Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,178 --> 00:00:01,984
No, you're doing it from here.
2
00:00:01,986 --> 00:00:04,504
It's up here, okay?
It's like, "I'm Jay Baruchel.
3
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,506
"Uh, I don't know
how to fly a plane,
4
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,574
but I can train your dragon."
5
00:00:08,575 --> 00:00:10,476
Oh, big news.
6
00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:13,279
I'm assuming both of you ladies
know who Trick Malloy is.
7
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,014
Sounds like a bisexual
pool player.
8
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,482
Or an Irish magician.
9
00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:18,818
He is a quarterback and the MVP
10
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:21,320
for the Conquistadors.
11
00:00:21,321 --> 00:00:24,156
Football team I'm part owner of?
12
00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:27,493
Anyway, his contract is almost up,
13
00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:29,795
and he's considering retiring.
14
00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:31,163
Was Trick short for Patrick?
15
00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:32,198
I love
last-half-of-the-name nicknames,
16
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,333
like Topher, Xander...
17
00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:36,135
- Or Acob.
- Ladies, ladies,
18
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:37,837
I've invited him here
for the weekend
19
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:39,372
to clear his head.
20
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:42,375
I convinced him
not to leave the team.
21
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,210
Now, he has
a press conference on Monday.
22
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,846
Ladies, I need you both
23
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:49,348
on your best behavior, all right?
24
00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:51,551
And be careful of this one.
He's a bit of a charmer.
25
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:54,187
[as Jay Baruchel]
I'll try, but celebrities, uh,
26
00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:55,488
make me nervous.
27
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:56,622
[as Jay Baruchel]
I'm an adorable...
28
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,558
I'm an adorable Canadian.
29
00:00:58,559 --> 00:00:59,692
- That's good.
- [laughs]
30
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,427
What's happening right now?
31
00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:03,729
Dueling Jay Baruchel impressions.
32
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,631
You both sound like sick goats.
33
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:07,433
Both: Perfect.
34
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:09,435
We're too gangsta for TV
35
00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:11,103
That's why you don't see us
36
00:01:11,104 --> 00:01:12,705
But they still wanna be us
37
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:15,308
Ha ha!
38
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:16,876
[hip-hop music]
39
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:20,046
Damn it, this is not yare.
40
00:01:20,047 --> 00:01:22,248
Is that like a tiny ship
for ants or what?
41
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,116
[doorbell rings]
- I got it!
42
00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:25,818
I'll go pose by the fire's place.
43
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:26,919
Uh-huh.
44
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,654
You look so good, Mr. Russell.
45
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,389
- Yeah.
- [coughing]
46
00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:31,657
All right, that's enough.
47
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:34,260
Go take your germs
away somewhere else.
48
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:37,063
Trick, you're soaked.
49
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:40,399
Ladies, I'd like to
introduce you to
50
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:41,734
Trick Malloy.
51
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,569
[sexy hip-hop music]
52
00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:44,737
I'm so fresh, kid
53
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:46,305
I'm so fresh, fresh
54
00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:47,607
'Cause I'm fresh, kid
55
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:48,841
I'm so fresh, fresh
56
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,910
Yeah, I'm fresh, kid
57
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:53,012
I'm so fresh, fresh
'cause I'm fresh, kid
58
00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:55,281
- Ho...
- Ly...
59
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:56,449
Ship!
60
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:57,517
Holy [bleep]!
61
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:58,584
Trick, my man.
62
00:01:58,585 --> 00:01:59,819
[chuckles]
How was the flight?
63
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,387
It was good.
64
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:02,922
I gave up my first-class seat
-o a veteran,
65
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,892
met some pretty solid
people back in coach,
66
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:08,261
and, yeah, you know what they
say about plane friends.
67
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:09,395
"Plane friends stay friends."
68
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:10,496
- I feel the same way.
- Yeah?
69
00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:12,265
I absolutely feel the same way.
70
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:13,366
That's awesome.
71
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:16,402
Trick, this is my wife, Tanzy.
72
00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:18,237
"Enchanti."
73
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:20,439
And, uh, over here
is my daughter, Gene.
74
00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:21,874
Hey.
75
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,710
And this is her Billie.
76
00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:26,412
Oh, not in a lesbian way.
Although,
77
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,414
I'm not afraid to do that.
How's it going?
78
00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:30,449
Sorry about my wet hand skin.
79
00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:31,751
No, I like it wet.
