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Hats�off�to�Tanis, boys.
It's�certainly�a�great�day for�Thunder�Bay.
Yeah,�Tanis�has outdones�herself.
She�sure�did.
Say,�where�is�Tanis?
Well,�Tanis�the.
Tough�gal. Homewrecker.
Rocket. Sniper.
Alpha�female. Temptress.
A�bit�rough�around�the�edges.
Tried�to�lure�you in�to�the�barn�for�a...
Round�of�the�bases. Homewrecking.
Slam. Crush.
Roll�in�the�hay. Lay�in�the�biblical�sense.
Toe�curl.��And�the�truth�is you�kinda�wanted�to...
Pet�heavily. Wreck�your�home?
Rack�up�a�kill. Score�a�take�down.
Have�the�best�sex of�your�life.
Fondle? Become�one.
But�you�didn't. Because�that's�not�what�a...
Good�'ol�boy. Real�man.
Straight�shooter. Team�player.
Seriously? God-fearing�gentleman.
Stand�up�guy. Does.
On�the�contrary,�a...
Good�'ol�boy. Real�man.
Straight�shooter. Team�player.
Pussy. God-fearing�gentleman.
Stands-up�guy. Doesn't�cheat.
So�while�you�walked �towards�the�barn�for�what�one would�assume�was�a...
Poke. Terrible�fucking�idea.
Easy�kill. Quick�mash.
Whatever�you�are�into,�baby.
Lustful�encounter.
A�lot�of�character is�undertaken.
You�didn't.
You�got�in�the�truck, drove�over�to�Rosie's�and...
Now,�Rosie�is�a...
Real�pretty�gal. So�fucking�cute.
Ten. Damn.
Book�reader. Goddess.
Fine�woman.����You�can't�be with�one�woman
and�have�feelings for�another.
You�are�of�the�opinion that�cheaters�are...
In�the�wrong. Like,�95%�in�the�wrong.
Bad? Or...
Seduced. Fair�and�square.
Antagonized.
Likely�a�good�persons who�just�mades�a�mistake.
And�you�shouldn't�very�well go�down�that�road.
So...
Here's�the�thing...
Okay,�you�go.
No,�you�go. Okay,�I'll�go.
I'm�gonna�move to�the�city.
You�are�gonna�move to�the�city?
I'm�gonna�move to�the�city.
What�city? Vancouver.
Well,�you�won't�get many�random�snowy�summer�nights like�this�in�Vancouver.
Nope. So�what's�in�Vancouver?
Pit�bull�rescue.
I'm�tired�of�reading about�it�every�day. I�wanna�help.
You'rea�great�fucking�gal, Rosie.
You're a�great�fucking�dude, Wayne.
When�will�I�see�you?
When�you�see�me. Good�enough.
And�that's�what a�get�out�of�jail�free�card looks�like.
Boy,�howdy. Well,�I�should�say.
Sick�buddy. Sick,�bro.
Can�we�bang�now? Wondrous!
I�likes�Monopoly.
So,�as�for�Tanis...
Get�after�it. Sure.
Killzone? Poundtown?
We�should�be�banging�right�now. Tanis.
You�could�do�much�worse, good�buddy.
You�and�Tanis�are�gonna�give�her the�old�college�try.
Good�enough. Good�enough.
Good�enough. Good�enough.
Good�enough. Good�enough.
Good�stuff.
Finally, a�non-summer�weddings.
I'm�smilings.
Well,�it�seems a�little�bit�unfair
that�at�summer�weddings��gals�get�to�wear a�nice,�breezy�summer�dress
and�then�we're�stuck being�sweaty
and�sticky�in�some three-piece�wool�suit.
I�guess�it�can�gets quites�pongies�down�there.
Yeah,�it�can�get a�bit�moist. ���No.
Who�do�you�think is�gonna�moist�the�Stanley�Cup, this�year,�Katy?
I'm�thinking�Calgary. I�swear�to�fucking�Christ.
Oh,�did�you never�see�Moist�Story?
Or�Moist�Story�2, starring�Tim�Allen and�Tom�Hanks?
Are�you�out�of�your�fucking�mind? I�will�fight�you.
