All language subtitles for Im Sorry s01e06 Slow.eng

Mommy, did you get a present
for Oscar's birthday?

No, you know what, his mommies told
me not to get a present,

so, lovely, we're just gonna get a book

and they're gonna
donate it to the library.

- One of my books?
- No, don't worry.

Your 3,000 books for one small
human are completely safe.

Good.

"Good". Really? "Good"?

His "mommies"?

Yes, mom, they are a lesbian couple

and their son Oscar
is in Amelia's class.

- Remember when we had gay dogs?
- Wow!

- Just so you know...
- What?

- Just if you're out in mixed company...
- Yeah?

Going from a lesbian couple to
"remember we had gay dogs"...

not necessarily the best leap.

Do you remember when Abe
used to shove his stuff

into Silver's face
and force him to do things?

Yeah, do you remember how poor Silver

had to stick his little head
in the rails of the banister

just to get a moment's peace?
It was very traumatizing to me.

Abe was on his last legs when
we got him, and then what?

- He lived five more years.
- Yeah, 'cause he was gettin'...

[mouthing words] every day.

- Well, they were forced, you know.
- Either way.

And I'm not sure that
has the same effect.

Come to think of it,
was Silver really gay?

You know what, he wasn't,
because he had no choice in the matter.

He was more "gay for stay".

"Gay for stay"... people say that?

- Grammy, look what I drew.
- Let's see.

Oh... oh, my gosh, look at that sun.

We've been here quite a while.

- When does dance class start?
- It started 20 minutes ago.

Why isn't she dancing?

Because after begging me
to take dance class,

Amelia decided she just wanted to watch.

So, you just sit here
every week for 45 minutes?

Yeah, that's what happens
because when we make

a commitment, we stick to it, right?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Do you, do you get
some of your money back?

No, I did not get any of my money back.

Mommy, can I have snack?

Ah, you know what,
it's really not good to eat

while you're dancing.

You could get a cramp and drown.

That's called sarcasm,

which is something that's
going to be very important

for you to learn in life.

Hey! Mom, did you see that plie?

I'm not playing this game.

Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com

Mommy, Walter's flying in air!

Walter's going crazy!

Walter's going crazy, honey.

All right, it looks like
Oscar's house is up here.

Mommy, why does Oscar have two mommies?

Well, because Oscar's mommies,

they fell in love with each other

and decided to have a baby,
and they're two mommies

because they're both girls,
and girls are mommies.

So you can have more than one mommy?

Hundred percent!
You can have two mommies.

You can have two daddies.

Some people just go mommy, no daddy.

Some people have a daddy, no mommy.

Some people just have
a grammy and grampy.

You can even have a grammy and a
grammy or a grampy and a grampy.

- It's more rare.
- Yeah, but it's still an option.

And it's an option I'm
incredibly excited to Google Image

later today.

The point is, it's super-cool
because there's lots

of different kinds of families
and they don't all have to look like us.

- Like Oscar's family.
- Two mommies is a lot of mommies.

Yeah, but, wouldn't you want
to have two mommies,

especially if you had two
mommies like this mommy?

[singing] This is when you want
three mommies at least.

Yeah!

So in that scenario
you're getting cloned

and marrying yourself.

No, no, clone me is
not ready to settle down,

she is open for biz.

- I'd like to meet that clone.
- You're not her type.

She likes very petite, Hispanic men.

Oh.

_

Tessa, here's your gift bag.

We should really set up a family
play date with Leah and Jessica.

I really like them.

Did you even get a chance
to talk to them?

- No.
- Okay.

I just think they seem very cool,

so automatically I can relate
to them on that level.

- Mm-hmm.
- But also,

Amelia's got some questions
about two mommies.

Now, it's one thing to sit
there and we explain to her

like all the other
different families and all,

but it's another thing just to see it

and realize it's just totally normal.

Yeah, I mean, she doesn't
really have that person

as a point of reference
in her daily life.

Well, I mean there's my brother David,

but she wouldn't know he's gay
because he still hasn't come out,

so I guess technically
that doesn't really help.

You know he still calls
Nick his roommate, right?

