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1
00:00:00,346 --> 00:00:03,749
Mommy, can you please draw a
picture of a Christmas tree?
2
00:00:03,750 --> 00:00:06,752
Christmas tree? It's, like,
ten months 'til Christmas.
3
00:00:06,853 --> 00:00:09,087
I know. I just want to see you draw it.
4
00:00:09,238 --> 00:00:11,524
Okay. There we go.
5
00:00:11,525 --> 00:00:17,029
Uh, this is my Christmas tree,
do a little star at the top.
6
00:00:17,030 --> 00:00:21,400
Now can you write, "You make
the best cookies. Love, Santa."
7
00:00:21,401 --> 00:00:24,002
That seems like kind of a weird
thing to want me to write,
8
00:00:24,094 --> 00:00:25,170
but, okay, what is it?
9
00:00:25,224 --> 00:00:31,043
"You make the best cookies, love..."
10
00:00:31,044 --> 00:00:34,537
- Santa.
- Santa. Santa. There you go.
11
00:00:36,450 --> 00:00:40,285
- Now write it like you're in a hurry.
- Like I'm in a hurry?
12
00:00:40,286 --> 00:00:46,590
Okay, uh, "You make the best
cookies. Love, Santa," I gotta go!
13
00:00:47,927 --> 00:00:49,627
All right. It's not you.
14
00:00:49,641 --> 00:00:52,130
Honey, why would you think
that Mommy was Santa Claus?
15
00:00:52,131 --> 00:00:53,499
Yeah, come on.
16
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:57,135
Opal's brother said Santa
was really just parents.
17
00:00:57,136 --> 00:00:58,504
What?
18
00:00:58,505 --> 00:01:02,007
You think I have nothing better
to do than stay up late and,
19
00:01:02,008 --> 00:01:04,577
and fill stockings and wrap presents?
20
00:01:04,578 --> 00:01:07,245
What do I like to do more than
anything else in the world?
21
00:01:07,246 --> 00:01:08,346
Sleep.
22
00:01:08,347 --> 00:01:09,848
You do like to sleep.
23
00:01:09,849 --> 00:01:11,685
I knew it wasn't you.
24
00:01:14,754 --> 00:01:16,689
[WHISPERING] Hey, you know what?
25
00:01:16,690 --> 00:01:19,157
Fuck you... I am Santa.
26
00:01:19,158 --> 00:01:20,425
It's me!
27
00:01:20,426 --> 00:01:22,094
[SINGING WHISPER] ? I do you presents ?
28
00:01:22,095 --> 00:01:24,763
? I fill your stockings ?
29
00:01:24,764 --> 00:01:26,331
That felt good.
30
00:01:26,332 --> 00:01:31,270
?
31
00:01:31,272 --> 00:01:36,272
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com
32
00:01:43,282 --> 00:01:45,217
And what side would you like
with your sandwich?
33
00:01:45,218 --> 00:01:46,852
What are my choices?
34
00:01:46,853 --> 00:01:49,655
We have French fries,
salad, rice... [SNIFFLING]
35
00:01:49,656 --> 00:01:51,456
and for an extra dollar
you can have fruit.
36
00:01:51,457 --> 00:01:52,658
Okay, I'll have salad.
37
00:01:52,659 --> 00:01:55,027
Okay. What kind of dressing
would you like?
38
00:01:55,028 --> 00:01:57,696
We have Ranch,
Thousand Island, balsamic...
39
00:01:57,697 --> 00:01:58,864
You know what, I'm just gonna have rice.
40
00:01:58,865 --> 00:02:00,465
Rice sounds great, perfect.
41
00:02:00,466 --> 00:02:02,600
- Okay, I'll put that right in.
- Thank you.
42
00:02:02,678 --> 00:02:04,169
- Thank you so much.
- Yummy.
43
00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:05,204
[WHISPERING] Is she okay?
44
00:02:05,205 --> 00:02:07,840
I mean, she's, like,
fully about to cry, right?
45
00:02:07,841 --> 00:02:10,075
- Ooh. I feel terrible.
- Yeah.
46
00:02:10,076 --> 00:02:13,045
All right. Where are we
on Bumbling? Are we Tindering?
47
00:02:13,046 --> 00:02:15,313
- Are we... is it happening?
- I hate it.
48
00:02:15,314 --> 00:02:17,215
I just can't.
The whole internet dating thing.
49
00:02:17,216 --> 00:02:18,483
- Come on.
- It's "What do you do?
50
00:02:18,484 --> 00:02:21,486
"What do I do? Are you
a serial killer? I'm not one."
51
00:02:21,487 --> 00:02:23,856
I got, like, two kids.
I don't have time for it.
52
00:02:23,857 --> 00:02:25,891
I just need to find a Mike,
is what I need to find.
53
00:02:25,892 --> 00:02:28,661
No... [MUMBLING]
No, no, no, I mean, yeah,
54
00:02:28,662 --> 00:02:29,895
eventually, sure, that's the dream.
55
00:02:29,896 --> 00:02:32,698
But right now, you need to
enjoy yourself, okay?
56
00:02:32,699 --> 00:02:34,066
This isn't gonna last forever.
57
00:02:34,067 --> 00:02:38,070
Right now you need to be
knee-deep in dick.
58
00:02:38,071 --> 00:02:40,172
What does that mean?
59
00:02:40,173 --> 00:02:42,507
Well, when I first said it,
I was visualizing, like,
60
00:02:42,508 --> 00:02:44,877
vertical dicks as high as your knee.
61
00:02:44,878 --> 00:02:47,045
Like a field of dicks? A field of dicks,
62
00:02:47,046 --> 00:02:49,247
but now I'm just going more of,
like, a horizontal one
63
00:02:49,248 --> 00:02:52,350
flopped over the next,
like a penis lasagna.
64
00:02:52,351 --> 00:02:54,419
- Yummy.
- Or parfait.
65
00:02:54,420 --> 00:02:56,755
I'm so sorry, we are
all out of turkey burgers.
66
00:02:56,756 --> 00:02:58,256
Can I get you something else?
67
00:02:58,257 --> 00:03:00,425
Oh, yeah, that's totally fine.
68
00:03:00,426 --> 00:03:04,262
Umm, uh, is there...
should I look at the menu?
69
00:03:04,263 --> 00:03:07,265
- Uh, yeah, I can...
- Oh, no, God, uh,
70
00:03:07,266 --> 00:03:09,682
that's, uh, I don't even need a menu.
Whatever she has...
71
00:03:09,684 --> 00:03:11,103
I'll have the same as
what she's ordering.
72
00:03:11,104 --> 00:03:13,606
You know what... okay.
Any, any sandwich.
73
00:03:13,607 --> 00:03:15,608
Her sandwich is great. Thank you.
74
00:03:15,609 --> 00:03:17,910
Okay. Um, what side would you like?
75
00:03:17,911 --> 00:03:21,213
We have French fries, salad, rice.