We�don't�fight at�weddings.
So,�Dary,��are�you�gonna�be wearing�your�dad's�suit?
Do�falling�timbers make�tambers?
Who�the�fuck�are�you? Yes,�Katy.
I�got�it ���for�a�grade�13�semi-formal from�the�Letterkenny�Op�shop.
Loves�the�Op�shops. I'll�take�the�Sally�Ann.
You�know�what?That�suit�is�so�dad the�last�time�you�wore�it,
it�told�me�the�Dire�Straits were�the�greatest�band����of�all�time.
That�suit�is�so�dad
it�ate�all�the�lunch�meat on�the�way�home from�the�grocery�store.
The�suit�is�so�dad�it�owns�a�VHS copy�of�The�Hunt�for�Red October.
So,�Dan,���are�you�gonna cold�rock�a�kilt?
Like�my�Grandpas and�his�grandpas before�him.
A�little�class, a�little�sass
and�a�lot�of�ass all�in�one tartans�garments.
Wayne, �I�assume�you'll�be�wearing�one of�only�two�suits�that�you�own.
Two�will�do�you.��One�for�weddings and�one�for�funerals.
A�good�suit�lasts�you the�rest�of�your�life if�you�take�care�of�it.
What�would�you�wear ����for�a�court�appearance? I've�never�been�arrested.
What�would�you�wearto�a�job�interviews? I've�only�ever�had�one�job.
What�would�you�wear to�a�bar�mitzvah? Not�Jewish.
Bat�mitzvahs? Still�not�Jewish.
Graham's�from�the�city.
So�there's�gonna�be a�lot�of�citiots at�this�thing.
I�fucking�hate�citiots.
They're�always�going�on about�how�we're�saying,
"fucking�mud�in�our fucking�hammies".
Fucking�riding�our�sleds�down�to a�fucking�pit�party,�bud.
Giving�her�tits.
I�was�climbing�the�ladder��up�the�hay�mound behind�your�brother�and�ew!
Ripped�a�fart�that�sounded�like a�creaky�door�opening
inside�a�hot�air�balloon,�but...
We�do�not�fight at�weddings.
No,�but�we�can�get�laid if�we're�keen�to.
Sexy�just�wafts�around at�weddings.
Plenty�of�opportunities for�people�looking to�do�some�yessing.
A�little�bit of�wedding�spreading.
A�little�bit�of�matrimonies and�hide�the�balonies.
Oh,�sure, �maybe�some�exchanging�of�rings and�rubbing�of�things.
Clear�eyes.
Full�Windsors.
Can't�lose.
Clean�up�well, Cowboy.
Well,�a�good�suit will�last�the�rest�of�your�life if�you�take�care�of�it.
And�me?
Well,�I�wouldn't�kick�you out�of�bed�for�eating fucking�crackers,�Tanis.
Top�shelf�ceremony, boys.
Short,�sweet and�not�too�much�God.
I'm�told�God doesn't�have�much�time for�gays�these�days,�so...
Par�for�the�course, I�guess.
Real�prouds�of�Dax�and�Ronsford jumps�in�the�brooms�like�that.
Good�guys. Good�grooms.
I�wonder�what that�must�be�like.
What? Getting�hitched?
No,�being�into�dudes. I've�got�so�many�questions.
Yeah,��and�I�wanna�hear exactly�zero�of�them.
It's�like,����what�if�you are�attracted
to�somebody with�the�same�name�as�you?
Is�it�like, "How�fun"?
Or�is�it�fucking�weird? lt'd�be�fucking�weird.
Quite�likely. That's�never�happened�to�me.
Guess�the�closest�I�ever�came to�it�was�almost�doing�it ����with�a�gal�named�Sheryl.
Yeah,�I�suppose it'd�kindsa�be like�the�time.
I�almost�hooked�up�with�a�gal�who�had the�same�names�as�my�Grandmas.
That�would�be fucking�off-putting.
It�was.�lt�was�distracting at�inappropriate�times...
With...
Ruth.
I�wish�there�was���a�goddamn�way I�could�do�it�with�a�Katy.
Ew! Or�a�Kate or�a�Caitlin.
I�guess�Katherine would�even�be walking�the�line.
