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1
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( theme song playing )
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HOGAN:
And I'm telling you, London, it can't be done.
3
00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:54,471
Sure, we know where
the tunnel is,
4
00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:57,641
but if the Krauts are
running a rocket fuel convoy through there,
5
00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:58,934
it'll be heavily guarded.
6
00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:01,728
Besides, it's too far from
Stalag 13 to take all my men.
7
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,647
We've arranged all that,
old boy--
8
00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:05,857
made contact
with an underground group.
9
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,694
They'll meet you tomorrow night
at 2200 hours
10
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,404
at rendezvous point, uh, 906.
11
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:13,490
Oh, and you'd better use
recognition code one-four.
12
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,492
We hear these people
are eccentric
13
00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:16,994
but keen, terribly keen.
14
00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,161
They'd better be.
15
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,496
Blowing up a
tunnel and a convoy
16
00:01:19,538 --> 00:01:20,747
should call
for a battalion.
17
00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:22,708
We can go you one better,
old boy.
18
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,126
Chap of ours worked out
19
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,086
a special plan
for this operation.
20
00:01:26,128 --> 00:01:28,463
Got it all in his head,
unfortunately.
21
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:29,589
Why? Where's his head?
22
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:30,590
Oh, no problem there.
23
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:31,633
You can pick him up
24
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:33,468
on your way
to the rendezvous point.
25
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,846
Caught his foot in a trap
a while back.
26
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,681
Jerry's got him in Stalag 16.
27
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:39,182
We've got to break
him out of Stalag 16?
28
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:40,434
Is it worth it?
29
00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:42,352
Oh, he's got
such a beautiful concept
30
00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:44,104
of the whole operation, old boy.
31
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:46,815
We've named it after him:
The Crittendon Plan.
32
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:49,359
Not Colonel Crittendon!
33
00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:51,153
Aha-- you know him.
34
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:53,071
I know he's the most
incompetent officer
35
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,699
in the entire British army--
that's how well I know him.
36
00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:57,075
( laughing )
37
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Fooled you, too, eh, did he?
38
00:01:58,618 --> 00:01:59,703
( laughs )
39
00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:01,121
Razor sharp, old Crit.
40
00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:02,205
Razor sharp.
41
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:04,416
We'll pick up the usual things--
42
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,626
explosives, shortwave,
and so on.
43
00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:07,711
Best of luck, chaps.
44
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,713
( line clicks )
Hey, wait a minute.
45
00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,423
Colonel, not
Crittendon.
46
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,884
Crittendon.
They got to be kidding.
47
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:16,052
It would be a disaster--
a complete, impossible disaster.
48
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:19,973
Just tell me one thing, one
thing he's ever done right.
49
00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:22,809
Well, he always put
a lot of faith in me.
50
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,478
Good, you're
going with us.
51
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:25,479
Congratulations.
52
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,855
Serves you right,
big mouth.
53
00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:28,607
I didn't say
I put a lot of faith in him.
54
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:30,442
I just said he...
You're escaping tonight.
55
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,943
I'll join you tomorrow;
let's go.
56
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,987
But... how are we going
to do it, Colonel?
57
00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:36,239
I mean, blowing
up a whole convoy in a tunnel--
58
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,407
that's a pretty big job.
59
00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:38,575
Why ask me?
60
00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:41,745
It's all
in The Crittendon Plan.
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00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:42,996
T-The Crittendon Plan.
62
00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,247
Yes, sir.
63
00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:46,249
I'm sure it's all in there.
64
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:05,519
Report!
65
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:09,189
Herr Kommandant,
I beg your pardon.
66
00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:10,315
Schultz, what is
it, what is it?
67
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:11,775
I don't know how to say it,
Herr Kommandant, but...
68
00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:13,735
Schultz, what is
the matter with you?
69
00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:15,862
You say, "All present
and accounted for."
70
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,072
Now, say it.
71
00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:18,240
I would give my life
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00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:20,325
if I would be able to say it,
but, I...
73
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,410
Unfortunately, Commandant,
there's been an escape.
74
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:23,954
Escape?
75
00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:25,372
Schultz,
did you sound the alarm?
76
00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:27,123
Sound the...
Too late, Commandant.
77
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:28,291
Happened early last night.
78
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:29,334
Carter. He's long gone.
79
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,627
Long gone?
80
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:33,004
Schultz, I will have your head
for this.
81
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,547
Berlin will have my head.
