All language subtitles for 18 to Life s01e09 Working Noon to Five.eng

[music playing]

How does it go again?

The rabbit goes under the
log and through the hole?

That's for nooses.

Same result-- mine
just works faster.

It's gonna be great, Tom.

Do you know how many people
would kill for this interview?

Yeah, but it's my
dad's old law firm.

How'd you like to be
known as nepotism guy?

Well that would be awkward,
what with the boobs and all.

I'm serious.

Jess, I feel the tag-along son.

It's emasculating.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

You'll always be your own man.

Okay, Tom, let's go.

for one sale, huh?

Come on, Thomas.

Try to keep up.

This is a big opportunity.

Play your cards right, you
make partner in 15 years--

18 if you take weekends off.

Ohh.

Hey, hey, hey--

Ben the bulldog Bellow returns!

I don't think that was
ever my nickname, Larry.

I know where you got that.

Little Timmy blue eyes--

You know, I remember
when you were in diapers.

And yet you don't remember
my name or eye color.

Eh.

Since when do office
assistants wear suits?

Son, dress for the job you
want, not the job you have.

In that case, I should
have dressed as Batman.

OK, look.

This is no joke.

You need to stay
focused, learn the trade,

and make something of yourself.

In other words, don't
pull a Tom, Tom.

Judge Bellow, it's
an honor, your honor.

I mean-- it's an
honor, your pleasure.

I mean, it's a
pleasure your honor.

And you are--

I'm Andrew.

I'm the new office assistant.

Uh huh, not anymore--

Larry, get somebody from HR
to interview my son, will you?

Gotcha.

Tom, get yourself
acquainted around here

while I check my messages.

Why does everybody
have these little robots?

Oh, it's the
latest executive toy.

It's from Japan.

It reduces office
suicides by 25%.

[bluegrass music]

Sorry, Dad--

I'm pulling a Tom.

You--

Hey, can I have his tie?

What?

May-- may I have his tie?

No.

[theme music]

THEME SONG: Can we find a
way that can be together?

Is there any way that
we can be together?

And oh, by the way,
baby, do you love me?

Yes I do.

Yes I do.

Yes I do.

Yes I do.

[gentle upbeat music]

Why is there a mound of
cottage cheese in the sink?

It's milk.

Time for a new fridge?

Sometimes it just
needs a little TLC.

Aha?

Oh.

Lukewarm pop?

I'm good.

Who am I kidding?

This entire kitchen
needs an overhaul.

Maybe it doesn't
need an overhaul

so much as a face lift.

Yeah, I know how it feels.

Unfortunately,
your father-in-law

thinks that all home contractors
are thieves and pirates.

No, seriously-- pirates--
he actually used the word.

You don't buy a home, Judith.

You make it, and this is
something we can do ourselves.

I don't know, Jessie.

Oh, come on--
let me contribute.

I can do up a few sketches.

They'll be totally professional.

I am in design school.

Well, OK-- that would be cute.

I mean great, great--

that would be great.

[upbeat bluegrass music]

I thought I was
about to get whacked.

What, are you mixed
up with the mob?

What are you doing here, Tom?

I can't face my dad.

I can't face my wife,
because I just quit

my job before I even started.

You did the right thing.

Look at me.

I work in my boxers half the
time, and I do pretty well.

What does a guy do
without pants anyways?

Wait, no-- I don't want to know.

Let's just say I'm in sales.

Hey, now that you stepped
out of the rat race,

maybe you want to give your
ol' father-in-law a hand, hmm?

Me?

Uh, I don't know if--

No worries.

I guess there's no reason to cut
you in for 50% of online sales

then.

50%, that would
make me a partner.

What are we selling?

Please hold.

[upbeat bluegrass tune]

- Hm?
- Oh, dream catchers--

It's not about
what you sell, Tom.

It's about how you spin it.

This isn't a dream catcher.

It's a web-based
motivational tool.

And as of today, yours
truly has secured

a high level position in sales
with flex time and a cool boss.

Well well-- you've been
busy since you soiled

the family name this morning.

Sorry about the law firm,
but this is more up my alley.

Ooh, Tom has an alley now.

Oh Ben, just be happy
he found a job selling--

What exactly are
you selling, Tom?

Whatever it is
sounds flaky to me.

Who is boss of yours anyway?
What does he do?

What kind of an
idiot does flex time?

Opportunities are
what you make them.

Speaking of opportunities,
have you had a chance

to check out my sketches yet?

What kind of
sketches are these?

Oh, Jessie's had
some wonderful ideas

for the kitchen.

But money's a little
tight, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, a little
low on the lettuce.

Well maybe Tom can fund it.

He's selling-- What is it,
web based motivational tools?

Ah, my dad making fun of me--

never gets old or funny.

It would help if you
knew you were selling,

or if I knew what
you were selling.

Please tell me you know
what you're selling.

What does it matter?

Why can't he just trust me?

How do you think I feel?

I spend all day sketching
plans for your mom,

and she doesn't
even glance at them.

Well I saw your drawings,
and if it was up to me,

you'd be designing
the whole damn place.

Oh, can you imagine--
me redesigning

the place and you funding it?

Yeah, for once we'd call
the shots, rule the roost,

get some respect.

Is that a Froot
Loop in your hair?

Ah, I had a snack.

I have a good feeling
about this, Jess.

Me too.

I bet tomorrow the phones
will be ringing off the hook.

Did it just vibrate?

I don't think so.

In the last
three hours, I have

sold exactly one dream catcher.

And I'm pretty sure he thought
he was buying a sex toy.

Tried that.

Doesn't work.

What are you doing?

Corporate strategizing.

Really?

