All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s06e12 The Big Broadcast.eng

( theme song playing )

North Star, repeat message.

Repeat message.

Interference on the line.

Over.

Newkirk, get out
map book one,

check Apple 42, huh?

( telegraph beeping )

Roger, North Star.

Papa Bear confirms message.

We will...

( static increasing )

What is it?

There's heavy traffic
on the line.

Scrambling?

No, it fades in
and out like...

Papa Bear out!

Why'd you sign off?

Sounds like the radio detection
unit picked up our signal.

Any chance they
could've located our position?

I don't think so.

We were off the air
before they could get a fix on us.

Here's the assignment--
double red.

Double red!

That means they want
this one done so fast

we're already late
with it.

"Underground has
vital information

"that must be radioed
to air intelligence tonight.

Make contact with Agent Hercules
at Apple 42 at 1900 hours."

See, Apple 42,
that's the Garten road.

It's about 15 kilometers
south of here.

15 kilometers.

We'll need transportation.

LeBeau.

LeBEAU:
Hmm?

What condition is
Klink's car in?

Well, what kind of condition
would you like it in?

Just bad enough to go in
for repairs overnight.

Isn't it about due
for its thousand- mile checkup?

No, it just had one.

So we set
the speedometer ahead

and give it
another one.

No, we had to set
the speedometer ahead

for the last one.

I think old Klink's
getting suspicious.

May I suggest
brake failure?

Brake failure sounds good.

It's logical, and
the car hasn't had one good brake failure

since the last collision.

Brake failure it is.

LeBeau, get to work,

and make sure
the brakes don't.

We'll take over
from here, Schultz.

Hogan, what is
this all about?

Thank goodness
we caught you

before you went
anywhere in that car, sir.

We have already
been somewhere.

Lucky man, sir.

Schultz, you should
know better than to go anywhere

with that car
in that condition.

What's wrong
with my condition?

I'm referring
to the condition of the car.

Boy, thank
goodness, Colonel,

we caught them
just in the nick of time.

What is everybody
so excited about?

This car is fine!

It may look fine, sir,
but that car is a veritable deathtrap.

It's been over
a couple of months

since those brakes
were checked, sir.

They could go
at any time.

We'll get it
in for repairs immediately.

Hogan, ever since you
and your men

have been taking care
of my car,

it's always gone in
for repairs but never come out repaired.

It's not our fault
you got a lemon.

Excuse us, Schultz.

I'll take the car
from here, Schultz.

Schultz, park
the car over there.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
Raus! Raus!

You're making
a big mistake, Commandant.

No, you and your men
are the mistake.

Now, look at
that speedometer.

It has gone
30,000 miles,

and that's just between here
and the repair shop.

You know, sometimes
you make me think you don't like our work.

Hogan, I have never
liked your work.

And next week I'm going
to get a real mechanic

to keep
the car repaired.

C-Commandant!

( car starts )

You want
to get killed?!

But the kommandant
said...

I don't care what
the commandant said!

This car's unsafe!

Now, I don't want you
starting it up with me in it!

Why don't you get out?

And don't you dare touch
the key, you understand?

And that goes for you, too!

Well, you're crazy
to drive a car

when the brakes sound
the way they do.

They did not make any sound!

That's what I mean--

not so much as a squeal
out of them.

Why, you wouldn't
even know you had any brakes,

and you know why?

Because you don't,
that's why!

And if you're smart,
you'll let us push this

to the repair
shop right now.

You're right, boys.

You push the car
and I'll steer.

Now you're using
your head.

( car starts )

( laughing )

I'm using my head much
better than you do, boys.

( laughing )

I'm going to talk
about four men,

four men you
just left out there with broken hearts,

broken by your
callous words.

What did I say?

It's not what you said;
it's what you did.

What did I do?

And it's not what
you did; it's the way that you did it.

All right, what did I do
and how did I do it?

All right, maybe they're
not the best mechanics in the world,

but they put their
hearts into that car.

And what appreciation
do they get from you?

Tell them I said, "Thank you,
thank you, thank you."

"Thank you, thank you,
thank you."

Is that all the
thanks they get?

