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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:38,489 (Liquid bubbling softly) 2 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,625 (Snoring) 3 00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:52,252 (Snoring continues) 4 00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:04,723 Deadpoqol: Psst! 5 00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:07,181 Wakey-wakey, frosted flakey. 6 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,892 Hey, brought you a special present. 7 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,315 Come on. 8 00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:15,147 Story time, chicken nugget. 9 00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,782 Rise and shine, there we go. 10 00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:20,444 Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. 11 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:23,200 Welcome back. 12 00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:26,332 What's going on? Wait a minute... what? 13 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:28,706 Where am I? 14 00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,293 Who dressed me? I did. 15 00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,374 I'm a big fan of bears. 16 00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:35,668 I'm not wearing pants. 17 00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,928 When's the last time you saw a bear wearing pants? 18 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,301 What the... (Exclaims) 19 00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:41,392 Easy now. Hey. 20 00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:43,763 The only f-bomb we're using around here... 21 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,723 Is "Fred savage." 22 00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:47,929 Now, I want you to take a deep breath... 23 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,019 And listen to me very carefully, Frederick. 24 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,935 You're in a pg-13 version of deadpool 2. 25 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,445 Which means we only get two... (Bleep) One... (Bleep) 26 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,356 And a glass of white wine. 27 00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:58,899 Are you bleeping yourself? 28 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,910 You bet your... (Bleep) Little... (Bleep) I am. 29 00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,204 That seems weird that you would do that yourself. 30 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,203 (Bleeping) 31 00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,875 (Inaudible) 32 00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:10,835 Please stop that. 33 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:11,964 Deadpool: Sorry. 34 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,801 Did you reconstruct 35 00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,844 the bedroom set from the Princess bride? 36 00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:21,050 Inconceivable! 37 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,141 Oh, god. 38 00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:23,590 Yeah, always wanted to say that. 39 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:24,727 Felt real good. 40 00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:25,975 Why am I here? 41 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,933 Well, the reason that you're voluntarily here... 42 00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:31,564 Is that so I could read you the story of deadpool 2... 43 00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,651 Filtered through the prism of childlike innocence. 44 00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:35,821 I'm a grown man. 45 00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:36,966 And nobody does childlike innocence 46 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:37,990 like you, Fred. Nobody. 47 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:39,736 I need you almost as much as you need me. 48 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:40,826 I don't need you. At all. 49 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,110 You need me to untie you... 50 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:44,497 Once we're done. 51 00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:45,581 (Bleep) 52 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,497 Hey! Easy, sugar mouth. 53 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:48,853 (Rapid bleeps) This thing will go all day, 54 00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,583 all right? Lithium-ion batteries. Hey... 55 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,832 You are gonna love this story. I promise you. 56 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,542 It's got fencing, fighting... 57 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:55,716 Revenge... 58 00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:58,508 Giants, monsters, true love... 59 00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:00,385 And miracles. 60 00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:02,971 (Sighs) Now... 61 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:06,512 Once upon a time, there was a boy named deadpool... 62 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,803 Who starred in a surprisingly popular movie... 63 00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,845 Which, in an industry dominated by 64 00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,421 the exploitation of existing brands... 65 00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,941 (Chuckles) Demanded an immediate sequel. 66 00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:19,693 And, believe it or not, deadpool 2 is a family film. 67 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,026 True story. 68 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:25,035 And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. 69 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,867 Bambi, the lion king, saw 7. 70 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,781 Really, anything from Disney. 71 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,246 And this family film is no different. 72 00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:36,121 Anyway, you know [I get paid to take out bad guys, right? 73 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,335 Well, this guy, oof... 74 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,967 He was one of the worst of 'em. 75 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:44,467 (Saw whirrs) 76 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,298 Open up! Let me in! He's got a... 77 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:47,678 (Alarm ringing) (Gunshot) 78 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:48,769 (Body thuds) 79 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,815 A panic room? Really? 80 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,272 Can you come out? (Watch beeping) 81 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:01,526 I really have to go. It's my anniversary. 82 00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,575 (Guns cocking) 83 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:08,725 Man: (On radio) Over and over, I hear people say, 84 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,184 "I just don't have enough confidence." 85 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,290 Listen, confidence is not something you have. 86 00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:13,457 It's something you create. 87 00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,744 And you can create it at any moment in time. 88 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,583 A sense of confidence is nothing 89 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,026 but a sense of power within yourself... 90 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:22,258 Deadpool: Start the car! Start the car! 91 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,171 Dopinder, start the car! 92 00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:27,349 (Screams) 93 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:32,681 (Men shout indistinctly) 94 00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,471 Whoo! Oh, I shit my pants. 95 00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,898 Actually, that may have been me. 96 00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:38,103 Oh, mission accomplished? 97 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,109 Oh, in a George w. Sort of way. 98 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,770 Can't stay in a panic room forever. 99 00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,342 Dopinder: Oh, you're living the dreams, dp. 100 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,152 It has been quite the run, dopinder, 101 00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:46,403 and who'da thought? 102 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:49,411 Now I'm talked about in the same sentence as Jesus and ll. 103 00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:51,412 Passion of the Christ, then me. 104 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:52,706 At least domestically. 105 00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:54,036 We beat them overseas, 106 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,742 where there's no such thing as religion. 107 00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:58,162 I do want to live the dreams, pool boy. 108 00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,547 Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks. 109 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,423 I want to fill my... pockets? 110 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:05,378 What's your poison? A little, uh, Instagram? 111 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:06,840 Can't maintain focus 112 00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,493 without buying shoes online? (Horn honks) 113 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,428 I've never experienced that last one. 114 00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:11,599 Talk to me, goose. 115 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:14,477 I was going to say "soul". I want to fill my soul. 116 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,606 I want to belong to something, like you, pool, sir. 117 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,228 Dopinder... hmm? 118 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,769 You never cease to surprise me. 119 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,731 You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. 120 00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,524 We all need a sense of belonging. 121 00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,450 We all need a genuine sense of home. 122 00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:30,538 A place in this world. 123 00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:31,982 I want to become a contract killer. 124 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,496 I'm sorry. What did you say? 125 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,623 Remember when I kidnapped bandhu 126 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,104 and threatened him with great violence? 127 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,459 You kind of killed him. 128 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,566 And then remember the movie interview with the vampire? 129 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:41,590 Don't want to. 130 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:42,758 When Tom Cruise fed 131 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,629 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood 132 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:45,879 for the first time... 133 00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:47,965 And she looked up at his smooth, 134 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:51,219 handsome face and said... 135 00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,133 "I want some more." 136 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:57,096 Oh, pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst. 137 00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:00,432 I'll never not picture that. 138 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,316 But I can't wait to never speak of this, 139 00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,065 as soon as possible. 140 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,946 We're here. (Brakes screeching) 141 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:10,077 You're my Tom Cruise! 142 00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:11,826 Deadpool: And you're my Kristen Dunst! 143 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,198 Kristen? Kirsten? 144 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:19,871 Sorry I'm late. 145 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,582 There was a bunch of 146 00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,379 handicapable children stuck in a tree... 147 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:24,550 Nope. 148 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:25,874 You're right. I was rounding up 149 00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:27,154 all the gluten in the world... 150 00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,418 And launching it into space 151 00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,469 where it can't not hurt us ever again. 152 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:31,717 Try again. 153 00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:33,673 Diarrhea? 154 00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:36,389 We can't be sure till I get this suit off... 155 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,895 But, uh, all signs point to yes. 156 00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:43,145 Kiss me like you miss me, red. 157 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,236 Well, come here. 158 00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,041 Aren't you gonna say it? 159 00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:01,584 Say what? You know... 160 00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:04,214 The thing. 161 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,300 What? 162 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:07,799 The part, where, you know... 163 00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,113 You want me to say the thing? Yeah, from... 164 00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,364 Oh, you want me to say the... From the... no. 165 00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:11,532 Deadpool: "Is this a kissing book?" 166 00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:12,676 I'm not gonna say that. Why? 167 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,507 Because I don't think that's gross anymore. I'm not 12. 168 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,721 And I think a kiss is a very sweet, loving gesture 169 00:07:17,812 --> 00:07:18,812 between two people. 170 00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:21,809 Unlike taping someone to a bed and kidnapping them. 171 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,894 I did not kidnap you! All right? 172 00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:27,152 I like to call it "unsolicited location enhancement." 173 00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:28,732 Whatever, ball gag. 174 00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:31,193 I'm just saying that if you're gonna force me 175 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,990 to sit here and listen to this crap... 176 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,361 I'm gonna have thoughts, okay? 177 00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,657 I'm gonna opine about things, all right? 178 00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:37,934 I'm an actor, I'm a director. 179 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,994 I know. I love modern family so much. 180 00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,958 The point is, you need to anchor 181 00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,252 the story in believability... 182 00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,921 And I just don't believe that she'd be kissing you. 183 00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:49,153 I mean, she's gorgeous, and you're, like, you know... 184 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,964 If rocky Dennis had a baby with lava. 185 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,504 Hey, zip it. 186 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:57,140 We already pay someone to say stuff like that to me, okay? 187 00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,266 And you're wrong because she would kiss me. 188 00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,974 She loves my insides. 189 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,148 Trust me. 190 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,227 We all saw the first movie. 191 00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:06,858 Fred: I didn't. 192 00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,689 I kinda prefer marvel movies. 193 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,491 We are marvel. 194 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,275 Yeah, but you're, you know, marvel licensed by fox. 195 00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:18,069 It's like if the Beatles were produced by nickelback. 196 00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:19,283 It's music... 197 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,374 But it sucks. 198 00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,791 Just checking the nose for blood, there. 199 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,584 I love nickelback! 200 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,620 You get your dirty mitts off Chad kroeger. 201 00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:32,042 And the joke's on you because fox is being bought by Disney. 202 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:33,804 Mouse ears. 203 00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,253 I think that puts the joke on you. 204 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,549 Ears closed. Mouth open. You were nicer as a kid. 205 00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,183 Now, where was I? 206 00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,264 (Clears throat) Right. 207 00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:45,397 Wade swept Vanessa into his finely toned arms... 208 00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:46,602 And she kissed him 209 00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,979 with an expression that could mean only one thing... 210 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:50,943 True love. 211 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:54,197 I'm gonna shower and get out of this suit. In that order. 212 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,652 Don't you want your surprise? 213 00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:57,658 Do I look like a patient burn victim? 214 00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,819 I got one for you, too. 215 00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,113 Happy anniversary, baby. 216 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:03,873 Open, open, open. 217 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,327 Skee-ball token. 