All language subtitles for 18 to Life s02e07 in the Attic.eng

[MUSIC - EMILY MOVER, "ORDINARY
DAY"]

I fall asleep to your serenade.

I wake up to your saving grace.

I see the sunbeam,
the perfect ray.

I want to send out a
gazillion bouquets.

Tom.

Hey.

Tom.

Hey.

[grunting]

I'm sorry, did I wake you?

No.

No, that was the floor.

This blanket smells
like Granny Bellow.

We should get a duvet.

One of those down ones.

Unless they actually
kill the ducklings.

Go to sleep.

Do they have to kill them to
pluck the down off their backs?

Shh, I have a big knife
skills test coming up.

The sharp end goes down.

How hard can it be?

Jessie, please.

I need some sleep.

Do you want to have sex?

Let's do this.

[THEME MUSIC - HAWKSLEY WORKMAN
AND DOLLY, "YES I DO"]

THEME MUSIC: Can we find a
way that we could be together.

Is there any way that
we could be together?

And oh, by the way,
baby, do you love me?

Yes I do.

Yes I do.

Yes I do.

Yes I do.

JESSIE: Hurry up,
I'm late for class.

How did we sleep in when
I didn't even sleep?

Well, whose fault is that?

You weren't
complaining last night.

Yeah, I was.

But you couldn't
hear me under all

your talk of
ducklings, and bills,

and how much you love me.

Why are you only
wearing one she?

I can't find
anything in our closet.

It's like the floor
of a nudist colony.

[phone ringing]

That's for me.

I got it.

Ow!

Tom and Jessie's phone.

Tom speaking.

How may I help you?

Oh, no, Jessie's in the
bathroom dropping a deuce.

Professor Turnowski.

Just a sec.

I can't believe I agreed
to sharing one cell.

Hi, Professor Turnowski.

TARA: She's visiting
you after 20 years.

How do you know she
still likes darts?

Nobody likes darts.

Darts just give
drinking a context.

I don't know, Phil.

Every time a guy is best
friends with a girl,

I always assume
that they want sex.

I mean, do you

You're jealous.

No, I am not jealous.

You are a lying, jealous liar.

No, I am not jealous.

I am clever.

If you two were
such good friends,

then why did it take
her this long to visit?

I mean, obviously
she wants something.

Oh, I know exactly
what she wants.

She wants my stick.
- Your stick?

My prized possession,
my nest egg.

Back in the day, I won two
tickets to see Phil Collins.

I took Serena.

She caught his
autographed drumstick.

But she was sitting in my seat.

They were my tickets.

So I made an executive decision.

I kept the stick.

Aah.

You like Phil Collins?

Nobody likes Phil Collins.

But that's not the point.

But do you know how
much this drumstick

could be worth one day?
- Five bucks?

See?
Jealous.

No.

Maybe she's using the
drumstick as an excuse

to get into your pants.

That could be true,
if she swung that way.

She's gay?

As the '80s.

Well, at least we know which
stick she's not interested in.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh my god.

Judith, Judith, Judith!

You wouldn't believe
who's outside.

Serena Manson, an
old flame of mine.

Why is she here?

After 25 years, you'd think
she'd be over me by now.

Carrying a torch that long.

Serena Manson.

My god, you haven't
changed a bit.

Uh, sorry.
Do I know you?

Oh it's OK.
I told my wife about us.

Hello.

I'm Judith.

I'm Ben's wife.

Help me out, here.

You're friends of
Phil and Tara's?

It's me, it's Ben.

Ben Bellow.

We dated in university.

We tried to make sushi.

You introduced me to
marijuana, I had you arrested.

This ring any bells?

Uh, this is 69
Henderson, right?

That's next door.

Great.

Well, nice meeting you.

Huh.

Must have forgot her
contacts, I guess.

Something.

I don't see why you
need one of these.

Because if Jesse doesn't
sleep, then I can't sleep.

And if I can't sleep,
I am going to butcher

my knife skills class.

So to speak.

Oh, check it out.

The You Snooze.

Good entry-level
white noise machine.

Mostly nature sounds.

Affordable, but quality is lame.

How do you know this stuff?

You would not believe how
hard it is for a girl to fall

asleep next to a strange guy.

Well, I would
if that guy's you.

That's why I come equipped
with one of these bad boys.

The sooner they're asleep,
the sooner I can spoon them.

What?

The sonic duvet by
Slumber Science?

I've heard about this.

That's a lot of money to
spend without asking Jessie.

- So call her.
- I can't.

She's got the cell.

The cell?

What are you, sharing one phone?
- It cut costs.

And your balls,
in one fell swoop.

So can I use
your phone, or not?

No.

I'm using it to text
Jessie an apology

for sending her that
picture of me on the toilet.

SERENA: That was after we
drank that mushroom tea,

and we got chased by
those mailboxes, remember?

Oh man!

You sound crazier
than Phil, here.

Yeah, we had fun.

You know that, one
day, you wake up

and you realize
something's missing.

It's not missing, if it
wasn't yours in the first place.

JESSIE: Hey guys.

PHIL: Hey.

Hey.

This is Jessie?
- Mm-hmm.

Wow, look at her.

Skin like porcelain, and
such a beautiful smile.

Thank you.

You look like a runner.

Are you a runner or a dancer?

So Jess, where is
your husband, Tom?

How should I know?

We're married, not
joined at the hip.

I am my own individual,
with my own mind.

Everything OK, sweetie?

I didn't sleep last night.

You don't look bad.

- Good genes, I guess.
- I'll say.

Yeah, OK, Phil,
why don't you take

Serena and show her the garage?

I'm going to hook Jessie
up with a hot bath.

JUDITH: You weren't even
a blip on her radar.

Oh, well it was only
a couple of dates.

Well, one date should
have been enough.

You're Ben Bellow.

What do you care?

It's an insult to me.

I mean, you.

She doesn't know
what she missed.

You're a judge,
for heaven's sakes.

You're right.

I am an absolute catch.

She'll see the light.

Well how, exactly, is
that going to happen?

I'll shine it in
her eyes if I have to.

[ocean sounds roar]

I don't know about this.

It's peaceful, and calming.

And loud.

Well, you can turn
the volume down.

Why can't we plug
it on your side?

Because I don't need
a sound soother, you do.

[hissing]

Oh!

Oh, that's the scented mist.

It just peed in my face.

You can't just fix me
with a machine, Tom.

Oh yeah?

Wait till you hear the train.

[train chugging]

Choo choo.

Remember to give these biceps
a flex when she passes by, huh?

Oh believe me, Judith.

You'd better call a
plumber, because these pipes

are about to burst.

Here she comes.
Pretend you're sexy.

I-- what?

Ben Bellow.

Oh, hey there.

How are you doing?

I remember you now.

Didn't recognize you
without your retainer.

Oh.

So what have you been
doing all these years?

I became a
photojournalist, you?

Judge.

Graduated top of
my class, actually.

You know how I used to
always like the law.

Right.

Well, I got to get going.

BEN: Okey-doke.

I think that went
well, eh Judith?

What is her problem?

No luck with the phantom shoe?

Eaten by Her underwear pile.

How'd you do on the
knife skills test?

I'm guessing B minus?

OK, C.
- F, Jess.

All because you couldn't sleep.

It's like this closet, Tom.

Our lives have become one.

[phone ringing]

That's for me.

Hello?

It's for you.
- It's a coincidence.

Don't you get it?

I can't even go to the bathroom
without you knowing the 411.

I need my space.

Then if it's space you
want, Jess, you got it.

That would have been so
much more effective if I

actually had somewhere to go.

You know what?

Why don't I go.

Maybe I can reset the
button on my sleep routine

for both of us.

You must be so
proud of Jessie.

I mean, she is
the total package.

Oh, you think so?

She's amazingly
self-assured for her age.

I mean, you would never
know she's only 18.

OK, that's enough, Serena.

She is half your age.

You-- you think I'm
interested in her?

No, not like that.

Like, as a human being.

Seriously, she's a great kid.

Oh my god.

I am so embarrassed.

I don't know what
I was thinking.

But truthfully, um, there is
something I would like to get.

Oh, yeah?

Phil's sperm.

