All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s04e09 Guess Who Came to Dinner.eng

( theme song playing )

( bell on door jingles )

CLERK:
I'll be right with you, sir.

Do you have any
cauliflower today?

Yes, right next
to the onions.

Danke.

Thank you very much,
Fräulein Wagner.

Is this cauliflower
fresh?

The farmer brought them
in this morning.

Mm-hmm.

Is that the contact
from the underground?

I don't know.

I've been too busy to find out.

I'll check it.

Be careful, Colonel.

She may be a Gestapo man
in disguise.

With those legs, I hope
he's free for dinner.

( clears throat )

If she is from
the underground,

tell her to stop
squeezing my tomatoes.

Excuse me.

Are you the woman
who lost her schnauzer?

No, I don't have a schnauzer;
I have a Weimaraner.

Weimaraner's
are fine dogs.

We have two dachshunds.

Really?

What are their names?

Hans and Fritz.

I'm very happy to meet you.

Hard to believe we're winning
the war with that hokey code.

Is the proprietor also
an underground agent?

Mm-hmm.

Does he have a message for me?

Yes.

What is the message?

Stop squeezing the tomatoes.

I beg your pardon.

I have a message for you.

London wants to know
if you can do another job.

I'm afraid
that's impossible.

What's the problem?

The Gestapo-- they're
closing in on me.

What makes you so sure?

There's always a man
outside my apartment.

I've received a series
of mysterious phone calls,

and, yesterday, I find a small
microphone in my dresser drawer.

I guess that would make you
a little suspicious.

I don't want to seem dramatic,

but I must get out of Germany
within the next few days.

It won't be easy.

We have a lot of fliers
to get out of the country,

and our rescue teams
are overworked.

In that case, it was
nice knowing you.

Don't give up hope.

I'll do the best I can.

Where can you
be reached?

The Hauserhof.

Good.

Your contacts will be
Hans and Fritz.

Thank you.

Hah!

I don't blame you,
Fräulein.

Tomatoes are far too expensive.

You say the tomatoes
are too expensive?

( softly ):
What kind of code is that?

What code?

Face it, Max,
you're overpriced.

Hi.

Are we glad
to see you, Colonel.

Did you
contact her?

Yes.

I don't mind telling you,

she's got to be one
of the most beautiful women

in the whole underground.

NEWKIRK:
That figures.

The problem is
the Gestapo's onto her

and we've got to get her
out of the country.

Kinch, call London, huh?

( clears throat )

Don't tell me
the radio's out again.

No, it's working fine.

As a matter of fact,

we just finished talking
to jolly old London.

They had a message
about your beautiful friend.

Her last contact was picked up
by the Gestapo.

They think she's a double agent.

Oh, no.

You didn't tell her
about our setup, did you?

No, but I arranged
for her escape.

That's great.

Hans and Fritz are walking
right into a trap.

Why is it you can only trust
short, dumpy spies?

We got to warn Hans and Fritz

before our beautiful traitor
leads them into a trap.

Well, sir,
inasmuch as this bird is dangerous,

why don't we set
a trap for her?

What do we got in mind?

Well, the sort
of bait you use

for a handsome
young woman is

a dashing, exciting
young man with a lot of sex appeal.

Listen, Newkirk,
I'm not going out

on another dangerous mission.

That goes for me, too.

You're balmy-- both of you.

Why don't we send Newkirk?

The Gestapo would never
be looking

for a homely man
with no sex appeal.

You're all
round the bend.

All right,
hold it, hold it.

Let's not worry
about the lady.

Our main objective is
to warn Hans and Fritz.

SCHULTZ:
Raus, everybody!

Raus, raus, raus, raus!

Roll call!

Schultz!

Whatever happened
to the old-fashioned custom of knocking?

It could be very,
very dangerous for you, Schultzy.

Dangerous?

Sure, say we'd been
planning a mass escape.

You walk in,
see the plans,

run and tell old Klink,

he throws us all
in the cooler.

The Gestapo hears about it, they
transfer us to another POW camp.

They close this one down,
and you're expendable.

And like
a shot, mate,

you're transferred
to the Russian front.

