All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s06e03 Klink Masterpiece.eng

( theme song playing )

♪ ♪

Ah, this awful war...

when will it all end?

When can you and I be
just a man and woman again?

When will these lips be able
to say what's in my heart?

Do you have any salt?

( laughs )

You have quite a line,
Colonel Hogan.

I'm just keeping in practice
for after the war.

Don't worry, you'll never
lose your touch.

Mm-hmm.

You know, if everybody
in the Underground

were as pretty as you,

the Nazis would be
fighting to join.

Come to the point, Colonel.

Why are we meeting here?

Well...

supplies and materials are being
shipped by truck convoy

along three different routes
to Hamburg.

Once they get to the depot,
we can't do anything.

Why?

There's an
SS panzer division there.

So the Underground has
to knock off the convoys

before they reach Hamburg.

That means three different
attack groups.

And they've got to operate
independently.

Mm...

I think it can be handled.

What are the truck routes?

We'll pass that information
along to you

as soon as
we hear from our contact.

In the meantime,

we do know the convoys will be
on the road next Monday.

Right, but we will
have to be careful.

I think the Gestapo
is watching me.

They've been dropping by
the art gallery?

No more than usual,

but I think it would be best
not to take any chances.

So...

When you want
to arrange a meeting,

send me the message
with Alberta.

You know, it's too bad
Alberta isn't a parrot,

then she could
tell you the message.

What if the Gestapo
caught her?

You're right.

They have ways
of making anybody talk.

( pigeon coos )

LeBEAU:
Yeah, that's a cute one.

Yeah.

NEWKIRK:
Very nice.

Well, that just looks like
an ordinary pigeon to me.

That's where
you're wrong, Carter--

that's a highly
trained bird. It is?

Sure. Not only
is it trained to deliver messages,

but if it's captured...
Yeah.

it immediately
swallows them.

Aha!

I caught you!

This I'm going to tell
Kommandant Klink.

You are supposed to be outside
doing your exercises!

Ah, come on, Schultz,

it's so dull doing those
same old exercises.

What kind of exercises
would you like to do?

How about swimming across
the English Channel?

( all laugh )

Very funny!
Very funny!

Raus mit Euch!

Everybody out,
out, out, out!

Out into
the yard...

( pigeon coos )

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

What was that?

What was
what?

I didn't hear
anything.

( pigeon coos )

That.

You all heard this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
sure we heard it,

didn't we,
fellows?

We certainly did.

Yeah.
Yeah.

I did hear it!

So did we,
Schultz.

Now tell me exactly
what it is we heard.

( pigeon cooing )

( pigeon cooing )

Carter.

Hi.

Hi.

Come off it.

Uh-huh.

And may I ask you...

why you were hiding this?

It's obvious,
Schultz--

there isn't enough
for company.

Company?

How many people
do you think

a little bird like
that would feed?

Even with the rice.

And the potatoes.

You're going to cook it?

LeBeau has a special recipe
for squab Lorraine.

But it's such a little bird.

Well, we were going
to fatten it up first.

I'll tell what we'll do,
Schultz.

We'll save you a leg.

And a wing.

Uh, yeah... but, uh, uh...

It's a deal, Schultz.

Don't tell
anybody else, huh?

Of course not.

There's not enough to go around.

Out!

Let's go,
everybody...

Here is a report
on prisoner-of-war camps.

We have the only perfect record
of no prisoner escapes.

Hmm. I'll have
to tell the men, they'll be thrilled.

But we have the lowest mark

in voluntary prisoner activity.

In Stalag 12,
they do basket weaving.

At Stalag 8,
they have camp shows.

In Stalag 15,
they have developed

a championship
Ping-Pong team.

Now, here at Stalag 13,
the men do nothing.

Why is that?

Well, maybe the men feel

it's a full-time job being
a prisoner of war, sir.

Nonsense, Hogan.

Now I want you
to order the men

to do voluntary activity
of some kind.

All right, I'll tell
them right away.

Huh, that's interesting.

Yeah, it tells
a lot about you, sir.

Oh, that's only
some scribblings.

It's not scribbling,
it's a doodle.

A doodle?

It's the scientific name for it.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Tells a lot about you.

For instance,
see the way

you draw these
straight lines here?

It shows you have a strong,
forceful character.

Yes.

And these circles
show imagination

and the ability
to think through difficult problems.

Amazing.

Of course,
I could be wrong. Oh, no, no, no.

You've hit it
right on the head. Go on.

Well, you see the way

you join your
straight lines here?

That shows you have
a strong sense of justice,

but with a sense of mercy
and understanding.

Remarkable.

Mm-hmm.

It's as though you've known me
all my life.

Hogan, you will
please see to it

that the men engage in
some voluntary activity, huh?

Uh-huh.

Or it'll be the cooler
for everybody.

