Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,424 --> 00:00:06,490
[Australian accent] What
do you think you're doing?
2
00:00:06,558 --> 00:00:08,326
Grew this out just for tonight.
3
00:00:08,393 --> 00:00:10,161
Well, I wouldn't do that.
That doesn't look good.
4
00:00:10,229 --> 00:00:11,762
Good comb-overs... you don't
even know they're there.
5
00:00:11,830 --> 00:00:13,264
Oh, people will notice.
6
00:00:13,332 --> 00:00:14,532
Well, Georgia's gonna be there tonight.
7
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:15,800
I want to put my best foot forward.
8
00:00:15,867 --> 00:00:17,368
Well, probably not with that comb-over.
9
00:00:17,436 --> 00:00:18,402
How do I look?
10
00:00:18,470 --> 00:00:19,670
Like Stephen Hawking
11
00:00:19,738 --> 00:00:20,871
at a charity event or something.
12
00:00:20,939 --> 00:00:22,006
You look fantastic.
13
00:00:22,074 --> 00:00:23,341
So, why are you going, Billy?
14
00:00:23,408 --> 00:00:24,642
It's not even your class.
15
00:00:24,710 --> 00:00:26,010
I go to everything.
16
00:00:26,078 --> 00:00:27,111
You never know what's gonna happen.
17
00:00:27,179 --> 00:00:28,645
Jim: Rodney, you going home?
18
00:00:28,647 --> 00:00:31,114
No. "The Apprentice" is
on next with Gary Busey.
19
00:00:31,116 --> 00:00:32,817
I think it's entertaining
20
00:00:32,884 --> 00:00:35,419
to watch mentally handicapped
people on television.
21
00:00:36,989 --> 00:00:38,623
I'm gonna get in there
22
00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:40,458
and make a good impression
on Georgia and just get out.
23
00:00:40,525 --> 00:00:42,026
You know, I mean, high school
was a great time in my life.
24
00:00:42,094 --> 00:00:43,494
Jim: Yeah, I'm looking forward to this.
25
00:00:43,562 --> 00:00:45,329
American women... they
love the Australian accent.
26
00:00:45,397 --> 00:00:46,497
[Australian accent] Do they, mate?
27
00:00:46,565 --> 00:00:47,798
It's what got me Katie Knox.
28
00:00:47,866 --> 00:00:49,367
Yeah, and it also got you dumped by her.
29
00:00:49,434 --> 00:00:52,169
She'll be kicking herself
that she broke up with me.
30
00:00:52,237 --> 00:00:53,537
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah.
31
00:00:53,605 --> 00:00:55,606
I'm a comedian. I've been on TV.
32
00:00:55,674 --> 00:00:57,074
Both: "Three times."
33
00:00:57,142 --> 00:00:59,410
Yeah, three times more than you.
34
00:00:59,478 --> 00:01:02,146
Oh, my God! Jim Jefferies!
35
00:01:02,214 --> 00:01:04,315
Hi! [Laughs]
36
00:01:04,383 --> 00:01:06,250
- Hey.
- Hey... Judy.
37
00:01:06,318 --> 00:01:08,819
You are so funny... acting
like you don't remember me.
38
00:01:08,887 --> 00:01:09,887
I don't, so...
39
00:01:09,955 --> 00:01:11,088
- I do.
- Okay.
40
00:01:11,156 --> 00:01:13,057
Well, here is your name tag.
41
00:01:13,125 --> 00:01:15,893
I have somebody who is dying to see you.
42
00:01:15,961 --> 00:01:17,428
- Of course you do.
- Come on.
43
00:01:17,496 --> 00:01:18,696
You're gonna love this.
44
00:01:18,764 --> 00:01:19,764
Remember Judy?
45
00:01:19,831 --> 00:01:21,265
- No.
- Oh, man.
46
00:01:21,333 --> 00:01:22,600
All right, let's get
in and get out of here.
47
00:01:22,668 --> 00:01:24,335
Judy: And you made that look so hard.
48
00:01:24,403 --> 00:01:25,503
Oh, my God. Nicole. Hi!
49
00:01:25,570 --> 00:01:26,671
Hi, Judy!
50
00:01:26,738 --> 00:01:28,105
- Do you remember Jim?
- Of course.
51
00:01:28,173 --> 00:01:30,374
- Do you remember Nicole?
- Don't remember you.
52
00:01:30,442 --> 00:01:31,976
Oh, no, no. It's nothing.
He's doing that to everybody.
53
00:01:32,044 --> 00:01:33,077
He's so funny.
54
00:01:33,145 --> 00:01:35,813
Aw, Jesus! Come on, Jim!
55
00:01:35,881 --> 00:01:38,082
He said he RSVP'd me. What an asshole.
56
00:01:38,150 --> 00:01:40,051
Hey, grab one of those leftover name tags.
57
00:01:40,118 --> 00:01:41,952
I'm not gonna pretend
like I'm somebody else.
58
00:01:42,020 --> 00:01:44,221
No, I am.
59
00:01:44,289 --> 00:01:45,656
[Laughing] Oh, good one.
60
00:01:45,724 --> 00:01:47,258
Look who I found.
61
00:01:50,195 --> 00:01:51,562
Kate.
62
00:01:53,865 --> 00:01:55,199
Jim. Hi.
63
00:01:55,267 --> 00:01:57,868
Hi. Um...