I promise...

next time I'll knock.

HOGAN:
What's all this about a roll call?

Everybody out for inspection,
five minutes.

And Commandant Klink wants
to see you in his office.

There will be a barracks
inspection within an hour.

A very important guest
is coming.

Adolf Hitler?

You're close.

Jack the Ripper?

Frankenstein?

Otto von Krubner.

The munitions maker?

I was right with Frankenstein.

He's a very close friend
of the Führer.

In fact, he has a castle

next to the Führer's
in Berchtesgaden.

Nice having a munitions maker
for a neighbor.

Yeah, you can always
pop next door

and borrow a cup of dynamite.

HOGAN:
If von Krubner's coming,

the first thing
we've got to do

is put up a
"No smoking" sign.

You heard me, Sergeant.

I want every soldier
to wear a clean uniform.

I want the band to stand by.

And I shall make
a personal inspection tour

with my guest
within one hour.

Really rolling out
the red carpet

for your friendly
neighborhood machine gun dealer.

Hogan, Otto von Krubner

is the greatest
industrialist in history.

I don't know-- I sort
of lean toward the guy

that invented
the pop-up toaster.

That's why you Americans
are losing the war.

We've got the bullets;
you've got the toasters.

Guess you haven't heard
the latest news from the Russian front.

You heard something?

What did you hear?

Don't panic, Commandant,

but I suggest you tell
von Krubner

to keep his factories
open nights.

I am not going to be taken in
by your rumors, Hogan.

Sit down.

I warn you,

as long as von Krubner
is my guest here,

I will not tolerate
any overt acts of hostility or insolence.

In other words,
no horsing around.

You want von Krubner
to put in a good word

with the Führer for you,
right, Colonel?

That, uh... wouldn't hurt.

I got to hand it to you.

Smart move getting in
with von Krubner.

Might ask him for a job
after the war.

Hogan, may I remind you that my
father and his father before him

served their country well
as military men,

and there is no greater glory
in the career of the...

That's not a bad idea.

There must be many calls
for out-of-work POW commanders.

Perhaps I could be
von Krubner's representative

in the United States.

I've always wanted to visit
your country, Hogan.

Hey, you could go to Hollywood
and be in the remake

of All Quiet
on the Western Front.

Hollywood...

Ooh, I would like
to go to Hollywood.

I hear that the climate
is marvelous.

Just great.

Spend weekends in Palm Springs.

Yes, Palm Springs--
I've heard of that, too.

Isn't that where
the, uh... young Fräuleins

all walk around with
their bathing suits on, huh?

I can see you kept up
your subscription

to Strength Through Joy monthly.

You know, Hogan,

it would not be a bad idea

to sort of drop a hint
at dinner, huh?

You're going to have
dinner with von Krubner?

Oh, yes, I'm going to take him
and his fiancée into town.

You're going to take him
to "Heartburn" Hofbrau?

Pretty hard asking
a man for a job

when they're pumping
out his stomach.

You're right, Hogan.

We'll have dinner here.

Good thinking.

I'll have LeBeau cook
a delicious meal.

LeBeau?

You aren't going
to have your cooks prepare the meal.

What's wrong
with my cooks?

Face it, Colonel,

at your sick call,
there's standing room only.

We'll have LeBeau
go into town, do some shopping,

and it's, "Palm Springs,
here I come."

I can't let LeBeau
go into Hammelburg.

Put him under
heavy guard.

Send Schultz with him.

You haven't got
a heavier guard than that.

Why should LeBeau
go shopping in town?

Why can't he use the food
from our mess hall?

Come here.

They're preparing lunch now.

( sniffs )

Does that answer
your question?

May I help you?

Say, aren't you the man
who lost his schnauzer?

No, I don't have
a schnauzer.

I own a Weimaraner.

Weimaraner's are
fine dogs.

I have
two French poodles.

Don't you mean dachshunds?

I hate Boche dogs.

Stick to the code.

Is the fat one
in the underground?

No, he's a guard
at the camp.

That will be
five pfennige.

For an apple?

That is the price.

But I'm a guard at the camp.

