Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,434 --> 00:00:02,234
So, for the brunch on Sunday.
2
00:00:02,236 --> 00:00:06,005
It's going to be you guys, a few
aunts and uncles, your dad,
3
00:00:06,007 --> 00:00:07,840
- your brother...
- You invited Dad?
4
00:00:07,842 --> 00:00:10,576
Yeah, I was chatting with him
on the phone the other day.
5
00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:12,878
It just seemed weird not to include him.
6
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,279
Why would it be weird now?
7
00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:15,714
You've been divorced for over 30 years.
8
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:17,883
- Well, he just broke up with Padma...
- Right, right, right.
9
00:00:17,923 --> 00:00:20,386
So honestly I think
he's a little lonely.
10
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:23,155
What does your current husband
Leon think about all that?
11
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,257
Oh, Leon's not gonna care.
12
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:27,159
Leon might care.
13
00:00:29,364 --> 00:00:30,496
Jesus!
14
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:31,731
What the [bleep]?
15
00:00:31,733 --> 00:00:33,366
What is happening?
16
00:00:33,368 --> 00:00:34,800
Is that...
17
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,869
Is that guy stealing chicken?
18
00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:38,404
I don't know... they seem
to have it handled.
19
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:40,124
- Really?
- Um, do you think for the brunch
20
00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,008
- 11 or 11:30?
- Mom, do you not see what's happening?
21
00:00:42,010 --> 00:00:43,609
Oh, it's not that big a deal.
22
00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:45,411
Okay, you know what, there's
a man who just apparently
23
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:48,714
just stole a hot, oily
roast chicken, who was jumped on
24
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:52,018
from behind and then thrown
forcibly onto the concrete.
25
00:00:52,020 --> 00:00:55,287
I think I'm allowed to comment on it.
26
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,323
Here we go.
27
00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:59,025
"Here we go"?
28
00:00:59,027 --> 00:01:00,226
Seriously?
29
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:08,131
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com
30
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:22,848
Excuse me, do you know
where the bathroom is?
31
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:25,718
Is that woman just ignoring
that poor blind guy?
32
00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:26,886
People are garbage.
33
00:01:26,888 --> 00:01:28,621
Excuse me.
34
00:01:28,623 --> 00:01:30,523
She's a garbage person.
35
00:01:30,525 --> 00:01:33,693
I don't know if you heard me,
I'm looking for the bathroom.
36
00:01:33,695 --> 00:01:35,661
Hi, you know what?
37
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,329
- I can help you.
- Oh, great.
38
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:40,533
- Do you want me to grab your arm?
- Yes, thank you very much.
39
00:01:40,535 --> 00:01:44,070
Of course, it's not a problem at all.
40
00:01:47,790 --> 00:01:48,790
Well, well, well.
41
00:01:48,794 --> 00:01:50,242
You must feel pretty
good about yourself.
42
00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:53,012
Oh, you mean because I just helped
a blind man find a bathroom?
43
00:01:53,014 --> 00:01:55,347
Yeah, I feel pretty good.
44
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,249
- Hey.
- Hi.
45
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:59,552
We'll just have two
lattes and you got, like,
46
00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:00,619
a blueberry muffin?
47
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,755
Yeah. Great. Nine dollars...
48
00:02:02,757 --> 00:02:04,156
- There you go.
- Thank you.
49
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:06,892
- Actually, this is for you, Amy.
- Thank you.
50
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:09,562
- Buy yourself something nice.
- You're welcome.
51
00:02:09,564 --> 00:02:10,796
- Thanks.
- Thanks, Amy.
52
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,398
So that's what we're doing now?
53
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:16,168
We're taking my $11 basically
to pay her for flirting with you?
54
00:02:16,245 --> 00:02:19,146
- It's like prostitution.
- Hey, if it ain't broke, right?
55
00:02:19,148 --> 00:02:20,480
Oh, prostitution is not broke?
56
00:02:20,482 --> 00:02:22,482
No, it's centuries old, millennia, even.
57
00:02:22,484 --> 00:02:24,985
Just because something's old
does not mean it's not broken.
58
00:02:24,987 --> 00:02:27,622
I don't know, do you have a way
of fixing prostitution? Pitch it to me.
59
00:02:27,627 --> 00:02:29,690
You know what, at least you're
not looking to land a lady,
60
00:02:29,692 --> 00:02:31,792
- so we're good.
- Yes, I am.
61
00:02:31,794 --> 00:02:33,760
I'm not talking about
having sex with a lady,
62
00:02:33,762 --> 00:02:36,296
I'm talking about, like,
you know, settle down with one.
63
00:02:36,298 --> 00:02:38,283
People may bang
aggressive toe exposure,
64
00:02:38,285 --> 00:02:39,833
but they're not
gonna marry it.
65
00:02:39,835 --> 00:02:42,402
You know I want to meet someone
and fall in love and have kids...
66
00:02:42,404 --> 00:02:44,905
all of that stuff.
I've told you that before.
67
00:02:44,907 --> 00:02:46,607
I, I know that you say that,
68
00:02:46,609 --> 00:02:48,508
but I feel like all of
your choices in life
69
00:02:48,510 --> 00:02:50,511
- fight against that goal.
- Like what?
70
00:02:50,592 --> 00:02:53,013
You sleep until noon almost every day.
71
00:02:53,015 --> 00:02:54,481
You cut up hot dogs
and put them on your salad.
72
00:02:54,483 --> 00:02:55,849
It's a protein.
73
00:02:55,851 --> 00:02:57,284
How's that any different
than putting chicken
74
00:02:57,286 --> 00:02:58,585
or salmon on your salad?
75
00:02:58,587 --> 00:03:00,387
- It's so different!
- It's paleo!
76
00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:03,590
Well, you recognize porn
strictly from the audio track.
77
00:03:03,592 --> 00:03:05,559
Yeah, that's not rare,
plenty of people can do that.
78
00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:07,461
These are just a couple of
examples of the things
79
00:03:07,463 --> 00:03:09,896
that maybe were cute
and quirky in your 20's,
80
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:12,532
but now are more red flags.
81
00:03:12,534 --> 00:03:14,234
I respectfully disagree.
82
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:15,702
People find it charming.
83
00:03:15,704 --> 00:03:18,405
I don't think adult women
find you as charming
84
00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:19,773
as you think they do.
85
00:03:19,775 --> 00:03:22,576
And it pains me to say this, obviously.
86
00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,211
I find you very charming.
87
00:03:24,213 --> 00:03:26,480
Oh, well, thank you
for finding me charming.
88
00:03:26,482 --> 00:03:27,648
Who are you looking at?
