All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s04e24 The Big Dish.eng

( theme song playing )

I'm afraid your man
isn't going to show.

I suppose it is
hard to believe,

a prisoner of war
attending a meeting in London.

He'll be here.

( knock )

Come in.

I'll get
the lights.

HOGAN:
Gentlemen.

Air Marshal
Woodhouse-- RAF.

How do
you do?

Professor Burrows--

electronics advisor,
Defense Ministry.

How are
you?

Colonel Hogan.
General.

I've heard
a great deal about you.

I must say
you're doing

a splendid job,
old chap.

Thank you,
I have a good crew.

I'd like to hear
more about it-- after the meeting.

We'd better make it
after the war.

I'm due back for roll call
in eight hours and ten minutes

and the Krauts will be awfully
disappointed if I don't make it.

We can't have
that, can we?

( all laugh )

Let's get on
with it, then, shall we?

I'm afraid
we've got rather a serious problem.

The Jerrys have
suddenly begun making things

rather difficult for us
with their antiaircraft.

They've already
shot down

some of our fastest
reconnaissance planes.

Obviously would make our bombers
sitting ducks.

Now, according
to intelligence,

the Luftwaffe have
been experimenting

with a new type
of radar--

a super-sensitive
mobile unit.

Hogan, if this equipment
is really effective,

we've got
a brand-new war.

I was just getting
used to the old one.

Well, let's start
with a few pictures.

WOODHOUSE:
Lady Valerie Stanford.

One of the oldest families
in England.

A radar specialist.

Worked with the RAF--
part of a research team.

Very able scientist.

All that and brains, too?

Brilliant mind.

But a highly erratic
personality.

BURROWS:
Went off the deep end a few years ago.

Defected to the Nazis.

Said to be a personal
friend of Hitler.

The fellow with the mustache
really scores, doesn't he?

Colonel, we believe
Lady Stanford is the brain

behind this new
German radar device.

Our flight patterns against
their industrial targets

intersect at point K--
Düsseldorf-Hammelburg sector.

Yeah, there's
my alma mater, Stalag 13.

Exactly.

Intelligence informs us

that Lady Stanford
is somewhere in your area.

If so,
that may be

where they're
testing next.

You want us to find the Kraut
radar and knock it out.

Or find
Lady Stanford

and talk her back
to our side.

Can you
pull it off, Hogan?

( sighs )

Every officer must do his duty
as he sees it.

And, gentlemen, I see it.

Anderson!

Bratkin!

Here.

Carter!

Carter!!

CARTER:
Yo.

Davis.

Edwards.

Harper.

SCHULTZ:
Hogan.

Colonel not back yet?

Maybe he only bought
a one-way ticket.

And leave
this Shangri-La?

Carter,
you need help.

I don't see
Colonel Hogan.

LeBEAU:
Monsieur our favorite Kraut

does not see
Colonel Hogan.

You shouldn't
do this to me.

What shall I tell
the commandant?

KLINK:
Report!

Achtung!

Herr Kommandant, all present
and accounted for... almost.

Good, I...

Almost?

Schultz, what kind
of a report is that?

Well, Herr Kommandant,
A for Anderson is here,

B for Bratkin is here,
C for Carter is here...

Never mind who's here.

Who is not here,
idiot?

Well, I... ( stuttering )

Aha, aha!

Colonel Hogan.

Morning, Germans.

( grunts )

All present
and accounted for.

Hogan!

This is inexcusable.

I'm sorry, sir,
I overslept.

Had a crazy dream
I was on a plane flying back from London.

The next time
you are late for roll call,

your dream will turn
into a nightmare.

Rather touchy this morning.

Get up on the wrong side
of the war, sir?

( prisoners laugh )

Silence!

KINCH:
What do you know--

they've finally come
to pick up my laundry.

NEWKIRK:
No, that's the new sauna bath I ordered.

I hope they remembered
to include the lady masseur.

Not "masseur."

The word is
"masseuse," idiot.

CARTER:
Who cares, just as long as it's a girl.

KLINK:
Silence!

That truck
is none of your business.

What's in it,
Commandant--

a shipment of unconditional
surrender forms?

They have to be filled out
in triplicate, you know.

KINCH:
And signed on the hood of a German tank.

( laughing )

KLINK:
Silence!

Very amusing.

That truck is top secret.

But I assure you,
its contents will soon have

the Allied planes
dropping like flies.

That's not so amusing, is it?

Dismissed.

It fits the briefing
I got in London--

high-powered, mobile radar.

KINCH:
Radar?

That'll make things
even tougher on the fly-boys.

And their life-span
is pretty short now.

Colonel, look.

We are suddenly
crawling with Boches.

Hochstetter and a full
Luftwaffe general.

NEWKIRK:
Blimey-- Gestapo and the top brass.

