All language subtitles for Letterkenny s05e01 We Dont Fight at Weddings.eng

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Original subtitles

Hats�off�to�Tanis, boys.

It's�certainly�a�great�day for�Thunder�Bay.

Yeah,�Tanis�has outdones�herself.

She�sure�did.

Say,�where�is�Tanis?

Well,�Tanis�the.

Tough�gal. Homewrecker.

Rocket. Sniper.

Alpha�female. Temptress.

A�bit�rough�around�the�edges.

Tried�to�lure�you in�to�the�barn�for�a...

Round�of�the�bases. Homewrecking.

Slam. Crush.

Roll�in�the�hay. Lay�in�the�biblical�sense.

Toe�curl.��And�the�truth�is you�kinda�wanted�to...

Pet�heavily. Wreck�your�home?

Rack�up�a�kill. Score�a�take�down.

Have�the�best�sex of�your�life.

Fondle? Become�one.

But�you�didn't. Because�that's�not�what�a...

Good�'ol�boy. Real�man.

Straight�shooter. Team�player.

Seriously? God-fearing�gentleman.

Stand�up�guy. Does.

On�the�contrary,�a...

Good�'ol�boy. Real�man.

Straight�shooter. Team�player.

Pussy. God-fearing�gentleman.

Stands-up�guy. Doesn't�cheat.

So�while�you�walked �towards�the�barn�for�what�one would�assume�was�a...

Poke. Terrible�fucking�idea.

Easy�kill. Quick�mash.

Whatever�you�are�into,�baby.

Lustful�encounter.

A�lot�of�character is�undertaken.

You�didn't.

You�got�in�the�truck, drove�over�to�Rosie's�and...

Now,�Rosie�is�a...

Real�pretty�gal. So�fucking�cute.

Ten. Damn.

Book�reader. Goddess.

Fine�woman.����You�can't�be with�one�woman

and�have�feelings for�another.

You�are�of�the�opinion that�cheaters�are...

In�the�wrong. Like,�95%�in�the�wrong.

Bad? Or...

Seduced. Fair�and�square.

Antagonized.

Likely�a�good�persons who�just�mades�a�mistake.

And�you�shouldn't�very�well go�down�that�road.

So...

Here's�the�thing...

Okay,�you�go.

No,�you�go. Okay,�I'll�go.

I'm�gonna�move to�the�city.

You�are�gonna�move to�the�city?

I'm�gonna�move to�the�city.

What�city? Vancouver.

Well,�you�won't�get many�random�snowy�summer�nights like�this�in�Vancouver.

Nope. So�what's�in�Vancouver?

Pit�bull�rescue.

I'm�tired�of�reading about�it�every�day. I�wanna�help.

You'rea�great�fucking�gal, Rosie.

You're a�great�fucking�dude, Wayne.

When�will�I�see�you?

When�you�see�me. Good�enough.

And�that's�what a�get�out�of�jail�free�card looks�like.

Boy,�howdy. Well,�I�should�say.

Sick�buddy. Sick,�bro.

Can�we�bang�now? Wondrous!

I�likes�Monopoly.

So,�as�for�Tanis...

Get�after�it. Sure.

Killzone? Poundtown?

We�should�be�banging�right�now. Tanis.

You�could�do�much�worse, good�buddy.

You�and�Tanis�are�gonna�give�her the�old�college�try.

Good�enough. Good�enough.

Good�enough. Good�enough.

Good�enough. Good�enough.

Good�stuff.

Finally, a�non-summer�weddings.

I'm�smilings.

Well,�it�seems a�little�bit�unfair

that�at�summer�weddings��gals�get�to�wear a�nice,�breezy�summer�dress

and�then�we're�stuck being�sweaty

and�sticky�in�some three-piece�wool�suit.

I�guess�it�can�gets quites�pongies�down�there.

Yeah,�it�can�get a�bit�moist. ���No.

Who�do�you�think is�gonna�moist�the�Stanley�Cup, this�year,�Katy?

I'm�thinking�Calgary. I�swear�to�fucking�Christ.

Oh,�did�you never�see�Moist�Story?

Or�Moist�Story�2, starring�Tim�Allen and�Tom�Hanks?

