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1
00:00:00,948 --> 00:00:03,116
[classical music on radio]
2
00:00:03,117 --> 00:00:04,350
Too much on the arms.
3
00:00:04,351 --> 00:00:06,019
What the [bleep]
are you doing?
4
00:00:06,020 --> 00:00:07,787
I'm getting a suntan.
5
00:00:07,788 --> 00:00:09,689
Got my bikini on.
6
00:00:09,690 --> 00:00:11,357
I got the afternoon off.
7
00:00:11,358 --> 00:00:13,292
I thought you had, like,
a date with a mom or something.
8
00:00:13,293 --> 00:00:15,661
I have a date
that my mom set up.
9
00:00:15,662 --> 00:00:17,296
There's a big difference.
10
00:00:17,297 --> 00:00:19,298
Did I miss any?
11
00:00:19,299 --> 00:00:21,901
Yeah, in your anus hole.
[laughs]
12
00:00:21,902 --> 00:00:23,403
[laughs]
Okay, Gene.
13
00:00:23,404 --> 00:00:26,073
You can't get cancer up there
from sitting in the sun.
14
00:00:28,175 --> 00:00:29,809
[phone beeps]
15
00:00:29,810 --> 00:00:31,644
Sunburn in rectum.
16
00:00:31,645 --> 00:00:33,079
Possible?
[phone beeps]
17
00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:34,414
Searching.
18
00:00:34,415 --> 00:00:36,783
"Requiem for a Dream."
Rectum. Rectum.
19
00:00:36,784 --> 00:00:38,084
Searching.
20
00:00:38,085 --> 00:00:40,319
"Requiem for a Dream."
Not requiem. Rectum.
21
00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:41,354
Oh, I'm shouting.
22
00:00:41,355 --> 00:00:43,556
[Spanish telenovela on TV]
23
00:00:43,557 --> 00:00:45,625
Oh, nice,
you made me some popcorn.
24
00:00:45,626 --> 00:00:47,260
Your dad's
been looking for you.
25
00:00:47,261 --> 00:00:49,328
- What'd you tell him?
- I found Gene!
26
00:00:49,329 --> 00:00:51,164
- What are you doing?
- I told him I'd do that.
27
00:00:51,165 --> 00:00:52,465
Gene, come on!
28
00:00:52,466 --> 00:00:54,634
Tanzy's opening
her Mother's Day gifts!
29
00:00:54,635 --> 00:00:56,235
Why does he do
this every year?
30
00:00:56,236 --> 00:00:58,271
Maybe he feels bad
that you don't have a mom.
31
00:00:58,272 --> 00:00:59,605
Also, Tanzy loves gifts.
32
00:00:59,606 --> 00:01:02,608
Well, this just in: I don't
give a [bleep]. You know?
33
00:01:02,609 --> 00:01:05,111
- Can you move?
- Oh, sorry.
34
00:01:05,112 --> 00:01:06,979
Oh, the production
value's so bad.
35
00:01:06,980 --> 00:01:08,681
Do you actually like this?
36
00:01:08,682 --> 00:01:11,451
I--I'm sorry, I just can't get
over the production value.
37
00:01:11,452 --> 00:01:13,419
This one--this is from Gene.
38
00:01:13,420 --> 00:01:16,422
You can tell because it's
got Grumpy Bat on it.
39
00:01:16,423 --> 00:01:18,725
Not from me.
I don't give a [bleep].
40
00:01:18,726 --> 00:01:20,960
Ooh, leen-ger-ee!
41
00:01:20,961 --> 00:01:21,961
Thanks, Gene.
42
00:01:21,962 --> 00:01:22,962
[doorbell rings]
43
00:01:22,963 --> 00:01:24,397
Got it.
44
00:01:24,398 --> 00:01:26,499
Okay, wait. Say "You're
welcome" to your mom, Gene.
45
00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:28,000
I will,
if I ever see her.
46
00:01:28,001 --> 00:01:29,602
Mom burn.
[laughs]
47
00:01:29,603 --> 00:01:31,137
Good one, Gene.
48
00:01:31,138 --> 00:01:34,073
I might have to return
it 'cause it's for a fat person.
49
00:01:34,074 --> 00:01:35,509
That's fine.
50
00:01:36,877 --> 00:01:39,979
- What?
- Hi, Gene.
51
00:01:39,980 --> 00:01:42,915
I'm your mom.
52
00:01:42,916 --> 00:01:44,717
We're too gangsta for TV
53
00:01:44,718 --> 00:01:46,652
That's why
you don't see us
54
00:01:46,653 --> 00:01:48,321
But they still
wanna be us
55
00:01:48,322 --> 00:01:50,556
Ha ha!
56
00:01:50,557 --> 00:01:53,459
[gasps]
Oh, my God.
57
00:01:53,460 --> 00:01:55,595
We can play
dirty hooker later.
58
00:01:55,596 --> 00:01:57,030
Whoo! Yay.
59
00:01:57,031 --> 00:01:59,198
Dad, there's a man
who says he's a mom?
60
00:01:59,199 --> 00:02:02,435
- Yeah.
- Is that like a manny?
61
00:02:02,436 --> 00:02:04,771
Diane.
62
00:02:04,772 --> 00:02:06,239
- It's Dan now.
- Oh.
63
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,008
I'm sorry, who are you?
64
00:02:09,009 --> 00:02:11,711
Well,
I'm--I'm Gene's mom.
65
00:02:11,712 --> 00:02:15,048
Oh!
Well, happy Mother's Day!