Those boys wanted to have
that car of yours fixed

for your big date
in Hammelburg tomorrow night.

My big date in Hammelburg?

With the new owner
of the Rathskeller.

I understand she's
a lovely young widow.

Well, I...

A lovely young widow, huh?

I understand she's
a very lovely young widow.

What would...

A very lovely young widow?

A very rich, very lovely
young widow.

She sounds very interesting.

Yes, and I imagine
she's very lonely, too.

Hogan, there is
no such thing

as a lonely, lovely,
rich young widow.

Well, ordinarily
no, but remember,

she's starting a new
life in a new town.

She's got to be careful
of the company she keeps.

She can't go out
with just anyone.

No, she can't.

It has to be someone
of importance,

someone...

Like me.

Exactly.

Now, let us get those
brakes fixed, sir,

so you can drive into
town tomorrow night

and pay your respects--
good idea.

Hogan!

Better idea.

You have the brakes fixed
so I can go into town tonight.

Well, no, she works
till 12:30, sir,

she'll be all worn out.

Psychologically,
tomorrow night would be much better,

and it's her night off.

I suppose you're right.

Yeah, and there's going
to be a full moon.

It would be a perfect
night for a long drive in the country.

Yes.

You know what would go
very nicely with a full moon?

What's that, sir?

An empty gas tank.

You are a wily
old lech.

( laughing )

I'll see that
it's done, sir.

Major Hochstetter's here
to see you.

Tell Major Hochstetter
I cannot be disturbed.

You will be disturbed,
Klink.

Ah, what a pleasant
surprise...

Save the bootlicking
for General Burkhalter.

Klink, one of our
radio detector units

has picked up a transmitter
in this area.

( chuckling ):
A transmitter in this camp?

Oh, come now, Major.

I did not say it came
from here, Klink;

it is somewhere around here,
and I intend to find it.

But what has that got
to do with me?

I will need all the men
you can spare.

Well, I...

You can spare a hundred.

A hundred?

I may need more
if they do not send me

the troops I have asked for.

( phone rings )

Hello!

Major Hochstetter here.

Ja, good,
put him through.

Hello, Lieutenant,
did you break down that message?

Ja, good.

Lieutenant, go ahead.

Uh, just a moment,
Lieutenant.

Klink, this is
classified information.

I will have to ask you
to leave the office.

Certainly,
Major Hochstetter.

Would you like me
to lock the door, sir?

Ja, and close the windows,
please, I don't want...

You, raus!

No, me Hogan.

Me leaving.

Hochstetter's a pushy
sort, isn't he?

Hogan, I will not
put up with this.

I am the commandant
of this camp.

Forget it, Commandant,
don't let it upset you.

Think about
tomorrow night--

the long drive
and the full moon.

The empty gas tank.

Schultz, bring the car up here.

Schultz, stop
the car right here.

Pull it right up here.

( tires squealing )

KLINK:
Stop the car.

Joy rider!

Halt!

Schultz!

( crash )

Pick up the commandant's car--
it's going in for repairs.

Something wrong?

I think it's the brakes.

We'll know better once
we get it off the porch.

Did I see
Hochstetter's car

come roaring in
a few minutes ago?

Yeah, one of his
units picked up our signal.

Now we'll have radio
detectors sitting right on top of us.

Do we scratch
the mission?

We got to.

Even if we get
the information from Hercules,

we can't transmit it.

Wait a minute!

Air intelligence needs
that information,

and we've got orders
to see that they get it.

Well, so it's
a little tough,

but when the pressure's
on, that's when we're at our best.

And Colonel Hogan
has always come up with an answer.

It's true, he always has.

And he always will.

You got any
answers, sir?

Not yet.

Well, you're... you're
probably trying too hard.

Stop thinking
about it, sir,

and just let it
come to you, see.

And it will, sir,
you'll see.

Just... just come on now

and relax and start
thinking, boy... sir.

Andrew, if you'd shut up,
maybe he can.

Let's look at this problem
logically.

What'd I tell you?

See, he's come up
with an answer.

Carter, I haven't thought
of anything yet.

I really think
we ought to pass on this one, sir.

We can't use
the transmitter here

and we can't take it
with us.

