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1
00:00:04,632 --> 00:00:06,782
_
2
00:00:08,949 --> 00:00:09,973
All right, ladies.
3
00:00:09,975 --> 00:00:11,607
Have a good day at school.
4
00:00:11,609 --> 00:00:13,246
- Hey!
- (screams)
5
00:00:13,271 --> 00:00:15,558
Aren't you supposed to be
watching your cholesterol?
6
00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:16,813
Heather!
7
00:00:16,815 --> 00:00:18,915
Samantha's talking back to me!
8
00:00:18,917 --> 00:00:22,051
HEATHER: Samantha, stop
talking back to your dad!
9
00:00:22,053 --> 00:00:23,814
Dad's eating a cinnamon bun!
10
00:00:23,839 --> 00:00:26,206
HEATHER: Tim, knock it
off... your cholesterol!
11
00:00:27,814 --> 00:00:30,711
This is Mom's world...
we just live in it.
12
00:00:32,294 --> 00:00:35,061
Well, there was a time
where it was my... world.
13
00:00:36,735 --> 00:00:40,273
Hey, hey, guess who picked up Cinnabons!
14
00:00:40,298 --> 00:00:42,048
Had to go all the way
to LAX to get them,
15
00:00:42,073 --> 00:00:43,139
but it was worth it.
16
00:00:43,141 --> 00:00:44,941
I really shouldn't, my diabetes.
17
00:00:44,943 --> 00:00:47,010
Hey, this is Tim's world, live a little.
18
00:00:47,912 --> 00:00:49,045
Who needs feet?
19
00:00:49,047 --> 00:00:50,783
Thanks, boss! How was your weekend?
20
00:00:50,808 --> 00:00:53,693
Aw, you know, sat through
some soccer, a little ballet,
21
00:00:53,718 --> 00:00:56,339
got my mother-in-law
high, you know, the uzh.
22
00:00:56,364 --> 00:00:57,958
I'm just glad to be back in the office.
23
00:00:57,983 --> 00:00:59,838
You know, they say everybody's
working for the weekend?
24
00:00:59,863 --> 00:01:01,368
Well, I'm weekending for the work.
25
00:01:01,393 --> 00:01:04,694
(laughs and coughs)
26
00:01:04,696 --> 00:01:06,382
You okay?
27
00:01:06,407 --> 00:01:08,123
Yeah, I just got to stop
thinking about the second one
28
00:01:08,148 --> 00:01:09,625
when I'm still eating the first.
29
00:01:09,650 --> 00:01:11,267
(clears throat)
30
00:01:11,269 --> 00:01:12,435
Where's Rose?
31
00:01:12,437 --> 00:01:14,103
(phone ringing)
32
00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:16,739
Doctor's office.
33
00:01:16,741 --> 00:01:18,141
Rose?
34
00:01:18,166 --> 00:01:21,304
Aren't you supposed to
be here answering this?
35
00:01:21,329 --> 00:01:23,608
I understand, I'm doing
the best I can, okay?
36
00:01:23,633 --> 00:01:26,333
TIM: Sweet mother, don't just
stand there, do something!
37
00:01:26,358 --> 00:01:27,925
I'm not good in a crisis.
38
00:01:28,053 --> 00:01:30,386
HEATHER: Tim, hey, what's going on?
39
00:01:30,388 --> 00:01:31,854
I've been calling you for two hours.
40
00:01:31,856 --> 00:01:32,889
Nobody's answering your phone.
41
00:01:32,891 --> 00:01:33,923
Rose quit.
42
00:01:33,925 --> 00:01:35,662
Oh, I liked her.
43
00:01:35,687 --> 00:01:37,551
Well, apparently, she won a scratcher
44
00:01:37,576 --> 00:01:38,845
and finally got her other boob done.
45
00:01:38,870 --> 00:01:40,970
Now she's very sought-after
in the receptionist community.
46
00:01:40,995 --> 00:01:42,318
I don't know how we're going to cope.
47
00:01:42,343 --> 00:01:43,308
What are you doing?
48
00:01:44,636 --> 00:01:46,869
Hello, doctor's office,
can you hold, please?
49
00:01:46,871 --> 00:01:48,414
You're a natural.
50
00:01:48,439 --> 00:01:50,548
I'll help you out until
you find a new receptionist.
51
00:01:50,573 --> 00:01:52,340
Or until I get my boobs done.
52
00:01:53,878 --> 00:01:54,944
Is that an option?
53
00:01:55,309 --> 00:01:56,379
It hurts.
54
00:01:57,730 --> 00:01:59,348
You're all set, we'll see you next week.
55
00:01:59,350 --> 00:02:02,251
Okay, thank you... you, too, bye.
56
00:02:02,253 --> 00:02:03,252
Uh, Heather?
57
00:02:03,254 --> 00:02:04,754
Yeah.
58
00:02:05,369 --> 00:02:07,767
My father taught me to
never compliment women.
59
00:02:07,792 --> 00:02:10,284
Oh, that's nice.
60
00:02:10,309 --> 00:02:12,608
But in this case, I have to say,
61
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,385
you're doing an excellent job.
62
00:02:14,410 --> 00:02:15,510
Thank you.
63
00:02:15,535 --> 00:02:18,096
I'm only here till Friday,
though, when the temp arrives.
64
00:02:18,121 --> 00:02:19,255
Oh, here.
65
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,471
Oh, you have a sucker for me, thank you.
66
00:02:21,473 --> 00:02:22,681
That's sweet.