82
00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:36,883
The one thing
they would never question
83
00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:38,301
was my perfect record.
84
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:39,427
Now it's gone.
85
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:40,720
Should we call out the dogs?
86
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:42,472
Call out the...
No chance, Commandant.
87
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:44,975
Why not?
Carter thinks like a dog.
88
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,893
Yes, he thinks like a dog.
89
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:48,853
But he must be recaptured.
90
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,397
You got a problem,
Commandant,
91
00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:52,565
because there's only one man
in Stalag 13
92
00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:53,775
who knows how to find him.
93
00:03:53,817 --> 00:03:54,901
Who's that?
94
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,778
Me. I think like him.
95
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:57,821
Hogan, this is a trick.
96
00:03:57,862 --> 00:03:59,531
I'm not letting you out
of this camp.
97
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:02,242
Commandant, do you
really think I'd go out
98
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:04,369
and hunt down one
of my own men?
99
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:05,578
I order you to go.
100
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,122
That never works, sir.
101
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:08,373
Hogan, what am I to do?
102
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:09,624
Wait for your transfer.
103
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:10,792
Russian front.
104
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,002
Hmm. Russian front.
105
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,545
Yes.
106
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,005
We'll wait for
your replacement.
107
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:16,172
A beast probably.
108
00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,632
A beast, of course.
109
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:20,552
Won't be a man of
your culture, humanity.
110
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,262
Prisoners will suffer.
111
00:04:22,303 --> 00:04:24,556
The prisoners will suffer, yes.
112
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:25,682
Why not?
113
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,642
But c'est la guerre.
114
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,269
C'est la guerre.
115
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:32,355
Hogan, you owe it
to your men to bring him back.
116
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:33,481
Really, sir?
117
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,607
Look at them.
118
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,026
What would it mean
119
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:38,194
to those poor devils
if they were to lose me?
120
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:42,115
More than you'll
ever know, sir.
121
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:44,534
Then go.
I'll do it.
122
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:46,036
Under heavy guard, of course.
123
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,871
"Hair-trigger" Schultz.
124
00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:49,998
Jawohl, my colonel.
125
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,625
Oh, Schultz, you idiot,
you don't salute him.
126
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:53,877
He's your prisoner.
127
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:56,087
And see to it
that it stays that way.
128
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,548
Jawohl, mein Kommandant.
129
00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:02,010
And bring Carter back.
130
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,970
Dismissed.
131
00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:09,768
Colonel Hogan, what are
we really going to do?
132
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,478
Well, Schultz, first...
133
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:15,774
Tell me nothing, nothing.
134
00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:28,119
Colonel Hogan,
I must protest.
135
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,371
What are we doing here?
136
00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:31,664
Looking for Carter.
137
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:33,917
Humph. We were sent
out to look for Carter.
138
00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,044
What has looking for Carter
to do
139
00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:37,629
with the many stops
we've been making?
140
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,839
What has looking for Carter
to do
141
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:42,675
with all the supplies
and bundles
142
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:44,552
you were loading back there?
143
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,387
German uniforms,
144
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:50,099
guns and radios,
and boxes of something
145
00:05:50,099 --> 00:05:55,897
that looks like something
I do not want to look at.
146
00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:56,940
Dynamite.
147
00:05:56,981 --> 00:06:00,068
Oh, please, Colonel Hogan!
148
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:02,862
What are we doing here?
149
00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,030
Looking for Carter.
150
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,657
Hmm. "Looking for Carter."
151
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:07,033
There he is now.
152
00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:10,620
It is Carter.
153
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:11,829
Carter,
154
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,373
you're under arrest.
155
00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:16,793
Please wait.
156
00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:22,131
I found you, Carter.
157
00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:23,550
You are my prisoner.
158
00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:24,842
Hi, Schultz.
159
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,387
Now, get into the truck.
160
00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:28,513
No tricks.
161
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:29,806
Get in!
162
00:06:29,847 --> 00:06:31,015
Where are we going,
Schultz?
163
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,392
Back to Stalag 13,
where else?
164
00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:33,768
I thought we'd go
to Stalag 16.
165
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:34,727
Why, why?
Well, we have orders
166
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,354
to pick up a prisoner.
167
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,897
What prisoner? What orders?
168
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:40,066
My German uniform
in the back of the truck.
169
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:43,903
Well, shall we go?
170
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:45,488
SCHULTZ:
Wait!
171
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:51,411
We are going back to Stalag 13,
and nowhere else.
