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1
00:00:04,391 --> 00:00:06,073
[Ralph] Previously on
I'm Dying Up Here...
2
00:00:06,153 --> 00:00:07,514
[Bill] How did they not
shoot you in 'Nam?
3
00:00:07,594 --> 00:00:08,795
There's nothing but bamboo over there.
4
00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:10,677
What tree could you have
possibly fucking hid behind?
5
00:00:10,757 --> 00:00:12,639
I heard Johnny had Rickles
on the other night.
6
00:00:12,719 --> 00:00:13,860
That's fresh.
7
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:17,024
Can't get any more "dog
bites man" than that.
8
00:00:17,124 --> 00:00:18,185
This is Sparky.
9
00:00:18,285 --> 00:00:19,326
You didn't think he
would come to Hollywood
10
00:00:19,406 --> 00:00:21,848
to see his big-shot brother?
He's not my brother.
11
00:00:21,928 --> 00:00:23,951
- I can't see the weather girl!
- [Sparky barking]
12
00:00:24,051 --> 00:00:25,592
- Sparky...
- [TV static adjusting]
13
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,134
I'm saying, your manager should
get you gigs, and that's it.
14
00:00:27,214 --> 00:00:30,117
Shouldn't be trying to fit you
into somebody else's box.
15
00:00:30,217 --> 00:00:33,280
It's nice having a
comedian as a girlfriend.
16
00:00:33,380 --> 00:00:35,963
[Cassie] You've never
called me that before.
17
00:00:36,063 --> 00:00:37,324
Is that what this is?
18
00:00:37,424 --> 00:00:38,825
[Bill] Gotta love the comedian.
19
00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:41,568
But to be honest, I was kind
of hoping for the girlfriend.
20
00:00:41,668 --> 00:00:42,970
You don't think comedy lasts?
21
00:00:43,070 --> 00:00:44,851
We get something better.
22
00:00:44,951 --> 00:00:46,613
We get the moment.
23
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,816
You know, we get the right-fucking-now.
24
00:00:49,916 --> 00:00:51,918
acoustic guitar music
25
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:57,544
jazz music
26
00:00:57,644 --> 00:01:01,628
- sync and corrections by Mr. C -
- www.addic7ed.com -
27
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:02,769
[Edgar] Are you having
a good time, ma'am?
28
00:01:02,849 --> 00:01:03,910
Really? All right.
29
00:01:04,010 --> 00:01:05,672
Tell your face.
30
00:01:05,772 --> 00:01:10,157
[laughter]
31
00:01:10,257 --> 00:01:11,858
[Sully] Guys, Vietnam's
coming to an end.
32
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:13,960
That means what?
33
00:01:14,060 --> 00:01:15,762
Comedians are coming home...
34
00:01:15,862 --> 00:01:16,763
from Canada.
35
00:01:16,863 --> 00:01:18,325
[wild laughter]
36
00:01:18,425 --> 00:01:19,706
[Adam] I used to do a
lot of handyman work,
37
00:01:19,786 --> 00:01:21,288
growing up.
38
00:01:21,388 --> 00:01:23,890
Mostly because my dad
was in the business...
39
00:01:23,990 --> 00:01:25,692
of breaking shit.
40
00:01:25,792 --> 00:01:29,716
[laughter continues]
41
00:01:31,998 --> 00:01:33,860
[Cassie] Well, what are
you doing in here?
42
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,203
That hooker in the trunk
ain't gonna bury herself.
43
00:01:36,283 --> 00:01:41,548
[laughter]
44
00:01:41,648 --> 00:01:42,969
[Edgar] All right, thank you, folks.
45
00:01:43,049 --> 00:01:44,071
You've been a...
46
00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:45,452
slightly above average crowd.
47
00:01:45,532 --> 00:01:50,417
[laughter and applause]
48
00:01:54,661 --> 00:01:56,343
Jon Brion's "Punch-Drunk
Melody" plays
49
00:01:56,423 --> 00:01:59,326
[Mitch] I've been watching
these Watergate hearings.
50
00:01:59,426 --> 00:02:01,268
I can't help thinking how
much better a president
51
00:02:01,348 --> 00:02:03,410
you'd have made than Tricky Dick.
52
00:02:03,510 --> 00:02:04,371
Ha-ha.
53
00:02:04,471 --> 00:02:05,972
I feel like a pig at a trough
54
00:02:06,072 --> 00:02:07,814
with all the material he's providing.
55
00:02:07,914 --> 00:02:09,336
That's hell in a handbasket.
56
00:02:09,436 --> 00:02:10,377
[both chuckle]
57
00:02:10,477 --> 00:02:12,419
[Johnny] Mitch, you got a light?
58
00:02:12,519 --> 00:02:14,141
Howard.
59
00:02:14,241 --> 00:02:15,942
[chuckles] Wow, good to see you.
How are you?
60
00:02:16,042 --> 00:02:19,666
Enjoying the Roman orgy of
comedy that is our presidency.
61
00:02:19,766 --> 00:02:20,667
[chuckles]
62
00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:22,509
Glad you stopped by to say hello.
63
00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:25,072
Howard's gonna be on the show this week.
64
00:02:25,172 --> 00:02:26,913
Wonderful.
65
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:28,034
Well.
66
00:02:28,134 --> 00:02:30,557
Thrilled to have you back.
67
00:02:30,657 --> 00:02:32,199
Better lock the door.
68
00:02:32,299 --> 00:02:33,480
Ed's in the building.
69
00:02:33,580 --> 00:02:35,082
[all chuckling]
70
00:02:35,182 --> 00:02:37,724
Shit, uh, Mitch, can I
talk to you for a sec?
71
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:40,367
Sorry, Howard, I'll have
him back to you in a jiff.
72
00:02:40,467 --> 00:02:42,289
It's about his drinking at work.
73
00:02:42,389 --> 00:02:46,273
- Ah.
- [laughs]
74
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,937
Jesus, Mitch, Howard Leetch?
75
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:53,740
Last week it was Foster
Brooks and Nipsey Russell.
76
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,743
What are we now, a fucking
Dean Martin roast?
77
00:02:56,843 --> 00:03:00,227
Why don't you tell that to
Pepto-Bismol and Rice Krispies?
78
00:03:00,327 --> 00:03:02,229
Screw the sponsors.
79
00:03:02,329 --> 00:03:04,511
We're known for discovering comics,
80
00:03:04,611 --> 00:03:08,335
not reminding the audience
which ones are still alive.
81
00:03:10,937 --> 00:03:14,761
I don't care if that kid stepped
in front of a Boeing 747.
82
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,764
Get the young guys back.
83
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,006
[airplane engine roars]
84
00:03:20,106 --> 00:03:23,009
pensive music
85
00:03:23,109 --> 00:03:27,994
86
00:03:35,121 --> 00:03:38,104
[Tawny] What about Disneyland?
87
00:03:38,204 --> 00:03:40,987
What about-- what about Disneyland?
88
00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:43,089
Didn't you ever want to meet Mickey?
89
00:03:45,131 --> 00:03:48,795
I want to meet Mickey.
90
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,478
Hey, remember that girl
who lost her mouse ears
91
00:03:51,578 --> 00:03:53,240
on that people-mover thingy?
92
00:03:53,340 --> 00:03:54,961
She jumped on the tracks to get them
93
00:03:55,061 --> 00:03:57,884
and missed her car and ran out an exit.
94
00:03:57,984 --> 00:03:59,806
She fell 30 feet,
95
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,848
had to be in a body brace.
96
00:04:01,948 --> 00:04:03,890
She had a pin put in her leg.
97
00:04:03,990 --> 00:04:05,252
Eat up.
98
00:04:05,352 --> 00:04:08,975
We gotta meet the
mattress guy in an hour.
99
00:04:09,075 --> 00:04:12,619
Would you jump 30 feet for ears?
100
00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:16,102
101
00:04:16,202 --> 00:04:18,945
I have jumped a lot farther
102
00:04:19,045 --> 00:04:21,047
for a lot less.
103
00:04:24,251 --> 00:04:26,252
[chuckles softly]
104
00:04:28,094 --> 00:04:28,995
[fork clatters]
105
00:04:29,095 --> 00:04:29,996
[exhales sharply]
106
00:04:30,096 --> 00:04:32,999
[distant dog barking]
107
00:04:33,099 --> 00:04:37,163
[wet plunger plopping]
108
00:04:37,263 --> 00:04:40,927
You know in Detroit, the pipes
can handle a man's business.
109
00:04:41,027 --> 00:04:42,849
I don't even own a plunger.
110
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,852
Yeah, it's obviously some
sort of LA plumbing defect.
111
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,214
It's got nothing to do with
112
00:04:47,314 --> 00:04:49,816
the litter of piglets you
just tried to flush, Pop.
113
00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:51,137
Yeah.
114
00:04:51,237 --> 00:04:52,499
Whatever you say, Billy.
115
00:04:52,599 --> 00:04:55,061
[dog continues barking]
116
00:04:55,161 --> 00:05:00,066
[crowd laughing heartily]
117
00:05:00,166 --> 00:05:02,469
[laughter]
118
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:04,731
[Ralph] You know, I was watching
Looney Tunes the other day.
119
00:05:04,811 --> 00:05:07,754
You know, Daffy Duck,
Bugs Bunny, and the boys.
120
00:05:07,854 --> 00:05:10,557
And they had this cartoon
about black people called
121
00:05:10,657 --> 00:05:12,799
"Scrub Me Mama with a Boogie Beat."
122
00:05:12,899 --> 00:05:14,881
[laughter]
123
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,083
And I thought, boogie beat? Finally.
124
00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:19,926
A cartoon about my
people with some soul.
125
00:05:20,026 --> 00:05:22,409
But this shit was about
a bunch of black people
126
00:05:22,509 --> 00:05:24,691
living in a place called Lazy Town.
127
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:26,693
[laughter]
128
00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:28,014
Now, first of all,
129
00:05:28,114 --> 00:05:30,697
my people built this country for free
130
00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:33,139
from 1619 till about
131
00:05:33,239 --> 00:05:34,901
mm...yesterday.
132
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,743
[laughter]
133
00:05:36,843 --> 00:05:39,586
So if anybody earned the right
to take it easy, it's us.
134
00:05:39,686 --> 00:05:41,067
[laughter]
135
00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:42,789
I got so mad 'cause I was like, what?
136
00:05:42,889 --> 00:05:46,553
Another racist depiction
reinforcing the stereotype
137
00:05:46,653 --> 00:05:49,356
that all black people are lazy.
138
00:05:49,456 --> 00:05:50,937
Now, I would have turned that shit off
139
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,239
if my set wasn't halfway
across the room.
140
00:05:53,339 --> 00:05:55,402
[laughter]
141
00:05:55,502 --> 00:05:59,286
But in my defense, I did
have my La-Z-Boy recliner
142
00:05:59,386 --> 00:06:02,369
set all the way back to
righteous-indignation setting.
143
00:06:02,469 --> 00:06:04,010
[laughter]
144
00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:06,573
So I was comfortable and
making a statement.
145
00:06:06,673 --> 00:06:09,296
[laughter and applause]
146
00:06:09,396 --> 00:06:12,018
[cheers and applause]
147
00:06:12,118 --> 00:06:14,461
[cheers and whistles]
148
00:06:14,561 --> 00:06:16,843
You look like shit.
149
00:06:18,405 --> 00:06:19,606
I see somebody's been working on
150
00:06:19,686 --> 00:06:21,548
their people skills while I was away.
151
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,950
[lighter flicks]
152
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:27,113
I hear you been doing
the Playboy circuit.
153
00:06:27,213 --> 00:06:30,397
How's that?
154
00:06:30,497 --> 00:06:31,478
Distracting.
155
00:06:31,578 --> 00:06:33,279
[scoffs]
156
00:06:33,379 --> 00:06:35,722
You, uh, talk to the fellas?
157
00:06:35,822 --> 00:06:37,824
Not yet.
158
00:06:40,827 --> 00:06:42,829
Sorry to hear about Clay.
159
00:06:43,950 --> 00:06:46,292
Good guy.
160
00:06:46,392 --> 00:06:48,394
Such is life, right?
161
00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,522
What can I do for you, Nick?
162
00:06:57,363 --> 00:06:59,786
I got The Tonight Show.
163
00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:01,107
Really?
164
00:07:01,207 --> 00:07:02,509
I go up Wednesday.
165
00:07:02,609 --> 00:07:05,271
[soft laugh] How'd you pull that off?
166
00:07:05,371 --> 00:07:06,993
Last week,
167
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,916
working the Playboy Club in New Orleans.
168
00:07:10,016 --> 00:07:12,118
One of Mitch's scouts
from The Tonight Show's
169
00:07:12,218 --> 00:07:14,120
fucking a Bunny there, saw my act,
170
00:07:14,220 --> 00:07:17,524
and I landed in LA this morning.
171
00:07:17,624 --> 00:07:19,285
Grandkids gonna love that story.
172
00:07:19,385 --> 00:07:21,387
[laughs]
173
00:07:24,390 --> 00:07:27,313
It's a lot more eyes on you, Nick.
174
00:07:28,434 --> 00:07:30,957
Been a good boy for two years, so...
175
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,523
That's good to hear.
176
00:07:39,445 --> 00:07:40,707
[drink pours]
177
00:07:40,807 --> 00:07:42,509
So how are you on fifth chances?
178
00:07:42,609 --> 00:07:44,831
[chuckles softly]
179
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:47,113
How are you on other options?
180
00:07:47,213 --> 00:07:49,396
[Nick] If I had a hat,
it'd be in my hand.
181
00:07:49,496 --> 00:07:50,617
Jon Brion's "Something
You Can't Return To"
182
00:07:50,697 --> 00:07:52,358
I need to go up.
183
00:07:52,458 --> 00:07:55,201
Wednesday's coming up fast.
184
00:07:55,301 --> 00:07:58,204
[Goldie] Can't get any
further west than this.
185
00:07:58,304 --> 00:07:59,285
186
00:07:59,385 --> 00:08:00,647
You fuck up here,
187
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:03,089
you'll be performing
balls-deep in seawater.
188
00:08:03,189 --> 00:08:08,074
189
00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:12,078
[sighs]
190
00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:16,282
When you want to go up?
191
00:08:17,524 --> 00:08:19,065
Tonight?
192
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,147
Be a nice perk if I could bump Bill.
193
00:08:21,247 --> 00:08:24,350
[scoffs] You are lucky
you're a funny fuck.
194
00:08:24,450 --> 00:08:26,192
Arnie!
195
00:08:26,292 --> 00:08:27,994
Just remember who your friends are.
196
00:08:28,094 --> 00:08:28,835
197
00:08:28,935 --> 00:08:30,396
[crowd laughing]
198
00:08:30,496 --> 00:08:32,338
[Fitzy] Yeah, I used to
wrestle in high school,
199
00:08:32,418 --> 00:08:34,280
but as soon as I'd come, I'd quit.
200
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:36,523
Alex, how are you? Was
the kitchen on fire?
201
00:08:36,623 --> 00:08:38,925
Good to see you, kid.
202
00:08:39,025 --> 00:08:41,287
Whoa, Jesus, not this asshole.
