All language subtitles for Letterkenny s05e02 The Ol College Try.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:12,550 You're�having�a�conversation about�your�pal's�second�cousin. 2 00:00:12,583 --> 00:00:13,573 The�other�day... 3 00:00:13,607 --> 00:00:15,712 Who,�Jarret? No,�Garrets. 4 00:00:15,745 --> 00:00:16,510 He's�a�good�guy. 5 00:00:16,545 --> 00:00:17,840 He�took�me�to�the�movies in�grade�six, 6 00:00:17,874 --> 00:00:19,214 and�he�wouldn't hold�my�hand. 7 00:00:19,248 --> 00:00:20,543 A�young�man's�hands can�get�sweaty 8 00:00:20,577 --> 00:00:21,577 in�that�sort�of�situation. 9 00:00:21,611 --> 00:00:24,011 Then�put�your�arm�around�me, what's�the�problem? 10 00:00:24,044 --> 00:00:26,949 Anywho,�Garrett's�movings�down to�Los�Angeles 11 00:00:26,982 --> 00:00:27,982 to�try�to�be�an�actors. 12 00:00:28,016 --> 00:00:28,951 He's�winning�for the�weather�alone. 13 00:00:28,986 --> 00:00:31,783 Negative. �lt�shouldn't be�warm�all�the�time. 14 00:00:31,816 --> 00:00:33,614 Four�seasons�helps keep�a�man�regular. 15 00:00:33,647 --> 00:00:35,222 Like�a�bowl�of�brans in�the�mornin'. 16 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:37,880 Huh. 17 00:00:37,914 --> 00:00:39,454 Garrett's�moving�down�to�LA 18 00:00:39,488 --> 00:00:41,583 to�be�an�actor. 19 00:00:41,617 --> 00:00:43,487 Isn't�that�something you�just�kind�of�are? 20 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:44,780 It's�not�as�if�a�librarian 21 00:00:44,814 --> 00:00:48,024 can�just�call�themselves a�librarian�without collecting�a�paycheck. 22 00:00:48,057 --> 00:00:48,822 They�got�to�work. 23 00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,656 That's�correct,�Ms. �Katys. 24 00:00:50,690 --> 00:00:51,755 So�Garrett�is�moving�down to�Los�Angeles 25 00:00:51,789 --> 00:00:54,924 to�try�to�earn�a�livings as�an�actor. 26 00:00:54,957 --> 00:00:56,557 Can�you�do�that? Do�whats? 27 00:00:57,355 --> 00:00:58,955 Well,�earn�a�living as�an�actor. 28 00:00:58,989 --> 00:01:01,354 That's�a�thing? Sure�it�is. 29 00:01:01,622 --> 00:01:04,292 So,�you�can�earn�a�living as�an�actor,�you�say? 30 00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,430 Yeah. �How�do�you�think�Brad�Pitt bought�all�those�paintings 31 00:01:06,464 --> 00:01:07,994 and�became�so�passionates about�architecture? 32 00:01:08,028 --> 00:01:12,028 I�would�smash�that�dude with�a�category�five�hurricane ��off�the�coast. 33 00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:14,965 Huh,�Garrett's�going to�LA�to�make�a�living as�an�actor? 34 00:01:15,232 --> 00:01:16,032 What�a�time�to�be�alive. 35 00:01:18,430 --> 00:01:20,830 LA�people�should shut�the�fuck�up. They�eat�tacos. 36 00:01:20,863 --> 00:01:23,228 What's�this? What,�you've�never met�one�before? 37 00:01:23,261 --> 00:01:24,261 That's�all�they fuckin'�talk�about. 38 00:01:24,296 --> 00:01:26,166 "Hey,�you�like�tacos? Let's�get�some�tacos. 39 00:01:26,199 --> 00:01:26,929 "You�know�who's�got�great�tacos? 40 00:01:26,964 --> 00:01:28,834 "Well,�these�guys�have the�best�tacos. 41 00:01:28,867 --> 00:01:29,514 "You�like�tacos,�right? 42 00:01:29,549 --> 00:01:30,525 "Tacos,�tacos,�tacos. 43 00:01:30,559 --> 00:01:32,266 "Venice�Beach�tacos." 44 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,970 It's�fuckin'�fish�steak or�carnitas ����wrapped�in�tortitas. 45 00:01:35,003 --> 00:01:36,003 How�good�can�it�fucking�be? 46 00:01:36,037 --> 00:01:37,602 He's�right. There! 47 00:01:37,636 --> 00:01:39,506 LA�people�should �����shut�the�fuck�up about�hiking,�too. 48 00:01:39,765 --> 00:01:40,530 What's�this? 49 00:01:40,564 --> 00:01:41,904 What,�you�never�met one�of�them�before? 50 00:01:41,938 --> 00:01:43,198 It's�all�they fuckin'�talk�about. 51 00:01:43,232 --> 00:01:44,302 "Have�you�ever�been�on this�hike�before? 52 00:01:44,336 --> 00:01:45,901 "This�is�the�best�hike I've�ever�been�on�before. 53 00:01:45,935 --> 00:01:46,935 "Hiking,�hiking,�hiking. 54 00:01:46,969 --> 00:01:48,804 "Runyon�Canyon. Hiking,�hiking,�hiking." 55 00:01:48,838 --> 00:01:50,168 Just�an�asshole's�word for�"walkin'." 56 00:01:50,202 --> 00:01:51,202 I�wasn't�born�yesterday. 57 00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:53,071 It's�all�tacos�and�hikes, hikes�and�tacos. 58 00:01:53,105 --> 00:01:54,975 Why�don't�you�ever�hike while�you�have�a�taco, you�fuckin'�asshole? 59 00:01:55,008 --> 00:01:57,903 But�how�are�youse�to�know that�hikings�and�tacos aren't�better�in�LA? 60 00:01:57,936 --> 00:01:58,971 They�are. 61 00:01:59,006 --> 00:02:00,006 Aren't�they? 62 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,145 Everything's�better�in�"LA". 