All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s04e01 Clearance Sale at the Black Market.eng

( theme song playing )

( wind whistling )

( German music playing
in background )

Halt!

Give me
the password, baby.

Maria loves
Teddy Bear!

( chuckles )

All right!

You may pass, baby.

Give me a schnapps.

Ah, she's beautiful.

Maria is beautiful!

Here.

Ah, she's crazy
about me.

Ja.

( chuckles )

Karl, do you think
she would go out tonight

with a certain tall,
handsome sergeant?

Who did you have
in mind?

Mix your drinks.

I'm not interested
in your opinions.

( laughing )

Liebchen.

I would like
to talk to you.

Ja?

Ja, ja, ja, ja?

Today I got paid.

Oh, that's nice.

Congratulations.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

So tonight I'll take you
to the Hauserhof for sauerbraten.

( chuckling ):
You are so romantic.

But I am not through work
till 1:00.

Oh, but by that time,
the sauerbraten will be cold.

Can't you leave
a little earlier?

You'll have
to ask my boss.

All right.

Hermann wouldn't
dare refuse

one of Germany's
brave fighting men in uniform.

Oh, I thought you
were a teddy bear.

I'm a brave fighting
teddy bear in uniform.

( both laughing )

Where is he?

In the office.

( sighs )

How about a little kiss
for good luck, baby?

MAN:
Maria.

Oh, you are irresistible.

Ah!

Well, I'll go back
to work now.

See you later, baby.

Maybe I am... irresistible.

( humming tune )

Don't you knock
before you enter a room?

Excuse me.

I just wanted to ask
Hermann something.

What is it?

Can Maria get off
a little earlier tonight?

You see, I got paid...

Impossible.

We are shorthanded
as it is.

Excuse me.

I just thought I'd ask.

Excuse me.

Who is that big slob?

Schultz.

He is sergeant
of the guard at Stalag 13.

Huh, he's been
there ever since the place opened.

He was sergeant
of the guard at Stalag 13.

Was?

Now he is on his way
to the eastern front.

Ah, gentlemen, the leader
has 20 and he'll pay 21.

Give me that
lovely money.

Throw those cards in,
Carter.

Nobody's got 21.

I could have told you
that in advance, couldn't I?

That's what
I was afraid of.

Yeah, his fingers
have eyes.

Come on, it's only
a game, gentlemen.

( chuckling ):
Don't get up, gentlemen.

I know playing cards
is verboten,

but why spoil
a beautiful evening?

( humming tune )

KINCH:
One of our Krauts has flipped.

If he loses, put it on my bill.

I think he's loaded.

Yes, my dear friend,
I'm loaded--

I'm loaded with love.

Look at that smile.

He saw the girl
at the Hofbrau.

NEWKIRK:
Maria?

SCHULTZ:
Ah, she's beautiful.

Beautiful!

Did old Cupid take
a shot at you, Schultz?

Yeah, and broke
the arrow.

It's not a joke.

They're just
jealous, Schultz.

Who's jealous of what?

Schultz and Maria,
that girl at the Hofbrau,

have been
making music-- right, Schultzy?

She calls me... Teddy Bear.

Teddy Bear--
how thoughtful.

How revolting.

Don't just stand
there, Schultz.

Come on,
tell us about it.

Well, she let me
kiss her--

affectionately,
you know?

You, uh, put your arms
around her?

( chuckling ):
What do you think?

I sent her the kiss
by mail?

And I suppose, uh,
she put her arms around you?

You said it, big boy.

All the way around?

She must be
an orangutan.

Hold it.

Discretion does
not permit me

to talk about the
subject any longer.

I am not a man
to kiss and tell.

Very nice.

Bravo.
Oh, blimey.

I predict a big romance.

You'll be forging passes
to get into town to see her,

shaving every day.

You might even take off
a few pounds.

That is what you've
got to get rid of.

That, my dear colonel,
is all muscle.

Oh, ho, ho, ho.

Let me show you
something.

Stand up straight.

Look down.

Can you see your shoes?

I can't even see the floor.

If you can't see your shoes,
you can't touch them.

Oh, sure I can!

I'll show you.

( all encouraging Schultz )

All right, all right.

LeBEAU:
Come on, here we go.

HOGAN:
All right, keep your head down.

That's it.

That's better
than I thought.

All right, Schultz,
don't overdo it.

I will have to exercise
a little more.

HOGAN:
Yeah, you do that.

We'll see you
around, Schultz.

