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1
00:00:00,768 --> 00:00:03,871
My friend sent me
a porn link this morning.
2
00:00:03,873 --> 00:00:05,739
Like, you know,
my friend and I will send
3
00:00:05,741 --> 00:00:08,141
each other porn
once in a while.
4
00:00:08,143 --> 00:00:09,977
Just so, you know, if it's
good, or if one of the guys
5
00:00:09,979 --> 00:00:14,081
looks like one of our dads or
something fun, just...
6
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:17,684
You know, we're
having a friendship.
7
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:22,489
I don't know, I've just never
really been into porn.
8
00:00:22,491 --> 00:00:25,559
I mean, the idea of people getting
paid to have sex, it's just...
9
00:00:25,561 --> 00:00:27,661
it's awful, it's never
ever turned me on.
10
00:00:27,663 --> 00:00:30,631
Totally, like, I hear you,
but trust me this is--
11
00:00:30,633 --> 00:00:31,565
It's just different.
12
00:00:31,567 --> 00:00:33,700
It's not like
porny-porn, it's...
13
00:00:33,702 --> 00:00:35,269
It feels like real sex.
14
00:00:35,271 --> 00:00:40,207
It just happens to be, literally,
from the woman's point of view.
15
00:00:40,209 --> 00:00:43,010
- I'm curious, I guess.
- Yeah.
16
00:00:51,786 --> 00:00:53,086
Oh...
17
00:01:03,765 --> 00:01:05,065
Oh...
18
00:01:10,405 --> 00:01:11,972
Move down, move down.
19
00:01:11,974 --> 00:01:13,240
Move down, move down.
20
00:01:13,242 --> 00:01:14,341
Ow, you're on my hair.
21
00:01:14,343 --> 00:01:15,342
Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry.
22
00:01:15,344 --> 00:01:17,511
Did you ever see that
movie, "Spanglish"?
23
00:01:17,513 --> 00:01:18,512
What?
24
00:01:18,514 --> 00:01:20,047
Call me Adam Sandler.
25
00:01:20,049 --> 00:01:20,747
Can you-- can you--
26
00:01:20,749 --> 00:01:22,816
Move your--
bend your leg back more?
27
00:01:22,818 --> 00:01:23,617
No.
28
00:01:23,619 --> 00:01:24,885
Oh, all right, sorry.
29
00:01:24,887 --> 00:01:27,921
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
30
00:01:27,923 --> 00:01:29,323
Ohh!
31
00:01:29,325 --> 00:01:31,258
Oh...
32
00:01:34,029 --> 00:01:37,264
Oh... oh...
33
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,833
Don't, don't,
don't, don't, don't.
34
00:01:39,835 --> 00:01:42,536
Okay.
35
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,073
Can I get a $75 bid now?
36
00:01:46,075 --> 00:01:48,075
At $75...
37
00:01:48,077 --> 00:01:52,179
Did you show me this so
I would think guys were gross
38
00:01:52,181 --> 00:01:54,548
and I would lez-out with you?
39
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,618
It worked.
40
00:02:10,395 --> 00:02:16,531
Sync && corrections by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com
41
00:02:16,771 --> 00:02:19,606
Do you think there's, like,
a porn they can make for women
42
00:02:19,608 --> 00:02:21,374
that would be more appealing?
43
00:02:21,376 --> 00:02:24,544
Bottomless guys vacuuming,
I don't know.
44
00:02:24,546 --> 00:02:25,946
'Cause they're cleaning up.
45
00:02:25,948 --> 00:02:27,314
Trashy porn is so gross.
46
00:02:27,316 --> 00:02:28,915
I thought you were
gonna say "trapeze"
47
00:02:28,917 --> 00:02:30,450
but I'm glad you
said "trashy."
48
00:02:30,452 --> 00:02:32,018
I generally don't watch porn.
49
00:02:32,020 --> 00:02:33,353
You liar.