64
00:01:57,936 --> 00:01:59,003
How are you?
65
00:01:59,071 --> 00:02:01,238
I'm good. You?
66
00:02:01,306 --> 00:02:03,941
I'm good.
67
00:02:04,009 --> 00:02:05,776
Okay you guys, I want you
in the photo booth right now.
68
00:02:05,844 --> 00:02:07,044
- No, no, no.
- Come on.
69
00:02:07,112 --> 00:02:08,479
- Just one picture.
- Judy, Judy, Judy.
70
00:02:08,547 --> 00:02:09,747
Let's go, let's go. Please. Just for me.
71
00:02:09,815 --> 00:02:12,216
Right here. Oh, you are so pretty.
72
00:02:12,284 --> 00:02:13,884
Jim, brown is your color.
73
00:02:13,952 --> 00:02:16,120
Okay, um, closer together, please.
74
00:02:16,188 --> 00:02:18,522
Oh, you two were such an item.
75
00:02:18,590 --> 00:02:19,924
Smile for me.
76
00:02:19,991 --> 00:02:21,192
[Camera shutter clicks]
77
00:02:21,259 --> 00:02:23,461
You guys look so good together.
78
00:02:23,528 --> 00:02:26,630
Michelle klein, I have
somebody who wants to see you.
79
00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:30,067
Judy said you were dying to see me?
80
00:02:30,135 --> 00:02:32,870
Um... No.
81
00:02:32,938 --> 00:02:34,739
[Chuckles]
82
00:02:34,806 --> 00:02:36,507
You know how Judy is.
83
00:02:36,575 --> 00:02:39,510
If you steal my sunshine
84
00:02:39,578 --> 00:02:40,878
Ouch.
85
00:02:40,946 --> 00:02:42,880
Yeah, she's totally kicking herself.
86
00:02:42,948 --> 00:02:44,548
I'm gonna make a lap.
87
00:02:44,616 --> 00:02:45,916
What? Don't go.
88
00:02:45,984 --> 00:02:47,585
If you steal my sunshine
89
00:02:47,652 --> 00:02:49,987
My sunshine
90
00:02:50,055 --> 00:02:51,522
Man: Hey, Jim. How are you?
91
00:02:51,590 --> 00:02:52,556
-
If you steal my sunshine
- Cool.
92
00:02:54,647 --> 00:02:55,880
This is ours...
93
00:02:55,948 --> 00:02:57,949
- Oh, God.
- What?
94
00:02:58,017 --> 00:02:59,417
It's one of The Mays Twins.
95
00:02:59,485 --> 00:03:00,919
- Judy: Oh, my God.
- Hey, man.
96
00:03:00,987 --> 00:03:02,287
- Hey.
- Cade Mays?
97
00:03:02,355 --> 00:03:03,321
Billy: Are you kidding me?
98
00:03:03,389 --> 00:03:05,148
My God. He is dreamy.
99
00:03:05,150 --> 00:03:07,237
I spent half of freshman year
stuffed into a locker
100
00:03:07,239 --> 00:03:08,039
because of those two.
101
00:03:08,107 --> 00:03:09,441
You're right.
102
00:03:09,508 --> 00:03:11,009
It was the best time of your life.
103
00:03:11,077 --> 00:03:13,044
I have like 10 people
who are dying to see you.
104
00:03:13,112 --> 00:03:14,446
I'm gonna go talk to him.
105
00:03:14,513 --> 00:03:17,715
I'm gonna get a beer...
See who else I know.
106
00:03:17,783 --> 00:03:19,984
- Rachel?
- Jim.
107
00:03:20,052 --> 00:03:23,054
You look amazing.
108
00:03:23,122 --> 00:03:24,456
You look all professional and shit.
109
00:03:24,523 --> 00:03:25,490
Well done, Tubbs.
110
00:03:25,558 --> 00:03:27,792
Tubbs?
111
00:03:27,860 --> 00:03:30,662
I'm a prosecutor in Chicago... Family law.
112
00:03:30,729 --> 00:03:32,297
Wow. Family law.
113
00:03:32,364 --> 00:03:34,199
Well, I need one. Just beat my wife.
114
00:03:34,266 --> 00:03:35,667
No?
115
00:03:35,734 --> 00:03:37,035
Don't have a wife, so that's the joke.
116
00:03:37,103 --> 00:03:38,603
Um...
117
00:03:38,671 --> 00:03:40,105
Geez, we used to have fun
back in school, didn't we?
118
00:03:40,172 --> 00:03:42,574
Yeah. So, what are you doing now?
119
00:03:42,641 --> 00:03:44,109
- Oh, you haven't heard?
- No.
120
00:03:44,176 --> 00:03:45,276
I'm a comedian.
121
00:03:45,344 --> 00:03:46,711
Yeah, I've been on TV three times.
122
00:03:46,779 --> 00:03:48,947
Wow. No, 'cause I watch a ton of comedy.
123
00:03:49,014 --> 00:03:50,782
Um, do you go by your real name?
124
00:03:50,850 --> 00:03:52,684
Yeah... Um... Yeah, Jim... Jim Jefferies.
125
00:03:52,751 --> 00:03:54,485
- Huh.
- Same... same name.
126
00:03:55,221 --> 00:03:56,521
- [Tires screech]
- Oh!
127
00:03:56,589 --> 00:03:57,856
Oh, shit! I'm sorry.
