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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,346 --> 00:00:03,749 Mommy, can you please draw a picture of a Christmas tree? 2 00:00:03,750 --> 00:00:06,752 Christmas tree? It's, like, ten months 'til Christmas. 3 00:00:06,853 --> 00:00:09,087 I know. I just want to see you draw it. 4 00:00:09,238 --> 00:00:11,524 Okay. There we go. 5 00:00:11,525 --> 00:00:17,029 Uh, this is my Christmas tree, do a little star at the top. 6 00:00:17,030 --> 00:00:21,400 Now can you write, "You make the best cookies. Love, Santa." 7 00:00:21,401 --> 00:00:24,002 That seems like kind of a weird thing to want me to write, 8 00:00:24,094 --> 00:00:25,170 but, okay, what is it? 9 00:00:25,224 --> 00:00:31,043 "You make the best cookies, love..." 10 00:00:31,044 --> 00:00:34,537 - Santa. - Santa. Santa. There you go. 11 00:00:36,450 --> 00:00:40,285 - Now write it like you're in a hurry. - Like I'm in a hurry? 12 00:00:40,286 --> 00:00:46,590 Okay, uh, "You make the best cookies. Love, Santa," I gotta go! 13 00:00:47,927 --> 00:00:49,627 All right. It's not you. 14 00:00:49,641 --> 00:00:52,130 Honey, why would you think that Mommy was Santa Claus? 15 00:00:52,131 --> 00:00:53,499 Yeah, come on. 16 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:57,135 Opal's brother said Santa was really just parents. 17 00:00:57,136 --> 00:00:58,504 What? 18 00:00:58,505 --> 00:01:02,007 You think I have nothing better to do than stay up late and, 19 00:01:02,008 --> 00:01:04,577 and fill stockings and wrap presents? 20 00:01:04,578 --> 00:01:07,245 What do I like to do more than anything else in the world? 21 00:01:07,246 --> 00:01:08,346 Sleep. 22 00:01:08,347 --> 00:01:09,848 You do like to sleep. 23 00:01:09,849 --> 00:01:11,685 I knew it wasn't you. 24 00:01:14,754 --> 00:01:16,689 [WHISPERING] Hey, you know what? 25 00:01:16,690 --> 00:01:19,157 Fuck you... I am Santa. 26 00:01:19,158 --> 00:01:20,425 It's me! 27 00:01:20,426 --> 00:01:22,094 [SINGING WHISPER] ? I do you presents ? 28 00:01:22,095 --> 00:01:24,763 ? I fill your stockings ? 29 00:01:24,764 --> 00:01:26,331 That felt good. 30 00:01:26,332 --> 00:01:31,270 ? 31 00:01:31,272 --> 00:01:36,272 Synced and corrected by BLuk www.addic7ed.com 32 00:01:43,282 --> 00:01:45,217 And what side would you like with your sandwich? 33 00:01:45,218 --> 00:01:46,852 What are my choices? 34 00:01:46,853 --> 00:01:49,655 We have French fries, salad, rice... [SNIFFLING] 35 00:01:49,656 --> 00:01:51,456 and for an extra dollar you can have fruit. 36 00:01:51,457 --> 00:01:52,658 Okay, I'll have salad. 37 00:01:52,659 --> 00:01:55,027 Okay. What kind of dressing would you like? 38 00:01:55,028 --> 00:01:57,696 We have Ranch, Thousand Island, balsamic... 39 00:01:57,697 --> 00:01:58,864 You know what, I'm just gonna have rice. 40 00:01:58,865 --> 00:02:00,465 Rice sounds great, perfect. 41 00:02:00,466 --> 00:02:02,600 - Okay, I'll put that right in. - Thank you. 42 00:02:02,678 --> 00:02:04,169 - Thank you so much. - Yummy. 43 00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:05,204 [WHISPERING] Is she okay? 44 00:02:05,205 --> 00:02:07,840 I mean, she's, like, fully about to cry, right? 45 00:02:07,841 --> 00:02:10,075 - Ooh. I feel terrible. - Yeah. 46 00:02:10,076 --> 00:02:13,045 All right. Where are we on Bumbling? Are we Tindering? 47 00:02:13,046 --> 00:02:15,313 - Are we... is it happening? - I hate it. 48 00:02:15,314 --> 00:02:17,215 I just can't. The whole internet dating thing. 49 00:02:17,216 --> 00:02:18,483 - Come on. - It's "What do you do? 50 00:02:18,484 --> 00:02:21,486 "What do I do? Are you a serial killer? I'm not one." 51 00:02:21,487 --> 00:02:23,856 I got, like, two kids. I don't have time for it. 52 00:02:23,857 --> 00:02:25,891 I just need to find a Mike, is what I need to find. 53 00:02:25,892 --> 00:02:28,661 No... [MUMBLING] No, no, no, I mean, yeah, 54 00:02:28,662 --> 00:02:29,895 eventually, sure, that's the dream. 55 00:02:29,896 --> 00:02:32,698 But right now, you need to enjoy yourself, okay? 56 00:02:32,699 --> 00:02:34,066 This isn't gonna last forever. 57 00:02:34,067 --> 00:02:38,070 Right now you need to be knee-deep in dick. 58 00:02:38,071 --> 00:02:40,172 What does that mean? 59 00:02:40,173 --> 00:02:42,507 Well, when I first said it, I was visualizing, like, 60 00:02:42,508 --> 00:02:44,877 vertical dicks as high as your knee. 61 00:02:44,878 --> 00:02:47,045 Like a field of dicks? A field of dicks, 62 00:02:47,046 --> 00:02:49,247 but now I'm just going more of, like, a horizontal one 63 00:02:49,248 --> 00:02:52,350 flopped over the next, like a penis lasagna. 64 00:02:52,351 --> 00:02:54,419 - Yummy. - Or parfait. 65 00:02:54,420 --> 00:02:56,755 I'm so sorry, we are all out of turkey burgers. 66 00:02:56,756 --> 00:02:58,256 Can I get you something else? 67 00:02:58,257 --> 00:03:00,425 Oh, yeah, that's totally fine. 68 00:03:00,426 --> 00:03:04,262 Umm, uh, is there... should I look at the menu? 69 00:03:04,263 --> 00:03:07,265 - Uh, yeah, I can... - Oh, no, God, uh, 70 00:03:07,266 --> 00:03:09,682 that's, uh, I don't even need a menu. Whatever she has... 71 00:03:09,684 --> 00:03:11,103 I'll have the same as what she's ordering. 72 00:03:11,104 --> 00:03:13,606 You know what... okay. Any, any sandwich. 73 00:03:13,607 --> 00:03:15,608 Her sandwich is great. Thank you. 74 00:03:15,609 --> 00:03:17,910 Okay. Um, what side would you like? 75 00:03:17,911 --> 00:03:21,213 We have French fries, salad, rice. 76 00:03:21,214 --> 00:03:24,282 Rice, the rice, I'll definite... rice sounds great. 77 00:03:24,283 --> 00:03:25,751 Thank you. 78 00:03:25,752 --> 00:03:27,052 Okay, something is definitely going on. 79 00:03:27,053 --> 00:03:28,987 Should we ask her if she's okay? 80 00:03:28,988 --> 00:03:30,222 What, do you know her? 81 00:03:30,223 --> 00:03:33,258 No, but she's upset. She's looking for some sort of human... 82 00:03:33,259 --> 00:03:34,827 She does not want to talk about it. 83 00:03:34,828 --> 00:03:37,162 Okay, you know what, let's get back to you... 84 00:03:37,163 --> 00:03:38,731 [SINGING] ? Livin' the life ? 85 00:03:38,732 --> 00:03:40,498 ? That dreams were made of ? 86 00:03:40,499 --> 00:03:42,567 Why are you so excited about me dating? 