There's�no�way���I�could�do�it with�a�Wayne.
Ew! Unless�it�was�Gretzky or�Rostad.
Or�Newton.
I'd�bow�to�the�great�ones. I'd�bend�right�over.
I'd�like�Gretzky in�my�office behind�the�net.
I'd�be�a�jar�of�curry ����in�a�fucking�hurry�just feeding�him�all�night�long.
I�promised�Mess I�wouldn't�do�this.
I�just�promised to�mess.
I'd�let�Gretzk����leave�my�ass seriously�McSorely
I'd�let�that�lady Bing�lady�bang�me.
That's�69�with�99 into�overtime.
I'd�just�straight�up let�him�99�me.
Howdy�who. Ah,�what's�a�99?
It's�just�fucking while�spooning.
All�right,�boys.
Show�me��what�you�can�do with�a�cock.
Hail!
Hey-ho.
Oh,�good�day,�lads.
Did�you�ride your�fucking�sleds�here?
Oh,�are�you�fucking matting�her?
Is�she��a�charity�ride, like,�"Holy�Fuck"?
Just�about�clear�putting�it in�the�fucking�rhubarb.
Yous�just�gonna�stand�there rubbing�your�peckers�or�what?
Oh,�she's fucking�tits, ���eh?
D'you�give�her�beans, bud? D'you�give�her�boots,�bud?
Do�you�give�her fucking�torque?
Do�you�wanna�get fucking�smoke?
Or�are�you taking�her�easy?
If�she's�easy, take�her�twice,�bud.
We'll�call�you toonie�two�times.
Let's�do�her�manure.
Isn't�this�the�part����where�you... We�don't�fight�at�weddings.
Those�citiots��can�fucking�tie their�dicks�in�a�knot.
They�can�go piss�up�a�rope.
Gretzky,�Rostad and�Newton for�Katy,�eh?
I'm�surprised Lil�Wayne didn't�make�the�cut.
What?
Great�dress,�Bonnie. Thanks.
Op�Shop.
You�look�like the�girl�who�punched my�V�ticket.
What's�your�nationality?
You�ever�seen���the�back�seat of�a�BMW�X3?
You�should�be�honored. My�buddy�here��only�fucks�tens.
Only�tens. Right�in�the�X.
Seriously,���come�outside. I'll�show�you�the�3.
It's�actually���the�exact�same as�the�5.
X5.
BMW.
Just�way�better�on�gas.
Living�the�Beem.
Stewart,�I�knowyou�are�the�world's foremost�fire�selector,
but�this�is�a�wedding and�I�promised�the�grooms we'd�play�songs�like.
Brown�Eyed�Girl and�Shout and�Lean�on�Me,
Ain't�No�Mountain�High�Enough andMambo�No. �5.
Yous�guys ����got�the�Chicken�Dance ready�to�play�yet?
I�fucking�love�that�song, I'll�tell�you.
I�put�it�on�in�the�barn��for�the�cluckers when�them�pecker-faced�bastards
ain't�dropping�eggs, I�just�love�it.
Are�you being�facetious? ���Huh?
Can�your�vestigial�minds �even�comprehend�the�derogatory nature�of�your�requests?
Or�maybe you�could�compromise?
Do�something�cool��like�beat�juggle the�Chicken�Dance?
Here,�take...
Enough!
Deejaying�is�an�art�form.
A�medium�in�which the�most�prolific�audio�auteurs of�our�time�can�speak�through.
A�deep�connection of�the�soul�of�yourself
and�the�gyrating�asses of�the�great�unwashed
who�eagerly�thirst for�your�deafening compositions.
I�like�gyrating�assesbut�I'm�pretty�sure it�ain't�art�there,�bud.
Yeah,�wouldn't�you�have�to have�written�the�songs�yourself�for�it�to�be�art?
I'm�sorry, composed?
I�think�the�word is�produced.
Right,�or�at�least didn't�download�off�the�lnternet so�you�could�profit�off�them.
Yeah,�you�are ����more�like�an�art�dealer than�an�artiste.
Or�like an�art�gallery�curator.
Selling�stolen�paintings.
That�you�printed off�the�lnternet.
