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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,992 --> 00:00:06,405 Dear Walter, 2 00:00:06,485 --> 00:00:10,205 I am so pleased to hear that Valentine is settling in well. 3 00:00:11,194 --> 00:00:13,954 From what you say, it will not be long 4 00:00:13,990 --> 00:00:17,342 before he has a job, a house and a wife. 5 00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:21,605 Until then, please ensure that he rubs in extra Vaseline. 6 00:00:22,241 --> 00:00:24,605 I don't want his elbows to go dry. 7 00:00:24,843 --> 00:00:28,405 Also, as the pound is strong... 8 00:00:28,485 --> 00:00:30,685 (MUSIC STOPS) 9 00:00:31,685 --> 00:00:33,005 Agnes! 10 00:00:36,413 --> 00:00:39,805 - Why is this pot empty? - Who turned the immersion heater on? 11 00:00:39,885 --> 00:00:42,265 I filled it three days ago. It should last a week. 12 00:00:42,301 --> 00:00:44,721 We never turn the immersion heater on! 13 00:00:44,965 --> 00:00:47,106 MUSIC: SPANDAU BALLET: True 14 00:00:47,142 --> 00:00:48,204 - Hmm. - Hmm. 15 00:00:49,765 --> 00:00:50,938 Hey! 16 00:00:50,974 --> 00:00:53,774 I love the light. The electric in Freetown is much better! 17 00:00:56,442 --> 00:00:59,442 Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian www.addic7ed.com 18 00:01:03,629 --> 00:01:06,177 TV: Masters of the Universe... 19 00:01:06,405 --> 00:01:08,424 You know this story is from an African legend? 20 00:01:08,460 --> 00:01:09,955 - Really?! - Of course, really. 21 00:01:09,991 --> 00:01:11,768 In Africa they invented everything. 22 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:14,125 I mean, look at the size of that cat! 23 00:01:15,285 --> 00:01:17,212 Valentine! Come here. 24 00:01:17,248 --> 00:01:19,448 Someone's in trouble! 25 00:01:21,631 --> 00:01:24,271 By the power of Grayskull! 26 00:01:24,307 --> 00:01:25,547 Hey! 27 00:01:25,583 --> 00:01:26,863 Make room. 28 00:01:26,899 --> 00:01:27,965 Cool. 29 00:01:29,125 --> 00:01:30,525 OK, Vallie, listen. 30 00:01:30,806 --> 00:01:33,802 - You have been here for about two weeks. - Three and a half! 31 00:01:33,883 --> 00:01:37,723 You have been here for three and a half weeks. OK? 32 00:01:39,805 --> 00:01:43,085 - I mean... - Bo, what is your plan? 33 00:01:43,165 --> 00:01:46,054 To finish watching the programme with the big cat, then go to the pub. 34 00:01:46,090 --> 00:01:48,626 No. What is your plan for work, Plan A. 35 00:01:48,662 --> 00:01:50,186 I've got work, as a DJ! 36 00:01:50,222 --> 00:01:53,433 Hm. Working one night a week as a DJ is not a job. 37 00:01:53,469 --> 00:01:56,549 - Uh... What is your Plan B? - To be a footballer! 38 00:01:56,585 --> 00:01:58,556 - (BOTH CHANT) - You need to get proper work 39 00:01:58,592 --> 00:02:01,992 so you can fill this pot with cash money instead of emptying it! 40 00:02:02,028 --> 00:02:04,178 - It's just that I'm already working! - Huh? 41 00:02:04,214 --> 00:02:06,196 Yesterday, I helped a man move a fridge. 42 00:02:06,232 --> 00:02:09,392 Tomorrow, I'm doing electrics and painting for a woman I met in the pub. 43 00:02:09,428 --> 00:02:12,188 - Really? - I mean proper full-time work! 44 00:02:12,264 --> 00:02:15,024 - Ooh, I'm not sure I'm the ten to three kind of man! - Help me! 45 00:02:15,060 --> 00:02:17,660 Listen, people work nine to five here in this country. 46 00:02:17,696 --> 00:02:20,776 - Hey, bo, that's a very long time. - It is a long time, yes. 47 00:02:20,812 --> 00:02:24,385 - What about Plan F for factory? - F for factory. Which factory? 48 00:02:24,421 --> 00:02:26,551 You are the shop steward. You can get him an interview. 49 00:02:26,587 --> 00:02:27,400 Agnes... 50 00:02:27,445 --> 00:02:30,165 You can do that? He's best friends with the manager! 51 00:02:30,245 --> 00:02:32,045 - I wonder why. - I wonder why. 52 00:02:32,125 --> 00:02:34,273 Get me an interview and I will go and be Mr Charm-Charm! 53 00:02:34,309 --> 00:02:35,080 Hey! 54 00:02:35,125 --> 00:02:37,125 Listen, you won't be bloody Mr Charm-Charm, 55 00:02:37,205 --> 00:02:38,925 you'll be Mr Sense-Sense! 