87 00:03:42,568 --> 00:03:43,969 Because you can. 88 00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:46,504 And now I get to live vicariously through you. 89 00:03:46,505 --> 00:03:47,740 All right, want me to be honest with you? 90 00:03:47,741 --> 00:03:49,675 Yes. Please, finally. 91 00:03:49,676 --> 00:03:52,177 I have a very detailed fantasy about being a divorcee. 92 00:03:52,178 --> 00:03:54,813 And I know I'm happily married, so it's probably never gonna happen, 93 00:03:54,814 --> 00:03:57,750 but I would kill it out there. 94 00:03:57,751 --> 00:04:00,418 I just feel like it's who I was meant to be. 95 00:04:00,419 --> 00:04:01,820 - A divorcee. - Yes! 96 00:04:01,821 --> 00:04:04,289 - Who says "divorcee"? - Who? Me, I do. 97 00:04:04,290 --> 00:04:08,694 It's just like a sultry moniker from a bygone era, you know? 98 00:04:08,695 --> 00:04:10,829 Like a divorcee... 99 00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:14,700 she's not afraid to storm into a bank and demand a loan 100 00:04:14,701 --> 00:04:16,601 for her small business. 101 00:04:16,602 --> 00:04:19,371 She walks in a room and women grab their husbands and, like, 102 00:04:19,372 --> 00:04:21,640 "Don't talk to her, she's a divorcee." 103 00:04:21,641 --> 00:04:22,841 - Hmm. - And then they just wanna 104 00:04:22,842 --> 00:04:24,777 - talk to me more. - Even more. 105 00:04:24,778 --> 00:04:26,444 Yeah, yeah, 'cause it's forbidden. 106 00:04:26,445 --> 00:04:28,881 I gotta say, I feel like you have a really inaccurate picture 107 00:04:28,882 --> 00:04:30,783 of what it means to be a divorcee, though. 108 00:04:30,784 --> 00:04:32,450 No, I feel like I have a pretty good understanding. 109 00:04:32,451 --> 00:04:34,787 Here's your... tuna sandwiches, 110 00:04:34,788 --> 00:04:38,623 with rice, um, can I get you anything else? [SNIFFLES] 111 00:04:38,624 --> 00:04:40,225 You know what, I'm sorry, I don't mean to 112 00:04:40,226 --> 00:04:43,495 pry, but are you okay? We feel like there... 113 00:04:43,496 --> 00:04:45,497 that maybe you're having a rough time. 114 00:04:45,498 --> 00:04:46,999 If there's anything we can do... 115 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,968 Um, I'd really rather not talk about it. 116 00:04:49,969 --> 00:04:52,170 Can I get you some water? 117 00:04:52,171 --> 00:04:57,542 - No, I think we're good. Thank you. - No, thank you, thanks. 118 00:04:57,543 --> 00:05:00,312 That's a divorcee. 119 00:05:00,313 --> 00:05:01,814 All right, Dad, where's the rest of my stuff? 120 00:05:01,815 --> 00:05:02,981 What else do you need me to take? 121 00:05:02,982 --> 00:05:05,017 Oh, I think that's good enough. 122 00:05:05,018 --> 00:05:06,719 Seriously? This one box? 123 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,254 You said my stuff was taking over your garage. 124 00:05:09,255 --> 00:05:11,824 You used the word "overwhelmed". 125 00:05:11,825 --> 00:05:13,158 Well, it was in the way. 126 00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:15,928 As opposed to the three birdcages for the bird 127 00:05:15,929 --> 00:05:17,262 you've never purchased? 128 00:05:17,263 --> 00:05:19,264 Those were always supposed to be decorative. 129 00:05:19,265 --> 00:05:22,334 Yeah, they really give an air of whimsy to your garage. 130 00:05:22,335 --> 00:05:25,738 As does those super necessary collection of fedoras. 131 00:05:25,739 --> 00:05:26,905 Don't touch those hats. 132 00:05:26,906 --> 00:05:29,174 I wasn't planning on touching those. 133 00:05:29,175 --> 00:05:30,776 I'm saving them for my New Year's Eve party, 134 00:05:30,777 --> 00:05:32,177 the theme is Prohibition. 135 00:05:32,178 --> 00:05:35,347 By the way, I went clubbing with Bonnie last night. 136 00:05:35,348 --> 00:05:37,449 I think you and Mike would really like this place. 137 00:05:37,450 --> 00:05:39,617 Bonnie's daughter Stephanie dances there. 138 00:05:39,618 --> 00:05:42,087 I'm gonna take this in pieces. 139 00:05:42,088 --> 00:05:44,022 You and Bonnie went clubbing yesterday? 140 00:05:44,023 --> 00:05:45,557 - Yeah. - Dad... 141 00:05:45,558 --> 00:05:47,760 I don't think you mean clubbing. You went to a bar? 142 00:05:47,761 --> 00:05:48,761 No, it was a club, a dance club. 143 00:05:48,762 --> 00:05:50,228 Like, for elderly people? 144 00:05:50,229 --> 00:05:54,232 No, it's, it's a club called Xscape, with an "X". 145 00:05:54,233 --> 00:05:57,402 What? Oh, God, okay, was that, and that was fun for you? 146 00:05:57,403 --> 00:06:00,038 Yes. L.A. has some of the best clubs of anywhere 147 00:06:00,039 --> 00:06:02,808 in the country, I mean, that and all the weed dispensaries. 148 00:06:02,809 --> 00:06:04,242 Have you heard about edibles? 149 00:06:04,243 --> 00:06:06,411 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow! 150 00:06:06,412 --> 00:06:09,714 You, you partaking? Bonnie and I like to party. 151 00:06:09,715 --> 00:06:11,383 Super cool, super cool. 152 00:06:11,384 --> 00:06:14,920 Okay, okay, well, it sounds like you guys are really, uh, 153 00:06:14,921 --> 00:06:16,621 exploring a whole new world. 154 00:06:16,622 --> 00:06:18,223 - Okay, good for you. - Yep. 155 00:06:18,224 --> 00:06:21,393 And you said Bonnie's daughter dances at Xscape with an "X"? 156 00:06:21,394 --> 00:06:23,728 Yes, she does. 157 00:06:23,729 --> 00:06:26,498 I hesitate to ask this, but... 158 00:06:26,499 --> 00:06:29,401 - Does she wear a top? - Oh, for Christ's sake. 159 00:06:29,402 --> 00:06:31,069 Okay! I didn't know! 160 00:06:31,070 --> 00:06:33,005 She wears a little, like a bra thing 161 00:06:33,006 --> 00:06:35,273 and there's kind of like a bootie shorts. 162 00:06:35,274 --> 00:06:36,942 - It's gorgeous. - Oh, Jesus! 163 00:06:36,943 --> 00:06:40,012 Oh, please, Dad, never, ever say "bootie short" 164 00:06:40,013 --> 00:06:44,449 or gesture in this way in any capacity again. 165 00:06:44,450 --> 00:06:46,451 You will meet Stephanie at my birthday party. 166 00:06:46,452 --> 00:06:48,120 Great. I look forward to that. 167 00:06:48,121 --> 00:06:49,687 And by the way, speaking of your party, 168 00:06:49,688 --> 00:06:51,256 you need to give me the invite list. 169 00:06:51,257 --> 00:06:53,091 I want to get the invites out this weekend. 170 00:06:53,092 --> 00:06:54,793 What do you have planned for my birthday? 