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[Goldie] Previously on
I'm Dying Up Here...
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00:00:06,237 --> 00:00:09,077
My parents died in a car
crash when I was ten.
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00:00:09,079 --> 00:00:12,780
You were so brave and honest up there.
4
00:00:12,782 --> 00:00:16,183
Too bad you couldn't have wedged
"funny" in there somewhere.
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00:00:16,185 --> 00:00:17,752
It's a work in progress.
6
00:00:17,754 --> 00:00:20,187
Hey, I thought what you
did took a lot of balls.
7
00:00:20,189 --> 00:00:22,590
Hey, why don't you save your two
cents for your waitress' tip?
8
00:00:22,592 --> 00:00:24,859
- What did Goldie say?
- She says you're not ready.
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00:00:24,861 --> 00:00:26,895
How about a shine, my brother?
10
00:00:26,897 --> 00:00:29,030
Are we talking about
your shoes or your dick?
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00:00:29,032 --> 00:00:30,965
[laughter]
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00:00:30,967 --> 00:00:33,200
- I'm being serious, Carl.
- My hands are tied.
13
00:00:33,202 --> 00:00:35,602
You are, like, the worst
fucking manager ever.
14
00:00:35,604 --> 00:00:36,970
You know that, right?
15
00:00:36,972 --> 00:00:38,939
You have five seconds to bust my balls
16
00:00:38,941 --> 00:00:42,043
or I'm gonna kick the fuck out
of each and every one of you.
17
00:00:42,045 --> 00:00:45,379
Bill, I'm really sorry... that
you can't return that suit.
18
00:00:45,381 --> 00:00:47,814
Got to love the comedian,
but to be honest,
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00:00:47,816 --> 00:00:50,250
I was kind of hoping for the girlfriend.
20
00:00:50,252 --> 00:00:52,619
Goldie, why am I here?
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00:00:52,621 --> 00:00:56,823
I guess it's because you know
when to shut the fuck up.
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00:01:00,763 --> 00:01:04,765
jazz music
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00:01:04,767 --> 00:01:10,236
- sync and corrections by Mr. C -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:11,337
[Edgar] Are you having
a good time, ma'am?
25
00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:12,505
Really? All right.
26
00:01:12,507 --> 00:01:14,274
Tell your face.
27
00:01:14,276 --> 00:01:18,744
[laughter]
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00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:20,447
[Sully] Guys, Vietnam's
coming to an end.
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00:01:20,449 --> 00:01:22,582
That means what?
30
00:01:22,584 --> 00:01:24,349
Comedians are coming home...
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00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:25,350
from Canada.
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00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:26,919
[wild laughter]
33
00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:28,287
[Adam] I used to do a
lot of handyman work,
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00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:29,855
growing up.
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00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:32,491
Mostly because my dad
was in the business...
36
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,293
of breaking shit.
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00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:38,263
[laughter continues]
38
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:42,601
[Cassie] Well, what are
you doing in here?
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00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,769
That hooker in the trunk
ain't gonna bury herself.
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00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:50,142
[laughter]
41
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,543
[Edgar] All right, thank you, folks.
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00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:52,877
You've been a...
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00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:54,012
slightly above average crowd.
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00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:58,950
[laughter and applause]
45
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:03,989
[distant laughter]
46
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:11,462
[applause]
47
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,294
_
48
00:02:13,642 --> 00:02:16,182
_
49
00:02:16,183 --> 00:02:19,170
_
50
00:02:19,171 --> 00:02:22,541
_
51
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:25,487
_
52
00:02:25,711 --> 00:02:28,711
[laughter]
53
00:02:28,713 --> 00:02:30,680
What did I tell you? This?
54
00:02:55,573 --> 00:03:00,009
I flew to the corner
55
00:03:00,011 --> 00:03:01,177
Who do you like Saturday?
56
00:03:01,179 --> 00:03:03,011
Riggs? King?
57
00:03:04,582 --> 00:03:05,847
"Battle of the Sexes"?
58
00:03:05,849 --> 00:03:07,883
[scoffs]
59
00:03:07,885 --> 00:03:09,685
Can't say I give a shit.
60
00:03:09,687 --> 00:03:10,619
Thanks, Goldie.
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00:03:12,690 --> 00:03:14,456
[Eddie] So when I turned 19
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00:03:14,458 --> 00:03:17,426
and still hadn't had sex,
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00:03:17,428 --> 00:03:19,795
my friends were like, "Hey,
Eddie, come on, man.
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00:03:19,797 --> 00:03:22,931
For only $15, you can
be worldly like us."
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00:03:22,933 --> 00:03:24,566
[laughter]
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00:03:24,568 --> 00:03:27,435
So, after the constant
hounding and peer pressure,
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00:03:27,437 --> 00:03:28,937
I gave in.
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00:03:28,939 --> 00:03:31,539
I said that I'd see a prostitute,
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00:03:31,541 --> 00:03:33,274
but she had to be Jewish.
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00:03:33,276 --> 00:03:35,210
[laughter]
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00:03:35,212 --> 00:03:38,045
Now, there are certain things
we Jews don't really excel in.
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00:03:38,047 --> 00:03:40,381
Professional sports, farming,
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00:03:40,383 --> 00:03:42,383
and prostitution.
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00:03:42,385 --> 00:03:44,151
'Cause Jewish women who
have sex for money
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00:03:44,153 --> 00:03:46,153
were very hard to find
because they all retire
76
00:03:46,155 --> 00:03:47,222
immediately after marriage.
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00:03:47,224 --> 00:03:48,923
[laughing]
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00:03:50,460 --> 00:03:53,094
My father said that
when he saw my mother,
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00:03:53,096 --> 00:03:55,963
he went up to her brother and
asked if his sister was free.
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00:03:55,965 --> 00:03:57,598
And he said, "No.
81
00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,233
But she's reasonable."
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00:03:59,235 --> 00:04:01,335
[laughter]
83
00:04:01,337 --> 00:04:02,903
All right, thank you, folks.
84
00:04:02,905 --> 00:04:05,806
You've been a slightly
above-average crowd.
85
00:04:05,808 --> 00:04:06,741
Good night.
86
00:04:08,577 --> 00:04:09,409
[whistling]
87
00:04:09,411 --> 00:04:10,810
Whoo!
88
00:04:10,812 --> 00:04:12,346
[Edgar] Keep it going for Eddie Zeidel!
89
00:04:12,348 --> 00:04:13,880
Good.
90
00:04:22,291 --> 00:04:24,590
So funny.
91
00:04:24,592 --> 00:04:28,261
Yeah, Goldie thinks
he's the next Carlin.
92
00:04:28,263 --> 00:04:29,829
I can see that.
93
00:04:29,831 --> 00:04:31,097
Mm-hmm.
94
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:35,434
[indistinct chatter]
95
00:04:45,846 --> 00:04:49,214
- Sweetheart.
- Sid.
96
00:04:51,218 --> 00:04:53,786
Can't stop counting your money
for a sec to say hello?
97
00:04:53,788 --> 00:04:56,689
What do you want, Sid?
98
00:04:56,691 --> 00:05:01,660
Hey, ever notice how open Mic
gives the place a certain tang?
99
00:05:01,662 --> 00:05:03,796
Different kind of sweat, I guess.
100
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,000
I need a favor.
101
00:05:08,002 --> 00:05:09,802
I need your stage Friday night.
102
00:05:09,804 --> 00:05:11,569
Fifteen minutes. That's it.
103
00:05:15,642 --> 00:05:16,874
You heard from Mandy?
104
00:05:16,876 --> 00:05:18,376
Huh?
105
00:05:18,378 --> 00:05:19,544
Oh. Yeah, once.
106
00:05:19,546 --> 00:05:21,913
She, uh, wanted to borrow 100 bucks.
107
00:05:21,915 --> 00:05:23,848
And?
108
00:05:23,850 --> 00:05:25,583
[sighs] Picked a bad time.
109
00:05:25,585 --> 00:05:30,154
- [scoffs]
- You?
110
00:05:30,156 --> 00:05:31,722
A few calls. Someone's there,
111
00:05:31,724 --> 00:05:33,257
and then they hang up.
112
00:05:33,259 --> 00:05:34,491
It could be her.
113
00:05:35,929 --> 00:05:39,096
She'll find her way. Hell, we did.
114
00:05:39,098 --> 00:05:41,232
Little late for a comeback, isn't it?
115
00:05:41,234 --> 00:05:43,434
Jack Paar was a long time ago.
116
00:05:43,436 --> 00:05:46,537
I just need a place to get seen.
117
00:05:46,539 --> 00:05:49,039
My manager thinks he can get me Merv.
118
00:05:49,041 --> 00:05:52,008
What about King Theodore's
or the Troubadour?
119
00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:54,010
Why would I go to those
second-rate haunts
120
00:05:54,012 --> 00:05:56,347
when you got the hottest
joint on the strip?
121
00:05:56,349 --> 00:05:58,181
That's all hacks and rock 'n' roll.
122
00:05:58,183 --> 00:06:00,050
This is where the comedy's happening.
123
00:06:00,052 --> 00:06:04,454
Look at this fuckin' place,
on a Monday night, no less.
124
00:06:04,456 --> 00:06:07,690
Snapped my fingers. It
just fuckin' happened.
125
00:06:07,692 --> 00:06:09,893
You know, a simple "go fuck
yourself, Sid" would suffice.
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00:06:09,895 --> 00:06:11,127
For you.
127
00:06:14,099 --> 00:06:16,766
You've come a long way, baby.
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00:06:16,768 --> 00:06:18,634
Hey.
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00:06:18,636 --> 00:06:20,302
You remember that, uh...
130
00:06:20,304 --> 00:06:22,104
those shoes with the flapping heels?
131
00:06:22,106 --> 00:06:24,206
Gave you 20 bucks to buy a new pair?
132
00:06:24,208 --> 00:06:25,908
The ones you liked, remember?
133
00:06:25,910 --> 00:06:27,477
- Espa...
- Espadrilles.
134
00:06:27,479 --> 00:06:29,545
Mm-hmm.
135
00:06:39,590 --> 00:06:41,556
Lot of money in those days.
136
00:06:46,097 --> 00:06:48,764
[laughter]
137
00:06:50,834 --> 00:06:52,734
They were 17 bucks.
138
00:06:54,170 --> 00:06:58,039
Extra 3 bucks went to lunch and nylons.
139
00:07:01,779 --> 00:07:03,545
Let me think about it.
140
00:07:05,416 --> 00:07:08,483
Be nice to go to bed and not
stare at the ceiling at night,
141
00:07:08,485 --> 00:07:09,717
you know?
142
00:07:12,655 --> 00:07:15,356
Just think fast, okay?
143
00:07:15,358 --> 00:07:17,792
[comic] A time traveler
walked into a bar.
144
00:07:17,794 --> 00:07:19,260
The bartender said,
145
00:07:19,262 --> 00:07:22,763
"We don't serve time travelers here."