80
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:32,785
[awkward chuckle]
81
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,120
Cool.
82
00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:35,588
Ship in a bottle.
83
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,757
That's exactly how I feel
sometimes, you know?
84
00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,926
It's just like, all sealed up
85
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:42,728
behind glass and on display.
86
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:44,797
It's like the whole world's
got stones,
87
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:47,233
and they're just throwing them.
88
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:49,368
You know what I'm saying?
89
00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:51,103
[shatters]
90
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,105
Land ho!
91
00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:56,142
Shipwreck. [nervous laugh]
92
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:58,077
Sorry.
93
00:02:58,078 --> 00:02:59,078
She's got diarrhea.
94
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:00,213
Trick, let me, uh,
95
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:01,347
let me show you to your room, huh?
96
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:02,715
Yeah, I don't.
97
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,350
- Yes, sir.
- It's right up here.
98
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,518
Yeah.
99
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:06,719
[glass cracking]
100
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:10,523
[laughs]
You stepped in ship.
101
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,958
[Joy coughing]
102
00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:13,392
Oh, put it down, put it down, Joy.
103
00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:15,328
Go away, take the rest
of the weekend off,
104
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:18,664
'cause my boy here
has got to be ship-shape
105
00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:20,700
for his big press conference
tomorrow.
106
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:24,237
- Trick Malloy.
- Kent Russell.
107
00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:25,404
I know you're thinking
of doing something else
108
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:27,240
with your life. I get it, I do.
109
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:30,877
You're not a one-trick pony,
and it's a trick... y decision.
110
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,512
You see what I'm doing here?
111
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,413
I do, I do.
You're having fun with my name.
112
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:35,481
Exactly.
113
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:36,749
All right, so, what is it
114
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,351
that you want to do with your life
115
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:41,153
if you're not gonna play football?
116
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,222
To be honest, Ken, everything.
117
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,524
Ooh, I like that.
118
00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:46,025
I don't know. I want it all.
119
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:47,426
I want to... I want to eat.
120
00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:48,861
I want to eat life.
121
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:50,763
My vagina's nickname is "life."
122
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:53,699
Trick, I've climbed
Mount Kilimanjaro
123
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,001
and Hillary Rodham Clinton.
124
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,836
I have done it all.
125
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:59,071
And trust me, you're not
gonna find a better gig
126
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,574
than being a Conquistador.
127
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,943
That's just it, I've been
a Conquistador for ten years
128
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,612
and I've never even been
to Conquistador, you know?
129
00:04:06,613 --> 00:04:08,247
Guess I'm still...
130
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,615
still hungry.
131
00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:11,385
Hmm.
132
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:16,022
She gets it.
133
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:18,124
[awkwardly sighs]
134
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:20,126
Oops, oh, my God.
135
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:21,761
I'm so clumsy.
136
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,162
That made me all wet.
137
00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:26,299
[whispering]
We should sex this weekend.
138
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,868
Yeah, Trick, looks
like you're almost done.
139
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,803
Why don't you come up to my
office, and I will show you
140
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:35,808
my bronzed cast
of Apolo Ohno's hands?
141
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:38,511
Oh, yes, to Ohno, you know?
142
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:39,946
[all laughing]
143
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,380
Attaboy.
144
00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:43,883
Oh, my gosh, do you hear that?
145
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:45,651
- What?
- The train that's coming?
146
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:47,153
That sex train. Do you hear it?
147
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:49,722
Chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, his dick!
148
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:50,723
You know what I'm saying?
149
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,158
No, I don't.
150
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:54,060
I mean we're gonna
get it on with sex.
151
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:56,629
Capital S lowercase E
152
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,832
Little-ass C tiny-ass K
153
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,734
Good for you,
that's just not my...
154
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:04,103
I think of, like,
Trick and sex, like "blech."
155
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:05,204
No, gross.
156
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,305
You sure about that?
157
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,473
Yeah, that's what I said.
158
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,242
I'm just... I'm not into
159
00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:13,546
he blue eyes, and the skin
and the symmetry
160
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:15,548
and the... "I'm very gorgeous."
161
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:18,217
It's not my...
I'm into brains, thoughts,
162
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:19,886
mental capacities.
163
00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,621
Oh, good, 'cause
I told him you had diarrhea.
164
00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:22,755
What?
165
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,090
I mean, good.
166
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:26,425
Thank you.
