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1
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:17,768
( theme song playing )
2
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,543
Watch it! Take cover!
3
00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:26,545
Where are you going?
4
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:27,546
Kraut patrol
on the road.
5
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:29,172
It's just what we don't need.
How far?
6
00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:30,173
Half a mile,
no more.
7
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,800
We could have
a go at him, sir.
8
00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,343
We're here to blow up
a munitions train,
9
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,137
not a patrol. Let's go.
10
00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:36,555
Carter, come on, let's go.
11
00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:37,806
Sir, we haven't
finished the job.
12
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:38,890
A few more
minutes, Colonel.
13
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,475
We're set
to detonate. We move now.
14
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:41,560
Sir, that bloody train
15
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:42,853
only comes through here
once a week.
16
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:44,438
We'll get it next time around.
Come on!
17
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,234
( dogs barking )
18
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,155
CARTER:
For Pete's sake, what happened?
19
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:55,073
KINCHLOE:
Krauts weren't there when we left.
20
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,534
HOGAN:
All of a sudden we've got wall-to-wall Germans.
21
00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,286
Very interesting problem.
22
00:01:59,327 --> 00:02:00,287
Yeah.
23
00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:03,290
How do we escape
into a P.O.W. camp?
24
00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:23,101
They must have
increased patrols at midnight
25
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,103
when they changed
the guards.
26
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,813
What's our move
now, Colonel?
27
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,398
It's a cinch
we can't stay here.
28
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,901
I say we check into
a hotel for the night.
29
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:31,985
Without a reservation?
30
00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:32,903
And no luggage?
31
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,738
They'd ask for money
in advance.
32
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,114
All right.
33
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,492
Any volunteers
for a cutting job?
34
00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:42,746
HOGAN:
Newkirk, Carter?
35
00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:43,914
Us two?
36
00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:45,207
"We two," Carter,
"We two."
37
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,918
Grammar, grammar.
38
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:48,919
Hit that section
of fence
39
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,754
to the right of
the guard tower.
40
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:51,630
It's a blind spot.
41
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,215
The light doesn't angle
down far enough.
42
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:53,924
Good luck.
43
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:22,619
( alarm ringing )
44
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,246
( dogs barking )
45
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:26,039
Guard!
46
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,040
Don't shoot!
47
00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,833
Guards, guards,
guards!
48
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,126
Don't shoot!
Don't shoot!
49
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:31,628
Hey, don't you recognize us?
50
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,004
We're regular customers.
51
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,130
Don't shoot!
52
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,800
Good evening, gentlemen.
53
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:37,968
Oh, good evening,
Commandant.
54
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,469
Hi.
55
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:41,554
Put your hands up
56
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:45,016
on top of your
head like this!
57
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,226
Just put your hands up.
58
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:48,061
If they make
one wrong move,
59
00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:49,813
shoot them.
60
00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:53,650
Now, what exactly were you fools
trying to do, huh?
61
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,068
I was trying
to get out of camp.
62
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,987
I should think
that's fairly obvious, sir.
63
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,321
Me, I was trying
to get in.
64
00:03:58,321 --> 00:03:59,948
Trying to get
out of camp, sir,
65
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:01,825
into the town, you see.
66
00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:05,287
Schultz,
into the cooler they go.
67
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,579
Throw away the keys.
68
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:07,831
Jawohl, HerrKommandant.
69
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:09,499
Don't we get a trial
or anything?
70
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:10,667
This is Germany.
71
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:13,003
I do admire
your sense of humor.
72
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,004
Schultz,
73
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:15,005
take them away.
74
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:15,964
Jawohl.
75
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,215
Come on.
Let's go.
76
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:20,051
( Schultz mumbling )
77
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:33,815
They weren't really
trying to escape.
78
00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:34,816
Yeah, yeah.
79
00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:35,859
They were
going into town
80
00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:37,027
for a very
good reason.
81
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:38,695
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
To buy something.
82
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:39,779
They would have
come right back.
83
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:41,281
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
84
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,283
A birthday
gift for you.
85
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:44,325
For me?
86
00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:45,910
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
87
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:48,371
I don't believe it.