- Yeah.
- So, basically, he's worthless to us.

But is Amelia even friends with Oscar?

Not really, I mean, he's a boy.

But this isn't about her
being friends with Oscar,

this is about her getting
to know Oscar's mommies.

Oscar's more like our
lesbian Trojan horse.

Wait, that doesn't work.
Amelia is the Trojan horse.

No, Amelia's the soldiers
inside the Trojan horse

who jump out and
learn a lot about lesbians.

You ready to go, Bubs? Come on!

Was that a fun party?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Amelia! This is for you.

And we snuck in an extra eraser,

so don't tell any of
the little kids about it, okay?

I heard so.

Could you also not mention it
to any of the other kids?

Okay, it's gonna be hard, though.

- But what do you say, lovey?
- Thank you.

- You're welcome.
- You're welcome.

- Thanks for inviting us.
- Amelia had so much fun.

We should do a family
play date sometime.

- We would love that.
- Oh, good!

We usually go to this indoor
gym thing on Saturdays.

Do you guys want to
come with us next week?

- Yeah!
- That sounds cool.

- Let's do it!
- Up high.

Down low.

- Ooh, too slow.
- Oh!

Hey, don't worry.

Between now and next Saturday
I will train her because

she will not embarrass our family again.

You will not embarrass our family again!

- Bye!
- Bye, thank you for coming.

[David on phone] No, no, no, no,

you and Mom are not
remembering this right.

- Yes, we are!
- It wasn't Abe.

Silver would saunter around the house.

He had sort of like an attitude
about it or whatever.

David! He had hip dysplasia.

He was also flashing
his butt all the time.

Are you saying

that Silver was asking for this?

Are you victim blaming right now?

I'm just saying that he wasn't
necessarily innocent, okay?

Wow!

You know, don't sully
the good name of Silver Shadow

when he's not alive to defend himself.

How was your weekend?

I went to two kids' birthday
parties, went to Target.

And we were in bed both nights by nine,

so part heavenly and also
part incredibly soul crushing.

- How was yours?
- We stayed up past nine,

- if that's what you're asking.
- Ooh!

Now it sounds like someone's bragging.

Who's "we," by the way?
Who's "we" stayed up?

You know my roommate, Nick?

Yes, of course I know
your roommate Nick.

We made light bulbs from scratch.

How do you make
a light bulb from scratch?

The key is to find the proper filament,

and then you gotta weigh a lot
of factors, like density...

Sorry to interrupt, but I
just killed myself, so...

Okay, well, you asked me.

The point is that Nick and I had fun,

we had a great time, we loved it.

Well, you and Nick always
have a lot of fun together,

you guys have a lot in common.

You know, David, you know that
I really like Nick, right?

- Yeah, he's pretty great.
- Yeah.

Oh, my God.

There's a woman who's got "Pink
Mom" on her license plate

who is dressed tops to bots all in pink.

- I gotta go, I gotta go.
- Make sure you're not looking...

[car thunks]

Oh, shit!

I mean, there was barely a dent,

but you could see why Pink Mom should be

really considered a driving distraction.

Bubs, you're up.

And of course she fled the scene.

How was your lesbian party, by the way?

What lesbian party?

You know, the "mommies".

Oh, you mean the birthday
party for a five-year-old

that was thrown by his mothers?

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm not used to all this,

you know, new configuration of family.

Why are you following me
while I hopscotch?

- Because we're chatting.
- It's creeping me out.

Well, get un-creeped.

There weren't that many gay parents
when you were growing up.

Yeah, because they weren't
allowed to have kids.

- I don't remember that.
- Yeah, that tracks.

Now, everyone has to
draw something in nature.

I'm gonna draw a fairy.

Ooh, I wanna see that fairy, right?

I just don't have that many gay
people in my everyday life

so that I can understand
all the nuances, you know?

Well, you got one person.

No, no, no, no, cousin June isn't gay,
she just runs a juice bar.

Mom, no one thinks cousin June's gay,

especially not because
she runs a juice bar.

That's what I said, she's not gay.

- Who, who were you thinking of?
- Come on.

- Do you really not know?
- What?

- David.
- My son, David?