66
00:02:15,049 --> 00:02:16,616
Would you like a Mom-mosa?
67
00:02:16,617 --> 00:02:18,418
It's like a mimosa,
only it's champagne.
68
00:02:18,419 --> 00:02:19,986
- Tanzy, don't. Just--
- I'm sorry.
69
00:02:19,987 --> 00:02:22,121
Maybe I--I should've called
before I came over.
70
00:02:22,122 --> 00:02:23,956
- Oh, well--
- You can use our phone.
71
00:02:23,957 --> 00:02:26,359
No. Tanzy, don't.
All right?
72
00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:30,363
You--you--I got to...
73
00:02:30,364 --> 00:02:32,799
[exhales sharply]
just--I--just gonna--
74
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:35,068
- Daddy, are you okay?
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
75
00:02:35,069 --> 00:02:38,905
- This is so Diane.
- It's Dan.
76
00:02:38,906 --> 00:02:41,040
Oh, okay, Dan.
77
00:02:41,041 --> 00:02:43,976
You are being
so Diane right now.
78
00:02:43,977 --> 00:02:46,079
What's going on?
79
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,748
I was Kent's first wife,
Diane.
80
00:02:48,749 --> 00:02:52,085
Yeah, and you left
without warning,
81
00:02:52,086 --> 00:02:54,854
and now you show up
the same way.
82
00:02:54,855 --> 00:02:56,289
How dare you?
83
00:02:56,290 --> 00:02:59,025
[whimpers]
84
00:02:59,026 --> 00:03:00,393
Are you okay, Gene?
85
00:03:00,394 --> 00:03:01,828
No, she's not all right.
86
00:03:01,829 --> 00:03:03,863
I mean, she--she's trying
to process something.
87
00:03:03,864 --> 00:03:04,897
All right,
I tell you what.
88
00:03:04,898 --> 00:03:05,998
I think you should leave.
89
00:03:05,999 --> 00:03:07,567
Yep, I think you should go,
90
00:03:07,568 --> 00:03:11,671
because as you can see, we are
celebrating Mother's Day here.
91
00:03:11,672 --> 00:03:15,576
Just so it's clear,
I'm not Gene's mother.
92
00:03:18,145 --> 00:03:21,647
I hope it's not too late for
us to have a real relationship.
93
00:03:21,648 --> 00:03:24,817
I'm on Facebook now
and Linkedln, if you'd like
94
00:03:24,818 --> 00:03:27,487
a more a professional,
somewhat useless connection.
95
00:03:27,488 --> 00:03:29,956
[Kent clears throat]
96
00:03:29,957 --> 00:03:34,127
[sighs]
Well, good-bye.
97
00:03:41,001 --> 00:03:44,738
Let's open my presents!
Come on, Gene.
98
00:03:45,873 --> 00:03:49,375
Wait!
99
00:03:49,376 --> 00:03:51,511
- What's up?
- What?
100
00:03:51,512 --> 00:03:54,947
- What did you want?
- You told me to wait.
101
00:03:54,948 --> 00:03:58,551
Oh, right.
Oh, now I remember.
102
00:03:58,552 --> 00:04:01,688
My dad was just joking about the
whole "you have to leave" stuff.
103
00:04:01,689 --> 00:04:05,358
- He doesn't really mean it.
- Honey, your dad meant it.
104
00:04:05,359 --> 00:04:06,959
We don't exactly
have the best history.
105
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,062
He said you could
come back in and, like,
106
00:04:09,063 --> 00:04:12,265
hang out if you wanted to,
so you should.
107
00:04:12,266 --> 00:04:14,701
Or I don't know.
108
00:04:14,702 --> 00:04:16,969
Like, also
who cares or whatever.
109
00:04:16,970 --> 00:04:19,673
- What did you say?
- What?
110
00:04:22,309 --> 00:04:24,177
Start walking.
111
00:04:24,178 --> 00:04:25,344
[lively Western music]
112
00:04:25,345 --> 00:04:30,350
[cell phone rings]
113
00:04:30,351 --> 00:04:34,654
114
00:04:34,655 --> 00:04:37,423
Sorry I'm late.
115
00:04:37,424 --> 00:04:40,426
[groans]
116
00:04:40,427 --> 00:04:42,662
Name's Pony.
I was at the strip club.
117
00:04:42,663 --> 00:04:46,300
I've never been to Canada,
and I have pierced nipples.
118
00:04:47,368 --> 00:04:49,736
Oh, looks painful.
119
00:04:49,737 --> 00:04:51,504
Yeah, this one's a little
infected.
120
00:04:51,505 --> 00:04:53,239
I don't know why
121
00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,308
you think I need to know
either of those things.
122
00:04:55,309 --> 00:04:57,443
Total honesty.
That's my policy.
123
00:04:57,444 --> 00:04:59,812
I'm sorry. Are--
you're the dental hygienist?
124
00:04:59,813 --> 00:05:02,315
You're my mom's travel
agent's son?
125
00:05:02,316 --> 00:05:03,883
I don't know
why anyone has a travel agent,
126
00:05:03,884 --> 00:05:05,318
but that's who you are?
127
00:05:05,319 --> 00:05:07,253
Guilty as charged.
128
00:05:07,254 --> 00:05:08,554
- That's my bag.
- Hey!
129
00:05:08,555 --> 00:05:10,423
- What are you do--
- You got something to hide?
130
00:05:10,424 --> 00:05:12,759
No.
131
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,394
[sighs]
All right.