88
00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:50,999
Don't let the war
make you cynical, sir.
89
00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:53,084
I was not aware
that it's my birthday.
90
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,628
Isn't it about
time you found out?
91
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:58,131
I wouldn't believe
one word you said, Hogan.
92
00:04:58,173 --> 00:04:59,132
Not even if I said
93
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:00,467
you were the greatest
military mind
94
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:02,761
in the Third Reich?
95
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,304
That I'd have
to think over.
96
00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:05,472
Look, Commandant,
97
00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:07,891
Newkirk and Carter
have already spent a day in the cooler.
98
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:08,975
Let 'em out.
99
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,018
Request denied,
100
00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:12,228
and when General
Burkhalter makes
101
00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:14,230
his inspection tour
next week,
102
00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,232
those two men
in the cooler will prove
103
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,485
that discipline is enforced
here at Stalag 13.
104
00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:19,486
That's all, Hogan.
105
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:21,738
That's why the patrols
are being beefed up.
106
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,615
Showing off for Burkhalter,
are they?
107
00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:24,824
I said that's all.
108
00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:26,409
Reconsider, Commandant.
109
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:29,621
Those two men
will be released over my dead body.
110
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:30,121
It's a deal.
111
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,125
Dis... missed.
112
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,673
Here's your answer
from London, Colonel.
113
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,467
"Turn the job
over to the underground."
114
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:43,468
They're kidding.
115
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,553
"Hold off your unit
and sabotage operation
116
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:46,679
"on munitions train.
117
00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:48,264
Wait for orders
near future."
118
00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:50,725
You think they're
trying to tell you something?
119
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:51,768
"Yeah, don't call us.
120
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:52,769
We'll call you,"
121
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,687
and I still say
it was the right decision.
122
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:57,440
If we had stayed
and knocked off that kraut patrol,
123
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,984
there might have been
a Gestapo investigation.
124
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,153
Could have endangered
our whole operation.
125
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,280
The pity is, it's only
a few minutes' work
126
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:05,657
to do on
those detonators.
127
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:07,033
It's the underground's now.
128
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:08,034
Let them handle it.
129
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,452
That munitions train
is ours.
130
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:12,455
We started the job,
we'll finish it.
131
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:15,500
KINCH:
But how? We can't get out.
132
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,585
Klink's turned this place
into Alcatraz.
133
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,254
And he's acting
like the warden.
134
00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:21,464
We could figure some way
to distract Klink,
135
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:22,465
keep him busy.
136
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,133
Burkhalter picked
a swell time
137
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,301
for an inspection tour.
138
00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:27,095
Remember the
last visit?
139
00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:28,846
He even brought
his sister.
140
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:29,973
The lady dragon.
141
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,641
Yeah, and Klink had to put on
his track shoes
142
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:32,809
to keep out of the way.
143
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:35,478
Now hold it, hold it.
144
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:36,854
Why wouldn't it work again?
145
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,106
What work again?
146
00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:41,526
Gertrude Linkmaier,
Burkhalter's sister.
147
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:44,237
If she came with him,
it would distract Klink.
148
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,030
He'd let down the guards
and ease off.
149
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,657
It's one way
to get out of camp.
150
00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,993
Newkirk could forge
Klink's handwriting.
151
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:51,160
He's done it before.
152
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,997
Send Madam Linkmaier
a little invitation for openers
153
00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:55,665
on Klink's personal stationery.
154
00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:58,209
That's crazy.
155
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,003
Yeah, crazy enough
to work.
156
00:07:00,044 --> 00:07:01,546
Just one little detail,
Colonel.
157
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:02,630
What do we tell London?
158
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,090
Stall 'em.
159
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:05,383
Tell 'em we've come up
with a new plan.
160
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,676
Request permission
to proceed
161
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:08,177
and impossible
to communicate with the Underground.
162
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:09,178
Something like that.
163
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,222
You're turning me
into a pretty good liar.
164
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,224
Kinch, what kind
of officer would I be
165
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,559
if you couldn't
learn from me?
166
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:21,357
SCHULTZ:
Mm! Mm!
167
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:24,902
Mm, that's good! Mm!
