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1
00:00:04,992 --> 00:00:06,405
Dear Walter,
2
00:00:06,485 --> 00:00:10,205
I am so pleased to hear that
Valentine is settling in well.
3
00:00:11,194 --> 00:00:13,954
From what you say, it will not be long
4
00:00:13,990 --> 00:00:17,342
before he has a job, a house and a wife.
5
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:21,605
Until then, please ensure that
he rubs in extra Vaseline.
6
00:00:22,241 --> 00:00:24,605
I don't want his elbows to go dry.
7
00:00:24,843 --> 00:00:28,405
Also, as the pound is strong...
8
00:00:28,485 --> 00:00:30,685
(MUSIC STOPS)
9
00:00:31,685 --> 00:00:33,005
Agnes!
10
00:00:36,413 --> 00:00:39,805
- Why is this pot empty?
- Who turned the immersion heater on?
11
00:00:39,885 --> 00:00:42,265
I filled it three days ago.
It should last a week.
12
00:00:42,301 --> 00:00:44,721
We never turn the immersion heater on!
13
00:00:44,965 --> 00:00:47,106
MUSIC: SPANDAU BALLET: True
14
00:00:47,142 --> 00:00:48,204
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
15
00:00:49,765 --> 00:00:50,938
Hey!
16
00:00:50,974 --> 00:00:53,774
I love the light. The electric
in Freetown is much better!
17
00:00:56,442 --> 00:00:59,442
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com
18
00:01:03,629 --> 00:01:06,177
TV: Masters of the Universe...
19
00:01:06,405 --> 00:01:08,424
You know this story is
from an African legend?
20
00:01:08,460 --> 00:01:09,955
- Really?!
- Of course, really.
21
00:01:09,991 --> 00:01:11,768
In Africa they invented everything.
22
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:14,125
I mean, look at the size of that cat!
23
00:01:15,285 --> 00:01:17,212
Valentine! Come here.
24
00:01:17,248 --> 00:01:19,448
Someone's in trouble!
25
00:01:21,631 --> 00:01:24,271
By the power of Grayskull!
26
00:01:24,307 --> 00:01:25,547
Hey!
27
00:01:25,583 --> 00:01:26,863
Make room.
28
00:01:26,899 --> 00:01:27,965
Cool.
29
00:01:29,125 --> 00:01:30,525
OK, Vallie, listen.
30
00:01:30,806 --> 00:01:33,802
- You have been here for about two weeks.
- Three and a half!
31
00:01:33,883 --> 00:01:37,723
You have been here
for three and a half weeks. OK?
32
00:01:39,805 --> 00:01:43,085
- I mean...
- Bo, what is your plan?
33
00:01:43,165 --> 00:01:46,054
To finish watching the programme with
the big cat, then go to the pub.
34
00:01:46,090 --> 00:01:48,626
No. What is your plan for work, Plan A.
35
00:01:48,662 --> 00:01:50,186
I've got work, as a DJ!
36
00:01:50,222 --> 00:01:53,433
Hm. Working one night a week
as a DJ is not a job.
37
00:01:53,469 --> 00:01:56,549
- Uh... What is your Plan B?
- To be a footballer!
38
00:01:56,585 --> 00:01:58,556
- (BOTH CHANT)
- You need to get proper work
39
00:01:58,592 --> 00:02:01,992
so you can fill this pot with cash
money instead of emptying it!
40
00:02:02,028 --> 00:02:04,178
- It's just that I'm already working!
- Huh?
41
00:02:04,214 --> 00:02:06,196
Yesterday, I helped a man move a fridge.
42
00:02:06,232 --> 00:02:09,392
Tomorrow, I'm doing electrics and
painting for a woman I met in the pub.
43
00:02:09,428 --> 00:02:12,188
- Really?
- I mean proper full-time work!
44
00:02:12,264 --> 00:02:15,024
- Ooh, I'm not sure I'm the ten to three kind of man!
- Help me!
45
00:02:15,060 --> 00:02:17,660
Listen, people work nine to five
here in this country.
46
00:02:17,696 --> 00:02:20,776
- Hey, bo, that's a very long time.
- It is a long time, yes.
47
00:02:20,812 --> 00:02:24,385
- What about Plan F for factory?
- F for factory. Which factory?
48
00:02:24,421 --> 00:02:26,551
You are the shop steward.
You can get him an interview.
49
00:02:26,587 --> 00:02:27,400
Agnes...
50
00:02:27,445 --> 00:02:30,165
You can do that? He's best friends
with the manager!
51
00:02:30,245 --> 00:02:32,045
- I wonder why.
- I wonder why.
52
00:02:32,125 --> 00:02:34,273
Get me an interview and I
will go and be Mr Charm-Charm!
53
00:02:34,309 --> 00:02:35,080
Hey!
