All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s04e15 The Missing Klink.eng

( theme song playing )

*

Well?

Forget it.

You'd need a division of armor
to attack that camp.

We couldn't get near it.

The elite guards,
machine guns,

land mines, the whole works.

Oh, blimey.

I hate to
say die, sir,

but I'd rather
say it than do it.

My men are ready
to attack

as soon as you give
the orders, Colonel.

Forget it.

Forget it?

My brother's in there.

You couldn't even get close.

That place is
a regular fortress.

Are you afraid?

Afraid?

Yeah.

Look, it's not a
matter of courage.

Trying to rush
that camp now would be suicide.

My brother is to be executed
day after tomorrow.

I say the time to act is now.

Look, leave it to me.

I'll get Hans out.

But how?

I said,
leave it to me.

I don't think...

Colonel isn't a man

to say something
he doesn't mean.

Don't worry, mate.

The governor always
has a marvelous plan.

I will wait till
I hear from you.

Right.

All right, let's
get this car back to the motor pool

before Klink finds out
it's missing.

Then what, sir?

Then we start trying

to think of this
marvelous plan

which I happen not
to have at the moment.

What time are they supposed
to execute Hans?

0800 tomorrow.

Doesn't give us much room.

Colonel Hogan,

Commandant Klink
wants to see you

in the office at once.

All right, Schultz.

You guys try to stall, huh?

We may need this car later.

Right, sir.

Colonel
said stall.

Stall?

We should do a job right
no matter how small it is.

Hey, morally,
you make a commitment

to clean a man's car and...

Colonel
said stall.

Hogan, where's my car?

You promised it would be parked
and waiting for me.

It is not parked
and waiting for me.

Why isn't it,
and where is it?

Well, I...

"8:00," you said.

"Promise?" I said?

"On my word of
honor," you said.

"8:00 sharp," I said.

"Not one second
later," you said.

Did I say a.m. or p.m.?

It is now 9:30.

Colonel Klink,
I want you to know

I understand your annoyance.

Oh, I understand
it, too.

But what I don't
understand is

where's my car?

Well, let's be fair now.

Do you by any chance recall
what you wanted done to the car?

To have it washed.

And waxed.

Don't shrug off
the toughest part.

Do you know how long it takes
for a good wax job?

25 minutes.

25 minutes!

I've never heard anything
more ridiculous!

Hogan, I have to pick
up General Burkhalter

at the station
in 45 minutes.

General Burkhalter?
Yes.

Your car will be ready.

Without fail?

Put yourself
in my hands.

How long would it take you
to wash that car?

Oh...
Oh, ease up, Schultz.

We're going as
fast as we can.

Cor, blimey...

All right, come on,
quit the stall

and get this car washed
and waxed. On the double.

Move it!

Oh, we get better treatment
from the enemy.

Thank you,
Newkirk.

Schultz, you better

get over
to Klink's office.

Tell him his car will
be ready in ten minutes.

Jawohl, Herr
Kommandant.

I mean, Klink...

Oh, you know
what I mean!

Sir, what do you mean...?
What's happening?

Klink's got to pick up
Burkhalter at the station.

This is one time we're going

to give him all the help
we possibly can.

Who cares about
General Burkhalter?

The German High Command.

If he should be captured
by the underground,

we'd be in a very good position
for a trade.

NEWKIRK:
General Burkhalter

for Hans Wagner?

Right.

Kinch, radio
Karl Wagner.

Tell him
to set up an ambush

on the Hammelburg Road.

Klink and Burkhalter
should be starting

back here about 12:15.

12:15. Right.

And, uh, Kinch?
Yeah?

Tell him to hold Burkhalter

till we work out the details.

Okay.

All right, come on.

Let's get this car
washed and waxed.

I'll help.

( train whistle blowing )

Schultz, I can't understand

why the General
wasn't on that train.

It isn't like him to
be late for anything.

No, it isn't.

That's one thing I must say
in General Burkhalter's favor,

not that I haven't
got a lot of things

to say in his favor, but...

Schultz, stop
your weaseling.

Like all of us,
the general has his good points,

as well as his faults.

Yeah.

What do you think
my faults are?

Oh.

Oh.

( laughs )

I wasn't talking about you,
Herr Kommandant.

You know, Schultz,
the trouble with you is,

you're afraid to say
anything you think.

Filled with fear.

Frightened to express
any kind of opinion.

Oh, no, Herr Kommandant.

I talk about you all the time

when you are not around.

Oh, shut up and drive.

( horn beeping )

You men,
get the car off the road.

SCHULTZ:
What's the matter with you?

Can't you hear good?

My hearing's fine.

How's your eyesight?

Right now, 20/20.

You, out of the car.

Schultz, just drive
around the car.