168
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,779
Where do you get
the chocolate?
169
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,031
I smuggle it in.
170
00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:29,449
That's banned.
171
00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:30,867
I will have
to report you.
172
00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:32,201
Oh, yeah?
173
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:33,995
Then you'd just better
report yourself, too, big fella,
174
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:35,788
'cause eating it
makes you an accomplice.
175
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,206
No.
176
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:40,043
I thought it only
makes you fat.
177
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,586
Mm.
178
00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:43,212
"And so my dear Gertrude--
179
00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:45,506
"if I may call you
by your first name--
180
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:48,217
"it will give me
great pleasure to have you visit
181
00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:51,345
"our little Stalag
again with your brother the general.
182
00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:54,265
"Perhaps we could
even be alone so I could tell you
183
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,684
"some of the things
I could not say to you
184
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:57,643
on your last trip."
185
00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:00,772
Danke.
186
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:03,191
Now I'm going
to see the Englander.
187
00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:04,734
New Newkirk,
got any candy?!
188
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,277
The bear's headed your way!
189
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,571
Shh! Don't be so noisy!
190
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:09,864
Anything you guys need?
191
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,325
Oh, yes, sir.
When LeBeau brings the dinner tonight...
192
00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:13,743
Uh-huh.
193
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:14,660
No bearnaise sauce.
I'm not up to it.
194
00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:15,453
Yeah.
195
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:30,343
Ah, General Burkhalter,
196
00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:34,055
it is indeed
a great pleasure to see you again.
197
00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:37,141
You remember
my sister, of course.
198
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,351
Of course.
199
00:08:38,392 --> 00:08:40,186
A great pleasure.
200
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,271
Guten Tag, Klink.
201
00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:50,446
And Gertrude just announced
that she was coming along,
202
00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:51,948
and here I am.
203
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:54,200
I couldn't be happier.
204
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:57,286
Frau Linkmaier,
you are as welcome here
205
00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:59,163
as the general himself.
206
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:02,291
We will give you the very best
we have here at Stalag 13.
207
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:05,461
Nice way to treat a lady.
208
00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:06,504
Elbert.
209
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,089
On the way here,
210
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:11,926
my dear sister
kept talking about you.
211
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:12,927
About me?
212
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,554
What is there to say?
213
00:09:14,595 --> 00:09:17,139
The conversation
didn't last too long.
214
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:19,809
I'm flattered.
215
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:22,979
What is this magic you have,
Klink?
216
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:25,648
You seem to grow on people.
217
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:29,485
Elbert, you make him sound
like some kind of a fungus.
218
00:09:29,485 --> 00:09:30,903
( chuckles )
219
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:31,988
Fungus.
220
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,322
Schultz...
221
00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:35,825
Excuse me, Herr Kommandant.
222
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:38,452
More brandy for Frau Linkmaier
and the general, please.
223
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,037
Yes, sir,
Kommandant.
224
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:44,333
Just a little.
225
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:46,544
Enough. Danke.
226
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,755
( chuckles )
227
00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:51,215
Fungus.
228
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,175
Not for me.
229
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:55,386
I'm a bit tired.
230
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:59,140
Anyway, I imagine
you two young people
231
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:00,891
would like to be alone.
232
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:01,892
Young people?
233
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,436
I don't see
any young people.
234
00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:05,187
Good night, Elbert.
235
00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:07,732
Good night, Gertrude.
236
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:11,444
And as the French say,
bonne chance.
237
00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:13,904
That means "good luck."
238
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,573
He is terrible.
239
00:10:15,614 --> 00:10:18,034
Good night, Herr General.
240
00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:20,453
You stay here
no matter what happens.
241
00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:26,500
Sergeant, come in here
and help me with my boots.
242
00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:27,626
What are you
standing around?
243
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:28,878
You heard the general.
244
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:31,088
Good night,
General Burkhalter.
245
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:32,381
Good night.
246
00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:35,426
Well, here we are.
247
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,179
Indeed, we are.
248
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,555
We are here.
249
00:10:39,555 --> 00:10:41,807
There's no question about that.
250
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:43,684
I remember that about you.
251
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:46,062
A brilliant conversationalist.
