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1
00:00:01,818 --> 00:00:02,852
[ American accent ] Whoo-hoo!
2
00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:03,485
This is awesome!
3
00:00:03,553 --> 00:00:04,286
What a wicked party!
4
00:00:04,354 --> 00:00:08,290
[ Normal voice ] We're not
at a party... acting.
5
00:00:08,358 --> 00:00:09,491
Got an audition.
6
00:00:09,559 --> 00:00:11,327
How was my accent?
7
00:00:11,394 --> 00:00:13,162
It was good if it was
supposed to be Australian.
8
00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:14,263
Okay, but I look good, right?
9
00:00:14,331 --> 00:00:14,864
I look good.
10
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:15,831
I look like an actor now?
11
00:00:15,899 --> 00:00:16,698
I look like an actor?
12
00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:17,733
No.
13
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,568
No.
14
00:00:19,635 --> 00:00:21,403
When you wash Billy,
does he get aroused?
15
00:00:21,471 --> 00:00:23,638
Does he get aroused
with you, Jim?
16
00:00:23,706 --> 00:00:24,406
No, no, no.
17
00:00:24,474 --> 00:00:26,375
I'm just wondering
'cause I think I would.
18
00:00:26,442 --> 00:00:27,142
[ Chuckles ]
19
00:00:27,210 --> 00:00:28,610
Somehow, I don't think so, Jim.
20
00:00:28,678 --> 00:00:29,178
No, no.
21
00:00:29,246 --> 00:00:30,946
That's where you're
wrong, Ramona.
22
00:00:31,014 --> 00:00:32,614
I think you're a
very sexy woman.
23
00:00:32,682 --> 00:00:34,683
I don't seem to fit
with anyone but Billy.
24
00:00:34,751 --> 00:00:36,785
I don't think so, Ramona.
25
00:00:36,853 --> 00:00:37,686
No, I mean it.
26
00:00:37,754 --> 00:00:38,620
I really mean it.
27
00:00:38,688 --> 00:00:39,621
Ramona, look at me.
28
00:00:39,689 --> 00:00:42,824
I believe that you're
a really sexy woman.
29
00:00:42,893 --> 00:00:45,261
Well, thanks, Jim.
30
00:00:45,328 --> 00:00:47,696
I'm an awesome actor!
31
00:00:47,764 --> 00:00:49,231
[ American accent ] Whoo-hoo!
32
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:50,565
I'm a wicked actor!
33
00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:52,634
"Don't mess with
me, asshole!"
34
00:00:52,702 --> 00:00:56,071
"Don't mess with me...
Asshole."
35
00:01:00,210 --> 00:01:02,577
Here. Naked guy.
36
00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:04,713
- I just...
- Okay.
37
00:01:04,781 --> 00:01:05,847
Hi!
38
00:01:05,916 --> 00:01:07,516
Oh, it's so good to see you!
39
00:01:07,583 --> 00:01:08,517
I'm so glad you could make it.
40
00:01:08,584 --> 00:01:09,718
What's... what's happening?
41
00:01:09,786 --> 00:01:10,953
I know you've been preparing.
42
00:01:11,021 --> 00:01:12,087
This is what's happening.
43
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,956
This is perfect
for you... it is.
44
00:01:14,024 --> 00:01:19,395
Like, your material... Bye.
45
00:01:19,462 --> 00:01:21,830
[ Chuckles ]
46
00:01:21,898 --> 00:01:22,798
Hi.
47
00:01:22,865 --> 00:01:23,632
Oh, hey.
48
00:01:23,699 --> 00:01:24,633
Hot guy, right?
49
00:01:24,700 --> 00:01:25,700
Of course.
50
00:01:25,768 --> 00:01:26,802
Good luck.
51
00:01:26,869 --> 00:01:27,869
Thank you.
52
00:01:27,938 --> 00:01:30,105
Who is that?
53
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:31,506
You a hot guy?
54
00:01:31,574 --> 00:01:33,508
[ Scoffs ]
55
00:01:33,576 --> 00:01:36,078
Yeah, me too.
56
00:01:36,146 --> 00:01:36,711
Heyey, Jim!
57
00:01:36,779 --> 00:01:37,712
Thank you for having me.
58
00:01:37,780 --> 00:01:38,380
I appreciate it.
59
00:01:38,448 --> 00:01:39,181
[ Chuckling ] Hey.
60
00:01:39,249 --> 00:01:40,149
Do you have any questions?
61
00:01:40,216 --> 00:01:40,983
American accent?
62
00:01:41,051 --> 00:01:41,883
Can you do one?
63
00:01:41,952 --> 00:01:42,384
Yeah!
64
00:01:42,452 --> 00:01:43,118
All right.
65
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:43,618
Okay.
66
00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:44,954
Whenever you're ready.
67
00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:45,955
[ American accent ] Whoo-hoo!
68
00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:46,555
This is awesome!
69
00:01:46,622 --> 00:01:48,190
What a wicked party!
70
00:01:48,258 --> 00:01:51,427
Can you do it again, Jim, and
can you, maybe, do it like
71
00:01:51,494 --> 00:01:54,129
you're at a party and it's
awesome and you're...
72
00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:56,131
Just... some more juice.
73
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:56,798
Whoohoo!
74
00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:57,632
This is awesome!
75
00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:01,570
What a wicked party!
76
00:02:01,637 --> 00:02:04,006
Can you take your
shirt off for us?
77
00:02:04,074 --> 00:02:06,075
Um... I'd rather.
...I'd rather not.
78
00:02:06,142 --> 00:02:08,610
Well, Jim... It's a
naked guy at a party.
79
00:02:08,678 --> 00:02:09,644
But you want me to be naked?
80
00:02:09,712 --> 00:02:10,379
Just the shirt.
81
00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:11,113
Stop talking.
82
00:02:11,181 --> 00:02:11,646
Stop talking.
83
00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:14,316
Just take your shirt off.
84
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,250
Okay, thank you.
85
00:02:15,318 --> 00:02:16,352
Can I have another go?
86
00:02:16,419 --> 00:02:17,953
I think I know
what you want now.
87
00:02:18,021 --> 00:02:18,653
No, you know what?
88
00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:19,788
That was perfect.
89
00:02:19,856 --> 00:02:20,522
Thank you, Jim.
90
00:02:20,590 --> 00:02:21,457
Thanks for coming in.
91
00:02:21,524 --> 00:02:25,160
Thank you.
92
00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:26,128
Can you believe...
93
00:02:26,196 --> 00:02:27,829
Can I just... can I
just put my shirt on?
94
00:02:27,897 --> 00:02:28,497
Yeah, please.
