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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,424 --> 00:00:06,490 [Australian accent] What do you think you're doing? 2 00:00:06,558 --> 00:00:08,326 Grew this out just for tonight. 3 00:00:08,393 --> 00:00:10,161 Well, I wouldn't do that. That doesn't look good. 4 00:00:10,229 --> 00:00:11,762 Good comb-overs... you don't even know they're there. 5 00:00:11,830 --> 00:00:13,264 Oh, people will notice. 6 00:00:13,332 --> 00:00:14,532 Well, Georgia's gonna be there tonight. 7 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:15,800 I want to put my best foot forward. 8 00:00:15,867 --> 00:00:17,368 Well, probably not with that comb-over. 9 00:00:17,436 --> 00:00:18,402 How do I look? 10 00:00:18,470 --> 00:00:19,670 Like Stephen Hawking 11 00:00:19,738 --> 00:00:20,871 at a charity event or something. 12 00:00:20,939 --> 00:00:22,006 You look fantastic. 13 00:00:22,074 --> 00:00:23,341 So, why are you going, Billy? 14 00:00:23,408 --> 00:00:24,642 It's not even your class. 15 00:00:24,710 --> 00:00:26,010 I go to everything. 16 00:00:26,078 --> 00:00:27,111 You never know what's gonna happen. 17 00:00:27,179 --> 00:00:28,645 Jim: Rodney, you going home? 18 00:00:28,647 --> 00:00:31,114 No. "The Apprentice" is on next with Gary Busey. 19 00:00:31,116 --> 00:00:32,817 I think it's entertaining 20 00:00:32,884 --> 00:00:35,419 to watch mentally handicapped people on television. 21 00:00:36,989 --> 00:00:38,623 I'm gonna get in there 22 00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:40,458 and make a good impression on Georgia and just get out. 23 00:00:40,525 --> 00:00:42,026 You know, I mean, high school was a great time in my life. 24 00:00:42,094 --> 00:00:43,494 Jim: Yeah, I'm looking forward to this. 25 00:00:43,562 --> 00:00:45,329 American women... they love the Australian accent. 26 00:00:45,397 --> 00:00:46,497 [Australian accent] Do they, mate? 27 00:00:46,565 --> 00:00:47,798 It's what got me Katie Knox. 28 00:00:47,866 --> 00:00:49,367 Yeah, and it also got you dumped by her. 29 00:00:49,434 --> 00:00:52,169 She'll be kicking herself that she broke up with me. 30 00:00:52,237 --> 00:00:53,537 - Really? - Yeah, yeah. 31 00:00:53,605 --> 00:00:55,606 I'm a comedian. I've been on TV. 32 00:00:55,674 --> 00:00:57,074 Both: "Three times." 33 00:00:57,142 --> 00:00:59,410 Yeah, three times more than you. 34 00:00:59,478 --> 00:01:02,146 Oh, my God! Jim Jefferies! 35 00:01:02,214 --> 00:01:04,315 Hi! [Laughs] 36 00:01:04,383 --> 00:01:06,250 - Hey. - Hey... Judy. 37 00:01:06,318 --> 00:01:08,819 You are so funny... acting like you don't remember me. 38 00:01:08,887 --> 00:01:09,887 I don't, so... 39 00:01:09,955 --> 00:01:11,088 - I do. - Okay. 40 00:01:11,156 --> 00:01:13,057 Well, here is your name tag. 41 00:01:13,125 --> 00:01:15,893 I have somebody who is dying to see you. 42 00:01:15,961 --> 00:01:17,428 - Of course you do. - Come on. 43 00:01:17,496 --> 00:01:18,696 You're gonna love this. 44 00:01:18,764 --> 00:01:19,764 Remember Judy? 45 00:01:19,831 --> 00:01:21,265 - No. - Oh, man. 46 00:01:21,333 --> 00:01:22,600 All right, let's get in and get out of here. 47 00:01:22,668 --> 00:01:24,335 Judy: And you made that look so hard. 48 00:01:24,403 --> 00:01:25,503 Oh, my God. Nicole. Hi! 49 00:01:25,570 --> 00:01:26,671 Hi, Judy! 50 00:01:26,738 --> 00:01:28,105 - Do you remember Jim? - Of course. 51 00:01:28,173 --> 00:01:30,374 - Do you remember Nicole? - Don't remember you. 52 00:01:30,442 --> 00:01:31,976 Oh, no, no. It's nothing. He's doing that to everybody. 53 00:01:32,044 --> 00:01:33,077 He's so funny. 54 00:01:33,145 --> 00:01:35,813 Aw, Jesus! Come on, Jim! 55 00:01:35,881 --> 00:01:38,082 He said he RSVP'd me. What an asshole. 56 00:01:38,150 --> 00:01:40,051 Hey, grab one of those leftover name tags. 57 00:01:40,118 --> 00:01:41,952 I'm not gonna pretend like I'm somebody else. 58 00:01:42,020 --> 00:01:44,221 No, I am. 59 00:01:44,289 --> 00:01:45,656 [Laughing] Oh, good one. 60 00:01:45,724 --> 00:01:47,258 Look who I found. 61 00:01:50,195 --> 00:01:51,562 Kate. 62 00:01:53,865 --> 00:01:55,199 Jim. Hi. 63 00:01:55,267 --> 00:01:57,868 Hi. Um... 64 00:01:57,936 --> 00:01:59,003 How are you? 65 00:01:59,071 --> 00:02:01,238 I'm good. You? 66 00:02:01,306 --> 00:02:03,941 I'm good. 67 00:02:04,009 --> 00:02:05,776 Okay you guys, I want you in the photo booth right now. 68 00:02:05,844 --> 00:02:07,044 - No, no, no. - Come on. 69 00:02:07,112 --> 00:02:08,479 - Just one picture. - Judy, Judy, Judy. 70 00:02:08,547 --> 00:02:09,747 Let's go, let's go. Please. Just for me. 71 00:02:09,815 --> 00:02:12,216 Right here. Oh, you are so pretty. 72 00:02:12,284 --> 00:02:13,884 Jim, brown is your color. 73 00:02:13,952 --> 00:02:16,120 Okay, um, closer together, please. 74 00:02:16,188 --> 00:02:18,522 Oh, you two were such an item. 75 00:02:18,590 --> 00:02:19,924 Smile for me. 76 00:02:19,991 --> 00:02:21,192 [Camera shutter clicks] 77 00:02:21,259 --> 00:02:23,461 You guys look so good together. 78 00:02:23,528 --> 00:02:26,630 Michelle klein, I have somebody who wants to see you. 79 00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:30,067 Judy said you were dying to see me? 80 00:02:30,135 --> 00:02:32,870 Um... No. 81 00:02:32,938 --> 00:02:34,739 [Chuckles] 82 00:02:34,806 --> 00:02:36,507 You know how Judy is. 83 00:02:36,575 --> 00:02:39,510 If you steal my sunshine 84 00:02:39,578 --> 00:02:40,878 Ouch. 85 00:02:40,946 --> 00:02:42,880 Yeah, she's totally kicking herself. 