132
00:05:14,395 --> 00:05:16,996
Oh, three deodorants.
133
00:05:16,997 --> 00:05:20,433
- That's weird.
- I get nervous, and I like...
134
00:05:20,434 --> 00:05:22,201
different smells
for different events.
135
00:05:22,202 --> 00:05:23,636
Individually wrapped
condiments.
136
00:05:23,637 --> 00:05:24,971
That's some old lady [bleep]
right there.
137
00:05:24,972 --> 00:05:27,273
- I like flavor.
- Ooh, compact.
138
00:05:27,274 --> 00:05:28,908
Thank you very much.
I'm gonna take that.
139
00:05:28,909 --> 00:05:30,109
Why?
140
00:05:30,110 --> 00:05:32,345
Hey. Jerk off lotion.
141
00:05:32,346 --> 00:05:34,480
That's not jerk--
it's just normal lotion.
142
00:05:34,481 --> 00:05:36,949
I have--
- We're both adults here.
143
00:05:36,950 --> 00:05:38,351
A book.
144
00:05:38,352 --> 00:05:40,820
- Who brings a book on a date?
- I don't know.
145
00:05:40,821 --> 00:05:43,523
Someone who's nervous
their date might be terrible.
146
00:05:43,524 --> 00:05:45,024
This book's terrible.
147
00:05:45,025 --> 00:05:46,626
You read "The Decameron?"
148
00:05:46,627 --> 00:05:48,027
Yeah. Totally blows.
149
00:05:48,028 --> 00:05:49,128
Everybody dies at the end.
150
00:05:49,129 --> 00:05:50,530
So sort of a spoiler,
151
00:05:50,531 --> 00:05:52,799
but I'm really impressed
you read "The Decameron."
152
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,667
I can barely get through it.
All the--
153
00:05:54,668 --> 00:05:57,036
You know what?
You seem nice.
154
00:05:57,037 --> 00:06:00,239
You got hair and the cans
and everything, decent face,
155
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,275
but, listen,
I don't think it's gonna work.
156
00:06:02,276 --> 00:06:04,177
And besides,
my bros are having a bonfire
157
00:06:04,178 --> 00:06:06,646
down at their RV park,
so, uh...
158
00:06:06,647 --> 00:06:08,981
So, uh...
159
00:06:08,982 --> 00:06:11,451
what are we...
160
00:06:11,452 --> 00:06:14,187
waiting for?
161
00:06:14,188 --> 00:06:18,491
162
00:06:18,492 --> 00:06:19,892
[grunts]
163
00:06:19,893 --> 00:06:21,427
Jesus, your head is small.
164
00:06:21,428 --> 00:06:23,830
Yes.
My mom drank in the womb.
165
00:06:23,831 --> 00:06:27,367
- Let's go.
- All right. Do you want--
166
00:06:27,368 --> 00:06:29,335
Just leave it.
167
00:06:29,336 --> 00:06:31,771
- Mind if I take these knives?
- Yeah, take it.
168
00:06:31,772 --> 00:06:33,473
This is my door.
169
00:06:33,474 --> 00:06:35,408
This is my carpet
and some of my clothes.
170
00:06:35,409 --> 00:06:36,743
Oh.
171
00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:39,011
That's, like,
a little dinosaur,
172
00:06:39,012 --> 00:06:40,680
and he's screaming out
something.
173
00:06:40,681 --> 00:06:41,881
I like to think he's like,
174
00:06:41,882 --> 00:06:44,217
"Language," 'cause
I use curse words a lot.
175
00:06:44,218 --> 00:06:45,585
[chuckles nervously]
176
00:06:45,586 --> 00:06:47,854
That's my blanket
I use it to block out the sun
177
00:06:47,855 --> 00:06:49,389
'cause the sun
[bleep] sucks.
178
00:06:49,390 --> 00:06:52,392
These are my beanbag chairs.
I like to sit in them.
179
00:06:52,393 --> 00:06:53,727
Hmm.
180
00:06:56,230 --> 00:06:59,098
Excuse me.
181
00:06:59,099 --> 00:07:00,266
Ooh.
182
00:07:00,267 --> 00:07:03,069
Well, I didn't say
sit in my beanbag chair.
183
00:07:03,070 --> 00:07:04,070
Can I sit on the floor?
184
00:07:04,071 --> 00:07:05,471
Yeah, sit on the floor. Yeah.
185
00:07:05,472 --> 00:07:07,206
I just don't know if there's
anything on your butt.
186
00:07:07,207 --> 00:07:08,307
Like to keep 'em clean.
187
00:07:08,308 --> 00:07:10,910
[yelling and screaming
on video game]
188
00:07:10,911 --> 00:07:13,012
Do you have any hobbies?
189
00:07:13,013 --> 00:07:14,914
Yeah,
ice-skating and singing.
190
00:07:14,915 --> 00:07:17,116
Do you have a favorite group?
191
00:07:17,117 --> 00:07:18,651
Selena?
192
00:07:18,652 --> 00:07:21,154
Oh, the--the dead lady?
193
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:24,824
Yeah, she's good.
I saw that TV movie about her.
194
00:07:24,825 --> 00:07:27,827
Do you ever have that thing
happen where, like,
195
00:07:27,828 --> 00:07:30,763
you're going to the bathroom
and your legs fall asleep?
196
00:07:30,764 --> 00:07:32,031
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
197
00:07:32,032 --> 00:07:33,299
- It happens to you too?
- Yeah.
