All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s06e01 CuisineStalag 13.eng

( theme song playing )

♪ ♪

Ah... ah, here's
our fine chef.

Corporal...
do you know

for whom you
have the honor

of cooking
tonight, huh?

General Wexler and his aide,
Captain Richter.

I'm so thrilled I may cry
into the champignons.

Champignon--
"mushroom," of course.

These French are
so emotional.

Now, Corporal, what is

the pièce de résistance
tonight, huh?

Tournedos Rossini et
les pommes de terre frites.

Meat and
French-fried potatoes.

It loses a little something
in the translation.

WEXLER:
The sergeant eats first?

Some local tradition?

Uh, no, no.

You see,
our very fine chef

is also
a very dangerous prisoner,

and I think it is wise

to have a food taster
around just in case.

I risk my life
for the Fatherland.

And gain a few
pounds on the way.

Mmm, wunderbar,
Kommandant, wunderbar.

Not a sign of poison.

Excellent!

You see, whenever Schultz
does not fall down,

it is safe.

CARTER:
Providing he falls in the other direction.

Proceed, proceed,
Herr General, please sit down.

Danke schön.
Danke.

A food taster--

no detail
escapes you, Colonel.

You have
command thinking.

Thank you, Captain,
thank you.

Commandant?

Yes, please.

Thank you, Sergeant.
thank you.

Everything under
control, Captain?

Danke.

Cor blimey, you scared
me half to death.

Sorry.

Richter's very, very
messy with his papers.

Well, just find them.

I'm looking.

Having a proper bash
out there, are they?

Klink's still bucking
for promotion.

Good luck to him,
the silly old sod.

Oh, here we are--
these look interesting.

Yeah...

Yeah, that's great.

Okay, I'll see you.

What do
you mean?

Get back
here quickly--

I got to replace these.

I know.

KLINK:
Ah, I think a little bit more wine might be in order.

Thank you.

You have another
dinner party

going on
in the camp?

Oh, no, Herr General.

I send a little of the food
to our senior POW officer.

A little bribe
for permitting us to use his, uh, chef.

Oh, very good, yeah.

Anything,
Colonel?

Yeah, mostly low-grade stuff.

A new ball-bearing
factory,

locations of two
ack-ack units--

all this
we've already seen.

Well, I don't
understand it.

Richter gave us the signal
to go ahead.

He's given us good
intelligence before.

I guess even traitors
have their bad days.

BAKER:
Colonel...

there's a note
on this one.

Hmm...

"Next dinner,
same procedure.

Plans... for West Wall
underwater obstacles."

That could be
interesting.

Hmm, if
he delivers.

Yeah, well,
let's pay him for this stuff anyway.

How are things going
over at the festival?

Boy, is Klink working
for that promotion.

Can you imagine him
making general?

Yeah, how
would Klink look

with a red stripe
on his pants?

Like a bald-headed Kraut

with a red stripe
on his pants.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

HOGAN:
Not the greatest information we ever had,

but pass it along.

Oui, colonel.

A courier will meet me
tomorrow or the next day.

We have a pretty
hot contact,

General Wexler's aide.

He promised us something
important next time.

Bonne chance.

Oh, one moment, Colonel,
there is one more thing.

It concerns
Louis and myself.

Me?
Mm-hmm.

Would you two
like to be alone?

General De Gaulle has broadcast
an important message

to Frenchmen
all over the world.

He's ordered
that we pass it on.

What did he say?

I wrote part of it down.

"We have reached
a crisis

"in the fight to regain
our precious homeland.

"I now call upon
Frenchmen everywhere.

"Rally to the tricolore.

"Come to England,

"and together
as free Frenchmen

"we will liberate our homeland.

France and I await you."

Vive la France.

Vive la liberté.

Vive la France.

Vive De Gaulle.

Old Charlie sure knows
how to get people home.

You off to England
then, Marie?

No, my work is here;
I will stay.

De Gaulle does
not need women.

That's new kind
of Frenchman.

Mon colonel?

Yes, Louis.

Marie stays, but I,
Louis LeBeau, am going.

Vive LeBeau.

Vive la France.

You can't take off
just like that;

it isn't done.

Watch me.

Oh, come on, Louis,
you know you'll miss us

and the Krauts and the lice
and the stinking food

and the bloody awful weather.

What about all that?

What about it?

Need a man to carry
your chafing dish?

Hey, come on,
look, buddy,

you don't seem
to realize,

you've been fighting
for France

right here, right
along with us.

True, I have done
my duty here--

I have killed the enemy,
sabotaged him,

blown up his guns,
been captured by the Gestapo,

risked my life
to defeat the Boche.