Wait a minute.

Don't you want to hear
about Maria anymore?

Oh, it's too exciting.

Makes the natives restless.

Oh, I understand--

jealousy.

Good night.

Good night, hot lips.

Hot lips.

"Two troop trains
through Hammelburg yesterday eastward--

"Ninth Panzer Brigade,
14th Infantry,

assault equipment,
tight security precaution. M."

Get that off to London,
huh, Kinch?

Right.

A good system,
Colonel.

Maria does the spying
and Schultz carries the messages.

Mm-hmm-- we're
also making

an important
contribution to military science.

How do you figure
that, sir?

We're using the first
300-pound carrier pigeon in history.

Major Kiegel,
I don't understand.

What has the Gestapo got
to do with Luftwaffe personnel?

Colonel, Berlin has
issued a new directive.

Our orders are
to find men on the home front

and see that they
are transferred

to active duty
in combat units.

Danke, Fraulein.

Bitte.

KLINK:
Transfer to combat units.

That's another way of saying
"eastern front."

True, it is.

But why
the Gestapo?

That's outrageous!

You think so, do you?

I intend to appeal this
to the high command--

even to the Fuhrer,
if necessary.

Colonel!

The Fuhrer does not even know
you are alive,

and... you may not be.

I'm beginning to see
what you're driving at.

That is better.

But you're wasting
your time, sir.

My men are not exactly
what you would call

frontline fighting caliber.

How do you classify them?

Well, uh...

They're the dregs.

Really?

But the finest dregs
in all of Germany.

You seem to manage.

I can assure you,
Major Kiegel,

that it is my spirit,
my iron will, that has made this

the most secure camp
in all of Germany.

I could run this place
single-handed

if I wanted to,
and I...

You want to see
the roster of the men.

I already have it.

Oh, I have always said

you are a marvelously
efficient organization.

Thank you.

Now, there is
a great shortage

of noncommissioned
officers on our fighting fronts.

What about this
Sergeant Schultz as a starter?

Him?

In a combat unit?

( laughing )

He couldn't fight his way
out of kindergarten.

He is a sergeant.

Yes.

He's also
a big fat tub of jelly.

Impossible.

The Russian front is
not a beauty contest.

Yes, but Sergeant Schultz...

Even colonels who wear monocles
are needed.

But that's another matter.

I...

What would they
be doing there?

I mean...

I think Sergeant Schultz
is a marvelous choice.

( knock at door )

Come in, come in, come in.

Herr Kommandant,
Sergeant Schultz

reporting as
ordered, sir.

Sergeant Schultz.

Come in, come in.

At ease, at ease.

Would you care for
a little schnapps, huh?

( chuckling ):
Herr Kommandant, it is against the regulation

to drink when
you are on duty.

That is true.

Wanted to
catch me, huh?

Of course not.

I offered you
a little drink

because this is
a very special occasion.

Oh, it is?

Indeed it is.

I have some very good
news for you, my boy.

"My boy"?

Ah, how I envy you.

Envy me?

Schultz, I have the pleasure
to tell you,

you are being transferred
to the eastern front.

Isn't that
thrilling news?

Thrilling?

( sighs )

I am out of my mind.

What happened, Herr Kommandant?

Did I do something wrong?

Of course not.

You're just
being asked

to use your knowledge
and experience

in the service
of the Third Reich.

Yeah?

You want Germany
to win the war, don't you?

Yeah.

Well, by being transferred
to the eastern front,

you can make
that possible.

Would it be so bad
if we lost the war?

( chuckles )

Schultz, we're going
to miss your sense of humor around here.

Herr Kommandant,
I have flat feet,

I'm overweight,
my eyes are bad...

and I'm not
so young anymore.

Oh, that doesn't matter.

How about dandruff?

Come on, Schultz.

I also have nervousness.

You? Nervous?

Don't be silly.

I'm silly, too.

I think at this point,

you would find almost anything
wrong with yourself.

Try me.

I realize you're not exactly
what I would call

a perfect physical specimen.

Now you're on the right track.

But you have something
much more important

than physical perfection.

You have a fighting spirit.

I'll get rid of it.

In these times, my boy, a man
in uniform has two choices--

either he fights
or he's called a coward.

I'd rather be a coward.

Do you want
to give up the chance

for greater glory
on the battlefield?

Do you want to go on
being called a coward?

Why not?

That's something
I understand.

Why would they
pick just you?

I'm lucky, I guess.

Sounds fishy
to me.

