All language subtitles for 18 to Life s02e12 The Gate.eng

PHIL: Hey, Tara.

Tara?

TARA: Yeah, we're in here, babe.

Jessie and Tom having a fight?

No.

Ben's mom is just up from Miami.

Still haven't told Granny
Bellow you're married, huh?

This is the woman who
suffocated her canary

for singing too loud.

Ben's terrified
of what she'd say.

So how long you
hiding out for?

Till the old shrew
leaves our attic.

Hey, now.

They wouldn't appreciate you
calling Ben's mother a shrew.

Is the old shrew
coming down, or is she

going to make us late again?

Can't we go without her?

She keeps calling me a boy.

I think Jessie should come.

We will tell Grandma at
brunch that we're married, OK?

I'm sick of lying.

Nobody is lying, Tom.

We're simply calibrating
the appropriate time

to tell a fragile, elderly lady
that that her beloved grandson

made a rash decision.
- Hey!

And by my calculations,
that time would be never.

I trust you cleared all
of the evidence of Jessie

from upstairs, as discussed?

Grandma's lumbago
must be acting up.

He's right.

If we told her when
you got married,

it would've been bad enough.

Now, how do we
explain ourselves?

By admitting
we're afraid of her?

Wait till you're 21,
then she'll be deaf.

You can tell her as
many times as you want.

Yeah, like the
devil can go deaf.

She's gone.

She left without us.

What a surprise.

BEN: No, no, no, no.

I mean gone, gone.

Grandma's dead.

I thought there'd be
incident tape or a chalk

outline or something.

We have to get rid
of it and everything

that ever touched it.

I'll flip the mattress.

Great.

So her death germs will be
six inches under me instead of

right next to my skin.

Ew.

I have to get out of here.

Jessie, death is
sad but inevitable.

I've lost a lot of people
I care about, and Grandma.

It's just creepy.

My first death in my
first marriage bed.

Are you planning on a second
marriage or just another bed?

PARAMEDIC: Hi.

Uh-- found this clutched
in your grandmother's hand.

I believe it's yours.

Thanks.

Also, this was in her pocket.

She stole my necklace!

What is it?

I killed Grandma.

[MUSIC - HAWKSLEY WORKMAN AND
DOLLY, "YES, I DO"]

Can't we find a way that
we could be together?

Is there any way that
we could be together?

And oh, by the way,
baby, do you love me?

Yes, I do.

Yes, I do.

Yes, I do.

Yes, I do.

That picture had nothing
to do with her death.

You're just being paranoid.

You're right.

Given her mickey-a-day diet,
it was probably liver disease.

Aren't you glad
you didn't tell

Grandma about your marriage?

Dad was right.

The news probably
would have killed her.

Would have been some brunch.

Have some respect.

Her bed is still warm.

You mean your bed?

Why are you so bent
out of shape, Tom?

This is the woman who made
you change your own diapers.

Monica's right.

This is no tragedy.

She was 89 years old.

And she was definitely--

past the best-by date.

She's the woman who stopped
me from wetting the bed--

This is my grammy.

GRANDMA BELLOW: And this is why
Tom can't have any sleepovers.

[students laughing]

--and started my lifelong
fear of public speaking.

It's such a tragedy.

Sweet, old Grandma.

We'll miss her.

Well, we can all
take comfort in knowing

she's watching us from above.

Better there than here.

That's so funny, Mom.

She's only dead.

He's still grieving.

CARTER: Murder or manslaughter?

It was an accident!

So manslaughter.

Oh, not so fast
there, chiquita.

Tom knew that if Granny
found out he got married,

she would die.

Yet he left the photo in a
cookbook for her to find.

Ergo, he killed her.

No, he said that if she
found out, she would kill him.

Ah.

Self-defense.

How am I going to tell my
father I killed his mother?

Ask Oedipus?

Wait!

You're in the clear.

Heart disease is the number
one killer among the elderly.

It's associated with diabetes,
smoking, and lack of exercise,

all of which she had.

Oh.

Wha-- what?

Shock and anger
have been linked

to sudden cardiac arrest.

Who's up for ice cream?

Look, Tom.

You can't tell your father.

For once, we're in agreement.

Hide the photo and lie.

BEN: OK.

Thank you.

Hmm.

Thoughtful to the end.

Turns out she made her
own funeral arrangements.

That is considerate.

Maybe she wanted to
spare you the expense.

She used my card.

Ah.

She being interred
with your family?

