All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s06e18 To Russia Without Love.eng

( theme song playing )

♪ ♪

Who's that officer?

Never saw him before.

What's he look like?

A Luftwaffe
colonel.

Why don't we all write down
who we think he is,

put some money
in a hat,

and then whoever guesses right
wins the money?

I say he's here to arrest Klink
for impersonating an officer.

I say
he's Hilda's hairdresser.

No. He designs corsets
for Hermann Goering.

I think he's...
You're all wrong.

He's Klink's
former copilot.

You can tell
from the limp.

LeBeau, turn on
the coffeepot.

Colonel Klink,
I am Colonel Becker.

KLINK:
Ah, it's a great pleasure to meet you, Colonel Becker.

( chuckling ):
You know General Burkhalter, of course.

Of course.
Ja.

General.

Good to see you again,
Colonel.

( chuckles ):
Won't you sit down, sir?

Thank you.

Uh, Colonel Becker,
would you care for a cigar?

Mmm. We do not have
such fancy cigars on the Russian front.

Oh, these are the first cigars
I've had in a month.

Things are tough
all over, Klink.

Ja, ja.

Uh, General
Burkhalter tells me

that you are the commandant
of a POW camp, just like me.

BURKHALTER:
Not like you.

He knows what he's doing.

( nervous chuckle )

The general
has a delightful sense of humor.

But I'm sure that, uh,
even Colonel Becker

knows my perfect record.

Not one prisoner has escaped
from this camp.

It is hard to dig a tunnel

when you're holding your sides
laughing.

Burkhalter's hot today.

BURKHALTER:
...you have

a special assignment.

BECKER:
I'm on my way to Berlin

to deliver
General Krauss's plans

for our new offensive
at Stalingrad.

Who had "secret courier"
in the Kraut pool?

Uh-oh.
Here comes Schultz.

Wouldn't you know,

just when we're getting
to the best part.

Colonel Hogan, Colonel Klink
wants to see you in his office.

What's he want, Schultz?

I know nothing.

Yeah, um... you sure?

I'm sure.

I know nothing.

Sir, I think
Schultz here

is one of
those sterling gentlemen

who cannot be bought.
Mm-hmm.

That's not true.

Every man has his price.

And that's my price.

I thought Colonel Becker
could tell Hogan

about our advances
on the Russian front.

Do you think
it's a good idea

to give him that information,
General?

It is very good for
prisoners' morale.

It destroys it.

( laughing )

Herr Colonel.

Colonel Becker,
this is Colonel Hogan.

Colonel.

Colonel Hogan,
would you do us the honor

of joining us
for dinner tonight?

It would be my pleasure,
General.

Colonel Becker is going
to tell us the truth

about the German army's glorious
campaign on the Russian front.

Why kill all
your appetites?

May I pour the wine,
Herr Kommandant?

Ah, yes, you
may, Schultz.

Thank you.

And Schultz?
Yes, sir?

You have gravy stains
on your serving jacket.

Sorry, Herr Kommandant.

It must be
from the chateaubriand.

You were eating
the officers' food?

Only in the line of duty,
Herr General.

I always taste the food
prepared by the enemy.

If they give you
a military funeral, General,

it won't be
from the chateaubriand.

It won't be from
the cherries jubilee, either.

Just serve the wine, Schultz.

Jawohl.

Would you like to test it,
Colonel?

Of course.

Mmm. Interesting
little wine.

A little bit on
the tart side.

Uh, LeBeau, you're
a wine connoisseur.

You want to taste it?

Of course, Colonel.

LeBEAU:
Si.

Mmm. It is on
the sharp side.

A rather impudent
little wine.

Oh. I'm going
to taste it.

Good idea. It'll wash down
the chateaubriand

and the cherries jubilee.

Ah!

It's not a great year,
but, um... a good year.

Just serve the wine, Schultz.

Yes, sir.

General Burkhalter.

Thank you, Schultz.

It's not our best.

Oh?

Just...
serve the wine, Schultz.

Herr Becker.

Thank you.

Go to the wine cellar
and get another bottle.

I'm sorry,
Herr Kommandant, but...

but this is the last bottle
in the case.

I could have had
a whole glass if you hadn't tasted it.

Come, Klink.

I will choose another bottle
from your cellar.

I'd like to see how
you rough it at Stalag 13.

Could you excuse
us, Colonel Becker?

Of course.

I will keep the meat
warm in the kitchen.

To your health.

No, no, to...
to your health.

Mmm. Now, this is
an excellent wine.

How are things in
downtown Siberia?

Not like this.

We don't serve wine.

If you served it
at room temperature,

you'd wind up with
a Beaujolais popsicle.

( laughing )

When I punish a prisoner,

I don't send him to the cooler,
I send him to my quarters.

