Original subtitles

[music playing]

How does it go again?

The rabbit goes under the log and through the hole?

That's for nooses.

Same result-- mine just works faster.

It's gonna be great, Tom.

Do you know how many people would kill for this interview?

Yeah, but it's my dad's old law firm.

How'd you like to be known as nepotism guy?

Well that would be awkward, what with the boobs and all.

I'm serious.

Jess, I feel the tag-along son.

It's emasculating.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

You'll always be your own man.

Okay, Tom, let's go.

for one sale, huh?

Come on, Thomas.

Try to keep up.

This is a big opportunity.

Play your cards right, you make partner in 15 years--

18 if you take weekends off.

Ohh.

Hey, hey, hey--

Ben the bulldog Bellow returns!

I don't think that was ever my nickname, Larry.

I know where you got that.

Little Timmy blue eyes--

You know, I remember when you were in diapers.

And yet you don't remember my name or eye color.

Eh.

Since when do office assistants wear suits?

Son, dress for the job you want, not the job you have.

In that case, I should have dressed as Batman.

OK, look.

This is no joke.

You need to stay focused, learn the trade,

and make something of yourself.

In other words, don't pull a Tom, Tom.

Judge Bellow, it's an honor, your honor.

I mean-- it's an honor, your pleasure.

I mean, it's a pleasure your honor.

And you are--

I'm Andrew.

I'm the new office assistant.

Uh huh, not anymore--

Larry, get somebody from HR to interview my son, will you?

Gotcha.

Tom, get yourself acquainted around here

while I check my messages.

Why does everybody have these little robots?

Oh, it's the latest executive toy.

It's from Japan.

It reduces office suicides by 25%.

[bluegrass music]

Sorry, Dad--

I'm pulling a Tom.

You--

Hey, can I have his tie?

What?

May-- may I have his tie?

No.

[theme music]

THEME SONG: Can we find a way that can be together?

Is there any way that we can be together?

And oh, by the way, baby, do you love me?

Yes I do.

Yes I do.

Yes I do.

Yes I do.

[gentle upbeat music]

Why is there a mound of cottage cheese in the sink?

It's milk.

Time for a new fridge?

Sometimes it just needs a little TLC.

Aha?

Oh.

Lukewarm pop?

I'm good.

Who am I kidding?

This entire kitchen needs an overhaul.

Maybe it doesn't need an overhaul

so much as a face lift.

Yeah, I know how it feels.

Unfortunately, your father-in-law

thinks that all home contractors are thieves and pirates.

No, seriously-- pirates-- he actually used the word.

You don't buy a home, Judith.

You make it, and this is something we can do ourselves.

I don't know, Jessie.

Oh, come on-- let me contribute.

I can do up a few sketches.

They'll be totally professional.

I am in design school.

Well, OK-- that would be cute.

I mean great, great--

that would be great.

[upbeat bluegrass music]

I thought I was about to get whacked.

What, are you mixed up with the mob?

What are you doing here, Tom?

I can't face my dad.

I can't face my wife, because I just quit

my job before I even started.

You did the right thing.

Look at me.

I work in my boxers half the time, and I do pretty well.

What does a guy do without pants anyways?

Wait, no-- I don't want to know.

Let's just say I'm in sales.

Hey, now that you stepped out of the rat race,

maybe you want to give your ol' father-in-law a hand, hmm?

Me?

Uh, I don't know if--

No worries.

I guess there's no reason to cut you in for 50% of online sales

then.

50%, that would make me a partner.

What are we selling?

Please hold.

[upbeat bluegrass tune]

- Hm? - Oh, dream catchers--

It's not about what you sell, Tom.

It's about how you spin it.

This isn't a dream catcher.

It's a web-based motivational tool.

And as of today, yours truly has secured

a high level position in sales with flex time and a cool boss.

Well well-- you've been busy since you soiled

the family name this morning.

Sorry about the law firm, but this is more up my alley.

Ooh, Tom has an alley now.

Oh Ben, just be happy he found a job selling--

What exactly are you selling, Tom?