Let's face it--

he's not the greatest
fighting machine in the world.

They thought I was okay

when they took me in
five years ago.

The recruiting sergeant
that signed you up

could be shot for sabotage.

I think somebody's
got it in for him.

HOGAN:
I'll buy that.

I have no enemy
in the world.

LeBEAU:
How about us?

Have you had any trouble

with any of the officers
recently?

I mind my own business.

I know nothing--
nothing.

Do anything wrong
in town the other day?

Yeah, you know, like
get drunk maybe.

No, I just went to the Hofbrau
and I saw Maria.

Is it possible
some big shot has his eye on her?

Who would be jealous
of Schultz?

Yeah, that's pretty
unbelievable.

It could be
that Major Kiegel...

Who's Major Kiegel?

Some Kraut we missed?

Gestapo.

I saw him only twice,

once in Hermann's office
and once when he came here.

Gestapo man came to camp
and I wasn't told?

Where was I?

Listening to the World Series
with the rest of us.

Well, first things first.

Funny-- as soon as Major Kiegel
left the office,

Klink gave me the bad news.

Any reason this Major Kiegel
might be sore at you?

No!

Of course, when I came
into Hermann's office,

he was mad at me because
I did not knock on the door.

That's no reason to send a man
to the Russian front.

Now, hold it, hold it.

Anything else happen,
Schultz?

No.

He was sitting there
in the office with Hermann,

there was money on the table

and Hermann had a few bills
in his hands...

And you interrupted him.

I guess so.

But he was mad
just for a minute.

Stick around, Schultz.
Be right back.

LeBEAU:
Why did you have to go to Hermann's office?

SCHULTZ:
Well, I wanted to ask...

That message ready
for Maria?

Sure.

Got it right here.

"Need locations,
antiaircraft installations,

bomb assembly plant."

All right,
add this to it:

"Need information on
Major Kiegel, Gestapo.

Urgent."

All right.

Good, I'll pin this
on our pigeon right now.

Oh, Schultz.

Yeah?

HOGAN:
Um...

When are you going
to tell Maria?

Tonight.

It's going to break
her heart.

C'est
la guerre.

It wouldn't be so bad

if she wouldn't be
so crazy about me.

Mm-hmm.

By the way,
how are you coming

with your bending
exercises?

How do you
like that?

I'm making out my will
and he wants me to do bending exercises!

Can you touch
your toes yet?

Please, Colonel Hogan,
I'm not in the mood.

( all speaking over each other )

Come on, Schultz.

( Schultz shouting )

That's a good boy.

Stop it!

Very good,
you keep at it.

Yeah, and I think
you should do it again,

just as soon as you
get back from town,

Right, Colonel?

Oh, by all means.

What for?!

LeBEAU:
Practice makes perfect.

And if you're transferred
to one of those combat units,

your life
may depend on it.

Survival of the fittest.

What size foxhole
do you take, Schultz?

Please, Carter...

I'd say about
48 stout.

LeBeau, bad taste.

Jolly jokers!

Gute Nacht, Schultz.

Aah!

( straining )

( grunting )

"Kiegel friendly
with owner of bar."

That must be Hermann
Schultz is always talking about.

"Believe black market operation.

"Storeroom back of bar is loaded
with boxes and merchandise,

kept locked at all times."

A black market
operation?

Scratch a Gestapo man,
you find a crook.

Where does Schultz fit
in all this, Colonel?

He walked into Hermann's office
unexpectedly, remember?

And money
was being counted.

Mm-hmm.

My guess is he actually
walked in on a payoff.

So Kiegel had him transferred
to the Russian front

for winter sports.

Bloody murder.

Schultz is awful on skis.

Boy, this Major Kiegel's
a terrible person.

We ought to call
him on this.

LeBEAU:
We don't let him get away with it.

Oh, sure, we walk up to him and
say, "You're a terrible person.

Pick up your check,
get out of World War II."

Well, old Schultz was laughs
while he lasted.

Oh, now, wait a minute,
wait a minute!

We're not giving up on Schultz
just like that, are we?

Do we have
a choice?

We're dealing with
Gestapo here, sir.

I mean, they're
proper villains.

Do you realize,
if we lose Schultz,

we get a new Kraut
to take his place?

If we can
train him, fine,

but suppose he refuses
to be housebroken? Then what?

He'll be reading our mail
and looking for tunnels.

And maybe finding them.

But how could we
save Schultz?

He's practically
quick-frozen right now.