86 00:02:42,948 --> 00:02:44,548 I'm gonna make a lap. 87 00:02:44,616 --> 00:02:45,916 What? Don't go. 88 00:02:45,984 --> 00:02:47,585 If you steal my sunshine 89 00:02:47,652 --> 00:02:49,987 My sunshine 90 00:02:50,055 --> 00:02:51,522 Man: Hey, Jim. How are you? 91 00:02:51,590 --> 00:02:52,556 - If you steal my sunshine - Cool. 92 00:02:54,647 --> 00:02:55,880 This is ours... 93 00:02:55,948 --> 00:02:57,949 - Oh, God. - What? 94 00:02:58,017 --> 00:02:59,417 It's one of The Mays Twins. 95 00:02:59,485 --> 00:03:00,919 - Judy: Oh, my God. - Hey, man. 96 00:03:00,987 --> 00:03:02,287 - Hey. - Cade Mays? 97 00:03:02,355 --> 00:03:03,321 Billy: Are you kidding me? 98 00:03:03,389 --> 00:03:05,148 My God. He is dreamy. 99 00:03:05,150 --> 00:03:07,237 I spent half of freshman year stuffed into a locker 100 00:03:07,239 --> 00:03:08,039 because of those two. 101 00:03:08,107 --> 00:03:09,441 You're right. 102 00:03:09,508 --> 00:03:11,009 It was the best time of your life. 103 00:03:11,077 --> 00:03:13,044 I have like 10 people who are dying to see you. 104 00:03:13,112 --> 00:03:14,446 I'm gonna go talk to him. 105 00:03:14,513 --> 00:03:17,715 I'm gonna get a beer... See who else I know. 106 00:03:17,783 --> 00:03:19,984 - Rachel? - Jim. 107 00:03:20,052 --> 00:03:23,054 You look amazing. 108 00:03:23,122 --> 00:03:24,456 You look all professional and shit. 109 00:03:24,523 --> 00:03:25,490 Well done, Tubbs. 110 00:03:25,558 --> 00:03:27,792 Tubbs? 111 00:03:27,860 --> 00:03:30,662 I'm a prosecutor in Chicago... Family law. 112 00:03:30,729 --> 00:03:32,297 Wow. Family law. 113 00:03:32,364 --> 00:03:34,199 Well, I need one. Just beat my wife. 114 00:03:34,266 --> 00:03:35,667 No? 115 00:03:35,734 --> 00:03:37,035 Don't have a wife, so that's the joke. 116 00:03:37,103 --> 00:03:38,603 Um... 117 00:03:38,671 --> 00:03:40,105 Geez, we used to have fun back in school, didn't we? 118 00:03:40,172 --> 00:03:42,574 Yeah. So, what are you doing now? 119 00:03:42,641 --> 00:03:44,109 - Oh, you haven't heard? - No. 120 00:03:44,176 --> 00:03:45,276 I'm a comedian. 121 00:03:45,344 --> 00:03:46,711 Yeah, I've been on TV three times. 122 00:03:46,779 --> 00:03:48,947 Wow. No, 'cause I watch a ton of comedy. 123 00:03:49,014 --> 00:03:50,782 Um, do you go by your real name? 124 00:03:50,850 --> 00:03:52,684 Yeah... Um... Yeah, Jim... Jim Jefferies. 125 00:03:52,751 --> 00:03:54,485 - Huh. - Same... same name. 126 00:03:55,221 --> 00:03:56,521 - [Tires screech] - Oh! 127 00:03:56,589 --> 00:03:57,856 Oh, shit! I'm sorry. 128 00:03:57,923 --> 00:03:59,724 I'm in a wheelchair. 129 00:03:59,792 --> 00:04:01,759 Randall? 130 00:04:03,462 --> 00:04:04,829 Do I know you? 131 00:04:04,897 --> 00:04:07,065 Oh, my God. Randall, what happened? 132 00:04:07,133 --> 00:04:08,533 I'm sorry. 133 00:04:08,601 --> 00:04:10,735 I-I don't remember much after the accident. 134 00:04:10,803 --> 00:04:12,770 It's me... Nicole. 135 00:04:12,838 --> 00:04:15,039 Nicole. 136 00:04:15,107 --> 00:04:16,908 Oh, my God. It's so good to see you. 137 00:04:16,976 --> 00:04:18,676 You look... 138 00:04:19,745 --> 00:04:20,945 different. 139 00:04:22,248 --> 00:04:23,348 So, where are you living? 140 00:04:23,415 --> 00:04:25,216 Oh, I still live around here. 141 00:04:25,284 --> 00:04:26,951 Um, I live with, uh, Steve. 142 00:04:27,019 --> 00:04:29,621 Hey, Tubbs! Looking good, baby! 143 00:04:29,688 --> 00:04:30,855 I see you guys really have moved on. 144 00:04:30,923 --> 00:04:32,490 [Chuckles] 145 00:04:32,558 --> 00:04:34,225 Wow. You used to tease me relentlessly. 146 00:04:34,293 --> 00:04:35,627 [Laughing] Yeah. 147 00:04:35,694 --> 00:04:37,762 Yeah, I always used to make fun of everyone. 148 00:04:37,830 --> 00:04:39,797 You know, we had a lot of laughs, good times, really. 149 00:04:39,865 --> 00:04:40,765 Good times. 150 00:04:40,833 --> 00:04:42,300 You were mean to me, Jim. 151 00:04:42,368 --> 00:04:44,669 Oh, come on, Tubbs. I wasn't mean to you. 152 00:04:44,737 --> 00:04:46,037 We were friends. 153 00:04:46,105 --> 00:04:48,006 It was Jim and Tubbs, Tubbs and Jimmy. 154 00:04:48,073 --> 00:04:49,774 I see that you have put on some weight. 155 00:04:49,842 --> 00:04:52,610 Whoa! Geez, that's hurtful. 156 00:04:52,678 --> 00:04:56,347 Yeah! Cake and beer. 157 00:04:56,415 --> 00:04:57,382 Hey, Steve. 158 00:04:57,449 --> 00:04:59,050 Hey, man. 159 00:04:59,118 --> 00:05:00,351 - Mark. - Mark. 160 00:05:00,419 --> 00:05:01,753 Sorry, man. I don't remember you. 161 00:05:01,820 --> 00:05:03,054 Well, I remember you. 162 00:05:03,122 --> 00:05:04,622 Uh, you hung out with Gary. 163 00:05:04,690 --> 00:05:05,990 You had a mullet. 164 00:05:06,058 --> 00:05:08,259 Wow. Thought I had a good memory. 165 00:05:08,327 --> 00:05:10,128 What have you been up to? 166 00:05:10,196 --> 00:05:11,529 Quit drinking seven years ago after some major surgery. 167 00:05:11,597 --> 00:05:14,032 Whoa! That's got to be tough. 168 00:05:14,099 --> 00:05:15,099 The drinking or the surgery? 169 00:05:15,167 --> 00:05:16,668 Both, but the drinking. 170 00:05:16,735 --> 00:05:18,236 - Yeah. - Holy crap. 171 00:05:18,304 --> 00:05:19,771 Well, the surgery fixed a long-time problem. 