Kind of.

Just not the dead ones.

She's being cremated,
and she wants

her ashes spread nearby us.

How near?

TARA: This has to be
a mistake, Judith.

Ben's mother said "large
hydrangea bush near the fence."

And this is the large
hydrangea bush near the fence.

Yes, in our backyard.

I'm sure she didn't want
to spend eternity with us.

She hated us.

Yeah, apparently not as
much as she hated my garden.

Oh.

BEN: No, it is a
mistake, all right--

with that property line.

Somebody clearly messed
with it when that fence

was being built. Bill.

You built the fence, Ben.

PHIL: Bob.

Hey, Bob.

Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob.

It's Ben.

TARA: OK.

Time like this calls
for compassion.

So, Ben, you're more than
welcome to spread your mother's

ashes on our bush.

Who knows, it might even
do the garden some good.

Yeah, especially
the weeping willow.

That's not weeping.

Oh, it will be.

It's so absolute.

No one close to me has died.

Well, yeah.

You're supposed to
save the tough love

for when I'm into hard drugs.

What about your turtle?

She didn't die.

She went for a walk.

Yeah, on the road,
where she died.

Don't you remember?

I made you a hat from her shell.

She didn't die.

Turtles walk slow.

Honey, death is
a positive thing.

I mean, just think, in 100
years, brand new people--

and turtles.

I should have gone to Judith.

Oh, don't be silly.

Us Merker women, we
are a hardy bunch.

Chances are you'll be burying
both your father and I--

and Tom.

Well, if this is where my
mother wants her memorial,

we've got work to do.

Your mother is the gift
that keeps on giving.

I'll get the weedkiller.

Hey, Phil.
- Hmm?

Hey, Phil.

[sighs]

Judith?

What killed Grandpa Bellow?

Grandma Bellow.

She broke his heart by running
off with his golf partner.

That's great.

I mean, not ideal.

Actually, kind of sad.

But at least it wasn't
anything genetic.

By broke his heart,
I mean his pacemaker

literally blew a gasket.

Well, what about your father?

He died in a bizarre
lawn bowling accident.

As in, he could have
lived a long, long time?

Well, sure.

If you take away the chronic
bronchitis, enlarged liver,

and incipient gigantism.

By the end, he was
just praying to die.

Oh.

But don't worry.

Ben and I are very healthy.

Except for Ben's blood pressure.

And my fibromyalgia,
which is real.

Whoa.

Sorry about that.

It's OK.

It was way too cold
and refreshing.

You may want to put
some sunscreen on that.

Shouldn't take much.

PHIL: OK, here's a question.

Why would we let our neighbors
use our yard as a pet cemetery

for grandmothers?

Oh, I wasn't sure
you even noticed.

It's like a parade out
there, without the clowns.

I can't get any work done--

without my siestas, I mean.

OK, honey.

If you want Ben
out of your hair,

then why don't you
just help him out?

Problem solved.

[drill whirring]
- What the hell?

What the hell?

I wanted to help Ben out.

Now that your mother's crossed
over to the other side,

I wanted you to be
able to join her.

That sounds like a threat.

Join her, symbolically,
in her own special place,

away from my lounger.

I'm touched, Phil.

Truly touched.

We're family now.

Mi casa es su casa, my friend.

Cheer up.

I made soup.

This is good.

What's in it?

Cream, butter, salt.

You know, I think it's
time we start eating better.

Just because we're
young doesn't mean we

shouldn't think of the future.

This is my comfort food.

I always eat this stuff
when I'm stressed.

What are you talking about?

I've never seen you
make this in my life.

This is Grandma's soup.

She is reaching out
from beyond the grave.

Pull yourself together.

Pull myself together?

I killed my grandmother.

Now, every time I look at my
father's face, a piece of me

will die.

Then tell him.

Tell what?

Let go of the guilt.
Your Dad's a practical man.

He'll understand.

You have to tell him.

TOM: You can do this.

You can do this.

Hey, Dad.

Hey.

There's something
I want to confess.

And I know you'll
understand because you

are a very understanding guy.

Final resting place.

The Hills'.

Times like this, I
can't help but think

how cruel the gods can be.

She was so vibrant and so alive.

Sorry, you were saying?

I want to confess--

Dad I miss her a lot.

That's really lovely, Tom.

She did have her
quirks, though, huh?

Commando inspections.

Exciting.

2:00 AM phone calls.

Spontaneous.

You really understood
her, didn't you?

