All language subtitles for Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia s11e02 Frank Falls Out the Window.eng

FRANK: Charlie,
can I come in already?

CHARLIE:
Well, that depends, Frank.

Are you done farting?
FRANK: No.

Well, then you're gonna keep
hanging your ass out the window

till you're done, all right?

Look, I-I warned you.

You want to put slices of rum
ham on a Grilled Charlie?

That's a stomach "bomba."

It's too much for your system.

Then make me another one.

If I'm gonna stick my ass out
the window, I'm gonna eat.

Unbelievable. Alright, here we go.

I feel like it's gonna be a week

before your system
gets back to normal.

Y-You can't just eat

whatever you...
Charlie...

(crashing, shattering)

Holy shit!

Are you okay?!

Frank?!

Hey, are you all right?

(groans)

(echoing):
Hey! Are you okay?

(groans)

(echoing):
Are you all right, man?

Frank!

Where are you going?!

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

MAC: I'm the one that came up
with the chickens

to contaminate the steaks.

I was the first one
to say that, right?

I-I don't think so, no.

I don't think so.
You t... Are you serious?

No, I remember being on the phone and...
Yeah, being totally serious.

Dennis, Deandra!

Yeah.
What?

No, I-I... I-I feel
like I came up with it.

It's me!

What, do you want
a goddamn medal?

Yeah, get out of here, Frank.

We're right in the middle
of something very important.

I was on the phone;
I came up with it.

What are you talking about?
That never happened...

Your mother's dead.

I thought I was the one that...
Yeah, we know she's dead.

I think I was the one
that told you to make that call.

I-I was just kidding.

Uh, your mother's
not really dead.

Uh, I dropped that bomb
to soften the blow.

We're getting divorced.

Wh-What's happening?

Are you doing a bit, Frank?

It's not funny.

(overlapping chatter)

Hey! Hey!

Oh, shit, man, are you okay?

And who might you be?

Wh-What?!

Uh-oh,
he's finally lost it.

Should we toss him in a home?

Yep.
I-I'll get the car.

N-N-No, guys, guys.

Frank fell out my window.

We had our, like,
fire escape taken off,

and, dude, you, like, must
have hit your head real hard.

(scoffs) Look, you seem
like a really nice kid.

But my head is fine.

Oh, my God. (gasps) Oh, shit.

MAC:
Oh, my God.

Oh, it's his skull!

CHARLIE:
Uh, okay, Frank.

Um, what day is it?
Wednesday.

Yes.
Wrong, it's Tuesday.

Is it? Actually, no,
it's-it's Wednesday.

He's right. I...
Did I lose a day?

Yeah. Okay, you know what?
I got one.

Um, what is the capital of Pennsylvania?
Philadelphia.

Yes. No. I don't
think that's right.

Uh, is it Pittsburgh?

Uh, at one point, it was Philly.

I'm pretty sure. I don't
think they change it.

MAC: All right, let's just,
let's ask something easier.

Who's the president
of the United States?

George Bush.

Nah, I was just kidding.

The real president of the United
States is Dick Cheney.

He's pulling all the strings.

Ah, shit, Frank, what year
do you think it is?

2006.

Oh, man. Whoa. Well, okay, so
something clearly happened to Frank

when he fell out of that window.

I think what happened is
he went through the window,

and the window seemed to be some
sort of portal to the year 2006.

He has a concussion.

It's not 2006.

It's crazy, but stranger
things have happened.

No, they haven't. No, they haven't.
DENNIS: A-A-All right.

Guys, guys, guys.

You remember ten years ago
when Frank first came back,

and he wanted to, like, give
all his money away to charity

and reconnect
with his kids and shit?

Right, then he started hanging
out with Mac and Charlie,

got a taste of the bar lifestyle

and decided he'd rather
live in squalor.

Guys, we have an opportunity
to change history.

Are you talking about taking all
his money and kicking him out?