146
00:07:22,765 --> 00:07:25,933
So, a time traveler walked into a bar.
147
00:07:25,935 --> 00:07:28,502
You're funny.
148
00:07:28,504 --> 00:07:30,471
Oh, thanks.
149
00:07:30,473 --> 00:07:31,772
Toni Luddy.
150
00:07:31,774 --> 00:07:33,307
Hi. Eddie Zeidel.
151
00:07:33,309 --> 00:07:35,108
Ron Shack. Hi, did you catch my set?
152
00:07:35,110 --> 00:07:36,143
Oh, no, sorry.
153
00:07:36,145 --> 00:07:37,545
I just got here.
154
00:07:37,547 --> 00:07:40,113
I think making people laugh is a gift.
155
00:07:40,115 --> 00:07:41,449
Oh, you'd love my act, then.
156
00:07:41,451 --> 00:07:42,816
I'm practically Santa Claus up there.
157
00:07:42,818 --> 00:07:44,318
Like healing people.
158
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,519
I do this bit about how
old people are always
159
00:07:46,521 --> 00:07:48,555
ordering fish in restaurants.
160
00:07:48,557 --> 00:07:52,025
Or giving incredible blowjobs.
161
00:07:52,027 --> 00:07:54,294
That's pretty much my whole act.
162
00:07:54,296 --> 00:07:56,563
You've been... it was nice to meet...
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00:07:57,732 --> 00:08:00,232
- [laughs]
- I'm sorry.
164
00:08:00,234 --> 00:08:02,535
I know that was beyond inappropriate.
165
00:08:02,537 --> 00:08:03,970
If I'm being honest,
166
00:08:03,972 --> 00:08:06,038
I feel like it would be counterintuitive
167
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:07,841
to agree with you right now.
168
00:08:07,843 --> 00:08:09,709
[chuckling]
169
00:08:09,711 --> 00:08:12,144
It's just comics aren't
always great with subtlety,
170
00:08:12,146 --> 00:08:14,347
and I wanted the chance
to talk to you alone.
171
00:08:14,349 --> 00:08:16,349
Right. Right.
172
00:08:16,351 --> 00:08:20,186
Unless you'd rather talk to your friend.
173
00:08:20,188 --> 00:08:21,387
Uh...
174
00:08:21,389 --> 00:08:23,722
No, he's, uh...
175
00:08:23,724 --> 00:08:27,593
I don't really like him that much.
176
00:08:27,595 --> 00:08:30,429
That's some cold shit right there.
177
00:08:32,900 --> 00:08:34,199
Fuck him.
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00:08:35,536 --> 00:08:36,768
[Cassie] It's like one minute
179
00:08:36,770 --> 00:08:38,003
I'm on the schedule,
180
00:08:38,005 --> 00:08:39,605
and then the next minute I'm off.
181
00:08:39,607 --> 00:08:41,840
You wanted the main stage.
You got the main stage.
182
00:08:41,842 --> 00:08:44,442
Not that you're doing a whole
hell of a lot with it.
183
00:08:44,444 --> 00:08:46,444
Well, it would help if I could get up
184
00:08:46,446 --> 00:08:47,779
before 1:30 in the morning.
185
00:08:47,781 --> 00:08:49,447
I'm sorry. I know that's the drill,
186
00:08:49,449 --> 00:08:51,249
but it's very hard to
know what's working
187
00:08:51,251 --> 00:08:53,084
when there's only ten
people in the house.
188
00:08:53,086 --> 00:08:55,186
Listen. I've been thinking
about doing a ladies night,
189
00:08:55,188 --> 00:08:56,087
in the Cellar.
190
00:08:56,089 --> 00:08:57,855
Just female comics.
191
00:08:57,857 --> 00:09:00,258
Give 'em a place of their own.
Work out their stuff.
192
00:09:00,260 --> 00:09:01,926
That sounds like two steps backwards.
193
00:09:01,928 --> 00:09:04,595
Beats ten steps backwards
out into the parking lot.
194
00:09:04,597 --> 00:09:07,031
Look, sweetie, how many
times do you think
195
00:09:07,033 --> 00:09:09,433
I'm gonna watch you eat
it on my main stage?
196
00:09:09,435 --> 00:09:10,535
It'll do you good.
197
00:09:10,537 --> 00:09:12,202
You'd never do this to the guys.
198
00:09:12,204 --> 00:09:13,971
Please. My bra was in ashes
199
00:09:13,973 --> 00:09:16,607
while you were still waiting
for the tit fairy to show up,
200
00:09:16,609 --> 00:09:18,409
so don't give me that women's lib spiel.
201
00:09:18,411 --> 00:09:20,745
Honestly. I don't see what your beef is.
202
00:09:20,747 --> 00:09:22,546
You get the time on the main stage
203
00:09:22,548 --> 00:09:23,747
any new comic gets.
204
00:09:23,749 --> 00:09:25,549
I want what every new guy comic gets,
205
00:09:25,551 --> 00:09:28,419
which is a steady schedule
and the occasional weekend.
206
00:09:28,421 --> 00:09:30,220
At least on Friday night, 2 a.m.,
207
00:09:30,222 --> 00:09:31,555
there still is a good crowd.
208
00:09:31,557 --> 00:09:32,822
I tell you what.
209
00:09:32,824 --> 00:09:34,925
You do ladies night in the Cellar,
210
00:09:34,927 --> 00:09:36,593
I'll give you Friday,
midnight, main stage.
211
00:09:36,595 --> 00:09:38,161
Goldie, I don't want to be relegated
212
00:09:38,163 --> 00:09:39,896
to a second-class night of comedy.
213
00:09:39,898 --> 00:09:41,330
Because you belong with the guys.
214
00:09:41,332 --> 00:09:42,498
Yes.
215
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:43,833
Because you're one of them now.
216
00:09:43,835 --> 00:09:45,435
Yes.
217
00:09:45,437 --> 00:09:47,437
Sweetie, just because
they fart in front of you
218
00:09:47,439 --> 00:09:49,272
doesn't make you one of the boys.
219
00:09:49,274 --> 00:09:52,742
You're just the chick they
don't want to fuck anymore.
220
00:09:52,744 --> 00:09:55,478
rock music
221
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:56,812
Uh!
222
00:09:56,814 --> 00:09:57,980
[woman on radio] Now just four days away
223
00:09:57,982 --> 00:09:59,482
from the so-called
224
00:09:59,484 --> 00:10:01,350
"Battle of the Sexes" tennis match,
225
00:10:01,352 --> 00:10:04,420
wherein five-time Wimbledon
champion Billie Jean King
226
00:10:04,422 --> 00:10:05,955
will play Bobby Riggs,
227
00:10:05,957 --> 00:10:08,524
the 55-year-old self-professed
male chauvinist
228
00:10:08,526 --> 00:10:10,626
and former U.S. junior champion.
229
00:10:10,628 --> 00:10:13,328
But what's at stake here
is potentially the future
230
00:10:13,330 --> 00:10:15,097
of the women's liberation movement.
231
00:10:15,099 --> 00:10:18,333
But if Billie Jean King
can pull off the upset...
232
00:10:18,335 --> 00:10:23,271
233
00:10:24,809 --> 00:10:26,742
[telephone ringing]
234
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:30,378
[sighs]
235
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,280
- Hello?
- [Teddy] Yeah. Don't hang up.
236
00:10:32,282 --> 00:10:34,483
Twenty bucks say all your
calls start with that.
237
00:10:34,485 --> 00:10:36,218
What do you want, Teddy?
238
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:37,852
[Teddy] I just want to
make sure that me and you
239
00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:39,020
are on the same page about something.
240
00:10:39,022 --> 00:10:41,123
I doubt that, but go ahead.
241
00:10:41,125 --> 00:10:45,326
There is talk that the comics
are wanting to get paid.
242
00:10:45,328 --> 00:10:48,195
I don't pay students.
243
00:10:48,197 --> 00:10:50,164
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
244
00:10:50,166 --> 00:10:51,799
[Goldie] It's your free
fuckin' finger sandwiches
245
00:10:51,801 --> 00:10:53,567
that probably put the
idea in their heads.
246
00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:55,236
Finger sandwiches?
247
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:57,138
Oh, is that the inch?
248
00:10:57,140 --> 00:11:00,907
I read once where an avalanche
was caused by a single belch.
249
00:11:00,909 --> 00:11:02,976
Listen, before you slam
down the receiver...
250
00:11:02,978 --> 00:11:06,347
um, your ex-husband was
by here yesterday.
251
00:11:06,349 --> 00:11:08,482
He's looking for a place to go up.
252
00:11:08,484 --> 00:11:12,019
Show some producer on
Merv he's still got it.
253
00:11:12,021 --> 00:11:13,220
Yeah, so?
254
00:11:13,222 --> 00:11:15,356
[Teddy] So I sent him your way.
255
00:11:15,358 --> 00:11:16,890
I thought it was a little strange
256
00:11:16,892 --> 00:11:18,424
he didn't come to you first,
257
00:11:18,426 --> 00:11:20,727
but then I remembered I've met you.
258
00:11:20,729 --> 00:11:23,163
[Teddy laughs]
259
00:11:23,165 --> 00:11:25,032
Lighten up, Goldie.
260
00:11:25,034 --> 00:11:27,433
Even fuckin' China
throws us the odd panda
261
00:11:27,435 --> 00:11:28,835
every once in a while.
262
00:11:28,837 --> 00:11:29,602
[slams receiver]
263
00:11:39,714 --> 00:11:41,514
The male is king. The male is supreme.
264
00:11:41,516 --> 00:11:43,049
I've said it over and over again.
265
00:11:43,051 --> 00:11:44,517
I still feel that way.
266
00:11:44,519 --> 00:11:46,519
Girls play a nice game
of tennis for girls.
267
00:11:46,521 --> 00:11:49,121
But when they get out there
on a court with a man,
268
00:11:49,123 --> 00:11:50,690
even a tired old man at 55,
269
00:11:50,692 --> 00:11:52,624
they're gonna be in big trouble.
270
00:11:52,626 --> 00:11:55,527
I'm gonna go out there and play
the Bobby Riggs style of game.
271
00:11:55,529 --> 00:11:58,297
I know that I'm gonna play
as well as I can play.
272
00:12:04,271 --> 00:12:06,072
Hey! I talked to my manager.
273
00:12:06,074 --> 00:12:07,972
He's bringing the Merv
guy by on Friday night.
274
00:12:07,974 --> 00:12:10,041
What time do you think I could go up?
275
00:12:10,043 --> 00:12:11,310
- I said I'd think about it.
- What's there to think about?
276
00:12:11,312 --> 00:12:12,911
You put me up. I do my 15.
277
00:12:12,913 --> 00:12:14,313
Cue "I've Got a Lovely
Bunch of Coconuts."
278
00:12:14,315 --> 00:12:16,248
I don't think Friday's gonna work out.