63 00:02:02,178 --> 00:02:03,243 Says�who? People�in�LA. 64 00:02:03,277 --> 00:02:05,107 Yeah,�didn't�you never�not�notice 65 00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:07,211 that�people�from�up�here go�down�to�LA, 66 00:02:07,245 --> 00:02:09,915 and�then�they�come�back up�here�calling�it,�"LA"? 67 00:02:09,948 --> 00:02:10,595 Is�that�what�they�do? 68 00:02:10,629 --> 00:02:12,277 LA. 69 00:02:12,311 --> 00:02:14,446 Thank�you. �LA. 70 00:02:14,479 --> 00:02:16,814 And�everything's�better�in�"LA"? 71 00:02:16,848 --> 00:02:18,978 What,�you�never�met �����one�of�them�before? That's�all�they�talk�about. 72 00:02:19,246 --> 00:02:21,611 What,�you've never�even�been�to�LA? 73 00:02:21,644 --> 00:02:24,314 You�have�to�come�to�LA, you'll�love�LA. 74 00:02:24,347 --> 00:02:27,477 LA,�LA.�Toyota�Hybrid fucking�cars. �LA. 75 00:02:27,510 --> 00:02:29,085 Oh,�yeah,�you�think you�know�tacos,�eh? 76 00:02:29,119 --> 00:02:30,449 I'll�tell�you, ������you're�some�kind�of fucking�asshole 77 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:33,353 if�you�think�you�know�tacos, you�never�had�a�taco�in�"LA". 78 00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:34,681 Think�you�know�hiking? 79 00:02:34,715 --> 00:02:36,315 You've�never�seen�a�hike�until you've�had�a�hike�in�"LA". 80 00:02:36,349 --> 00:02:39,524 Ugh, I�hate�the�weather�up�here 81 00:02:39,556 --> 00:02:41,086 it's�so�much�warmer�in�LA. 82 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,590 Oh,�yeah, �didn't�you�not�know it�gets�just�as�cold�in�"LA"? 83 00:02:44,623 --> 00:02:46,153 It's�just�different kind�of�cold�in�"LA". 84 00:02:46,186 --> 00:02:47,221 It's�a�desert,�you�know? 85 00:02:47,256 --> 00:02:48,586 Pull�your�finger out�of�your�ass. 86 00:02:48,854 --> 00:02:50,184 That's�exactly�what�I�says, "Pull�your�finger �����out�of�your�ass." 87 00:02:50,453 --> 00:02:53,618 Now,�hold�your�horses�here. 88 00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:56,321 Who's�do�youse�knows that's�ever�beens�to�LA? 89 00:03:00,056 --> 00:03:01,891 What's�this�about�LA? 90 00:03:12,327 --> 00:03:13,892 Whose�crib�is�it�anyways? 91 00:03:13,926 --> 00:03:15,261 I�dealt,�my�crib. 92 00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:16,030 I�loves�cribbage. 93 00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:17,925 Run�of�three, that's�it�for�me. 94 00:03:19,262 --> 00:03:21,662 Run�of�four, I'm�out�the�door. 95 00:03:21,931 --> 00:03:22,966 Uh,�fifteen-two, 96 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,060 double�on�the�eight�for�ten, 97 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:25,894 and�jack�of�suits for�elevens, 98 00:03:25,928 --> 00:03:28,068 which�is�a�pretty�hard�numbers to�rhymes�with. 99 00:03:33,132 --> 00:03:34,167 Ooh! 100 00:03:34,202 --> 00:03:36,872 What's�we�gettin' ����all�dressed�up�for, Mr. �Saturday�Nights? 101 00:03:36,905 --> 00:03:38,200 Are�you�sure�you're not�tryin'�too�hard, 102 00:03:38,234 --> 00:03:39,504 with�that�button�done�up�there? 103 00:03:39,538 --> 00:03:42,738 Now,�youse�know ������Tanis�and�I�are�givin'�it the�ol'�college�try. 104 00:03:42,770 --> 00:03:43,817 You�know,�I�get ending�things�with�Rosie 105 00:03:43,852 --> 00:03:46,205 because�you�have�feelings for�another�woman... 106 00:03:46,238 --> 00:03:47,803 She�reads�too�much. She�up�to�somethin'. 107 00:03:47,837 --> 00:03:50,202 and�I�back�that. Thank�you,�Katy. 108 00:03:50,235 --> 00:03:51,000 But... 109 00:03:52,069 --> 00:03:54,209 don't�you�think Tanis�is�a�little... 110 00:03:54,242 --> 00:03:55,159 rough�around�the�edges? 111 00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:56,299 How�do�you�mean? 112 00:03:56,334 --> 00:03:59,511 Isn't�her,�uh,�soil�a�bit�rocky? 113 00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:02,213 Isn't�her�grain�a�little�bit rough�for�the�lays? 114 00:04:02,246 --> 00:04:03,236 Well... 115 00:04:03,271 --> 00:04:05,941 only�one�way�to�find�out, super�chieftains. 116 00:04:11,814 --> 00:04:13,414 So�many�off-season reps,�buddy. 117 00:04:13,448 --> 00:04:14,978 So�many�preseason reps,�buddy. 118 00:04:15,012 --> 00:04:16,082 Say�no�to�the�juice. 119 00:04:16,116 --> 00:04:17,106 Ain't�fucking�baseball,�buddy. 120 00:04:17,141 --> 00:04:18,446 We�dug�deep. Buried�down. 121 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:19,280 Time�to�show�the�boys some�gains. 122 00:04:19,549 --> 00:04:21,679 Coach's�gonna�flip when�he�sees�these�gains. 