And my brother David? Yeah.

What makes you think David is gay?

He's so... masculine.

Masculine people can be gay.

Well, not David, David's not gay.

Mom, he's in his 30's,
he's never had a girlfriend.

He's a computer engineer.

You can't use that excuse forever.

He's always going on about Nick

and how much fun they have together,

and they're spending weekends together.

- Mom, come on.
- Oh, my gosh, Nick.

He loves Nick.

I think Nick is his boyfriend.

Oh, I hope he's not gay.

Mom! Why would you say that?

I don't have a problem
with gay people, you know that.

I know that!

It's just that it's a
harder life, and he's my son.

I get that.

Mommy, aren't you going to draw?

Sorry! We are drawing stuff in nature.

Here.

Mom, it's 2017, it's not
as hard as it used to be.

Yes, it is. It's harder to get married,
it's harder to have kids.

And you know what, it's harder
to get a wedding cake.

What are you talking about?

I'm not joking, I saw it on the news.

There are very homophobic bakeries,

and you know how much David loves cake.

But, Mom, if he's gay,
don't you want him to do it now

and not waste any more time?

I don't know.

If anything, it's gonna
work out the best for you

because then you don't
just have to rely on me

when you're old and decrepit,
like a year from now.

He'll make sure your hair looks good,

he'll take you on some cruises.

No, no, no, I don't
think he's cruise gay.

He'd probably make me go on
a tour of the Boeing factory.

That's true.

But you'll also have
someone to fix your scanner.

Oh, I do hate that fucking scanner.

Mom, what are you drawing?

What? It's the lemon tree that
you and David used to climb.

It's something in nature.

What are those things at the trunk?

Those are lemons that fell off the tree.

Those are... large lemons.

Why? What do you think it is?

- David, Nick.
- What?

- Boom!
- Oh, my God.

Maybe this is your subconscious
becoming okay with this.

If it is, could we at least
say that this is David

and this is Nick, because David
was always such a go-getter.

If that makes you feel better,
Mom, you can definitely say

that David is jamming himself into Nick.

I am done drawing.
What are we doing next?

- Come on, monkey, off the bed.
- Get off the bed.

Are you excited to have your
play date with Oscar today?

I don't play with Oscar much.

You don't have to play with him much,

you just have to play with him today.

Yeah, you'll have
fun when you get there.

By the way, Oscar's mommies
told me the Coop is...

[singsong] ... amazing!

Do Oscar's mommies
sleep in the same bed?

Uh, of course.

They love each other, so I'm
sure that they like to snuggle

just like me and Daddy do.

That's funny.

Well, I don't think
it's funny, I just think

it's, uh, different.

I agree, and I also agree that
I'm totally going to tickle you

- if you don't get ready to go!
- [giggles]

I have to say, I'm glad
we have this play date.

Yeah, me too.

I mean, I feel like good role models

is the way this is gonna sink in.

I hope so.

You know, I actually wouldn't
mind if Amelia was a lesbian.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Okay, nah, don't act
so cool and open-minded.

I know what you're doing.
Typical dad with a daughter.

You don't want a boy putting
a penis inside her.

Wow, that was really tough to
hear out loud, but totally true.

Well, just so you know,
even if she is a lesbian,

there's still toys,
so there's still going to be

something inside her.
Something to think about.

Oh, man. She can be asexual.

Bubs, just make sure you buckle up.

- Hey!
- Oh, hey!

- How are you?
- I'm good, how you doing?

I got my shorts on again.

Ah, yeah, you do... shorts!

- Yeah, shorts!
- Have a good day.

- Hey!
- Hey, there.

- Bye!
- Bye-bye.

I'm just got an email
saying our insurance premium

might go up because of
the whole Pink Mom incident.

Why? I thought you said
there was barely a dent.

She's now claiming
she has medical costs.

Who? Pink Mom?

No, again, Pink Mom fled
the scene... The woman I hit.

Although, let's be honest,

Pink Mom probably has
some medical costs herself,

mostly psychiatric.

What's this other woman claiming?

Supposedly she has breast
implants and when I hit her,

the seat belt, like, jammed in
and caused some sort of damage

that now the insurance has to cover.