172
00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:52,829
Now, back into the truck.
March!
173
00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:55,581
Just thinking of you,
Schultz.
174
00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:57,500
Do not think
of me. Halt!
175
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,629
Why are you thinking of me?
176
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,965
Gestapo pick up your trail
yet, Carter?
177
00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,133
Oh, yes, sir.
178
00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:07,051
Uh, they're close
behind me that way.
179
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,137
I welcome the Gestapo.
180
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:14,892
I've captured a very dangerous
escaped prisoner single-handed.
181
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,353
Sure, Schultz, and they'll
probably give you a medal
182
00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:19,230
for that stuff
in the back of the truck.
183
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,898
I know nothing of what's
in the back of the truck!
184
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,400
Nothing!
185
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,653
And I'll back you up
every inch of the way--
186
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:28,197
as long as I
can humanly hold out.
187
00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:29,907
He might not
crack for hours.
188
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:33,619
Let's go to Stalag 16.
189
00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:35,121
Get in the
truck! Schnell!
190
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,706
You'll never regret it,
Schultz.
191
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,714
Danke.
192
00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:59,520
Go ahead, sir;
I read you loud and clear.
193
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:00,563
Oh, I'm so glad.
194
00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:01,981
Mission underway there, chaps?
195
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:04,233
Our men are on their way,
sir, hours ago.
196
00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:05,985
Oh, I say,
that's a bit of a fix.
197
00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:07,195
What is, sir?
198
00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:08,488
Well, our mistake, really,
199
00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:10,239
though completely
understandable.
200
00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:12,075
The Colonel Crittendon
in Stalag 16
201
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,826
isn't the man for the job
at all.
202
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,870
It's the wrong Crittendon?
203
00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:18,456
The Colonel Crittendon we want
is in Stalag 2.
204
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,457
Fine, sir.
205
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,583
Yes, well, you see,
206
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,168
where we got our wires crossed
is this,
207
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:23,836
that that donkey in Stalag 16
208
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,923
submitted a perfectly
dreadful plan about a year back
209
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:29,008
for growing geraniums
along the runways
210
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,092
of all our aerodromes.
211
00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:31,552
Called it The Crittendon Plan.
212
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,221
So, you can understand
our mistake.
213
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:34,722
Eh, any possibility
Perfectly, sir.
214
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,016
of getting word to your men
in the field?
215
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:38,434
Not a prayer.
216
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:39,769
Oh. Too bad.
217
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:42,438
Well, they'll just have
to muddle through, won't they?
218
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,148
Best of luck, chaps.
219
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:44,941
Righto.
220
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:50,613
Colonel Crittendon,
Major.
221
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:51,572
What's going on here?
222
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:52,615
Quiet!
223
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:55,034
We will question
the prisoner in private.
224
00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:56,869
Of course, Major.
I understand.
225
00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:02,542
I must say, I'm surprised at
you chaps going over to Jerry.
226
00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:04,126
You especially, Carter.
227
00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:05,628
We did not
turn traitor.
228
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:09,131
We forged some papers
to get you out of here, so listen.
229
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:10,132
Actually?
230
00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:12,301
Well, that's jolly
sporting of you, but, uh...
231
00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:16,639
I have my own tunnel
working here.
232
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,808
Three or four months,
I'll be free as a bird.
233
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:27,316
Crittendon!
234
00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:28,317
Happens every time.
235
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:29,318
Listen to me.
236
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,571
You're going out of
here with us tonight,
237
00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:33,072
but, first, I've
got to be sure.
238
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:35,658
Did you or did you not
formulate something
239
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:38,327
for the War Office known
as The Crittendon Plan?
240
00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:40,746
Of course.
241
00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:43,666
That's why you've
come for me.
242
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:46,335
So they're actually
going to do it--
243
00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:47,837
The Crittendon Plan.
244
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:49,171
Well, that does it.
245
00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:50,131
Get the guard.
246
00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:51,424
Yes, sir.
247
00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:53,676
You know, Colonel, actually,
I always did think that...
248
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,386
Get the guard.
249
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,345
Yes, sir.
250
00:09:57,555 --> 00:09:58,848
Guard!
251
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:01,100
Jawohl, Herr Major?
252
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:02,101
This is our man.
253
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:04,186
Get his things together
and follow us.
254
00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,855
Jawohl, Herr Major.
255
00:10:08,607 --> 00:10:10,818
Can't believe they're going
through with it, Hogan.
