All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s04e20 Klins Old Flame.eng

( theme song playing )

HOGAN:
Look, Willy, you're asking us to do the impossible.

WILLY:
I know, Colonel, but these radios must be delivered

to the underground
in France immediately.

They are essential
for the invasion.

NEWKIRK:
If anyone expects us to get through,

they've got to be barmy.

KINCH:
Couldn't the radios be parachuted in?

WILLY:
Too dangerous.

If they fell into German hands,

they might suspect
the invasion is imminent.

HOGAN:
Well, if you can't get to France through the roadblocks,

I don't know how we can.

WILLY:
Shh! I hear footsteps.

( Hogan screams )

Colonel Hogan,
I didn't know you were in there.

Come on, Hans.

You've broken up
more meetings

with that pitchfork.

We'll put you in
for a purple heart, sir.

Thanks a lot.

You know, we really ought
to have these rendezvous

out in the open.

It'd be a lot safer.

Here are the five radios.

Why don't you keep them
at the farm

until we figure out
how to get them to France?

But if the Boche should find us
with them, we'd all be shot.

They find us with the radios,

I don't think we'll get
a hug and a kiss either.

I am sorry, Colonel,
I have no right

to ask you to undertake
such a dangerous mission.

Nah, nah,
we'll deliver them.

But if the guards
in your prison camp

should find out
about these radios,

how would you explain it?

Tell them we were desperate.

How long can you go without
the music of Guy Lombardo?

You are going
to throw a card, aren't you, Carter?

I'm thinking.

That's your
big mistake.

Oh, I see what's wrong.

The mixed deal?

No, I've got gin rummy.

I don't know
why I play cards with amateurs.

I don't, really.

HOGAN:
All right, fellas,

let me have
your attention.

I think I've got an idea.

KINCH:
About the radios, Colonel?

Yeah, there's
only one answer.

Somebody's got to deliver them
across the French border.

What time do you want
me to leave, Colonel?

I knew I could
count on you, LeBeau,

but I don't want you
to go alone.

I'll go
with him.

Always glad to
travel with a man on a winning streak.

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Colonel, you can't send
Carter to France.

He doesn't even know
the language.

Who doesn't know
the language?

Merci, s'il vous plaît
and "ooh-la-la."

What happened to "Mademoiselle
from Armentières"?

Parlez-vous.

All right, all right,
hold it.

He doesn't have
to know French

when he's got LeBeau
with him.

Right.

What if they should
get separated?

Why should they
get separated?

I'll tell you why.

The minute they get
across the border,

LeBeau here's going to find
a little sidewalk café,

order a bottle of wine
just to celebrate.

He's going to start
feeling good,

he's going to order
another one.

Suddenly that
little waitress,

the plump one,
starts to look beautiful.

He goes off with her,

leaving Carter here
to have to pay the check

and not knowing
the language.

That's a terrible thing
to say, Newkirk!

Take my word, before I go off
with the waitress,

I'll pay the check.

Oh, you're all French.

All right, I think it's best
that Carter go with him.

Hey, LeBeau, when
we get to France,

I'd like to see
the Eiffel Tower

and the Louvre and
the Folies Bergères,

but not necessarily
in that order.

SCHULTZ:
Oh, Colonel Hogan.

LeBEAU:
Oh, Schultz again.

KINCH:
I guess

our "Do Not Disturb"
sign fell down.

Schultz, you really
should knock.

If there's anything I hate,
it's a pushy guard.

SCHULTZ:
"Pushy guard."

There will be roll call
in ten minutes!

What for?

We had a roll call
this morning.

Commandant Klink ordered
roll call every two hours,

barracks inspection
three times a day

and lights out at exactly 9:00.

( prisoners complaining )

All right, Schultz,
you got your laugh for today,

you can leave now.

And they say
the Krauts got no sense of humor.

( chuckling )

The commandant is not joking.

Hey, uh, Schultz,-

Klink strike out
with the barmaid

at the beer hall again?

The barmaid?

Yeah, every time
she slaps him in the face,

he takes it out on us.

He sure does.

You can say
that again, mate.

I assure you,
the commandant

must have given the
subject some thought,

and he must have
very good reason for it.