123 00:04:21,947 --> 00:04:23,512 Gain�Gretzky. Gain�"The�Rock"�Johnson. 124 00:04:23,546 --> 00:04:25,983 Shania�Gain. Gains,�Trains and�Automobiles. 125 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,884 Let's�show�these�boys�that legends�walk�amongst�them. 126 00:04:29,152 --> 00:04:30,212 Hashtag,�legend-life. 127 00:04:37,146 --> 00:04:38,981 You�guys�wanna�go�back�out and�try�that�again? 128 00:04:39,015 --> 00:04:42,225 Maybe�it's�the�lighting�in�here, but�I'm�not�seeing�any�gains. 129 00:04:42,257 --> 00:04:43,517 But... 130 00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:45,151 Doesn't�matter. Team�folded. 131 00:04:45,950 --> 00:04:46,490 Why? 132 00:04:46,749 --> 00:04:48,584 There's�not�enough�bodies. Why? 133 00:04:48,618 --> 00:04:51,558 'Cause�it's�Senior�A whales-shit�hockey! 134 00:04:53,424 --> 00:04:55,294 The�way�I�see�it, you�got�three�options. 135 00:04:56,352 --> 00:04:58,187 You�can�go�to�the�next�town and�play�for�them. 136 00:04:58,221 --> 00:05:01,161 Travel�for whale�shit? 137 00:05:01,194 --> 00:05:03,029 Gains�for�whale�shit was�even�a�stretch. 138 00:05:03,062 --> 00:05:04,592 You�didn't�get�gains. 139 00:05:04,626 --> 00:05:07,556 Traveling�for�whale�shit, that's�a�stretch�too�far. 140 00:05:07,589 --> 00:05:09,929 Hang�'em�up. 141 00:05:09,962 --> 00:05:11,832 Well,�there's�good�rubber left�in�these�wheels, �������though,�boys. 142 00:05:11,866 --> 00:05:14,231 Let's�do�power�skating,�bro. Oh,�good�call,�bro. 143 00:05:15,828 --> 00:05:18,498 Join�a�championship�team right�here�in�Letterkenny... 144 00:05:19,296 --> 00:05:20,366 Hmm. 145 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:21,660 as�coaches... 146 00:05:21,694 --> 00:05:23,564 with�me. 147 00:05:23,597 --> 00:05:24,857 Oh. 148 00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:27,032 Team's�already�won back-to-back�ships. 149 00:05:29,168 --> 00:05:30,768 We've�actually�never won�a�ship,�buddy. 150 00:05:30,802 --> 00:05:35,037 On�track�to�win back-to-back-to-back�boats. 151 00:05:35,304 --> 00:05:37,164 Love�to�win a�boat,�buddy. Yeah,�buddy. 152 00:05:37,198 --> 00:05:37,850 Then�come�on, 153 00:05:37,884 --> 00:05:40,102 let's�win�a�fuckin'�sea�liner. 154 00:05:40,370 --> 00:05:42,240 Let's�win a�Great�Lakes�freighter. 155 00:05:42,274 --> 00:05:42,921 Let's�win�a�cable�ferry. 156 00:05:42,955 --> 00:05:44,603 Let's�win�a�cabin�cruiser. 157 00:05:44,637 --> 00:05:46,202 Let's�win�a�Boston�whaler. 158 00:05:46,236 --> 00:05:47,836 Let's�win a�recreational�trawler. 159 00:05:47,870 --> 00:05:49,670 Let's�win�a�paddle�steamer! 160 00:05:49,704 --> 00:05:51,304 Let's�win�a�pleasure�barge. 161 00:05:51,337 --> 00:05:51,989 Let's�win�an�outrigger. 162 00:05:52,024 --> 00:05:54,737 Let's�win�a�freshwater�vessel! 163 00:05:54,770 --> 00:05:56,370 Let's�win�a�naval�drifter. 164 00:05:56,404 --> 00:05:57,186 Let's�win�a�water�Rambo! 165 00:05:57,220 --> 00:05:58,799 Let's�win�a�landing�craft! 166 00:05:58,833 --> 00:06:02,507 Let's�win�a�saltwater�lugger! 167 00:06:02,774 --> 00:06:04,339 Let's�win�a�sea�tugger! 168 00:06:04,373 --> 00:06:08,373 Let's�win a�luxury-fuckin'- yacht! 169 00:06:08,405 --> 00:06:09,440 Let's�go! 170 00:06:09,709 --> 00:06:12,649 Yeah! 171 00:06:13,177 --> 00:06:14,472 Wait! 172 00:06:14,506 --> 00:06:16,646 You're�gonna�need an�ice-breaker. 173 00:06:23,849 --> 00:06:25,944 Tanis,�how�are�you�now? 174 00:06:28,116 --> 00:06:29,151 What? 175 00:06:29,185 --> 00:06:30,245 What... What? 176 00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:32,619 The�actual�fuck�was�that? 177 00:06:32,652 --> 00:06:33,982 What? Well,�you're�standing, 178 00:06:34,016 --> 00:06:37,181 breathing,�and�smoking, so�the�other�thing, 179 00:06:37,979 --> 00:06:38,649 The�spitting? 180 00:06:38,683 --> 00:06:41,953 Some�barefaced, uncultivated�version of�it,�yes. 181 00:06:41,986 --> 00:06:43,586 What,�you�never�seen someone�spit�before? 182 00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:47,055 Yes,�an�inexcusably�obese�man in�the�batter's�box 183 00:06:47,087 --> 00:06:47,817 at�a�Blue�Jays�game. 184 00:06:47,851 --> 00:06:49,451 But�you�never�seen a�girl�spit�before. 185 00:06:49,485 --> 00:06:54,225 Yes,�a�six-year-old,�after consuming�an�insect �in�her�ice-cream�cone. 186 00:06:54,257 --> 00:06:55,857 But�you�don't�think girls�should�spit. 187 00:06:55,891 --> 00:06:56,891 I�don't�say�what�girls should�do. 188 00:06:56,925 --> 00:07:00,125 But�you�don't�like�it when�girls�spit. 189 00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:03,063 Preferably�not�within my�line�of�sight,�earshot, 190 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:04,920 and�in�a�perfect�world,�ever. 191 00:07:09,726 --> 00:07:11,866 You�hungry? Am�I�hungry? 