Of course that's what I'm talking about.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to do that.

I-I want to do that. I'm in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We got to come up
with a plan here.

What if Charlie and I take Frank

to the strip club like before,

so he keeps thinking it's 2006?

We can't repeat the same
mistakes of the past.

'Cause that might
trigger his memories.

In fact, keep Charlie
away from Frank.

I mean, he's drawn to him

for some inexplicable reason.

Dee, here's what we'll do.

You and I will
actually reconnect

with Frank this time
instead of rejecting him.

Okay, we just got to figure out
a way to get him

to write us
a check for that money.

You know what we could do is

we could do like
a Wyclef Jean thing

and create a charity for Haiti

and then allegedly keep
all the money for ourselves.

By the time he figures out
what the hell's going on...

DEE AND DENNIS:
And tell my
baby I'll be gone till November

(mumbling lyrics)

DEE, DENNIS AND MAC:

You don't know the song.
You don't know the song.

There was a good bounce to it.

All right, well, either
way, let's do that.

(sighs)

Guigino's.

DEE:
Mm-hmm.

That's a nice place.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Fresh fish daily.

How do you not have fish?

Two can play at that game.

Banging your sister
is perverted.

We ever been here before?

No.

No, no...

So, so, so...

Catch me up.

How's life?

Uh, life's good, man.

Things have been,
uh, pretty good.

I'm still working towards
becoming a veterinarian.

Of course.
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah.

And I'm still working
toward my dreams

of becoming a Broadway star.

Getting close but just haven't
quite found my traction.

Right.
FRANK: Mmm, that's okay.

You got time.
DEE: Yeah.

Youse are young.

You're what, 25, 26?

Yeah.

Eh, give it a few more years.

If it doesn't work out, you move on.
(chuckles) Mm-hmm.

I mean, y-you don't want to be
almost 40 working at a bar.

Right.
Nope.

No way.

I know that I've
been a lousy dad,

but there's only one
person to blame for that:

your whore mother.

Mmm. I don't like who
she turned me into.

The big house, the big car.

I'm giving it all away.

To charity.

Well, that is a great idea.

I thought you'd give me
a lot of shit for that.

Oh, no. Man, who do
you think we are?

Oh, my gosh. No, we are super
into helping people in need

and poor people and...
Yeah. Y-Y-Yeah, y-yeah.

Dennis and I, we
work very closely

with a charity that,
uh, that offers relief

for the Haiti disaster.

There was a disaster in Haiti?

(stammering): Oh, oh, had
that not, had that had not...

to d... was it...?

Yeah, I-I just got to look a
quick thing up on my phone if...

DENNIS:
Um, s... Dad, uh...

Whoa, wh-wh-wh-wh-whoa.

What's that?

What is that?
My phone?

That's a phone?!

I've never seen anything
like it in my life.

That's because...
I invented it.

You invented that?

Yep.

That is genius.

Yeah, isn't it?

Dennis, I always thought you'd
be the one to move out in front.

No, it was her,
but it was her after me,

because, um, she actually
came up with that

after I had already
invented this.

You invented that?

Yeah, I invented this first,
and then she copied me.

Well, you know what
I did? I upgraded it.

I made it better.
Oh.

And I was worried
that you were gonna

spend the rest of your
lives in that crap bar.

(all laugh)

No, we're killing it.

Well, here's to your futures.

Hey, all right.

(laughs)

(laughing):
Oh, Dee, you bitch.

This is great, Charlie.

I am going to show you what life
could be like without Frank.

Yeah, except the first time
we came here with Frank,

we brought home two
strippers, so...

Yeah, but he banged
both of them.

Uh, true, yeah.

This time,
you and I are gonna be

the ones that bang
the strippers.

Right. Well, why do
you want to bang them?

Oh.

'Cause it's 2006, and
you're still into women.

(chuckles)
Crazy.

Huh?
You're not...

