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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,039
Uhh, extra sprouts
and no mayo.
2
00:00:06,679 --> 00:00:08,012
Yeah.
3
00:00:08,014 --> 00:00:10,047
My name's Amy.
4
00:00:16,388 --> 00:00:17,721
She's cute.
5
00:00:17,723 --> 00:00:19,089
Yeah.
6
00:00:20,458 --> 00:00:20,958
Wow.
7
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:24,595
Freedom Tower is, like, really
coming along, huh?
8
00:00:24,597 --> 00:00:27,665
God, I can't believe
it's been 12 years since 9/11.
9
00:00:27,667 --> 00:00:29,066
Oh, my God, I know.
10
00:00:29,068 --> 00:00:30,768
It's bananas.
Time really flies.
11
00:00:30,770 --> 00:00:33,237
I can't remember, do they
take a long time here?
12
00:00:33,239 --> 00:00:35,506
No, they're usually
pretty quick.
13
00:00:35,508 --> 00:00:36,507
Okay.
14
00:00:36,509 --> 00:00:38,776
I was actually supposed
to be meeting my girlfriend
15
00:00:38,778 --> 00:00:40,477
at the World Trade Center
that day.
16
00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:42,613
I mean, I'm on,
like, Walker Street
17
00:00:42,615 --> 00:00:44,615
and I hear this crazy noise,
18
00:00:44,617 --> 00:00:47,051
but, like, I wasn't
thinking it was anything bad,
19
00:00:47,053 --> 00:00:48,052
but then I look up.
20
00:00:48,054 --> 00:00:50,988
I'm just kind of freaking out right
now that I want mayo, you know?
21
00:00:50,990 --> 00:00:53,624
I'm like, why did I act like
I didn't want it?
22
00:00:53,626 --> 00:00:55,292
But I don't have
to go and talk to them.
23
00:00:55,294 --> 00:00:58,095
I am so present and here
with you right now.
24
00:00:58,097 --> 00:00:59,096
I can stay.
25
00:00:59,098 --> 00:01:00,764
Uh, well--
26
00:01:06,371 --> 00:01:07,571
Everything's cool.
27
00:01:07,573 --> 00:01:09,773
They're gonna
put mayo on it, sorry.
28
00:01:09,775 --> 00:01:11,542
Okay, so what's going on
in the story,
29
00:01:11,544 --> 00:01:13,577
- what were you--
- Uh, the fireball.
30
00:01:13,579 --> 00:01:15,379
Ooh, right.
Keep going.
31
00:01:15,381 --> 00:01:18,682
Yeah, so for hours, I'm like,
calling my girlfriend and--
32
00:01:18,684 --> 00:01:20,084
Right.
I can't get through to her.
33
00:01:20,086 --> 00:01:22,820
Oh, my God,
is that Dina Lohan?
34
00:01:22,822 --> 00:01:25,122
It's like a pile of cups.
35
00:01:26,057 --> 00:01:27,358
Sorry, what's happening?
36
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,026
Yeah, I'm calling my
girlfriend--
37
00:01:29,028 --> 00:01:30,427
- Right.
- And I can't--
38
00:01:30,429 --> 00:01:31,528
Like, I can't reach her,
39
00:01:31,530 --> 00:01:32,997
'cause all the cell phones
are jammed
40
00:01:32,999 --> 00:01:34,732
and everyone
is trying to call--
41
00:01:34,734 --> 00:01:35,766
Verizon.
42
00:01:35,768 --> 00:01:37,334
It's Verizon, right?
43
00:01:37,336 --> 00:01:38,636
They cannot get it together.
44
00:01:38,638 --> 00:01:41,505
It's been like 130
years, like--
45
00:01:41,507 --> 00:01:42,673
Like, help us out.
46
00:01:42,675 --> 00:01:44,541
Help us make a call, right?
47
00:01:44,543 --> 00:01:47,044
Verizon, it's like, run
a business.
48
00:01:47,046 --> 00:01:47,912
Can we stand over there?
49
00:01:47,914 --> 00:01:49,713
I'm scared I'm not gonna hear
when they call my name
50
00:01:49,715 --> 00:01:51,582
and I want to keep
an eye on my sandwich.
51
00:01:51,584 --> 00:01:53,183
Yeah, sure.
52
00:01:56,022 --> 00:01:57,488
It's loud over here.
53
00:01:57,490 --> 00:01:59,256
You thought she was dead?
54
00:01:59,258 --> 00:02:01,258
Yeah, so
finally, at like 8:00 p.m.,
55
00:02:01,260 --> 00:02:03,761
my girlfriend calls me,
but she's so hysterical,
56
00:02:03,763 --> 00:02:05,696
I can barely understand
a word she's saying--
57
00:02:05,698 --> 00:02:06,664
Yeah, wait, speaking of that,
58
00:02:06,666 --> 00:02:08,565
can you just stop talking
for, like, one second?