Now my own
people ask for me.

Et voilà,
it's time to go.

Louis, I don't blame
you one little bit.

He has a point,
Colonel.

Point is, you are
fighting, Louis.

And what happens
après la guerre?

What?

After the war.

I find a girl, get
married, we have a child

and the baby says to me,

"Hey, what did you do
in the war, Papa?"

And I must answer,
"I made crêpes Suzette."

Lie to the kid.

LeBeau, if you go,

we'll have to tell
Klink you've escaped.

Then his record
is ruined.

The Krauts
might replace him

and really give us
a hard commandant;

then we're
out of business.

Very simple, Colonel,
replace me.

Find another Frenchman
your size who can cook?

That would be
a problem.

Good luck with it.

Aw, come on, LeBeau,
be reasonable.

We got this thing
going with Richter.

So?

The next time he comes
to dinner with Wexler,

he's going to bring us

the West Wall
underwater obstacle plans.

Oh là là...

You don't care?

Of course I do.

Write me all about it

in care of
the Free French, London.

I could order you
to stay, LeBeau.

With all due
respect, sir,

you are a colonel,
De Gaulle is a general.

He's also taller.

Don't you care anything
about this place?

Nothing.

All the fun we've had,
all the laughs.

Ha!
It's been hilarious.

Especially that time
when the Gestapo

had me strung up
by my thumbs

and was ready
to torture me.

Everybody has
bad days.

LeBeau, I'm
really shocked by your attitude.

You're making
it very difficult for me, Colonel.

I'm trying.

I realize that cooking for this
Kraut general is important.

Without you,
we haven't got a chance.

Voilà, I can solve the problem:

Before I leave, I will teach
one of the others to cook.

Are you kidding,
LeBeau?

You seem to miss the
whole idea of the war.

We're fighting the
Germans, not each other.

LeBEAU:
All right.

Attention, écoutez-moi.

Come here, Peter...
listen to me.

We are going to cook steak
with sauce bordelaise.

Louis, I'll never learn
about French cooking.

I don't even like it.

You can learn.

I get heartburn
watching Maurice Chevalier.

Come on, let's give
the little fellow a chance.

Merci, Carter.

Now, put some
seasoning on it.

Let me see what kind
of touch you have.

No, no, no, no, no, no.
This is wrong.

You have to use
the seasoning

with a delicate touch.

Now, in
a case like this...

a little salt...

pepper...

And when you are ready,

your butter and parsley
should actually dance

across the meat.

And when you are finished,
your meat will lie there

like a sleeping beauty,

waiting for the sauce
to bring it to life.

Cockroach!

Oui?

Will you marry me?

Are you joking
with that?

Well, all right.

So then he'll
stay with me

until it's safe
to move him.

Good.

The sub's been alerted.

Contact them by radio,
usual procedure.

Oui, Colonel,
I understand.

Aah, this is one escape
I don't feel good about.

C'est la guerre.

Right.

Another rotten thing
to charge to the war.

I'm ready, mon colonel.

Marvelous job,
isn't it, sir?

He looks
just like a Kraut traveling salesman.

Yeah, in small appliances.

( chuckling )

Well, this is
it, LeBeau.

Au revoir,
mon colonel.

It's been an honor
to serve in your command.

Yeah, yeah, thanks,

and, uh, take good
care of yourself, huh?

Maybe we'll see each other
again after the war.

Well, Andrew, I know
you'll be a great cook.

Take it easy, buddy.

Good luck, Louis.

Hope to see you
sometime.

LeBEAU:
I hope so, too.

Bonne chance.

Peter...

We're really
going to miss you around here, you know.

Au revoir, mon pote.

Take care, huh?

Au revoir,
mes amis.

Don't forget to write...
in code.

Au revoir.

Bonne chance.

Bon appétit,
Herr Kommandant.

Ah, thank you,
Schultz, thank you.

Mmm... ( gasps )

It looks
fantastic, huh?

A little
parsley garnish...

lemon, pimento...
Mmm...

and the capers nestled
in the lemon, huh?

Mmm!

Alles in Ordnung.

You won't believe it.

This is terrible.

The man who cooked
this should get

30 days
in the cooler.

60 is not enough,
Herr Kommandant!

Get the little
Frenchman out here!

Hey, Cockroach,
come out here!

You called,
Monsieur Commandant?

You prepared this?

Oui, Monsieur
Commandant.

Uh, it's called
chicken à la princess-ee.

But how
could you've...

Wait a minute, you're not
the little Frenchman.