50
00:02:33,355 --> 00:02:34,554
No one believed you.
51
00:02:34,556 --> 00:02:37,824
That car is honking at
what a liar you are.
52
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:44,931
I had an encounter with
a huge (bleep) this past year.
53
00:02:45,834 --> 00:02:46,967
Are you excited about it?
54
00:02:46,969 --> 00:02:49,903
'Cause I wasn't, it was...
55
00:02:49,905 --> 00:02:50,971
A huge penis,
56
00:02:50,973 --> 00:02:52,839
I think it's like a unicorn.
57
00:02:52,841 --> 00:02:54,774
Like in theory, you're like,
58
00:02:54,776 --> 00:02:59,279
"Yes! I would love to see
a unicorn up close, yes."
59
00:02:59,281 --> 00:03:03,116
But if a unicorn was actually
standing in front of you,
60
00:03:03,118 --> 00:03:05,018
you'd be like,
"(bleep) that."
61
00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:06,453
You would run.
62
00:03:06,455 --> 00:03:07,721
You'd run, you'd be like,
63
00:03:07,723 --> 00:03:11,625
"Oh, it's just a horse with
a weapon on its head."
64
00:03:11,627 --> 00:03:14,327
Which is what
a giant penis is.
65
00:03:14,329 --> 00:03:19,199
The only difference is,
unicorns are white.
66
00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:23,470
Who in here has
had an encounter
67
00:03:23,472 --> 00:03:26,339
with a mind-blowingly
huge penis?
68
00:03:26,341 --> 00:03:29,009
Oh my God, wait, you should
see how sad all the guys look
69
00:03:29,011 --> 00:03:31,444
right now, just...
70
00:03:31,446 --> 00:03:34,247
A sea of sad faces.
71
00:03:34,249 --> 00:03:35,181
Like you, you're like,
72
00:03:35,183 --> 00:03:38,752
"Meredith, I believe she asked
a question, um..."
73
00:03:40,121 --> 00:03:43,623
Making her clap.
74
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:47,260
She's like, "I heard her."
75
00:03:50,031 --> 00:03:53,300
Yeah, I think big penises,
they're just, like, superfluous.
76
00:03:53,302 --> 00:03:54,801
It's like a Hummer limo.
77
00:03:54,803 --> 00:03:55,735
You know, they look cool,
78
00:03:55,737 --> 00:03:58,905
but if you can't park it
anywhere, what's the point?
79
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,386
I'm sorry, Amy.
80
00:04:13,388 --> 00:04:14,854
You're allergic to alcohol.
81
00:04:14,856 --> 00:04:19,926
You can never have another drink
for the rest of your life.
82
00:04:19,928 --> 00:04:22,896
Second opinion.
Second opinion.
83
00:04:22,898 --> 00:04:24,731
You can never
have another drink.
84
00:04:24,733 --> 00:04:25,632
You're allergic to alcohol.
85
00:04:25,634 --> 00:04:27,367
Blah, blah, blah, if Peyton
stays healthy, blah, blah, blah.
86
00:04:27,369 --> 00:04:28,535
He's the star,
blah, blah, blah.
87
00:04:28,537 --> 00:04:29,669
But Eli, blah, blah, blah.
88
00:04:29,671 --> 00:04:30,503
Backbone blah, blah, blah.
89
00:04:30,505 --> 00:04:33,907
Blah, blah, blah, Rogers and
Brady won the blah, blah, blah.
90
00:04:33,909 --> 00:04:35,976
Zone one "D," bro,
blah, blah, blah.
91
00:04:35,978 --> 00:04:36,910
- Blah, blah, sport.
- Sport.
92
00:04:36,912 --> 00:04:39,679
- Sport, sport, sport, sport...
- Sport, sport sport, sport...
93
00:04:39,681 --> 00:04:41,881
- sport, sport...
- Sport, sport, Amy,
94
00:04:41,883 --> 00:04:43,616
- sport, sport...