76
00:03:21,214 --> 00:03:24,282
Rice, the rice, I'll definite...
rice sounds great.
77
00:03:24,283 --> 00:03:25,751
Thank you.
78
00:03:25,752 --> 00:03:27,052
Okay, something is definitely going on.
79
00:03:27,053 --> 00:03:28,987
Should we ask her if she's okay?
80
00:03:28,988 --> 00:03:30,222
What, do you know her?
81
00:03:30,223 --> 00:03:33,258
No, but she's upset.
She's looking for some sort of human...
82
00:03:33,259 --> 00:03:34,827
She does not want to talk about it.
83
00:03:34,828 --> 00:03:37,162
Okay, you know what,
let's get back to you...
84
00:03:37,163 --> 00:03:38,731
[SINGING] ? Livin' the life ?
85
00:03:38,732 --> 00:03:40,498
? That dreams were made of ?
86
00:03:40,499 --> 00:03:42,567
Why are you so excited about me dating?
87
00:03:42,568 --> 00:03:43,969
Because you can.
88
00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:46,504
And now I get to live
vicariously through you.
89
00:03:46,505 --> 00:03:47,740
All right, want me
to be honest with you?
90
00:03:47,741 --> 00:03:49,675
Yes. Please, finally.
91
00:03:49,676 --> 00:03:52,177
I have a very detailed fantasy
about being a divorcee.
92
00:03:52,178 --> 00:03:54,813
And I know I'm happily married,
so it's probably never gonna happen,
93
00:03:54,814 --> 00:03:57,750
but I would kill it out there.
94
00:03:57,751 --> 00:04:00,418
I just feel like
it's who I was meant to be.
95
00:04:00,419 --> 00:04:01,820
- A divorcee.
- Yes!
96
00:04:01,821 --> 00:04:04,289
- Who says "divorcee"?
- Who? Me, I do.
97
00:04:04,290 --> 00:04:08,694
It's just like a sultry moniker
from a bygone era, you know?
98
00:04:08,695 --> 00:04:10,829
Like a divorcee...
99
00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:14,700
she's not afraid to storm
into a bank and demand a loan
100
00:04:14,701 --> 00:04:16,601
for her small business.
101
00:04:16,602 --> 00:04:19,371
She walks in a room and women
grab their husbands and, like,
102
00:04:19,372 --> 00:04:21,640
"Don't talk to her, she's a divorcee."
103
00:04:21,641 --> 00:04:22,841
- Hmm.
- And then they just wanna
104
00:04:22,842 --> 00:04:24,777
- talk to me more.
- Even more.
105
00:04:24,778 --> 00:04:26,444
Yeah, yeah, 'cause it's forbidden.
106
00:04:26,445 --> 00:04:28,881
I gotta say, I feel like you
have a really inaccurate picture
107
00:04:28,882 --> 00:04:30,783
of what it means to be
a divorcee, though.
108
00:04:30,784 --> 00:04:32,450
No, I feel like I have
a pretty good understanding.
109
00:04:32,451 --> 00:04:34,787
Here's your... tuna sandwiches,
110
00:04:34,788 --> 00:04:38,623
with rice, um, can I get you
anything else? [SNIFFLES]
111
00:04:38,624 --> 00:04:40,225
You know what,
I'm sorry, I don't mean to
112
00:04:40,226 --> 00:04:43,495
pry, but are you okay?
We feel like there...
113
00:04:43,496 --> 00:04:45,497
that maybe you're having a rough time.
114
00:04:45,498 --> 00:04:46,999
If there's anything we can do...
115
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,968
Um, I'd really rather not talk about it.
116
00:04:49,969 --> 00:04:52,170
Can I get you some water?
117
00:04:52,171 --> 00:04:57,542
- No, I think we're good. Thank you.
- No, thank you, thanks.
118
00:04:57,543 --> 00:05:00,312
That's a divorcee.
119
00:05:00,313 --> 00:05:01,814
All right, Dad,
where's the rest of my stuff?
120
00:05:01,815 --> 00:05:02,981
What else do you need me to take?
121
00:05:02,982 --> 00:05:05,017
Oh, I think that's good enough.
122
00:05:05,018 --> 00:05:06,719
Seriously? This one box?
123
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,254
You said my stuff
was taking over your garage.
124
00:05:09,255 --> 00:05:11,824
You used the word "overwhelmed".
125
00:05:11,825 --> 00:05:13,158
Well, it was in the way.
126
00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:15,928
As opposed to the three
birdcages for the bird
127
00:05:15,929 --> 00:05:17,262
you've never purchased?
128
00:05:17,263 --> 00:05:19,264
Those were always
supposed to be decorative.
129
00:05:19,265 --> 00:05:22,334
Yeah, they really give
an air of whimsy to your garage.
130
00:05:22,335 --> 00:05:25,738
As does those super necessary
collection of fedoras.
131
00:05:25,739 --> 00:05:26,905
Don't touch those hats.
132
00:05:26,906 --> 00:05:29,174
I wasn't planning on touching those.
133
00:05:29,175 --> 00:05:30,776
I'm saving them for
my New Year's Eve party,
134
00:05:30,777 --> 00:05:32,177
the theme is Prohibition.
135
00:05:32,178 --> 00:05:35,347
By the way, I went clubbing
with Bonnie last night.
136
00:05:35,348 --> 00:05:37,449
I think you and Mike
would really like this place.
137
00:05:37,450 --> 00:05:39,617
Bonnie's daughter
Stephanie dances there.
138
00:05:39,618 --> 00:05:42,087
I'm gonna take this in pieces.
139
00:05:42,088 --> 00:05:44,022
You and Bonnie went clubbing yesterday?
140
00:05:44,023 --> 00:05:45,557
- Yeah.
- Dad...
141
00:05:45,558 --> 00:05:47,760
I don't think you mean clubbing.
You went to a bar?
142
00:05:47,761 --> 00:05:48,761
No, it was a club, a dance club.
143
00:05:48,762 --> 00:05:50,228
Like, for elderly people?
144
00:05:50,229 --> 00:05:54,232
No, it's, it's a club
called Xscape, with an "X".
145
00:05:54,233 --> 00:05:57,402
What? Oh, God, okay, was that,
and that was fun for you?
146
00:05:57,403 --> 00:06:00,038
Yes. L.A. has some of
the best clubs of anywhere
147
00:06:00,039 --> 00:06:02,808
in the country, I mean, that
and all the weed dispensaries.
148
00:06:02,809 --> 00:06:04,242
Have you heard about edibles?
149
00:06:04,243 --> 00:06:06,411
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow!
150
00:06:06,412 --> 00:06:09,714
You, you partaking?
Bonnie and I like to party.
151
00:06:09,715 --> 00:06:11,383
Super cool, super cool.