59
00:02:08,567 --> 00:02:10,067
I'm trying to Shazam
this song and it's like,
60
00:02:10,069 --> 00:02:13,003
not tagging, I think 'cause
you're talking to me.
61
00:02:13,005 --> 00:02:14,371
Yeah, I know it's Robin Thicke
62
00:02:14,373 --> 00:02:16,674
but I don't know what
Robin Thicke.
63
00:02:16,676 --> 00:02:18,742
You know, just--
64
00:02:20,545 --> 00:02:21,879
Oh, it's Pink.
65
00:02:21,881 --> 00:02:22,613
I'm an idiot.
66
00:02:22,615 --> 00:02:25,082
- Amy?
- Oh.
67
00:02:25,084 --> 00:02:26,750
Thank you.
68
00:02:26,752 --> 00:02:27,952
Anyway, so she made it out,
69
00:02:27,954 --> 00:02:29,353
but, like as they were running,
70
00:02:29,355 --> 00:02:30,621
they heard these loud noises
71
00:02:30,623 --> 00:02:32,189
and they realized that
it was a--
72
00:02:32,191 --> 00:02:33,457
Oh, my gosh!
73
00:02:33,459 --> 00:02:35,859
They didn't put mayo on
my sandwich.
74
00:02:35,861 --> 00:02:38,062
Why is my life the worst life?
75
00:02:38,064 --> 00:02:38,996
Do you want to take it back?
76
00:02:38,998 --> 00:02:41,265
No, I don't want them to
think I'm an (bleep).
77
00:02:41,267 --> 00:02:44,568
God, I'm in the worst mood
now, whatever!
78
00:02:44,570 --> 00:02:46,470
So where were you on 9/11?
79
00:02:46,472 --> 00:02:49,073
I don't remember.
80
00:02:51,875 --> 00:02:57,944
Sync & corrections by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com
81
00:02:58,083 --> 00:03:01,085
I still think I'm
in my twenties, I really do.
82
00:03:01,087 --> 00:03:03,554
At bars,
I still show my license.
83
00:03:03,556 --> 00:03:05,456
They're like, we can see
your face.
84
00:03:05,458 --> 00:03:08,226
Just go in.
85
00:03:08,828 --> 00:03:13,031
Did you want us to know you're
not an organ donor?
86
00:03:15,534 --> 00:03:17,868
What's the worst
job you've ever had?
87
00:03:17,870 --> 00:03:21,205
I worked at a yoga center
once and my boss was a jerk.
88
00:03:21,207 --> 00:03:24,908
Like, he put me in an arm lock
once behind my back.
89
00:03:24,910 --> 00:03:26,610
I said, "Could
you not do that again?"
90
00:03:26,612 --> 00:03:29,079
And he said, "I won't show
you any more love".
91
00:03:29,081 --> 00:03:31,749
- Gee, that is abusive.
- True story.
92
00:03:31,751 --> 00:03:33,450
I was younger at the time.
93
00:03:33,452 --> 00:03:35,586
Now you'd be like, ah,
how about get the (bleep) off me?
94
00:03:35,588 --> 00:03:37,588
What's the worst
job you ever had?
95
00:03:37,590 --> 00:03:41,692
I used to work at Bed Bath
& Beyond a long time ago.
96
00:03:41,694 --> 00:03:42,860
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
97
00:03:42,862 --> 00:03:44,294
Well, it was
cool, 'cause I got--
98
00:03:44,296 --> 00:03:46,163
I learned how to fold towels
the right way
99
00:03:46,165 --> 00:03:48,065
and I'm kind
of anal about that now.
100
00:03:48,067 --> 00:03:49,767
I bet you are.
101
00:03:52,571 --> 00:03:55,172
This is how we will
provide the vaccinations
102
00:03:55,174 --> 00:03:59,243
to all the underprivileged
children in the world.
103
00:04:02,081 --> 00:04:04,281
Incredible,
Charles, really incredible.
104
00:04:04,283 --> 00:04:08,152
Well, before we vote to approve
funding for Charles' project,
105
00:04:08,154 --> 00:04:11,188
it's my honor to welcome our
newest board member,
106
00:04:11,190 --> 00:04:12,656
Amy BlackBerry.
107
00:04:12,658 --> 00:04:13,257
Hey guys.
108
00:04:13,259 --> 00:04:16,060
I know you all think I'm here just
'cause my dad owns this company
109
00:04:16,062 --> 00:04:18,495
and like a third of all
the phones on Earth,
110
00:04:18,497 --> 00:04:21,598
but honestly, I submitted for
this job under a fake name,
111
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,568
just like Tori Spelling
on "90210".
112
00:04:24,570 --> 00:04:27,037
Well, regardless, we are
thrilled to have you here.
113
00:04:27,039 --> 00:04:28,372
Welcome to the team.
114
00:04:30,343 --> 00:04:33,578
Cool... how cool.
115
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:34,778
Well, let's vote.