After all, he comes
from a long line

of outstanding
military men,

brilliant officers,
very intelligent,

clever and...
very necessary.

( sighs )

On the other hand...

it could be the barmaid.

You think there
might have been a leak

about the
radios, Colonel?

Yeah, I'm afraid so.

I'm going to find out
how much Klink knows.

Scratch the mission, huh?

Boy, there goes
my trip to France.

We'll make it up
to you, Carter.

We'll all have
a glass of wine,

I'll get LeBeau here
to sing the "Marseillaise,"

and we'll spray
the room with garlic.

Yes, those are
exactly my orders.

Send out all available dogs
and double the guard.

Hogan, Schultz gave you
your orders. Dismissed.

Look, if you're going
to make this place

into a Prisoner-of-War
camp, we're leaving.

I am in no mood
for small talk.

Just because you strike
out with the barmaid

is no reason to
take it out on us.

Hogan, I do not believe that
the Geneva Convention demands

that I discuss
my social life with you.

No, but we'd like to know
why the roll calls,

the inspections
and the lights-out jazz.

Because we're having
a visit

from Count Rudolf
von Heffernick, an SS general

who was one of Hitler's
closest advisers.

Well, the first thing
he ought to advise Hitler

is to shave off
that hokey moustache.

And another thing, Hogan--
during von Heffernick's visit,

if you or any
of the prisoners

show any insubordination,

it's straight
into the cooler.

Don't worry, we'll see
that the count puts in

a good word with
Adolf for you.

Hogan, my promotion to general
has long been overdue.

Imagine-- they promoted
Kleinschmidt in Stalag Nine

and he's had 12 escapes.

Kleinschmidt?!

He's not fit
to polish your head.

Dismissed.

All set?

Ready, Colonel.

All right, now remember,
make it look good.

Schultz has got to believe
you're escaping.

You can depend
on me, Colonel.

Go ahead.

Good luck.

( snoring softly )

( snoring )

Psst.

Psst!

Schultz.

Escape.

Escape!

Wolfgang.

Wake up.

Wake up.
( whining )

( whining softly )

Don't lick my face;
lick his face.

( whining )

Bertha... stop.

( smacking lips )

Wolfgang-- speak.

Speak!

( barking )

Speak, Wolfgang, speak.

( barking )

GUARD:
Was ist denn los?

I surrender, Schultz!

I said, I surrender,
Schultz!

( sighing )

Aah! Help, somebody!

Somebody kicked me!

Did you see who it was?

Don't shoot,
Schultz!

Don't shoot!

Good work,
Schultz.

Ah...!

Ho, ho... ooh!

Ah, you thought
you... you...

you could escape,
LeBeau, huh?

I should have known
better, Schultz.

You're always on your toes.

What's going on here?

I was trying
to escape, sir,

but Sergeant Schultz
alertly captured me.

That's exactly
what happened, Herr Kommandant.

This will cost you
30 days in the cooler.

30 days?!

Oh, là, vous
exagérez, alors!

I think you're
getting off lucky.

Hogan, I don't need any
confirmation from you.

Take him away!

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

Let's go.

I'm sorry
this happened, Colonel.

But I want to thank you

for giving him
such a light sentence.

30 days in the cooler
is a light sentence?

Well, you could have
thrown the book at him

and had him transferred
to a prison in France.

Why would I send LeBeau
to a French prison?

Ah, you're right.

No sense rubbing it in
to LeBeau.

I mean, sending him
to a prison

where he could look
through the barbed wire at his beloved homeland.

Nobody deserves
that kind of punishment.

Good night.

Hogan, wait!

Tomorrow,
Corporal LeBeau

will be transferred
to Stalag Four,

which is 40 miles
outside of Paris.

Oh, come on, Colonel!

Hogan!

Dismissed.

SCHULTZ:
All right, everybody!

All right, all right!

Fall in!

Fall in, mach schnell,

schnell, schnell,
schnell, schnell!

SCHULTZ:
All right, all right!

Roll call, roll call!

What did you find out
about LeBeau's transfer?

He's being shipped out
this afternoon, sir,

at 4:00
in truck 279.

Yeah, there's only
one guard on duty at the motor pool.

I'm sure we can stick
the radios under the truck.

I contacted the French
underground, alerted them.