218 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:08,870 Our first date. 219 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,129 Yup. 220 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:13,466 That's genuine, high-grade lead. 221 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,175 I'll keep it forever. (Chuckles) 222 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,010 Thank you, baby. 223 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,514 Open yours. All right, all right. 224 00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:25,349 Oh... 225 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,440 Well, that's... 226 00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,753 That's just the most beautiful thing that I've... 227 00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,233 I don't know what this is. 228 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,939 My iud. 229 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:33,197 A bomb? 230 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:36,193 No, dick for brains. My birth control device. 231 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,656 What, you mean that your... 232 00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:39,322 Baby factory's open for business. 233 00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:40,576 Oh, my god! (Box clatters) 234 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:43,993 (Vanessa laughs) Oh, my god! I want a boy! 235 00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:46,954 Or a little girl! Definitely one or the other! 236 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:50,620 Oh! And I want our kid to have only one name. 237 00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,290 Like Cher or Todd. 238 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,674 You gotta put a baby in me first, cowboy. 239 00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:56,762 Yes, I do. 240 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,699 Let's watch some porn and show that bed who's boss. 241 00:09:58,723 --> 00:09:59,883 Let's do that. 242 00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,470 (Singing) Papa... 243 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,268 Can you hear me? 244 00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:09,230 Papa, can you see me? 245 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,641 Does this song sound familiar to you? 246 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,528 May. 247 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:19,866 Connor, if it's a boy. May, if it's a girl. 248 00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,069 (Chuckles) 249 00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:24,871 So weird. (Laughs) 250 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,540 Family was always an f-word to me. 251 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,128 My pile of shit father took off and bailed. 252 00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,624 I mean, it's not like I have a lot of strong role models 253 00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,793 to draw off of for Todd. 254 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:39,844 Hey. 255 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,546 Look at me. 256 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,724 You are not your father. 257 00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:47,514 Besides... 258 00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:52,524 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 259 00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:54,528 But here's the thing, 260 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,273 isn't that how it always works? 261 00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,937 Like in star wars, 262 00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:00,193 men are destined to become their father... 263 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,526 And then have consensual sex with their sister? 264 00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,537 I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie. 265 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,290 No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her. 266 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,246 Baby, that's empire. 267 00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,211 The point is, kids... 268 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,465 They give us a chance to be better than we are. 269 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,420 Better than we used to be. 270 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,506 You're a lot smarter than I look. 271 00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:27,847 I'm gonna go make dessert. And then... 272 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,969 Let's make a super baby. 273 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,934 Vanessa: What about Krystal? But with a "k"? 274 00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:37,762 (Timer ticking) It's too stripper-y. 275 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,521 Kevin with a "k"! 276 00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,777 No, too stripper-y, too. 277 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,946 Uh, Earl! 278 00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:46,573 (In slow motion) He's gonna go straight to jail 279 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,495 if we name him Earl. 280 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,831 What about Bruce? 281 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:52,993 No. 282 00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,251 Get down. 283 00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:55,662 What? (Gun fires) 284 00:11:58,343 --> 00:12:00,049 (All grunting) 285 00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,801 (Gun firing) 286 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,902 Baby? Baby? 287 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,481 (Breathing heavily) 288 00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:24,531 I'm okay. 289 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,739 Thank god I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader. 290 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,411 (Both panting) (Gasps) 291 00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:50,216 (Inaudible) 292 00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:03,984 (Mouthing) Please. 293 00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,577 Please. Please. 294 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:13,785 Baby, I'm so sorry. 295 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,416 No! 296 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:22,962 Fred: Wait. Wait a minute. 297 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,717 You fridged Vanessa? 298 00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,173 Uh, "fridged." ” I don't know what that means. 299 00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:28,463 It's a comic book trope, 300 00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,411 in which the wife or the girlfriend of the hero dies... 301 00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,892 In order to further said hero's motivation or story. 302 00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:35,185 Well, that sounds misogynistic. 303 00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:36,917 Yeah. It reduces the woman to a plot device... 304 00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,647 Existing in the film for no other reason 305 00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,575 than to serve as a source of pain for the hero. 306 00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:43,524 (Gasps) Like mufasa in the lion king. 307 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,481 Yeah, that's right, like mufasa from the lion king. 308 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,659 You got it. 309 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,163 (Dings) 310 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,381 (Panting) 311 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,176 (Horn blaring) (Grunts) 312 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,677 (Tires screeching) 313 00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:27,949 (Thunder rumbles) 314 00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:31,825 (Breathing heavily) 315 00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:33,326 (Engine stalling) 316 00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:37,740 (Yells) 317 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,727 (Melancholy music playing) 318 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:04,858 (Thunder rumbling) 319 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,105 (Horn blares) 320 00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:24,169 (Singing) Papa, can you hear me? 321 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:26,672 Is it just me, or does 322 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,559 do you want to build a showman? From frozen... 323 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:29,959 Sound suspiciously like 324 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,635 papa, can you hear me? From yentl? 325 00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:32,722 (Sniffles) 326 00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,055 (Singing) Papa, can you hear me? 327 00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,467 Wade, you've been here for three days, okay? 328 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:38,851 Go home, take a shower. 329 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:39,938 You smell like 330 00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:41,978 rush limbaugh's couch cushions after shark week. 331 00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,681 I love frozen. 332 00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:47,227 I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water. 333 00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:48,611 An ocean is water. 334 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:53,445 More importantly, I liked her. I really liked her, you know? 335 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,073 George Michael was right. I'm never gonna dance again. 336 00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,033 Oh, god. 337 00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,617 He's dead, too. 338 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,116 At least we still have bowie. 339 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,785 Mr. pool, David bowie is... 340 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,040 Uh, uh, uh... 341 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,621 Still with us. 342 00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:09,173 We do. We still have bowie. 343 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:10,760 I'm sorry. 344 00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,130 Shot after shot, 345 00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:14,301 it's not gonna change the fact that I think you're... 346 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:15,993 Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now? 347 00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:18,633 You're making the face that you make when you urinate. 348 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,392 Is he pissing? I'm on it! 349 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:21,928 There you go, dopinder. 350 00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,888 If you want to be a contract killer... 351 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,478 You gotta handle a mop before you handle a gun. 352 00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:27,713 Although I don't quite understand 353 00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:28,977 how they are at all similar. 354 00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,441 Well, they both have handles. Now, leave me. 355 00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:33,902 Go home, Wade. 356 00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:36,567 I don't have a home, weas, you know. I got a... 357 00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,278 Okay, I'm fine. 358 00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:40,457 I'm fine. 359 00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,077 You know what "fine" stands for, Wade? 360 00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:45,835 F'd up, insecure, needy, and emotional. 361 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,415 According to the... 362 00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:49,922 Kubler-Ross. Yeah. 363 00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:51,532 According to the kubler-Ross model... 364 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,836 Denial is just one of the five stages of grief. 365 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,970 Jesus Christ, buck! 366 00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,507 No more speaking lines for you. 367 00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,102 (Laughing) 368 00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:06,018 (Jack Benny scatting on radio) 369 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:07,773 (Comedy series playing on radio) 370 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:24,118 (Audience laughing on radio) 371 00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:28,463 "I'm thinking it over!" 372 00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:30,292 Mother... 373 00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:32,842 (Sighs in relief) 374 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,175 The hell you doin' here? 375 00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,132 Don't you know how to knock? 376 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,092 I thought you saw me... 377 00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,677 With your ears. 378 00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:41,954 You're lucky I didn't shoot you in the... 379 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:42,978 The wall? 380 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:46,520 The refrigerator? I'm in so much pain. 381 00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:50,733 Blind al: I heard the news, sweetie. 382 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,859 I'm very sorry. I am. 383 00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,816 What am I gonna do, al? 384 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,107 Probably something terrible. 385 00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,108 Knowing you. 386 00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:00,823 It was my fault. 387 00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,904 I did this. 388 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,575 And all I wanna do is grab her and see her 389 00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,785 and tell her that I'm sorry, and I can't. 390 00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,004 She's gone. 391 00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,962 Now, look, sugar. You need to just keep living. 392 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,094 Thank you... 393 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,425 Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure. 394 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,430 Listen to the pain. 395 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,304 It's both history teacher and fortune teller. 396 00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:27,345 Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. 397 00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:31,391 Sometimes it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. 398 00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:35,061 But we can't really live till we've died a little, can we? 399 00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,487 Deadpool: Precious, aren't they? 400 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,406 Whoa! 401 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,029 Are you a superhero? 402 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:46,697 You bet your pigtails, sweetie. 403 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,286 What's your name? 404 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,247 Captain delicious pants. 405 00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:53,208 Who's captain delicious pants? 406 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,669 (Kids screaming) (Animal growling) 407 00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:00,879 No, no, no. Come on, hey. 408 00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:03,048 There's, like, a hundred benches around here. 409 00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:04,761 Go find another... beat it. 410 00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:06,550 It's a free country. 411 00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:09,436 You're right. It is a free country. 412 00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:12,474 Hey, I want to just say, I loved your work in up. 413 00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:13,610 I'm sorry? 414 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:14,854 (Chuckles) No. 415 00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:16,901 (Cocks gun) I'm sorry. 416 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:17,989 Whoa! 417 00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,655 What? You don't like up? 418 00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,815 There's gotta be some way to die. 419 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,859 I just need to die harder. 420 00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:25,153 Trademark fox. 421 00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:35,917 (Overlapping voices) 422 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,587 Wade: Your crazy matches my crazy. 423 00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,474 Wade: Skee-ball token. 424 00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:51,520 (Voices echoing) 425 00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:57,442 Vanessa: I love you, Wade Wilson. 426 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,020 (Gasps) 427 00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:01,400 Wade: Ness? 428 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:03,983 Ness? 429 00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:05,829 Ness. 430 00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:09,113 Ness, there's something here. I can't get to you. 431 00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:13,000 Your heart's not in the right place. 432 00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:15,335 (Stammers) Wait, hold on. What? 433 00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,084 Your heart's not in the right place. 434 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,374 Wait. What do you mean 435 00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:20,737 my heart's not in the right place? What does it... 436 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:21,796 (Timer ticking) 437 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,718 Turns out, I can die a little. 438 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,345 I just can't stay dead. 439 00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,433 (Timer dings) 440 00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:45,533 I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade. You're broken. 