Why can't we?

Guess we could.

Then let's do it.

Why don't we?

S-Sir?

Did somebody come up
with an answer?

Carter, pay attention.

HOGAN:
Plugs?

Check.

All right, so much
for the engine,

now the dashboard.
Map light?

Map light okay.

Headlights?

Headlights okay.

Car radio receiver
and transmitter?

Car radio receiver...

It's gone!

Gone?

By golly, it is gone.

Hey, Schultz,
where's the car radio?

( chuckling )

Please, don't think
that I was eavesdropping.

We didn't think
any such thing.

You were spying.

Yes, ordered by
the commandant.

He wanted to be sure
that you are working,

and I hid in the back so
not to make you nervous.

Well, we appreciate
that, Schultz,

but the two-way radio
is missing.

Where is it?

This car never had
a two-way radio.

Well, it has to, Schultz.

That's standard equipment
for all staff cars.

I mean, how would you contact
the commandant

if there was trouble in camp
while he was away?

There is never any trouble
when he is away,

and there was never
any radio in the car.

No, there's not now,
and whoever took it

I expect got a very
good price for it on the black market.

How much are two-way radios
bringing now, Schultz?

How do I know?

Aw, come on, Schultzy.

We know you have friends
in the black market.

That's not true!

Well, "friends" is
a bad word to use.

So is
"black market."

I know nothing
about the radio.

Nothing!

I believed him.

Ja, thank you
very much.

After all, Schultz isn't
the only crook around here.

Ja, there are
many others.

And besides, he's responsible
for the commandant's car,

so if something's missing,
it's his neck.

You got a point
there, Carter.

An excellent point.

Mm-hmm.

Now, I swear to you,
on my word of honor,

the last time I saw
the radio, it was right here in this car.

All we can do
is start scrounging,

see if we can come
up with enough parts to build another one.

Build another one?

Oh, sure.

Once Klink finds out
it's gone,

we're all going to catch it
from him, especially you.

How do we get
so many parts?

Who knows
until we look?

If we don't,
you can always buy that radio back

from whoever
you sold it to.

Kidding, Schultz,
kidding.

We will station
detector units one, two and three

here, here and here.

Each unit will have
a two-man escort.

Full battle gear, Major?

Ja, and all the
grenades and ammunition the men can carry.

We are giving
no quarter!

Major Hochstetter, if you
are not using my desk,

there's some reports
I have to finish.

Go right ahead, Commandant.

You can't work
in all this mess.

Just push
this trash aside, eh?

I don't know
what those papers are.

Those are the reports
I have to finish.

Now, gentlemen,
it is my firm belief

that that message came from
their main headquarters.

Just look at
this wooded area

and the terrain
here, eh?

Ideally suited
for defense, Major.

Now, this is my plan:

We will have a fairly large
assault force

make a frontal attack from here.

OFFICER:
But that is exactly

what they're set up
for, Major.

We wouldn't
stand a chance.

Ja, but the real attack will
come from here and from here.

The first group will charge

right into the teeth
of the withering fire.

Those few who survive
will hold where they are

and keep them busy
while our forces close in.

One question, Major.

Which group will make
that frontal attack?

Colonel Klink
and his volunteers.

Who?

Colonel Klink
and his volunteers.

Since there is
some risk involved,

the men will have
to volunteer for it.

So will Colonel Klink...

and I cannot tell you
how disappointed I am that I'm not going to.

But I happen to have

some very urgent business
in town tonight.

( menacingly ):
What kind of business?

Prison camp business.

And if it were anything else,
I would cancel it,

so I would not miss
that charge into the withering fire.

Fräulein Hilda,
get Schultz

and tell him to have
the car ready at 6:00.

And tell him
to tell Hogan

if it is not ready,
he'll be shot.

BAKER:
Easy.

Perfect.

Okay, now hang this mike
to that hook on the dash

and we're in business.

Hey, it even looks
like it belongs there.

Frankly,
I'm impressed.

I didn't think
we were this clever.

Now all we have to do is meet
Hercules and send the message.

Doesn't look as if Schultz
did too well.

What'd you find, Schultz?