152
00:06:11,384 --> 00:06:14,920
Okay, okay, well, it sounds
like you guys are really, uh,
153
00:06:14,921 --> 00:06:16,621
exploring a whole new world.
154
00:06:16,622 --> 00:06:18,223
- Okay, good for you.
- Yep.
155
00:06:18,224 --> 00:06:21,393
And you said Bonnie's daughter
dances at Xscape with an "X"?
156
00:06:21,394 --> 00:06:23,728
Yes, she does.
157
00:06:23,729 --> 00:06:26,498
I hesitate to ask this, but...
158
00:06:26,499 --> 00:06:29,401
- Does she wear a top?
- Oh, for Christ's sake.
159
00:06:29,402 --> 00:06:31,069
Okay! I didn't know!
160
00:06:31,070 --> 00:06:33,005
She wears a little, like a bra thing
161
00:06:33,006 --> 00:06:35,273
and there's kind of like
a bootie shorts.
162
00:06:35,274 --> 00:06:36,942
- It's gorgeous.
- Oh, Jesus!
163
00:06:36,943 --> 00:06:40,012
Oh, please, Dad, never,
ever say "bootie short"
164
00:06:40,013 --> 00:06:44,449
or gesture in this way
in any capacity again.
165
00:06:44,450 --> 00:06:46,451
You will meet Stephanie
at my birthday party.
166
00:06:46,452 --> 00:06:48,120
Great. I look forward to that.
167
00:06:48,121 --> 00:06:49,687
And by the way, speaking of your party,
168
00:06:49,688 --> 00:06:51,256
you need to give me the invite list.
169
00:06:51,257 --> 00:06:53,091
I want to get the invites out
this weekend.
170
00:06:53,092 --> 00:06:54,793
What do you have planned
for my birthday?
171
00:06:54,794 --> 00:06:57,429
I don't know,
I'm exploring some options.
172
00:06:57,430 --> 00:06:59,364
- Hmm.
- Dad, maybe you could slip into
173
00:06:59,365 --> 00:07:02,801
one of these super cool leather
jackets for your birthday.
174
00:07:02,802 --> 00:07:06,338
You seem to have a very
extensive collection.
175
00:07:06,339 --> 00:07:09,107
If you want any of those,
please, help yourself.
176
00:07:10,043 --> 00:07:11,543
Oh, there we go.
177
00:07:11,544 --> 00:07:14,146
I cha-cha-cha, da-lata-ta, ooh-da.
178
00:07:14,147 --> 00:07:15,647
- Is that a tell?
- Come on.
179
00:07:15,648 --> 00:07:16,849
You're a terrible bluffer.
180
00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:17,950
- Yeah, come on.
- That's a terrible bluff!
181
00:07:17,951 --> 00:07:19,885
Really? I think
it was the best bluff ever.
182
00:07:19,886 --> 00:07:22,821
Ooh, guys, it's official.
183
00:07:22,822 --> 00:07:27,935
My friend Jennifer is on
Bumble and open for biz!
184
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,227
Hey, I'm on Bumble. What's
your friend's last name?
185
00:07:30,254 --> 00:07:32,378
No offense, Gavin, but you clearly
186
00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:34,665
- have herpes on your head.
- [LAUGHS]
187
00:07:34,734 --> 00:07:37,769
I just... I don't actually
feel comfortable...
188
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,504
It was a surfing accident.
You said you couldn't even notice it.
189
00:07:39,505 --> 00:07:40,839
Yeah, you can't.
190
00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,474
- It's hardly noticeable.
- He's lying to you.
191
00:07:42,475 --> 00:07:45,643
It's... very noticeable,
and honestly, hard to look at.
192
00:07:45,644 --> 00:07:48,746
Also, I'm not gonna set you up
with a living, breathing saint,
193
00:07:48,747 --> 00:07:50,983
so go fuck yourself.
194
00:07:50,984 --> 00:07:52,484
- Whoa.
- It's okay, she's right.
195
00:07:52,485 --> 00:07:54,186
I have been meaning to go fuck myself.
196
00:07:54,187 --> 00:07:55,353
- See?
- Wow.
197
00:07:55,354 --> 00:07:57,189
By the way, he is delightful.
198
00:07:57,190 --> 00:07:58,823
Why did you say
he was gonna be terrible?
199
00:07:58,824 --> 00:08:00,658
- I never said that.
- I can't work with you anymore.
200
00:08:00,659 --> 00:08:01,927
Um, let me ask you a question.
201
00:08:01,928 --> 00:08:03,828
- How long was your friend married for?
- Nine years.
202
00:08:03,829 --> 00:08:05,597
Which sucks for her,
because had she made it
203
00:08:05,598 --> 00:08:07,532
to the ten year mark,
then she could've gotten alimony
204
00:08:07,533 --> 00:08:09,034
until she remarries.
205
00:08:09,035 --> 00:08:11,870
Now she's only getting it for
half the length of the marriage,
206
00:08:11,871 --> 00:08:13,338
which, you know, 'cause it's
California, in other states
207
00:08:13,339 --> 00:08:14,672
they're slightly different.
208
00:08:14,673 --> 00:08:17,042
Um, you seem to know
an awful lot lot about divorce.
209
00:08:17,043 --> 00:08:19,277
Honey, you know I have a fantasy
about being a divorcee.
210
00:08:19,278 --> 00:08:20,712
Yeah. I don't love that about you.
211
00:08:20,713 --> 00:08:23,848
Uh, can we lose the leather now?
I mean, it's a little...
212
00:08:23,849 --> 00:08:26,018
- No!
- ...snug and smells like
213
00:08:26,019 --> 00:08:28,286
- Cool Water in there.
- You look like a marionette.
214
00:08:28,287 --> 00:08:30,288
A good marionette, not like
one of the creepy ones.
215
00:08:30,289 --> 00:08:31,389
I would disagree.
216
00:08:31,390 --> 00:08:33,191
I think you look like
a creepy marionette,
217
00:08:33,192 --> 00:08:34,960
but I find that very attractive.
218
00:08:34,961 --> 00:08:36,528
I'll take it.
219
00:08:36,529 --> 00:08:38,730
I love my jacket, and I can't
wait to wear it out to a club.
220
00:08:38,731 --> 00:08:40,899
Great... you know what, you
should go to Xscape with an "X".
221
00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:42,800
That's the club my 70-year-old father
222
00:08:42,801 --> 00:08:45,237
and his allergist girlfriend
are frequenting these days.
223
00:08:45,238 --> 00:08:46,471
That sounds amazing.
224
00:08:46,472 --> 00:08:47,973
No, no, it's a new development.
225
00:08:47,974 --> 00:08:50,408
- He's only newly amazing.
- That sounds awesome.
226
00:08:50,409 --> 00:08:52,244
My dad is turning into a recluse.
227
00:08:52,245 --> 00:08:54,412
Oh, that sounds adorable.
228
00:08:54,413 --> 00:08:55,747
But your dad seems cool as hell.