279
00:12:16,250 --> 00:12:20,151
What do you mean? Hey,
can you just stop?
280
00:12:20,153 --> 00:12:23,654
I'm sorry.
281
00:12:23,656 --> 00:12:25,123
Christ.
282
00:12:25,125 --> 00:12:27,125
It wasn't all bad, was it, Gold?
283
00:12:27,127 --> 00:12:29,160
Oh, we'll always have the shoes, right?
284
00:12:29,162 --> 00:12:30,895
Took two to tango.
285
00:12:32,465 --> 00:12:34,999
- 10 o'clock Friday.
- Thank you. Thank you.
286
00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:36,768
- And then you are gone.
- You'll never see me again.
287
00:12:36,770 --> 00:12:38,269
You won't even have to
come to my funeral.
288
00:12:38,271 --> 00:12:39,737
Oh, that's a shame.
289
00:12:39,739 --> 00:12:42,673
Hate to miss out on all
that great parking.
290
00:12:42,675 --> 00:12:45,243
[laughs] Best 20 bucks I ever spent.
291
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:48,512
[Toni moaning loudly]
292
00:12:52,985 --> 00:12:55,919
[screaming and yelling]
293
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:01,892
[yells]
294
00:13:05,597 --> 00:13:08,331
Jesus fucking Christ.
295
00:13:08,333 --> 00:13:11,268
[moaning continues]
296
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:16,973
I mean, how loud can you be?
297
00:13:16,975 --> 00:13:20,310
That's, like, feedback from her vagina.
298
00:13:20,312 --> 00:13:22,312
It's like Godzilla got
his dick stuck in his...
299
00:13:22,314 --> 00:13:24,314
fucking piece of shit!
300
00:13:24,316 --> 00:13:26,048
Don't talk that way about your mom.
301
00:13:26,050 --> 00:13:29,152
I can't believe Eddie's
with Toni the Tiger.
302
00:13:29,154 --> 00:13:31,687
What's the surprise?
She's a chucklefucker.
303
00:13:31,689 --> 00:13:33,489
She's a what? A chuckle...
304
00:13:33,491 --> 00:13:35,992
Fucker. Groupies who only fuck comics?
305
00:13:35,994 --> 00:13:37,794
Haven't you ever heard
of a chucklefucker?
306
00:13:37,796 --> 00:13:40,062
Sorry, no, this whole "women
fucking comics" concept
307
00:13:40,064 --> 00:13:41,130
is foreign to me.
308
00:13:41,132 --> 00:13:42,999
[Arnie] Toni's notorious.
309
00:13:43,001 --> 00:13:45,001
She's seen more comic dick than
the Hollywood free clinic.
310
00:13:45,003 --> 00:13:46,402
Good one.
311
00:13:46,404 --> 00:13:47,536
[Maggie] That she's a chucklefucker
312
00:13:47,538 --> 00:13:49,137
is not the issue.
313
00:13:49,139 --> 00:13:50,739
It's that she's insane.
That's the issue.
314
00:13:50,741 --> 00:13:52,741
Chucklefuckers are a club staple.
315
00:13:52,743 --> 00:13:54,510
Maggie's a chucklefucker.
316
00:13:54,512 --> 00:13:56,412
- No, I'm not.
- Okay.
317
00:13:56,414 --> 00:13:57,979
In Maggie's defense, I've seen your act.
318
00:13:57,981 --> 00:13:59,581
She's a "slightly
amusing" fucker at best.
319
00:13:59,583 --> 00:14:00,649
Oh, really?
320
00:14:00,651 --> 00:14:01,983
Oh, I think I lost something.
321
00:14:01,985 --> 00:14:03,018
It's... right there.
322
00:14:03,020 --> 00:14:04,686
[moaning continues]
323
00:14:04,688 --> 00:14:06,654
- Wait. No, no, no. Look.
- Okay. Come on.
324
00:14:06,656 --> 00:14:08,223
You know who he looks like?
325
00:14:08,225 --> 00:14:10,425
Let me guess. Somebody
not very flattering?
326
00:14:10,427 --> 00:14:12,227
You look like if I shaved my nuts
327
00:14:12,229 --> 00:14:14,529
and I left sideburns.
328
00:14:14,531 --> 00:14:15,931
I stand charmingly corrected.
329
00:14:15,933 --> 00:14:18,366
No, no, no. He look like
the illegitimate baby
330
00:14:18,368 --> 00:14:20,668
of the Penguin and Howdy Doody.
331
00:14:20,670 --> 00:14:22,269
[laughter]
332
00:14:22,271 --> 00:14:24,071
You look like a frustrated
driver's ed teacher
333
00:14:24,073 --> 00:14:26,173
who hits his wife when he drinks.
334
00:14:26,175 --> 00:14:28,008
No.
335
00:14:28,010 --> 00:14:29,844
My neighbor.
336
00:14:29,846 --> 00:14:32,246
I didn't think you'd get it
if I just said neighbor.
337
00:14:32,248 --> 00:14:33,781
- I think Sully looks dashing.
- Thank you.
338
00:14:33,783 --> 00:14:35,782
Finally, the truth. There she is.
339
00:14:35,784 --> 00:14:37,684
[Sully] Oh, my God. New waitress.
340
00:14:37,686 --> 00:14:40,554
Show of hands. Who just
went from zero to wood?
341
00:14:40,556 --> 00:14:42,089
[Ralph] She got that new waitress smell.
342
00:14:42,091 --> 00:14:44,091
[Sully] Ooh, that body.
I think to be safe,
343
00:14:44,093 --> 00:14:46,093
we should all have both of our hands up.
344
00:14:46,095 --> 00:14:48,963
Uh, guys? There's a lady at the table.
345
00:14:48,965 --> 00:14:50,965
You know, I don't think she can hear us.
346
00:14:50,967 --> 00:14:53,867
[laughter]
347
00:14:53,869 --> 00:14:55,402
At least Bill is being a gentleman.
348
00:14:55,404 --> 00:14:57,471
Shut up, I'm masturbating.
349
00:14:57,473 --> 00:15:00,106
[laughter]
350
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:03,877
[Ralph] Let's get her over.
Excuse me? Sweetheart?
351
00:15:03,879 --> 00:15:05,945
[Sully] Drop something
so she bends over.
352
00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:08,748
[laughter]
353
00:15:08,750 --> 00:15:11,751
light guitar music
354
00:15:11,753 --> 00:15:14,020
I was too loud, wasn't I?
355
00:15:16,091 --> 00:15:19,658
It was like being in the
front row of a Who concert.
356
00:15:19,660 --> 00:15:23,162
[both laughing]
357
00:15:23,164 --> 00:15:27,500
I like loud. Loud is good.
358
00:15:27,502 --> 00:15:28,667
Hmm.
359
00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:54,393
Do I have a fever?
360
00:15:56,130 --> 00:15:58,430
Huh.
361
00:15:58,432 --> 00:16:01,533
No. A little sweaty, maybe.
362
00:16:01,535 --> 00:16:03,200
Why? Do you feel hot?
363
00:16:03,202 --> 00:16:05,269
[baby voice] Are you sure widdle Toni
364
00:16:05,271 --> 00:16:07,939
doesn't have a widdle fever?
365
00:16:10,477 --> 00:16:12,343
Yeah, I'm sure.
366
00:16:12,345 --> 00:16:16,380
Maybe Eddie should take
Toni's tempweture.
367
00:16:19,018 --> 00:16:22,219
[baby voice] But Eddie
doesn't have a fermometer
368
00:16:22,221 --> 00:16:24,721
to take Toni's tempweture with.
369
00:16:28,794 --> 00:16:32,195
Eddie take baby tempweture now?
370
00:16:32,197 --> 00:16:36,232
Wow. Okay.
371
00:16:37,336 --> 00:16:39,636
Open your mouth and say "aah."
372
00:16:39,638 --> 00:16:40,838
Baby way.
373
00:16:42,207 --> 00:16:43,674
The what way?
374
00:16:45,243 --> 00:16:47,410
Baby way.
375
00:16:51,183 --> 00:16:53,049
[gurgling]
376
00:16:53,051 --> 00:16:54,484
Uh...
377
00:16:57,655 --> 00:17:01,557
What if we just assume
that Toni has a tempweture
378
00:17:01,559 --> 00:17:04,694
and give Toni some baby aspwin instead?
379
00:17:04,696 --> 00:17:07,429
[infantile crying]
380
00:17:07,431 --> 00:17:09,499
Okay. Okay, baby. Okay, baby.
381
00:17:09,501 --> 00:17:11,266
No, no. No, no, no, baby.
382
00:17:11,268 --> 00:17:13,569
Okay, baby! Baby way!
383
00:17:13,571 --> 00:17:18,207
Baby way. Okay.
384
00:17:18,209 --> 00:17:21,276
Hold on, let me get it.
385
00:17:21,278 --> 00:17:25,680
[squeals]
386
00:17:25,682 --> 00:17:28,617
[babbling and gurgling]
387
00:17:44,134 --> 00:17:46,768
Why would he want a human?
388
00:17:46,770 --> 00:17:48,570
Does that make sense to you?
389
00:17:48,572 --> 00:17:50,304
[sighs] What?
390
00:17:50,306 --> 00:17:52,774
Like, he's a fucking creature.
Why would he want her?
391
00:17:52,776 --> 00:17:54,575
That'd be like me swimming in a pond,
392
00:17:54,577 --> 00:17:56,377
being like, "Hey, you know what?
393
00:17:56,379 --> 00:17:58,579
I want to fuck fish now."
394
00:17:58,581 --> 00:17:59,947
Seriously, shouldn't he be off, like,
395
00:17:59,949 --> 00:18:01,749
screwing crocodiles or something?
396
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,521
- Where are you going?
- Home.
397
00:18:07,723 --> 00:18:09,623
What just happened?
398
00:18:09,625 --> 00:18:12,059
I'm throwing myself at you, and
you'd rather do five minutes
399
00:18:12,061 --> 00:18:13,827
on an old horror movie than fuck me.
400
00:18:13,829 --> 00:18:15,162
That's what just happened.
401
00:18:15,164 --> 00:18:19,733
[Bill] Hey, hey, hey. I'm sorry.
402
00:18:19,735 --> 00:18:21,134
Some waitress walks by
403
00:18:21,136 --> 00:18:22,836
in a uniform that doesn't show chin,
404
00:18:22,838 --> 00:18:25,072
never mind cleavage, and
you're all off to the races,
405
00:18:25,074 --> 00:18:27,240
but here I am with my tits hanging out,
406
00:18:27,242 --> 00:18:30,343
and you treat me like I'm
fucking selling Amway.
407
00:18:30,345 --> 00:18:31,611
Cass.
408
00:18:33,415 --> 00:18:37,350
I fucked up. I was just
kidding around, okay?
409
00:18:37,352 --> 00:18:40,587
Seriously, I'm sorry. Please stay.