167
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:28,461
Is it just me,
168
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:31,898
or is that guy really cute?
169
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:32,899
[laughs softly]
170
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:35,968
[hip-hop music]
171
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:38,070
- Oh, oops.
- Sorry.
172
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,438
Body bump.
173
00:05:39,439 --> 00:05:41,307
I call that interference,
you know?
174
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:42,942
- Hey, you're a teacher, right?
- Yeah.
175
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,443
That's awesome. It's like
176
00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:45,611
you're an agent for change
or something.
177
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:46,979
Oh, yeah,
178
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:49,115
I never thought of it like that.
Excuse me.
179
00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:50,483
Do you ever get scared, you know?
180
00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:52,451
Like scared that
your... your students
181
00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:54,187
will just not listen
and they'll just
182
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:55,454
be distracted by your beauty?
183
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:57,490
Is that a trick question?
184
00:05:57,491 --> 00:05:59,158
Might be 'cause I'm asking it.
185
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,493
Oh, that's really clever.
186
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,428
Um, no, I don't.
187
00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:04,864
No, you don't get scared?
188
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,233
Oh, I get scared of
a lot of things.
189
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:08,434
Really, like what?
190
00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:11,771
Um, I don't know. Um...
191
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,239
Um, not being in control
of my own fate?
192
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,675
Mm.
193
00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:18,678
Or horror movies or something...
194
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:20,546
Yeah, no, I get that fate stuff,
195
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:22,181
you know what I'm saying,
'cause I'm kinda going through
196
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,783
a little piece of that
myself right now.
197
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:26,452
It kind of reminds me of the
lyrics of that song "Changes"
198
00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:29,455
- by that guy, Dah-vad Bowe?.
- David... David Bowie?
199
00:06:29,456 --> 00:06:31,591
Hey, what's your email addy?
I wanna send you those lyrics.
200
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,426
I think you'll appreciate them
as much as I'm really
201
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:36,229
just appreciating
alking to you right now.
202
00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:40,633
Oh, um... um... Billie...
203
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,301
Billie at?
204
00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:43,703
Uh, Billie...
205
00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,872
Dot?
206
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:47,773
Uh, Billie...
207
00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:50,743
Okay, "Billie@billie.billie".
Sent.
208
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,145
[phone chimes]
209
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:54,861
Hmm, that's weird. It sent back.
210
00:06:54,863 --> 00:06:56,817
- Later-ade.
- Laters.
211
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:59,986
Oh, my God, what is wrong with me?
212
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,287
Why would you say that?
213
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:02,722
Hey, are you talking to me?
214
00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:04,383
Or are you talking to yourself
in the hallway?
215
00:07:04,385 --> 00:07:08,194
[laughing awkwardly]
216
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:11,465
[awkward mock laughter]
217
00:07:11,910 --> 00:07:13,178
Oh, my God.
218
00:07:16,267 --> 00:07:17,902
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
219
00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:19,906
was one of the most important...
220
00:07:20,843 --> 00:07:21,843
Gene.
221
00:07:21,845 --> 00:07:22,880
Hmm?
222
00:07:22,882 --> 00:07:24,043
What are you doing?
223
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,244
On and off the field,
224
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:26,612
the rumors are swirling
225
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,914
around this grid-iron bad boy.
226
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:30,616
The pressure is mounting...
227
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,118
both: Mounting.
228
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,953
For him to make a decision.
229
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,155
One thing is certain:
when that decision comes,
230
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:38,524
the world will be watching.
231
00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:41,293
That's what makes
his choice so hard.
232
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,562
both: Hard.
233
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:45,531
No cheating!
234
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:47,666
Oh, am I interrupting? I'm sorry.
235
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,001
- You're not interrupting!
- That's too loud.
236
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:50,436
I mean, you're not interrupting.
237
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:51,637
I just, uh, I wanted to see
if I could sit in.
238
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:52,972
That cool? I didn't do
239
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,306
a lot of class stuff, you know?
240
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,307
Football always came first.
241
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,509
I love coming first.
242
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,277
Of course, absolutely.
243
00:07:58,278 --> 00:07:59,812
Thanks, what are we studying?
244
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:03,549
[stuttering]
19th century poetry.
245
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:04,984
I... [sighs]
246
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:09,522
Yearn... for what can be
247
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:12,158
to awaken the soul
248
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,994
inside of me.
249
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,829
Who wrote that?