192 00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,194 Yeah,�that's�what�I�said. 193 00:07:13,463 --> 00:07:16,663 I'm�immediately�concerned that�sensation�may�never �reestablish�itself, 194 00:07:16,696 --> 00:07:17,956 but�what�a�ride�it's�been. 195 00:07:17,990 --> 00:07:18,795 Oh,�don't�be�so�dramatic. 196 00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:20,624 What�is�this,�the�1950s? 197 00:07:20,658 --> 00:07:23,328 You�want�me�to�go�borrow an�ankle-length�skirt from�my�auntie? 198 00:07:25,464 --> 00:07:26,534 Come�on. I�cooked�for�you. 199 00:07:26,793 --> 00:07:27,863 Let's�go. 200 00:07:35,067 --> 00:07:36,937 Come�on. 201 00:07:37,196 --> 00:07:39,606 He�was�supposed�to�be�here over�an�hour�ago. �Try�him�again. 202 00:07:39,639 --> 00:07:40,899 Stewart,�I�just�tried�him. 203 00:07:40,933 --> 00:07:42,803 And? Straight�to�voicemail. 204 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,402 Aggravating. Stewart! 205 00:07:44,435 --> 00:07:46,765 Agitating. Stewart! 206 00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:47,869 Alarming. Stewart. 207 00:07:49,207 --> 00:07:50,007 Roald. 208 00:07:50,806 --> 00:07:52,136 I�think... 209 00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:53,475 I�may�have�a�problem. 210 00:07:53,509 --> 00:07:54,769 No. �No! 211 00:07:54,803 --> 00:07:55,738 I'm�in�over�my�head! We�all�want�it. 212 00:07:55,772 --> 00:07:58,237 I�have�no�control! We�all�need�it! 213 00:07:58,270 --> 00:07:59,340 Then�where�is�it? 214 00:07:59,375 --> 00:08:00,410 Right�here. 215 00:08:02,008 --> 00:08:04,903 Get�it�out! Give�it�to�me. 216 00:08:04,936 --> 00:08:06,806 I've�got�it! lt's�all�right�here. 217 00:08:07,873 --> 00:08:09,438 But�you�guys�got�meth,�right? 218 00:08:09,472 --> 00:08:11,037 Yes. �Yes,�yes,�yes. 219 00:08:11,071 --> 00:08:12,141 The�drugs�are all�over�there. 220 00:08:12,175 --> 00:08:15,080 Just�bring�me�that�computer and�get�us�to�the�Dark�Web. 221 00:08:15,113 --> 00:08:18,243 First�the�meth, then�the�Dark�Web. 222 00:08:18,276 --> 00:08:20,416 Roald. You�want�some,�too? 223 00:08:20,449 --> 00:08:21,474 I'm�good. 224 00:08:23,082 --> 00:08:26,012 Bring�me�the�Dark�Web over�to�my�stand-up�desk. 225 00:08:28,149 --> 00:08:29,714 Why�do�you�have a�stand-up�desk? 226 00:08:29,748 --> 00:08:32,148 Because�sitting�is quietly�murdering�you. 227 00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:37,214 Actually,�yes,�Roald,�I... I�will�have�some�meth. 228 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,089 And�here�we�are. 229 00:08:43,348 --> 00:08:44,913 The�Dark�Web. 230 00:08:44,947 --> 00:08:46,782 Why�do�you�guys�crave the�Dark�Web�so�much? 231 00:08:46,815 --> 00:08:48,120 Because�the�Dark�Web is�exclusive. 232 00:08:48,154 --> 00:08:49,754 The�Dark�Web is�only�accessible 233 00:08:50,023 --> 00:08:50,823 using�special�software, 234 00:08:50,857 --> 00:08:53,717 users�remain�untraceable 235 00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,360 and�anonymous on�the�Dark�Web. 236 00:08:55,394 --> 00:08:56,441 You�can�hire�a�hitman on�the�Dark�Web. 237 00:08:56,475 --> 00:08:59,053 Purchase�illegal�contraband on�the�Dark�Web. 238 00:08:59,086 --> 00:09:00,921 Sell�illegal�contraband on�the�Dark�Web. 239 00:09:00,955 --> 00:09:02,520 Or�you�could�join a�rebel�army. 240 00:09:02,554 --> 00:09:04,694 Or�you�could�build�a�bomb for�your�own�rebel�army �������on�the�Dark�Web. 241 00:09:04,727 --> 00:09:09,232 The�thrill�of�having all�of�that�at�your�fingertips �is�so... metal! 242 00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:11,093 What's�on�the�menu�today,�chef? 243 00:09:11,128 --> 00:09:12,578 I�left�a�tab�open for�you�guys. 244 00:09:12,612 --> 00:09:13,989 Something�I�thought you'd�dig. 245 00:09:16,694 --> 00:09:18,564 It's�funny,�the�way you�last�liked�that , like the�Dark�Web�site�was�food. 246 00:09:18,832 --> 00:09:20,162 'Cause... 247 00:09:20,691 --> 00:09:22,831 "How�to�cook�human�meat!" 248 00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:25,733 Oh,�fuck! 249 00:09:25,767 --> 00:09:27,062 These�Hard�Right�mutts�again. 250 00:09:27,096 --> 00:09:27,861 I�don't�like�these�mutts. 251 00:09:27,896 --> 00:09:30,036 We�could�ignore ��������the�call. Oh,�Stewart! 