441 00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:49,407 Deadpool: Oh... I know that voice. 442 00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,205 Deadpool: "Heart's in the right place." 443 00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:56,939 "Heart's in the..." What does that mean? 444 00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:58,625 You've been sleep for three days. 445 00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,414 I took a Liberty of dressing you. 446 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:01,833 Deadpool: No kidding. 447 00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:03,797 Why can't I finally die? 448 00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,381 Colossus: Take your mask off, Wade. 449 00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:07,092 We must talk. 450 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,473 You need fresh start. (Groans) 451 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,017 With training, you can be x-man. 452 00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:14,270 You're wasting your time, shiny Jesus. 453 00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:15,471 I'm not x-man material. 454 00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,272 Understatement of the year. 455 00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:18,735 Wade, yukio. 456 00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,355 Yukio, Wade. 457 00:21:21,155 --> 00:21:23,271 What in the fudgcicle is this? 458 00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,189 She's my girlfriend, you intolerant... 459 00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:27,779 Whoa! Pump the hate brakes, fox & friends. 460 00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,693 I'm just surprised anyone would date you. 461 00:21:29,872 --> 00:21:32,238 Especially pinkie pie from my little pony. 462 00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:34,156 I like this guy. 463 00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:35,995 Give him a chance. 464 00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:37,856 It's great seeing you like this. 465 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,916 (Laughs sarcastically) Yeah. 466 00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:41,588 Bye, Wade! 467 00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:44,091 Now, some ground rules while under our roof. 468 00:21:44,261 --> 00:21:47,128 "Rule number one. No killing... 469 00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:50,514 'Anyone ever, no matter how bad. 470 00:21:50,684 --> 00:21:53,391 "Rule two. Label everything in refrigerator.” 471 00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:54,479 Wade? 472 00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:56,356 Wade? 473 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,440 Wade! 474 00:21:57,525 --> 00:21:59,356 Don't try to chase me. 475 00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:01,392 (Whispers) I'm not ready to be touched again. 476 00:22:01,904 --> 00:22:04,020 All these elderly white men on the walls... 477 00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,813 Should have brought my rape whistle. 478 00:22:05,908 --> 00:22:06,908 (Objects shattering) 479 00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,241 Those were already damaged after they fell there! 480 00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:11,765 What am I supposed to do around here, anyway? 481 00:22:11,789 --> 00:22:13,905 Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? 482 00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,665 And how would I do that exactly? 483 00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:19,460 'Cause where the hell is everyone? 484 00:22:19,630 --> 00:22:20,630 It's always just you 485 00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:22,275 and negasonic teenage longest name ever... 486 00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:23,299 Enough! 487 00:22:23,384 --> 00:22:25,170 (Gasps) I said no touching! 488 00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:32,180 You'd think the studio would throw us a bone. 489 00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,467 One that doesn't end up in my mouth. 490 00:22:35,771 --> 00:22:37,011 The first movie made more money 491 00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:39,305 than the guy who invented pants. 492 00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:41,565 They can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men? 493 00:22:41,735 --> 00:22:43,726 How 'bout that putz with the giant pigeon wings? 494 00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:45,064 What do those do anyway, huh? 495 00:22:45,114 --> 00:22:46,474 Carry him three feet off the ground 496 00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:48,568 to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb? 497 00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:50,778 (Doors close) No, no, no! 498 00:22:50,953 --> 00:22:53,740 I am not x-man material at all. 499 00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:56,121 First off... (Breathes deeply) 500 00:22:56,417 --> 00:22:58,499 I'm not even a virgin. Second and more... (Groans) 501 00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:00,584 (Grunts) 502 00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:01,706 I should have left you 503 00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:03,458 in the self-pity mess I found you in. 504 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:06,499 But this is what friends do. They show up! 505 00:23:06,677 --> 00:23:08,338 Not when convenient or easy. 506 00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:12,088 When hard, and you always make it hard. 507 00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:15,512 (Breathing heavily) You are unwell. 508 00:23:15,686 --> 00:23:17,768 I'm sticking my neck out bringing you here. 509 00:23:17,938 --> 00:23:19,678 (Straining) Wait. One of the assholes 510 00:23:19,773 --> 00:23:21,183 who killed Vanessa got away. 511 00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:22,984 (Grunts) 512 00:23:23,777 --> 00:23:25,768 Oh, Jesus Christ! 513 00:23:25,988 --> 00:23:28,008 I thought you were gonna kiss me for a second there. 514 00:23:28,032 --> 00:23:29,885 Please know I wouldn't be able to stop you if you did. 515 00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:31,945 Wade, whoever they are... 516 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,280 We track them down and bring them to justice. 517 00:23:34,455 --> 00:23:35,786 It was me. 518 00:23:39,126 --> 00:23:40,707 I'm the asshole who got away. 519 00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:44,453 I killed every last one of them, except me. 520 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,546 Couldn't kill me. 521 00:23:49,845 --> 00:23:51,836 We were gonna start a family. 522 00:23:53,599 --> 00:23:55,681 We were, uh... (Sniffles) 523 00:23:55,768 --> 00:23:56,768 (Clears throat) 524 00:23:56,852 --> 00:23:59,218 We were gonna be a family. 525 00:23:59,355 --> 00:24:00,355 Colossus: Wade... 526 00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:03,309 Vanessa is gone. She's not coming back. 527 00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:07,109 This may not be family you want... 528 00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:09,565 But it's family you need. 529 00:24:09,740 --> 00:24:10,980 You have a good heart. 530 00:24:11,075 --> 00:24:12,611 It belongs here where it can grow. 531 00:24:14,411 --> 00:24:15,992 What did you say? 532 00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:18,787 About my heart? 533 00:24:22,836 --> 00:24:23,996 (Exhales) 534 00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:26,287 I think I'm in the right place. 535 00:24:35,557 --> 00:24:37,138 (Grunts) 536 00:25:10,676 --> 00:25:12,007 (Inaudible) 537 00:25:15,264 --> 00:25:16,800 (Screaming) 538 00:25:19,768 --> 00:25:20,768 Fred: Whoa! 539 00:25:20,936 --> 00:25:24,053 Cable? You got cable? 540 00:25:24,231 --> 00:25:25,351 If I didn't know any better, 541 00:25:25,399 --> 00:25:26,980 I'd say that you're getting into this. 542 00:25:27,151 --> 00:25:28,151 You know cable? 543 00:25:28,736 --> 00:25:31,227 Uh, the biological son of cyclops and madelyne pryor... 544 00:25:31,405 --> 00:25:32,440 Jean grey's clone. 545 00:25:32,614 --> 00:25:34,525 Half-brother to Rachel summers and Nate grey. 546 00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:35,906 Raised as the askani's son, 547 00:25:35,993 --> 00:25:37,273 and genetic template for stryfe. 548 00:25:37,369 --> 00:25:38,809 From a possible alternate timeline... 549 00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:40,945 Having been taken as an infant to the future... 550 00:25:41,123 --> 00:25:42,684 And infected with a techno-organic virus. 551 00:25:42,708 --> 00:25:44,744 I hope you have given this deeply-nuanced 552 00:25:44,835 --> 00:25:46,996 and richly-layered backstory its due. 553 00:25:52,092 --> 00:25:54,128 Yeah, we're covering the time travel stuff. 554 00:25:55,179 --> 00:25:56,614 Instructor: We have eight weeks of boot camp 555 00:25:56,638 --> 00:25:57,638 ahead of us, men. 556 00:25:57,723 --> 00:25:59,463 That'll get us toned and prepared 557 00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:00,718 for all matter of combat. 558 00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:06,937 Not working out at all. 559 00:26:07,149 --> 00:26:10,983 Masking tape. It is no friend to chilled aluminum. 560 00:26:12,321 --> 00:26:13,321 Velcro. 561 00:26:13,405 --> 00:26:15,521 Color-coded. Efficient. Environmentally friendly. 562 00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:17,651 Who's he talking to? 563 00:26:17,826 --> 00:26:19,471 And why is he dressed like a registered sex offender? 564 00:26:19,495 --> 00:26:21,235 Can we focus for a moment, ladies? 565 00:26:21,413 --> 00:26:23,475 Please, we need to talk about next month's meal plan. 566 00:26:23,499 --> 00:26:25,535 Obviously, everyone hated the ceviche. 567 00:26:25,709 --> 00:26:27,145 I read the suggestion box. That's on me. 568 00:26:27,169 --> 00:26:28,409 I'm gonna stop you right there. 569 00:26:28,587 --> 00:26:30,623 I see through this weak act. 570 00:26:30,923 --> 00:26:35,087 You may have fooled colossus with this nice guy shit... 571 00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:36,340 But not me. 572 00:26:36,512 --> 00:26:37,547 Don't be mean. 573 00:26:37,721 --> 00:26:38,801 Back off, ntw. 574 00:26:38,889 --> 00:26:39,889 Wade: No, no, no. 575 00:26:40,057 --> 00:26:41,217 No, let her go. 576 00:26:41,391 --> 00:26:43,928 Let her go. It's okay. She has a right to be skeptical. 577 00:26:44,103 --> 00:26:46,719 Look at me. I'm an easy target. 578 00:26:47,856 --> 00:26:48,936 You know, historically, 579 00:26:49,024 --> 00:26:51,140 mischief has been my mistress... 580 00:26:51,318 --> 00:26:54,230 So I understand, you know. But I like to think that... 581 00:26:55,656 --> 00:26:57,863 Well, you guys have really rubbed off on me. 582 00:26:59,034 --> 00:27:01,320 I like to think that I've rubbed off around you too. 583 00:27:01,703 --> 00:27:02,818 A lot. 584 00:27:02,996 --> 00:27:05,578 And for the first time in a long while... 585 00:27:05,749 --> 00:27:07,205 I ike me. 586 00:27:09,044 --> 00:27:10,079 I accept your apology. 587 00:27:10,254 --> 00:27:11,369 I never apologized. 588 00:27:11,547 --> 00:27:12,957 I was talking to your heart. 589 00:27:13,132 --> 00:27:15,464 See? You're not lost cause you thought. 590 00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:18,717 I'm proud. You're everything I knew you can be. 591 00:27:18,887 --> 00:27:20,718 Thank you, colossus. 592 00:27:20,889 --> 00:27:22,489 Just trying to be the world's best x-man. 593 00:27:22,641 --> 00:27:24,051 Sorry, x-person. 594 00:27:25,686 --> 00:27:27,551 Hmm. Something wrong with the soap. 595 00:27:28,397 --> 00:27:30,513 It's fine. I just filled it. 596 00:27:30,649 --> 00:27:31,889 Give it a few more pumps there. 597 00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:37,649 Now, if you'll excuse me, it's dust bunny season... 598 00:27:37,823 --> 00:27:38,823 And I'm hunting wabbits. 599 00:27:39,533 --> 00:27:40,693 Bye, Wade. 600 00:27:46,081 --> 00:27:47,161 Colossus: Wade. 601 00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:48,749 Wade. 602 00:27:49,543 --> 00:27:50,543 Wade! 603 00:27:50,961 --> 00:27:53,703 Hey, I was just taking cerebro for a spin here... 604 00:27:53,881 --> 00:27:55,462 Looking deep into the future. 605 00:27:55,632 --> 00:27:56,792 Phew. This thing... 606 00:27:56,967 --> 00:27:58,862 That's not how cerebro works. That's not how cerebro works. 607 00:27:58,886 --> 00:28:00,422 Yes. Yes, it is. 608 00:28:00,888 --> 00:28:02,424 We have mission. We have mission. 609 00:28:02,598 --> 00:28:04,384 We do. You do. 610 00:28:04,558 --> 00:28:05,718 You guys be safe out there. 611 00:28:05,893 --> 00:28:08,635 No, I want you to join. No, you want me to join. 612 00:28:10,272 --> 00:28:11,387 I'm sorry, what? 613 00:28:11,565 --> 00:28:12,600 You are ready. 614 00:28:12,774 --> 00:28:14,694 That's a terrible idea, and it's gonna end badly. 615 00:28:14,860 --> 00:28:16,350 Be at the x-jet in five. 616 00:28:19,281 --> 00:28:21,613 Reporter: Irene merryweather, whit news. 617 00:28:21,742 --> 00:28:23,607 Live here at a breaking news situation 618 00:28:23,702 --> 00:28:26,284 at the essex house for mutant rehabilitation. 619 00:28:26,455 --> 00:28:28,320 A mutant boy is appearing to have 620 00:28:28,415 --> 00:28:29,621 some sort of an incident... 621 00:28:29,791 --> 00:28:31,561 With police here behind me. Russell: Get away from me! 622 00:28:31,585 --> 00:28:33,826 There are two police vehicles that are overturned. 623 00:28:34,004 --> 00:28:35,369 Russell, calm down. Freak off! 624 00:28:35,464 --> 00:28:36,524 Reporter: A scene of absolute chaos here. 625 00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:37,788 Officer: Calm down. 626 00:28:37,883 --> 00:28:40,625 Russell: I'll burn you! You stay back! 627 00:28:40,761 --> 00:28:42,001 Get away from me! 628 00:28:42,095 --> 00:28:43,095 (Breathing heavily) 629 00:28:58,237 --> 00:29:01,195 It appears as if the X-Men are arriving... 630 00:29:01,365 --> 00:29:02,445 Deadpool: Scatter! 631 00:29:02,616 --> 00:29:04,607 Reporter: With what appears to be a trainee. 632 00:29:05,118 --> 00:29:07,985 Deadpool: Everyone, calm down! The pros are here. I... 633 00:29:08,163 --> 00:29:09,198 We're the X-Men! 634 00:29:09,331 --> 00:29:11,538 A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s. 635 00:29:11,959 --> 00:29:14,325 So, respect. 636 00:29:14,503 --> 00:29:15,743 At ease, officer. 637 00:29:17,339 --> 00:29:19,170 What are you doing? 638 00:29:19,341 --> 00:29:20,501 My job! 639 00:29:20,676 --> 00:29:22,076 You're the one who said I was ready, 640 00:29:22,135 --> 00:29:23,466 and I frankly disagreed with you. 641 00:29:23,637 --> 00:29:26,049 But here we are, trying to overcome our differences. 642 00:29:26,139 --> 00:29:29,222 Like Beyonce says, "please... 643 00:29:29,393 --> 00:29:30,724 "Please, stop cheating on me." 644 00:29:30,811 --> 00:29:31,891 Officer: Hey! 645 00:29:31,979 --> 00:29:33,219 This is the fifth incident. 646 00:29:33,397 --> 00:29:35,479 This kid needs to be in the ice box, not here. 647 00:29:35,649 --> 00:29:37,264 Russell belongs in our care. 648 00:29:37,442 --> 00:29:39,103 Not in prison. I assure you... 649 00:29:39,194 --> 00:29:40,338 We have everything under control. 650 00:29:40,362 --> 00:29:41,464 Russell: Stay back! I'll burn you! 651 00:29:41,488 --> 00:29:42,648 Not getting a real 652 00:29:42,739 --> 00:29:44,400 "under control" vibe here, Marty. 653 00:29:44,866 --> 00:29:46,777 It is Glen, isn't it? Daniel. 654 00:29:46,952 --> 00:29:48,283 I'll ask the questions, Miguel. 655 00:29:48,370 --> 00:29:49,610 Let me talk to the kid. 656 00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:54,248 You stay here with your weird, secret sex lips. 657 00:29:55,627 --> 00:29:56,787 Russell: You wanna die? 658 00:29:56,878 --> 00:29:57,939 Deadpool.: This kid's adorable. 659 00:29:57,963 --> 00:29:59,107 I don't know why I packed the hollow points. 660 00:29:59,131 --> 00:30:00,587 I'll burn your arms off! 661 00:30:00,757 --> 00:30:03,248 First day. (Chuckling) I'm so nervous! 662 00:30:04,136 --> 00:30:05,626 Did you just say "hollow points"? 663 00:30:06,346 --> 00:30:07,506 Yeah, probably should've 664 00:30:07,597 --> 00:30:09,178 brought a super soaker. (Laughs) 665 00:30:09,808 --> 00:30:11,048 Hi, there! 666 00:30:12,102 --> 00:30:14,559 Stay back or Justin bieber dies! 667 00:30:14,646 --> 00:30:18,184 (Laughs) Justin bieber. He called you Justin bieber. 668 00:30:19,067 --> 00:30:21,058 (Russell grunts) Hold on! Wait, wait, wait! 669 00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:24,194 Okay, let's not do whatever that is. 670 00:30:24,364 --> 00:30:25,729 Okay? Let's just talk! 671 00:30:25,866 --> 00:30:27,151 It's Russell, right? 672 00:30:27,576 --> 00:30:29,407 Firefist. Firefist. 673 00:30:29,870 --> 00:30:31,986 Ooh, that's a great name. Where does it burn? 674 00:30:32,164 --> 00:30:33,964 Just the fist, or all the way up to the elbow? 675 00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:35,666 (Grunts) 676 00:30:37,252 --> 00:30:38,252 (Crowd exclaims) 677 00:30:38,337 --> 00:30:40,578 Definitely all the way up to the elbow. 678 00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:43,254 Come quietly, or there will be trouble. 679 00:30:43,925 --> 00:30:46,837 You stole that from robocop! That's from robocop! 680 00:30:47,012 --> 00:30:48,593 Just stand down! 681 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,671 You're embarrassing me. Look, fire... 682 00:30:51,099 --> 00:30:52,099 (Laughs) 683 00:30:53,310 --> 00:30:55,266 I can't say it! I'm so sorry! 684 00:30:55,354 --> 00:30:56,560 (Grunts) 685 00:30:56,646 --> 00:30:58,182 (All screaming) 686 00:30:59,191 --> 00:31:02,809 Oh, my gosh! That does it! 687 00:31:03,236 --> 00:31:04,567 Put your hands behind your knees 688 00:31:04,654 --> 00:31:06,110 and get down on your head! Now! 689 00:31:06,281 --> 00:31:08,363 Wade! What was first rule? 690 00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:10,364 Label everything in the refrigerator! 691 00:31:10,535 --> 00:31:13,072 Do not escalate! Rules are meant to be broken! 692 00:31:13,246 --> 00:31:14,611 Colossus: That's the exact opposite 693 00:31:14,706 --> 00:31:16,071 of what they're meant for! 694 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,831 Come on! Finel 695 00:31:19,002 --> 00:31:20,202 I'll start from the beginning. 696 00:31:20,545 --> 00:31:22,957 My name is deadpool, and I'm an x-man. 697 00:31:23,131 --> 00:31:25,292 Trainee! Shut it! 698 00:31:25,967 --> 00:31:28,253 Look, I get it. 699 00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:31,420 All right, you're scared. 700 00:31:31,598 --> 00:31:32,633 Alone. 701 00:31:32,724 --> 00:31:33,759 You got no family. 702 00:31:33,850 --> 00:31:34,911 I didn't have a family, either. 703 00:31:34,935 --> 00:31:36,641 You live in this dump. Guess what? 704 00:31:36,728 --> 00:31:39,185 I used to live in a shithole just like it. 705 00:31:39,356 --> 00:31:41,847 But you know something? To make matters worse... 706 00:31:42,025 --> 00:31:43,785 It's a confusing time in your life right now. 707 00:31:43,860 --> 00:31:47,352 Your body is going through some fiery changes. 708 00:31:47,531 --> 00:31:49,396 Too far? I went too far, didn't 1? 709 00:31:49,491 --> 00:31:50,571 (Grunts) (All exclaim) 710 00:31:56,706 --> 00:31:58,196 That was effervescent. 711 00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:00,581 (Sighs) Stay in school, kid. 712 00:32:01,044 --> 00:32:02,534 Or don't. I didn't. 713 00:32:03,046 --> 00:32:04,582 And I'm an x-man. (Thuds) 714 00:32:04,673 --> 00:32:05,673 Trainee. 715 00:32:06,341 --> 00:32:08,457 Superhero landing coming up! 716 00:32:10,429 --> 00:32:11,429 (Grunts) 717 00:32:13,098 --> 00:32:15,589 (Groans) Ouch, ouch, ouch! Oh, god, that hurts. 