- Sport, sport, Amy...
95
00:04:43,618 --> 00:04:45,785
You're allergic to alcohol.
96
00:04:45,787 --> 00:04:48,121
You can never have another
drink.
97
00:04:48,123 --> 00:04:49,889
Yiling went back to China.
98
00:04:49,891 --> 00:04:52,692
I do your bikini area today.
99
00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:55,729
Oh... oh...
100
00:04:56,598 --> 00:04:59,899
It looks like inside of
barbershop vacuum.
101
00:05:01,536 --> 00:05:03,303
Hate you.
102
00:05:03,305 --> 00:05:06,506
Everyone hates you!
103
00:05:06,508 --> 00:05:08,408
Sport, sport...
104
00:05:08,410 --> 00:05:10,577
You can never
have another drink...
105
00:05:10,579 --> 00:05:11,478
Give me more wax!
106
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:13,480
Blah, blah, blah,
Madison for a girl,
107
00:05:13,482 --> 00:05:15,081
Hunter for a boy,
blah, blah, blah.
108
00:05:15,083 --> 00:05:17,584
Blah, blah, blah, push
present, blah, blah, blah?
109
00:05:17,586 --> 00:05:19,986
Oh, blah, blah,
Ann Taylor Loft, blah, blah.
110
00:05:19,988 --> 00:05:24,058
Blah, blah, blah, natural
birth, blah, blah, blah.
111
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:10,303
Zero fat? Zero calories?
112
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,706
And who do we have here?
113
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:19,979
Excuse me, shoppers.
114
00:06:19,981 --> 00:06:23,983
We will now play the entire
soundtrack to "Rent" and"Newsies."
115
00:06:23,985 --> 00:06:27,754
Also, Amy is the prettiest
customer we've ever had in here,
116
00:06:27,756 --> 00:06:31,458
and Hilary Duff is someone
we've had in here.
117
00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:47,641
Amy, it's me, Ron,
your handsome ex-boyfriend.
118
00:06:47,943 --> 00:06:50,043
This is my fianc?e, Karen.
119
00:06:50,045 --> 00:06:52,646
We're getting married.
120
00:06:57,685 --> 00:07:00,286
And you will see
121
00:07:00,288 --> 00:07:04,691
That Newsboys
sell the paper
122
00:07:04,693 --> 00:07:05,391
Newsboys!
123
00:07:05,393 --> 00:07:07,927
Best of all...
- Yes.
124
00:07:07,929 --> 00:07:11,398
One puppy for every Newsie.
125
00:07:19,976 --> 00:07:21,875
I went home with
this guy and, um...
126
00:07:21,877 --> 00:07:24,044
and he went down on me
right away,
127
00:07:24,046 --> 00:07:25,779
'cause he was raised well.
128
00:07:26,481 --> 00:07:27,781
Uh...
129
00:07:28,183 --> 00:07:31,085
I'm thinking, like,
"Get his mom's e-mail."
130
00:07:31,087 --> 00:07:33,053
She needs a shout-out.
131
00:07:33,055 --> 00:07:35,923
So he's doing that, and then
he kind of gave up eventually
132
00:07:35,925 --> 00:07:39,593
'cause he could see
I was texting.
133
00:07:40,161 --> 00:07:43,063
I'm like,
"It's about you," so...
134
00:07:43,598 --> 00:07:46,333
He kind of presents
his penis.
135
00:07:46,335 --> 00:07:47,735
Like, he's like, here it is.
136
00:07:47,737 --> 00:07:51,472
And I think he thought because
I'm like a substantial gal
137
00:07:51,474 --> 00:07:53,307
that I'd be like,
"That old thing?"
138
00:07:53,309 --> 00:07:56,310
But I was like, "Mom!"
139
00:07:56,312 --> 00:07:58,045
It didn't even register
as a (bleep).