Get out of the car, I said!

If you want me
to get out of this car,

you're going to have
to drag me out.

( soft groan )

You are assaulting
a German officer.

That is a very serious offense.

Give this message
to the Gestapo.

Jawohl.

Schultz, why are
you sitting there?

You wait five minutes

and then get that message

to Gestapo headquarters.

Schultz, do something!

Yes, Herr Kommandant,

I'm going to do something.

I'm going to wait here
five minutes

before I deliver this message.

Four minutes, 59 seconds.

Four minutes, 58 seconds.

( car beeping )

( tires squealing )

SCHULTZ:
Everybody after them.

After them.

They kidnapped the commandant.

SCHULTZ:
They kidnapped him...

Did Schultz say
what I'm hoping he didn't say?

That crazy kid brother
must have grabbed

both Burkhalter
and Klink.

Then I threw myself
in front of the Kommandant,

since it was my duty
to defend him,

even at the risk
of my own life.

Then why are you
still alive?

Because the man said
they're going to shoot me

if I didn't get out
of the way.

Did he say
why he did it, Schultz?

No, but he gave me this.

Must be some kind
of a ransom note.

I bet the underground wants
to make a prisoner trade.

General Burkhalter
and Colonel Klink

for Hans Wagner.

Burkhalter?
They got him, too?

Yeah, with Colonel Klink.

Didn't they?

You went to the station
to pick him up.

Yeah, but he wasn't
on the train.

So we were going back
to see if he's here.

This note says

they will trade General
Burkhalter for Wagner.

They've mistaken Klink
for General Burkhalter.

Colonel Hogan?

What made you think they
had General Burkhalter?

Don't ask me.

I can't think
when my stomach's turning.

If you do not let me go,

I shall break out of here
myself!

They haven't made
a wine cellar yet

that can hold me!

Guard?

Guard?!

( door opening )

( door closing )

Karl, he's knocked down
the door.

Oh, no.
He's sound asleep.

Probably a sudden draft
blew it down.

But he could escape.

I think Burkhalter
has more sense.

Excuse me?

I'm not General Burkhalter.

You have to be.

Oh, no, I'm not.

Here's my identification.

You're lying.

I don't think
so, Karl.

He doesn't look like

he has the brains
to be a general.

True.

That's absolutely true,
Fraulein.

"Colonel Wilhelm Klink."

Colonel, huh?

Oh, oh.

Oh, that is a promotion
I did not deserve, sir.

I did not deserve it, no.

I believe you.

And obviously,

you have some
very influential friends, yeah?

Influential friends?

Oh, oh.

Oh, my friends
don't mean anything.

I mean, they are farmers...

shopkeepers,

factory workers.

Oh, all my friends
are nobodies.

Even my enemies are nobodies.

I am a nobody.

I have failed, Ilse.

We go after a general,

and we get this
nobody colonel.

He's of no use
to us at all.

Well, in that case,
I better go

before I wear out

my welcome.

You stay right here.

You're not much,
but in some small way,

I'll avenge my brother tomorrow.

Why don't we
shoot him today?

Huh?

You're going to shoot me?

Well, since you are
not important enough

to be exchanged
for my brother, why not?

Oh, you're wrong.

You're quite wrong.

Uh, I was being modest.

Actually, I am considered
one of the general's

most important men.

Well, who besides you
considers you this, huh?

General Burkhalter does.

We've become fast friends.

I'm really more
than just his friend.

Uh, we have what you might call
a father/son relationship?

Now, when he
hears about this,

your brother will be out
like a shot.

( footsteps approach )

I mean, very quickly.

Message from
General Burkhalter.

Ah, from Papa!

Didn't I tell you?

Y-You should
have asked

for a thousand
in gold more.

I'm a real catch.

"Hans Wagner will be executed
tomorrow as scheduled."

Schultz, I want you
to describe the man

who gave you this note.

Well, he had, uh,
black boots, and...

Never mind how
he was dressed.

What did he look like?

A German Luger.

Major Hochstetter,

I'm glad I caught
you before you left.

I won't be leaving
for three days.

Yeah, but you'll
probably be too busy then.

He is busy now.

General Burkhalter,
what train

did you come in on?

I didn't come in
on any train.

Well, Colonel Klink thought

you were taking
the Berlin Express.

Just because he's afraid to fly,

he thinks
everybody else is, too?

That Dummkopf let me wait
at the airport for two hours.

Certainly is annoying, General,

but I've got something
much more important

to discuss right now.

I'm not interrupting anything,
am I?

Of course you are.

I've never seen you

when you are not
interrupting something.

Well, what I have to say
will only take a second.

All right, Hogan.

What is it?

Well, I understand

the underground will
release Colonel Klink

if the Gestapo
frees Hans Wagner.