718 00:32:16,393 --> 00:32:17,428 (Grunt (gasps) 7 719 00:32:19,229 --> 00:32:20,344 (breathing heavily) 720 00:32:26,069 --> 00:32:27,069 (Groans) 721 00:32:31,074 --> 00:32:32,655 (Crowd cheering and applauding) 722 00:32:36,413 --> 00:32:38,244 I could get used to this x-man shit. 723 00:32:38,331 --> 00:32:39,559 Negasonic teenage warhead: Trainee! 724 00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:40,618 Deadpooqol: Trainee! 725 00:32:41,084 --> 00:32:42,824 Officer: Get a power restraint on him. Now! 726 00:32:42,919 --> 00:32:46,002 Deadpool: Calm down, squirt. It's over. We got ya. 727 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:47,840 (Device whirrs) 728 00:32:47,924 --> 00:32:49,334 What's that do? 729 00:32:49,509 --> 00:32:50,965 Power-dampening collar. 730 00:32:51,052 --> 00:32:52,332 Shuts down all mutant abilities. 731 00:32:52,429 --> 00:32:55,136 You can't get it off. Unless you've got a grenade. 732 00:32:55,223 --> 00:32:58,181 Huh. Could've used one of those in the first act. 733 00:32:58,351 --> 00:32:59,591 Headmaster: Thank you! 734 00:33:01,354 --> 00:33:03,561 That was absolutely thrilling. 735 00:33:03,732 --> 00:33:05,723 True heroism in action. 736 00:33:05,901 --> 00:33:08,017 We are in your debt. 737 00:33:08,195 --> 00:33:09,935 We can take it from here. 738 00:33:10,113 --> 00:33:12,195 Take me to the ice box, please! 739 00:33:12,365 --> 00:33:13,525 Anywhere's better than here. 740 00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:14,815 Deadpool: Believe me, son, 741 00:33:14,910 --> 00:33:16,275 you do not wanna go to the ice box. 742 00:33:16,495 --> 00:33:18,360 Let's get you inside, young man. 743 00:33:18,538 --> 00:33:20,278 No, wait, wait. Wait. 744 00:33:20,457 --> 00:33:21,947 You guys stay there. 745 00:33:30,717 --> 00:33:32,548 Those guys hurt you? 746 00:33:33,929 --> 00:33:34,964 Who? 747 00:33:37,015 --> 00:33:39,722 Baldilocks? Jared kushner? 748 00:33:41,186 --> 00:33:42,676 Both of 'em? 749 00:33:46,816 --> 00:33:47,976 Ah, screw it. 750 00:33:48,151 --> 00:33:49,607 Four or five moments! 751 00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:50,736 I'm sorry? 752 00:33:50,820 --> 00:33:54,028 Four or five moments! 753 00:33:55,283 --> 00:33:58,025 That's all it takes to be a hero. 754 00:33:59,079 --> 00:34:01,070 People think you wake up a hero... 755 00:34:01,414 --> 00:34:03,029 Brush your teeth a hero... 756 00:34:03,625 --> 00:34:06,116 Make love to a soap dispenser a hero. 757 00:34:06,503 --> 00:34:07,834 (Speaks Russian) 758 00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:11,664 But, no, being a hero takes only a few moments! 759 00:34:13,009 --> 00:34:14,624 A few moments... 760 00:34:14,803 --> 00:34:17,294 Doing the ugly stuff no one else will do. 761 00:34:17,389 --> 00:34:18,424 (Groans) 762 00:34:24,813 --> 00:34:27,145 Wade, what did you do? Colossus, no! 763 00:34:27,315 --> 00:34:28,771 That kid was abused! You can tell. 764 00:34:28,858 --> 00:34:30,461 You can always tell! Colossus: We have rules! 765 00:34:30,485 --> 00:34:33,147 You are not judge, jury or executioner! 766 00:34:33,321 --> 00:34:36,154 Forget your rules! I fight for what's right! 767 00:34:36,324 --> 00:34:37,905 And sometimes you gotta fight dirty! 768 00:34:38,076 --> 00:34:41,159 You've let me down for the last time, Wade. 769 00:34:41,663 --> 00:34:42,903 Officer 1: Collar him, too. 770 00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:44,742 Officer 2: And get these guys in the pod. 771 00:34:44,916 --> 00:34:46,060 Take them to the ice box. (Sirens wailing) 772 00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:47,369 (Indistinct chatter) 773 00:34:58,847 --> 00:35:01,589 (Prisoners shouting) (Whistling) 774 00:35:01,766 --> 00:35:03,631 (Gate buzzing) 775 00:35:05,228 --> 00:35:06,388 (Shouting continues) (Grunts) 776 00:35:07,772 --> 00:35:10,058 I wonder what gang I'll be in. 777 00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:13,937 Is there, like, a sorting hat? (Mouths) Hi. 778 00:35:15,614 --> 00:35:16,614 I've always seen myself 779 00:35:16,698 --> 00:35:18,404 as more of an east coast hufflepuff. 780 00:35:18,491 --> 00:35:19,491 Gol 781 00:35:20,076 --> 00:35:22,909 I've made a critical error on my airbnb reservation. 782 00:35:23,079 --> 00:35:27,163 This is not what the website looked like at all. 783 00:35:28,752 --> 00:35:32,290 I love the decor though. I had no idea hopeless was a color. 784 00:35:32,464 --> 00:35:33,704 Guard: Hard left, douchebag. 785 00:35:38,178 --> 00:35:39,338 Please, after you. 786 00:35:41,556 --> 00:35:44,013 Another disgusting minority off the streets. 787 00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:45,100 We'll sleep well tonight. 788 00:35:45,268 --> 00:35:46,268 Let's get a bagel. 789 00:35:46,353 --> 00:35:48,719 (Taser crackling) (Groaning) 790 00:35:49,898 --> 00:35:52,514 Nighty-night, you annoying prick! 791 00:35:52,609 --> 00:35:54,600 (Continues groaning) 792 00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:27,181 Man: I'MMA tell you what the big lie is. 793 00:36:27,352 --> 00:36:28,746 (Escape playing on radio) Toilet paper. 794 00:36:28,770 --> 00:36:31,853 Toilet paper is a plenty fine appetizer. 795 00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:34,139 But, then... 796 00:36:34,317 --> 00:36:36,558 Huggies natural care wet wipes. 797 00:36:36,736 --> 00:36:38,067 That's your main course. 798 00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:41,355 They're soft, they're moist. They're for babies. 799 00:36:42,033 --> 00:36:45,070 Finally, one more pass with the toilet paper, 800 00:36:45,161 --> 00:36:46,742 maybe clear out that excess moisture. 801 00:36:46,913 --> 00:36:48,449 Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go, 802 00:36:48,540 --> 00:36:49,820 if you can get you a hair dryer. 803 00:36:49,874 --> 00:36:52,206 Just about 30 seconds will do you good. 804 00:36:55,922 --> 00:36:57,128 What the heck? 805 00:36:58,174 --> 00:36:59,209 Year? 806 00:37:00,218 --> 00:37:01,218 What? 807 00:37:02,429 --> 00:37:04,044 What year is it? 808 00:37:04,222 --> 00:37:06,213 What kind of dummy question is that to ask? 809 00:37:07,225 --> 00:37:08,806 (Groaning) 810 00:37:09,436 --> 00:37:12,394 (Escape continues playing on radio) 811 00:37:19,904 --> 00:37:21,519 (Vomiting) 812 00:37:25,493 --> 00:37:27,779 Russell: You're a long way from your superpowers. 813 00:37:27,954 --> 00:37:28,954 Wade: Yeah. 814 00:37:33,543 --> 00:37:35,408 I wanted to be a superhero. 815 00:37:35,879 --> 00:37:37,870 Always wanted a real super suit. 816 00:37:37,964 --> 00:37:39,625 (Sighs) What happened? 817 00:37:39,799 --> 00:37:41,919 When was the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero? 818 00:37:42,343 --> 00:37:43,503 Never. 819 00:37:43,928 --> 00:37:45,714 The industry discriminates. 820 00:37:46,431 --> 00:37:47,841 Forget superheroes. (Coughs) 821 00:37:48,433 --> 00:37:50,719 The first thing I wanna do when I get out of here... 822 00:37:50,894 --> 00:37:53,010 Burn the headmaster alive... 823 00:37:53,188 --> 00:37:55,679 And then take a selfie with his smoldering corpse. 824 00:37:55,857 --> 00:37:57,597 Who says prison isn't reformative? 825 00:37:57,984 --> 00:37:59,190 What did he do to you? 826 00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:00,566 He thinks we're evil. 827 00:38:01,404 --> 00:38:02,769 (Whispers) Blessed are the wicked 828 00:38:02,864 --> 00:38:05,071 who are healed by my hand. 829 00:38:05,241 --> 00:38:06,481 Your abilities... 830 00:38:08,119 --> 00:38:10,075 I know how seductive they are. 831 00:38:15,043 --> 00:38:17,159 (Electricity crackling) (Grunting) 832 00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:22,455 Tomorrow, we'll find the biggest guy in here... 833 00:38:23,676 --> 00:38:24,676 And we'll make him our... 834 00:38:24,761 --> 00:38:25,967 (Rumbling) 835 00:38:27,096 --> 00:38:28,096 (Wade coughs) 836 00:38:28,181 --> 00:38:29,591 What was that? (Clears throat) 837 00:38:29,766 --> 00:38:32,508 That is the biggest guy in here. 838 00:38:32,602 --> 00:38:34,558 Fun fact about the ice box... 839 00:38:34,729 --> 00:38:36,515 Though no one's ever seen it, 840 00:38:36,606 --> 00:38:38,688 they keep a monster in the basement. 841 00:38:38,858 --> 00:38:40,564 Right next to a huge, 842 00:38:40,652 --> 00:38:42,188 steaming bowl of foreshadowing. 843 00:38:42,821 --> 00:38:43,821 Look. 844 00:38:44,823 --> 00:38:46,734 I can't protect you. (Coughs) 845 00:38:47,116 --> 00:38:48,231 With this collar on, 846 00:38:48,326 --> 00:38:51,318 my superpower is just unbridled cancer. 847 00:38:51,496 --> 00:38:54,488 Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically hawkeye. 848 00:38:54,999 --> 00:38:56,955 Now, if you'll excuse me... (Coughs) 849 00:38:57,126 --> 00:39:00,289 I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits. 850 00:39:00,463 --> 00:39:02,704 I'll start by making us a shank. 851 00:39:02,882 --> 00:39:04,668 Good listening. I stole that guard's pen... 852 00:39:04,843 --> 00:39:06,754 And stashed it in the old prison wallet, 853 00:39:06,845 --> 00:39:08,176 if you know what I'm saying. 854 00:39:08,805 --> 00:39:11,342 Prison wallet? (Coughs) 855 00:39:11,474 --> 00:39:14,181 I really hope I don't know what you're saying. 856 00:39:15,019 --> 00:39:16,304 (Siren wailing) 857 00:39:19,482 --> 00:39:20,842 Reporter: (On TV) And to update you 858 00:39:20,900 --> 00:39:22,180 on the story reported earlier... 859 00:39:22,277 --> 00:39:23,733 After a lengthy standoff 860 00:39:23,820 --> 00:39:26,402 outside the essex house for mutant rehabilitation... 861 00:39:26,573 --> 00:39:27,858 Two mutants were arrested 862 00:39:27,949 --> 00:39:29,689 and transported to the ice box... 863 00:39:29,868 --> 00:39:31,348 Automated voice: Entering repair mode. 864 00:39:56,895 --> 00:39:57,895 Psst! 865 00:40:00,607 --> 00:40:02,222 Don't do that. 866 00:40:03,151 --> 00:40:05,483 What? Why are you winking at me? 867 00:40:08,197 --> 00:40:09,482 I got your back. 868 00:40:09,657 --> 00:40:10,692 Oh, my god. 869 00:40:10,867 --> 00:40:12,198 You're sick, I gotta protect you. 870 00:40:12,368 --> 00:40:14,233 Just leave me alone, kid. (Man whistling) 871 00:40:15,413 --> 00:40:16,448 Oh, great. 872 00:40:16,998 --> 00:40:18,078 (Wade coughs) 873 00:40:18,166 --> 00:40:20,532 Well, hello there, new fish. 874 00:40:20,752 --> 00:40:23,744 It's nice to see some fresh faces around here. 875 00:40:23,838 --> 00:40:25,954 (Coughs) I've done some light catalog work... 876 00:40:26,132 --> 00:40:28,623 But, really, modeling is just a stepping stone to acting. 877 00:40:28,801 --> 00:40:30,837 I was talking to him. Oh. 878 00:40:31,554 --> 00:40:34,637 Have we met? I can't place your mustache. 879 00:40:34,933 --> 00:40:37,470 Black Tom Cassidy. White Wade Wilson. 880 00:40:37,644 --> 00:40:40,886 What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation? 881 00:40:41,064 --> 00:40:43,555 You're supposed to be the toughest con in here. 882 00:40:43,733 --> 00:40:45,564 You don't look like much to me. 883 00:40:46,235 --> 00:40:47,441 First rule of the yard... 884 00:40:47,695 --> 00:40:49,435 Find the biggest guy and make him your... 885 00:40:49,822 --> 00:40:51,687 (Groans) (Inmates exclaim) 886 00:40:53,701 --> 00:40:55,362 Second biggest guy. 887 00:40:55,828 --> 00:40:58,114 The last thing I need is more hepatitis. 888 00:40:58,373 --> 00:41:01,661 Oh, it's slippery, too. This table needs a wipe down! 889 00:41:01,834 --> 00:41:03,234 Can we get a wipe down on the table? 890 00:41:03,836 --> 00:41:04,951 (Groans) (Inmates exclaim) 891 00:41:05,046 --> 00:41:06,627 Kid, I think you picked the wrong side. 892 00:41:07,048 --> 00:41:09,209 No, I didn't! He's my friend! 893 00:41:09,592 --> 00:41:11,548 Zip it. We're not friends. (Inmates cheering) 894 00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:13,710 Take a seat, shit dick. 895 00:41:14,597 --> 00:41:16,508 (Inmates shouting) (Coughs) 896 00:41:18,810 --> 00:41:20,391 (Shouting continues) 897 00:41:25,733 --> 00:41:27,453 I had so much fun! You were like... (Grunts) 898 00:41:27,610 --> 00:41:29,350 And I was like, "take a seat, shit dick." 899 00:41:29,529 --> 00:41:30,735 Just let me die in peace. 900 00:41:31,447 --> 00:41:33,187 (Grunts) We make a great team! 901 00:41:33,700 --> 00:41:36,032 Oh, god! We're not a team. (Coughing) 902 00:41:36,202 --> 00:41:40,286 Why'd you say that back there? We're friends, partners. 903 00:41:40,456 --> 00:41:42,492 We're not partners or friends. 904 00:41:44,419 --> 00:41:46,501 This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset. 905 00:41:46,671 --> 00:41:48,627 It ends with me dying of cancer... 906 00:41:48,798 --> 00:41:50,379 And you winning the ice box award 907 00:41:50,466 --> 00:41:52,331 for most pinchable cheeks. 908 00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:53,719 (Wade coughs) 909 00:41:54,095 --> 00:41:55,710 There's only one person in this world 910 00:41:55,805 --> 00:41:57,511 that I care about, and she's gone. 911 00:41:59,308 --> 00:42:01,299 You wanna survive? 912 00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,557 Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here... 913 00:42:05,732 --> 00:42:07,768 And make friends with them. 914 00:42:09,068 --> 00:42:10,649 Make friends with someone. 915 00:42:11,904 --> 00:42:13,815 Anyone but me. 916 00:42:14,449 --> 00:42:16,360 Maybe even black Tim. 917 00:42:16,909 --> 00:42:18,365 Black Evan, I don't know. 918 00:42:18,536 --> 00:42:21,027 All I remember is he was African-American. 919 00:42:29,380 --> 00:42:30,790 (Guards groaning) 920 00:42:30,882 --> 00:42:32,242 (Breathing heavily) (Alarm blaring) 921 00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:42,386 (Indistinct shouting) 922 00:42:43,311 --> 00:42:44,426 (Beeping rapidly) 923 00:42:45,813 --> 00:42:47,223 (Guards groaning) 924 00:42:52,403 --> 00:42:55,987 Automated voice: (On pa) Cells 7, 12, 14, 27. 925 00:43:02,038 --> 00:43:03,038 (Beeping) 926 00:43:09,378 --> 00:43:12,962 Automated voice: System malfunctioning. 7, 4, 3. 927 00:43:13,132 --> 00:43:14,713 System malfunctioning. 928 00:43:21,599 --> 00:43:23,214 That was our cell. 929 00:43:24,018 --> 00:43:25,098 What did I do to piss off 930 00:43:25,186 --> 00:43:27,723 a grumpy old guy with a winter soldier arm? 931 00:43:35,154 --> 00:43:36,644 Get away from me, kid! 932 00:43:38,658 --> 00:43:39,818 Listen to me! Go! 933 00:43:43,955 --> 00:43:44,990 Hello, Russell. 934 00:43:48,042 --> 00:43:49,042 (Cocks gun) 935 00:43:52,672 --> 00:43:54,412 (Wade grunts) (Groans) 936 00:44:03,975 --> 00:44:04,975 (Grunts) 937 00:44:16,362 --> 00:44:18,478 (Guards groaning) 938 00:44:27,665 --> 00:44:28,780 (Groaning) 939 00:44:41,137 --> 00:44:42,422 (Groans) 940 00:44:42,513 --> 00:44:43,513 (Gasps) 941 00:44:45,766 --> 00:44:47,176 Hello, superpowers. 942 00:44:50,938 --> 00:44:52,644 (Grunts) (Groans) 943 00:44:53,941 --> 00:44:55,397 (Both grunting) 944 00:44:59,864 --> 00:45:01,024 Who are you? 945 00:45:01,657 --> 00:45:02,988 I'm Batman. 946 00:45:12,084 --> 00:45:13,084 (Gasps) 947 00:45:14,337 --> 00:45:15,337 Ooh! 948 00:45:15,922 --> 00:45:16,922 (Grunts) 949 00:45:19,842 --> 00:45:22,504 Oh. That's got some zip. 950 00:45:29,727 --> 00:45:33,015 Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me. 951 00:45:33,147 --> 00:45:34,147 Talk! 952 00:45:34,315 --> 00:45:36,055 What kind of spineless shit stick 953 00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:37,731 tries to kill a 14-year-old boy? 954 00:45:38,736 --> 00:45:39,936 You might wanna start talking! 955 00:45:39,987 --> 00:45:42,774 'Cause I got a long history of firing at times like this! 956 00:45:43,407 --> 00:45:44,943 The name's cable. 957 00:45:45,451 --> 00:45:48,534 I'm from the future. Just walk away. 958 00:45:48,829 --> 00:45:49,829 Ohl 959 00:45:50,122 --> 00:45:51,658 so, you're from the future. 960 00:45:52,083 --> 00:45:54,039 I have a question then. 961 00:45:54,210 --> 00:45:55,746 Is dubstep still a thing? 962 00:46:03,344 --> 00:46:04,675 (Both grunting) 963 00:46:12,478 --> 00:46:14,514 (Breathing heavily) 964 00:46:16,732 --> 00:46:18,393 (Shouting) (Choking) 965 00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:20,360 (Groaning) 966 00:46:20,778 --> 00:46:22,643 Dubstep's for pussies. 967 00:46:22,822 --> 00:46:23,902 You're so dark! 968 00:46:24,073 --> 00:46:26,485 Are you sure you're not from the DC universe? 969 00:46:26,993 --> 00:46:28,233 I love dubstep! 970 00:46:28,327 --> 00:46:30,443 (Dubstep music playing) 971 00:46:37,503 --> 00:46:39,289 (Grunts) (Groans) 972 00:46:51,183 --> 00:46:52,389 (Groans) 973 00:46:53,144 --> 00:46:54,475 Wade: Is that a Fanny pack? 974 00:46:54,645 --> 00:46:57,011 I used to have one of those in 1990-never. 975 00:46:57,940 --> 00:46:59,851 Something to remember you by. 976 00:47:00,026 --> 00:47:03,564 Give me that back! That goes with me everywhere. 977 00:47:03,738 --> 00:47:05,274 Like the memory of your Fanny pack! 978 00:47:10,786 --> 00:47:11,786 (Groaning) 979 00:47:14,957 --> 00:47:16,288 Why are you protecting the kid? 980 00:47:16,917 --> 00:47:19,203 He's just some kid with an are you my mother? Complex. 981 00:47:19,545 --> 00:47:21,536 I don't give a damn about him. 982 00:47:26,344 --> 00:47:27,504 What's this one do? 983 00:47:28,763 --> 00:47:29,969 (Beeping rapidly) 984 00:47:38,689 --> 00:47:40,270 Wade: In every film, there's a moment 985 00:47:40,358 --> 00:47:42,644 when the hero hits rock bottom. 986 00:47:42,818 --> 00:47:44,729 In cool runnings, it was when John candy's 987 00:47:44,820 --> 00:47:46,356 prized bobsled broke. 988 00:47:46,739 --> 00:47:49,355 In human centipede, it was when those people... 989 00:47:49,533 --> 00:47:51,489 Signed on to be in that movie. 990 00:47:51,827 --> 00:47:53,283 But in this film, well... 991 00:47:54,163 --> 00:47:55,494 You're looking at it. 992 00:47:57,750 --> 00:47:58,865 Rock... 993 00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:01,492 Meet bottom. 994 00:48:02,838 --> 00:48:04,624 (Indistinct voices echoing) 995 00:48:10,971 --> 00:48:12,757 Vanessa: I love you, Wade Wilson. 996 00:48:13,474 --> 00:48:14,474 Ness? 997 00:48:15,684 --> 00:48:17,140 Hey, ness! 998 00:48:18,020 --> 00:48:19,556 Ness, can you let me in? 999 00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:21,891 Please! Please. 1000 00:48:23,984 --> 00:48:24,984 Jeez. 1001 00:48:25,069 --> 00:48:26,149 (Sighs) 1002 00:48:28,030 --> 00:48:29,790 You're not giving me a lot of direction here. 1003 00:48:29,824 --> 00:48:31,610 I'm at the end of my rope. 1004 00:48:31,700 --> 00:48:32,985 (Timer ticking) 1005 00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,361 Then I joined the X-Men. 1006 00:48:36,831 --> 00:48:38,367 I went to prison. I, uh... 1007 00:48:42,378 --> 00:48:43,959 Is it the kid? 1008 00:48:46,006 --> 00:48:48,964 Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be. 1009 00:48:50,219 --> 00:48:51,219 The kid! (Timer dings) 1010 00:48:54,682 --> 00:48:55,888 (Gasping) 1011 00:48:57,810 --> 00:48:59,516 (Wheezing) 1012 00:49:05,192 --> 00:49:06,648 That's exactly what she meant. 1013 00:49:06,735 --> 00:49:08,046 Your heart needs to be in the right place. 1014 00:49:08,070 --> 00:49:09,731 I'm not gonna abandon this kid. 1015 00:49:09,905 --> 00:49:12,487 He's never had anyone, ever. 1016 00:49:12,658 --> 00:49:13,864 I need to be selfless. 1017 00:49:14,034 --> 00:49:15,865 Yeah, but what does that mean? 1018 00:49:16,036 --> 00:49:19,153 It means I'm gonna save Russell. 1019 00:49:19,331 --> 00:49:20,741 Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa... 1020 00:49:20,916 --> 00:49:23,874 But maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand. 1021 00:49:24,044 --> 00:49:26,022 Yeah, but what I mean is, like, the world "selfless." 1022 00:49:26,046 --> 00:49:27,566 I literally don't know what that means. 1023 00:49:27,631 --> 00:49:28,666 Jesus Christ. 1024 00:49:28,841 --> 00:49:31,457 Okay, look. According to my guy, okay... 1025 00:49:31,635 --> 00:49:33,626 Those muties are being transferred 1026 00:49:33,721 --> 00:49:35,177 to a supermakx, 80 miles away. 1027 00:49:35,347 --> 00:49:37,053 Great, I'll pick 'em off along the way. 1028 00:49:37,224 --> 00:49:39,340 Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay? 1029 00:49:39,435 --> 00:49:41,266 We're talking about an armored convoy... 1030 00:49:41,437 --> 00:49:44,053 And a vicious super soldier from the future... 1031 00:49:44,231 --> 00:49:46,392 Who is dead set on turning your skull into an ashtray. 