229
00:08:55,748 --> 00:08:56,814
You know what, you want my dad,
you can have him.
230
00:08:56,815 --> 00:08:58,550
Then you can plan his 70th birthday.
231
00:08:58,551 --> 00:08:59,918
Well, you should do it in a club.
232
00:08:59,919 --> 00:09:01,753
I'm not encouraging
this behavior of my dad's.
233
00:09:01,754 --> 00:09:03,655
No, come on, you should.
234
00:09:03,656 --> 00:09:05,223
I mean, what do you care?
He'd probably love it.
235
00:09:05,224 --> 00:09:07,425
Ugh, he probably would
love it, I don't know.
236
00:09:07,426 --> 00:09:10,929
I'm like, I... I mean, I guess
I could lean into it and, what,
237
00:09:10,930 --> 00:09:12,764
look into something like
a burlesque club or something?
238
00:09:12,765 --> 00:09:13,932
- Ooh, yes.
- Yes!
239
00:09:13,933 --> 00:09:15,267
So now I gotta watch
women take their clothes off
240
00:09:15,268 --> 00:09:16,935
while celebrating your dad's birth?
241
00:09:16,936 --> 00:09:19,171
Come on, first of all, you're making
it sound like a strip club.
242
00:09:19,172 --> 00:09:23,275
This is more like old-timey whores,
like in a saloon.
243
00:09:23,276 --> 00:09:24,909
I like old timey whores.
244
00:09:24,910 --> 00:09:27,775
- Ooh... I'm leaving you for Gavin.
- Great.
245
00:09:31,188 --> 00:09:34,190
Why is he still needing help
to get to the bathroom?
246
00:09:34,191 --> 00:09:35,859
- Isn't he blind?
- I know, I'm just saying
247
00:09:35,860 --> 00:09:37,327
he's here all the time
248
00:09:37,328 --> 00:09:39,829
and he's always asking people
to lead him to the bathroom.
249
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:41,531
- I led him to the bathroom.
- So what?
250
00:09:41,532 --> 00:09:43,400
So isn't that one of
the perks of being blind,
251
00:09:43,401 --> 00:09:45,902
like your other senses step up
and then it's easier for you
252
00:09:45,903 --> 00:09:48,037
to learn the lay of the land?
253
00:09:48,038 --> 00:09:50,239
Are you serious, a perk?
That's a perk of being blind?
254
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,376
- Actually, it is a perk.
- That term is not...
255
00:09:52,377 --> 00:09:54,911
Dealing with it, that is
one of the upsides, I would say.
256
00:09:54,912 --> 00:09:57,581
- What's wrong?
- This guy just texted me on Bumble.
257
00:09:57,582 --> 00:10:00,417
Ooh, let me see, let me see, let me see.
258
00:10:00,418 --> 00:10:03,720
"Hi, Jennifer, how's it going?
I'm in town from Chicago for a few days.
259
00:10:03,721 --> 00:10:07,390
Would you want to grab a drink?"
Yah, yah, you do want to grab a drink.
260
00:10:07,541 --> 00:10:08,558
- No, I don't.
- How do I respond?
261
00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:11,027
He doesn't even live here, and
he's only here for a few days.
262
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:13,096
Exactly, that's what we're looking for.
263
00:10:13,097 --> 00:10:15,098
[SINGING] ? He wants to fuck you ?
264
00:10:15,099 --> 00:10:18,067
- ? And you should let him ?
- What is happening?
265
00:10:18,068 --> 00:10:20,537
Just a powerful musical diversion.
266
00:10:20,538 --> 00:10:22,739
I'm like the Lin Manuel Miranda
of fuck songs.
267
00:10:22,740 --> 00:10:25,409
Okay, listen, let's write back
something like,
268
00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:28,712
"Do you need a place to stay?
I've got an extra room,
269
00:10:28,713 --> 00:10:31,615
- [MUMBLING] in my vagina."
- Oh, my God.
270
00:10:31,616 --> 00:10:32,782
- No!
- It's a joke.
271
00:10:32,783 --> 00:10:33,883
I can't...
272
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:36,119
They like funny on these sites, okay?
273
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:37,787
God, I would crush this!
274
00:10:37,788 --> 00:10:40,123
Do you know how hard it is
to know that I have a gift
275
00:10:40,124 --> 00:10:42,459
that I'm never gonna be able
to share with the world?
276
00:10:42,460 --> 00:10:43,960
This didn't exist when I was single.
277
00:10:43,961 --> 00:10:46,463
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, he is cute, though.
278
00:10:46,464 --> 00:10:49,733
- I could see myself with him.
- You're married, though, so...
279
00:10:49,734 --> 00:10:52,469
Yeah, happily, that's
my cross to bear, okay?
280
00:10:52,470 --> 00:10:55,138
Can you just let me have this one thing?
281
00:10:55,139 --> 00:10:56,305
Sorry, go ahead.
282
00:10:56,306 --> 00:10:58,942
Ooh, he likes trying new foods.
283
00:10:58,943 --> 00:11:01,778
You know what, Erin,
I'll try new foods with you...
284
00:11:01,779 --> 00:11:03,279
all over your body!
285
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:06,149
I mean, nothing spicy
or dairy, although, ooh,
286
00:11:06,150 --> 00:11:08,952
I'd throw back a couple
of Lactaids for this guy.
287
00:11:08,953 --> 00:11:10,454
I find it really interesting
288
00:11:10,455 --> 00:11:12,822
that in your fantasies you're
still lactose intolerant.
289
00:11:12,823 --> 00:11:16,660
Well, I just like to be responsible
even in my fantasies.
290
00:11:16,661 --> 00:11:17,961
Who else do you got in here?
291
00:11:17,962 --> 00:11:19,963
I don't know, just a bunch of dudes.
292
00:11:19,964 --> 00:11:21,498
What age did you put in here?
293
00:11:21,499 --> 00:11:24,434
- Forty-five to 70.
- Forty-five to 70?
294
00:11:24,435 --> 00:11:27,637
I know, like, to a 70-year-old,
then I'm gonna be,
295
00:11:27,638 --> 00:11:29,305
- like, you know...
- Yeah?
296
00:11:29,306 --> 00:11:31,775
- Ha-cha-cha.
- You could be a cha-cha-cha to,
297
00:11:31,776 --> 00:11:33,309
like, a 50-year-old.
298
00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:36,145
This is what, this is what
you're looking for, Brad?
299
00:11:36,146 --> 00:11:37,814
- He's on the older end.
- Yeah.
300
00:11:37,815 --> 00:11:40,984
I'm just... I'm looking for,
like, a long-term relationship.
301
00:11:40,985 --> 00:11:44,320
He's not gonna be around that
long, so, not the route to go.
302
00:11:44,321 --> 00:11:45,655
I understand what
you're saying, but, like,
303
00:11:45,656 --> 00:11:47,356
what am I gonna do with,
like, a 25-year-old?