171 00:06:54,794 --> 00:06:57,429 I don't know, I'm exploring some options. 172 00:06:57,430 --> 00:06:59,364 - Hmm. - Dad, maybe you could slip into 173 00:06:59,365 --> 00:07:02,801 one of these super cool leather jackets for your birthday. 174 00:07:02,802 --> 00:07:06,338 You seem to have a very extensive collection. 175 00:07:06,339 --> 00:07:09,107 If you want any of those, please, help yourself. 176 00:07:10,043 --> 00:07:11,543 Oh, there we go. 177 00:07:11,544 --> 00:07:14,146 I cha-cha-cha, da-lata-ta, ooh-da. 178 00:07:14,147 --> 00:07:15,647 - Is that a tell? - Come on. 179 00:07:15,648 --> 00:07:16,849 You're a terrible bluffer. 180 00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:17,950 - Yeah, come on. - That's a terrible bluff! 181 00:07:17,951 --> 00:07:19,885 Really? I think it was the best bluff ever. 182 00:07:19,886 --> 00:07:22,821 Ooh, guys, it's official. 183 00:07:22,822 --> 00:07:27,935 My friend Jennifer is on Bumble and open for biz! 184 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,227 Hey, I'm on Bumble. What's your friend's last name? 185 00:07:30,254 --> 00:07:32,378 No offense, Gavin, but you clearly 186 00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:34,665 - have herpes on your head. - [LAUGHS] 187 00:07:34,734 --> 00:07:37,769 I just... I don't actually feel comfortable... 188 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,504 It was a surfing accident. You said you couldn't even notice it. 189 00:07:39,505 --> 00:07:40,839 Yeah, you can't. 190 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,474 - It's hardly noticeable. - He's lying to you. 191 00:07:42,475 --> 00:07:45,643 It's... very noticeable, and honestly, hard to look at. 192 00:07:45,644 --> 00:07:48,746 Also, I'm not gonna set you up with a living, breathing saint, 193 00:07:48,747 --> 00:07:50,983 so go fuck yourself. 194 00:07:50,984 --> 00:07:52,484 - Whoa. - It's okay, she's right. 195 00:07:52,485 --> 00:07:54,186 I have been meaning to go fuck myself. 196 00:07:54,187 --> 00:07:55,353 - See? - Wow. 197 00:07:55,354 --> 00:07:57,189 By the way, he is delightful. 198 00:07:57,190 --> 00:07:58,823 Why did you say he was gonna be terrible? 199 00:07:58,824 --> 00:08:00,658 - I never said that. - I can't work with you anymore. 200 00:08:00,659 --> 00:08:01,927 Um, let me ask you a question. 201 00:08:01,928 --> 00:08:03,828 - How long was your friend married for? - Nine years. 202 00:08:03,829 --> 00:08:05,597 Which sucks for her, because had she made it 203 00:08:05,598 --> 00:08:07,532 to the ten year mark, then she could've gotten alimony 204 00:08:07,533 --> 00:08:09,034 until she remarries. 205 00:08:09,035 --> 00:08:11,870 Now she's only getting it for half the length of the marriage, 206 00:08:11,871 --> 00:08:13,338 which, you know, 'cause it's California, in other states 207 00:08:13,339 --> 00:08:14,672 they're slightly different. 208 00:08:14,673 --> 00:08:17,042 Um, you seem to know an awful lot lot about divorce. 209 00:08:17,043 --> 00:08:19,277 Honey, you know I have a fantasy about being a divorcee. 210 00:08:19,278 --> 00:08:20,712 Yeah. I don't love that about you. 211 00:08:20,713 --> 00:08:23,848 Uh, can we lose the leather now? I mean, it's a little... 212 00:08:23,849 --> 00:08:26,018 - No! - ...snug and smells like 213 00:08:26,019 --> 00:08:28,286 - Cool Water in there. - You look like a marionette. 214 00:08:28,287 --> 00:08:30,288 A good marionette, not like one of the creepy ones. 215 00:08:30,289 --> 00:08:31,389 I would disagree. 216 00:08:31,390 --> 00:08:33,191 I think you look like a creepy marionette, 217 00:08:33,192 --> 00:08:34,960 but I find that very attractive. 218 00:08:34,961 --> 00:08:36,528 I'll take it. 219 00:08:36,529 --> 00:08:38,730 I love my jacket, and I can't wait to wear it out to a club. 220 00:08:38,731 --> 00:08:40,899 Great... you know what, you should go to Xscape with an "X". 221 00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:42,800 That's the club my 70-year-old father 222 00:08:42,801 --> 00:08:45,237 and his allergist girlfriend are frequenting these days. 223 00:08:45,238 --> 00:08:46,471 That sounds amazing. 224 00:08:46,472 --> 00:08:47,973 No, no, it's a new development. 225 00:08:47,974 --> 00:08:50,408 - He's only newly amazing. - That sounds awesome. 226 00:08:50,409 --> 00:08:52,244 My dad is turning into a recluse. 227 00:08:52,245 --> 00:08:54,412 Oh, that sounds adorable. 228 00:08:54,413 --> 00:08:55,747 But your dad seems cool as hell. 229 00:08:55,748 --> 00:08:56,814 You know what, you want my dad, you can have him. 230 00:08:56,815 --> 00:08:58,550 Then you can plan his 70th birthday. 231 00:08:58,551 --> 00:08:59,918 Well, you should do it in a club. 232 00:08:59,919 --> 00:09:01,753 I'm not encouraging this behavior of my dad's. 233 00:09:01,754 --> 00:09:03,655 No, come on, you should. 234 00:09:03,656 --> 00:09:05,223 I mean, what do you care? He'd probably love it. 235 00:09:05,224 --> 00:09:07,425 Ugh, he probably would love it, I don't know. 236 00:09:07,426 --> 00:09:10,929 I'm like, I... I mean, I guess I could lean into it and, what, 237 00:09:10,930 --> 00:09:12,764 look into something like a burlesque club or something? 238 00:09:12,765 --> 00:09:13,932 - Ooh, yes. - Yes! 239 00:09:13,933 --> 00:09:15,267 So now I gotta watch women take their clothes off 240 00:09:15,268 --> 00:09:16,935 while celebrating your dad's birth? 241 00:09:16,936 --> 00:09:19,171 Come on, first of all, you're making it sound like a strip club. 242 00:09:19,172 --> 00:09:23,275 This is more like old-timey whores, like in a saloon. 243 00:09:23,276 --> 00:09:24,909 I like old timey whores. 244 00:09:24,910 --> 00:09:27,775 - Ooh... I'm leaving you for Gavin. - Great. 245 00:09:31,188 --> 00:09:34,190 Why is he still needing help to get to the bathroom? 246 00:09:34,191 --> 00:09:35,859 - Isn't he blind? - I know, I'm just saying 247 00:09:35,860 --> 00:09:37,327 he's here all the time 248 00:09:37,328 --> 00:09:39,829 and he's always asking people to lead him to the bathroom. 249 00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:41,531 - I led him to the bathroom. - So what? 250 00:09:41,532 --> 00:09:43,400 So isn't that one of the perks of being blind, 251 00:09:43,401 --> 00:09:45,902 like your other senses step up and then it's easier for you 252 00:09:45,903 --> 00:09:48,037 to learn the lay of the land? 253 00:09:48,038 --> 00:09:50,239 Are you serious, a perk? That's a perk of being blind? 