All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s03e14 Everybody Loves a Snowman.eng

( theme song playing )

( wind whistling )

There's a bit of luck for ya.

The bloody snow is covering up
the entrance to the tunnel.

Well, I know it's
around here someplace.

What's he looking for?

A tree stump.

Now, don't tell me.

He's gonna hide nuts
in there for winter.

We go down through it
to a tunnel.

Where's the
tunnel lead to?

Well?

I could have sworn
this was it.

Come on.

( gunshots )

Come on. Come on.

( gunfire continues )

Come on. Come on.

Clumsy oaf.

I couldn't help it.

I tripped over
this tree stump.

Come on!

Tree stump?
Tree stump?

Tree stump.
Come on.

Beautiful.

Wunderbar. Go on, go on.

All right, now keep moving.

Just keep moving

and wait down there when
you get down there.

Keep moving along.
Hurry up.

All right, now, Carter,
you get down there.

All I need, mate, is to come
looking for you in a blizzard.

Go on.

KINCH:
They're coming down the tunnel now, Colonel.

The underground says
those guys bailed out three days ago.

They must be frozen.

I will give them
some of my brandy.

That should
warm them up.

Yeah, and if they
got frostbite,

they can pour it
on their feet.

Let's go, Carter.

Yeah.
Hey.

Welcome to Stalag 13.
I'm Colonel Hogan.

Captain Morgan. Stalag 13?
You got to be kidding.

We're in
a prisoner-of-war camp!

Here's some brandy.

Oh, I'm sorry!

That's all right.

It's the first time my foot's
been warm in three days.

Here, Captain.
Thank you.

Now I know why
the underground

didn't tell us
where we were going.

The less you know,
the less you talk if you're captured.

Well, I know the Germans are out
to take prisoners,

but I never knew you fellas were
in business for yourselves.

Let's just say we've
eliminated the middleman.

We'll keep you here
till the heat's off,

then outfit you
and get you some new papers.

It's our job
to get you out of here.

I hope you're as good at getting
us out as getting us in.

Don't worry, Captain.

You and your men
will be back

on flying duty
within a week.

Colonel, there's
a squad of Gestapo

going into Klink's office,

and they got axes and
picks and shovels.

What's that mean, Colonel?

I don't know.
Kinch, get out the coffee pot.

KINCH:
Right.

How can you take a coffee break
at a time like this?

You got a better way
of listening in

on the Commandant's office?

Ah! Major Hochstetter.
Come in, come in.

Always nice to see
your smiling face.

He only smiles at train wrecks.

Who's Hochstetter?

Gestapo.

KLINK ( over transmitter ):
Are you here on military business,

or is this a social call?

I don't pay anybody
a social call.

I wish he hadn't
said that.

Klink can't stand
rejection.

What can I do for you,
Major Hochstetter?

Are you aware that,
last Monday night,

an American plane
dropped a bomb on Gestapo headquarters?

Demolished the building,
wiped out the garrison,

killed Kommandant Hedrick,

knocked the Fuhrer's
picture off the wall

and everything.

No, sir.
I was playing pinochle with Captain Broomschmeel.

It was a great
personal loss to me.

It was a great
personal loss to me.

He took me for 50 marks.

But our antiaircraft
shut down the bomber.

That's good.

But the crew parachuted
to safety.

Oh, that's bad.

But we know
where they are hiding.

That's good. Where?
Here.

Impossible.

Impossible. We shall see.

I'm ordering my men to search
every inch of this camp.

Sir, I am commandant
of Stalag 13.

That is exactly why
I am ordering the search.

Major Hochstetter,
may I remind you

that my record here
is impeccable.

No enemy soldier has ever
gotten out of Stalag 13.

But how is your record

on enemy soldiers
getting into Stalag 13?

What are you driving at?

We have searched
this area,

and we have come
to the conclusion

that those flyers
might very well be hiding

in this very camp.

Are you suggesting
these men are here?