Isn't that
what they're demanding?

Yeah, that's what
they're demanding.

Klink goes free
if Wagner goes free.

I certainly call that
a fair deal.

Yeah, so would I,

if I were on
the other side.

Hans Wagner is
the brains

of the entire
underground operation.

He's highly intelligent,
courageous, and a leader.

What about Colonel Klink?

What about him?

Well, he's also a man

of outstanding qualities,
right, Schultz?

Absolutely.

Such as?

( laughs ):
Oh, there are so many.

Name one.

Well, there
are not that many.

The execution takes
place tomorrow

as scheduled.

And then Wagner's brother
shoots Colonel Klink.

Now, come on,
General,

think of how long
you've known Colonel Klink.

Think of the things

you two have been through
together.

If I do, I'm liable
to shoot him myself.

Schultz?

Jawohl.

Colonel Hogan is leaving.

Yeah?

Good-bye.

Dummkopf!
Take him out of here.

Raus! Out, out, out!

I'm going.
I'm going.

And stay out!

If there was only some way

to make Klink important
enough to trade.

Hmm...

Colonel...
Quiet.

I think
Colonel Hogan's

about to come up
with another one

of those great ideas.

He had that same
look on his face

the other night when he
got us into this mess.

( stammers )

W-we got
in this mess,

so it wasn't just...

It's all right, Carter.

You're right.

I thought of the kidnap job.

But this idea might do it.

Do what?

What does
the name "Nimrod" mean?

He's the finest
intelligence man we have.

Yeah, the Germans
offered

a four million marks
reward for his capture.

What's he got
to do with it, Colonel?

He's the mystery man
of the war,

operates right
in the German's backyard,

personally responsible
for the Nazi's defeat

in two major campaigns,

all the while posing as the
commandant of a prison camp.

No kidding.

Which one?

The infamous Stalag 13.

Wow!

Come on, Colonel.
Not Klink.

Yes.

That fumbling, bumbling
Colonel Wilhelm Klink.

Hardly anyone would
believe that story.

You think the Krauts will?

It all depends
on how well we tell it.

Naturally, you will do
everything in your power

to apprehend the parties
responsible for this outrage.

May we leave
no stone unturned.

Oh, don't go to
all that trouble.

( phone ringing )

Klink's private line
is ringing; that's odd.

Hello.

Is it safe to talk, Klink?

Ja, it's safe.

Well, we've got another
one for you, Nimrod,

and it's a big one, old boy.

Anyone there wise to you yet?

Uh, no.

Good show.

After this, Nimrod,
G-2's pulling you out.

Now I have a coded message.

Listen closely.

Ja...

Ja...

Ja.

Memorize it, old boy.

And then eat it.

We've got him. We've got him.

We've got who?

Nimrod.

Nimrod, that
British agent?

Ja, that's right.

The most wanted man in
Germany and we've got him.

No, we don't got him.
They got him.

But we can still get him.

What are you
babbling about?

That phone call--
it was a message...

Oh, excuse me
a moment, General.

"Mairzy Doats
Little Boy Blue."

( mumbling )

I realize this is hard
to believe, General,

but Klink...

Hochstetter!

Take that paper
out of your mouth.

Oh, sorry, General.

I got so excited.

This news has me
so excited.

Here, read this.

You read it to me,
please, Major.

Well, it's in code.

It's some kind of
instructions for Nimrod.

I'll call
headquarters

and have them send
over a cryptologist.

No, wait a minute.
I am a cryptologist.

I was the top man
in my unit.

This will be no trick at all.

I got it. I told you.

Didn't I tell you
I could break this code?

For two hours you have
been telling me that.

What they're using here

is a variation on the old
Vessenhofer cipher--

basic vowel substitutes.

"A" becomes "E"
if followed by "P."

When preceded by "U,"
then "E" becomes "B,"

and "U"
becomes "P"

and sometimes "Y."

Except after "C."

However, what
they've done here...

Just read the message.

The message is "I am foul.

Clerch let in Cradnick."

This is the message?

Obviously, it's not the code.

Ja, obviously,
that's not the code.

Oh, it's the old
double look message.

I will crack this
in no time at all.

Why don't you just
call headquarters

and let them send
over an expert?

This whole thing
doesn't make sense.

The idea of Klink

being a British agent
is ridiculous.

Ja, I could not
believe it myself,

but you were here, you
heard the phone ring,

you saw me write
down the message,

so you know
I'm not crazy.

Yes, I heard
the phone ring.

I heard you say,
"Mairzy Doats,"

and I watched you eat
a wad of paper.

They've been long enough
with the code.

Now's the time to move in.

Newkirk.
Sir.

You know what to do.
Right.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

I was told to come and clean out
the commandant's office.