Hi, Schultz.

What's this?
What's going on?

Oh, didn't Carter
give you the message?

Nobody gave me
a message.

Well, he's outside
looking for you--

LeBeau cooked
the squab Lorraine.

SCHULTZ:
All this from one little pigeon?

Well, we were 12 children
in my family,

so I learned
to stretch things.

Oh...

Help yourself.

Mmm.

Mmm-- delicious!

Here, Schultz.

Don't let Klink catch you
eating with us, huh.

Mmm...

Mmm...

( mumbling )

Hey, what was
the holdup?

We had to eat the
chicken, didn't we?

Schultz was here.

Boy, are we glad to get this.

Baker, contact
the Underground,

tell them we'll deliver
the convoy routes

to the art gallery
in town tonight.

Right, Colonel.

Wait a minute.

Something wrong?

Our contact at
staff headquarters...

what's his job
there?

Janitor.

Can I have
some chicken?

NEWKIRK:
This seems to be coming along pretty nicely.

Yup, we might
make it.

Forget about
"might," we will.

Achtung!

What's going on here?!

Merely acting on
your suggestion, sir.

What suggestion?

You said to get
the fellows engaged

in some voluntary
activity,

and I've got them
working on

sort of
a jigsaw puzzle here.

I tore up
some old maps.

You call that
an activity?

Would you rather
see them

digging tunnels,
sir?

Don't even say that.

That belongs here.

Und this one belongs hier.

You guys are very good.

You want me to tear up
more paper, sir?

Don't bother.

Hogan, this way.

What's up?

I, uh...

would like to get
your reaction to this.

What did you call it,
a... a doodle?

I did it this morning.

I'll give it a look
first chance I get, sir.

Mm-hmm.

Langenscheidt.

Langenscheidt, this is
for the prisoners--

find some other way
to amuse yourself.

All right,
let's get on with it.

How's it going?

I wouldn't have
believed it, Colonel,

but we're
just about finished.

Good.

Get the pigeon
out of tunnel,

we'll send a message
to Rhona.

Uh-oh.

BAKER:
Here comes Klink.

All right, go on,
I'll keep him occupied.

Right, sir.

Hogan?
Colonel.

Did you look
at that thing?

What thing?

You know, the doodle
I gave you.

Oh. yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, no, I, uh...

I haven't finished, sir,

it's not easy,
it's very deep, complicated.

( plane engine droning )

( bomb whistling )
Duck!

That was close,
just outside of camp.

That's your air force.

Those barbarians bombing
their own prisoners.

HOGAN:
Take it easy, Colonel, that's a German plane.

Impossible.

Now, why would
a German plane drop a bomb here

instead of
enemy territory?

For one thing,
it's safer.

Dismissed.

What happened?

Relax, fellows,
it was a German plane.

He had a bomb hanging
from his rack.

He dropped it, undoubtedly,
so he could land.

Bad news,
fellows.

The tunnel?
Yeah.

It's caved in.

All the way
from the radio room to the exit.

Oh, fine.

The men are
digging it out now.

Take about
two weeks.

At least Alberta's safe.

Hey, great.

LeBeau, take a message.

"Have the leaders of
the three attack groups meet us

"Sunday night
at the art gallery.

We'll have convoy maps
for you then."

Sir, if we can't use
the escape tunnels,

how are we going to get
the maps to them?

I haven't a clue.

SCHULTZ:
Colonel Hogan?!

You don't know
what's going on.

The plane that
dropped the bomb was one of ours.

Now why would he
drop a bomb here

of all places?

Nobody knows.

( pigeon coos )

( chuckles )

Some more...
squab Lorraine, huh?

Why do we even try to hide
anything from him?

Let him see it, Carter.

Look how fat this one is,
Schultz.

Feel him.

Now look what
you did, Schultz!

Boy!

I did nothing.
Nothing!

CARTER:
Yeah, you did,

you knocked him
right out of my hand!

NEWKIRK:
Now you'll have to catch him.

Catch it?

How can I catch it?

It's gone.

How do you think
we catch them, Schultz?

With a mating call.

Mating call?

Like this.

( imitating cooing
by rolling tongue )

You try it.

Coo. Coo. Coo.

Aha, that's it,
Schultz.

Now, while
she's still around.

Don't let her get away.

Don't waste any time.
Go ahead, Schultz.

( continues
saying "coo" )

I'm going back to my room
to do some serious thinking

about how we can get those maps
to the art gallery.

Hey, something
to think...

Nah, that's
ridiculous.

Still,
it might...

Nah, never.

I think
it'll work.

It's crazy.

But you're going
to try anyway, right?

I have to.

Where'd I put that doodle
Klink gave me?

The what-le?

I was standing
in the barracks

and I threw it
in the... trash...

No, I put it
in my pocket.