304
00:11:47,357 --> 00:11:48,825
Have sex with him.
305
00:11:48,826 --> 00:11:50,627
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I could
have sex with a 25-year-old.
306
00:11:50,628 --> 00:11:51,828
Wait, I was joking.
307
00:11:51,829 --> 00:11:53,530
Do you really think we could
have sex with a 25...
308
00:11:53,531 --> 00:11:55,331
- Let's do... that's the plan.
- What is "we"?
309
00:11:55,332 --> 00:11:57,366
- What is "we"?
- I'm having sex through you.
310
00:11:57,367 --> 00:12:01,204
Such a weird thing to say,
like, a really weird thing to say.
311
00:12:01,205 --> 00:12:04,040
- No... but I love it so much.
- I don't think...
312
00:12:04,041 --> 00:12:05,374
I'm so glad that you're happy.
313
00:12:05,375 --> 00:12:07,711
I feel like I'm not ready to date yet.
314
00:12:07,712 --> 00:12:09,679
I tried, I just, I can't, I'm not ready.
315
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,716
Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine.
Let's take men out of the equation.
316
00:12:12,717 --> 00:12:15,184
You still need to go out
and have some fun
317
00:12:15,185 --> 00:12:16,553
like a single person would.
318
00:12:16,554 --> 00:12:19,022
- I'm not going to a club.
- No, you're not my father.
319
00:12:19,023 --> 00:12:22,559
But, can we just go, like,
to a fun, trendy bar?
320
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,561
Okay, fine.
321
00:12:24,562 --> 00:12:27,063
We can go to a bar,
but I'm not washing my hair.
322
00:12:27,064 --> 00:12:28,364
- Hmm?
- It's off my hair cycle.
323
00:12:28,365 --> 00:12:30,166
I'm not washing my hair.
You need a cycle.
324
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:34,403
Oh, my God, look... seriously? Again?
325
00:12:34,404 --> 00:12:36,072
Did he just get side boob?
326
00:12:36,073 --> 00:12:38,708
Oh, my God, he just got side boobs.
327
00:12:38,709 --> 00:12:41,210
- I can't handle you right now.
- You didn't see his hand?
328
00:12:41,211 --> 00:12:44,412
[LAUGHING] No. A total crazy person.
329
00:12:44,749 --> 00:12:46,215
Oh I got the invite to your dad's party.
330
00:12:46,216 --> 00:12:47,517
Right?
331
00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:49,218
[SINGING] ? We're goin' clubbing ?
332
00:12:49,219 --> 00:12:52,355
? For my dad's 70th birthday ?
333
00:12:52,356 --> 00:12:53,523
There's gonna be burlesque.
334
00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:55,391
I got a specialty drink
named after him...
335
00:12:55,392 --> 00:12:57,060
the Martinini.
336
00:12:57,061 --> 00:12:58,928
- It's not my best.
- It's not your worst.
337
00:12:58,929 --> 00:13:01,264
How dare you?
338
00:13:01,265 --> 00:13:04,534
I do still think it's weird
that this is now Dad's life,
339
00:13:04,535 --> 00:13:07,537
that he's drinking,
doing drugs, going to clubs.
340
00:13:07,538 --> 00:13:09,105
Well, you know, he's recently divorced,
341
00:13:09,106 --> 00:13:10,940
and that's one of the upsides,
you can do whatever you want.
342
00:13:10,941 --> 00:13:12,942
That's what I say.
343
00:13:12,943 --> 00:13:15,378
Mom, I'm gonna be honest with you.
344
00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:17,413
I have a little fantasy
about being a divorcee.
345
00:13:17,414 --> 00:13:19,716
- Me too!
- You've been one twice!
346
00:13:19,717 --> 00:13:21,417
Both times you jumped
right back into marriage.
347
00:13:21,418 --> 00:13:24,453
I know, I never did it right,
so I fantasize about the next one.
348
00:13:24,454 --> 00:13:26,122
"The next one"?
349
00:13:26,123 --> 00:13:27,557
Don't you think you're
gonna be more of, like,
350
00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:29,593
a widow that time, less of a divorcee?
351
00:13:29,594 --> 00:13:32,896
Yeah, but isn't that the dream scenario?
352
00:13:32,897 --> 00:13:34,798
I also have thought that, right?
353
00:13:34,799 --> 00:13:36,099
Right, I mean, it ups the sympathy,
354
00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:37,466
it cuts down on a lot of the paperwork.
355
00:13:37,467 --> 00:13:39,636
And there's, like, a clean
break, there's no guilt.
356
00:13:39,637 --> 00:13:42,105
- [PHONE DINGS]
- Ooh, more RSVP's.
357
00:13:42,106 --> 00:13:43,940
David's in, you're in, thank you.
358
00:13:43,941 --> 00:13:45,609
Uncle Richard's in.
359
00:13:45,610 --> 00:13:47,243
We got a "no".
360
00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:49,112
Dad RSVP'd no to his own party.
361
00:13:49,113 --> 00:13:50,814
Why do I let him near technology?
362
00:13:50,815 --> 00:13:51,981
When I'm a widow, I'm only dating men
363
00:13:51,982 --> 00:13:53,382
who are good at technology.
364
00:13:53,383 --> 00:13:55,684
Yeah, well, that's gonna be
tough in your age group, mom.
365
00:13:55,721 --> 00:13:57,987
You might want to just aim
for good breath.
366
00:13:57,988 --> 00:13:59,422
Yeah, that's a good one.
367
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:01,158
Or no colostomy bag.
368
00:14:02,459 --> 00:14:03,660
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey.
369
00:14:03,661 --> 00:14:05,494
All right, I'm taking
your computer away.
370
00:14:05,495 --> 00:14:07,496
You RSVP'd no to your party.
371
00:14:07,497 --> 00:14:08,732
It was not a mistake.
372
00:14:08,733 --> 00:14:10,299
- What?
- As you know,
373
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:13,336
I have been planning my New
Year's party for some time now,
374
00:14:13,337 --> 00:14:16,339
and the theme and premise of
my party was going back in time
375
00:14:16,340 --> 00:14:18,441
to a time of cocktails...
376
00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:21,811
an era of more thought towards
dress and fun in a past era.
377
00:14:21,812 --> 00:14:24,180
Ah, right, right,
one of those classic parties.
378
00:14:24,181 --> 00:14:28,351
And while I appreciate your
efforts, I'm a little bit upset
379
00:14:28,352 --> 00:14:31,187
that your premise and invite
steals some of the thunder
380
00:14:31,188 --> 00:14:33,156
and excitement from my event.
381
00:14:33,157 --> 00:14:35,859
What? I, I am so confused right now.
382
00:14:35,860 --> 00:14:38,327
What, what exactly
is happening right now?
383
00:14:38,328 --> 00:14:41,798
Well, my party theme was
the Roaring '20s.