203
00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:43,590
Ladies and gentlemen, we got a
special treat for you tonight.
204
00:08:43,670 --> 00:08:46,052
Mr. Nick Beverly. Nick
Beverly, give it up!
205
00:08:46,152 --> 00:08:47,734
Come on! Let him hear it!
206
00:08:47,834 --> 00:08:51,257
[cheers and applause]
207
00:08:51,357 --> 00:08:52,719
[Nick] Thomas Fitzgerald, everyone.
208
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,200
Let's keep it going for Fitzy, huh?
209
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,583
[applause]
210
00:08:56,683 --> 00:08:58,384
This is Fitzy's home club.
211
00:08:58,484 --> 00:08:59,586
It's also his actual home.
212
00:08:59,686 --> 00:09:01,227
[laughter]
213
00:09:01,327 --> 00:09:03,209
So if you're feeling generous,
leave a jacket behind.
214
00:09:03,289 --> 00:09:04,891
He'll use it for a blanket
right here in about an hour.
215
00:09:04,971 --> 00:09:06,713
You got to be fucking kidding me.
216
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:08,114
[Nick] How are ya?
217
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,796
- Who is that guy?
- [Nick] Looking good.
218
00:09:09,896 --> 00:09:11,558
Depends on the night.
219
00:09:11,658 --> 00:09:12,979
[Nick] Been thinking about
social issues a lot lately.
220
00:09:13,059 --> 00:09:15,802
Lot of injustice out there, you know?
221
00:09:15,902 --> 00:09:17,924
Talking to a black friend
of mine the other day.
222
00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:21,047
The whole time, I kept thinking,
223
00:09:21,147 --> 00:09:22,949
this guy's dick's probably
bigger than mine.
224
00:09:23,029 --> 00:09:24,731
[laughter]
225
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,252
Just not fair.
226
00:09:26,352 --> 00:09:28,735
That got me all philosophical, you know?
227
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:32,258
I-I came to a conclusion that
if every man in the world
228
00:09:32,358 --> 00:09:34,941
had the same size cock,
229
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:36,623
there'd be no more racism.
230
00:09:36,723 --> 00:09:38,945
- [crowd reacts]
- That would be it.
231
00:09:39,045 --> 00:09:41,147
Can we agree on a size?
Can we put it to a vote?
232
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,790
Show of hands here? Five
inches, six inches?
233
00:09:43,890 --> 00:09:45,451
Can I get a seven? This
guy's holding out.
234
00:09:45,531 --> 00:09:46,793
What do you want, 15? Come on.
235
00:09:46,893 --> 00:09:48,234
[laughter]
236
00:09:48,334 --> 00:09:49,656
I love, though, that
you women want to have
237
00:09:49,736 --> 00:09:51,918
bigger cocks in your life. Love it.
238
00:09:52,018 --> 00:09:53,800
But why?
239
00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:57,243
Why, when you don't use the
cocks you have access to now?
240
00:09:57,343 --> 00:09:58,645
[laughs]
241
00:09:58,745 --> 00:09:59,706
[Nick] Seriously, you know if you got
242
00:09:59,786 --> 00:10:00,867
a bigger cock in your life,
243
00:10:00,947 --> 00:10:02,689
you would stop using it in a week.
244
00:10:02,789 --> 00:10:04,671
It's like that exercise
bike you insisted on
245
00:10:04,751 --> 00:10:06,192
that sits in the corner of your bedroom
246
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:07,794
with a bunch of dirty
clothes hanging on it.
247
00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:09,095
[laughter]
248
00:10:09,195 --> 00:10:10,436
Baby, you want to see eight inches?
249
00:10:10,516 --> 00:10:12,038
You come backstage and see me twice.
250
00:10:12,118 --> 00:10:15,542
[laughter]
251
00:10:15,642 --> 00:10:18,424
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
252
00:10:18,524 --> 00:10:20,266
I'm doing Carson this week.
253
00:10:20,366 --> 00:10:21,407
- [man] Yeah.
- [cheers and applause]
254
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:23,349
Yeah. Wednesday night.
255
00:10:23,449 --> 00:10:25,071
[applause]
256
00:10:25,171 --> 00:10:27,053
So I got to work on a couple
jokes that don't have
257
00:10:27,133 --> 00:10:28,835
you know, dick and cock in 'em.
258
00:10:28,935 --> 00:10:31,277
I got two so far so I
hope you enjoy 'em.
259
00:10:31,377 --> 00:10:35,001
[laughter and applause]
260
00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:38,404
[laughter]
261
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:40,226
- [Cassie] All right.
- [Bill] So dickhead over here
262
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,708
is at the bar with two cops, right?
263
00:10:41,788 --> 00:10:42,588
- [Ralph] Mm-hmm.
- [Bill] And-and, uh,
264
00:10:42,669 --> 00:10:43,890
he starts pointing at me.
265
00:10:43,990 --> 00:10:45,572
Look, a bank had just been held up.
266
00:10:45,672 --> 00:10:47,934
There's red pubic hair all
over the crime scene.
267
00:10:48,034 --> 00:10:50,076
It seems fairly obvious
you're the prime suspect.
268
00:10:50,156 --> 00:10:51,057
Signature move.
269
00:10:51,157 --> 00:10:52,178
[all talking]
270
00:10:52,278 --> 00:10:53,379
Fuck you. Fuck you.
271
00:10:53,479 --> 00:10:55,682
Pubes are everywhere. Fuck you.
272
00:10:55,762 --> 00:10:57,143
So one of the cops grabs Nick,
273
00:10:57,243 --> 00:10:58,765
slams him against the bar,
and cuffs him, right?
274
00:10:58,845 --> 00:11:00,466
So I stumble over, I'm all shitfaced.
275
00:11:00,566 --> 00:11:01,768
I throw my arm around him and I'm like,
276
00:11:01,848 --> 00:11:03,189
what the fuck is going on?
277
00:11:03,289 --> 00:11:04,410
[Edgar] Can you just cut to
the part where you guys get
278
00:11:04,490 --> 00:11:06,092
locked up and start blowing
guys for cigarettes?
279
00:11:06,172 --> 00:11:07,834
- Come on.
- [laughs, gags]
280
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:09,335
This isn't about the Mexican
day-care system, okay, Edgar?
281
00:11:09,415 --> 00:11:10,877
Ooh. He knows your childhood.
282
00:11:10,977 --> 00:11:12,558
[laughter]
283
00:11:12,658 --> 00:11:15,762
So, turns out Nick had said some
not-so-nice words to the cop.
284
00:11:15,862 --> 00:11:17,884
Tell 'em what you said.
285
00:11:17,984 --> 00:11:19,986
Oh, that was a long time ago.
286
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:23,930
- [scoffs]
- Well,
287
00:11:24,030 --> 00:11:25,451
they haul-so they haul us in,
288
00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:27,854
and then-then we have to,
uh, spend the night in...
289
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:29,736
[both] Protective custody. Yeah.
290
00:11:29,836 --> 00:11:31,137
[Edgar] Wow. [knocks table]
291
00:11:31,237 --> 00:11:33,379
White people have the best jail stories.
292
00:11:33,479 --> 00:11:35,161
[Ralph] That's some
bullshit right there.
293
00:11:35,241 --> 00:11:36,843
If y'all were black, the
story would have ended up
294
00:11:36,923 --> 00:11:38,204
of how the cops had to explain
295
00:11:38,284 --> 00:11:40,286
how you hung yourself
with your own shoelaces.
296
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,728
[Cassie] Yeah, but, what
I want to know, Nick,
297
00:11:41,808 --> 00:11:43,169
is where you've been
the last three years.
298
00:11:43,249 --> 00:11:44,771
I mean, besides being
on the T-and-A circuit.
299
00:11:44,851 --> 00:11:46,192
[Ralph] Yeah.
300
00:11:46,292 --> 00:11:47,513
Where haven't I been?
301
00:11:47,613 --> 00:11:49,315
[Edgar] Probably blowing
a bunch of guys.
302
00:11:49,415 --> 00:11:50,877
Fuck, Edgar.
303
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:52,819
Little one-note with the
blowjob jokes, right?
304
00:11:52,899 --> 00:11:55,181
I'm sorry, it's just like a song
that gets stuck in your head.
305
00:11:55,261 --> 00:11:57,043
Come on, let him talk. I want to know.
306
00:11:57,143 --> 00:11:58,044
[Nick] All right.
307
00:11:58,144 --> 00:12:00,606
Yeah, Nick, where you been?
308
00:12:00,706 --> 00:12:02,929
Let's see, uh...
309
00:12:03,029 --> 00:12:04,450
- Did a lot of drugs.
- [Ralph] Mm-hmm.
310
00:12:04,550 --> 00:12:06,372
- As you all know.
- [Ralph] Yes, we do.
311
00:12:06,472 --> 00:12:08,534
Uh, lot of drinking.
312
00:12:08,634 --> 00:12:11,217
Banged my fair share of Bunnies.
313
00:12:11,317 --> 00:12:13,019
Found Jesus.
314
00:12:13,119 --> 00:12:14,340
Lost him again.
315
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:15,902
[Ralph] Easy to lose.
316
00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:17,964
Entertained everything
from running for office
317
00:12:18,044 --> 00:12:20,186
to holding up a bank.
318
00:12:20,286 --> 00:12:22,068
Worked blue collar, white collar,
319
00:12:22,168 --> 00:12:24,110
you name it.
320
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:25,571
And in the end, the
only thing that made me
321
00:12:25,651 --> 00:12:28,034
not want to hook a hose
to my exhaust pipe
322
00:12:28,134 --> 00:12:30,516
was being a fuckin' comic.
323
00:12:30,616 --> 00:12:33,159
So I did the one thing
that no comic's ever done.
324
00:12:33,259 --> 00:12:35,321
Pick up a check?
325
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:37,123
I got my shit together.
326
00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:39,686
[Edgar] I was sort of hoping it
was gonna be pick up the check
327
00:12:39,786 --> 00:12:42,568
because I had a waffle and
I only have a dollar.
328
00:12:42,668 --> 00:12:44,170
Fuck, Edgar.
329
00:12:44,270 --> 00:12:45,892
[Edgar chuckles]
330
00:12:45,992 --> 00:12:47,774
That's a great story, Kerouac.
331
00:12:47,874 --> 00:12:48,975
Thank you.
332
00:12:49,075 --> 00:12:50,977
But let's ask the real question.
333
00:12:51,077 --> 00:12:53,339
How the fuck did you get Carson?
334
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:54,460
[scoffs]
335
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:55,301
[chuckles]
336
00:12:55,401 --> 00:12:56,302
[inhales sharply]
337
00:12:56,402 --> 00:12:57,944
Not gonna like the answer, Bill.
338
00:12:58,044 --> 00:13:01,087
Can't dislike it any more
than I do the question.
339
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,391
Well, Bill,
340
00:13:05,491 --> 00:13:07,193
it turns out
341
00:13:07,293 --> 00:13:09,275
that unlike you,
342
00:13:09,375 --> 00:13:11,117
I'm really fucking funny.
343
00:13:11,217 --> 00:13:13,840
[laughter]
344
00:13:13,940 --> 00:13:16,723
[Ralph] One! Two!
345
00:13:16,823 --> 00:13:18,564
Three! He's out!
346
00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:20,446
[woman]
The answer my friend
347
00:13:20,546 --> 00:13:23,409
Is blowing in the wind
348
00:13:23,509 --> 00:13:28,374
The answer is blowing in the wind
349
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,456
The answer my friend
350
00:13:30,556 --> 00:13:33,059
Is blowing in the wind
351
00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:36,823
The answer is blowing in the wind
352
00:13:36,923 --> 00:13:39,105
353
00:13:39,205 --> 00:13:42,108
[woman] Thank you. Uh,
next song is about love.
354
00:13:42,208 --> 00:13:43,389
I had the tuna.
355
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,031
Oh. Right.
356
00:13:45,131 --> 00:13:46,873
Tuna for the young Ingrid Bergman.
357
00:13:46,973 --> 00:13:48,314
Ingrid Bergman was a whore.
358
00:13:48,414 --> 00:13:49,735
That she slept with
that Guinea director,
359
00:13:49,815 --> 00:13:51,397
a real piece of work.
360
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:52,518
Okay. [nervous chuckle]
361
00:13:52,618 --> 00:13:54,080
Can I get you guys anything else?
362
00:13:54,180 --> 00:13:55,922
Some pickles would be lovely, dear.
363
00:13:56,022 --> 00:13:58,084
Pickles, sure thing.
364
00:13:58,184 --> 00:14:00,726
[woman]
To hear I love you
365
00:14:00,826 --> 00:14:02,008
But not...
366
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:03,569
Hey, Gracja,
367
00:14:03,669 --> 00:14:05,071
have you ever considered expanding
368
00:14:05,151 --> 00:14:06,552
the deli's entertainment to include
369
00:14:06,632 --> 00:14:08,654
actual entertainment?
370
00:14:08,754 --> 00:14:10,456
That not entertainment.
371
00:14:10,556 --> 00:14:11,417
Sister.
372
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,658
Caress me so...
373
00:14:12,758 --> 00:14:14,300
[Eddie] Well, you know, I was thinking
374
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,342
an open mic for comics might work here.
375
00:14:16,442 --> 00:14:18,144
A lot of places are doing it.
376
00:14:18,244 --> 00:14:19,745
You already have the space.
377
00:14:19,845 --> 00:14:22,028
Might bring in a few extra customers.
378
00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:25,031
And comedy is very hot right now.
379
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:26,432
If I do it,
380
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:30,076
will you stop talking
jokes to the customers?
381
00:14:30,176 --> 00:14:31,497
If I'm not on stage, it'll be nothing
382
00:14:31,577 --> 00:14:34,040
but soup of the day from here on out.
383
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,521
Okay.
384
00:14:35,621 --> 00:14:36,803
I try.
385
00:14:36,903 --> 00:14:39,725
But not paying anybody.
386
00:14:39,825 --> 00:14:41,808
You sure you never ran
a comedy club before?
387
00:14:41,908 --> 00:14:43,609
[woman]
I am a woman...
388
00:14:43,709 --> 00:14:45,651
Okay.
389
00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:48,654
Cherokee's "Funky Business"
390
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:52,979
391
00:14:53,079 --> 00:14:54,740
[doorbell chimes]
392
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:59,745
393
00:14:59,845 --> 00:15:00,746
Yes?
394
00:15:00,846 --> 00:15:03,349
Hey, I'm, uh, Adam Proteau.
395
00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:05,031
Barton Royce sent me.
396
00:15:05,131 --> 00:15:07,153
You're early.
397
00:15:07,253 --> 00:15:10,596
Yeah, well, I hitchhiked,
so it's kind of
398
00:15:10,696 --> 00:15:12,158
hard to be accurate.
399
00:15:12,258 --> 00:15:14,520
[song playing over stereo]
400
00:15:14,620 --> 00:15:18,044
I think I'll slide on out
see if I can't find me
401
00:15:18,144 --> 00:15:19,245
Today
402
00:15:19,345 --> 00:15:24,230
403
00:15:28,914 --> 00:15:31,177
Just can't seem to help myself
404
00:15:31,277 --> 00:15:32,818
I'm lonely
405
00:15:32,918 --> 00:15:35,181
Say, I think I'll slide on out
406
00:15:35,281 --> 00:15:36,983
And see if...