172 00:05:19,838 --> 00:05:21,272 I had to quit to get it done, 173 00:05:21,340 --> 00:05:22,740 but, yeah, the drinking I do kind of miss. 174 00:05:22,808 --> 00:05:24,175 If you want a beer, just tell me. 175 00:05:24,243 --> 00:05:25,476 I'll go get you a beer, man. 176 00:05:25,544 --> 00:05:27,011 Steve, I'm good, thank you. 177 00:05:27,079 --> 00:05:29,013 I went home every night junior year and cried 178 00:05:29,081 --> 00:05:30,949 because of the things that you said to me. 179 00:05:31,016 --> 00:05:32,016 You did? 180 00:05:32,084 --> 00:05:33,618 Yeah. 181 00:05:33,686 --> 00:05:36,988 Ah, um... 182 00:05:37,056 --> 00:05:39,724 I-I'm sorry, Rachel. I thought I was being funny. 183 00:05:39,792 --> 00:05:42,560 [Laughing] I had such a huge crush on you. 184 00:05:42,628 --> 00:05:44,128 I would have sat on nails. 185 00:05:44,196 --> 00:05:45,763 You know what? 186 00:05:45,831 --> 00:05:47,699 I should thank you because in my line of work, 187 00:05:47,766 --> 00:05:50,201 having a tough skin... it really helps. 188 00:05:50,269 --> 00:05:52,637 Well, glad to have helped. 189 00:05:52,705 --> 00:05:55,206 Uh... You look great. 190 00:05:55,274 --> 00:05:57,308 And... and if it means anything, 191 00:05:57,376 --> 00:06:00,511 I'll have sex with you now. 192 00:06:00,579 --> 00:06:02,180 Oh. [Laughs] 193 00:06:02,248 --> 00:06:03,114 - No? - No, no. 194 00:06:03,182 --> 00:06:05,149 No. [Laughing] 195 00:06:17,496 --> 00:06:18,830 The people here are a bunch of... 196 00:06:18,897 --> 00:06:21,099 Hey, I remember you. You're a crazy guy. 197 00:06:21,166 --> 00:06:22,467 - Mark. - Jim. 198 00:06:22,534 --> 00:06:23,801 Yeah, mark was just thanking me 199 00:06:23,869 --> 00:06:25,570 for getting in the face of The Mays Twins. 200 00:06:25,638 --> 00:06:27,572 - He never did that. - Mark: No, he did. 201 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,274 It was... it was... it was very cool. 202 00:06:29,341 --> 00:06:30,742 It was a very nice thing to do. 203 00:06:30,809 --> 00:06:32,143 Yeah, see? See? 204 00:06:32,211 --> 00:06:33,511 High school was great! 205 00:06:33,579 --> 00:06:34,912 Yeah, it was great. 206 00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:36,214 What happened with Katie? 207 00:06:36,282 --> 00:06:37,682 She, uh... she shoot you down? 208 00:06:37,750 --> 00:06:39,384 I don't know what I'm gonna do with it. 209 00:06:39,451 --> 00:06:42,053 Where the hell's Mary Fulcher? 210 00:06:42,121 --> 00:06:43,488 [Laughs] We'd see that beast if she was walking around. 211 00:06:43,555 --> 00:06:45,589 Hey! She was sweet. 212 00:06:47,593 --> 00:06:49,460 I-I don't think she's gonna be here. 213 00:06:49,528 --> 00:06:51,462 This group was never very nice to her. 214 00:06:51,530 --> 00:06:54,065 Yeah, it's a shame. Mary was the best. 215 00:06:54,133 --> 00:06:56,034 Her nipples were, like, strawberry-colored. 216 00:06:56,101 --> 00:06:57,001 Oh, man. 217 00:06:57,069 --> 00:06:59,237 - Mary was my first. - Oh, God. 218 00:06:59,305 --> 00:07:00,872 She was. 219 00:07:00,939 --> 00:07:02,807 Then you started dating Georgia, and then those... 220 00:07:02,875 --> 00:07:05,109 those Mays guys started calling her "Atlanta Georgia" 221 00:07:05,177 --> 00:07:06,411 'cause her ass was the size of Atlanta. 222 00:07:06,478 --> 00:07:07,679 [Laughs] 223 00:07:07,746 --> 00:07:08,880 Very smart, those Mays guys. 224 00:07:08,947 --> 00:07:11,182 [Laughs mockingly] 225 00:07:11,250 --> 00:07:13,518 Oh, God! 226 00:07:13,585 --> 00:07:14,952 I married her. 227 00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:16,087 [Laughs] 228 00:07:16,155 --> 00:07:17,722 We made a daughter together. 229 00:07:17,790 --> 00:07:18,856 - Oh, congratulations. - No. 230 00:07:18,924 --> 00:07:19,590 I didn't know that. Great. 231 00:07:19,658 --> 00:07:21,726 Steve. 232 00:07:21,794 --> 00:07:23,594 Oh, Atlanta. 233 00:07:23,662 --> 00:07:24,896 We're divorced now. 234 00:07:24,963 --> 00:07:26,230 So, Steve, do you still want 235 00:07:26,298 --> 00:07:27,432 to take Emily to the park tomorrow? 236 00:07:27,499 --> 00:07:29,500 Oh, Georgia, may I? 237 00:07:29,568 --> 00:07:32,403 May I take my own daughter out to celebrate her birthday, 238 00:07:32,471 --> 00:07:34,005 please, three weeks late? 239 00:07:34,073 --> 00:07:35,707 - Steve. - I would have done it on time, Mark, 240 00:07:35,774 --> 00:07:36,908 you see, except that my wife... 241 00:07:36,975 --> 00:07:39,344 - Georgia, new hairdo? - Yes. 242 00:07:39,411 --> 00:07:41,979 - Looks great. - Thanks, Jim. 243 00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:46,017 Great job accepting it, mate. 244 00:07:46,085 --> 00:07:48,853 It's a process, like photosynthesis. 245 00:07:51,174 --> 00:07:54,509 Hey, George, we had some good times in this gym, didn't we? 246 00:07:54,577 --> 00:07:56,845 - Oh, Steve, please. - Come on. 247 00:07:56,913 --> 00:07:58,046 Remember back by the door 248 00:07:58,114 --> 00:07:59,481 when I was giving you the fingers? 249 00:07:59,549 --> 00:08:01,616 Oh, my God. That is so inappropriate. 250 00:08:01,684 --> 00:08:03,552 Screw you, you fingering slut. 251 00:08:03,619 --> 00:08:04,886 Ugh! 252 00:08:04,954 --> 00:08:06,588 Let me know if you find my class ring. 253 00:08:08,891 --> 00:08:09,891 Hey, Kate. 254 00:08:09,959 --> 00:08:12,127 Hi, Jim. 255 00:08:12,195 --> 00:08:14,362 - You want to have a dance? - No. 256 00:08:14,430 --> 00:08:16,665 - Can we talk? - We are talking. 257 00:08:16,732 --> 00:08:20,035 Yeah, um, just alone, like, the two of us outside. 