Are�you�out�of�your�fucking�mind? I�will�fight�you.

We�don't�fight at�weddings.

So,�Dary,��are�you�gonna�be wearing�your�dad's�suit?

Do�falling�timbers make�tambers?

Who�the�fuck�are�you? Yes,�Katy.

I�got�it ���for�a�grade�13�semi-formal from�the�Letterkenny�Op�shop.

Loves�the�Op�shops. I'll�take�the�Sally�Ann.

You�know�what?That�suit�is�so�dad the�last�time�you�wore�it,

it�told�me�the�Dire�Straits were�the�greatest�band����of�all�time.

That�suit�is�so�dad

it�ate�all�the�lunch�meat on�the�way�home from�the�grocery�store.

The�suit�is�so�dad�it�owns�a�VHS copy�of�The�Hunt�for�Red October.

So,�Dan,���are�you�gonna cold�rock�a�kilt?

Like�my�Grandpas and�his�grandpas before�him.

A�little�class, a�little�sass

and�a�lot�of�ass all�in�one tartans�garments.

Wayne, �I�assume�you'll�be�wearing�one of�only�two�suits�that�you�own.

Two�will�do�you.��One�for�weddings and�one�for�funerals.

A�good�suit�lasts�you the�rest�of�your�life if�you�take�care�of�it.

What�would�you�wear ����for�a�court�appearance? I've�never�been�arrested.

What�would�you�wearto�a�job�interviews? I've�only�ever�had�one�job.

What�would�you�wear to�a�bar�mitzvah? Not�Jewish.

Bat�mitzvahs? Still�not�Jewish.

Graham's�from�the�city.

So�there's�gonna�be a�lot�of�citiots at�this�thing.

I�fucking�hate�citiots.

They're�always�going�on about�how�we're�saying,

"fucking�mud�in�our fucking�hammies".

Fucking�riding�our�sleds�down�to a�fucking�pit�party,�bud.

Giving�her�tits.

I�was�climbing�the�ladder��up�the�hay�mound behind�your�brother�and�ew!

Ripped�a�fart�that�sounded�like a�creaky�door�opening

inside�a�hot�air�balloon,�but...

We�do�not�fight at�weddings.

No,�but�we�can�get�laid if�we're�keen�to.

Sexy�just�wafts�around at�weddings.

Plenty�of�opportunities for�people�looking to�do�some�yessing.

A�little�bit of�wedding�spreading.

A�little�bit�of�matrimonies and�hide�the�balonies.

Oh,�sure, �maybe�some�exchanging�of�rings and�rubbing�of�things.

Clear�eyes.

Full�Windsors.

Can't�lose.

Clean�up�well, Cowboy.

Well,�a�good�suit will�last�the�rest�of�your�life if�you�take�care�of�it.

And�me?

Well,�I�wouldn't�kick�you out�of�bed�for�eating fucking�crackers,�Tanis.

Top�shelf�ceremony, boys.

Short,�sweet and�not�too�much�God.

I'm�told�God doesn't�have�much�time for�gays�these�days,�so...

Par�for�the�course, I�guess.

Real�prouds�of�Dax�and�Ronsford jumps�in�the�brooms�like�that.

Good�guys. Good�grooms.

I�wonder�what that�must�be�like.

What? Getting�hitched?

No,�being�into�dudes. I've�got�so�many�questions.

Yeah,��and�I�wanna�hear exactly�zero�of�them.

It's�like,����what�if�you are�attracted

to�somebody with�the�same�name�as�you?

Is�it�like, "How�fun"?

Or�is�it�fucking�weird? lt'd�be�fucking�weird.

Quite�likely. That's�never�happened�to�me.

Guess�the�closest�I�ever�came to�it�was�almost�doing�it ����with�a�gal�named�Sheryl.

Yeah,�I�suppose it'd�kindsa�be like�the�time.

I�almost�hooked�up�with�a�gal�who�had the�same�names�as�my�Grandmas.

That�would�be fucking�off-putting.

It�was.�lt�was�distracting at�inappropriate�times...

With...

Ruth.

I�wish�there�was���a�goddamn�way I�could�do�it�with�a�Katy.