116
00:04:34,780 --> 00:04:36,780
Oh, you know what, if I
could just interject here,
117
00:04:36,782 --> 00:04:39,817
I actually had a different
plan I wanted considered
118
00:04:39,819 --> 00:04:42,086
for that same funding.
119
00:04:42,088 --> 00:04:43,787
I know my dad's really
behind it.
120
00:04:43,789 --> 00:04:47,725
I don't want that to affect anybody's
decision, it's just an FYI.
121
00:04:47,727 --> 00:04:49,727
Okay, Amy,
yeah, go right ahead.
122
00:04:49,729 --> 00:04:50,260
Yeah?
123
00:04:50,262 --> 00:04:51,662
- Yeah.
- Okay, great.
124
00:04:51,664 --> 00:04:56,000
Um, I have two words for
you guys.
125
00:04:56,002 --> 00:04:59,103
Just two words.
126
00:04:59,105 --> 00:05:01,872
"Cat park."
127
00:05:01,874 --> 00:05:03,474
Huh?
128
00:05:03,676 --> 00:05:04,208
"Cat park."
129
00:05:04,210 --> 00:05:07,978
Raise your hand if you've
ever heard of a dog park.
130
00:05:10,281 --> 00:05:11,982
I know I have.
131
00:05:11,984 --> 00:05:16,821
And now raise your hand if
you've seen a cat park?
132
00:05:17,223 --> 00:05:19,623
Yeah, are you
guys with me right now?
133
00:05:19,625 --> 00:05:24,628
We build the first ever cat park,
right here in our community.
134
00:05:24,630 --> 00:05:27,564
These are the ears, these are
the eyes, whiskers, nose.
135
00:05:27,566 --> 00:05:29,033
What's missing?
136
00:05:29,035 --> 00:05:30,100
The mouth.
137
00:05:30,102 --> 00:05:30,968
Why is there no mouth?
138
00:05:30,970 --> 00:05:34,304
Because I'm speaking
for cat park.
139
00:05:34,306 --> 00:05:35,906
Pass it around, take a swig.
140
00:05:35,908 --> 00:05:39,309
Okay, some of you still have
some questions, that's fair.
141
00:05:39,311 --> 00:05:41,011
Just watch this.
142
00:05:42,782 --> 00:05:44,681
Cat park
143
00:05:44,683 --> 00:05:46,984
Cat park
144
00:05:46,986 --> 00:05:50,487
Cat park
145
00:05:50,489 --> 00:05:51,622
Cat park
146
00:05:51,624 --> 00:05:56,160
Cat park
Cat Park
147
00:05:56,162 --> 00:05:59,663
Cat park
Cat Park
148
00:06:04,470 --> 00:06:06,603
Cat park
149
00:06:13,078 --> 00:06:14,344
I like that video.
150
00:06:14,346 --> 00:06:16,080
Cat park will
serve as a safe haven,
151
00:06:16,082 --> 00:06:21,051
not only for cats,
but for cat owners, too?
152
00:06:21,053 --> 00:06:22,086
Is this real?
153
00:06:22,088 --> 00:06:24,321
- Are you real?
- Yes.
154
00:06:24,323 --> 00:06:26,323
Okay, I get it, "cat park."
155
00:06:26,325 --> 00:06:28,025
But why now?
156
00:06:28,027 --> 00:06:30,194
Why not meow?
157
00:06:30,596 --> 00:06:33,864
There will be a section of
cat park with a slide
158
00:06:33,866 --> 00:06:35,799
and you will
put the cat on the slide
159
00:06:35,801 --> 00:06:41,338
and you can watch that cat
slide down that slide.
160
00:06:43,541 --> 00:06:45,976
All right-- That kicks ass.
161
00:06:45,978 --> 00:06:47,945
I know you're all thinking, will
babies be allowed in this park?
162
00:06:47,947 --> 00:06:50,914
No, they will be arrested if
they enter the park.
163
00:06:50,916 --> 00:06:53,350
This doesn't make any sense.
164
00:06:53,352 --> 00:06:56,286
- Shut up, Charles.
- Yeah, Charles.
165
00:06:56,288 --> 00:06:57,955
Cat park. It's simple.
166
00:06:57,957 --> 00:06:59,490
Well, I mean,
it's not that simple.
167
00:06:59,492 --> 00:07:01,191
No one's ever thought of
it before.
168
00:07:01,193 --> 00:07:02,659
I am the first one.
169
00:07:02,661 --> 00:07:04,728
Well, I don't think
we need to vote on this,
170
00:07:04,730 --> 00:07:05,896
but let's just do it for fun.
171
00:07:05,898 --> 00:07:10,134
All in favor of approving
Amy's cat park?
172
00:07:14,072 --> 00:07:16,206
We could have
saved millions of kids,
173
00:07:16,208 --> 00:07:19,643
but after
seeing that presentation,
174
00:07:19,645 --> 00:07:21,912
I don't want to save kids.
175
00:07:21,914 --> 00:07:24,581
I want to entertain cats.