No, it's not a perm.

His hair is naturally curly.

No, I didn't say perm.

I said sperm.

I want to have Phil's baby.

Hey mom, can I have
my old room back?

Sure.

I feel bad, kicking
Serena out of the guestroom,

that will forever be my room,
no matter what you call it.

Don't worry about it, sweetie.

We'll just do a little
shuffling, that's all.

Did you take care of that, hon?

The drumstick is
under lock and key.

I meant Serena's bed.

- Right, right.
- Yeah.

I'll go get the blankets.

Thanks.

Oh, and for what
it's worth, it's

just for a couple of nights.

Very short sperm.

What?

Short term.

Oh, I'm so tired.

I can't even speak.

Well, these dishes aren't
going to wash themselves.

Look, Tara, I know that
this is a lot to absorb.

And that's why I wanted
to make sure you were OK

with it, before I asked Phil.

Why wouldn't I be OK with it?

I mean, I'm a modern,
liberated woman, right?

Well why don't you talk
to him, feel him out.

And if he's uncomfortable,
I'll never mention it again.

OK, just one question.

Why Phil?

Because of all the guys I
ever met, he's still the best.

He breathes through his mouth.

And he scratches himself, a lot.

Congenital eczema.

You wanted to have Jess.

You must know why I
want to have a child.

OK.

I'll think about it.

You think these jeans
make Eva's butt look big?

Kind of, yeah.

By the way, if
this ends in divorce,

I call white noise machine.

This is just until we
catch up on our sleep.

One night, two tops.

It's perfectly normal.

When you're our age, perfectly
normal is farting the alphabet,

or fantasizing about
your best friend's mom.

Sorry.

What are you
doing in my closet?

Is there something
you want to tell me?

It's Jessie's.

But chicks hate
sharing closets.

Even I know that, and I only
pretend to listen to them

when they talk.

Well, it's more
than just our closet

she wants to get away from.

Dude.

This is a good thing.

You have the whole
place to yourself.

Enjoy it, brother.

[upbeat music]

Hard times never,
ever have been easy.

Sometimes all you
got to do is fight.

Take time because I don't
want you to leave me.

Make time because I
want you in my life.

Our heads are feeling lighter.

Our legs, we got no knees.

So come on, hold me tighter.

Let's shine brighter.

Let's be you and me.

[heart beating]

Ow!

Oh, I'm sorry,
honey, did I wake you?

- What's up?
- Well, I saw this flyer today.

And someone was giving
away their puppies.

Isn't that weird?

Just giving away
puppies like that?

Yeah, you could
totally sell them.

What I we had puppies,
and Serena wanted one?

Do you think that we
would be OK with that?

Sure.

Serena's great.

What if the puppy
looked like you,

and Serena did something
that you didn't agree with,

like put a choke collar on it?

Or a fuzzy little vest?

We'd ask her not to.

You see, Phil, here's
the thing, right?

Once you give your puppy away,
you no longer have a say.

The puppy is now hers.

We're not talking about
puppies, anymore, are we?

No.

We're talking
about the drumstick.

Yeah, that woman
is relentless.

Hey, you.

Your turn with the phone.

Well you seem
perky this morning.

But I slept like a baby.

How about you?

Great.

So you coming back?

No.

No, I'm going to
need another sleep.

Or two-ish.

I realized last night that
we got married so fast,

I didn't really get a
chance to say goodbye.

To what?

To my room, my space.

Single Jessie.

I just think I need a little
time to catch up with myself.

That doesn't sound like a
threat to our marriage at all.

I knew you'd understand.

Oh, hey, Tara!

Did you talk to him?

I did.

And he's not quite sure
what to make of it all.

He said no?

Phil's never really
been good at sharing.

Well, I'm not
asking him to share.

You're certainly not
asking to borrow it.

Oh come on, Tara, please.

The clock is ticking.
- You know what?

You're right.

Grocery store is going
to close in 10 minutes.

Gotta go.

Come on, Tara.

Tara, come on.

We could talk about this.

Everything OK?

Can I ask you a
personal question?

Sure.

If an old friend of Ben's who
is a really good person, who

would make a fantastic
mother, decided

to have a baby on her own,
and needed Ben's sperm,

you think Ben would
be OK with that?