Poison and Ivy.

Looks like Berlin
is sending in the first team, Colonel.

It proves one thing for sure.

That radar truck is here
on serious business.

For Pete's sake,

you think
they're going to operate from here?

There's only one way
to make sure.

What's that,
sir?

Scout the opposition
before the opening kickoff.

This location will do nicely.

And that you have
chosen Stalag 13

as the proving ground
for our new radar system,

General Reicker,
it is the culmination

of my not entirely
undistinguished military career.

Military career as
a keeper of a jail?

KLINK:
Major Hochstetter, I can assure you it is not from choice.

My nostrils itch
for the smell of gunpowder.

Oh? Well, perhaps
that can be arranged.

And Monsieur Hochstetter
is just the man to arrange it.

If Klink
keeps talking,

he's going to be
in a lower berth on the Stalingrad Express.

General, I say we should not
test the equipment here.

I was not aware it was
your decision, Major.

Sir.

The Gestapo,
Herr General,

is interested
only in security,

and this man
is a natural hazard.

He attracts misfortune
like a magnet.

Sir, I warn you.

I must protest this slander.

To whom-- the Gestapo?

I haven't decided yet.

I'll let you know.

General Reicker,
I have confined the prisoners.

I have doubled the guard.

I've thrown an impenetrable
screen around the entire camp.

Good-- we will proceed
according to plan.

Good.

And as soon as we have one,

we'll proceed
according to plan.

Don't let that top layer
of blubber fool you, mate.

Underneath, old Schultz
is as tough as nails.

But you know
what does it?

It's the old
Prussian goose-step.

That's the secret, mate.

Really?

Right-- look out.

Here, I'll show you,
I'll demonstrate.

Bloody marvelous
for the physique.

You try it, now,
come on.

Watch me.

Right.

Right-- you feel
better already, eh?

CARTER:
I feel a lot better.

Nein, nein, nein,
nein, nein!

That's terrible.

( grunts )

I'll show you.

SCHULTZ:
Eins, zwei, drei, vier.

ALL THREE:
Eins, zwei, drei, vier.

Eins, zwei, drei, vier.

And General Reicker,
I can assure you

of my absolutely
fullest cooperation.

That is what I
have been afraid of.

HOGAN:
Oh, Commandant?

Hogan!

How did you
get past the guards?

Guards at Stalag 13?

When did we give up
the honor system, sir?

Who is this man, Klink?

Colonel Hogan,
senior POW officer, sir.

I'll deal with you
later, Hogan-- out!

Forgive me, Commandant,

but after the formation
this morning,

the men wanted me
to thank you

for taking them
into your confidence.

Taking them
into your confidence?

What did he say?

Just my usual
forceful remarks, sir.

Regulations, discipline,
a few threats.

Just routine--
out, Hogan.

I didn't ask you, Klink.

What did the commandant say?

Well...

It was nothing, sir, nothing.

Yes, exactly what were
the commandant's remarks?

Well, he hinted at the
glorious achievements

of the German scientist.

He mentioned that the truck
out there is top secret,

but we could tell
from the way he said it

that the truck has something
to do with radio or radar.

Was that all?

Could there be
anything else?

Let me see.

He said something
about it would knock our bombers out.

"They'd be dropping
like flies," he said.

Incredible!

Imbecile, idiot.

General, I tell you,
this man is a natural hazard.

Was it something
I said, sir?

I may have misquoted
the colonel.

I mean, I wouldn't
even have mentioned it

except the men
were so grateful

he let them in
on a secret.

It's great for morale.

Klink, you are finished.

If you have one ounce
of brains left,

you will take this
and blow them out.

Hochstetter,
what are you doing?

I will tell Berlin
that there's been a leak.

We must cancel the test,
move the equipment.

Just a moment.

General, there's
no security problem.

No prisoner has ever
escaped from Stalag 13.

Hogan is right, sir--
not one ever.

General Reicker, I would
be terribly disappointed

if the test
were not made here.

Unfortunately, the Führer
would be disappointed, too.

This project has
his personal approval.

If they move the test,

won't your technical
adviser have to make new calculations?

Adviser?

No one has used that word.

What do you know
about a technical adviser, Hogan?

There has to be
a great mind

behind every scientific
discovery-- it's logic.

That will be enough,
Colonel Hogan.

You may go.

Thank you, sir.

Uh, good luck
with your test.

Stalag 13 is
a lucky number.

At least
it's been lucky for me.

Colonel Hogan, I came here
to borrow some of your cologne.

It smells so good.

From now on, Sergeant Schultz
lives like a king.

Poor mug, he's crackers.

Yeah, perhaps for the first
course with goose livers.

Or maybe little herring
tidbits in wine sauce.

Good life,
huh, Schultz?

Where is
this paradise?

Can't tell you.