No, sir.

But in high school,
I took one year of...

Schultz!

Get Hogan
in here at once.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

And you,
take this away...

and bury it.

Just as I said,
Herr Kommandant, he's gone.

Escaped?!

Impossible-- nobody
escapes from here.

My guess is he went out hidden
in one of the garbage trucks.

Schultz, it is
your duty

to inspect
the garbage.

Herr Kommandant,
the cockroach...

I mean, Corporal LeBeau--
he is so small,

he can hide in a potato peel.

Idiot, I have
invited General Wexler

to have dinner here next
week and I have no chef.

Sergeant Carter could
cook the meal for you.

He's coming along nicely.

I want to entertain the general,
not poison him.

Schultz, sound
the general alarm!

Alert the troops--
shoot on sight.

That will be the end
of our wandering Frenchman.

Also the end
of your promotion.

They can bury LeBeau

and the red stripe
for your pants at the same time.

Nobody escapes
from Stalag 13.

Red stripe?

Cancel the shoot-on-sight order.

But I want
a maximum search effort!

We'll capture him.

Schultz, don't just stand
there-- get on with it.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

Oh, Schultz,
before you start,

uh, bring me back
two poached eggs.

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

And an order
of toast.

And an order
of toa...

Out, Hogan!

Oh, that Boche!

I am to leave for England
day after tomorrow,

Marie arranged it.

You're safe unless the
Krauts search the area.

Why did this
have to happen?

Carter should have learned
to cook by now.

You kidding?

He can't tell
the difference

between caviar
and K rations.

I will have to move
from here.

When Marie comes back,

I'll find out if there's
another safe place.

A shame.

The two of you are
nice and cozy here.

She's been good to me.

Huh, a little romance
developing?

You can tell me,
I'm a full colonel.

She's a beautiful,
warmhearted woman.

She cooks for me, stands guard,
worries about me.

You don't need a colonel;
you need a chaplain.

Ah, I better get back
to the mother ship.

Thanks for
the warning, Colonel.

( coded knock at door )

Marie.

Karl, what
are you doing?

Oh, Colonel Hogan.

Oh, bad news, Louis.

The Gestapo
has picked up Marie.

What?!

Well, she was coming
out of a store,

a Gestapo patrol
was checking papers

and they stopped her.

Where'd
they take her?

Gestapo
headquarters.

They have called
the Vichy Security Police

for identification.

Karl, get a car,

park it around the corner
from the headquarters.

Wait a minute,
hold it.

I'll get her out of there

if I have to kill every
Gestapo animal in the place.

Clever way
to commit suicide.

Now, take it
easy, Louis.

Oh, the Colonel's
right, Louis.

You can't
swing this alone.

Go in there
like gangbusters,

knock off
a few goons,

and they take it
out on her.

I'll take that chance.

Will you calm down
a little, Louis?

Maybe we can work out something.

They called Vichy
for identification.

They probably won't work on her.

Gives us a little time,
a day or two.

Gives us a little time?

Right.

If you're ever in trouble,
call Stalag 13--

open 24 hours, we never sleep.

How can I ask you
to take such a risk?

Because I'm going
to ask you something.

Anything.

Come back to camp
and cook the meal for Klink.

And give myself up?

You said "anything."

You have my word
you can go to England

after we get
the West Wall plans.

A deal?

Deal.

MAN:
Marie Bizet?

We're holding her here.

Her papers, bitte.

Sergeant Duclos,
Vichy Security Police.

And that is the order

for the release
of the prisoner.

We cannot release her
without proper authorization.

We had no word from Berlin
on this case.

Marie Bizet is wanted
for sabotage

against
the Vichy government.

We are very anxious
to question her.

I'm sorry,
I can't help you.

( door rattling )

Heil Hitler.

Heil.

Major Hoganburger,
Berlin, Section 8.

We were on our way
to Düsseldorf

and had some
engine trouble and...

Wait...

Have we met before?

Sergeant Maurice Duclos,
Vichy Security Police.

Liaison officer
in the Marceau case.

It's a pleasure to see
you again, Major.

Heil.

Steiner, you remember
Sergeant Duclos?

Yes, his face is
vaguely familiar.

Abend.
Bonjour.

What are you doing
so far from home, Sergeant?

Orders to transfer a prisoner
from here to Vichy.

Rotten work.

Perhaps we can have
a drink together later?

I would enjoy that, Major, but
I can't leave for the moment.

I'm caught in red tape.

His authorization papers

have not been properly
countersigned, Herr Major.

What can we do
about this?

Perhaps I should
call Berlin.