410
00:18:45,594 --> 00:18:46,859
I'm sorry.
411
00:18:48,329 --> 00:18:50,597
Sorry.
412
00:18:50,599 --> 00:18:52,364
It's just we have a place to ourselves
413
00:18:52,366 --> 00:18:54,634
with your dad and
sister in Santa Barbara
414
00:18:54,636 --> 00:18:56,703
and I just
415
00:18:56,705 --> 00:18:58,871
wanted to have a little fun.
416
00:19:04,345 --> 00:19:06,378
You're right.
417
00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:09,648
Why don't you sit and relax?
I'll get us a couple of beers.
418
00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:12,384
We'll turn off the set, and
I can tell you all about
419
00:19:12,386 --> 00:19:14,420
how my penis took gold in Munich.
420
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:18,156
- Okay.
- Yeah?
421
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:22,560
Okay.
422
00:19:29,003 --> 00:19:30,568
[farts]
423
00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:52,489
[man on radio] Okay, this is Ken A.
in the AM.
424
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:53,858
[Ron] The baby way?
425
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,359
Wait, what? The what way?
426
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,662
The baby way.
427
00:19:57,664 --> 00:20:00,197
Like how babies have their
temperatures taken.
428
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:04,068
- The bum.
- Yes.
429
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:06,170
I'm having a hard time following this
430
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,905
yet am fully invested
in the conversation.
431
00:20:08,907 --> 00:20:10,607
I'm not kidding. I think
she's fuckin' nuts.
432
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:11,941
What's the big deal?
433
00:20:11,943 --> 00:20:13,177
So she likes to act
like a baby during sex.
434
00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:14,778
Short of a full diaper, I'm game.
435
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:17,247
- Who does that?
- A chucklefucker.
436
00:20:17,249 --> 00:20:18,582
What?
437
00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:20,684
Okay, so apparently, out here in LA,
438
00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:22,752
there are women who
exclusively fuck comics,
439
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:27,590
and you, my friend, have got the doozy.
440
00:20:27,592 --> 00:20:28,725
A chucklefucker?
441
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:30,359
I know.
442
00:20:30,361 --> 00:20:33,029
So, what now?
443
00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:35,565
I mean, she's coming
over for dinner tonight.
444
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:37,200
Ugh. Dinner? Is that a good idea?
445
00:20:37,202 --> 00:20:38,867
I mean, is she even eating solids yet?
446
00:20:38,869 --> 00:20:40,203
It was the only way I
could get her to leave,
447
00:20:40,205 --> 00:20:42,137
was to promise her dinner.
448
00:20:42,139 --> 00:20:45,474
I guess I could just break
it off after, but...
449
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:48,477
She's so fuckin' hot.
450
00:20:48,479 --> 00:20:50,946
[baby voice] Aww. Open up
wide for the big aeroplane.
451
00:20:50,948 --> 00:20:52,215
- I won't.
- Come on.
452
00:20:52,217 --> 00:20:53,949
- Stop.
- You got to get big and stwong.
453
00:20:53,951 --> 00:20:55,050
Seriously, stop. Please.
454
00:20:55,052 --> 00:20:56,384
- No. Please.
- Come on.
455
00:20:56,386 --> 00:20:57,753
- Don't. Nope! Nope!
- Hey, hey.
456
00:20:57,755 --> 00:20:59,487
[laughing]
457
00:21:11,102 --> 00:21:12,900
I want to make up for last night.
458
00:21:12,902 --> 00:21:14,068
Good luck with that.
459
00:21:14,070 --> 00:21:15,604
You might be singing a different tune
460
00:21:15,606 --> 00:21:18,240
when I tell you that I got
us into a party tonight
461
00:21:18,242 --> 00:21:19,641
at the Riot House.
462
00:21:19,643 --> 00:21:22,744
Led Zeppelin, Joe Walsh, and us.
463
00:21:22,746 --> 00:21:24,979
It's gonna be fucking huge.
464
00:21:24,981 --> 00:21:27,415
[gasps] Oh, my God.
465
00:21:27,417 --> 00:21:29,516
Do you forgive me?
466
00:21:29,518 --> 00:21:31,085
Yes.
467
00:21:31,087 --> 00:21:33,487
This is so much better than fucking you.
468
00:21:33,489 --> 00:21:34,989
Anything's better than fucking me.
469
00:21:34,991 --> 00:21:36,190
I know.
470
00:21:36,192 --> 00:21:37,424
upbeat music
471
00:21:37,426 --> 00:21:39,693
Fuckin' brat.
472
00:21:39,695 --> 00:21:41,495
Down around the corner
473
00:21:41,497 --> 00:21:43,931
A half a mile from here
474
00:21:43,933 --> 00:21:46,333
You see them old trains runnin'
475
00:21:46,335 --> 00:21:48,435
And you watch 'em disappear
476
00:21:48,437 --> 00:21:49,637
Without love
477
00:21:49,639 --> 00:21:51,171
478
00:21:51,173 --> 00:21:55,643
Where would you be now
479
00:21:55,645 --> 00:21:57,711
Without love
480
00:21:57,713 --> 00:22:01,381
I need to shorten the hem on this.
481
00:22:01,383 --> 00:22:03,150
It's old.
482
00:22:03,152 --> 00:22:04,684
Probably not even worth
the effort, really,
483
00:22:04,686 --> 00:22:07,453
but it's for a party tonight.
484
00:22:07,455 --> 00:22:11,391
I don't even know if it looks
good on me, to be honest.
485
00:22:13,028 --> 00:22:14,560
What's your name?
486
00:22:14,562 --> 00:22:16,163
Cassie.
487
00:22:16,165 --> 00:22:17,897
Cassie, huh?
488
00:22:22,404 --> 00:22:24,671
I'm gonna take this
dress up like you ask,
489
00:22:24,673 --> 00:22:26,739
but we're gonna pinch the waist
490
00:22:26,741 --> 00:22:28,541
just a little,
491
00:22:28,543 --> 00:22:32,178
and you know what's gonna happen
when you walk into that party?
492
00:22:32,180 --> 00:22:34,579
Every man is gonna have a heart attack
493
00:22:34,581 --> 00:22:39,185
when he see such a pretty
girl in this dress.
494
00:22:40,254 --> 00:22:43,022
Yeah, yeah. Come. Come.
495
00:22:48,229 --> 00:22:51,162
[Pryor talking indistinctly]
496
00:22:55,902 --> 00:22:58,903
[Pryor] I'm like, "Boy, you
better go wash that ass!"
497
00:22:58,905 --> 00:23:01,105
- [laughing]
- Goddamn!
498
00:23:01,107 --> 00:23:04,108
[Pryor] Don't be walking
around here with no dirty ass!
499
00:23:04,110 --> 00:23:05,777
Ain't no fucking way.
500
00:23:05,779 --> 00:23:08,880
Oh, shit.
501
00:23:08,882 --> 00:23:10,548
[Pryor] Fucker, Willy
Green was his name.
502
00:23:10,550 --> 00:23:12,416
I remember from Peoria.
503
00:23:12,418 --> 00:23:13,852
Goddamn. He was...
504
00:23:13,854 --> 00:23:15,419
Here's one of our up-and-comers.
505
00:23:15,421 --> 00:23:17,088
- Come on, baby.
- Hey, how you doing?
506
00:23:17,090 --> 00:23:19,023
Sorry to bother you, Mr... Mr. Pryor.
507
00:23:19,025 --> 00:23:20,791
Adam Proteau. Nice to meet you.
508
00:23:20,793 --> 00:23:22,260
Goddamn, boy.
509
00:23:22,262 --> 00:23:24,061
You piss in your hand
before offering it?
510
00:23:24,063 --> 00:23:25,262
No, no, no. I didn't...
511
00:23:25,264 --> 00:23:26,597
I didn't... didn't piss my...
512
00:23:26,599 --> 00:23:28,733
This nigga about to pop out his skin.
513
00:23:28,735 --> 00:23:29,900
[laughing]
514
00:23:29,902 --> 00:23:31,769
Hey, I caught your open mike.
515
00:23:31,771 --> 00:23:33,070
Very funny.
516
00:23:33,072 --> 00:23:35,105
- Thank you.
- Should I be worried?
517
00:23:35,107 --> 00:23:36,774
You still got some time.
518
00:23:36,776 --> 00:23:38,442
I'll see you later tonight.
519
00:23:38,444 --> 00:23:40,244
Mm-hmm.
520
00:23:40,246 --> 00:23:41,745
Thanks for the candy, mama.
521
00:23:41,747 --> 00:23:43,847
You be careful with that sweet tooth.
522
00:23:45,550 --> 00:23:47,317
So what you gonna do for six hours?
523
00:23:47,319 --> 00:23:48,785
Visit a local hospital.
524
00:23:48,787 --> 00:23:51,421
Give some inspirational
speeches to some sick kids,
525
00:23:51,423 --> 00:23:53,490
but only the white ones,
because let's face it,
526
00:23:53,492 --> 00:23:55,292
the black ones is fucked.
527
00:23:55,294 --> 00:23:57,394
[laughing]
528
00:23:57,396 --> 00:23:59,262
This nigga built to please.
529
00:23:59,264 --> 00:24:01,664
[Barton] Well, be sure
that your good works
530
00:24:01,666 --> 00:24:04,333
still get you back
here by 10:00 tonight.
531
00:24:06,004 --> 00:24:08,538
- Watch out for this fool.
- Yeah.
532
00:24:11,476 --> 00:24:12,909
You got someplace to be?
533
00:24:13,978 --> 00:24:15,978
- Nope.
- Good.
534
00:24:15,980 --> 00:24:18,414
Let's go get in some
motherfuckin' trouble.
535
00:24:38,836 --> 00:24:43,839
[Enrico] Whoever he is,
he's not good enough.
536
00:24:43,841 --> 00:24:45,441
You like?
537
00:24:48,278 --> 00:24:49,710
Very much.
538
00:24:59,990 --> 00:25:01,856
I feel so stupid.
539
00:25:01,858 --> 00:25:03,891
Hey.
540
00:25:03,893 --> 00:25:06,994
Hey, hey.
541
00:25:06,996 --> 00:25:09,464
I'm sorry.
542
00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:12,132
Really, it's beautiful.
543
00:25:17,474 --> 00:25:19,306
[Enrico] Come.
544
00:25:22,711 --> 00:25:23,877
[Enrico] Sit.
545
00:25:23,879 --> 00:25:26,546
[operatic music plays on stereo]
546
00:25:26,548 --> 00:25:28,682
547
00:25:28,684 --> 00:25:32,086
I know one thing and one thing only.
548
00:25:34,256 --> 00:25:36,222
Beauty.
549
00:25:36,224 --> 00:25:38,592
Yes?
550
00:25:38,594 --> 00:25:40,894
You see?
551
00:25:40,896 --> 00:25:43,062
I see.