Oh, I went everywhere--

upstairs, downstairs,
inside, out.

Oh, I haven't looked
for food that hard.

What'd you find?

I found there are no radio parts
to be found in this camp.

Well, there aren't now.

What do you think of that
installation job we did?

You'd never notice
the radio was gone, would you?

It's a radio.

How did you do it?

We found some odds and ends.

Here and there.

Here and there where?

Maybe I can explain, Schultz.

You see, here is
Colonel Klink's car.

Over there is
Major Hochstetter's car.

We found there was
a radio over there.

( snaps fingers )

Presto-- it's over here.

( chortling )

Colonel Hogan.

( guffawing )

( laughing ):
Don't tell me, Colonel Hogan.

Don't tell me
whatever it was,

because I know
nothing-- nothing!

I don't know why we're
so good to you, Schultz.

I even keep forgetting
that you're the enemy.

I tell you, boys,
you were very nice to me;

now I'm going to do
a good turn for you.

Oh, what'd you have in mind?

You don't have to work
on the car tomorrow.

Why not?

Because you're going
to finish it tonight.

Tonight?

The commandant
would like to have

the car fixed
by 6:00 tonight.

But that's impossible,
Schultz.

6:00 or everybody
goes to the cooler.

For life!

You know, Schultz,

you're making it much easier to
remember that you're the enemy.

Stop talking and start
repairing something.

When I come back, I would like
to see the car fixed,

you understand?!

Now what are we going to?

We have not only not got a car;

we have not got a radio
to go along with it.

Under the circumstances,

we'd better get our radio
out of here, sir.

Not necessarily.

It's fine right where it is,

although Klink isn't
going to think so--

not with Hochstetter's
bloodhounds

combing the brush
for a transmitter.

No, he just as soon be
driving a crashing airplane.

Let's get going,
start fixing things.

Everything's fixed, sir.

Well, then break something--
we got four hours to kill.

All units will be in their
positions by 1900 hours.

It is now 1700 plus 30.

At 1800 minus ten,
all leaders

will open sealed orders
and proceed as directed.

There will be
radio silence maintained,

and the men will speak
to no one--

we do not want a leak
at this point.

All units in position
at 1900 hours.

Ja.

Oh... I didn't think
anyone was here.

The door was locked,
so I assumed that...

It's funny
that you would have...

Oh... security-- of course.

I was just getting some papers
from my desk,

so you go right ahead
with what you were doing.

Feel perfectly free
to talk in front of me.

I'm on your side, you know.

I mean, it's my side, too.

We're both on the same side,
so feel free to talk.

I'm on both sides.

Whoops, I didn't mean...

Klink, get
whatever you need and get out here.

Hochstetter, I'm the
commandant of this camp.

I would not brag
about that, Klink-- your men are cowards!

Now, just a moment.

Cowards!

When I asked for volunteers
for that assault force,

every guard in this camp
had night duty tonight.

Ah, that proves they're
not afraid of the dark.

Is it usual that all
of your men have night duty?

There's a great deal
of camp spirit here.

There has never been an escape,
and it is a matter of pride.

Even when they're off duty,
they're on duty.

Maybe they sensed something
in the air, an attempted escape.

They are the ones that
are doing the escaping,

along with their
commandant, I might add.

I told you
how sorry I was.

So did all of your men!

Very well, I will do
this without you!

If there is a transmitter
within 20 miles of this camp,

we will blast it to pieces
before it gets off two words!

I only hope I am in on the kill!

Oh, good evening,
Herr Kommandant.

The car is ready
and waiting as ordered.

Excellent, Schultz.

It runs good?

Oh, like new,
Herr Kommandant.

Take the night off,
Schultz.

I'm going drive myself
into town.

Thank you very much,
Herr Kommandant.

I hope you appreciate
our promptness, sir.

We made a special effort
to have the car ready on time.

I do appreciate it, Hogan,
and in the future,

I hope you show even greater
effort, both you and your men.

Well, I wouldn't
if I were you, sir.

It, uh, was really
just beginner's luck.

I hope you have
a good time tonight.

I intend to.

( radio playing music )

Uh, what is this music
in the car?