128
00:03:57,923 --> 00:03:59,724
I'm in a wheelchair.
129
00:03:59,792 --> 00:04:01,759
Randall?
130
00:04:03,462 --> 00:04:04,829
Do I know you?
131
00:04:04,897 --> 00:04:07,065
Oh, my God. Randall, what happened?
132
00:04:07,133 --> 00:04:08,533
I'm sorry.
133
00:04:08,601 --> 00:04:10,735
I-I don't remember
much after the accident.
134
00:04:10,803 --> 00:04:12,770
It's me... Nicole.
135
00:04:12,838 --> 00:04:15,039
Nicole.
136
00:04:15,107 --> 00:04:16,908
Oh, my God. It's so good to see you.
137
00:04:16,976 --> 00:04:18,676
You look...
138
00:04:19,745 --> 00:04:20,945
different.
139
00:04:22,248 --> 00:04:23,348
So, where are you living?
140
00:04:23,415 --> 00:04:25,216
Oh, I still live around here.
141
00:04:25,284 --> 00:04:26,951
Um, I live with, uh, Steve.
142
00:04:27,019 --> 00:04:29,621
Hey, Tubbs! Looking good, baby!
143
00:04:29,688 --> 00:04:30,855
I see you guys really have moved on.
144
00:04:30,923 --> 00:04:32,490
[Chuckles]
145
00:04:32,558 --> 00:04:34,225
Wow. You used to tease me relentlessly.
146
00:04:34,293 --> 00:04:35,627
[Laughing] Yeah.
147
00:04:35,694 --> 00:04:37,762
Yeah, I always used to
make fun of everyone.
148
00:04:37,830 --> 00:04:39,797
You know, we had a lot of
laughs, good times, really.
149
00:04:39,865 --> 00:04:40,765
Good times.
150
00:04:40,833 --> 00:04:42,300
You were mean to me, Jim.
151
00:04:42,368 --> 00:04:44,669
Oh, come on, Tubbs. I wasn't mean to you.
152
00:04:44,737 --> 00:04:46,037
We were friends.
153
00:04:46,105 --> 00:04:48,006
It was Jim and Tubbs, Tubbs and Jimmy.
154
00:04:48,073 --> 00:04:49,774
I see that you have put on some weight.
155
00:04:49,842 --> 00:04:52,610
Whoa! Geez, that's hurtful.
156
00:04:52,678 --> 00:04:56,347
Yeah! Cake and beer.
157
00:04:56,415 --> 00:04:57,382
Hey, Steve.
158
00:04:57,449 --> 00:04:59,050
Hey, man.
159
00:04:59,118 --> 00:05:00,351
- Mark.
- Mark.
160
00:05:00,419 --> 00:05:01,753
Sorry, man. I don't remember you.
161
00:05:01,820 --> 00:05:03,054
Well, I remember you.
162
00:05:03,122 --> 00:05:04,622
Uh, you hung out with Gary.
163
00:05:04,690 --> 00:05:05,990
You had a mullet.
164
00:05:06,058 --> 00:05:08,259
Wow. Thought I had a good memory.
165
00:05:08,327 --> 00:05:10,128
What have you been up to?
166
00:05:10,196 --> 00:05:11,529
Quit drinking seven years
ago after some major surgery.
167
00:05:11,597 --> 00:05:14,032
Whoa! That's got to be tough.
168
00:05:14,099 --> 00:05:15,099
The drinking or the surgery?
169
00:05:15,167 --> 00:05:16,668
Both, but the drinking.
170
00:05:16,735 --> 00:05:18,236
- Yeah.
- Holy crap.
171
00:05:18,304 --> 00:05:19,771
Well, the surgery fixed
a long-time problem.
172
00:05:19,838 --> 00:05:21,272
I had to quit to get it done,
173
00:05:21,340 --> 00:05:22,740
but, yeah, the drinking I do kind of miss.
174
00:05:22,808 --> 00:05:24,175
If you want a beer, just tell me.
175
00:05:24,243 --> 00:05:25,476
I'll go get you a beer, man.
176
00:05:25,544 --> 00:05:27,011
Steve, I'm good, thank you.
177
00:05:27,079 --> 00:05:29,013
I went home every night
junior year and cried
178
00:05:29,081 --> 00:05:30,949
because of the things that you said to me.
179
00:05:31,016 --> 00:05:32,016
You did?
180
00:05:32,084 --> 00:05:33,618
Yeah.
181
00:05:33,686 --> 00:05:36,988
Ah, um...
182
00:05:37,056 --> 00:05:39,724
I-I'm sorry, Rachel. I
thought I was being funny.
183
00:05:39,792 --> 00:05:42,560
[Laughing] I had such a huge crush on you.
184
00:05:42,628 --> 00:05:44,128
I would have sat on nails.
185
00:05:44,196 --> 00:05:45,763
You know what?
186
00:05:45,831 --> 00:05:47,699
I should thank you
because in my line of work,
187
00:05:47,766 --> 00:05:50,201
having a tough skin... it really helps.
188
00:05:50,269 --> 00:05:52,637
Well, glad to have helped.
189
00:05:52,705 --> 00:05:55,206
Uh... You look great.
190
00:05:55,274 --> 00:05:57,308
And... and if it means anything,
191
00:05:57,376 --> 00:06:00,511
I'll have sex with you now.