384
00:14:41,799 --> 00:14:43,833
- You copied it!
- First of all, Dad,
385
00:14:43,834 --> 00:14:46,970
you said that your theme
was Prohibition,
386
00:14:46,971 --> 00:14:48,872
and also, my party is not '20s.
387
00:14:48,873 --> 00:14:50,874
You called it "The Great Grandsby".
388
00:14:50,875 --> 00:14:53,542
I was trying to give it a cutesy
name to disguise the fact
389
00:14:53,543 --> 00:14:56,045
that it's a bunch of old people
heading out to a club.
390
00:14:56,046 --> 00:14:58,481
There was a flapper on the invite.
391
00:14:58,482 --> 00:15:00,349
'Cause she was dancing,
392
00:15:00,350 --> 00:15:02,686
and apparently that's your new hobby.
393
00:15:02,687 --> 00:15:05,321
Dad, I was trying to
throw you a party, okay?
394
00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:06,990
Not insult you.
395
00:15:06,991 --> 00:15:08,725
Well, between the two things, honey...
396
00:15:08,726 --> 00:15:09,893
All right, you know what, Dad?
397
00:15:09,894 --> 00:15:12,195
Assuming that this
was a legitimate beef,
398
00:15:12,196 --> 00:15:14,063
which, by the way, is insane,
399
00:15:14,064 --> 00:15:16,399
this is the way
you chose to go about it,
400
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:20,369
by just casually RSVP-ing no
to your own party and then,
401
00:15:20,370 --> 00:15:22,171
and then just waiting for me to notice?
402
00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:23,740
Well, I knew it would
get your attention.
403
00:15:23,741 --> 00:15:25,508
You know what, Dad,
I put a lot of time and effort
404
00:15:25,509 --> 00:15:27,176
into this party, and if
that's not something
405
00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:29,045
that you're gonna
appreciate, I honestly,
406
00:15:29,046 --> 00:15:30,847
I don't know what else to say, okay?
407
00:15:30,848 --> 00:15:33,550
- I gotta go.
- [PHONE BEEPS]
408
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:39,055
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
409
00:15:39,056 --> 00:15:40,423
[MIKE] So, what are you gonna do?
410
00:15:40,424 --> 00:15:42,091
Oh, I cancelled the party.
411
00:15:42,092 --> 00:15:44,427
I sent out the email already.
412
00:15:44,428 --> 00:15:46,095
- Whoa.
- What was I supposed to do?
413
00:15:46,096 --> 00:15:49,365
He's acting like a 17-year-old
girl at prom who's crying,
414
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:50,867
not because someone
has the same prom dress,
415
00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:53,569
but someone's got one
with a similar sleeve.
416
00:15:53,570 --> 00:15:56,405
The similarities of your dad
and a teenage girl are striking.
417
00:15:56,406 --> 00:15:58,607
This is why you shouldn't do
nice things for people.
418
00:15:58,608 --> 00:16:00,109
I don't want to get in trouble
for being nice, but...
419
00:16:00,110 --> 00:16:02,578
- Well, then don't.
- You're looking good.
420
00:16:02,579 --> 00:16:05,782
Why are you wasting this on
going out with Jennifer, huh?
421
00:16:05,783 --> 00:16:08,084
Mmm, okay, you know
when you say stuff like that
422
00:16:08,085 --> 00:16:11,587
you make it very hard for me to
fantasize about divorcing you.
423
00:16:11,588 --> 00:16:14,390
Okay. There's been a lot
of divorce talk lately.
424
00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:17,293
- Should I be concerned?
- No, sadly we're definitely
425
00:16:17,294 --> 00:16:20,063
gonna die in each other's arms.
426
00:16:20,064 --> 00:16:21,430
- Cool?
- I mean, obviously,
427
00:16:21,431 --> 00:16:24,600
I don't want to divorce you,
I love you, blah-blah-blah.
428
00:16:24,601 --> 00:16:27,971
But, you know, I mean, you gotta admit,
429
00:16:27,972 --> 00:16:30,473
if you were, like, free
from me for, like, three weeks,
430
00:16:30,474 --> 00:16:33,442
you could date, just like,
do whatever you want...
431
00:16:33,443 --> 00:16:35,311
- I'm all on board with that, but...
- Right?
432
00:16:35,312 --> 00:16:37,280
Would you be able to get
all that you want done
433
00:16:37,281 --> 00:16:39,415
- in three weeks?
- Yeah, good call, actually.
434
00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:40,817
You know what,
let's jam it up to a year.
435
00:16:40,818 --> 00:16:42,418
- Wow, a year.
- Yeah.
436
00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:43,652
Listen, this isn't
just for me, you know.
437
00:16:43,653 --> 00:16:45,054
- Hmm.
- You know that
438
00:16:45,055 --> 00:16:47,556
if you're out there,
on the market, you're, like,
439
00:16:47,557 --> 00:16:49,492
- a hot commod.
- Wow, thank you.
440
00:16:49,493 --> 00:16:51,494
I mean, I do feel like
you'd probably, like,
441
00:16:51,495 --> 00:16:54,597
just fall into something serious
with one person right away.
442
00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:57,967
I'm gonna play the market,
gonna find, like, 40 dudes.
443
00:16:57,968 --> 00:16:59,668
Wow, that's excessive.
444
00:16:59,669 --> 00:17:02,772
- That's not even one a week, Mike.
- It still seems high to me.
445
00:17:02,773 --> 00:17:06,442
I'm being conservative.
I could go up to 52 with a whole year.
446
00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:10,313
I could go up to 104, really.
I could get two done in a week.
447
00:17:10,314 --> 00:17:11,848
Now you're just showing off
your math skills.
448
00:17:11,849 --> 00:17:13,449
Wish me luck. I love you.
449
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:14,818
Good luck... good luck?
450
00:17:14,819 --> 00:17:16,786
Hey, that doesn't start tonight.
451
00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:19,088
It might be... it depends
how tonight goes.
452
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:23,576
See, nothing crazy, it's just a bar.
453
00:17:23,577 --> 00:17:24,910
You've been in them before, right?
454
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:27,446
How are there so many people
here on a weeknight?
455
00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:28,814
They're single.
456
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:30,316
I mean, some of these
people are, like, our age.
457
00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:31,917
They have to have kids and stuff.
458
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:34,420
It's one of the perks of
being divorced, you can go out.
459
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,922
Again, I feel like we have
really different definitions
460
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:38,291
of the word "perk".
461
00:17:38,292 --> 00:17:40,193
- I don't think we do.
- What can I get for you ladies?
462
00:17:40,194 --> 00:17:43,429
- Um, I will have a white wine.
- Don't be an asshole.
463
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,431
Um, can we have two Manhattans, please?
464
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,599
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
465
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:47,833
- You're welcome.
- She's the boss.
466
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:49,702
Listen, it is a perk, because now
467
00:17:49,703 --> 00:17:51,437
you have a built-in baby sitter, okay?