54
00:02:35,125 --> 00:02:37,125
Listen, you won't be bloody
Mr Charm-Charm,
55
00:02:37,205 --> 00:02:38,925
you'll be Mr Sense-Sense!
56
00:02:39,005 --> 00:02:41,783
I'm trying to get you a job, not
convince somebody to sleep with you!
57
00:02:42,485 --> 00:02:45,565
MUSIC: SOFT CELL: Tainted Love (Intro)
58
00:02:48,805 --> 00:02:51,605
Ah, did Mummy dress you
in the dark again?
59
00:02:52,221 --> 00:02:54,085
Oh, my God, she's bleeding!
60
00:02:54,165 --> 00:02:56,785
She's tried to draw a heart
on her tummy like a Care Bear!
61
00:02:56,821 --> 00:02:57,730
Hah!
62
00:02:57,766 --> 00:02:59,486
Looks more like she's in care!
63
00:02:59,685 --> 00:03:01,645
What do you fancy doing tomorrow, eh?
64
00:03:02,167 --> 00:03:03,652
What do you mean?
65
00:03:03,688 --> 00:03:05,517
I thought we could spend
the day together.
66
00:03:06,290 --> 00:03:09,285
- Anniversary!
- Oh!
67
00:03:09,365 --> 00:03:11,125
Ye... Yeah.
68
00:03:11,205 --> 00:03:14,325
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
That'll be nice. Yeah.
69
00:03:14,405 --> 00:03:15,975
- Book a Berni Inn?
- Mm!
70
00:03:16,011 --> 00:03:18,365
- Yeah? Prawn cocktail?
- Prawn cocktail.
71
00:03:18,401 --> 00:03:19,633
- Steak.
- Steak!
72
00:03:19,940 --> 00:03:22,457
- Half a bottle of Yugoslavian wine.
- A whole bottle!
73
00:03:23,456 --> 00:03:25,842
- Get Mum to look after the kids.
- Mm.
74
00:03:26,325 --> 00:03:28,446
- Place to ourselves.
- Mm.
75
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:31,305
What's up, pigeon? You want Mummy
to wash your belly for you?
76
00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:32,418
- Oi!
- Hah.
77
00:03:32,454 --> 00:03:34,166
Don't change the subject.
78
00:03:34,202 --> 00:03:35,960
- All right.
- Remember?
79
00:03:36,005 --> 00:03:38,885
- Just me and you. Mm?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
80
00:03:39,717 --> 00:03:40,805
Good!
81
00:03:44,645 --> 00:03:45,885
(SIGHS)
82
00:03:52,965 --> 00:03:54,605
OK, Bobby?
83
00:03:57,266 --> 00:03:59,706
(LOUDSPEAKER:) Jerry,
bring me a biscuit.
84
00:04:01,772 --> 00:04:04,125
Rajesh, you have two minutes?
85
00:04:04,205 --> 00:04:05,687
I have one minute.
86
00:04:07,405 --> 00:04:11,565
You know, my brother has just
moved here from Sierra Leone...
87
00:04:11,645 --> 00:04:13,035
He wants a job.
88
00:04:13,071 --> 00:04:14,678
- Uh, yes.
- No chance.
89
00:04:14,714 --> 00:04:17,089
There's barely enough work
for people we've already got.
90
00:04:17,410 --> 00:04:20,837
He's just moved to this country.
He has no job, no money.
91
00:04:20,873 --> 00:04:22,543
Neither did I when I first came here,
92
00:04:22,703 --> 00:04:25,132
but I worked my way up
from the shop floor.
93
00:04:25,651 --> 00:04:27,631
We can't all have friends on the inside.
94
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,303
Didn't your uncle get you a job here?
95
00:04:29,338 --> 00:04:30,936
- Second cousin.
- Hm.
96
00:04:30,972 --> 00:04:32,014
Carry on.
97
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:35,765
He's driving my wife crazy!
You know, really crazy.
98
00:04:35,845 --> 00:04:38,845
He's always at home playing music
and drinking my beer. So...
99
00:04:38,925 --> 00:04:41,836
And she's got me by the...
Oh, you know? She's got me...
100
00:04:41,872 --> 00:04:43,872
- Andakosh.
- Andakosh?
101
00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:46,068
Andakosh. You know, "bollocks".
102
00:04:46,281 --> 00:04:47,721
You call them andakosh?
103
00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:49,689
What do you people call them?
104
00:04:49,725 --> 00:04:51,165
- Bollocks.
- Oh!
105
00:04:51,485 --> 00:04:54,205
Will your brother be happy sweeping
up and making tea?
106
00:04:54,285 --> 00:04:55,845
Two of his favourite things!
107
00:04:55,881 --> 00:04:58,481
OK. Tell him to come and see me
tomorrow at four.
108
00:05:00,025 --> 00:05:02,220
- You're a good guy, you know that?