252
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:47,563
Danke.
253
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:49,607
Now that we are alone,
254
00:10:49,648 --> 00:10:53,527
what is it you wanted
to say to me, Wilhelm?
255
00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:57,239
Wilhelm-- my first name?
256
00:10:57,281 --> 00:11:00,868
If it's Gertrude, then
it should be Wilhelm.
257
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:01,952
Of course,
258
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:06,082
you cannot call me Gertrude
because that is your name,
259
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,917
if you know
what I mean.
260
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,543
( nervous laughter )
261
00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:11,712
What is it you want
to say to me, Wilhelm?
262
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:16,801
Well, now, let me see.
263
00:11:16,884 --> 00:11:20,262
Uh, I've offered you
more brandy.
264
00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:23,682
Um, we have straightened out
the name business...
265
00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:26,936
You remind me
of my first husband Otto.
266
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:28,354
He was shy, too.
267
00:11:28,395 --> 00:11:31,774
Sit down.
268
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:36,862
Well, you see,
a soldier like I is more at home
269
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:40,574
in the rough
company of men on the battlefield.
270
00:11:40,616 --> 00:11:43,577
Good, I'll handle this.
271
00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:44,870
I'm sure you will.
272
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:46,956
Handle what?
273
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:50,125
I realize that I am
not the most beautiful,
274
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:53,128
the most fascinating woman
in the world...
275
00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:54,296
That's true.
276
00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:55,714
You don't need to agree
277
00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,466
with me so quickly, Wilhelm.
278
00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,844
No offense, Frau...
279
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:01,345
Gertrude.
280
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,722
That's right-- Gertrude.
281
00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:08,394
I know I'm going
to make a certain man very happy.
282
00:12:08,435 --> 00:12:10,187
Make a good wife
to him.
283
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,438
Just what he needs.
284
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,316
Oh, there is no question
about it in my mind.
285
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:15,818
Congratulations.
Danke.
286
00:12:15,943 --> 00:12:17,278
Who's the lucky man?
287
00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:18,320
Do I know him?
288
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,197
Oh, you know him
very well.
289
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,365
Don't be coy.
290
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,117
Oh, I'm not trying to be coy.
291
00:12:23,158 --> 00:12:24,368
I...
292
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,455
Me.
293
00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:30,583
More brandy please, Wilhelm.
294
00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:44,763
They've been in
the cooler long enough.
295
00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:46,056
Make a gesture, Commandant.
296
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:48,475
In honor of
General Berkhalter's visit, release them.
297
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:51,228
I'd like to be
released myself.
298
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,564
You haven't been
paying attention.
299
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,524
Frankly, Hogan,
I've got a big problem.
300
00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,526
Yeah, I know,
I saw her arrive.
301
00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,028
Frau Linkmaier likes me,
302
00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:02,031
and what's worse,
she's thinking about marriage.
303
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:04,199
What woman isn't constantly?
304
00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:05,576
She's a widow.
305
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,870
I remind her
of her first husband Otto.
306
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,497
He's been missing in action
for three years.
307
00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:11,665
Could be on the lam.
308
00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:13,500
Marriage.
309
00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:16,045
I can't even think
about it.
310
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:17,838
What am I going
to do?
311
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,382
May I offer some
advice, Commandant?
312
00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,217
That's very decent
of you, Hogan.
313
00:13:22,217 --> 00:13:23,302
Tell me what to do.
314
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:24,887
First you tell
me something.
315
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,597
Anything you want,
you name it.
316
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:29,099
When are Newkirk and Carter
getting out of the cooler?
317
00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:32,353
I will not bargain
with a prisoner of war.
318
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:33,604
Why not?
319
00:13:33,645 --> 00:13:35,522
I'm willing to bargain
with a prisoner of love.
320
00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:36,648
Don't say anything like that.
321
00:13:38,233 --> 00:13:40,486
All right, Hogan.
322
00:13:40,527 --> 00:13:43,155
If you help me get rid
of Frau Linkmaier,
323
00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:45,240
I will release your men
for you.
324
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:46,241
It's a deal.
325
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:47,910
First thing you've got
to do is get busy.