256
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:14,322
All I can say, Crittendon,
is it better be good.
257
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:16,866
Good? It's superb.
258
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:20,578
Imagine the morale boost
to those young flying chaps,
259
00:10:20,619 --> 00:10:22,872
setting down in dear old England
260
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:25,499
between a carpet
of crimson geraniums.
261
00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:27,585
Geraniums?
Geraniums?
262
00:10:27,626 --> 00:10:28,794
Of course.
263
00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:30,629
Straight from the horror of war.
264
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:33,466
Like coming home
to mother's cottage.
265
00:10:33,507 --> 00:10:36,969
Tremendous psychological factor
there, chaps.
266
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,512
That's The
Crittendon Plan?
267
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,890
Geraniums lining every runway.
268
00:10:40,931 --> 00:10:43,100
And they're going to do it.
269
00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:45,353
Any way we can
leave him, sir?
270
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,521
'Fraid not,
but I'd love to.
271
00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:48,731
Something wrong?
272
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,483
Nothing,
nothing at all.
273
00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:52,151
Let's go plant
geraniums.
274
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,445
Good show.
275
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,072
Carry on, chaps.
276
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,239
Chins up.
277
00:10:57,281 --> 00:10:58,908
See you in Tipperary.
278
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:16,175
( phone rings )
279
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:17,551
Yes.
280
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:19,845
Sergeant Schultz.
Yes, put him on.
281
00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:22,598
Dummkopf.
Where have you been?
282
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:24,683
I don't want a report
on traffic conditions.
283
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:26,435
Have you captured Carter,
yes or no?
284
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:31,273
Herr Kommandant, we definitely
captured him, most definitely.
285
00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:33,275
Then why don't you
bring him back?
286
00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:36,612
Ooh, a very good idea,
Herr Commandant, very good.
287
00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:39,782
As soon as certain details
have been worked out.
288
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:42,034
Schultz, what is
the matter with you?
289
00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:43,744
Have you got Carter or not?
290
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,287
I want a straight answer.
291
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:48,040
Oh, and I would like
to give you one,
292
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:50,167
but, like Hogan always says,
293
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:52,795
life is not always
black and white.
294
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:55,339
What he means by that,
I do not know.
295
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:59,718
Schultz, when I want philosophy
from Hogan, I'll ask him.
296
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,262
Oh, an excellent idea.
297
00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:02,972
I shall put him on.
298
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:05,266
Schultz, I don't want
to talk to Hogan.
299
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,434
Schultz!
300
00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:09,812
Highly irregular.
301
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,146
Excuse me, please,
Colonel Hogan.
302
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:13,315
Commandant Klink would like
to speak to you.
303
00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:14,984
Much too busy for that, Schultz.
Tell him, will you?
304
00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:16,652
But if I tell him,
Colonel Hogan,
305
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:19,989
he might ask
what are you so busy doing.
306
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:21,490
All right, I'll tell you.
307
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:23,993
Please. I'll
make up something.
308
00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:25,494
Now, look, Crittendon,
309
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:26,662
it's almost
rendezvous time.
310
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,163
Our people are
going to be here.
311
00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:30,499
Are you in with
us or not?
312
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:32,543
Well, dash it all,
Hogan.
313
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,545
A prisoner's duty
is to escape
314
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,213
and get back
to his own life.
315
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:37,965
Now, what's that got to do
with blowing up convoys?
316
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,342
I explained
that to you.
317
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:42,344
The people we're
to meet here
318
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,179
are highly suspicious
by nature.
319
00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:45,514
Otherwise, they
wouldn't be alive.
320
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:47,182
They're expecting
us to have
321
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:49,351
a Colonel Crittendon
who has the master plan
322
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:50,603
to this whole
operation.
323
00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:53,355
I can't tell 'em we have
the wrong Crittendon.
324
00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:54,773
They'd pull out
in a minute.
325
00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:56,859
We couldn't switch
the whole thing
326
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,152
to planting geraniums,
327
00:12:58,193 --> 00:12:59,236
I suppose?
No!
328
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:01,030
Pity.
329
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,448
Colonel, I think our people
just came in.
330
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:08,704
All right, I'll
do the talking.
331
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:10,539
Don't get pinned
down on anything.
332
00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:11,874
I'll answer
the questions.
333
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,375
Here, do you really
think you should?
334
00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:15,502
Yes.
335
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,212
Just asking.
336
00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:27,222
I believe I have a spot
on my left sleeve.