Whoa!
If�you�do�not fall�back,
and�fasten�that�lip.
Your�other, thinner�lip.
I'll�turn�this �elegant,�soigne��ceremony of�the�coming�together�of�two����bonded�souls
into�a�straight�up�blood�rain.
Hey! Over�here.
Chicken�Dance.
Get�it?
Just�wanna�go.
Good�game you�fucking�beauties.
Way�to�tape�your sticks�together,�boys.
You�two�make a�hot�pairing.
Five�minute�major and�a�lifetime�misconduct for�butt�ending.
You�boys enjoying�yourselves?
Acting�single. Seeing�double.
Drinking�triples.
Daxy,�I�gotta�say,
solid�work��on�the�big�city slam�prospects.
Solid�big�city slam�scouting,�Daxy.
Boys,�a�little,�uh, players�only�here.
You�are�not pulling�tonight.
Yes,�we�are.
These�are modern�city�gals.
None�of�them�have�any�interest in�hockey�player�types.
Boys,�big�muscles�haven't been�popular�with�the�ladies ���since�Jersey�Shore.
The�only�way�to�getany�attention�from�a cosmopolitan,�college�gal�type
is�to�get�in�touch with�your�inner�twink.
You�need�to�be�less power�forward
and�more�power�bottom.
We'll�getour�wedding�stylist to�help�them�out.
So�we�need�to...
Spruce�up�our�look?
No.
You�gotta�bruce up�your�look.
So�Professor�Tricia�says �that�Letterkenny�has�developed into�quite�the�homosexual�scene
and�we�can�rightly�expects a�Pride�parades�next�springs.
Never�been�to��a�Pride�parade. What's�it�like?
It's�like�a�Santa�Claus�parade.
Except�instead of�handing�out�candy, they�hand�out�condoms.
I�should�probably�start thinking�about�a�name right�now.
Great�Day�for�gay. A�Hard�Gay's�Night.
Eyes�Pride�Shut. Pride�Green�Tomatoes.
Pride�of�Chucky. lndependence�Gay.
Ferris�Bueller Gets�Off.
Star�Wars��Rogue�One.
The�Princess�Pride. Pride�of�Frankenstein.
Pride�and�Go�Seeks. Carlito's�Gay.
Night�of�the�Giving�Head. Lay�Anything.
Final�Mantasy.
Third�Cock�from�the�Sun.
How�fella�Got His�Groove�Pack.
The�Gay�the�Earth Stood�Still.
Eat,�Gay,�Love.
Dr. �Strangelove
or�how�I�learned to�stop�wearing, "Love�the�Bum".
Bonnie�and�Pride.
Oh,�Bonnie�McMurray.
You�boys�tried the�catering�yet?
I�am�chomping�at�the�bit to�get�one�of�those�cupcakes.
Nots�to�be�impolite, Dary
but�it's�actually champing�at�the�bits.
Oh,�you�got�those pits�ready�for�your fucking�ponies?
How�many�ponies�you�got ����under�your�hood? You�got �a�frigging�hemmy�under�there?
How�many CCs�is�your�sled?
Do�you�fucking�pin�her when�you�get�pickled�there,�bud?
Oh,�I�really�fucking�gave�it to�her�last�night.
Working�hard or�hardly�working?
What�happenedto�the�part�where... We�don't�fight�at�weddings.
I�gotta�piss. I'll�come�with�you.
Yeah,�same. Okay,�let's�go.
My�cock�he�lives�now. Redux.
What's�up, �ladies?
What�is your�nationality?
Grow�up����around�here?
Have�any�tattoos?
I�got�a�Celtic�symbol on�my�calf.
I�got�a�Nike�swoosh right�above�my�heart.
I�got�you�a�drink. I�swear�it's�not a�roofie.
Yes,�it�is. Of�course,�it�is.
Hey,�that's a�real�nice�dress.
Look�a�lot�nicer on�my�hotel�room�floor.
You�ever�seen���the�front�seat of�a�Honda�del�Sol?
I'll�have�a�roll in�your�hay�any�day.
We�don't�fight at�weddings.
I�got�a�Harman�Kardon system�in�the�3.