252 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,329 Let's�ignore�the�call. 253 00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:33,198 But�how�are�we�gonna �find�cool�new�things to�do�on�the�Dark�Web, 254 00:09:33,232 --> 00:09:35,632 unless�we�make �������cool�new�pals on�the�Dark�Web. 255 00:09:35,665 --> 00:09:36,430 Fine, 256 00:09:36,699 --> 00:09:38,569 anything�to�keep the�Dark�Web�sustainable. 257 00:09:39,637 --> 00:09:40,437 But�we�should�sit�for�this. 258 00:09:56,175 --> 00:09:57,235 What�are�you�doing? 259 00:09:59,373 --> 00:10:00,973 What? 260 00:10:01,241 --> 00:10:03,111 Well,�you're�sitting,�breathing, and�taking�your�boots�off, 261 00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,135 so,�the�other�thing. 262 00:10:04,169 --> 00:10:07,109 To�borrow�a�phrase�from my�stance�on�social�media, 263 00:10:07,637 --> 00:10:08,442 I�don't�follow. 264 00:10:08,476 --> 00:10:09,741 Crossing�your�legs. 265 00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:12,175 Yeah,�for�a�hot�second, to�take�my�boots�off. 266 00:10:12,443 --> 00:10:14,313 Boots�or�no�boots, �don't�you�think�it's a�little�fruity�loops 267 00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:15,382 for�a�man�to�be sitting�like�that? 268 00:10:15,416 --> 00:10:16,946 On�the�contrary, 269 00:10:16,980 --> 00:10:20,710 I'm�sitting�like�this�because the�less�bending�over �a�man�does,�the�better. 270 00:10:20,742 --> 00:10:21,742 Hmm. 271 00:10:21,777 --> 00:10:23,342 Sounds�homophobic�to�me. 272 00:10:23,375 --> 00:10:25,245 Sounds�chiropractic�to�me. 273 00:10:25,279 --> 00:10:27,349 Hmm. �Just�checking. 274 00:10:27,382 --> 00:10:28,407 I�swing�both�ways,�you�know? 275 00:10:28,442 --> 00:10:30,052 So,�if�you�ever�wanted to�invite�a�girl�over... 276 00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:32,180 or�a�guy... 277 00:10:34,048 --> 00:10:36,448 Are�we�gonna�have a�problem�here,�Tanis? 278 00:10:38,045 --> 00:10:40,985 Let's�just�stop�talking, food's�ready. �Come,�eat. 279 00:10:52,984 --> 00:10:56,194 What's�on�the�Dark�Web�menu today,�gentlemen? 280 00:10:56,451 --> 00:10:58,286 Funny�you put�it�like�that�'cause... 281 00:10:58,320 --> 00:10:59,790 We�were�about�to�enjoy some�Dark�Web�literature 282 00:10:59,824 --> 00:11:03,129 about�how�to�cook human�meat�until... 283 00:11:03,926 --> 00:11:05,491 our�friend�called. 284 00:11:05,525 --> 00:11:09,265 Hmm. �13%�of�human�beings are�can? 285 00:11:10,062 --> 00:11:11,087 13%�sounds�right. 286 00:11:11,121 --> 00:11:12,456 Wrong!�That's�what they�want�you�to�think. 287 00:11:12,490 --> 00:11:15,275 The�truth,�100% of�human�beings�. 288 00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:19,128 The... �The�ones on�Earth,�anyway. 289 00:11:20,724 --> 00:11:22,334 How�do�you know�that? 290 00:11:22,368 --> 00:11:23,358 How�do�I�know�that? 291 00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:25,532 Ha!�Well, let's�rewind�the�clock. 292 00:11:25,565 --> 00:11:26,612 1840,�lreland, 293 00:11:26,647 --> 00:11:28,695 the�potato�famine�forces 294 00:11:28,728 --> 00:11:31,938 thousands�of�those�godless, heathen�bogtrotters 295 00:11:32,196 --> 00:11:33,796 to�migrate�to�North�America. 296 00:11:34,064 --> 00:11:36,699 No�potatoes,�you�say! 297 00:11:36,732 --> 00:11:40,472 Well,�then�what�did �those�paddy-t ? 298 00:11:41,529 --> 00:11:42,999 Fast-forward,�1955, Des�Plaines,�lllinois, 299 00:11:43,033 --> 00:11:47,373 McDonald's�restaurants opened�their�first�location. 300 00:11:47,405 --> 00:11:50,075 Not�a�single�cow�was photographed�that�day, 301 00:11:50,108 --> 00:11:52,743 and�yet�they're serving�burgers?�Gotcha. 302 00:11:52,776 --> 00:11:53,823 Now�McDonald's�openly... 303 00:11:55,669 --> 00:12:00,209 Openly�boasts over�999�billion�served. 304 00:12:01,274 --> 00:12:05,004 Fast-forward,�2016,�Donald�Trump , 305 00:12:05,272 --> 00:12:09,012 inherits�the�highest�percentage s 306 00:12:09,044 --> 00:12:11,139 in�the�world. 307 00:12:11,407 --> 00:12:14,077 The�left-wing,�fake�news, pinko�media 308 00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:15,380 wants�you�to�think�that�he�spent 309 00:12:15,414 --> 00:12:18,074 16�of�his�first�100�days in�office�golfing. 310 00:12:18,107 --> 00:12:20,177 Wrong. �Wrong! 311 00:12:20,211 --> 00:12:23,151 Donald�J.�Trump�spent�16 of�his�first�100�days, 312 00:12:23,184 --> 00:12:25,279 as�President�of the�United�States, 313 00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:26,312 Commander-in-Chief, 314 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,711 leader�of�the�goddamned free�world, 315 00:12:28,745 --> 00:12:31,955 getting�that�per�capita percentage�of�cannibals 316 00:12:31,987 --> 00:12:34,882 down�from�100�to... �Everett? 