95
00:02:28,564 --> 00:02:30,065
I mean, did you see
the belly on him?
96
00:02:30,133 --> 00:02:32,734
I've been saying all along that
the naked guy should be buff.
97
00:02:32,802 --> 00:02:34,603
Well, I don't call
in YouTube actors.
98
00:02:34,670 --> 00:02:35,537
Acting is a craft.
99
00:02:35,605 --> 00:02:37,506
You just can't get
up there and tell...
100
00:02:37,573 --> 00:02:38,573
I'm sick of you people!
101
00:02:38,641 --> 00:02:39,441
You're elitists!
102
00:02:39,509 --> 00:02:40,876
Actors are nothing, all right?
103
00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:42,311
They're the lowest level of the
104
00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:44,313
entertainment ladder.
The bottom rung!
105
00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:46,781
Everyone else in the
entertainment industry is more
106
00:02:46,849 --> 00:02:47,916
talented than actors.
107
00:02:47,984 --> 00:02:49,151
Jugglers are more talented.
108
00:02:49,219 --> 00:02:50,819
At least they have
to catch things.
109
00:02:50,887 --> 00:02:51,620
Ventriloquists.
110
00:02:51,687 --> 00:02:52,821
I've heard people describe
111
00:02:52,889 --> 00:02:55,190
actors as, "oh, what
an amazing actor."
112
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:56,591
Could cry on cue."
113
00:02:56,659 --> 00:02:59,628
I've never met a woman
who couldn't cry on cue!
114
00:02:59,695 --> 00:03:01,397
Junkies are amazing actors.
115
00:03:01,464 --> 00:03:05,067
Those people... I always give
'em 50 bucks eventually, if I
116
00:03:05,135 --> 00:03:07,069
just spend enough time with 'em.
117
00:03:07,137 --> 00:03:08,437
They're very convincing.
118
00:03:08,505 --> 00:03:10,072
Tatum O'Neal was 10 years old.
119
00:03:10,140 --> 00:03:12,607
Anna paquin was 11 years old.
120
00:03:12,675 --> 00:03:14,176
Both won oscars.
121
00:03:14,244 --> 00:03:15,944
Now, think of your
job right now.
122
00:03:16,012 --> 00:03:17,612
Is there a 10- or 11-year-old
123
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,714
who's better than
you at your job?
124
00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:22,684
If the answer's "yes," then
your occupation's shit.
125
00:03:22,752 --> 00:03:24,520
The only way you can be deformed
126
00:03:24,587 --> 00:03:26,922
as an actor is if you
were already famous.
127
00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:30,259
The fact that they still had
Christopher reeve wheeling out
128
00:03:30,326 --> 00:03:33,562
on the stage, just in his chair.
And everyone giving him
129
00:03:33,928 --> 00:03:37,030
a standing ovation, which, might
I add, I think is insensitive.
130
00:03:37,109 --> 00:03:38,177
[ American accent ] Whoo-hoo!
131
00:03:38,168 --> 00:03:39,901
This is awesome!
132
00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:40,735
What a wicked party!
133
00:03:40,803 --> 00:03:41,836
You that was perfect.
134
00:03:41,904 --> 00:03:44,173
Can you do that exactly like you
just did it, one more time?
135
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,741
Piss off, mate.
136
00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:47,543
That was perfect!
137
00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:48,043
So good.
138
00:03:48,111 --> 00:03:48,843
Was it a monologue?
139
00:03:48,911 --> 00:03:51,180
Yeah, it... that was...
That was awesome!
140
00:03:51,205 --> 00:03:54,241
Sync & corrections by No1
www.addic7ed.com.
141
00:03:54,257 --> 00:03:56,458
Why'd you do it?
142
00:03:56,526 --> 00:03:58,460
Look I... I
didn't do anything.
143
00:03:58,528 --> 00:03:59,694
I did a good audition.
144
00:03:59,762 --> 00:04:02,431
It takes years to build a
145
00:04:02,498 --> 00:04:06,435
career and one
second to crash it.
146
00:04:06,502 --> 00:04:07,869
Believe me, I know.
147
00:04:07,938 --> 00:04:09,538
I've done it a thousand times.
148
00:04:09,605 --> 00:04:12,641
It's just that I don't seem
to fit in anywhere, you know?
149
00:04:12,708 --> 00:04:14,176
I'm not, like, a handsome guy,
150
00:04:14,244 --> 00:04:16,545
but I'm not like a fat,
schlubby guy, either.
151
00:04:16,612 --> 00:04:19,548
I'm just a normal guy...
normal bloke in the middle.
152
00:04:19,615 --> 00:04:20,715
I don't fit in.
153
00:04:20,783 --> 00:04:22,851
But I don't seem to have a look.
154
00:04:22,919 --> 00:04:25,554
You know, you have your whole...
Thing going on.
155
00:04:25,621 --> 00:04:26,388
"My whole thing"?
156
00:04:26,456 --> 00:04:28,757
[ As Andy dick
] I'm Andy dick.
157
00:04:28,825 --> 00:04:30,092
Look at me, I'm Andy dick.
158
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:32,194
[ Normal voice ]
Th-that's, uh, your thing.
159
00:04:32,262 --> 00:04:33,028
It's very good.
160
00:04:33,096 --> 00:04:34,964
Can I hear what you
did in the room?
161
00:04:35,031 --> 00:04:36,165
[ American accent ] Whoo-hoo!
162
00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:36,865
This is awesome!
163
00:04:36,933 --> 00:04:39,134
What a wicked party!
164
00:04:39,202 --> 00:04:40,002
That's terrible.
165
00:04:40,070 --> 00:04:42,471
[ Normal voice ] I... of
course, I was standing when I
166
00:04:42,538 --> 00:04:44,539
did it, and I used my...
I really... Gusto.
167
00:04:44,607 --> 00:04:45,574
What accent was that?
168
00:04:45,641 --> 00:04:46,408
American accent.
169
00:04:46,476 --> 00:04:47,343
There's no... no.
170
00:04:47,410 --> 00:04:50,045
There's no such thing as an
[southern accent] American accent.
171
00:04:50,113 --> 00:04:53,182
- It was a general American...
- [ Normal voice ] Here's you
172
00:04:53,249 --> 00:04:54,049
doing an American accent.
173
00:04:54,117 --> 00:04:55,017
[ As Jim jeffries ] Hi, I'm
174
00:04:55,085 --> 00:04:56,651
Jim jeffries doing
an American accent.
175
00:04:56,719 --> 00:04:58,520
My American accent's better
than your American accent.