192
00:06:00,579 --> 00:06:02,180
Oh. [Laughs]
193
00:06:02,248 --> 00:06:03,114
- No?
- No, no.
194
00:06:03,182 --> 00:06:05,149
No. [Laughing]
195
00:06:17,496 --> 00:06:18,830
The people here are a bunch of...
196
00:06:18,897 --> 00:06:21,099
Hey, I remember you. You're a crazy guy.
197
00:06:21,166 --> 00:06:22,467
- Mark.
- Jim.
198
00:06:22,534 --> 00:06:23,801
Yeah, mark was just thanking me
199
00:06:23,869 --> 00:06:25,570
for getting in the face of The Mays Twins.
200
00:06:25,638 --> 00:06:27,572
- He never did that.
- Mark: No, he did.
201
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,274
It was... it was... it was very cool.
202
00:06:29,341 --> 00:06:30,742
It was a very nice thing to do.
203
00:06:30,809 --> 00:06:32,143
Yeah, see? See?
204
00:06:32,211 --> 00:06:33,511
High school was great!
205
00:06:33,579 --> 00:06:34,912
Yeah, it was great.
206
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:36,214
What happened with Katie?
207
00:06:36,282 --> 00:06:37,682
She, uh... she shoot you down?
208
00:06:37,750 --> 00:06:39,384
I don't know what I'm gonna do with it.
209
00:06:39,451 --> 00:06:42,053
Where the hell's Mary Fulcher?
210
00:06:42,121 --> 00:06:43,488
[Laughs] We'd see that beast
if she was walking around.
211
00:06:43,555 --> 00:06:45,589
Hey! She was sweet.
212
00:06:47,593 --> 00:06:49,460
I-I don't think she's gonna be here.
213
00:06:49,528 --> 00:06:51,462
This group was never very nice to her.
214
00:06:51,530 --> 00:06:54,065
Yeah, it's a shame. Mary was the best.
215
00:06:54,133 --> 00:06:56,034
Her nipples were, like,
strawberry-colored.
216
00:06:56,101 --> 00:06:57,001
Oh, man.
217
00:06:57,069 --> 00:06:59,237
- Mary was my first.
- Oh, God.
218
00:06:59,305 --> 00:07:00,872
She was.
219
00:07:00,939 --> 00:07:02,807
Then you started dating
Georgia, and then those...
220
00:07:02,875 --> 00:07:05,109
those Mays guys started
calling her "Atlanta Georgia"
221
00:07:05,177 --> 00:07:06,411
'cause her ass was the size of Atlanta.
222
00:07:06,478 --> 00:07:07,679
[Laughs]
223
00:07:07,746 --> 00:07:08,880
Very smart, those Mays guys.
224
00:07:08,947 --> 00:07:11,182
[Laughs mockingly]
225
00:07:11,250 --> 00:07:13,518
Oh, God!
226
00:07:13,585 --> 00:07:14,952
I married her.
227
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:16,087
[Laughs]
228
00:07:16,155 --> 00:07:17,722
We made a daughter together.
229
00:07:17,790 --> 00:07:18,856
- Oh, congratulations.
- No.
230
00:07:18,924 --> 00:07:19,590
I didn't know that. Great.
231
00:07:19,658 --> 00:07:21,726
Steve.
232
00:07:21,794 --> 00:07:23,594
Oh, Atlanta.
233
00:07:23,662 --> 00:07:24,896
We're divorced now.
234
00:07:24,963 --> 00:07:26,230
So, Steve, do you still want
235
00:07:26,298 --> 00:07:27,432
to take Emily to the park tomorrow?
236
00:07:27,499 --> 00:07:29,500
Oh, Georgia, may I?
237
00:07:29,568 --> 00:07:32,403
May I take my own daughter
out to celebrate her birthday,
238
00:07:32,471 --> 00:07:34,005
please, three weeks late?
239
00:07:34,073 --> 00:07:35,707
- Steve.
- I would have done it on time, Mark,
240
00:07:35,774 --> 00:07:36,908
you see, except that my wife...
241
00:07:36,975 --> 00:07:39,344
- Georgia, new hairdo?
- Yes.
242
00:07:39,411 --> 00:07:41,979
- Looks great.
- Thanks, Jim.
243
00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:46,017
Great job accepting it, mate.
244
00:07:46,085 --> 00:07:48,853
It's a process, like photosynthesis.
245
00:07:51,174 --> 00:07:54,509
Hey, George, we had some good
times in this gym, didn't we?
246
00:07:54,577 --> 00:07:56,845
- Oh, Steve, please.
- Come on.
247
00:07:56,913 --> 00:07:58,046
Remember back by the door
248
00:07:58,114 --> 00:07:59,481
when I was giving you the fingers?
249
00:07:59,549 --> 00:08:01,616
Oh, my God. That is so inappropriate.
250
00:08:01,684 --> 00:08:03,552
Screw you, you fingering slut.
251
00:08:03,619 --> 00:08:04,886
Ugh!
252
00:08:04,954 --> 00:08:06,588
Let me know if you find my class ring.
253
00:08:08,891 --> 00:08:09,891
Hey, Kate.
254
00:08:09,959 --> 00:08:12,127
Hi, Jim.
255
00:08:12,195 --> 00:08:14,362
- You want to have a dance?
- No.
256
00:08:14,430 --> 00:08:16,665
- Can we talk?
- We are talking.
257
00:08:16,732 --> 00:08:20,035
Yeah, um, just alone,
like, the two of us outside.