1032 00:49:46,567 --> 00:49:49,559 You know what we need to do? We need to build a team. 1033 00:49:49,737 --> 00:49:51,523 We need 'em tough, morally flexible... 1034 00:49:51,697 --> 00:49:53,904 And young enough to carry this franchise 10 to 12 years. 1035 00:49:54,033 --> 00:49:55,614 We need ocean's fourteen stuff. 1036 00:49:55,784 --> 00:49:57,820 The mother of all teams. John wick 3. 1037 00:49:57,912 --> 00:49:58,912 Cheap. But with 1038 00:49:58,996 --> 00:50:00,098 the original directors. Smart. 1039 00:50:00,122 --> 00:50:01,224 My body is an instrument of death. 1040 00:50:01,248 --> 00:50:02,283 Not now, dopinder. 1041 00:50:02,458 --> 00:50:04,244 I could be of great use. 1042 00:50:04,418 --> 00:50:05,999 What's your superpower? 1043 00:50:07,838 --> 00:50:09,169 Courage. That's adorable. 1044 00:50:09,340 --> 00:50:11,126 All right, I'll put out a call for resumes. 1045 00:50:11,300 --> 00:50:13,416 But we're not paying medical or dental. 1046 00:50:13,594 --> 00:50:15,630 It's time to get back on linkedln. 1047 00:50:16,764 --> 00:50:17,799 (Exhales) 1048 00:50:25,231 --> 00:50:27,222 (Child singing) 1049 00:50:40,871 --> 00:50:42,390 Male guard: (On pa) Attention, all inmates! 1050 00:50:42,414 --> 00:50:45,201 Transport to cross force maximum security 1051 00:50:45,292 --> 00:50:46,532 mutant containment facility... 1052 00:50:46,627 --> 00:50:48,413 Will begin at 0800 hours. 1053 00:50:48,587 --> 00:50:51,078 Inspection of your cells and out-processing 1054 00:50:51,173 --> 00:50:52,504 will begin at 0600. 1055 00:50:55,886 --> 00:50:57,501 Female guard: Attention, all inmates. 1056 00:50:57,680 --> 00:50:59,796 Transport to cross force maximum security 1057 00:50:59,890 --> 00:51:00,951 mutant containment facility... 1058 00:51:00,975 --> 00:51:01,975 Black Tom: Oi. 1059 00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:03,390 Mutant: What do you want? 1060 00:51:03,561 --> 00:51:05,142 You stole my pudding. 1061 00:51:05,312 --> 00:51:06,802 What pudding? You like pudding? 1062 00:51:07,189 --> 00:51:08,804 (Grunts) (Prisoners clamoring) 1063 00:51:08,899 --> 00:51:10,355 (Alarm blaring) 1064 00:51:25,249 --> 00:51:26,249 Hello? 1065 00:51:28,544 --> 00:51:30,034 I know you're in there. 1066 00:51:41,098 --> 00:51:43,384 Must be hard being the biggest guy in here. 1067 00:51:44,768 --> 00:51:46,474 Lonely at the top, eh? 1068 00:51:46,937 --> 00:51:48,973 They're moving us tomorrow. 1069 00:51:51,358 --> 00:51:53,223 Maybe I can get you out of here. 1070 00:51:54,445 --> 00:51:57,687 And we can make the whole world our bitch. 1071 00:51:59,450 --> 00:52:01,190 We need a secret code. 1072 00:52:03,037 --> 00:52:04,037 (Imitates bird call) 1073 00:52:04,121 --> 00:52:06,863 (Softly) No, that's stupid, Russell. Idiot. 1074 00:52:09,084 --> 00:52:10,494 (Rhythmic banging) 1075 00:52:11,295 --> 00:52:12,910 (Rhythmic banging in response) 1076 00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:15,621 We're a team. 1077 00:52:15,716 --> 00:52:17,547 We're like thugs, we're like gangsters. 1078 00:52:17,718 --> 00:52:19,504 I'm like Tupac, and you're like ice cube. 1079 00:52:21,472 --> 00:52:23,588 Weasel: Supposedly, she can rap, too. 1080 00:52:23,766 --> 00:52:24,766 Deadpool: I like that. 1081 00:52:24,850 --> 00:52:26,135 Terrific, these are all terrific. 1082 00:52:26,310 --> 00:52:27,925 Meet bedlam. 1083 00:52:28,103 --> 00:52:30,264 Cool name! Superpowers? 1084 00:52:30,439 --> 00:52:31,929 I can distort electrical fields. 1085 00:52:32,024 --> 00:52:33,059 (Electricity crackling) 1086 00:52:33,150 --> 00:52:35,232 Including the one inside your brain... 1087 00:52:35,402 --> 00:52:37,984 Causing anxiety, confusion... 1088 00:52:38,155 --> 00:52:39,155 Pain. 1089 00:52:40,324 --> 00:52:42,189 So, basically, you're Dave Matthews. 1090 00:52:42,368 --> 00:52:43,608 We can use him. 1091 00:52:45,412 --> 00:52:46,777 I'm zeitgeist. 1092 00:52:46,955 --> 00:52:48,115 Cool. I like it. 1093 00:52:48,290 --> 00:52:49,530 So you have the power 1094 00:52:49,625 --> 00:52:52,082 to put your finger on the pulse of society? 1095 00:52:53,003 --> 00:52:54,209 (Stammers) No. 1096 00:52:54,380 --> 00:52:56,120 No, I spit acidic vomit. (Sniffs) 1097 00:52:56,215 --> 00:52:57,250 Oh. Do you want me 1098 00:52:57,341 --> 00:52:58,401 to demonstrate? Deadpool: No! 1099 00:52:58,425 --> 00:52:59,819 Weasel: We'll take your word for it. 1100 00:52:59,843 --> 00:53:02,072 Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've all eaten at arby's, okay? 1101 00:53:02,096 --> 00:53:04,758 And this is the vanisher. 1102 00:53:08,227 --> 00:53:09,227 But... 1103 00:53:10,396 --> 00:53:11,806 Vanisher! 1104 00:53:11,939 --> 00:53:13,475 (Laughs) 1105 00:53:14,233 --> 00:53:16,394 Nice! Right? 1106 00:53:17,111 --> 00:53:18,271 He's not here, is he? 1107 00:53:18,445 --> 00:53:20,106 He may be running late. 1108 00:53:21,532 --> 00:53:23,989 My name's rusty, but I go by shatterstar. 1109 00:53:24,410 --> 00:53:25,490 Both: That's good, yeah. 1110 00:53:25,661 --> 00:53:27,697 "Rusty" is terrible. Toughie. 1111 00:53:27,871 --> 00:53:30,578 So, uh, where are you from? The planet mojo world. 1112 00:53:30,749 --> 00:53:32,660 So you're an alien, I guess. Bad name. 1113 00:53:32,835 --> 00:53:34,371 How does that, uh, help us? 1114 00:53:34,545 --> 00:53:37,332 I'm basically better than you at everything. 1115 00:53:37,506 --> 00:53:39,226 Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people 1116 00:53:39,258 --> 00:53:40,714 that are worse than me at everything. 1117 00:53:40,884 --> 00:53:42,966 A whole bunch of functional idiots. 1118 00:53:43,137 --> 00:53:45,156 I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman. 1119 00:53:45,180 --> 00:53:46,180 Isn't that Canada? 1120 00:53:46,265 --> 00:53:48,677 You shut your goddamn trash mouth! 1121 00:53:49,852 --> 00:53:51,058 Weasel: Meet... domino. 1122 00:53:51,228 --> 00:53:53,184 Deadpool: What's your shtick? I'm lucky. 1123 00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:54,480 That's not a superpower. 1124 00:53:54,815 --> 00:53:55,855 Yeah, it is. No, it isn't. 1125 00:53:55,899 --> 00:53:56,934 Yes, it is. No, itisn't. 1126 00:53:57,151 --> 00:53:58,231 Yeah, it is. No, itisn't. 1127 00:53:58,402 --> 00:53:59,402 Yes, it is. No, itisn't. 1128 00:53:59,486 --> 00:54:00,547 Yeah, it is. It really isn't. 1129 00:54:00,571 --> 00:54:01,686 No, it isn't. Yes, it is. 1130 00:54:01,780 --> 00:54:02,780 Told you. 1131 00:54:02,865 --> 00:54:04,355 Get out of my head! 1132 00:54:04,450 --> 00:54:05,485 I'm not in your head. 1133 00:54:05,701 --> 00:54:07,345 It looks like I'm in an 11-year-old's bedroom. 1134 00:54:07,369 --> 00:54:09,514 If you're so lucky, then what are you doing here with us? 1135 00:54:09,538 --> 00:54:11,266 I don't know yet. What's that supposed to mean? 1136 00:54:11,290 --> 00:54:13,351 There's a reason why I'm here, and I'll know when I know. 1137 00:54:13,375 --> 00:54:15,270 Everything usually just kind of works out for me. 1138 00:54:15,294 --> 00:54:16,374 You're hired! You're hired. 1139 00:54:16,503 --> 00:54:17,834 Oh, lucky me. 1140 00:54:18,005 --> 00:54:19,005 Deadpool: She's great. 1141 00:54:20,382 --> 00:54:21,667 And last, but not least... 1142 00:54:21,842 --> 00:54:22,957 Peter. 1143 00:54:24,261 --> 00:54:26,217 Am I getting catfished here or...? 1144 00:54:26,847 --> 00:54:28,803 Any powers you wanna tell us about? 1145 00:54:28,891 --> 00:54:29,891 Peter: No. 1146 00:54:30,434 --> 00:54:32,015 I don't have one. 1147 00:54:32,186 --> 00:54:33,346 Um, I just saw the ad. 1148 00:54:33,479 --> 00:54:35,310 No superpowers at all? 1149 00:54:35,481 --> 00:54:38,473 I have both type 1 and 2 diabetes. 1150 00:54:38,942 --> 00:54:40,273 Ow! Oh! 1151 00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:41,566 That's all the diabetes. 1152 00:54:41,737 --> 00:54:42,897 Right, yeah, you got 'em all. 1153 00:54:42,946 --> 00:54:45,278 If you find a type 3, let us know. 1154 00:54:45,449 --> 00:54:46,449 Yeah. 1155 00:54:46,533 --> 00:54:47,568 You're in. 1156 00:54:47,659 --> 00:54:48,774 Come on! 1157 00:54:50,996 --> 00:54:52,987 It's fulfilling work. 1158 00:55:03,926 --> 00:55:06,008 Guard: This is convoy 17 departing the ice box. 1159 00:55:06,178 --> 00:55:07,293 We are en route. 1160 00:55:15,395 --> 00:55:17,807 Cable: Peacetime makes people soft. 1161 00:55:19,399 --> 00:55:21,264 I was born into war. 1162 00:55:22,736 --> 00:55:24,101 Bred into it. 1163 00:55:24,988 --> 00:55:25,988 Okay. 1164 00:55:26,865 --> 00:55:29,481 What's the most pain you've ever felt? 1165 00:55:31,119 --> 00:55:32,180 These restraints are pretty... 1166 00:55:32,204 --> 00:55:33,319 Cable: I've got a list. 1167 00:55:34,623 --> 00:55:36,579 We're gonna work down it. 1168 00:55:37,459 --> 00:55:38,539 Together. 1169 00:55:39,628 --> 00:55:42,165 Number one, I'm gonna bend something. 1170 00:55:42,631 --> 00:55:44,917 Something that was not meant to bend. 1171 00:55:45,092 --> 00:55:46,194 I'm gonna stop you right there 1172 00:55:46,218 --> 00:55:47,403 because I'm not gonna make it to two. 1173 00:55:47,427 --> 00:55:48,667 I won't even make it to one. 1174 00:55:48,846 --> 00:55:50,246 I don't do well with pain, you know. 1175 00:55:50,389 --> 00:55:52,721 If I stub my toe, I'm done for the day. 1176 00:55:53,100 --> 00:55:54,886 I cried when they canceled Felicity. 1177 00:55:56,186 --> 00:55:57,288 I don't want you to hurt me, 1178 00:55:57,312 --> 00:55:59,553 and I'll tell you anything you wanna know. 1179 00:56:00,774 --> 00:56:02,105 Except for where they are. 1180 00:56:02,651 --> 00:56:03,920 Russell's in a convoy heading southbound 1181 00:56:03,944 --> 00:56:05,684 on Gerry duggan parkway. 1182 00:56:05,863 --> 00:56:07,423 The monster's with them. I wouldn't mess with him. 1183 00:56:07,447 --> 00:56:08,508 Deadpool: You all know the plan. 1184 00:56:08,532 --> 00:56:10,898 Intercept the convoy, grab the boy. 1185 00:56:11,076 --> 00:56:12,111 But not inappropriately! 1186 00:56:12,202 --> 00:56:13,202 Weasel: You know what, 1187 00:56:13,287 --> 00:56:14,347 I wouldn't mess with deadpool either. 1188 00:56:14,371 --> 00:56:17,033 Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable. 1189 00:56:17,207 --> 00:56:19,664 He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it. 1190 00:56:19,835 --> 00:56:22,326 Watch out for this guy, cable! 1191 00:56:22,504 --> 00:56:25,371 He's very short, 5'11". Not like in the comics. 1192 00:56:25,549 --> 00:56:28,336 And if we succeed, we all go home early. 1193 00:56:28,427 --> 00:56:30,713 Weasel: So if you go after them, cable, I warn you... 1194 00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:33,295 There's a wind advisory in effect. 1195 00:56:38,604 --> 00:56:40,219 (Wind howling) 1196 00:56:44,651 --> 00:56:46,291 Pilot: (On pa) A little turbulent up here. 1197 00:56:53,660 --> 00:56:55,400 I don't know much about this cable fella... 1198 00:56:55,579 --> 00:56:56,859 But I guarantee he hasn't killed 1199 00:56:56,914 --> 00:56:58,779 as many people as melanoma has. 1200 00:57:00,042 --> 00:57:01,122 We're getting close! 1201 00:57:01,501 --> 00:57:03,037 As a former x-man... 1202 00:57:03,211 --> 00:57:05,076 Trainee. Thank you, bedlam. 1203 00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:07,962 I was always appalled by the blatant sexism 1204 00:57:08,050 --> 00:57:09,050 in the group's name. 1205 00:57:09,217 --> 00:57:10,753 X-Men! Men! 1206 00:57:11,303 --> 00:57:14,170 The point is, our group will be forward thinking. 1207 00:57:14,348 --> 00:57:15,633 Gender neutral. 1208 00:57:15,807 --> 00:57:18,594 From now on, we'll be known as... 1209 00:57:20,270 --> 00:57:21,635 X-force. 1210 00:57:28,195 --> 00:57:30,481 Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet... 1211 00:57:30,656 --> 00:57:32,362 Intercept the convoy, and grab the boy. 1212 00:57:32,532 --> 00:57:33,718 Let's bring on the carnage, baby! 1213 00:57:33,742 --> 00:57:35,403 Get me on the ground, watch me go! 1214 00:57:35,494 --> 00:57:36,529 All: Yeah! 1215 00:57:36,620 --> 00:57:38,406 (All whooping) I can't wait to kill! 1216 00:57:38,497 --> 00:57:40,158 Hey! Hey! Hey! 1217 00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:43,077 I just wanna say how proud I am of this team. 1218 00:57:44,002 --> 00:57:46,744 You know, you guys look amazing! 1219 00:57:46,922 --> 00:57:49,664 Vanisher, I have no doubt you look amazing too. 1220 00:57:49,841 --> 00:57:50,876 This is the family 1221 00:57:50,968 --> 00:57:52,754 that I've always dreamed of having and I... 1222 00:57:53,303 --> 00:57:54,964 Ah, darn. I just... 1223 00:57:55,055 --> 00:57:56,055 (Sniffles) 1224 00:57:56,139 --> 00:57:57,699 I just get a little choked up sometimes. 1225 00:57:57,849 --> 00:57:59,635 I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous 1226 00:57:59,726 --> 00:58:01,011 about the high winds? 1227 00:58:01,186 --> 00:58:02,471 Gary. My name's Peter. 1228 00:58:02,646 --> 00:58:04,406 I realize that you're new to this, but relax. 1229 00:58:04,523 --> 00:58:05,963 You've been chosen by a higher power. 1230 00:58:06,233 --> 00:58:08,269 Did he just call himself god? I think he did. 1231 00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:09,360 I'd like to go home. 1232 00:58:09,444 --> 00:58:11,150 I spent 10 years in special forces. 1233 00:58:11,363 --> 00:58:12,507 You think we didn't jump out of the plane 1234 00:58:12,531 --> 00:58:13,941 because of a light breeze? 1235 00:58:14,574 --> 00:58:16,815 You're in this shit now, mustache! 1236 00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:18,972 (Whispers) I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. 1237 00:58:18,996 --> 00:58:20,876 I'd never let anything happen to you, sugarbear. 1238 00:58:21,415 --> 00:58:23,576 Leonard, hit it! 1239 00:58:23,667 --> 00:58:25,703 (Alarm blaring) (Thunderstruck playing) 1240 00:58:32,175 --> 00:58:34,211 Gol go! Gol 1241 00:58:34,302 --> 00:58:35,917 (man singing) 1242 00:59:09,921 --> 00:59:11,286 Let's get some! 1243 00:59:11,381 --> 00:59:12,496 Whoo! 1244 00:59:12,591 --> 00:59:13,706 Oh, yeah! 1245 00:59:13,884 --> 00:59:16,717 Convoy, 12 o'clock! On my command! 1246 00:59:17,679 --> 00:59:19,169 Deploy! Oh, hey now! 1247 00:59:19,514 --> 00:59:20,674 Whoa! 1248 00:59:26,521 --> 00:59:28,057 Little off course here. 1249 00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:32,891 Holy mommy, what the...? 1250 00:59:34,112 --> 00:59:35,602 Ah, there they are. 1251 00:59:36,073 --> 00:59:38,735 Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches. (Blows kiss) 1252 00:59:39,242 --> 00:59:41,198 Oh, yeah! That's right, bedlam! 1253 00:59:42,996 --> 00:59:44,327 (Bedlam grunts) (All gasp) 1254 00:59:44,414 --> 00:59:45,574 (Gasping dramatically) 1255 00:59:46,124 --> 00:59:48,706 No! Tripping billies! 1256 00:59:49,294 --> 00:59:50,294 Shatterstar. 1257 00:59:51,004 --> 00:59:52,494 Okay, you got this. 1258 00:59:54,674 --> 00:59:55,674 I eft! 1259 00:59:55,801 --> 00:59:57,041 I eft! 1260 00:59:57,219 --> 00:59:59,210 No, stage left, you idiot! 1261 00:59:59,513 --> 01:00:00,548 (Gasps) 1262 01:00:01,348 --> 01:00:02,838 Well, I guess we found something 1263 01:00:02,933 --> 01:00:04,013 you're not better at. 1264 01:00:06,061 --> 01:00:07,061 Vanisher. 1265 01:00:07,437 --> 01:00:09,177 Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see. 1266 01:00:10,607 --> 01:00:11,607 (Grunting) 1267 01:00:11,691 --> 01:00:12,691 Oh! Really? 1268 01:00:12,818 --> 01:00:14,149 Wait, wait, wait. Was that... 1269 01:00:14,778 --> 01:00:15,778 Benjamin button. 1270 01:00:15,862 --> 01:00:17,398 Brad Pitt? 1271 01:00:17,572 --> 01:00:19,358 How'd you get Brad Pitt? 1272 01:00:19,533 --> 01:00:20,533 You're here, aren't you? 1273 01:00:20,659 --> 01:00:22,320 Yeah, but I didn't agree to... 1274 01:00:22,702 --> 01:00:24,238 Both: Oh. 1275 01:00:24,621 --> 01:00:25,621 See, Brad... 1276 01:00:25,872 --> 01:00:27,612 He's still locked in my storm cellar 1277 01:00:27,707 --> 01:00:29,538 along with Celine Dion and Matt Damon. 1278 01:00:30,168 --> 01:00:32,159 It's like Shawshank down there. 1279 01:00:32,254 --> 01:00:33,460 (Snickering) 1280 01:00:33,547 --> 01:00:35,037 Matt Damon's in this shit? 1281 01:00:35,215 --> 01:00:36,500 Yeah. (Laughs) 1282 01:00:36,675 --> 01:00:38,666 I suggest you go down there first thing... 1283 01:00:38,844 --> 01:00:40,334 And just punch him as hard as you can. 1284 01:00:40,512 --> 01:00:43,094 You wanna establish dominance or that guy will own you. 1285 01:00:43,265 --> 01:00:45,677 And quit burning our "s" words. 1286 01:00:46,101 --> 01:00:47,621 I've always wanted to fight Matt Damon. 1287 01:00:49,980 --> 01:00:51,040 I'm sorry, what did you say? 1288 01:00:51,064 --> 01:00:52,064 What did I say? 1289 01:00:52,149 --> 01:00:54,265 I thought you said... (Bleep) Matt Damon. 1290 01:00:54,484 --> 01:00:55,753 I did. I wanna... (Bleep) Matt Damon. 1291 01:00:55,777 --> 01:00:56,777 You wanna what? 1292 01:00:56,862 --> 01:00:57,862 I wanna... (Bleep) Him, 1293 01:00:57,946 --> 01:00:59,173 and then I want him to... (Bleep) Me. 1294 01:00:59,197 --> 01:01:00,341 And then, if I'm doing a good job... 1295 01:01:00,365 --> 01:01:01,425 I want all my friends and family 1296 01:01:01,449 --> 01:01:02,529 to come watch me... (Bleep) 1297 01:01:02,617 --> 01:01:03,617 Tell me more about that. 1298 01:01:03,702 --> 01:01:05,542 Well, I feel like, if we... (Bleep) Each other, 1299 01:01:05,579 --> 01:01:07,444 you know, in private, kinda work on our moves. 1300 01:01:07,622 --> 01:01:09,578 Then we kinda sell some tickets... 1301 01:01:09,749 --> 01:01:10,949 And we get an arena, you know? 1302 01:01:11,084 --> 01:01:12,562 And then we... (Bleep) Each other in the arena. 1303 01:01:12,586 --> 01:01:14,306 We get outfits. You know, like cool outfits. 1304 01:01:14,421 --> 01:01:15,648 And we... (Bleep) Each other... 1305 01:01:15,672 --> 01:01:17,400 And everyone's cheering and betting on who's gonna... 1306 01:01:17,424 --> 01:01:18,664 (Bleep) Each other the hardest. 1307 01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:20,165 And then, when it's all done, 1308 01:01:20,260 --> 01:01:21,750 there's gonna be a champion... (Bleep) 1309 01:01:21,845 --> 01:01:23,156 And it'll be like, I think I'll win... 1310 01:01:23,180 --> 01:01:24,615 'Cause I'm like a really strong... (Bleep) 1311 01:01:24,639 --> 01:01:25,700 Right. Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1312 01:01:25,724 --> 01:01:27,724 And they'll be like, "wait, no, lay off Matt Damon! 1313 01:01:27,851 --> 01:01:29,182 "You're... (Bleep) Him too hard!" 1314 01:01:29,269 --> 01:01:30,269 And I'm gonna say, 1315 01:01:30,353 --> 01:01:32,309 "no! I got a little more... (Bleep) Left in me." 1316 01:01:32,397 --> 01:01:33,457 And then I'm gonna... (Bleep) 1317 01:01:33,481 --> 01:01:35,209 And I'm gonna... (Bleep) And I'm gonna... (Bleep) 1318 01:01:35,233 --> 01:01:36,233 Why are you buzzing that? 1319 01:01:36,401 --> 01:01:38,129 'Cause I feel like you're making it sound like 1320 01:01:38,153 --> 01:01:39,338 I'm saying something I'm not saying. 1321 01:01:39,362 --> 01:01:40,362 What are you saying? 1322 01:01:40,447 --> 01:01:41,507 I'm saying I wanna fight Matt Damon. 1323 01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:42,531 Oh! (Laughing) 1324 01:01:42,616 --> 01:01:43,901 You should've said so! 1325 01:01:43,992 --> 01:01:45,872 I thought you were saying... (Bleep) Matt Damon. 1326 01:01:45,952 --> 01:01:46,952 No! No! 1327 01:01:47,037 --> 01:01:48,368 That's crazy! Crazy. 1328 01:01:48,538 --> 01:01:49,538 Why, did he ask about me? 1329 01:01:49,664 --> 01:01:50,664 No. 1330 01:01:50,749 --> 01:01:51,749 Okay. 1331 01:01:52,959 --> 01:01:54,915 All right, we could do this with four. 1332 01:01:55,086 --> 01:01:57,828 Sugarbear. You got this, buddy! 1333 01:01:58,006 --> 01:02:00,122 That's the stuff! That's the x-force spirit! 1334 01:02:01,134 --> 01:02:03,170 Never underestimate a man with a mustache! 1335 01:02:03,345 --> 01:02:04,710 Just ask anyone in Brooklyn. 1336 01:02:04,804 --> 01:02:05,919 (Whoops) We did it! 1337 01:02:06,014 --> 01:02:07,595 You're a goddamn superhero, you! 1338 01:02:07,766 --> 01:02:08,801 X-force! 1339 01:02:09,392 --> 01:02:10,392 X-force. 1340 01:02:11,061 --> 01:02:12,392 Whoo-hoo! 1341 01:02:12,479 --> 01:02:13,594 (Screaming) 1342 01:02:13,688 --> 01:02:14,688 (Wood chipper whirring) 1343 01:02:14,773 --> 01:02:16,638 (Gasps) Oh! 1344 01:02:17,692 --> 01:02:18,772 (Exhales) 1345 01:02:20,362 --> 01:02:21,362 Peter. 