254 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,376 - Actually, it is a perk. - That term is not... 255 00:09:52,377 --> 00:09:54,911 Dealing with it, that is one of the upsides, I would say. 256 00:09:54,912 --> 00:09:57,581 - What's wrong? - This guy just texted me on Bumble. 257 00:09:57,582 --> 00:10:00,417 Ooh, let me see, let me see, let me see. 258 00:10:00,418 --> 00:10:03,720 "Hi, Jennifer, how's it going? I'm in town from Chicago for a few days. 259 00:10:03,721 --> 00:10:07,390 Would you want to grab a drink?" Yah, yah, you do want to grab a drink. 260 00:10:07,541 --> 00:10:08,558 - No, I don't. - How do I respond? 261 00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:11,027 He doesn't even live here, and he's only here for a few days. 262 00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:13,096 Exactly, that's what we're looking for. 263 00:10:13,097 --> 00:10:15,098 [SINGING] ? He wants to fuck you ? 264 00:10:15,099 --> 00:10:18,067 - ? And you should let him ? - What is happening? 265 00:10:18,068 --> 00:10:20,537 Just a powerful musical diversion. 266 00:10:20,538 --> 00:10:22,739 I'm like the Lin Manuel Miranda of fuck songs. 267 00:10:22,740 --> 00:10:25,409 Okay, listen, let's write back something like, 268 00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:28,712 "Do you need a place to stay? I've got an extra room, 269 00:10:28,713 --> 00:10:31,615 - [MUMBLING] in my vagina." - Oh, my God. 270 00:10:31,616 --> 00:10:32,782 - No! - It's a joke. 271 00:10:32,783 --> 00:10:33,883 I can't... 272 00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:36,119 They like funny on these sites, okay? 273 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:37,787 God, I would crush this! 274 00:10:37,788 --> 00:10:40,123 Do you know how hard it is to know that I have a gift 275 00:10:40,124 --> 00:10:42,459 that I'm never gonna be able to share with the world? 276 00:10:42,460 --> 00:10:43,960 This didn't exist when I was single. 277 00:10:43,961 --> 00:10:46,463 - Mm-hmm. - Oh, he is cute, though. 278 00:10:46,464 --> 00:10:49,733 - I could see myself with him. - You're married, though, so... 279 00:10:49,734 --> 00:10:52,469 Yeah, happily, that's my cross to bear, okay? 280 00:10:52,470 --> 00:10:55,138 Can you just let me have this one thing? 281 00:10:55,139 --> 00:10:56,305 Sorry, go ahead. 282 00:10:56,306 --> 00:10:58,942 Ooh, he likes trying new foods. 283 00:10:58,943 --> 00:11:01,778 You know what, Erin, I'll try new foods with you... 284 00:11:01,779 --> 00:11:03,279 all over your body! 285 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:06,149 I mean, nothing spicy or dairy, although, ooh, 286 00:11:06,150 --> 00:11:08,952 I'd throw back a couple of Lactaids for this guy. 287 00:11:08,953 --> 00:11:10,454 I find it really interesting 288 00:11:10,455 --> 00:11:12,822 that in your fantasies you're still lactose intolerant. 289 00:11:12,823 --> 00:11:16,660 Well, I just like to be responsible even in my fantasies. 290 00:11:16,661 --> 00:11:17,961 Who else do you got in here? 291 00:11:17,962 --> 00:11:19,963 I don't know, just a bunch of dudes. 292 00:11:19,964 --> 00:11:21,498 What age did you put in here? 293 00:11:21,499 --> 00:11:24,434 - Forty-five to 70. - Forty-five to 70? 294 00:11:24,435 --> 00:11:27,637 I know, like, to a 70-year-old, then I'm gonna be, 295 00:11:27,638 --> 00:11:29,305 - like, you know... - Yeah? 296 00:11:29,306 --> 00:11:31,775 - Ha-cha-cha. - You could be a cha-cha-cha to, 297 00:11:31,776 --> 00:11:33,309 like, a 50-year-old. 298 00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:36,145 This is what, this is what you're looking for, Brad? 299 00:11:36,146 --> 00:11:37,814 - He's on the older end. - Yeah. 300 00:11:37,815 --> 00:11:40,984 I'm just... I'm looking for, like, a long-term relationship. 301 00:11:40,985 --> 00:11:44,320 He's not gonna be around that long, so, not the route to go. 302 00:11:44,321 --> 00:11:45,655 I understand what you're saying, but, like, 303 00:11:45,656 --> 00:11:47,356 what am I gonna do with, like, a 25-year-old? 304 00:11:47,357 --> 00:11:48,825 Have sex with him. 305 00:11:48,826 --> 00:11:50,627 Yeah, I mean, yeah, I could have sex with a 25-year-old. 306 00:11:50,628 --> 00:11:51,828 Wait, I was joking. 307 00:11:51,829 --> 00:11:53,530 Do you really think we could have sex with a 25... 308 00:11:53,531 --> 00:11:55,331 - Let's do... that's the plan. - What is "we"? 309 00:11:55,332 --> 00:11:57,366 - What is "we"? - I'm having sex through you. 310 00:11:57,367 --> 00:12:01,204 Such a weird thing to say, like, a really weird thing to say. 311 00:12:01,205 --> 00:12:04,040 - No... but I love it so much. - I don't think... 312 00:12:04,041 --> 00:12:05,374 I'm so glad that you're happy. 313 00:12:05,375 --> 00:12:07,711 I feel like I'm not ready to date yet. 314 00:12:07,712 --> 00:12:09,679 I tried, I just, I can't, I'm not ready. 315 00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,716 Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine. Let's take men out of the equation. 316 00:12:12,717 --> 00:12:15,184 You still need to go out and have some fun 317 00:12:15,185 --> 00:12:16,553 like a single person would. 318 00:12:16,554 --> 00:12:19,022 - I'm not going to a club. - No, you're not my father. 319 00:12:19,023 --> 00:12:22,559 But, can we just go, like, to a fun, trendy bar? 320 00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,561 Okay, fine. 321 00:12:24,562 --> 00:12:27,063 We can go to a bar, but I'm not washing my hair. 322 00:12:27,064 --> 00:12:28,364 - Hmm? - It's off my hair cycle. 323 00:12:28,365 --> 00:12:30,166 I'm not washing my hair. You need a cycle. 324 00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:34,403 Oh, my God, look... seriously? Again? 325 00:12:34,404 --> 00:12:36,072 Did he just get side boob? 326 00:12:36,073 --> 00:12:38,708 Oh, my God, he just got side boobs. 327 00:12:38,709 --> 00:12:41,210 - I can't handle you right now. - You didn't see his hand? 328 00:12:41,211 --> 00:12:44,412 [LAUGHING] No. A total crazy person. 329 00:12:44,749 --> 00:12:46,215 Oh I got the invite to your dad's party. 