407
00:15:37,083 --> 00:15:38,384
It's not a zoo, Adam.
408
00:15:38,484 --> 00:15:40,386
We thrive on discretion.
409
00:15:40,486 --> 00:15:42,188
Yeah, I can see that.
410
00:15:42,288 --> 00:15:44,670
Ours. Not theirs.
411
00:15:44,770 --> 00:15:47,033
Too much funky business now...
412
00:15:47,133 --> 00:15:48,434
[song muffled]
413
00:15:48,534 --> 00:15:50,136
[Adam] So I don't think
I caught your name.
414
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:51,717
Sonja.
415
00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:56,042
So, this is your room
when we don't need it.
416
00:15:56,142 --> 00:15:58,684
Hey, so them girls out there,
they--they prostitutes?
417
00:15:58,784 --> 00:15:59,765
Models.
418
00:15:59,865 --> 00:16:01,167
Barton didn't fill you in?
419
00:16:01,267 --> 00:16:03,489
Roof over my head, $25 a week,
420
00:16:03,589 --> 00:16:06,172
and handyman work, that's about it.
421
00:16:06,272 --> 00:16:08,134
We run an exclusive modeling agency
422
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:11,697
that caters to a very
high-end clientele.
423
00:16:11,797 --> 00:16:13,659
Since when did models
424
00:16:13,759 --> 00:16:17,143
blow guys by swimming pools?
425
00:16:17,243 --> 00:16:19,665
Since always.
426
00:16:19,765 --> 00:16:21,647
Can't believe Barton
didn't say nothing about
427
00:16:21,727 --> 00:16:24,150
this place being a whorehouse.
428
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:26,272
We like to think of
ourselves as courtesans,
429
00:16:26,372 --> 00:16:29,315
here to entertain members of nobility.
430
00:16:29,415 --> 00:16:32,919
You get a lot of nobility up in here?
431
00:16:33,019 --> 00:16:35,081
That model blowing the guy by the pool?
432
00:16:35,181 --> 00:16:38,804
She gets $1,000 an
hour for her services.
433
00:16:38,904 --> 00:16:41,687
That fucking noble enough for you?
434
00:16:41,787 --> 00:16:43,609
Your work clothes.
435
00:16:43,709 --> 00:16:45,751
Don't be seen without them on.
436
00:16:50,836 --> 00:16:52,838
[sighs]
437
00:16:56,001 --> 00:16:58,584
You gotta be shittin' me.
438
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,166
You're telling us we
gotta risk our lives
439
00:17:00,246 --> 00:17:01,807
just because somebody might need help.
440
00:17:01,887 --> 00:17:04,470
[Cassie] What time is
your family getting back?
441
00:17:04,570 --> 00:17:06,152
[Bill] Dad took the dog to the vet.
442
00:17:06,252 --> 00:17:08,054
Susie went with him to take
pictures of what's left
443
00:17:08,134 --> 00:17:09,155
of the Hollywood sign.
444
00:17:09,255 --> 00:17:10,376
What's the matter with him?
445
00:17:10,456 --> 00:17:11,958
Dad? Well, judging by
446
00:17:12,058 --> 00:17:13,919
the stool sample he
provided the other day--
447
00:17:14,019 --> 00:17:15,881
Sparky.
448
00:17:15,981 --> 00:17:17,763
Who the fuck knows? He's old.
449
00:17:17,863 --> 00:17:20,246
Dog's a fucking asshole anyway.
450
00:17:20,346 --> 00:17:22,368
"Dog's a fucking asshole."
451
00:17:22,468 --> 00:17:24,730
You did not just say that. [laughs]
452
00:17:24,830 --> 00:17:26,412
You don't know Sparky like I do.
453
00:17:26,512 --> 00:17:28,534
The total dick.
454
00:17:28,634 --> 00:17:30,896
Fuck, he's a dog, Bill.
455
00:17:30,996 --> 00:17:32,979
Sparky's not just a dog.
456
00:17:33,079 --> 00:17:34,820
He's the son my father never had.
457
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,302
Seriously.
458
00:17:36,402 --> 00:17:37,803
My dad would come home from work and
459
00:17:37,883 --> 00:17:39,205
us kids and my mom would be there
460
00:17:39,285 --> 00:17:41,227
and he wouldn't say one word.
461
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:44,670
He'd pick up that dog and he
would hug it and kiss it.
462
00:17:44,770 --> 00:17:47,153
Not like we gave a fuck.
463
00:17:47,253 --> 00:17:49,875
Hey, you want to go to Canter's?
464
00:17:49,975 --> 00:17:51,637
Come on, your treat.
465
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:53,719
[scoffs] Why?
466
00:17:53,819 --> 00:17:55,221
We have a full box of Lucky Charms
467
00:17:55,301 --> 00:17:56,602
just waiting in my cabinet.
468
00:17:56,702 --> 00:17:58,524
Come on, the guys'll probably be there.
469
00:17:58,624 --> 00:18:01,007
It'll be good to get out of the house.
470
00:18:01,107 --> 00:18:02,608
"The guys"?
471
00:18:02,708 --> 00:18:04,730
Like Eddie or Nick?
472
00:18:04,830 --> 00:18:06,532
Or Sully and Ralph.
473
00:18:06,632 --> 00:18:07,373
[chuckles] Yeah.
474
00:18:07,473 --> 00:18:09,095
What? What?
475
00:18:09,195 --> 00:18:11,817
You really gonna play stupid?
Come on, Cass.
476
00:18:11,917 --> 00:18:14,380
You went all Pavlov's pussy
the other night at Canter's
477
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:15,681
every time Nick opened his mouth.
478
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,143
- Jesus, Bill.
- Am I wrong?
479
00:18:17,243 --> 00:18:19,145
Why do you have to be such an asshole?
480
00:18:19,245 --> 00:18:21,547
- You hung on his every word.
- [sighs]
481
00:18:21,647 --> 00:18:24,530
The guy's fucking Clay
without the tread marks.
482
00:18:27,092 --> 00:18:28,594
Cass, come on.
483
00:18:28,694 --> 00:18:31,037
I didn't mean it. Stay.
484
00:18:31,137 --> 00:18:33,139
Can't you ever try to be
just a little bit better
485
00:18:33,219 --> 00:18:35,801
than you were the day before, ever?
486
00:18:35,901 --> 00:18:39,325
Just this much? Once?
487
00:18:39,425 --> 00:18:42,408
All right. I'm fucking sorry!
488
00:18:42,508 --> 00:18:43,449
[door slams]
489
00:18:43,549 --> 00:18:46,652
[TV chatter continues]
490
00:18:46,752 --> 00:18:48,334
So you want us to leave this deli
491
00:18:48,434 --> 00:18:49,975
to go to another deli?
492
00:18:50,075 --> 00:18:51,757
- It's an open mic.
- And it's gonna stay that way.
493
00:18:51,837 --> 00:18:53,339
Wait, what is this place again?
494
00:18:53,439 --> 00:18:55,941
Donimirski's, it's a
Polish deli in the Valley.
495
00:18:56,041 --> 00:18:57,683
And you gotta order something to go up.
496
00:18:57,763 --> 00:18:59,205
- So make sure you bring money.
- [Ron laughs]
497
00:18:59,285 --> 00:19:00,626
Wait, I gotta pay them to go up?
498
00:19:00,726 --> 00:19:02,908
[Eddie] I admit, it's not
exactly ideal, okay?
499
00:19:03,008 --> 00:19:04,310
Do I get an extra five minutes
500
00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:05,851
if I order, like, a side or some shit?
501
00:19:05,931 --> 00:19:07,713
- [chuckling] Yeah.
- Hey, do they deliver?
502
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:08,934
'Cause I'll be anywhere
except that fuckin' deli.
503
00:19:09,014 --> 00:19:09,935
[Eddie] Okay, I don't understand.
504
00:19:10,015 --> 00:19:11,417
we played strip clubs in Boston.
505
00:19:11,497 --> 00:19:12,938
Because we got paid and
we were surrounded
506
00:19:13,018 --> 00:19:14,880
by naked women, not old people eating
507
00:19:14,980 --> 00:19:16,182
while God points to his watch.
508
00:19:16,262 --> 00:19:17,763
Hey, it's a place where we can go up
509
00:19:17,863 --> 00:19:20,326
to work on our material
before we go up at Goldie's.
510
00:19:20,426 --> 00:19:21,627
Well, I do got some new material
511
00:19:21,707 --> 00:19:24,350
that could use some trying out.
Sort of like a new direction.
512
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:26,051
You think they'd be cool with it?
513
00:19:26,151 --> 00:19:28,294
Trust me, after a month of
Bob Dylan's Polish aunt,
514
00:19:28,394 --> 00:19:31,056
short of you playing soccer
with a puppy, they're game.
515
00:19:31,156 --> 00:19:32,538
Well, all men suck,
516
00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:34,079
so the least one of you assholes can do
517
00:19:34,159 --> 00:19:35,981
is buy me some fries and a Diet Pepsi.
518
00:19:36,081 --> 00:19:38,584
That is the worst jingle
for Kotex I ever heard.
519
00:19:38,684 --> 00:19:40,246
Uh, excuse me, can we
get an order of, uh,
520
00:19:40,326 --> 00:19:41,527
fries and a Diet Pepsi, please?
521
00:19:41,607 --> 00:19:43,429
Thank you. I'll pay you back on Friday.
522
00:19:43,529 --> 00:19:45,471
I know how you can pay
Eddie back right now.
523
00:19:45,571 --> 00:19:48,354
He's looking for comics for his
new open mic at Donimirski's.
524
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:49,835
Is that a new club?
525
00:19:49,935 --> 00:19:51,277
[Ron] No-no-no-no-no, it's not a club.
526
00:19:51,377 --> 00:19:52,298
- It's a deli.
- [Eddie] Mm-hmm.
527
00:19:52,378 --> 00:19:53,639
Like a deli deli?
528
00:19:53,739 --> 00:19:56,081
I'm waiting tables at
a deli in the Valley
529
00:19:56,181 --> 00:19:57,703
and they got stage space
so I just thought,
530
00:19:57,783 --> 00:19:59,205
you know, what the hell? It's...
531
00:19:59,305 --> 00:20:00,586
Hey, if there's a mic, an audience,
532
00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:02,328
and a plate of pierogies, I'm in.
533
00:20:02,428 --> 00:20:04,149
[Adam] Wait, but what
about Goldie's rule of us
534
00:20:04,230 --> 00:20:05,891
playing at other clubs?
535
00:20:05,991 --> 00:20:06,932
It's not a club.
536
00:20:07,032 --> 00:20:07,853
[both] It's a deli.
537
00:20:07,953 --> 00:20:08,894
funk music
538
00:20:08,994 --> 00:20:10,976
Jinx, you owe me a bag of coke.
539
00:20:11,076 --> 00:20:14,980
John Randolph Marr's "Hello
LA, Bye-Bye Birmingham"
540
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,983
541
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:20,146
I packed everything that I own
542
00:20:20,246 --> 00:20:22,868
I put it in a knapsack
543
00:20:22,968 --> 00:20:25,351
I'm leaving Birmingham yes I am
544
00:20:25,451 --> 00:20:28,714
Ain't gonna look back
545
00:20:28,814 --> 00:20:31,277
Bought me a guitar wrote me a song
546
00:20:31,377 --> 00:20:34,280
Played it for the
DJ on the telephone
547
00:20:34,380 --> 00:20:36,642
Going out to Hollywood
feeling good, yes I am
548
00:20:36,742 --> 00:20:39,325
[chuckles]
549
00:20:39,425 --> 00:20:41,327
My man from another land!
550
00:20:41,427 --> 00:20:43,809
Oh, they...feed you
Hollywood types well, huh?
551
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,671
Well, I see you still
ugly as a motherfucker.
552
00:20:45,751 --> 00:20:46,852
- [laughs]
- How 'bout that?
553
00:20:46,952 --> 00:20:48,494
Come on, let's go to the car.
554
00:20:48,594 --> 00:20:49,855
Mm.
555
00:20:49,955 --> 00:20:51,577
Oh, man.
556
00:20:51,677 --> 00:20:52,998
There's some white women here in LA...
557
00:20:53,078 --> 00:20:54,460
- God damn.
- Oh, yeah.
558
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:55,821
Like that?
559
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:57,223
Eating a po'boy sandwich
560
00:20:57,323 --> 00:20:58,404
Taking drinks from
a quart of wine...
561
00:20:58,484 --> 00:20:59,705
God damn!
562
00:20:59,805 --> 00:21:01,567
No wonder most of us is
in the halfway house
563
00:21:01,647 --> 00:21:03,208
'cause you fuckin' took the rest of it.
564
00:21:03,289 --> 00:21:04,830
[both chuckle]
565
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:07,032
Oh, look, that's how
you know you made it.
566
00:21:07,132 --> 00:21:09,755
Black ass on a white couch, huh.
567
00:21:09,855 --> 00:21:10,836
You mind if I?
568
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,037
Nah.
569
00:21:12,137 --> 00:21:13,719
- You wanna hit?
- Nah, I'm good.
570
00:21:13,819 --> 00:21:15,120
Well, there's better than good.
571
00:21:15,220 --> 00:21:16,502
You know what? Other than in the case
572
00:21:16,582 --> 00:21:17,763
of a drink here and there,
573
00:21:17,863 --> 00:21:20,446
I don't trust the stuff. I'm clean.
574
00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:22,608
I buy that.
575
00:21:22,708 --> 00:21:24,410
Think it's really fucked up.
576
00:21:24,510 --> 00:21:26,412
- [laughs]
- But I buy that.
577
00:21:26,512 --> 00:21:28,414
[chuckles]
578
00:21:28,514 --> 00:21:29,575
Mm.
579
00:21:29,675 --> 00:21:30,496
You build that?
580
00:21:30,596 --> 00:21:32,458
This? Yeah.
581
00:21:32,558 --> 00:21:34,460
Took me a couple of months.
582
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,062
But I am almost done.
583
00:21:37,162 --> 00:21:38,824
Little varnish...
584
00:21:38,924 --> 00:21:40,926
Oh.
585
00:21:44,650 --> 00:21:47,393
So what are you doing, man?
586
00:21:47,493 --> 00:21:49,154
I'm a security guard.
587
00:21:49,254 --> 00:21:50,436
That's cool.
588
00:21:50,536 --> 00:21:52,878
[coughs] Nigga, no it ain't.
589
00:21:52,978 --> 00:21:54,880
[chuckles]
590
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:57,042
It definitely ain't. That
shit sound terrible.
591
00:21:57,142 --> 00:21:59,925
[both laugh]
592
00:22:00,025 --> 00:22:01,126
I'm going to night school.
593
00:22:01,226 --> 00:22:02,768
Oh, good. Good.
594
00:22:02,868 --> 00:22:03,689
[Melvin] Mm-hmm.
595
00:22:03,789 --> 00:22:05,371
Refrigerator repair.