337
00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:29,642
( spits )
338
00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:32,978
It must be
from the stroganoff.
339
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:36,273
I love to play
Parcheesi on Sunday.
340
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:41,278
It is early in the year
for stroganoff, is it not?
341
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,156
As a boy, I had
a pet rabbit.
342
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:45,282
I miss him.
343
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,284
I had a bunny once.
344
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:50,329
Miss him terribly at times.
345
00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:51,538
That is not in the code.
346
00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:53,082
Sit down,
sit down.
347
00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,416
He's ad-libbing.
348
00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:56,460
Dull code otherwise.
349
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:57,753
You are Hogan?
350
00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:58,921
Sergeant Carter.
351
00:13:58,962 --> 00:14:00,339
Colonel Crittendon.
352
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:01,382
I do not like it.
353
00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:02,758
You should have more men.
354
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,593
And if you were
more of a man,
355
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:06,011
we would need less men.
356
00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:08,097
We're all specialists
and we have the plan.
357
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:11,016
The, uh, Crittendon Plan.
358
00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:12,309
Tell it to me.
359
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:14,937
Which one?
360
00:14:14,978 --> 00:14:16,522
Not now, later.
In the morning.
361
00:14:16,563 --> 00:14:17,564
I must...
362
00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:19,191
I must hear the plan.
363
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:20,526
Don't be an old woman.
364
00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:23,946
They will tell you the plan
when they tell you the plan.
365
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,030
I do not trust them.
366
00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:26,949
And why should
they trust you?
367
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,450
Excuse me, but...
368
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,160
What is this, a German?
369
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,995
He's a neutral.
370
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,997
Could you speak
to Commandant Klink
371
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:35,499
just for a little moment?
372
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,500
Who is this Klink?
373
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,001
I'm sorry, Schultz.
We're just leaving.
374
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:39,503
Where are we going?
You stay here.
375
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:40,796
It won't be more
than a day or two.
376
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:41,797
A day or two?
377
00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:42,798
All right,
not more than a week.
378
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:43,799
A week?
379
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:46,218
One thing.
380
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:49,054
Tonight, tomorrow,
no time,
381
00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:51,348
no one touches
the girl.
382
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:52,516
What girl?
383
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,144
Girl?
What girl?
384
00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:01,150
No one touches her.
385
00:15:03,443 --> 00:15:06,446
Of course, of course.
386
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:09,241
No, naturally.
387
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:11,910
Never entered my mind.
388
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,961
Oh, boy.
389
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,860
What? What's up?
390
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:47,738
Shh...
391
00:15:47,779 --> 00:15:49,406
( whispering ):
Where are the others?
392
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:51,575
They left to look
at the tunnel.
393
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:53,911
What, without me?
394
00:15:53,952 --> 00:15:58,290
You were born under
a lucky star.
395
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:06,256
Well, uh...
shouldn't we go
396
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,592
and look for them
or something?
397
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:09,926
I will lead you.
398
00:16:09,968 --> 00:16:13,889
Oh... You sure
you know the way?
399
00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:16,767
I've been
there before.
400
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:38,914
MARKO:
They will post the guard there tomorrow morning.
401
00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:42,084
Yeah, about 50 troops.
402
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:45,087
And how do we fight 50 Germans?
403
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,421
We don't.
404
00:16:46,421 --> 00:16:48,090
We open fire on the convoy
405
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:50,092
about a half a mile
from the tunnel.
406
00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:52,761
We stop the lead trucks
so the others bunch up
407
00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:55,180
and we call in the bombers to go
to work on the rocket fuel.
408
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:56,890
Where do we get the bombers?
409
00:16:56,932 --> 00:16:58,934
Get in touch with 'em
by shortwave.
410
00:16:58,975 --> 00:17:01,937
Have a flight of B17s
standing by.
411
00:17:01,978 --> 00:17:04,272
As soon as we find out
what time the convoy arrives,
412
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:05,524
we radio the information.
413
00:17:05,565 --> 00:17:07,067
What of the tunnel?
414
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,777
Blow that, too.
415
00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:10,946
Bombers will force
the Germans inside.
416
00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:13,073
We'll sneak up
and lob in some high explosives.
417
00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:15,325
Eh, dangerous plan.
418
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:18,370
There may be some losses.
419
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:19,788
What time's
the convoy get here?
420
00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:24,709
Tell him.
421
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:30,966
They come two hours after the
guard is posted at that tunnel.