258 00:08:20,102 --> 00:08:22,871 I really... I'd like to, um, have a talk. 259 00:08:22,939 --> 00:08:25,473 Jim, you really hurt me. 260 00:08:25,541 --> 00:08:26,975 I hurt you? 261 00:08:27,043 --> 00:08:27,876 Yeah. 262 00:08:27,944 --> 00:08:29,377 Yep. 263 00:08:29,445 --> 00:08:30,745 I just need five minutes. I just... 264 00:08:30,813 --> 00:08:32,814 All you bitches can go to hell! 265 00:08:32,882 --> 00:08:34,316 Shit. 266 00:08:34,383 --> 00:08:35,917 I think you should go help your friend. 267 00:08:38,754 --> 00:08:40,755 What are you gonna tell me? 268 00:08:40,823 --> 00:08:42,724 You're gonna tell me how you got so damn tall, dude? 269 00:08:42,792 --> 00:08:47,963 Then on the Hillary steps, without oxygen, my sherpa fell. 270 00:08:48,030 --> 00:08:49,764 [Gasps] 271 00:08:49,832 --> 00:08:52,701 My choice... take the blow from his body with my own 272 00:08:52,768 --> 00:08:56,972 or watch him fall thousands of feet off the face of Everest. 273 00:08:57,039 --> 00:08:58,240 [Gasps] Oh, my God. 274 00:08:58,307 --> 00:09:00,008 So, I took the blow. 275 00:09:00,076 --> 00:09:02,944 There is no question that you have been blessed. 276 00:09:03,012 --> 00:09:05,313 And I think we should pray. 277 00:09:05,381 --> 00:09:07,949 Thank you, little lord Jesus for sending... 278 00:09:08,017 --> 00:09:09,084 Katie. 279 00:09:09,151 --> 00:09:11,853 [Sighs] What, Jim? 280 00:09:11,921 --> 00:09:13,255 Why are you being such a dick to me? 281 00:09:13,322 --> 00:09:14,623 I'm being a dick? You're being a dick. 282 00:09:14,690 --> 00:09:16,091 You really hurt me, 283 00:09:16,158 --> 00:09:17,259 and now you don't have the common courtesy 284 00:09:17,326 --> 00:09:18,293 to talk to me all these years on? 285 00:09:18,361 --> 00:09:20,161 Really? I-I hurt you? 286 00:09:20,229 --> 00:09:22,264 Yeah, just moved away, didn't even tell me. 287 00:09:22,331 --> 00:09:24,165 Uh, yeah, 'cause I kind of had to. 288 00:09:24,233 --> 00:09:27,202 I kind of had to get on a bus for 14 hours 289 00:09:27,270 --> 00:09:29,271 with a bunch of flowers just so I could get to the door, 290 00:09:29,338 --> 00:09:30,972 and your dad answers it 291 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,041 and tells me you never want to speak to me again. 292 00:09:33,109 --> 00:09:34,776 Wait. He did? 293 00:09:34,844 --> 00:09:36,211 Yeah. 294 00:09:36,279 --> 00:09:38,580 [Sighs] 295 00:09:38,648 --> 00:09:39,814 I'm sorry. I-I... 296 00:09:39,882 --> 00:09:41,216 Sorry? What... what was that? 297 00:09:41,284 --> 00:09:42,751 You're sorry. 298 00:09:42,818 --> 00:09:44,886 What, you're sorry that you, uh, broke my heart? 299 00:09:44,954 --> 00:09:46,955 You're sorry that you, uh, pretty much destroy... 300 00:09:47,023 --> 00:09:48,490 You ruined me! 301 00:09:48,557 --> 00:09:51,826 I'm 16 years old. I'm just crying my eyes out. 302 00:09:51,894 --> 00:09:54,195 Please... please don't laugh. 303 00:09:54,263 --> 00:09:55,664 - Sorry. - Please. 304 00:09:55,731 --> 00:09:57,632 I felt like I lost an arm. 305 00:09:57,700 --> 00:10:00,568 You know, you... you were the first girl 306 00:10:00,636 --> 00:10:03,171 I-I waited to sleep with. 307 00:10:03,239 --> 00:10:07,175 And you're the last girl I ever waited... to sleep with. 308 00:10:07,243 --> 00:10:08,510 [Chuckles] 309 00:10:08,577 --> 00:10:11,546 Well, you pretty much ruined my 20s, so... 310 00:10:11,614 --> 00:10:13,148 Good. I'm listening. 311 00:10:13,215 --> 00:10:15,550 It was just one bad relationship after another, and... 312 00:10:17,219 --> 00:10:19,187 I live in Sacramento, for Christ's sakes. 313 00:10:19,255 --> 00:10:21,723 Sacramento... that's the worst bit of that story. 314 00:10:21,791 --> 00:10:23,391 Judy: Oh, excuse me. 315 00:10:23,459 --> 00:10:25,460 Everybody, uh, we have a little slide-show presentation 316 00:10:25,528 --> 00:10:26,728 for you. 317 00:10:26,796 --> 00:10:28,663 First up, "Where are they now?" 318 00:10:28,731 --> 00:10:31,967 Class clown and most likely to be arrested... 319 00:10:32,034 --> 00:10:34,102 - [Laughter] - ...Jim Jefferies. 320 00:10:34,170 --> 00:10:36,571 Jim has been on TV three times. 321 00:10:36,639 --> 00:10:37,906 [Crickets chirping] 322 00:10:37,974 --> 00:10:39,574 Wait. Where is Jim now? 323 00:10:39,642 --> 00:10:44,661 Probably out back trying to bang Katie Knox again! 324 00:10:44,729 --> 00:10:46,697 I was the... You know... I'm... I'm a comedian now. 325 00:10:46,765 --> 00:10:48,065 I'm happy with that. 326 00:10:48,133 --> 00:10:49,133 I've been on TV like six times. 327 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,835 - Oh, that's... - No, Um... It's three. 328 00:10:51,903 --> 00:10:54,938 I just wanted to... I've been on TV three times. 329 00:10:55,006 --> 00:10:57,408 Every time you come to the bay area, I go. 330 00:10:57,475 --> 00:11:00,077 Well, I've played in some pretty small crowds. 331 00:11:00,145 --> 00:11:02,746 I think I would have... Um, why didn't you ever say hi? 332 00:11:02,814 --> 00:11:04,715 I was mad, dumb-ass. 333 00:11:06,284 --> 00:11:09,353 Biggest change... Mary Fulcher... 334 00:11:09,421 --> 00:11:12,156 Mary... Mary! Yeah! 335 00:11:12,223 --> 00:11:13,624 Pay attention, Georgia. 336 00:11:13,691 --> 00:11:14,992 This is what a real woman looks like. 337 00:11:15,060 --> 00:11:16,260 [Laughter] 338 00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:20,531 Uh, who is now Mark Fulcher. 339 00:11:20,598 --> 00:11:21,498 - [Laughs] - [Applause] 340 00:11:21,566 --> 00:11:23,801 Huh? 341 00:11:23,868 --> 00:11:26,170 Judy: So handsome, right? 