552
00:25:43,064 --> 00:25:44,430
[Enrico] I know.
553
00:25:47,402 --> 00:25:48,635
[sniffing]
554
00:25:53,208 --> 00:25:56,042
So what made you get into comedy?
555
00:25:56,044 --> 00:25:58,611
You some GQ nigga interviewing me?
556
00:25:58,613 --> 00:26:00,413
"So what made you get
into comedy, Richard?
557
00:26:00,415 --> 00:26:02,882
All the respectable porter jobs taken?"
558
00:26:02,884 --> 00:26:04,417
No, no, no. That's not what I...
559
00:26:04,419 --> 00:26:05,251
I'm just fuckin' with you, man.
560
00:26:05,253 --> 00:26:06,452
Oh.
561
00:26:06,454 --> 00:26:07,286
You need to relax a little, nigga.
562
00:26:07,288 --> 00:26:08,787
Goddamn.
563
00:26:11,893 --> 00:26:13,291
Give me a taste.
564
00:26:15,029 --> 00:26:17,429
Your act, man. Come on, let's hear it.
565
00:26:17,431 --> 00:26:18,263
Like here?
566
00:26:18,265 --> 00:26:19,932
Why not?
567
00:26:19,934 --> 00:26:23,769
Okay. Okay. I'll tell this story
568
00:26:23,771 --> 00:26:26,071
about my dad barbecuing
drunk, all right?
569
00:26:26,073 --> 00:26:28,806
Now, everything that he made
was potentially dangerous.
570
00:26:28,808 --> 00:26:31,076
All right, so.
571
00:26:31,078 --> 00:26:33,278
"Dad, I don't think my chicken's done.
572
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,113
It's really raw in the middle."
573
00:26:35,115 --> 00:26:39,084
"Boy, ain't nobody ever died
from eating raw chicken."
574
00:26:39,086 --> 00:26:41,386
"Dad, people die all the time
from eating raw chicken."
575
00:26:41,388 --> 00:26:43,821
"Well, I'm talking about at this table!
576
00:26:43,823 --> 00:26:46,490
"Why you got to bring the whole
world into your argument?
577
00:26:46,492 --> 00:26:48,626
"Why can't you just graciously lose
578
00:26:48,628 --> 00:26:50,828
"and accept the fact that
can't nobody at this table
579
00:26:50,830 --> 00:26:54,331
say they ever died from
eating my chicken."
580
00:26:54,333 --> 00:26:56,300
"What about Aunt Lily, Dad?"
581
00:26:56,302 --> 00:26:59,736
"Boy, read the damn coroner's report.
582
00:26:59,738 --> 00:27:02,440
"It clearly states that
it was my potato salad
583
00:27:02,442 --> 00:27:05,076
what killed the bitch, not my chicken."
584
00:27:07,113 --> 00:27:08,045
Right on.
585
00:27:09,315 --> 00:27:10,747
Your daddy ever hit you?
586
00:27:12,851 --> 00:27:14,285
You said your daddy drank.
587
00:27:14,287 --> 00:27:16,486
He ever knock you upside
your head after a few?
588
00:27:16,488 --> 00:27:17,821
I mean, yeah, I guess.
589
00:27:17,823 --> 00:27:20,557
"Yeah, I guess." How?
590
00:27:23,261 --> 00:27:26,863
- Strap or the hands...
- Why isn't that in there?
591
00:27:26,865 --> 00:27:29,099
See, that's the silver lining
to your daddy's strap.
592
00:27:29,101 --> 00:27:31,634
Why are you dancing around it?
Own that motherfucker!
593
00:27:31,636 --> 00:27:33,470
Nigga got to be like Ali.
594
00:27:33,472 --> 00:27:34,670
[sniffing]
595
00:27:34,672 --> 00:27:36,272
- You know Ali?
- Yeah, yeah...
596
00:27:36,274 --> 00:27:39,109
"Float like a butterfly. Sting
like a motherfucking bee."
597
00:27:39,111 --> 00:27:40,643
See, that's the game, Jack.
598
00:27:40,645 --> 00:27:42,545
This ain't no Bob Hope motherfucker.
599
00:27:42,547 --> 00:27:44,180
- You feel me?
- I Fe... I feel you.
600
00:27:44,182 --> 00:27:48,050
They want that sting,
man, that knockout punch.
601
00:27:48,052 --> 00:27:49,852
They don't want to see a nigga dance.
602
00:27:49,854 --> 00:27:51,286
This ain't some Cotton Club bullshit.
603
00:27:51,288 --> 00:27:53,388
This is motherfuckin' comedy, man.
604
00:27:53,390 --> 00:27:54,957
You got to hit 'em.
605
00:27:54,959 --> 00:27:56,659
Then you hit 'em a-motherfuckin'-gain.
606
00:27:56,661 --> 00:27:58,661
Got to keep hitting until
the motherfucker goes down.
607
00:27:58,663 --> 00:28:02,331
See, my daddy was a boxer,
so I got the moves, man!
608
00:28:02,333 --> 00:28:05,667
- You see this shit right here?
- Yeah, I'm seeing it.
609
00:28:05,669 --> 00:28:07,503
Damn motherfuckin'
straight you seeing it.
610
00:28:18,215 --> 00:28:20,682
[Pryor] Two more, please.
611
00:28:24,054 --> 00:28:25,754
Hey.
612
00:28:25,756 --> 00:28:28,489
You see that old nigga
over there, holding court?
613
00:28:28,491 --> 00:28:29,590
Everybody laughing?
614
00:28:29,592 --> 00:28:31,359
Now, five will get you ten
615
00:28:31,361 --> 00:28:32,894
he's talking about some
bad motherfuckin' shit
616
00:28:32,896 --> 00:28:34,562
happened to him in his life.
617
00:28:34,564 --> 00:28:36,564
He sure as shit ain't
talking about no grandkids
618
00:28:36,566 --> 00:28:38,432
or some raise he got at work.
619
00:28:38,434 --> 00:28:41,435
I mean, he's talking about some
shit almost got him killed, man.
620
00:28:41,437 --> 00:28:42,603
You dig?
621
00:28:44,374 --> 00:28:45,939
The one fell off a year ago.
622
00:28:45,941 --> 00:28:47,875
[laughter]
623
00:28:47,877 --> 00:28:49,443
Well, how can you tell?
624
00:28:51,548 --> 00:28:52,780
Shit.
625
00:28:53,849 --> 00:28:55,515
Nigga, how can you not?
626
00:29:03,059 --> 00:29:05,859
I'm sorry about the other night.
627
00:29:05,861 --> 00:29:07,394
Oh, no. No, no, no.
628
00:29:07,396 --> 00:29:11,864
Why... you don't need to be... that's...
629
00:29:11,866 --> 00:29:15,868
[laughs] I totally freaked you out.
630
00:29:15,870 --> 00:29:19,539
Okay, well, maybe the
extent of your preparedness
631
00:29:19,541 --> 00:29:20,740
threw me a little.
632
00:29:20,742 --> 00:29:22,542
What? You don't know other women
633
00:29:22,544 --> 00:29:24,777
who carry around a baby
thermometer with them?
634
00:29:24,779 --> 00:29:27,980
I did not see that one coming,
but then again, I'm new to LA.
635
00:29:27,982 --> 00:29:29,381
[both laughing]
636
00:29:33,088 --> 00:29:35,487
Your penis felt so good inside of me.
637
00:29:40,494 --> 00:29:41,527
Thank you.
638
00:29:49,603 --> 00:29:51,802
Watch your head.
639
00:29:51,804 --> 00:29:53,504
Oh!
640
00:29:53,506 --> 00:29:57,742
Is it cool if we play some music
while I fuck your brains out?
641
00:29:57,744 --> 00:29:58,676
Yeah.
642
00:30:06,986 --> 00:30:09,286
Oh! I love this album.
643
00:30:12,091 --> 00:30:13,824
[sighs]
644
00:30:13,826 --> 00:30:16,827
Harry Nilsson's "Coconut" playing
645
00:30:16,829 --> 00:30:21,030
646
00:30:21,032 --> 00:30:24,100
Brother bought a coconut,
he bought it for a dime
647
00:30:24,102 --> 00:30:27,638
His sister had another one,
she paid it for a lime
648
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:29,806
She put the lime in the coconut
649
00:30:29,808 --> 00:30:31,441
She drank 'em both up
650
00:30:31,443 --> 00:30:33,443
She put the lime in the coconut
651
00:30:33,445 --> 00:30:35,044
She drank 'em both up
652
00:30:35,046 --> 00:30:37,046
She put the lime in the coconut
653
00:30:37,048 --> 00:30:38,915
[clanging and rattling]
654
00:30:42,821 --> 00:30:44,520
Doctor
655
00:30:44,522 --> 00:30:46,355
Ain't there nothing I can take?
656
00:30:46,357 --> 00:30:47,857
-
I said
-
Doctor
657
00:30:47,859 --> 00:30:49,392
To relieve this bellyache
658
00:30:49,394 --> 00:30:51,494
-
I said
-
Doctor
659
00:30:51,496 --> 00:30:53,696
Ain't there nothing I can take?
660
00:30:53,698 --> 00:30:55,298
-
I said
-
Doctor
661
00:30:55,300 --> 00:30:57,166
To relieve this bellyache
662
00:30:57,168 --> 00:30:58,967
Now, let me get this straight
663
00:30:58,969 --> 00:31:00,903
You put the lime in the coconut
664
00:31:00,905 --> 00:31:02,471
You drank 'em both up
665
00:31:02,473 --> 00:31:04,239
Put the lime in the coconut
666
00:31:04,241 --> 00:31:05,741
You drank 'em both up
667
00:31:05,743 --> 00:31:07,543
Put the lime in the coconut
668
00:31:07,545 --> 00:31:09,477
You drank 'em both up
669
00:31:09,479 --> 00:31:11,246
Put the lime in the coconut
670
00:31:11,248 --> 00:31:12,815
You drink 'em both together
671
00:31:12,817 --> 00:31:14,883
Put the lime in the coconut
672
00:31:14,885 --> 00:31:16,218
Then you feel better
673
00:31:16,220 --> 00:31:17,419
[laughs nervously]
674
00:31:17,421 --> 00:31:18,520
Put the lime in the coconut
675
00:31:18,522 --> 00:31:20,155
Drink 'em both up
676
00:31:20,157 --> 00:31:21,924
Put the lime in the coconut
677
00:31:21,926 --> 00:31:23,491
Call me in the morning
678
00:31:23,493 --> 00:31:25,493
All right. Put the lime in the coconut.
679
00:31:25,495 --> 00:31:28,062
Ain't there nothing I can take?
680
00:31:28,064 --> 00:31:30,932
- Okay.
-
To relieve your bellyache
681
00:31:30,934 --> 00:31:32,266
I said whoo-whoo!