67
00:02:22,706 --> 00:02:24,372
Hey, babe, could you
fill out this prescription
68
00:02:24,397 --> 00:02:25,610
for penicillin for me,
69
00:02:25,635 --> 00:02:28,590
and ask Sylvie to prep room
three for a nasal endoscopy?
70
00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:30,046
(inhales slowly)
71
00:02:30,048 --> 00:02:34,016
(whispers): I love it when you get
all doctor-y and you know stuff.
72
00:02:34,391 --> 00:02:35,280
Yeah?
73
00:02:35,305 --> 00:02:36,106
Yeah.
74
00:02:36,131 --> 00:02:38,631
Well, I love it when
you get all reception-y
75
00:02:38,656 --> 00:02:39,989
and fan out magazines.
76
00:02:39,991 --> 00:02:41,257
Oh, yeah?
77
00:02:41,259 --> 00:02:42,258
Yeah.
78
00:02:42,260 --> 00:02:43,826
Mmm.
79
00:02:44,257 --> 00:02:45,189
(phone rings)
80
00:02:45,214 --> 00:02:46,959
(mumbles over lollipop)
81
00:02:46,984 --> 00:02:48,709
(breathily): Hello, doctor's office.
82
00:02:48,734 --> 00:02:50,639
- Oh, my.
- Uh-huh.
83
00:02:50,664 --> 00:02:52,001
Well, how big is that goiter?
84
00:02:52,003 --> 00:02:53,302
See, you're turning me on.
85
00:02:53,304 --> 00:02:54,049
Uh-huh.
86
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:56,718
Yeah, Friday, 2:00... 2! 2, 2, 2, 2!
87
00:02:56,743 --> 00:02:59,152
- Let's go.
- Exam room three has fresh paper.
88
00:02:59,177 --> 00:03:00,943
(whispers): Not for long.
89
00:03:01,724 --> 00:03:05,183
So my very beautiful and
limber receptionist Heather
90
00:03:05,208 --> 00:03:07,465
will schedule your
follow-up appointment.
91
00:03:07,490 --> 00:03:08,860
I think the earliest we can get you in
92
00:03:08,885 --> 00:03:09,719
is next week though.
93
00:03:09,721 --> 00:03:11,888
Uh, no, we can do Thursday at 3:00.
94
00:03:11,890 --> 00:03:14,023
No, I, I have something then,
95
00:03:14,025 --> 00:03:15,153
- pretty sure.
- What... what are you doing?
96
00:03:15,178 --> 00:03:16,125
- Jig won't work.
- Will you stop it?
97
00:03:16,127 --> 00:03:17,861
- What are you...?
- Stop, get out of my business.
98
00:03:17,886 --> 00:03:19,426
No, all you have on Thursday
99
00:03:19,451 --> 00:03:21,428
is a 1:00 p.m. with
someone named Dave Buster.
100
00:03:21,453 --> 00:03:22,064
Uh...
101
00:03:22,066 --> 00:03:23,833
And then the next Thursday...
102
00:03:23,835 --> 00:03:25,612
every... Thursday...
103
00:03:25,637 --> 00:03:26,869
He's very sick.
104
00:03:27,245 --> 00:03:29,772
We will call you with a time.
105
00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:32,391
Thank you so much for your patience.
106
00:03:32,416 --> 00:03:34,010
(laughs): Patience...
107
00:03:34,539 --> 00:03:36,255
Do you go to Dave and Buster's
every Thursday at 1:00?
108
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:37,662
Look, it boosts morale.
109
00:03:37,687 --> 00:03:38,881
Plus, I almost have enough tickets
110
00:03:38,883 --> 00:03:41,250
to get that belt buckle
with the bottle opener in it.
111
00:03:41,252 --> 00:03:43,686
Listen, I'm not saying
that you shouldn't go.
112
00:03:43,688 --> 00:03:45,541
I'm just saying, take me with you!
113
00:03:45,566 --> 00:03:47,657
Wait, let's make a whole
big family thing out of it.
114
00:03:47,659 --> 00:03:50,126
We can go on Saturdays
after ballet, before soccer!
115
00:03:50,128 --> 00:03:51,727
Twice a week seems like a lot.
116
00:03:51,729 --> 00:03:53,351
Okay, so skip Thursday.
117
00:03:53,376 --> 00:03:55,734
You can come home early and
help me around the house.
118
00:03:55,759 --> 00:03:56,907
Oh, this'll be so fun.
119
00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:58,097
I'll play Steely Dan for you.
120
00:03:58,122 --> 00:03:59,035
Listen, Heather...
121
00:03:59,060 --> 00:04:00,890
Okay, let me just say, I think
122
00:04:00,915 --> 00:04:03,675
that we are just, like, so...
(grunts enthusiastically)
123
00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,285
Yeah, I'm definitely...
(grunts less enthusiastically)
124
00:04:05,310 --> 00:04:07,154
We have been spending an
awful lot of time together.
125
00:04:07,179 --> 00:04:09,822
Wait, I wrote a little
picture here of you and me...
126
00:04:09,847 --> 00:04:12,915
(whispers): and everything
that went down in room three.
127
00:04:14,948 --> 00:04:15,705
Hmm?
128
00:04:15,730 --> 00:04:16,953
It's very graphic.
129
00:04:17,727 --> 00:04:18,916
Hello, gorgeous!
130
00:04:18,941 --> 00:04:21,534
Ah, ah, ah, ah... your wife
told us about your cholesterol.
131
00:04:21,559 --> 00:04:23,893
(grunts): I can't take it anymore!
132
00:04:23,895 --> 00:04:25,123
I love her, but I'll tell you something.