89
00:03:27,650 --> 00:03:29,249
Oh, just to know who's here.
90
00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:31,618
Look... I know you,
you're a great friend,
91
00:03:31,620 --> 00:03:32,819
you're hilarious, you're cute.
92
00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:34,655
But as a friend, I will tell you
93
00:03:34,657 --> 00:03:38,892
that women have to get through
quite a lot to get to that.
94
00:03:38,894 --> 00:03:42,562
But, worth it, right? Hi-ho!
95
00:03:42,564 --> 00:03:44,264
Knock-knock, who's there, what?
96
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:49,136
Basically I'm saying is you're living
97
00:03:49,138 --> 00:03:50,871
"The Shawshank Redemption".
98
00:03:50,873 --> 00:03:54,107
But the reality is most people
don't want to crawl through
99
00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,310
a tunnel of shit to get to Mexico.
100
00:03:56,312 --> 00:03:57,811
What does that even mean?
101
00:03:57,813 --> 00:04:01,348
Listen, your heart is like Zihuantanejo,
102
00:04:01,350 --> 00:04:04,785
but your personality and exterior
103
00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:07,387
are like the shit tunnel a woman
has to go through to get there.
104
00:04:07,389 --> 00:04:09,690
Wow, okay, that's like,
maybe the meanest thing
105
00:04:09,692 --> 00:04:12,125
- you've ever said to me.
- Oh, that can't be true.
106
00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,928
But going with this metaphor,
which is kind of crushing it,
107
00:04:14,930 --> 00:04:17,731
jail, for this woman,
is just regular life.
108
00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:20,233
She's got free will so it's
not nearly as bad for her
109
00:04:20,235 --> 00:04:22,069
as it was for Andy Dufresne, so...
110
00:04:22,071 --> 00:04:23,937
Why? Because she's not being
forced to do tax returns
111
00:04:23,939 --> 00:04:28,175
and getting gang raped
by the sisters in the shower?
112
00:04:28,177 --> 00:04:30,110
Exactly. She can leave at any time.
113
00:04:30,112 --> 00:04:32,179
She can walk out
and just jump on a plane
114
00:04:32,181 --> 00:04:34,348
and go to Cabo instead.
115
00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:36,383
Cabo obviously being any other dude.
116
00:04:36,385 --> 00:04:38,785
Yeah, but everybody
knows Cabo's [bleep] lame,
117
00:04:38,787 --> 00:04:43,423
and Zihuantanejo,
pretty rad all the time.
118
00:04:43,425 --> 00:04:46,593
I'm just not convinced that you're
really ready to settle down.
119
00:04:46,595 --> 00:04:48,261
- Okay, but I'm telling you I am.
- Okay.
120
00:04:48,263 --> 00:04:49,763
I want to meet someone.
121
00:04:49,765 --> 00:04:51,198
Okay, good, but you're
not getting any younger,
122
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:52,733
your sperm's not getting any younger,
123
00:04:52,735 --> 00:04:54,968
so we got to lock it down
before the "poo tunnel"
124
00:04:54,970 --> 00:04:57,637
gets so long that
nobody can actually survive
125
00:04:57,639 --> 00:04:59,272
the treacherous landscape.
126
00:04:59,274 --> 00:05:00,941
Who's Morgan Freeman in this situation?
127
00:05:00,943 --> 00:05:03,543
I'm Morgan Freeman, I'm leading
you to your happiness
128
00:05:03,545 --> 00:05:06,646
and I just led
a blind man to the bathroom.
129
00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:12,853
The part I can't wrap my head around is
130
00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:16,123
was it an impulse steal
or could he legitimately
131
00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:17,524
not afford to buy a chicken?
132
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,393
My instinct is it's an impulse steal.
133
00:05:19,395 --> 00:05:23,163
Right? Me too, I mean,
he was wearing a leather jacket.
134
00:05:23,165 --> 00:05:24,698
I won't even splurge
on a leather jacket.
135
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:27,534
Well, maybe we shouldn't be spending
so much money on chicken.
136
00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:29,202
Maybe we should be
stealing it so we can afford
137
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,605
a sweet leather "J".
138
00:05:31,607 --> 00:05:33,907
Hey, do we know any single ladies?
139
00:05:33,909 --> 00:05:35,208
She says apropos of nothing.
140
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:38,812
- Sorry... any ladies for Kyle?
- Ladies of the night?
141
00:05:38,814 --> 00:05:44,851
No, I mean, I had a very interesting
h-to-h with him today.
142
00:05:44,853 --> 00:05:46,353
Heart-to-heart.
143
00:05:46,355 --> 00:05:49,189
I think he's actually
ready to meet someone of note.
144
00:05:49,191 --> 00:05:50,357
Really?
145
00:05:50,359 --> 00:05:51,892
- Kyle.
- I get the skepticism.
146
00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:54,628
I told him I love him,
but he's getting weird
147
00:05:54,630 --> 00:05:58,064
and I worry about
his little crusty sperm.
148
00:05:58,066 --> 00:05:59,800
I'll come back.
149
00:05:59,802 --> 00:06:04,271
Wait, just... it's not his, it's
a friend's old, crusty sperm.
150
00:06:04,273 --> 00:06:05,572
Does that make it better?
151
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:08,775
Now she can't put a face to the sperm.
152
00:06:08,777 --> 00:06:11,678
Okay, do we know any single people?
153
00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,613
What about Shelly?
154
00:06:14,039 --> 00:06:16,883
- Who's Shelly?
- Miss Shelly, Amelia's teacher.
155
00:06:16,885 --> 00:06:18,385
I never thought of her as a "Shelly".
156
00:06:18,387 --> 00:06:19,883
I know it's a bold choice, but I thought
157
00:06:19,885 --> 00:06:21,421
that I really think this could work.
158
00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:25,492
She's super cute and she's really nice,
but not boring nice.
159
00:06:25,494 --> 00:06:29,529
She's got a good sense of humor
and her body is tight!
160
00:06:29,531 --> 00:06:31,031
Please don't ever do that again.
161
00:06:31,033 --> 00:06:33,233
- Tight!
- Are you done?
162
00:06:33,235 --> 00:06:35,035
Tight.
163
00:06:35,037 --> 00:06:36,636
- She's, like an...
- Tight.
164
00:06:36,638 --> 00:06:39,639
...angel from heaven above.
I hear you, I mean,
165
00:06:39,641 --> 00:06:43,109
especially with Kyle's
crazy-long "shit tunnel".
166
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,545
We might need to get the check.
167
00:06:45,547 --> 00:06:47,047
Listen, if he's really
ready to meet someone,
168
00:06:47,049 --> 00:06:50,183
we should introduce him
to someone we really like.