140
00:07:58,047 --> 00:08:02,116
Like, it just looked like
an animal had latched on.
141
00:08:02,118 --> 00:08:03,651
Like, wouldn't let go.
142
00:08:03,653 --> 00:08:05,653
We should call someone.
143
00:08:06,955 --> 00:08:08,255
Where does that
sleep at night?
144
00:08:08,257 --> 00:08:12,226
Is there a stable,
does that sleep in hay?
145
00:08:12,228 --> 00:08:13,727
So...
146
00:08:13,729 --> 00:08:16,563
I was not excited,
it was all fear.
147
00:08:16,565 --> 00:08:19,033
I was just like, "What?
No."
148
00:08:19,035 --> 00:08:20,200
And I know I should've
been excited.
149
00:08:20,202 --> 00:08:24,072
I should've been taking Instagram
pics with it, like, huh...
150
00:08:25,374 --> 00:08:30,679
Unh-unh, like fun, possible...
holiday photos, right?
151
00:08:31,981 --> 00:08:33,814
I was, like, getting
myself psyched.
152
00:08:33,816 --> 00:08:34,782
I'm like, "Come on, bitch.
153
00:08:34,784 --> 00:08:36,917
"You played volleyball
in high school.
154
00:08:36,919 --> 00:08:39,620
"You did that
5K Run/Walk once.
155
00:08:39,622 --> 00:08:42,623
You... can do this."
156
00:08:42,625 --> 00:08:43,824
And he was
getting weirded out
157
00:08:43,826 --> 00:08:47,828
'cause I was saying
all this out loud.
158
00:08:50,632 --> 00:08:51,832
I was like, who am I kidding?
159
00:08:51,834 --> 00:08:53,200
I'm gonna sleep
with this guy.
160
00:08:53,202 --> 00:08:54,568
What am I, a war hero?
161
00:08:54,570 --> 00:08:56,170
So...
162
00:08:56,172 --> 00:08:59,106
so I was like,
"Do you have a condom?"
163
00:08:59,108 --> 00:09:01,575
And he was like, "No."
164
00:09:01,577 --> 00:09:03,477
And I was like...
165
00:09:03,479 --> 00:09:07,015
"Way to call me on my bluff.
You know I don't care."
166
00:09:08,683 --> 00:09:10,684
It really takes the wind
out of your sails
167
00:09:10,686 --> 00:09:12,353
for a guy to
be like, "Nope."
168
00:09:12,355 --> 00:09:15,923
And you're like,
"All right."
169
00:09:18,861 --> 00:09:20,928
This haircut is a disaster.
170
00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:22,896
You'll be hearing from
my lawyer, okay.
171
00:09:22,898 --> 00:09:25,132
I'm gonna shut this
entire operation down.
172
00:09:25,134 --> 00:09:27,134
- Oh, God.
- I'm so sorry.
173
00:09:27,136 --> 00:09:29,169
- I didn't see you.
- No, it's fine, I'm sorry.
174
00:09:29,171 --> 00:09:31,572
Let me help you.
175
00:09:39,314 --> 00:09:40,514
This-- this is mine.
176
00:09:40,516 --> 00:09:42,950
Oh, right, I'm sorry.
177
00:09:42,952 --> 00:09:44,118
Uh, this is weird.
178
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,587
I never do this but...
179
00:09:46,589 --> 00:09:48,856
I love your hair.
180
00:09:48,858 --> 00:09:49,923
Oh, really, no.
181
00:09:49,925 --> 00:09:52,893
I think it's the most amazing
hairdo I've ever seen in my life.
182
00:09:52,895 --> 00:09:55,195
What would you even
call a shape like that?
183
00:09:55,197 --> 00:09:56,930
Oh, I... a circle?
184
00:09:56,932 --> 00:09:59,967
Okay, yeah, yeah,
I see that now.
185
00:09:59,969 --> 00:10:01,468
A hair circle.
186
00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:02,503
Huh, well...