You haven't become... Just drop
it, just drop it, just drop it.

Yeah, I-I'll drop it.
Hey!

Frankie, what's up, man? Wait, wait,
wait, wait. What are you doing here?

I thought you were out
with your kids.

You mind if I sit down?
Yeah, absolutely not.

Pop a squat, Frankie.

Goddamn it, I-I...

Oh, my God.

You poor baby.

What happened to your head?

Ooh.

Eh, it's nothing--
just a little scratch.

STRIPPER:
No, it looks infected.

FRANK:
It does?

Maybe give you a lap dance?

(laughing, chattering)

Whoa.

Make yourself at home--
welcome to mi casa.

You got any booze? Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah-- in the bed, under the pillow.

Oh, oh.
Oh, gosh.

I love it, it's so spacious.

It's one goddamn room.

You have a steak knife
in your bed.

Oh, well, that's Frank's, uh...

Um, that is my toe knife.

It's your what?

Uh, that's my
t-toe knife.

For, you know, digging
the scum out of my toes...

It's disgusting, disgusting.
and cutting my nails off.

Y-You cut your toenails
with a knife?

Yeah. Well, yeah.
He does.

I mean, it's, uh...
Gross.

a cleaner cut, really.

...scum out of my toenail.

Oh, botched toe.

That is disgusting.

FRANK (echoing):
Toe knife.

Maybe I ought to try that.

I don't think you should;
can I talk to you outside

for a second? Just one second. Thank you.
All right, all right.

Man. Dude, we have to stop
what's going on in there.

Why? We're about to bang
a couple strippers.

Don't you see?
We're making the same mistakes

that we made
with Frank years ago.

Don't you understand?

He is on a bang path
straight to the waitress.

Oh, shit. All right,
definitely want to avoid that.

All right, let's pull him.

Okay, yeah.
Let's pull him out.

He locked us out.

He did?!
Yes.

So it is 2006.

DEE AND DENNIS:

You know what,
say what you want about Wyclef,

he may have stolen money
from his own people,

but that man can write a goddamn song.
Oh, nice.

Right?
He's an excellent songwriter.

And that is an excellent song.

Mm-hmm.
But, Dee, Dee, look.

I want to talk to you
about something, okay?

We have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity here.
Yes.

We have a real second chance.
I know.

S-So I want to talk to you about our future.
Yes.

Should we get into it?
Yes.

All right, here, sit down for a second.
Okay.

'Cause in order to do that,

I think we're gonna have to get real.
Okay.

And I want to get very
real with you right now.

- Yeah, go ahead. - Can I do that?
Because I feel like I'm almost coddling you.

Interesting.
But that's neither here nor there.

I just want to get real with you f-for a second, okay?
Yeah, go ahead.

So the acting thing.

Mm-hmm.
It's done.

But it's been done
for a long time.

I mean, you were
too old in 2006.

You're way too old now.

And you're bad at it.

Thank you.

For your honesty. Yeah, is it...
are you cool?

Oh, so much do I appreciate you for that.
Thank you.

Okay, good. That must
have been hard for you.

It was.
To say.

Can I be honest with you?
I-I need you to.

Right?
Right.

Okay, so the veterinarian thing.
Yeah.

I feel like the only reason
you wanted to be a vet

was to keep the skins.

What?

You want to keep
the skins, don't you?

There's no denying the
skins are fascinating.

It's the most fascinating
part of the animal.

The skin of any animal is
the most fascinating part,

Mmm... but that's not why
I wanted to become...

Also you're going bald.
I'm going bald?!

What are you talking about?! Just in...
in the interest of being real.

Where in the hell am I possibly going bald?
In the back of your head...

There's no evidence of that.
There's quite a bit of ev...

I'll get two mirrors;
I'll show it to you.

Don't get mirrors, because...
You're not gonna find anything.

I see fat spilling
over the back of your pants

on a pretty regular basis.
(stammers)

What the hell are
you talking about?!