326
00:13:47,951 --> 00:13:48,911
What?
327
00:13:48,952 --> 00:13:51,914
Nothing chills a woman faster
than a busy man.
328
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:54,917
They can't stand
being neglected for anything.
329
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:57,503
Oh, I see.
330
00:13:57,544 --> 00:14:01,090
I'm too involved in my work
to find time for her.
331
00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:02,424
Exactly.
332
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:04,385
Very good.
333
00:14:04,426 --> 00:14:06,762
Of course, it may involve
a sacrifice
334
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,514
on your part, Commandant.
335
00:14:08,555 --> 00:14:10,432
Sacrifice?
In what way?
336
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:12,643
You may actually
have to go to work.
337
00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,731
I want this section
from here to the gate
338
00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:19,942
inspected and
strengthened if necessary.
339
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:21,068
What's he doing?
340
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,487
Posting more men
outside the wire.
341
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,322
Making things
a little tighter.
342
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:28,492
Yeah, I got him
busy all right-- the wrong way.
343
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:32,746
Herr Kommandant,
please excuse me,
344
00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:35,749
but it is after 4:00,
and you have an invitation
345
00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:39,086
for tea in the general's
quarters with Frau Linkmaier.
346
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:40,629
Tell her I can't be there.
347
00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:41,713
I am too busy.
348
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:42,923
Express my regrets.
349
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:46,051
Oh, excuse me,
Herr Kommandant, is it wise?
350
00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:48,846
After all, she is
the general's sister
351
00:14:48,887 --> 00:14:50,013
and she is a woman.
352
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:52,057
Thank you.
353
00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:53,642
I was puzzled.
354
00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:56,812
Herr Kommandant,
there's even a rumor
355
00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,856
that there will be
wedding bells
356
00:14:58,897 --> 00:15:02,484
for you
and the gnadige Frau.
357
00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:04,820
That is only a rumor.
358
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:07,156
But if it should happen,
Schultz, I promise you
359
00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:09,616
you will be the first one
to hear those wedding bells.
360
00:15:09,658 --> 00:15:11,326
Oh, danke, Herr Kommandant.
361
00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:13,829
Even on the Russian front.
362
00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:20,794
Very good dinner, Sergeant.
363
00:15:20,836 --> 00:15:22,170
Thank you, General.
364
00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:23,589
KLINK:
Good evening.
365
00:15:23,630 --> 00:15:24,673
Good evening.
366
00:15:24,673 --> 00:15:25,799
Good evening, Wilhelm.
367
00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:27,175
Herr Kommandant,
your coat?
368
00:15:27,175 --> 00:15:29,678
No, Schultz, I'm afraid
I must go right out again.
369
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,680
A little surprise visit
to our patrols.
370
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:33,098
It's a surprise
to me, too.
371
00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:34,683
You have not had
your dinner.
372
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:35,767
Oh, I apologize.
373
00:15:35,809 --> 00:15:36,810
Please forgive me.
374
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:39,563
I can stay just long enough
to have some coffee.
375
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:40,647
Schultz.
376
00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:43,692
I never realized
you were so dedicated
377
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:45,235
to your job, Klink.
378
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:48,572
I'm afraid that's why
I don't have much of a social life.
379
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,490
In a way,
I'm married to the war.
380
00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,200
I think
I understand, Klink.
381
00:15:52,242 --> 00:15:55,704
You know, Frau Linkmaier,
I have neglected you shamefully,
382
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,205
but that's
the way I am.
383
00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:59,291
Ja, I see that,
384
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:01,126
and I admire you for it.
385
00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:02,878
Admire me?
386
00:16:02,919 --> 00:16:05,714
Ja, I like a man
who puts his job first.
387
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:08,425
Women must learn
to take second place.
388
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:11,470
You have gone up in
my estimation, Wilhelm.
389
00:16:11,511 --> 00:16:13,221
Schultz, take this away.
390
00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:15,390
Get me a schnapps,
make it a double.
391
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:18,101
Admires you?
392
00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:20,062
How could anybody do that?
393
00:16:20,103 --> 00:16:22,064
You don't know
that woman.