187
00:10:02,505 --> 00:10:06,106
I guess I love hair
circles, who knew?
188
00:10:06,108 --> 00:10:09,109
Life is so full of
lessons and surprises.
189
00:10:09,111 --> 00:10:12,679
Do you wanna grab
coffee or something?
190
00:10:12,681 --> 00:10:15,249
Uh, yes, yes, I would.
191
00:10:15,251 --> 00:10:17,518
- Okay.
- Great.
192
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,287
- I'm Amy.
- Oh, it's nice to meet you.
193
00:10:20,289 --> 00:10:21,922
I can't believe you
like my perm.
194
00:10:21,924 --> 00:10:23,991
I was really mad about it.
195
00:10:35,303 --> 00:10:37,905
Oh, wow, cool dog.
196
00:10:37,907 --> 00:10:39,606
Is that a permanent dog?
197
00:10:39,608 --> 00:10:41,475
- What?
- Come here.
198
00:10:45,046 --> 00:10:47,047
- I love you.
- I love you.
199
00:10:47,982 --> 00:10:52,086
Hi, you're the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen in my life.
200
00:10:52,288 --> 00:10:53,187
Yes, you are.
201
00:10:53,189 --> 00:10:54,288
I love your hair circle.
202
00:10:54,290 --> 00:10:56,457
Does he go to
a salon to get this done?
203
00:10:56,459 --> 00:10:58,959
Look at the golden
light on you.
204
00:10:58,961 --> 00:11:00,661
Oh, my God.
205
00:11:00,663 --> 00:11:02,095
Oh, I love you.
206
00:11:03,299 --> 00:11:06,667
And he's like really,
really hot.
207
00:11:06,669 --> 00:11:07,468
So what's the catch?
208
00:11:07,470 --> 00:11:11,738
I think he may only be interested
in me because I have this perm.
209
00:11:11,740 --> 00:11:13,407
You're being crazy.
210
00:11:13,409 --> 00:11:15,375
I don't know.
211
00:11:15,377 --> 00:11:16,477
So then I said,
212
00:11:16,479 --> 00:11:19,246
"You, sir,
may sit on my face."
213
00:11:21,217 --> 00:11:24,985
And then what did
your perm say, Angie?
214
00:11:24,987 --> 00:11:26,386
What?
215
00:11:26,388 --> 00:11:30,424
I mean, what did
your dad say, perm-perm?
216
00:11:36,432 --> 00:11:37,431
Yeah, no...
217
00:11:37,433 --> 00:11:40,667
He's only interested in
you because of your perm.
218
00:11:40,669 --> 00:11:43,837
Also, I think he thinks
your name is Angie.
219
00:11:43,839 --> 00:11:46,240
He definitely thinks
my name is Angie.
220
00:11:46,242 --> 00:11:48,108
What should I do?
221
00:11:48,110 --> 00:11:49,877
He's really hot.
222
00:11:49,879 --> 00:11:51,778
I know.
223
00:12:03,124 --> 00:12:04,992
Angie...
224
00:12:04,994 --> 00:12:09,229
my life has changed since
the day I ran into you...
225
00:12:09,231 --> 00:12:10,764
and your perm.
226
00:12:10,766 --> 00:12:14,768
And I think it's time
that you and I became...
227
00:12:16,404 --> 00:12:18,038
...permanent.
228
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:19,840
Oh, my God!
229
00:12:19,842 --> 00:12:21,408
Huh?
230
00:12:22,043 --> 00:12:23,243
Oh, baby.
231
00:12:23,245 --> 00:12:24,044
Oh, my God!
232
00:12:24,046 --> 00:12:25,812
- What the hell?!
- What's wrong?
233
00:12:25,814 --> 00:12:26,813
What happened?!
234
00:12:26,815 --> 00:12:27,814
- What, my hair?
- Yes!
235
00:12:27,816 --> 00:12:29,349
It grows out, what's
wrong with you?