133
00:04:25,148 --> 00:04:26,740
Do you have any idea
how frustrating it is
134
00:04:26,765 --> 00:04:28,965
to have your wife around all the time?
135
00:04:29,283 --> 00:04:30,713
I'm sorry.
136
00:04:30,738 --> 00:04:32,479
We all miss Jackie.
137
00:04:32,597 --> 00:04:34,870
I should have complimented her more.
138
00:04:34,872 --> 00:04:36,172
If I only had one more day...
139
00:04:36,174 --> 00:04:38,374
Yeah, I hear what you're saying.
140
00:04:38,376 --> 00:04:40,443
I only have one more day
till the temp shows up,
141
00:04:40,445 --> 00:04:43,212
and then I can go back to
being the boss around here.
142
00:04:43,214 --> 00:04:44,313
That's not going to kill me.
143
00:04:45,087 --> 00:04:46,238
I'm sorry.
144
00:04:46,461 --> 00:04:49,128
I'm just really looking forward
to a time when my wife is gone.
145
00:04:49,153 --> 00:04:50,753
I'm sorry.
146
00:04:50,755 --> 00:04:52,989
I'm really crashing
and burning over here.
147
00:04:52,991 --> 00:04:54,850
I'm sorry!
148
00:04:54,875 --> 00:04:57,308
(sighs)
149
00:04:59,497 --> 00:05:02,732
Well, I am so mad that
today is your last day.
150
00:05:02,734 --> 00:05:05,820
Oh, it's just so unfair.
151
00:05:05,922 --> 00:05:07,303
Do you really mean that?
152
00:05:07,976 --> 00:05:09,350
Yeah, I'm going to miss you.
153
00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:10,280
Aww...
154
00:05:10,305 --> 00:05:13,271
And especially those
super-healthy snacks
155
00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:15,109
you always bring... oh, here it comes!
156
00:05:15,134 --> 00:05:17,952
Oh, hummus, and carrots.
157
00:05:17,977 --> 00:05:20,627
Yeah, two great tastes
that taste great together.
158
00:05:20,652 --> 00:05:21,965
Just like us.
159
00:05:21,990 --> 00:05:23,387
I have a surprise for you.
160
00:05:23,412 --> 00:05:25,021
You got me the belt
buckle bottle opener?
161
00:05:25,023 --> 00:05:27,623
No, even better than that.
162
00:05:27,625 --> 00:05:29,625
I got you me!
163
00:05:29,627 --> 00:05:35,665
I switched carpool to morning
so I can be here permanently.
164
00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:36,666
Wow.
165
00:05:37,310 --> 00:05:39,268
The kids are getting older
166
00:05:39,270 --> 00:05:41,908
and they just don't need
me like they used to.
167
00:05:41,933 --> 00:05:44,648
And then I come here
and you need me so much.
168
00:05:44,673 --> 00:05:46,429
- And I just...
- Mhm, mhm.
169
00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:48,360
I can't believe I'm crying about it.
170
00:05:48,385 --> 00:05:49,585
I know.
171
00:05:50,125 --> 00:05:51,381
Oh, look, you are, too.
172
00:05:51,406 --> 00:05:52,348
It's a lot of feelings.
173
00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:53,865
I know, but I'm going to be here
174
00:05:53,890 --> 00:05:56,092
all day with you every day!
175
00:05:56,117 --> 00:05:57,683
(crying)
176
00:05:58,433 --> 00:06:00,177
_
177
00:06:02,727 --> 00:06:04,624
Hey, hi, Joanie!
178
00:06:04,889 --> 00:06:06,662
Tim, what are you doing out here?
179
00:06:06,664 --> 00:06:08,030
It's the middle of the night.
180
00:06:08,032 --> 00:06:09,765
Oh, well, you know, it's...
181
00:06:09,767 --> 00:06:11,467
now that we've got
Clementine living with us,
182
00:06:11,469 --> 00:06:14,236
you know, I like to
come out here to think.
183
00:06:14,238 --> 00:06:15,171
And to fart.
184
00:06:15,818 --> 00:06:17,261
Which one are you doing now?
185
00:06:17,286 --> 00:06:19,978
Neither... no, I just locked
myself out of the house
186
00:06:20,003 --> 00:06:21,711
- about an hour ago.
- Oh, oh.
187
00:06:21,713 --> 00:06:23,245
What are you doing outside?
188
00:06:23,247 --> 00:06:25,214
Oh, I'm just trying to tire myself out.
189
00:06:25,216 --> 00:06:27,088
I haven't been able to sleep lately.
190
00:06:27,113 --> 00:06:29,352
(sighs): I had that problem once.
191
00:06:29,354 --> 00:06:30,119
Yeah?
192
00:06:30,121 --> 00:06:30,720
Yeah, apparently,
193
00:06:30,745 --> 00:06:33,378
you're not supposed to drink
fruit punch after midnight...
194
00:06:33,628 --> 00:06:34,867
or as an adult.
195
00:06:34,892 --> 00:06:37,326
I-I'm just so anxious and...
196
00:06:37,328 --> 00:06:38,527
the strange thing is,
197
00:06:38,529 --> 00:06:40,896
I don't have anything
to be anxious about.
198
00:06:40,898 --> 00:06:42,715
That just makes me more anxious.
199
00:06:42,740 --> 00:06:44,082
We all go through that, you know?
200
00:06:44,107 --> 00:06:45,640
I'm sure it'll pass.
201
00:06:45,870 --> 00:06:47,339
In the meantime, I
could prescribe something
202
00:06:47,364 --> 00:06:48,930
you may not have tried.