596
00:22:05,471 --> 00:22:07,453
[Ralph] That shit sound steady.
597
00:22:07,553 --> 00:22:09,555
Mm-hmm. Mm.
598
00:22:11,597 --> 00:22:13,078
[Ralph] Hey, what happened to that, uh,
599
00:22:13,158 --> 00:22:15,381
girl you were seeing, uh, Lorraine?
600
00:22:15,481 --> 00:22:17,263
Oh, she gone.
601
00:22:17,363 --> 00:22:19,365
Yeah.
602
00:22:21,046 --> 00:22:22,067
Man,
603
00:22:22,167 --> 00:22:24,390
look at you, man.
604
00:22:24,490 --> 00:22:26,031
Hollywood Ralph, boy, look at that.
605
00:22:26,131 --> 00:22:27,673
[Ralph] [chuckles]
606
00:22:27,773 --> 00:22:29,275
It's a long way from 'Nam, ain't it?
607
00:22:29,375 --> 00:22:31,377
[Ralph] [sighs] Not long enough.
608
00:22:35,260 --> 00:22:37,002
You ever,
609
00:22:37,102 --> 00:22:39,285
you know, think about the shit we did?
610
00:22:39,385 --> 00:22:41,387
Why would I?
611
00:22:44,069 --> 00:22:46,892
Oh, 'cause you can't not?
612
00:22:46,992 --> 00:22:48,994
[exhales]
613
00:22:49,835 --> 00:22:51,837
Crazy fuckin' times.
614
00:22:56,882 --> 00:22:58,504
Yeah.
615
00:22:58,604 --> 00:23:00,606
Mm.
616
00:23:02,007 --> 00:23:03,669
- Yeah, give me that.
- Yeah.
617
00:23:03,769 --> 00:23:07,052
[Melvin] That's what I thought.
[both snicker]
618
00:23:07,132 --> 00:23:10,035
solemn piano music
619
00:23:10,135 --> 00:23:12,197
620
00:23:12,297 --> 00:23:13,619
[Nick] I was recently performing comedy
621
00:23:13,699 --> 00:23:15,401
in Playboy Clubs across America.
622
00:23:15,501 --> 00:23:18,263
[scattered cheers, whistles]
Yeah, Playboy and America.
623
00:23:18,343 --> 00:23:19,885
[scattered laughter]
624
00:23:19,985 --> 00:23:22,968
And what amazed me most
was the amount of women
625
00:23:23,068 --> 00:23:25,411
who want to be Playboy Bunnies.
626
00:23:25,511 --> 00:23:26,432
[scattered laughter]
627
00:23:26,512 --> 00:23:28,454
Yeah. I had no idea
628
00:23:28,554 --> 00:23:30,776
that there were that many
shitty fathers out there.
629
00:23:30,876 --> 00:23:32,578
- [laughter]
- Seriously.
630
00:23:32,678 --> 00:23:34,940
Playboy Bunnies don't
just happen, people.
631
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,142
All right, they're not
born into the wild.
632
00:23:37,242 --> 00:23:39,545
A lot of serious parental neglect
633
00:23:39,645 --> 00:23:41,206
goes into the making of a good Bunny.
634
00:23:41,286 --> 00:23:42,588
[laughter]
635
00:23:42,688 --> 00:23:44,229
Dads, we got any dads in here?
636
00:23:44,329 --> 00:23:46,792
You show up sober for
one birthday party?
637
00:23:46,892 --> 00:23:48,373
You're sending her down
the slippery slope
638
00:23:48,454 --> 00:23:49,635
of a higher education.
639
00:23:49,735 --> 00:23:51,997
- [laughter]
- I promise you that...
640
00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:53,278
Hey, you seen Cassie?
641
00:23:53,378 --> 00:23:55,481
No.
642
00:23:55,581 --> 00:23:56,722
Hey,
643
00:23:56,822 --> 00:23:58,444
he can't do any of this on Carson.
644
00:23:58,544 --> 00:23:59,905
His first five minutes were Carson.
645
00:23:59,985 --> 00:24:02,207
This is actual humor.
646
00:24:02,307 --> 00:24:04,530
Billy.
647
00:24:04,630 --> 00:24:07,092
I think we're gonna get going.
648
00:24:07,192 --> 00:24:08,654
What? I'm going up.
649
00:24:08,754 --> 00:24:10,816
Dad's worried about Sparky.
650
00:24:10,916 --> 00:24:12,337
Sparky's fine, Dad.
651
00:24:12,437 --> 00:24:14,059
He's been alone too long,
652
00:24:14,159 --> 00:24:16,742
and unless you want dog
piss all over the place...
653
00:24:16,842 --> 00:24:17,583
I'm up next.
654
00:24:17,683 --> 00:24:19,905
Fifteen minutes.
655
00:24:20,005 --> 00:24:22,067
We'll be home within the hour.
656
00:24:22,167 --> 00:24:25,070
[Nick continuing] And rats?
657
00:24:25,170 --> 00:24:27,593
[sighs] All right.
658
00:24:27,693 --> 00:24:30,115
[Nick continuing] And turn
it into a shittier diamond.
659
00:24:30,215 --> 00:24:31,677
I'm not married.
660
00:24:31,777 --> 00:24:33,659
I am looking, though.
Relationships are hard.
661
00:24:33,739 --> 00:24:35,360
What do you think? You know? Really.
662
00:24:35,460 --> 00:24:37,082
I feel like animals have it the best.
663
00:24:37,182 --> 00:24:38,123
Two dogs meet.
664
00:24:38,223 --> 00:24:39,805
A sniff here, sniff there.
665
00:24:39,905 --> 00:24:40,686
[laughter]
666
00:24:40,786 --> 00:24:42,127
They get to have sex,
667
00:24:42,227 --> 00:24:43,869
and then it's right back
to chasing squirrels.
668
00:24:43,949 --> 00:24:45,891
[laughter]
669
00:24:45,991 --> 00:24:47,493
No one's mad that no one called.
670
00:24:47,593 --> 00:24:49,615
You know, there's no guilt trip.
671
00:24:49,715 --> 00:24:52,538
You never get one of those...
[as dog] Spike?
672
00:24:52,638 --> 00:24:55,941
Yeah, it's Fluffy.
673
00:24:56,041 --> 00:24:59,384
Fluffy, white terrier, remember?
[soft chuckle]
674
00:24:59,484 --> 00:25:02,628
You were off your leash, I was in heat?
[soft chuckle]
675
00:25:02,728 --> 00:25:04,670
You said my bark was
676
00:25:04,770 --> 00:25:05,631
infectious.
677
00:25:05,731 --> 00:25:07,433
[laughter]
678
00:25:07,533 --> 00:25:09,114
[as Spike] Uh, Fluffy, ye-uh-yeah,
679
00:25:09,214 --> 00:25:11,396
I was-I was gonna call.
[stammers] I was just gonna
680
00:25:11,496 --> 00:25:12,958
just gonna call. [chuckles]
681
00:25:13,058 --> 00:25:15,881
[as Fluffy] Don't, Spike, don't.
682
00:25:15,981 --> 00:25:17,843
You demean us both when you lie, okay?
683
00:25:17,943 --> 00:25:19,525
[laughter]
684
00:25:19,625 --> 00:25:22,207
[as Spike] Fluffy,
just let me come over.
685
00:25:22,307 --> 00:25:24,890
We can just...talk.
686
00:25:24,990 --> 00:25:26,532
[as Fluffy] [scoffs]
687
00:25:26,632 --> 00:25:27,853
[scoffs] "Just talk."
688
00:25:27,953 --> 00:25:29,575
[laughter]
689
00:25:29,675 --> 00:25:31,457
You think I was born yesterday?
690
00:25:31,557 --> 00:25:33,338
I'm two for Chrissake.
691
00:25:33,438 --> 00:25:35,260
[laughter]
692
00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:37,863
[as Spike] Fluffy, why-why-why
does it have to be like this?
693
00:25:37,963 --> 00:25:39,905
[as Fluffy] You're not
hearing me, Spike.
694
00:25:40,005 --> 00:25:41,907
[laughter]
695
00:25:42,007 --> 00:25:43,989
You're not hearing me, okay?
696
00:25:44,089 --> 00:25:46,952
If we're out, and I feel
your wet snout rub across
697
00:25:47,052 --> 00:25:49,434
my deliciously beautiful
tight, puckered anus...
698
00:25:49,534 --> 00:25:50,876
[laughter and groans]
699
00:25:50,976 --> 00:25:52,618
I will take that as an act of aggression
700
00:25:52,698 --> 00:25:55,561
and I swear, I will rip that
tube of lipstick you call a cock
701
00:25:55,661 --> 00:25:57,082
right out of its socket!
702
00:25:57,182 --> 00:25:58,884
[laughter and applause]
703
00:25:58,984 --> 00:26:01,867
[cheers and applause]
704
00:26:04,149 --> 00:26:04,970
True.
705
00:26:05,070 --> 00:26:07,653
[cheers and applause]
706
00:26:07,753 --> 00:26:10,616
Well, thank you.
707
00:26:10,716 --> 00:26:13,218
Uh, you been a great audience,
708
00:26:13,318 --> 00:26:14,860
slightly on the older side,
709
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:16,862
so I appreciate you coming out so late,
710
00:26:16,962 --> 00:26:18,904
seeing how it's nine
o'clock and a lot of you
711
00:26:19,004 --> 00:26:21,466
have to get up for breakfast
in about an hour.
712
00:26:21,566 --> 00:26:22,467
[clears throat]
713
00:26:22,567 --> 00:26:23,789
Uh--uh-huh.
714
00:26:23,889 --> 00:26:26,471
[indistinct talking]
715
00:26:26,571 --> 00:26:29,474
We are out of the beef barley soup.
716
00:26:29,574 --> 00:26:31,677
86 beef barley.
717
00:26:31,777 --> 00:26:32,998
Okay.
718
00:26:33,098 --> 00:26:35,400
Our next comic is a very funny guy,
719
00:26:35,500 --> 00:26:37,963
Adam Proteau, he will
be up here shortly.
720
00:26:38,063 --> 00:26:40,005
Thanks.
721
00:26:40,105 --> 00:26:41,466
Hey, you sure that anything goes here?
722
00:26:41,546 --> 00:26:43,148
'Cause all of my stuff
is still pretty raw.
723
00:26:43,228 --> 00:26:45,611
Well, that's what places
like this are for.
724
00:26:45,711 --> 00:26:47,372
- Okay.
- [exhales]
725
00:26:47,472 --> 00:26:49,234
It looks like a George
Romero movie in here.
726
00:26:49,314 --> 00:26:50,676
[Adam] Give it up for Eddie
Zeidel, ladies and gentlemen...
727
00:26:50,756 --> 00:26:52,197
Hey, this is how you get better, okay?
728
00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:53,819
Expand your audience.
729
00:26:53,919 --> 00:26:55,120
Play in rooms you're
not supposed to be in.
730
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:56,722
Yeah, I mean, I definitely agree about
731
00:26:56,802 --> 00:26:58,363
the "I'm not supposed
to be in here" part.
732
00:26:58,443 --> 00:26:59,545
[Adam] Um, my name's Adam...
733
00:26:59,645 --> 00:27:02,628
Man, I'm sorry, I...
734
00:27:02,728 --> 00:27:05,290
Well, tonight I want to talk
to y'all about fucking.
735
00:27:08,894 --> 00:27:10,636
Oh, God.
736
00:27:10,736 --> 00:27:13,839
But you--y'all- y'all
still fucking, right?
737
00:27:13,939 --> 00:27:15,961
Melvin, get your black ass out here.
738
00:27:16,061 --> 00:27:17,002
[Melvin] Coming, man.
739
00:27:17,102 --> 00:27:19,004
[chuckles] [mutters]
740
00:27:19,104 --> 00:27:20,405
This is what you wearing?
741
00:27:20,505 --> 00:27:23,148
What, something wrong?
Man, the war is over, man.
742
00:27:23,228 --> 00:27:25,210
Why you holding onto this?
This shit is beat.
743
00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:27,813
Oh. [sighs]
744
00:27:27,913 --> 00:27:29,955
You know, when I was there, all
I could think about was here.
745
00:27:30,035 --> 00:27:31,596
And now I'm here, all I
think about is there.
746
00:27:31,677 --> 00:27:32,818
Man, you...
747
00:27:32,918 --> 00:27:34,459
That's your problem. You stuck.
748
00:27:34,559 --> 00:27:36,401
You think a cop wears his
uniform when he's off-duty?
749
00:27:36,481 --> 00:27:38,223
Hell no. You off-duty.
750
00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:39,184
Now, give me that.
751
00:27:39,284 --> 00:27:40,025
Give you what?
752
00:27:40,125 --> 00:27:41,426
That jacket.
753
00:27:41,526 --> 00:27:44,029
Look, my weight has
fluctuated over the years
754
00:27:44,129 --> 00:27:45,971
so I'm sure I got something
in my closet that'll fit you.
755
00:27:46,051 --> 00:27:46,912
Now, give me this.
756
00:27:47,012 --> 00:27:49,074
[softly] No, man.
757
00:27:49,174 --> 00:27:51,176
Give me that jacket, man.
758
00:27:56,301 --> 00:27:58,443
Ha, all right.
759
00:27:58,543 --> 00:28:00,005
There he is.
760
00:28:00,105 --> 00:28:03,709
Now, you hold on, let me
get you some fly shit.
761
00:28:06,872 --> 00:28:09,815
[rock music playing over stereo]
762
00:28:09,915 --> 00:28:11,617
You raised by degenerate gamblers?
763
00:28:11,717 --> 00:28:15,060
No, salt of the Earth, the pair of them.
764
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:16,341
Just didn't take.
765
00:28:16,441 --> 00:28:18,143
[chuckling]
766
00:28:18,243 --> 00:28:21,386
[Tish] Goldie tells me that
Johnny's had a change of heart.
767
00:28:21,486 --> 00:28:22,868
You bringing the kids back up.
768
00:28:22,968 --> 00:28:24,770
Oh, yeah, I had to put my
foot down with Johnny.
769
00:28:24,850 --> 00:28:27,993
I told him flat out, either
you bring those kids back
770
00:28:28,093 --> 00:28:30,716
or you don't 'cause it's your show.
771
00:28:30,816 --> 00:28:32,437
- I only work here.
- [chuckling]
772
00:28:32,537 --> 00:28:34,479
A call would have been nice.
773
00:28:34,579 --> 00:28:35,841
[Mitch] Pardon?
774
00:28:35,941 --> 00:28:38,083
You know, a phone call?
775
00:28:38,183 --> 00:28:41,486
Save you a schlep to New
Orleans to find a fuckin' kid.
776
00:28:41,586 --> 00:28:42,968
[Mitch] [nervous chuckle]
777
00:28:43,068 --> 00:28:45,530
You are like a dog with a
bone, did you know that?
778
00:28:45,630 --> 00:28:47,372
[clears throat] I told you,
779
00:28:47,472 --> 00:28:49,634
I had a guy who happened to be
in New Orleans and saw him.
780
00:28:49,714 --> 00:28:52,457
He's gonna be playing
your club all month long.