342 00:11:26,237 --> 00:11:29,273 Oh, my God! Are you kidding me?! 343 00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,974 I was trying to find the right moment to tell you. 344 00:11:31,042 --> 00:11:32,843 Oh! Mmm! 345 00:11:34,546 --> 00:11:36,846 The night just keeps getting better. 346 00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:39,064 Judy: As you know, 347 00:11:39,131 --> 00:11:40,031 some of our classmates couldn't be here tonight, 348 00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:42,934 but they are here via YouTube. 349 00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:44,936 - [Applause] - [Laughs] 350 00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:46,938 Greetings, everybody, from here in Africa. 351 00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:49,207 - Shit! - I am at a Christian orphanage. 352 00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:51,443 I just wanted to say hello to everybody, 353 00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:53,912 especially Lisanne and the Bible-study group. 354 00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:54,646 - You guys are... - We got to go. 355 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,081 Hey, did you know 356 00:11:56,148 --> 00:11:58,183 my first sexual encounter is now a man? 357 00:11:58,250 --> 00:11:59,784 Yeah, I knew that. 358 00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:01,419 And, uh, you didn't bother to tell me? 359 00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:03,088 I didn't want to embarrass him. 360 00:12:03,155 --> 00:12:05,523 Do you remember the... the last time we had sex? 361 00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:07,492 - Uh... No. - Let me... let me paint a picture. 362 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,094 Uh, your house. 363 00:12:09,161 --> 00:12:10,562 There was some music playing in the background... 364 00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,564 Guns N' Roses' "Appetite for Destruction." 365 00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:13,999 - [Laughs] - You had the hair. 366 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,600 [Both laugh] 367 00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,836 I remember a lot of crying is what I remember. 368 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:19,638 But you were crying. 369 00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:22,240 I-I never... well, yes, it was me, yes. 370 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,808 I was the one who cried. 371 00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:26,044 And now it is time for "In Memoriam." 372 00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,445 Ooh, I love this part. 373 00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:31,883 - Amazing grace - [Laughs] 374 00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:32,923 - What?! - How sweet the sound 375 00:12:32,949 --> 00:12:33,476 That's awesome. 376 00:12:33,519 --> 00:12:35,320 That's it! No! 377 00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:38,523 Hey, it's spelled with a "v," not "p-h"! 378 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:39,858 And it's not Nuggett! 379 00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:42,260 It's Nugent, you assholes! 380 00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:44,329 Please! You got my birth date wrong! 381 00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:48,099 You know I was held back two years because of biology! 382 00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:49,634 I was born in '75! 383 00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:53,704 You know, I can't say I've ever... 384 00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:55,440 met the right girl. 385 00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,642 And why was that? 386 00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,512 Sanity. 387 00:13:05,885 --> 00:13:07,318 Uh, um... 388 00:13:09,155 --> 00:13:11,589 Your dad's a really convincing guy. 389 00:13:11,657 --> 00:13:13,391 He was. 390 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:14,893 [Feedback] 391 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,695 Mary, Mark, whatever it is over there... 392 00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:18,229 I got to tell you something, Mary. 393 00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,331 I'm so proud of you. 394 00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:23,668 I'm so proud of you 'cause you had the balls... 395 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,370 or the vagina or whatever... 396 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,305 to become who you really wanted to be. 397 00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:28,973 Thank you. 398 00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:32,711 You can all just suck my dick... or Mary's new dick. 399 00:13:32,778 --> 00:13:35,280 Brand-spanking-new dick. Got that new-dick smell. 400 00:13:35,347 --> 00:13:36,347 It's new. 401 00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:41,586 Jim! Jim! 402 00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:43,755 Dude. 403 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,990 What, Billy? 