All right,
I'll find out the exact route

the truck's taking
from Hilda.

SCHULTZ:
Attention!

Now a few words
from our commandant.

Last night,
Corporal LeBeau

was foolhardy enough
to attempt an escape.

As you can see,
it failed.

And do you know
why it failed?

Because of the fast,
alert thinking of Sergeant Schultz.

Silence, Dummkopf.

It was because I run
an escape-proof prison camp.

Now, it is evident
that Corporal LeBeau

does not like it here
at Stalag 13,

so I have ordered him
to be transferred to Stalag Four.

Colonel Klink, you do not
mean Stalag Four.

I don't?

Stalag Four is in France.

No one in their right mind
would return

a French prisoner of war
to his own country,

which would encourage
further escapes,

where he knows
the language

and could expect
every cooperation from the people.

Did I say Stalag Four?

No.

I mean Stalag 14--
Colditz!

VON HEFFERNICK:
That makes more sense.

KLINK:
Dismissed!

Let's hear from you,
Colonel...

even if it's only
another brilliant plan

on how to get me
to France.

To tell you the truth,
Count von Heffernick,

my saying that
I was sending LeBeau

to a prison camp
in France

was not just
a slip of the tongue.

It was not?

KLINK ( over transmitter ):
Oh, no, no, no.

I wanted to get his hopes up

and then throw cold water
in his face.

Ah, it's so much fun
to be cruel.

Can you believe him?

KINCH:
Any news on what route they're sending LeBeau?

No, Klink's still
doing a cop-out

for Count
von Heffernick.

We've got
to find a way

to keep LeBeau
from going to Colditz.

We owe it
to him.

Yes, you
certainly do.

Hey, hold it, hold it.

The conversation's
getting a bit spicy now.

VON HEFFERNICK:
You don't have to play games with me.

I know all about you
and Marlene Schneider.

Believe me,
Count von Heffernick,

Marlene and I were
just good friends.

You were sweethearts.

Oh... oh... no, no, no.

This happened
many years ago.

We were just children.

It was puppy love.

Puppy love?

Marlene says you
were quite a dog.

Believe me,
Count von Heffernick...

I invited Marlene
here for a very special reason.

What was that?

I wanted to find out
for myself

if there was still
anything between you.

If not, we will be married

and spend our honeymoon
in Paris.

Oh, I can assure you,
Count von Heffernick,

that Marlene does not
still carry the torch for me.

If she does, you
would be very wise to borrow that torch.

It would come in
very useful to you...

on the Russian front!

How about that?

Casanova Klink.

I can't believe it.

Who'd be carrying
a torch for Klink?

He said Marlene Schneider,
not Marlene Dietrich.

Gentlemen, we've
got work to do.

What, Colonel?

We've got to make sure
that the count and Marlene

make that honeymoon trip
to Paris.

Well, why do
we have to play Cupid?

Because we have the perfect
wedding gift for them.

What's that?

Five shortwave
radios.

( humming to himself )

( knock at door )

Oh.

Can I come in,
or you two want to be alone?

Please, Hogan, I'm tired
of your warped sense of humor.

Well, I just
wanted to discuss the LeBeau situation.

I've got my own problems.

How could a man
like you have problems?

The idol
of the guards,

tops in the prison
camp game,

a man women
find irresistible.

Hogan, don't say that.

Since when is being
irresistible a problem?

Because Marlene Schneider,
my old flame,

is coming to this camp.

Well, why should that
be a problem?

She is Count
von Heffernick's fiancée.

Oh.

Well, don't worry
about it, Commandant.

Maybe she's
gotten over you.

They never do.

Besides that,
he's very jealous.

If he thinks that Marlene
still is in love with me,

that is the end
of my promotion.

After all, she...
she is still engaged to the count.

Well, maybe she'll
be able to control her feelings.

Control her feelings?

The woman is not made
of stone.

Yeah. I wish I could
help you, Commandant,

but I'm afraid I...

Wait a minute.

I got an idea.

What is it, Hogan?
What? What?

First, we're going
to have to make a deal.

Make a deal?

Do you realize I could be sent
to the Russian front?

I'll be glad to save you
from the Russian front

if you save LeBeau
from Colditz.