176
00:04:58,588 --> 00:05:00,289
[ Normal voice ] I don't
have an American accent!
177
00:05:00,357 --> 00:05:01,823
- You do! You have an...
- I'm an American!
178
00:05:01,891 --> 00:05:02,724
[ As Andy dick ] American
179
00:05:02,792 --> 00:05:04,626
ac... your whole voice
sounds extreme.
180
00:05:04,694 --> 00:05:05,694
That's not how I sound.
181
00:05:05,761 --> 00:05:06,661
That's not how I sound.
182
00:05:06,729 --> 00:05:08,364
[ Deep voice ] Tank daaaaad.
183
00:05:08,431 --> 00:05:09,431
What the hell is that?
184
00:05:09,499 --> 00:05:10,232
Tank daaaaaad.
185
00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:11,766
"Tank dad" was
one of my best.
186
00:05:11,834 --> 00:05:13,502
[ As Andy dick
] I'm Andy dick.
187
00:05:13,569 --> 00:05:14,236
Oh, my God.
188
00:05:14,304 --> 00:05:17,206
[ As Jim jeffries ] I'm
Jim jeffries, straight from
189
00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:19,774
Australia, trying to
do an American accent.
190
00:05:19,842 --> 00:05:22,344
[ Normal voice ] Look,
you need range.
191
00:05:22,412 --> 00:05:23,445
Can you commit to being fat?
192
00:05:23,513 --> 00:05:25,414
[ Normal voice ] I'm gonna
say no... To being fat.
193
00:05:25,482 --> 00:05:26,415
I wouldn't like to be fat.
194
00:05:26,483 --> 00:05:30,719
Well, you're not doing a real
good job at being thin, are ya?
195
00:05:30,786 --> 00:05:32,354
I think you should go fat.
196
00:05:32,422 --> 00:05:35,624
A lot of roles that go
unfulfilled over the years.
197
00:05:35,691 --> 00:05:36,558
You know why?
198
00:05:36,626 --> 00:05:37,192
Why?
199
00:05:37,260 --> 00:05:39,928
'Cause all the good
fat actors are dead.
200
00:05:39,996 --> 00:05:41,497
Belushi... dead.
201
00:05:41,564 --> 00:05:44,433
- Farley...
- Dead?
202
00:05:44,501 --> 00:05:45,534
Yes.
203
00:05:45,601 --> 00:05:47,202
Do you think Jonah
hill is funny?
204
00:05:47,270 --> 00:05:48,404
I didn't know he died.
205
00:05:48,471 --> 00:05:49,371
Did Jonah hill die?
206
00:05:49,439 --> 00:05:52,374
He didn't die,
but he's not fat.
207
00:05:52,442 --> 00:05:52,741
Ah.
208
00:05:52,808 --> 00:05:54,576
We're gonna get you
into my acting class.
209
00:05:54,644 --> 00:05:55,577
I'm gonna give you a 10%
210
00:05:55,645 --> 00:05:56,545
- discount...
- Huh?
211
00:05:56,612 --> 00:05:58,613
And I'll get you my
traiainer... my trainer.
212
00:05:58,681 --> 00:05:59,581
Trainers of the stars.
213
00:05:59,649 --> 00:06:00,582
You know what, Jim?
214
00:06:00,650 --> 00:06:02,317
Lose a few I-b's, come to my
215
00:06:02,385 --> 00:06:05,087
acting class, and we'll
Polish this turd...
216
00:06:05,155 --> 00:06:07,456
Or at least roll it
in some glitter.
217
00:06:07,524 --> 00:06:09,558
[ Chuckles ]
218
00:06:09,625 --> 00:06:11,260
The "turd" thing is
still bothering me.
219
00:06:11,327 --> 00:06:15,664
You shouldn't have... Called me a turd...
Rolled in glitter.
220
00:06:15,731 --> 00:06:20,835
Ughh! Ugh!
221
00:06:20,903 --> 00:06:23,338
Maybe one of these days, one
of you two will get in shape.
222
00:06:23,406 --> 00:06:25,006
One day, that's
what I'm gonna do.
223
00:06:25,075 --> 00:06:26,208
I'm gonna just get in shape when
224
00:06:26,276 --> 00:06:28,143
I'm 50, when women
don't like me at all.
225
00:06:28,211 --> 00:06:29,878
Yeah, yeah, that's
when I'm gonna do it.
226
00:06:29,946 --> 00:06:31,846
Hand me that joint.
227
00:06:31,914 --> 00:06:35,350
And I... Am a real woman.
228
00:06:35,418 --> 00:06:37,719
I don't need to be one
of these Popsicle girls.
229
00:06:37,787 --> 00:06:38,787
True that.
230
00:06:38,854 --> 00:06:42,057
Underneath all that pile of
excessive weight, there's a
231
00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:44,293
fine-looking woman
in there, Ramona.
232
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,961
Oh, well, thank you, Jim.
233
00:06:46,028 --> 00:06:47,963
Ooh-ooh, I feel the burn.
234
00:06:48,030 --> 00:06:49,064
Ooh.
235
00:06:49,132 --> 00:06:52,234
Jim, you should probably give
it up, 'cause you're never gonna
236
00:06:52,302 --> 00:06:53,102
look like that.
237
00:06:53,169 --> 00:06:55,737
And, Ramona, you definitely
should give it up before
238
00:06:55,805 --> 00:06:57,172
somebody calls an ambulance.
239
00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:58,740
You're harshing our buzz.
240
00:06:58,808 --> 00:07:00,041
You really are, Billy.
241
00:07:00,110 --> 00:07:02,077
[ As Ramona ] Ooh,
feel that burn.
242
00:07:02,145 --> 00:07:03,078
[ Normal voice ] Screw you both.
243
00:07:03,146 --> 00:07:04,246
Pass me that joint.
244
00:07:04,314 --> 00:07:08,383
[ Snores ]
245
00:07:08,451 --> 00:07:09,151
Oh, my God.
246
00:07:09,219 --> 00:07:09,784
I knew it.
247
00:07:09,852 --> 00:07:10,486
Get up, Jim!
248
00:07:10,553 --> 00:07:12,654
Oh, that's frightening.
249
00:07:12,722 --> 00:07:13,755
Come on.
250
00:07:13,823 --> 00:07:17,659
You can eat this or get thin
and be a movie star, huh?
251
00:07:17,727 --> 00:07:18,260
Out of bed.
252
00:07:18,328 --> 00:07:18,627
No!
253
00:07:18,694 --> 00:07:19,394
You gotta want it.
254
00:07:19,462 --> 00:07:20,162
I don't want it!