Whatever it is sounds flaky to me.

Who is boss of yours anyway? What does he do?

What kind of an idiot does flex time?

Opportunities are what you make them.

Speaking of opportunities, have you had a chance

to check out my sketches yet?

What kind of sketches are these?

Oh, Jessie's had some wonderful ideas

for the kitchen.

But money's a little tight, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, a little low on the lettuce.

Well maybe Tom can fund it.

He's selling-- What is it, web based motivational tools?

Ah, my dad making fun of me--

never gets old or funny.

It would help if you knew you were selling,

or if I knew what you were selling.

Please tell me you know what you're selling.

What does it matter?

Why can't he just trust me?

How do you think I feel?

I spend all day sketching plans for your mom,

and she doesn't even glance at them.

Well I saw your drawings, and if it was up to me,

you'd be designing the whole damn place.

Oh, can you imagine-- me redesigning

the place and you funding it?

Yeah, for once we'd call the shots, rule the roost,

get some respect.

Is that a Froot Loop in your hair?

Ah, I had a snack.

I have a good feeling about this, Jess.

Me too.

I bet tomorrow the phones will be ringing off the hook.

Did it just vibrate?

I don't think so.

In the last three hours, I have

sold exactly one dream catcher.

And I'm pretty sure he thought he was buying a sex toy.

Tried that.

Doesn't work.

What are you doing?

Corporate strategizing.

Really?

That's funny, 'cause it looks a lot like throwing in the towel.

What's gotten into you?

I'm trying to be your top sales guy,

but this is like selling wristwatches to highlanders.

They're immortal.

They still have to keep appointments.

That's a good point.

Where did you score these things anyway?

I wouldn't call it a score so much as a bailout.

Look, here's what happened.

Tara made these back in the day.

We tried to sell them at Folk Fest, but they were a bust.

I felt so bad I started buying up the inventory in secret.

So we're selling merchandise rejected by hippies?

You can't tell I told you.

TARA: Too late.

Look at you with the spare key.

Well it was nice knowin' ya.

All right, I'm an ass bag.

That would be a discredit to bags of ass.

Buying my dream catchers behind my back,

that is the most despicable, manipulative, callous--

and the sweetest thing that you have ever done.

And if you ever lie to me like that again,

I'll sew your nuts to your forehead.

What's up?

I just saw firsthand what happens when a husband and wife

aren't honest with each other.

I'm late for class. You have five minutes.

It's about my boss.

He's broke?

He's in jail?

He's dead?

He's your dad.

That I did not see coming

No no no-- it gets worse.

He somehow conned me into the selling dream catchers.

Web based motivational tools-- how could I not have seen it?

My mom used to make crates of these stupid things.

It's official. I've hit rock bottom.

At least you have a job.

My kitchen plans are toast.

Well first of all, toast is crunchy and delicious.

And second, if it were up to me I'd

invest everything I had in you.

You already did.

And if anyone can sell those skanky nuts, it's you.

I'm late for class.

Good luck, Tom.

Maybe these dream catchers will catch some green.

It's called a green catcher.

Now given recent market turmoil, investors

are clinging to superstition.

The idea of the dream catcher is good, but the payoff is not.

People don't want dreams.

They want cold, hard cash.

They want the lettuce.

They want the green.

Lucky pennies, nice.

Tom, these are sacred, spiritual symbols that--

We'll make you CEO.

They could use an update.

I like it.

Question is, where do we market them?

I know it's just a prototype.

But tell me one of these babies wouldn't look

great hanging off your desk.

Yeah, it's cute, Timmy.

But I'm kind of attached to my desk robot there.

Me too.

I've named mine Rodney.

Sorry, kiddo.

I know we all want to find the next great business idea,

but it's really just a pipe dream.

They're all the rage in Japan.

[upbeat music] -(SINGING) I've got chemistry.

I've got imaginary vocabulary.

I've got battle scars.

I've got smoky bars.

Sale!

What's this?

Say hello to your new eco fridge--

top of the line.

Uh, all right, well who's paying for this exactly?