56 00:02:39,005 --> 00:02:41,783 I'm trying to get you a job, not convince somebody to sleep with you! 57 00:02:42,485 --> 00:02:45,565 MUSIC: SOFT CELL: Tainted Love (Intro) 58 00:02:48,805 --> 00:02:51,605 Ah, did Mummy dress you in the dark again? 59 00:02:52,221 --> 00:02:54,085 Oh, my God, she's bleeding! 60 00:02:54,165 --> 00:02:56,785 She's tried to draw a heart on her tummy like a Care Bear! 61 00:02:56,821 --> 00:02:57,730 Hah! 62 00:02:57,766 --> 00:02:59,486 Looks more like she's in care! 63 00:02:59,685 --> 00:03:01,645 What do you fancy doing tomorrow, eh? 64 00:03:02,167 --> 00:03:03,652 What do you mean? 65 00:03:03,688 --> 00:03:05,517 I thought we could spend the day together. 66 00:03:06,290 --> 00:03:09,285 - Anniversary! - Oh! 67 00:03:09,365 --> 00:03:11,125 Ye... Yeah. 68 00:03:11,205 --> 00:03:14,325 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That'll be nice. Yeah. 69 00:03:14,405 --> 00:03:15,975 - Book a Berni Inn? - Mm! 70 00:03:16,011 --> 00:03:18,365 - Yeah? Prawn cocktail? - Prawn cocktail. 71 00:03:18,401 --> 00:03:19,633 - Steak. - Steak! 72 00:03:19,940 --> 00:03:22,457 - Half a bottle of Yugoslavian wine. - A whole bottle! 73 00:03:23,456 --> 00:03:25,842 - Get Mum to look after the kids. - Mm. 74 00:03:26,325 --> 00:03:28,446 - Place to ourselves. - Mm. 75 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:31,305 What's up, pigeon? You want Mummy to wash your belly for you? 76 00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:32,418 - Oi! - Hah. 77 00:03:32,454 --> 00:03:34,166 Don't change the subject. 78 00:03:34,202 --> 00:03:35,960 - All right. - Remember? 79 00:03:36,005 --> 00:03:38,885 - Just me and you. Mm? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 80 00:03:39,717 --> 00:03:40,805 Good! 81 00:03:44,645 --> 00:03:45,885 (SIGHS) 82 00:03:52,965 --> 00:03:54,605 OK, Bobby? 83 00:03:57,266 --> 00:03:59,706 (LOUDSPEAKER:) Jerry, bring me a biscuit. 84 00:04:01,772 --> 00:04:04,125 Rajesh, you have two minutes? 85 00:04:04,205 --> 00:04:05,687 I have one minute. 86 00:04:07,405 --> 00:04:11,565 You know, my brother has just moved here from Sierra Leone... 87 00:04:11,645 --> 00:04:13,035 He wants a job. 88 00:04:13,071 --> 00:04:14,678 - Uh, yes. - No chance. 89 00:04:14,714 --> 00:04:17,089 There's barely enough work for people we've already got. 90 00:04:17,410 --> 00:04:20,837 He's just moved to this country. He has no job, no money. 91 00:04:20,873 --> 00:04:22,543 Neither did I when I first came here, 92 00:04:22,703 --> 00:04:25,132 but I worked my way up from the shop floor. 93 00:04:25,651 --> 00:04:27,631 We can't all have friends on the inside. 94 00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,303 Didn't your uncle get you a job here? 95 00:04:29,338 --> 00:04:30,936 - Second cousin. - Hm. 96 00:04:30,972 --> 00:04:32,014 Carry on. 97 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:35,765 He's driving my wife crazy! You know, really crazy. 98 00:04:35,845 --> 00:04:38,845 He's always at home playing music and drinking my beer. So... 99 00:04:38,925 --> 00:04:41,836 And she's got me by the... Oh, you know? She's got me... 100 00:04:41,872 --> 00:04:43,872 - Andakosh. - Andakosh? 101 00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:46,068 Andakosh. You know, "bollocks". 102 00:04:46,281 --> 00:04:47,721 You call them andakosh? 103 00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:49,689 What do you people call them? 104 00:04:49,725 --> 00:04:51,165 - Bollocks. - Oh! 105 00:04:51,485 --> 00:04:54,205 Will your brother be happy sweeping up and making tea? 106 00:04:54,285 --> 00:04:55,845 Two of his favourite things! 107 00:04:55,881 --> 00:04:58,481 OK. Tell him to come and see me tomorrow at four. 108 00:05:00,025 --> 00:05:02,220 - You're a good guy, you know that? - I know. 109 00:05:02,256 --> 00:05:03,896 OK. You know what I like about you? 110 00:05:03,932 --> 00:05:05,654 You don't talk no andakosh! 111 00:05:07,787 --> 00:05:11,387 What do you think? I might wear it tomorrow. 112 00:05:11,547 --> 00:05:14,187 Hey, it's very short! 