Remember how she used to
imitate you when you cried?

I always thought
that was a bad dream.

And then, she'd laugh.

It was a sweet cackle, huh?

[cackles]

Oh.

You killed her.

You killed us all.

You were pretty funny back then.

Hey, I just had the best idea.

Nothing would make me
prouder than if you

delivered her eulogy.

My god, even saying it
makes me all verklempt.

Does that mean suicidal?

Stop it.

You're killing me.

JUDITH: Well, I hope
you have great weather.

Hope a tropical storm hits.

Gillian's in Aruba.

Auntie Jean's getting Botoxed.

Everyone has some
kind of excuse.

Can you blame them?

Can I ask you a favor?

Sure, honey.

Will you do Grandma's eulogy?

No, no.

I cannot do it.

Your dad said you were doing it.

Why can't you do it?

Because I killed her.

This was in her
hand when she died.

You always were my favorite.

This isn't funny.

She was 89 years old.

That's what killed
her, not some photo.

- So, I mean, should I tell Dad?
- Oh, god, no.

The only thing telling
your father will do

is make you feel better.

It certainly won't
bring Grandma Lucy back.

At least, I hope not.

I mean, if you feel bad about
killing your grandmother,

just think how bad you'll feel
about killing your father.

Hm?

JESSIE: Your mother's wrong.

You still think
I should tell him?

I meant wrong about
you killing your father.

The more obvious outcome is
that he'd kill you, a lot.

Well, I have to do something.

Because if this eulogy doesn't
kill me, then the guilt will.

Calm down.

Do you know stress can take
seven years off your life?

Thankfully, no.

I have to give a
speech about a woman

that no one can find
a nice word about.

It's not exactly soothing.

Her eulogy!

That's it.

It's not about
apologizing to your dad,

it's about apologizing
to your grandmother.

You know, the woman
you actually killed.

I mean, not actually.

Yeah, I got it.

What better way to
make amends than by doing

what no one else can--

finding the good in her?

What do you think?

Too gaudy?

You're the oldest grandchild.

Do you have any good
memories of her?

Are you kidding?

I've got loads.

Like when she locked
you in the closet

and told you to pretend
you were an astronaut.

Hey, how did you
go to the bathroom?

In my diapers.

Oh, like a real astronaut.

There must be some
lovely stories about her

that don't involve feces.

I just have to look for them.

She called Immigration on me.

Is that anything?

Oh.

Doesn't he live next door?

I guess the gate was open.

You know, Phil, you've got
your own backyard right there.

I didn't want to
disturb your mother.

Besides, the gate was open.

JESSIE: Did you
take that vitamin

pill I left by the sink?

Yeah.

Did you go to the colonic
cleanse I booked for you?

The memorial is
tomorrow, and I'm screwed.

Forgive me if I didn't feel
like having my insides detailed.

OK.

Relax.

I am going to be
condemned by this guilt

for the rest of my life.

I am, literally, having
heart palpitations.

Give me your hand.

You feel that?

No, my cell phone's on vibrate.

[phone beeps]

It's a voicemail.

It's Gran, and she
wants me to meet her.

She can't have you.

At the liquor store.

It's an old message
from a week ago.

What's going on with you?

One of us is
going to die first

and, apparently, it won't be me.

I don't want to live
without you, that's all.

Think positively.

You could go first,
crushed by a revolving

door, or choking
on an M&M, mowed

down by a tractor on a hayride.

Oh, that's sweet, Tom.

But you know I suffer
from hay fever.

And you're still
getting that colonic.

For a second I
forgot about tomorrow.

Now, I'm really having
heart palpitations.

Have you noticed some odd
developments around our yard

recently?

You mean Phil droppings?

Just tonight, he
wandered into our kitchen

looking for ice for his mojito.

What's a cocktail
without ice, really?

You know what he said?

The gate was open?

Mm-hmm.

You have to speak to him, Ben.

I can't say anything.

He got us that gate as a gift.

That's what the Trojans said.

TOM: The rabbit
crawls under the log.

The rabbit hops over the log.

The rabbit gets crushed by the
log and found by scavengers

and ripped to 1,000 pieces.

Hey, guess what?

I tracked down some of
your granny's old friends

from your mom's
list of mourners,

and they had the best stories.

I wrote some of them down in
block letters on index cards

so they're easier
for you to read.

"I will always remember
Lucy for her kindness and care

for my poor dog, Buster,
as he lay dying."