Maybe putting
the heat on Kiegel might be the answer.

Kinch, get that camera
of yours tuned up.

Right.

I'll need some watches, too.

That'll be the bait.

Oh, yeah, and the
fish will take it

and he'll swallow us.

Boy, this is the craziest--
us saving a Kraut.

Carter, it's not
for us alone.

We keep Schultz here,

we could be helping
our Russian allies.

How?

I don't understand that.

How are you going
to help the Russians?

Schultz could very easily
slip on the ice, fall

and wipe out an entire
Russian division.

Derail a troop train, even.

( lively music playing inside )

( laughter )

Well, make yourself
at home.

I'm a salesman.

I am not interested
in buying anything.

You haven't seen
the merchandise.

Raus.

( scoffs )

Junk.

Really, Major?

Oh, you know
who I am.

Everybody knows the Gestapo,

and everybody knows
the black market.

You are not a salesman;
you are American.

Who are you?

I'm a friend
of Sergeant Schultz,

and I want you off his back.

Sergeant Schultz, hmm?

I don't want him
to get frostbite.

Really?

Well, considering
you may be arrested and shot,

that is very decent of you.

That's a shot they'll hear
all the way to Berlin.

You're threatening me?

And Hermann.

How did you find out?

Let's just say I'd rather have
your boss, Himmler, find out,

if necessary.

What is your interest
in Schultz?

I like him.

That is not good enough!

For you it is!

I've laid it out for you, Major.

Cancel Schultz's
train reservation

or Gestapo headquarters
gets the whole story.

Well... you are
a very clever salesman.

I will think about it.

You do that.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Wiedersehen.

( door opening )

Well?

I have never seen him before.

Who is he?

It doesn't matter.

He says he knows
all about our business,

claims he has friends
in Berlin.

Aah... bluffing.

Maybe, but why
take chances?

We will move everything
all at once.

I will bring
the truck around.

All right, uh...

What about
our newfound friend?

Our former friend?

Kill him.

( crashing )

Let's go.

( truck approaching )

Schnell, schnell!

That light!

I... I'll take care of it.

No! Keep working.

KIEGEL:
Get these things out of here!

Not a bad shot.

Give that Kraut
one cigar.

All right, all clear.

Got them, Colonel.

Good work.

Let's get
back to camp

and develop those
pictures, eh?

How many copies
you want?

Five or six,
nice and sharp.

Something suitable
for blackmail.

Yes, General Burkhalter,
I understand.

Thank you for advising me.

I'll take care of it,
you don't have to worry.

You do worry-- yes, sir.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Heil Hitler.

That makes it official.

Any orders given
by Major Kiegel

are revoked
effective immediately.

He was arrested by his
own people, the Gestapo.

Arrested, Herr Kommandant?

Black market activity.

Some of the evidence,
even a few photographs

were sent to his superiors
in Berlin by someone.

He was caught
in the act.

I never really trusted that man.

Well, then... if his orders
are revoked, that means that...

Your transfer?

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

Mmm... that feels so good,
Herr Kommandant!

Please, tear it up once more.

Let me be the first one
to congratulate you.

Thank you, Herr Kommandant!

But, Herr Kommandant,
you congratulated me

when I was going
to the Russian front.

I'm very flexible
in these matters.

May I unpack, Herr Kommandant?

Absolutely.

You may resume
your duties immediately.

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

What are you doing?

Well, Herr Kommandant,
we had a drink

when I was about
to be transferred...

( bangs desk sharply )

One more move...

and I will paste
these orders

back together
piece by piece.

Dismissed!

All set, Colonel.

Okay.

Schultz will probably
be going into town

tonight for a
little celebration.

Yeah, the mail
must go through.

"Neither rain
nor snow or..."

Watch it.

How's
that go?

Colonel Hogan, Colonel Hogan!

Guess what!

Congratulations,
Schultz.

How do you know?

Just an educated guess.

Maria will be happy when she
hears the news, eh, Schultzy?

Big time in the old town
tonight, huh?

How about getting this
celebration started

with a few
bending exercises?

Hold it, hold it!

Hold everything!

I am not going
into town tonight,

I am not going
to see Maria anymore--

that's where
the trouble started.

It's all over,

and I'm not going to do any
bending exercises either!

What happened?

Gentlemen, we saved a Kraut
and lost a pigeon.

I got it!

"Neither rain or snow
or gloom of night

will stay
our couriers..."

Carter.

"From these appointed rounds."

It's very famous.

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