236
00:12:29,351 --> 00:12:30,684
It's called a permanent.
237
00:12:30,686 --> 00:12:31,485
They just call it that.
238
00:12:31,487 --> 00:12:32,920
- It's so (bleep) up!
- Wait, what?!
239
00:12:32,922 --> 00:12:35,389
God, it's so (bleep) ugly!
240
00:12:35,391 --> 00:12:36,890
- No!
- No!
241
00:12:39,861 --> 00:12:41,395
What's wrong with you?
242
00:12:42,698 --> 00:12:44,031
Oh, no!
243
00:12:45,066 --> 00:12:47,434
- My head.
- I'm so sorry, come here.
244
00:12:47,436 --> 00:12:48,235
No.
245
00:12:48,237 --> 00:12:50,237
Give me the ring.
246
00:12:51,639 --> 00:12:53,540
No!
247
00:12:54,075 --> 00:12:56,810
Cliff, are you coming back?
248
00:12:58,279 --> 00:13:00,614
Perm!
249
00:13:13,996 --> 00:13:16,631
We tried to have sex.
We tried.
250
00:13:16,633 --> 00:13:18,766
And it didn't work at all.
251
00:13:18,768 --> 00:13:20,468
It didn't fit, it was like...
252
00:13:20,470 --> 00:13:23,538
Did you see that Winnie the Pooh
where he eats too much honey
253
00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:25,973
and he gets
stuck in his door?
254
00:13:26,775 --> 00:13:28,743
No, you guys had joyless
childhoods?
255
00:13:28,745 --> 00:13:30,044
Okay.
256
00:13:30,245 --> 00:13:34,682
It was like a truck getting
stuck in the Holland Tunnel.
257
00:13:34,684 --> 00:13:35,883
That's what it was like.
258
00:13:35,885 --> 00:13:36,718
And I see your faces.
259
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,319
Like, I'm not trying
to make it sound
260
00:13:38,321 --> 00:13:41,222
like I have some
dainty tea-drinking vagina.
261
00:13:41,224 --> 00:13:46,427
Just like this-- just thimble of
a "Downton Abbey" watching...
262
00:13:47,429 --> 00:13:50,131
...summering in the vineyard
(bleep).
263
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,599
Like, no.
264
00:13:51,767 --> 00:13:55,470
In that example,
it was the Holland Tunnel.
265
00:13:57,539 --> 00:14:01,442
Well, it's accurate,
costs about $12, uh...
266
00:14:02,144 --> 00:14:05,580
...a lot of guys from Jersey
have been in it.
267
00:14:13,622 --> 00:14:14,922
Babe, can we watch
something else?
268
00:14:14,924 --> 00:14:17,225
- I hate these movies.
- Why?
269
00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:19,927
'Cause I--
270
00:14:19,929 --> 00:14:22,263
I fart when I get scared.
271
00:14:24,434 --> 00:14:25,533
See?
272
00:14:25,535 --> 00:14:27,869
Oh, come on, it's cute.
273
00:14:27,871 --> 00:14:29,837
No... it's gross.
274
00:14:32,475 --> 00:14:34,075
Oh, my God, this
really annoys me.
275
00:14:34,077 --> 00:14:37,211
These dumb girls always bring their
cell phones with them to hide.
276
00:14:37,213 --> 00:14:39,914
The killer hears it.
That's how they get caught.
277
00:14:42,252 --> 00:14:44,252
God...
278
00:14:44,254 --> 00:14:46,154
I'm sorry.
279
00:14:46,156 --> 00:14:47,021
It's all right.
280
00:14:47,023 --> 00:14:50,091
- Do you want another beer?
- Yeah, I'll take one.
281
00:14:51,460 --> 00:14:54,395
- You want me to pause it?
- No.
282
00:15:00,937 --> 00:15:03,771
Oh, my God, baby,
you scared me.