255
00:07:20,230 --> 00:07:21,730
Oh, you will when
you see the results.
256
00:07:21,797 --> 00:07:22,964
Show him the results.
257
00:07:23,032 --> 00:07:23,698
No, take it off.
258
00:07:23,766 --> 00:07:24,399
All the way?
259
00:07:24,467 --> 00:07:25,367
Yeah, take it off.
260
00:07:25,435 --> 00:07:26,067
Look at that.
261
00:07:26,136 --> 00:07:27,669
5, 6, 7... that's
an 8-pack, Jim.
262
00:07:27,737 --> 00:07:28,203
8-pack.
263
00:07:28,271 --> 00:07:29,404
What is this, a 1-pack?
264
00:07:29,472 --> 00:07:30,005
A 1-pack.
265
00:07:30,072 --> 00:07:31,240
Okay, you gotta want it.
266
00:07:31,307 --> 00:07:33,675
I have a very dramatic
audition this afternoon.
267
00:07:33,743 --> 00:07:34,376
I gotta go.
268
00:07:34,444 --> 00:07:35,010
Hey, baby.
269
00:07:35,077 --> 00:07:35,544
Hey.
270
00:07:35,612 --> 00:07:36,378
8pack, Jim!
271
00:07:36,446 --> 00:07:37,379
You gotta want it!
272
00:07:37,447 --> 00:07:39,714
8-pack!
273
00:07:39,782 --> 00:07:40,616
Ramona?
274
00:07:40,683 --> 00:07:41,483
Yeah, Jim?
275
00:07:41,551 --> 00:07:43,152
What are you doing?
276
00:07:43,219 --> 00:07:45,254
Bringin' towels to your room.
277
00:07:45,321 --> 00:07:46,288
Why?
278
00:07:46,356 --> 00:07:48,524
You need towels, Jim.
279
00:07:48,591 --> 00:07:50,959
[ Exhales deeply ]
280
00:07:51,027 --> 00:07:52,561
Come on. Come on.
281
00:07:52,629 --> 00:07:53,529
You gotta want it.
282
00:07:53,596 --> 00:07:54,496
You gotta want it!
283
00:07:54,564 --> 00:07:55,531
I really don't want it.
284
00:07:55,598 --> 00:07:56,231
You will!
285
00:07:56,299 --> 00:07:57,299
No, I don't want it.
286
00:07:57,367 --> 00:07:58,300
I promise you will!
287
00:07:58,368 --> 00:07:59,635
...I'm that dude
288
00:07:59,702 --> 00:08:01,736
I'm so me, you so you
289
00:08:01,804 --> 00:08:03,772
Party's hot when
I come through
290
00:08:03,839 --> 00:08:05,674
Is it me or is it you?
291
00:08:05,741 --> 00:08:07,676
I'm so fly, I'm so cool
292
00:08:07,743 --> 00:08:09,645
I'm so not the same as you
293
00:08:09,712 --> 00:08:12,347
It's all good, don't get
mad just 'cause I am
294
00:08:12,415 --> 00:08:13,549
'Cause I'm the man, yeah
295
00:08:13,616 --> 00:08:14,316
[ Panting ]
296
00:08:14,384 --> 00:08:15,551
Don't stop, don't stop.
297
00:08:15,618 --> 00:08:17,319
Come on, you're almost there.
298
00:08:17,387 --> 00:08:18,820
You're almost there!
299
00:08:18,888 --> 00:08:19,854
Let's just get a beer.
300
00:08:19,922 --> 00:08:23,525
Absolutely not.
301
00:08:23,593 --> 00:08:25,093
We're getting a beer.
302
00:08:25,161 --> 00:08:27,862
Okay.
303
00:08:27,930 --> 00:08:30,566
Anyway, the sex was so
good, I lost my watch.
304
00:08:30,633 --> 00:08:33,602
[ Laughs ]
305
00:08:33,670 --> 00:08:35,404
All right, let's
get out of here.
306
00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:36,505
I just live over there.
307
00:08:36,573 --> 00:08:39,441
Come on!
308
00:08:39,509 --> 00:08:41,109
Eddie!
309
00:08:41,177 --> 00:08:42,777
Eddie.
310
00:08:42,845 --> 00:08:46,348
We gotta pick this
up later, okay?
311
00:08:48,839 --> 00:08:49,789
I don't get it, Jim.
312
00:08:49,955 --> 00:08:53,123
I'm built like this and I can
never get a girl, let alone two.
313
00:08:57,091 --> 00:08:57,790
No way, Jim.
314
00:08:57,858 --> 00:08:59,192
I'm not doin' it.
315
00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:00,360
Do what?
316
00:09:00,428 --> 00:09:04,230
If you want to meet
girls, Billy's your man.
317
00:09:04,298 --> 00:09:05,131
Him?
318
00:09:05,199 --> 00:09:08,034
Don't piss him off!
319
00:09:08,102 --> 00:09:14,874
He may be the greatest
wingman on earth.
320
00:09:14,942 --> 00:09:17,077
You start out by
giving a compliment.
321
00:09:17,144 --> 00:09:19,546
Nothing too big.
Keep it small.
322
00:09:19,613 --> 00:09:21,147
And don't say too much.
323
00:09:21,215 --> 00:09:25,318
That's when you notice...
The flaw.
324
00:09:25,386 --> 00:09:26,519
[ Deep voice ] The flaw.
325
00:09:26,587 --> 00:09:27,454
Start out with something
326
00:09:27,521 --> 00:09:29,589
like, uh, her mismatched
327
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,857
earlobes or her impossibly,
328
00:09:31,925 --> 00:09:33,926
impossibly tiny thumbs.
329
00:09:33,994 --> 00:09:36,129
I-I still don't understand.
330
00:09:36,197 --> 00:09:39,199
Hmm.
331
00:09:39,266 --> 00:09:41,634
[ As Yoda ] Ready he
is not, this one.
332
00:09:41,702 --> 00:09:43,403
[ Normal voice ] Do you want it?
333
00:09:43,471 --> 00:09:44,237
I'll try.
334
00:09:44,305 --> 00:09:46,672
Hey, Jim, give
him the speech.
335
00:09:46,740 --> 00:09:54,147
Maybe then he can find
something within himself.
336
00:09:54,215 --> 00:09:56,916
When I was 19, I'd take my
3-year-old nephew, Max, down to
337
00:09:56,984 --> 00:09:57,883
the shopping center.
338
00:09:57,951 --> 00:10:00,820
We'd go out there and look
out for 17-year-old girls.