682
00:31:32,268 --> 00:31:33,702
To relieve your bellyache
683
00:31:33,704 --> 00:31:35,503
I said... [groans]
684
00:31:35,505 --> 00:31:37,038
To relieve your bellyache
685
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:38,940
I said... [yells]
686
00:31:38,942 --> 00:31:40,442
To relieve your bellyache
687
00:31:40,444 --> 00:31:41,876
I said... [screams]
688
00:31:41,878 --> 00:31:44,178
All right. Hey!
689
00:31:44,180 --> 00:31:45,880
[screams]
690
00:31:45,882 --> 00:31:47,781
Ain't there nothing I can take?
691
00:31:47,783 --> 00:31:49,350
-
I said
-
Doctor
692
00:31:49,352 --> 00:31:51,219
Is there nothing I can take?
693
00:31:51,221 --> 00:31:52,920
[Toni screaming]
694
00:31:52,922 --> 00:31:54,621
Ain't there nothing I can take?
695
00:31:54,623 --> 00:31:55,589
[screaming]
696
00:31:55,591 --> 00:31:57,458
Fuck. Fuck, fuck!
697
00:31:57,460 --> 00:31:59,259
Put the lime in the coconut
698
00:31:59,261 --> 00:32:00,126
Jesus Christ!
699
00:32:00,128 --> 00:32:01,228
Fucking knock it off!
700
00:32:01,230 --> 00:32:02,396
What the fuck?
701
00:32:04,467 --> 00:32:07,534
Put the lime in the
coconut, drink 'em both up
702
00:32:07,536 --> 00:32:09,936
-
Put the lime in the
- [Eddie] Look, I'm sorry.
703
00:32:09,938 --> 00:32:11,739
Can't we just do regular fucking?
704
00:32:13,208 --> 00:32:15,008
Why do I keep doing this?
705
00:32:16,078 --> 00:32:17,177
You okay?
706
00:32:19,248 --> 00:32:22,749
Oh, fuck. I didn't hurt you, did I?
707
00:32:22,751 --> 00:32:23,683
I'm sorry.
708
00:32:28,423 --> 00:32:30,123
What did you expect me to do?
709
00:32:30,125 --> 00:32:32,558
You were fuckin' choking
me with your ankles.
710
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:37,129
I mean, can't you just... I
don't know, just be normal?
711
00:32:37,131 --> 00:32:39,098
Normal? Like you?
712
00:32:39,100 --> 00:32:40,833
Well, compared to you, yeah!
713
00:32:40,835 --> 00:32:43,969
Standing on a stage telling
a room full of strangers
714
00:32:43,971 --> 00:32:46,572
about all your fucked
up shit, that's normal?
715
00:32:46,574 --> 00:32:49,841
At least I have the balls to be
who I am with the lights on.
716
00:32:49,843 --> 00:32:51,944
All right. This is getting crazy, okay?
717
00:32:51,946 --> 00:32:54,280
I'm really sorry if...
718
00:32:54,282 --> 00:32:56,481
You get up on stage whenever possible,
719
00:32:56,483 --> 00:32:58,951
and you beg for acceptance.
720
00:32:58,953 --> 00:33:01,086
Well, here I am.
721
00:33:01,088 --> 00:33:02,621
You got it.
722
00:33:02,623 --> 00:33:06,658
So why can't I express myself, huh?
723
00:33:06,660 --> 00:33:09,428
How about a little support
for my being who I am?
724
00:33:09,430 --> 00:33:11,496
Yeah, well, you know, when an audience
725
00:33:11,498 --> 00:33:14,433
walks into a club, there's
an understanding.
726
00:33:14,435 --> 00:33:15,867
A pact.
727
00:33:15,869 --> 00:33:17,436
If sticking your dick in my mouth
728
00:33:17,438 --> 00:33:19,137
isn't a pact, then what is?
729
00:33:23,776 --> 00:33:26,177
You know, I hate normal.
730
00:33:26,179 --> 00:33:28,512
It's so small.
731
00:33:28,514 --> 00:33:31,382
I can't get out of bed
for normal anymore.
732
00:33:31,384 --> 00:33:32,317
Hey.
733
00:33:35,221 --> 00:33:37,355
[door creaks open]
734
00:33:37,357 --> 00:33:39,156
Can I ask you something?
735
00:33:41,126 --> 00:33:42,526
Yeah, sure.
736
00:33:42,528 --> 00:33:47,465
Up there, you're all so
open and vulnerable.
737
00:33:50,903 --> 00:33:53,103
Is it always just bullshit?
738
00:34:00,312 --> 00:34:01,911
It's not supposed to be.
739
00:34:06,385 --> 00:34:09,853
It must be nice to find a place to roar.
740
00:34:09,855 --> 00:34:13,823
Where everyone applauds instead
of making you feel like a freak.
741
00:34:20,098 --> 00:34:23,099
upbeat rock music
742
00:34:23,101 --> 00:34:28,037
743
00:34:29,273 --> 00:34:30,039
[sniffing]
744
00:34:33,844 --> 00:34:36,545
So many times I've been a wave
745
00:34:36,547 --> 00:34:38,347
Charging on a boat
746
00:34:38,349 --> 00:34:40,349
So many times I've sold my soul
747
00:34:40,351 --> 00:34:41,917
You having a good time?
748
00:34:41,919 --> 00:34:44,720
It's crazy in here, but yes.
749
00:34:48,258 --> 00:34:50,025
Thank you.
750
00:34:50,027 --> 00:34:52,227
You want to meet an albino
that isn't Edgar Winter?
751
00:34:52,229 --> 00:34:53,695
- Yes.
- He's nice.
752
00:34:53,697 --> 00:34:56,097
He reminds me of a
rabbit I had as a kid.
753
00:34:56,099 --> 00:34:58,299
Let me just go find the
ladies room first, okay?
754
00:34:58,301 --> 00:34:59,234
Okay.
755
00:35:09,979 --> 00:35:11,946
You're so good for me
756
00:35:11,948 --> 00:35:15,150
[Tess] Over here...
757
00:35:15,152 --> 00:35:17,451
Turn off the lights.
758
00:35:17,453 --> 00:35:18,586
Oh, my God.
759
00:35:18,588 --> 00:35:21,321
Who did this to you?
760
00:35:21,323 --> 00:35:23,558
Nobody.
761
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:25,626
Everybody.
762
00:35:25,628 --> 00:35:28,529
Hey. Fuck off.
763
00:35:32,936 --> 00:35:34,468
- Jesus.
- What the fuck are you doing?
764
00:35:34,470 --> 00:35:37,837
How much fucking acid did you take?
765
00:35:37,839 --> 00:35:39,606
Hey, I'm trying to help you.
766
00:35:39,608 --> 00:35:43,077
I don't want your help.
767
00:35:43,079 --> 00:35:46,113
- I want to get fucked.
- What is your damage?
768
00:35:46,115 --> 00:35:48,949
Are you some kind of a band slut?
769
00:35:48,951 --> 00:35:52,085
[Tess] Not a slut. A sacrifice.
770
00:35:52,087 --> 00:35:54,153
A slut for the greater good.
771
00:35:54,155 --> 00:35:55,088
[laughs]
772
00:36:04,432 --> 00:36:08,033
Did somebody make you do this?
773
00:36:08,035 --> 00:36:10,269
They're vampires, you know?
774
00:36:11,473 --> 00:36:14,740
They need this. Me.
775
00:36:16,478 --> 00:36:20,713
I fill their veins until
who they are melts away
776
00:36:20,715 --> 00:36:23,949
so that what they are shoots
out their fingertips,
777
00:36:23,951 --> 00:36:26,652
and from between their fangs
778
00:36:26,654 --> 00:36:31,590
a tiny drop of me in every fucking song.
779
00:36:35,496 --> 00:36:39,797
You have no idea what
you're doing to yourself.
780
00:36:39,799 --> 00:36:42,367
Yeah, I do.
781
00:36:42,369 --> 00:36:47,139
Same as you. Just louder.
782
00:36:47,141 --> 00:36:50,175
[rocker] Hey, great. I
can handle two at once.
783
00:36:50,177 --> 00:36:51,643
I'm the drummer.
784
00:36:55,015 --> 00:36:57,414
Then what are you
fuckin' here for, babe?
785
00:36:57,416 --> 00:37:00,351
Bill. Bill.
786
00:37:01,821 --> 00:37:03,354
- What's up?
- I'm leaving.
787
00:37:03,356 --> 00:37:06,557
What? Why? You don't
go on until midnight.
788
00:37:06,559 --> 00:37:08,693
You stay. I need to go.
789
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:16,467
What the fuck now?
790
00:37:19,539 --> 00:37:22,939
Yeah, so that's why I stopped
wiping my ass, you know?
791
00:37:22,941 --> 00:37:25,209
I don't mind the itch.
792
00:37:25,211 --> 00:37:27,044
[laughter]
793
00:37:27,046 --> 00:37:28,612
[door slams]
794
00:37:28,614 --> 00:37:31,114
[Pryor] If you don't know,
you gonna find that out.
795
00:37:31,116 --> 00:37:34,284
Oh, shit. There he is.
796
00:37:34,286 --> 00:37:36,086
You ready?
797
00:37:36,088 --> 00:37:37,220
A motherfucker was born ready.
798
00:37:37,222 --> 00:37:40,757
Oh. Can I keep him?
799
00:37:40,759 --> 00:37:42,693
Listen, why don't you go to the restroom
800
00:37:42,695 --> 00:37:45,028
and wash yourself up?
801
00:37:45,030 --> 00:37:47,363
- You're up in ten minutes.
- All right.
802
00:37:52,036 --> 00:37:55,905
[Adam] Richard motherfuckin' Pryor.
803
00:37:55,907 --> 00:37:59,275
You know both our dads used to beat us?
804
00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:03,746
And we both punched out our
science teachers in high school?
805
00:38:03,748 --> 00:38:06,115
What are the motherfucking odds?
806
00:38:06,117 --> 00:38:09,651
- That shit cool, man.
- So you think you know him now.
807
00:38:09,653 --> 00:38:12,554
Hells, yeah. We talked and everything.
808
00:38:12,556 --> 00:38:15,324
Nigga was raised in a brothel and shit.
809
00:38:15,326 --> 00:38:19,261
Hey. Don't say that word.
810
00:38:19,263 --> 00:38:21,830
That's his word, and you ain't him.
811
00:38:21,832 --> 00:38:23,965
And who is you?
812
00:38:23,967 --> 00:38:25,467
All serious and shit
813
00:38:25,469 --> 00:38:29,571
like some type of vulture or somethin'.
814
00:38:29,573 --> 00:38:32,307
Want me to tell you who that man is?
815
00:38:32,309 --> 00:38:35,443
That man is a meteor.
816
00:38:35,445 --> 00:38:37,145
Been floatin' out in space,
817
00:38:37,147 --> 00:38:39,413
and he's been headin'
this way for a long time,
818
00:38:39,415 --> 00:38:41,415
and he's ready now.