283
00:15:09,713 --> 00:15:11,779
Jake... Jake!
284
00:15:11,781 --> 00:15:14,916
No, no, no...
285
00:15:39,576 --> 00:15:42,677
Come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on.
286
00:15:47,717 --> 00:15:51,519
Shut up, shut up,
shut up, shut up, shut up.
287
00:16:31,093 --> 00:16:32,627
9-1-1 emergency,
this is Karen.
288
00:16:39,502 --> 00:16:41,269
You see these damn kids?
289
00:16:41,271 --> 00:16:43,271
I'm sick of
these prank calls.
290
00:16:51,513 --> 00:16:53,047
Oh...
291
00:17:24,515 --> 00:17:27,016
But no, it didn't fit,
it didn't work.
292
00:17:27,018 --> 00:17:30,019
I was like packing
up my wares, you know.
293
00:17:30,021 --> 00:17:31,187
Good luck in all
your endeavors.
294
00:17:31,189 --> 00:17:34,190
Follow me on Twitter-- leaving.
295
00:17:34,192 --> 00:17:35,591
He couldn't believe
I was leaving.
296
00:17:35,593 --> 00:17:38,995
He's like, "Don't you
wanna keep trying?"
297
00:17:38,997 --> 00:17:40,263
I was like, "No."
298
00:17:40,265 --> 00:17:42,065
I was like, "Why, so
I can walk around New York
299
00:17:42,067 --> 00:17:46,402
"with my new gaping
vagina, just...
300
00:17:46,404 --> 00:17:47,437
"Hey...
301
00:17:47,439 --> 00:17:49,639
"What, no, I just had
a good weekend.
302
00:17:49,641 --> 00:17:51,207
Hey!"
303
00:17:51,209 --> 00:17:54,277
Picking up my NuvaRing
off the subway platform.
304
00:17:54,279 --> 00:17:58,148
Like, uh...
305
00:18:01,352 --> 00:18:04,620
"Did anyone see
where it rolled?"
306
00:18:05,422 --> 00:18:07,590
A rat's wearing
it like a crown.
307
00:18:07,592 --> 00:18:11,160
I'm like, wait!
308
00:18:11,162 --> 00:18:13,496
Wait.
309
00:18:14,965 --> 00:18:19,202
The saddest version
of "The Nutcracker."
310
00:18:24,808 --> 00:18:28,644
So, Kareem, you have
a huge penis.
311
00:18:28,646 --> 00:18:29,278
Yes.
312
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,614
Um, at what age
did you realize
313
00:18:31,616 --> 00:18:34,484
that your penis was
bigger than other peoples?
314
00:18:34,486 --> 00:18:37,253
I was watching
a television show, um...
315
00:18:37,255 --> 00:18:39,622
AKA, a Triple-X movie.
316
00:18:39,624 --> 00:18:42,492
A television show--
you're watching porn, okay.
317
00:18:42,494 --> 00:18:47,163
And I noticed that mine was
the same size as a grown man.
318
00:18:47,165 --> 00:18:47,964
And how old were you?
319
00:18:47,966 --> 00:18:50,933
I was in my teens,
I was probably like 14.
320
00:18:50,935 --> 00:18:51,868
What word do you say?
321
00:18:51,870 --> 00:18:55,104
I say, like, penis or (bleep)
if I'm feeling comfortable.
322
00:18:55,106 --> 00:18:57,073
I have the name
Mr. Manhattan, so...
323
00:18:57,075 --> 00:18:58,841
Do you call your
penis Mr. Manhattan?
324
00:18:58,843 --> 00:19:01,110
Mr. Manhattan.
325
00:19:01,112 --> 00:19:02,712
- It's a star.
- It sounds like a star.
326
00:19:02,714 --> 00:19:06,249
Have you ever been
nervous for a girl to see,
327
00:19:06,251 --> 00:19:08,184
or are you always
pretty excited?
328
00:19:08,186 --> 00:19:09,519
I've heard, "Wow!"