317 00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:36,985 Uh... �13%? 318 00:12:37,019 --> 00:12:38,619 That's�right. �Do�the�math. 319 00:12:40,216 --> 00:12:42,616 No,�no,�actually�do... Actually�do�the�math. 320 00:12:42,884 --> 00:12:44,214 Do�the�meth? 321 00:12:44,248 --> 00:12:45,283 We�did�the�meth. 322 00:12:46,881 --> 00:12:50,856 Listen,�uh,�friend. 323 00:12:50,889 --> 00:12:53,254 We've�been�listening�to�you ramble�for�an�hour. 324 00:12:53,287 --> 00:12:56,722 We�only�joined�the�Dark�Web to�see�cool�new�things, 325 00:12:56,754 --> 00:12:58,319 and�join�cool new�movements. 326 00:12:58,353 --> 00:12:59,693 And�make cool�new�pals. 327 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,985 Cool�new�pals,�you�say? 328 00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:06,088 Yes. No. 329 00:13:06,123 --> 00:13:07,123 Stewart. 330 00:13:07,157 --> 00:13:09,827 I�know�how�you�can�make all�the�. 331 00:13:10,095 --> 00:13:11,660 Spare�us�the�hyperbole. 332 00:13:11,693 --> 00:13:13,023 How? 333 00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:14,623 Join�the�Hard�Right! 334 00:13:16,490 --> 00:13:19,430 I�said�that�like�that�was leadin, 335 00:13:19,463 --> 00:13:20,915 but�it's�really�just... Just�joi. 336 00:13:20,949 --> 00:13:23,162 But... 337 00:13:23,195 --> 00:13:25,295 Do�you�like�our�flag? Oh,�you�probably... 338 00:13:26,363 --> 00:13:28,493 couldn't... �Do�you�like�it? 339 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,160 I... �I�designed�it. 340 00:13:37,565 --> 00:13:38,600 Mmm. 341 00:13:38,634 --> 00:13:42,104 Eat�up. �You're�gonna�need fuel�for�later. 342 00:13:47,168 --> 00:13:48,238 What... What? 343 00:13:48,272 --> 00:13:51,132 the�actual�fuck was�that�now? 344 00:13:51,165 --> 00:13:51,975 What�now? 345 00:13:52,234 --> 00:13:54,104 Well,�you're�sitting,�eating, and�breathing, 346 00:13:54,138 --> 00:13:55,443 so,�the�other�thing. 347 00:13:56,501 --> 00:13:58,101 Burping? Yes. 348 00:13:58,135 --> 00:14:00,240 Some�primitive, distressing�version�of�it. 349 00:14:00,508 --> 00:14:02,073 That�was�nothing. Terrific. 350 00:14:02,107 --> 00:14:03,977 You�can�burp,�too. Outstanding. 351 00:14:04,235 --> 00:14:05,845 You�can�fucking�fart, if�you�want. 352 00:14:06,104 --> 00:14:07,174 You�know�why? Because�it's�normal. 353 00:14:07,208 --> 00:14:08,738 But�is�it�fashionable? 354 00:14:08,772 --> 00:14:09,842 It's�becoming... 355 00:14:10,111 --> 00:14:11,136 It's�unbecoming. 356 00:14:11,170 --> 00:14:13,545 Well,�your�boyfriend�Daryl 357 00:14:13,579 --> 00:14:14,909 burps�and�spits. 358 00:14:15,178 --> 00:14:16,243 Dary�also�chases�ducks, 359 00:14:16,277 --> 00:14:18,342 draws�on�the�walls, 360 00:14:18,375 --> 00:14:20,245 and�must�be�told not�to�taste�or�touch 361 00:14:20,279 --> 00:14:21,539 everything�he�sees. 362 00:14:21,573 --> 00:14:22,378 That's�true. 363 00:14:22,412 --> 00:14:23,982 So,�is�it�because�I'm�a�lady? 364 00:14:24,016 --> 00:14:25,041 Who's�a�lady? 365 00:14:26,110 --> 00:14:28,250 So,�what,�you're�saying�that girls�shouldn't�burp,�too? 366 00:14:28,283 --> 00:14:30,343 I�don't�say what�girls�should�do. 367 00:14:30,377 --> 00:14:32,247 Well,�men�shouldn't shackle�women. 368 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:34,385 We�made�Prohibition�happen, watch�your�step. 369 00:14:34,419 --> 00:14:35,949 Already�walkin'�on�eggshells. 370 00:14:35,982 --> 00:14:36,517 Done�your�food? 371 00:14:36,552 --> 00:14:37,867 That�ship's�clear across�the�pond. 372 00:14:37,901 --> 00:14:39,981 Same. �Let's�go�make�a�fire 373 00:14:40,249 --> 00:14:40,914 'cause�it's�a�beautiful fucking�day. 374 00:14:40,949 --> 00:14:43,449 Is�that�what�it�is? What? 375 00:14:43,987 --> 00:14:44,787 Hmm? 376 00:14:46,655 --> 00:14:47,950 Okay,�pheasants. 377 00:14:47,984 --> 00:14:49,819 We�got�bact-to-back-to-back. 378 00:14:49,852 --> 00:14:51,992 Coast�Guard�Zodiacs at�our�fingertips. 379 00:14:52,251 --> 00:14:53,286 But�full�disclosure, 380 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,190 this�team's�got�a�bit�of an�attitude�problem,�all�right? 381 00:14:55,458 --> 00:14:57,823 Little�battle�of�leadership going�on�in�here. 382 00:14:57,857 --> 00:15:00,222 All�right?�Sure,�they�got�their center�console�skiffs, 383 00:15:00,255 --> 00:15:03,195 but�they�went�through�a�lot of�coaches�in�the�process. 