250
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,898
I guess my... my mouth just did.
251
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,733
Okay,
252
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,468
back to the lesson.
253
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,804
Eliza-trick Billie Brown...
254
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,872
Eliza-trick...
Eliza-trick Billie Browning.
255
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:29,375
Eliz... oops, the chalk's done.
256
00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:31,043
I'll go get another one.
257
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:32,244
[footsteps accelerating]
258
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,646
Chalk.
259
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:35,582
Code for loose poops.
260
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,252
Whew!
261
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:41,654
Can't wait till recess
262
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,889
so we can go masturbate,
am I right?
263
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,257
Oops.
264
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,259
So clumsy...
265
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,928
and good in bed.
266
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,463
Separate note.
267
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:53,766
Can't quite get it.
268
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,569
Got it.
269
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,504
Oh, spaghetti fingers.
270
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,306
Let me get that.
271
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,842
Oh, almost...
272
00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:05,144
doing such a bad job
with my hands.
273
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:07,513
Bad hand job, bad hand job.
274
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:08,948
Grab it.
275
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,750
Oh, almost got it.
276
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,586
Let me use my mouth.
277
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:15,021
No.
278
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,358
Got it.
279
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:22,796
[spits]
280
00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:26,465
Now we're pen pals.
281
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:28,134
Holy crap.
282
00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:29,702
Trick?
283
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:32,505
Kent wants you to come out back
284
00:09:32,506 --> 00:09:35,007
so you can play foosball together.
285
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,976
Foosball, yeah,
286
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:39,111
I think you, uh... I think
you mean football, right?
287
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:41,614
Sure.
288
00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:44,350
You.
289
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:47,219
Holy crap.
290
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:48,687
I'm in love.
291
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:50,656
Got it! Where's Trick?
292
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:52,391
What's up with your face?
293
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:54,827
Nothing, my lips were chapped
and my hair was in my face. Why?
294
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:57,196
Oh, my God, you...
you totally like him.
295
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:58,798
No, I don't.
296
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,066
- You totally like him.
- No, I don't.
297
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,734
No, girl, you can tell me.
298
00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:03,002
- You kinda like him a little bit.
- I don't like him, no.
299
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,003
Just know this.
300
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,471
[dramatic music]
301
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:07,807
If it happens for one of us,
302
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:10,176
he other one that's
stupid and annoying
303
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,510
has to back off.
304
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:12,845
305
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,046
Hos before bros.
306
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,582
I'm not a ho.
307
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:19,585
Tell that to your pink scrunchie.
308
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,587
309
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:23,022
This is my pen.
310
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:24,690
No one can have it.
311
00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:26,258
- I don't want it.
- Don't come into my room
312
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:27,993
for 15 minutes.
313
00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:29,895
- You're gonna masturbate.
- What?
314
00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:32,798
- You're gonna masturbate!
- You're disgusting.
315
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,333
[claps, chuckles]
316
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:37,570
Wow, what a cannon.
317
00:10:37,571 --> 00:10:39,638
[chuckles]
Now, you're gonna tell me
318
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,341
that you're gonna let
that golden arm go to waste?
319
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:43,743
I mean, what is this, really?
320
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,444
Some sort of a negotiating tactic?
321
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:47,313
No, it's not about money.
322
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,981
It's like I have a calling,
323
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,950
and I'm tired of letting it
324
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,151
just go straight to voice-mail.
325
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,452
Ring, ring.
326
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,688
Ring, ring.
327
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:58,924
Sorry, I just overheard
your metaphor.
328
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,493
I was tending to the garden.
329
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,027
Nice toss, by the way.
330
00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:04,597
That's the exact kind of throw
331
00:11:04,598 --> 00:11:05,798
that would beat a soft nickel,
332
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:07,166
assuming that the safety bites it
333
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,135
on a fake pump, of course.
334
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:11,604
Didn't know you knew so much
about football, Billie.
335
00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:12,772
She doesn't.
336
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,940
She's just trying to impress me.
337
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:17,343
She doesn't know...
338
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,344
she already has.
339
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,779
[exclaims]
340
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,380
Your beautiful lip color,
341
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:22,648
with your scrunchie.
342
00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:24,150
[gasps]
343
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:25,518
Thank you.
344
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:26,886
You're welcome.
345
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:29,021
Ugh!
346
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,490
These things get so dirty,
you know?