It seems crazy.
How does that even happen?

She didn't seem particularly...
[vocalizing]

...when we exchanged
information, so,

how do we even know she had
implants in the first place?

It doesn't really matter...
it's why we have insurance.

In matters to me if
our deductible goes up

because of her fake banged-up boobies.

Well, it's not worth
fighting over, I mean, we are fine.

Oh, okay... You need to hear this.

Hey, it's your brother, listen, um...

I really need to talk
to you about something...

It's not bad or anything,
but it's just the other day

you said how you really
liked Nick and, uh, anyway,

are you like free to meet up
later and talk about this?

Just let me know. Bye.

Okay, he sounds weird, right?

I think this might be the moment.

What moment?

The moment he reveals himself
to me as a homosexual.

What makes you think that if he
does come out, you'd be the one?

Because I'm his sister and he
feels comfortable around me,

and this is the face of no judgement.

- Mm-hmm.
- This is the face of judgement.

Nyah!

And this is the face of surprise.
[gasping]

And this is my pretty face.

Mommy, that is not pretty.

- What, is it too pretty?
- Yes, it's too pretty.

Did you hear that?

That was sarcasm. Oh, my God!

This is the best day of my life.

[kids laughing and playing]

Whoa, look at that ball pit!

- Hey!
- Hey!

- We made it!
- Amelia...

Have you been practicing?

Up high. Down low... oh, too slow!

Ohhh! We trained for this! You blew it!

But we didn't come with nothing.
We brought socks.

Oh, we look very cool.

Someone forgot ours
and we had to buy them.

- Oh!
- Me!

- Ah.
- It's me, I'm the one that

forgot the socks
and then we had to buy them.

I've had... I've done it before.

It does, happens all the time.

Amelia, Oscar's in the ball pit.
He wants to know if you'll join him.

That sounds fun, Bub.

But Mommy, we are not allowed to
throw balls out like that.

That's true.

Why don't you see
if Oscar wants to meet you

in that super cool teepee?

- Yeah.
- By the way,

I have to make
a reservation for my time.

You don't want to get in that
teepee... fresh barf.

Yeah? That's sort of what happens

- when you take... [mouthing words]
- You're right.

One of the kids right now
is having crazy visions.

I'm pretty sure it's that girl,
right behind you.

Yeah. Yeah, she's been acting crazy.

[kids playing]

So finally, I hand the menu back
to the waiter and he says...

That... that's not...
she's telling it wrong.

You had the menu.

- Do you want to tell it?
- No, I don't want to...

You go ahead, you tell it,
it's your story.

Tell it wrong, but go ahead.

No, after you, you tell the story.

You know what, we actually
went to that same restaurant

and didn't we have a strange waiter too?

Yeah, right?

I think they just have
a strange staff of...

- Mommy...
- Oh, hi, Bubs.

What happened? Are you okay?

Oscar hit me.

Oh, well, I'm sure that
that was an accident.

I'm sure that Oscar is very sorry.

No.

- "No..." [laughing]
- "No."

He loves hitting.

I mean, he loves hitting,
it's like his favorite thing.

- Oh!
- There he goes.

He's so strong.

It kind of hurts, buddy,
do you want to stop that?

It doesn't look like he wants to.

You know what,
why don't we have a snack?

Do you want a snack? Great!

Yeah, you want some snack, big guy?
You want a fruit bar?

Oh, I forgot them.

So the two things that
you were in charge of,

socks and fruit, you just
decided not to bring?

No, I didn't decide not
to bring... what I decide,

it was an accident,
people make mistakes.

Tell me what the difference is.

The difference between
an accident and a decision?

Not here.

We have lots of stuff.

- Seriously, have... we've over-snacked.
- Thank you.

- Here.
- Hey, buddy, get in there,

- have some pretzels.
- Help yourself.

Oscar, why do you have
to take so many pretzels?

That's against the rules.

Well, if Oscar wants
two fistfuls of pretzels,

that's fine, you know,
different families, different rules.

Yeah, we don't really
have any rules around food.

We don't want to give him a complex.

Oh, uh-huh.