198
00:07:33,300 --> 00:07:34,940
Sometimes
I'm on the toilet so long
199
00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:37,082
that I pretend that I'm on a talk show.
200
00:07:37,096 --> 00:07:38,464
That's cool, *** it go?
201
00:07:39,479 --> 00:07:42,666
Hello, I'm Dan and I welcome here
very interesting young lady.
202
00:07:42,667 --> 00:07:44,971
Very pretty lady with curly hair
sitting next to me.
203
00:07:44,972 --> 00:07:46,034
Hello, Gene.
204
00:07:46,035 --> 00:07:47,785
Hi, it's nice to be here.
205
00:07:48,410 --> 00:07:50,300
What are you doing
dear today in the bathroom?
206
00:07:50,301 --> 00:07:52,652
[laughs] I just go to the bathroom, man.
207
00:07:52,653 --> 00:07:54,488
- Me too.
- Me too.
208
00:07:55,551 --> 00:07:57,137
Got any TP?
209
00:07:57,668 --> 00:08:00,262
- Yeah, let me pass it to you.
- [She laughs]
210
00:08:00,395 --> 00:08:01,395
Oh.
211
00:08:01,465 --> 00:08:03,761
It's too many... I'll pause the game.
212
00:08:03,832 --> 00:08:06,383
So, did you ever, um--
213
00:08:06,384 --> 00:08:08,518
did you ever
think about me all these years?
214
00:08:08,519 --> 00:08:09,920
Pass the gummy bears.
215
00:08:09,921 --> 00:08:11,221
I thought about you
constantly.
216
00:08:11,222 --> 00:08:13,123
Like, when you were
pooping and stuff?
217
00:08:13,124 --> 00:08:15,125
- Sometimes.
- Gross.
218
00:08:15,126 --> 00:08:18,095
I have to say that I thought
that giving birth to a child
219
00:08:18,096 --> 00:08:19,930
would kick
in my maternal instincts.
220
00:08:19,931 --> 00:08:21,431
Did they?
221
00:08:21,432 --> 00:08:23,433
Well, this is the first time
we've been talking in 20 years.
222
00:08:23,434 --> 00:08:25,235
So jury's still out?
223
00:08:25,236 --> 00:08:26,503
It took me a long time
to figure out
224
00:08:26,504 --> 00:08:28,705
that I could be
both a man and a mom.
225
00:08:28,706 --> 00:08:32,109
Same. I'm, like, a really,
really, really good dancer,
226
00:08:32,110 --> 00:08:34,511
but I'm also super pretty.
227
00:08:34,512 --> 00:08:37,114
- You are very pretty, Gene.
- Whatever.
228
00:08:37,115 --> 00:08:39,616
So glad you didn't get
my dead chicken eyes.
229
00:08:39,617 --> 00:08:42,953
- Oh, no, I got 'em.
- A little bit.
230
00:08:42,954 --> 00:08:46,056
- You see it?
- A little bit. For me?
231
00:08:46,057 --> 00:08:47,824
Eat, eat.
232
00:08:47,825 --> 00:08:51,229
- You're skin and bones.
- Bon app?tit.
233
00:08:53,898 --> 00:08:56,466
- Mm.
- You like it?
234
00:08:56,467 --> 00:08:58,335
It's really good.
235
00:08:58,336 --> 00:08:59,336
Oh.
236
00:08:59,337 --> 00:09:01,772
[gags]
237
00:09:01,773 --> 00:09:04,809
That was so violent
and awesome.
238
00:09:09,213 --> 00:09:11,415
Ugh.
239
00:09:11,416 --> 00:09:13,650
Looks like we're early.
Want to go around back?
240
00:09:13,651 --> 00:09:15,526
Give you a little cat bath,
little butt stuff?
241
00:09:17,755 --> 00:09:20,057
You can't just say stuff
to people like that.
242
00:09:20,058 --> 00:09:22,159
Well, you know,
I'm sorry, all right?
243
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,627
But that's the kind
of guy I am.
244
00:09:23,628 --> 00:09:26,596
I give little to no thought
to the things that I do or say.
245
00:09:26,597 --> 00:09:29,866
I just--it's off the top
of my head, you know?
246
00:09:29,867 --> 00:09:32,169
South Dakota.
Cinnamon buns. Tawny Kitaen.
247
00:09:32,170 --> 00:09:34,237
Did not think
about those words at all.
248
00:09:34,238 --> 00:09:36,473
Salmon.
"Mamma Mia." English.
249
00:09:36,474 --> 00:09:39,409
Lick.
Lick, lick, lick.
250
00:09:39,410 --> 00:09:42,779
Lick, lick my [bleep].
I didn't mean the last part.
251
00:09:42,780 --> 00:09:45,782
Ooh, no, no, no.
That was my favorite part.
252
00:09:45,783 --> 00:09:46,850
[upbeat music]
253
00:09:46,851 --> 00:09:49,052
- Nice foot kick, Ma.
- Thanks.
254
00:09:49,053 --> 00:09:50,354
What else should you know
about me?
255
00:09:50,355 --> 00:09:53,457
Well, I have a fear
of spiders and Pierce Brosnan.
256
00:09:53,458 --> 00:09:55,459
Same.
Oh, but I like spiders.
257
00:09:55,460 --> 00:09:57,160
Oh, yeah?
What's your favorite TV show?
258
00:09:57,161 --> 00:09:59,763
"Transparent"
and "Vanderpump Rules."
259
00:09:59,764 --> 00:10:01,598
- I love Vanderpump Rules.
- Isn't it fun?