203
00:06:52,170 --> 00:06:52,840
Can I help you
204
00:06:52,865 --> 00:06:54,131
- with anything in particular
- (yelps)
205
00:06:54,256 --> 00:06:55,745
(laughing): Oh, no.
206
00:06:55,747 --> 00:06:56,979
(mutters)
207
00:06:56,981 --> 00:06:58,832
I'm not actually a drug addict.
208
00:06:58,857 --> 00:07:01,951
Although I did pass a
dutchie once in college,
209
00:07:01,953 --> 00:07:04,153
but it was to the right-hand side,
210
00:07:04,155 --> 00:07:06,938
and everybody got very quiet
and then asked me to leave.
211
00:07:06,963 --> 00:07:09,731
Oh, well, perhaps we
can get you an edible.
212
00:07:09,756 --> 00:07:10,525
An edible?
213
00:07:10,550 --> 00:07:12,768
It's where we bake the
weed into the pastry
214
00:07:12,793 --> 00:07:13,761
so you don't have to smoke it.
215
00:07:13,786 --> 00:07:15,264
We bake it into all of our goods here.
216
00:07:15,266 --> 00:07:16,232
Ah!
217
00:07:16,234 --> 00:07:18,449
Oh, is there pot in the scones?
218
00:07:18,474 --> 00:07:19,490
Oh, no, no, no.
219
00:07:19,515 --> 00:07:20,639
You can go ahead, try them...
220
00:07:20,664 --> 00:07:22,849
- Oh, oh, thank you!
- they're delicious.
221
00:07:22,874 --> 00:07:24,521
Thank you so much!
222
00:07:24,546 --> 00:07:27,576
I baked them today,
they're super-fresh.
223
00:07:27,578 --> 00:07:30,713
Whoa, slow down, slow
down... that's pretty potent.
224
00:07:30,738 --> 00:07:33,549
(mouth full): You said there
wasn't any pot in the scones.
225
00:07:33,551 --> 00:07:35,317
No, but there's a lot in the jam.
226
00:07:39,991 --> 00:07:42,543
The key to a strong joint
is homemade rolling papers.
227
00:07:42,568 --> 00:07:44,560
You have so much knowledge.
228
00:07:44,562 --> 00:07:46,717
I feel like I'm with Alex Trebek.
229
00:07:47,569 --> 00:07:51,324
I want to know everything
you know in all of life.
230
00:07:51,869 --> 00:07:54,136
With a glue gun and
an old pog container,
231
00:07:54,138 --> 00:07:56,639
I repurposed this
flower pot into a bong.
232
00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:58,706
Oh...
233
00:07:59,244 --> 00:08:01,844
That's so deeply artisanal!
234
00:08:02,211 --> 00:08:04,513
You see this bucket?
235
00:08:04,515 --> 00:08:05,848
Voil?!
236
00:08:05,850 --> 00:08:07,316
Impromptu bongo.
237
00:08:23,668 --> 00:08:24,800
(bongo taps)
238
00:08:25,161 --> 00:08:26,794
Holy Willie Nelson!
239
00:08:26,862 --> 00:08:28,415
What are you doing here, Joan?
240
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,973
You cured my insomnia.
241
00:08:30,975 --> 00:08:33,825
And now, I sleep like the pharaohs.
242
00:08:33,850 --> 00:08:37,218
- Well.
- This is a bongo.
243
00:08:39,933 --> 00:08:41,868
But if you turn it upside-down...
244
00:08:44,355 --> 00:08:45,254
It's a bucket.
245
00:08:45,521 --> 00:08:47,462
(laughs slowly): Wow.
246
00:08:48,392 --> 00:08:50,192
Are you high right now?
247
00:08:50,946 --> 00:08:51,562
Yes.
248
00:08:51,587 --> 00:08:52,586
Oh.
249
00:08:52,611 --> 00:08:53,610
And right now.
250
00:08:53,808 --> 00:08:55,208
Oh, yeah.
251
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:58,123
Sex is always complicated for me.
252
00:08:58,148 --> 00:08:59,335
Mmm.
253
00:08:59,337 --> 00:09:00,714
Sometimes I think it's because
254
00:09:00,739 --> 00:09:02,797
I lost one of my balls in the war.
255
00:09:03,312 --> 00:09:04,495
I mean, they could've saved it
256
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,784
but it wasn't the good one, so...
257
00:09:07,659 --> 00:09:10,112
You know something that might help you?
258
00:09:10,554 --> 00:09:11,420
What's that?
259
00:09:11,445 --> 00:09:12,515
A fattie!
260
00:09:13,616 --> 00:09:16,049
Oh, I don't really know any portly gals.
261
00:09:16,074 --> 00:09:17,463
No, no, no, no.
262
00:09:17,488 --> 00:09:20,561
This is the kind of fattie
that was popular in high school.
263
00:09:21,038 --> 00:09:22,772
And here is a blimp!
264
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:29,024
Holy mackerel, I am as
baked as a brie on Easter.
265
00:09:29,049 --> 00:09:30,996
Me also as well.
266
00:09:31,021 --> 00:09:33,746
(laughing)
267
00:09:34,630 --> 00:09:36,402
Was that an earthquake?
268
00:09:36,427 --> 00:09:37,139
No.
269
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:38,534
Was that an earthquake?
270
00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:40,438
No, I didn't feel anything.
271
00:09:40,695 --> 00:09:43,055
In fact, I don't feel anything at all,
272
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,710
except a very strong
desire to hug your husband
273
00:09:45,735 --> 00:09:47,082
while he washes the car.
274
00:09:47,084 --> 00:09:49,685
I'm certain there's
an earthquake coming,
275
00:09:49,687 --> 00:09:51,310
and you know what?