169
00:06:50,185 --> 00:06:51,451
Okay, we'll give it a try.
170
00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:54,387
All right, I'll put the feelers out.
171
00:06:54,389 --> 00:06:55,989
Wouldn't those be my feelers?
172
00:06:55,991 --> 00:06:59,626
These would be your feelers,
because you like to touch balls.
173
00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:01,928
- Just yours.
- Yeah, they appreciate the attention,
174
00:07:01,930 --> 00:07:05,765
and also, maybe use
a little bit more thumb.
175
00:07:05,767 --> 00:07:07,467
You know what,
the more I think about it...
176
00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:09,169
- What?
- I think it was planned.
177
00:07:09,171 --> 00:07:13,039
Eighty degrees out today...
why wear a leather jacket?
178
00:07:13,742 --> 00:07:16,209
I have never been more attracted to you.
179
00:07:24,119 --> 00:07:26,453
- Hey, honey.
- Dad! Hi!
180
00:07:26,455 --> 00:07:29,356
- How are you?
- I'm good. You look so nice.
181
00:07:29,358 --> 00:07:33,159
Oh, thank you.
Are you riding your motorcycle again?
182
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:36,463
- I've always ridden a motorcycle.
- No, you've always had a motorcycle.
183
00:07:36,465 --> 00:07:38,365
But most of its life
it's been spending time
184
00:07:38,367 --> 00:07:40,066
with the NordicTrack in your garage.
185
00:07:40,068 --> 00:07:41,434
They're very close.
186
00:07:41,436 --> 00:07:44,870
- No, it hasn't been that long.
- Oh, yeah, it has.
187
00:07:44,943 --> 00:07:48,679
And I wanted to tell you,
I heard that you and Padma broke up.
188
00:07:48,681 --> 00:07:50,547
I'm sure this has
absolutely nothing to do
189
00:07:50,549 --> 00:07:52,449
with you deciding to get
on a motorcycle again,
190
00:07:52,451 --> 00:07:54,685
but I wanted to say that I'm sorry.
191
00:07:54,687 --> 00:07:56,219
- Padma.
- Mm-hmm.
192
00:07:56,221 --> 00:07:58,355
Do you want to put your
helmet down, stay a while?
193
00:07:58,357 --> 00:08:02,359
- I don't see anyplace to put it.
- Literally any flat surface.
194
00:08:02,361 --> 00:08:03,894
I'll just hang onto it, I'd feel better.
195
00:08:03,896 --> 00:08:06,997
Mm-hmm. Dad, you think you look
pretty cool holding that?
196
00:08:06,999 --> 00:08:08,865
- Uh, I've been told.
- Okay, great.
197
00:08:08,867 --> 00:08:10,300
Where's your mother?
198
00:08:10,302 --> 00:08:12,136
Uh, she's in the kitchen
with Leon, I think.
199
00:08:12,212 --> 00:08:13,712
- Okay.
- All right.
200
00:08:13,749 --> 00:08:14,581
- Oh, hi, Martin.
- Hey.
201
00:08:14,583 --> 00:08:16,082
- How are you?
- Good, and you?
202
00:08:16,084 --> 00:08:17,084
He's riding the motorcycle again?
203
00:08:17,085 --> 00:08:18,552
- Yeah.
- Sorry about that.
204
00:08:18,554 --> 00:08:19,753
Well, the good news is
in a couple of months,
205
00:08:19,755 --> 00:08:21,555
when he runs himself off the road,
206
00:08:21,557 --> 00:08:23,557
we'll at least get
the vacation home we wanted.
207
00:08:23,559 --> 00:08:25,492
You know, when parents die
they leave you money.
208
00:08:25,494 --> 00:08:27,360
- Oh, right.
- I don't know if it's gonna be a home.
209
00:08:27,362 --> 00:08:29,930
It might be like a vacation couch.
210
00:08:29,932 --> 00:08:31,431
That would be nice, right?
211
00:08:31,433 --> 00:08:33,233
We'll get the motorcycle.
212
00:08:33,235 --> 00:08:34,968
- [Bleep] you.
- That'd be fun.
213
00:08:38,373 --> 00:08:40,207
If Tilda Swinton is in it, I'm there.
214
00:08:40,209 --> 00:08:41,908
How's it feel to throw out a sentence
215
00:08:41,910 --> 00:08:44,578
that's never been uttered
by another human being before?
216
00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:46,346
You know what's an underrated movie?
217
00:08:46,348 --> 00:08:47,914
- "Coneheads".
- "Coneheads".
218
00:08:47,916 --> 00:08:49,382
Oh, yes, that's right.
219
00:08:49,384 --> 00:08:51,451
You mentioned that before,
Uncle Richard, yet again.
220
00:08:51,453 --> 00:08:54,087
But just listen... the reason
why Tilda is so great...
221
00:08:54,089 --> 00:08:55,922
"Tilda"? First name base?
222
00:08:55,924 --> 00:08:58,291
You never actually really
know if it's her in the movie or not.
223
00:08:58,293 --> 00:08:59,860
So how do you even know
you're enjoying her?
224
00:08:59,862 --> 00:09:03,163
I'm enjoying an actor
losing herself into a character.
225
00:09:03,165 --> 00:09:04,531
- I mean, look...
- "Lose"?
226
00:09:04,533 --> 00:09:06,407
"Grand Budapest Hotel," "Trainwreck"...
227
00:09:06,409 --> 00:09:08,235
I mean, she completely unrecognizable.
228
00:09:08,237 --> 00:09:11,071
Wait a minute... am I in love
with Tilda Swinton?
229
00:09:11,073 --> 00:09:12,539
Is Tilda Swinton at this brunch?
230
00:09:12,541 --> 00:09:15,408
David, am I Tilda Swinton? Be honest.
231
00:09:15,410 --> 00:09:18,177
You can tell me, don't keep it
a secret any longer.
232
00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,613
You're the only person
who I know is not Tilda Swinton.
233
00:09:20,634 --> 00:09:24,116
- How dare you.
- She could be Amelia, she's so good.
234
00:09:24,174 --> 00:09:25,674
- Really?
- Yeah.
235
00:09:25,676 --> 00:09:28,677
Tilda Swinton maybe
came out of my vagines?
236
00:09:28,705 --> 00:09:33,657
Um... is my dad touching
our mother right now?
237
00:09:33,725 --> 00:09:36,126
Technically, when one
body part presses up
238
00:09:36,128 --> 00:09:37,828
against another body part,
that is considered touching.
239
00:09:37,830 --> 00:09:39,696
Is it that hard to just say yes or no?
240
00:09:39,698 --> 00:09:43,200
Are they touching?