Ew! Or�a�Kate or�a�Caitlin.

I�guess�Katherine would�even�be walking�the�line.

There's�no�way���I�could�do�it with�a�Wayne.

Ew! Unless�it�was�Gretzky or�Rostad.

Or�Newton.

I'd�bow�to�the�great�ones. I'd�bend�right�over.

I'd�like�Gretzky in�my�office behind�the�net.

I'd�be�a�jar�of�curry ����in�a�fucking�hurry�just feeding�him�all�night�long.

I�promised�Mess I�wouldn't�do�this.

I�just�promised to�mess.

I'd�let�Gretzk����leave�my�ass seriously�McSorely

I'd�let�that�lady Bing�lady�bang�me.

That's�69�with�99 into�overtime.

I'd�just�straight�up let�him�99�me.

Howdy�who. Ah,�what's�a�99?

It's�just�fucking while�spooning.

All�right,�boys.

Show�me��what�you�can�do with�a�cock.

Hail!

Hey-ho.

Oh,�good�day,�lads.

Did�you�ride your�fucking�sleds�here?

Oh,�are�you�fucking matting�her?

Is�she��a�charity�ride, like,�"Holy�Fuck"?

Just�about�clear�putting�it in�the�fucking�rhubarb.

Yous�just�gonna�stand�there rubbing�your�peckers�or�what?

Oh,�she's fucking�tits, ���eh?

D'you�give�her�beans, bud? D'you�give�her�boots,�bud?

Do�you�give�her fucking�torque?

Do�you�wanna�get fucking�smoke?

Or�are�you taking�her�easy?

If�she's�easy, take�her�twice,�bud.

We'll�call�you toonie�two�times.

Let's�do�her�manure.

Isn't�this�the�part����where�you... We�don't�fight�at�weddings.

Those�citiots��can�fucking�tie their�dicks�in�a�knot.

They�can�go piss�up�a�rope.

Gretzky,�Rostad and�Newton for�Katy,�eh?

I'm�surprised Lil�Wayne didn't�make�the�cut.

What?

Great�dress,�Bonnie. Thanks.

Op�Shop.

You�look�like the�girl�who�punched my�V�ticket.

What's�your�nationality?

You�ever�seen���the�back�seat of�a�BMW�X3?

You�should�be�honored. My�buddy�here��only�fucks�tens.

Only�tens. Right�in�the�X.

Seriously,���come�outside. I'll�show�you�the�3.

It's�actually���the�exact�same as�the�5.

X5.

BMW.

Just�way�better�on�gas.

Living�the�Beem.

Stewart,�I�knowyou�are�the�world's foremost�fire�selector,

but�this�is�a�wedding and�I�promised�the�grooms we'd�play�songs�like.

Brown�Eyed�Girl and�Shout and�Lean�on�Me,

Ain't�No�Mountain�High�Enough andMambo�No. �5.

Yous�guys ����got�the�Chicken�Dance ready�to�play�yet?

I�fucking�love�that�song, I'll�tell�you.

I�put�it�on�in�the�barn��for�the�cluckers when�them�pecker-faced�bastards

ain't�dropping�eggs, I�just�love�it.

Are�you being�facetious? ���Huh?

Can�your�vestigial�minds �even�comprehend�the�derogatory nature�of�your�requests?

Or�maybe you�could�compromise?

Do�something�cool��like�beat�juggle the�Chicken�Dance?

Here,�take...

Enough!

Deejaying�is�an�art�form.

A�medium�in�which the�most�prolific�audio�auteurs of�our�time�can�speak�through.

A�deep�connection of�the�soul�of�yourself

and�the�gyrating�asses of�the�great�unwashed

who�eagerly�thirst for�your�deafening compositions.

I�like�gyrating�assesbut�I'm�pretty�sure it�ain't�art�there,�bud.

Yeah,�wouldn't�you�have�to have�written�the�songs�yourself�for�it�to�be�art?

I'm�sorry, composed?

I�think�the�word is�produced.

Right,�or�at�least didn't�download�off�the�lnternet so�you�could�profit�off�them.

Yeah,�you�are ����more�like�an�art�dealer than�an�artiste.

Or�like an�art�gallery�curator.