258
00:08:20,102 --> 00:08:22,871
I really... I'd like to, um, have a talk.
259
00:08:22,939 --> 00:08:25,473
Jim, you really hurt me.
260
00:08:25,541 --> 00:08:26,975
I hurt you?
261
00:08:27,043 --> 00:08:27,876
Yeah.
262
00:08:27,944 --> 00:08:29,377
Yep.
263
00:08:29,445 --> 00:08:30,745
I just need five minutes. I just...
264
00:08:30,813 --> 00:08:32,814
All you bitches can go to hell!
265
00:08:32,882 --> 00:08:34,316
Shit.
266
00:08:34,383 --> 00:08:35,917
I think you should go help your friend.
267
00:08:38,754 --> 00:08:40,755
What are you gonna tell me?
268
00:08:40,823 --> 00:08:42,724
You're gonna tell me how
you got so damn tall, dude?
269
00:08:42,792 --> 00:08:47,963
Then on the Hillary steps,
without oxygen, my sherpa fell.
270
00:08:48,030 --> 00:08:49,764
[Gasps]
271
00:08:49,832 --> 00:08:52,701
My choice... take the blow
from his body with my own
272
00:08:52,768 --> 00:08:56,972
or watch him fall thousands of
feet off the face of Everest.
273
00:08:57,039 --> 00:08:58,240
[Gasps] Oh, my God.
274
00:08:58,307 --> 00:09:00,008
So, I took the blow.
275
00:09:00,076 --> 00:09:02,944
There is no question that
you have been blessed.
276
00:09:03,012 --> 00:09:05,313
And I think we should pray.
277
00:09:05,381 --> 00:09:07,949
Thank you, little lord Jesus for sending...
278
00:09:08,017 --> 00:09:09,084
Katie.
279
00:09:09,151 --> 00:09:11,853
[Sighs] What, Jim?
280
00:09:11,921 --> 00:09:13,255
Why are you being such a dick to me?
281
00:09:13,322 --> 00:09:14,623
I'm being a dick? You're being a dick.
282
00:09:14,690 --> 00:09:16,091
You really hurt me,
283
00:09:16,158 --> 00:09:17,259
and now you don't have the common courtesy
284
00:09:17,326 --> 00:09:18,293
to talk to me all these years on?
285
00:09:18,361 --> 00:09:20,161
Really? I-I hurt you?
286
00:09:20,229 --> 00:09:22,264
Yeah, just moved away, didn't even tell me.
287
00:09:22,331 --> 00:09:24,165
Uh, yeah, 'cause I kind of had to.
288
00:09:24,233 --> 00:09:27,202
I kind of had to get on a bus for 14 hours
289
00:09:27,270 --> 00:09:29,271
with a bunch of flowers just
so I could get to the door,
290
00:09:29,338 --> 00:09:30,972
and your dad answers it
291
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,041
and tells me you never
want to speak to me again.
292
00:09:33,109 --> 00:09:34,776
Wait. He did?
293
00:09:34,844 --> 00:09:36,211
Yeah.
294
00:09:36,279 --> 00:09:38,580
[Sighs]
295
00:09:38,648 --> 00:09:39,814
I'm sorry. I-I...
296
00:09:39,882 --> 00:09:41,216
Sorry? What... what was that?
297
00:09:41,284 --> 00:09:42,751
You're sorry.
298
00:09:42,818 --> 00:09:44,886
What, you're sorry that
you, uh, broke my heart?
299
00:09:44,954 --> 00:09:46,955
You're sorry that you,
uh, pretty much destroy...
300
00:09:47,023 --> 00:09:48,490
You ruined me!
301
00:09:48,557 --> 00:09:51,826
I'm 16 years old. I'm
just crying my eyes out.
302
00:09:51,894 --> 00:09:54,195
Please... please don't laugh.
303
00:09:54,263 --> 00:09:55,664
- Sorry.
- Please.
304
00:09:55,731 --> 00:09:57,632
I felt like I lost an arm.
305
00:09:57,700 --> 00:10:00,568
You know, you... you were the first girl
306
00:10:00,636 --> 00:10:03,171
I-I waited to sleep with.
307
00:10:03,239 --> 00:10:07,175
And you're the last girl I
ever waited... to sleep with.
308
00:10:07,243 --> 00:10:08,510
[Chuckles]
309
00:10:08,577 --> 00:10:11,546
Well, you pretty much ruined my 20s, so...
310
00:10:11,614 --> 00:10:13,148
Good. I'm listening.
311
00:10:13,215 --> 00:10:15,550
It was just one bad relationship
after another, and...
312
00:10:17,219 --> 00:10:19,187
I live in Sacramento, for Christ's sakes.
313
00:10:19,255 --> 00:10:21,723
Sacramento... that's the
worst bit of that story.
314
00:10:21,791 --> 00:10:23,391
Judy: Oh, excuse me.
315
00:10:23,459 --> 00:10:25,460
Everybody, uh, we have a
little slide-show presentation
316
00:10:25,528 --> 00:10:26,728
for you.
317
00:10:26,796 --> 00:10:28,663
First up, "Where are they now?"
318
00:10:28,731 --> 00:10:31,967
Class clown and most
likely to be arrested...
319
00:10:32,034 --> 00:10:34,102
- [Laughter]
- ...Jim Jefferies.
