Original subtitles

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♪ All my life I've wanted to be somebody And here I am ♪

♪ I know what I've got ♪

♪ And there ain't nobody Gonna take it away from me ♪

♪ So, let me tell you what I am ♪

♪ I'm a red-hot fox I can take the knocks ♪

♪ I'm a hammer from hell Honey, can't you tell? ♪

♪ I'm the wild one ♪

♪ Yes, I'm the wild one ♪

♪ Well, it ain't no use Turn me loose ♪

♪ More, more I can't keep score ♪

No, no, no!

No, no, in the red means there's a quarter of a tank left.

Isn't this a real shit burger?

Are you kidding? Go around!

Go around!

Idiot!

Come on!

Oh, my God. Are you seriously this stupid?

Go around me!

We cannot pass. We're on a track.

Well, then I guess you're just gonna have to stay there, then.

Do you need some assistance? You look like you need help.

Nope, I'm good.

I'm great!

I am trying to keep to a schedule.

That's rude.

Adulthood is where dreams go to die.

Grow up, get a job, become a drone. That's it.

Then it's over.

Society just wants to put everyone in a box.

Well, guess what, society. There is no box.

'Cause, I mean, if I thought the rest of my life would be spent

as a mindless cog in a machine,

I swear, I'd just get a tattoo across my face that says:

"Really, man?"

Just need to figure out a way of growing up

without becoming a boring adult.

You wanna know what I think?

Everything you're saying is stupid.

Nuh-uh. Look, conformity is prison, and the tattoo is more of a metaphor.

No, the stupid part is you whining about how awful growing up is.

I'm not whining. These are very carefully cultivated thoughts.

Ow! Oh.

You just old-school slapped me.

Your generation is so fucked up.

I get it. You just think I'm some spoiled brat who's never had it hard

'cause I didn't have to walk a mile to school.

Neither did I. I drove.

How old do you think I am?

Okay, here's the thing.

I tried college for a year. Total bust.

Everything you wanna learn, you could look up online.

I know how to open champagne with a sword.

How old are you, anyway?

Twenty-three.

Huh.

"Huh," what?

Hard to believe you're the future.

Thank God I'll be dead.

I like you, old lady.

♪ I don't mind ♪

♪ It's what I was told to do ♪

♪ All the times ♪

♪ I never got through ♪

Sophia! Get over here, you dirty slut!

Oh, you trying to reclaim that word?

No, it's just fun to shout across a room.

So, get this. Left my apartment this morning, and there was a...

- A turtle. - No.

A bleeding man.

Not a guessing game.

An eviction notice.

- Yes, stupid eviction notice. - So, this was a guessing game.

Told my landlord I'm not paying rent until they fix my plumbing,

and he's a real douche about it. What am I gonna do?

I'll tell you what I would do.

You gotta move back in with that hot dad of yours.

No. Ew.

Hey, Dax! Sophia needs a drink.

- Please. - He lets me drink for free.

- Since when? - What up, girl?

- My new lover. - Mm.

So, Sophia here needs a vodka and cranberry

to promote urinary tract health.

And I'm gonna switch from a martini to a Brandy Alexander.

- For real? - Mm-hmm.

You know I gotta get the manual for that.

- Go. - Okay.

When did that happen?

Last night. Thrice.

We were just talking about the untimely death of Peter Jennings.

So sad.

And we started boning, right here on the bar,

right where your arm is.

Annie, it says I need a nutmeg grater.

- Well, get grating. - Not gonna get a drink, am I?

No, you are, you are. Uh, I got it.

Um...

All right, your Kahlúa and Coke.

- With an olive. - Mm!

I'm telling you, it's real love this time.

With Dax the bartender?

I know! Dax, the bartender.

How was it?

How was his, uh, you know...?

Asshole?

Never mind.

'Cause his asshole was totally average.

His dick is huge.

I'm not really sure why you'd ask me about his asshole.

Who's that dude?

Oh, that's Shane, Dax's new roommate.

His dad runs a water park.

How do you know that?

'Cause that's, like, the coolest job that anybody's dad could ever have.

Hey, Dax, where's my drink?

Here, here's some bullshit.

Hey, little drummer girl!

What?

Shane.

He's building a water park in your panties.

Annie? What is wrong with you?

Well, for starters, I've been mixing alcohol all night.