339
00:10:00,887 --> 00:10:02,955
I'd get Max to run as fast as he
340
00:10:03,023 --> 00:10:05,858
could into the pack
of 17-year-old girls.
341
00:10:05,926 --> 00:10:09,295
As he hit one and landed on his
ass, I would rush over and go,
342
00:10:09,363 --> 00:10:10,963
"Max, Max, what are you doing?
343
00:10:11,031 --> 00:10:13,032
Why did you run
into these girls?"
344
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:16,002
He would look up at me with
these big eyes and say, "I'm"
345
00:10:16,069 --> 00:10:17,737
sorry, Uncle Jim.
346
00:10:17,804 --> 00:10:19,339
"I love you."
347
00:10:19,406 --> 00:10:22,041
And I'd say, "I
love you too, Max."
348
00:10:22,109 --> 00:10:23,376
And the girls would go, "awww."
349
00:10:23,444 --> 00:10:26,045
Then I'd put the little bastard
on the bus and make him get home
350
00:10:26,113 --> 00:10:28,781
by himself and then
I'd bang the girls.
351
00:10:28,849 --> 00:10:30,082
I hate kids!
352
00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:31,618
I'm in!
353
00:10:31,685 --> 00:10:33,253
Watch this.
354
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:34,086
He's the best.
355
00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:35,155
[ Chair screeches ]
356
00:10:35,222 --> 00:10:36,489
Oh, I'm sorry.
357
00:10:36,557 --> 00:10:39,825
I can't always control
my wheelchair.
358
00:10:39,893 --> 00:10:41,194
I'm handicapped.
359
00:10:41,262 --> 00:10:42,662
Women: Aww!
360
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:44,164
You're so cute!
361
00:10:44,231 --> 00:10:44,964
Thanks!
362
00:10:45,032 --> 00:10:45,898
I've been working out.
363
00:10:45,966 --> 00:10:46,999
[ Women laughing ]
364
00:10:47,067 --> 00:10:47,967
Okay, I'm going in.
365
00:10:48,035 --> 00:10:49,001
You're really pretty.
366
00:10:49,069 --> 00:10:49,735
Thank you!
367
00:10:49,803 --> 00:10:50,936
You all are really pretty.
368
00:10:51,004 --> 00:10:51,471
We're tall.
369
00:10:51,539 --> 00:10:52,505
Hey, he got away from me.
370
00:10:52,573 --> 00:10:54,140
He hasn't been
bothering you, has he?
371
00:10:54,208 --> 00:10:54,774
No.
372
00:10:54,841 --> 00:10:56,643
Can I get you anything?
373
00:10:56,710 --> 00:10:57,777
No, I'm good.
374
00:10:57,844 --> 00:10:58,678
Thanks, Jim.
375
00:10:58,745 --> 00:10:59,679
Love you, man.
376
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:00,980
Women: Awwww!
377
00:11:01,048 --> 00:11:03,516
Billy, you know
that embarrasses me.
378
00:11:03,584 --> 00:11:06,386
I... Love you too.
379
00:11:06,453 --> 00:11:07,853
Women: Awwww.
380
00:11:07,921 --> 00:11:09,722
You guys are so great.
381
00:11:09,790 --> 00:11:12,158
We're best friends.
382
00:11:12,226 --> 00:11:15,295
Hey, what's up with your toes?
383
00:11:15,362 --> 00:11:17,564
They're, like, crazy small.
384
00:11:17,631 --> 00:11:18,964
[ Women giggle ]
385
00:11:19,032 --> 00:11:20,866
They are small toes.
386
00:11:20,934 --> 00:11:21,767
It's all right.
387
00:11:21,835 --> 00:11:24,470
You could be caught by her
and her massive thumbs!
388
00:11:24,538 --> 00:11:25,771
Why are your thumbs so big?
389
00:11:25,839 --> 00:11:28,575
The make-a-wish foundation,
they can work to a deadline.
390
00:11:28,642 --> 00:11:30,677
[ All laugh ]
391
00:11:30,744 --> 00:11:31,711
I know!
392
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:33,813
[ Laughs ]
393
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:36,882
You've gotta stop, seriously.
394
00:11:36,950 --> 00:11:37,817
Come and sit with us.
395
00:11:37,884 --> 00:11:38,784
No, I'm all good.
396
00:11:38,852 --> 00:11:41,387
Come and have a drink with
the girls... just one drink.
397
00:11:41,455 --> 00:11:42,255
I don't drink.
398
00:11:42,323 --> 00:11:44,890
None of that means anything
if you're not getting laid.
399
00:11:44,958 --> 00:11:45,891
Look!
400
00:11:45,959 --> 00:11:47,193
[ Women giggling ]
401
00:11:47,261 --> 00:11:49,562
All right! Suit yourself.
402
00:11:49,630 --> 00:11:51,764
Wait. Wait...
wait one second.
403
00:11:51,832 --> 00:11:59,004
What if I just have one beer?
404
00:11:59,072 --> 00:12:01,173
Let's go, girls.
405
00:12:01,242 --> 00:12:03,209
So much fun.
406
00:12:03,277 --> 00:12:04,910
Bye, Billy!
407
00:12:04,978 --> 00:12:06,112
Bye.
408
00:12:06,179 --> 00:12:09,282
I don't even remember you.
409
00:12:09,350 --> 00:12:13,753
I spent the last 10 years of
my life getting ripped, and all
410
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:16,155
I had to do was tell them that
they had mismatched earlobes?
411
00:12:16,223 --> 00:12:18,491
By the time, though, you're
taking your top off, you've
412
00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:19,559
already sewn the deal up.
413
00:12:19,627 --> 00:12:21,361
Anyway, you don't
want a great body.
414
00:12:21,428 --> 00:12:23,663
That means they might come back.
415
00:12:23,731 --> 00:12:25,030
Come on! Come on!
416
00:12:25,098 --> 00:12:26,432
Keep going! Keep going!
417
00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:27,800
Deep breath! Deep breath!
418
00:12:27,868 --> 00:12:29,001
[ Coughs ]
419
00:12:29,069 --> 00:12:31,003
Okay, all right. Okay.
420
00:12:31,071 --> 00:12:32,204
That's a good attempt.
421
00:12:32,273 --> 00:12:33,673
I gotta get to acting class.
422
00:12:33,741 --> 00:12:35,508
All right, Billy,
you're taking over.
423
00:12:35,576 --> 00:12:37,677
All right.
424
00:12:37,745 --> 00:12:41,414
So, Eddie, what do
you do with silence?
425
00:12:41,482 --> 00:12:42,282
Talk?
426
00:12:42,349 --> 00:12:42,948
No, dude.