1346 01:02:21,529 --> 01:02:23,174 Peter: I got you, buddy! You're gonna be fine! 1347 01:02:23,198 --> 01:02:24,984 You got this, big guy! Here we go, Peter! 1348 01:02:25,158 --> 01:02:27,319 Look at me. We're x-force, right? 1349 01:02:27,494 --> 01:02:29,610 Yeah, we're x-force. We're x-force. 1350 01:02:33,291 --> 01:02:34,906 Oh, my gosh! What the...? 1351 01:02:35,085 --> 01:02:37,041 Acidic vomit! (Screams) 1352 01:02:37,128 --> 01:02:40,120 Oh, god! I'm gonna throw up in my mask. 1353 01:02:40,215 --> 01:02:41,215 (Exhales) 1354 01:02:42,133 --> 01:02:44,374 Domino: Okay, I'm over the convoy. 1355 01:02:44,552 --> 01:02:46,463 Where did the rest of the team land? 1356 01:02:47,138 --> 01:02:48,674 Deadpool: Good news and bad news. 1357 01:02:48,848 --> 01:02:51,931 Bad news is the whole team is dead. 1358 01:02:52,102 --> 01:02:53,102 The good news is, 1359 01:02:53,186 --> 01:02:55,142 I don't think anyone's gonna miss shatterstar. 1360 01:02:55,313 --> 01:02:58,396 He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul! 1361 01:02:58,566 --> 01:02:59,566 Domino: Peter! 1362 01:02:59,651 --> 01:03:00,891 Peter, I'm gonna miss him most. 1363 01:03:00,986 --> 01:03:02,021 Domino: The whole team? 1364 01:03:02,153 --> 01:03:03,814 Only the main ones. We're still good. 1365 01:03:03,905 --> 01:03:05,305 (People exclaiming) You are so dumb. 1366 01:03:05,448 --> 01:03:07,939 Even after all this time, I still can't talk about it. 1367 01:03:08,118 --> 01:03:09,983 Who knew these winds would be so strong? 1368 01:03:10,161 --> 01:03:12,527 Domino: Everyone! Everyone on the helicopter! 1369 01:03:12,706 --> 01:03:14,412 And everyone not on the helicopter! 1370 01:03:16,543 --> 01:03:17,953 Deadpool: Looking good, vanisher. 1371 01:03:27,262 --> 01:03:29,127 Domino: They're headed into the tunnel. 1372 01:03:29,306 --> 01:03:30,716 I'm that kid's only hope, 1373 01:03:30,807 --> 01:03:32,763 so sit tight and wait for my word. 1374 01:03:32,934 --> 01:03:33,934 Domino: I'm dropping in. 1375 01:03:34,102 --> 01:03:36,093 Deadpool: Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. 1376 01:03:36,271 --> 01:03:39,434 Luck is not a superpower! We are so screwed! 1377 01:03:39,607 --> 01:03:42,644 No, we most certainly are not screwed. 1378 01:03:42,736 --> 01:03:45,148 (Cars horns honking) (Brakes screeching) 1379 01:03:46,531 --> 01:03:48,897 Deadpool: Seriously, I don't get it! 1380 01:03:49,075 --> 01:03:51,737 What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes? 1381 01:03:52,871 --> 01:03:54,577 It's just it's hard to picture. 1382 01:03:54,748 --> 01:03:56,739 And certainly not very cinematic. 1383 01:03:58,251 --> 01:04:01,288 I mean, luck? What kind of caffeine-chugging... 1384 01:04:01,463 --> 01:04:03,954 Diet-soda-swillin' freakshow comic book artist... 1385 01:04:04,049 --> 01:04:05,505 Came up with that little Chestnut? 1386 01:04:05,675 --> 01:04:07,791 Probably a guy who can't draw feet! 1387 01:04:15,727 --> 01:04:18,594 Once again, it all falls on my shoulders. 1388 01:04:18,772 --> 01:04:19,999 It's why I'm cursed fo be a solo act. 1389 01:04:20,023 --> 01:04:21,103 Wander the earth... I'm in. 1390 01:04:21,191 --> 01:04:22,556 I'm sorry, what did you say? 1391 01:04:22,734 --> 01:04:23,734 I'm in. 1392 01:04:23,818 --> 01:04:26,230 How in the name of Satan are you in already? 1393 01:04:26,321 --> 01:04:27,321 Oh, shit. 1394 01:04:27,781 --> 01:04:28,941 It's cable. 12 o'clock. 1395 01:04:29,199 --> 01:04:30,234 Deadpool: Okay. 1396 01:04:30,325 --> 01:04:32,737 New plan. Use all of your imaginary powers 1397 01:04:32,827 --> 01:04:35,443 to stop cable from killing that kid. 1398 01:04:35,622 --> 01:04:37,237 I'm coming up on your six. 1399 01:04:44,881 --> 01:04:46,746 That gun is amazing! 1400 01:04:46,841 --> 01:04:49,207 (Grunts) (Tires screeching) 1401 01:04:56,976 --> 01:04:58,466 Domino: Where is he? I can't see him. 1402 01:04:58,645 --> 01:05:00,135 Deadpool: He's on the top. 1403 01:05:04,609 --> 01:05:06,224 Deadpool: He's in! He's in! 1404 01:05:06,444 --> 01:05:08,560 Russell! Russell Collins! 1405 01:05:08,738 --> 01:05:10,774 Deadpool: Hands off that kid, John Connor! 1406 01:05:20,083 --> 01:05:21,198 Shit! 1407 01:05:22,127 --> 01:05:23,833 (Prisoner screaming) 1408 01:05:24,671 --> 01:05:25,671 (Grunts) 1409 01:05:33,763 --> 01:05:35,173 (Beeping rapidly) 1410 01:05:43,148 --> 01:05:45,059 Deadpool.: Two can play that game! 1411 01:05:47,152 --> 01:05:48,152 Got it! 1412 01:05:48,403 --> 01:05:49,518 No, I don't. 1413 01:05:49,696 --> 01:05:50,696 Showtime, mama! 1414 01:05:50,780 --> 01:05:52,395 Lady luck, take the wheel. 1415 01:06:00,415 --> 01:06:01,415 (Gun clicks) 1416 01:06:07,088 --> 01:06:08,088 (Groans) 1417 01:06:14,387 --> 01:06:15,387 Eat me, mutant! 1418 01:06:16,055 --> 01:06:17,055 Deadpool: Ouchiel 1419 01:06:22,353 --> 01:06:23,388 (Horns honking) 1420 01:06:24,355 --> 01:06:25,355 (Domino grunting) 1421 01:06:26,441 --> 01:06:28,102 (Both grunting) 1422 01:06:40,955 --> 01:06:41,955 Hang in there, doms! 1423 01:06:43,291 --> 01:06:44,531 Oh, this is really hard. 1424 01:06:44,626 --> 01:06:45,866 (Tires screeching) 1425 01:06:55,178 --> 01:06:56,178 (Gunshot) 1426 01:06:56,262 --> 01:06:57,672 And give me back my skee-ball token. 1427 01:07:01,184 --> 01:07:02,549 You're doing great. X-force. 1428 01:07:04,729 --> 01:07:06,720 I guess dubstep never dies. 1429 01:07:06,814 --> 01:07:08,475 (Bangarang playing) 1430 01:07:11,027 --> 01:07:12,027 Whoo! 1431 01:07:13,279 --> 01:07:14,279 (Laughing) 1432 01:07:15,698 --> 01:07:16,698 (Black Tom groans) 1433 01:07:16,783 --> 01:07:17,898 (Deadpool gasps) 1434 01:07:21,496 --> 01:07:22,496 (Growlys) 1435 01:07:23,289 --> 01:07:24,324 That's unfortunate. 1436 01:07:27,460 --> 01:07:28,700 We got no brakes! 1437 01:07:28,878 --> 01:07:30,118 (Straining) Figure it out! 1438 01:07:30,713 --> 01:07:31,953 (Both grunting) 1439 01:07:33,508 --> 01:07:35,044 There's nothing I can't kill. 1440 01:07:36,970 --> 01:07:37,970 Ooh. 1441 01:07:38,429 --> 01:07:41,717 Somebody knows karate. 1442 01:07:44,102 --> 01:07:45,638 Give me your best shot, one-eyed Willy. 1443 01:07:56,990 --> 01:07:57,990 (Panting) 1444 01:07:58,074 --> 01:07:59,860 Those bullets are like, super fast. 1445 01:08:00,034 --> 01:08:01,034 Here we go. 1446 01:08:01,578 --> 01:08:03,785 Domino, mind slowing us down? 1447 01:08:03,955 --> 01:08:05,661 (Sighs) Here goes nothing. 1448 01:08:05,748 --> 01:08:06,954 (Horn honking) 1449 01:08:12,130 --> 01:08:13,336 (Honking) 1450 01:08:24,309 --> 01:08:25,469 (Grunts) 1451 01:08:26,561 --> 01:08:27,561 (Groans) 1452 01:08:31,608 --> 01:08:32,814 Man: Knock, knock. 1453 01:08:38,531 --> 01:08:39,771 That's my boy. 1454 01:08:39,866 --> 01:08:41,322 (Both grunting) 1455 01:08:45,330 --> 01:08:46,695 Holy... 1456 01:08:46,789 --> 01:08:47,789 (Grunts) 1457 01:08:51,586 --> 01:08:53,076 (Only time playing) 1458 01:08:55,381 --> 01:08:56,587 (Yelling) 1459 01:08:57,175 --> 01:08:58,665 Deadpool: I'll be first to admit... 1460 01:08:58,843 --> 01:09:01,129 This did not go according to plan. 1461 01:09:02,513 --> 01:09:04,049 I'll also be the first to admit that 1462 01:09:04,140 --> 01:09:05,926 that plan was written in crayon. 1463 01:09:06,392 --> 01:09:08,508 Looks like Russell found a hew friend. 1464 01:09:09,228 --> 01:09:10,889 Turns out domino's a bit of a badass, 1465 01:09:10,980 --> 01:09:13,972 and maybe, possibly mildly lucky. 1466 01:09:14,150 --> 01:09:17,267 But cable? Ugh. That guy's in a mood. 1467 01:09:17,445 --> 01:09:18,445 (Chuckles) A mood that is 1468 01:09:18,529 --> 01:09:20,315 about to get significantly worse. 1469 01:09:21,574 --> 01:09:22,574 (Squeaks) 1470 01:09:26,579 --> 01:09:27,579 (Sighs) 1471 01:09:40,385 --> 01:09:41,966 (Groans) 1472 01:09:44,097 --> 01:09:46,338 Something is so terribly, terribly wrong. 1473 01:09:49,435 --> 01:09:50,720 Oh. (Neck snaps) 1474 01:09:52,730 --> 01:09:54,220 Oh, man, that hurt. 1475 01:09:56,442 --> 01:09:57,932 (Groaning) 1476 01:09:59,612 --> 01:10:00,692 Russell. 1477 01:10:03,408 --> 01:10:04,488 Russell! 1478 01:10:05,201 --> 01:10:07,192 Russ, where are ya? 1479 01:10:10,832 --> 01:10:12,914 Russell. Russell, you're okay! 1480 01:10:13,084 --> 01:10:16,247 Oh, thank... oh, my god! 1481 01:10:16,546 --> 01:10:17,752 Juggernaut! 1482 01:10:17,839 --> 01:10:18,919 (Gasps) 1483 01:10:19,006 --> 01:10:20,917 I thought that was you! 1484 01:10:21,092 --> 01:10:23,174 I should've worn my white pants. 1485 01:10:23,803 --> 01:10:26,920 You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan. 1486 01:10:27,765 --> 01:10:31,007 Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411. 1487 01:10:31,185 --> 01:10:32,345 X-Men unlimited 12. 1488 01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:34,556 You know, it has always been a dream of mine... 1489 01:10:34,731 --> 01:10:36,471 To see my face reflected in your helmet... 1490 01:10:36,649 --> 01:10:38,605 As you charge at me with murderous intent. 1491 01:10:38,776 --> 01:10:40,312 I don't mean right now. 1492 01:10:40,653 --> 01:10:42,518 I'm gonna rip you in half now. 1493 01:10:42,697 --> 01:10:44,938 (Laughs) That is such a juggernaut thing to say. 1494 01:10:45,032 --> 01:10:46,863 (Deadpool screaming) 1495 01:10:48,453 --> 01:10:49,488 Oh, my god! 1496 01:11:01,883 --> 01:11:04,249 Oh, my god! I can't feel my legs. 1497 01:11:04,343 --> 01:11:05,343 I can't feel... 1498 01:11:06,471 --> 01:11:08,052 Oh, no, they're right here. 1499 01:11:08,598 --> 01:11:10,259 Got 'em. Russell. 1500 01:11:10,433 --> 01:11:12,014 I have a mission. 1501 01:11:12,727 --> 01:11:13,967 To get my revenge. 1502 01:11:14,437 --> 01:11:16,598 I'm going to burn that headmaster alive. 1503 01:11:16,773 --> 01:11:18,855 You're not the revenge type. 1504 01:11:19,025 --> 01:11:20,231 Take it from a friend. 1505 01:11:20,818 --> 01:11:23,480 Friend? You said it yourself. 1506 01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:26,612 "I'm not your friend. Find someone stronger." 1507 01:11:26,783 --> 01:11:27,989 So I did. 1508 01:11:28,075 --> 01:11:29,190 (Grunts) 1509 01:11:29,410 --> 01:11:31,492 Russell, I couldn't protect you back then. 1510 01:11:31,662 --> 01:11:34,950 But I can now. What do you want me to say, huh? 1511 01:11:35,124 --> 01:11:38,366 "I care about you"? 'Cause I care about you, Russell. 1512 01:11:39,003 --> 01:11:40,914 What's juggernaut got that I don't have? 1513 01:11:41,088 --> 01:11:43,921 Don't you say legs! I know you're gonna say legs! 1514 01:11:44,091 --> 01:11:46,924 Legs! Still hurts to hear out loud! 1515 01:11:49,180 --> 01:11:52,047 What is that? That's not a real rope! 1516 01:11:52,308 --> 01:11:54,424 You get back here, young man! (Sirens wailing) 1517 01:11:55,436 --> 01:11:56,551 Doms! 1518 01:11:57,021 --> 01:11:59,012 Doms, get me out of here, please. 1519 01:11:59,190 --> 01:12:01,431 Use my arms as backpack straps. 1520 01:12:04,278 --> 01:12:05,358 I think we may have found 1521 01:12:05,446 --> 01:12:07,402 your cosmic reason for being here. 1522 01:12:07,824 --> 01:12:09,405 I'm pretty sure this isn't it. 1523 01:12:09,575 --> 01:12:10,860 Deadpool: X-force. 1524 01:12:24,257 --> 01:12:25,918 Blind al: No child is hopeless. 1525 01:12:26,175 --> 01:12:29,042 Don't give up on the boy. How could he just walk away? 1526 01:12:29,720 --> 01:12:31,961 It was the coldness in his eyes. 1527 01:12:32,473 --> 01:12:34,054 You should've heard it. 1528 01:12:34,851 --> 01:12:35,886 (Wade sighs) 1529 01:12:35,977 --> 01:12:38,263 I guess family really is an f-word. 1530 01:12:39,105 --> 01:12:41,187 (Groans) Rub my legs, mama. 1531 01:12:41,440 --> 01:12:42,725 Why would I rub your legs? 1532 01:12:42,900 --> 01:12:45,482 Please, they hurt. I have growing pains. 1533 01:12:45,862 --> 01:12:47,193 (Blind al sighs) 1534 01:12:48,948 --> 01:12:50,154 What in the... 1535 01:12:50,658 --> 01:12:52,899 Why is your hand so tiny again? 1536 01:12:53,411 --> 01:12:54,776 That's not my hand. 1537 01:12:55,288 --> 01:12:57,119 Oh! Mary, mother of Joseph! 1538 01:12:57,707 --> 01:12:59,493 That was nice for me. (Door opens) 1539 01:12:59,667 --> 01:13:02,409 Wade! I heard what happened with the convoy and... 1540 01:13:02,503 --> 01:13:03,538 (Gasps) 1541 01:13:05,172 --> 01:13:06,252 (Weasel retches) 1542 01:13:06,924 --> 01:13:08,755 Why wouldn't you cover that up? 1543 01:13:09,260 --> 01:13:11,672 A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of. 1544 01:13:12,305 --> 01:13:13,795 Yeah, but you do. Look at you. 1545 01:13:13,973 --> 01:13:15,117 You're just straight, just... 1546 01:13:15,141 --> 01:13:16,597 Full winnie the pooh. 1547 01:13:17,059 --> 01:13:18,595 Toddler style? 1548 01:13:18,769 --> 01:13:19,769 Yes, sir. 1549 01:13:19,937 --> 01:13:21,417 Fred: Wait, hold on, hold on. Hold on. 1550 01:13:21,647 --> 01:13:26,266 If the top half of deadpool is growing baby legs... 1551 01:13:26,444 --> 01:13:29,436 Does that mean the bottom half is growing a baby head? 1552 01:13:29,739 --> 01:13:31,008 Well, I don't see why that matters. 1553 01:13:31,032 --> 01:13:32,032 I think it matters a lot. 1554 01:13:32,199 --> 01:13:34,261 I mean, if you want us to buy the regeneration thing, 1555 01:13:34,285 --> 01:13:35,285 you gotta address it. 1556 01:13:35,369 --> 01:13:36,654 Are there two deadpools now? 1557 01:13:36,829 --> 01:13:39,036 And if so, what's the other one doing? 1558 01:13:39,206 --> 01:13:40,206 And is he like you? 1559 01:13:40,291 --> 01:13:42,282 Does he have the same personality as you? 1560 01:13:42,460 --> 01:13:43,495 Or the same memories? 1561 01:13:43,586 --> 01:13:44,586 And if he does, 1562 01:13:44,670 --> 01:13:45,981 then is he going to re-enter the plot later? 1563 01:13:46,005 --> 01:13:47,461 'Cause he should. 1564 01:13:47,632 --> 01:13:49,151 You're really freaking me out right now. 1565 01:13:49,175 --> 01:13:50,711 And if that one got cut in half, 1566 01:13:50,801 --> 01:13:51,945 then there would be three deadpools? 1567 01:13:51,969 --> 01:13:53,729 I mean, you can see where it all falls apart. 1568 01:13:53,888 --> 01:13:55,594 And quite frankly, why I prefer marvel. 1569 01:13:55,765 --> 01:13:56,765 We are marvel. 1570 01:13:56,849 --> 01:13:58,885 (Laughs) Hilarious. You're fox. 1571 01:14:00,519 --> 01:14:01,519 Describe it. 1572 01:14:01,604 --> 01:14:03,040 I wouldn't ask him to do that, if I were you. 1573 01:14:03,064 --> 01:14:04,464 Weasel: It's like, um... Here we go. 1574 01:14:04,607 --> 01:14:06,043 It's like he's a muppet from the waist down. 1575 01:14:06,067 --> 01:14:08,274 But this time, you can see the muppet's twig. 1576 01:14:08,361 --> 01:14:10,213 Dopinder: Mr. weasel, I can no longer be double-parked. 1577 01:14:10,237 --> 01:14:11,837 I've had three tickets already. (Screams) 1578 01:14:13,574 --> 01:14:16,111 No, no, no, dp, not again! 1579 01:14:16,285 --> 01:14:17,741 This has happened before? Yeah. 1580 01:14:17,828 --> 01:14:18,828 (Dopinder retching) 1581 01:14:18,913 --> 01:14:20,265 (Door opens) Dopinder, either vomit 1582 01:14:20,289 --> 01:14:21,809 or don't. The indecision is killing me. 1583 01:14:21,916 --> 01:14:23,781 Why couldn't god take my hearing? 1584 01:14:25,711 --> 01:14:27,451 Oh. Wow! 1585 01:14:27,630 --> 01:14:29,166 Cool your pits. They're growing back. 1586 01:14:29,340 --> 01:14:30,921 I'm talking about your face. 1587 01:14:31,258 --> 01:14:33,123 I've never seen you without your mask before. 1588 01:14:33,302 --> 01:14:35,384 Jesus Christ! Looks like an avocado. 1589 01:14:35,554 --> 01:14:37,169 Domino: Your legs, though, they're cute. 1590 01:14:37,515 --> 01:14:39,301 You wanna borrow a pair of pants? 1591 01:14:40,893 --> 01:14:42,178 I'm glad everybody dropped by. 1592 01:14:45,272 --> 01:14:46,762 I'll tell you why I'm here. 1593 01:14:46,941 --> 01:14:49,102 The time traveler's wife's husband... 1594 01:14:49,276 --> 01:14:50,504 Beat me within an inch of my life. 1595 01:14:50,528 --> 01:14:51,688 He was torturing me! 1596 01:14:51,862 --> 01:14:54,729 But all I told him was everything he wanted to know. 1597 01:14:54,907 --> 01:14:57,068 So, I'm here to help us gear up. 1598 01:14:57,451 --> 01:14:58,762 So we can go after him without me. 1599 01:14:58,786 --> 01:14:59,786 Wade: No! 1600 01:15:00,204 --> 01:15:01,535 I'm doing this alone. 1601 01:15:01,706 --> 01:15:02,706 The juggernaut 1602 01:15:02,790 --> 01:15:04,030 will kill you all. Fair enough. 1603 01:15:04,208 --> 01:15:05,686 Wade: I don't care what the kid did to me. 1604 01:15:05,710 --> 01:15:06,937 I ain't letting cable get to him. 1605 01:15:06,961 --> 01:15:09,293 I just need a couple of hours to get some legs under me. 1606 01:15:09,463 --> 01:15:10,498 What will you do? 1607 01:15:10,589 --> 01:15:11,650 The first order of business is 1608 01:15:11,674 --> 01:15:12,734 to get me in front of cable... 1609 01:15:12,758 --> 01:15:14,111 So I can pull all the blood out of his body... 1610 01:15:14,135 --> 01:15:16,376 And fashion his bones into holiday jewelry. 1611 01:15:16,554 --> 01:15:18,215 Then, I'm gonna take his skin... 1612 01:15:18,389 --> 01:15:21,472 And stretch it out over a homemade mating drum. 1613 01:15:22,810 --> 01:15:24,471 He's standing right behind you, isn't he? 1614 01:15:27,857 --> 01:15:28,857 (Cocks gun) 1615 01:15:33,195 --> 01:15:34,901 What in the ass? 1616 01:15:35,072 --> 01:15:38,189 Is this apartment listed on tinder? Grindr? 1617 01:15:38,367 --> 01:15:40,358 You're much taller in the comics. 1618 01:15:41,954 --> 01:15:44,320 Ugh. Is that really necessary? 1619 01:15:48,461 --> 01:15:50,247 Why? No. 1620 01:15:50,421 --> 01:15:51,461 What can we help you with? 1621 01:15:52,214 --> 01:15:53,829 I'm here to proposition you. 1622 01:15:55,342 --> 01:15:56,342 (Laughs) Oh, boy! 1623 01:15:56,427 --> 01:15:57,654 He's really teeing it up, isn't he? 1624 01:15:57,678 --> 01:15:59,589 Who gets to make the first joke? 1625 01:15:59,764 --> 01:16:01,116 I think we should all do it at the same time. 1626 01:16:01,140 --> 01:16:02,140 Good call. 1627 01:16:02,266 --> 01:16:03,326 For $45, you get succotash. 1628 01:16:03,350 --> 01:16:05,181 Both: I only do over the pants, mouth stuff. 1629 01:16:05,561 --> 01:16:06,621 The proposition has a wonderful 1630 01:16:06,645 --> 01:16:07,645 guy pearce performance. 1631 01:16:07,730 --> 01:16:09,641 Wade: Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over. 1632 01:16:09,815 --> 01:16:12,056 Give us the line again. I need your help! 1633 01:16:12,568 --> 01:16:14,768 Trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are... 1634 01:16:14,904 --> 01:16:16,184 But you unleashed the juggernaut. 1635 01:16:16,739 --> 01:16:18,775 I can't bring him down alone. 1636 01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:20,440 So here we are. 1637 01:16:21,702 --> 01:16:23,317 We're no longer accepting applications 1638 01:16:23,412 --> 01:16:24,492 for x-force, unfortunately. 1639 01:16:24,580 --> 01:16:25,700 We don't have a lot of time. 1640 01:16:25,831 --> 01:16:27,511 Your friend's about to make his first kill. 1641 01:16:27,666 --> 01:16:29,146 No offense, but if you know so much... 1642 01:16:29,210 --> 01:16:31,576 Why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then? 1643 01:16:31,796 --> 01:16:33,787 I use a device to slide through time. 1644 01:16:33,964 --> 01:16:36,376 The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. 1645 01:16:36,550 --> 01:16:39,132 I got two charges: One to get me here, 1646 01:16:39,220 --> 01:16:40,505 one to get me home. 1647 01:16:40,596 --> 01:16:41,631 Well. 1648 01:16:41,722 --> 01:16:42,928 That's just lazy writing. 1649 01:16:43,099 --> 01:16:45,681 Oh, yeah. I get it. I see what you did there. 1650 01:16:46,018 --> 01:16:47,018 What? 1651 01:16:47,103 --> 01:16:49,469 Jokes about lazy writing to cover up actual lazy writing. 1652 01:16:49,647 --> 01:16:51,558 Why don't you just write better? 1653 01:16:51,732 --> 01:16:52,938 Why don't you just shut up? 1654 01:16:53,943 --> 01:16:55,649 Your boy's gonna kill the headmaster 1655 01:16:55,736 --> 01:16:57,146 of the orphanage tonight. 1656 01:16:57,321 --> 01:16:59,437 After that, he gets a real taste for it. 1657 01:16:59,615 --> 01:17:01,526 Like a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst. 1658 01:17:01,700 --> 01:17:03,315 So he keeps killing... 1659 01:17:03,494 --> 01:17:04,950 And killing, and killing, 1660 01:17:05,037 --> 01:17:06,322 and killing. (Guns cocking) 1661 01:17:06,705 --> 01:17:09,697 Until one day, he kills the wrong people. 1662 01:17:12,419 --> 01:17:13,784 My people. 