113 00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:17,485 - If I get to go. - Hm. 114 00:05:17,521 --> 00:05:19,121 Bagpipes doesn't like going out out. 115 00:05:19,299 --> 00:05:21,871 Have you been using the Afro comb I gave you? 116 00:05:21,933 --> 00:05:24,245 Well, if I'm honest, 117 00:05:24,281 --> 00:05:28,031 I'm down to brushing her hair probably once a fortnight. 118 00:05:28,067 --> 00:05:31,427 - Once a fortnight?! - Nobody can stand the screaming! 119 00:05:31,463 --> 00:05:34,336 We'll go to Shepherd's Bush market and get some more products, huh? 120 00:05:34,372 --> 00:05:35,355 Yeah. 121 00:05:35,785 --> 00:05:37,165 Kirsty! 122 00:05:37,484 --> 00:05:41,701 Your anniversary should be a celebration of your romance. Hm? 123 00:05:41,737 --> 00:05:42,882 Agnes, 124 00:05:42,918 --> 00:05:47,438 you know Bagpipes. His idea of romance is buying me half of Argos. 125 00:05:48,823 --> 00:05:52,543 Do you remember last year? The set of steak knives? 126 00:05:52,765 --> 00:05:56,685 - That mini hi-fi! - Yes! And the exercise bike! 127 00:05:56,765 --> 00:06:00,085 The exercise bike! It's like I'm on Bullseye! 128 00:06:03,685 --> 00:06:06,325 MUSIC: QUEEN AND DAVID BOWIE: Under Pressure 129 00:06:08,685 --> 00:06:11,442 Here you are. Take a look at this. It's Japanese. 130 00:06:11,707 --> 00:06:13,627 It's called a microwave oven. 131 00:06:13,879 --> 00:06:15,479 Don't you already have an oven? 132 00:06:15,637 --> 00:06:18,608 Yeah, but not one that can cook a baked potato in ten minutes. 133 00:06:18,644 --> 00:06:19,991 Bagpipe, I beg. 134 00:06:20,027 --> 00:06:23,620 Buy your wife something romantic, eh? 135 00:06:23,656 --> 00:06:24,812 It is romantic! 136 00:06:24,848 --> 00:06:26,797 It's got a special cavity magnetron 137 00:06:26,833 --> 00:06:29,786 that converts high voltage electricity into radiation. 138 00:06:29,927 --> 00:06:31,492 Compared to a conventional oven, 139 00:06:31,528 --> 00:06:33,922 the kilowatt-to-hour efficiency is staggering. 140 00:06:35,285 --> 00:06:37,165 Are you good with electrical work? 141 00:06:37,245 --> 00:06:39,808 Yeah. I know everything there is to know about electrics. 142 00:06:40,008 --> 00:06:42,888 I can strip wire with my hands tied behind my back, blindfolded. 143 00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,995 Why would you do this blindfolded? 144 00:06:45,183 --> 00:06:47,348 Oh, I see. Um... 145 00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:50,045 Well, it's for training, isn't it? 146 00:06:50,125 --> 00:06:52,965 For power cuts. You've got a lot to learn, my friend. 147 00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:56,371 Well, tomorrow, I have a job changing the lights in a flat. 148 00:06:56,407 --> 00:06:58,965 Oh, yeah? Sounds like you might need a bit of help. 149 00:06:59,045 --> 00:07:01,045 How about 50 quid for the day? 150 00:07:01,081 --> 00:07:03,046 Oh, no, no, no. No, thank you. 151 00:07:03,126 --> 00:07:04,604 - All right. 40. - 20. 152 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,027 - I won't go lower than 30. - 25. 153 00:07:06,063 --> 00:07:07,251 Deal! Hey! 154 00:07:08,885 --> 00:07:10,685 Yeah. So, uh, 155 00:07:10,765 --> 00:07:14,414 do you, um, do you have electricity in Africa? 156 00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:17,485 Of course! Back home we have our fastest animals. 157 00:07:17,565 --> 00:07:19,245 Leopards, lions, cheetahs. 158 00:07:19,325 --> 00:07:22,525 They run on spinning wheels, making electricity. 159 00:07:22,561 --> 00:07:23,943 Yeah? Really? 160 00:07:23,979 --> 00:07:25,379 Ah, Bagpipe! 161 00:07:25,489 --> 00:07:28,285 Without fools, there would be no wisdom. 162 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,258 So... 163 00:07:30,294 --> 00:07:32,374 - So you do have electricity? - No! 164 00:07:33,348 --> 00:07:36,925 Only a fool would test the depth of a river with both feet. 165 00:07:37,005 --> 00:07:39,781 Stop talking in bloody proverbs! Have you got it or not? 166 00:07:39,817 --> 00:07:43,859 OK! Of course we do! 20 or 30 watts, 50Hz, single phase. 