819
00:38:41,417 --> 00:38:44,152
He's entered Earth's atmosphere,
820
00:38:44,154 --> 00:38:48,990
but what you're really seeing,
Adam, is pieces of a man,
821
00:38:48,992 --> 00:38:51,126
splintering, breaking off,
822
00:38:51,128 --> 00:38:53,294
leaving a trail that is so bright
823
00:38:53,296 --> 00:38:56,364
that you can't help but stare at it
824
00:38:56,366 --> 00:39:00,501
and want to shield your
eyes at the same time.
825
00:39:00,503 --> 00:39:05,439
Okay, well, I ain't him, so who am I?
826
00:39:07,644 --> 00:39:11,044
One man should never tell
another man who he is.
827
00:39:11,046 --> 00:39:14,681
My manager, Carl, says I can
be the next Flip Wilson
828
00:39:14,683 --> 00:39:17,117
if I'm smart and everything...
that'd be my hook.
829
00:39:17,119 --> 00:39:18,886
Mm.
830
00:39:18,888 --> 00:39:20,988
We already got a Flip Wilson.
831
00:39:20,990 --> 00:39:23,157
Now, why would your manager
832
00:39:23,159 --> 00:39:26,660
say he wants you to be the
next something you ain't?
833
00:39:26,662 --> 00:39:29,962
Do you know why Richard
Pryor is one of a kind?
834
00:39:29,964 --> 00:39:32,732
Because he's not up there telling jokes.
835
00:39:32,734 --> 00:39:34,501
He's talking to ghosts.
836
00:39:34,503 --> 00:39:38,171
And the audience? Just witnesses.
837
00:39:38,173 --> 00:39:41,207
Just like me. Just like you.
838
00:39:41,209 --> 00:39:43,009
Let me ask you a question.
839
00:39:43,011 --> 00:39:46,679
Your manager. He black?
840
00:39:46,681 --> 00:39:50,215
Nope. What, are you saying he should be?
841
00:39:50,217 --> 00:39:53,819
I'm saying your manager should
get you gigs and that's it.
842
00:39:53,821 --> 00:39:56,754
Shouldn't be trying to fit you
into somebody else's box.
843
00:39:58,025 --> 00:39:59,891
Your ghosts, baby.
844
00:39:59,893 --> 00:40:03,161
Your ghosts. That's all you got.
845
00:40:03,163 --> 00:40:06,664
light ethereal music
846
00:40:06,666 --> 00:40:10,835
847
00:40:10,837 --> 00:40:13,705
The feminist thing. How
important is that, Billie?
848
00:40:13,707 --> 00:40:15,773
The women's movement is important to me,
849
00:40:15,775 --> 00:40:18,175
as long as it stays practical,
850
00:40:18,177 --> 00:40:20,444
and I think that the women's movement
851
00:40:20,446 --> 00:40:22,179
is really making a better
life for more people,
852
00:40:22,181 --> 00:40:23,948
other than just women,
853
00:40:23,950 --> 00:40:26,750
and I feel very strongly about
it from that point of view.
854
00:40:26,752 --> 00:40:28,685
- Hey, Cass.
- Hey.
855
00:40:28,687 --> 00:40:32,223
[reporter] What kind of strategy
you might have going into this?
856
00:40:32,225 --> 00:40:33,757
[Billie] Well, I've
thought long and hard...
857
00:40:33,759 --> 00:40:35,492
You've got to be shitting me.
858
00:40:45,437 --> 00:40:46,636
[knocks on door]
859
00:40:47,639 --> 00:40:50,073
What took you so long?
860
00:40:50,075 --> 00:40:51,307
Why me?
861
00:40:51,309 --> 00:40:54,310
There's a formidable entrance.
862
00:40:54,312 --> 00:40:55,945
Pryor's going up.
863
00:40:55,947 --> 00:40:59,415
Somebody had to be bumped,
so why not you, huh?
864
00:40:59,417 --> 00:41:01,550
There's plenty of guys going up.
865
00:41:01,552 --> 00:41:02,986
Bump one of them.
866
00:41:02,988 --> 00:41:05,221
It's just me and Boosler out there.
867
00:41:05,223 --> 00:41:07,223
You got bumped because
you're the most bump-able.
868
00:41:07,225 --> 00:41:10,292
It's got nothing to do with
whether you sit or stand.
869
00:41:10,294 --> 00:41:12,728
You've got no idea what I'm
trying to do up there.
870
00:41:12,730 --> 00:41:14,797
It's something I share
with your audience.
871
00:41:14,799 --> 00:41:16,298
Well, the other comics do,
872
00:41:16,300 --> 00:41:17,900
and they think it's pretty
damn groundbreaking.
873
00:41:17,902 --> 00:41:19,902
Oh, you mean the guys? They get you?
874
00:41:19,904 --> 00:41:21,270
They don't get you.
875
00:41:21,272 --> 00:41:22,605
They couldn't, even if they tried.
876
00:41:22,607 --> 00:41:25,007
Yeah, well, they sure as hell seem to.
877
00:41:25,009 --> 00:41:27,009
When I was a kid, there was a carnival.
878
00:41:27,011 --> 00:41:28,610
Guy had a horse,
879
00:41:28,612 --> 00:41:30,612
and he'd say to the
horse, "Count to five,"
880
00:41:30,614 --> 00:41:32,814
and the horse would dig
at the ground five times.
881
00:41:32,816 --> 00:41:35,517
He'd say three. The horse
would dig three times.
882
00:41:35,519 --> 00:41:37,152
Now, between us girls...
883
00:41:37,154 --> 00:41:39,988
you really think that horse could count?
884
00:41:39,990 --> 00:41:41,790
[Walter] So, about six months ago,
885
00:41:41,792 --> 00:41:43,458
I was peer-pressured
886
00:41:43,460 --> 00:41:46,160
into trying mushrooms for
the first time, all right?
887
00:41:46,162 --> 00:41:48,596
Yeah, and while I was tripping,
all I could think was,
888
00:41:48,598 --> 00:41:51,533
"Damn. White people keep all
the fun shit to themselves."
889
00:41:52,869 --> 00:41:55,269
Can I get a beer?
890
00:41:55,271 --> 00:41:57,238
Just one.
891
00:42:02,545 --> 00:42:04,778
[Walter] I told one of my
homeboys I did 'shrooms.
892
00:42:04,780 --> 00:42:06,780
He was like, "Yo, why would you do that?
893
00:42:06,782 --> 00:42:08,182
That's white people shit."
894
00:42:08,184 --> 00:42:09,716
I'm like, "Yeah, you know what else
895
00:42:09,718 --> 00:42:10,717
is white people shit?
896
00:42:10,719 --> 00:42:12,453
Not getting shot by the police."
897
00:42:15,491 --> 00:42:18,124
[Walter] Ruling the world.
898
00:42:18,126 --> 00:42:19,560
You've never seen one before?
899
00:42:30,238 --> 00:42:34,374
[indistinct speech and laughter]
900
00:42:34,376 --> 00:42:36,809
How's your love life, Eddie?
901
00:42:36,811 --> 00:42:39,712
Enjoying your sloppy sixtieths?
902
00:42:39,714 --> 00:42:41,814
Lighten up. I'm just fucking with you.
903
00:42:41,816 --> 00:42:44,017
Yeah, no, I get it, Bill.
You're a funny guy.
904
00:42:44,019 --> 00:42:46,686
Not Midnight Special funny, but amusing.
905
00:42:48,156 --> 00:42:50,222
What the fuck did you just say?
906
00:42:50,224 --> 00:42:51,524
Hey, hey, hey, look, look, look.
907
00:42:51,526 --> 00:42:53,526
Before you kick the
shit out of my buddy...
908
00:42:53,528 --> 00:42:54,861
Shut up, you fucking adult baby.
909
00:42:54,863 --> 00:42:56,662
[Ron] Oh.
910
00:42:56,664 --> 00:42:57,830
Oh, oh, we're giving out nicknames.
911
00:42:57,832 --> 00:42:59,765
- Did you know that?
- Mm-mm.
912
00:42:59,767 --> 00:43:02,001
I didn't know that, I'm
sorry, 'cause in that case,
913
00:43:02,003 --> 00:43:04,203
a perfect one for you would
be ginger-faced cunt.
914
00:43:04,205 --> 00:43:05,837
Oh, is that right, motherfucker?
915
00:43:05,839 --> 00:43:07,373
Yeah. Start monogramming
your fucking towels, Bill.
916
00:43:07,375 --> 00:43:08,340
GFC!
917
00:43:08,342 --> 00:43:09,875
Just chill.
918
00:43:12,613 --> 00:43:15,914
All right. Thank y'all so much.
That's my time.
919
00:43:15,916 --> 00:43:18,384
Keep it going for your host, Ralph.
920
00:43:23,056 --> 00:43:24,789
[Ralph] Get over here.
921
00:43:26,292 --> 00:43:28,092
You're up after this next comic.
922
00:43:28,094 --> 00:43:31,195
Thanks, Gold. I so appreciate this.
923
00:43:31,197 --> 00:43:33,732
[Ralph] All right, we got a
special guest for y'all.
924
00:43:33,734 --> 00:43:35,266
I mean, a real treat.
925
00:43:35,268 --> 00:43:38,936
You have seen this motherfucker
just about everywhere.
926
00:43:38,938 --> 00:43:40,604
The man needs no introduction.
927
00:43:40,606 --> 00:43:43,641
Give it up for Mr. Richard Pryor!
928
00:43:43,643 --> 00:43:46,577
[cheers and applause]
929
00:43:49,249 --> 00:43:50,181
Pryor?
930
00:43:51,251 --> 00:43:52,917
Pryor's going up?
931
00:43:52,919 --> 00:43:57,421
Do me a favor, Sid. Keep it tight.
932
00:43:57,423 --> 00:43:59,924
[Pryor] Ralph Carnegie,
ladies and gentlemen.
933
00:43:59,926 --> 00:44:03,460
They named a hall after Ralph's pants.
934
00:44:03,462 --> 00:44:05,596
I don't know if y'all know this,
935
00:44:05,598 --> 00:44:06,964
but Ralph is black.
936
00:44:06,966 --> 00:44:09,132
Ralph, you black, right?
937
00:44:09,134 --> 00:44:10,734
Is the Pope a virgin?
938
00:44:10,736 --> 00:44:12,235
Is the Pope a virgin?
939
00:44:12,237 --> 00:44:15,238
How I know? I ain't smelled his dick.
940
00:44:15,240 --> 00:44:16,673
Damn.
941
00:44:16,675 --> 00:44:20,510
[Pryor] I'm sure it smell real pretty.
942
00:44:20,512 --> 00:44:22,312
A lot of pretty white folks in here.
943
00:44:22,314 --> 00:44:24,448
Lot of ugly ones too. Goddamn.
944
00:44:24,450 --> 00:44:26,849
I ain't seen so many white
folks in a long time.