176
00:07:24,583 --> 00:07:27,551
Welcome to cat park!
177
00:07:27,553 --> 00:07:30,320
Thank you for the standing
ovation, everybody.
178
00:07:30,322 --> 00:07:31,588
Standing O.
179
00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:36,527
Snowball?
180
00:07:36,529 --> 00:07:37,294
Rembrandt?
181
00:07:37,296 --> 00:07:38,662
Where's Lady Guinevere?
182
00:07:38,664 --> 00:07:39,496
Buddy?
183
00:07:39,498 --> 00:07:40,898
- Hey, Buddy?
- Crystal?
184
00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:42,099
Rembrandt, are you here?
185
00:07:42,101 --> 00:07:42,733
I've lost my cat!
186
00:07:42,735 --> 00:07:46,036
Mittens, I can't find you!
I can't find my cat!
187
00:08:06,525 --> 00:08:08,525
Are you a cat person or
a dog person?
188
00:08:08,527 --> 00:08:10,460
Walk me through it,
where do you stand?
189
00:08:10,462 --> 00:08:11,795
We kind of grew up with a cat.
190
00:08:11,797 --> 00:08:13,130
- What was his name?
- You know...
191
00:08:13,132 --> 00:08:13,797
Was it a girl or boy?
192
00:08:13,799 --> 00:08:17,568
Various names, Kitty, Bubs,
Talbot, officially.
193
00:08:17,570 --> 00:08:19,303
This cat sounds
like a real (bleep),
194
00:08:19,305 --> 00:08:20,742
I'm gonna be honest with you.
195
00:08:26,913 --> 00:08:28,646
Thank you so
much for seeing me.
196
00:08:28,648 --> 00:08:31,549
Well, I can only tell you what
the spirits say through me,
197
00:08:31,551 --> 00:08:33,885
but is there someone
you'd like to speak to?
198
00:08:33,887 --> 00:08:37,755
Yes, my grandma
passed recently.
199
00:08:37,757 --> 00:08:40,658
I'd love to just talk to her
one more time.
200
00:08:40,660 --> 00:08:42,994
Well, let's see
if we can find her.
201
00:08:42,996 --> 00:08:44,629
Okay.
202
00:08:48,668 --> 00:08:50,201
I'm seeing someone,
203
00:08:50,203 --> 00:08:53,171
it's a male who died recently.
204
00:08:53,173 --> 00:08:57,775
An uncle, a brother,
Ricky, Roadie...
205
00:08:57,777 --> 00:08:58,543
Oh.
206
00:08:58,545 --> 00:08:59,911
My Uncle Randy?
207
00:08:59,913 --> 00:09:01,746
Uncle Randy, yes.
208
00:09:01,748 --> 00:09:03,748
Oh, my God...
209
00:09:03,750 --> 00:09:05,717
What--
Does he see my grandma?
210
00:09:05,719 --> 00:09:08,319
He says she'll be here soon.
211
00:09:08,321 --> 00:09:11,055
He says he was in the
neighborhood
212
00:09:11,057 --> 00:09:14,592
and he's just gonna hang out
until she gets here.
213
00:09:14,594 --> 00:09:15,393
Okay, fine.
214
00:09:15,395 --> 00:09:19,597
Now he's telling me you've
really grown up.
215
00:09:19,599 --> 00:09:20,598
Okay.
216
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,567
No, seriously, you look good.
217
00:09:22,569 --> 00:09:25,069
You look like a woman now.
218
00:09:25,071 --> 00:09:25,970
All right.
219
00:09:25,972 --> 00:09:28,673
He's showing me a trampoline,
220
00:09:28,675 --> 00:09:32,210
a little girl jumping up and
down on a trampoline
221
00:09:32,212 --> 00:09:35,213
and a man watching her
very closely,
222
00:09:35,215 --> 00:09:37,215
never taking
his eyes off of her.
223
00:09:37,217 --> 00:09:41,586
Right, yeah, he used to get me a
trampoline and a bathing suit...
224
00:09:41,588 --> 00:09:43,321
like, every year.
225
00:09:43,323 --> 00:09:46,991
He wants to know if you still
use it and if so at what times.
226
00:09:46,993 --> 00:09:48,960
I don't even know where
they are.
227
00:09:48,962 --> 00:09:51,162
Is my grandma here?
228
00:09:51,164 --> 00:09:51,763
Yes.
229
00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:53,064
Oh my God,
Grandma, is that you?
230
00:09:53,066 --> 00:09:54,732
No, it's still Randy.
231
00:09:54,734 --> 00:09:59,003
Now he's telling you to relax
and not to worry
232
00:09:59,005 --> 00:10:01,272
and he's
rubbing your shoulders.
233
00:10:01,274 --> 00:10:03,775
Oh my God, he's touching me
right now?
234
00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:07,612
He says you have a lot
of tension.
235
00:10:07,614 --> 00:10:09,480
Two huge knots.
236
00:10:09,482 --> 00:10:09,914
Oh, gross.