781
00:28:52,557 --> 00:28:54,419
We all win.
782
00:28:54,519 --> 00:28:56,501
You're just lucky you
suck so bad at cards,
783
00:28:56,601 --> 00:28:57,763
that's all I'm saying, Mitch.
784
00:28:57,843 --> 00:28:59,004
- [chucking]
- [Mitch] Oh, ho, well.
785
00:28:59,084 --> 00:29:01,146
- I love you, too.
- [chuckles]
786
00:29:01,246 --> 00:29:02,487
You know who you got
to get in your club?
787
00:29:02,567 --> 00:29:04,029
Is Riggs and King.
788
00:29:04,129 --> 00:29:06,111
My God, did you see those numbers?
789
00:29:06,211 --> 00:29:09,374
[Tish] 50 million people.
50 million people.
790
00:29:09,454 --> 00:29:10,996
[Mitch] For tennis.
791
00:29:11,096 --> 00:29:12,537
Can you imagine what
those numbers would be
792
00:29:12,617 --> 00:29:14,019
for something that was
actually interesting?
793
00:29:14,099 --> 00:29:15,580
Well, networks are paying attention.
794
00:29:15,660 --> 00:29:16,842
They want to capitalize.
795
00:29:16,942 --> 00:29:18,303
Everybody is looking for things
796
00:29:18,383 --> 00:29:20,806
Jane can do as well as Tarzan.
797
00:29:20,906 --> 00:29:22,207
And what about comedy?
798
00:29:22,307 --> 00:29:23,909
I could put together a group of women,
799
00:29:23,989 --> 00:29:27,012
make them pee their pants faster
than bad Nielsen ratings.
800
00:29:27,112 --> 00:29:29,014
[Mitch] Okay. Who?
801
00:29:29,114 --> 00:29:30,175
Diller? Rivers?
802
00:29:30,275 --> 00:29:31,937
We've seen the usual suspects.
803
00:29:32,037 --> 00:29:33,779
I'm talking up-and-comers.
804
00:29:33,879 --> 00:29:36,261
I got girls got bigger
laughs in my place
805
00:29:36,361 --> 00:29:38,103
than you in a swimsuit.
806
00:29:38,203 --> 00:29:39,705
- [chuckling]
- [sighs]
807
00:29:39,805 --> 00:29:41,386
Hey, you could call your special,
808
00:29:41,486 --> 00:29:42,948
"Girls Are Funny Too."
809
00:29:43,048 --> 00:29:43,809
- [Tish] Oh.
- [chuckling]
810
00:29:43,889 --> 00:29:45,230
Eh, but only because
811
00:29:45,330 --> 00:29:47,032
"Men Are Sexist Fucking Pricks"
812
00:29:47,132 --> 00:29:49,074
wouldn't get past the censors.
813
00:29:49,174 --> 00:29:50,716
[laughter]
814
00:29:50,816 --> 00:29:52,677
Oh, I got the girls.
815
00:29:52,777 --> 00:29:55,440
You just wouldn't dare put them on.
816
00:29:55,540 --> 00:29:57,542
- I don't know.
- Mm-hmm.
817
00:30:00,465 --> 00:30:01,727
[clapping]
818
00:30:01,827 --> 00:30:03,969
All right, let me guess.
Brother and sister?
819
00:30:04,069 --> 00:30:06,611
Oh. 53 years.
820
00:30:06,711 --> 00:30:08,593
All right, that's disgusting.
That should be illegal.
821
00:30:08,673 --> 00:30:10,015
[laughter]
822
00:30:10,115 --> 00:30:12,177
How long did you date
before you got married?
823
00:30:12,277 --> 00:30:15,020
We didn't date. He courted me.
824
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:17,062
"Courted." Oh, I love that.
825
00:30:17,162 --> 00:30:19,464
I haven't been courted since
I let Gary Dorfheimer
826
00:30:19,564 --> 00:30:21,546
get to second base in a
McDonald's parking lot.
827
00:30:21,646 --> 00:30:23,188
[laughter]
828
00:30:23,288 --> 00:30:25,130
So what do you think, is there
any hope for me, even though
829
00:30:25,210 --> 00:30:27,592
I'm, you know, giving out
free milk at McDonald's?
830
00:30:27,692 --> 00:30:28,954
[laughter]
831
00:30:29,054 --> 00:30:30,675
You just need to meet the right one.
832
00:30:30,775 --> 00:30:32,097
You know, that's what everybody says.
833
00:30:32,177 --> 00:30:33,278
You'll find the right one.
834
00:30:33,378 --> 00:30:34,259
Well, how am I supposed to recognize
835
00:30:34,339 --> 00:30:35,680
that needle in the haystack?
836
00:30:35,780 --> 00:30:38,764
The needle finds you.
837
00:30:38,864 --> 00:30:42,727
I was going after his brother.
838
00:30:42,827 --> 00:30:44,089
What a floozy!
839
00:30:44,189 --> 00:30:46,011
[laughter]
840
00:30:46,111 --> 00:30:47,853
What made you switch?
841
00:30:47,953 --> 00:30:49,534
He hears me.
842
00:30:49,634 --> 00:30:51,696
Oh, so, he's a good listener?
843
00:30:51,796 --> 00:30:54,179
Anyone can listen.
844
00:30:54,279 --> 00:30:56,521
Very few hear.
845
00:30:59,044 --> 00:31:00,625
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
846
00:31:00,725 --> 00:31:02,387
Don't rub it in, bitch.
847
00:31:02,487 --> 00:31:06,191
[laughter]
848
00:31:06,291 --> 00:31:08,513
[Susan] You come up
with that on the spot?
849
00:31:08,613 --> 00:31:09,554
- Well...
- [chuckles]
850
00:31:09,654 --> 00:31:10,635
Sparky?
851
00:31:10,735 --> 00:31:11,877
- Sometimes.
- Here, boy!
852
00:31:11,977 --> 00:31:13,598
[whistles]
853
00:31:13,698 --> 00:31:15,120
[sighs] Really fun tonight, Bill.
854
00:31:15,220 --> 00:31:16,481
Thanks.
855
00:31:16,581 --> 00:31:18,483
I haven't seen Dad laugh
like that since...
856
00:31:18,583 --> 00:31:20,205
Mmm, Hiroshima?
857
00:31:20,305 --> 00:31:21,927
[laughs] You're terrible.
858
00:31:22,027 --> 00:31:23,608
- Well, it's true.
- [Warren] No!
859
00:31:23,708 --> 00:31:24,890
No! No!
860
00:31:24,990 --> 00:31:27,152
[Susan's footfall]
861
00:31:28,873 --> 00:31:30,375
[Warren] Oh, God.
862
00:31:30,475 --> 00:31:33,458
He's barely breathing.
Call an ambulance.
863
00:31:33,558 --> 00:31:35,500
I don't--I don't think
they come for dogs, Dad.
864
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,823
Then just bring the fucking car around!
865
00:31:37,923 --> 00:31:40,485
[Sparky whimpering]
866
00:31:44,930 --> 00:31:47,152
[breathes deeply]
867
00:31:47,252 --> 00:31:49,995
[Eli] You know, I really
liked your idea last night.
868
00:31:50,095 --> 00:31:51,316
Hm?
869
00:31:51,416 --> 00:31:52,317
[exhales]
870
00:31:52,417 --> 00:31:55,200
The women in comedy thing.
871
00:31:55,300 --> 00:31:57,282
[sighs]
872
00:31:57,382 --> 00:32:00,926
The only time Johnny opens doors
for women is in restaurants.
873
00:32:01,026 --> 00:32:02,928
Nah-nah-nah-nah, screw The Tonight Show.
874
00:32:03,028 --> 00:32:06,331
CBS would be all over this.
875
00:32:06,431 --> 00:32:10,335
Come on, Maude, The
Mary Tyler Moore Show.
876
00:32:10,435 --> 00:32:12,938
Well, there's nothing like a dame.
877
00:32:13,038 --> 00:32:16,461
Why don't you put together
a proposal, you know,
878
00:32:16,561 --> 00:32:19,784
see who you think makes the
grade, female-comic wise?
879
00:32:19,884 --> 00:32:23,028
And we'll take it out. Together.
880
00:32:23,128 --> 00:32:26,111
Run it up Freddie Silverman's
pole, see if he salutes?
881
00:32:26,211 --> 00:32:27,592
Why not?
882
00:32:27,692 --> 00:32:30,755
Would it make me a producer?
883
00:32:30,855 --> 00:32:33,518
It would make us producers.
884
00:32:33,618 --> 00:32:35,800
[soft laugh]
885
00:32:35,900 --> 00:32:37,522
I'm gonna do something for you
886
00:32:37,622 --> 00:32:40,125
I haven't done for a man in 20 years.
887
00:32:40,225 --> 00:32:41,366
Oh, yeah?
888
00:32:41,466 --> 00:32:42,527
Mm, what's that?
889
00:32:42,627 --> 00:32:44,449
Make you breakfast.
890
00:32:44,549 --> 00:32:45,810
[both laugh]
891
00:32:45,910 --> 00:32:47,652
[chuckling]
892
00:32:47,752 --> 00:32:50,215
- [man, muffled] Oh, yeah!
- [bed creaking, muffled]
893
00:32:50,315 --> 00:32:52,017
[woman, muffled] Oh, fuck.
894
00:32:52,117 --> 00:32:55,340
- [man, muffled] Oh, oh.
- [woman moaning, muffled]
895
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,743
Oh, you gotta be shitting me right now.
896
00:32:58,843 --> 00:33:00,845
[man, muffled] Oh!
897
00:33:03,248 --> 00:33:04,269
Hey.
898
00:33:04,369 --> 00:33:06,391
It's eight in the morning.
899
00:33:06,491 --> 00:33:08,113
You still got people going at it?
900
00:33:08,213 --> 00:33:10,115
You see a time clock?
901
00:33:10,215 --> 00:33:13,398
We're more of a "when the
mood hits you" business.
902
00:33:13,498 --> 00:33:15,400
You know how to work a washing machine?
903
00:33:15,500 --> 00:33:18,043
Yeah. Yeah, I guess, why?
904
00:33:18,143 --> 00:33:21,366
Maid's sick. Sheets need to be changed.
905
00:33:21,466 --> 00:33:23,508
Are you seriously asking me
to wash a whole bunch of
906
00:33:23,588 --> 00:33:25,290
whores' comed-on bed linens?
907
00:33:25,390 --> 00:33:27,492
Use it as motivation.
908
00:33:27,592 --> 00:33:29,014
Who knows?
909
00:33:29,114 --> 00:33:30,615
Maybe one day you'll be successful
910
00:33:30,715 --> 00:33:32,917
and someone will be cleaning
your comed-on sheets.
911
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:37,702
I'm just saying it's not
cool, man, all right?
912
00:33:37,802 --> 00:33:40,705
You--you just walked
out on me last night.
913
00:33:40,805 --> 00:33:42,787
I wanted to perform at
your deli, I swear,
914
00:33:42,887 --> 00:33:44,509
but this opportunity came up
915
00:33:44,609 --> 00:33:46,171
to shove an eight-foot cactus up my ass
916
00:33:46,251 --> 00:33:47,652
and--I mean, you see my dilemma here.
917
00:33:47,732 --> 00:33:48,633
You're such a dick.
918
00:33:48,733 --> 00:33:49,955
I mean, even Cassie gets it.
919
00:33:50,055 --> 00:33:51,436
She was so good last night.
920
00:33:51,536 --> 00:33:52,437
Aw.
921
00:33:52,537 --> 00:33:54,079
People really respond to her.
922
00:33:54,179 --> 00:33:55,560
Is it just me,
923
00:33:55,660 --> 00:33:57,762
or did your dick move
when you said that?
924
00:33:57,862 --> 00:33:59,965
Oh, I--I think it did. Yeah.
925
00:34:00,065 --> 00:34:01,646
Come on, man.
926
00:34:01,746 --> 00:34:02,847
Just give it a shot.
927
00:34:02,947 --> 00:34:03,969
- Dude, I...
- Once.
928
00:34:04,069 --> 00:34:05,770
Come on. Come on.
929
00:34:05,870 --> 00:34:07,572
What do you got to lose? Come on.
930
00:34:07,672 --> 00:34:09,614
All right, all right, fine, fine.
931
00:34:09,714 --> 00:34:11,536
- Just do me one favor.
- Sure.
932
00:34:11,636 --> 00:34:15,500
Move like four feet that way.
You smell like a salami farted.
933
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:17,142
Sorry.
934
00:34:17,242 --> 00:34:18,683
[Bill] He just buried
him in my backyard.
935
00:34:18,763 --> 00:34:20,225
He didn't even ask.
936
00:34:20,325 --> 00:34:22,067
He just dug it.
937
00:34:22,167 --> 00:34:24,429
Now I got a big dirt speed
bump on the way to my hibachi.
938
00:34:24,529 --> 00:34:25,930
Yeah, well, it's not like he could bring
939
00:34:26,010 --> 00:34:27,832
a dead dog back to Michigan, that's--
940
00:34:27,932 --> 00:34:30,595
[Bill] He's not going back.
Never going back.
941
00:34:30,695 --> 00:34:32,297
If he does, how's he
gonna put fresh flowers
942
00:34:32,377 --> 00:34:34,359
every week on Sparky's grave?
943
00:34:34,459 --> 00:34:36,601
It's like fucking Joe
DiMaggio and Marilyn.
944
00:34:36,701 --> 00:34:38,163
Hey, Bill, your dad is grieving.
945
00:34:38,263 --> 00:34:39,344
Why don't you cut him some slack?
946
00:34:39,424 --> 00:34:40,605
[Bill] What?
947
00:34:40,705 --> 00:34:42,527
Why doesn't somebody cut me some slack?
948
00:34:42,627 --> 00:34:44,589
I'm the guy with the tomb of the
unknown terrier in his backyard.
949
00:34:44,669 --> 00:34:45,810
Okay.
950
00:34:45,910 --> 00:34:46,891
Where you going?
951
00:34:46,991 --> 00:34:50,015
I got a singing telegram gig.
952
00:34:50,115 --> 00:34:52,017
Should I meet you at your place later?
953
00:34:52,117 --> 00:34:54,379
Yeah, I'm pretty tired, I think
I'm just gonna do the gig
954
00:34:54,479 --> 00:34:57,382
and crash, but, uh,
I'll call you tomorrow.
955
00:34:57,482 --> 00:34:59,484
Hey.
956
00:35:03,208 --> 00:35:04,149
I'm sorry
957
00:35:04,249 --> 00:35:06,311
about what I said about Clay.
958
00:35:06,411 --> 00:35:07,352
That's not cool.
959
00:35:07,452 --> 00:35:08,833
Yeah.
960
00:35:08,933 --> 00:35:10,935
No, I know you're sorry, Bill.
961
00:35:15,860 --> 00:35:17,722
Jon Brion's "Overture"
962
00:35:17,822 --> 00:35:20,245
[applause]
963
00:35:20,345 --> 00:35:21,566
Hey, Goofus,
964
00:35:21,666 --> 00:35:23,448
where's Gallant?
965
00:35:23,548 --> 00:35:26,611
Hosting an open mic at a
Polish deli in the Valley.