260
00:10:01,599 --> 00:10:02,833
- Yeah.
- Whoa, hey.
261
00:10:02,834 --> 00:10:06,002
What the hell, Diane?
I asked you to leave.
262
00:10:06,003 --> 00:10:07,270
Don't yell at him.
263
00:10:07,271 --> 00:10:09,306
My name is Dan,
and you know that.
264
00:10:09,307 --> 00:10:10,841
Your name is Kent.
I hate that name.
265
00:10:10,842 --> 00:10:11,908
- I always have.
- Ah.
266
00:10:11,909 --> 00:10:13,276
And how the hell
did you not see
267
00:10:13,277 --> 00:10:15,145
that I have been here all day?
- Don't yell at him.
268
00:10:15,146 --> 00:10:16,847
I have an extremely big house.
269
00:10:16,848 --> 00:10:18,115
Now answer my question.
270
00:10:18,116 --> 00:10:19,816
Gene told me that you said
that I could come back.
271
00:10:19,817 --> 00:10:20,917
I never said that.
272
00:10:20,918 --> 00:10:22,119
Gene, why did you say that?
273
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,554
Don't yell at my daughter.
274
00:10:24,555 --> 00:10:26,089
Gene, why did you say that?
275
00:10:26,090 --> 00:10:27,591
It's my extremely big
house too!
276
00:10:27,592 --> 00:10:31,661
Fine. What-what do you
want, Dan? Huh? Joint custody?
277
00:10:31,662 --> 00:10:33,130
You remember
what happened with Teriyaki.
278
00:10:33,131 --> 00:10:34,664
Don't you bring up Teriyaki.
279
00:10:34,665 --> 00:10:36,266
Ah.
280
00:10:36,267 --> 00:10:40,470
We shared a terrier mix,
and then I lost our custody.
281
00:10:40,471 --> 00:10:42,172
- Yeah.
- To a coyote.
282
00:10:42,173 --> 00:10:43,874
- I'm so sorry.
- Yeah, that's correct.
283
00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:46,977
Dan, I want you to...
284
00:10:46,978 --> 00:10:49,079
- Stay in Billie's guesthouse?
- Leave.
285
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,014
I didn't know you had
that kind of aggression in you.
286
00:10:51,015 --> 00:10:53,617
- Well...
- You used to be so passive.
287
00:10:53,618 --> 00:10:56,220
Well, I guess
we've both changed.
288
00:10:57,455 --> 00:10:59,222
Good-bye, Gene.
289
00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:00,691
Wait, no.
290
00:11:02,727 --> 00:11:05,329
Why do you make
all the moms go away?
291
00:11:08,466 --> 00:11:10,734
Why do you make them go away?
292
00:11:10,735 --> 00:11:13,070
- God, I hope she gets it once.
- Mm-hmm.
293
00:11:13,071 --> 00:11:15,539
Ah!
294
00:11:15,540 --> 00:11:18,375
I hate my life!
It sucks!
295
00:11:18,376 --> 00:11:20,610
It's a sucky, sucky life,
and I'm gonna kill myself!
296
00:11:20,611 --> 00:11:22,245
Shh!
297
00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:23,880
I've got to do something
to make this better.
298
00:11:23,881 --> 00:11:26,917
I totally messed it up.
299
00:11:26,918 --> 00:11:28,785
I got to get my family
back together again.
300
00:11:28,786 --> 00:11:30,420
- Shh!
- Oh, sorry.
301
00:11:30,421 --> 00:11:31,788
[rapid Spanish speech
on television]
302
00:11:31,789 --> 00:11:33,757
They must really
hate each other.
303
00:11:33,758 --> 00:11:36,093
Whoa, now they're,
like, in love?
304
00:11:36,094 --> 00:11:38,095
- What is the plot of this?
- [softly sighs]
305
00:11:38,096 --> 00:11:41,398
Oh, my God.
I get it now.
306
00:11:41,399 --> 00:11:43,800
Love and hate
are one and the same.
307
00:11:43,801 --> 00:11:47,337
Where there is heat,
there is a flame.
308
00:11:47,338 --> 00:11:50,474
[mystical flute music]
309
00:11:51,442 --> 00:11:53,110
What's happening
to your face?
310
00:11:53,111 --> 00:11:55,112
A plan.
311
00:11:58,349 --> 00:12:00,617
This is absolutely
fascinating.
312
00:12:00,618 --> 00:12:03,153
I don't know anything
about this subculture.
313
00:12:03,154 --> 00:12:05,055
Do you mind if I take notes?
314
00:12:05,056 --> 00:12:06,156
Nah, go ahead.
315
00:12:06,157 --> 00:12:07,657
Thank you. There we go.
316
00:12:07,658 --> 00:12:09,126
I got a little notebook
317
00:12:09,127 --> 00:12:12,929
just in case I saw something
I didn't know yet.
318
00:12:12,930 --> 00:12:14,631
Another round of homebrew?
319
00:12:14,632 --> 00:12:17,934
Oh, hell yeah, Joker.
320
00:12:17,935 --> 00:12:19,770
Oh, when.
321
00:12:19,771 --> 00:12:21,038
Save some for yourself.
322
00:12:21,039 --> 00:12:22,539
Can't, I got
a long drive home.
323
00:12:22,540 --> 00:12:24,441
Well, have you
ever made non-alcoholic?
324
00:12:24,442 --> 00:12:25,709
I heard it's a bitch.
325
00:12:25,710 --> 00:12:26,810
Oh, it really isn't.