I'm just trying to let you know.

And by the way,
there's no reason

why a bald man who enjoys skins

who has a little bit of
extra something-something

around his belly can't be
a goddamn veterinarian!

Okay, you know what, I can act!
You are a wrinkled bitch!

I'm gonna tell you something,
my characters are good.

Okay, let's stop, stop,
stop, stop, stop, stop.

I-I don't want to do
this with you, okay?

Do you see what's
happening? We're...

We just jumped right back in;
we just leapt right back in.

Into our old routines.
Same old place.

And I-I don't want
to do that, okay?

'Cause... Let's
just focus here.

Here's what we're gonna do.

We're gonna polish off this wine.
Yeah.

And then we're gonna open
up a new bottle of vino.

Ooh.
(chuckles)

And let's talk about
our real futures.

To new beginnings.

(alarm rings)

(groans)

Dennis.

Dennis, wake up.

Aah.

(groans)

I'm up, I'm up, I'm up.

Look what we did.

(groans)

Is that a crack pipe?

Yes.

No, no.
(groaning): No.

No, no, no.

How'd this happen again?

(groans)

Well, it looks like we drank
everything in the entire world,

and then we went out
and bought some crack,

and we smoked it.

Yeah, a-a-all right,
that's fine.

No, n-no, we just,
we... we slipped up.

It's-it's not a big deal.

Like, we'll...
you know,

we'll... pull
ourselves together,

and we'll, you know,
we'll get back on crack.

I mean, on track.

Unless, um, you have more crack.

No, Dennis, I don't
have more crack.

No one in the history of crack

has ever woken up in the
morning with more crack.

(sighs) Okay, but if I'm
being honest with you,

if I'm being very, very real,

I need to be high
on crack cocaine right now.

You know what we can do?
I've got a great idea.

Once we get Frank's money,

we'll just take
all of that money

and put ourselves in rehab,

'cause we're not gonna
stop smoking crack.

It's all I'm thinking about.

All right, so we just
got to figure out

another way to get some money.

I have a idea.

Hi.

I'm a recovering crackhead,

and this is my donkey-brained
sister that I take care of.

(hums)

I'd like some welfare, please.

You're a recovering
crack addict,

and your sister has...

the brains of a donkey?

Mmm.

We thought that you might
be a little bit skeptical,

so we brought proof.

Dee?

Well, you clearly replaced the
name Frank with the name Dee,

and you crossed out the word
"not" on this document.

Nevertheless, I do not know
what the hell this document is.

Well, that's... that's an
official State's, uh...

I'm gonna go ahead and stop you.

None of this matters to me.

So I don't need
the whole song and dance.

If you want welfare...

you'll just have to fill out
a bunch of this paperwork,

'cause I'm done
with this bullshit.

This is good news.

This is great, isn't it?
Oh, yeah.

I mean, times have really changed.
They have, I know.

You just fill out
the paperwork now.

You don't have to prove
anything, you know what I mean?

You just get the money now. Obama
just gives you the money; it's great.

There's a lot of paperwork to fill out,
though. Yeah, could you write faster?

I need some more crack.

I'm starting to come
down pretty hard.

Okay, listen, Dee,

I'm writing as fast
as I can, okay?

I-I also want crack.
Sorry.

I don't get why we're coming
here to find a roommate.

You know, what about living
with the waitress, too?

The waitress is not going
to live with you.

This is our only option, okay?

People in the welfare store
are in a pinch, so are you.

Yeah, that's a good point.

Uh...

Wait.

Is that Dennis and Dee?

Hi.

Hey, guys.

Wh-What are you
doing here?

Yeah, did you get Frank
to write the check?

Dude, we're well on our way.

(chuckles)
Yeah, but in the meantime,

we came here because we need
some money to buy crack.

You guys
are smoking crack again?

It's not a big deal,
because, uh,

as soon as we get
that check from Frank,

we're just gonna zip right off
to a-a rehab program.