No, I don't like to get
Himmler out of bed.

He needs his sleep
and I need my job.

( chuckling )

I'll vouch for
Sergeant Duclos.

But, Herr Major,
I'm afraid I can't.

The only thing you have
to be afraid of, Captain,

is a transfer eastward.

There's your
counterauthorization.

Release the prisoner
to Sergeant Duclos.

Unless you enjoy winter sports.

And how did you get
out of the camp?

That is what you're
going to tell me-- how.

Is it true you hid out
in one of the garbage trucks?

Oui, one of
the garbage trucks.

Merci, mon colonel.

Hogan,
you were right.

Now, tell me,

why did you decide
to honor us

with your return, hmm?

I escaped on an impulse.

I had no money, no food,
no place to go, no help.

You are breaking
my heart.

All right, ten days in the
cooler for attempted escape,

sentence to start
immediately after you cook

a fabulous dinner
for General Wexler.

When you want a favor,
Commandant, you're irresistible.

That is an order!

There will be a guard in the
kitchen with you every moment.

Nobody stands guard
over me when I cook.

You dare to defy me?

20 days in the cooler
on bread and water.

I cook alone
or not at all!

All right,
dinner is off,

sentence
to start now.

Schultz!

And so we say farewell, aloha,

to the red stripe
on Colonel Klink's pants.

Herr Kommandant.

Schultz, take this man
to the kitchen...

and leave him alone.

WEXLER:
Fabelhaft!

Another perfect
dinner, Klink.

Ah, thank you,
Herr General.

I am so pleased
you're pleased.

Well, now I'm ready
for a cigar.

Ah, have one of these,
Herr General.

Danke-- I prefer
one of my own.

Uh, did you bring them, Hans?

Ja, Herr General, they
are in my briefcase.

I will get it.

No, sir, please,
allow me.

Stay seated, please,
I need the exercise.

Could I help the general
find his cigars?

Out of my
way, solider.

I said I'd get
them myself.

He said they were
in his briefcase, sir.

WEXLER:
I don't see it.

Here we are, sir.

Ah, yes-- young eyes
are always the keenest.

Thank you, sir.

Ah.

Psst... Kraut's gone.

I'll be back in a minute
for the papers.

Oh, great.

By that time I should be
conscious again.

HOGAN:
Locations of underwater mines, anti-sub nets, obstacles,

West Wall fortifications,
the whole bag.

Richter really came through.

Ah, that's
great, Colonel.

You guys did
a great job, too.

BOTH:
Thank you, sir.

We'll see that it gets
to London, Colonel.

Well, these are important enough

to ask London
for a courier plane.

Baker, make radio contact.

Will do.

Tell them that they'll have

a passenger on the return trip,
General De Gaulle's new cook.

No, Baker, wait.

I've changed my mind, Colonel.

I'm not going.

What?!
What do you mean?

Well, I have
a responsibility here.

Without me,
you'll all wind up

in a Gestapo jail
in about two weeks.

He's a cheeky devil.

He's right, this
stuff proves it.

The way to
a Kraut's briefcase

is through
his stomach.

But I don't want
to be just a chef.

Oh, I promise, LeBeau.

We won't ask you
to cook anymore

unless it's
absolutely necessary.

Merci, mon colonel.

Vive LeBeau!

OTHERS:
Vive LeBeau!

Merci, merci.

What's our next job,
Colonel?

Well, how about whipping
up some hors d'oeuvres

to go with
the champagne?

Would you do that
for your old mates, would you?

Oh, you guys...

Done nothing about it?

Not even the possible list?

I understand.

Danke, Major.

Sir, LeBeau's been in
the cooler two days now.

Wexler has done nothing
about my promotion.

I just don't understand
what happened.

All that food,
the wine...

You picked
the wrong man.

Obviously Wexler has
no muscle in Berlin.

But he's on the promotions
advisory committee.

About LeBeau, sir.

Maybe I should reach
a little higher the next time.

Possibly Colonel General Flamm.

How about Göring?

Old fatso appreciates
good food,

when he's not
killing people.

Excellent idea, Hogan.

I'll put an invitation
through channels immediately.

Tell the little Frenchman
to start planning.

The little Frenchman is not
about to start planning

while he's in
the cooler, sir.

Hogan, I'm still
the commandant here,

and LeBeau will plan
the Reichsmarschall's meals

anywhere I tell him to.

All right... when
Göring wakes up

in the middle of the
night with heartburn,

you'll be the worst
insurance risk in Germany.

I'll see to it that
LeBeau is released at once.

Colonel Klink...
you're too kind.

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