347
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:34,226
Oh, get 'em
a little wet, you know?
348
00:11:34,227 --> 00:11:36,262
Oh, squirter.
349
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,797
That's weird that
hey get so dirty.
350
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:39,698
Don't they just sit
in the water all day?
351
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,068
I'm pretending they're penises.
352
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:44,270
Okay, Trick,
why don't we go inside?
353
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:46,739
I'll show you my, uh,
upside down room
354
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,474
where all the furniture
right over here is,
355
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,476
you know, attached to the ceiling.
356
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:51,977
Cool, I love not sitting down.
357
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:53,412
Hey,
358
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:54,880
since when did you start
359
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,283
hand-jobbing the pool equipment?
360
00:11:57,284 --> 00:12:01,454
Same time you started
using a hoe, ho.
361
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:03,155
[suspenseful music]
362
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:06,292
[hip-hop music]
363
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:07,893
Good night.
364
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,328
No, uh...
365
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,297
Good night.
366
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:13,632
Bonne nuit, Trick. Bonne nuit...
367
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,101
[gasps]
368
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:16,836
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
369
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:17,903
Both: Where...
370
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,138
Where are you going?
371
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:20,406
Just gonna go say
good night to Trick,
372
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,108
see if he needs anything
before bed.
373
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:23,943
Where are you going?
374
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:25,945
I was also gonna go...
375
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:28,814
see if he needed to be put to bed.
376
00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:30,851
Ass before class.
377
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,889
Hey, Trick.
378
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,425
- Hey.
- Books, nice.
379
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,893
I've read about those.
380
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,161
Cool.
381
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:43,362
Just wanted to come
say good night.
382
00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,731
Thinking about turning in.
383
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:50,169
Unless I stay up to,
I don't know, have sex.
384
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,671
Okay, night, night.
385
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:57,076
Oh... okay.
386
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:58,544
[scoffs]
387
00:12:58,545 --> 00:12:59,912
Good luck in there.
388
00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:01,881
There's jizz all over the walls.
389
00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:03,282
- [spits]
- No.
390
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,318
My hand.
391
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:10,222
[slurring]
Good night, Trick.
392
00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:11,892
Excuse me?
393
00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:18,564
[pop music playing]
394
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:23,436
[phone buzzing]
395
00:13:23,437 --> 00:13:25,071
You touching yourself to porno?
396
00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:26,939
No, Gene, I'm not watching porno.
397
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:29,008
Yeah, me neither.
Who watches porno?
398
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,776
What is that, the "Labyrinth"
in the background?
399
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:32,044
You watching the "Labyrinth?"
400
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:33,512
No, it's not the "Labyrinth."
401
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,147
It's... I don't need to watch
402
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,816
the "Labyrinth" to fall asleep.
403
00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:38,317
It's a different movie.
404
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,718
Go to sleep.
405
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:42,121
Nicholas Cage?
406
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,355
Oh, Dickolas Cage.
407
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:46,192
That makes more sense.
408
00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:49,662
[eerie demonic laughter]
409
00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:52,665
[dreamy music]
410
00:13:52,666 --> 00:14:00,707
411
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:10,850
Today I found her
412
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:13,219
We're so meant to be
413
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:18,157
The only question,
would she marry me?
414
00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:20,426
'Cause if she does
415
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:24,897
All the people
of Earth will talk
416
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,199
They'll say
417
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,236
It's Trick and Billie
418
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,471
Look at those two
419
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:35,107
I know we're silly
420
00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:39,078
Can I get a pic of you?
421
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:42,448
422
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:45,418
The people of Earth
423
00:14:45,419 --> 00:14:53,092
Will talk
424
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,994
425
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:57,731
[dreamy shimmering]
426
00:15:00,534 --> 00:15:01,801
Harder!
427
00:15:01,802 --> 00:15:03,202
Ah, harder!
428
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:04,503
[Trick yelling]
429
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:06,705
Jay Baruchel!
430
00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,507
Oh, so sorry, Jay!
431
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:12,234
- Jay, oh, Baruchel!
- Whoo, Canada!
432
00:15:13,936 --> 00:15:17,439
[Billie humming]
433
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,574
- [clattering]
- Oops.
434
00:15:19,575 --> 00:15:22,210
Ooh, sorry, didn't mean
to scare a fart out of you.
435
00:15:22,211 --> 00:15:23,912
I didn't fart, Gene.