237
00:10:09,916 --> 00:10:16,221
He wants to know, are you still
friends with that girl, Erin?
238
00:10:16,223 --> 00:10:16,921
Erin?
239
00:10:16,923 --> 00:10:18,189
Pigtails?
240
00:10:18,191 --> 00:10:20,758
Amazingly heavy sleeper?
241
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,227
Oh my God, I'm leaving.
242
00:10:22,229 --> 00:10:24,028
How much do I owe you?
243
00:10:24,030 --> 00:10:25,163
Wait, wait!
244
00:10:25,165 --> 00:10:27,799
Your grandma's here.
245
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:28,199
Grandma!
246
00:10:28,201 --> 00:10:32,270
She wants to know if she
can bum a cigarette.
247
00:10:36,675 --> 00:10:39,477
What a (bleep).
248
00:10:41,248 --> 00:10:43,181
People think 'cause I talk
about sex on stage,
249
00:10:43,183 --> 00:10:45,250
like, "Oh, I bet she's dirty.
250
00:10:45,252 --> 00:10:48,019
I suck, I'm lazy.
251
00:10:48,021 --> 00:10:49,654
My version of dirty talk--
252
00:10:49,656 --> 00:10:50,488
This is what it is, okay?
253
00:10:50,490 --> 00:10:53,791
When I do it, twice a year,
this is what it is.
254
00:10:53,793 --> 00:11:01,866
I whisper something I
don't mean with half-confidence
255
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:04,535
and the guy goes...
256
00:11:04,537 --> 00:11:07,573
"What?"
257
00:11:08,575 --> 00:11:11,677
And I go, "What?"
258
00:11:12,979 --> 00:11:13,878
That's it.
259
00:11:16,416 --> 00:11:18,116
You're married...
Christian...
260
00:11:18,118 --> 00:11:21,853
and you're looking for a meaningful
relationship on the side.
261
00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:26,925
Now you can find God's other match
for you at AshleyMagdalene.com.
262
00:11:26,927 --> 00:11:29,928
With my husband so busy running
a gay rehab center,
263
00:11:29,930 --> 00:11:32,097
it's important to me
to cheat with someone
264
00:11:32,099 --> 00:11:34,365
who shares my Christian values.
265
00:11:34,367 --> 00:11:35,767
It's easy and free.
266
00:11:35,769 --> 00:11:38,136
Start browsing millions of
profiles online
267
00:11:38,138 --> 00:11:40,472
at the leading
site for Christian cheating.
268
00:11:40,474 --> 00:11:44,809
Catch me, Jesus,
I'm falling
269
00:11:44,811 --> 00:11:46,911
Hear me Jesus I'm...
270
00:11:46,913 --> 00:11:48,279
I'll be in town for a few days
271
00:11:48,281 --> 00:11:50,615
chairing a convention on Faith,
Flag and Family
272
00:11:50,617 --> 00:11:53,718
and I'd like to meet a discreet
woman of strong moral character
273
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,287
who will let me try it
in the butt.
274
00:11:56,289 --> 00:11:58,957
Don't ask
"What would Jesus do?"
275
00:11:58,959 --> 00:12:01,559
Ask, "Who would Jesus do?"
276
00:12:01,561 --> 00:12:03,695
Log on to
Ashley Magdalene today.
277
00:12:03,697 --> 00:12:05,930
I live in the woods
with my wife and nine children
278
00:12:05,932 --> 00:12:10,135
and I just want to meet another
guy in my same situation.
279
00:12:10,137 --> 00:12:12,237
Nothing sexual.
280
00:12:12,239 --> 00:12:14,506
I just want
to hang out like dudes.
281
00:12:14,508 --> 00:12:17,075
Maybe measure each other's
pigs.
282
00:12:17,077 --> 00:12:18,376
Ashley Magdalene.
283
00:12:18,378 --> 00:12:20,850
Find God's
other match for you.
284
00:12:32,993 --> 00:12:33,559
Hey, you busy?
285
00:12:33,561 --> 00:12:35,594
Oh no, I'm just
browsing new sources.
286
00:12:35,596 --> 00:12:37,029
Come in, come in, bitch,
what's up?
287
00:12:37,031 --> 00:12:41,767
Well, you know I'm just getting
over breast cancer, right?
288
00:12:41,769 --> 00:12:43,569
I know, I know.
289
00:12:43,571 --> 00:12:44,069
God.
290
00:12:44,071 --> 00:12:47,006
Your cancer is like, all
I think about.
291
00:12:47,008 --> 00:12:48,874
- Really?
- Pretty much.
292
00:12:48,876 --> 00:12:51,577
I bet you don't think about it
as much as I think about it.
293
00:12:51,579 --> 00:12:54,513
Well, I think about
it more than you'd think.
294
00:12:54,515 --> 00:12:56,749
Well, good, then
you'll probably be excited
295
00:12:56,751 --> 00:12:59,351
about the reason for my visit.