320
00:10:34,170 --> 00:10:36,571
Jim has been on TV three times.
321
00:10:36,639 --> 00:10:37,906
[Crickets chirping]
322
00:10:37,974 --> 00:10:39,574
Wait. Where is Jim now?
323
00:10:39,642 --> 00:10:44,661
Probably out back trying
to bang Katie Knox again!
324
00:10:44,729 --> 00:10:46,697
I was the... You know...
I'm... I'm a comedian now.
325
00:10:46,765 --> 00:10:48,065
I'm happy with that.
326
00:10:48,133 --> 00:10:49,133
I've been on TV like six times.
327
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,835
- Oh, that's...
- No, Um... It's three.
328
00:10:51,903 --> 00:10:54,938
I just wanted to... I've
been on TV three times.
329
00:10:55,006 --> 00:10:57,408
Every time you come to the bay area, I go.
330
00:10:57,475 --> 00:11:00,077
Well, I've played in
some pretty small crowds.
331
00:11:00,145 --> 00:11:02,746
I think I would have... Um,
why didn't you ever say hi?
332
00:11:02,814 --> 00:11:04,715
I was mad, dumb-ass.
333
00:11:06,284 --> 00:11:09,353
Biggest change... Mary Fulcher...
334
00:11:09,421 --> 00:11:12,156
Mary... Mary! Yeah!
335
00:11:12,223 --> 00:11:13,624
Pay attention, Georgia.
336
00:11:13,691 --> 00:11:14,992
This is what a real woman looks like.
337
00:11:15,060 --> 00:11:16,260
[Laughter]
338
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:20,531
Uh, who is now Mark Fulcher.
339
00:11:20,598 --> 00:11:21,498
- [Laughs]
- [Applause]
340
00:11:21,566 --> 00:11:23,801
Huh?
341
00:11:23,868 --> 00:11:26,170
Judy: So handsome, right?
342
00:11:26,237 --> 00:11:29,273
Oh, my God! Are you kidding me?!
343
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,974
I was trying to find the
right moment to tell you.
344
00:11:31,042 --> 00:11:32,843
Oh! Mmm!
345
00:11:34,546 --> 00:11:36,846
The night just keeps getting better.
346
00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:39,064
Judy: As you know,
347
00:11:39,131 --> 00:11:40,031
some of our classmates
couldn't be here tonight,
348
00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:42,934
but they are here via YouTube.
349
00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:44,936
- [Applause]
- [Laughs]
350
00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:46,938
Greetings, everybody, from here in Africa.
351
00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:49,207
- Shit!
- I am at a Christian orphanage.
352
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:51,443
I just wanted to say hello to everybody,
353
00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:53,912
especially Lisanne and
the Bible-study group.
354
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:54,646
- You guys are...
- We got to go.
355
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,081
Hey, did you know
356
00:11:56,148 --> 00:11:58,183
my first sexual encounter is now a man?
357
00:11:58,250 --> 00:11:59,784
Yeah, I knew that.
358
00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:01,419
And, uh, you didn't bother to tell me?
359
00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:03,088
I didn't want to embarrass him.
360
00:12:03,155 --> 00:12:05,523
Do you remember the...
the last time we had sex?
361
00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:07,492
- Uh... No.
- Let me... let me paint a picture.
362
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,094
Uh, your house.
363
00:12:09,161 --> 00:12:10,562
There was some music
playing in the background...
364
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,564
Guns N' Roses' "Appetite for Destruction."
365
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:13,999
- [Laughs]
- You had the hair.
366
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,600
[Both laugh]
367
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,836
I remember a lot of
crying is what I remember.
368
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:19,638
But you were crying.
369
00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:22,240
I-I never... well, yes, it was me, yes.
370
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,808
I was the one who cried.
371
00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:26,044
And now it is time for "In Memoriam."
372
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,445
Ooh, I love this part.
373
00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:31,883
-
Amazing grace
- [Laughs]
374
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:32,923
- What?!
-
How sweet the sound
375
00:12:32,949 --> 00:12:33,476
That's awesome.
376
00:12:33,519 --> 00:12:35,320
That's it! No!
377
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:38,523
Hey, it's spelled with a "v," not "p-h"!
378
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:39,858
And it's not Nuggett!
379
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:42,260
It's Nugent, you assholes!
380
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:44,329
Please! You got my birth date wrong!
381
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:48,099
You know I was held back
two years because of biology!
382
00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:49,634
I was born in '75!
383
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:53,704
You know, I can't say I've ever...
384
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:55,440
met the right girl.
385
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,642
And why was that?
386
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,512
Sanity.
387
00:13:05,885 --> 00:13:07,318
Uh, um...
388
00:13:09,155 --> 00:13:11,589
Your dad's a really convincing guy.
389
00:13:11,657 --> 00:13:13,391
He was.
390
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:14,893
[Feedback]
391
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,695
Mary, Mark, whatever it is over there...
392
00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:18,229
I got to tell you something, Mary.
393
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,331
I'm so proud of you.
394
00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:23,668
I'm so proud of you
'cause you had the balls...
395
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,370
or the vagina or whatever...
396
00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,305
to become who you really wanted to be.
397
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:28,973
Thank you.
398
00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:32,711
You can all just suck my
dick... or Mary's new dick.
399
00:13:32,778 --> 00:13:35,280
Brand-spanking-new dick.
Got that new-dick smell.