It's all me, Dad.

Mom liked Jessie's ideas.

But you were a little low on the lettuce, so I took care of it.

OK, none of those syllables are

making sense to me right now.

You know that business I was telling you about?

It's kind of taking off.

Phil and I are projecting six figures by fall.

Phil?

You're working for Phil now?

With, Dad.

Phil-- as in gets lost on the way to the car Phil?

We just landed purchase orders from three major retailers.

Enjoy the fridge, Dad.

There's no freezer on this fridge.

It's on the bottom.

Oh yeah, that's clever.

OK, what's he up to now?

I'm sorry?

Your husband has apparently roped my son

into some sort of a pyramid scheme, or a Ponzi scheme,

or I don't know what sort of a scheme.

He's not my husband.

He's my lover.

And Phil to be an excellent businessman.

What your lover possibly know about business--

good god.

We're talking exclusive rights to Drop and Save.

We'll have the prototypes sent over ASAP.

What's up, Ben-- I mean besides my bottom line

and my underpants?

I can't accept this.

Yes, you can.

If Tom even closes 10% of his projected sales,

we can pay for it in cash.

I do like the crisper.

I even like saying crisper--

oh, crisper.

And imagine milk you won't have to eat with a fork.

Tom, can you afford this?

Sky's the limit, Mom.

These green catchers are gold.

Idea for a spinoff producd--

gold catchers.

Besides, Jessie is really talented.

She deserves a crack at this.

Think you know what to do with my kitchen?

Well given that both you and Ben are strong personalities

with a timeless sensibility, I was

leaning towards a classic aesthetic with an overlay

of arts and crafts.

Could I get another look at your designs?

Do I look like I'm new at this?

Yeah, I know you can't see me.

But if you want exclusive rights to the green catchers,

you're going to have to put up some more green.

Ugh, some people.

Phil, come on.

We need more prototypes.

Maybe manufacturing can whip up a few more?

You mean Tara?

She took off, dude-- never seen her so excited.

About what?

Spending our money--

She's donating enough to single-handedly save

the Malaysian giant turtle.

Wow.

How many are left?

Just one-- the Malaysian giant turtle.

Maybe we should go easy on advance expenditures.

You know we haven't signed the actual agreements.

Chill, buddy.

If even 10% get ink we are swimming in gravy.

Yeah, I'm just saying anything could happen.

You know, my dad always taught me be wary of the fast buck.

And I'm teaching you to trust the fast buck.

Invite it into your home.

Let it date your sister--

pedal to the metal.

And with contrasting finishes on our frames,

we will create strong lines grounded in form and function.

And here I thought Tom was the ideas man.

Well you know what they say--

Behind every smart man is a smarter woman.

[laughter] OK, so--

So you ladies are sitting on the couch?

--a much, much smarter woman.

[laughter] Oh, my.

The beam--

Oh, I have to have it.

I have to have it now.

That's a little more than a face lift.

And on-the-job training is what separates decorators

from actual designers, sweetie.

Besides, I thought you wanted to contribute something.

[upbeat rock music]

(SINGING) I had foolish expectations.

I got slapped.

Here comes a slap.

These are the wrong tiles.

Yes, but marblex looks identical to marble

and it's half the price.

And quality is priceless, Jessie.

A home isn't bought; it's made--

remember?

And I'm making mine out of marble.

Oh my god-- what is that?

PAINTER: What's what, ma'am?

We said chocolate, not mocha.

PAINTER: Oh.

Ugh-- Now how are we supposed to tie in the island?

Jessie, bring me my color samples--

stat!

Okay, okay.

Your mom sure is excited about the whole kitchen thing.

I just didn't realize that her tastes were quite so upscale.

Well good thing she had the right woman for the job.

Ooh, recessed lighting--

wouldn't that look great over the new island?

I'm not paying for it.

I know, dear.

Tom is.

You know, it's going to cost more than the initial quote

even with me as contractor, so I understand

if you want to pull the plug.

Really?

So you can't do it.

No, no-- I can do it.