427
00:12:43,016 --> 00:12:43,750
You let it sit.
428
00:12:43,817 --> 00:12:44,617
Jesus, Jim!
429
00:12:44,685 --> 00:12:47,119
Why do you bring me
these lost causes?
430
00:12:47,187 --> 00:12:49,955
I'm sorry.
431
00:12:50,023 --> 00:12:50,723
Hey, Ramona.
432
00:12:50,791 --> 00:12:53,526
Hey, Eddie.
433
00:12:53,594 --> 00:12:55,895
[ Giggles ]
434
00:12:55,962 --> 00:12:59,231
Okay, but I expect
110% from my disciples.
435
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:03,269
Yes, sensei.
436
00:13:03,337 --> 00:13:05,371
How 'bout that Jim?
437
00:13:05,439 --> 00:13:06,739
He really knows how to nail the
438
00:13:06,807 --> 00:13:08,308
bitches, am I right?
439
00:13:08,375 --> 00:13:11,977
I've got some
laundry to go fold.
440
00:13:12,045 --> 00:13:16,148
Hey, Eddie, you suck!
441
00:13:16,216 --> 00:13:17,283
Andy, I've been studying.
442
00:13:17,351 --> 00:13:18,117
Good. Keep it up.
443
00:13:18,185 --> 00:13:19,151
These people love you.
444
00:13:19,219 --> 00:13:20,620
Can I talk to
you, please, sir?
445
00:13:20,688 --> 00:13:21,788
Maria, please, I am with a
446
00:13:21,855 --> 00:13:22,689
new student right now.
447
00:13:22,756 --> 00:13:23,289
Can you see?
448
00:13:23,357 --> 00:13:24,056
Say hi to Jim.
449
00:13:24,124 --> 00:13:24,524
Hi.
450
00:13:24,591 --> 00:13:25,024
Hi.
451
00:13:25,091 --> 00:13:28,494
We're not gonna talk
during class, but good job.
452
00:13:28,562 --> 00:13:30,229
You're having sex with that?
453
00:13:30,297 --> 00:13:33,833
We're gonna have a
little cream, too.
454
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,535
Bottom-feeding, Jim.
455
00:13:35,602 --> 00:13:36,602
We all do it.
456
00:13:36,670 --> 00:13:38,070
- Anyhow...
- Bottom-feeding.
457
00:13:38,138 --> 00:13:39,739
I think you're set for now.
458
00:13:39,807 --> 00:13:40,740
Hey, Jim.
459
00:13:40,808 --> 00:13:41,607
Hey, dick.
460
00:13:41,675 --> 00:13:42,942
I read "number one".
461
00:13:43,009 --> 00:13:44,143
It is brilliant.
462
00:13:44,211 --> 00:13:44,910
Thank you!
463
00:13:44,978 --> 00:13:45,845
That's Rodney.
464
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:47,347
One of my advanced students.
465
00:13:47,414 --> 00:13:48,948
Rodney's advanced.
466
00:13:49,015 --> 00:13:51,016
We're going to start with
467
00:13:51,084 --> 00:13:53,252
animals, but we do have some new
468
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,455
students... one, in particular.
469
00:13:55,522 --> 00:13:56,222
Say hi to Jim.
470
00:13:56,289 --> 00:13:56,889
Hey, Jim.
471
00:13:56,957 --> 00:13:57,557
Hi, Jim.
472
00:13:57,624 --> 00:13:58,224
Hey, Jim.
473
00:13:58,291 --> 00:13:59,392
Hi, hello.
474
00:13:59,460 --> 00:14:00,893
So we're doing this for Jim.
475
00:14:00,961 --> 00:14:02,462
What animal are you thinking of?
476
00:14:02,529 --> 00:14:03,563
The soaring eagle.
477
00:14:03,630 --> 00:14:04,063
Yes!
478
00:14:04,130 --> 00:14:05,598
And, Jim, what are you thinking?
479
00:14:05,666 --> 00:14:07,066
I-I just don't understand why
480
00:14:07,133 --> 00:14:08,167
we're even doing this.
481
00:14:08,235 --> 00:14:10,536
This doesn't...
We're doing this because you
482
00:14:10,604 --> 00:14:12,438
need to learn to trust.
483
00:14:12,506 --> 00:14:13,506
Trust me.
484
00:14:13,574 --> 00:14:16,008
I just come for the chicks!
485
00:14:16,076 --> 00:14:18,210
Our newest student wants to
486
00:14:18,278 --> 00:14:20,346
work on accents, okay, because
487
00:14:20,414 --> 00:14:21,681
he thinks it's... it's, uh...
488
00:14:21,749 --> 00:14:23,048
It's a useful tool to have.
489
00:14:23,116 --> 00:14:25,017
[ Chicago accent ]
Chicago, everybody.
490
00:14:25,085 --> 00:14:26,218
All: [ Chicago accent ]
491
00:14:26,286 --> 00:14:26,719
Chicago.
492
00:14:26,787 --> 00:14:27,353
Chicago.
493
00:14:27,421 --> 00:14:27,953
Chicago.
494
00:14:28,021 --> 00:14:28,588
Chicago.
495
00:14:28,655 --> 00:14:29,221
Chicago.
496
00:14:29,289 --> 00:14:30,757
[ Normal voice ] Hop around.
497
00:14:30,824 --> 00:14:32,392
If anybody knows what a kangaroo
498
00:14:32,459 --> 00:14:33,760
does, it would be you, Jim.
499
00:14:33,827 --> 00:14:34,660
And what's this?
500
00:14:34,728 --> 00:14:36,161
It's... that's my pouch.
501
00:14:36,229 --> 00:14:37,764
There's my giraffe.
502
00:14:37,831 --> 00:14:39,565
A long neck reaching
for the leaves.
503
00:14:39,633 --> 00:14:40,767
What a nice, long neck.
504
00:14:40,834 --> 00:14:41,768
Jim, where are you?
505
00:14:41,835 --> 00:14:43,102
Look at this.
506
00:14:43,169 --> 00:14:45,371
Jim?
507
00:14:45,439 --> 00:14:46,338
I can't even tell whether
508
00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:48,474
they're real giraffes or not.
509
00:14:48,542 --> 00:14:49,776
[ Chicago accent ] Chicago.
510
00:14:49,843 --> 00:14:50,410
Chicago.
511
00:14:50,477 --> 00:14:51,010
Chicago.
512
00:14:51,077 --> 00:14:51,611
Chicago.
513
00:14:51,678 --> 00:14:52,612
We're all moths now.
514
00:14:52,679 --> 00:14:53,479
Get in there, Jim.