400
00:13:35,347 --> 00:13:36,347
It's new.
401
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:41,586
Jim! Jim!
402
00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:43,755
Dude.
403
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,990
What, Billy?
404
00:13:46,058 --> 00:13:47,859
Remember when we told
them that Steve was dead?
405
00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:49,094
Well, it's getting out of hand.
406
00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:53,765
He's probably gonna get his ass kicked.
407
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,700
- I...
- All right.
408
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:57,135
- I'm gonna go watch.
- It's okay.
409
00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:01,873
Sorry.
410
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:02,841
Shit!
411
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:04,509
There's only two people
412
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:06,177
in this whole room I
give a shit about, anyway.
413
00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:07,645
That's right.
414
00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:10,715
That's Mary Fulcher and Gary Trusdale.
415
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:12,317
- Gary!
- [Feedback]
416
00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:13,284
[Laughs]
417
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:14,719
You know what?
418
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:17,622
I'm proud to say that I hit that.
419
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,823
Steven, please.
420
00:14:18,891 --> 00:14:20,625
Oh, please yourself, Georgia.
421
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,595
Go please yourself. Right by that door.
422
00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:25,563
Okay, buddy. That's enough.
423
00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:28,233
Yeah, whoa. "Enough, enough," Cade, Wade,
424
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:29,667
or whatever the hell your name is.
425
00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:31,569
Where's your twin brother?
426
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:32,504
I want to... I got something
I want to say to both of you.
427
00:14:32,571 --> 00:14:33,805
Bring that dickhead out here.
428
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:37,242
He died. He was beaten to death.
429
00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:40,845
Well, that's a bit of good news, isn't it?
430
00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:42,514
[Gasping]
431
00:14:42,581 --> 00:14:43,915
[Laughs]
432
00:14:45,851 --> 00:14:47,185
Oh!
433
00:14:47,253 --> 00:14:50,021
Got nothing to say now, huh? What?
434
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:53,358
What's that?
435
00:14:53,425 --> 00:14:55,093
No!
436
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:56,494
Gary's dead?!
437
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,062
- Nobody told me that!
- Steve, stop.
438
00:14:58,130 --> 00:14:59,831
I didn't know that Gary was dead!
439
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,366
You didn't tell me Gary died!
440
00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:02,400
Jim: Steve Nugent, everyone.
441
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:03,434
Play "Free Bird"!
442
00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:04,769
[Laughs]
443
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:06,571
Okay, uh, I think what Steve here
444
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,973
was trying to say is that,
445
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:10,842
um, we've all had our trials and problems.
446
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,278
Maybe there's a...
447
00:15:13,345 --> 00:15:15,780
there's a love that we
lost and, uh, missed.
448
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:17,382
We all make mistakes.
449
00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:20,318
I think Steve would be
the first here to say
450
00:15:20,386 --> 00:15:24,689
that he's probably... made
more mistakes than most.
451
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:25,723
Steve: You don't speak for me!
452
00:15:25,791 --> 00:15:28,326
But we're all human.
453
00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:31,896
And, uh, Wade, I'm... I'm
sorry about your loss, mate.
454
00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:32,897
I'm Cade.
455
00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:34,732
Either way.
456
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,568
We got to get going, buddy.
457
00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:38,036
Yeah, I told them.
458
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:40,305
Yeah, you did.
459
00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:41,806
Judy: Well, that was not very funny.
460
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,575
Hey, I'm sorry I told
everyone you were dead.
461
00:15:43,642 --> 00:15:44,843
Why'd you do that?
462
00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:46,143
Billy thought it'd be funny.
463
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:46,978
Oh!
464
00:15:47,046 --> 00:15:48,746
[Laughing] And it was!
465
00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:50,915
Steve, I'm embarrassed.
466
00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:53,251
You make me so hard.
467
00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:54,552
Hey, see you in five years.
468
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:55,987
Who's that?
469
00:15:56,055 --> 00:15:56,754
- George Zimmerman.
- [Gasps] Oh, really?
470
00:15:56,822 --> 00:15:57,889
No, a different one.
471
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,858
Steve. Give me a call.
472
00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:02,227
Mark, Mark, you're a good guy, man.
473
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:04,562
And this is the weirdest night of my life.
474
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:07,532
But I want you to come home with me.
475
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,167
If you ever want to stop
drinking, just give me a call.
476
00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:11,035
- I don't have a drinking problem, dickhead!
- Hey.
477
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:12,604
- I got to carry him home.
- Let me help you.
478
00:16:12,671 --> 00:16:15,540
[Gasps] Katie's here, Jim.
479
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,175
Jim talks about you... Oh!
480
00:16:17,243 --> 00:16:18,977
- Okay, come on.
- Oh, man.
481
00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:20,578
Come on.
482
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,847
Do you know my first
girlfriend has a dick now?
483
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,582
- Yeah.
- Everyone knows but me.
484
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:25,582
- Hey, Billy.
- Oh, hey.
485
00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:26,985
Is that your name?
486
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:28,586
Yeah. Sorry about that.
487
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,455
I forgive you.
488
00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:33,825
And if you ever want to find
the love of Christ, call me.
489
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:36,461
[Laughs] I've died like seven times.
490
00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:38,596
Trust me... there's nothing there.
491
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,965
[Laughs]
492
00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:42,767
[Insects chirping]
493
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,238
[Laughs] What's that look for?