167 00:07:43,895 --> 00:07:46,415 So tomorrow, you might want to bring some tools. 168 00:07:46,451 --> 00:07:48,771 That's fine. I've got the lot. What are you missing? 169 00:07:48,821 --> 00:07:50,221 Tools. 170 00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:55,365 MUSIC: THE POLICE: Roxanne (Intro) 171 00:08:05,295 --> 00:08:06,998 So you've got your basics, right. 172 00:08:07,034 --> 00:08:09,355 Your blues, your neutral, your browns, your live. 173 00:08:09,391 --> 00:08:10,911 Your stripes is your... 174 00:08:12,609 --> 00:08:15,689 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing? - This is where we are working. 175 00:08:15,753 --> 00:08:18,673 I'm not going in there! That's Number 72! 176 00:08:18,709 --> 00:08:20,949 - What do you mean? - It's a knocking shop! 177 00:08:20,985 --> 00:08:22,322 Then I won't knock, eh? 178 00:08:24,405 --> 00:08:26,525 ? Roxanne ? 179 00:08:27,396 --> 00:08:30,476 ? You don't have to put on the red light ? 180 00:08:31,125 --> 00:08:33,245 ? Roxanne ? 181 00:08:35,053 --> 00:08:39,405 Now, I want all these bare bulbs replacing with flame effect wall lamps, 182 00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:42,077 - cos they're more romantic. - OK. No problem. 183 00:08:42,113 --> 00:08:45,793 And you can give the place a lick of paint, as well, if you have time. 184 00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:47,225 OK! 185 00:08:48,885 --> 00:08:50,389 I know you. 186 00:08:50,507 --> 00:08:54,629 - Have you been here before? - Oh, no, madam, I've not. 187 00:08:54,665 --> 00:08:57,994 Not madam, as in, I haven't frequented this establishment. Got it! 188 00:08:58,030 --> 00:09:00,165 Got it! Teeny Acorns. 189 00:09:00,201 --> 00:09:02,403 - Beg your pardon? - Teeny Acorns nursery. 190 00:09:02,439 --> 00:09:04,328 - Oh! - Your little girl goes there. 191 00:09:04,364 --> 00:09:07,124 - I'm Mags. I'm Gary's mum. - Hello to you. 192 00:09:08,187 --> 00:09:10,927 We all say it's so lovely how you look after her, 193 00:09:10,963 --> 00:09:13,165 even though she's, you know, not yours. 194 00:09:13,245 --> 00:09:15,685 Uh, sorry, who's "we"? 195 00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:18,601 Oh just, you know, people at nursery. 196 00:09:18,637 --> 00:09:21,877 The other mums and dads, a few of the staff, 197 00:09:21,990 --> 00:09:25,357 dinner ladies, cleaner, lollipop lady. 198 00:09:25,692 --> 00:09:27,605 Some of the kids, actually. 199 00:09:28,704 --> 00:09:32,464 - Are you all right? - Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. 200 00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:35,809 Oh, thank God. I thought I'd put my foot in it, then! 201 00:09:36,344 --> 00:09:38,285 I'll make you boys a cuppa. 202 00:09:41,245 --> 00:09:43,125 Oh! Are you next? 203 00:09:43,161 --> 00:09:45,565 Oh. No. Uh, no, thank you, madam. 204 00:09:45,645 --> 00:09:47,405 I won't, on... All right, mate? 205 00:09:47,485 --> 00:09:48,865 ..on this occasion. 206 00:09:48,901 --> 00:09:52,981 - On this occasion, I will demur. - All right, love. 207 00:09:53,405 --> 00:09:56,925 MUSIC: MADNESS: It Must Be Love (Intro) 208 00:09:59,485 --> 00:10:00,885 Sorry. 209 00:10:00,965 --> 00:10:03,882 Just like I said, disappears this morning. 210 00:10:03,918 --> 00:10:05,680 I haven't seen him since. 211 00:10:05,725 --> 00:10:07,805 Happy Anniversary to me(!) 212 00:10:07,885 --> 00:10:09,245 Kirsty. 213 00:10:09,325 --> 00:10:12,325 What attracted you to Bagpipes in the first place? 214 00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:15,144 Um... 215 00:10:16,102 --> 00:10:17,422 Kirsty! 216 00:10:18,015 --> 00:10:19,365 I dunno! 217 00:10:19,445 --> 00:10:21,165 Just trying to remember! 218 00:10:22,165 --> 00:10:25,405 Three... two... one! 219 00:10:25,949 --> 00:10:28,125 ALL: Hooray! 220 00:10:28,205 --> 00:10:32,445 ? Soon as I wake up every night, every day... ? 221 00:10:32,525 --> 00:10:35,405 - Here you are, Valentine. - Oi, what the... 222 00:10:35,485 --> 00:10:38,365 - Uh-uh! - Bagpipe. In Africa, we have a saying. 