But I understand if you want to hold off.

Why would I want to hold off?

Pedal to the metal, baby.

Paying for it is one thing.

Flaunting it is another-- the way

he's strutting around in his skivvies.

They're called boxers--

and I say, whatever works.

He's making a lot of people very happy.

Ooh, you look smokin' hot in that hairdo, babe.

The best money can buy.

What happened to the turtle?

The turtle can wait.

I'm late for the carpenters.

Go get 'em, hot shot.

You betcha.

Listen, you got to go deep, throw

long, and stick the landing.

It's the bottom of the ninth.

We're five strokes over par.

And I don't like the looks of that Russian judge.

I have no idea what your son's talking about.

All I know is I need my nap.

Tom should be able to give you a demo on that.

That boy doesn't know what work is.

You hear me?

Those phones aren't going to call themselves.

You need to stay focused--

you know, learn the trade and make something of yourself.

All right.

Taking a page from the Bellow handbook, huh?

Is that Hugo Boss?

You like?

Jess picked it up for me.

Aha-- dress for the job you want, right?

Well exactly-- no more cheapo two-for-ones for me.

Phil and I are going big time.

See you later, Pops.

Huh.

[singing] Everything is fresh.

I love my new fridge.

Ben, I thought you left for work.

It's after 10.

Aren't you due in court?

What's the point?

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen.

I love you, Wendy.

[upbeat instrumental music]

Gentlemen, lady-- the wait is over.

Your green catchers have arrived.

Oh, right.

Did we forget to cancel that order?

Cancel?

Well this is awkward.

- The wealth cactus? - Wealth cactus, yeah.

They're all the rage in Korea, which-- as everyone knows--

is the new Japan.

Hey, um, please don't take my job, OK?

I just got a nameplate.

OK, so I'm thinking it should start from the north wall

and cross at a sexy diagonal into the living room.

You're the boss.

I guess we've come full circle.

You're not on the phone.

It's over, dude.

I know.

I just got a sneak preview of the wealth cactus.

We got outplayed by a houseplant.

Yeah, and we've had some cancellations.

How many?

All of them.

You know, it's OK.

I'll create a new campaign.

We'll come at this from a different angle.

That's the least of our worries.

Apparently-- and this is kind of funny if you think about it--

it's a federal offense to deface currency.

So what now?

We're gonna need a good lawyer.

It's bad, Jess. JESS: I know.

You heard about the charges?

Charges?

What's important is that we're together, right?

Right, yeah, and I'm sure we'll find a way to pay

for the latest developments.

Developments?

[music playing]

Apparently-- and this is kind of funny

if you think about it--

there's something called a load bearing wall.

JUDITH: At least no one got hurt.

Tell that to the eco fridge.

OK, I made a few calls, and I got the charges dismissed.

But even with the refund on Tom's suit,

we're still going to be short eight grand.

How do you expect Tom and Jessie to come

up with that kind of dough?

I'm not an unreasonable man, so I'm

willing to work out a rotating chore payout system--

you know, weeding, laundry, dinner with Judith's mother.

With a little elbow grease, you should be able to pay us back

in 15 years--

18 if you take weekends off.

OK then.

Tom--

Yeah, Dad?

There was a moment back there during your little adventure--

somewhere buried amidst the reckless decision making,

unbridled , arrogance and really just flat-out stupidity.

Where was I going with this?

Oh yeah-- There was a moment back

there when you were impressive.

So-- Why are you still here?

I'm going.

I just hope I inhaled enough paint

fumes to erase the whole ordeal from my memory.

I'm sorry.

It was all my fault.

Nope, me again.

It just felt so good, you know.

For one shining nanosecond, we were actually independent.

Yeah, it'll happen for real someday.

And when it does--

Your dad is so mowing our lawn.

Bingo.

I just hope it happens before we're 30.

Don't worry.

I have a feeling we might be out of here sooner than you think.

[theme music]

THEME SONG: I never thought you'd go so far-- no no no.

How can I travel to where you are?

No no no.

Things are looking up now that we're looking forward

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