326
00:12:26,811 --> 00:12:28,111
Yeah, you brew it the same,
327
00:12:28,112 --> 00:12:30,847
but then you heat it to 175
for 20 minutes
328
00:12:30,848 --> 00:12:32,282
before you add your yeasts
329
00:12:32,283 --> 00:12:33,984
and your sugars.
- Are you for real?
330
00:12:33,985 --> 00:12:36,687
'Cause that's some--that's
real strange knowledge to have.
331
00:12:36,688 --> 00:12:39,556
Oh, yes.
In high school, I threw a party,
332
00:12:39,557 --> 00:12:41,491
and I didn't want
anyone to get in trouble,
333
00:12:41,492 --> 00:12:43,126
so I homebrewed some NA.
334
00:12:43,127 --> 00:12:45,095
No one ended up coming, but--
335
00:12:45,096 --> 00:12:47,097
You two swing?
336
00:12:47,098 --> 00:12:48,494
Do we swing?
337
00:12:49,145 --> 00:12:50,762
You mean sexually do we swing?
338
00:12:50,764 --> 00:12:53,598
Yeah. Joker here's
very gentle for his size.
339
00:12:53,913 --> 00:12:56,280
Well, now I know
how you got your nickname, Jocker.
340
00:12:56,281 --> 00:12:57,542
Do we swing?
341
00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:59,239
I wasn't joking about swing.
342
00:13:00,537 --> 00:13:01,537
Okay.
343
00:13:04,529 --> 00:13:06,443
Guess who passed
the friend test, right?
344
00:13:08,764 --> 00:13:10,766
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
345
00:13:11,221 --> 00:13:12,581
- Just happy.
- Oh.
346
00:13:13,252 --> 00:13:15,244
Okay, 'cause your mouth
wasn't moving, you're
347
00:13:15,471 --> 00:13:16,695
breathing sort of
348
00:13:17,142 --> 00:13:18,673
look paintfool.
349
00:13:19,801 --> 00:13:22,332
Ah. Again.
350
00:13:22,333 --> 00:13:23,900
- Why are you here?
- Let's see.
351
00:13:23,901 --> 00:13:25,068
It's my house,
352
00:13:25,069 --> 00:13:27,103
and this is my backyard.
Why are you here?
353
00:13:27,104 --> 00:13:29,572
Because your daughter said she
wanted to meet me here privately
354
00:13:29,573 --> 00:13:32,408
and to be here at Steven,
which I assume means 7:00.
355
00:13:32,409 --> 00:13:34,845
Well, I'm supposed
to be here at Steven, too.
356
00:13:35,946 --> 00:13:37,580
- Ah.
- Oh.
357
00:13:37,581 --> 00:13:38,948
Well, she really went to town
358
00:13:38,949 --> 00:13:40,884
with the Christmas light
thingies.
359
00:13:40,885 --> 00:13:42,719
[soft jazz]
Actually look kind of nice.
360
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,522
I think she hacked
the Spotify playlist
361
00:13:45,523 --> 00:13:47,257
of mine called "No Safe Word."
362
00:13:47,258 --> 00:13:52,262
She also uncorked
a 1921 Ch?teau D'Prive Magnum,
363
00:13:52,263 --> 00:13:55,499
which I will try
not to let ruin the evening.
364
00:13:57,334 --> 00:13:59,769
[both sigh]
365
00:13:59,770 --> 00:14:03,273
- Shall we?
- If you insist.
366
00:14:03,274 --> 00:14:05,542
[Spanish on TV in background]
367
00:14:05,543 --> 00:14:07,644
Mm. No.
368
00:14:07,645 --> 00:14:10,080
It isn't romantic enough.
Put more romance.
369
00:14:13,317 --> 00:14:14,484
That's good.
370
00:14:14,485 --> 00:14:15,953
Very good, Joy.
371
00:14:17,588 --> 00:14:23,326
[novella continues on TV]
372
00:14:23,327 --> 00:14:24,794
What are you doing?
373
00:14:24,795 --> 00:14:27,398
Not casting a spell.
Mind your business.
374
00:14:30,467 --> 00:14:32,769
[romantic music]
375
00:14:32,770 --> 00:14:34,737
[clears throat]
376
00:14:34,738 --> 00:14:36,439
- I'm just gonna say it.
- Mm-hmm.
377
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,341
I'm sorry that I didn't call
before I came over.
378
00:14:38,342 --> 00:14:39,609
Okay, that's good.
379
00:14:39,610 --> 00:14:41,444
That--is that just
for now or for the time before
380
00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:43,112
or the time before that
or the time before that?
381
00:14:43,113 --> 00:14:45,648
Okay.
It was for every time.
382
00:14:45,649 --> 00:14:47,050
Okay.
383
00:14:47,051 --> 00:14:49,052
I'd really like
to be part of Gene's life now.
384
00:14:49,053 --> 00:14:52,088
It was wrong of me not to
include you in the conversation.
385
00:14:52,089 --> 00:14:55,626
Well,
I appreciate the apology.
386
00:14:57,161 --> 00:14:58,495
Do you still enjoy travel?
387
00:15:00,731 --> 00:15:05,535
Travel remains a passion
of mine, yeah.
388
00:15:05,536 --> 00:15:09,806
Do you still
enjoy listening to music?
389
00:15:09,807 --> 00:15:13,510
I do. I like music.
390
00:15:13,511 --> 00:15:15,945
- It's music.
- Mm-hmm.
391
00:15:15,946 --> 00:15:19,148
Damn it. How do they spice
it up in telenovelas?