404 00:13:46,058 --> 00:13:47,859 Remember when we told them that Steve was dead? 405 00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:49,094 Well, it's getting out of hand. 406 00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:53,765 He's probably gonna get his ass kicked. 407 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,700 - I... - All right. 408 00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:57,135 - I'm gonna go watch. - It's okay. 409 00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:01,873 Sorry. 410 00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:02,841 Shit! 411 00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:04,509 There's only two people 412 00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,177 in this whole room I give a shit about, anyway. 413 00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:07,645 That's right. 414 00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:10,715 That's Mary Fulcher and Gary Trusdale. 415 00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:12,317 - Gary! - [Feedback] 416 00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:13,284 [Laughs] 417 00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:14,719 You know what? 418 00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:17,622 I'm proud to say that I hit that. 419 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,823 Steven, please. 420 00:14:18,891 --> 00:14:20,625 Oh, please yourself, Georgia. 421 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,595 Go please yourself. Right by that door. 422 00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:25,563 Okay, buddy. That's enough. 423 00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:28,233 Yeah, whoa. "Enough, enough," Cade, Wade, 424 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:29,667 or whatever the hell your name is. 425 00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:31,569 Where's your twin brother? 426 00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:32,504 I want to... I got something I want to say to both of you. 427 00:14:32,571 --> 00:14:33,805 Bring that dickhead out here. 428 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:37,242 He died. He was beaten to death. 429 00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:40,845 Well, that's a bit of good news, isn't it? 430 00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:42,514 [Gasping] 431 00:14:42,581 --> 00:14:43,915 [Laughs] 432 00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:47,185 Oh! 433 00:14:47,253 --> 00:14:50,021 Got nothing to say now, huh? What? 434 00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:53,358 What's that? 435 00:14:53,425 --> 00:14:55,093 No! 436 00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:56,494 Gary's dead?! 437 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,062 - Nobody told me that! - Steve, stop. 438 00:14:58,130 --> 00:14:59,831 I didn't know that Gary was dead! 439 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,366 You didn't tell me Gary died! 440 00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:02,400 Jim: Steve Nugent, everyone. 441 00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:03,434 Play "Free Bird"! 442 00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:04,769 [Laughs] 443 00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:06,571 Okay, uh, I think what Steve here 444 00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,973 was trying to say is that, 445 00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:10,842 um, we've all had our trials and problems. 446 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,278 Maybe there's a... 447 00:15:13,345 --> 00:15:15,780 there's a love that we lost and, uh, missed. 448 00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:17,382 We all make mistakes. 449 00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:20,318 I think Steve would be the first here to say 450 00:15:20,386 --> 00:15:24,689 that he's probably... made more mistakes than most. 451 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:25,723 Steve: You don't speak for me! 452 00:15:25,791 --> 00:15:28,326 But we're all human. 453 00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:31,896 And, uh, Wade, I'm... I'm sorry about your loss, mate. 454 00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:32,897 I'm Cade. 455 00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:34,732 Either way. 456 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,568 We got to get going, buddy. 457 00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:38,036 Yeah, I told them. 458 00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:40,305 Yeah, you did. 459 00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:41,806 Judy: Well, that was not very funny. 460 00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,575 Hey, I'm sorry I told everyone you were dead. 461 00:15:43,642 --> 00:15:44,843 Why'd you do that? 462 00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:46,143 Billy thought it'd be funny. 463 00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:46,978 Oh! 464 00:15:47,046 --> 00:15:48,746 [Laughing] And it was! 465 00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:50,915 Steve, I'm embarrassed. 