966
00:35:26,711 --> 00:35:27,852
A deli?
967
00:35:27,952 --> 00:35:29,214
Like, where old people eat?
968
00:35:29,314 --> 00:35:30,735
Yeah.
969
00:35:30,835 --> 00:35:32,457
Why is it so gross for them?
970
00:35:32,557 --> 00:35:34,479
Like, old people are cute when
they're shoving five bucks
971
00:35:34,559 --> 00:35:36,661
in your birthday card, but
972
00:35:36,761 --> 00:35:38,183
you ever watch them eat?
973
00:35:38,283 --> 00:35:41,426
I know, it's like swallow, then talk.
974
00:35:41,526 --> 00:35:42,827
Who would perform at a deli?
975
00:35:42,927 --> 00:35:46,231
Cassie. And me, apparently.
976
00:35:46,331 --> 00:35:47,872
Cassie's going up at a deli, huh?
977
00:35:47,972 --> 00:35:50,075
Yeah, at Donimirski's in the Valley.
978
00:35:50,175 --> 00:35:51,336
Eddie set up this open mic thing.
979
00:35:51,416 --> 00:35:53,318
She's going up tonight.
980
00:35:53,418 --> 00:35:56,161
Bill, uh, this my buddy, Melvin.
981
00:35:56,261 --> 00:35:57,362
We were in 'Nam together.
982
00:35:57,462 --> 00:35:58,603
Oh, hey. Bill.
983
00:35:58,703 --> 00:36:00,405
Good to meet ya.
984
00:36:00,505 --> 00:36:02,847
I never met one of Ralph's
'Nam buddies before.
985
00:36:02,947 --> 00:36:04,929
Probably 'cause there
ain't a lot of us left.
986
00:36:05,029 --> 00:36:05,930
[chuckles]
987
00:36:06,030 --> 00:36:07,492
Uh, Melvin, this is Edgar.
988
00:36:07,592 --> 00:36:09,534
Edgar, Melvin and I served together.
989
00:36:09,634 --> 00:36:11,216
Oh, really? What restaurant?
990
00:36:11,316 --> 00:36:12,417
[laughs]
991
00:36:12,517 --> 00:36:14,259
Just fucking with you, dude.
992
00:36:14,359 --> 00:36:16,101
You might want to show a little respect.
993
00:36:16,201 --> 00:36:18,343
Man was decorated. Man was a Sergeant.
994
00:36:18,443 --> 00:36:20,064
[Ralph] Uh, it's cool, brother.
It's cool.
995
00:36:20,164 --> 00:36:21,706
Uh, this is what we do.
996
00:36:21,806 --> 00:36:23,208
It's what we do, we
fuck with each other.
997
00:36:23,288 --> 00:36:25,029
It's--it's no disrespect.
998
00:36:25,129 --> 00:36:26,591
[Edgar, softly] Yeah.
999
00:36:26,691 --> 00:36:29,033
Sorry.
1000
00:36:29,133 --> 00:36:30,555
It--maybe I just need a drink.
1001
00:36:30,655 --> 00:36:32,096
You know what? Let's get you a drink.
1002
00:36:32,176 --> 00:36:33,558
Let's all get a drink. Come on.
1003
00:36:33,658 --> 00:36:36,080
1004
00:36:36,180 --> 00:36:38,042
[Ralph] Hey, Raquel Welch,
let's get some, uh,
1005
00:36:38,142 --> 00:36:40,004
get some drinks over here.
1006
00:36:40,104 --> 00:36:44,409
1007
00:36:44,509 --> 00:36:47,132
- Do you like mine?
- Mm-hmm.
1008
00:36:47,232 --> 00:36:49,093
Excuse me. [clears throat] Excuse me.
1009
00:36:49,193 --> 00:36:50,855
Um, hey, sorry, uh,
1010
00:36:50,955 --> 00:36:53,338
hey, man, I just wanted to
say how great your shit is.
1011
00:36:53,438 --> 00:36:56,100
And--and--and good luck
on The Tonight Show.
1012
00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:58,703
- Thanks, man.
- Yeah.
1013
00:36:58,803 --> 00:37:00,145
I should get back to work.
1014
00:37:00,245 --> 00:37:01,506
- Ah...
- [soft laugh]
1015
00:37:01,606 --> 00:37:03,628
1016
00:37:03,728 --> 00:37:06,151
I shouldn't--I'm sorry, I wasn't...
1017
00:37:06,251 --> 00:37:08,633
trying to... [exhales]
1018
00:37:08,733 --> 00:37:10,555
You could fuck her.
1019
00:37:10,655 --> 00:37:12,277
[laughs]
1020
00:37:12,377 --> 00:37:14,919
Yeah, I-I don't--I don't
really get those hot chicks.
1021
00:37:15,019 --> 00:37:16,881
I get the--the chicks who look more like
1022
00:37:16,981 --> 00:37:19,003
when the Three Stooges
dress up as--as women.
1023
00:37:19,103 --> 00:37:21,286
You know? [laughs]
1024
00:37:21,386 --> 00:37:23,368
- [clears throat]
- That's a funny joke, man.
1025
00:37:23,468 --> 00:37:25,410
Thanks.
1026
00:37:25,510 --> 00:37:28,293
- Thanks.
- You're a comic, right?
1027
00:37:28,393 --> 00:37:29,574
Yeah. In theory.
1028
00:37:29,674 --> 00:37:30,855
[Nick] Then you're in.
1029
00:37:30,955 --> 00:37:33,097
Look, all funny guys are damaged.
1030
00:37:33,197 --> 00:37:37,101
And for some reason, women,
thank God, find that sexy.
1031
00:37:37,201 --> 00:37:39,023
And that is their damage.
1032
00:37:39,123 --> 00:37:41,266
1033
00:37:41,366 --> 00:37:43,147
Right. Right on.
1034
00:37:43,247 --> 00:37:44,349
What's your name?
1035
00:37:44,449 --> 00:37:45,430
Ron. Ron Shack.
1036
00:37:45,530 --> 00:37:47,071
Ron Shack.
1037
00:37:47,171 --> 00:37:49,474
What time you going up, Ron Shack?
1038
00:37:49,574 --> 00:37:52,477
Uh, watch won't work. You'll
have to use a calendar.
1039
00:37:52,577 --> 00:37:54,639
I-I-I just do the open mic.
1040
00:37:54,739 --> 00:37:56,881
Oh, that's it, huh? Mondays?
1041
00:37:56,981 --> 00:37:58,563
Pretty much, yeah.
1042
00:37:58,663 --> 00:38:00,144
Just--it's not a lot of, you
know, not lot of options.
1043
00:38:00,224 --> 00:38:01,826
I remember when I was
first starting out,
1044
00:38:01,906 --> 00:38:03,888
it was pretty much here
and old folks' homes.
1045
00:38:03,988 --> 00:38:07,212
I think that's still the case.
[nervous chuckle]
1046
00:38:07,312 --> 00:38:09,894
Um, anyway, I'll--I'll--I'll
leave you alone.
1047
00:38:09,994 --> 00:38:10,995
But, uh, good luck with
everything, man, seriously--
1048
00:38:11,075 --> 00:38:12,977
Hey--hey--hey, hold on.
1049
00:38:13,077 --> 00:38:15,740
I got a place you can go up right now.
1050
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:18,743
1051
00:38:18,843 --> 00:38:20,865
[Peter] What do you do?
1052
00:38:20,965 --> 00:38:24,068
How else do you handle what's
going on in the world today?
1053
00:38:24,168 --> 00:38:27,992
War, riots, economy?
1054
00:38:28,092 --> 00:38:29,834
My mom's dead from smoking.
1055
00:38:29,934 --> 00:38:33,758
My dad's dead from trying
to pay for her to live.
1056
00:38:33,858 --> 00:38:37,322
Alcohol's the only family I had left.
1057
00:38:37,422 --> 00:38:39,564
Or at least it was still talking to me.
1058
00:38:39,664 --> 00:38:41,646
[scoffs]
1059
00:38:41,746 --> 00:38:43,388
I just wish I was with
people who understood
1060
00:38:43,468 --> 00:38:47,271
what I was talking about. [chuckling]
1061
00:38:47,352 --> 00:38:50,735
[clapping]
1062
00:38:50,835 --> 00:38:53,578
What the hell are we doing here?
1063
00:38:53,678 --> 00:38:55,380
Said you wanted an audience.
1064
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:57,101
I'm not an alcoholic.
1065
00:38:57,201 --> 00:38:59,384
- Yeah, don't open with that.
- Op--what?
1066
00:38:59,484 --> 00:39:01,346
Hey, everyone, uh, this
is my friend, Ron.
1067
00:39:01,446 --> 00:39:03,448
His first time here so
he's a little bit nervous.
1068
00:39:03,528 --> 00:39:05,930
[scattered clapping] What
the hell are you doing?
1069
00:39:06,010 --> 00:39:07,432
Get up there, say your name,
1070
00:39:07,532 --> 00:39:09,754
you're an alcoholic,
and let 'em have it.
1071
00:39:09,854 --> 00:39:12,156
I don't really know you, but
I think I might hate you.
1072
00:39:12,256 --> 00:39:14,258
[pats back] Use that.
1073
00:39:21,386 --> 00:39:23,167
Hi, my name is Ron.
1074
00:39:23,267 --> 00:39:25,810
[all] Hi, Ron.
1075
00:39:25,910 --> 00:39:28,573
And I'm an alcoholic.
1076
00:39:28,673 --> 00:39:31,015
[clapping]
1077
00:39:31,115 --> 00:39:33,418
Oh. Nice.
1078
00:39:33,518 --> 00:39:37,141
You clap before I even start.
That's awesome.
1079
00:39:37,241 --> 00:39:38,423
[crowd laughter]
1080
00:39:38,523 --> 00:39:41,426
pensive music
1081
00:39:41,526 --> 00:39:46,431
1082
00:39:46,531 --> 00:39:49,634
[crowd laughter continues]
1083
00:39:49,734 --> 00:39:52,637
[indistinct talking]
1084
00:39:52,737 --> 00:39:56,080
[laughter continues]
1085
00:39:56,180 --> 00:39:59,083
tense music building
1086
00:39:59,183 --> 00:40:01,406
1087
00:40:01,506 --> 00:40:03,127
[Fitzy] I can't hear you!
1088
00:40:03,227 --> 00:40:04,769
[cheers and applause] All right.
1089
00:40:04,869 --> 00:40:06,531
That's what I like to hear.
1090
00:40:06,631 --> 00:40:08,813
[Fitzy] Okay, this next
comic, he's a writer
1091
00:40:08,913 --> 00:40:11,255
on The Sonny and Cher Show.
Huh? Not bad.
1092
00:40:11,355 --> 00:40:14,419
And-and, very talented,
a walking argument
1093
00:40:14,519 --> 00:40:16,341
against "black is beautiful."
1094
00:40:16,441 --> 00:40:18,302
- [laughter]
- Please, give him a big hand,
1095
00:40:18,402 --> 00:40:20,304
Ralph Carnegie, hey!
1096
00:40:20,404 --> 00:40:23,287
[cheers and applause]
1097
00:40:28,693 --> 00:40:30,114
Holy shit, man.
1098
00:40:30,214 --> 00:40:31,756
I still gotta go up.
1099
00:40:31,856 --> 00:40:33,758
To Ralph. [clears throat]
1100
00:40:33,858 --> 00:40:34,999
- To Ralph, come on.
- To Ralph.
1101
00:40:35,099 --> 00:40:36,561
Yeah, okay.
1102
00:40:36,661 --> 00:40:38,022
[Ralph] This might come
as a surprise to you,
1103
00:40:38,102 --> 00:40:41,606
but I was not a fan of
the Civil Rights Act.
1104
00:40:41,706 --> 00:40:44,048
We loved having our own bathroom.
1105
00:40:44,148 --> 00:40:45,810
[laughter]
1106
00:40:45,910 --> 00:40:48,813
Finally, we have a place
where we know for a fact
1107
00:40:48,913 --> 00:40:50,775
no white people would go ever.
1108
00:40:50,875 --> 00:40:54,218
[laughter]
1109
00:40:54,318 --> 00:40:56,400
The horrors that they must've
thought was going on in there
1110
00:40:56,481 --> 00:40:58,663
when all it really was was...
1111
00:40:58,763 --> 00:41:01,305
[humming]
1112
00:41:01,405 --> 00:41:03,468
[laughter]
1113
00:41:03,568 --> 00:41:06,230
[humming]
1114
00:41:06,330 --> 00:41:08,032
Now, we love that bathroom,
1115
00:41:08,132 --> 00:41:10,074
but why did the black drinking fountain
1116
00:41:10,174 --> 00:41:12,316
have to be so shitty?
1117
00:41:12,416 --> 00:41:13,798
[laughter]
1118
00:41:13,898 --> 00:41:16,240
Just have two identical
quality fountains.
1119
00:41:16,340 --> 00:41:18,042
One white, one black--
1120
00:41:18,142 --> 00:41:19,964
Tell 'em about the gook
that couldn't fly.
1121
00:41:20,064 --> 00:41:21,325
[crowd murmuring]
1122
00:41:21,425 --> 00:41:23,408
Ha, that's-- is that you, Melvin?
1123
00:41:23,508 --> 00:41:26,130
It's--it's my boy, Melvin, we
in town, we just having a few.
1124
00:41:26,230 --> 00:41:27,732
[Melvin] Tell 'em.
1125
00:41:27,832 --> 00:41:28,893
Ha-ha, I'm--I'm a--
1126
00:41:28,993 --> 00:41:30,735
Come on, Ralph. Tell 'em, man.
1127
00:41:30,835 --> 00:41:32,316
[Ralph] You know, I'm-- I'm
working up here, Melvin.
1128
00:41:32,396 --> 00:41:33,738
- [crowd groans]
- [Ralph] This is--
1129
00:41:33,838 --> 00:41:35,039
Then what the hell you
invite me here for, man?
1130
00:41:35,119 --> 00:41:37,021
I wanna hear some motherfucking jokes!
1131
00:41:37,121 --> 00:41:39,824
I'm telling jokes if you just
give me an opportunity, Melvin.
1132
00:41:39,924 --> 00:41:41,746
- I got a joke.
- [Ralph] I'm-I'm sure you do,
1133
00:41:41,846 --> 00:41:43,207
but this is my time, right now, Melvin.
1134
00:41:43,287 --> 00:41:45,189
Ralph and I served together in Vietnam.
1135
00:41:45,289 --> 00:41:46,310
[scattered yelling]
1136
00:41:46,410 --> 00:41:47,752
[Melvin] And we was in this Huey.
1137
00:41:47,852 --> 00:41:49,514
And we had lost half our patrol.
1138
00:41:49,614 --> 00:41:52,076
And we--we had these two, uh,
1139
00:41:52,176 --> 00:41:53,818
two--two gooks, these two gooks,
these Vietnamese soldiers...
1140
00:41:53,898 --> 00:41:55,399
Oh, oh, so sorry.
1141
00:41:55,499 --> 00:41:56,601
[Melvin] Uh, prisoners...
1142
00:41:56,701 --> 00:41:58,282
...slope motherfuckers, and...