392
00:15:19,149 --> 00:15:21,017
A third party.
393
00:15:21,018 --> 00:15:24,888
- Is that, like, another person?
- Yeah.
394
00:15:24,889 --> 00:15:28,525
[heavy metal music]
395
00:15:28,526 --> 00:15:30,059
Can I confess something?
396
00:15:30,060 --> 00:15:33,296
If I say no, you're probably
gonna tell me anyway, so...
397
00:15:33,297 --> 00:15:34,597
When our moms sets us up,
398
00:15:34,598 --> 00:15:38,268
I was sure you were just
some dental hygienist.
399
00:15:38,269 --> 00:15:41,304
I am.
I am a dental hygienist.
400
00:15:41,305 --> 00:15:43,473
Yeah, but you're so much more
than that, you know?
401
00:15:43,474 --> 00:15:48,378
You're spontaneous
and you're clever and real.
402
00:15:48,379 --> 00:15:50,013
I thought
this was some put-on,
403
00:15:50,014 --> 00:15:52,449
but it's--it's not,
and it's awesome.
404
00:15:54,818 --> 00:15:56,119
Sorry, I'm embarrassing you.
405
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,354
I just--this is--this is
really great. That's all.
406
00:15:58,355 --> 00:16:02,158
407
00:16:02,159 --> 00:16:03,894
I want you to have this.
408
00:16:06,330 --> 00:16:08,631
Oh... ly cow.
409
00:16:08,632 --> 00:16:12,168
Does this mean we're,
like, going--going steady?
410
00:16:12,169 --> 00:16:15,071
No, it means I
gave you a jacket.
411
00:16:15,072 --> 00:16:16,507
Okay.
412
00:16:19,109 --> 00:16:20,243
[yells]
You want to see something cool?
413
00:16:20,244 --> 00:16:21,979
Uh-huh.
414
00:16:25,282 --> 00:16:27,550
- Oh, wow.
- I'm not done!
415
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:29,285
[shutter clicks]
416
00:16:29,286 --> 00:16:31,754
[giggles]
417
00:16:31,755 --> 00:16:33,756
"I have these shoes.
418
00:16:33,757 --> 00:16:36,192
MothersDay."
419
00:16:36,193 --> 00:16:37,660
[phone chimes]
[knock at door]
420
00:16:37,661 --> 00:16:41,664
Hey, Tanz-manian devil,
how's it going? Cool response.
421
00:16:41,665 --> 00:16:43,733
Look,
I just wanted to warn you--
422
00:16:43,734 --> 00:16:46,035
How do I put this eloquently?
423
00:16:46,036 --> 00:16:47,403
Your man is downstairs
424
00:16:47,404 --> 00:16:49,239
about to go downstairs
on another man.
425
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,641
What? Dan's back?
426
00:16:51,642 --> 00:16:53,343
I know, girlfriend.
427
00:16:53,344 --> 00:16:57,080
I feel you, but sometimes
people get back together.
428
00:16:57,081 --> 00:16:59,148
It's like everyone
always said to me, you know,
429
00:16:59,149 --> 00:17:00,717
"When you turn 25, Gene,
430
00:17:00,718 --> 00:17:02,819
you're gonna
start wanting a family."
431
00:17:02,820 --> 00:17:05,522
And guess what?
I do.
432
00:17:05,523 --> 00:17:10,126
I want my OG mom and my OG dad
to live that OG lifestyle.
433
00:17:10,127 --> 00:17:14,063
OG stands for "Only Gene."
- I will not let this happen.
434
00:17:14,064 --> 00:17:15,798
Oh, no.
435
00:17:15,799 --> 00:17:17,500
I-I didn't want you
to get upset and go downstairs
436
00:17:17,501 --> 00:17:19,937
and add a little spice
to the scene downstairs, no.
437
00:17:20,871 --> 00:17:22,906
I'm sorry, Gene,
438
00:17:22,907 --> 00:17:25,675
but I'm getting my man back.
439
00:17:25,676 --> 00:17:29,112
Good!
I mean, or boo.
440
00:17:29,113 --> 00:17:30,547
Or do whatever.
441
00:17:30,548 --> 00:17:32,215
[engine starts]
442
00:17:32,216 --> 00:17:34,117
[engine revs]
443
00:17:34,118 --> 00:17:35,885
The hell is he doing?
444
00:17:35,886 --> 00:17:37,954
I think he's gonna jump
over the fire.
445
00:17:37,955 --> 00:17:41,724
I'm in love,
and her name's Millie.
446
00:17:41,725 --> 00:17:43,726
- Billie!
- You bet.
447
00:17:43,727 --> 00:17:46,229
That's me. I'm Billie.
This is for me.
448
00:17:46,230 --> 00:17:48,531
[heavy metal music]
449
00:17:48,532 --> 00:17:51,234
Go!
450
00:17:51,235 --> 00:17:53,536
[gasps]
451
00:17:53,537 --> 00:17:58,341
Pony, no!
452
00:17:58,342 --> 00:18:00,143
- Don't be upset.
- Come on.
453
00:18:00,144 --> 00:18:01,377
You remember that--
454
00:18:01,378 --> 00:18:04,480
you remember that trip to Italy?
It was so amazing.
455
00:18:04,481 --> 00:18:06,816
- Amazing times.
- It was so amazing.
456
00:18:06,817 --> 00:18:08,618
Do you remember the thing you
kept doing in Naples?
457
00:18:08,619 --> 00:18:09,853
You don't?