276
00:09:51,335 --> 00:09:52,852
I don't know where the gas-off is.
277
00:09:52,877 --> 00:09:54,109
Okay, don't even worry...
278
00:09:54,134 --> 00:09:55,363
- Look, you're having...
- I don't know
279
00:09:55,388 --> 00:09:57,967
- where the gas-off is.
- you're having a bad trip.
280
00:09:57,992 --> 00:10:00,112
- This...
- So I want you to have a sip of water.
281
00:10:00,136 --> 00:10:00,952
- Okay.
- Okay?
282
00:10:00,953 --> 00:10:02,241
- Okay
- And then just breathe.
283
00:10:02,273 --> 00:10:04,775
And just, no more of this right now.
284
00:10:05,295 --> 00:10:07,679
That's it, good, gulpy-gulpy...
285
00:10:08,116 --> 00:10:09,972
There you go, there you go.
286
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:11,443
Good, good.
287
00:10:11,794 --> 00:10:13,309
I've forgotten how to swallow.
288
00:10:13,311 --> 00:10:14,343
Yeah.
289
00:10:14,345 --> 00:10:16,716
I'm, I'm too high.
290
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:17,981
I don't like this.
291
00:10:18,006 --> 00:10:20,493
I want to go home.
292
00:10:20,552 --> 00:10:25,288
(wailing)
293
00:10:27,324 --> 00:10:30,302
I just don't think the
chronic is the answer for me.
294
00:10:30,327 --> 00:10:32,761
Oh, okay.
295
00:10:32,763 --> 00:10:34,303
Well, I'll tell you what works for me.
296
00:10:34,328 --> 00:10:37,495
Um, you know, I like to go to bed full.
297
00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:39,993
So I'd get about three
pounds of beef in you,
298
00:10:40,018 --> 00:10:42,685
and before you know it,
you'll be counting sheep.
299
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:43,708
The real trick is learning
300
00:10:43,733 --> 00:10:45,518
how to fight off the meat sweats.
301
00:10:45,543 --> 00:10:47,476
But that's where the
sleeping pills come in.
302
00:10:48,167 --> 00:10:48,911
Thank you.
303
00:10:48,913 --> 00:10:50,112
Oh.
304
00:10:51,055 --> 00:10:52,155
Here, this is for you.
305
00:10:52,180 --> 00:10:52,711
Oh!
306
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:55,304
Just go easy on the jam.
307
00:10:56,847 --> 00:10:58,413
Come on, I'm not that fat.
308
00:10:58,719 --> 00:11:00,118
(chuckling)
309
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,003
(sighs): I'm so fat.
310
00:11:07,753 --> 00:11:09,217
Who said that?!
311
00:11:18,576 --> 00:11:19,975
You got carpal tunnel voting
312
00:11:19,977 --> 00:11:22,442
for every singing
competition on television.
313
00:11:22,467 --> 00:11:24,234
You're not going to vote for president?
314
00:11:24,259 --> 00:11:25,926
Well, if I could text it, I would.
315
00:11:25,951 --> 00:11:27,950
But I can't, because
I have carpal tunnel.
316
00:11:28,883 --> 00:11:30,610
_
317
00:11:30,793 --> 00:11:32,092
JEN: Hey, so our polling place
318
00:11:32,094 --> 00:11:33,527
is at your parents' neighbors' garage.
319
00:11:33,529 --> 00:11:34,831
I was thinking if we took the same car,
320
00:11:34,856 --> 00:11:37,470
then your dad couldn't
charge us as much for parking.
321
00:11:37,495 --> 00:11:38,509
I'm not voting.
322
00:11:38,534 --> 00:11:40,399
Greg, come on.
323
00:11:40,424 --> 00:11:42,027
You, like, you got carpal tunnel
324
00:11:42,052 --> 00:11:44,779
voting for every singing
competition on television.
325
00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:46,609
You're not going to vote for president?
326
00:11:46,634 --> 00:11:48,300
Well, if I could text it I would.
327
00:11:48,411 --> 00:11:50,603
But I can't, because
I have carpal tunnel.
328
00:11:50,628 --> 00:11:52,891
I... I honestly, I still cannot believe
329
00:11:52,916 --> 00:11:54,416
that you have never
voted in an election.
330
00:11:54,650 --> 00:11:55,839
I voted in an election!
331
00:11:55,864 --> 00:11:56,419
Really?
332
00:11:56,444 --> 00:11:57,974
Matt Malloy for student body president.
333
00:11:57,999 --> 00:12:00,245
Said he was going to make
the hallways safe for nerds.
334
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:02,322
He didn't.
335
00:12:02,324 --> 00:12:04,132
Yeah, still working through that one.
336
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,586
Honestly, Greg, the people we elect
337
00:12:05,611 --> 00:12:07,351
are going to shape Lark's future.
338
00:12:07,999 --> 00:12:09,768
She's so disappointed
that you're not voting,
339
00:12:09,793 --> 00:12:11,513
she can't even look at you.
340
00:12:13,769 --> 00:12:15,602
Lark, look at Daddy.
341
00:12:19,654 --> 00:12:22,154
GREG: Okay, Lark, this is for you!
342
00:12:22,812 --> 00:12:25,471
Ugh, that line...
343
00:12:26,281 --> 00:12:29,115
Eh... I'll come back later.
344
00:12:29,437 --> 00:12:30,537
Long line for coffee.
345
00:12:31,198 --> 00:12:32,162
Yeah, it's kind of my fault.