Lieutenant Griner, do you know

how actually close
that bomb came to me?

You are running
a sloppy operation.

And what's more, I...

What?

Tell it to your uncle,
Field Marshal Gutmann?

( chuckles nervously )

Lieutenant, that won't
be necessary.

All we have here
is prisoners,

so what possible harm
could there be?

Sorry I even
bothered you with it.

Yes, sir.

Yes, Lieutenant Griner, yes.

What do you want, Hogan?

Sir, I've been looking
at your doodle.

I'm not interested.

Why didn't you tell me
you studied art?

I did not.

Oh, come on, you probably
studied for years.

Paris, I'll bet.

Now, don't tell me you
can see that in the doodle.

That isn't a doodle;
that's a work of art.

Really?

Oh, sure, you can see
the influence of Matisse and Gauguin,

but where they left off,
you've gone on.

Aren't you exaggerating
just a little bit?

Look for yourself.

It does have kind of a...

sweep to it, doesn't it?

Sure-- and see
where the lines,

how they've
indicated a mood?

And here--
see for yourself--

how powerfully
you've indicated

the infinity of space
with just two circles.

That's exactly
what I had in mind.

Why don't you let me
keep it, sir?

Naturally,
I'll pay you for it.

Price, no object.

It would be like selling
my own child.

I don't blame you, sir.

You know, you won't
believe this.

I did this while talking
on the telephone.

No.

Oh, yes.

There's something else
you won't believe.

When I was a boy at school,

my teacher told me
I had no talent.

No.

Yes.

Well, they used to say
the same thing to Rembrandt.

No.
Yes.

Well, I can see you're
in a creative mood,

so I won't keep you,
Maestro.

Oh... "maestro."

Just one
other thing, sir. Yes.

Long after the
Field Marshal Gutmanns

are gone and forgotten,

art lovers will still
be talking about you.

HOGAN:
Colonel!

Colonel Klink!

Here, uh...

Brought you
a little present, sir.

A present for me?

Your canvas, sir.

Hogan, I told you
I can't paint.

Can a bird fly?
Can a fish swim?

I wouldn't know
how to begin.

Go ahead, sir.

If you can't do it,

I'll be the first
to tell you.

You know me--
brutally frank.

Go ahead, sir.

Go on.

I don't know
what to do.

You put your thumb
through here, sir.

Bravo.

Follow your instinct.

It won't let you down.

Oh!

Beautiful, beautiful.

( sobbing )

Um... try to control
yourself, LeBeau.

It's so beautiful, I...
I can't help it.

It's a natural reaction.

Finding such beauty
in the squalor of a prison camp.

Hogan, is this
really good?

Oh... ho...

It's another one
of your character traits, sir-- modesty.

Do you realize
what you've done here?

The line, the coloring--
breathtaking!

I just painted
what I felt.

Mm-hmm.

True sign of a genius, sir.

Go ahead.

This time, I think
I'll use a lot of blue.

Ah.

Ah, thank you.

This is something
you'll be able

to tell your children,
fellas, after the war.

Yep, the maestro is going
into his "Blue Period."

( humming "Fur Elise" )

Well, Schultz,
what do you think, huh?

I think it is too much...

Nobody wants
your opinion!

Too much what?

( sighs )

I don't know.

It's just too much.

Schultz, you are so stupid,
I feel sorry for you.

Now just look at
this painting closely.

What do you see?

I don't know.

It is a painting
of the wind.

Nobody can paint the wind.

Well, of course not.

But you can see what
the wind is doing.

Just notice how
everything is bending over.

It's the wind.

Don't you see that,
Schultz?!

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

That's a painting
of the wind.

( door opens and closes )

Don't let me
disturb you, sir,

but I just had to come
to watch you creating.

Oh, that's exquisite.

Absolutely charming.

People praying.

No, it's the wind.

Everything bending over
with the wind.

Oh, I knew that.

What I meant was
that's people praying

that you continue painting
for years and years.

Yep.

( humming tune )

( sighs )

( sighs louder )

Is something wrong, Hogan?

I'm sorry.

I didn't want you
to stop, sir.

No, what is it? What is it?

Oh... oh, it's silly.

Forget it.

No, I insist
that you tell me, please.

Well, I know that
you're a genius,

and you know that
you're a genius,

but the real test

of acceptance
of your work is, will it sell?

Will a collector
think enough of your paintings to buy?

I see what you mean.

Yeah.

Now, if I were you...
( sighs )

But you're the artist.

I shouldn't tell you
what to do.

No, go on, tell me.

All right,
remember, you asked.

Well, I'd go into town,
tonight, say,

take three paintings--
no more than that,

so they'll think
there isn't too much of your work around--

I'd take it to
the art gallery and offer it for sale.

That would be
the test I'd make.

( snaps fingers )

That's a very
good idea, Hogan.