515
00:14:53,547 --> 00:14:55,915
Take this seriously or
you're gonna get kicked out.
516
00:14:55,982 --> 00:15:00,352
I want you to yell out your
deepest, darkest fear.
517
00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:01,320
Being alone!
518
00:15:01,388 --> 00:15:03,456
Letting people
see my true self!
519
00:15:03,524 --> 00:15:05,691
People only seeing
me for my looks!
520
00:15:05,759 --> 00:15:08,227
People not seeing me
for who I really am!
521
00:15:08,295 --> 00:15:09,361
Aids!
522
00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:10,463
Together: [ With accent ]
523
00:15:10,531 --> 00:15:11,163
Chicago. Chicago.
524
00:15:11,231 --> 00:15:12,965
You sound like you're
from Philadelphia...
525
00:15:13,033 --> 00:15:16,536
I just... - you're my little
Philly cheesesteak sandwich.
526
00:15:16,603 --> 00:15:17,269
Isn't he cute?
527
00:15:17,337 --> 00:15:18,438
[ All chanting ]
528
00:15:18,505 --> 00:15:20,072
Jim, feel it here, Jim.
529
00:15:20,140 --> 00:15:22,742
Feel it here.
530
00:15:22,810 --> 00:15:23,876
I'm rolling you out.
531
00:15:23,944 --> 00:15:26,378
I'm a rolling pin...
[ Laughs ]
532
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:29,816
Rolling you out into
delicious, flaky pastries.
533
00:15:29,883 --> 00:15:30,316
Look at me.
534
00:15:30,383 --> 00:15:30,950
Look at me.
535
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:31,617
It's a mirror.
536
00:15:31,685 --> 00:15:32,318
It's a mirror.
537
00:15:32,385 --> 00:15:32,885
Mimic me.
538
00:15:32,953 --> 00:15:33,419
Mimic me.
539
00:15:33,487 --> 00:15:34,253
Together: Mimic me.
540
00:15:34,321 --> 00:15:36,288
South side of Chicago.
541
00:15:36,356 --> 00:15:38,157
South side of Chicago.
542
00:15:38,224 --> 00:15:40,426
Zap! Ooh! Good job.
543
00:15:40,494 --> 00:15:41,961
Zap!
544
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:42,895
Zap!
545
00:15:42,963 --> 00:15:43,996
Screw this.
546
00:15:44,064 --> 00:15:45,965
Jim, I swear to Christ.
547
00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:50,548
Okay, this has gotta stop.
548
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,484
I gotta lose weight, all right?
549
00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:53,985
I paid for 10 sessions!
550
00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:55,253
Yeah, we used them all up.
551
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:56,721
No, no, we've only done two.
552
00:15:56,788 --> 00:15:58,123
One of them, you were drunk!
553
00:15:58,190 --> 00:15:58,856
Mmhmm.
554
00:15:58,857 --> 00:15:59,090
Test.
555
00:15:59,158 --> 00:15:59,457
Test.
556
00:15:59,525 --> 00:15:59,757
Test.
557
00:15:59,825 --> 00:16:02,693
Test.
558
00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:04,095
Who the hell is this?
559
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:05,296
This is Eddie.
560
00:16:05,364 --> 00:16:06,498
I'm his personal trainer.
561
00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:08,266
Trainer for what,
competitive eating?
562
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:10,801
How long has this fat sack of
shit been sitting on our couch?
563
00:16:10,869 --> 00:16:13,138
Three weeks, and he's
been eating all your food.
564
00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:15,507
Why is it, every time I go
to a meeting out of town, some
565
00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:19,077
other dickhead moves
in the house?!
566
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,679
He's also been
sleeping in your bed.
567
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:22,414
Nice.
568
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:23,614
Tonight's my audition.
569
00:16:23,682 --> 00:16:25,816
Wish me luck.
570
00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:27,919
Hey, Eddie.
571
00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:29,820
[ Coughing ]
572
00:16:29,888 --> 00:16:32,090
Hi, Ramona.
573
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,624
How's those toes?
574
00:16:33,692 --> 00:16:34,926
[ Laughs ]
575
00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:37,995
Ramona, I-I find
you very attractive.
576
00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:42,367
Very, very attractive...
Except for those toes.
577
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,202
[ Laughs ]
578
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:49,274
Um, I wondered if, maybe,
you'd go out with me.
579
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:50,408
Yeah.
580
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:51,276
Really?
581
00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:52,009
[ Laughs ]
582
00:16:52,078 --> 00:16:52,410
Yes.
583
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:54,812
Wait, I have to
tell you something.
584
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,348
I didn't always look like this.
585
00:16:57,416 --> 00:16:58,950
Well, I used to weigh 300
586
00:16:59,017 --> 00:16:59,551
pounds.
587
00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:03,521
Eddie, I would date you no
matter how much you weighed.
588
00:17:03,589 --> 00:17:06,624
But does my weight bother you?
589
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:07,658
Are you serious?
590
00:17:07,726 --> 00:17:13,164
I think you're the most beautiful
woman I've... I've ever seen.
591
00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:16,434
No, really... I'm into b.B.W.
592
00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:18,136
It's, like, my thing.
593
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,137
Stop!
594
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,938
Yeah, dude, stop it.
595
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:23,408
Andy.
596
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:24,008
Dylan.
597
00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:24,576
Andy!
598
00:17:24,643 --> 00:17:25,276
Come on.
599
00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:26,578
Hey! Jim.
600
00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:28,346
What the hell did
you do to Eddie?
601
00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:29,347
He's fat, right?
602
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:29,914
Yeah!
603
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:31,182
I fired him as my trainer.
604
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:32,617
And I fired him as my sponsor.
605
00:17:32,684 --> 00:17:33,784
He was your sponsor?
606
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:35,653
He's my sponsor
and he's drinking.
607
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,455
I didn't know he
was an alcoholic.
608
00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:38,789
The guy has 17 years sober.
609
00:17:38,857 --> 00:17:39,557
I feel awful.
610
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:40,691
I have 90 days sober.
611
00:17:40,759 --> 00:17:42,427
Now I have nobody
and I'm like this.
612
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:43,060
90 days?
613
00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:44,095
Congratulations, Andy.
614
00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:45,497
That's really good... 90 days.
615
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:47,098
67 I round up.
616
00:17:47,166 --> 00:17:50,535
And if anybody asks,
it's a year, okay?
617
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:51,869
What are you doing here?
618
00:17:51,937 --> 00:17:53,037
I got an audition online.
619
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:53,638
What?
620
00:17:53,705 --> 00:17:54,606
Let me see that.