384 00:15:03,453 --> 00:15:03,958 Mundane�details,�boys. 385 00:15:03,992 --> 00:15:05,287 We�want a�twin�engine�jet�boat. 386 00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:06,626 We�want�that�cruise�ship. 387 00:15:06,660 --> 00:15:09,590 That's�the�attitude,�pylons. Now�get�in�there. 388 00:15:09,858 --> 00:15:10,658 All�right. 389 00:15:15,194 --> 00:15:16,264 What�the... 390 00:15:17,323 --> 00:15:17,858 What�are�you�two�doing? 391 00:15:17,892 --> 00:15:20,297 Sorry,�boys... �Ladies. 392 00:15:20,330 --> 00:15:21,295 We�didn't�know you�were�ladies,�boys. 393 00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:23,497 Um... �Not�ladyboys. �We�didn't know�you�were�ladies. 394 00:15:23,530 --> 00:15:25,563 Do�you�think�the�door�is�open to�everyone�here? 395 00:15:25,597 --> 00:15:26,662 Just�because�Mary-Anne looks�like�she's�homeless, 396 00:15:26,696 --> 00:15:29,336 doesn't�mean�you�can treat�it�like�a�shelter. 397 00:15:29,369 --> 00:15:30,281 Fuck�you,�Betty-Anne. 398 00:15:30,315 --> 00:15:31,968 But�she's�right. 399 00:15:32,002 --> 00:15:33,332 Door�isn't�open to�everybody�here. 400 00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,471 Just�because�our�mitt�looks like�the�back�of�Christ's�head, 401 00:15:35,504 --> 00:15:37,069 doesn't�mean�you�can�treat it�like�a�church. 402 00:15:37,328 --> 00:15:38,363 Fuck�you,�Mary-Anne. 403 00:15:38,397 --> 00:15:41,337 Your�mitt�looks�like�Babe�Ruth's ball�glove�from�the�dirty�'30s 404 00:15:41,595 --> 00:15:44,265 if�20�more�dudes�spat chewing�tobacco�in�it. 405 00:15:44,298 --> 00:15:45,615 Your�mitt's�actually a�work�of�art,�Betty-Anne. 406 00:15:45,649 --> 00:15:49,307 Like�Salvador�Dali's melting�clocks, 407 00:15:49,339 --> 00:15:52,269 but�instead�of�melting�clocks, it's�melting�salad�bowls 408 00:15:52,302 --> 00:15:53,572 of�off-pink�ice-cream. 409 00:15:53,606 --> 00:15:56,276 Hmm. �I�love�ice-cream, Mary-Anne. 410 00:15:56,309 --> 00:15:57,874 I�love�all�frozen�treats. 411 00:15:58,133 --> 00:16:02,413 Your�mitt�looks�like�I�squeezed a�cherry-red�popsicle�with �a�handful�of�dryer�lint. 412 00:16:02,445 --> 00:16:04,540 Meet�your�new�team,�pheasants. 413 00:16:08,276 --> 00:16:09,346 You�serious�with that�turtleneck? 414 00:16:09,380 --> 00:16:10,945 You�could�lose a�lot�of�heat�in�the�neck, 415 00:16:10,979 --> 00:16:11,979 as�I�like�to�say. 416 00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:12,543 You�mean,�cold? 417 00:16:12,812 --> 00:16:14,107 I�wouldn't�say I'm�hot,�but... 418 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:17,081 Ugh. �Most�men�I�know wouldn't�complain�about something�like�that. 419 00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:22,641 You�see�the�elephant? 420 00:16:22,675 --> 00:16:24,275 You�mean�next�to the�bus�crash? 421 00:16:24,309 --> 00:16:25,344 That's�the�one. Yeah,�I�see�it. 422 00:16:25,378 --> 00:16:26,378 You�wanna�talk�about�it? 423 00:16:26,413 --> 00:16:27,743 Let's�talk�about�it. 424 00:16:28,281 --> 00:16:30,376 A�woman�can�be�what�she�wants. 425 00:16:30,410 --> 00:16:31,750 That�is�so�nice�of�you to�allow�that. 426 00:16:31,784 --> 00:16:33,079 Not�what�I�meant. I'm�kidding. 427 00:16:33,113 --> 00:16:35,488 A�woman�should�be what�she�wants. 428 00:16:36,016 --> 00:16:36,681 Better. 429 00:16:36,715 --> 00:16:39,450 There's�no�definition of�a�woman. 430 00:16:39,483 --> 00:16:41,353 It's�the�same�as�a�man, there's�no�definition... 431 00:16:41,387 --> 00:16:43,717 No�need�to�womansplain, I'm�aware. 432 00:16:43,750 --> 00:16:47,220 But�a�woman�should�be�with a�man�she�finds... desirable. 433 00:16:47,252 --> 00:16:49,052 And�vice�versa. 434 00:16:49,086 --> 00:16:50,956 Like,�long-term, like�in�a�relationship. 435 00:16:50,990 --> 00:16:52,025 Can't�confirm. 436 00:16:53,353 --> 00:16:54,153 I�don't�think you're�it,�cowboy. 437 00:16:54,187 --> 00:16:56,552 Oh,�you�think? I�know. 438 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,220 Good�enough. Good�stuff. 439 00:16:59,254 --> 00:16:59,984 A�short-term... 440 00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:01,358 on�the�other�hand... 441 00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:03,991 How�short? 442 00:17:04,025 --> 00:17:05,625 A�night. A�night? 443 00:17:06,154 --> 00:17:07,224 An�hour? 444 00:17:08,022 --> 00:17:09,327 Maybe�more�than�an�hour. 445 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:10,961 A�night. A�night. 446 00:17:10,995 --> 00:17:12,030 Maybe�even�a�morning. 447 00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:13,054 Maybe�even�a�morning. 448 00:17:13,089 --> 00:17:14,124 'Cause�we�didn't�do all�the�things�I�wanted�to�do. 449 00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,298 Well,�we�talked, we�ate... lt�was�good,�right? 