Hey, little buddy, you actually
need to keep your food

on this side of the rail.

But when you're done with your snack

you can come back and play.

Excuse me, hey, excuse me. Problem?

Um, no problem,
we just can't have any food

- on this side of the rail.
- They have a sign there.

Well, if you have an
issue with something,

why don't you bring it up to me
instead of talking to my small kid?

Oh, yeah, of course.

Could we maybe talk to somebody
who's gone through puberty?

I can bring my manager.

Yeah, your manager, yeah, why
don't you go get me the manager?

Yeah, we would love to know
why not letting a child

bring a few pretzels
past an imaginary line

is that big of a deal, okay?

You don't have be
a fucking Nazi about it.

Oh, okay, yeah, I'll...

It's okay, honey. You're perfect.

[both whispering] I hate this place.

So the one lesbian couple in our
class turns out to be dickheads?

The way they were screaming at that guy.

- That guy!
- I didn't know what to do.

I gave him 20 bucks.

These are the people
that Amelia's looking to

to define a lesbian family?

She's going to think
all lesbians are monsters.

I know, and Jessica wouldn't let up
on the high five thing with Amelia.

- Right?
- Just give her the down low.

Does she think we're walking
away like, ooh, look at Jessica,

cheetah-like reflexes.

Congratulations!
You beat a five-year-old!

Let me have a shot at her "down low".

Oh, there's a real
fire behind your eyes.

- I like it.
- Really?

No, it's gone now.

But seriously, how are we
going to keep Amelia from now

just associating lesbian with asshole

for the rest of her life?

Is it okay that
we're calling them assholes?

- I feel like we shouldn't.
- Listen...

If that was a straight couple
that we hung out with

and they acted like that
and spoke to people like that,

we would call them assholes.

- That's true.
- If you think about it,

it's actually more prejudiced
to not call them out

just because they're gay.

If anything,
we're being less prejudiced

by being comfortable enough
to call them assholes.

- That oddly makes sense.
- Right?

But it still feels weird calling Les...

Mommy, can I have some yogurt?

Uh, yeah, uh, sure, Bubs.

Did you have fun
at your play date today?

Not really... Oscar hit me and
the two mommies were fighting.

Yeah, well, you know what,

everybody argues sometimes, right?

I don't think it's
because he's got two mommies.

I know, you and Daddy fight sometimes.

That's true, but we love
each other, and we love you.

Just like Oscar's mommies love him.

Can I have my yogurt now?

Yeah, sure, one yogles coming up.

"Yogles"?

Yeah, sorry, actually,

the yogurt industry officially
switched it to "yogles".

People are not happy, but, uh,

sorry, it's just
there's nothing I can do.

Just when I thought this day
was getting better.

Then the graphite gets charged
with electricity, okay,

and that generates its own energy

in the form of heat and light...

- Mm-hmm.
- ... and that's a light bulb.

Can you just do me a favor?
I can't do it myself,

but I'm going to close my eyes
and you just hit it real hard.

Yeah, you know,
I wonder why you keep asking me

to explain what a light bulb is.

Because it sounds like it's
going to be interesting,

but then somehow you make it less so.

- Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.

Okay, so, uh...

There's something I have to
talk to you about, obviously.

And I'm here for you.

- Whatever it is, I'm here.
- Thank you.

- You know my friend Nick, right?
- Obviously I know Nick, I love Nick,

- you know that.
- Well, Nick and I have gotten

pretty close over
the last year and a half...

... and, um, did you know he was
dating someone named Briana?

- Yeah.
- Well, they broke up recently.

- Okay.
- And it has to do with me.

- Oh, okay.
- Yeah, so now,

I, uh, am dating Briana.

- What?
- Yeah, I know.

So, I just want to know,
should I be the one to tell him

or should she tell him, you know,

because I really like this girl...

- I thought you were gay!
- What? What?

You thought... why,
why did you think I was gay?

- So... so many reasons!
- So many reasons?

First of all,
what's wrong with being gay?

Well, there's nothing,
I just... because it's...

You've never had a girlfriend,
you're over 30.

That's exactly... that's all you got?