223 00:10:38,445 --> 00:10:40,725 By the time the fool has learned the game, 224 00:10:40,805 --> 00:10:42,685 the players have already gone. 225 00:10:42,957 --> 00:10:45,278 You have a lot to learn, my friend. 226 00:10:46,885 --> 00:10:49,125 I've always liked older men. 227 00:10:49,446 --> 00:10:52,245 And Bagpipes, he's kind, 228 00:10:52,325 --> 00:10:54,325 stable, reliable, you know? 229 00:10:54,647 --> 00:10:56,245 Like they say, 230 00:10:56,325 --> 00:10:58,485 girls marry men like their dads! 231 00:10:58,565 --> 00:11:00,609 Except my dad can be quite a laugh! 232 00:11:02,205 --> 00:11:03,685 Kirsty. Where are you going? 233 00:11:03,765 --> 00:11:06,005 I'm all right. It's my anniversary. 234 00:11:06,085 --> 00:11:10,285 You want to talk to your man. That's him coming out of Number 72, right? 235 00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:13,205 Bagpipe! Delta Boy! 236 00:11:13,285 --> 00:11:14,485 Shit! 237 00:11:16,735 --> 00:11:19,115 How could you do this, huh? 238 00:11:19,195 --> 00:11:21,755 You have brought shame on this family! 239 00:11:21,791 --> 00:11:23,671 What will people think? 240 00:11:23,707 --> 00:11:26,099 What will Kobna think? He looks up to you! 241 00:11:26,135 --> 00:11:27,776 They are good people! They offer me work. 242 00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,312 I was working to put money in the... 243 00:11:29,348 --> 00:11:32,153 - Working in a place of shame? - No, no, that's... 244 00:11:33,195 --> 00:11:34,915 ..Walter's favourite United mug! 245 00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:37,475 Come up before me. Look at me. 246 00:11:37,555 --> 00:11:39,835 Don't worry. I did nothing more than... 247 00:11:39,915 --> 00:11:41,791 - I don't want to hear it. - I am telling the truth. 248 00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,258 If you leave now, you'll still make 249 00:11:43,293 --> 00:11:45,589 the interview your brother went to great lengths to get you. 250 00:11:45,625 --> 00:11:47,490 - Don't worry! He's friends with the man... - Clear out! 251 00:11:48,146 --> 00:11:49,826 Clear out, you bum! 252 00:11:49,862 --> 00:11:51,382 Look where you fit! 253 00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,915 ? Roxanne ? 254 00:11:54,471 --> 00:11:57,951 ? You don't have to put on that dress tonight ? 255 00:11:58,288 --> 00:12:01,315 ? Walk the streets for the money ? 256 00:12:01,395 --> 00:12:04,899 ? You don't care if it is wrong or if it's right ? 257 00:12:04,935 --> 00:12:06,855 I just need you to explain to me, Bagpipes. 258 00:12:06,891 --> 00:12:08,031 Look, I wasn't... 259 00:12:08,067 --> 00:12:10,406 I thought it was sex generally that you weren't into. 260 00:12:10,442 --> 00:12:11,348 No, no, no. 261 00:12:11,384 --> 00:12:13,002 Or is it just sex with me that you don't like? 262 00:12:13,038 --> 00:12:15,078 - Oh, for God's sake! - Why won't you talk to me? 263 00:12:15,114 --> 00:12:16,931 I can't get a bloody word in edgeways! 264 00:12:17,802 --> 00:12:19,442 Well, go on, then. 265 00:12:19,795 --> 00:12:21,139 Talk. 266 00:12:21,595 --> 00:12:24,315 Cos we've needed to for a long time. 267 00:12:24,954 --> 00:12:26,355 About us. 268 00:12:26,442 --> 00:12:27,922 About Melissa. 269 00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,235 About my affair. 270 00:12:30,315 --> 00:12:31,955 Where are you going? 271 00:12:32,035 --> 00:12:34,575 - Night fishing. - It's four o'clock in the afternoon! 272 00:12:34,611 --> 00:12:36,211 All right. Fishing, then! 273 00:12:37,912 --> 00:12:42,020 Jerry McKay. Please report to the office immediately. Bring my tea. 274 00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,429 So you'll mainly be sweeping up, 275 00:12:44,465 --> 00:12:47,347 making tea, keeping the stock room tidy. 276 00:12:47,502 --> 00:12:49,135 General dogsbody, really. 277 00:12:49,171 --> 00:12:50,208 A dogsbody? 278 00:12:50,244 --> 00:12:52,239 Yes. It means you'll do a bit of everything. 279 00:12:52,275 --> 00:12:54,825 I thought this was an interview to work in the factory. 280 00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,934 Yeah. You will be working in the factory. 