422
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:34,761
All right. Let's go.
423
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:42,561
Carter?
424
00:17:42,602 --> 00:17:44,396
Hey, Colonel, I got
some beauties here.
425
00:17:44,437 --> 00:17:46,064
( chuckles )
Where is the girl?
426
00:17:46,106 --> 00:17:47,065
She's not here?
427
00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:48,400
Where's Crittendon?
428
00:17:48,441 --> 00:17:49,568
Well, he's right
over there asleep...
429
00:17:49,609 --> 00:17:51,903
I... I don't know.
430
00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:55,740
I said no one
touches the girl.
431
00:17:55,782 --> 00:17:57,492
CRITTENDON ( chuckles ):
Hello there, chaps.
432
00:17:57,492 --> 00:17:59,578
( sighs )
433
00:17:59,619 --> 00:18:01,913
Well, we, uh,
had a deuce of a job finding you,
434
00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:05,000
but, uh, we had
quite a jolly chat together, really.
435
00:18:05,041 --> 00:18:07,335
What did you
do with him?
436
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:09,296
Not what you think, pig.
437
00:18:09,337 --> 00:18:11,298
I asked him some questions
438
00:18:11,339 --> 00:18:12,716
that you should've asked him
last night.
439
00:18:12,757 --> 00:18:14,926
He has no plans at all.
440
00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:15,927
Did you know that?
441
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:18,388
He knows nothing
about the convoy.
442
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:21,183
He wants to plant geraniums
somewhere.
443
00:18:21,224 --> 00:18:22,684
Crittendon!
444
00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:26,563
Well, she, uh...
seemed sincerely interested.
445
00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:28,565
Hey!
446
00:18:30,483 --> 00:18:33,820
Now you will call to no one
to betray us.
447
00:18:33,862 --> 00:18:36,197
No... one.
448
00:18:36,239 --> 00:18:37,908
Yeah, I guess we won't.
449
00:18:37,949 --> 00:18:40,410
Oh, bad show.
450
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:45,206
HOGAN:
All right, time to go, Carter.
451
00:18:45,248 --> 00:18:47,042
Ready with that thing?
452
00:18:47,083 --> 00:18:48,043
I hope so.
453
00:18:48,084 --> 00:18:49,794
It's the best I could
do on short notice.
454
00:18:49,836 --> 00:18:51,296
You are going nowhere.
455
00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:52,714
HOGAN:
I already explained to you what happened.
456
00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:54,716
We simply got the
wrong Colonel Crittendon.
457
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:56,217
That's all.
458
00:18:56,217 --> 00:18:57,218
No offense, Colonel.
459
00:18:57,218 --> 00:18:58,553
Quite all right.
460
00:18:58,595 --> 00:18:59,554
For that, you
can shoot us,
461
00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:01,806
or you can stay
here, or you can come with us...
462
00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:07,270
...but we're going to try
to stop that convoy.
463
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:08,897
Get in the truck, Carter.
464
00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:12,901
Right, Colonel.
465
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,903
No!
466
00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:18,865
He will not shoot.
467
00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:20,450
I am going with them.
468
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:21,952
But they have no chance.
469
00:19:21,993 --> 00:19:25,497
Perhaps, but they are
going to fight Germans,
470
00:19:25,538 --> 00:19:27,332
and that is what
I am going to do:
471
00:19:27,374 --> 00:19:28,917
fight Germans.
472
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,752
I do not believe them.
473
00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:33,505
You are afraid.
474
00:19:33,546 --> 00:19:34,506
You?
475
00:19:34,547 --> 00:19:36,925
The girl stays with me.
476
00:19:36,966 --> 00:19:39,427
Who wants to
die by inches?
477
00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:41,429
I am going.
478
00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:45,642
You have no chance!
479
00:19:58,488 --> 00:19:59,948
All right, Crittendon,
you sure you've got it?
480
00:19:59,948 --> 00:20:01,282
Got it, old boy. Oops.
481
00:20:01,282 --> 00:20:03,284
Having a spot of trouble
holding it, though.
482
00:20:03,284 --> 00:20:04,953
I'm talking
about procedure.
483
00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:05,954
Ah.
484
00:20:05,995 --> 00:20:07,622
Now, you're under the
truck with the bomb.
485
00:20:07,664 --> 00:20:09,958
Yes, indeed.
When we stop the lead truck in the convoy,
486
00:20:09,999 --> 00:20:13,044
you crawl under it
and tape the bomb to the gas tank.