I was listening
to the radio.

What radio?

The car radio.

This car has no radio.

Then you already knew
it was missing.

Should've known
you'd catch that, sir.

I think you'll be happy with
the one we've installed, sir,

it's a fairly new transmitter
with a range of about...

A transmitter?!

Get it away!

It's not going to hurt you, sir.

It's going to kill me,

that's how it's not
going to hurt me.

What are you talking about?

That trigger-happy nut,
Hochstetter--

he and his goon squad
will be combing the area

for a transmitter.

By golly, he's right.

We almost got
our commandant shot.

Boy, would Hochstetter's
face be red.

So would the
commandant's uniform.

( all laughing )

That's not funny!

No, it is not.

That's why
I stopped laughing.

We weren't laughing
at you, Colonel,

we were laughing with you.

Shut up!

Now, get the car
out of here,

get the radio
out of the car

and get yourselves
out of here!

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

Raus, everybody!

Mach schnell, schnell,
schnell, schnell, schnell!

Raus! Raus, everybody! Raus!

Okay, that's good.

Now for the final touch.

Fantastic-- you
won't know yourself.

I can't even see myself.

Believe me, you're a very
sinister-looking fellow.

Uh-huh.

Let's go.

Gentlemen.

( car starts up )

( whistling first bars
of "Yankee Doodle" slowly )

( someone whistles
corresponding bars )

Well?

No sign of him.

Well, keep looking--
maybe Baker...

Nah, I just saw Baker.

What about Newkirk?

Baker'd seen him--
no luck.

LeBeau?

I haven't heard
from LeBeau.

( LeBeau shouts, grunts )

( men grunting )

I think I found him, sir.

I'm Papa Bear.

I'm Hercules.

You must get
this message to headquarters.

Wessingen is
the main target.

Rocket factory is three miles
north of the town.

It will look like an orchard
from the sky.

Wessingen, three miles north
of Hammelburg,

looks like an orchard.

Where's the final assembly
and ship-out done?

There's a fishing village,
Bohnhorst.

It's ten miles up
from Götenfeld.

They use a cannery for assembly
and send them out by U-boat.

Good.

Let's go.

GUARD:
Heil Hitler.

Heil.

Find anything,
Herr Colonel?

Found everything.

This is what's left,
but not for long.

Tell all the units
they can go home.

Jawohl,
Herr Colonel.

And cut your radar--
I have to radio headquarters.

Close down,
Müller!

Good work, sir.

Danke, Sergeant.

Uh, I'm a corporal.

Turning down the promotion?

Promotion?

No, sir.

Thank you, sir.

This is Colonel Hoganmeyer
calling headquarters.

HOGAN ( over radio ):
We found the underground agent

with vital information on the
rocket factories and shipping.

He even knew of the factory

three miles north
of Hammelburg

that looks like an orchard.

No.

Yes.

And, uh...

HOGAN ( over radio ):
A fishing village, Bohnhorst,

where they assemble the rockets

and ship them out
by our U-boats.

No!

Yes.

I'm getting too old
to be a prisoner of war.

I wonder if our commandant
got into town.

Schultz said he took the
motorcycle with the sidecar.

Well, I hope he has
a good time.

What does this lovely
young rich widow look like?

Well, I'm not even
sure she's rich.

Well, a lovely,
young widow is good enough.

I really don't know
if she's lovely.

A young widow is still worth
taking a chance on.

I'm not even sure
she's young.

All the paper said was
the Rathskeller was purchased

by Frau Bertha Hagenfassel.

Bertha Hagenfassel!

I see a woman
about four feet, six inches tall

when she's standing
on her hind legs.

Come on, don't be fooled
by a name.

( vehicle approaching;
tires squeal )

It's a motorcycle.

It's heading this way
in a hurry.

( tires squealing )

In a big hurry.

Commandant Klink.

A little late
to be calling, isn't it?

What I have to say cannot
wait until tomorrow.

What's that, sir?

Thanks.

And thanks from Bertha.

WOMAN ( outside ):
Hurry, darling, it's cold.

KLINK:
Coming, Bertha!

Hogan, you're the best
enemy a man ever had.

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