It's a shame you don't have
Colonel Klink's setup.

He'd turn down a transfer
to the Riviera.

I understand you have

a rather good situation
yourself.

Me?

Just a country boy
sweating out the war.

You are too modest,
Colonel.

From your Gestapo dossier,

I would say
that you run the camp,

and Klink is your prisoner.

Those boys at
Gestapo headquarters are much too kind.

You could be
of great help to me.

In what way?

I would like to transfer
from the Russian front

to Stalag 13.

( sighing )

German personnel assignments
are a little out of my line.

Think about it.

I might make it
worth your while.

I picked out
a fantastic Pomar '37.

Ja, ja, it was
my last bottle.

Pour, Schultz.

Jawohl, General.

( sighing )

You clumsy clod!

Sorry, Herr Kommandant.

'37 was a great year for wine,
bad year for glass.

Ah, there's
something peculiar

about this
Colonel Becker.

Because he wants
to leave the Russian front?

He'd be a lot more peculiar
if he wanted to stay there.

No, he wants
to transfer here to Stalag 13.

Now, that's
what I call peculiar.

I think he was trying
to negotiate with me.

Why don't you
make him a deal?

You'll swing
his transfer

if he gives us a look
at those papers.

I think that's the deal
he was trying to make.

With your ingenuity, sir,
you could persuade Burkhalter

to get Klink and Becker
to trade commands.

Burkhalter would never
go with that trade.

How about throwing in Schultz
and two vicious guard dogs?

The whole thing
doesn't smell right.

But it is a lovely way

to get a peek at
those secret papers.

I got a better way.

I still like
the other way better.

What other way?

Where you use your ingenuity
to switch Klink and Becker,

and we're not out here
waiting to get shot.

Here comes Becker.

All right.

( whispering ):
Newkirk.

Good evening,
Colonel Hogan.

Uh, good evening,
Colonel Becker.

Oh. Allow me to introduce,
uh, Corporal Newkirk.

Pleased to make
your acquaintance, sir.

I'm surprised at you, Colonel.

From your reputation,

I thought you'd be
a little more clever than this.

Told you the Gestapo
had me overrated.

Don't sell yourself
short, sir.

If you're so anxious
to get those secret papers,

I'm still willing
to make a deal with you.

You want me to
try to get you transferred here.

Exactly. And you have 48 hours
in which to do it.

And if I don't?

Then I will have you shot.

You drive a hard bargain.

So would you if you were
stationed in Russia.

( sighing ):
All right, it's a deal.

Uh, Colonel Hogan.

Briefcase?

LeBEAU:
It's a cold morning today, huh?

Yeah.
( scatting )

You want some coffee?

Oh, yes, please, LeBeau.

And a couple of eggs,
over-easy, right?

A little bacon, crisp.

And a couple of muffins,
nicely toasted,

maybe some, uh,
apricot marmalade.

Hey, and see if you can find
a kipper or two, will you?

You're trying to
tell me something.

You're facing a firing squad,
and this is your last meal.

I've got to get me strength
back, ain't I, Louis?

That was a very harrowing
experience

looking down the barrel
of that Luger.

Carter.

Check on Becker?

Uh, yes, sir.

He's spending the
morning in town with Burkhalter.

Good. Thanks, LeBeau.

Welcome.

Gentlemen,
I've reached a decision.

We got to sell out Klink.

Oh, what
a shame.

Yeah, couldn't
happen to a nicer guy.

I worship the ground
that's coming to him.

I mean, get him
transferred.

You're kidding.

That information Becker's
carrying could change the war.

What about our
operation here?

It's not gonna be easy.

With Becker in Klink's place,
it's gonna make it tougher.

Yeah, you got
to get up early

in the morning
to fool him.

Yeah, with Klink,
you could sleep till midnight.

Sir, you're never
gonna get Klink to the Russian front.

Oh. What makes you so sure?

Well, for a starter,

he'll never survive
the heart attack

he's gonna have

when he gets news
of his transfer.

And if he does,

the Germans
would never send him.

Why not?

Well, it's not a good image
for a commandant

to be marched
to the front at gunpoint.

That's why we got to get Klink
to request the transfer.

Well, for that,
you'll need a ruddy ventriloquist.

For that we need Olga Meisner.

The girl who works
for the underground.

Why Olga?

Because she's a good agent,

speaks Russian
and has great legs.

Excuse me, Colonel.
Hogan, I am busy.

I do not wish
to see you today.

As a matter of fact,

I do not wish
to see you any day.

Since we're being honest,
I'm not too thrilled

at seeing you, either.

I was looking for
Colonel Becker.

He and General Burkhalter
are in town.

Dismissed.

I wanted to thank him
for a delightful evening.

Why thank him?

It was my wine.

He told all those
funny stories

about the
Russian front.