Go ahead.

You might as well
start with that desk.

Right, sir.

He's been keeping
you busy I see, sir.

Get me Gestapo
headquarters, please.

Oh, my
goodness me.

The old Wellington
cipher.

Wellington cipher?

It's the first one
they taught us

at cryptology,
this was.

I don't suppose
they've used this code

for, oh,
over 100 years.

We have just been talking
about that ourselves.

Yes.

You know this
Wellington cipher?

Well, I'm not an expert
like the major, sir.

Don't be too sure of that.

Let's see if your translation
is the same as his.

All right, sir.

Be a bit of
a challenge.

I haven't done this for years.

Very simple, though.

Now I make it
out to be...

"Secret plans...
hidden..."

What is this?

Looks like
a name.

Hilda.

"Secret plans hidden
Hilda's desk."

Does that sound
right to you, sir?

That sounds perfect.

I thought it would.

Well, that does it.

I've taken all the
necessary precautions.

In a few minutes, Nimrod
will be my prisoner.

It just doesn't seem possible,

how I could have been
so fooled by Klink.

Ah, Nimrod
is a very brilliant man.

Yes, but Klink
is such a stupid one.

That is where
he was truly brilliant.

You only thought
he was stupid.

Everybody thought
he was stupid.

How do you suppose
he got these?

I haven't even been
shown these plans.

Odd-looking aircraft,
isn't it?

Yeah, it seems awfully big.

Any time now.

Now, let us remember
to act calmly, General.

I do not want him
to suspect anything

when he walks in.

These guards are
trigger-happy,

and I want Nimrod
alive.

Why don't we take our positions
over here?

It will look as if we are
just about to say good-bye.

That should be a very
natural scene, huh?

He's here.

He's here.
He's here.

Hold your fire.

General, why don't
you stand over here,

and I will stand
right over here

behind the
office door

and being shaking
hands with you.

Why don't we just be saying
good-bye under the desk?

Oh, General Burkhalter.

Oh, Major Hochstetter.

Oh, my dear friends.

What I have been through.

Don't move
or you're a dead man.

I don't understand.

Don't you,
Nimrod?

Nimrod?

What is your
real name?

My name is Wilhelm Klink.

Now, anyone knows that.

You all know that--
Wilhelm Klink.

( chuckles )

This is a joke?

A little prank?

Oh, marvelous.

After what I've been through,
I could use a good laugh.

( laughs )

No one else could use
a good laugh?

Bah, after a little questioning
at headquarters,

we will see who laughs last.

( whimpering )

Fraulein Hilda, will you
please send for my car?

If ever I saw a guilty man,
that is the one.

He still looks like
stupid old Klink to me.

I think, General,
you will be convinced

once I have gotten
a signed confession.

( yells )

All right.

Just want to see
the commandant a moment.

The commandant will not be
seeing anyone for a while.

It'll only take a second.

I wanted to ask
if he had gotten the plans yet

for the Hindenburg.

The men are eager
to get to work on the models

that they got
from the Red Cross.

Hindenburg?

Models?

Ooh, there they are.

That's swell.

Oh, you got
the plans, too? Good.

Give my best to Klink.

The plans-- you
gave him the plans.

Those plans are
for a dirigible.

A big bag filled
with hot air,

just like you.

But the phone call,
the code...

( phone ringing )

Hello?

Major Hochstetter.

Hello, Hochstetter here.

Just called to let you know

that Hans Wagner
arrived safely.

I do hope
Colonel Klink did, too.

Oh, and awfully nice doing
business with you, Major.

How do you volunteer
for the Eastern Front?

No problem.

I'll have you there
by tomorrow.

All right, Carter, you're
my dishwasher tonight.

Let somebody
else do it.

I want to get this finished
before lights-out.

Work before play, dishwasher.
Come on.

Who's playing?

Colonel said we were
building model planes.

I think we better
have some around

in case they decide
to check out the story.

That's using your head,
Carter.

When will you have that done?

Guess about the same time
those dishes are finished.

Oh, really?
All right, all right.

I'll do the dishes.
I can use the humility.

Andrew, this doesn't
look like the Hindenburg.

Well, give me
a chance to finish.

After I put on
the rocket mounts

and the turbo jets
and the canons,

then it's going to look
like the Hindenburg.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Rocket mounts? Turbo jets?

That's what it says
in the plans.

Messerschmitt XL-12
jet propulsion.

These aren't the plans
for the Hindenburg.

Where'd you get them?

Well, they were
in the box

with the model parts.

They were folded up
in the top like this one.

It's a note.

"My dear Colonel,

"clever the way you got Wagner
out of that prison camp.

"Kindly be just as clever

"and get these plans
out of this one.

"Till we meet again...

Nimrod."

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