346
00:12:32,187 --> 00:12:32,993
I voted this place
347
00:12:33,018 --> 00:12:35,422
the number one coffee
place in town like 12 times.
348
00:12:36,393 --> 00:12:37,924
I think you dropped your sticker.
349
00:12:38,493 --> 00:12:40,064
Oh, no, I don't...
350
00:12:40,814 --> 00:12:41,795
Oh, gosh, yeah.
351
00:12:41,797 --> 00:12:43,296
It must have fallen off
352
00:12:43,298 --> 00:12:46,990
when I rescued that
lost dog on the highway.
353
00:12:47,015 --> 00:12:48,935
(laughing): Twinsies.
354
00:12:48,937 --> 00:12:50,103
Huh?
355
00:12:50,386 --> 00:12:51,295
Boop.
356
00:12:51,523 --> 00:12:52,656
BARISTA: Next.
357
00:12:53,251 --> 00:12:54,215
- Hi.
- Hi.
358
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,683
Umm...
359
00:12:56,708 --> 00:12:58,213
Nitro Cold Brew.
360
00:12:58,238 --> 00:12:59,410
I don't know what that is, is that cool?
361
00:12:59,435 --> 00:13:01,535
It must be, it's got
the word "nitro" in it.
362
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,098
Oh, you don't have to
pay if you voted today.
363
00:13:04,923 --> 00:13:05,719
Really?
364
00:13:05,924 --> 00:13:07,323
- Yeah.
- All right!
365
00:13:07,716 --> 00:13:11,391
Just going to tip, tipping and voting!
366
00:13:11,393 --> 00:13:12,570
That's what I do.
367
00:13:12,595 --> 00:13:14,674
Keep America strong and safe.
368
00:13:14,699 --> 00:13:16,835
Come on, everybody, "Hamilton!"
369
00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:17,958
Hamilton! Hamilton!
370
00:13:17,983 --> 00:13:19,657
That's right. Pull it in, patriots.
371
00:13:20,471 --> 00:13:22,202
Three, two, one.
372
00:13:22,204 --> 00:13:23,336
Hamilton!
373
00:13:23,338 --> 00:13:27,084
- Hamilton!
- Hamilton!
374
00:13:27,109 --> 00:13:28,394
Oh wait, it was a video.
375
00:13:28,786 --> 00:13:31,211
_
376
00:13:31,312 --> 00:13:32,779
- Hi, Pam.
- Hi.
377
00:13:32,781 --> 00:13:34,086
- Hey, John.
- Hey.
378
00:13:34,111 --> 00:13:35,359
It's a historic day, huh?
379
00:13:35,586 --> 00:13:36,987
Oh, did the girl win?
380
00:13:37,578 --> 00:13:38,209
Oh, I was...
381
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,662
no, I was just talking about
how Greg actually voted.
382
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,527
Oh, that must've been when I was allowed
383
00:13:42,552 --> 00:13:44,020
my one bathroom break.
384
00:13:44,045 --> 00:13:46,078
Better not have used my shell soaps.
385
00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:49,611
Jen, I don't see Greg
on this voting log.
386
00:13:49,636 --> 00:13:51,670
And I keep a good log.
387
00:13:51,695 --> 00:13:53,995
If he didn't sign, he wasn't here.
388
00:13:56,171 --> 00:13:58,171
Say "voting"...
389
00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:04,609
Wow, another classic
Election Day selfie, I see.
390
00:14:04,634 --> 00:14:05,722
You saw my Instagram?
391
00:14:05,747 --> 00:14:07,428
- I did.
- 14 likes!
392
00:14:07,453 --> 00:14:09,819
I mean that's twice as
many as the selfie I took
393
00:14:09,844 --> 00:14:11,595
with that dude who looked like Bono.
394
00:14:11,620 --> 00:14:13,596
Yeah, so you voted?
395
00:14:14,138 --> 00:14:16,541
Mm-hmm, I got the sticker, don't I?
396
00:14:17,095 --> 00:14:19,548
You got the sticker by
going to the polling place
397
00:14:19,573 --> 00:14:22,035
and just like straight up voting?
398
00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:24,594
- I went to the polling place.
- Okay.
399
00:14:24,619 --> 00:14:26,118
- Next to my parent's house.
- Right.
400
00:14:26,301 --> 00:14:29,856
And I... got my sticker.
401
00:14:30,249 --> 00:14:32,449
Greg, will you just look me in the eye
402
00:14:32,474 --> 00:14:34,574
and tell me that you voted?
403
00:14:38,137 --> 00:14:40,647
No, no, I said my eye, my eyes.
404
00:14:41,598 --> 00:14:43,183
Nope, nope.
405
00:14:43,185 --> 00:14:45,518
The eyebrows are a good marker,
it's just right below them.
406
00:14:45,717 --> 00:14:46,750
We're almost there.
407
00:14:46,775 --> 00:14:48,388
Okay, look, I'm sorry.
408
00:14:49,313 --> 00:14:51,224
- I didn't vote, okay?
- Right, yeah.
409
00:14:51,303 --> 00:14:52,636
But I got the sticker,
410
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,454
and I felt like I was
part of something larger,
411
00:14:55,479 --> 00:14:57,201
you know, and all the
other stuff that you said.
412
00:14:57,226 --> 00:14:59,682
So I just put it on.
413
00:14:59,707 --> 00:15:01,274
But you didn't vote.
414
00:15:01,571 --> 00:15:02,469
No.
415
00:15:02,688 --> 00:15:03,771
So I'm going to have
to take that sticker.
416
00:15:03,796 --> 00:15:04,636
No!
417
00:15:04,661 --> 00:15:06,982
No, no, I need this.