German troops are eating
their cartridge belts,

marching in snow
up to their waists,

fighting night and day
in raging blizzards.

You call those funny stories?

I laughed.

Dismissed.

You're not gonna believe
all that stuff, are you?

I do not wish to discuss it.

Well, I happen to know

that your German officers
are fraternizing

with the beautiful
Russian women.

The vodka is flowing
like the Bulga.

There are parties
every night.

They're having a ball.

Ha. German officers do not
fraternize with Russian women.

( chuckles )

I can see they sucked you in
like everybody else.

Hogan,

anyone returning
from the Russian front

tells the same stories
as Colonel Becker.

Of course.

When you got a good thing going,
you don't want to blow it.

Freezing in the winter
is not a good thing.

That's the propaganda.

The truth is,

all the German officers
are buying into the ski resorts

around Stalingrad.

That's ridiculous.

It's Sun Valley with borscht.

Hogan, you must imagine
that I'm some sort of fool.

If you're
smart, Colonel,

you'll take your next
furlough at Minsk.

I wouldn't go to Minsk
if you put a gun to my...

I am Olga
Hertzikoff.

Oh.

Come in, please.

( chuckles )

I am looking
for Colonel Becker.

Oh, Colonel
Becker's in town,

but he should be
back any moment.

Won't you sit
down, please?

Oh, I can only stay
a few moments.

Oh.

Are you a close friend
of the colonel's?

Like blintzes
and sour cream.

You can't get much closer
than that, sir.

Dismissed, Hogan.

When did you say my little
bublishkibble will be back?

Oh, he should be
back any time.

Ah. I must go to hotel and pack.

We go back to Russia
in the morning.

Is that where you met
the colonel?

Da.

His officers' club is next door
to my father's farm.

I am the farmer's daughter.

Well, are there any more

at home like you?

Da.

I have beautiful twin sister.
I show you her picture. Mm?

Mm-hmm.

HOGAN:
Oh, I didn't know they had beauty contests in Russia.

Oh, every Saturday night
at officers' club.

Mm. You were right, Colonel.

It is a dull bore
at the Russian front.

You say it's dull?

Hmm.

I'll show you more pictures.

Mm.

This one is at the ski lodge.

What's that in the cups?

Hot buttered vodka.

I don't seem to
be able to find Colonel Becker.

Ah, he is sitting
behind General Bergett.

Ah.

And this is General Kissinger
and General Kreisel,

General Mittendorf,

and this is General Sockheim.

Yeah, they certainly have a lot
of generals there.

Da.

Promotions are so easy.

And now you can see

why Colonel Becker painted
such a grim picture

of the Russian front?

You know, I think
the general's staff should know about this.

They already do.

They're all sitting there,

drinking hot buttered vodka.

I must go now.

Oh, are you sure
you can't stay?

No. I want to get back to town
before the shops close.

Yeah.
I need a new bathing suit.

Oh.

There's nothing wrong
with the old one.

Oh, they wear out so quickly
in the hot springs.

Hot springs?

Da. After we ski,
we all jump in the hot springs

and drink hot vodka
from floating bottles.

Oh, it's so relaxing.

It's so enjoyable.

You must send me
to the hot springs...

uh, Russian front.

First I send you
to the base psychiatrist.

Believe me,
General Burkhalter,

I've been thinking about
this for a long time.

45 minutes at least.

Hogan!

It's out
of the question, Klink.

But General Burkhalter,
as a German officer,

I feel
I have not made any contribution

to the war effort.

For a change, I agree with you.

And I feel guilty,

being here behind the lines,

living in these beautiful
quarters,

eating chateaubriand,
drinking Pomar '37.

You're all out
of Pomar '37.

You spend one winter
in Russia,

and you would freeze
to death.

Believe me,
General Burkhalter,

I'll find a way
to keep warm.

Klink, this whole idea

is ridiculous.

But General
Burkhalter, I...

We need soldiers
on the Russian front,

fighting men.

I never thought

I'd ever hear anybody talk
to you like that, sir.

I think General Burkhalter
was pulling my leg.

Speaking of legs,
there goes your chance

to meet Miss Karkhoff.

Oh, please, Hogan.

Unless of course you were

to show General Burkhalter
the real you.

Who's the real me?

Old "Blood and Guts" Klink.

Who is that?

It looks like...

I don't believe it.

General Burkhalter.

Colonel Becker.

BURKHALTER:
Klink,

I thought the officers'
costume party

isn't until Saturday.

This is not a costume.
This is the real me.

HOGAN:
Colonel Klink,

we haven't received our
Red Cross packages this week.

Go tell it to your chaplain.

According
to the Geneva Convention...

In this camp,
we go by the Klink Convention.

General, are you gonna
allow that?