I'll do it.

I'll take
these three paintings.

Yeah, there's no doubt
in my mind

that it'll be
snapped up right away.

But an artist can't be collected
until his work has been seen.

Oh, I'd love
to look at their faces

when you show them
your work.

Oh, you will, Hogan.

You know, without you,
I would never have known that I was a painter.

You will come
to town with me.

I'll just go and change.

Thank you, sir.

It's Hogan.

Colonel Klink, the prison
commandant, is with him.

We'd better get
out of here.

It could be a trap.

Oh, what's the matter
with you?

You know Hogan wouldn't
bring Colonel Klink here

if it was going
to cause trouble.

Wait in the next room

until I can find out
what this is all about.

Good evening,
gentlemen.

Ah! Good evening.

I am Colonel Klink.

This is Colonel Hogan.

Now, let's not
waste any time.

I'm here to sell
some of my paintings.

A simple yes or no
is all I want.

Oh, Colonel, please.

That's not the way
it's done.

Will you let me
handle this?

The colonel,
as an artist,

naturally, is
very temperamental.

We realize,
as an art gallery,

you don't buy paintings,

but you come in contact
with collectors who do.

Yes, but naturally, I would
have to see the paintings

before I could recommend them.

Well, naturally.
Oh?

Schultz!

Schultz!

Uh... uh...

Uh... uh...
very.... interesting.

That's all?

Just interesting?

Schultz!

Put the paintings back
in the car.

Oh, wait a minute,
Colonel, please.

Just a minute.

She loves them,

but if she shows
any enthusiasm,

she thinks you'll
raise the price.

That's the way
they all work.

Hogan, this is
all new to me.

I'm an artist.

What do I know
about business?

That's why I want you to
let me handle it, please.

Uh... I want you
to understand,

these aren't just
ordinary paintings.

They're not for
the average person who buys just anything.

This is for the person

who maps his buying
with an eye to tomorrow.

Do I make myself clear?

Perfectly.

And I happen to have
three "collectors"

here right now,
who I think might be interested.

Let me get them.

Well, that's it, sir.

I'm not sure
I want to sell.

You've got to.

Otherwise,
you'll never know

whether you're
a success or failure.

All right.

These gentlemen are
well-known collectors.

I've urged them
to buy your paintings.

I'll take this one.
How much is it?

Uh, a hundred marks.

All right,
thank you.

All right,
I'll take this one.

That'll be...

150 marks.

Well, that leaves
the best for you.

You'll notice...

I'll take it.

For that one,
I want 300 marks.

300?!

You think
it's too much?

Um...

No.

I'll pay it.

I've changed my mind.

This painting is
not for sale.

You can't do that.

I'm doing it.

Maestro, you're making
a big mistake.

You can't afford
to antagonize a collector.

He can't hurt me.

That's exactly
what Leonardo da Vinci once said to a collector.

That's why it took him
ten years

to sell the Mona Lisa.

Really, you can't make
an enemy of an art patron.

But I want to keep
this painting.

All right, then
charge him 500 marks.

I'm a good judge
of human nature.

He won't go that high.

You can have the painting,
but it'll be 500 marks.

All right.

Two, three, four...

Hogan, you said
he wouldn't pay it.

I guess I'm not
such a good judge of human nature,

but look at all
the money you got.

Why didn't I know
about this before?

I'll bring you 30
or 40 more pictures by the end of this week.

In fact, I'll bring you
that many every week.

Oh, Schultz, stop these men.

Stop them, stop them!

What's the
matter, sir?

Hogan, you should know that
better than anyone else.

I forgot to sign
the paintings.

Ah! I am
so glad you brought the paintings back.

Yes, I had to go
to a lot of trouble.

I would like to know
what this is all about.

In a moment, in a moment.

( humming simple tune )

KLINK:
Beautiful, just beautiful.

( whispers ):
What happened to the convoys?

Boom!

You see, Hogan thought--

I mean I thought--
that I would not have to sell the paintings.

In fact, I would be
willing to pay for getting them back.

At a profit to you,
of course.

All right, that will
be 3,000 marks.

3,000 marks.

That's an outrage!

Not for original Klinks,
Colonel.

I have no doubt
that your pictures will be

as valuable one day
as Gauguin or Van Gogh's.

Coming from an expert,
that sounds wonderful.

3,000, hmm?

One, two, three.

Thank you, Maestro.

And thank you,
Colonel Hogan.

Bitte.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Wiedersehen.

Wiedersehen.

Did you hear that,
Hogan?

My paintings will sell
for the same price as Van Gogh or as Gauguin.

You won't get that.

But she just said...

She said they
would be as valuable.

Gauguin and Van Gogh
starved.

It wasn't until
after they were dead

that their works
became priceless.

Why, that would means
I would have to die first.

Uh-huh.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0