Selling�stolen�paintings.

That�you�printed off�the�lnternet.

Whoa!

If�you�do�not fall�back,

and�fasten�that�lip.

Your�other, thinner�lip.

I'll�turn�this �elegant,�soigne��ceremony of�the�coming�together�of�two����bonded�souls

into�a�straight�up�blood�rain.

Hey! Over�here.

Chicken�Dance.

Get�it?

Just�wanna�go.

Good�game you�fucking�beauties.

Way�to�tape�your sticks�together,�boys.

You�two�make a�hot�pairing.

Five�minute�major and�a�lifetime�misconduct for�butt�ending.

You�boys enjoying�yourselves?

Acting�single. Seeing�double.

Drinking�triples.

Daxy,�I�gotta�say,

solid�work��on�the�big�city slam�prospects.

Solid�big�city slam�scouting,�Daxy.

Boys,�a�little,�uh, players�only�here.

You�are�not pulling�tonight.

Yes,�we�are.

These�are modern�city�gals.

None�of�them�have�any�interest in�hockey�player�types.

Boys,�big�muscles�haven't been�popular�with�the�ladies ���since�Jersey�Shore.

The�only�way�to�getany�attention�from�a cosmopolitan,�college�gal�type

is�to�get�in�touch with�your�inner�twink.

You�need�to�be�less power�forward

and�more�power�bottom.

We'll�getour�wedding�stylist to�help�them�out.

So�we�need�to...

Spruce�up�our�look?

No.

You�gotta�bruce up�your�look.

So�Professor�Tricia�says �that�Letterkenny�has�developed into�quite�the�homosexual�scene

and�we�can�rightly�expects a�Pride�parades�next�springs.

Never�been�to��a�Pride�parade. What's�it�like?

It's�like�a�Santa�Claus�parade.

Except�instead of�handing�out�candy, they�hand�out�condoms.

I�should�probably�start thinking�about�a�name right�now.

Great�Day�for�gay. A�Hard�Gay's�Night.

Eyes�Pride�Shut. Pride�Green�Tomatoes.

Pride�of�Chucky. lndependence�Gay.

Ferris�Bueller Gets�Off.

Star�Wars��Rogue�One.

The�Princess�Pride. Pride�of�Frankenstein.

Pride�and�Go�Seeks. Carlito's�Gay.

Night�of�the�Giving�Head. Lay�Anything.

Final�Mantasy.

Third�Cock�from�the�Sun.

How�fella�Got His�Groove�Pack.

The�Gay�the�Earth Stood�Still.

Eat,�Gay,�Love.

Dr. �Strangelove

or�how�I�learned to�stop�wearing, "Love�the�Bum".

Bonnie�and�Pride.

Oh,�Bonnie�McMurray.

You�boys�tried the�catering�yet?

I�am�chomping�at�the�bit to�get�one�of�those�cupcakes.

Nots�to�be�impolite, Dary

but�it's�actually champing�at�the�bits.

Oh,�you�got�those pits�ready�for�your fucking�ponies?

How�many�ponies�you�got ����under�your�hood? You�got �a�frigging�hemmy�under�there?

How�many CCs�is�your�sled?

Do�you�fucking�pin�her when�you�get�pickled�there,�bud?

Oh,�I�really�fucking�gave�it to�her�last�night.

Working�hard or�hardly�working?

What�happenedto�the�part�where... We�don't�fight�at�weddings.

I�gotta�piss. I'll�come�with�you.

Yeah,�same. Okay,�let's�go.

My�cock�he�lives�now. Redux.

What's�up, �ladies?

What�is your�nationality?

Grow�up����around�here?

Have�any�tattoos?

I�got�a�Celtic�symbol on�my�calf.

I�got�a�Nike�swoosh right�above�my�heart.

I�got�you�a�drink. I�swear�it's�not a�roofie.

Yes,�it�is. Of�course,�it�is.

Hey,�that's a�real�nice�dress.

Look�a�lot�nicer on�my�hotel�room�floor.

You�ever�seen���the�front�seat of�a�Honda�del�Sol?

I'll�have�a�roll in�your�hay�any�day.

We�don't�fight at�weddings.

I�got�a�Harman�Kardon system�in�the�3.