Colonel Klink runs
the camp his way.

Hogan, I would like
to inform you

that I've ordered land mines

planted outside
the barbed wire.

Any of your men
attempting to escape will be blown up.

But Colonel Klink,

don't you have some
of your guards

patrolling outside the camp?

If they can't be careful,
it's none of my concern.

But your own men
could be killed.

In war, you win some,
you lose some.

Frankly, Klink,
I never knew you were so ruthless.

I come from a long line
of ruthless Klinks.

Perhaps I was
too hasty.

You may be just
what we need on the Russian front.

I'll be glad
to help him pack.

I'll get your
suitcase, Herr Kommandant.

Get one for
yourself.

For me?

I wouldn't dream
of leaving

without you,
Schultz.

Force yourself!

Colonel Becker,

I will arrange for you

to be the new commandant
of Stalag 13.

I serve where I can do my best
for the Fatherland.

General Burkhalter,
if you will excuse me,

I would like to go
to Hammelburg.

Of course.

I know you have
some shopping to do.

I have to buy a bathing suit.

A bathing suit?

For Stalingrad?

( all chatting )

( clearing throat )

( chatter stops )

I would like
to see Colonel Hogan.

LeBeau.

( speaking German ) poker?

Colonel Becker.

Ah, Colonel Hogan,
congratulations.

You did a magnificent job.

It's all in
a day's work.

Still, the Gestapo
doesn't give you enough credit.

Well, I wouldn't
say that.

You got to remember
Klink is pretty easy.

It's quite an achievement
to get a German officer

to beg on his hands and knees
to go to the Russian front.

I happen to know
Klink's weaknesses.

Now, what about
those papers?

What papers?

The secret papers
in your briefcase.

Oh, these papers.

I'm afraid
I can't give them to you.

Why?

Because you are so clever,

I'm sure you would find a way
to get them to England.

You did make a deal.

Well, if you believed

that I would go through
with that deal,

then you are not quite
as smart as I thought.

I'm about to send
these off to Berlin.

In other words, Colonel,
you're double-crossing us.

Precisely.

And, as your new commandant,
I assure you

I will find out exactly
how your operation works.

No problem.

We'll be happy
to show you how it works.

Wouldn't we, fellas?

Oh, we certainly will, sir.

The first thing is,
this is our tunnel.

And this is my arm.

And this is...

This is how
we get people to England.

( Becker grunting )

I do hope
you like fish and chips.

( Becker grunting )

What about Klink?

We got to keep him
from going to Russia.

Yeah, but Burkhalter now thinks
he's a great soldier.

We created the monster;
we'll destroy it.

Come on. We've got work
to do at the motor pool.

I cannot understand
where Colonel Becker is.

He may have been
delayed in town.

But I wanted to formally

have you give over the command
to him.

I will send
him a letter.

Well, look,
General Burkhalter,

I'm very anxious
to get started.

HOGAN:
General Burkhalter,

we'd like to say good-bye

to Sergeant Schultz
and Colonel Klink.

Yes, of course.

Good luck, Schultz.

Thank you,
Colonel Hogan.

Let's hear from
you, Schultz.

I'm sure you can get
one of the nurses to write the card.

Good luck, Colonel.

Thank you.

I imagine they'll be dancing
in the barracks tonight

when Old "Blood and Guts"
is gone, huh?

To be honest with you,
we'll kind of miss you, sir.

So it goes.

You win some,
you lose some.

Attention!

Good-bye,
General Burkhalter.

Good luck, Klink.

Thank you.

Forward!

There goes one
of the great soldiers.

It's Bismarck
all over again.

Potshot Schultzy.

Bye!

They're coming this way.

( screaming )

( crashing )

Oh...!

Klink, are you hurt?

( screaming )

( crashing )

Come on.
Schultzy, come on.

( Schultz grunting )

Easy now.

You all right?

Come on.

Are you all right,
General Burkhalter?

Yes, but no
thanks to you

and that
idiot Schultz.

If you don't mind,
I would like to get another motorcycle.

I must get started.

Klink, you are not
going anywhere!

But General
Burkhalter, I...

BURKHALTER:
You heard me!

If I send you two clowns
to the Russian front,

I would be shot for treason!

Wanted to see
me, Colonel?

Yes, Hogan.

I just wanted to inform you

that General Burkhalter
has definitely ordered me

to stay on as commandant.

What happens to that
nice Colonel Becker?

When we find him,

he'll be sent back
to the Russian front.

HOGAN:
Well, I just saw him outside the wire

checking the placement
of your mines.

( loud explosion )

One of my
mines went off.

Just where I saw
Becker standing.

You mean...

Mm-hmm.

Poor Becker.

What am I going
to tell General Burkhalter?

Just tell him
that's the way it goes.

You win some,
you lose some.

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