330 00:12:46,216 --> 00:12:47,517 Right? 331 00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:49,218 [SINGING] ? We're goin' clubbing ? 332 00:12:49,219 --> 00:12:52,355 ? For my dad's 70th birthday ? 333 00:12:52,356 --> 00:12:53,523 There's gonna be burlesque. 334 00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:55,391 I got a specialty drink named after him... 335 00:12:55,392 --> 00:12:57,060 the Martinini. 336 00:12:57,061 --> 00:12:58,928 - It's not my best. - It's not your worst. 337 00:12:58,929 --> 00:13:01,264 How dare you? 338 00:13:01,265 --> 00:13:04,534 I do still think it's weird that this is now Dad's life, 339 00:13:04,535 --> 00:13:07,537 that he's drinking, doing drugs, going to clubs. 340 00:13:07,538 --> 00:13:09,105 Well, you know, he's recently divorced, 341 00:13:09,106 --> 00:13:10,940 and that's one of the upsides, you can do whatever you want. 342 00:13:10,941 --> 00:13:12,942 That's what I say. 343 00:13:12,943 --> 00:13:15,378 Mom, I'm gonna be honest with you. 344 00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:17,413 I have a little fantasy about being a divorcee. 345 00:13:17,414 --> 00:13:19,716 - Me too! - You've been one twice! 346 00:13:19,717 --> 00:13:21,417 Both times you jumped right back into marriage. 347 00:13:21,418 --> 00:13:24,453 I know, I never did it right, so I fantasize about the next one. 348 00:13:24,454 --> 00:13:26,122 "The next one"? 349 00:13:26,123 --> 00:13:27,557 Don't you think you're gonna be more of, like, 350 00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:29,593 a widow that time, less of a divorcee? 351 00:13:29,594 --> 00:13:32,896 Yeah, but isn't that the dream scenario? 352 00:13:32,897 --> 00:13:34,798 I also have thought that, right? 353 00:13:34,799 --> 00:13:36,099 Right, I mean, it ups the sympathy, 354 00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:37,466 it cuts down on a lot of the paperwork. 355 00:13:37,467 --> 00:13:39,636 And there's, like, a clean break, there's no guilt. 356 00:13:39,637 --> 00:13:42,105 - [PHONE DINGS] - Ooh, more RSVP's. 357 00:13:42,106 --> 00:13:43,940 David's in, you're in, thank you. 358 00:13:43,941 --> 00:13:45,609 Uncle Richard's in. 359 00:13:45,610 --> 00:13:47,243 We got a "no". 360 00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:49,112 Dad RSVP'd no to his own party. 361 00:13:49,113 --> 00:13:50,814 Why do I let him near technology? 362 00:13:50,815 --> 00:13:51,981 When I'm a widow, I'm only dating men 363 00:13:51,982 --> 00:13:53,382 who are good at technology. 364 00:13:53,383 --> 00:13:55,684 Yeah, well, that's gonna be tough in your age group, mom. 365 00:13:55,721 --> 00:13:57,987 You might want to just aim for good breath. 366 00:13:57,988 --> 00:13:59,422 Yeah, that's a good one. 367 00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:01,158 Or no colostomy bag. 368 00:14:02,459 --> 00:14:03,660 - Hey, Dad. - Hey. 369 00:14:03,661 --> 00:14:05,494 All right, I'm taking your computer away. 370 00:14:05,495 --> 00:14:07,496 You RSVP'd no to your party. 371 00:14:07,497 --> 00:14:08,732 It was not a mistake. 372 00:14:08,733 --> 00:14:10,299 - What? - As you know, 373 00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:13,336 I have been planning my New Year's party for some time now, 374 00:14:13,337 --> 00:14:16,339 and the theme and premise of my party was going back in time 375 00:14:16,340 --> 00:14:18,441 to a time of cocktails... 376 00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:21,811 an era of more thought towards dress and fun in a past era. 377 00:14:21,812 --> 00:14:24,180 Ah, right, right, one of those classic parties. 378 00:14:24,181 --> 00:14:28,351 And while I appreciate your efforts, I'm a little bit upset 379 00:14:28,352 --> 00:14:31,187 that your premise and invite steals some of the thunder 380 00:14:31,188 --> 00:14:33,156 and excitement from my event. 381 00:14:33,157 --> 00:14:35,859 What? I, I am so confused right now. 382 00:14:35,860 --> 00:14:38,327 What, what exactly is happening right now? 383 00:14:38,328 --> 00:14:41,798 Well, my party theme was the Roaring '20s. 384 00:14:41,799 --> 00:14:43,833 - You copied it! - First of all, Dad, 385 00:14:43,834 --> 00:14:46,970 you said that your theme was Prohibition, 386 00:14:46,971 --> 00:14:48,872 and also, my party is not '20s. 387 00:14:48,873 --> 00:14:50,874 You called it "The Great Grandsby". 388 00:14:50,875 --> 00:14:53,542 I was trying to give it a cutesy name to disguise the fact 389 00:14:53,543 --> 00:14:56,045 that it's a bunch of old people heading out to a club. 390 00:14:56,046 --> 00:14:58,481 There was a flapper on the invite. 391 00:14:58,482 --> 00:15:00,349 'Cause she was dancing, 392 00:15:00,350 --> 00:15:02,686 and apparently that's your new hobby. 393 00:15:02,687 --> 00:15:05,321 Dad, I was trying to throw you a party, okay? 394 00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:06,990 Not insult you. 395 00:15:06,991 --> 00:15:08,725 Well, between the two things, honey... 396 00:15:08,726 --> 00:15:09,893 All right, you know what, Dad? 397 00:15:09,894 --> 00:15:12,195 Assuming that this was a legitimate beef, 398 00:15:12,196 --> 00:15:14,063 which, by the way, is insane, 399 00:15:14,064 --> 00:15:16,399 this is the way you chose to go about it, 400 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:20,369 by just casually RSVP-ing no to your own party and then, 401 00:15:20,370 --> 00:15:22,171 and then just waiting for me to notice? 402 00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:23,740 Well, I knew it would get your attention. 403 00:15:23,741 --> 00:15:25,508 You know what, Dad, I put a lot of time and effort 404 00:15:25,509 --> 00:15:27,176 into this party, and if that's not something 405 00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:29,045 that you're gonna appreciate, I honestly, 406 00:15:29,046 --> 00:15:30,847 I don't know what else to say, okay? 407 00:15:30,848 --> 00:15:33,550 - I gotta go. - [PHONE BEEPS] 408 00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:39,055 You've got to be fucking kidding me. 409 00:15:39,056 --> 00:15:40,423 [MIKE] So, what are you gonna do? 410 00:15:40,424 --> 00:15:42,091 Oh, I cancelled the party. 411 00:15:42,092 --> 00:15:44,427 I sent out the email already. 