- I know.
109
00:05:02,256 --> 00:05:03,896
OK. You know what I like about you?
110
00:05:03,932 --> 00:05:05,654
You don't talk no andakosh!
111
00:05:07,787 --> 00:05:11,387
What do you think?
I might wear it tomorrow.
112
00:05:11,547 --> 00:05:14,187
Hey, it's very short!
113
00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:17,485
- If I get to go.
- Hm.
114
00:05:17,521 --> 00:05:19,121
Bagpipes doesn't like going out out.
115
00:05:19,299 --> 00:05:21,871
Have you been using the
Afro comb I gave you?
116
00:05:21,933 --> 00:05:24,245
Well, if I'm honest,
117
00:05:24,281 --> 00:05:28,031
I'm down to brushing her hair
probably once a fortnight.
118
00:05:28,067 --> 00:05:31,427
- Once a fortnight?!
- Nobody can stand the screaming!
119
00:05:31,463 --> 00:05:34,336
We'll go to Shepherd's Bush market
and get some more products, huh?
120
00:05:34,372 --> 00:05:35,355
Yeah.
121
00:05:35,785 --> 00:05:37,165
Kirsty!
122
00:05:37,484 --> 00:05:41,701
Your anniversary should be
a celebration of your romance. Hm?
123
00:05:41,737 --> 00:05:42,882
Agnes,
124
00:05:42,918 --> 00:05:47,438
you know Bagpipes. His idea of
romance is buying me half of Argos.
125
00:05:48,823 --> 00:05:52,543
Do you remember last year?
The set of steak knives?
126
00:05:52,765 --> 00:05:56,685
- That mini hi-fi!
- Yes! And the exercise bike!
127
00:05:56,765 --> 00:06:00,085
The exercise bike!
It's like I'm on Bullseye!
128
00:06:03,685 --> 00:06:06,325
MUSIC: QUEEN AND DAVID BOWIE:
Under Pressure
129
00:06:08,685 --> 00:06:11,442
Here you are. Take a look at this.
It's Japanese.
130
00:06:11,707 --> 00:06:13,627
It's called a microwave oven.
131
00:06:13,879 --> 00:06:15,479
Don't you already have an oven?
132
00:06:15,637 --> 00:06:18,608
Yeah, but not one that can cook
a baked potato in ten minutes.
133
00:06:18,644 --> 00:06:19,991
Bagpipe, I beg.
134
00:06:20,027 --> 00:06:23,620
Buy your wife something romantic, eh?
135
00:06:23,656 --> 00:06:24,812
It is romantic!
136
00:06:24,848 --> 00:06:26,797
It's got a special cavity magnetron
137
00:06:26,833 --> 00:06:29,786
that converts high voltage
electricity into radiation.
138
00:06:29,927 --> 00:06:31,492
Compared to a conventional oven,
139
00:06:31,528 --> 00:06:33,922
the kilowatt-to-hour
efficiency is staggering.
140
00:06:35,285 --> 00:06:37,165
Are you good with electrical work?
141
00:06:37,245 --> 00:06:39,808
Yeah. I know everything there is
to know about electrics.
142
00:06:40,008 --> 00:06:42,888
I can strip wire with my hands tied
behind my back, blindfolded.
143
00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,995
Why would you do this blindfolded?
144
00:06:45,183 --> 00:06:47,348
Oh, I see. Um...
145
00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:50,045
Well, it's for training, isn't it?
146
00:06:50,125 --> 00:06:52,965
For power cuts. You've got
a lot to learn, my friend.
147
00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:56,371
Well, tomorrow, I have a job
changing the lights in a flat.
148
00:06:56,407 --> 00:06:58,965
Oh, yeah? Sounds like you
might need a bit of help.
149
00:06:59,045 --> 00:07:01,045
How about 50 quid for the day?
150
00:07:01,081 --> 00:07:03,046
Oh, no, no, no. No, thank you.
151
00:07:03,126 --> 00:07:04,604
- All right. 40.
- 20.
152
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,027
- I won't go lower than 30.
- 25.
153
00:07:06,063 --> 00:07:07,251
Deal! Hey!
154
00:07:08,885 --> 00:07:10,685
Yeah. So, uh,
155
00:07:10,765 --> 00:07:14,414
do you, um, do you have
electricity in Africa?
156
00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:17,485
Of course! Back home we
have our fastest animals.
157
00:07:17,565 --> 00:07:19,245
Leopards, lions, cheetahs.
158
00:07:19,325 --> 00:07:22,525
They run on spinning wheels,
making electricity.
159
00:07:22,561 --> 00:07:23,943
Yeah? Really?
160
00:07:23,979 --> 00:07:25,379
Ah, Bagpipe!
161
00:07:25,489 --> 00:07:28,285
Without fools, there would be no wisdom.
162
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,258
So...