241
00:09:43,202 --> 00:09:45,502
Yes.
242
00:09:45,504 --> 00:09:46,837
Oh, sure, hey, you want to sit here?
243
00:09:46,839 --> 00:09:48,171
Oh, no, no, I'm fine, Michael.
244
00:09:48,173 --> 00:09:51,508
- How about right here?
- Oh, stop it, Martin.
245
00:09:51,510 --> 00:09:53,610
Actually, Amelia, you can sit with me,
246
00:09:53,612 --> 00:09:54,911
I'll sit next to Grampy.
247
00:09:54,913 --> 00:09:56,713
Grammy can just sit over here.
248
00:09:56,715 --> 00:09:58,481
Oh, thank you, that's nice.
249
00:09:58,483 --> 00:10:00,483
Well, I was gonna switch...
250
00:10:00,485 --> 00:10:03,453
Ooh, you know what, why don't
you go find your cousin, Bugsy?
251
00:10:03,455 --> 00:10:06,690
I want you to try something
because it is absolutely amazing.
252
00:10:06,692 --> 00:10:08,792
Dad, she made it, she knows
what it tastes like.
253
00:10:08,794 --> 00:10:11,595
But this is a very special bite.
254
00:10:11,597 --> 00:10:12,996
Okay.
255
00:10:15,734 --> 00:10:17,434
That was good.
256
00:10:17,436 --> 00:10:19,202
Well, now, Mom, you're bragging.
257
00:10:19,204 --> 00:10:21,638
Shar, we ran out of bagels.
258
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,807
Oh, come on. You ran out of bagels?
259
00:10:23,809 --> 00:10:26,142
You ran out of bagels?
260
00:10:26,144 --> 00:10:28,144
Uncle Richard had an extra half.
261
00:10:28,146 --> 00:10:30,947
Leon, this is what happens when
you buy one bagel per person.
262
00:10:30,949 --> 00:10:32,549
It should be more than enough.
263
00:10:32,551 --> 00:10:35,051
I probably have some wheat bread
or something I can put out,
264
00:10:35,053 --> 00:10:40,523
I don't know. This is ridiculous.
Why can't you just buy enough bagels?
265
00:10:40,525 --> 00:10:43,460
Does Leon look sick to you?
266
00:10:43,462 --> 00:10:45,228
- No, why?
- No reason.
267
00:10:48,333 --> 00:10:50,066
Oh, hey, good news...
268
00:10:50,068 --> 00:10:52,869
my dad apparently wants to make
love with my mom again, so...
269
00:10:52,871 --> 00:10:55,238
- I thought your mom was married.
- Yeah, happily.
270
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,275
I think my dad is just
hoping Leon is close to death.
271
00:10:58,277 --> 00:10:59,609
- Is Leon sick?
- Nope.
272
00:10:59,611 --> 00:11:01,144
This is just my dad's new move.
273
00:11:01,146 --> 00:11:03,380
He, like, harmlessly
flirts with a woman,
274
00:11:03,382 --> 00:11:06,850
then he circles the wagons,
waits until there's a moment of need...
275
00:11:06,852 --> 00:11:09,819
in this case, Leon's
untimely death... and then...
276
00:11:09,821 --> 00:11:11,488
there's Martin.
277
00:11:11,490 --> 00:11:14,190
So smart, he's gonna get such puss.
278
00:11:14,192 --> 00:11:15,825
- Yeah, my mom's puss?
- Yeah.
279
00:11:15,827 --> 00:11:18,361
You know what, my parents
are doing weird shit too.
280
00:11:18,363 --> 00:11:20,797
Like, my dad has started
racecar driving.
281
00:11:20,799 --> 00:11:23,566
- Oh.
- But then he has macular degeneration.
282
00:11:23,568 --> 00:11:25,902
That dude's dying ASAP.
283
00:11:25,904 --> 00:11:27,971
Speaking of decrepit
old men who are close to death,
284
00:11:27,973 --> 00:11:30,040
how did your date with Miss Shelly go?
285
00:11:30,042 --> 00:11:32,108
I assume by your silence
it means you shit the bed.
286
00:11:32,110 --> 00:11:34,411
No, the opposite.
It was great, we had a great time.
287
00:11:34,413 --> 00:11:36,346
- Really?
- Yeah, I really like her.
288
00:11:36,348 --> 00:11:38,448
Ah, well, well, well.
289
00:11:38,450 --> 00:11:39,492
You know, I don't know why, I had a
290
00:11:39,494 --> 00:11:40,650
feeling you guys were gonna hit it off.
291
00:11:40,652 --> 00:11:42,385
I think I just, I just know people.
292
00:11:42,387 --> 00:11:45,055
Really? Because people here
do not like what you're doing.
293
00:11:45,057 --> 00:11:47,424
You didn't do anything to destroy
our daughter's future, did you?
294
00:11:47,426 --> 00:11:49,726
That's a valid question, actually,
I'd like to hear the answer.
295
00:11:49,728 --> 00:11:51,628
- No, we had a great night.
- Hey.
296
00:11:51,630 --> 00:11:54,030
Yeah, we went out to dinner,
we had drinks.
297
00:11:54,032 --> 00:11:55,999
She invited me back to her place.
298
00:11:56,001 --> 00:11:58,301
She asked me to put ice cubes
up her butt and lick them out.
299
00:11:58,303 --> 00:12:01,404
I drove home, I'm gonna
see her again next weekend.
300
00:12:01,406 --> 00:12:03,707
Sorry... what?
301
00:12:03,709 --> 00:12:05,675
- Hmm?
- Yeah, I'm gonna need you
302
00:12:05,677 --> 00:12:07,277
to just walk me through the
303
00:12:07,279 --> 00:12:10,580
"She asked me to put ice cubes
up her butt" part again.
304
00:12:10,582 --> 00:12:14,184
Oh... I thought I just did.
305
00:12:14,186 --> 00:12:16,152
How is it that we always end up talking
306
00:12:16,154 --> 00:12:17,921
about buttholes at this poker game?
307
00:12:17,923 --> 00:12:20,190
Because we have the best poker game.
308
00:12:20,192 --> 00:12:21,458
I have to be honest.
309
00:12:21,460 --> 00:12:23,626
I really like Miss Shelly.
310
00:12:23,628 --> 00:12:25,495
- She's smart, she's funny.
- Right, yes!
311
00:12:25,497 --> 00:12:27,263
She's cool.
312
00:12:27,265 --> 00:12:30,133
I guess the only weird thing is
she ordered a six dollar bottle
313
00:12:30,135 --> 00:12:33,003
of water to drink at dinner,
but was perfectly fine
314
00:12:33,005 --> 00:12:35,305
with the ice cubes I drank
out of her ass being tap.