Yeah, we'll get in rehab.

You guys are back on crack,

Frank brought strippers
back to my place,

we're all bumping into each
other at the welfare store,

and yet I'm the only person
who thinks it's 2006.

Oh...
What?

It's him!
It's him, everyone, shut up.

Oh, it's Frank, shut up!
Okay? Shh.

Hey, Frank. Daddy.

Daddy. Yeah. Hi, how are you?

What's up?

No shit.

No shit!

Yes, we will be there
in just a few minutes.

Okay, bye!
What is it, what do you...

Oh, shit, great news, guys.

Great news.
No problem with the check.

We just gotta meet
with his money man

and he's just gonna
write it to us.

Big fat check for us.
Oh, my God, yes.

We're going to see money man.
Get rid of that!

All right.
Let's go get some crack.

Yeah. I mean the check.
We're gonna...

Right, yeah.
Get some crack.

(exhales)

Still need a roommate, right?

Yeah, what about this guy?

Oh, come on, man.

Don't just do that, you know?

Knew you were gonna do that.

Anyone else.
Look at him.

WOMAN:
Mr. Reynolds.

Lauren Kerwin.
We spoke earlier.

Hello, toots.

Hello.
(Frank cackles)

Yeah, so where's
Jer-Bear?

Mr. Doran?

Oh, um...

he-he passed away.

(laughing)

He passed...

Jerry!

Jerry, come on in here,
don't give me that.

Don't make your secretary
pull that bit on us.

Come on, Jerry.

Um, I'm not his secretary

and he's been dead for years.

Really. So...

Uh...
well, anyway,

my kids turned me on
to an idea last night.

Yeah. All right, look, tell
'em about your invention.

Well, the charity that...
Huh?

Not the, not the charity.
The phone.

The phone--
they're being modest.

Tell her, show her
about the phone.

Show the broad the phone.

(exhales)

You goddamn bitch!

You wouldn't know a good idea
if it smacked you in a tit.

She's gonna be gone by 2007,
you mark my words.

DENNIS:
She's a stupid...

stupid idiot.
Yes, she's a dumb...

dumb bitch.
A stupid moron.

So, those people on Haiti.

Now we can help them
with the mon-- your money.

No, no... Haiti?
Haiti's a lost cause.

You might as well sink
that goddamn island.

What are you talking about?
DEE: (gasps) No, not a lost cause,

no, you said you wanted
to help poor people.

I am going to help
the poor people.

I'm gonna help you,
because you are my children

and I gotta think
of your future.

W-What?

This is for you.

(inhales) There you go.

(both inhale sharply) Oh!

Oh, that's a lot of zeroes!
Oh, Dee...

Yeah, that's a lot of zeroes.

Yeah. We will.
Oh, Daddy, we're gonna do

such good things with this money.
Yes.

We're gonna help people,
we're gonna invent.

Let's do it now, though.
Let's move.

Yeah, we'll go deposit it. Invent,
invent, invent, invent, right.

That was a very good
decision-- thank you!

Do it right away,
do it right away.

(Dee giggles)
You're a great dad.

Oh, Daddy!
You're a great dad.

You're right.

(echoing):
You are crackheads, children.

MAC: I want to thank you,
gentlemen, for your interest

in the roommate position.

You're both
excellent candidates.

We have Edgar

and Trevor,

who is an aspiring
jazz musician.

That's interesting,

because Charlie is actually
a musician himself.

Mmm, don't really
care for jazz, though.

A lot of unnecessary notes.

(door opens)
FRANK: Hey!

Got room for one more?

Frank, what are you doing here?

Charlie, the other night

was the greatest night
of my life.

I used to live like that,

in filth and squalor.

I want to do it again.

Absolutely not.
We are not doing this again.

You know what?
I'm gonna consider it.

Gah... Frank, have a seat.