163
00:07:30,294 --> 00:07:32,374
- So you do have electricity?
- No!
164
00:07:33,348 --> 00:07:36,925
Only a fool would test the depth
of a river with both feet.
165
00:07:37,005 --> 00:07:39,781
Stop talking in bloody proverbs!
Have you got it or not?
166
00:07:39,817 --> 00:07:43,859
OK! Of course we do! 20 or 30 watts,
50Hz, single phase.
167
00:07:43,895 --> 00:07:46,415
So tomorrow, you might
want to bring some tools.
168
00:07:46,451 --> 00:07:48,771
That's fine. I've got the lot.
What are you missing?
169
00:07:48,821 --> 00:07:50,221
Tools.
170
00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:55,365
MUSIC: THE POLICE: Roxanne (Intro)
171
00:08:05,295 --> 00:08:06,998
So you've got your basics, right.
172
00:08:07,034 --> 00:08:09,355
Your blues, your neutral,
your browns, your live.
173
00:08:09,391 --> 00:08:10,911
Your stripes is your...
174
00:08:12,609 --> 00:08:15,689
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?
- This is where we are working.
175
00:08:15,753 --> 00:08:18,673
I'm not going in there!
That's Number 72!
176
00:08:18,709 --> 00:08:20,949
- What do you mean?
- It's a knocking shop!
177
00:08:20,985 --> 00:08:22,322
Then I won't knock, eh?
178
00:08:24,405 --> 00:08:26,525
? Roxanne ?
179
00:08:27,396 --> 00:08:30,476
? You don't have to put
on the red light ?
180
00:08:31,125 --> 00:08:33,245
? Roxanne ?
181
00:08:35,053 --> 00:08:39,405
Now, I want all these bare bulbs
replacing with flame effect wall lamps,
182
00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:42,077
- cos they're more romantic.
- OK. No problem.
183
00:08:42,113 --> 00:08:45,793
And you can give the place a lick
of paint, as well, if you have time.
184
00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:47,225
OK!
185
00:08:48,885 --> 00:08:50,389
I know you.
186
00:08:50,507 --> 00:08:54,629
- Have you been here before?
- Oh, no, madam, I've not.
187
00:08:54,665 --> 00:08:57,994
Not madam, as in, I haven't frequented
this establishment. Got it!
188
00:08:58,030 --> 00:09:00,165
Got it! Teeny Acorns.
189
00:09:00,201 --> 00:09:02,403
- Beg your pardon?
- Teeny Acorns nursery.
190
00:09:02,439 --> 00:09:04,328
- Oh!
- Your little girl goes there.
191
00:09:04,364 --> 00:09:07,124
- I'm Mags. I'm Gary's mum.
- Hello to you.
192
00:09:08,187 --> 00:09:10,927
We all say it's so lovely
how you look after her,
193
00:09:10,963 --> 00:09:13,165
even though she's, you know, not yours.
194
00:09:13,245 --> 00:09:15,685
Uh, sorry, who's "we"?
195
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:18,601
Oh just, you know, people at nursery.
196
00:09:18,637 --> 00:09:21,877
The other mums and dads,
a few of the staff,
197
00:09:21,990 --> 00:09:25,357
dinner ladies, cleaner, lollipop lady.
198
00:09:25,692 --> 00:09:27,605
Some of the kids, actually.
199
00:09:28,704 --> 00:09:32,464
- Are you all right?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.
200
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:35,809
Oh, thank God. I thought I'd
put my foot in it, then!
201
00:09:36,344 --> 00:09:38,285
I'll make you boys a cuppa.
202
00:09:41,245 --> 00:09:43,125
Oh! Are you next?
203
00:09:43,161 --> 00:09:45,565
Oh. No. Uh, no, thank you, madam.
204
00:09:45,645 --> 00:09:47,405
I won't, on... All right, mate?
205
00:09:47,485 --> 00:09:48,865
..on this occasion.
206
00:09:48,901 --> 00:09:52,981
- On this occasion, I will demur.
- All right, love.
207
00:09:53,405 --> 00:09:56,925
MUSIC: MADNESS: It Must Be Love (Intro)
208
00:09:59,485 --> 00:10:00,885
Sorry.
209
00:10:00,965 --> 00:10:03,882
Just like I said,
disappears this morning.
210
00:10:03,918 --> 00:10:05,680
I haven't seen him since.
211
00:10:05,725 --> 00:10:07,805
Happy Anniversary to me(!)
212
00:10:07,885 --> 00:10:09,245
Kirsty.
213
00:10:09,325 --> 00:10:12,325
What attracted you to Bagpipes
in the first place?
214
00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:15,144
Um...
215
00:10:16,102 --> 00:10:17,422
Kirsty!
216
00:10:18,015 --> 00:10:19,365
I dunno!