315
00:12:35,307 --> 00:12:36,706
"Ass cubes".
316
00:12:36,708 --> 00:12:38,942
- No.
- Yeah, ass cubes, it's a solid...
317
00:12:38,944 --> 00:12:41,511
- It's definitely ass cubes.
- How can you make jokes about this?
318
00:12:41,513 --> 00:12:42,879
This woman, we have to
trust her judgment
319
00:12:42,881 --> 00:12:44,447
with our daughter every day.
320
00:12:44,449 --> 00:12:46,983
How are you going to do drop-off
and watch Amelia walk into
321
00:12:46,985 --> 00:12:49,753
the arms of this woman,
knowing what we know?
322
00:12:49,755 --> 00:12:52,889
- Mike, come on.
- This guy ate ice out of her butt.
323
00:12:52,891 --> 00:12:54,524
So just because someone
put ice up their butt
324
00:12:54,526 --> 00:12:56,092
you don't trust their judgement?
325
00:12:56,094 --> 00:12:59,461
We have to assume she's been
putting ice up her butt for years
326
00:12:59,477 --> 00:13:01,631
and she's been a great teacher,
she's not going to change that now.
327
00:13:01,633 --> 00:13:03,099
If you're young and hot
and you live in LA,
328
00:13:03,101 --> 00:13:05,601
you're shoving ice up your butt or more.
329
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:06,267
Come on.
330
00:13:06,269 --> 00:13:08,702
I genuinely don't
have a problem with it.
331
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:10,170
Neither do I.
332
00:13:10,172 --> 00:13:11,639
I mean, if I'm really
going to be honest,
333
00:13:11,641 --> 00:13:13,907
I think I'm a little jealous
of Miss Shelly.
334
00:13:13,909 --> 00:13:16,977
- What?
- At 25 she knew to even ask
335
00:13:16,979 --> 00:13:18,512
to put ice up her butt.
336
00:13:18,514 --> 00:13:21,849
- When I was 25...
- No, she didn't ask, she ordered.
337
00:13:21,851 --> 00:13:25,452
See? I mean, I'm a grown woman,
and I don't even know
338
00:13:25,454 --> 00:13:28,389
if I like ice up my butt.
How sad is that?
339
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:30,557
Do you... want to try that?
340
00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:32,259
I'd like to know the answer
to that as well.
341
00:13:32,261 --> 00:13:33,961
I want to be the person
who says yes, but no,
342
00:13:33,963 --> 00:13:35,729
I don't like a chill.
343
00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:38,265
Mike, I can tell you're nervous,
but you don't need to be.
344
00:13:38,267 --> 00:13:40,601
Like, I'm very into
this girl, but seriously.
345
00:13:40,603 --> 00:13:43,270
This is the most I've ever
heard you say that before.
346
00:13:43,272 --> 00:13:45,205
By the way, I found you your
dream girl, you're welcome.
347
00:13:45,207 --> 00:13:47,341
You did! I thank you, I truly thank you.
348
00:13:47,343 --> 00:13:49,610
This is... I'm, like,
excited to see her again.
349
00:13:49,612 --> 00:13:51,345
Like, I want to talk to her
again, I want to...
350
00:13:51,347 --> 00:13:55,315
Ooh... have kids with this person.
351
00:13:55,317 --> 00:13:56,684
Wow.
352
00:13:56,686 --> 00:13:57,506
Don't act like you don't want kids,
353
00:13:57,508 --> 00:13:58,311
- you do want kids.
- I'm kidding.
354
00:13:58,332 --> 00:13:59,620
No, no, no, I do...
355
00:13:59,622 --> 00:14:02,322
this is the first person I can genuinely
see myself having kids with.
356
00:14:02,324 --> 00:14:04,358
- Listen, we knew after one date, right?
- Yeah.
357
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,961
I mean, you could be
with Miss Shelly forever.
358
00:14:07,963 --> 00:14:11,165
Can we please just call her Shelly?
359
00:14:13,135 --> 00:14:16,470
Doesn't Daddy usually
drop off on Wednesdays?
360
00:14:16,472 --> 00:14:19,707
Yeah, he just wanted to give
Mommy an extra turn.
361
00:14:19,709 --> 00:14:23,944
I'll meet you over there,
I'm going to drop this off.
362
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,713
Hey...
363
00:14:25,715 --> 00:14:28,582
I don't mean to interrupt, but
I heard the date went very well.
364
00:14:28,584 --> 00:14:31,151
Yeah, uh...
365
00:14:31,153 --> 00:14:34,388
We need to have a really
serious conversation about
366
00:14:34,390 --> 00:14:38,058
what you think of me as a person
that you would set me up with him.
367
00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:39,860
- What?
- He was terrible!
368
00:14:39,862 --> 00:14:41,395
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
369
00:14:41,397 --> 00:14:44,398
He made is sound like you guys
had a really nice night.
370
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,033
I'm kidding!
371
00:14:46,035 --> 00:14:47,701
Oh, my God!
372
00:14:47,703 --> 00:14:49,203
- Okay.
- I'm kidding.
373
00:14:49,205 --> 00:14:51,138
It was great, it was so great.
374
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,006
- We had a wonderful time.
- Good!
375
00:14:53,008 --> 00:14:54,541
He was such a gentleman.
376
00:14:54,543 --> 00:14:56,710
Well, I don't want to
blow his inevitably
377
00:14:56,712 --> 00:14:58,078
not-remotely-cool cover,
378
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:01,181
but he also said that
he had a very good time.
379
00:15:01,183 --> 00:15:04,017
What did he say?
380
00:15:04,019 --> 00:15:06,787
Oh, um, he didn't even...
381
00:15:06,789 --> 00:15:09,389
you know, I'm not even
remembering as much.
382
00:15:09,391 --> 00:15:14,961
Just that you guys had
gone to dinner and it was fun.
383
00:15:16,265 --> 00:15:17,631
Did he tell you about
the Chinese restaurant?
384
00:15:17,633 --> 00:15:19,533
- No.
- Oh, my gosh, it was amazing.
385
00:15:19,535 --> 00:15:22,069
- It was super authentic.
- Of course it was authentic.
386
00:15:22,071 --> 00:15:24,304
Kyle's such a dick about that stuff.
387
00:15:24,306 --> 00:15:27,007
You know, he insists on
watching all foreign films
388
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,509
not in subtitles.
389
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,444
He does not speak any other language.
390
00:15:30,446 --> 00:15:34,181
Well, he got me to eat duck intestine.
391
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,749
I want to be you when I grow up.