Exactly.

KLINK:
But why would an enemy soldier

trying to escape hide
in a prisoner of war camp?

I've been trying to figure
that one out myself.

They might very well hide here
until the search is over

and then make their escape.

( laughing ):
Not in Stalag 13.

I am taking no chances.

I'm ordering my men
to search every barracks

for anything suspicious,
especially tunnels.

What are you doing, Klink?!

I am calling General Burkhalter.

I will not allow the Gestapo
to take over my camp.

Here is General Burkhalter's
written permission.

Make yourself at home,
Major Hochstetter.

My camp is your camp.

The general has given me
48 hours to find the Americans.

Why are you in such a hurry?
Take your time.

I never knew
Klink was so tough.

He stood up
to the Gestapo

for almost 30 seconds.
Shh.

HOCHSTETTER:
And then we'll begin the search with Barracks 1.

What do we do
now, Colonel?

I don't know.

Well, I got an idea.

Why don't we go
back down the tunnel,

come up through the stump,
contact the underground,

and punch them all
in the mouth?

Bad idea, Captain.

Sure, you guys got
nothing to lose,

but if they catch us,
it's good-bye, Charlie.

I know one thing,
Colonel.

We're not going
to wait around,

waiting for the
Gestapo to nail us.

Kinch?

KINCH:
Yes, sir.

Take them down to the tunnel.
Right, Colonel.

Now you're talking sense,
Colonel.

But you're not going out.

Why not?

Because the whole area
is lousy with Krauts.

They'd find you
in a minute.

Well, what do we do when the
Gestapo finds us in the tunnel?

Tell them we're
on a three-day pass?

They're not going
to find you.

Sure?

Cross my heart,

'cause we're going to
dig a whole new tunnel

for them to find.

All right, men,
down in the tunnel.

LeBeau? Newkirk?

Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.

Start digging a tunnel
under the sink, huh?

Yeah.
Right.

Here they come.

I like their timing.

LeBEAU:
Carter, help me with the sink.

Yeah.

All set, Colonel.

Good. Newkirk,
you know what to do.

Right, sir.

Everybody line up
for roll call!

Well, what
a pleasant surprise.

I don't think it
will be so pleasant for you, Colonel Hogan.

Ah, Major Hochstetter,
always a pleasure

to see your smiling face.

Uh, did you come
on military business,

or is this a social call?

What is it
at your camp, Klink?

Everybody thinks
I'm a social butterfly.

( chuckles )

Never mind the social
amenities, Hogan.

Major Hochstetter
is here to inspect the barracks.

Oh, go right ahead.

It's humble,
but it is home.

You'll have to excuse
the mess, sir.

The cleaning woman
doesn't come till Thursday.

Why are you hiding
the hand?

What hand?

The hand
in that pocket.

What pocket, sir?

That pocket!

Oh, well, it's very cold
in here, sir.

Then why don't you have
both hands in the pocket?

Both...

Oh, I forgot
I had two hands, sir.

Thank you very much.

Why do you have fresh dirt
under the fingernails?

Sir, have you ever tried
to get an appointment

for a manicure here?

It is murder.

Look at my nails.

I haven't had a manicure
in weeks.

There you are, sir.

Newkirk, where's
the tunnel?

Tunnel, sir?
What tunnel?

Why did you kick dirt
under the sink?

Because cleanliness
is next to godliness.

And a clean barracks
is a happy barracks.

And a happy barracks
is a happy prison camp.

And a happy
prison camp is...

Silence!

I think I found the tunnel.

KLINK:
Schultz, don't push. Pull!

Just as I thought.

We kept our eyes on this
barracks for weeks.

Right, Schultz?

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

I seemed to have discovered
an escape attempt

before it got very far.

Well, sir, we
were planning

to let them dig just
a little more

before we
crushed them.

You will have this tunnel
filled with cement,

and severe disciplinary action
will be taken.

Yes, sir. Yes,
Major Hochstetter.