217
00:10:19,445 --> 00:10:21,165
Just trying to remember!
218
00:10:22,165 --> 00:10:25,405
Three... two... one!
219
00:10:25,949 --> 00:10:28,125
ALL: Hooray!
220
00:10:28,205 --> 00:10:32,445
? Soon as I wake up every night,
every day... ?
221
00:10:32,525 --> 00:10:35,405
- Here you are, Valentine.
- Oi, what the...
222
00:10:35,485 --> 00:10:38,365
- Uh-uh!
- Bagpipe. In Africa, we have a saying.
223
00:10:38,445 --> 00:10:40,725
By the time the fool
has learned the game,
224
00:10:40,805 --> 00:10:42,685
the players have already gone.
225
00:10:42,957 --> 00:10:45,278
You have a lot to learn, my friend.
226
00:10:46,885 --> 00:10:49,125
I've always liked older men.
227
00:10:49,446 --> 00:10:52,245
And Bagpipes, he's kind,
228
00:10:52,325 --> 00:10:54,325
stable, reliable, you know?
229
00:10:54,647 --> 00:10:56,245
Like they say,
230
00:10:56,325 --> 00:10:58,485
girls marry men like their dads!
231
00:10:58,565 --> 00:11:00,609
Except my dad can be quite a laugh!
232
00:11:02,205 --> 00:11:03,685
Kirsty. Where are you going?
233
00:11:03,765 --> 00:11:06,005
I'm all right. It's my anniversary.
234
00:11:06,085 --> 00:11:10,285
You want to talk to your man. That's
him coming out of Number 72, right?
235
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:13,205
Bagpipe! Delta Boy!
236
00:11:13,285 --> 00:11:14,485
Shit!
237
00:11:16,735 --> 00:11:19,115
How could you do this, huh?
238
00:11:19,195 --> 00:11:21,755
You have brought shame on this family!
239
00:11:21,791 --> 00:11:23,671
What will people think?
240
00:11:23,707 --> 00:11:26,099
What will Kobna think?
He looks up to you!
241
00:11:26,135 --> 00:11:27,776
They are good people!
They offer me work.
242
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,312
I was working to put money in the...
243
00:11:29,348 --> 00:11:32,153
- Working in a place of shame?
- No, no, that's...
244
00:11:33,195 --> 00:11:34,915
..Walter's favourite United mug!
245
00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:37,475
Come up before me. Look at me.
246
00:11:37,555 --> 00:11:39,835
Don't worry. I did nothing more than...
247
00:11:39,915 --> 00:11:41,791
- I don't want to hear it.
- I am telling the truth.
248
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,258
If you leave now, you'll still make
249
00:11:43,293 --> 00:11:45,589
the interview your brother went
to great lengths to get you.
250
00:11:45,625 --> 00:11:47,490
- Don't worry! He's friends with the man...
- Clear out!
251
00:11:48,146 --> 00:11:49,826
Clear out, you bum!
252
00:11:49,862 --> 00:11:51,382
Look where you fit!
253
00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,915
? Roxanne ?
254
00:11:54,471 --> 00:11:57,951
? You don't have to put
on that dress tonight ?
255
00:11:58,288 --> 00:12:01,315
? Walk the streets for the money ?
256
00:12:01,395 --> 00:12:04,899
? You don't care if it is wrong
or if it's right ?
257
00:12:04,935 --> 00:12:06,855
I just need you to explain to me,
Bagpipes.
258
00:12:06,891 --> 00:12:08,031
Look, I wasn't...
259
00:12:08,067 --> 00:12:10,406
I thought it was sex generally
that you weren't into.
260
00:12:10,442 --> 00:12:11,348
No, no, no.
261
00:12:11,384 --> 00:12:13,002
Or is it just sex with
me that you don't like?
262
00:12:13,038 --> 00:12:15,078
- Oh, for God's sake!
- Why won't you talk to me?
263
00:12:15,114 --> 00:12:16,931
I can't get a bloody word in edgeways!
264
00:12:17,802 --> 00:12:19,442
Well, go on, then.
265
00:12:19,795 --> 00:12:21,139
Talk.
266
00:12:21,595 --> 00:12:24,315
Cos we've needed to for a long time.
267
00:12:24,954 --> 00:12:26,355
About us.
268
00:12:26,442 --> 00:12:27,922
About Melissa.
269
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,235
About my affair.
270
00:12:30,315 --> 00:12:31,955
Where are you going?
271
00:12:32,035 --> 00:12:34,575
- Night fishing.
- It's four o'clock in the afternoon!
272
00:12:34,611 --> 00:12:36,211
All right. Fishing, then!
273
00:12:37,912 --> 00:12:42,020
Jerry McKay. Please report to the
office immediately. Bring my tea.
274
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,429
So you'll mainly be sweeping up,
275
00:12:44,465 --> 00:12:47,347
making tea, keeping the stock room tidy.