494
00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:50,041
I don't know. I-I, uh...
495
00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:55,113
I can't remember wanting
someone to stay after sex.
496
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:57,048
[Laughs] Oh, I'll go.
497
00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:59,017
No! You have to stay.
498
00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:00,852
It's... it's important that I learn.
499
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,353
[Laughs]
500
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:07,959
When's the last time you felt... not alone?
501
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:11,095
Uh, the last time I had sex with you.
502
00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:13,464
Wow, Jim. You're good.
503
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,300
No, no. That was... please.
504
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:16,234
Come on. I was serious.
505
00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:17,235
Really?
506
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:19,904
Yeah.
507
00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:22,473
You... you really should
have tried with us, Katie?
508
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,309
Why... why didn't you try with us?
509
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:27,545
My dad hated you, Jim.
510
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:31,149
He said you used me.
511
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:33,017
My family sent me to Utah.
512
00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:34,885
Why?
513
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:44,295
To have an abortion.
514
00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:50,034
Um... Uh...
515
00:17:50,102 --> 00:17:52,403
It was, uh, with me?
516
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:54,305
- W-was that...
- You know what? I got... I got to go.
517
00:17:54,373 --> 00:17:55,640
I-I have a plane to catch.
518
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:57,241
No, you can't go now.
519
00:17:57,309 --> 00:17:59,110
- You've got to just stay, please.
- I can't.
520
00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:00,678
Jim, this was a one-off, okay?
521
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,613
- I needed closure.
- Yeah, but...
522
00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:04,949
- But what, Jim?
- [Sighs]
523
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,884
I can't have a train wreck in my life. I...
524
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,755
This was amazing.
525
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:13,024
Really, I did not expect this to happen.
526
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:16,728
And you were really brave for telling me
527
00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:18,763
how bad it hurt you.
528
00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:27,438
It has haunted me.
529
00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:29,474
Hello there
530
00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:32,744
When my dad said that you didn't... call
531
00:18:32,811 --> 00:18:36,280
and that you didn't care,
and now I know you did.
532
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:41,085
It means so much.
533
00:18:41,153 --> 00:18:43,354
We can live like Jack
and Sally if we want
534
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:46,858
Thank you.
535
00:18:46,925 --> 00:18:49,293
And we'll have
Halloween on Christmas
536
00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:52,196
And in the night, we'll
wish this never ends
537
00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:55,066
We'll wish this never ends
538
00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:12,116
Jim: Get up. You've got to go see Em.
539
00:19:12,184 --> 00:19:13,618
[Groaning] No.
540
00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:15,053
She's all you've got left
except for me and Billy,
541
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:15,987
and he's gonna die.
542
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:17,789
Oh, don't say that.
543
00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:19,057
Jim!
544
00:19:19,124 --> 00:19:21,759
Where are you?
545
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,262
Get in the shower, Steve!
546
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:25,596
I cannot sleep
547
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:27,031
I cannot dream tonight
548
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,600
I need somebody and always
549
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:30,935
Billy: You know, I'm really glad I went.
550
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,336
It was nice being Randall for a while.
551
00:19:32,404 --> 00:19:35,640
God, Jim!
552
00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:37,608
Jesus, Billy.
553
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:38,943
What about her present, man?
554
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:40,378
Got it covered.
555
00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:42,547
- Was last night bad?
- Well, it wasn't good.
556
00:19:42,614 --> 00:19:43,714
We told everyone that you were dead
557
00:19:43,782 --> 00:19:44,649
'cause we thought it was funny.
558
00:19:44,716 --> 00:19:46,350
That is kind of funny.
559
00:19:46,418 --> 00:19:47,485
I wish I remembered.
560
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,320
How was your night?
561
00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:51,956
Turns out that my life could
have been very different.
562
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,759
Yeah, what about mine?
Mary Fulcher's a man?
563
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:56,594
Emily: I love you, daddy.
564
00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:58,262
Yeah, I love you, too, kid.
565
00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:00,465
Happy Birthday. I got you a gift.
566
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:01,566
Ooh!
567
00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:04,235
- Rip it open.
- Okay.
568
00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:06,504
- I love it!
- Yeah.
569
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:09,140
- 'Cause it gets cold in Cincinnati.
- Yep.
570
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,008
Here.
571
00:20:11,076 --> 00:20:12,610
Got it?
572
00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:14,345
I love it. Look at it, daddy!
573
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:15,613
I grew!
574
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:18,316
Yeah, you did.
575
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:19,951
I'm an airplane!
576
00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:22,220
Whoo! Airplane!
577
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:24,489
I'm an airplane!
578
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:29,160
Airplane! Airplane! Airplane!
579
00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,200
- Don't be sad, dad.
- I'm not sad.
580
00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:37,902
I'm happy. I'm just happy you're here.
581
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:40,538
- That's all.
- Me too.
582
00:20:40,606 --> 00:20:42,140
Bye, daddy!
583
00:20:42,207 --> 00:20:43,207
Bye, kid. I love you.
584
00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:46,009
I love you, too!
585
00:20:50,151 --> 00:20:51,751
What's your
dwarf friend's name?
586
00:20:51,753 --> 00:20:54,000
Brad.
587
00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:55,752
Think Brad needs a jacket?
588
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:58,456
[Both laugh]
589
00:21:02,756 --> 00:21:10,256
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
590
00:21:10,306 --> 00:21:14,856
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40262
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.