Colonel Hogan,
you and your men

are restricted to
the barracks until further notice.

I'll see you later.

We will keep searching
for our friends.

( clicks tongue )

Colonel Hogan,
in the middle of a war.

Shame on you.

The phony tunnel
was magnifique.

Carter, watch the door.

Come on up, fellas.

Come on in,
gentlemen.

There you go, fellas.

( laughs )

Give you wine
next time.

All right, look.

We'll wait till the Gestapo
has cemented the tunnel.

When they leave, you leave.

Okay.

Mayday, Colonel.
Here comes Schultz! Come on!

All back
in the tunnel!

NEWKIRK:
Come on, now. It's stuck.

HOGAN:
All right, forget it. Everybody, go run for cover!

( all clamoring )

LeBEAU:
Hurry, under here!

CARTER:
Quick, get over here. Come on, make it fast.

Hurry up.

Oh, Colonel Hogan,
prepare the men

to move to
another barracks.

Oh, come on, Schultz.

We just finished
redecorating this place.

Those are my orders.

Everybody pack and
move in ten minutes.

What now, Colonel Hogan?

You'll go with us.

We can't take any chances

with the Gestapo
working in this barracks.

The snow's coming down
pretty heavy now, sir.

That should cover the move.

Well, what about
the tunnel?

Captain, in this camp,
there are 20 barracks.

We have a connecting tunnel
to all but one.

Which one's that?

Barracks 4.

But the odds are 20 to one
they won't move us into that.

( wind whistling )

Colonel, if you ever get
out of this camp

and go back to
civilian life,

don't try to make your
living as a bookie.

You've been looking out that
window for an hour, Colonel.

Trying to figure a new plan

to get you guys
out of this camp.

Well, maybe
Santa Claus will drive by,

and we can escape
in his sleigh.

Colonel Hogan,
can we go out

and play
in the snow?

Why don't we all go out
and play in the snow?

Maybe the Gestapo
has skis for rent.

Hey, I don't know how to ski,

but I know how
to make a snowman.

Not a bad idea, Carter.

Oh, wait a minute, Colonel.

We're not going
to sit around waiting

while you and your men
build a snowman.

This snowman
you're going to like.

I'll talk Sergeant Schultz
into letting us build a snowman.

All right, men,
follow me.

Where you going, Captain?

We're going to make
a break for it.

I wouldn't do that
if I were you, Captain.

We're not going to sit around
waiting to be shot

while Hogan's
building a snowman.

If he wants
to build one,

he's got a good
reason for it.

Of course he has.

He's stir crazy!

Now, I'm ordering you
to stand away from the door.

There are five of us
and four of you.

Now it's even--
five and five.

What's going on?

We're going
to make a break for it.

Not until
we build a snowman.

Colonel, I don't care if
you are the ranking officer...

And a tunnel
underneath it.

Schultz, why
are these pris...

Why are these prisoners
building a snowman?

Colonel Hogan
requested it

in place
of exercises.

Build a snowman
in freezing weather?

And they wonder
why they're losing the war.

Okay, Carter,
up it comes.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, I've got to have a rest
before I go out there again.

Oh, me, too.

Boy, I'm going
to tell you, I'm bushed.

Will you stop complaining?

Well, listen,
that's hard work.

Is this all you
guys have got done?

You think it's easy
wrapping a handful of dirt with snow?

And I'm saving this one
just for you for a snowball fight.

How you doing, Newkirk?

Won't be long now, Captain.

We should be connecting up

with the other tunnel
in about an hour.

Oh!

Oh, not another inspection,
Schultz.

Ooh! It's freezing
cold outside!

Ahh! I just came in
to have a little coffee

from my little friend LeBeau.

All of a sudden,
I'm his little friend LeBeau.

Oh, you all
must be crazy--

standing outside
in the cold,

making that
silly snowman.

Ah!

Something wrong, Schultz?

Why are you so warm, Carter?

Warm?