418
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,530
Greg, that's not your sticker.
419
00:15:08,555 --> 00:15:10,655
How dare you say that, Jen!
420
00:15:11,284 --> 00:15:13,588
Look, there is still time
for me to earn this sticker.
421
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:16,050
And that's exactly what
I'm going to do, all right?
422
00:15:16,075 --> 00:15:17,674
I'm going to go down there,
and I'm going to vote.
423
00:15:17,699 --> 00:15:18,216
Okay.
424
00:15:18,241 --> 00:15:20,376
Because I'm tired of lying about it.
425
00:15:20,594 --> 00:15:22,694
I want to know what
it feels like for real!
426
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:27,235
And this sounds exactly like
when I lost my virginity.
427
00:15:29,183 --> 00:15:32,051
Are you going to call your
mom afterwards this time, too?
428
00:15:32,585 --> 00:15:33,738
If you didn't do it,
429
00:15:33,763 --> 00:15:35,706
how did the shell lose its ridges?
430
00:15:35,731 --> 00:15:37,545
Would you rather I didn't wash my hands?
431
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:40,080
I'd rather my shell have its ridges!
432
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,375
It's like getting
excited for a ruffle chip,
433
00:15:42,377 --> 00:15:43,765
when there's a no-ruffle chip.
434
00:15:43,790 --> 00:15:46,444
How are you supposed to
dip a no-ruffle chip?!
435
00:15:46,469 --> 00:15:47,859
(breathless): Hi.
436
00:15:47,884 --> 00:15:49,593
Greg Short. He knows who I am.
437
00:15:49,618 --> 00:15:50,981
Where did you get that sticker?
438
00:15:51,006 --> 00:15:53,680
Oh, uh... I found it on the ground.
439
00:15:53,705 --> 00:15:55,221
That is sticker fraud!
440
00:15:55,223 --> 00:15:56,844
You're admitting to sticker fraud!
441
00:15:56,869 --> 00:15:58,059
That's a federal offense!
442
00:15:58,084 --> 00:15:59,717
John, call 9-1-1.
443
00:15:59,742 --> 00:16:00,669
No, Dad, don't!
444
00:16:00,694 --> 00:16:02,506
I... look, I'm sorry.
445
00:16:02,531 --> 00:16:03,730
Please...
446
00:16:03,914 --> 00:16:05,703
Just let me vote, okay?
447
00:16:06,474 --> 00:16:07,570
I want this.
448
00:16:07,745 --> 00:16:09,345
I-I need this.
449
00:16:09,624 --> 00:16:12,405
I will only be five seconds, I swear.
450
00:16:12,407 --> 00:16:14,641
Wow, this is like
I'm losing my virginity.
451
00:16:17,245 --> 00:16:19,769
All right, don't go all
crazy with your John Hancock.
452
00:16:19,794 --> 00:16:21,227
My log is tight.
453
00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:24,951
Okay, let's do this.
454
00:16:25,314 --> 00:16:28,188
It's time to make a difference.
455
00:16:28,356 --> 00:16:31,030
Dad, what the hell is a comptroller?!
456
00:16:31,159 --> 00:16:33,293
Oh, nobody knows.
457
00:16:34,145 --> 00:16:35,804
Don't get caught up in the minutiae.
458
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:38,229
Voting is about feeling
part of something,
459
00:16:38,333 --> 00:16:40,104
not knowing stuff.
460
00:16:42,299 --> 00:16:43,387
Okay.
461
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:46,477
(to "Ride of the Valkyries"):
Yes, yes, yes, yes
462
00:16:46,502 --> 00:16:48,507
No, yes, no, yes
463
00:16:48,532 --> 00:16:50,891
No, yes, no, yes, no, yes...
464
00:16:50,916 --> 00:16:53,983
Oh, I need another
one, I made a mistake.
465
00:16:59,425 --> 00:17:00,730
The Internet is pretty convinced
466
00:17:00,755 --> 00:17:02,862
that my fianc?e has anaplasmosis,
467
00:17:02,887 --> 00:17:04,590
which, if that gets
airborne, it's going to turn
468
00:17:04,615 --> 00:17:06,611
this whole damn town
into the Talking Dead.
469
00:17:06,945 --> 00:17:08,904
_
470
00:17:09,313 --> 00:17:11,180
Baby, look what just came in the mail!
471
00:17:11,182 --> 00:17:12,590
Our first bill as a couple
472
00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:13,948
Aww.
473
00:17:14,085 --> 00:17:15,679
Ha, and to think, before
we moved in together
474
00:17:15,704 --> 00:17:17,052
I used to just throw these in the trash.
475
00:17:17,054 --> 00:17:18,164
Aw...
476
00:17:18,189 --> 00:17:19,354
(giggles)
477
00:17:20,391 --> 00:17:22,369
(groans) You okay?
478
00:17:22,572 --> 00:17:24,477
Yeah, just a little...
479
00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:25,452
- Yeah.
- Okay.
480
00:17:25,484 --> 00:17:27,354
- Oh!
- Whoa! That didn't seem little.
481
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:28,890
You want to, like, call the doctor or...
482
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,658
No, I am fine.
483
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:31,626
Now where were we?
484
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:34,158
- Being all sexy time up here.
- Mm-hmm.
485
00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:36,271
- Mmm.
- Oh!
486
00:17:36,273 --> 00:17:37,139
- (groans)
- Oh...
487
00:17:38,335 --> 00:17:40,192
- (groans)
- Oh, no...
488
00:17:43,481 --> 00:17:45,526
Um, excuse me, is there any way
489
00:17:45,551 --> 00:17:47,070
that we could get in to
see a doctor right away?