466 00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:53,251 You make me so hard. 467 00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:54,552 Hey, see you in five years. 468 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:55,987 Who's that? 469 00:15:56,055 --> 00:15:56,754 - George Zimmerman. - [Gasps] Oh, really? 470 00:15:56,822 --> 00:15:57,889 No, a different one. 471 00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,858 Steve. Give me a call. 472 00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:02,227 Mark, Mark, you're a good guy, man. 473 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:04,562 And this is the weirdest night of my life. 474 00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:07,532 But I want you to come home with me. 475 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,167 If you ever want to stop drinking, just give me a call. 476 00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:11,035 - I don't have a drinking problem, dickhead! - Hey. 477 00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:12,604 - I got to carry him home. - Let me help you. 478 00:16:12,671 --> 00:16:15,540 [Gasps] Katie's here, Jim. 479 00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,175 Jim talks about you... Oh! 480 00:16:17,243 --> 00:16:18,977 - Okay, come on. - Oh, man. 481 00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:20,578 Come on. 482 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,847 Do you know my first girlfriend has a dick now? 483 00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,582 - Yeah. - Everyone knows but me. 484 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:25,582 - Hey, Billy. - Oh, hey. 485 00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:26,985 Is that your name? 486 00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:28,586 Yeah. Sorry about that. 487 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,455 I forgive you. 488 00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:33,825 And if you ever want to find the love of Christ, call me. 489 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:36,461 [Laughs] I've died like seven times. 490 00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:38,596 Trust me... there's nothing there. 491 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,965 [Laughs] 492 00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:42,767 [Insects chirping] 493 00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,238 [Laughs] What's that look for? 494 00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:50,041 I don't know. I-I, uh... 495 00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:55,113 I can't remember wanting someone to stay after sex. 496 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:57,048 [Laughs] Oh, I'll go. 497 00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:59,017 No! You have to stay. 498 00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:00,852 It's... it's important that I learn. 499 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,353 [Laughs] 500 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:07,959 When's the last time you felt... not alone? 501 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:11,095 Uh, the last time I had sex with you. 502 00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:13,464 Wow, Jim. You're good. 503 00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,300 No, no. That was... please. 504 00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:16,234 Come on. I was serious. 505 00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:17,235 Really? 506 00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:19,904 Yeah. 507 00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:22,473 You... you really should have tried with us, Katie? 508 00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,309 Why... why didn't you try with us? 509 00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:27,545 My dad hated you, Jim. 510 00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:31,149 He said you used me. 511 00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:33,017 My family sent me to Utah. 512 00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:34,885 Why? 513 00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:44,295 To have an abortion. 514 00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:50,034 Um... Uh... 515 00:17:50,102 --> 00:17:52,403 It was, uh, with me? 516 00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:54,305 - W-was that... - You know what? I got... I got to go. 517 00:17:54,373 --> 00:17:55,640 I-I have a plane to catch. 518 00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:57,241 No, you can't go now. 519 00:17:57,309 --> 00:17:59,110 - You've got to just stay, please. - I can't. 520 00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:00,678 Jim, this was a one-off, okay? 521 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,613 - I needed closure. - Yeah, but... 522 00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:04,949 - But what, Jim? - [Sighs] 523 00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,884 I can't have a train wreck in my life. I... 524 00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,755 This was amazing. 525 00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:13,024 Really, I did not expect this to happen. 