You're not going
to blackmail me, Hogan.

All right.

But it's going to be
a little embarrassing

when Marlene Schneider
takes a look at you

and suddenly starts
ripping the swastikas off your uniform.

All right,
all right, Hogan.

LeBeau stays.

Good.

What about Marlene?

Well, the first thing
we've got to do is destroy

that image of the
handsome, dashing pilot she still has.

That's impossible.

I'm more handsome and dashing
now than I ever was.

Yeah, well, it's going
to be difficult.

You don't seem
to understand, Hogan,

but the men in the Klink
family age gracefully.

As we grow older, we become
more attractive to women.

Only last week,
my 90-year-old grandfather

was grabbed in the park
by three Hitler Youth girls.

You do have
a problem,

but I think I know
a way we can throw some cold water

on that old flame.

Oh, my feet
are killing me!

I'm so tired!

Why don't you come in
and sit down?

Oh, danke!

I'll stand guard
for a while.

You are so considerate.

Jolly joker!

All right,
Schultz.

How's it going, LeBeau?

It's a terrible place
to visit,

but I would hate
to live here.

All right, let him out,
Schultz, he's free.

Oh, just like that.

Let him out,
Colonel, huh?

You heard him.
Come on.

You think this
is a forgery?

Oh, you admit it?

I knew I couldn't
trust you.

The commandant just signed it
a little while ago.

I don't trust him,
either.

Schultz, be sensible,
use your head.

In our army, it's
against the regulations.

I'll break down that door,
so help me!

Easy, LeBeau, easy.

If you break
the door down,

you are going
to pay for it.

Look, Schultz, we can
settle this very easily.

Get the commandant
on the phone,

ask him if he signed
these orders.

Marvelous idea.

No wonder
you're an officer.

All right,
give me the keys.

Now, wait a minute.

First I have to look
at the orders.

You're not alone
in this war, you know?

( sighs )

Schultz, open this cell
or no more strudel for you.

Be nice to him, Schultz,
he's a big tipper.

Would you like
to taste it?

I don't like
this signature.

There is something
phony about it.

Go call.

I think I will.

Give me
the commandant.

SCHULTZ:
Herr Kommandant, this is Sergeant Schultz

speaking from
the cooler.

I'm on guard here.

Herr Kommandant...

Danke.

Herr Kommandant,
a few minutes ago

Colonel Hogan came
with the orders

for the release
of the prisoner LeBeau.

I did not like your signature
on the release.

( chuckling ):
Oh, please.

Herr Kommandant,
it's nothing personal,

but I raised the question:

Is this your signature
on the release of the prisoner

or is it not?

Very clever of me, huh?

Hmm?

Well, I could be a Dummkopf
and clever at the same time,

couldn't I, Herr Kommandant?

Colonel Klink, I believe

your friend
Marlene Schneider's coming.

KLINK:
Thank you, Fräulein Hilda.

( typewriter keys clacking )

Oh, may I help you?

Is Colonel Klink busy?

Who should I say
is calling?

Marlene Schneider.

I'll announce you.

Oh, don't bother.

I'd rather surprise him.

Willy?

Marlene!

Sweetheart!

How wonderful to see you again.

( bottle clanking )

I'm still the same
passionate lover, huh?

I've never seen this
side of you before.

It's the war.

Who knows, Marlene?

Today we live, tomorrow we die.

In a prison camp?

You're safer here
than if you were a civilian in Berlin.

Have a drink,
Marlene!

No, thank you, Willy.

To our reunion.

Really, Willy.

Excuse me, Colonel Klink,

but I have some forms
for you to fill out...

in duplicate.

All right, Klink,
knock it off!

Hogan, I'm still
running this camp!

And doing a lousy
job of it.

Fräulein Hilda,
get some black coffee.

I'll try to sober
him up again.

You mean he's
this way often?

Only Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays.

The other days,
he's sleeping it off.

Hilda, never mind
the coffee!

Have a drink.

No, thanks,
Colonel.

One of us has
to stay sober.

I've never heard of
a prisoner of war camp like this.

Yeah, neither
have we.

Around here,
punishment is not getting white wine

with the fish.
Oh, thank you, Fräulein Hilda.

Ah!