My lips are sealed--
top secret.

But tonight I sleep in
a real bed with clean sheets.

That's why I wanted
your cologne.

It goes with clean sheets.

Gourmet meals,
clean sheets.

Okay, Schultz.

Sounds like you're
going to be staying in a hotel,

probably in Hammelburg.

Donnerwetter,
how do you know that?

You maybe have gypsy blood?

Well, we moved around
a lot when I was a kid.

Okay, gentlemen.

Why would they want Schultz
in Hammelburg?

Maybe they're going
to put him in cement

and use him
for a roadblock.

That's a terrible
thing to say

about a career man.

I, Sergeant Hans Schultz, have
been selected to be a messenger

for a VIP-- V.I.P.-- a very
important personage.

That's enough, Schultz,

we don't want
to know anymore.

We don't want to know
that it's a famous woman scientist

who's masterminding
this radar setup at Stalag 13.

We don't want
to know that.

Don't worry,
Colonel Hogan,

wild horses won't drag it
out of me...

How did he know
about that?

ALL:
We know nothing.

Nothing.

Hi, Schultz.

Hi.

Boy, you sure look good
standing there.

Danke.

You're a heap
of a soldier.

You're a real heap.

Oh, uh, Colonel Hogan
asked me

to bring you
this cologne.

Oh, it's nice of the colonel
to remember.

Yeah.

Well, I'll see you.

Hey, Carter?

What are you doing
outside the camp?

Well, we deliver anywhere
in a hundred-mile radius.

Oh...

But you have to get
your order in

before 9:00 a.m.

Good.

I remember.

Carter!

( gasps )

WOMAN:
Anna, I finished my bath.

I'm waiting.

( knocking )

You may come in,
Anna.

( water sloshing in tub )

Towel, please.

Your towel.

Forgive the intrusion,
Lady Stanford,

but I just had to see you.

Well, you definitely
accomplished that.

My apologies.

Circumstances sometimes
force one to do things

that are, shall we say,
distasteful.

You find me distasteful, do you?

Why don't we wait till I see you
with your clothes on.

I take it you approve
of me with my clothes on?

I don't approve
of anybody

who sells out
to the Nazis.

Please believe me...

no matter how guilty
I may seem,

I have never betrayed
my country.

I'd like to believe that.

Two years ago,

I was approached
to develop a new radar

for the Luftwaffe.

You could have said no;
people do occasionally.

It wasn't that simple.

I studied in Germany,
I had friends.

The Gestapo were
holding them hostages.

If what you say is true...

you were working with
the Nazis for two years,

even you couldn't
fool them that long.

This is usually a fatal
admission to make to a man,

but I am a rather
clever woman.

Yes, I did research
for them.

And you call that
intelligent?

Wait until they test
their precious radar tomorrow, darling,

and you'll find out
how brilliant I really am.

You see, in science,
it's not the research that counts...

it's how you use it.

I wonder if Einstein
started this way.

Got him, Colonel.

London?

We've made contact
with Lady Stanford.

She claims she's working
for our side.

She may be on the level.

But cancel all
bombing missions until verified.

What?

They're testing
the radar now.

Call the planes back!

What do you mean
it's too late?

Mobile Tracking Unit X1,
defense alert to Hamburg.

Three squadrons heavy bombers,
bearing 3-4-0, 3-4-0.

( explosions )

( machine guns firing )

Yeah, the hyenas are snapping
at each other:

the ack-ack boys want
the credit

and the Luftwaffe's giving it
to the new radar unit.

Well, at least now
we know

what side
our ladyship's on.

Yeah!

And you're looking
at a sucker

who got the biggest
snow job

since Admiral Peary
discovered the North Pole.

Colonel?

Lady Stanford
just arrived

with Hochstetter
and his Gestapo.

Do you think she knows
who you are, sir?

Well, I didn't
give her

my name, rank
and serial number...

but I have a feeling
I didn't have to.

Well, if something
happens to me,

you guys know
what to do.

Why don't we just
blow up that truck, Colonel?

That's no good.

If the Krauts think
the radar works,

they'll build
another one.

We got to make it
look bad.

How do we do that?

I have a plan that has
no right to work...

but let's give it a try.

( sniffing )

Anything wrong,
Herr Leutnant?

Ja, there's a leak
in the cable.

I will need your help.

( sniffing )

But how will we know
when we find it?

By the smell.

( sniffing )

Electricity has
a smell?

Dummkopf, no wonder
you're a private!

Now sniff!
( sniffing )

Sniff!
( sniffing )

Sniff!
( sniffing )

To our victory

and to the lady
who made it possible.

Thank you.

And to our Führer.

To our Führer.

Hogan?

Ah, Major Hochstetter,
do you think it wise

to invite Colonel Hogan
to our little experiment--

I mean, no offense
intended, but I...