458
00:18:09,854 --> 00:18:10,920
I don't remember anything
about Naples.
459
00:18:10,921 --> 00:18:12,088
Come on.
460
00:18:12,089 --> 00:18:15,425
You kept calling
Naples "nipples" the whole time.
461
00:18:15,426 --> 00:18:17,927
You know, it really
wasn't all that funny at first,
462
00:18:17,928 --> 00:18:20,264
but you just kept doing it!
463
00:18:21,532 --> 00:18:23,633
- More, please.
- Oh, [bleep], that's good.
464
00:18:23,634 --> 00:18:26,569
Where the hell is Tanzy?
465
00:18:26,570 --> 00:18:28,071
It looks
like you don't need her.
466
00:18:28,072 --> 00:18:29,239
You're right, Joy.
467
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,441
I need to take matters
into my own hands.
468
00:18:31,442 --> 00:18:32,609
I didn't want to have
to do this,
469
00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:34,069
but it's not
like I wasn't prepared.
470
00:18:36,647 --> 00:18:38,681
Wish me luck.
471
00:18:38,682 --> 00:18:41,918
You are all right,
Mr. and Mrs. Good.
472
00:18:41,919 --> 00:18:43,620
- You're all right.
- You are good.
473
00:18:43,621 --> 00:18:45,355
Hey, Mom and Dad,
how 'bout a tune.
474
00:18:45,356 --> 00:18:46,756
[guitar strums]
475
00:18:46,757 --> 00:18:48,691
Let's get--
476
00:18:48,692 --> 00:18:52,795
You want this?
Is this what you want?
477
00:18:52,796 --> 00:18:55,932
You want me to be a man?
478
00:18:55,933 --> 00:18:58,368
- You want my husband, don't you?
- No.
479
00:18:58,369 --> 00:19:01,571
Well back off!
'Cause he's mine, bitch!
480
00:19:01,572 --> 00:19:03,840
- Ow!
- Tanzy!
481
00:19:03,841 --> 00:19:06,843
- You apologize this instant!
- No, it's okay.
482
00:19:06,844 --> 00:19:08,111
We're all grown-ups here.
483
00:19:08,112 --> 00:19:09,913
- We can handle this like adults.
- All right.
484
00:19:09,914 --> 00:19:11,814
[screams]
485
00:19:11,815 --> 00:19:14,817
[somber organ music]
486
00:19:14,818 --> 00:19:20,690
487
00:19:20,691 --> 00:19:23,827
[screaming]
488
00:19:25,663 --> 00:19:27,030
- Stop! Stop it! Stop it!
- Get off of her!
489
00:19:27,031 --> 00:19:29,666
- That's it.
- No biting! No biting!
490
00:19:29,667 --> 00:19:31,234
- You're crazy!
- And what? And what? And what?
491
00:19:31,235 --> 00:19:33,903
Take her inside!
Take her--take her inside.
492
00:19:33,904 --> 00:19:36,072
- Don't talk like that.
- I'm gonna kill you.
493
00:19:36,073 --> 00:19:37,674
Oh, my God.
494
00:19:37,675 --> 00:19:40,143
- Are you okay, Mom?
- Okay.
495
00:19:40,144 --> 00:19:41,644
I should probably go now.
496
00:19:41,645 --> 00:19:43,613
I have overstayed my welcome.
497
00:19:43,614 --> 00:19:45,415
And I tried
to head-butt a woman.
498
00:19:45,416 --> 00:19:46,816
So I've got to go home.
499
00:19:46,817 --> 00:19:48,484
Wait!
500
00:19:48,485 --> 00:19:50,053
Oh, I forgot
why I said that.
501
00:19:50,054 --> 00:19:51,921
I'm so sorry
you had to see me like that.
502
00:19:51,922 --> 00:19:54,057
No, I'm pissed
I didn't, like, Vine it.
503
00:19:54,058 --> 00:19:58,027
That was, like,
"Vanderpump Rules" type [bleep].
504
00:19:58,028 --> 00:19:59,662
Kent, would you
walk me to the car?
505
00:19:59,663 --> 00:20:02,098
I'd like to remain alive
at least until then.
506
00:20:02,099 --> 00:20:05,201
I--I got you.
Come on, Dan. Come on.
507
00:20:05,202 --> 00:20:06,970
Wait!
508
00:20:06,971 --> 00:20:08,938
I remembered.
509
00:20:08,939 --> 00:20:10,374
Oh.
510
00:20:12,243 --> 00:20:15,612
This is not a good-bye, okay?
511
00:20:15,613 --> 00:20:16,846
I love you, Mom.
512
00:20:16,847 --> 00:20:18,315
I love you, too.
513
00:20:19,483 --> 00:20:22,719
All right, come on. Come on.
514
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,503
Wait, are you guys
back together?
515
00:20:24,505 --> 00:20:26,122
Both: No.
516
00:20:26,123 --> 00:20:27,790
[whispers]
Yeah, they're back together.
517
00:20:32,597 --> 00:20:33,821
How was your date?
518
00:20:34,519 --> 00:20:35,519
Um,
519
00:20:36,925 --> 00:20:37,925
He died.
520
00:20:39,277 --> 00:20:40,277
Hmm.
521
00:20:42,906 --> 00:20:44,063
Who was that man?
522
00:20:46,047 --> 00:20:47,047
My mom.
523
00:20:52,086 --> 00:20:53,594
- Well, good night.
- Good night.
524
00:20:53,644 --> 00:20:58,194
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