281 00:12:56,970 --> 00:12:58,696 Sweeping the floor of the factory! 282 00:12:59,806 --> 00:13:02,126 Gina, where are those timesheets, please? 283 00:13:02,810 --> 00:13:05,450 How does that sound? �2.80 an hour. 284 00:13:05,955 --> 00:13:09,515 I thought I would be doing more than push a broom and be a houseboy. 285 00:13:09,595 --> 00:13:11,835 Yeah. Like I say, you'll also be making the tea. 286 00:13:13,115 --> 00:13:15,428 What did you want to do when you came to this country? 287 00:13:15,464 --> 00:13:17,573 - Sorry? - What was your dream? 288 00:13:17,609 --> 00:13:19,663 Hang on, who's doing this interview? 289 00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:22,763 Did you dream about sitting behind a desk offering men �2.80 an hour 290 00:13:22,799 --> 00:13:25,966 - to sweep the floor, make tea? - No. 291 00:13:27,637 --> 00:13:30,887 - I wanted to be a chef. - Hey! Were you a good chef? 292 00:13:30,923 --> 00:13:34,715 I was the best! People would come for miles for my dhoklas! 293 00:13:34,795 --> 00:13:37,635 - Woo! - I wanted to open a little shop in Brick Lane 294 00:13:37,715 --> 00:13:40,835 - and serve the best dhoklas in London! - Yeah! 295 00:13:41,508 --> 00:13:43,075 I'd very much like to taste them. 296 00:13:43,111 --> 00:13:45,340 You're making me hungry! I want to go chop! 297 00:13:49,475 --> 00:13:53,155 Look, I don't know what I want to do, but... 298 00:13:54,609 --> 00:13:56,203 ..I know it is not this. 299 00:13:58,673 --> 00:14:00,433 Thank you for your time, Rajesh. 300 00:14:07,715 --> 00:14:09,255 I've wasted my life! 301 00:14:11,195 --> 00:14:13,755 MUSIC: CYMANDE: Brothers On The Slide 302 00:14:23,835 --> 00:14:26,195 (CRASHING AND BANGING) 303 00:14:29,275 --> 00:14:30,995 ? Brothers on the slide ? 304 00:14:33,555 --> 00:14:35,635 ? Working on the wrong side ? 305 00:14:38,155 --> 00:14:39,795 ? What you gonna do ? 306 00:14:41,675 --> 00:14:45,235 ? You can't win so you know you must lose ? 307 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,120 Fuckity-fuck! 308 00:14:47,435 --> 00:14:50,943 Jesus Christ, man, why are you sneaking around on people like that? 309 00:14:50,979 --> 00:14:54,112 I thought you were a burglar! I was about to beat you with this stick. 310 00:14:54,148 --> 00:14:56,125 It's not a stick. It's a fence post. 311 00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:58,313 - Actually, you've got a good one. - Man, would you shut up? 312 00:14:59,891 --> 00:15:01,635 Kirsty kicked you out again? 313 00:15:01,715 --> 00:15:02,718 No. 314 00:15:03,009 --> 00:15:04,969 No, I walked out, on my own terms. 315 00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:08,725 I see. So your own terms is to sleep in the garage next to a lawnmower 316 00:15:08,761 --> 00:15:10,755 instead of sleeping in your bed next to your wife. 317 00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,609 Let's have a drink, Bagsy. Come on. 318 00:15:22,943 --> 00:15:25,235 Hey, house boy. 319 00:15:25,604 --> 00:15:28,088 Sorry about the... The shouting. 320 00:15:28,124 --> 00:15:29,924 - Did Mum hit you? - No! 321 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,680 She tried, but I was like... 322 00:15:33,959 --> 00:15:35,279 Hey, shh! 323 00:15:37,086 --> 00:15:39,098 Uncle, what's a prostitute? 324 00:15:40,143 --> 00:15:41,955 Hey... (CLEARS THROAT) 325 00:15:42,035 --> 00:15:44,795 A, uh, prostitute... 326 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,180 ..is a lady that... 327 00:15:49,355 --> 00:15:53,355 ..cheers you up when you are feeling down or lonely. 328 00:15:53,635 --> 00:15:56,940 You know, this is something you should talk to your father about. 329 00:15:57,202 --> 00:15:59,722 - Does Dad know about prostitutes? - Yes... No! 330 00:15:59,888 --> 00:16:03,448 A-hem. Please stop saying prostitute, hey? 331 00:16:04,494 --> 00:16:06,555 Have you done something wrong? 332 00:16:07,465 --> 00:16:10,155 I'm trying to do the right thing in my own way, 333 00:16:10,235 --> 00:16:13,035 but I made things worse. 