X3.BM�motherfucking�W, baby.
It's�actually way�better�than�Bose.
Dickskin? Dickens.
Fellas,�a�list of�my�requests.
To�be�played�back�two, back�two , three,�four, ���well�I�have�five�songs...
No�requests.
How�dare�thou come�into my�private�roost
of�penetrating�beats with�an�audacious�act of�social�and�musical�treason.
Every�single�one�of�these is�a�Brooks�and�Dunn�song.
Starting�with the�Boot�Scootin'�Boogie.
I�didn't�realize they�had�other�songs.
Of�all�the�boogies,the�Boot�Scootin' is�the�last�one�I�would
and�will�ever�torture myself�or�others�with.
I'll�give�you a�Boot�Scootin'.
What�about ����Blame�lt�on�the�Boogie by�the�Jackson�5?
Boogie,�Oogie,�Oogie, A�taste�of�honey.
Boot�Scootin'.Boogie�Wonderland, by�Earth�Wind�&�Fire.
Elton�John'sStreet�Boogie.
This�wedding�needs�a�boogie�and it's�gonna�be�Boot����Scootin'.
Born�to�Boogie, T�Rex?
Boogie�Woogie�Wu, lnsane�Clown�Posse.
Zip�Gun�Boogie, T�Rex�again.
Take�the�damn�boogie and�make�it a�Boot�Scootin'.
I'm�Your�Boogie�Man, KC�and�the�Sunshine�band.
I'm�Your�Boogieman, White�Zombie.
I�hoped�it�wouldn't�come to�blows�over�a�boogie.
But�I'll�damn�well go�to�blows.
For�the�Boot Scootin'�Boogie.
Not�happening, Dickskin. �Dickens!
I�got�it. I�got�it.
I�got�the�Chicken�Dance.
Went�home�and�got�it out�of�the�cassette�player in�the�tractor.
You�play�it�now�or�later. Either�way,�you'll�play�it.
Or�you'll�die.
What's�with���the�super�sad glassware,�boys?
What's�with�your�hair?
Oh,�just�got�some big�city�prospects.
Don't�wanna�risk ����putting�a�big�goose�egg up�on�the�board.
Don't�wanna�fan on�a�yonny�cage,�buddy.
So,�we�bruced�up our�looks.
What�does�that�mean?
Don't�worry�about�it. Don't�worry�about�it,�yeah.
How's�that going�for�ya?
Uh,�good. We�got�bites.
Yeah.
Well,�we�got�like,�a... A�bite.
They�were�50�though.
I�took�downan�older�lady�once. It�was�kinda�fun.
Kinda�weird. Why?
Well, after�she�made�a�pizza.
Sick,�buddy. She�ordered�a�pizza.
No,�made�a�pizza.
From�scratch,�buddy.
I�had�to�sit and�talk
while�she�made a�pizza.
You�two look�like�dandies.
You�look���like�pansies.
You�know,���the�landscape might�be�changing
but�manly�men never�go�out�of�style.
Hello,�ladies.
Yeuch,�I�can't�drink this�shit�anymore.
What�am�I�a�ballerina�trying to�get�skinny?
I'm�gonna�get some�rye,�babe.
Cheers.
Katy�got�hit�on by�a�top�hat�guy.
A�top�hat. A�guy�in�a�top�hat.
I'd�rather�take�down a�city�than�a�guy in�a�top�hat.
Oh,�I�don't�know, Ms. �Katys.
Some�men�looks quite�statelys in�a�top�hat.
Scrooge�McDuck comes�to�mind.
Mr. �Peanut. Slash.
The�guy�from�T�Rex. Abe�Lincoln.
Uncle�Pennybags from�Monopoly. Willy�Wonka's.
The�Cat�in�the�Hat. Guy�from�T�Rex�again.
Oh,�hey�there, buds.
Is�she�a�manual? Or�are�you�driving a�bitch�stick?
You�like�bud�lite? You�like�butt�holes around�here.
Oh,�did�you�get�your�pecker�stuck in�a�bottle�of�brew?
Where's�your�sweety�bud?
Did�she�leave�you����to�your�John and�your�John�Deere?
Where's�your�John�queer,�bud?