You're perspiring,

and you were outside
in the cold.

It must be these barracks.

Gor, it's like a ruddy
steam bath in here.

You think it's warm in here?

Warm? Oh, it's nearly
100 degrees.

Hey, Carter, put the fire out.

Oh, that's
a great idea, Newkirk.

What? What
are you doing?

It's as hot
as it can be in here.

I just want to cool
the room off, Schultz.

Oh, Colonel Hogan,
please, tell Carter

to leave the fire alone.

What are you
talking about, Schultz?

We were just trying
to explain to Schultz

that the reason
we're all perspiring

is because it's
so warm in here.

Oh, yeah. That's
right, Schultz.

And don't think
Klink isn't going to hear about this.

( wind whistling )

Colonel Hogan,
please!

Please,
Colonel Hogan!

Schultz, It's against
the Geneva Convention

to make prisoners sweat.

Ahh!
Ohh!

That's really
refreshing.

( shouting )

Colonel Hogan,

if you all are
all so warm,

how come that
I'm still freezing?

Ahh...

Why don't you put
yourself on sick call

and find out,
Schultz?

I think
you're right.

I'm still cold.

Oh!

( shivering )

Colonel...

bloody
insanity.

Ooh!

Ooh! Hilda, I...

Oh, here you are.

Hilda, is the
commandant in his office?

He is busy
with Major Hochstetter.

Oh, Hilda, I have
to see him.

It's an emergency.

What's the matter?

I'm sick, Hilda.

How do you
know you're sick?

Because I'm cold.

Who isn't cold?

It's freezing
outside.

But you don't
understand, Hilda.

Everybody
else is warm.

I'm not warm.

Oh, please,
Herr Kommandant...

Schultz, what
are you doing here?

I have to report
I have to go to the hospital.

The hospital?

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

I'm going to be
in the hospital two or three weeks,

then four or five
months in a rest camp,

and then
a 30-day furlough.

I'll be back in, uh...
sometime in August.

And all planned, Schultz.

Yes, Herr Major.

I understand
it takes a long time

to recover
from pneumonia.

No. What makes you sure

that you have
pneumonia, Schultz?

Because I'm cold.

Of course you're cold,
Dummkopf.

It's snowing outside!

Yes, but I'm also cold

when I'm inside.

We're all cold inside!

Yeah, but, uh...

Herr Major,

when I left
the prisoners' barracks,

they were sitting around
with their shirts off, sweating,

and the windows open.

Klink,

the prisoners have heat
in the barracks?

Perhaps they're smuggling
it in, Major Hochstetter.

Aah!

( wind whistling )

( shivering )

I'm glad you're here, sir.

We'd like to requisition
some gloves.

Our hands are frozen.

Request denied.

It was your idea
to build a snowman.

My hands are
frostbitten, sir,

and I haven't
even been outside.

I thought you were all
sitting around perspiring

with the windows open.

( quavering ):
Who said that?

Schultz!

He's a sick man, Colonel.

He said he saw it
with his own eyes.

Eh, snow blindness.

Snow blindness?

Yes, yes. It's like being
out in the desert, sir.

I mean, after you're
in the snow long enough,

you start seeing mirages.

If he continues
to act so peculiar,

he will be seeing
the Russian front,

and that will be no mirage.

( quavery babbling )

Here you go--
right down inside.

Have a good evening, eh?

Right down there.

Take it easy.

Schultz.

Then you do it,
Carter!

Well, okay, I'd be
glad to do it,

'cause that's about
the worst-looking...

Hey, hey!
( quibbling )

Oh, come on.

What's going on here?!

Just a minute!

Well, I want to
make the face for the snowman.

And I say I should.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I once won
a prize for making the best snowman

in Bullfrog,
North Dakota.

Bullfrog, North Dakota?

Well, actually,
Bullfrog's just a suburb.

I mean, your big city
is Crab Apple Junction.

Oh.

I think Sergeant Schultz
should be the one to decide.