334 00:16:14,247 --> 00:16:15,927 Maybe a prostitute could help. 335 00:16:17,437 --> 00:16:18,797 Night! 336 00:16:19,626 --> 00:16:20,974 Night! 337 00:16:27,755 --> 00:16:29,783 Can I ask you a personal question? 338 00:16:31,132 --> 00:16:34,835 You've known me for ten years. You've never asked me a personal question. 339 00:16:35,086 --> 00:16:36,376 All right. Forget it. 340 00:16:37,270 --> 00:16:39,195 Just ask the bloody question. 341 00:16:42,106 --> 00:16:45,008 How would you feel if your wife slept with a black man? 342 00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:46,562 She does. 343 00:16:46,598 --> 00:16:49,315 Every night. Sometimes twice. 344 00:16:50,555 --> 00:16:52,475 You know what I mean. 345 00:16:53,014 --> 00:16:57,294 What if... What if Agnes slept with another man? 346 00:16:57,515 --> 00:16:59,380 If Kobna wasn't yours. 347 00:16:59,679 --> 00:17:02,199 And not only that, everyone knew she'd done it. 348 00:17:02,635 --> 00:17:04,795 - That would never happen. - But what if it did? 349 00:17:04,875 --> 00:17:07,875 - It would never happen. - Yeah, but if it did, what would you do? 350 00:17:07,955 --> 00:17:12,091 That would never happen, and if it did happen, I would be angry. 351 00:17:12,297 --> 00:17:14,537 - Yeah. Sure. - And I would ask her 352 00:17:14,573 --> 00:17:17,613 - why she did that filthy nasty... - Absolutely. 353 00:17:17,791 --> 00:17:19,318 And then I would find the guy 354 00:17:19,354 --> 00:17:20,894 - that she slept with... - Yep. 355 00:17:20,930 --> 00:17:23,919 - I would chop off his bollocks. - That's exactly what I did. 356 00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:25,875 You chopped off the guy's bollocks? 357 00:17:26,835 --> 00:17:30,475 - No. No, that never happened. - Oh. 358 00:17:31,757 --> 00:17:33,437 I went night fishing. 359 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:37,595 Came back after a few days. Pretended everything was fine. 360 00:17:38,955 --> 00:17:40,941 Like I pretend I'm Melissa's dad. 361 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,417 Which I'm not. 362 00:17:42,715 --> 00:17:45,271 And things are not fine. 363 00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:50,629 Three years ago today, she told me Melissa wasn't mine. 364 00:17:51,243 --> 00:17:53,580 On our bloody anniversary! 365 00:17:55,315 --> 00:17:56,832 You know what I think, man? 366 00:17:57,493 --> 00:18:00,075 I think you need to speak to your wife. 367 00:18:00,687 --> 00:18:02,290 Yeah, could do, I suppose. 368 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:05,115 Maybe go away for the weekend, or something. 369 00:18:05,195 --> 00:18:06,915 And you know what else I think? 370 00:18:06,951 --> 00:18:09,508 No, but I've got a feeling you're gonna tell me anyway! 371 00:18:09,544 --> 00:18:12,544 Well, I think you are Melissa's daddy. 372 00:18:12,580 --> 00:18:13,570 Don't take the piss! 373 00:18:13,606 --> 00:18:16,215 I'm not taking the piss. I'm not talking biologically, 374 00:18:16,251 --> 00:18:17,731 I'm talking about what's in here. 375 00:18:18,124 --> 00:18:19,455 Huh? 376 00:18:19,491 --> 00:18:21,451 Were you there the day she was born? 377 00:18:21,487 --> 00:18:22,967 - You know I was! - OK. 378 00:18:23,003 --> 00:18:25,783 Are you there to sing her songs when she wants to go to bed? 379 00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:28,343 Eh? To look after her when she's sick? 380 00:18:28,379 --> 00:18:30,495 To wipe her bottom when she's done her poo-poo? 381 00:18:30,554 --> 00:18:32,296 Does she tell you that she loves you? 382 00:18:32,332 --> 00:18:34,479 Just... Don't you dare. 383 00:18:34,515 --> 00:18:36,795 Bagpipes, there's an old Jamaican saying. 384 00:18:36,875 --> 00:18:39,155 You wore the jacket, man. 385 00:18:40,163 --> 00:18:41,075 Huh? 386 00:18:41,671 --> 00:18:43,675 - I wore the jacket. - You are Melissa's daddy. 387 00:18:43,755 --> 00:18:46,054 No matter what anybody says. You understand? 388 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:49,755 Yeah. 389 00:18:50,235 --> 00:18:51,915 Yeah, I wore the jacket. 