392
00:15:35,751 --> 00:15:38,285
Well, no, that's nothing.
Kyle ate live octopus.
393
00:15:38,287 --> 00:15:43,590
Well, that makes sense.
Kyle will put anything in his mouth.
394
00:15:43,592 --> 00:15:46,627
- Hmm.
- Well, here's the toilet paper rolls
395
00:15:46,629 --> 00:15:48,762
you had asked the class to bring in.
396
00:15:48,764 --> 00:15:51,532
- Oh, oh, oh.
- Sorry we didn't have a ton at home.
397
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:52,926
Oh, that's fine, I have so many of them.
398
00:15:52,942 --> 00:15:55,002
We go through them
like crazy at my house.
399
00:15:55,004 --> 00:15:56,403
Mm-hmm.
400
00:15:58,774 --> 00:16:01,175
Mom, you don't think
it's alarming that Dad
401
00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:04,411
was aggressively flirting
with you at your brunch?
402
00:16:04,413 --> 00:16:05,612
Oh, he wasn't flirting.
403
00:16:05,614 --> 00:16:08,015
- Uh, yeah, he was.
- Yeah, he was.
404
00:16:08,017 --> 00:16:09,983
- Flirting, really?
- Even Mike saw it.
405
00:16:09,985 --> 00:16:11,518
With me?
406
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:16,023
Oh, ew, ew, ew, "with me?"
Giggle, giggle, giggle.
407
00:16:16,025 --> 00:16:17,691
Oh, just a little bit.
408
00:16:17,693 --> 00:16:20,427
You know I've known your father
for a very long time.
409
00:16:20,429 --> 00:16:21,995
So have I... I don't flirt with him.
410
00:16:21,997 --> 00:16:24,932
Well, he's one of my oldest
friends, and you know...
411
00:16:24,934 --> 00:16:27,301
Your oldest friend who you
had to take to court
412
00:16:27,303 --> 00:16:29,336
to get his home phone number?
413
00:16:29,338 --> 00:16:30,938
- I don't remember that.
- Ugh.
414
00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:32,406
Anyway, it's good to have options.
415
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:33,974
"Options"? What does that mean?
416
00:16:33,976 --> 00:16:36,109
Well, Leon's not going
to be around forever, right?
417
00:16:36,111 --> 00:16:40,013
Mom, is Leon ill? Because I feel
like this is coming up a lot.
418
00:16:40,015 --> 00:16:41,181
No, no, he's fine.
419
00:16:41,183 --> 00:16:43,984
Amelia, Grammy's got cookies.
420
00:16:43,986 --> 00:16:45,285
Do you have hugs?
421
00:16:45,287 --> 00:16:47,120
Mom, you sound like a pedophile.
422
00:16:47,122 --> 00:16:48,922
Ready or not, here I come.
423
00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:51,925
And even more like a pedophile.
424
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:54,528
Wow.
425
00:16:54,530 --> 00:16:57,164
Ooh, mama!
426
00:16:57,166 --> 00:16:59,566
Ooh, ooh, ooh, mama!
427
00:16:59,568 --> 00:17:01,401
Looks like Kyle and
Miss Shelly had another
428
00:17:01,403 --> 00:17:03,403
hootsie-tootsie date.
429
00:17:03,405 --> 00:17:05,272
- No...
- Yeah, I think he's managed
430
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:07,875
to maybe spruce up his shit tunnel.
431
00:17:07,877 --> 00:17:10,677
I think it's more
like he spruced up hers.
432
00:17:10,679 --> 00:17:12,713
What?
433
00:17:12,715 --> 00:17:14,147
How did I not think that?
434
00:17:14,149 --> 00:17:16,216
That is... I should be
kicked out of comedy.
435
00:17:16,218 --> 00:17:18,919
Oof, that's embarrassing.
436
00:17:18,921 --> 00:17:21,188
If only it was just a joke.
437
00:17:21,190 --> 00:17:22,623
All right, you're
going to have to get over
438
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,291
your anal discrimination
because we're going
439
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,826
on a double date
with them this Saturday.
440
00:17:25,828 --> 00:17:28,195
There's no way.
Why would you even do that?
441
00:17:28,197 --> 00:17:30,297
Because Kyle is one of my best friends
442
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:33,400
and he's finally found someone
and I want to support him.
443
00:17:33,402 --> 00:17:35,335
I can't sit across
from her for a whole meal.
444
00:17:35,337 --> 00:17:37,137
You can't sit across from
Miss Shelly just because
445
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,239
she throws a couple of
ice cubes up her butt?
446
00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:44,544
So, Miss Shelly,
where are you from originally?
447
00:17:44,546 --> 00:17:46,113
Oh, please, just call me Shelly.
448
00:17:46,115 --> 00:17:47,714
I don't think I can.
449
00:17:47,716 --> 00:17:49,216
We're basically from
the same part of New Jersey.
450
00:17:49,218 --> 00:17:50,651
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
451
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:54,021
- I didn't know that, seriously?
- Yeah. Exit 9B, exit 13.
452
00:17:54,023 --> 00:17:55,255
Yep, trash, trash.
453
00:17:55,257 --> 00:17:57,524
Oh, I killed a guy at exit 13.
454
00:17:57,526 --> 00:18:00,093
- Oh, boy.
- Just kidding, no, I didn't.
455
00:18:00,095 --> 00:18:04,364
I mean, it was more of a bludgeoning
but eventually he died, so...
456
00:18:04,366 --> 00:18:06,099
- How long have you been here for?
- Are you proud of that?
457
00:18:06,101 --> 00:18:07,935
- Do you like that?
- I think...
458
00:18:07,937 --> 00:18:10,070
You're gonna cover it with, "How
long have you been here for"?
459
00:18:10,072 --> 00:18:11,705
'Cause that was rough.
460
00:18:11,707 --> 00:18:13,206
Listen, it's a workshop.
461
00:18:13,208 --> 00:18:15,375
Ooh, I just realized,
I'm getting a message.
462
00:18:15,377 --> 00:18:16,810
- Your Lyft is here.
- Ooh.
463
00:18:16,812 --> 00:18:18,645
You should just go outside
and get to any car
464
00:18:18,647 --> 00:18:20,681
with a pink moustache
or any car that's a man
465
00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:23,383
with a moustache who's driving.
466
00:18:23,385 --> 00:18:25,652
- Okay, to answer your question.
- Thank you.
467
00:18:25,654 --> 00:18:28,455
I've been here for four years.
468
00:18:28,457 --> 00:18:30,257
I got here, I didn't really have a plan,
469
00:18:30,259 --> 00:18:32,025
I did know jack shit and then...