296
00:12:59,353 --> 00:13:02,655
There's a 5K breast cancer
run in a few weeks
297
00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:04,590
and I'm trying to
get people--
298
00:13:04,592 --> 00:13:07,660
Stop immediately.
299
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:08,494
Sold.
300
00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:09,161
Of course, I'm in.
301
00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:10,763
What's the maximum pledge?
302
00:13:10,765 --> 00:13:12,164
50, 100, what?
303
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,433
There's actually
not a maximum pledge.
304
00:13:14,435 --> 00:13:16,202
Okay, okay, 25.
305
00:13:16,204 --> 00:13:19,605
- That's really generous of you--
- Oh, it's nothing.
306
00:13:19,607 --> 00:13:25,012
But I was wanting to see if you
would be willing to run it with me.
307
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:28,514
Run--
Like, how do you mean?
308
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:29,748
You know, I mean, you're
a thing.
309
00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:31,951
People would be excited
to pay money for you to run.
310
00:13:31,953 --> 00:13:36,655
Yeah, I don't know that I'm
a thing, you know.
311
00:13:36,657 --> 00:13:39,858
I mean, I do get recognized
a lot, but--
312
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:40,593
I mean, I don't know.
313
00:13:40,595 --> 00:13:44,430
Are other people from the office,
like, physically running this thing?
314
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:45,731
Yes.
315
00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:49,134
- Like who?
- Gabe.
316
00:13:49,136 --> 00:13:49,636
Gay.
317
00:13:49,637 --> 00:13:51,370
- Grace.
- Lonely!
318
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:51,804
Kurt.
319
00:13:51,806 --> 00:13:53,005
Oh, God,
he was raised by people
320
00:13:53,007 --> 00:13:54,773
that weren't his biological
parents.
321
00:13:54,775 --> 00:13:55,708
Okay, okay.
322
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:56,308
That's awesome.
323
00:13:56,310 --> 00:13:58,410
The office is represented,
all right?
324
00:13:58,412 --> 00:14:00,179
The problem is
with me, I can't.
325
00:14:00,181 --> 00:14:03,983
I can't run, because I bulk
up super fast.
326
00:14:03,985 --> 00:14:05,484
Just like thunder thighs.
327
00:14:05,486 --> 00:14:06,285
It's so embarrassing.
328
00:14:06,287 --> 00:14:09,388
Just, God, I really trust you,
that's why I'm telling you.
329
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:13,926
Amy, the reason to run is to
help raise awareness.
330
00:14:13,928 --> 00:14:15,628
Awareness for what?
331
00:14:15,630 --> 00:14:16,829
C-Cancer?
332
00:14:16,831 --> 00:14:19,598
Like, I think
people have gotten the memo.
333
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:24,536
Yeah, I got the memo, that's
why I had a double mastectomy.
334
00:14:27,540 --> 00:14:28,807
When is it again?
335
00:14:28,809 --> 00:14:30,643
- Next Saturday.
- Oh, balls!
336
00:14:30,645 --> 00:14:31,645
You said Saturday, right?
337
00:14:31,646 --> 00:14:34,513
Oh, I can't, that is so--
God, timing.
338
00:14:34,515 --> 00:14:36,582
I have a
Kentucky Derby party that day,
339
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:40,286
and trust me, I would love to
cancel but I already bought a hat.
340
00:14:40,288 --> 00:14:43,589
And those are only hats that you
would wear at, like, you know--
341
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:47,059
They're not,
like, all-purpose hats, so.
342
00:14:47,061 --> 00:14:48,294
Mmm.
343
00:14:48,296 --> 00:14:51,196
Oh, I'm so sorry.
344
00:14:51,198 --> 00:14:53,065
Hi, this is Amy.
345
00:14:53,067 --> 00:14:56,602
Oh, hi Jeff Probst.
346
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,070
Yeah, definitely, Saturday?
347
00:14:58,072 --> 00:15:00,973
Yes, I'll be there,
of course I'll be there.
348
00:15:00,975 --> 00:15:03,375
Can I wear a hat?
349
00:15:03,377 --> 00:15:04,877
Jeff?
350
00:15:04,879 --> 00:15:07,212
Okay, you already know
who that was.
351
00:15:07,214 --> 00:15:07,946
Jeff Probst.
352
00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:09,481
So this is
totally gonna cheer you up.
353
00:15:09,483 --> 00:15:11,650
Okay, so Saturday, P. Diddy
is having, like,
354
00:15:11,652 --> 00:15:15,654
a dance-a-thon to
raise money for chinchillas.
355
00:15:15,656 --> 00:15:19,992
So they can be used in
coats again.
356
00:15:19,994 --> 00:15:21,493
Oh, God.
357
00:15:21,495 --> 00:15:22,428
But look, I'm so sorry.
358
00:15:22,430 --> 00:15:24,229
Is there anything else I can
do for you?
359
00:15:24,231 --> 00:15:24,997
Like, anything else?