526 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:16,728 And you were really brave for telling me 527 00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:18,763 how bad it hurt you. 528 00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:27,438 It has haunted me. 529 00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:29,474 Hello there 530 00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:32,744 When my dad said that you didn't... call 531 00:18:32,811 --> 00:18:36,280 and that you didn't care, and now I know you did. 532 00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:41,085 It means so much. 533 00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:43,354 We can live like Jack and Sally if we want 534 00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:46,858 Thank you. 535 00:18:46,925 --> 00:18:49,293 And we'll have Halloween on Christmas 536 00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:52,196 And in the night, we'll wish this never ends 537 00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:55,066 We'll wish this never ends 538 00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:12,116 Jim: Get up. You've got to go see Em. 539 00:19:12,184 --> 00:19:13,618 [Groaning] No. 540 00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:15,053 She's all you've got left except for me and Billy, 541 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:15,987 and he's gonna die. 542 00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:17,789 Oh, don't say that. 543 00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:19,057 Jim! 544 00:19:19,124 --> 00:19:21,759 Where are you? 545 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,262 Get in the shower, Steve! 546 00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:25,596 I cannot sleep 547 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:27,031 I cannot dream tonight 548 00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,600 I need somebody and always 549 00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:30,935 Billy: You know, I'm really glad I went. 550 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,336 It was nice being Randall for a while. 551 00:19:32,404 --> 00:19:35,640 God, Jim! 552 00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:37,608 Jesus, Billy. 553 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:38,943 What about her present, man? 554 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,378 Got it covered. 555 00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:42,547 - Was last night bad? - Well, it wasn't good. 556 00:19:42,614 --> 00:19:43,714 We told everyone that you were dead 557 00:19:43,782 --> 00:19:44,649 'cause we thought it was funny. 558 00:19:44,716 --> 00:19:46,350 That is kind of funny. 559 00:19:46,418 --> 00:19:47,485 I wish I remembered. 560 00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,320 How was your night? 561 00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:51,956 Turns out that my life could have been very different. 562 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,759 Yeah, what about mine? Mary Fulcher's a man? 563 00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:56,594 Emily: I love you, daddy. 564 00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:58,262 Yeah, I love you, too, kid. 565 00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:00,465 Happy Birthday. I got you a gift. 566 00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:01,566 Ooh! 567 00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:04,235 - Rip it open. - Okay. 568 00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:06,504 - I love it! - Yeah. 569 00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:09,140 - 'Cause it gets cold in Cincinnati. - Yep. 570 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,008 Here. 571 00:20:11,076 --> 00:20:12,610 Got it? 572 00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:14,345 I love it. Look at it, daddy! 573 00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:15,613 I grew! 574 00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:18,316 Yeah, you did. 575 00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:19,951 I'm an airplane! 576 00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:22,220 Whoo! Airplane! 577 00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:24,489 I'm an airplane! 578 00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:29,160 Airplane! Airplane! Airplane! 579 00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,200 - Don't be sad, dad. - I'm not sad. 580 00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:37,902 I'm happy. I'm just happy you're here. 581 00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:40,538 - That's all. - Me too. 582 00:20:40,606 --> 00:20:42,140 Bye, daddy! 583 00:20:42,207 --> 00:20:43,207 Bye, kid. I love you. 584 00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:46,009 I love you, too! 585 00:20:50,151 --> 00:20:51,751 What's your dwarf friend's name? 586 00:20:51,753 --> 00:20:54,000 Brad. 587 00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:55,752 Think Brad needs a jacket? 588 00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:58,456 [Both laugh] 589 00:21:02,756 --> 00:21:10,256 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com 590 00:21:10,306 --> 00:21:14,856 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40262

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