1663 01:17:17,758 --> 01:17:18,793 Relax. 1664 01:17:18,968 --> 01:17:21,334 I'm retrieving something from my utility bag. 1665 01:17:21,512 --> 01:17:23,753 It's a goddamn Fanny pack... 1666 01:17:23,931 --> 01:17:26,593 And you know it, you sick son of a bitch! 1667 01:17:26,767 --> 01:17:28,428 The difference is night and day. 1668 01:17:32,565 --> 01:17:33,680 I'm sorry. 1669 01:17:34,066 --> 01:17:35,418 I said, "you remind me of my wife." 1670 01:17:35,442 --> 01:17:36,586 No, I'm sorry that you said that... 1671 01:17:36,610 --> 01:17:39,272 While making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm. 1672 01:17:39,446 --> 01:17:40,606 Cable: She always struggled. 1673 01:17:41,740 --> 01:17:43,150 But she was funny... 1674 01:17:43,325 --> 01:17:45,737 And filtered her pain through the prism of humor. 1675 01:17:46,579 --> 01:17:48,820 Something I could never master. 1676 01:17:49,623 --> 01:17:51,955 It was my fault she died. 1677 01:17:53,586 --> 01:17:56,623 It was my job to stop people like him. 1678 01:17:57,298 --> 01:17:59,254 I came close a few times. (Tomorrow playing) 1679 01:18:03,470 --> 01:18:05,210 He wasn't too happy about that. 1680 01:18:06,807 --> 01:18:07,887 He was trying to hurt me... 1681 01:18:08,058 --> 01:18:10,674 And he knew exactly how to do it. 1682 01:18:12,438 --> 01:18:14,099 Older Russell: Blessed are the wicked 1683 01:18:14,190 --> 01:18:16,556 who are healed by my hand. 1684 01:18:19,695 --> 01:18:21,526 Cable: He came into my home... 1685 01:18:22,031 --> 01:18:25,114 And took the only thing that made it a home. 1686 01:18:27,453 --> 01:18:28,943 Sound familiar? 1687 01:18:30,039 --> 01:18:31,700 I'm sorry. Uh-huh. 1688 01:18:31,790 --> 01:18:33,530 No, I'm really sorry. 1689 01:18:35,586 --> 01:18:37,167 But that isn't Russell. 1690 01:18:37,630 --> 01:18:39,710 It doesn't have to be him. If you knew what I knew... 1691 01:18:39,798 --> 01:18:41,538 Yeah, he's got anger issues... 1692 01:18:41,717 --> 01:18:43,127 Maybe a small learning disability... 1693 01:18:43,302 --> 01:18:44,667 Splash of diabetes... 1694 01:18:44,845 --> 01:18:46,130 But nothing that can't be fixed. 1695 01:18:46,222 --> 01:18:47,758 If you could go back... 1696 01:18:47,932 --> 01:18:50,548 And stop the people that took your girl, would you? 1697 01:18:50,726 --> 01:18:51,761 Of course I would. 1698 01:18:51,936 --> 01:18:52,976 But I wouldn't kill a kid. 1699 01:18:53,103 --> 01:18:55,435 I'm not asking you to kill a kid! 1700 01:18:55,522 --> 01:18:56,853 I'll kill the kid. 1701 01:18:57,024 --> 01:19:00,391 I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids. 1702 01:19:00,569 --> 01:19:02,776 Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage. 1703 01:19:02,947 --> 01:19:04,858 And I can imagine your dead girlfriend... 1704 01:19:05,032 --> 01:19:07,819 Would want you to do the right thing, wouldn't she? 1705 01:19:08,244 --> 01:19:10,951 So, what's it gonna be, handsome? 1706 01:19:11,538 --> 01:19:13,119 Give me a chance to save him. 1707 01:19:13,290 --> 01:19:14,621 What? You said... 1708 01:19:14,792 --> 01:19:16,436 Once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it. 1709 01:19:16,460 --> 01:19:18,701 If we can get to him before that happens... 1710 01:19:18,879 --> 01:19:20,494 Promise you'll give me a chance 1711 01:19:20,589 --> 01:19:22,295 to put him on a different path. 1712 01:19:22,466 --> 01:19:23,626 Define "chance." 1713 01:19:23,801 --> 01:19:25,153 I don't know. How long does it take 1714 01:19:25,177 --> 01:19:26,321 to save someone's soul? That's not... 1715 01:19:26,345 --> 01:19:27,585 I'll give you 30 seconds. 1716 01:19:27,763 --> 01:19:29,594 What? No! Best I can do. 1717 01:19:29,765 --> 01:19:31,050 Take it or leave it. 1718 01:19:41,527 --> 01:19:42,967 (Cable groans) Weasel: He's doing it! 1719 01:19:43,112 --> 01:19:44,672 Look at the little fella. He's doing it. 1720 01:19:44,697 --> 01:19:46,528 (Retches) There he goes. 1721 01:19:46,699 --> 01:19:48,109 Cable: Jesus Christ! 1722 01:19:49,702 --> 01:19:50,702 Ugh. 1723 01:19:51,662 --> 01:19:53,152 Weasel: There you go, little fella. 1724 01:19:53,706 --> 01:19:55,116 Go on, you're doing it! 1725 01:19:55,541 --> 01:19:58,783 My beautiful, hairless, twizzler-legged baby boy. 1726 01:20:00,587 --> 01:20:01,667 Domino: Geez. 1727 01:20:01,839 --> 01:20:03,249 That's disturbing. 1728 01:20:03,424 --> 01:20:04,664 30 seconds. 1729 01:20:10,264 --> 01:20:11,754 Deal. Deal. 1730 01:20:14,351 --> 01:20:16,808 Blind al: I have no idea what's happening. 1731 01:20:16,979 --> 01:20:18,560 (Softly) Probably for the best. 1732 01:20:20,232 --> 01:20:23,599 Deadpool: And that is why you never eat a raw starfish. 1733 01:20:23,777 --> 01:20:25,438 It's just common sense. 1734 01:20:26,071 --> 01:20:27,402 Where the hell are we going? 1735 01:20:27,573 --> 01:20:28,853 Deadpool.: You said it yourself. 1736 01:20:28,907 --> 01:20:31,740 Nothing can stop the juggernaut. We need backup. 1737 01:20:31,910 --> 01:20:34,652 I will bathe in the blood of your enemies. 1738 01:20:34,747 --> 01:20:36,954 (Bollywood music playing on radio) 1739 01:20:39,001 --> 01:20:40,616 Can you turn off the music? 1740 01:20:41,628 --> 01:20:43,619 You'll do no such thing. 1741 01:20:43,797 --> 01:20:45,597 Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent? 1742 01:20:45,716 --> 01:20:47,252 I'm sorry? Apology accepted. 1743 01:20:47,426 --> 01:20:49,462 This is a side of you I do not like. 1744 01:20:49,553 --> 01:20:50,553 Let me guess, 1745 01:20:50,637 --> 01:20:52,637 some of your best friends in the future are Indian. 1746 01:20:52,681 --> 01:20:53,681 What the hell are you...? 1747 01:20:53,766 --> 01:20:55,597 Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head. 1748 01:20:55,809 --> 01:20:57,265 I am so sorry. It gets better. 1749 01:20:57,436 --> 01:20:58,801 I'm not a racist, moron! 1750 01:20:58,979 --> 01:21:00,765 Precisely what a racist would say. 1751 01:21:00,939 --> 01:21:02,554 I'm with the old white guy on this one. 1752 01:21:02,649 --> 01:21:04,014 And that's a twist. 1753 01:21:04,193 --> 01:21:05,378 Deadpool: So what exactly do you 1754 01:21:05,402 --> 01:21:06,463 do in the future, anyway, huh? 1755 01:21:06,487 --> 01:21:07,852 Some kind of soldier? 1756 01:21:08,197 --> 01:21:09,858 Yeah, something like that. 1757 01:21:10,032 --> 01:21:12,193 Deadpool: I was a soldier. Special forces. 1758 01:21:12,368 --> 01:21:14,825 I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies. 1759 01:21:14,995 --> 01:21:16,951 50 years from now, you're very dead. 1760 01:21:17,122 --> 01:21:19,488 Your entire generation failed this planet into a coma. 1761 01:21:19,666 --> 01:21:21,122 Boom! (Imitates explosion) 1762 01:21:21,210 --> 01:21:22,370 Spoiler alert. 1763 01:21:22,461 --> 01:21:23,461 (Snickers) 1764 01:21:23,545 --> 01:21:24,785 (Sighs) Planets. 1765 01:21:24,963 --> 01:21:26,248 Here's a spoiler alert. 1766 01:21:26,423 --> 01:21:27,663 I should have finished college. 1767 01:21:31,303 --> 01:21:32,530 Deadpool: Well, I got news for you. 1768 01:21:32,554 --> 01:21:33,794 My heart is in the right place. 1769 01:21:33,889 --> 01:21:35,345 Russell's not gonna kill anyone. 1770 01:21:35,516 --> 01:21:37,535 Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like. 1771 01:21:37,559 --> 01:21:38,559 We're all gonna die. 1772 01:21:38,644 --> 01:21:39,746 Because of you, I'll always know 1773 01:21:39,770 --> 01:21:41,931 what a grown man with baby balls looks like. 1774 01:21:42,106 --> 01:21:44,017 I'm a grower, not a shower. 1775 01:21:44,191 --> 01:21:45,251 God, I wish this were a bus, 1776 01:21:45,275 --> 01:21:46,628 so I could pull the string and get out. 1777 01:21:46,652 --> 01:21:48,313 It's a good thing cable's not driving, 1778 01:21:48,404 --> 01:21:49,404 or you'd be in the back. 1779 01:21:49,530 --> 01:21:50,530 I am in the back. 1780 01:21:50,614 --> 01:21:51,614 Deadpool: Right here! 1781 01:21:52,157 --> 01:21:53,522 (Brakes screeching) 1782 01:21:55,077 --> 01:21:57,193 (In your eyes playing on boom box) 1783 01:22:10,175 --> 01:22:11,836 Deadpool: I made mistakes! 1784 01:22:12,219 --> 01:22:13,925 I wanna take them back! 1785 01:22:14,096 --> 01:22:17,338 You trusted me. I took that trust... 1786 01:22:17,516 --> 01:22:18,801 And turned it into a toilet stall 1787 01:22:18,892 --> 01:22:19,892 in an airport bathroom. 1788 01:22:20,060 --> 01:22:23,348 The one in Minneapolis. You know the one. 1789 01:22:23,522 --> 01:22:26,229 But even you know I was once an x-man. 1790 01:22:26,400 --> 01:22:27,560 Trainee! 1791 01:22:28,569 --> 01:22:29,569 (Music stops) 1792 01:22:32,239 --> 01:22:34,651 You're still using my velcro labels. Aw. 1793 01:22:34,825 --> 01:22:36,281 They do stick better than tape. 1794 01:22:36,452 --> 01:22:38,158 Hi, Wade! Please don't. 1795 01:22:38,245 --> 01:22:41,328 Say whatever it is you're here to say. Make it quick. 1796 01:22:41,415 --> 01:22:42,780 Right. Quick. It's this kid. 1797 01:22:42,958 --> 01:22:44,323 Just like you, I let him down. 1798 01:22:44,418 --> 01:22:45,418 And just like me, 1799 01:22:45,502 --> 01:22:46,896 he's never had anyone sacrifice anything for him... 1800 01:22:46,920 --> 01:22:49,080 Because the entire world wrote him off a long time ago. 1801 01:22:49,173 --> 01:22:51,334 Look, he's teamed up with the juggernaut! 1802 01:22:51,425 --> 01:22:52,631 (Gasps) The juggernaut! 1803 01:22:52,718 --> 01:22:54,446 Who's like my favorite marvel character ever. 1804 01:22:54,470 --> 01:22:55,470 And hi, yukio! 1805 01:22:55,554 --> 01:22:57,954 That was really nice of you to say hi, so I'm saying hi back. 1806 01:22:58,056 --> 01:23:00,422 You guys make a super cute couple. Yeah. 1807 01:23:00,601 --> 01:23:01,636 Where was I? Oh, yeah. 1808 01:23:01,810 --> 01:23:03,788 You should never meet your heroes, because honestly... 1809 01:23:03,812 --> 01:23:05,052 It causes nothing but problems. 1810 01:23:05,189 --> 01:23:08,352 Look, you can stop the juggernaut. I know you can. 1811 01:23:08,525 --> 01:23:11,437 Do you know what would happen to me if I helped you? 1812 01:23:11,612 --> 01:23:13,648 I would be disgraced. 1813 01:23:13,822 --> 01:23:15,778 You are a criminal, a fugitive. 1814 01:23:15,949 --> 01:23:19,316 But worst of all, you broke my heart, Wade. 1815 01:23:20,871 --> 01:23:23,738 You know what? Your heart's in the wrong place, big guy. 1816 01:23:24,708 --> 01:23:27,415 Doing the right thing is sometimes messy... 1817 01:23:27,586 --> 01:23:30,919 And screwed up, and not particularly convenient! 1818 01:23:31,089 --> 01:23:33,922 So stay here in chateau de virgin... 1819 01:23:34,092 --> 01:23:36,083 While we go get our game on! 1820 01:23:39,223 --> 01:23:40,588 Domino: You're doing great. 1821 01:23:43,602 --> 01:23:45,217 (Car door closes) (Engine starts) 1822 01:23:46,146 --> 01:23:47,665 Russell: So you wear that helmet because 1823 01:23:47,689 --> 01:23:49,270 your brother tries to read your mind? 1824 01:23:49,441 --> 01:23:52,558 Juggernaut: Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair, so even-Steven. 1825 01:23:52,736 --> 01:23:55,193 Man: Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir. 1826 01:23:55,364 --> 01:23:56,820 And he's not alone. 1827 01:23:57,324 --> 01:23:58,985 Headmaster: Secure the children. 1828 01:24:01,161 --> 01:24:03,698 They will not replace us. 1829 01:24:05,874 --> 01:24:08,331 Watch my back. I've got the old man. 1830 01:24:08,585 --> 01:24:10,496 Amen, brother. 1831 01:24:11,255 --> 01:24:12,620 (Brakes screeching) 1832 01:24:16,677 --> 01:24:18,167 Time to make the chimichangas. 1833 01:24:18,345 --> 01:24:19,960 30 seconds. 1834 01:24:20,597 --> 01:24:22,713 I finally know why I'm here. 1835 01:24:23,141 --> 01:24:24,972 I was raised in this place. 1836 01:24:25,143 --> 01:24:27,429 Well, not raised. I was tortured. 1837 01:24:27,604 --> 01:24:30,220 Wow! It's your cosmic reason for being here. 1838 01:24:30,399 --> 01:24:31,639 Shall we? This is gonna be fun. 1839 01:24:31,775 --> 01:24:32,775 Deadpool: Yeah! 1840 01:24:32,859 --> 01:24:34,315 Hey! Been meaning to ask you... 1841 01:24:34,486 --> 01:24:37,273 What's with the dirty, disgusting hobo bear? 1842 01:24:37,447 --> 01:24:40,280 It's not dirt. It's the blood of my dead daughter. 1843 01:24:40,784 --> 01:24:43,275 Are you bear, god? It's me, Margaret. 1844 01:24:43,453 --> 01:24:44,818 Give me some. 1845 01:24:44,997 --> 01:24:46,407 They say laughter heals anything. 1846 01:24:46,498 --> 01:24:47,704 Except, of course, that. 1847 01:24:50,168 --> 01:24:52,375 (Rap music playing) 1848 01:25:14,234 --> 01:25:16,941 Welcome home, Russell. We missed you. 1849 01:25:18,155 --> 01:25:19,155 Russell! 1850 01:25:19,323 --> 01:25:21,655 You don't need to do this! Let's talk! 1851 01:25:22,701 --> 01:25:24,095 Why are you dressed like the unabomber? 1852 01:25:24,119 --> 01:25:25,359 (Yelling) 1853 01:25:28,332 --> 01:25:29,332 That's why. 1854 01:25:29,416 --> 01:25:30,476 I told you he was too far gone. 1855 01:25:30,500 --> 01:25:32,536 Zip it, thanos! We have a deal and you forgot... 1856 01:25:32,628 --> 01:25:33,913 (Groans) Juggernaut: Hey! 1857 01:25:34,963 --> 01:25:38,080 I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your tailpipe. 1858 01:25:38,508 --> 01:25:40,590 My body and my hands are so soft. 1859 01:25:40,719 --> 01:25:41,863 You should probably head back to the car. 1860 01:25:41,887 --> 01:25:43,207 I think I'll head back to the car. 1861 01:25:44,389 --> 01:25:47,176 It works best when you pull the trigger. 1862 01:25:48,935 --> 01:25:50,015 (Groans) 1863 01:25:50,103 --> 01:25:51,388 That gun is amazing! 1864 01:25:52,773 --> 01:25:54,388 Russell: Say it! 1865 01:25:56,360 --> 01:25:58,225 You are an abomination! 1866 01:25:58,320 --> 01:25:59,320 (Grunts) 1867 01:26:04,201 --> 01:26:07,193 Now, I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy. 1868 01:26:07,371 --> 01:26:09,987 I believe him! Every man for themselves! 1869 01:26:12,876 --> 01:26:13,876 Gotchal 1870 01:26:14,252 --> 01:26:15,412 juggernaut: Beat it, midget! 1871 01:26:18,423 --> 01:26:21,130 Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low! 1872 01:26:21,635 --> 01:26:22,635 Uh, that's not good. 1873 01:26:23,595 --> 01:26:24,595 (Screaming) 1874 01:26:34,815 --> 01:26:36,021 (Juggernaut laughs) 1875 01:26:36,400 --> 01:26:37,640 Come here, beautiful. 1876 01:26:44,366 --> 01:26:45,366 Whoo! 1877 01:26:50,664 --> 01:26:51,664 (Juggernaut laughs) 1878 01:26:53,667 --> 01:26:54,702 Russell: Say it! 1879 01:27:08,724 --> 01:27:10,715 (In your eyes playing) 1880 01:27:41,006 --> 01:27:42,006 (Mumbles) 1881 01:27:42,299 --> 01:27:43,379 You came for me. 1882 01:27:43,550 --> 01:27:44,960 I'm not giving up on you, 1883 01:27:45,051 --> 01:27:46,916 and you are not giving up on that boy. 1884 01:27:47,095 --> 01:27:48,926 Who says that rules aren't meant to be broken? 1885 01:27:49,097 --> 01:27:50,962 It's time to fight dirty. 1886 01:27:51,141 --> 01:27:52,472 Time to sweep the leg, Johnny. 1887 01:27:52,642 --> 01:27:55,099 Hey! Pick on someone your own size! 1888 01:27:55,270 --> 01:27:57,306 That's such a you thing to say! 1889 01:27:57,397 --> 01:27:59,183 Go get him, tiger! 1890 01:27:59,357 --> 01:28:01,564 Big cgi fight coming up! 1891 01:28:02,152 --> 01:28:03,312 (Both grunting) 1892 01:28:03,528 --> 01:28:05,109 (Music playing) 1893 01:28:05,530 --> 01:28:06,645 (Grunts) 1894 01:28:08,158 --> 01:28:09,614 (Both grunting) (Bone cracks) 1895 01:28:09,701 --> 01:28:10,701 (Screams) 1896 01:28:18,752 --> 01:28:19,832 He's doing great. 1897 01:28:20,003 --> 01:28:21,288 Russell: Say it! 1898 01:28:25,550 --> 01:28:26,960 Russell. Deadpool: Bingo! 1899 01:28:29,638 --> 01:28:30,638 (Groaning) 1900 01:28:31,097 --> 01:28:32,097 Oh, great! 1901 01:28:32,182 --> 01:28:33,284 Orderly: There they are! Those freaks! 1902 01:28:33,308 --> 01:28:35,328 Deadpool: A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. 1903 01:28:35,352 --> 01:28:36,967 Can I have one of those guns? 1904 01:28:37,562 --> 01:28:39,223 No. That's fine. 1905 01:28:39,397 --> 01:28:40,757 Get off this property, mutant scum! 1906 01:28:40,816 --> 01:28:42,016 I'm just gonna use this brick. 1907 01:28:42,734 --> 01:28:43,734 Maximum effort. 1908 01:28:45,028 --> 01:28:46,689 Who says you can't go home again? 1909 01:28:48,824 --> 01:28:49,904 (All grunting) 1910 01:28:51,660 --> 01:28:52,660 Children: Yeah! 1911 01:28:52,744 --> 01:28:53,779 Say it. 1912 01:28:54,454 --> 01:28:55,454 Say it! 1913 01:28:55,539 --> 01:28:58,576 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand! 1914 01:28:59,209 --> 01:29:00,540 Blessed are the wicked... 1915 01:29:00,710 --> 01:29:01,950 Who are healed... 1916 01:29:02,420 --> 01:29:03,956 By my hand. 1917 01:29:12,764 --> 01:29:14,345 (Both grunting) 1918 01:29:18,228 --> 01:29:19,934 You annoying little punk! 1919 01:29:22,357 --> 01:29:24,018 (Children cheering) 1920 01:29:24,109 --> 01:29:25,109 (Spits) 1921 01:29:25,193 --> 01:29:26,808 (Yells) 1922 01:29:32,242 --> 01:29:33,242 (Groans) 1923 01:29:36,079 --> 01:29:38,866 Only best buddies execute pedophiles together. 1924 01:29:44,337 --> 01:29:45,337 (Speaks Russian) 1925 01:29:46,339 --> 01:29:48,546 I need a bus to get you all out of here. 1926 01:29:48,717 --> 01:29:49,717 (Gasps) 1927 01:29:53,889 --> 01:29:54,924 Orphans. 1928 01:29:55,682 --> 01:29:56,682 Oh, geez. 1929 01:29:58,727 --> 01:30:01,309 It's time to burn for what you've done! 1930 01:30:01,479 --> 01:30:03,970 A child should not be burdened with such power! 1931 01:30:11,197 --> 01:30:12,482 Russell! Wait! 1932 01:30:16,995 --> 01:30:17,995 Deadpool: Oh! 1933 01:30:23,877 --> 01:30:25,583 Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet! 1934 01:30:25,670 --> 01:30:26,731 What more do you need to see? 1935 01:30:26,755 --> 01:30:27,755 No, he's just a kid! 1936 01:30:27,839 --> 01:30:29,830 Tick, tock. Meter's running! 1937 01:30:37,641 --> 01:30:39,256 (Colossus groans) 1938 01:30:42,479 --> 01:30:44,310 I'm gonna make a necklace out of your teeth. 1939 01:30:50,070 --> 01:30:51,070 (Grunts) 1940 01:30:53,990 --> 01:30:54,990 (Growlys) 1941 01:30:55,492 --> 01:30:56,527 (Grunts) 1942 01:30:56,618 --> 01:30:58,358 (Electricity crackling) (Groaning) 1943 01:31:02,749 --> 01:31:04,865 I told you! Leave me alone! Come on! 1944 01:31:05,251 --> 01:31:06,331 Listen to me! 1945 01:31:08,588 --> 01:31:09,748 (Russell screaming) 1946 01:31:10,548 --> 01:31:11,913 (Both grunting) 1947 01:31:15,720 --> 01:31:16,720 (Grunts) 1948 01:31:27,524 --> 01:31:29,139 Colossus: (Scoffs) That's how we do it 1949 01:31:31,945 --> 01:31:32,945 (groans) 1950 01:31:33,029 --> 01:31:35,020 They say millennials are the hardest to reach. 1951 01:31:35,115 --> 01:31:37,606 Oh, no. You're doing amazing. 1952 01:31:37,784 --> 01:31:39,991 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta! 1953 01:31:43,665 --> 01:31:44,700 Deadpool: Go, go, go! 1954 01:31:44,791 --> 01:31:45,791 (Grunts) 1955 01:31:48,211 --> 01:31:50,042 He dies tonight, Wade. 1956 01:31:50,213 --> 01:31:51,749 You can't stop me! 1957 01:31:52,716 --> 01:31:54,172 Cable: He even runs like a pervert. 1958 01:31:54,384 --> 01:31:57,251 Like an online predator who lost his laptop. 1959 01:31:58,471 --> 01:31:59,881 There's one bullet left in that gun. 1960 01:32:00,056 --> 01:32:01,936 Wait, wait, wait! Please, just give me a second! 1961 01:32:02,100 --> 01:32:03,431 I got this. 1962 01:32:03,601 --> 01:32:05,717 Russell! Stay back! Go home, Wade! 1963 01:32:05,895 --> 01:32:08,102 Let's talk. It doesn't have to go this way! 1964 01:32:08,606 --> 01:32:09,891 That piece of shit... 1965 01:32:10,316 --> 01:32:11,956 He deserves to die for what he did to you. 1966 01:32:12,110 --> 01:32:14,021 He hurt you badly. 1967 01:32:14,738 --> 01:32:18,731 But look, if you kill him, he wins. 1968 01:32:18,908 --> 01:32:22,025 You become everything he says you are, but worse. 1969 01:32:23,079 --> 01:32:24,785 You're just a kid. 1970 01:32:24,956 --> 01:32:26,571 You don't wanna hurt anyone. 1971 01:32:28,043 --> 01:32:30,659 It isn't too late. Don't do it. 1972 01:32:36,217 --> 01:32:38,208 I never should've left you there. 1973 01:32:40,305 --> 01:32:42,421 I never should've left you in that prison. 1974 01:32:49,647 --> 01:32:50,887 I can't trust you. 1975 01:32:53,109 --> 01:32:55,225 I can't trust anybody! 