- Mm-hmm. - Ooh.

Dax, too much nutmeg.

Thanks, guys!

Before we go, I just wanna remind everyone

that the basic tenets of capitalism and democracy contradict each other.

Emmalou on theremin!

I'm gonna get a drink. You want anything?

A guitar or a trombone.

A real fucking instrument.

Hey, buddy, Anchor Steam when you get a chance.

And a dark and stormy.

- Which is my new nickname for your... - Don't.

- Why? - 'Cause you're gonna start something.

- What am I gonna start? - A fire.

Oh! Where?

Hey.

Hey.

Gotta get the shoes off first. Shoes come first.

- Wanna grab that one? - Yeah.

I'll grab this one.

Okay.

Ohh.

All right, I'm good.

You are?

Yeah.

Did you...

Hmm?

get... get there somehow?

- What? No. - Can I...

No, no. I'm just, you know...

Decided that, uh...

I'm done.

Oh, and I don't do one-night stands.

- Oh, that's a good rule. Good rule. - Yeah.

Wow. This is the most comfortable bed I've ever been in.

Is this pillow memory foam?

- Well, it's Tempur-Pedic. - Mm.

It's what I imagine sleeping in a Popeyes biscuit feels like.

Could I crash here?

You seem so nice.

There's a real...

"I'd go to Africa to dig wells" kind of vibe about you.

Hmm?

Sure.

Hmm.

Any chance you have a sound machine?

- Uh, no. - Mm.

Mm-mm.

Okay, this is gonna sound kind of crazy.

But could you just... I don't know, like...

make ocean sounds?

- Are you serious? - Yeah. It'll help me sleep.

Hmm?

Okay.

That's nice.

Back to the waves.

Good morning.

I made you breakfast.

- Eating that will make your life shorter. - It's tempting, but I have work at ten.

Ten? That's in three minutes. You're late.

Not yet. Everything before 10 is my time.

Those shoes are ridiculous.

It's either wear these or get that surgery that makes your legs longer.

You know, the one that Gwyneth Paltrow had.

Ba-dum!

Ah.

I don't know why, but I like you.

You'll figure it out.

- Just watching Xbox. - Hey.

Ah. Well, I'm gonna go make my contribution to society.

- You okay? - Totally. You?

Yeah. I'll text you later?

- Love you in case I die. - Love you in case I die.

Heh.

- Hm. - All right, well, get to it.

Hey, Carol.

Oh. Sophia, I'm so glad you're not injured or dead.

- What do you mean? - Well, you're 27 minutes late.

So, naturally, I assumed you were hit by a bus

and bleeding out onto Market Street.

Come on, Carol, I never take Market Street.

Okay. Now that you're here,

I'm going to be running inventory in the back.

So, I need you to man the fort and sell those shoes, girlfriend.

Got it.

Drab.

Why put that on a hanger?

Polka dots?

Is that jacket lying in a dog bed?

- Dad! - Hey, Sophia.

Just calling to confirm dinner. We're going to Acquerello.

Look at you, Mr. Moneybags.

Ah, it's Restaurant Week, so we're getting a deal.

Hey, um, please show up.

- I don't want a repeat of last time. - That was a traffic thing.

Who knew this town had such a huge gay pride parade?

Welcome to Lush. We have a...

Why, no, sir. We don't have a pump that feels like a sneaker.

Was that a personal call?

- It was. - And are you surfing the web?

I... am.

- You know it's against company policy. - I do.

- I do not know where to begin. - If you need some time

to get your thoughts in order, we can put a pin in this.

You are here to sell shoes, not to have Sophia time.

Is that my sandwich?

- I didn't know this was yours. - What did you think the C stood for?

- Chicken? - It's a tuna sandwich.

So, they got the label wrong. People make mistakes, Carol.

I just started my period.

Oh, I can feel it.

It's happening. It's two weeks early because of you.

Textbook example of inappropriate workplace conversation.

Admit you knew it was my sandwich.

I did. I did know it was yours.

Son of a gun!

I'm sorry. You've been in the back all afternoon.

By law, I get an hour for lunch.

When a customer comes in, lunch hour ends.

Okay. Okay. I apologize. Now, isn't this the part where we move on?

I decide when we move on. I'm the boss, Sophia.

This is the whole problem with you. You don't know your place.

Hey!