276
00:12:47,502 --> 00:12:49,135
General dogsbody, really.
277
00:12:49,171 --> 00:12:50,208
A dogsbody?
278
00:12:50,244 --> 00:12:52,239
Yes. It means you'll
do a bit of everything.
279
00:12:52,275 --> 00:12:54,825
I thought this was an interview
to work in the factory.
280
00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,934
Yeah. You will be
working in the factory.
281
00:12:56,970 --> 00:12:58,696
Sweeping the floor of the factory!
282
00:12:59,806 --> 00:13:02,126
Gina, where are those
timesheets, please?
283
00:13:02,810 --> 00:13:05,450
How does that sound? �2.80 an hour.
284
00:13:05,955 --> 00:13:09,515
I thought I would be doing more than
push a broom and be a houseboy.
285
00:13:09,595 --> 00:13:11,835
Yeah. Like I say, you'll
also be making the tea.
286
00:13:13,115 --> 00:13:15,428
What did you want to do when
you came to this country?
287
00:13:15,464 --> 00:13:17,573
- Sorry?
- What was your dream?
288
00:13:17,609 --> 00:13:19,663
Hang on, who's doing this interview?
289
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:22,763
Did you dream about sitting behind
a desk offering men �2.80 an hour
290
00:13:22,799 --> 00:13:25,966
- to sweep the floor, make tea?
- No.
291
00:13:27,637 --> 00:13:30,887
- I wanted to be a chef.
- Hey! Were you a good chef?
292
00:13:30,923 --> 00:13:34,715
I was the best! People would come
for miles for my dhoklas!
293
00:13:34,795 --> 00:13:37,635
- Woo!
- I wanted to open a little shop in Brick Lane
294
00:13:37,715 --> 00:13:40,835
- and serve the best dhoklas in London!
- Yeah!
295
00:13:41,508 --> 00:13:43,075
I'd very much like to taste them.
296
00:13:43,111 --> 00:13:45,340
You're making me hungry!
I want to go chop!
297
00:13:49,475 --> 00:13:53,155
Look, I don't know what I want
to do, but...
298
00:13:54,609 --> 00:13:56,203
..I know it is not this.
299
00:13:58,673 --> 00:14:00,433
Thank you for your time, Rajesh.
300
00:14:07,715 --> 00:14:09,255
I've wasted my life!
301
00:14:11,195 --> 00:14:13,755
MUSIC: CYMANDE: Brothers On The Slide
302
00:14:23,835 --> 00:14:26,195
(CRASHING AND BANGING)
303
00:14:29,275 --> 00:14:30,995
? Brothers on the slide ?
304
00:14:33,555 --> 00:14:35,635
? Working on the wrong side ?
305
00:14:38,155 --> 00:14:39,795
? What you gonna do ?
306
00:14:41,675 --> 00:14:45,235
? You can't win so you know
you must lose ?
307
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,120
Fuckity-fuck!
308
00:14:47,435 --> 00:14:50,943
Jesus Christ, man, why are you
sneaking around on people like that?
309
00:14:50,979 --> 00:14:54,112
I thought you were a burglar!
I was about to beat you with this stick.
310
00:14:54,148 --> 00:14:56,125
It's not a stick. It's a fence post.
311
00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:58,313
- Actually, you've got a good one.
- Man, would you shut up?
312
00:14:59,891 --> 00:15:01,635
Kirsty kicked you out again?
313
00:15:01,715 --> 00:15:02,718
No.
314
00:15:03,009 --> 00:15:04,969
No, I walked out, on my own terms.
315
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:08,725
I see. So your own terms is to sleep
in the garage next to a lawnmower
316
00:15:08,761 --> 00:15:10,755
instead of sleeping in your bed
next to your wife.
317
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,609
Let's have a drink, Bagsy. Come on.
318
00:15:22,943 --> 00:15:25,235
Hey, house boy.
319
00:15:25,604 --> 00:15:28,088
Sorry about the... The shouting.
320
00:15:28,124 --> 00:15:29,924
- Did Mum hit you?
- No!
321
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,680
She tried, but I was like...
322
00:15:33,959 --> 00:15:35,279
Hey, shh!
323
00:15:37,086 --> 00:15:39,098
Uncle, what's a prostitute?
324
00:15:40,143 --> 00:15:41,955
Hey... (CLEARS THROAT)
325
00:15:42,035 --> 00:15:44,795
A, uh, prostitute...
326
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,180
..is a lady that...
327
00:15:49,355 --> 00:15:53,355
..cheers you up when you are
feeling down or lonely.
328
00:15:53,635 --> 00:15:56,940
You know, this is something you
should talk to your father about.
329
00:15:57,202 --> 00:15:59,722
- Does Dad know about prostitutes?
- Yes... No!