1976 01:32:56,029 --> 01:32:57,360 (Groaning) 1977 01:33:04,412 --> 01:33:05,618 Wonderful kid. 1978 01:33:05,705 --> 01:33:07,036 Russell: You can't stop me, Wade! 1979 01:33:07,165 --> 01:33:08,165 (Deadpool groans) 1980 01:33:09,501 --> 01:33:11,617 I got one more idea. 1981 01:33:11,795 --> 01:33:14,582 It's just a really bad one, even for me. 1982 01:33:14,756 --> 01:33:15,836 Wade, what are you doing? 1983 01:33:16,007 --> 01:33:17,622 This is for all the marbles, kid. 1984 01:33:18,343 --> 01:33:20,129 You're gonna kill someone today... 1985 01:33:20,512 --> 01:33:21,843 Blessed are the wicked... 1986 01:33:22,013 --> 01:33:23,924 Then it's gotta be me. 1987 01:33:25,141 --> 01:33:26,927 Who are healed by my hand! 1988 01:33:30,188 --> 01:33:31,188 (Inaudible) 1989 01:33:33,858 --> 01:33:35,644 (Tomorrow playing) 1990 01:33:36,402 --> 01:33:38,518 (Girl singing) 1991 01:34:30,874 --> 01:34:32,284 (Groans) 1992 01:34:33,209 --> 01:34:36,167 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1993 01:34:37,630 --> 01:34:39,040 (Deadpool coughing) 1994 01:34:41,176 --> 01:34:42,666 Oh, that's not good. 1995 01:34:44,262 --> 01:34:45,672 No, sir. 1996 01:34:52,687 --> 01:34:55,770 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1997 01:34:56,191 --> 01:34:57,191 Yeah. 1998 01:34:57,275 --> 01:34:59,140 And it was the best thing I ever did. 1999 01:34:59,235 --> 01:35:00,235 (Coughing) 2000 01:35:00,320 --> 01:35:02,311 I told you I care about you. 2001 01:35:02,488 --> 01:35:04,149 You're a good kid, Russell. 2002 01:35:05,325 --> 01:35:06,405 Hey. 2003 01:35:07,660 --> 01:35:08,866 The bear. 2004 01:35:09,037 --> 01:35:10,322 It worked. 2005 01:35:16,336 --> 01:35:17,416 Because of you. 2006 01:35:17,587 --> 01:35:19,578 No, Wade, because of you. 2007 01:35:20,131 --> 01:35:22,087 Stop, stop, stop! 2008 01:35:22,258 --> 01:35:23,258 Stop! 2009 01:35:24,761 --> 01:35:27,298 Just let it happen, okay? 2010 01:35:27,722 --> 01:35:30,759 I guess my heart was finally in the right place. 2011 01:35:30,934 --> 01:35:33,346 (Groans) That riddle is so messed up. 2012 01:35:36,105 --> 01:35:38,016 (Groans, coughs) 2013 01:35:38,107 --> 01:35:40,098 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 2014 01:35:40,276 --> 01:35:42,463 Don't be. I've been trying to make this happen for a while. 2015 01:35:42,487 --> 01:35:43,897 Please, just don't leave me. 2016 01:35:44,072 --> 01:35:45,562 I don't wanna die without an audience. 2017 01:35:45,740 --> 01:35:46,900 We are not going anywhere. 2018 01:35:47,075 --> 01:35:49,111 Wade: Oh, god, I hope the academy is watching. 2019 01:35:49,285 --> 01:35:50,365 Just rest, okay? 2020 01:35:52,121 --> 01:35:53,201 Papa. 2021 01:35:54,290 --> 01:35:56,201 (Singing) Papa, can you hear me? 2022 01:35:58,461 --> 01:36:01,373 Papa, can you find me in the... 2023 01:36:04,092 --> 01:36:05,377 Night? 2024 01:36:25,738 --> 01:36:26,978 Before I go... (Coughs) 2025 01:36:27,490 --> 01:36:29,230 Sorry, I got a bit more in me. 2026 01:36:29,784 --> 01:36:30,944 Domino. 2027 01:36:31,119 --> 01:36:35,613 I want you to have my adventure time watch. 2028 01:36:35,707 --> 01:36:36,947 (Wade coughing) 2029 01:36:38,209 --> 01:36:41,076 Turns out that I'm the lucky one. 2030 01:36:41,838 --> 01:36:42,953 Thank you. 2031 01:36:44,257 --> 01:36:47,215 Hey, Sabrina, the teenage witch. 2032 01:36:47,844 --> 01:36:49,926 It has been a pleasure. 2033 01:36:51,556 --> 01:36:54,263 Hi, yukio. Hi, Wade! 2034 01:36:54,350 --> 01:36:55,350 (Chuckles) 2035 01:36:56,144 --> 01:36:57,350 And you... 2036 01:36:57,895 --> 01:36:59,180 Chrome bone. 2037 01:36:59,897 --> 01:37:02,354 I haven't always been the best friend to you. 2038 01:37:02,942 --> 01:37:05,183 But you've always been that to me. 2039 01:37:05,361 --> 01:37:06,646 So thank you. 2040 01:37:08,698 --> 01:37:10,484 Say the f-word for me. 2041 01:37:11,242 --> 01:37:12,482 Just once. Come on, 2042 01:37:12,577 --> 01:37:14,097 we'll do it together. It's no big deal. 2043 01:37:14,162 --> 01:37:15,652 Here we go. One, two, three. F f. F.. 2044 01:37:17,582 --> 01:37:18,582 (Bleep) 2045 01:37:18,666 --> 01:37:21,999 Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth. (Chuckles) 2046 01:37:23,421 --> 01:37:25,252 And you, cable. (Coughs) 2047 01:37:26,591 --> 01:37:30,254 You get back to your family. You tell 'em Wade says hi. 2048 01:37:31,137 --> 01:37:34,345 And promise me. Promise me one thing. 2049 01:37:34,807 --> 01:37:36,167 That you'll start judging people... 2050 01:37:36,267 --> 01:37:37,598 Not by the color of their skin, 2051 01:37:37,685 --> 01:37:39,550 but by the content of their character. 2052 01:37:40,271 --> 01:37:41,886 Jesus. Wade: R-dog? 2053 01:37:43,941 --> 01:37:45,021 Look. 2054 01:37:45,360 --> 01:37:47,942 Family is not an f-word. 2055 01:37:48,613 --> 01:37:49,898 All right? 2056 01:37:50,073 --> 01:37:51,938 There's one out there for you. (Coughs) 2057 01:37:52,533 --> 01:37:54,239 Just keep looking, okay? 2058 01:37:57,288 --> 01:37:59,654 Guys, for a second there... 2059 01:38:01,000 --> 01:38:02,786 We made a pretty good team. 2060 01:38:07,256 --> 01:38:09,087 Can you see it? 2061 01:38:09,801 --> 01:38:12,087 Do you see that beautiful bright light? 2062 01:38:13,429 --> 01:38:14,589 There it is. 2063 01:38:20,853 --> 01:38:22,059 Oh, that's the sun. 2064 01:38:22,146 --> 01:38:24,011 Don't stare directly into that. 2065 01:38:24,190 --> 01:38:25,521 I just have a few final words. 2066 01:38:25,608 --> 01:38:26,608 (Exhales) 2067 01:38:30,196 --> 01:38:32,312 Do you want to build a showman? 2068 01:39:01,102 --> 01:39:02,842 (Mellow music playing) 2069 01:39:48,608 --> 01:39:49,768 Sorry I'm late. 2070 01:39:49,942 --> 01:39:51,523 There was a bunch of 2071 01:39:51,611 --> 01:39:52,963 handicapable children who were stuck in a tree. 2072 01:39:52,987 --> 01:39:54,193 No. No. 2073 01:39:55,281 --> 01:39:57,943 But I did have to help a kid. Yeah. 2074 01:39:58,409 --> 01:40:00,274 He's got a terrible name. It's just awful. 2075 01:40:00,369 --> 01:40:01,369 Ugh. I tried to tell him. 2076 01:40:03,706 --> 01:40:05,116 Is this heaven? 2077 01:40:06,000 --> 01:40:07,206 It is now. 2078 01:40:10,671 --> 01:40:12,081 I am so sorry. 2079 01:40:13,382 --> 01:40:14,622 Vanessa: It's okay. 2080 01:40:34,445 --> 01:40:36,185 I missed you so much. 2081 01:40:42,036 --> 01:40:43,697 What is it? What's wrong? 2082 01:40:45,623 --> 01:40:47,113 It's not time. 2083 01:40:47,750 --> 01:40:49,615 What do you mean it's not time? 2084 01:40:49,794 --> 01:40:51,284 I'm here, I made it. 2085 01:40:51,462 --> 01:40:53,043 You can't stay. No, no, no. 2086 01:40:53,214 --> 01:40:55,830 I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere without you. 2087 01:40:55,925 --> 01:40:56,925 It's okay. 2088 01:40:57,426 --> 01:41:00,259 There's a time for us. It's just not now. 2089 01:41:01,264 --> 01:41:03,721 They need you. Who? 2090 01:41:05,768 --> 01:41:07,053 Vanessa: Your f-word. 2091 01:41:08,312 --> 01:41:09,312 Wade: Why? 2092 01:41:09,689 --> 01:41:11,475 Vanessa: You'll find out. 2093 01:41:12,358 --> 01:41:13,848 I love you. 2094 01:41:14,026 --> 01:41:15,266 I love you. 2095 01:41:17,780 --> 01:41:18,940 I know. 2096 01:41:19,115 --> 01:41:20,115 Now, go. 2097 01:41:21,450 --> 01:41:23,406 Go on. Go, get out of here. 2098 01:41:24,453 --> 01:41:25,453 Go. 2099 01:41:28,249 --> 01:41:29,249 Hey! 2100 01:41:32,086 --> 01:41:34,418 Kiss me like you miss me, red. 2101 01:41:35,047 --> 01:41:36,162 Well, come here. 2102 01:41:49,478 --> 01:41:51,719 Wait, hold the mustard. 2103 01:41:51,897 --> 01:41:53,012 Are you crying? No. 2104 01:41:53,190 --> 01:41:54,230 Yes, you are. No, I'm not. 2105 01:41:54,358 --> 01:41:56,358 You got emotion juice coming out of your eye holes. 2106 01:41:56,527 --> 01:41:57,629 It's not me. I'm not crying. 2107 01:41:57,653 --> 01:41:59,109 I think it's this dusty soundstage. 2108 01:41:59,196 --> 01:42:00,196 Oh, really? Or bedroom. 2109 01:42:00,281 --> 01:42:01,508 It's a dusty bedroom. Thank you. 2110 01:42:01,532 --> 01:42:02,863 That's normal. Let it out. 2111 01:42:04,243 --> 01:42:06,279 (Tearfully) I am crying. Yeah, you are. 2112 01:42:06,454 --> 01:42:08,098 And I'm caught off guard 'cause the movie's so bad. 2113 01:42:08,122 --> 01:42:09,122 Complete garbage. 2114 01:42:09,248 --> 01:42:10,454 It's very compelling. Yeah. 2115 01:42:10,541 --> 01:42:11,602 There's something that really resonates for me. 2116 01:42:11,626 --> 01:42:12,626 It kinda gets you. 2117 01:42:14,712 --> 01:42:15,872 (Sighs) There is more. 2118 01:42:16,047 --> 01:42:18,208 I would love to read it to you, Fred savage. 2119 01:42:18,382 --> 01:42:21,215 "Once again, Wade picked up the love of his life 2120 01:42:21,302 --> 01:42:23,042 “in his approachably shredded arms." 2121 01:42:30,436 --> 01:42:31,642 Vanessa: It's all right. 2122 01:42:32,313 --> 01:42:33,598 I'll be waiting. 2123 01:42:34,940 --> 01:42:36,771 It's pretty awesome up here. 2124 01:42:37,193 --> 01:42:39,275 I can have anything I want. 2125 01:42:39,528 --> 01:42:41,644 Can every day be international women's day? 2126 01:42:41,864 --> 01:42:43,104 It is heaven. 2127 01:42:43,199 --> 01:42:44,199 (Chuckles) (Timer dings) 2128 01:42:48,996 --> 01:42:50,361 (Screaming) 2129 01:42:53,709 --> 01:42:54,915 Time to make the chimichangas. 2130 01:42:55,002 --> 01:42:56,002 30 seconds. 2131 01:42:56,087 --> 01:42:57,327 Hey. Been meaning to ask you... 2132 01:42:57,380 --> 01:42:59,746 What's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 2133 01:42:59,924 --> 01:43:01,664 It's my daughter's Teddy bear. 2134 01:43:02,051 --> 01:43:03,291 Her name's hope. 2135 01:43:03,552 --> 01:43:04,552 Deadpool: Well... 2136 01:43:05,680 --> 01:43:07,466 What are you doing? 2137 01:43:07,640 --> 01:43:09,050 Somebody swiped right. 2138 01:43:09,141 --> 01:43:10,677 (Fast-forwarding) 2139 01:43:19,944 --> 01:43:20,944 (Groans) 2140 01:43:21,654 --> 01:43:24,145 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 2141 01:43:24,657 --> 01:43:25,657 (Deadpool groans) 2142 01:43:27,493 --> 01:43:29,108 Russell: You sacrificed yourself for me. 2143 01:43:29,286 --> 01:43:30,901 Deadpool: It would seem I... 2144 01:43:33,499 --> 01:43:34,499 Huh? 2145 01:43:35,418 --> 01:43:37,750 Genuine, high-grade lead. 2146 01:43:39,797 --> 01:43:42,584 You time-sliding son of a bitch! 2147 01:43:42,758 --> 01:43:44,339 You did this for me? 2148 01:43:46,220 --> 01:43:48,711 Wait. You can't go back. 2149 01:43:49,348 --> 01:43:50,588 You used the last of your fuel. 2150 01:43:50,683 --> 01:43:52,298 What about your girl, your wife? 2151 01:43:52,476 --> 01:43:55,718 No, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. 2152 01:43:57,231 --> 01:43:59,517 No, I'm gonna stick around for a while... 2153 01:43:59,692 --> 01:44:00,692 And make sure the world 2154 01:44:00,776 --> 01:44:02,687 doesn't shit itself into oblivion. 2155 01:44:03,404 --> 01:44:06,271 No. You did it for me. 2156 01:44:07,032 --> 01:44:08,363 No, I didn't. 2157 01:44:08,534 --> 01:44:09,819 You did. I really didn't. 2158 01:44:09,994 --> 01:44:11,834 Pretty sure you did. No, I'm positive I didn't. 2159 01:44:11,871 --> 01:44:13,532 Fine. All right, let's flip a coin. Okay? 2160 01:44:13,706 --> 01:44:16,288 Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me. 2161 01:44:16,459 --> 01:44:18,459 I'm not even gonna look, because you did it for me. 2162 01:44:18,627 --> 01:44:20,959 We must get the collar off. Forget it. It's no use. 2163 01:44:21,130 --> 01:44:22,441 These collars don't just come off. 2164 01:44:22,465 --> 01:44:23,465 Wade. 2165 01:44:24,592 --> 01:44:26,173 I have an idea. 2166 01:44:26,635 --> 01:44:28,626 No, no, no! Let's not do that. Please! 2167 01:44:28,804 --> 01:44:31,090 I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just... 2168 01:44:31,265 --> 01:44:34,382 Oh, gosh! They do say the pen is grosser than the sword. 2169 01:44:34,602 --> 01:44:36,638 (Collar buzzing) Russell: We need the code. 2170 01:44:36,812 --> 01:44:38,598 Try, uh, seven? 2171 01:44:38,773 --> 01:44:40,229 Deadpool: Settle down, captain lucky. 2172 01:44:40,399 --> 01:44:41,730 It's not gonna be one number. 2173 01:44:41,901 --> 01:44:43,061 Oh, god, that's lazy writing. 2174 01:44:43,986 --> 01:44:45,317 I still got it. 2175 01:44:46,947 --> 01:44:48,278 (Deadpool groans) 2176 01:44:48,365 --> 01:44:50,447 Put that back in your prison wallet. 2177 01:44:52,036 --> 01:44:53,822 I don't know how to thank you. 2178 01:44:53,996 --> 01:44:55,486 But I do know how to hug you. 2179 01:44:55,915 --> 01:44:57,121 No. Yes. 2180 01:44:57,291 --> 01:44:58,747 Here we go. Bring it in. 2181 01:44:58,834 --> 01:44:59,834 Come on. 2182 01:44:59,960 --> 01:45:01,245 Pelvis to pelvis. 2183 01:45:01,420 --> 01:45:02,660 Let's go tummy to tummy. 2184 01:45:02,838 --> 01:45:05,329 There we go. The kids call this tummying. 2185 01:45:05,424 --> 01:45:06,459 (Knife unsheatheys) 2186 01:45:06,550 --> 01:45:08,131 Is there a knife in my lower extremity? 2187 01:45:08,302 --> 01:45:09,712 There's a knife in your leg, yeah. 2188 01:45:09,804 --> 01:45:10,884 I'm just gonna back up now. 2189 01:45:11,013 --> 01:45:12,449 Yeah, yeah. No need to go full yentl. 2190 01:45:12,473 --> 01:45:15,135 Gonna pretend like that never happened. 2191 01:45:15,309 --> 01:45:16,924 Let's go home, Russell. 2192 01:45:20,898 --> 01:45:22,684 All you dirty mutants 2193 01:45:22,775 --> 01:45:25,141 are gonna rot in hell with the boy! 2194 01:45:25,319 --> 01:45:28,277 Your souls are beyond redemption! 2195 01:45:28,447 --> 01:45:29,607 Let's see your soul, perv! 2196 01:45:29,782 --> 01:45:32,489 No, no! No! No more! We're better than that! 2197 01:45:32,660 --> 01:45:33,740 We're better than him! 2198 01:45:33,911 --> 01:45:36,493 No more senseless violence! No more bloodshed! 2199 01:45:36,664 --> 01:45:38,120 We'll let Karma take care of him. 2200 01:45:38,290 --> 01:45:41,282 The day of reckoning is here! 2201 01:45:42,002 --> 01:45:43,583 (Tires screeching) 2202 01:45:43,671 --> 01:45:44,831 (Crashing) 2203 01:45:50,636 --> 01:45:52,592 I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great. 2204 01:45:52,680 --> 01:45:53,760 Whoo! 2205 01:45:53,848 --> 01:45:56,214 Courage is my power! (Deadpool laughs) 2206 01:45:57,309 --> 01:45:58,995 Deadpool: I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds. 2207 01:45:59,019 --> 01:46:00,779 I could barely keep a straight face. (Laughs) 2208 01:46:00,813 --> 01:46:02,678 I want some more. 2209 01:46:02,857 --> 01:46:04,222 I bet you do, brown panther. 2210 01:46:04,400 --> 01:46:07,517 We should leave before fudgernaut wakes up. 2211 01:46:07,695 --> 01:46:09,981 Good call. You guys coming with us? 2212 01:46:10,155 --> 01:46:11,986 No, we'll get the kids back to the mansion. 2213 01:46:12,157 --> 01:46:13,442 Besides, we're X-Men. 2214 01:46:13,701 --> 01:46:16,283 No, you're x-people. 2215 01:46:16,453 --> 01:46:17,659 You're exhausting. 2216 01:46:17,830 --> 01:46:19,491 I see what you did there. Puns. 2217 01:46:19,832 --> 01:46:20,947 Our door's always open. 2218 01:46:21,125 --> 01:46:22,885 That's kind, but I'm not ready to date again, 2219 01:46:22,960 --> 01:46:23,960 let alone two women. 2220 01:46:24,712 --> 01:46:26,794 Bye, Wade! Bye, yukio! 2221 01:46:26,922 --> 01:46:28,537 (We belong playing) 2222 01:46:29,800 --> 01:46:30,800 Deadpool: What do you get 2223 01:46:30,885 --> 01:46:32,070 when you take eight feet of chrome... 2224 01:46:32,094 --> 01:46:33,129 One pinch of courage... 2225 01:46:33,304 --> 01:46:34,419 A cup of good luck... 2226 01:46:34,597 --> 01:46:36,007 A dab of racism... 2227 01:46:36,181 --> 01:46:37,261 A splash of diabetes... 2228 01:46:37,433 --> 01:46:40,140 And a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer? 2229 01:46:40,311 --> 01:46:42,347 Answer: A family. 2230 01:46:43,063 --> 01:46:46,055 See? [ Didn't lie what kind of film this was. 2231 01:46:46,233 --> 01:46:47,627 If there's anything you take away today... 2232 01:46:47,651 --> 01:46:50,518 Other than the need to Google, "what the heck is dubstep?”... 2233 01:46:50,696 --> 01:46:53,984 It's that we all need to belong to someone. 2234 01:48:47,354 --> 01:48:48,719 Okay, there we go. Here we go. 2235 01:48:48,814 --> 01:48:50,179 (Moans) 2236 01:48:50,274 --> 01:48:53,766 After-credit scenes. I love after-credit scenes. 2237 01:48:53,944 --> 01:48:55,184 They feel so private, you know? 2238 01:48:55,362 --> 01:48:56,881 'Cause it's just you in the theater. Everyone's left. 2239 01:48:56,905 --> 01:48:58,145 Here's the curtain. Peek, peek. 2240 01:48:58,282 --> 01:48:59,592 Fred: But you know something, you know? 2241 01:48:59,616 --> 01:49:01,481 (Laughs) You stayed. 2242 01:49:01,827 --> 01:49:02,827 (Deadpool sighs) 2243 01:49:18,927 --> 01:49:20,667 How something so small generates 2244 01:49:20,763 --> 01:49:22,594 enough energy to reverse time is... 2245 01:49:22,765 --> 01:49:24,721 Oh, just fix it, eleven, 2246 01:49:24,808 --> 01:49:26,639 or I'll take it to the genius bar. 2247 01:49:26,810 --> 01:49:28,410 Cable's gonna kill you when he finds out. 2248 01:49:28,520 --> 01:49:29,520 Never heard of him. 2249 01:49:29,605 --> 01:49:31,061 Why do you think I'm helping him? 2250 01:49:32,316 --> 01:49:35,308 The lord works in mysterious ways, don't I? 2251 01:49:35,486 --> 01:49:36,942 Have a good day. 2252 01:49:37,529 --> 01:49:38,644 Bye, Wade! 2253 01:49:39,031 --> 01:49:40,146 Bye, yukio! 2254 01:49:41,450 --> 01:49:43,281 That was probably a bad idea. 2255 01:49:43,577 --> 01:49:44,577 What have we done? 2256 01:49:45,120 --> 01:49:46,951 (If I could turn back time playing) 2257 01:50:02,805 --> 01:50:04,761 I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader. 2258 01:50:04,848 --> 01:50:06,179 (Both panting) (Gasps) 2259 01:50:10,979 --> 01:50:12,435 I'll be right back! 2260 01:50:14,274 --> 01:50:17,061 We're definitely naming our kid Cher! 2261 01:50:17,528 --> 01:50:18,528 Whoo! 2262 01:50:20,155 --> 01:50:21,395 Deadpool: Peter! 2263 01:50:21,573 --> 01:50:22,938 Whoo! X-force! 2264 01:50:23,117 --> 01:50:25,324 Walk away! Just walk away! 2265 01:50:26,203 --> 01:50:27,989 But we're x-force! Nope, we're not! 2266 01:50:28,163 --> 01:50:29,619 X-force is just a marketing tool 2267 01:50:29,706 --> 01:50:30,850 designed by fox executives... 2268 01:50:30,874 --> 01:50:32,535 To keep Josh brolin employed. 2269 01:50:32,709 --> 01:50:33,994 It doesn't exist. 2270 01:50:34,169 --> 01:50:37,457 All right, well, this has been pretty scary! 2271 01:50:37,631 --> 01:50:39,212 And I need to feed my cat. 2272 01:50:39,383 --> 01:50:41,749 Go home, sugarbear. Go home. 2273 01:50:41,927 --> 01:50:45,169 Okay. Will you give domino my email? 2274 01:50:54,106 --> 01:50:56,017 Wade, is that you? 2275 01:50:58,402 --> 01:50:59,733 I guess stryker finally 2276 01:50:59,820 --> 01:51:01,276 figured out how to shut you up. 2277 01:51:04,408 --> 01:51:05,408 (Gunshot) 2278 01:51:07,786 --> 01:51:10,869 Hey! It's me! Don't scratch! 2279 01:51:10,956 --> 01:51:13,038 Just cleaning up the timelines! 2280 01:51:13,542 --> 01:51:15,157 (Whispers) Love you! 2281 01:51:17,462 --> 01:51:18,918 Welcome to the big leagues, kid. 2282 01:51:20,382 --> 01:51:21,382 (Gunshot) 2283 01:51:23,510 --> 01:51:25,421 You're welcome, Canada. 2284 01:51:25,512 --> 01:51:27,719 (If I could turn back time continues playing) 2285 01:56:51,296 --> 01:56:53,332 Deadpool: "The end." 2286 01:56:54,716 --> 01:56:55,716 Fred: Just in time, 2287 01:56:55,800 --> 01:56:58,086 because I have lost almost all feeling in my legs. 2288 01:57:00,514 --> 01:57:02,220 Ooh. No, they feel fine. 2289 01:57:02,390 --> 01:57:03,390 Can I go? 2290 01:57:03,558 --> 01:57:05,139 As you wish. 2291 01:57:06,269 --> 01:57:07,269 (Fred grunts) 2292 01:57:07,354 --> 01:57:08,935 That must feel good. Yes, thank you. 2293 01:57:09,105 --> 01:57:10,105 Deadpool: Yeah. 2294 01:57:12,567 --> 01:57:14,228 Come on. Whoa! Easy, now. Hey. 2295 01:57:14,402 --> 01:57:15,983 Easy, now. There you go. Come on. 2296 01:57:16,154 --> 01:57:17,860 Take it slow. Take it slow. Baby steps. 2297 01:57:18,031 --> 01:57:19,550 I can't feel my legs. I can't feel my legs! 2298 01:57:19,574 --> 01:57:20,689 Deadpool: I know. Yeah. 2299 01:57:20,867 --> 01:57:23,859 You've been asleep for three days, buddy. Come on. 2300 01:57:24,037 --> 01:57:25,823 Fred: Three days? Deadpool: Yeah! Three days. 2301 01:57:25,914 --> 01:57:27,314 Fred: I've been here for three days? 2302 01:57:27,374 --> 01:57:28,851 Deadpool: (Laughs) Yeah! Fred: Why so long? 2303 01:57:28,875 --> 01:57:30,019 Deadpool: Oh! Fred: That's too long! 2304 01:57:30,043 --> 01:57:32,083 Deadpool: Uh, can somebody get this guy a Starbucks? 150328