X3.BM�motherfucking�W, baby.

It's�actually way�better�than�Bose.

Dickskin? Dickens.

Fellas,�a�list of�my�requests.

To�be�played�back�two, back�two , three,�four, ���well�I�have�five�songs...

No�requests.

How�dare�thou come�into my�private�roost

of�penetrating�beats with�an�audacious�act of�social�and�musical�treason.

Every�single�one�of�these is�a�Brooks�and�Dunn�song.

Starting�with the�Boot�Scootin'�Boogie.

I�didn't�realize they�had�other�songs.

Of�all�the�boogies,the�Boot�Scootin' is�the�last�one�I�would

and�will�ever�torture myself�or�others�with.

I'll�give�you a�Boot�Scootin'.

What�about ����Blame�lt�on�the�Boogie by�the�Jackson�5?

Boogie,�Oogie,�Oogie, A�taste�of�honey.

Boot�Scootin'.Boogie�Wonderland, by�Earth�Wind�&�Fire.

Elton�John'sStreet�Boogie.

This�wedding�needs�a�boogie�and it's�gonna�be�Boot����Scootin'.

Born�to�Boogie, T�Rex?

Boogie�Woogie�Wu, lnsane�Clown�Posse.

Zip�Gun�Boogie, T�Rex�again.

Take�the�damn�boogie and�make�it a�Boot�Scootin'.

I'm�Your�Boogie�Man, KC�and�the�Sunshine�band.

I'm�Your�Boogieman, White�Zombie.

I�hoped�it�wouldn't�come to�blows�over�a�boogie.

But�I'll�damn�well go�to�blows.

For�the�Boot Scootin'�Boogie.

Not�happening, Dickskin. �Dickens!

I�got�it. I�got�it.

I�got�the�Chicken�Dance.

Went�home�and�got�it out�of�the�cassette�player in�the�tractor.

You�play�it�now�or�later. Either�way,�you'll�play�it.

Or�you'll�die.

What's�with���the�super�sad glassware,�boys?

What's�with�your�hair?

Oh,�just�got�some big�city�prospects.

Don't�wanna�risk ����putting�a�big�goose�egg up�on�the�board.

Don't�wanna�fan on�a�yonny�cage,�buddy.

So,�we�bruced�up our�looks.

What�does�that�mean?

Don't�worry�about�it. Don't�worry�about�it,�yeah.

How's�that going�for�ya?

Uh,�good. We�got�bites.

Yeah.

Well,�we�got�like,�a... A�bite.

They�were�50�though.

I�took�downan�older�lady�once. It�was�kinda�fun.

Kinda�weird. Why?

Well, after�she�made�a�pizza.

Sick,�buddy. She�ordered�a�pizza.

No,�made�a�pizza.

From�scratch,�buddy.

I�had�to�sit and�talk

while�she�made a�pizza.

You�two look�like�dandies.

You�look���like�pansies.

You�know,���the�landscape might�be�changing

but�manly�men never�go�out�of�style.

Hello,�ladies.

Yeuch,�I�can't�drink this�shit�anymore.

What�am�I�a�ballerina�trying to�get�skinny?

I'm�gonna�get some�rye,�babe.

Cheers.

Katy�got�hit�on by�a�top�hat�guy.

A�top�hat. A�guy�in�a�top�hat.

I'd�rather�take�down a�city�than�a�guy in�a�top�hat.

Oh,�I�don't�know, Ms. �Katys.

Some�men�looks quite�statelys in�a�top�hat.

Scrooge�McDuck comes�to�mind.

Mr. �Peanut. Slash.

The�guy�from�T�Rex. Abe�Lincoln.

Uncle�Pennybags from�Monopoly. Willy�Wonka's.

The�Cat�in�the�Hat. Guy�from�T�Rex�again.

Oh,�hey�there, buds.

Is�she�a�manual? Or�are�you�driving a�bitch�stick?

You�like�bud�lite? You�like�butt�holes around�here.

Oh,�did�you�get�your�pecker�stuck in�a�bottle�of�brew?

Where's�your�sweety�bud?

Did�she�leave�you����to�your�John and�your�John�Deere?

Where's�your�John�queer,�bud?