I�was�brought�up�on �Looney�Tunes�and�only�dancing when�nobody's�around.
Learned�the�heck out�of�it�that�way,�Dan.
I�am�fucking�irritated.
We�don't�fight at�weddings.
Right.
We�don't�fight at�weddings.
Ten�four? Over�and�out.
Hello,�ladies. Ladies.
Can�we�interest�you in�a�shot�of�sourpuss?
Perhaps�a�half�glass of�white�zinfandel?
Have�you�looked�at any�interesting�furniture lately?
I�admire�his�eye for�interior�design.
What�are�you�two going�on�about?
You�are�really missing�the�mark.
You�know,���metrosexuality went�out�of�style
with�the�Von�Dutch and�Chingy.
We�are�into�men. Classic�men,�athletic�types.
You�don't�look�like you�can�fix�my�car.
You�don't�look��like�you�can�fix a�sliding�screen�door.
What? Wha... �What?
We're�... We're�hockey�players.
We're�the�snipe, celly�boys.
Dirty�fucking dangles�boys.
What�are�you�guys going�on�about�now?
Now�you�are�just�being�posers. It's�pretty�pathetic.
Even�if�you�are�hockey�players, we�are�not�puck�bunnies.
Or�lacrosse-titutes.
I�don't�even�drink... I�drink�beer.
Where�are�you�guys staying�tonight?
There's�only�motel in�this�shit�hole, so�that�one.
I've�never�ridden in�a�BMW�X3�before.
What�about�a�BMW�X3 with�a�luxury�leather�package?
She�just�said�she'd�never�ridden in�one,�idiot.
Take�me�home.
Ladies�and�gentlemen.
The�song for�the�first�dance...
Chosen�by...
The�grooms.
I�can't�wait to�take�sauce �from�you
and�slot�from�now until�the�horn�blows
at�the�end of�quadruple�overtime.
Playoff�rules, nice.
There�was always�an�open�bet.
I'll�take�the�tender tonight.
A�six�man,�you�know what�I�am�talking�about.
As�long�as�you�can�bury. Oh,�we�will�find�a�hole.
You�can't�slip�one�past�me. Let's�steer�this�back.
*�Sucking�on�my�titties
*�Like�you�wanted�me
*�Calling�me�all�the�time Like�Blondie
*�Check�out�my�chrissy�behind
*�lt's�fine�all of�the�time
*�Like�sex�on�the�beaches
*�What�else�is�in�the teachesOf�peaches?
*�Huh?�What?
*�Sucking�on�my�titties Like�you�wanted�me
*�Calling�me All�the�time�like�Blondie
*�Check�out�my�chrissy�behind
*�lt's�fine�all of�the�time
*�What�else�is�in�the teachesof�peaches?
*�Like�sex�on�the�beaches
*�Huh?�What?
*�Huh,�right
*�What?
*�Huh?�What?
*�Right
*�Fuck�the�pain�away
*�Huh?�What?
*�Right
*�Huh?�What?
*�Right
*�What�else�in�the�teaches of�peaches?
*�Like�sex�on�the�beaches
*�What?
*�Right
*�SIS,�IUD
*�Stay�in�school
*�'Cause�it's�the�best
*�IUD,�SIS
*�Stay�in�school
*�'Cause�it's�the�best
*�IUD,�SIS
*�Stay�in�school
*�'Cause�it's�the�best
*�IUD,�SIS
*�Stay�in�school
*�'Cause�it's�the�best
*�Sucking�on�my�titties Like�you�wanted�me
*�Calling�me All�the�time�like�Blondie
*�Check�out�my�chrissy�behind.
Yous�looking�for�trouble? Yous�looking�for�trouble?
Yous�looking�for�trouble? So�what�if�we�are?
We�don't�fight at�weddings.
Wouldn't�dream�of�it,�bud.
*�Fuck�the�pain�away
*�Huh?�What?
*�Right. �Uhh
*�Huh?�What?
*�Right. �Uhh
*�What�else�is�in�the teachesof�peaches?
*�Like�sex�on�the�beaches
*�What?�Right. �Uhh
*�Fuck�the�pain�away
*�Fuck�the�pain�away�*
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