621
00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:55,806
"These doughnuts are great.
622
00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:56,674
I love sprinkles."
623
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:57,142
Yeah.
624
00:17:57,209 --> 00:17:58,075
The schlubby guy.
625
00:17:58,144 --> 00:17:58,876
Schlubby guy.
626
00:17:58,944 --> 00:18:00,178
"These doughnuts are great.
627
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,045
I like sprinkles."
628
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:02,147
Good luck with that, Jim.
629
00:18:02,214 --> 00:18:05,350
I've got meetings with executives
pitching an overall deal.
630
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:06,917
I'm not wasting my life eating
631
00:18:06,985 --> 00:18:09,587
doughnuts like you
and my ex-trainer.
632
00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:11,256
Good luck, Jim!
633
00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:12,190
Heyhey, jimbo!
634
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,558
Hey, thanks for coming back.
635
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:14,659
I really appreciate it.
636
00:18:14,726 --> 00:18:16,461
No, thank you for
having me again.
637
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:17,295
Welcome back.
638
00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:18,329
It's great to see you.
639
00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:19,297
I'm sorry about last time.
640
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:20,331
I really am.
641
00:18:20,399 --> 00:18:20,765
No!
642
00:18:20,832 --> 00:18:21,799
Don't sweat it at all!
643
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:23,635
Andy called, everything's
good, we're fine.
644
00:18:23,702 --> 00:18:24,669
You listen to Andy?
645
00:18:24,736 --> 00:18:25,936
Oh, Andy's back and he's hot.
646
00:18:26,004 --> 00:18:27,472
I just signed on to
do "tank dad 2."
647
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:28,673
Hey, you have the thing there?
648
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:29,340
Oh, yeah!
649
00:18:29,408 --> 00:18:31,643
Uh, we have some new sides
for you, some revisions.
650
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:32,910
Yeah, listen, um, I gotta
651
00:18:32,978 --> 00:18:34,745
tell you, you inspired
me, Jimmy, okay?
652
00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:36,381
So just take a look at this.
653
00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:37,014
Okay.
654
00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:38,683
It's, uh... you know what?
655
00:18:38,750 --> 00:18:41,052
Just relax, be yourself,
take your time.
656
00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:42,720
Whenever you're ready, okay?
657
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:43,588
American accent?
658
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,089
Oh, hell no. No.
659
00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:46,658
I want 100% Jim jeffries.
660
00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:47,659
Take your time.
661
00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:50,961
Whenever you're ready.
662
00:18:51,029 --> 00:18:51,729
"I mean, come on!"
663
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:55,066
Tatum O'Neal won
the Oscar at 10!
664
00:18:55,133 --> 00:18:57,435
I mean, come on, tatum
O'Neal won the Oscar at 10.
665
00:18:57,503 --> 00:18:59,337
"What type of
occupation is acting?"
666
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:00,004
Wait a sec.
667
00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:01,506
No, hang on, hang on, listen.
668
00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:02,940
I want you to try it again, and
669
00:19:03,008 --> 00:19:05,743
this time can you do it more like, uh...
Like yourself?
670
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,144
Can you be that crazy, angry,
671
00:19:07,213 --> 00:19:09,380
funny, wacky, kooky Jim
that I like so much?
672
00:19:09,448 --> 00:19:09,914
Okay.
673
00:19:09,981 --> 00:19:11,249
Let's get the Jim juice.
674
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:12,417
I can do it like me.
675
00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:13,351
I wrote this line!
676
00:19:13,419 --> 00:19:14,452
This is a line that I wrote!
677
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,755
Well, I-it's loosely based on your...
Your monologue.
678
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:18,489
"Loosely"?
679
00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:19,123
Yeah.
680
00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:20,258
On my monologue?
681
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:21,626
With major revisions.
682
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,861
Yeah, we've worked on it.
683
00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:25,663
Thanks for coming in.
684
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:26,564
All right.
685
00:19:26,632 --> 00:19:27,232
Come on, Jim.
686
00:19:27,299 --> 00:19:27,798
Thank you.
687
00:19:27,866 --> 00:19:28,466
See you soon.
688
00:19:28,534 --> 00:19:29,601
Thanks a bunch.
689
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:30,401
I'm calling his agent.
690
00:19:30,469 --> 00:19:31,736
Call Andy dick!
691
00:19:31,803 --> 00:19:33,504
I will call Andy dick.
692
00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:35,773
Aaaah! Aah! Aah! Ah!
693
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,342
Ah! Ah!
694
00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:39,043
They're in my goddamn room, Jim!
695
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:40,077
On my goddamn bed!
696
00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:42,714
[ Laughing ] Your room's
closest to the fridge.
697
00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:44,415
Hey, Steve [Chuckles]
698
00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:45,617
Sorry about the sheets.
699
00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:46,917
I-I'll wash them.
700
00:19:46,985 --> 00:19:49,820
Yeah, Ramona made
the sheets dirty.
701
00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:50,622
Oh, shut up!
702
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,490
All right, just
get out of here.
703
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:53,824
I'll see you later.
704
00:19:53,892 --> 00:19:54,792
All right, baby.
705
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,228
[ Chuckling ]
706
00:19:57,296 --> 00:19:58,963
Nice bed.
707
00:19:59,030 --> 00:20:00,898
We'll see you guys later.
708
00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:04,034
And, Ramona... I'll
call you later.
709
00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:05,069
Come here, baby.
710
00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:06,237
I love you
711
00:20:06,305 --> 00:20:08,573
[ Grunting, moaning ]
712
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:09,173
No.
713
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:09,874
Yeah.
714
00:20:09,941 --> 00:20:10,941
Please stop.
715
00:20:11,009 --> 00:20:12,710
Yeah, let your love grow.
716
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:14,445
Yeah.
717
00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:16,781
Oh, she's touching it.
718
00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:20,151
Eww.
719
00:20:20,218 --> 00:20:22,587
My little vanilla muffin!
720
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:24,188
My chocolate pudding.
721
00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:26,691
Oh, right now.
722
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,138
Billy, put your oxygen back on.
723
00:20:30,227 --> 00:20:31,595
I really need it.
724
00:20:31,673 --> 00:20:35,685
- What the hell, jim?
- ***
725
00:20:36,976 --> 00:20:40,257
Maybe Annie's right. You
have to apply yourself.
726
00:20:40,382 --> 00:20:42,944
To get ahead in this world,
you just gotta apply yourself.
727
00:20:42,969 --> 00:21:13,921
Sync & corrections by No1
www.addic7ed.com.
728
00:21:13,971 --> 00:21:18,521
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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