394
00:16:22,105 --> 00:16:23,732
What about Carter
and Newkirk?
395
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:24,983
They stay
in the cooler.
396
00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:27,235
Your marvelous advice
got me where I am.
397
00:16:27,277 --> 00:16:28,320
Now I'll give
you some.
398
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:29,529
You'd better straighten up
399
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:31,406
and toe the line
around here or else.
400
00:16:31,406 --> 00:16:33,116
Look, Commandant...
401
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:35,118
When addressing
your commanding officer,
402
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,079
you should be
in uniform.
403
00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:39,456
Okay, okay.
404
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:41,375
That's better.
405
00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:46,421
What is it, Colonel?
406
00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:47,631
What's our first move?
407
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:48,840
To get a new plan.
408
00:16:48,882 --> 00:16:50,300
What?
You're kidding.
409
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:52,094
I told you,
we started this job,
410
00:16:52,135 --> 00:16:53,595
we're going to finish it.
411
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:54,679
Or it finishes us.
412
00:16:54,721 --> 00:16:57,057
Every kraut and his brother's
out there patrolling.
413
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:58,642
Klink didn't pull
any of the guard.
414
00:16:58,683 --> 00:17:00,185
And the biggest
kraut of them all,
415
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:01,937
Monsieur Klink,
is roaming around, too.
416
00:17:01,978 --> 00:17:04,606
We're going to set
those detonators Wednesday or else.
417
00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:05,732
Or else what?
418
00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:07,150
Get killed trying?
419
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:11,613
There are times I wish
you guys wouldn't read my mind.
420
00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:13,657
Tell her the truth?
421
00:17:13,698 --> 00:17:15,951
I know it's
a strange idea to you, Commandant,
422
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,119
but she might
go for it.
423
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,037
Tell her that
she's too old for me,
424
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:20,831
that I don't
find her attractive,
425
00:17:20,872 --> 00:17:22,165
that she's not my type?
426
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,334
She isn't
anybody's type,
427
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:26,128
but you don't have
to mention that to her.
428
00:17:26,169 --> 00:17:27,129
No, that's impossible.
429
00:17:27,170 --> 00:17:28,213
Then marry her.
430
00:17:28,255 --> 00:17:29,714
You, too, could be
missing in action
431
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:30,799
like her first husband.
432
00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:32,342
You might even be able
to meet him
433
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:34,052
wherever he's hiding
and form a club.
434
00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:36,513
Tell her the truth, huh?
435
00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:39,641
Maybe the very frankness
of it could discourage her.
436
00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:42,853
Look at it this way,
what do you got to lose but her?
437
00:17:42,894 --> 00:17:44,813
You're right, Hogan.
438
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:45,856
I will see her today.
439
00:17:45,897 --> 00:17:47,482
Commandant, for a man
of the world,
440
00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:48,525
you surprise me.
441
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,277
Don't you know anything
about women?
442
00:17:50,318 --> 00:17:52,445
What does that got
to do with Frau Linkmaier?
443
00:17:52,487 --> 00:17:54,114
With women,
finesse is everything.
444
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:56,199
Take her out,
say tomorrow night.
445
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:57,993
Tomorrow night,
Wednesday?
446
00:17:57,993 --> 00:17:59,327
Why not?
Nice moonlight drive.
447
00:17:59,327 --> 00:18:00,537
Then you park.
448
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:02,622
There's a great spot
about halfway to Hemleberg.
449
00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,875
Right near the railroad
crossing, can't miss it.
450
00:18:04,916 --> 00:18:06,459
How do you know
about that?
451
00:18:06,501 --> 00:18:09,212
Uh... uh... one
of the guards told me about it.
452
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:11,339
Takes all his frauleins there.
453
00:18:11,339 --> 00:18:14,342
I see.
454
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:16,344
I'll try it.
455
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:19,598
It seems to make sense.
456
00:18:19,639 --> 00:18:21,433
Good, good.
457
00:18:21,474 --> 00:18:22,851
Why?
458
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:25,979
Why did I have to be born
so attractive?
459
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:28,440
That's another whole question.
460
00:18:28,481 --> 00:18:29,858
Right now, let's stick
to the truth.