330
00:15:59,888 --> 00:16:03,448
A-hem. Please stop saying
prostitute, hey?
331
00:16:04,494 --> 00:16:06,555
Have you done something wrong?
332
00:16:07,465 --> 00:16:10,155
I'm trying to do the right
thing in my own way,
333
00:16:10,235 --> 00:16:13,035
but I made things worse.
334
00:16:14,247 --> 00:16:15,927
Maybe a prostitute could help.
335
00:16:17,437 --> 00:16:18,797
Night!
336
00:16:19,626 --> 00:16:20,974
Night!
337
00:16:27,755 --> 00:16:29,783
Can I ask you a personal question?
338
00:16:31,132 --> 00:16:34,835
You've known me for ten years. You've
never asked me a personal question.
339
00:16:35,086 --> 00:16:36,376
All right. Forget it.
340
00:16:37,270 --> 00:16:39,195
Just ask the bloody question.
341
00:16:42,106 --> 00:16:45,008
How would you feel if your wife
slept with a black man?
342
00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:46,562
She does.
343
00:16:46,598 --> 00:16:49,315
Every night. Sometimes twice.
344
00:16:50,555 --> 00:16:52,475
You know what I mean.
345
00:16:53,014 --> 00:16:57,294
What if... What if Agnes
slept with another man?
346
00:16:57,515 --> 00:16:59,380
If Kobna wasn't yours.
347
00:16:59,679 --> 00:17:02,199
And not only that, everyone
knew she'd done it.
348
00:17:02,635 --> 00:17:04,795
- That would never happen.
- But what if it did?
349
00:17:04,875 --> 00:17:07,875
- It would never happen.
- Yeah, but if it did, what would you do?
350
00:17:07,955 --> 00:17:12,091
That would never happen, and if it
did happen, I would be angry.
351
00:17:12,297 --> 00:17:14,537
- Yeah. Sure.
- And I would ask her
352
00:17:14,573 --> 00:17:17,613
- why she did that filthy nasty...
- Absolutely.
353
00:17:17,791 --> 00:17:19,318
And then I would find the guy
354
00:17:19,354 --> 00:17:20,894
- that she slept with...
- Yep.
355
00:17:20,930 --> 00:17:23,919
- I would chop off his bollocks.
- That's exactly what I did.
356
00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:25,875
You chopped off the guy's bollocks?
357
00:17:26,835 --> 00:17:30,475
- No. No, that never happened.
- Oh.
358
00:17:31,757 --> 00:17:33,437
I went night fishing.
359
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:37,595
Came back after a few days.
Pretended everything was fine.
360
00:17:38,955 --> 00:17:40,941
Like I pretend I'm Melissa's dad.
361
00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,417
Which I'm not.
362
00:17:42,715 --> 00:17:45,271
And things are not fine.
363
00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:50,629
Three years ago today, she told me
Melissa wasn't mine.
364
00:17:51,243 --> 00:17:53,580
On our bloody anniversary!
365
00:17:55,315 --> 00:17:56,832
You know what I think, man?
366
00:17:57,493 --> 00:18:00,075
I think you need to speak to your wife.
367
00:18:00,687 --> 00:18:02,290
Yeah, could do, I suppose.
368
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:05,115
Maybe go away for the weekend,
or something.
369
00:18:05,195 --> 00:18:06,915
And you know what else I think?
370
00:18:06,951 --> 00:18:09,508
No, but I've got a feeling
you're gonna tell me anyway!
371
00:18:09,544 --> 00:18:12,544
Well, I think you are Melissa's daddy.
372
00:18:12,580 --> 00:18:13,570
Don't take the piss!
373
00:18:13,606 --> 00:18:16,215
I'm not taking the piss.
I'm not talking biologically,
374
00:18:16,251 --> 00:18:17,731
I'm talking about what's in here.
375
00:18:18,124 --> 00:18:19,455
Huh?
376
00:18:19,491 --> 00:18:21,451
Were you there the day she was born?
377
00:18:21,487 --> 00:18:22,967
- You know I was!
- OK.
378
00:18:23,003 --> 00:18:25,783
Are you there to sing her songs
when she wants to go to bed?
379
00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:28,343
Eh? To look after her when she's sick?
380
00:18:28,379 --> 00:18:30,495
To wipe her bottom when
she's done her poo-poo?
381
00:18:30,554 --> 00:18:32,296
Does she tell you that she loves you?
382
00:18:32,332 --> 00:18:34,479
Just... Don't you dare.
383
00:18:34,515 --> 00:18:36,795
Bagpipes, there's an
old Jamaican saying.
384
00:18:36,875 --> 00:18:39,155
You wore the jacket, man.
385
00:18:40,163 --> 00:18:41,075
Huh?
386
00:18:41,671 --> 00:18:43,675
- I wore the jacket.
- You are Melissa's daddy.