470
00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:33,760
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
471
00:18:33,762 --> 00:18:35,595
I'm so sorry, you're parents,
I shouldn't have cursed
472
00:18:35,597 --> 00:18:36,630
in front of parents.
473
00:18:36,632 --> 00:18:38,298
Oh, please, I swear constantly.
474
00:18:38,300 --> 00:18:40,701
Oh, yeah, no, Shelly is just
like you except, like,
475
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:45,372
a much, much, much younger
version of you.
476
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,307
So she also finds you repulsive.
477
00:18:47,309 --> 00:18:49,676
But lucky for him I like repulsive.
478
00:18:49,678 --> 00:18:52,179
Probably happened when my father
was bludgeoned off Exit 13.
479
00:18:52,181 --> 00:18:53,747
- Uh-oh.
- That's a comeback.
480
00:18:53,749 --> 00:18:55,015
- Mm-hmm.
- Appreciate it.
481
00:18:55,017 --> 00:18:56,683
- You know what she did?
- And enjoyed it.
482
00:18:56,685 --> 00:19:01,154
She just made a good joke out of
your bad joke from earlier.
483
00:19:01,156 --> 00:19:03,357
- Foccach?
- Oh, thank you, sir.
484
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,993
Wow, look at you, so chivalrous.
485
00:19:05,995 --> 00:19:07,394
You're like Hugh Jackman.
486
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:09,062
- Hugh Jackman?
- Yeah. I don't know,
487
00:19:09,064 --> 00:19:11,131
I just think he's probably
very respectful of a woman.
488
00:19:11,133 --> 00:19:12,833
- I can see that.
- Right?
489
00:19:12,835 --> 00:19:15,535
But I think of anything, I'm
actually more like Wolverine.
490
00:19:15,537 --> 00:19:18,005
I was born head to toe covered in hair.
491
00:19:18,007 --> 00:19:19,306
- Oh, Jesus.
- Oh, I have a picture.
492
00:19:19,308 --> 00:19:21,108
Great. I'm going to the bathroom.
493
00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:23,043
When I get back, I would love
to have those locked and loaded.
494
00:19:23,045 --> 00:19:24,344
I'll come with you,
I'll show you in the bathroom.
495
00:19:24,346 --> 00:19:25,712
Show me in the bathroom.
496
00:19:25,714 --> 00:19:27,214
Okay, well, Mike and I
will just hang out here.
497
00:19:27,216 --> 00:19:29,416
- All right.
- Please hurry back.
498
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,618
We're gonna kill this foccach.
499
00:19:31,620 --> 00:19:33,620
- Don't call it "foccach".
- Foccach!
500
00:19:33,622 --> 00:19:36,323
- Am I right?
- Yeah, you bet.
501
00:19:36,325 --> 00:19:39,593
I'm doing this thing now
where whenever I pee, right,
502
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,828
I make myself stop peeing
right in the middle,
503
00:19:41,830 --> 00:19:45,032
and then I go again,
stop, go again, stop.
504
00:19:45,034 --> 00:19:46,633
Do you ever do that?
505
00:19:46,635 --> 00:19:48,035
Nope.
506
00:19:48,037 --> 00:19:50,637
I mean, but do you think
he got burned by the chicken?
507
00:19:50,639 --> 00:19:51,838
Oh, yeah.
508
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,775
And I have to imagine
there was no way not to.
509
00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:56,576
I mean, I do get the instinct, though.
510
00:19:56,578 --> 00:19:59,112
Once I smuggled out a shrimp
cocktail in my bra.
511
00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:01,415
It was really lumpy, everybody
thought I had breast cancer.
512
00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:03,283
Ooh, I like that move!
513
00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:04,851
You know what, when you're pregnant,
514
00:20:04,853 --> 00:20:07,120
just think of all the stuff
you'll be able to steal.
515
00:20:07,122 --> 00:20:08,955
You could do, like, a whole rack of lamb
516
00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:11,792
and then stick potatoes
in a nursing bra.
517
00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:14,461
I wish, but I'm never
going to be pregnant,
518
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,129
so I guess I'll just
have to keep stealing
519
00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:17,431
the old fashioned way.
520
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:20,267
I'm not talking about now,
I mean later, when you want a baby.
521
00:20:20,269 --> 00:20:22,002
Oh, no, I never want kids.
522
00:20:22,004 --> 00:20:23,437
What?
523
00:20:23,439 --> 00:20:25,172
I mean, I love kids, don't get me wrong.
524
00:20:25,174 --> 00:20:26,940
I just have always known
I don't want any of my own.
525
00:20:26,942 --> 00:20:29,443
What about, like, adoption or surrogacy?
526
00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:32,279
I get them in eight hour
doses a day, that's enough.
527
00:20:32,281 --> 00:20:36,450
Is there any way
to go around there?
528
00:20:36,452 --> 00:20:38,118
Have you told Kyle yet?
529
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:41,988
God no... we just started dating,
I'm not going to bring up kids yet.
530
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:44,724
- That would be crazy.
- Mm-hmm.
531
00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:49,396
Really?
532
00:20:49,398 --> 00:20:51,998
I'm... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
533
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,434
I can't believe now I'm going
to have to break up with a girl
534
00:20:54,436 --> 00:20:56,937
who's gorgeous and smart and funny
535
00:20:56,939 --> 00:20:59,005
and likes things up her butt.
536
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:00,474
Ass cubes.
537
00:21:00,476 --> 00:21:04,744
But are you...
for sure that you want kids?
538
00:21:04,746 --> 00:21:05,912
Well, of course I do.
539
00:21:05,914 --> 00:21:08,648
I know 100% I want kids,
I want to have a family.
540
00:21:08,650 --> 00:21:13,086
There's only one real silver
lining in any of this, I guess,
541
00:21:13,088 --> 00:21:16,056
and that's this is 100% your fault.
542
00:21:16,058 --> 00:21:19,259
And as a result I can lord this over
you for the rest of our lives,
543
00:21:19,261 --> 00:21:21,595
which is actually
kind of great for me.
544
00:21:21,597 --> 00:21:24,431
Are you saying I gave you a gift
and you should be thanking me?
545
00:21:24,433 --> 00:21:27,400
No, it's like you made me
a meal and then were like,
546
00:21:27,402 --> 00:21:29,636
"Oh, it was poison."
547
00:21:29,638 --> 00:21:32,606
Or like made you a meal
and then was like,
548
00:21:32,608 --> 00:21:36,143
"That meal doesn't want babies."
549
00:21:36,145 --> 00:21:38,445
Seriously, though, are you okay?
550
00:21:38,447 --> 00:21:41,648
I'm bummed, for real,
I was ready to be done.