390 00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,695 To the jacket-wearers! 391 00:18:59,455 --> 00:19:01,535 Bloody smoke out here. 392 00:19:03,955 --> 00:19:06,635 MUSIC: THE SPECIALS: A Message To You, Rudy 393 00:19:06,715 --> 00:19:09,235 Bagpipes! You back for more business? 394 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,040 Stay out of your bollocks, Frank! 395 00:19:17,155 --> 00:19:18,755 (DOORBELL) 396 00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:25,140 Kirsty, I want you to know that I have never seen a prostitute. 397 00:19:26,296 --> 00:19:27,475 And? 398 00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:33,199 And I want you to know that I do enjoy sexual intercourse with you. 399 00:19:33,235 --> 00:19:37,715 And I think that we should go away for the weekend, just me and you. 400 00:19:37,795 --> 00:19:40,135 And, yeah, talk. 401 00:19:40,717 --> 00:19:41,975 Anywhere I want? 402 00:19:42,060 --> 00:19:43,460 Within reason. 403 00:19:43,842 --> 00:19:45,275 Paris! 404 00:19:45,355 --> 00:19:50,235 Powys? Yeah, I hear the Llanfair Welshpool light railway is spectacular. 405 00:19:52,595 --> 00:19:54,195 Happy anniversary, Kirst. 406 00:19:54,275 --> 00:19:55,715 Thank you. 407 00:19:55,795 --> 00:19:58,995 - Bloody hell! - Mind yourself. It's a bit heavy. Got it? 408 00:19:59,075 --> 00:20:01,195 ? Stop your messing around ? 409 00:20:01,231 --> 00:20:04,966 ? Ah-ah-ah Better think of your future... ? 410 00:20:05,002 --> 00:20:06,764 - Agnes? - Mm? 411 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,346 - I have something for you. - This? 412 00:20:09,585 --> 00:20:11,263 What is this? 413 00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:15,035 For the pot! I changed the money I was paid for working in the... 414 00:20:15,115 --> 00:20:17,915 - Don't say it! - I did a good job! 415 00:20:17,995 --> 00:20:20,235 I'd rather be a skilled worker in a place like that 416 00:20:20,315 --> 00:20:21,875 than a dogsbody in a factory! 417 00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:23,021 - But... - Stop! 418 00:20:24,380 --> 00:20:26,620 I will fill the pot every week, I promise. 419 00:20:27,115 --> 00:20:28,435 But... 420 00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:31,345 ..by earning money in my own way. 421 00:20:35,615 --> 00:20:36,775 OK. 422 00:20:37,935 --> 00:20:40,895 But only one bath a week. I am not running a hotel! 423 00:20:40,931 --> 00:20:43,679 Vallie, what did you say to Rajesh? 424 00:20:43,715 --> 00:20:46,515 The guy came in with dhoklas for everybody! 425 00:20:46,595 --> 00:20:48,395 I had to talk him out of resigning! 426 00:20:48,431 --> 00:20:50,791 Uh, I was just being Mr Charm-Charm. 427 00:20:50,827 --> 00:20:52,012 Hey. 428 00:20:52,823 --> 00:20:54,303 Bloody hell. 429 00:20:56,915 --> 00:20:58,475 It's amazing! 430 00:20:58,555 --> 00:20:59,995 I told you. 431 00:21:00,075 --> 00:21:03,487 You're gonna have to let go of your conventional cooking times now, Kirst. 432 00:21:04,527 --> 00:21:06,378 You can't go wrong with Japanese. 433 00:21:08,470 --> 00:21:10,470 Look, Bagpipes, I just wanna say that... 434 00:21:10,506 --> 00:21:12,746 - (MICROWAVE PINGS) - Ting! Tea's ready! 435 00:21:14,955 --> 00:21:16,528 Dear Mama, 436 00:21:16,564 --> 00:21:20,644 Please don't worry about Valentine. He is looking after himself. 437 00:21:21,227 --> 00:21:24,715 He has not found the right job yet, but he will. 438 00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:28,662 I am enclosing the usual �6.50 for Uncle Foodie. 439 00:21:28,698 --> 00:21:29,778 - Dad... - Mm? 440 00:21:29,814 --> 00:21:31,654 Can I talk to you about something? 441 00:21:31,933 --> 00:21:34,493 Come and sit down. What is it? 442 00:21:35,014 --> 00:21:36,635 What's a prostitute? 443 00:21:36,715 --> 00:21:38,235 OK. Bed time! 444 00:21:40,345 --> 00:21:44,345 Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian www.addic7ed.com 445 00:21:44,395 --> 00:21:48,945 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33803

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