468
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:54,207
Who else loves your kids
as much as the spouse you hate?
469
00:17:54,208 --> 00:17:55,308
[SCOFFS] Okay.
470
00:17:55,309 --> 00:17:56,309
- And by the way...
- Hmm?
471
00:17:56,310 --> 00:17:58,144
He also is gonna take them for, like,
472
00:17:58,145 --> 00:18:00,679
a week or more in the summer.
473
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,782
So you are just like,
what do I do with myself?
474
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,951
You can go to Europe,
you can go to England,
475
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:08,321
you can go to on one of those
horrible looking cruises
476
00:18:08,322 --> 00:18:10,189
they're always pushing
in front of "Downton Abbey".
477
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,290
- On the river?
- On the river.
478
00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:12,525
I don't want to do that.
479
00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:13,892
Literally, and I've thought about this,
480
00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:15,328
the only way to have a great
vacation when you have kids
481
00:18:15,329 --> 00:18:16,729
is to get divorced.
482
00:18:16,730 --> 00:18:19,332
That's a dark perk,
but it is a perk nonetheless.
483
00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:20,499
That's my specialty.
484
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:21,800
Yes. [LAUGHING]
485
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,236
Cheers.
486
00:18:23,237 --> 00:18:27,073
[BACKGROUND CONVERSATIONS]
487
00:18:27,074 --> 00:18:29,676
[LAUGHING]
488
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,345
It's like riding a bike.
489
00:18:32,346 --> 00:18:35,181
Yeah, and, like, she can only
do it for 20 minutes at a time.
490
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:37,650
And end up with a sore
crotch at the end of the night.
491
00:18:37,651 --> 00:18:38,718
It's your turn.
492
00:18:42,356 --> 00:18:44,323
You raise chickens in your yard?
493
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:47,226
I would love to have fresh eggs.
I should get some chickens.
494
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:50,163
Yeah, I see absolutely
no downside to that plan.
495
00:18:50,864 --> 00:18:52,732
[LAUGHING]
496
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:56,369
And I tried to grab her,
and I'm yelling, "Are you okay?"
497
00:18:56,370 --> 00:18:58,571
And she vomited into my mouth.
498
00:18:58,572 --> 00:19:00,106
Shut up!
499
00:19:00,107 --> 00:19:01,674
I love this story so much.
500
00:19:01,675 --> 00:19:02,941
All right, well, I just text
you then the next time
501
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,510
I'm in Griffith Park.
502
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,011
All right, the next time I'm
in Atwater Village
503
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:08,681
I'm gonna text you. Amazing.
504
00:19:08,682 --> 00:19:11,584
Ooh, I got a good photo
of you mid-dart throw.
505
00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:13,186
I am so very drunk.
506
00:19:13,187 --> 00:19:14,720
You are such a lightweight.
507
00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:17,123
What did you have, like, one
drink and part of a beer?
508
00:19:17,124 --> 00:19:18,857
Yeah, I think I just
don't go out very often,
509
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,626
so it just went straight to my head.
510
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:22,195
Is it bad that I feel fine?
511
00:19:22,196 --> 00:19:24,031
I'm glad we Uber-ed but...
512
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:27,300
Are you okay?
513
00:19:27,301 --> 00:19:29,236
[WHISPERING]
I really, I don't feel good.
514
00:19:31,405 --> 00:19:32,871
[MONITOR BEEPING]
515
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,940
You're in a hospital.
516
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,475
You were roofied.
517
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:37,610
What?
518
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,945
I know, I, I, I was with you
the entire time,
519
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:41,647
you're completely fine.
520
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,282
As soon as we saw
that anything was wrong,
521
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:44,717
we went straight to the Emergency Room.
522
00:19:44,718 --> 00:19:46,719
Oh, my God, I was roofied?
523
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:51,624
Yes, apparently you were roofied.
524
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:53,726
We, we, we got fluids going through you,
525
00:19:53,727 --> 00:19:54,893
we're getting it out of the system.
526
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,495
This happened at the bar?
527
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:59,832
I assume so, I, I, I don't know.
528
00:19:59,833 --> 00:20:02,168
I'm so sorry for forcing you to go out.
529
00:20:02,169 --> 00:20:05,238
You were right, it is
a shit show out there.
530
00:20:05,239 --> 00:20:07,139
Listen, if you still want companionship,
531
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,976
I will share Mike with you in,
in, like a "Sister Love" situation.
532
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:12,645
You mean "Sister Wives".
533
00:20:12,646 --> 00:20:14,447
The wives, the wives,
the wives situation.
534
00:20:14,448 --> 00:20:17,850
"Sister Love",
that's a darker, darker thing.
535
00:20:17,851 --> 00:20:21,086
- How are you feeling?
- I guess I'm just glad I'm okay.
536
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:22,788
I can't believe that happened.
537
00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:25,191
I thought only college students
and stupid people
538
00:20:25,192 --> 00:20:27,760
who go to raves get roofied.
539
00:20:27,761 --> 00:20:32,265
On the bright side, I guess
it means you still got it.
540
00:20:32,266 --> 00:20:33,532
[MUMBLING] Oh Andrea...
541
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:34,700
- Sorry.
- I don't like that.
542
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:35,834
- So sorry.
- Yeah.
543
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:37,203
Way too soon.
544
00:20:37,204 --> 00:20:39,938
You know what, I'm gonna go
grab you a juice.
545
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:42,308
Promise I won't put anything in it.
546
00:20:42,309 --> 00:20:45,278
Again, I joke when I'm
uncomfortable, you know that.
547
00:20:45,279 --> 00:20:46,545
I'm sorry.
548
00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:49,282
You were drugged. [LAUGHING]
549
00:20:49,283 --> 00:20:51,049
That is not something to laugh at.
550
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:53,219
That is a fact.
551
00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:54,820
- Hmm.
- I will be right back.
552
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:58,458
- Um, do you want this open or...
- Go get the juice.
553
00:21:00,928 --> 00:21:02,061
[SIGHING]
554
00:21:02,062 --> 00:21:05,399
- [MUMBLING] Hey...
- Hi.
555
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:06,500
Is she okay?
556
00:21:06,501 --> 00:21:07,901
Yeah.
557
00:21:07,902 --> 00:21:10,304
She's groggy, but she's gonna be fine.
558
00:21:10,305 --> 00:21:11,605
[SIGHING]
559
00:21:11,606 --> 00:21:14,274
- It's so crazy.
- I know.
560
00:21:14,275 --> 00:21:16,943
I mean, I feel like this is my fault.
561
00:21:16,944 --> 00:21:20,280
She told me she didn't want to
go, and I forced her to go out.
562
00:21:20,281 --> 00:21:21,481
It's not your fault.
563
00:21:21,482 --> 00:21:24,183
You didn't know that that would happen.