That does not entitle you
to free apples.

You would make a war hero
pay for a piece of fruit?

I would make Hermann Göring
pay for a piece of fruit.

Who told you he was a war hero?

LeBEAU:
Leave him alone, Max.

( Schultz chuckles knowingly )

How come you know
his name is Max?

I never met a man
who ran a fruit store who wasn't named Max.

What is your name?

Max.

See that?

Amazing.

Put the apple
on my bill.

Do you have any
mushrooms today?

Yeah, right
over here.

You must get word
to Hans and Fritz

that they should not
rendezvous with the girl.

Why not?

London suspects
she's a double agent.

I can't believe it.

Believe it.

I could kill myself.

Don't take it so hard, Max.

She fooled everyone.

Yeah, but me
she owes for two pounds of tomatoes.

You sent for me, Colonel?

KLINK:
Ah, yes, Colonel Hogan.

Come in,
come in, come in.

Herr von Krubner,

may I present the ranking
POW officer, Colonel Hogan.

I'm delighted to meet you,
Colonel.

I've heard a lot about you.

I would like you
to meet my fiancée,

Fräulein
Heidi Eberhardt.

Darling, this is
Colonel Hogan.

It's a great pleasure, Colonel.

Very happy to meet you,
Miss Eberhardt.

Thank you.

Why don't we invite
Colonel Hogan

to join us for dinner
this evening?

It will be very
interesting hearing all about America.

Splendid idea,
my darling.

Yes, Hogan, why don't
you do us the honor?

My pleasure.

VON KRUBNER:
You know, I have been thinking

that after the war

I would open up a factory
in the United States.

I understand
that Palm Springs is simply beautiful.

That's right--

I took pre-flight
training there.

You must tell us
all about it at dinner.

Herr von Krubner,

would you like to take
the tour of the camp now?

Yes, of course.

You know, I was thinking
that after the war

I might just retire
from the military.

Oh, that's
very interesting, Klink.

Of course, I would be
very grateful to the military

for the splendid
training

in discipline
and efficiency.

Of course.

But just offhand,

I was thinking that
a Luftwaffe Colonel

such as myself...

might possibly be
highly qualified

for, oh, let's say
a vice presidency

in some international
cartel, huh?

With headquarters
in Palm Springs.

Herr von Krubner,
I must tell you

I'm absolutely fascinated
by the United States.

That'll be all, Hogan.

Now, Herr von Krubner,

over here we have
what I would...

Oh, how clumsy of me.

Oh, allow me.

Oh, thank you,
Hogan.

As I was saying,

over here we have
our delousing station.

Now, if you turn
to your right...

( voice fades )

Is everything arranged
with Hans and Fritz?

No.

But I'm desperate!

Look, lady,
you're barking up the wrong schnauzer.

What do you mean?

Why don't you ask
your last contact--

if he's still alive.

But he was careless

and I couldn't get
to him to warn him

because of the Gestapo.

In our racket,
you're known as a bad risk.

Coming, my dear?

EBERHARDT:
Yes, my darling.

( softly ):
You may not trust me, but I trust you.

( loudly ):
Thank you very much, Colonel.

( softly ):
Von Krubner has just started production

in a secret factory
in Rindlesgard.

Do you think London
could be wrong, sir?

I don't know--
she seemed awfully convincing.

I saw her when
she got out of the car.

She didn't look like
a double agent to me.

How could you tell,
Carter?

Oh...

Well...

They usually have
heavy eyelids

and they carry those
long cigarette holders

and they wear very
tight-fitting clothes

and they slink a lot.

And they call themselves
"Mata Hari."

Carter.

You're one world war behind.

Colonel?

I'd like you to taste this.

It's a sauce arlésienne

with just a dash
of tarragon.

Well?

Mmm...

Von Krubner doesn't deserve
such happiness.

Thank you.

Hey, what about
a taste, then?

Now what would
an Englishman know

about gourmet cooking?

Hold on,
we got some very nice dishes.

Sure, Yorkshire pudding--
a sick pizza.

LeBeau?
Yes, sir?

Carter will help you
wait on the table.

Do you know anything
about serving?