461
00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:57,719
KLINK:
Schultz, come in here.
462
00:18:57,761 --> 00:19:00,221
Yes, Herr Kommandant,
I'm coming.
463
00:19:13,526 --> 00:19:14,569
( indistinct talking )
464
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:17,572
Danke, Shultz.
465
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,082
( car engine starts )
466
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:40,011
Shultz, we won't
need you for a while.
467
00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:41,971
Uh, take a walk
in the woods.
468
00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:43,431
Alone?
469
00:19:43,431 --> 00:19:47,185
I'm sorry we didn't bring
a girlfriend for you.
470
00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:48,436
( chuckles )
471
00:19:48,436 --> 00:19:50,063
Get out.
472
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:53,942
Uh, there's a nice moon out
tonight, Herr Kommandant.
473
00:19:54,401 --> 00:19:55,610
Thank you, Shultz.
474
00:19:55,860 --> 00:19:57,487
Get out.
475
00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:59,781
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
476
00:20:01,991 --> 00:20:04,994
( crickets chirping )
477
00:20:05,036 --> 00:20:06,788
( bird cawing )
478
00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:11,793
( banging )
479
00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:22,387
Well, here we are.
480
00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:25,265
Ja, alone again,
Wilhelm.
481
00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:30,728
It is very romantic.
I approve.
482
00:20:30,770 --> 00:20:32,981
I'm glad you approve.
483
00:20:32,981 --> 00:20:36,067
And, uh, I approve
of your approval.
484
00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:37,861
What is it,
Wilhelm?
485
00:20:37,902 --> 00:20:41,656
Gertrude... uh,
Frau Linkmaier...
486
00:20:41,698 --> 00:20:45,994
uh, I realize
that you are very
487
00:20:46,035 --> 00:20:48,288
strongly
attracted to me.
488
00:20:48,329 --> 00:20:50,248
It's, uh, one
of those things.
489
00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:52,125
You can't help yourself.
490
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:55,170
The moth and the flame.
491
00:21:07,515 --> 00:21:11,144
( bird cawing )
492
00:21:15,231 --> 00:21:17,567
I admire you
very much.
493
00:21:17,609 --> 00:21:20,820
You're strong
and forceful.
494
00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:21,946
Ja.
495
00:21:21,988 --> 00:21:24,866
And, uh, forceful
and strong.
496
00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:26,367
Danke, Wilhelm.
497
00:21:26,367 --> 00:21:27,327
But for a wife,
498
00:21:27,368 --> 00:21:28,995
I would like somebody
weak and stupid.
499
00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:29,996
What?
500
00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:32,707
Someone I can
talk to.
501
00:21:32,707 --> 00:21:34,500
Schultz!
502
00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:38,796
Schultz!
503
00:21:40,965 --> 00:21:42,300
Schultz!
504
00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:47,263
Did you call, sir?
505
00:21:47,305 --> 00:21:49,140
Oh, uh, I mean,
did you, Frau?
506
00:21:49,182 --> 00:21:50,433
Back to the camp
at once.
507
00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:51,976
Jawol,Herr Kommandannt.
508
00:21:52,018 --> 00:21:53,228
Oh, I mean, Frau.
509
00:21:53,228 --> 00:21:54,646
At once, sir.
510
00:22:03,196 --> 00:22:05,657
( engine starts )
511
00:22:30,264 --> 00:22:32,600
But, Frau Linkmaier,
please.
512
00:22:36,437 --> 00:22:37,897
Gertrude...
513
00:22:37,939 --> 00:22:39,899
Mrs. Linkmaier.
514
00:22:39,941 --> 00:22:41,693
( engine rumbling )
515
00:22:41,734 --> 00:22:43,861
Hogan!
516
00:22:43,903 --> 00:22:46,114
Yes, sir?
517
00:22:46,114 --> 00:22:49,575
What are you doing
out of the barracks?
518
00:22:49,617 --> 00:22:50,785
Well, I was anxious
519
00:22:50,827 --> 00:22:52,620
about your date
with the iron maiden.
520
00:22:52,620 --> 00:22:53,705
I told her the truth.
