cinnamon roll!
523
00:18:54,111 --> 00:18:56,578
Oh, my God! Oh, no, no, it's worse!
524
00:18:56,580 --> 00:18:58,032
Oh, no, how can it be worse?
525
00:18:58,057 --> 00:19:01,762
Now it smells like vomit on a hibachi.
526
00:19:01,787 --> 00:19:03,118
But in a good way?
527
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,353
I'm so sorry, honey.
528
00:19:04,355 --> 00:19:06,055
I love you, I do,
529
00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:08,090
but you, like, legit
repulse me right now.
530
00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:11,093
But in, like, a good way, right?
531
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:14,205
Okay, fine, I will shave my beard.
532
00:19:14,230 --> 00:19:15,230
You will?
533
00:19:15,232 --> 00:19:16,502
Yes.
534
00:19:16,527 --> 00:19:17,666
Yes!
535
00:19:17,691 --> 00:19:19,458
There are plenty of ways
for me to be a modern man
536
00:19:19,593 --> 00:19:20,458
Yeah.
537
00:19:20,935 --> 00:19:22,217
What do you think of those disks
538
00:19:22,242 --> 00:19:24,073
that people put in their ears?
539
00:19:24,804 --> 00:19:26,737
(Supertramp's "Goodbye Strange" playing)
540
00:19:26,762 --> 00:19:30,179
And I really have enjoyed my stay
541
00:19:30,727 --> 00:19:33,494
But I must be moving on
542
00:19:35,854 --> 00:19:38,001
Like a king without a castle
543
00:19:38,026 --> 00:19:40,055
Like a queen without a throne
544
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:44,378
I'm an early-morning lover
and I must be moving on
545
00:19:44,403 --> 00:19:46,324
Good-bye, stranger
546
00:19:46,349 --> 00:19:48,363
It's been nice
547
00:19:48,365 --> 00:19:50,132
Hope you find your paradise
548
00:19:50,134 --> 00:19:51,500
Ow, ow!
549
00:19:51,502 --> 00:19:53,936
(crying)
550
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:56,312
No, I...!
551
00:19:56,337 --> 00:19:57,792
You can do this!
552
00:19:57,817 --> 00:19:58,916
All come true
553
00:19:58,941 --> 00:20:00,762
-
Good-bye, Mary
-
Good-bye, Mary
554
00:20:00,787 --> 00:20:02,678
-
Good-bye, Jane
-
Good-bye, Jane
555
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:04,642
- (coughs)
-
Will we ever
556
00:20:04,667 --> 00:20:06,106
Meet again?
557
00:20:06,131 --> 00:20:07,330
Hey.
558
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:09,961
Guess who doesn't
smell like puke anymore.
559
00:20:10,336 --> 00:20:14,229
Oh, there's the man I married.
560
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:15,988
(groans)
561
00:20:16,121 --> 00:20:17,895
Sorta.
562
00:20:18,746 --> 00:20:19,682
'Sup?
563
00:20:19,707 --> 00:20:25,690
Um, you look super sexy.
564
00:20:26,237 --> 00:20:29,071
But I'm just... I'm a little
bit worried about my throat.
565
00:20:29,482 --> 00:20:30,381
(coughs)
566
00:20:30,406 --> 00:20:31,340
Okay, just this once
567
00:20:31,342 --> 00:20:32,641
we'll do it without kissing.
568
00:20:33,929 --> 00:20:34,640
All right.
569
00:20:34,664 --> 00:20:36,264
Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -
570
00:20:36,314 --> 00:20:40,864
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39367
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