Sure.

I was once on KP
for two weeks.

It's very simple:

keep the wine
glasses filled.

And remember,
when you pass the food,

serve from the left
and remove from the right.

Don't worry,
I can handle it.

And make sure the table
is set with relish plates,

salt and pepper
and bread and butter.

What about the ketchup?

You sure know
how to hurt a guy.

Careful.

Ah.

Get through to London?

Yes, sir.

What'd they say?

Well, they checked out
that information

that girl gave you
on the munitions plant.

She's a phony, right?

No-- reconnaissance
photos prove

there is a new factory
at Rindlesgard.

What do you know!

She's not a Mata Hari
after all.

Sort of restores
your faith

in beautiful women,
doesn't it?

There's a bombing
mission

on the way to
the new plant right now.

Yeah, and when they hit it,

the Gestapo's going to know
who gave out the information.

Hey, we'd
better get that pretty lady

out of there
in a hurry.

Yeah, but how?

Well, just off
the top of me head, sir,

I could tunnel out with her.

You see, we'd meet
the underground contacts

in the woods,

make our way via the
escape route to the coast.

I put her onboard a submarine,

and just for safekeeping,
I'd accompany her to England.

And settle down
in a cottage for two.

Well, it was
just a thought, sir.

We better come up
with another plan, Colonel.

Yeah, and fast--

or she's going to be having
dessert with the Gestapo.

Colonel, I've been meaning
to tell you

that your dishes are
magnificent.

This service is
antique Meissen.

Did you know that
every plate here

is over a hundred
years old?

Oh, no!
Oh, yes.

That's nothing.

The plates we eat off of
are really antique--

over 200 years old
and made of tin.

Klink, this is
a fantastic meal!

Thank you, sir,
thank you, thank you.

Who's your chef?

Louis LeBeau.

Louis LeBeau.

Doesn't sound like a German.

Doesn't cook like one either.

Happens to be French.

More champagne,
Colonel?

No thanks,
I'm driving.

The escape car.

Hogan...

Has he told you
why he's here?

Not yet, he says
he doesn't like to talk

with his mouth full.

Well, that was
a half hour ago.

And his mouth has been
full ever since.

I'm the official
food taster.

Who assigned you?

I volunteered.

A food taster is
only supposed to taste.

I like to be thorough.

KLINK:
LeBeau?

You called,
Herr Kommandant?

Yes, Herr von Krubner
would like

a word with you.

Yes... I want
to compliment you

on an extraordinary
meal.

Thank you, sir.

And this gâteau
au chocolat Ste. Hélène is superb.

You are too kind.

I haven't had
French cooking like this

since I was in Paris
last week.

You were in Paris
last week?

Yes-- you wouldn't
recognize it.

Since the occupation,

we have made it
a truly efficient city.

I'm sure you have.

But the food is
still excellent,

just like
your cooking.

Thank you very much.

You know,
Herr von Krubner,

the French have always
been great cooks

but terrible fighters.

( guests laughing )

( loud crash )

What was that?

Sorry, Herr Kommandant,
it slipped out of my hands.

That platter was
invaluable.

The rarest of Meissen.

That's why I insist
we always eat off rare tin.

I would now like to propose
a toast to the Führer.

Oh, ja, ja.

Ja, Herr von Krubner,
ja.

I pass.

Der Führer.

Der Führer.

And a speedy end
to the war.

That's in bad taste, sir, in
front of your munitions maker.

No, no, no, no,
Colonel.

The quicker the war is over,

the quicker I can
establish factories

in our new colony--

the United States.

( laughs )

That's an
ambitious plan.

Naturally, I will need
native personnel,

and I am interested
in having you work for me.

Hogan, then you can show me
Palm Springs.

I mean, if you should

offer me a job,

and if you should establish
your factory in that place.

As a matter of fact, Klink,

I was thinking that I could use
a man of your talent

after the war.

Oh, Herr von Krubner,

I should be most honored to be
part of your organization.

( knock )

The birds are flying.

Hmm?

The planes are
on their way.

Oh... thank you.

Thank you.