436
00:15:23,913 --> 00:15:25,480
It stinks because no one's been
437
00:15:25,481 --> 00:15:27,282
cleaning up after themselves
since Joy left.
438
00:15:27,283 --> 00:15:28,783
What are you doing?
439
00:15:28,784 --> 00:15:30,752
Just making some
Belgian waffles for Trick.
440
00:15:30,753 --> 00:15:32,754
It's his favorite. I Google'd it.
441
00:15:32,755 --> 00:15:34,389
That's so nice of you.
442
00:15:34,390 --> 00:15:35,957
Well, you know, he's a guest.
443
00:15:35,958 --> 00:15:38,426
I figured we might as well
be hospitable, and...
444
00:15:38,427 --> 00:15:41,964
Fun fact: his favorite
lunch food is a BL...
445
00:15:47,303 --> 00:15:48,970
Bitch.
446
00:15:48,971 --> 00:15:51,840
Hey, Trick, I know waffles
are your favorite.
447
00:15:51,841 --> 00:15:55,277
Probably need all the energy
you can get after last night.
448
00:15:55,278 --> 00:15:56,578
You nasty.
449
00:15:56,579 --> 00:15:58,613
What? What happened last night?
450
00:15:58,614 --> 00:15:59,614
Well, let's just say
451
00:15:59,615 --> 00:16:01,716
you had sex with Jay Baruchel,
452
00:16:01,717 --> 00:16:03,084
and it was good. [giggles]
453
00:16:03,085 --> 00:16:04,853
You mean that dude that goes...
454
00:16:04,854 --> 00:16:06,388
[as Jay Baruchel]
"I wrote and directed 'Goon.'
455
00:16:06,389 --> 00:16:07,589
I wrote and directed it."
456
00:16:07,590 --> 00:16:09,424
No, I don't recognize that.
457
00:16:09,425 --> 00:16:11,660
No, uh-huh.
458
00:16:11,661 --> 00:16:14,162
Mmm, those waffles
are really good.
459
00:16:14,163 --> 00:16:16,498
Gene, you don't have to do that.
460
00:16:16,499 --> 00:16:17,999
Don't have to do what?
461
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,502
You know how you act
all sexual around me?
462
00:16:20,503 --> 00:16:22,838
You don't have to do that.
I like you.
463
00:16:22,839 --> 00:16:24,239
Come again?
464
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:27,209
Spelled with a U.
465
00:16:27,210 --> 00:16:28,276
'Cause see, when I hear
hose words...
466
00:16:28,277 --> 00:16:30,245
Mm-hmm.
467
00:16:30,246 --> 00:16:32,113
All of this...
468
00:16:32,114 --> 00:16:33,849
- Jesus.
- More feels like...
469
00:16:33,850 --> 00:16:35,250
it looks like this.
470
00:16:35,251 --> 00:16:37,118
- Tears of...
- Tears.
471
00:16:37,119 --> 00:16:38,520
Tears of semen?
472
00:16:38,521 --> 00:16:40,555
Just let the sexuality go.
473
00:16:40,556 --> 00:16:43,092
You're more than your sex.
474
00:16:45,394 --> 00:16:47,462
I cry when I listen
to Lennie Annox.
475
00:16:47,463 --> 00:16:49,865
No, Annie Lennox, yeah,
that's... that's it.
476
00:16:49,866 --> 00:16:52,734
Whoa, I feel hella vulnerable.
477
00:16:52,735 --> 00:16:54,903
- Yeah.
- [clears throat]
478
00:16:54,904 --> 00:16:56,471
- What?
- Gene, can I talk to you
479
00:16:56,472 --> 00:16:57,606
inside for a second?
480
00:16:57,607 --> 00:16:59,107
Sure-cicles.
481
00:16:59,108 --> 00:17:01,243
Poor thing, all that diarrhea.
482
00:17:01,244 --> 00:17:04,813
She just found out. Bottom AIDS.
483
00:17:04,814 --> 00:17:05,814
Life is short, you know?
484
00:17:05,815 --> 00:17:06,815
Hey, Gene.
485
00:17:06,816 --> 00:17:08,216
Yeah?
486
00:17:08,217 --> 00:17:12,220
It's really nice
to finally meet you.
487
00:17:12,221 --> 00:17:14,490
You too.
488
00:17:16,225 --> 00:17:17,526
What's up?
489
00:17:17,527 --> 00:17:18,627
That was not cool, Gene.