487
00:20:13,086 --> 00:20:14,212
Right.
It's set to go off
488
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:15,213
when they're
in the tunnel.
489
00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:16,589
Well, I'll do my best,
old boy.
490
00:20:16,631 --> 00:20:18,842
Not exactly my line of work,
though, you know?
491
00:20:18,883 --> 00:20:19,801
Truck coming, Colonel.
492
00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:22,470
All right, Carter.
493
00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:24,973
Set the bomb.
494
00:20:26,766 --> 00:20:28,601
Uh-oh, bad news.
495
00:20:28,643 --> 00:20:31,146
Marko's in the front seat
with a couple of Krauts.
496
00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:32,147
That pig.
497
00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:33,231
What do we do
now, Colonel?
498
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:34,274
Go through with it.
499
00:20:34,315 --> 00:20:36,276
I shall cover him
from the side of the road.
500
00:20:36,317 --> 00:20:38,945
If he opens his mouth,
I fire.
501
00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:40,447
But if he hasn't
gone over to them,
502
00:20:40,488 --> 00:20:42,574
it seems a rum go
to blow him up.
503
00:20:42,615 --> 00:20:43,575
That's our job.
504
00:20:43,616 --> 00:20:45,285
All right, Crittendon,
get under the truck.
505
00:20:45,326 --> 00:20:47,120
Under the truck.
Crittendon?
506
00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:48,371
Yes?
The bomb.
507
00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:49,789
Ah.
508
00:20:58,047 --> 00:21:00,467
If you see the truck
is not going to stop,
509
00:21:00,508 --> 00:21:01,759
jump out of the way.
510
00:21:01,801 --> 00:21:06,014
Don't worry. They'll stop.
511
00:21:10,643 --> 00:21:11,811
( tires screech )
512
00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:13,062
Hello.
513
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:15,732
These are your instructions,
Sergeant?
514
00:21:15,773 --> 00:21:17,233
To stop
for every hitchhiker?
515
00:21:17,275 --> 00:21:18,234
No, Major, I...
516
00:21:18,276 --> 00:21:19,652
Laudent, inspect
the truck there
517
00:21:19,694 --> 00:21:21,070
to see if they're doing
anything else wrong.
518
00:21:21,112 --> 00:21:22,947
Yes, Herr Major.
Sergeant, dismount!
519
00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:28,453
Sergeant,
you will look at me!
520
00:21:28,494 --> 00:21:30,788
Yes, Major.
521
00:21:30,830 --> 00:21:32,207
Who is this other
hitchhiker?
522
00:21:32,207 --> 00:21:33,583
You are running
a bus service?
523
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,543
No, Major, uh, one
of our patrols picked him up.
524
00:21:35,543 --> 00:21:37,253
They thought he was
a member of a guerrilla band
525
00:21:37,295 --> 00:21:38,796
and would make
a good hostage.
526
00:21:38,838 --> 00:21:40,757
So, with guerrillas
operating,
527
00:21:40,798 --> 00:21:43,176
you make two stops and
bunch up the convoy?!
528
00:21:43,218 --> 00:21:44,385
Sergeant...
529
00:21:44,385 --> 00:21:45,386
What is it?
530
00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:51,601
Nothing, nothing.
531
00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:53,102
CARTER:
Is everything in order, Laudent?
532
00:21:54,562 --> 00:21:56,397
You will look
at me, Sergeant!
533
00:21:56,397 --> 00:21:57,982
Almost everything, Herr Major.
534
00:22:01,569 --> 00:22:02,946
Get back in the truck.
535
00:22:02,987 --> 00:22:04,656
Yes, sir.
536
00:22:10,411 --> 00:22:12,205
Where are you going,
Sergeant?!
537
00:22:12,246 --> 00:22:13,289
Get back in the truck!
538
00:22:13,331 --> 00:22:14,540
Yes, Major.
539
00:22:16,918 --> 00:22:18,544
( door shuts )
540
00:22:21,297 --> 00:22:22,757
Drive on.
541
00:22:22,757 --> 00:22:25,468
And your commanding officer
shall hear from me.
542
00:22:26,719 --> 00:22:28,262
( engine starts )
543
00:22:30,598 --> 00:22:32,600
All right, get
this truck out of here.
544
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,435
The rest of that convoy
will be along in a minute.
545
00:22:34,435 --> 00:22:36,938
Right, Colonel.