I�was�brought�up�on �Looney�Tunes�and�only�dancing when�nobody's�around.

Learned�the�heck out�of�it�that�way,�Dan.

I�am�fucking�irritated.

We�don't�fight at�weddings.

Right.

We�don't�fight at�weddings.

Ten�four? Over�and�out.

Hello,�ladies. Ladies.

Can�we�interest�you in�a�shot�of�sourpuss?

Perhaps�a�half�glass of�white�zinfandel?

Have�you�looked�at any�interesting�furniture lately?

I�admire�his�eye for�interior�design.

What�are�you�two going�on�about?

You�are�really missing�the�mark.

You�know,���metrosexuality went�out�of�style

with�the�Von�Dutch and�Chingy.

We�are�into�men. Classic�men,�athletic�types.

You�don't�look�like you�can�fix�my�car.

You�don't�look��like�you�can�fix a�sliding�screen�door.

What? Wha... �What?

We're�... We're�hockey�players.

We're�the�snipe, celly�boys.

Dirty�fucking dangles�boys.

What�are�you�guys going�on�about�now?

Now�you�are�just�being�posers. It's�pretty�pathetic.

Even�if�you�are�hockey�players, we�are�not�puck�bunnies.

Or�lacrosse-titutes.

I�don't�even�drink... I�drink�beer.

Where�are�you�guys staying�tonight?

There's�only�motel in�this�shit�hole, so�that�one.

I've�never�ridden in�a�BMW�X3�before.

What�about�a�BMW�X3 with�a�luxury�leather�package?

She�just�said�she'd�never�ridden in�one,�idiot.

Take�me�home.

Ladies�and�gentlemen.

The�song for�the�first�dance...

Chosen�by...

The�grooms.

I�can't�wait to�take�sauce �from�you

and�slot�from�now until�the�horn�blows

at�the�end of�quadruple�overtime.

Playoff�rules, nice.

There�was always�an�open�bet.

I'll�take�the�tender tonight.

A�six�man,�you�know what�I�am�talking�about.

As�long�as�you�can�bury. Oh,�we�will�find�a�hole.

You�can't�slip�one�past�me. Let's�steer�this�back.

*�Sucking�on�my�titties

*�Like�you�wanted�me

*�Calling�me�all�the�time Like�Blondie

*�Check�out�my�chrissy�behind

*�lt's�fine�all of�the�time

*�Like�sex�on�the�beaches

*�What�else�is�in�the teachesOf�peaches?

*�Huh?�What?

*�Sucking�on�my�titties Like�you�wanted�me

*�Calling�me All�the�time�like�Blondie

*�Check�out�my�chrissy�behind

*�lt's�fine�all of�the�time

*�What�else�is�in�the teachesof�peaches?

*�Like�sex�on�the�beaches

*�Huh?�What?

*�Huh,�right

*�What?

*�Huh?�What?

*�Right

*�Fuck�the�pain�away

*�Huh?�What?

*�Right

*�Huh?�What?

*�Right

*�What�else�in�the�teaches of�peaches?

*�Like�sex�on�the�beaches

*�What?

*�Right

*�SIS,�IUD

*�Stay�in�school

*�'Cause�it's�the�best

*�IUD,�SIS

*�Stay�in�school

*�'Cause�it's�the�best

*�IUD,�SIS

*�Stay�in�school

*�'Cause�it's�the�best

*�IUD,�SIS

*�Stay�in�school

*�'Cause�it's�the�best

*�Sucking�on�my�titties Like�you�wanted�me

*�Calling�me All�the�time�like�Blondie

*�Check�out�my�chrissy�behind.

Yous�looking�for�trouble? Yous�looking�for�trouble?

Yous�looking�for�trouble? So�what�if�we�are?

We�don't�fight at�weddings.

Wouldn't�dream�of�it,�bud.

*�Fuck�the�pain�away

*�Huh?�What?

*�Right. �Uhh

*�Huh?�What?

*�Right. �Uhh

*�What�else�is�in�the teachesof�peaches?

*�Like�sex�on�the�beaches

*�What?�Right. �Uhh

*�Fuck�the�pain�away

*�Fuck�the�pain�away�*

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