No, come on, Klink!
Just the black coffee.

Hmm.

Oi!

Is this Count von
Heffernick's car?

Ja.

NEWKIRK:
Oh, good, we were told

to come and work on it.

DRIVER:
There is nothing for you to work on.

I have put this car
in perfect condition.

KINCH:
Is that so?

I don't think the count
will be very happy

when he see where you scraped
the paint off the door.

What's that?

Oh, dear,
oh, dear.

I did not do that.

I don't think the count's
going to believe you, mate.

Fortunately, my friend
Carter here is a body and paint man.

I could fix this up
in about a half hour.

Good. Why don't you go
and keep guard

and let us know when
the count's coming, right?

Ja. Ja.

Off you go, then.

That's why you Americans
are losing the war.

You drink coffee;
we drink schnapps.

I think you've had
enough schnapps, Willy.

Marlene Schneider!

When did you arrive?

Colonel Hogan,
did you get that old souse sober?

Who's an old souse?

You are,
you old souse.

I will not tolerate
any disrespect!

Throw yourself
into the guardhouse.

I would, Willy, if there would
be someone there to guard me.

More desertion,
Schultz?

11 more guards this morning.

11 of my men deserted me?

But don't worry,
Klink.

11 prisoners
went with them.

Oh, you absolutely
disgust me.

I always suspected you were a
coward and I knew you were vain,

but... but I never thought
you'd come to this.

You certainly
know how to hurt a person, Marlene.

Watch it, will you?

Give me another minute.

Well, how
much longer?

Aw, do me a favor.

I thought you were supposed
to be looking for the count.

DRIVER:
Well, well...

We try to do you people a favor.

I do not
understand it.

All set.

NEWKIRK:
Have a look at this, Otto.

You all through with it?

Yeah.

Now, what do you think
of that, then?

Oh, that's wunderbar.

Danke schön.

Oh, anytime, mate,
anytime.

Danke vielmals.

Pleasure.

NEWKIRK:
Come on, Carter.

He just called me
a fieldmouse.

NEWKIRK:
Oh, no, it's a term of endearment.

Please, Marlene,
don't leave me.

I never want
to see you again.

Klink.

Oh, Liebchen!

Take me out of here
as quickly as possible.

I have arranged all that;
we will leave tomorrow.

Couldn't we
leave tonight?

You wouldn't want to leave
on your wedding night, hmm?

( gasps ):
Wedding night?!

Who is she marrying?

Me.

Oh, darling!

Why, I must go and
telephone my mother

and tell her
the good news.

Natürlich.

Well, Klink, I'm quite
sure that Marlene will forget you now,

but I assure you,
I shall remember you...

always.

KLINK:
Thank you, Count von Heffernick.

Well, we'd better get used
to calling you "General."

Thank you.

Congratulations, Willy.

"Willy"?!

N-N-No, I mean
"Commandant Willy."

I mean
C-C-C-Commandant Klink.

Well, congratulations,
Countess von Heffernick.

Your plan worked
beautifully.

What plan?

Baiting the count with memories
of "Hot Lips" Klink.

You're very perceptive.

Just out of curiosity,

did Klink ever get past
a handshake with you?

Well, as a matter of fact,

today was the first time
he ever kissed me.

Congratulations, Count.

Have a nice trip to Paris.

Danke.

Did you notify
the French underground

the radios are on the way?

Yep.

How will they be able
to spot the car?

They won't have
any trouble.

I know some people
might think it cruel

to destroy
a woman's memory,

but in the long run,
Marlene is better off.

The count is
a very fine man.

He has recommended me
for promotion to general.

Oh, congratulations.

Oh, wonderful.

Colonel,
the gate called.

The general's car's
coming in.

That means Marlene
and the count are back.

Hilda, come back
here, quick.

All right, Klink,
cut that out!

You're setting
a bad example for my men!

You heard what he said!

Willy, this is
a military post

and not a Hofbräu!

Klink!

Oh, General Burkhalter.

I did not expect you here.

I'm sure of that.

I just ran into
Count von Heffernick.

Oh.

He gave me this note,

recommending you
for a promotion.

It's very nice of you
to bring this to me personally.

Not at all.

Uh, no.

Here.

Oh.

Read it.

( grunts )

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