490
00:17:47,095 --> 00:17:48,894
Because the Internet is pretty convinced
491
00:17:48,919 --> 00:17:51,003
that my fianc?e has anaplasmosis,
492
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,320
which, if that gets airborne,
493
00:17:52,345 --> 00:17:53,650
it's going to turn this whole damn town
494
00:17:53,675 --> 00:17:54,874
into the Talking Dead.
495
00:17:56,532 --> 00:18:00,004
"Cramping, bloating,
sharp abdominal pain."
496
00:18:00,029 --> 00:18:01,777
How long has this been going on?
497
00:18:01,802 --> 00:18:03,332
Uh, one week?
498
00:18:03,357 --> 00:18:05,169
This has been happening
since we moved in?
499
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,736
Aw...
500
00:18:07,738 --> 00:18:09,386
(quietly): We see this all the time.
501
00:18:09,411 --> 00:18:10,803
A couple moves in together
502
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:12,949
and they try to keep
some things a mystery.
503
00:18:12,974 --> 00:18:15,210
But there is no mystery about it.
504
00:18:15,212 --> 00:18:17,853
All women must poop.
505
00:18:19,691 --> 00:18:21,896
I-I don't think that's what it is.
506
00:18:21,921 --> 00:18:22,693
Ma'am?
507
00:18:22,718 --> 00:18:23,886
Have you made a bowel movement
508
00:18:23,911 --> 00:18:25,732
since you two started cohabitating?
509
00:18:25,757 --> 00:18:28,712
(laughing): Yes... like, that's crazy.
510
00:18:28,737 --> 00:18:30,039
Like, of course!
511
00:18:30,064 --> 00:18:32,097
Yes, tons!
512
00:18:32,563 --> 00:18:34,373
You're impacted, all right.
513
00:18:34,398 --> 00:18:35,630
That's disgusting.
514
00:18:35,858 --> 00:18:36,728
I'm glad I'm not you.
515
00:18:36,753 --> 00:18:39,784
We'll prescribe you something
to get things moving again.
516
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,259
Go home.
517
00:18:46,998 --> 00:18:49,212
Well, it's just I love you.
518
00:18:49,574 --> 00:18:52,481
And I want you to be
attracted to me forever.
519
00:18:52,804 --> 00:18:54,138
And that's why you haven't...
520
00:18:54,163 --> 00:18:55,294
Made a big job?
521
00:18:55,864 --> 00:18:57,119
Yup.
522
00:18:57,121 --> 00:18:58,375
I can't go when you're home.
523
00:18:58,400 --> 00:18:59,803
And you work from home.
524
00:18:59,828 --> 00:19:00,889
Just go at work.
525
00:19:01,290 --> 00:19:03,302
Ew! Nobody goes at work.
526
00:19:03,327 --> 00:19:04,878
You hear that, Brad?
527
00:19:06,659 --> 00:19:07,927
I can only go at home.
528
00:19:07,952 --> 00:19:09,298
And since we moved in together,
529
00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:11,079
I can't seem to go there, either.
530
00:19:11,228 --> 00:19:12,668
- Okay.
- (sighs)
531
00:19:13,867 --> 00:19:15,337
You call it a big job?
532
00:19:16,290 --> 00:19:17,356
You don't?
533
00:19:17,779 --> 00:19:19,012
No...
534
00:19:22,921 --> 00:19:24,022
Good news!
535
00:19:24,024 --> 00:19:25,441
You don't have to worry
about me running off
536
00:19:25,466 --> 00:19:27,002
with that cute pharmacist.
537
00:19:27,027 --> 00:19:29,194
He doesn't seem to be into me anymore.
538
00:19:30,802 --> 00:19:32,030
What the...?
539
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:41,272
Babe?
540
00:19:42,084 --> 00:19:44,322
Wha... what is all this?
541
00:19:46,957 --> 00:19:48,880
I asked you to marry
me because I love you.
542
00:19:50,609 --> 00:19:53,284
You don't have to hide any
part of yourself from me.
543
00:19:53,631 --> 00:19:54,471
What I'm saying is...
544
00:19:54,496 --> 00:19:56,563
I don't love you for what you don't do,
545
00:19:57,130 --> 00:19:59,057
I love you for what you do do.
546
00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:02,632
I worked on that last
line for quite a while.
547
00:20:03,142 --> 00:20:04,608
Aww...
548
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,050
You're going to need more candles.
549
00:20:07,075 --> 00:20:08,233
Shh.
550
00:20:08,892 --> 00:20:10,502
Just swallow that pill
551
00:20:11,070 --> 00:20:12,829
and know that no matter what happens,
552
00:20:12,854 --> 00:20:15,214
you're still going to be
the sexiest woman I know.
553
00:20:15,549 --> 00:20:17,052
The pill doesn't go in my mouth.
554
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:20,745
(strained): That's fine.
555
00:20:21,697 --> 00:20:23,111
All right.
556
00:20:24,384 --> 00:20:26,823
The biggest job in your
life is waiting for you.
557
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,921
Let's get in there and get to work!
558
00:20:32,292 --> 00:20:33,324
My hero.
559
00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:38,968
COLLEEN: But I think
you're going too far
560
00:20:38,993 --> 00:20:40,691
to prove you're comfortable with me.
561
00:20:40,765 --> 00:20:41,920
MATT: Yeah, maybe
I'll just wait outside.
562
00:20:41,945 --> 00:20:42,889
COLLEEN: Good idea.
563
00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:47,326
Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -
564
00:20:47,376 --> 00:20:51,926
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