564
00:21:24,184 --> 00:21:25,652
I know, but what if this is, like,
565
00:21:25,653 --> 00:21:28,121
the thing that makes her, like,
566
00:21:28,122 --> 00:21:29,623
never go out again?
567
00:21:29,624 --> 00:21:33,026
She was just getting out there,
568
00:21:33,027 --> 00:21:37,531
and then... she needed
to get fucking roofied?
569
00:21:37,532 --> 00:21:39,966
She'll be all right, she's strong.
570
00:21:39,967 --> 00:21:42,969
There was one, though, good
thing that did happen tonight.
571
00:21:42,970 --> 00:21:44,704
Mm-hmm? What?
572
00:21:44,705 --> 00:21:46,340
She was chatting with
some of the night nurses
573
00:21:46,341 --> 00:21:48,942
and now they're all planning
a little girls weekend
574
00:21:48,943 --> 00:21:50,276
in Santa Barbara together.
575
00:21:50,277 --> 00:21:51,978
- Oh, that's nice.
- Yeah.
576
00:21:51,979 --> 00:21:53,947
Plus, all the nurses are in their 60's,
577
00:21:53,948 --> 00:21:57,317
so she'll probably look the best
in her bathing suit, which,
578
00:21:57,318 --> 00:22:00,153
obviously should not matter,
but let's be honest,
579
00:22:00,154 --> 00:22:02,155
feels pretty good.
580
00:22:02,156 --> 00:22:05,959
[CHUCKLING] Yeah, there's my wife.
581
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:07,294
All right.
582
00:22:09,664 --> 00:22:12,332
I never want to get divorced.
583
00:22:12,333 --> 00:22:14,834
It's nice to know all it took
was a drugging to get there.
584
00:22:14,835 --> 00:22:17,303
Well, you know, that's how
I make most of my decisions.
585
00:22:17,304 --> 00:22:19,005
I have to witness a drugging
586
00:22:19,006 --> 00:22:22,075
and then I really kind of
come to my senses.
587
00:22:22,076 --> 00:22:24,344
- You know that, right?
- Hmm, yeah, that's you.
588
00:22:24,345 --> 00:22:26,846
Oh, by the way, um,
589
00:22:26,847 --> 00:22:30,884
I may have offered to share you
with Jennifer in, like,
590
00:22:30,885 --> 00:22:34,488
some sort of "Big Love" situation, so...
591
00:22:34,489 --> 00:22:36,022
Are you kidding?
I've always had a fantasy
592
00:22:36,023 --> 00:22:38,324
about being a polygamist.
593
00:22:38,325 --> 00:22:40,860
- Really? That's your fantasy?
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
594
00:22:40,861 --> 00:22:43,697
While you're married you
fantasize about more marriages.
595
00:22:43,698 --> 00:22:47,368
- You sick motherfucker.
- [BOTH CHUCKLING]
596
00:22:48,703 --> 00:22:49,869
Yours looks good.
597
00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:51,938
Yeah, never go with that,
always go with this.
598
00:22:51,939 --> 00:22:54,107
- Always go...
- [PHONE VIBRATING]
599
00:22:54,108 --> 00:22:56,376
- My dad.
- Can you pick it up, please?
600
00:22:56,377 --> 00:22:59,045
Someone's gotta end the madness.
601
00:22:59,046 --> 00:23:02,782
- [PHONE VIBRATING]
- All right, I'll be right back.
602
00:23:02,783 --> 00:23:03,917
Hello.
603
00:23:03,918 --> 00:23:05,885
You cancelled the whole party?
604
00:23:05,886 --> 00:23:07,721
Oh, you mean the party that
you're not going to
605
00:23:07,722 --> 00:23:09,623
for your own birthday?
Yeah, I cancelled it.
606
00:23:09,624 --> 00:23:11,558
Now everyone's asking me what happened.
607
00:23:11,559 --> 00:23:13,292
Well, did you tell them
it's because you're upset
608
00:23:13,293 --> 00:23:15,929
that my party invitation
slightly tread on
609
00:23:15,930 --> 00:23:18,798
your roaring '20s thing that's
happening ten months from now?
610
00:23:18,799 --> 00:23:20,400
By the way, Dad, mine was burlesque,
611
00:23:20,401 --> 00:23:22,501
which is more '40s and '50s, okay?
612
00:23:22,578 --> 00:23:26,072
- Burlesque was popularized in the '20s.
- Okay, you know what,
613
00:23:26,073 --> 00:23:29,108
I'm sorry I'm not up to date
on my history of sex dancing.
614
00:23:29,109 --> 00:23:30,444
You know, I feel like this whole thing
615
00:23:30,445 --> 00:23:32,311
is just really a big misunderstanding.
616
00:23:32,312 --> 00:23:33,480
It's a misunderstanding?
617
00:23:33,481 --> 00:23:35,381
Personally I thought
your invite was insensitive,
618
00:23:35,382 --> 00:23:37,917
but now I can see that
it was unintentional.
619
00:23:37,918 --> 00:23:39,653
You just don't know anything.
620
00:23:39,654 --> 00:23:42,421
Wow! That's the apology?
621
00:23:42,461 --> 00:23:44,023
I mean about the '20s, honey.
622
00:23:44,103 --> 00:23:47,225
You know tons of other stuff.
You didn't let me finish there.
623
00:23:47,293 --> 00:23:51,130
Oh, my God. Dad, is this really what
this whole thing is about?
624
00:23:51,212 --> 00:23:55,048
Just because my invite
touched on your decade?
625
00:23:55,049 --> 00:23:57,384
- Well, yeah.
- Would it be helpful if I just
626
00:23:57,385 --> 00:24:00,119
bumped mine to the next
decade, the '30s?
627
00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:01,555
I'd love that.
628
00:24:01,556 --> 00:24:04,057
Great... wait, was there
burlesque in the '30s?
629
00:24:04,058 --> 00:24:07,126
Well, if it started in the '20s,
doesn't it make sense...
630
00:24:07,127 --> 00:24:09,363
Okay, perfect, then I don't have
to change anything else, right?
631
00:24:09,364 --> 00:24:11,565
Nope. Now I'm excited about the party.
632
00:24:11,566 --> 00:24:13,733
- So happy.
- I love you.
633
00:24:13,734 --> 00:24:15,969
I love you too, bye.
634
00:24:15,970 --> 00:24:17,737
- [PHONE BEEPS]
- Everything okay?
635
00:24:17,738 --> 00:24:21,074
Yeah, I mean, the party is
going to be literally exactly
636
00:24:21,075 --> 00:24:23,743
the same, but instead
of the '20s it's gonna be
637
00:24:23,744 --> 00:24:25,338
whatever the call the '30s.
638
00:24:25,411 --> 00:24:28,716
- The Depression.
- Yeah, that feels right.
639
00:24:28,718 --> 00:24:33,718
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640
00:24:33,768 --> 00:24:38,318
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