945
00:44:26,851 --> 00:44:28,184
I feel like I'm on auction.
946
00:44:28,186 --> 00:44:29,752
Goldie, what you got me into here?
947
00:44:29,754 --> 00:44:31,253
Hey. You're not going up?
948
00:44:31,255 --> 00:44:32,188
Nope.
949
00:44:33,458 --> 00:44:35,758
That fuckin' sucks.
950
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:39,462
Well, at least I'm getting
bumped for the best.
951
00:44:39,464 --> 00:44:42,264
Hey, hate to tell you, Cass,
952
00:44:42,266 --> 00:44:44,800
but you're not getting bumped for Pryor.
953
00:44:44,802 --> 00:44:46,935
You're getting bumped
for that sweaty mess.
954
00:44:52,042 --> 00:44:54,276
[laughs] It's fucking...
955
00:44:55,980 --> 00:44:58,046
Got to put Ralph on auction too.
956
00:44:58,048 --> 00:45:00,149
Except he's gonna cost twice as much
957
00:45:00,151 --> 00:45:02,851
because he's twice as
big and half as black.
958
00:45:02,853 --> 00:45:06,855
[cheers and applause]
959
00:45:06,857 --> 00:45:09,791
[rushing air]
960
00:45:13,964 --> 00:45:15,396
Well, that's my time.
961
00:45:15,398 --> 00:45:16,732
[crowd awws]
962
00:45:16,734 --> 00:45:19,567
What y'all "aww" ing for?
963
00:45:19,569 --> 00:45:23,471
Can't be up here all night.
Nigga got shit to do.
964
00:45:23,473 --> 00:45:25,473
What's the name of the
next dude coming up?
965
00:45:25,475 --> 00:45:26,407
Sid Robbins.
966
00:45:26,409 --> 00:45:27,342
Sid Robb...
967
00:45:28,478 --> 00:45:31,045
Ladies and gentlemen,
968
00:45:31,047 --> 00:45:33,948
this next comic is white.
969
00:45:35,652 --> 00:45:37,852
Three niggas in a row, and
I guess Goldie thought
970
00:45:37,854 --> 00:45:39,186
y'all needed a break from laughing.
971
00:45:39,188 --> 00:45:41,689
[laughter]
972
00:45:41,691 --> 00:45:43,024
I'm just playing.
973
00:45:43,026 --> 00:45:45,359
Ladies and gentlemen, Sid Robbins.
974
00:45:45,361 --> 00:45:47,494
[applause]
975
00:45:50,099 --> 00:45:52,032
Richard Pryor, ladies and gentlemen!
976
00:45:52,034 --> 00:45:53,433
[cheers and applause]
977
00:45:53,435 --> 00:45:55,602
Keep it going!
978
00:46:11,753 --> 00:46:13,553
So I was reading about
the Supreme Court.
979
00:46:13,555 --> 00:46:15,855
Did you guys see this?
980
00:46:15,857 --> 00:46:17,557
It seems they have established
981
00:46:17,559 --> 00:46:20,727
a narrower definition of pornography.
982
00:46:20,729 --> 00:46:23,696
Local rather than national standards
983
00:46:23,698 --> 00:46:25,198
for what is obscene.
984
00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:28,067
Now, guys, hasn't it always been local?
985
00:46:28,069 --> 00:46:32,605
And when I say local,
I mean our bedrooms?
986
00:46:32,607 --> 00:46:35,774
This doesn't change
anything for us, right?
987
00:46:35,776 --> 00:46:38,411
"I don't care if they do it
in Florida and New Mexico
988
00:46:38,413 --> 00:46:39,579
and Rhode Island.
989
00:46:39,581 --> 00:46:42,380
You want that? You can move!"
990
00:46:43,884 --> 00:46:46,451
My old lady is one piece of work.
991
00:46:46,453 --> 00:46:48,220
Whenever I come home late,
992
00:46:48,222 --> 00:46:51,790
she assumes it's because I
was with another woman.
993
00:46:51,792 --> 00:46:55,460
I say, "Honey. Honey.
994
00:46:55,462 --> 00:46:58,062
You're crazy. It's only you.
995
00:46:58,064 --> 00:47:00,332
And the three women you caught me with."
996
00:47:00,334 --> 00:47:02,934
[scattered laughter]
997
00:47:02,936 --> 00:47:05,770
I got a buddy. He's a Mormon.
998
00:47:05,772 --> 00:47:07,939
Six wives.
999
00:47:07,941 --> 00:47:09,274
In their bible,
1000
00:47:09,276 --> 00:47:11,676
it says on the seventh day God rested
1001
00:47:11,678 --> 00:47:15,379
and drank plenty of fluids.
1002
00:47:17,683 --> 00:47:19,450
Six wives, ladies and gentlemen.
1003
00:47:19,452 --> 00:47:23,955
That means six mother-in-laws,
six anniversaries,
1004
00:47:23,957 --> 00:47:25,156
and six suicide notes.
1005
00:47:25,158 --> 00:47:28,525
No! Make that one suicide note.
1006
00:47:28,527 --> 00:47:32,630
"Dear Mary, Carol, Sue,
Linda, Paula, and Allison,
1007
00:47:32,632 --> 00:47:34,431
I am writing this suicide note
1008
00:47:34,433 --> 00:47:38,835
because I haven't been feeling
very well as of late,
1009
00:47:38,837 --> 00:47:41,938
and I don't think I can take it anymore!
1010
00:47:41,940 --> 00:47:44,475
I mean, the line to the bathroom alone!"
1011
00:47:44,477 --> 00:47:47,410
[scattered laughter]
1012
00:47:53,318 --> 00:47:56,319
sparse, moody music
1013
00:47:56,321 --> 00:48:01,258
1014
00:48:02,794 --> 00:48:05,461
[no audible dialogue]
1015
00:48:27,718 --> 00:48:29,852
Thanks very much, guys.
You've been great.
1016
00:48:29,854 --> 00:48:32,788
[light applause]
1017
00:48:57,747 --> 00:48:59,513
Got to admit.
1018
00:48:59,515 --> 00:49:02,083
You got me good, babe.
1019
00:49:02,085 --> 00:49:04,452
You wanted your time. You got your time.
1020
00:49:14,063 --> 00:49:14,995
[Goldie grunts]
1021
00:49:35,817 --> 00:49:38,752
You think there's some kind
of poetry to all this?
1022
00:50:10,117 --> 00:50:12,150
light guitar music
1023
00:50:12,152 --> 00:50:13,751
[Schwartz] I admire the
civil rights movement.
1024
00:50:13,753 --> 00:50:15,353
I don't know how they did it.
1025
00:50:15,355 --> 00:50:18,156
Could you imagine Jews rioting?
1026
00:50:18,158 --> 00:50:20,792
Oh, all that fire. The heat.
1027
00:50:20,794 --> 00:50:22,259
Throw a couple German
Shepherds in there,
1028
00:50:22,261 --> 00:50:25,463
not exactly a thing we gravitate to.
1029
00:50:25,465 --> 00:50:28,633
[Adam] Hey. Hey, Carl.
1030
00:50:28,635 --> 00:50:32,503
Yeah. Yeah, it's me, Adam.
1031
00:50:32,505 --> 00:50:36,206
Look, you great and all, but we done.
1032
00:50:37,609 --> 00:50:39,810
Yeah. Yeah, like, done done.
1033
00:50:42,148 --> 00:50:44,848
No. No, you didn't do
anything wrong, I mean,
1034
00:50:44,850 --> 00:50:47,551
Carl, you're great, and I owe you a lot,
1035
00:50:47,553 --> 00:50:50,487
but we just done, you know?
1036
00:50:52,992 --> 00:50:55,124
No, I'm not drunk. I'm... I'm not drunk.
1037
00:50:55,126 --> 00:51:00,063
I'm just... I'm just me, man.
1038
00:51:05,571 --> 00:51:10,506
1039
00:51:29,594 --> 00:51:31,527
Hi.
1040
00:51:45,042 --> 00:51:47,976
[applause on TV]
1041
00:51:52,883 --> 00:51:55,817
[tennis balls bouncing]
1042
00:52:00,557 --> 00:52:03,491
[tennis balls bouncing]
1043
00:52:10,767 --> 00:52:13,267
Anything you can do I can do better
1044
00:52:13,269 --> 00:52:15,937
I can do anything better than you
1045
00:52:15,939 --> 00:52:18,139
-
No, you can't
-
Yes, I can
1046
00:52:18,141 --> 00:52:20,374
-
No, you can't
-
Yes, I can
1047
00:52:20,376 --> 00:52:23,210
-
No, you can't
-
Yes, I can, yes, I can!
1048
00:52:23,212 --> 00:52:25,379
Anything you can be I can be greater
1049
00:52:25,381 --> 00:52:27,314
Sooner or later, I'm
greater than you
1050
00:52:27,316 --> 00:52:29,550
-
No, you're not
-
Yes, I am
1051
00:52:29,552 --> 00:52:31,752
-
No, you're not
-
Yes, I am
1052
00:52:31,754 --> 00:52:34,621
-
No, you're not
-
Yes, I am, yes, I am!
1053
00:52:34,623 --> 00:52:36,990
I can shoot a partridge
with a single cartridge
1054
00:52:36,992 --> 00:52:39,626
I can get a sparrow
with a bow and arrow
1055
00:52:39,628 --> 00:52:41,595
I can live on bread and cheese
1056
00:52:41,597 --> 00:52:43,564
-
And only on that?
-
Yes
1057
00:52:43,566 --> 00:52:45,298
So can a rat
1058
00:52:45,300 --> 00:52:47,734
Any note you can
reach, I can go higher
1059
00:52:47,736 --> 00:52:49,735
I can sing anything higher than you
1060
00:52:49,737 --> 00:52:51,938
-
No, you can't
-
Yes, I can
1061
00:52:51,940 --> 00:52:54,140
-
No, you can't
-
Yes, I can
1062
00:52:54,142 --> 00:52:56,342
-
No, you can't
-
Yes, I can
1063
00:52:56,344 --> 00:53:00,012
-
No, you can't
-
Yes, I can
1064
00:53:03,185 --> 00:53:06,185
Anything you can sing,
I can sing sweeter
1065
00:53:06,187 --> 00:53:08,920
I can sing anything sweeter than you
1066
00:53:08,922 --> 00:53:12,257
-
No, you can't
-
Yes, I can
1067
00:53:12,259 --> 00:53:16,195
-
No, you can't
-
Yes, I can
1068
00:53:16,197 --> 00:53:18,430
-
No, you can't
-
Yes, I can
1069
00:53:18,432 --> 00:53:20,632
-
No, you can't
-
Yes, I can
1070
00:53:20,634 --> 00:53:22,701
No, you can't, can't, can't
1071
00:53:22,703 --> 00:53:25,136
Yes, I can, can, can
1072
00:53:25,186 --> 00:53:29,736
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