490
00:17:18,628 --> 00:17:20,195
Do you know how hard it is
491
00:17:20,196 --> 00:17:22,130
to make Belgian waffles
without a waffle maker?
492
00:17:22,131 --> 00:17:24,733
[singing mock French]
493
00:17:24,734 --> 00:17:26,168
What are you... what?
494
00:17:26,169 --> 00:17:28,069
I'm sorry, all I hear
is French music
495
00:17:28,070 --> 00:17:29,337
when I'm in love. What'd you say?
496
00:17:29,338 --> 00:17:30,806
You can't possibly think
497
00:17:30,807 --> 00:17:31,907
he's into you, can you?
498
00:17:31,908 --> 00:17:33,341
Mm, I don't know.
499
00:17:33,342 --> 00:17:34,910
We sort of have this
"will they, won't they"
500
00:17:34,911 --> 00:17:36,678
thing happening, you know?
501
00:17:36,679 --> 00:17:39,748
Let me just cut to the end
for you, hmm?
502
00:17:39,749 --> 00:17:43,085
They won't, okay?
503
00:17:47,824 --> 00:17:50,091
Did you just throw garbage at me?
504
00:17:50,092 --> 00:17:51,426
Me?
505
00:17:51,427 --> 00:17:54,262
No, I don't think so.
506
00:17:54,263 --> 00:17:56,531
Oh, wait, yeah, I totally did.
507
00:17:56,532 --> 00:17:59,034
It was a rhetorical question.
508
00:17:59,035 --> 00:18:00,435
Bitch!
509
00:18:00,436 --> 00:18:01,870
[both yelling]
510
00:18:01,871 --> 00:18:03,472
Come on, get your
head on the ground.
511
00:18:03,473 --> 00:18:05,640
No, I'm uncomfortable
by your vagina...
512
00:18:05,641 --> 00:18:06,975
You want balls in your mouth.
513
00:18:06,976 --> 00:18:09,611
Eat it! Come here!
514
00:18:09,612 --> 00:18:10,645
Not the beets!
515
00:18:10,646 --> 00:18:12,781
Not the beets!
516
00:18:12,782 --> 00:18:15,150
- [gasps]
- You look egg-cellent.
517
00:18:15,151 --> 00:18:17,853
Well, this just in.
He's nacho man!
518
00:18:17,854 --> 00:18:19,287
- Oh!
- Turkey slap!
519
00:18:19,288 --> 00:18:21,957
Salad joke!
520
00:18:21,958 --> 00:18:23,492
Yokes on you!
521
00:18:23,493 --> 00:18:24,759
Does this remind you
of your childhood?
522
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,161
Trash!
523
00:18:26,162 --> 00:18:28,997
Kent, thank you so much
for your hospitality,
524
00:18:28,998 --> 00:18:30,832
but your house
smells like garbage.
525
00:18:30,833 --> 00:18:32,300
Fair criticism.
526
00:18:32,301 --> 00:18:34,136
But I trust tomorrow's
press conference
527
00:18:34,137 --> 00:18:35,804
will yield happiness, yes, yes?
528
00:18:35,805 --> 00:18:38,273
- I think we'll both be smiling.
- Ooh.
529
00:18:38,274 --> 00:18:39,474
Yeah, maybe even laughing.
530
00:18:39,475 --> 00:18:41,376
This isn't a trick, is it?
531
00:18:41,377 --> 00:18:42,444
[laughs]
532
00:18:42,445 --> 00:18:43,845
Name stuff still happening.
533
00:18:43,846 --> 00:18:45,180
Yeah, come on, get in here.
534
00:18:45,181 --> 00:18:46,381
All right.
535
00:18:46,382 --> 00:18:47,816
[grunting]
536
00:18:47,817 --> 00:18:50,952
Listen, you...
537
00:18:50,953 --> 00:18:55,657
are my best and closest friend.
538
00:18:55,658 --> 00:18:57,159
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
539
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:58,226
Thank you.
540
00:18:58,227 --> 00:18:59,861
Yeah.
541
00:18:59,862 --> 00:19:01,229
[car engine starts]
- All right, see you, buddy.
542
00:19:01,230 --> 00:19:02,998
Yeah, man.
543
00:19:02,999 --> 00:19:06,468
[both shouting
and making gun noises]
544
00:19:06,469 --> 00:19:08,003
Well,
545
00:19:08,004 --> 00:19:10,405
I guess we should get
Joy back in here
546
00:19:10,406 --> 00:19:11,673
now that Trick's gone.