Oh my god.

You want Ben's sperm?

God, no.

No, I want Phil's.

Oh.

[emotional music]

Then at the break of day
you sank into the dream.

You dream of us.

Phil's sperm?

Phil?

They only have one kid,
and she married Tom.

We have three perfectly
healthy children, two of whom

are excellent.

Why wouldn't she want yours?

It's as if she's trying
to drag down the species.

Honestly, Phil, I could
sleep on the couch again.

No one should have to sleep
on that couch for more than one

night.

Besides, what's mine is yours.

It is?

Have a good sleep.

MUSIC: You dream of us.

[grunting]

Oh, OK.

That's it.

The cot in the basement
makes more sense than this.

[tv chatter]

What are are doing?

I just slept for
12 hours straight.

I am wide awake.

You should take my bed.

I can't do that, sweetie.

But I'm the reason
Serena took yours.

Seriously, I'm going
to be up for a while.

[slow music]

It was never just a dream.

Never just a dream.

All of those have less parties.

Just a dream.

Many a sunrise with--

[screaming]

You're supposed
to be in the loft.

You're supposed to be my wife.

The hairy arms
didn't tip you off?

I thought it was a sweater.

Hey, while we're here.

There is no we here, not ever.

Yeah, but if we
were here, what

would you tell me about getting
Jessie to come back to our bed?

Let me guess.

You guys go to bed at the
same time every night.

Yeah.

Dude, you've got
to create space.

Give her a couple
of nights a week

where she goes to bed alone.

Say you're watching
the game, you're

out with buddies, anything.

Alone time.

If you want to survive
all this togetherness,

you've got to guard each
other's independence.

Hey, what are you doing?

I have to go, Phil.

But before I do, one question.

Why won't you give it to me?

I knew this is why you came.

Oh, well if you knew,
then you must have a pretty

good answer to my question.

It's a matter of
principle, Serena.

I don't understand.

It's simple, you
don't deserve it.

Why, because I'm a lesbian?

No, it's-- it's--

I'm just not going to
give it away for free.

You want to charge me?

Oh, stop it, stop it.

Honey, Serena didn't come
here for your drumstick.

She wants to have a baby.

Oh.

She wants your baby paste.

God, no!

I mean, wow, that's
really flattering.

But no, I couldn't.

Dude, you know I love you.

But Tara and I decided to
have one child for a reason.

There's only so much
room on this planet.

I'm so sorry.

You see?

That's why I chose you.

You're a good man, Phil.

I'm sorry, I was so afraid
that you were going to say yes.

I-- I should have trusted you.

Serena, if there's anything
else we can do to help you out.

Well, where's that
drumstick you mentioned?

Yeah, sorry.

Hey, I got your text.

I've been thinking
about the you, and the me,

and that lonely red shoe.

Just because we're
married doesn't mean

we have to share everything.

OK.

So this is the ta-da part.

[music swells]

Wow.

My other shoe.

Look inside.

My own private cell phone!

We can find other
places to cut corners.

But I can't sleep
without you, Jess.

Aww.

And I know there'll be days
when you want your own space,

and that's fine.

And you can have the bed to
yourself whenever you want it.

But just say you'll come home.

Well who could say no
to a closet like that?

And I will take you
up on the bed offer.

But not tonight.

Ever done it on a beach?

Surf's up.

Well, I'll ask around for you.

I know a lot of fabulous men.

He is, too.

But there's always
Ben, right Judith?

Oh yeah, it makes
a lot more sense.

Once you go Ben, oh,
you'll want it again.

Stop!

Did I mention I'm gay?

Once you go Ben,
you're finished with men.

Anyway, I found my sperm
donor, for what it's worth.

Thanks for the drumstick.

TOM: Carter!

I don't know who
Phil Collins is.

But you will never guess what I
had to do to get his drumstick.

eBay, here I come.

[bright music]

Two days from Montreal.

Would you let me tag along?

Too shy to dance at home.

But I'm out tonight in Tokyo.

The kids on the street with
their heads in their hands.

Can they turn into fire.

Like summer's over again.

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