412 00:15:44,428 --> 00:15:46,095 - Whoa. - What was I supposed to do? 413 00:15:46,096 --> 00:15:49,365 He's acting like a 17-year-old girl at prom who's crying, 414 00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:50,867 not because someone has the same prom dress, 415 00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:53,569 but someone's got one with a similar sleeve. 416 00:15:53,570 --> 00:15:56,405 The similarities of your dad and a teenage girl are striking. 417 00:15:56,406 --> 00:15:58,607 This is why you shouldn't do nice things for people. 418 00:15:58,608 --> 00:16:00,109 I don't want to get in trouble for being nice, but... 419 00:16:00,110 --> 00:16:02,578 - Well, then don't. - You're looking good. 420 00:16:02,579 --> 00:16:05,782 Why are you wasting this on going out with Jennifer, huh? 421 00:16:05,783 --> 00:16:08,084 Mmm, okay, you know when you say stuff like that 422 00:16:08,085 --> 00:16:11,587 you make it very hard for me to fantasize about divorcing you. 423 00:16:11,588 --> 00:16:14,390 Okay. There's been a lot of divorce talk lately. 424 00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:17,293 - Should I be concerned? - No, sadly we're definitely 425 00:16:17,294 --> 00:16:20,063 gonna die in each other's arms. 426 00:16:20,064 --> 00:16:21,430 - Cool? - I mean, obviously, 427 00:16:21,431 --> 00:16:24,600 I don't want to divorce you, I love you, blah-blah-blah. 428 00:16:24,601 --> 00:16:27,971 But, you know, I mean, you gotta admit, 429 00:16:27,972 --> 00:16:30,473 if you were, like, free from me for, like, three weeks, 430 00:16:30,474 --> 00:16:33,442 you could date, just like, do whatever you want... 431 00:16:33,443 --> 00:16:35,311 - I'm all on board with that, but... - Right? 432 00:16:35,312 --> 00:16:37,280 Would you be able to get all that you want done 433 00:16:37,281 --> 00:16:39,415 - in three weeks? - Yeah, good call, actually. 434 00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:40,817 You know what, let's jam it up to a year. 435 00:16:40,818 --> 00:16:42,418 - Wow, a year. - Yeah. 436 00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:43,652 Listen, this isn't just for me, you know. 437 00:16:43,653 --> 00:16:45,054 - Hmm. - You know that 438 00:16:45,055 --> 00:16:47,556 if you're out there, on the market, you're, like, 439 00:16:47,557 --> 00:16:49,492 - a hot commod. - Wow, thank you. 440 00:16:49,493 --> 00:16:51,494 I mean, I do feel like you'd probably, like, 441 00:16:51,495 --> 00:16:54,597 just fall into something serious with one person right away. 442 00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:57,967 I'm gonna play the market, gonna find, like, 40 dudes. 443 00:16:57,968 --> 00:16:59,668 Wow, that's excessive. 444 00:16:59,669 --> 00:17:02,772 - That's not even one a week, Mike. - It still seems high to me. 445 00:17:02,773 --> 00:17:06,442 I'm being conservative. I could go up to 52 with a whole year. 446 00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:10,313 I could go up to 104, really. I could get two done in a week. 447 00:17:10,314 --> 00:17:11,848 Now you're just showing off your math skills. 448 00:17:11,849 --> 00:17:13,449 Wish me luck. I love you. 449 00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:14,818 Good luck... good luck? 450 00:17:14,819 --> 00:17:16,786 Hey, that doesn't start tonight. 451 00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:19,088 It might be... it depends how tonight goes. 452 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:23,576 See, nothing crazy, it's just a bar. 453 00:17:23,577 --> 00:17:24,910 You've been in them before, right? 454 00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:27,446 How are there so many people here on a weeknight? 455 00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:28,814 They're single. 456 00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:30,316 I mean, some of these people are, like, our age. 457 00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:31,917 They have to have kids and stuff. 458 00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:34,420 It's one of the perks of being divorced, you can go out. 459 00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,922 Again, I feel like we have really different definitions 460 00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:38,291 of the word "perk". 461 00:17:38,292 --> 00:17:40,193 - I don't think we do. - What can I get for you ladies? 462 00:17:40,194 --> 00:17:43,429 - Um, I will have a white wine. - Don't be an asshole. 463 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,431 Um, can we have two Manhattans, please? 464 00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,599 - Thank you. - Thank you. 465 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:47,833 - You're welcome. - She's the boss. 466 00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:49,702 Listen, it is a perk, because now 467 00:17:49,703 --> 00:17:51,437 you have a built-in baby sitter, okay? 468 00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:54,207 Who else loves your kids as much as the spouse you hate? 469 00:17:54,208 --> 00:17:55,308 [SCOFFS] Okay. 470 00:17:55,309 --> 00:17:56,309 - And by the way... - Hmm? 471 00:17:56,310 --> 00:17:58,144 He also is gonna take them for, like, 472 00:17:58,145 --> 00:18:00,679 a week or more in the summer. 473 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,782 So you are just like, what do I do with myself? 474 00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,951 You can go to Europe, you can go to England, 475 00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:08,321 you can go to on one of those horrible looking cruises 476 00:18:08,322 --> 00:18:10,189 they're always pushing in front of "Downton Abbey". 477 00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,290 - On the river? - On the river. 478 00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:12,525 I don't want to do that. 479 00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:13,892 Literally, and I've thought about this, 480 00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:15,328 the only way to have a great vacation when you have kids 481 00:18:15,329 --> 00:18:16,729 is to get divorced. 482 00:18:16,730 --> 00:18:19,332 That's a dark perk, but it is a perk nonetheless. 483 00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:20,499 That's my specialty. 484 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:21,800 Yes. [LAUGHING] 485 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,236 Cheers. 486 00:18:23,237 --> 00:18:27,073 [BACKGROUND CONVERSATIONS] 487 00:18:27,074 --> 00:18:29,676 [LAUGHING] 488 00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,345 It's like riding a bike. 489 00:18:32,346 --> 00:18:35,181 Yeah, and, like, she can only do it for 20 minutes at a time. 490 00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:37,650 And end up with a sore crotch at the end of the night. 491 00:18:37,651 --> 00:18:38,718 It's your turn. 492 00:18:42,356 --> 00:18:44,323 You raise chickens in your yard? 493 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:47,226 I would love to have fresh eggs. I should get some chickens. 494 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:50,163 Yeah, I see absolutely no downside to that plan. 495 00:18:50,864 --> 00:18:52,732 [LAUGHING] 496 00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:56,369 And I tried to grab her, and I'm yelling, "Are you okay?" 497 00:18:56,370 --> 00:18:58,571 And she vomited into my mouth. 498 00:18:58,572 --> 00:19:00,106 Shut up! 499 00:19:00,107 --> 00:19:01,674 I love this story so much. 500 00:19:01,675 --> 00:19:02,941 All right, well, I just text you then the next time 501 00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,510 I'm in Griffith Park. 502 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,011 All right, the next time I'm in Atwater Village 503 00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:08,681 I'm gonna text you. Amazing. 504 00:19:08,682 --> 00:19:11,584 Ooh, I got a good photo of you mid-dart throw. 505 00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:13,186 I am so very drunk. 506 00:19:13,187 --> 00:19:14,720 You are such a lightweight. 507 00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:17,123 What did you have, like, one drink and part of a beer? 508 00:19:17,124 --> 00:19:18,857 Yeah, I think I just don't go out very often, 509 00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:20,626 so it just went straight to my head. 510 00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:22,195 Is it bad that I feel fine? 511 00:19:22,196 --> 00:19:24,031 I'm glad we Uber-ed but... 512 00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:27,300 Are you okay? 513 00:19:27,301 --> 00:19:29,236 [WHISPERING] I really, I don't feel good. 514 00:19:31,405 --> 00:19:32,871 [MONITOR BEEPING] 515 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,940 You're in a hospital. 516 00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,475 You were roofied. 517 00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:37,610 What? 518 00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,945 I know, I, I, I was with you the entire time, 519 00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:41,647 you're completely fine. 520 00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,282 As soon as we saw that anything was wrong, 521 00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:44,717 we went straight to the Emergency Room. 522 00:19:44,718 --> 00:19:46,719 Oh, my God, I was roofied? 523 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:51,624 Yes, apparently you were roofied. 524 00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:53,726 We, we, we got fluids going through you, 525 00:19:53,727 --> 00:19:54,893 we're getting it out of the system. 526 00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,495 This happened at the bar? 527 00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:59,832 I assume so, I, I, I don't know. 528 00:19:59,833 --> 00:20:02,168 I'm so sorry for forcing you to go out. 529 00:20:02,169 --> 00:20:05,238 You were right, it is a shit show out there. 530 00:20:05,239 --> 00:20:07,139 Listen, if you still want companionship, 531 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,976 I will share Mike with you in, in, like a "Sister Love" situation. 532 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:12,645 You mean "Sister Wives". 533 00:20:12,646 --> 00:20:14,447 The wives, the wives, the wives situation. 534 00:20:14,448 --> 00:20:17,850 "Sister Love", that's a darker, darker thing. 535 00:20:17,851 --> 00:20:21,086 - How are you feeling? - I guess I'm just glad I'm okay. 536 00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:22,788 I can't believe that happened. 537 00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:25,191 I thought only college students and stupid people 538 00:20:25,192 --> 00:20:27,760 who go to raves get roofied. 539 00:20:27,761 --> 00:20:32,265 On the bright side, I guess it means you still got it. 540 00:20:32,266 --> 00:20:33,532 [MUMBLING] Oh Andrea... 541 00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:34,700 - Sorry. - I don't like that. 542 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:35,834 - So sorry. - Yeah. 543 00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:37,203 Way too soon. 544 00:20:37,204 --> 00:20:39,938 You know what, I'm gonna go grab you a juice. 545 00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:42,308 Promise I won't put anything in it. 546 00:20:42,309 --> 00:20:45,278 Again, I joke when I'm uncomfortable, you know that. 547 00:20:45,279 --> 00:20:46,545 I'm sorry. 548 00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:49,282 You were drugged. [LAUGHING] 549 00:20:49,283 --> 00:20:51,049 That is not something to laugh at. 550 00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:53,219 That is a fact. 551 00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:54,820 - Hmm. - I will be right back. 552 00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:58,458 - Um, do you want this open or... - Go get the juice. 553 00:21:00,928 --> 00:21:02,061 [SIGHING] 554 00:21:02,062 --> 00:21:05,399 - [MUMBLING] Hey... - Hi. 555 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:06,500 Is she okay? 556 00:21:06,501 --> 00:21:07,901 Yeah. 557 00:21:07,902 --> 00:21:10,304 She's groggy, but she's gonna be fine. 558 00:21:10,305 --> 00:21:11,605 [SIGHING] 559 00:21:11,606 --> 00:21:14,274 - It's so crazy. - I know. 560 00:21:14,275 --> 00:21:16,943 I mean, I feel like this is my fault. 561 00:21:16,944 --> 00:21:20,280 She told me she didn't want to go, and I forced her to go out. 562 00:21:20,281 --> 00:21:21,481 It's not your fault. 563 00:21:21,482 --> 00:21:24,183 You didn't know that that would happen. 564 00:21:24,184 --> 00:21:25,652 I know, but what if this is, like, 565 00:21:25,653 --> 00:21:28,121 the thing that makes her, like, 566 00:21:28,122 --> 00:21:29,623 never go out again? 567 00:21:29,624 --> 00:21:33,026 She was just getting out there, 568 00:21:33,027 --> 00:21:37,531 and then... she needed to get fucking roofied? 569 00:21:37,532 --> 00:21:39,966 She'll be all right, she's strong. 570 00:21:39,967 --> 00:21:42,969 There was one, though, good thing that did happen tonight. 571 00:21:42,970 --> 00:21:44,704 Mm-hmm? What? 572 00:21:44,705 --> 00:21:46,340 She was chatting with some of the night nurses 573 00:21:46,341 --> 00:21:48,942 and now they're all planning a little girls weekend 574 00:21:48,943 --> 00:21:50,276 in Santa Barbara together. 575 00:21:50,277 --> 00:21:51,978 - Oh, that's nice. - Yeah. 576 00:21:51,979 --> 00:21:53,947 Plus, all the nurses are in their 60's, 577 00:21:53,948 --> 00:21:57,317 so she'll probably look the best in her bathing suit, which, 578 00:21:57,318 --> 00:22:00,153 obviously should not matter, but let's be honest, 579 00:22:00,154 --> 00:22:02,155 feels pretty good. 580 00:22:02,156 --> 00:22:05,959 [CHUCKLING] Yeah, there's my wife. 581 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:07,294 All right. 582 00:22:09,664 --> 00:22:12,332 I never want to get divorced. 583 00:22:12,333 --> 00:22:14,834 It's nice to know all it took was a drugging to get there. 584 00:22:14,835 --> 00:22:17,303 Well, you know, that's how I make most of my decisions. 585 00:22:17,304 --> 00:22:19,005 I have to witness a drugging 586 00:22:19,006 --> 00:22:22,075 and then I really kind of come to my senses. 587 00:22:22,076 --> 00:22:24,344 - You know that, right? - Hmm, yeah, that's you. 588 00:22:24,345 --> 00:22:26,846 Oh, by the way, um, 589 00:22:26,847 --> 00:22:30,884 I may have offered to share you with Jennifer in, like, 590 00:22:30,885 --> 00:22:34,488 some sort of "Big Love" situation, so... 591 00:22:34,489 --> 00:22:36,022 Are you kidding? I've always had a fantasy 592 00:22:36,023 --> 00:22:38,324 about being a polygamist. 593 00:22:38,325 --> 00:22:40,860 - Really? That's your fantasy? - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 594 00:22:40,861 --> 00:22:43,697 While you're married you fantasize about more marriages. 595 00:22:43,698 --> 00:22:47,368 - You sick motherfucker. - [BOTH CHUCKLING] 596 00:22:48,703 --> 00:22:49,869 Yours looks good. 597 00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:51,938 Yeah, never go with that, always go with this. 598 00:22:51,939 --> 00:22:54,107 - Always go... - [PHONE VIBRATING] 599 00:22:54,108 --> 00:22:56,376 - My dad. - Can you pick it up, please? 600 00:22:56,377 --> 00:22:59,045 Someone's gotta end the madness. 601 00:22:59,046 --> 00:23:02,782 - [PHONE VIBRATING] - All right, I'll be right back. 602 00:23:02,783 --> 00:23:03,917 Hello. 603 00:23:03,918 --> 00:23:05,885 You cancelled the whole party? 604 00:23:05,886 --> 00:23:07,721 Oh, you mean the party that you're not going to 605 00:23:07,722 --> 00:23:09,623 for your own birthday? Yeah, I cancelled it. 606 00:23:09,624 --> 00:23:11,558 Now everyone's asking me what happened. 607 00:23:11,559 --> 00:23:13,292 Well, did you tell them it's because you're upset 608 00:23:13,293 --> 00:23:15,929 that my party invitation slightly tread on 609 00:23:15,930 --> 00:23:18,798 your roaring '20s thing that's happening ten months from now? 610 00:23:18,799 --> 00:23:20,400 By the way, Dad, mine was burlesque, 611 00:23:20,401 --> 00:23:22,501 which is more '40s and '50s, okay? 612 00:23:22,578 --> 00:23:26,072 - Burlesque was popularized in the '20s. - Okay, you know what, 613 00:23:26,073 --> 00:23:29,108 I'm sorry I'm not up to date on my history of sex dancing. 614 00:23:29,109 --> 00:23:30,444 You know, I feel like this whole thing 615 00:23:30,445 --> 00:23:32,311 is just really a big misunderstanding. 616 00:23:32,312 --> 00:23:33,480 It's a misunderstanding? 617 00:23:33,481 --> 00:23:35,381 Personally I thought your invite was insensitive, 618 00:23:35,382 --> 00:23:37,917 but now I can see that it was unintentional. 619 00:23:37,918 --> 00:23:39,653 You just don't know anything. 620 00:23:39,654 --> 00:23:42,421 Wow! That's the apology? 621 00:23:42,461 --> 00:23:44,023 I mean about the '20s, honey. 622 00:23:44,103 --> 00:23:47,225 You know tons of other stuff. You didn't let me finish there. 623 00:23:47,293 --> 00:23:51,130 Oh, my God. Dad, is this really what this whole thing is about? 624 00:23:51,212 --> 00:23:55,048 Just because my invite touched on your decade? 625 00:23:55,049 --> 00:23:57,384 - Well, yeah. - Would it be helpful if I just 626 00:23:57,385 --> 00:24:00,119 bumped mine to the next decade, the '30s? 627 00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:01,555 I'd love that. 628 00:24:01,556 --> 00:24:04,057 Great... wait, was there burlesque in the '30s? 629 00:24:04,058 --> 00:24:07,126 Well, if it started in the '20s, doesn't it make sense... 630 00:24:07,127 --> 00:24:09,363 Okay, perfect, then I don't have to change anything else, right? 631 00:24:09,364 --> 00:24:11,565 Nope. Now I'm excited about the party. 632 00:24:11,566 --> 00:24:13,733 - So happy. - I love you. 633 00:24:13,734 --> 00:24:15,969 I love you too, bye. 634 00:24:15,970 --> 00:24:17,737 - [PHONE BEEPS] - Everything okay? 635 00:24:17,738 --> 00:24:21,074 Yeah, I mean, the party is going to be literally exactly 636 00:24:21,075 --> 00:24:23,743 the same, but instead of the '20s it's gonna be 637 00:24:23,744 --> 00:24:25,338 whatever the call the '30s. 638 00:24:25,411 --> 00:24:28,716 - The Depression. - Yeah, that feels right. 639 00:24:28,718 --> 00:24:33,718 Synced and corrected by BLuk www.addic7ed.com 640 00:24:33,768 --> 00:24:38,318 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 50627

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