Oh, Charlie.
Yeah, yeah,

have a seat, all right.
Yeah, yeah.

All right, let's begin.

Okay, uh, first topic
is cat food.

You want to lead with that?
Mm-hmm.

Cat food.
Yeah.

Okay. You find a can of cat
food in the apartment.

What do you do with it?

I don't do nothing with it.

Don't touch my shit,

I don't touch your shit.

Great.
Okay.

He-he doesn't touch your shit...
Yeah.

That was very clear.
...and then you don't...

So eloquent. Very clear.
What are you writing?

I filled in half
the can of cat food.

It's sort of a half-full answer.
Great.

Trevor, your position
on the matter?

I'd ask if the can is yours,

and, uh, if so,

would you like me
to feed the cat?

Oh... Oh, see, now he assumes

that you have a cat.
Right.

Smart. He doesn't
have a cat.

CHARLIE: Yeah, so... Oh.

Yeah.

Kind of a waste
to-to feed a cat

that's not mine.

For me, it depends
on how hungry I was.

Or sleepy.

Oh, very interesting.

Couple of points for
Frank right there.

W-Why?
Well, I don't understand.

He gets points for...

Yeah, eating it and then...
Well, if I was hungry

and the cat food was there, I'd eat it.
And if you were sleepy...

If I couldn't go to sleep...
You would...

I would eat the cat food
and go to sleep.

'Cause it might
make you go to sleep!

All right.
In what scenario

do you not eat the cat food?

I would always eat the cat food.
Yeah, no.

Exactly right.
See, now there's a man

who's-who's thinking
on his feet.

MAC: Trevor is
a great roommate.

He's a nice guy;
he doesn't have

the experience, though.
Experience? In what?

Well, all these good things.
Let's keep talking.

Hey, I'm sorry, am I...
too late? Oh.

Wow, hi.

What-what are you
doing here?

I called her, actually.
I left her a message

'cause I thought she might need
a place to live.

The last couple of years
have been pretty rough on me,

and now I'm living
in a women's shelter, so...

Oh... Yeah, I figured that.
'Cause she's the worst.

Is the apartment
still available or not?

Well, yeah, it's
definitely available.

Great.
Yes!

Oh, I've brokered a deal!

Oh, no, come on, Charlie.

I-I'm sorry, Frank,

but you know I'm not gonna
give up an opportunity

to have The Waitress
as a roommate.

A roommate?
N-n-n... no, no.

No, no, you did not say that.
You did not say

he would still be living here.

MAC: That's true,
I did not say that,

because I didn't think
you would come if I did.

Yeah, well, you're goddamn right
I wouldn't have come.

I am not living with Charlie.
Are you kidding?

I would rather live
on the streets.

You'd rather live on the streets?
Yeah.

What? Ow!

Ow, my God!
What are you doing?

Put me down! What the
hell are you doing?

Charlie, what are you doing? Ow!

I was gonna throw her
out the window

and send her back to 2006! You were
going to throw me out the window?

What the hell is wrong with you?!
CHARLIE: It's a time portal!

Back in time!
We could start over again!

(arguing continues)
This is really good.

(echoing):
This is ham soaked in rum.

Rum ham, rum ham.

...and make me another.

Rum ham!

Who wants rum ham?

(screaming)

Rum ham.

You are such a psycho.
CHARLIE: The window is a time portal

to 2006. What is
he talking about?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What the hell's everybody doing
in my apartment?

We having a gang bang?

Oh, my God. Get...

get the hell out of my way.

Welcome back, Frankie!

(laughing)

Oh, the farts, man.

That's good.
Oh. Oh, the fart.

TELLER:
Yeah, sorry,

I can't cash this check.

Why? I mean,
I know the number's really,

really big, but the check
is real. Are you sure you...

Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's a real check.

No, it's outdated.

No, he just wrote it yesterday.

No, it is clearly dated 2006.

Goddamn it.
Son of a bitch.

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