Invite Hogan?

I am arresting him
as a spy.

But he is a prisoner of war.

He was impersonating
a German officer in Hammelburg.

One of my prisoners?

Impossible-- he was
confined to the barracks.

( softly ):
Who told you?

I have my own sources
of information.

Hogan, is that true?

Lies, sir.

You know
the Gestapo is jealous

of your magnificent
record here.

Movies!

Mind if I stay
for the show, sir?

Not at all,
Colonel.

It is customary
for even the Gestapo

to grant the condemned
man his last request.

"Loosen connections
between modulator, magnitron

and the incubator"?

I guess London means
"oscillator."

Newkirk, get the wax
out of your ears.

This isn't a crystal set
I'm trying to spook.

How can I repeat the bloody
words if I can't pronounce them?

All right, London,
ready at this end.

You can start
your nattering again.

( chuckling )

Oh, I say, that's
frightfully good.

Now, you tell your man
to readjust the calibration

of the range finder.

Smashing, what?

Oh, he's going to adore it, sir.

Hello, Kinch.

Here's one that's simply loaded
with charm.

Lay it on me.

I only hope I live long enough
to see how it comes out.

Before we put your model
into production,

we must be sure it is reliable
under all conditions.

I welcome the challenge.

I've got a great deal
at stake as a scientist.

( chuckles )

Also as a former
British subject

about whose loyalties

Gestapo is still not
completely satisfied, huh?

Herr Hochstetter,
in a few minutes

even you will be
convinced

of my dedication
to the Führer

and to the Third Reich.

Heil Hitler!

Bravo, Fräulein!
Bravo!

Mobile Control Unit,

you will take your positions
in the transmitter truck.

SOLDIER:
Jawohl, Fräulein.

SOLDIER 2:
Jawohl.

Colonel Hogan,
you were stupid

to come back
to Stalag 13.

That's funny,

I was just thinking
the same thing about you.

Enjoying the show,
Hogan? Huh?

Have a cigar.

Perhaps some champagne, eh?

Four squadrons,
RAF heavy bombers.

Course south by southwest.

Distance... 800 kilometers.

Altitude... 5,000 meters.

Speed...

May I alert the antiaircraft
batteries, Lady Stanford?

I would consider it an honor.

( machine begins
high-pitched whirring )

( whirring intensifies )

( whirring and static )

( glass shatters )

( explosion, then static )

( machine stops )

What happened?

I don't know.

Check your frequency.

SOLDIER:
Fräulein, we have lost the echo!

The frequency system
is out.

I will have that glass
of champagne now, sir.

Munich.

Düsseldorf.

Hamburg.

In ruins.

Our planes caught
on the ground and destroyed.

Scientist! Genius!

I demand
an explanation!

At once.
At once.

Shut up,
blockhead bumbler!

General Reicker?

He's insulting me
again.

I don't understand it.

The first tests were perfect.

You.

You did it.

You sabotaged
the transmitter truck!

It's no use, Valerie,
I was here all the time.

"Valerie"?

Just how well do you two
know each other?

Major, there, uh...

are some things

an officer and a gentleman
can't talk about.

I swear there's
nothing between us.

I proved my loyalty.

It was my information
that led to Hogan's arrest.

A trick to win
your confidence,

and it almost worked.

Yeah, darn clever
these British agents.

Yeah, British...

Mm-hmm.

And the way she talked
the general

out of sending up
the fighter planes.

Come on, Hochstetter,

you got to admit
that was brilliant.

It was brilliant.

In a sneaky way.

Hogan is
the real enemy.

He came
to my hotel room.

In Hammelburg?

Come on, now, Val.

Ridiculous!

No one has ever escaped
from Stalag 13.

Of course not.

Hochstetter, you were
completely taken in.

But I can't blame you--
could happen to anyone.

I'm willing to forget
the whole thing.

But I'm not.

Take her away!

But you have not heard
the last of this, Major Hochstetter.

Nor have you,
General Reicker.

Corporal?

Smile, darling,
we may be able

to swap
a prisoner for you.

You're valuable.

It isn't often they capture
a lady radar expert.

HOGAN:
Commandant?

Sir, the men
were wondering

when you're
going to take them

into your confidence again.

It gives them a lift.

Hogan, I am not
in the mood.

I'm sorry, sir, bad news?

Terrible.

General Reicker
has been transferred

to the infantry.

Shipped to the
eastern front.

Well, change is good
for everybody.

Lady Stanford was
his downfall.

I understand the Führer
screamed for ten minutes.

Is that all?

I thought it took him
that long to warm up.

Hogan, I could be
transferred

to a combat unit.

Not a chance.

Berlin knows you're one man
that's indispensable.

You really think so?

Of course.

Where are they
going to find

another man like you?

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