521
00:22:53,746 --> 00:22:54,706
I don't believe it.
522
00:22:54,747 --> 00:22:55,790
Every word of it.
523
00:22:55,832 --> 00:22:56,916
Come on,
Commandant.
524
00:22:56,958 --> 00:22:58,793
May lightening
strike me if I didn't.
525
00:22:58,835 --> 00:23:04,799
( explosion )
526
00:23:04,799 --> 00:23:06,843
( rumbling )
527
00:23:06,884 --> 00:23:09,303
Okay,
I'm convinced.
528
00:23:14,517 --> 00:23:17,478
She blames me for this.
529
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,481
She is going to make
my life miserable.
530
00:23:20,481 --> 00:23:21,774
But, sir...
531
00:23:21,816 --> 00:23:23,443
Klink, I am going
to get you
532
00:23:23,484 --> 00:23:25,945
a reservation on the first
troop train heading east.
533
00:23:25,987 --> 00:23:26,946
But, General...
534
00:23:26,988 --> 00:23:29,657
Or I'll send you
by plane, or by ship.
535
00:23:29,699 --> 00:23:31,993
If necessary,
I'll carry you
536
00:23:31,993 --> 00:23:33,244
to the Russian
front.
537
00:23:33,286 --> 00:23:34,704
Piggy-back!
538
00:23:34,746 --> 00:23:37,039
General, you're being
unfair to the commandant.
539
00:23:37,081 --> 00:23:38,458
He is?
540
00:23:38,499 --> 00:23:40,793
Why unfair,
Hogan?
541
00:23:40,835 --> 00:23:42,837
Oh, he was only trying
to save you and your sister
542
00:23:42,837 --> 00:23:44,547
from a lot of embarrassment.
543
00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:45,673
I was?
544
00:23:45,673 --> 00:23:49,510
He knows he's not good
enough for the Burkhalters.
545
00:23:49,510 --> 00:23:50,678
I'm not?
546
00:23:50,678 --> 00:23:52,680
Just look at him,
what do you see?
547
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,974
Tall, skinny,
548
00:23:55,016 --> 00:23:57,560
insipid
egotistical type.
549
00:23:57,602 --> 00:24:00,354
A moth-eaten German eagle
wearing a monocle.
550
00:24:00,354 --> 00:24:01,647
Hogan...
551
00:24:01,689 --> 00:24:03,399
How'd you like
to introduce that
552
00:24:03,441 --> 00:24:05,109
to the Fuhrer
and your friends
553
00:24:05,151 --> 00:24:06,444
as your brother-in-law?
554
00:24:06,486 --> 00:24:08,029
You may have
a point, Hogan.
555
00:24:08,029 --> 00:24:09,697
He was only trying
to save you
556
00:24:09,739 --> 00:24:11,866
and your sister from
a terrible embarrassment.
557
00:24:11,908 --> 00:24:15,453
Perhaps I will discuss
this with Gertrude.
558
00:24:15,495 --> 00:24:17,121
I'll give her
a little vacation,
559
00:24:17,163 --> 00:24:19,415
let her think about it.
560
00:24:19,457 --> 00:24:21,459
Command decision.
561
00:24:21,501 --> 00:24:23,669
As for you...
562
00:24:24,545 --> 00:24:26,923
Oh, well, we have
enough trouble
563
00:24:26,964 --> 00:24:28,674
on the Russian front.
564
00:24:32,136 --> 00:24:35,556
Hogan, I appreciate
what you did,
565
00:24:35,598 --> 00:24:37,433
but those terrible
things you said...
566
00:24:37,475 --> 00:24:38,726
I can get
the general back.
567
00:24:38,768 --> 00:24:40,019
Never mind, Hogan.
568
00:24:40,061 --> 00:24:42,021
You saved me
from Frau Linkmaier.
569
00:24:42,063 --> 00:24:43,814
How can I
ever thank you?
570
00:24:43,856 --> 00:24:45,066
Forget it.
571
00:24:45,066 --> 00:24:46,275
What good
are enemies
572
00:24:46,317 --> 00:24:47,693
if you can't
depend on them?
573
00:24:47,743 --> 00:24:52,293
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