( von Krubner chuckling )

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

I shall have factories
all over the world

when the war is over.

Herr von Krubner,
I think some of your factories

should be moved to
a new location now.

No, no, no, no, no.

I have no worries in
this department, Colonel.

All of my factories are
ingeniously hidden

by camouflage.

Especially the one
at Rindlesgard.

There is no factory
at Rindlesgard.

Oh.

Then the rumor of the bombing
must be a phony.

You heard a rumor...

that a factory in Rindlesgard
was bombed?

HOGAN:
Yeah, but you can't

believe anything
these days.

We even heard a rumor

the Russians wanted Stalingrad.

Get me Rindlesgard
2-7-9-5.

Hogan, it was a mistake
to invite you to dinner.

I must agree with you, Colonel,

I should never have
suggested it.

VON KRUBNER:
This is von Krubner.

I want the factory
manager immediately.

Begelman-- von Krubner.

I heard there was a bombing
at the plant.

Aha.

Aha, good.

I knew it was a rumor.

What's that?

Speak up, Begelman, I can't
hear you over the bombing!

Bombing?

Hello?

Hello?!

Ah!

Sometimes a rumor is
a little ahead of its time.

You waited until
we started production

before bombing the plant.

There was only one person

who could have given out
this information.

Oh, you're wrong, Otto.

Get me the Gestapo.

We have a way
of dealing with traitors--

even beautiful ones.

( with German accent ):
Ja, ja, Gestapo Headquarters,

Captain Schnutzle speaking.

Otto von Krubner here.

Oh, the world-famous
munitions maker

who used to have a factory
at Rindlesgard?

Ja, ja, ja.

I have just captured a traitor
to the Third Reich

and I am holding her prisoner
at Stalag 13

in the quarters
of Colonel Klink.

Colonel Fink?

Not Fink-- Klink!

Ah, we have a car in
that vicinity, mein Herr.

I shall radio them to pick up
this traitor immediately.

Heil Hitler!

Heil Hitler.

Otto, how can
you do this to me?

You're making
a terrible mistake.

I did make a mistake.

The Gestapo told me
you were suspect,

but I did not
believe them.

But you have no proof

that I gave
this information.

I'm sure the Gestapo
will find out.

( moans )

Colonel Fink?

Uh, not Fink--
Klink.

Is this the prisoner?

Yes, she is
the prisoner.

You will come
with me.

I'm glad it's over.

MAX:
The Gestapo will deal with her

in our usual way.

Heil Hitler!

Does that break up
the party?

Klink, my coat.

Yes, sir.

I must tell you,
Herr von Krubner,

it was most cunning

the way you uncovered
that woman.

If I may say so,

it was absolutely
brilliant, sir-- really.

Yes, but my plant
is in ruins.

Yeah, look at it
this way.

You may have lost
a factory

but you gained
a vacant lot.

Ah, Herr von Krubner,

I cannot tell you
what an honor it has been

to have you
as our guest.

Thank you, Klink.

I shall just get
your driver.

Oh, Colonel?

Mm-hmm?

There are still some things
we have to clear up

about that factory
at Rindlesgard.

The rubble for one thing.

And how Heidi passed
the information to London

for another.

Oh, she probably dropped
a postcard

to Winston Churchill.

I hope you are this amusing

when you are questioned
by the Gestapo.

I hope so, too-- those fellows
are a lot of laughs.

Herr von Krubner?

Ja?

You enjoyed the desert
so much,

here is some
to take home with you.

Ah, this is most thoughtful
of you, LeBeau.

Bon appétit.

Ah, Herr von Krubner.

Here's your driver.

Please step
this way, sir.

I hope to see you
again soon.

It's been a great pleasure
having you here.

Thank you, Klink.

Good-bye, Herr von Krubner!

There goes a wonderful
human being.

Charming fellow.

( explosion )

The car...

It disintegrated.

Uh-huh.
( alarm sounds in distance )

I'll bet you that girl

planted a bomb
in the car.

I can't believe it.

Von Krubner is dead.

Oh, I didn't realize

you were that fond
of him, sir.

Fond of him?

There goes my trip
to Palm Springs.

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