I needed to eat and I'm not about to die of malnutrition just to push heels.

What's it to you? You don't own the place.

You're just middle management on some power trip.

How about this for a power trip?

- You're fired! - What?

- Yeah. - Why? Is this about your period?

No. It's about me finally getting fed up with your... BS.

- Okay. - I'm docking you that sandwich.

I'm telling everyone I quit.

Hey, I quit, okay? I quit. She can help you.

No, no. Fired. She was fired!

Ugh!

Hey.

Yep. Big time.

You know, it... It wasn't my fault. I mean, Carol was just being such a...

God. She started accusing me.

I mean, did I eat her sandwich? Yeah.

But then she started yelling and... And so, of course, I yelled back.

Oh, Annie.

Shit!

Why am I such an asshole?

Uh, can you hold on for a sec? There's an ambulance headed toward me.

Okay, it's gone.

Okay, we have to check all donated clothes for mouse turds.

Is that a problem?

Uh, it's the number one reason why people give us their clothes.

It's like, "Hey, white people, you think you'd never worn a shirt with mouse turds?

Think again."

Of course, my rescue dog is spayed.

I didn't wanna rob her of the joys of motherhood,

so I had her legally adopt a litter of rescue pups.

Suck my balls.

This one has blood on it.

Just turn it inside out.

Oh.

If you'd read the latest study, you'd know that honey is great for your complexion,

so, I've been eating bees, only the queens.

Found that out the hard way.

I want this.

- I'll give you eight bucks for it. - No way. The tag says 12.

I only have eight.

- I think you're lying. - Why?

- You have shifty eyes. - Thank you.

I'll let you have it for ten.

Nine bucks...

- and some free business advice. - Deal.

So, what's the advice?

This is an original 1970s East West calfskin motorcycle jacket

in perfect condition.

Know what your shit's worth,

'cause you just got played.

Bam, son!

Hey!

- You know you're in a Dumpster? - Ain't no shame in this game.

Hi, ma'am.

I can help you with that.

Thank you. Right over here.

You're gonna...

You're not.

Okay.

Park's closed.

You gotta go.

What time is it?

It's sundown.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, don't worry.

- The sun'll be back tomorrow. - Okay.

Huh. This place is so fancy.

Heh.

This butter is in the shape of a shell.

I don't know how they did it, but gotta say, I'm impressed.

Good to see you.

Yeah. Good to see you, Dad.

- How are you? - Pretty deece.

Oh. Got this jacket today.

Hoping to be buried in it.

How's work?

Recently left the shoe biz, so, kind of between gigs right now.

Are you seeing anyone?

Nope. Although, I was just hanging out with this really nice guy named Shane.

- Shane. - Uh-huh.

Shane... what?

The drummer.

Can I get anything else for you, sir?

Uh, yeah, I'll take a refill on the Manhattan,

and then bring another one right away.

Certainly. Anything for you?

Hmm. I'll have a Brandy Alexander.

Extra nutmeg.

Can I see some ID?

It's, uh... temporarily misplaced.

I'll go with a seltzer cranberry.

- Right away. - Thank you.

So, what's this?

This... This...

I... stole that earlier.

- Jesus. - Well, come on, no points for honesty?

Sophia, you smell like the street.

You got fired. Now you're breaking the law?

The best thing for you would be to move back home, so I can keep an eye on you.

- No way. - Sophia...

No, Dad. I'm not moving back home. God.

I'm worried about you.

- Why? - You're not exactly acting like an adult.

Good!

- Adulthood is where dreams... - "Dreams go to die." Oh, I'm familiar.

What exactly are these dreams of yours, huh?

Because you know what? I...

You've never given any indication to me...

that you have 'em.

Sophia, you're young, smart.

You're pretty. What's the problem?

- I guess I'm just pissed off. - About what?

I don't know yet!

I don't know anything.

And I know that I'm supposed to, so, I'm gonna figure it out, Dad. I will.

And I know that you don't believe me.

But it'd be so great if you did.

Sophia, wait.

Such bullshit.

Damn, you just ripped yourself a new taint.

You okay?

Well, unless you want the HPV, better close them damn legs, girl.

That shit is everywhere.

It's in the walls.

It's your daughter.

Call me.

Yeah. Of course no one's bidding.

Look at it on that hanger.

Whoa.

Bring on adulthood, motherfucker.

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