329
00:19:09,521 --> 00:19:10,486
You know what I mean?
330
00:19:10,488 --> 00:19:11,721
- You know, yeah, yeah...
- Hey!
331
00:19:11,723 --> 00:19:12,755
That kind of a...
332
00:19:12,757 --> 00:19:14,157
Yeah, you could hit a high...
333
00:19:14,159 --> 00:19:15,058
Whoo Oh, wow.
334
00:19:15,060 --> 00:19:15,925
So people find the Lord
335
00:19:15,927 --> 00:19:17,527
- in your underwear.
- Doves will release...
336
00:19:17,529 --> 00:19:19,295
Pigeons will release
into the air.
337
00:19:19,297 --> 00:19:23,566
You changed it from doves to
pigeons, you downsized it?
338
00:19:23,568 --> 00:19:28,104
Have you ever showed it to a girl
and she just started crying?
339
00:19:28,106 --> 00:19:28,838
No.
340
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:30,606
Do you wanna see if
that happens right now?
341
00:19:30,608 --> 00:19:31,741
No, just kidding.
342
00:19:31,743 --> 00:19:35,211
Does it take you longer to
jerk off than other guys?
343
00:19:35,213 --> 00:19:39,048
Jerk off chronicles-- um,
ended in my earlier stages.
344
00:19:39,050 --> 00:19:40,616
You never jerk off?
345
00:19:40,618 --> 00:19:41,818
No, not now, no.
346
00:19:41,820 --> 00:19:42,685
Why, is it too hard?
347
00:19:42,687 --> 00:19:44,821
You need like a team
of experts to come in?
348
00:19:44,823 --> 00:19:47,190
- Well...
- They're like, heave-ho...
349
00:19:47,192 --> 00:19:48,491
Um...
350
00:19:48,493 --> 00:19:49,826
What's going on
with your balls?
351
00:19:49,828 --> 00:19:51,394
Are they-- are they bigger?
352
00:19:51,396 --> 00:19:52,728
Um, it's perfect, actually.
353
00:19:52,730 --> 00:19:54,831
You know what I mean,
it's like, um...
354
00:19:54,833 --> 00:19:56,999
a hot dog with two meatballs,
you know what I mean?
355
00:19:57,001 --> 00:19:58,367
That doesn't sound perfect.
356
00:19:58,369 --> 00:20:00,770
They're fantastic,
my balls are fantastic.
357
00:20:00,772 --> 00:20:02,038
I do not doubt that.
358
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:03,606
What are their names?
359
00:20:03,608 --> 00:20:05,174
Hoboken and Secaucus?
360
00:20:07,512 --> 00:20:11,914
Do you get excited when you find
out a girl has a big (bleep)?
361
00:20:11,916 --> 00:20:12,949
- No.
- No?
362
00:20:12,951 --> 00:20:14,016
Yeah, that doesn't excite me.
363
00:20:14,018 --> 00:20:17,553
You're not like, "Oh, you're
finally gonna go home"?
364
00:20:17,555 --> 00:20:18,921
You know, you don't say like,
365
00:20:18,923 --> 00:20:21,557
"Oh, we found a place
for you, boy"?
366
00:20:22,793 --> 00:20:24,694
Have you ever tried anal?
367
00:20:24,696 --> 00:20:26,496
And where is she buried?
368
00:20:26,498 --> 00:20:28,998
That's hilarious.
369
00:20:32,303 --> 00:20:35,305
Perm!
370
00:20:47,318 --> 00:20:48,651
What's in this?
371
00:20:48,653 --> 00:20:50,720
Fresh fruit.
372
00:20:55,527 --> 00:20:56,760
So easy.
373
00:20:56,762 --> 00:20:58,628
Mmm, magic.
374
00:21:00,203 --> 00:21:06,203
Sync && corrections by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com
375
00:21:06,253 --> 00:21:10,803
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