Who, me?

Yes, it takes a man
who is sophisticated,

who has been around,

who has been to Paris

and seen the
beautiful snowmen

in the Bois du Boulogne

that only a
Frenchman can make.

What do you mean,
"sophisticated"?

I bet he's never even been
to Crab Apple Junction!

Is that food
or a city?

Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!!

I have the solution.

You, Carter,
you put in the eyes.

You, LeBeau, you put in
the nose and the mouth.

And you both can
put on the hat together.

King Solomon couldn't have made
a wiser decision, Schultz.

You're a wonderful
person. Wonderful.

SCHULTZ:
Oh.

Kinch, I wanted a...

Newkirk!

What's going on here, Newkirk?!

Wait, what's going on here,
Newkirk?!

Schultz, what's
the problem now?

There is some
monkey business

going on with
this snowman!

You can't be serious.

Ha!

( chuckles )

You told Major Hochstetter
that that I see mirages.

Let's see what he has to say
about this mirage.

Schultz see the escape?

I think he got a glimpse
of the captain.

We got to move the snowman.

Where to?

I think this is about
the only spot in the camp

we don't have a tunnel
underneath. Put it here.

Hilda, is the commandant
in his office?

He is very busy with
Major Hochstetter.

I have to see him
right away.

Schultz...

I wouldn't go in there
if I were you.

You're halfway
to Stalingrad right now.

It was nice
seeing you again Major Hochstetter,

but I told you you
would find nothing suspicious here.

Those fliers must
be in another area.

I will not sleep
until I find them.

You will find them,
Major Hochstetter,

if I know my Gestapo.

Herr Kommandant,
I would like

to report
something urgent.

Not now, Schultz, please.

Herr Kommandant,
it has something

to do with
the prisoners.

What?

I saw a man
go inside the snowman!

Schultz, is this another
one of your mirages?

No, Herr Kommandant.

I saw it with my own two eyes.

Have you been
at the schnapps again?

Just a minute, Klink.

Let's have a look at this.

Jawohl, Herr Major.
I show you.

Please, Herr Major,
I show you.

You sure you
got enough snow

over that
opening, Carter?

They won't be able
to find it until spring.

KINCH:
Okay, they're coming.

SCHULTZ:
Herr Major, right over here.

Here, please. Right here.

Here.
All right, Schultz.

Now, where did the man
enter the snowman?

Major Hochstetter,
I protest.

This is our snowman.

Why are you so concerned,
Colonel Hogan?

Because we were
gonna challenge

the guards and the Gestapo
to a snowman contest.

The winner gets a
free trip to London.

Here! Here!

Herr Major, right here.

Ah!

There is an opening... Ha!

Colonel Hogan,
I demand an explanation.

This is the way
they make a snowman

in Bullfrog,
North Dakota.

Klink, I assure you,
I will find a tunnel.

And, when I do,

the punishment will...

( yelling )

HOGAN:
You know, Colonel,

I think Major Hochstetter
wins the trip to London.

LeBEAU:
Come on, Schultz. It's freezing!

CARTER:
Yeah. We're all here!

NEWKIRK:
Maybe one or two over.

Oh, let him
take his time.

Klink doesn't
like the cold any more than we do.

KLINK:
Report!

Report!

You better
report, Schultz.

He's turning blue.

All present
and accounted for.

Dismissed!

Colonel, did the Gestapo
catch the bomber crew?

Colonel Hogan,
I assure you

Major Hochstetter
will find them.

LeBEAU:
Ha! He couldn't find the Eiffel Tower in Paris!

CARTER:
He couldn't even find his swastika!

NEWKIRK:
The Krauts should call in Scotland Yard.

HOGAN:
Yeah. If they can find them.

KLINK:
Colonel Hogan, you have gone too far.

Schultz, these men
are confined to the barracks,

without privileges,
for at least one week!

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

Sorry, Schultz.
Snowman contest is over.

Nice try.

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