551
00:21:41,650 --> 00:21:42,983
Come here.
552
00:21:42,985 --> 00:21:44,818
What? No, what are you...
we're in the coffee shop.
553
00:21:44,820 --> 00:21:47,787
- So? Just lean into it.
- Stop. What are you doing?
554
00:21:47,789 --> 00:21:50,190
- Just let me... shh, shh.
- That's not... What are you doing?
555
00:21:50,192 --> 00:21:52,626
- What are you doing?
- Just be quiet, you're making a scene.
556
00:21:52,628 --> 00:21:53,835
- Get off of me.
- Just shhh...
557
00:21:53,890 --> 00:21:55,195
It's like a riptide, you gotta...
558
00:21:55,197 --> 00:21:57,430
Just relax and let
nature take its course.
559
00:21:57,432 --> 00:22:00,233
Let me give you my soothing love.
560
00:22:00,235 --> 00:22:03,069
Ooh, wait a minute, okay,
I'm in, now I get it.
561
00:22:03,071 --> 00:22:04,838
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
562
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,707
- No, let me...
- No, I need soothing... What? No!
563
00:22:09,178 --> 00:22:11,077
You know what?
564
00:22:11,079 --> 00:22:13,579
In the beginning I didn't
want that hug, but at the end,
565
00:22:13,615 --> 00:22:14,848
I really needed it.
566
00:22:17,259 --> 00:22:19,452
- Don't be mad.
- Oh, God.
567
00:22:19,454 --> 00:22:21,821
Okay, so your father
picked me up on his motorcycle.
568
00:22:21,823 --> 00:22:23,390
- No, mm-mm.
- Wait...
569
00:22:23,392 --> 00:22:25,392
- That's not the bad part.
- That's not the bad part?
570
00:22:25,394 --> 00:22:27,494
We went to dinner and I assumed
it was just as friends,
571
00:22:27,496 --> 00:22:29,796
but you were right,
he was flirting with me.
572
00:22:29,798 --> 00:22:33,433
Oh, my God, mm-mm, mom, I'm
telling you this cannot happen.
573
00:22:33,435 --> 00:22:35,468
You'll be very happy to know
it's not going to happen.
574
00:22:35,470 --> 00:22:38,939
I realized that I am not
sexually attracted to him.
575
00:22:38,941 --> 00:22:41,808
Okay, I have so many
issues with that statement,
576
00:22:41,810 --> 00:22:44,644
but I'm going to take it because
it serves the greater good.
577
00:22:44,646 --> 00:22:46,780
Okay, but I want you to
feel good about my decision.
578
00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:48,380
There's... I... there's nothing good
579
00:22:48,382 --> 00:22:50,150
that I'm feeling from this conversation.
580
00:22:50,152 --> 00:22:51,539
Of course you never know what'll
581
00:22:51,541 --> 00:22:53,220
happen, you know, I mean in the future.
582
00:22:53,222 --> 00:22:54,421
It's good to have options.
583
00:22:54,423 --> 00:22:56,156
Options for when Leon dies.
584
00:22:56,158 --> 00:22:57,257
Oh, God forbid.
585
00:22:57,259 --> 00:22:58,792
Sharon!
586
00:22:58,794 --> 00:23:00,660
Oh, he's coming, he's coming...
587
00:23:00,662 --> 00:23:02,362
- I got to go, bye.
- Bye.
588
00:23:03,899 --> 00:23:06,299
- Wow!
- What was that about?
589
00:23:06,301 --> 00:23:09,302
Oh, just my mom no longer
finds my dad attractive,
590
00:23:09,304 --> 00:23:11,871
but that can change if Leon dies, so,
591
00:23:11,873 --> 00:23:15,008
basically we're one heartbeat away
from my worst nightmare coming true.
592
00:23:15,010 --> 00:23:17,777
We have to really make sure
that Leon's kept healthy.
593
00:23:17,779 --> 00:23:19,980
I'm already planning
on harvesting my bone marrow,
594
00:23:19,982 --> 00:23:21,714
so I got that in the works.
595
00:23:21,771 --> 00:23:25,340
Mommy, is Grammy and
Grampy getting married?
596
00:23:25,342 --> 00:23:27,942
Not if there's a God.
597
00:23:27,944 --> 00:23:29,477
Is there a God?
598
00:23:33,493 --> 00:23:34,625
Look at you!
599
00:23:35,093 --> 00:23:37,594
Back on campus, I'm proud of you.
600
00:23:37,596 --> 00:23:38,928
I'm not getting the play by play.
601
00:23:38,930 --> 00:23:41,130
I think I can get over her
sexual proclivities.
602
00:23:41,132 --> 00:23:43,666
Oh, my God, I cannot believe
you're still being weird about this.
603
00:23:43,668 --> 00:23:46,002
It's so not a big deal.
604
00:23:46,004 --> 00:23:48,204
Okay, I'll give you a little bit.
605
00:23:48,206 --> 00:23:50,773
- Hi.
- Oh, hi, guys, you're here early today.
606
00:23:50,775 --> 00:23:53,610
Yeah, we have a kindergarten
interview, sorry.
607
00:23:53,612 --> 00:23:55,578
That's fine, they're
just finishing up their snack.
608
00:23:55,580 --> 00:23:57,347
Okay, we can wait. Hi, boo.
609
00:23:57,349 --> 00:23:59,515
- Who wants ice in their juice?
- Me.
610
00:23:59,517 --> 00:24:01,250
All right.
611
00:24:01,252 --> 00:24:02,652
Here you go...
612
00:24:05,724 --> 00:24:07,991
And some ice over here.
613
00:24:07,993 --> 00:24:10,159
No ice! Actually, no juice.
614
00:24:10,161 --> 00:24:11,728
But Mommy, I want juice.
615
00:24:11,730 --> 00:24:13,930
You know what, we're going
to have juice at home.
616
00:24:13,932 --> 00:24:16,032
Actually, you remember the
dentist said we shouldn't have
617
00:24:16,034 --> 00:24:18,534
too much juice, so maybe
we'll just get, we'll get, like,
618
00:24:18,536 --> 00:24:21,270
a soda or something.
619
00:24:21,272 --> 00:24:22,272
You know what?
620
00:24:22,273 --> 00:24:23,406
I'll see you tomorrow.
621
00:24:23,408 --> 00:24:24,974
Guys, enjoy your snacks... sorry again.
622
00:24:24,976 --> 00:24:27,190
All right, have a good one.
Bye.
623
00:24:27,345 --> 00:24:29,731
Who else wanted ice?
Okay.
624
00:24:29,733 --> 00:24:31,133
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com
625
00:24:31,183 --> 00:24:35,733
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
49262
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.