- I'm a computer engineer.
- You know what,

that's what Mom said, okay,
"he's a computer engineer".

I don't think just saying
someone's a computer engineer...

Could you stop a second?
You told Mom...

- Yeah.
- ... that I'm gay.

I may have been preparing her
for the possibility.

Okay, what did Mom say?

She had some concerns, I'll be honest.

Um, some bakery concerns
and whatnot, but then,

after a little convincing
I got her on board.

This is insane! You have to undo this!

I don't... obviously I'm gonna tell her,

I'm not just gonna let her
still think you're gay.

Wait, wait, stop for a second.

How many people know?
How many people did you tell?

Nobody! I'm not going
around like, "He's gay!"

I just... people assume, Mike,
you know, obviously thinks your gay.

- Obviously?
- Yeah, how do you for sure know,

by the way, that you're not gay?

Because I'm... how do you know
you're not gay?

Well, because I've been
there a couple of times

and it's not for me.

You never told me that.
You've been there?

You've "been there"?
What does that mean?

- Where have you been?
- Vaginas.

- You've been to the vagina.
- I've been to the vagina store,

and I didn't find anything
I wanted to purchase.

Look, what do I tell Nick,
seriously, though?

Because I don't want hurt feelings.

I don't give a fuck!
Tell him, don't tell him, who cares?

Obviously I came to
the right person for advice.

I don't think I'm
overstating it when I say

it was the Chernobyl of play dates.

I think there was a mass sterilization
that went across the Coop.

Well, I feel it's
worth saying, they're awful.

- Seriously?
- Yes.

Brian, why wouldn't you tell us that
before we made plans with them?

What, I'm gonna talk shit about
the only gay couple in class?

Yeah, it doesn't feel great.

Now I'm sure they're gonna
want to get together.

I just... honestly, I don't have
it in me, I can't do that again.

I don't think you
have to worry about that.

Why? What do you mean?

According to William's mom,
who talked to Jessica,

they don't want to have another
play date with you guys,

so you're in the clear.

Excuse me?

What problem could
they possibly have with us?

Well, apparently they thought
that you guys are a little bit uptight.

We're uptight? Why?
Because we don't let our kids

punch us in the face
and we don't just like,

scream at innocent employees?

Wait a minute, that's good news.

We don't want to have
more play dates with them.

Right, but... if you could
just let William's mom know

that we are not uptight.

No, she doesn't care about that.

That's fair.

Still tell her, though.

Hey, William's mom, she's not uptight.

That's not William's mom, that's a tree.

I know, I just wanted to practice.

I know it doesn't sound great to say it,

but I'm really relieved he's not gay.

I thought you'd actually
gotten kinda on board with it.

That's when I thought I had to be.

And besides, I don't really
like Boeing airplanes.

Well, he's going to be taking you

to that factory either way,
Mom, get on board.

I have to say,
I'm a little surprised that

you're back to watching Amelia
watch her dance class again.

Well, if you're going
to be my sole caretaker,

I want to be sure that
I'm on your good side.

Oh, I like where this is going.

Which reminds me, I need you to drive me

to the dermatologist on Thursday.

- I'm liking this part less.
- What?

I have a little something on my
back, I want them to look at it.

You know that you
still drive, right, Mom?

What if they put me under?

To look at something on your back?

Well, you never know.

I know in this case, very confident that

they're not going to remove
something from your back

where they have to put you under...

Oh, now you're a doctor?

If you're a dermatologist
who just immediately goes

from consultation to surgery

and needs you to go under, call Leon.

Leon's not going to be around forever.

He'll be around Thursday, though, right?

Well...

- Is Leon okay?
- Oh, yeah, Leon's fine.

[teacher]
All right, ladies, you are done.

Everyone reach up and... curtsey.

Here's your snack.

- How was class?
- It was good.

Great.

Oh, my God, our deductible's going up.

- That is bullshit.
- Seriously?

Look, "Please see attachment
for further clarification."

What does that mean?

- Oh, my God.
- Jesus.

Okay, you know what,
we pay for everything,

we give her everything she wants.

- Is that a nipple?
- That is a nipple, right?

- Why is it so close to her armpit?
- I'm not sure.

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