387
00:18:43,755 --> 00:18:46,054
No matter what anybody says.
You understand?
388
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:49,755
Yeah.
389
00:18:50,235 --> 00:18:51,915
Yeah, I wore the jacket.
390
00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,695
To the jacket-wearers!
391
00:18:59,455 --> 00:19:01,535
Bloody smoke out here.
392
00:19:03,955 --> 00:19:06,635
MUSIC: THE SPECIALS:
A Message To You, Rudy
393
00:19:06,715 --> 00:19:09,235
Bagpipes! You back for more business?
394
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,040
Stay out of your bollocks, Frank!
395
00:19:17,155 --> 00:19:18,755
(DOORBELL)
396
00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:25,140
Kirsty, I want you to know that
I have never seen a prostitute.
397
00:19:26,296 --> 00:19:27,475
And?
398
00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:33,199
And I want you to know that I do
enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
399
00:19:33,235 --> 00:19:37,715
And I think that we should go away
for the weekend, just me and you.
400
00:19:37,795 --> 00:19:40,135
And, yeah, talk.
401
00:19:40,717 --> 00:19:41,975
Anywhere I want?
402
00:19:42,060 --> 00:19:43,460
Within reason.
403
00:19:43,842 --> 00:19:45,275
Paris!
404
00:19:45,355 --> 00:19:50,235
Powys? Yeah, I hear the Llanfair
Welshpool light railway is spectacular.
405
00:19:52,595 --> 00:19:54,195
Happy anniversary, Kirst.
406
00:19:54,275 --> 00:19:55,715
Thank you.
407
00:19:55,795 --> 00:19:58,995
- Bloody hell!
- Mind yourself. It's a bit heavy. Got it?
408
00:19:59,075 --> 00:20:01,195
? Stop your messing around ?
409
00:20:01,231 --> 00:20:04,966
? Ah-ah-ah
Better think of your future... ?
410
00:20:05,002 --> 00:20:06,764
- Agnes?
- Mm?
411
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,346
- I have something for you.
- This?
412
00:20:09,585 --> 00:20:11,263
What is this?
413
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:15,035
For the pot! I changed the money
I was paid for working in the...
414
00:20:15,115 --> 00:20:17,915
- Don't say it!
- I did a good job!
415
00:20:17,995 --> 00:20:20,235
I'd rather be a skilled worker
in a place like that
416
00:20:20,315 --> 00:20:21,875
than a dogsbody in a factory!
417
00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:23,021
- But...
- Stop!
418
00:20:24,380 --> 00:20:26,620
I will fill the pot every week,
I promise.
419
00:20:27,115 --> 00:20:28,435
But...
420
00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:31,345
..by earning money in my own way.
421
00:20:35,615 --> 00:20:36,775
OK.
422
00:20:37,935 --> 00:20:40,895
But only one bath a week.
I am not running a hotel!
423
00:20:40,931 --> 00:20:43,679
Vallie, what did you say to Rajesh?
424
00:20:43,715 --> 00:20:46,515
The guy came in with dhoklas
for everybody!
425
00:20:46,595 --> 00:20:48,395
I had to talk him out of resigning!
426
00:20:48,431 --> 00:20:50,791
Uh, I was just being Mr Charm-Charm.
427
00:20:50,827 --> 00:20:52,012
Hey.
428
00:20:52,823 --> 00:20:54,303
Bloody hell.
429
00:20:56,915 --> 00:20:58,475
It's amazing!
430
00:20:58,555 --> 00:20:59,995
I told you.
431
00:21:00,075 --> 00:21:03,487
You're gonna have to let go of your
conventional cooking times now, Kirst.
432
00:21:04,527 --> 00:21:06,378
You can't go wrong with Japanese.
433
00:21:08,470 --> 00:21:10,470
Look, Bagpipes, I just wanna say that...
434
00:21:10,506 --> 00:21:12,746
- (MICROWAVE PINGS)
- Ting! Tea's ready!
435
00:21:14,955 --> 00:21:16,528
Dear Mama,
436
00:21:16,564 --> 00:21:20,644
Please don't worry about Valentine.
He is looking after himself.
437
00:21:21,227 --> 00:21:24,715
He has not found the right job yet,
but he will.
438
00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:28,662
I am enclosing the usual �6.50
for Uncle Foodie.
439
00:21:28,698 --> 00:21:29,778
- Dad...
- Mm?
440
00:21:29,814 --> 00:21:31,654
Can I talk to you about something?
441
00:21:31,933 --> 00:21:34,493
Come and sit down. What is it?
442
00:21:35,014 --> 00:21:36,635
What's a prostitute?
443
00:21:36,715 --> 00:21:38,235
OK. Bed time!
444
00:21:40,345 --> 00:21:44,345
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com
445
00:21:44,395 --> 00:21:48,945
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