Where's the part where
Grandma poisons Buster?

She didn't.

No, these are simply what
they seem, lovely stories.

See?

She wasn't a total monster.

Judith, Could you
let me know if this--

oh!

Hey, bro.

Phil, what are you
doing in our bathroom?

Su casa, mi casa.

Sorry for steaming up the place.

I wanted to look spiffy
for the big event,

and our water pressure is crap.

Besides--

Gate was open?

PHIL: Oh-- think you
need a new loofah.

Hmm.

Get out your
hankies because I'm

going to cremate this eulogy.

I'm glad you got
your mojo back, MC,

and that Jessie took my advice.
- Advice?

Yeah, about coming up with
fake stories about your grammy.

Uh, probably should have
told that after the speech.

Hey, Tom.

It's time, OK?

[funeral dirge plays]

Ahem.

Hi.

We're here today to
celebrate the lovely Lucille

Bellow, my grandma.

As one friend recalls,
even in her walker,

Lucy insisted on helping--

helping me-- me cross--

I can't do this.

Why not, Tom?

Because--

Because I stole those
stories from "Reader's Digest."

And the fact
that I killed her.

I'm sorry, Dad, but Grandma
found a picture of me

and Jessie married
that I hid in a book.

And it was clutched in
her cold, dead claw.

Hand.

Hand.

The shock killed her.

I tried to make it up by saying
nice things, but you know what?

She wasn't nice.

She was kind of petulant.

And anti-Semitic.

[organ resumes]

Finally, someone with the
guts to say it to my face.

- You did hear what I just said?
- Sure, I did.

You think hiding that
picture was going

to keep it from my mother?

That woman had no concept
of personal property.

Well, unless it was hers.

Of course, she
had no compunction

about using Judith's toothbrush
to brush her dog's teeth.

[laughter]

Sorry, honey.

Grandma Lucy wouldn't
want us to sit around

and pretend she was nice.

I mean, this is the
woman who walked

me to school with a harness.

No wonder I hated junior high.

Let's celebrate Grandma Lucy
the way she would have wanted.

[MUSIC - THE BEAUTIES, "FASHION
BLUES"]

She stole my candy
when I was a baby.

I was a baby, so
I didn't remember.

But she made sure to tell me.

Every year for Hanukkah,
she gave me a rosary.

So generous.

She cornered me
in the laundry room

once, helped me do my laundry.

She really knew how to separate
the whites from the colors.

Well, that's the way she
wanted to live her life.

Oh, Grandma Lucy was epic.

There won't be another like her.

Hey, you know, she did
bring us closer as a family.

We owe her for that.

You did hear that
I killed her, right?

I'm calling it self-defense.

To Grandma Lucy,
a true original.

Here, here.
EVERYONE: Here, here!

L'chaim.

"And for Judith, I leave
this piece of advice--

don't wear red.

It makes you look like
an overage hook--"

OK, there's a typo there.

Is there anything
in it for me?

Yes, sweetie.

Where is it?

Yeah.

"As for Monica, she
is my only hope."

Duh.

But is there anything
in it for me?

Money?
Bonds?

- Jewelry.
- I already took her jewelry.

That's fair.

She already took mine.

BEN: Oh, here's
something about you, Tom.

Listen to this.

"You may be
wondering why I asked

to be sprinkled in your
white trash neighbors' yard.

Beyond giving me a good
chuckle, it's my gift to Tom.

There's a girl there
I've seen over the years,

and I wanted to send Tom over.

If the boy has any balls,
he'll know what to do.

Maybe he can avoid
the mistake my son

made in marrying his
Jewess--" Oh, god,

there's another typo there.

It's-- it's "Judith."

She actually wanted
Tom and I to meet?

So when she found the
picture, that means she died--

Happy.

And old.

So will I.

Oh.

Where's Grandma
when you need her?

[crickets chirping]

Why on earth are
you reading that?

It's my mother's
last purchase,

the "Celebrity" cellulite issue.

I miss her.
- I know, honey.

Oh, Ben.

She knew you converted.

Oh, my god.

I killed her.

[thunder rumbling]

[MUSIC - THE 1, 2, 3,
4S, "SAME OLD ROAD"]

Hey, Ben!

Open up!

I've got brownies in your oven.

Ben?

(SINGING) Pity me.

He said pity me.

I ain't God no time,
I ain't got no money.

It's easy.

My talking talking
myself back to your arms.

Walking, walking down
the same old road.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0