547
00:19:11,674 --> 00:19:13,208
- What?
- He's gone?
548
00:19:13,209 --> 00:19:14,376
Mm.
549
00:19:14,377 --> 00:19:16,478
I think that went well.
550
00:19:16,479 --> 00:19:18,781
Mm, yeah, that went quite well.
551
00:19:20,683 --> 00:19:22,652
Bitch! No!
552
00:19:23,339 --> 00:19:24,495
Okay, truce.
553
00:19:25,223 --> 00:19:27,339
I wonder if Trick's gonna
send me some sort of a signal.
554
00:19:27,341 --> 00:19:30,357
You know, like rub his nose
or, like, pull on his dick.
555
00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:31,935
He's not going to.
You're delusional.
556
00:19:31,936 --> 00:19:33,971
Can we just watch the news?
557
00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:35,339
Girls, girls, hush, hush!
558
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,207
Shut it, it's starting. Thank you.
559
00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:39,142
Good afternoon,
I think we all know
560
00:19:39,143 --> 00:19:41,445
that I've come to a bit
of a crossroads in my life,
561
00:19:41,446 --> 00:19:44,047
and, you know, I got
some really great advice
562
00:19:44,048 --> 00:19:46,049
from a really good friend
his weekend.
563
00:19:46,050 --> 00:19:47,651
- Hm. [laughs softly]
- And, uh...
564
00:19:47,652 --> 00:19:50,053
that advice was to
remove the clutter.
565
00:19:50,054 --> 00:19:53,223
And that clutter is football.
566
00:19:53,224 --> 00:19:55,158
[reporters gasp]
Kent Russell, I love you,
567
00:19:55,159 --> 00:19:57,327
and I would've never been able
to make this decision.
568
00:19:57,328 --> 00:19:59,730
I was wavering,
and you made it for me.
569
00:19:59,731 --> 00:20:01,899
Dude, I'm gonna follow my dreams.
570
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:03,567
I'm gonna be a stand-up comic.
571
00:20:03,568 --> 00:20:05,736
- No.
- I know it's crazy, right?
572
00:20:05,737 --> 00:20:07,504
I mean, how you guys
doing out there?
573
00:20:07,505 --> 00:20:09,039
- [phone ringing]
- What's the quarterback?
574
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,174
Like, what's the deal
with that name?
575
00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:12,075
Greg, my man! [laughing]
576
00:20:12,076 --> 00:20:13,544
It's weird, it's like
some dude took your quarter.
577
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:14,978
I don't like comedy.
578
00:20:14,979 --> 00:20:16,680
I didn't say that.
I didn't say that!
579
00:20:16,681 --> 00:20:18,382
I see a lot of ladies out there.
580
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:21,218
[in Rasta accent]:
Love me the ladies, oh, hey.
581
00:20:21,219 --> 00:20:23,187
I met this girl, right?
She's all like,
582
00:20:23,188 --> 00:20:25,722
"Oh, man, I like, cry every
time I listen to Annie Lennox,"
583
00:20:25,723 --> 00:20:28,425
and I'm like, "Annie Len-nah,
that sucks, dude.
584
00:20:28,426 --> 00:20:31,028
Don't cry at Annie Lennox."
You know what also sucks?
585
00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:32,796
Like, generally when,
like, women are like,
586
00:20:32,797 --> 00:20:34,464
"Yeah, I like sports,"
587
00:20:34,465 --> 00:20:36,066
and you're just like, "Go knit.
588
00:20:36,067 --> 00:20:37,301
Like, prune a tree or something
589
00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:38,969
or prune this dick. Mm!"
590
00:20:38,970 --> 00:20:40,437
[laughing]
591
00:20:40,438 --> 00:20:41,438
- [clears throat]
- You guys are fun.
592
00:20:41,439 --> 00:20:43,073
What a train wreck.
593
00:20:43,074 --> 00:20:46,076
Yeah, like, turns out
we're out of his league.
594
00:20:46,077 --> 00:20:50,013
[both laughing as Jay Baruchel]
595
00:20:50,014 --> 00:20:52,516
And don't even get me
started on traffic, right?
596
00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:55,386
It's like...
just all go the same speed.
597
00:20:55,436 --> 00:20:59,986
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40080
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof