Original subtitles

[music playing]

[kitchen noises]

Like all great chefs, I pride myself

on being part a hard ass.

But I guess congratulations are in order

for being the only students who did not drop my course.

Congratulations.

You have offended me deeply.

Would you really work for this guy?

Absolutely.

He has three, one word name restaurants--

Twist, Affected, and can't remember the name of the third.

- Pretentious? - Yeah, that's it!

Your future careers as chefs depend on your final test.

But to get to where you're going,

you have to know where you've been.

So your final test will be to replicate

your mother's signature dish.

What's your mom's signature dish?

One no-- inconsistently salted, wildly overcooked.

Um, Tom?

Are you done?

Or do you want to judge the plate it's on as well?

Well, I wasn't going to say anything.

But the plating is all wrong.

No offense, mom.

I'm just trying to hone my palate

for my final cooking exam.

It must be hard to do with your foot jammed in there.

You know what?

It's OK, Jessie.

I don't mind a little constructive criticism,

especially if it helps Tom pass.

I'm glad you feel that way, mom,

because I have to replicate your signature dish

for our final exam.

Oh!

Tom that is wonderful!

You can make my potato latkes.

We'll get started right away.

Great, because I have a few ideas of my own.

But isn't the whole point that you have to replicate my dish?

Hash browns are a bit of a misfire.

What?

[theme music]

THEME SONG: Can't we find a way that we can be together?

is there any way that we can be together?

And oh, by the way, baby, do you love me?

Yes, I do.

Yes, I do.

Yes, I do.

OK.

Oh, just wait.

Oh, you really don't need to tip me, ma'am.

Tip you what?

Tip me money?

Why on earth would you call me ma'am?

Oh, because my mom always told me to be respectful.

And since you remind me so much of her, I thought--

OK, just stop. Go.

- OK. - Go.

OK.

Go.

Sweet kid.

Not funny, Phil.

And didn't you say that you were going

to clean up around here today? I mean, what do you think?

That the garbage is going to take itself out?

My bad.

I'm sorry, baby.

I'm having an off day.

What the hell was that?

That, my friend, is a "my bad."

Accepting complete responsibility

that renders arguing futile.

Is it that you started drinking early

or just that you never stopped?

Both.

Hey!

Watch it!

My bad.

Don't worry about it.

Oh.

The first time someone calls you ma'am,

you realize that the world sees you differently

than you see yourself.

Like being at a party and finding out

that your dress has been bunched up in your underwear

the entire night--

and then someone posts a picture of it on Facebook.

Oh!

Oh, that's terrifying.

Well, this place is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Me and Eva come here all the time.

The staff are super cute and flirty.

They know how to make a girl feel appreciated.

OK, but you're a married woman.

- I'm not dead inside. - Mm.

Flirt a little. It's fun.

Nah, not a chance.

There's my favorite waiter now.

Oh, he's adorable.

His face says, hey, and his hair says what's up.

Maybe I will flirt a little.

Just don't call me mom.

What's the secret to a really good latke?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say being

able to switch on the stove?

A starchy potato-- the starchier the potato,

the crispier the latke.

What if we substituted the potatoes and onions

for [inaudible] and shallots?

Make it more exotic, a little sexier?

But the assignment is to replicate my signature dish.

And my signature dish is like a warm hug.

Hm?

Would you rather my hugs were sexy?

Please don't make me answer that.

Ben!

I just cleaned this floor.

What are you doing?

My bad.

OK.

Just be more careful, sweetie.

Where are you going?

Oh, I'm ready for the test, mom.

These latkes, you know, they're part of me-- my heritage.

But I haven't shown you how to grade the potatoes.

Don't you just run them up and down the grater?

[laughing]

I guess I should formally introduce you two.

Jeff, this is my--

My partner, Tara Marker.

Really nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Any lab partner of Jessie is a lab partner of mine.

That was stupid!

Oh, no, Jeff.

That was sweet.

And adorable.

Hm.

Can I maybe get a little, you know, whipped cream in this?

Of course.

Me, too, please.