1143
00:41:58,382 --> 00:41:59,884
...and they was just sitting there.
1144
00:41:59,984 --> 00:42:02,687
And one of them just
pulls out a cigarette.
1145
00:42:02,787 --> 00:42:04,208
And lights it.
1146
00:42:04,308 --> 00:42:05,930
That's enough, Melvin.
1147
00:42:06,030 --> 00:42:07,592
Now, now, ten minutes earlier,
this motherfucker put a bullet
1148
00:42:07,672 --> 00:42:09,293
in our Master Sergeant's head, but...
1149
00:42:09,393 --> 00:42:12,336
...but now, he just sitting
there, just--just puffing away.
1150
00:42:12,436 --> 00:42:13,658
Okay, Bill.
1151
00:42:13,758 --> 00:42:14,879
[Melvin] [chuckles] Now, Ralph...
1152
00:42:14,959 --> 00:42:16,461
Bill! Get this motherfucker!
1153
00:42:16,561 --> 00:42:18,623
That didn't sit too well
for--with--with Ralph.
1154
00:42:18,723 --> 00:42:20,985
- Come on, man.
- Get off me!
1155
00:42:21,085 --> 00:42:22,667
[Ralph] Edgar!
1156
00:42:22,767 --> 00:42:24,188
[soft murmuring]
1157
00:42:24,288 --> 00:42:26,891
[Ralph] Fuck is everybody... Now, Ralph,
1158
00:42:26,971 --> 00:42:29,994
he... [laughs]
1159
00:42:30,094 --> 00:42:30,995
[laughing]
1160
00:42:31,095 --> 00:42:33,718
...he grabbed that motherfucker
1161
00:42:33,818 --> 00:42:35,840
and he showed him how the door worked,
1162
00:42:35,940 --> 00:42:37,942
at 1,000 feet!
1163
00:42:40,144 --> 00:42:42,667
[Melvin] [chuckling]
Can you imagine that?
1164
00:42:45,149 --> 00:42:46,891
Can any of you motherfuckers
1165
00:42:46,991 --> 00:42:48,993
imagine that shit?
1166
00:42:53,878 --> 00:42:55,620
And you remember what you said, Ralph?
1167
00:42:55,720 --> 00:42:57,662
[heavy breathing]
1168
00:42:57,762 --> 00:42:58,983
You said,
1169
00:42:59,083 --> 00:43:01,506
"Those gook motherfuckers can fight.
1170
00:43:01,606 --> 00:43:04,108
But they sure as shit can't fly!"
1171
00:43:04,208 --> 00:43:07,091
[laughing]
1172
00:43:09,694 --> 00:43:11,696
You remember that, Ralph?
1173
00:43:13,698 --> 00:43:15,700
'Cause I remember that shit!
1174
00:43:18,542 --> 00:43:20,544
I sure do.
1175
00:43:30,194 --> 00:43:31,275
Come on, where are you, Ralph?
1176
00:43:31,355 --> 00:43:32,236
- Do you know what you...
- Where are you?
1177
00:43:32,316 --> 00:43:33,898
...just fucking did in there?
1178
00:43:33,998 --> 00:43:36,140
My life's the truth, man. I
live the truth every day.
1179
00:43:36,240 --> 00:43:37,842
You just hiding in
plain sight out there.
1180
00:43:37,922 --> 00:43:40,344
The--you think you the only
motherfucker with truth?
1181
00:43:40,444 --> 00:43:41,225
That's my truth!
1182
00:43:41,325 --> 00:43:42,146
You were there.
1183
00:43:42,246 --> 00:43:43,828
And now I'm here!
1184
00:43:43,928 --> 00:43:45,389
I ain't there no more! You hear me?
1185
00:43:45,489 --> 00:43:46,631
I ain't there no more.
1186
00:43:46,731 --> 00:43:49,313
Why aren't you?
1187
00:43:49,413 --> 00:43:53,197
Why am I the only one?
1188
00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:55,379
There's no man left behind, right?
1189
00:44:07,071 --> 00:44:08,773
[exhales]
1190
00:44:08,873 --> 00:44:10,875
[sniffs]
1191
00:44:17,161 --> 00:44:20,144
[laughter]
1192
00:44:20,244 --> 00:44:22,787
Jon Brion's "Punch-Drunk Melody"
1193
00:44:22,887 --> 00:44:25,349
Yeah, I mean--I mean it's no
wonder I became an alcoholic.
1194
00:44:25,449 --> 00:44:27,071
I mean, when I breast-fed, my mother
1195
00:44:27,171 --> 00:44:28,512
was so hammered,
1196
00:44:28,612 --> 00:44:30,514
her milk was 12 percent
alcohol by volume.
1197
00:44:30,614 --> 00:44:33,277
[laughter]
1198
00:44:33,377 --> 00:44:34,939
When my old man would run out of beer,
1199
00:44:35,019 --> 00:44:36,741
he'd just push me out of
the way and start sucking.
1200
00:44:36,821 --> 00:44:38,603
[laughter]
1201
00:44:38,703 --> 00:44:40,905
That's a habit that kept up
after the milk dried up too.
1202
00:44:40,985 --> 00:44:44,328
[laughter]
1203
00:44:44,428 --> 00:44:46,170
Gosh, I gotta say, this has been
1204
00:44:46,270 --> 00:44:49,774
so eye-opening being here
tonight with my fellow alchies.
1205
00:44:49,874 --> 00:44:51,976
I just feel really
close to all you guys.
1206
00:44:52,076 --> 00:44:53,838
You know, wouldn't it be
great if we could all just
1207
00:44:53,918 --> 00:44:56,000
fall off the wagon together,
for one night, go get a beer?
1208
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:58,542
[laughter]
1209
00:44:58,642 --> 00:45:00,464
Guess that was a joke.
1210
00:45:00,564 --> 00:45:02,286
Anyway, that's my time.
You guys have been great.
1211
00:45:02,366 --> 00:45:03,988
- Thank you.
- [applause]
1212
00:45:04,088 --> 00:45:08,973
1213
00:45:13,057 --> 00:45:14,939
You really think he threw
that guy from the helicopter?
1214
00:45:15,019 --> 00:45:17,201
No. Ralph's a fucking teddy bear.
1215
00:45:17,301 --> 00:45:18,883
His friend's fucked up.
1216
00:45:18,983 --> 00:45:20,564
Lot of those guys have chips.
1217
00:45:20,664 --> 00:45:22,847
War crime's a hell of a
punch line though, huh?
1218
00:45:22,947 --> 00:45:24,809
Mm. It's Ralph's business.
1219
00:45:24,909 --> 00:45:27,131
We should probably shut
the fuck up about it.
1220
00:45:27,231 --> 00:45:29,573
Ralph would never throw
somebody out of a helicopter
1221
00:45:29,673 --> 00:45:31,856
unless, you know, there were,
like, snacks involved.
1222
00:45:31,956 --> 00:45:33,858
1223
00:45:33,958 --> 00:45:35,940
[both snicker]
1224
00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:39,023
Hey, hey where's the
pride of Wink tonight?
1225
00:45:39,123 --> 00:45:40,424
She had a day job.
1226
00:45:40,524 --> 00:45:42,326
Then she said she was
gonna go home and relax.
1227
00:45:42,406 --> 00:45:44,028
Mm.
1228
00:45:44,128 --> 00:45:46,791
She actually is doing a
open mic in Woodland Hills.
1229
00:45:46,891 --> 00:45:48,212
What the fuck are you talking about?
1230
00:45:48,292 --> 00:45:51,275
Eddie started a open
mic in a Polish deli.
1231
00:45:51,375 --> 00:45:52,576
People have been going up there,
1232
00:45:52,656 --> 00:45:55,079
and I guess he suckered Cassie in.
1233
00:45:55,179 --> 00:46:00,064
1234
00:46:02,026 --> 00:46:03,447
Let's go. You're up.
1235
00:46:03,547 --> 00:46:07,211
Fluff-and-fold is closed.
Clean your own jizz sheets.
1236
00:46:07,311 --> 00:46:08,252
Now.
1237
00:46:08,352 --> 00:46:10,374
funk music
1238
00:46:10,474 --> 00:46:12,937
[Sam] Come on, baby! Do your job!
1239
00:46:13,037 --> 00:46:15,900
[Sam] Come on!
1240
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:18,783
I'm not leaving till I come!
1241
00:46:18,883 --> 00:46:21,946
This member needs to be escorted out.
1242
00:46:22,046 --> 00:46:23,708
Escorted? You don't escort no
1243
00:46:23,808 --> 00:46:26,470
200-pound angry-ass drunk out.
Where's your bouncer?
1244
00:46:26,570 --> 00:46:28,252
We don't have bouncers. We're
an exclusive modeling...
1245
00:46:28,332 --> 00:46:30,034
- ...agency.
- Agency?
1246
00:46:30,134 --> 00:46:31,735
Jesus, Sonja, we passed three
blowjobs on the way here.
1247
00:46:31,816 --> 00:46:33,197
Okay, the jig is up.
1248
00:46:33,297 --> 00:46:34,839
Just get him out.
1249
00:46:34,939 --> 00:46:38,322
I said I'm not leaving till I come!
1250
00:46:38,422 --> 00:46:41,485
Given the... nature of your business,
1251
00:46:41,585 --> 00:46:43,647
it's not too much to ask.
1252
00:46:43,747 --> 00:46:45,089
Fine.
1253
00:46:45,189 --> 00:46:47,531
Have at it.
1254
00:46:47,631 --> 00:46:48,532
Fuck.
1255
00:46:48,632 --> 00:46:50,494
Look.
1256
00:46:50,594 --> 00:46:52,156
I know you come here
to have a good time,
1257
00:46:52,236 --> 00:46:53,918
but right now you got enough
scotch in your system
1258
00:46:53,998 --> 00:46:55,840
to where you won't even
remember shit, all right?
1259
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:58,102
You have any fucking idea who I am?
1260
00:46:58,202 --> 00:46:59,904
Yeah. You're Sam Doak.
1261
00:47:00,004 --> 00:47:02,146
Big time agent in CMA.
1262
00:47:02,246 --> 00:47:05,309
And I'm Adam Proteau,
a struggling comic.
1263
00:47:05,409 --> 00:47:08,672
We--we met after one of
my sets at Goldie's.
1264
00:47:08,772 --> 00:47:10,594
So you know who I...
1265
00:47:10,694 --> 00:47:12,036
Yeah. Yeah, I know who you are.
1266
00:47:12,136 --> 00:47:14,959
And now everybody else here does too.
1267
00:47:15,059 --> 00:47:16,600
Look, you come here to not be seen
1268
00:47:16,700 --> 00:47:18,763
so won't make too much
sense to make one.
1269
00:47:18,863 --> 00:47:20,124
You dig?
1270
00:47:20,224 --> 00:47:23,888
[song continues over stereo, muffled]
1271
00:47:23,988 --> 00:47:26,530
Will you give me my trousers, please?
1272
00:47:26,630 --> 00:47:28,492
Yeah.
1273
00:47:28,592 --> 00:47:33,497
1274
00:47:33,597 --> 00:47:36,220
All right, ladies, back to your...
1275
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:39,864
modeling.
1276
00:47:39,964 --> 00:47:42,166
[Eddie] I'm seeing a lot of
young faces here tonight.
1277
00:47:42,246 --> 00:47:45,269
Uh, personally, I-I
can't wait to get old.
1278
00:47:45,369 --> 00:47:47,872
I-I been that way since
I was little too.
1279
00:47:47,972 --> 00:47:50,154
Most kids, you know, they
can't wait to turn 18
1280
00:47:50,254 --> 00:47:53,277
so they can drink or drive or...
have sex.
1281
00:47:53,377 --> 00:47:54,518
[scattered laughter]
1282
00:47:54,618 --> 00:47:56,760
Not me. No, I wanted to be 80.
1283
00:47:56,860 --> 00:48:00,044
You know, I wanted nothing more
than to sit on my front porch...
1284
00:48:00,144 --> 00:48:01,585
- ...fly undone...
- [front door bell dings]
1285
00:48:01,665 --> 00:48:03,587
...admiring a box of balls
that kids hit into my yard
1286
00:48:03,667 --> 00:48:05,529
that I wasn't planning on giving back.
1287
00:48:05,629 --> 00:48:07,631
- [chuckling]
- You know?
1288
00:48:10,354 --> 00:48:12,456
[Eddie] So, uh, anyway, 80 is--
1289
00:48:12,556 --> 00:48:15,659
Hey, can somebody tell us
what the specials are?
1290
00:48:15,759 --> 00:48:18,903
If you just wait a sec, your
waitress will help you.
1291
00:48:19,003 --> 00:48:20,945
You're a waitress here, aren't you?
1292
00:48:21,045 --> 00:48:22,666
You're sure as fuck not a comedian.
1293
00:48:22,766 --> 00:48:24,348
Hey, Bill, don't do this.
1294
00:48:24,448 --> 00:48:25,749
[loudly] Do what?
1295
00:48:25,849 --> 00:48:27,711
Do everyone a favor by interrupting
1296
00:48:27,811 --> 00:48:30,154
so they don't have to
endure whatever the fuck
1297
00:48:30,254 --> 00:48:31,956
this is supposed to be?
1298
00:48:32,056 --> 00:48:33,277
That was a good one.
1299
00:48:33,377 --> 00:48:35,719
I'm sorry, folks. This is Bill Hobbs.
1300
00:48:35,819 --> 00:48:37,321
You might know him from...
1301
00:48:37,421 --> 00:48:39,803
actually, why would they know you, Bill?
1302
00:48:39,903 --> 00:48:42,486
Stick to the specials. It's
better than your material.
1303
00:48:42,586 --> 00:48:43,467
[Edgar, softly] That was like a B-minus.
1304
00:48:43,547 --> 00:48:45,549
Hey, can I go up?
1305
00:48:47,871 --> 00:48:49,873
Yeah.
1306
00:48:50,714 --> 00:48:53,777
[Cassie] Eddie Zeidel,
ladies and gentlemen.
1307
00:48:53,877 --> 00:48:55,879
You know, there was a couple
in here the other day.
1308
00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:59,183
They'd been together for 53 years.
1309
00:48:59,283 --> 00:49:01,545
Which, uh, is pretty sweet.
1310
00:49:01,645 --> 00:49:03,307
Maybe. In their case.
1311
00:49:03,407 --> 00:49:05,269
But for most of us,
1312
00:49:05,369 --> 00:49:07,671
our relationships, I think, are less
1313
00:49:07,771 --> 00:49:10,554
lifelong commitments and more
1314
00:49:10,654 --> 00:49:12,957
laziness and bad habit.
1315
00:49:13,057 --> 00:49:15,639
The telephone of a better life
1316
00:49:15,739 --> 00:49:18,002
is just ringing off the hook,
1317
00:49:18,102 --> 00:49:22,246
and we're too lazy to get
up and pick up the phone.
1318
00:49:22,346 --> 00:49:24,688
Ring!
1319
00:49:24,788 --> 00:49:26,770
Hello?