360
00:15:24,999 --> 00:15:27,766
I'm sorry that
my calendar is so booked.
361
00:15:27,768 --> 00:15:28,701
Actually, yeah.
362
00:15:28,703 --> 00:15:31,804
A bunch of friends were gonna
shave their heads
363
00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:34,640
for when I go through chemo.
364
00:15:34,742 --> 00:15:37,743
So...
365
00:15:37,745 --> 00:15:38,877
Okay.
366
00:15:38,879 --> 00:15:39,611
That's great.
367
00:15:39,613 --> 00:15:40,612
I can't do that, obviously,
368
00:15:40,614 --> 00:15:43,115
'cause a lot of people's jobs
are dependent on me
369
00:15:43,117 --> 00:15:47,886
just kind of
keeping this look, you know?
370
00:15:47,888 --> 00:15:49,621
But I'll tell you what
I will do.
371
00:15:49,623 --> 00:15:56,228
I will continue to
get rid of all of my pubes.
372
00:15:56,230 --> 00:15:57,062
Mmm.
373
00:15:58,399 --> 00:16:00,933
This is Amy.
374
00:16:00,935 --> 00:16:03,435
Hi, Nick Cannon.
375
00:16:03,437 --> 00:16:06,138
I actually know Nick,
tell him I said hi.
376
00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:09,274
Oh Nick, Tig says hi.
377
00:16:09,276 --> 00:16:10,509
Yeah, oh my God, of course,
378
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,711
of course
I'm doing her 5K, yeah.
379
00:16:12,713 --> 00:16:14,947
I basically organized it,
I just--
380
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:18,517
So, what do you do?
381
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,019
I'm a registered nurse.
382
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:21,687
Ooh, fancy pants.
383
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:22,688
Yeah.
384
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:23,923
Guess what I have.
385
00:16:23,925 --> 00:16:25,357
In terms of sickness?
386
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:26,192
Yeah.
387
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,227
Um, nymphomania?
388
00:16:28,229 --> 00:16:31,063
Oh, my gosh, I wish,
I'm--
389
00:16:31,065 --> 00:16:33,604
Seriously, I
just lay there like a log.
390
00:16:41,575 --> 00:16:45,144
So Stefan, you are a Bible
studies camp counselor.
391
00:16:45,146 --> 00:16:45,545
Correct?
392
00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:47,747
You know, it's for, like,
you know, the youth,
393
00:16:47,749 --> 00:16:49,349
teaching them about the Bible.
394
00:16:49,351 --> 00:16:51,150
Why-- Some people call it
Jesus camp.
395
00:16:51,152 --> 00:16:53,386
Is that
a term that you don't like?
396
00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:54,687
I don't have a problem
with it.
397
00:16:54,689 --> 00:16:57,924
There's only
one bad kind of camp.
398
00:16:57,926 --> 00:16:58,958
- Fat camp?
- Concentration.
399
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,393
Oh, you're right,
there are two,
400
00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:01,527
there are two, you're right.
401
00:17:01,529 --> 00:17:05,264
What do you tell kids at the
camp about gay people?
402
00:17:05,266 --> 00:17:06,766
Like, if they're like, what's
up with Ralph?
403
00:17:06,768 --> 00:17:11,838
He's always-- He's
always wearing those pants.
404
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:12,171
Oh.
405
00:17:12,173 --> 00:17:17,710
Well, fortunately, we haven't
had any... gays,
406
00:17:17,712 --> 00:17:19,479
but, yeah, that's a sin.
407
00:17:19,481 --> 00:17:22,882
Those pant-- Wearing
tight pants as a dude?
408
00:17:22,884 --> 00:17:24,050
- I am--
- No.
409
00:17:24,052 --> 00:17:24,517
I hear that.
410
00:17:24,519 --> 00:17:26,719
You know, I'll just let
the ministers know, let them--
411
00:17:26,721 --> 00:17:29,155
Maybe don't let them know.
412
00:17:29,157 --> 00:17:32,692
What was your favorite plague
and then guess mine.
413
00:17:32,694 --> 00:17:34,060
I like the--
414
00:17:34,062 --> 00:17:35,928
Turning the water into blood.
415
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,897
I like the Black Plague.
416
00:17:39,801 --> 00:17:40,800
Yeah.
417
00:17:40,802 --> 00:17:41,768
Are you married?
418
00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:42,368
No, no, no.
419
00:17:42,370 --> 00:17:45,138
Oh, my God, me neither.
420
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,807
I'm half-Jewish.
421
00:17:47,809 --> 00:17:52,345
Like, my mom grew up Protestant
and my Dad is Jewish.
422
00:17:52,347 --> 00:17:56,749
Do you think I am gonna
go to hell?
423
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,656
No-- No.
424
00:18:03,058 --> 00:18:05,725
Since-- I mean, you do go
to church, so...
425
00:18:05,727 --> 00:18:07,326
- No, I don't.
- Yeah.