Crittendon.
546
00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:38,231
Did you get it
taped down okay?
547
00:22:38,272 --> 00:22:39,607
No fuss at all,
old boy.
548
00:22:39,607 --> 00:22:41,234
What time's it set
to go off?
549
00:22:41,275 --> 00:22:42,402
Two minutes.
550
00:22:42,443 --> 00:22:44,821
Cor. Glad I didn't know.
551
00:22:44,862 --> 00:22:46,781
Let's go.
552
00:22:46,781 --> 00:22:48,616
Hey, the convoy's
in the tunnel, Colonel.
553
00:22:48,616 --> 00:22:49,617
How's the time?
554
00:22:49,617 --> 00:22:52,286
It should've
happened by now.
555
00:22:52,286 --> 00:22:53,287
Crittendon,
are you sure...?
556
00:22:53,287 --> 00:22:54,747
( explosion )
557
00:22:54,789 --> 00:22:56,124
There she goes!
558
00:23:00,294 --> 00:23:02,588
And the tunnel,
the convoy, the works!
559
00:23:02,630 --> 00:23:03,589
( gasps )
560
00:23:03,631 --> 00:23:05,091
Hogan, you're wonderful!
561
00:23:05,133 --> 00:23:08,469
No one touches the girl!
562
00:23:08,511 --> 00:23:09,470
No one.
563
00:23:13,099 --> 00:23:16,978
Oh. Pity, actually.
564
00:23:23,401 --> 00:23:26,154
Colonel Hogan, Sergeant Carter,
I want every minute
565
00:23:26,195 --> 00:23:28,698
of the three days you were gone
accounted for.
566
00:23:28,740 --> 00:23:30,908
That's the thanks we get
for keeping your record intact?
567
00:23:30,950 --> 00:23:32,618
Hogan, I will
not be diverted.
568
00:23:32,660 --> 00:23:35,246
Well, just look
what happened while we were gone.
569
00:23:35,288 --> 00:23:37,749
A British colonel
escaped from Stalag 16,
570
00:23:37,790 --> 00:23:39,500
and you're complaining.
571
00:23:39,542 --> 00:23:40,793
They'll catch him.
572
00:23:40,835 --> 00:23:42,503
Eh, you're
probably right.
573
00:23:42,503 --> 00:23:43,963
Hogan, I will not be diverted.
574
00:23:44,005 --> 00:23:45,590
I want every minute
accounted for.
575
00:23:45,631 --> 00:23:47,633
Well, it takes time
to track down a fox.
576
00:23:47,675 --> 00:23:48,468
Carter?
577
00:23:48,509 --> 00:23:50,219
I led them
a merry chase, sir,
578
00:23:50,261 --> 00:23:51,888
but they were relentless.
579
00:23:53,055 --> 00:23:55,558
Schultz, why did
you keep calling
580
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:57,268
from a beer hall?
581
00:23:57,310 --> 00:23:59,395
Because there was
a telephone?
582
00:23:59,437 --> 00:24:00,771
I won't accept that.
583
00:24:00,813 --> 00:24:03,441
But, sir, it was really
an exhausting chase.
584
00:24:03,483 --> 00:24:06,360
It may go down in the annals
of the all-time great manhunts.
585
00:24:06,402 --> 00:24:08,946
Boy, I was out there
in the woods, and I was... Carter...
586
00:24:08,988 --> 00:24:10,948
Well, I'm sorry, sir,
but I just have to say it.
587
00:24:10,990 --> 00:24:14,035
You and Schultz were just
too much for me, just too much.
588
00:24:14,035 --> 00:24:16,078
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
589
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:19,540
Schultz, I am giving
you a three-day pass.
590
00:24:19,582 --> 00:24:21,375
Thank you,
Herr Kommandant.
591
00:24:21,417 --> 00:24:23,878
Hogan, you
will receive
592
00:24:23,878 --> 00:24:25,630
two extra pieces
of writing paper.
593
00:24:25,671 --> 00:24:27,006
Characteristically
generous, sir.
594
00:24:27,048 --> 00:24:28,424
And me, sir?
595
00:24:29,467 --> 00:24:32,470
30 days in the cooler
for attempted escape.
596
00:24:32,511 --> 00:24:35,473
Dismissed.
597
00:24:40,228 --> 00:24:41,562
I talk too much?
598
00:24:41,604 --> 00:24:42,939
You talk too much.
599
00:24:42,989 --> 00:24:47,539
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