1320
00:49:26,870 --> 00:49:28,332
Oh, what,
1321
00:49:28,432 --> 00:49:32,897
guy that, uh, wants to actually
take me out on a date?
1322
00:49:32,997 --> 00:49:35,619
Like outside-of-the-house date?
1323
00:49:35,719 --> 00:49:37,521
Well, I'm gonna have to
get back to you, 'cause
1324
00:49:37,601 --> 00:49:40,184
I'm really busy right now
sitting on my comfortable couch
1325
00:49:40,284 --> 00:49:42,386
with my lukewarm boyfriend
watching cartoons
1326
00:49:42,486 --> 00:49:45,349
in between rounds of ambivalent sex.
1327
00:49:45,449 --> 00:49:46,750
Ring!
1328
00:49:46,850 --> 00:49:49,914
Hey, guy that thinks I'm hilarious
1329
00:49:50,014 --> 00:49:53,117
and isn't threatened by my success.
1330
00:49:53,217 --> 00:49:55,159
I would, uh, love to go out with you,
1331
00:49:55,259 --> 00:49:57,922
but then I'd have to really
take a good hard look at myself
1332
00:49:58,022 --> 00:50:00,564
and why I keep dating people
that make me feel like shit.
1333
00:50:00,664 --> 00:50:02,446
Bye.
1334
00:50:02,546 --> 00:50:04,368
Ring!
1335
00:50:04,468 --> 00:50:05,489
Who could this be?
1336
00:50:05,589 --> 00:50:06,810
Hello?
1337
00:50:06,910 --> 00:50:08,532
soft pensive music
1338
00:50:08,632 --> 00:50:11,135
What?
1339
00:50:11,235 --> 00:50:14,138
Guy who hears me?
1340
00:50:14,238 --> 00:50:16,500
Who really hears me?
1341
00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:18,862
1342
00:50:18,962 --> 00:50:22,866
Well, I'm just gonna
have to take this call.
1343
00:50:22,966 --> 00:50:25,349
Um, can you just hold on for one second?
1344
00:50:25,449 --> 00:50:27,591
There's just something that I...
1345
00:50:27,691 --> 00:50:30,114
...gotta take care of
before we continue.
1346
00:50:30,214 --> 00:50:35,099
1347
00:50:37,061 --> 00:50:39,503
Bill, it's over.
1348
00:50:42,506 --> 00:50:44,508
Go home.
1349
00:50:51,235 --> 00:50:53,357
[metal chair scrapes]
1350
00:50:58,442 --> 00:51:00,824
[door chimes ring]
1351
00:51:00,924 --> 00:51:03,867
solemn piano music
1352
00:51:03,967 --> 00:51:06,710
Well, I think I just invented
open drama mic night.
1353
00:51:06,810 --> 00:51:09,153
Hm.
1354
00:51:09,253 --> 00:51:12,516
Yeah, well, if anybody had it coming...
1355
00:51:12,616 --> 00:51:14,478
There's got to be a reason I keep
1356
00:51:14,578 --> 00:51:16,480
sticking my chin out there.
1357
00:51:16,580 --> 00:51:18,762
1358
00:51:18,862 --> 00:51:23,407
Clay wasn't like that, right?
1359
00:51:23,507 --> 00:51:26,370
He was a habit too.
1360
00:51:26,470 --> 00:51:29,933
A lovely habit,
1361
00:51:30,033 --> 00:51:31,575
but still a habit.
1362
00:51:31,675 --> 00:51:33,857
1363
00:51:33,957 --> 00:51:35,139
Mm.
1364
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:40,124
1365
00:51:43,127 --> 00:51:45,229
[Bill] We should go on a road trip, man.
1366
00:51:45,329 --> 00:51:49,833
Just get in the car and... [exhales]
1367
00:51:49,933 --> 00:51:52,476
[Edgar] Where? Where we gonna go?
1368
00:51:52,576 --> 00:51:57,161
Oh, someplace where nobody
knows who the fuck I am.
1369
00:51:57,261 --> 00:51:59,883
[laughs]
1370
00:51:59,983 --> 00:52:01,445
Fuck.
1371
00:52:01,545 --> 00:52:03,567
We don't have to leave
Los Angeles to do that.
1372
00:52:03,667 --> 00:52:06,050
We can just park across the street.
1373
00:52:06,150 --> 00:52:07,371
[chuckles] Fuck.
1374
00:52:07,471 --> 00:52:09,853
Jesus.
1375
00:52:09,953 --> 00:52:14,578
I'm getting my ass kicked, Edgar.
1376
00:52:14,678 --> 00:52:19,022
I should be used to it by now, but...
1377
00:52:19,122 --> 00:52:21,185
[exhales]
1378
00:52:21,285 --> 00:52:24,388
You know, man,
1379
00:52:24,488 --> 00:52:26,710
you're--you're--you're close.
1380
00:52:26,810 --> 00:52:27,871
You're really close.
1381
00:52:27,971 --> 00:52:29,153
You just...
1382
00:52:29,253 --> 00:52:32,076
[sighs]
1383
00:52:32,176 --> 00:52:33,957
You just gotta stop fucking up.
1384
00:52:34,057 --> 00:52:36,059
All right?
1385
00:52:38,101 --> 00:52:40,444
I had this...
1386
00:52:40,544 --> 00:52:42,726
...math teacher.
1387
00:52:42,826 --> 00:52:45,369
He said that nothing
ever really touches.
1388
00:52:45,469 --> 00:52:46,750
That, like, you could take an object
1389
00:52:46,830 --> 00:52:49,573
and cut it infinite times.
1390
00:52:49,673 --> 00:52:51,255
It gets closer and closer,
1391
00:52:51,355 --> 00:52:54,978
but it never touches.
1392
00:52:55,078 --> 00:52:57,661
Maybe that's me.
1393
00:52:57,761 --> 00:53:00,824
No matter how close I get to anything,
1394
00:53:00,924 --> 00:53:02,926
I'm never gonna touch it.
1395
00:53:04,928 --> 00:53:09,593
[laughs]
1396
00:53:09,693 --> 00:53:11,995
I told you this is good shit.
1397
00:53:12,095 --> 00:53:13,997
- Yeah...
- I gotta take a piss.
1398
00:53:14,097 --> 00:53:17,441
Can I just go inside?
1399
00:53:17,541 --> 00:53:19,543
Me too.
1400
00:53:22,105 --> 00:53:24,888
Hey, man,
1401
00:53:24,988 --> 00:53:27,931
maybe you don't have to go inside.
1402
00:53:28,031 --> 00:53:31,695
[Edgar laughing]
1403
00:53:31,795 --> 00:53:33,777
[Bill] I'm no mathematician,
1404
00:53:33,877 --> 00:53:37,020
but I'm pretty sure my piss
is touching Sparky's grave.
1405
00:53:37,120 --> 00:53:38,342
[both laugh]
1406
00:53:38,442 --> 00:53:39,903
And I don't wanna be a buzzkill,
1407
00:53:40,003 --> 00:53:41,665
but of all the graves I've pissed on,
1408
00:53:41,765 --> 00:53:43,627
this has got to be the least satisfying.
1409
00:53:43,727 --> 00:53:47,431
- [laughs]
- What the fuck are you doing?
1410
00:53:47,531 --> 00:53:48,992
[pants zipping]
1411
00:53:49,092 --> 00:53:50,954
[grunts]
1412
00:53:51,054 --> 00:53:51,995
[Bill] Dad.
1413
00:53:52,095 --> 00:53:52,956
Dad, please.
1414
00:53:53,056 --> 00:53:55,239
Get the fuck away from me!
1415
00:53:55,339 --> 00:53:58,322
[breathing heavily]
1416
00:53:58,422 --> 00:53:59,523
[Susan] Dad.
1417
00:53:59,623 --> 00:54:01,405
Dad, what are you doing?
1418
00:54:01,505 --> 00:54:03,247
You hate me this much?
1419
00:54:03,347 --> 00:54:05,329
[Bill] I don't hate you.
1420
00:54:05,429 --> 00:54:08,732
Dad, come on.
1421
00:54:08,832 --> 00:54:12,115
You're a sad fucking excuse for a son.
1422
00:54:13,677 --> 00:54:14,818
Get your stuff.
1423
00:54:14,918 --> 00:54:16,920
We're going.
1424
00:54:20,043 --> 00:54:22,506
[door opens]
1425
00:54:22,606 --> 00:54:24,608
[door slams shut]
1426
00:54:26,249 --> 00:54:27,911
light pensive guitar music
1427
00:54:28,011 --> 00:54:30,954
Are you mad I skipped the
deli for an AA meeting?
1428
00:54:31,054 --> 00:54:34,117
Nah. Just wasn't for you.
1429
00:54:34,217 --> 00:54:37,321
Hey, listen, I think
what you're doing...
1430
00:54:37,421 --> 00:54:39,162
...it's pretty cool.
1431
00:54:39,262 --> 00:54:41,124
Thanks.
1432
00:54:41,224 --> 00:54:43,847
And I think what you're
doing is fucking nuts.
1433
00:54:43,947 --> 00:54:46,009
[chuckles]
1434
00:54:46,109 --> 00:54:49,453
Or is it?
1435
00:54:49,553 --> 00:54:53,657
Ooh. Mm.
1436
00:54:53,757 --> 00:54:56,500
1437
00:54:56,600 --> 00:54:59,142
So... how's this Nick guy?
1438
00:54:59,242 --> 00:55:00,984
I like him.
1439
00:55:01,084 --> 00:55:03,667
But...
1440
00:55:03,767 --> 00:55:05,229
I don't know.
1441
00:55:05,329 --> 00:55:07,671
He doesn't really look at you.
1442
00:55:07,771 --> 00:55:09,192
More like he looks through you.
1443
00:55:09,292 --> 00:55:10,874
You know what I mean?
1444
00:55:10,974 --> 00:55:13,076
Of course.
1445
00:55:13,176 --> 00:55:14,197
I'm a waiter.
1446
00:55:14,297 --> 00:55:15,499
People look through me every day.
1447
00:55:15,579 --> 00:55:17,160
[chuckles]
1448
00:55:17,260 --> 00:55:20,564
As long as we both end up
in the same place, right?
1449
00:55:20,664 --> 00:55:22,246
You know it, pal.
1450
00:55:22,346 --> 00:55:26,169
And as long as that place
is not a Polish deli.
1451
00:55:26,269 --> 00:55:28,612
Blow me.
1452
00:55:28,712 --> 00:55:30,714
Gonna be tricky from that angle.
1453
00:55:33,957 --> 00:55:36,740
solemn music
1454
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:40,504
You, uh, you sure we good, brother?
1455
00:55:40,604 --> 00:55:43,827
Fuck yeah. Supposed
to be a little crazy.
1456
00:55:43,927 --> 00:55:45,989
[chuckles softly]
1457
00:55:46,089 --> 00:55:50,974
1458
00:55:53,817 --> 00:55:56,239
You gonna be all right.
1459
00:55:56,339 --> 00:55:59,162
You know that, right?
1460
00:55:59,262 --> 00:56:01,405
Yes, sir,
1461
00:56:01,505 --> 00:56:03,507
Sergeant, sir.
1462
00:56:16,880 --> 00:56:18,462
[telephone rings]
1463
00:56:18,562 --> 00:56:20,143
Goldie.
1464
00:56:20,243 --> 00:56:24,007
So I had an interesting
conversation with CBS today.
1465
00:56:25,529 --> 00:56:27,270
Tell me.
1466
00:56:27,370 --> 00:56:29,553
[Eli] "Girls Are Funny
Too." They're interested.
1467
00:56:29,653 --> 00:56:32,235
Freddie wants to hear the formal pitch
1468
00:56:32,335 --> 00:56:34,678
from you.
1469
00:56:34,778 --> 00:56:36,640
Hello?
1470
00:56:36,740 --> 00:56:39,082
Oh, I'm here, I'm just waiting
for the other shoe to drop.
1471
00:56:39,182 --> 00:56:42,085
[Eli] Oh, you're the other shoe, babe.
1472
00:56:42,185 --> 00:56:43,587
Turns out I'm not the only one
1473
00:56:43,667 --> 00:56:45,288
who wants to get in bed with you.
1474
00:56:45,388 --> 00:56:47,250
What about producer?
1475
00:56:47,350 --> 00:56:49,813
[Eli] What about executive producer?
1476
00:56:49,913 --> 00:56:51,254
Son of a bitch.
1477
00:56:51,354 --> 00:56:52,215
[Eli] [chuckles]
1478
00:56:52,315 --> 00:56:53,216
Break a leg.
1479
00:56:53,316 --> 00:56:54,978
However many it takes.
1480
00:56:55,078 --> 00:56:56,219
[Eli] Buh-bye now.
1481
00:56:56,319 --> 00:56:58,422
[exhales]
1482
00:56:58,522 --> 00:57:00,103
[crowd laughter]
1483
00:57:00,203 --> 00:57:01,845
[Cher] That's because I
have to keep lying to you
1484
00:57:01,925 --> 00:57:03,767
and telling you you're
talented and good-looking.
1485
00:57:03,847 --> 00:57:05,429
[Sonny] All right, all right, I get it.
1486
00:57:05,529 --> 00:57:07,551
- [Cher] Not anymore you aren't.
- [crowd laughter]
1487
00:57:07,651 --> 00:57:09,673
- Funny joke, Ralph.
- Thanks, man.
1488
00:57:09,773 --> 00:57:11,675
[Sonny and Cher continue in distance]
1489
00:57:11,775 --> 00:57:16,660
1490
00:57:19,663 --> 00:57:22,566
Big Star's "Ballad of El Goodo"
1491
00:57:22,666 --> 00:57:27,551
1492
00:57:30,554 --> 00:57:34,938
Years ago my heart was set to live
1493
00:57:35,038 --> 00:57:36,860
Oh
1494
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:39,142
And I've been trying hard again...
1495
00:57:39,242 --> 00:57:40,584
[knocking on door]
1496
00:57:40,684 --> 00:57:42,065
[woman] Mr. Beverly?
1497
00:57:42,165 --> 00:57:43,346
It's time.
1498
00:57:43,446 --> 00:57:45,348
1499
00:57:45,448 --> 00:57:47,230
[knocking]
1500
00:57:47,330 --> 00:57:49,152
Mr. Beverly?
1501
00:57:49,252 --> 00:57:52,315
We're coming back from
commercial in five.
1502
00:57:52,415 --> 00:57:54,918
Mr. Beverly?
1503
00:57:55,018 --> 00:57:57,160
[rapid knocking]
1504
00:57:57,260 --> 00:57:58,161
Mr. Beverly?
1505
00:57:58,261 --> 00:58:00,363
- sync and corrections by Mr. C -
- www.addic7ed.com -
1506
00:58:00,463 --> 00:58:02,686
And there ain't no one
1507
00:58:02,786 --> 00:58:07,050
Going to turn me 'round
1508
00:58:07,150 --> 00:58:12,055
Ain't no one going to turn me 'round
1509
00:58:12,155 --> 00:58:17,040
1510
00:58:19,242 --> 00:58:21,625
There's people around
1511
00:58:21,725 --> 00:58:25,188
Who tell you that they know
1512
00:58:25,238 --> 00:58:29,788
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