426
00:18:07,328 --> 00:18:10,196
Well, Christ is the way
to heaven.
427
00:18:10,198 --> 00:18:11,964
Like, I've never
prayed before.
428
00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:15,301
On planes, or if, like my
sister is sick or something,
429
00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:16,903
I'll be like--
You know.
430
00:18:16,905 --> 00:18:19,539
I don't believe
in God until I need him.
431
00:18:19,541 --> 00:18:21,574
Last night, I had a sex dream
432
00:18:21,576 --> 00:18:23,209
and I think it's 'cause I'm
so frustrated,
433
00:18:23,211 --> 00:18:24,477
like, I haven't
had sex in a while,
434
00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:26,145
and it was, like, with a girl.
435
00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,613
Like, that's
not even something
436
00:18:27,615 --> 00:18:29,415
that I am interested in doing,
437
00:18:29,417 --> 00:18:30,983
but it's not my fault.
438
00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:32,518
Is that a sin?
439
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:33,286
- 'Cause I did--
- Well...
440
00:18:33,288 --> 00:18:35,788
I am not gonna
get pregnant from that dream.
441
00:18:35,790 --> 00:18:37,290
Because first of all,
it was a dream,
442
00:18:37,292 --> 00:18:38,725
second of all, it was a girl.
443
00:18:38,727 --> 00:18:41,127
I wouldn't know, I mean,
if that was just a dream--
444
00:18:41,129 --> 00:18:42,829
I don't have to say
Hail Marys?
445
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:47,467
It's like the old saying,
"It was all a dream."
446
00:18:47,469 --> 00:18:51,104
I used
to read "Word Up!" magazine.
447
00:18:51,106 --> 00:18:53,372
Salt-N-Pepa and Heavy D
was in the...
448
00:18:53,374 --> 00:18:55,441
- Limousine, yeah.
- Limousine.
449
00:18:55,443 --> 00:18:59,212
- I-I--
- Like, do you ever sin?
450
00:18:59,214 --> 00:19:00,346
Oh, yeah.
451
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:02,115
- I mean--
- Yeah.
452
00:19:02,117 --> 00:19:04,150
Yeah, things--
Things get out of hand.
453
00:19:04,152 --> 00:19:07,386
The weekend is
at the end of the week.
454
00:19:07,388 --> 00:19:11,357
When you picture Jesus, what
do you think he looked like?
455
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:16,596
Skin like bronze, hair like
wool, eyes like fire.
456
00:19:16,598 --> 00:19:18,498
- Jesus, that sounds--
- Yeah, that's--
457
00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,466
That sounds terrifying
I mean that's one--
458
00:19:20,468 --> 00:19:21,868
Well, that's one description.
459
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:22,635
Like, when I picture God,
460
00:19:22,637 --> 00:19:25,271
I picture the Cloud Sweeper
from the Care Bears.
461
00:19:25,273 --> 00:19:30,076
Have you ever been, like, what
if this isn't real?
462
00:19:34,114 --> 00:19:34,781
No--
463
00:19:34,783 --> 00:19:36,449
You know, no, I haven't.
464
00:19:36,451 --> 00:19:37,450
What's up with Mary?
465
00:19:37,452 --> 00:19:38,684
What do you think?
466
00:19:38,686 --> 00:19:39,652
Great woman.
467
00:19:39,654 --> 00:19:43,723
She risked her marriage, you
know, to have Christ,
468
00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:47,260
'cause Joseph was kind
of suspect.
469
00:19:47,262 --> 00:19:48,461
Wouldn't you be?
470
00:19:48,463 --> 00:19:49,428
Yeah, yeah.
471
00:19:49,430 --> 00:19:50,596
She's like, "I swear."
472
00:19:50,598 --> 00:19:52,331
He's like, "Really, Mary?"
473
00:19:52,333 --> 00:19:54,734
- He had faith, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
474
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:55,935
It's like the saying,
475
00:19:55,937 --> 00:20:00,106
"I guess it would be nice if
I could touch your body."
476
00:20:00,108 --> 00:20:02,775
That song is about faith.
477
00:20:05,981 --> 00:20:08,081
Dance party
with Uncle Ronnie--
478
00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:09,983
Randy, Ronnie, Randy.
479
00:20:09,985 --> 00:20:11,251
What's my name?
480
00:20:12,787 --> 00:20:15,321
Uhh, here's your change.
481
00:20:15,323 --> 00:20:15,922
I'm so lonely.
482
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:17,724
Do you want to stare into this
crystal ball?
483
00:20:17,726 --> 00:20:22,061
We were gonna have sweet tea
and hamantaschen!
484
00:20:22,063 --> 00:20:22,695
(bleep)
485
00:20:22,697 --> 00:20:25,064
Anything, just
yell it out and I'll--
486
00:20:25,066 --> 00:20:27,204
Just yell (bleep) at me
and I'll do it.
487
00:20:27,229 --> 00:20:30,829
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488
00:20:30,879 --> 00:20:35,429
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