I can't believe it.

She cockblocked me.

My own mother!

How dare she stop you from cheating on your own husband?

Oh, come on, Tom, everyone flirts.

Besides if I did something wrong,

I wouldn't be telling you about it.

Right. Hey, hold on!

Then she tells me the reason the waiter

is ignoring me is because I don't put it out there.

What am I supposed to do put on hot pants and fish nets?

Holy crap!

Could you?

Be serious.

Look, there comes a time when we get

to be better than our parents.

When the student surpasses the master.

Whether it be modernizing an old family

recipe, or out flirting your mother.

You do realize what you're telling me to do here, right?

Same thing I'm going to do.

Stop settling for second place.

Step out of your mother's shadow.

So you're going to hit on your instructor?

If I have to.

Mm.

This is missing something.

It's lacking a certain menage a trois.

You mean je ne sais quoi?

Comme ci, comme ca.

I'm thinking I'm going to deconstruct it.

This dish is going to be like nothing you've seen before.

Is that bacon?

Yeah, I thought I'd give it an amusing little twist?

You're Jewish.

That's what makes it amusing.

I mean, the mere fact that I found something

useful in that sleep-addled brain of yours

is cause for celebration.

Careful.

All this sweet talk's going to give me diabetes.

My bad works like a charm.

I'm never going to argue with Judith again.

Whoa there, cowboy.

My bad isn't some cheap catchphrase

you could throw around 24/7, like what's up,

dude or I love you.

It only retains its power in small doses.

Hey, I'm cool.

You chill down.

Off-- you chill out. Off-- out?

It's out.

You will have one hour to prepare your dishes,

at which point, they will be graded based on authenticity.

You have any questions, the time is now.

And remember, there are no stupid questions.

And by no stupid questions, I mean

I have no patience for them. What are you waiting for?

Chop!

Chop!

I must say, I was a little surprised you wanted

to bring me back here so soon, and with so

much makeup and cleavage.

Well, I just wanted to make sure you forgot

about that cute young delivery boy who

called you ma'am at your house just the other day.

Thanks for the reminder.

Hello again, ladies.

Hey.

Hi.

What can I get you two to drink?

[in unison] I'd like a--

[laughter] can you get me--

Tell you what.

Why don't you decide who goes first?

OK.

Let's start with you.

Excellent choice.

What the hell is that?

Good morning, Phil.

Oh, I know.

I found it online.

I couldn't resist.

Dammit, Ben.

I know. I know.

I don't usually wear t-shirts.

But it came free with a bumper sticker.

[laughs] Eh?

Good news-- your job is done.

Bad news, mine isn't.

Ladies and gentlemen, the touching round.

Believe it or not, I actually hate failing my students.

So I brought someone else to do it for me.

Meet your judges.

I wasn't sure who was paying, so I printed separate bills.

It was great meeting you, Tara.

Good.

I sure hope it was worth it, getting all dressed up, hon?

He wrote his number on my bill.

Does that mean I can start calling you mom again?

I present to you, my deconstructed yucca

and shallot latka, with organic sour cream

and balsamic reduction.

If you reassemble the components in your mouth,

it should taste just like yours.

Mhm.

Ooh.

Based on authenticity, what's your verdict?

In appreciation of Tom's creativity,

I'm going to deconstruct his grade.

A-F-I-L, which if you reassemble the letters

in your head spells fail.

[laughter]

Are you a single mom?

So how was your day, dear, huh?

Send anyone to jail?

Not today, honey.

But sometimes you have to make tough decisions,

don't you, honey?

Like, if a petty thief stole bread to feed his family.

Now that would be a tough decision,

but you'd have to send that person to jail, right?

It's small claims court, Judith.

Were you shoplifting?

What the hell was that?

I was just doing my job.

Your job is take care of me.

You're my mother!

Oh, so now you want my help?

Uh, help with what?

Oh, she didn't tell you?

Mom failed me.

- I love you, mom. - Judith?

You failed Tom?

I had no choice.

He didn't do the assignment!

I outdid it.

It was everything your latke is and better!

Oh.

How do you fail latkes?

They're Jewish French fries.

Not the way I make them.

And that is exactly why you failed.

I'm sorry, Tom.

But you were supposed to replicate my dish exactly,

and you didn't.

I didn't fail you.

You failed yourself.

Oh.

[running upstairs] - What?

Eat!

She failed me, Jess.

My own mother!

Oh, I know, sweetie.

And she did it in front of a guy you most want to work for.

Thanks.

For a second there, I forgot it was actually worse

than my mother betraying me.

What are you going to do now?

Astronaut, I guess.

I mean, I'm afraid of heights, but you don't really

fall down in space.

- That's not what I meant. - I know.

Repeat the class?

You know, someone gave me some really good advice once.

About how you have to break away and show your parents

you're forging your own path.

I thought I told you to go out there and out slut your mother.

Exactly.

This isn't about the test.

It's about establishing your culinary identity.

It's time to step up to the plate,

and knock it out of the park.

You brought a wooden spoon with you to bed?

It's called foresight.

Don't ruin the moment.

[rock music playing]

[inaudible]

Phil?

Quick question about third party my bad.

If Judith is mad at Tom, can I say Tom's bad?

What, Ben?

No!

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

Told you. Come on.

[claps] My bad.

Mhm.

Tell me again about when you failed Tom.

Did he cry?

Oh, Wendy.

I think your mother wants to put that behind her now.

He did cry, though, didn't he?

Good morning, Dad, Wendy, harsh judge woman.

Breakfast is served.

Jessie, you can just put the maple syrup mousse over there.

Well, I've already made breakfast.

If you can call it that.

Now the quality of the cook is discovered in the eating.

Which with the Bellows prefer?

Really, on my home turf?

Can't take the heat, mom?

Dig in.

Oh, boy.

And why are you wearing hotpants, young lady?

I want to be hotter than my mom.

OK. All right.

Wish I hadn't asked that.

Wendy?

So?

They're still eating.

They can make a decision.

Ben?

Well, I would just say that Tom's stuffed French toast

is a revelation.

Aw, cheesy, so good.

A maple syrup fluffy thing, the subtle flavors,

it's genius.

But I definitely have to pick Judith.

What? No!

Toms are way better!

Way better for you.

[doorbell rings]

Mm, breakfast!

- Hi, Jessie. - Who is it?

Jeff?

Hi.

What are you doing here?

- Following my heart. - OK.

One second.

It's just the mailman!

[whispering] Let's just go over here.

Um, Monica, there's latkes!

And there's weather outside, too.

Wow, delicious, Tom.

[laughs]

Mail's here.

I'll just go check that, excuse me.

Still think I should have failed?

She failed Tom?

Yeah.

God, I love her.

Did I read you wrong?

That depends on how you read me.

Like, you were flirting with me at the cafe, right?

Oh, Jack, I think you're really nice.

And I think you are, too.

Unlike the last woman I dated, who stole from me.

She cheated on me.

She even-- she even tried to kill me.

Wow.

Yeah, kind of--

I'm allergic to peanuts, and she made those snickerdoodles.

Uh huh. is this yours?

Do you want to get out of here?

Oh, yeah.

I know a charming Latin bistro.

You'll just love it.

Great!

Drive.

[car engine starts]

Phil!

How many times do I have to tell you not to put the milk back

after you've drained it!

Oh, my bad, honey.

OK, you know what?

I am so sick of this my bad crap.

The next person that says that to me

is going to get a knee to the groin.

Oh!

[door slams]

Way to go, Phil.

You ruined it.

[knocking on door]

Hummus.

Thought you might be hungry.

Obviously had a few leftovers.

I guess I got a bit carried away back there.

Ah, come on.

It was brunch.

Not in Normandy.

Besides, you know it's not easy on your mother, either.

She started it.

Yeah, because you invaded her space.

Imagine what it would be like if your mother

took over your terrain.

OK, we're going to go with--

Tom's mom. - Yo!

All right!

[cheering]

She failed me.

It's like she's trying to stop me in my tracks.

Tom, you got to remember.

Every parent wants their kid to excel, to succeed on a scale

greater than they ever did.

Except-- when it actually happens,

it's not always that easy.

Well, what do I know?

None of you are better than me at anything, really.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Anytime I can help, Tom.

[music playing]

[dialtone]

[telephone ringing]

911 Tom.

I need some rescuing, and I need it now.

Is your life in danger?

I'm on a date.

Tell me about it when you get home.

I hate how much he trusts me.

[dialtone]

Mom?

Mom?

We need to-- talk.

It's not liver--

it's foie gras.

[laughter]

Hello, Tom.

Chef Carver, what are you doing here?

I invited him.

Said I had a cooking emergency, so he rushed over.

And that is completely innuendo free,

in case you thought otherwise.

I-- I didn't.

I did.

Oh. [laughs] Chef Carver has agreed to retest you.

Do you mean right now?

No.

I can come back.

Sure, why not?

I have three restaurants to run, courses to teach,

and a couple of seasons of "Mad Men" to get through.

So, really, whenever you are ready.

Tom, I have been raving about your stuffed French toast.

So why don't you show Chef Carver what you've got, huh?

Actually, there's a better dish I'd like to try--

my mother's latkes.

Perfectly crisp on the outside.

Hm.

Tender inside, with a succulent bite of onion,

and an assertive hand in herbs.

Hm.

A D, minus.

D minus?

But you loved me--

uh, it!

True.

But most students do not get a do

over in their mommy's kitchen.

Whoo!

Is it me, or is it hot in here?

Mom, Mom, it's OK.

That's a pass.

[whispers] I passed.

Oh.

You know, Judith, what you did for your son this afternoon

was very sweet.

I totally misjudged you.

Told you you'd love this place.

- I love it. - Yeah.

You're right.

Must a little Spanish, too.

Hello!

Hi.

So you invited your lab partner on our date?

Jeff, here's the thing.

She's my mother.

You're kidding!

Aw, thanks.

But no, I am.

So you two have been lying to me the whole time?

No. No.

I wouldn't say we were lying.

So you are lab partners.

OK, we were lying.

But just about that.

So you do like me?

And that.

It's not that I don't like you.

It's just that I like my husband more.

You're married?

Yes.

Which, although shocking, does not count as a lie,

technically.

Well, for what it's worth, I'm not married.

- So you're single? - No.

I've been living with the same man for as long

as you've been alive.

You're very bad people.

You're hurtful, bad people.

Jeff, I'm sorry.

Well, can't all be happy endings.

Well, more champagne.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I took you out to make you feel better, and in the end,

I made you feel worse.

Are you kidding me?

He thought I was in college.

I feel great!

Let's never fight over men again.

We are far too competitive.

Not to mention, married.

Well, you're married.

[laughing]

[glasses clinking]

[in unison] Look, I--

All my life, I wanted to be like you.

Well, not the bridge, shopping, or sleeping with Dad part.

But watching you cook, the way you feed people,

take care of them--

poetry.

That's funny.

That's how I describe your French toast.

I'm just glad Chef Carver has a crush on you.

Oh, Tom, don't be silly.

He just wants to have sex with me.

One plate of latkes, coming back up.

You killed my bad, Ben.

And I feel terrible about it.

Hey, it was just so easy, you know?

Oh, I know.

Look, I insist that I make it up to you.

That's how terrible I feel.

I don't want to talk about it anymore.

[music playing]

It's all good.

Wait!

What did you just say?

It's all what?

So let me get this straight.

Your mother flirted with your teacher

so you could get a better grade?

It's hard out there for a pimp.

Especially when you don't come rescue one of your girls.

You understand why I couldn't come help?

Mommy issues.

Everyone has 'em. - If they're lucky.

[music playing]

(SINGING) You want love.

But you fear it.

Your attention- it shifted.

You summed up the feeling.

With a symbol, dismiss it.

What you gonna do [inaudible] believing.

'Cause our love ain't easy.

It changes the season.

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