450 00:17:16,331 --> 00:17:17,356 Thank�you�for�supper. My�pleasure. 451 00:17:17,391 --> 00:17:18,308 We�talked,�we�ate, 452 00:17:18,342 --> 00:17:19,990 we�sat�by�the�fire. 453 00:17:20,024 --> 00:17:21,329 So,�then�the�other�thing. 454 00:17:21,363 --> 00:17:22,693 Good�enough. Good�stuff. 455 00:17:35,502 --> 00:17:37,632 Just�kiddin'! 456 00:17:45,635 --> 00:17:47,235 Fifteen-two, the�rest�won't�do. 457 00:17:47,269 --> 00:17:49,104 Fifteen-four, the�rest�don't�score. 458 00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:51,232 Runs�of�threes, that's�its�for�me's. 459 00:17:53,899 --> 00:17:55,239 Youse�been�playin' all�fuckin'�night? 460 00:17:55,273 --> 00:17:55,920 How'd�it�go,�big�brother? 461 00:17:55,955 --> 00:17:56,796 Do�you�all�know�what, 462 00:17:56,830 --> 00:17:58,033 aside�from�the�end�there, 463 00:17:58,067 --> 00:18:00,271 so�fuckin'�poorly. 464 00:18:00,305 --> 00:18:01,905 Called�it. How�poorly? 465 00:18:01,938 --> 00:18:02,320 So�poor. 466 00:18:02,355 --> 00:18:03,464 He�said,�so�fuckin'�poor. 467 00:18:03,498 --> 00:18:05,372 Talkin'�about�ultra�poor. 468 00:18:05,641 --> 00:18:07,241 Called�it. What�did�I�miss? 469 00:18:07,274 --> 00:18:08,274 Taco�night. 470 00:18:08,309 --> 00:18:10,179 But�not�just any�taco�night. 471 00:18:10,212 --> 00:18:11,507 LA�taco�night. 472 00:18:11,776 --> 00:18:14,446 Oh,�there's�no�taco�night like�an�"LA"�taco�night. 473 00:18:14,479 --> 00:18:16,314 Oh,�yeah. You've�never�had�taco�night 474 00:18:16,573 --> 00:18:18,408 unless�you've�had an�"LA"�taco�night. 475 00:18:18,441 --> 00:18:20,546 Oh,�yeah. �Well, if�it's�taco�night�in�"LA", 476 00:18:20,580 --> 00:18:22,450 then�you�must�have�had�a�hike. Did�youse�have�a�hike? 477 00:18:22,483 --> 00:18:23,473 Oh,�yeah. 478 00:18:23,508 --> 00:18:24,843 You�can't�have�taco�night in�"LA"�without�havin'�a�hike. 479 00:18:24,877 --> 00:18:27,482 Oh,�yeah. We�had�an�LA�hike, 480 00:18:27,515 --> 00:18:30,185 but�it�was�so�cold, it�gets�so�cold�in�LA. 481 00:18:30,218 --> 00:18:32,278 Oh,�yeah. It's�a�deserts,�don't�you�know? 482 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:34,676 Oh,�yeah. lt�gets�just�as�cold�in�"LA". 483 00:18:34,710 --> 00:18:35,780 It's�just�a�different�kind of�cold�in�"LA". 484 00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:38,144 Pull�your�finger out�of�your�ass. 485 00:18:38,177 --> 00:18:40,047 That's�what�I�say, I�said�pull�your�finger �out�of�your�ass, 486 00:18:40,081 --> 00:18:41,351 you're�from�"LA". 487 00:18:41,385 --> 00:18:44,315 Oh,�yeah. You've�got�to�take�La�Cienega to�La�Tijera 488 00:18:44,348 --> 00:18:46,418 if�you're�going�to�LAX�in�"LA". 489 00:18:46,451 --> 00:18:49,391 Oh,�yeah. ����I�will�have�another cold-pressed�juice 490 00:18:49,424 --> 00:18:50,684 'cause�we're�in�LA. 491 00:18:50,718 --> 00:18:52,588 Oh,�yeah. ��I'm�just�poppin'�down to�Trader�Joe's 492 00:18:52,622 --> 00:18:54,187 to�load�up�on�kombuchas�in�"LA". 493 00:18:54,455 --> 00:18:57,655 Oh,�yeah. �You�can ���stick�your�Hybrid�Toyotas straight�up�your�ass, 494 00:18:57,688 --> 00:18:59,218 it's�all�about�Teslas now�in�"LA". 495 00:18:59,252 --> 00:19:02,192 Oh,�yeah. ���lt's�like�you�could�never usually�get�a�pizza 496 00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:04,320 that�was�that�good in�"LA"�until�now. 497 00:19:04,353 --> 00:19:06,458 Oh,�yeah. We're�gonna�have�a�winter�brunch 498 00:19:06,492 --> 00:19:08,292 outside�on�Melrose. 499 00:19:08,325 --> 00:19:09,620 'Cause�you�can�do�that�in�LA. 500 00:19:09,654 --> 00:19:12,594 Oh,�yeah. �I'm�taking improv�classes�at�the�UCBs, 501 00:19:12,862 --> 00:19:15,227 but�only�until�the�groundlings figure�it�out�in�"LA". 502 00:19:15,260 --> 00:19:19,000 Oh,�yeah. �You�better get�joined�in�a�burlesque�troupe if�you're�going�to�"LA." 503 00:19:19,257 --> 00:19:20,292 "LA". 504 00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:20,992 "LA". "LA". 505 00:19:21,026 --> 00:19:22,996 "LA"? "LA". 506 00:19:23,030 --> 00:19:24,290 "LA". "LA". 507 00:19:24,324 --> 00:19:25,664 "LA". "LA". 508 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,028 "LA"... 509 00:19:28,061 --> 00:19:29,366 Pull�your�finger out�of�your�ass. 510 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,530 That's�what�I�say, I�said�pull�your�finger out�of�your�ass. 511 00:19:31,580 --> 00:19:36,130 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41131

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