That's funny, 'cause it looks a
lot like throwing in the towel.

What's gotten into you?

I'm trying to be
your top sales guy,

but this is like selling
wristwatches to highlanders.

They're immortal.

They still have to
keep appointments.

That's a good point.

Where did you score
these things anyway?

I wouldn't call it a
score so much as a bailout.

Look, here's what happened.

Tara made these back in the day.

We tried to sell them at Folk
Fest, but they were a bust.

I felt so bad I started buying
up the inventory in secret.

So we're selling merchandise
rejected by hippies?

You can't tell I told you.

TARA: Too late.

Look at you with
the spare key.

Well it was nice knowin' ya.

All right, I'm an ass bag.

That would be a
discredit to bags of ass.

Buying my dream
catchers behind my back,

that is the most despicable,
manipulative, callous--

and the sweetest thing
that you have ever done.

And if you ever lie
to me like that again,

I'll sew your nuts
to your forehead.

What's up?

I just saw firsthand what
happens when a husband and wife

aren't honest with each other.

I'm late for class.
You have five minutes.

It's about my boss.

He's broke?

He's in jail?

He's dead?

He's your dad.

That I did not see coming

No no no-- it gets worse.

He somehow conned me into
the selling dream catchers.

Web based motivational tools--
how could I not have seen it?

My mom used to make crates
of these stupid things.

It's official.
I've hit rock bottom.

At least you have a job.

My kitchen plans are toast.

Well first of all, toast
is crunchy and delicious.

And second, if it
were up to me I'd

invest everything I had in you.

You already did.

And if anyone can sell
those skanky nuts, it's you.

I'm late for class.

Good luck, Tom.

Maybe these dream catchers
will catch some green.

It's called a green catcher.

Now given recent market
turmoil, investors

are clinging to superstition.

The idea of the dream catcher
is good, but the payoff is not.

People don't want dreams.

They want cold, hard cash.

They want the lettuce.

They want the green.

Lucky pennies, nice.

Tom, these are sacred,
spiritual symbols that--

We'll make you CEO.

They could use an update.

I like it.

Question is, where
do we market them?

I know it's just a prototype.

But tell me one of these
babies wouldn't look

great hanging off your desk.

Yeah, it's cute, Timmy.

But I'm kind of attached
to my desk robot there.

Me too.

I've named mine Rodney.

Sorry, kiddo.

I know we all want to find
the next great business idea,

but it's really
just a pipe dream.

They're all the rage in Japan.

[upbeat music] -(SINGING)
I've got chemistry.

I've got imaginary vocabulary.

I've got battle scars.

I've got smoky bars.

Sale!

What's this?

Say hello to your
new eco fridge--

top of the line.

Uh, all right, well who's
paying for this exactly?

It's all me, Dad.

Mom liked Jessie's ideas.

But you were a little low on the
lettuce, so I took care of it.

OK, none of
those syllables are

making sense to me right now.

You know that business
I was telling you about?

It's kind of taking off.

Phil and I are projecting
six figures by fall.

Phil?

You're working for Phil now?

With, Dad.

Phil-- as in gets lost
on the way to the car Phil?

We just landed purchase orders
from three major retailers.

Enjoy the fridge, Dad.

There's no freezer
on this fridge.

It's on the bottom.

Oh yeah, that's clever.

OK, what's he up to now?

I'm sorry?

Your husband has
apparently roped my son

into some sort of a pyramid
scheme, or a Ponzi scheme,

or I don't know what
sort of a scheme.

He's not my husband.

He's my lover.

And Phil to be an
excellent businessman.

What your lover possibly
know about business--

good god.

We're talking exclusive
rights to Drop and Save.

We'll have the prototypes
sent over ASAP.

What's up, Ben-- I mean
besides my bottom line

and my underpants?

I can't accept this.

Yes, you can.

If Tom even closes 10%
of his projected sales,

we can pay for it in cash.

I do like the crisper.

I even like saying crisper--

oh, crisper.

And imagine milk you won't
have to eat with a fork.

Tom, can you afford this?

Sky's the limit, Mom.

These green catchers are gold.

Idea for a spinoff producd--

gold catchers.

Besides, Jessie is
really talented.

She deserves a crack at this.

Think you know what
to do with my kitchen?

Well given that both you and
Ben are strong personalities

with a timeless
sensibility, I was

leaning towards a classic
aesthetic with an overlay

of arts and crafts.

Could I get another
look at your designs?

Do I look like
I'm new at this?

Yeah, I know you can't see me.

But if you want exclusive
rights to the green catchers,

you're going to have to
put up some more green.

Ugh, some people.

Phil, come on.

We need more prototypes.

Maybe manufacturing
can whip up a few more?

You mean Tara?

She took off, dude--
never seen her so excited.

About what?

Spending our money--

She's donating enough
to single-handedly save

the Malaysian giant turtle.

Wow.

How many are left?

Just one-- the
Malaysian giant turtle.

Maybe we should go easy
on advance expenditures.

You know we haven't signed
the actual agreements.

Chill, buddy.

If even 10% get ink we
are swimming in gravy.

Yeah, I'm just saying
anything could happen.

You know, my dad always taught
me be wary of the fast buck.

And I'm teaching you
to trust the fast buck.

Invite it into your home.

Let it date your sister--

pedal to the metal.

And with contrasting
finishes on our frames,

we will create strong lines
grounded in form and function.

And here I thought
Tom was the ideas man.

Well you know what they say--

Behind every smart man
is a smarter woman.

[laughter] OK, so--

So you ladies are
sitting on the couch?

--a much, much smarter woman.

[laughter] Oh, my.

The beam--

Oh, I have to have it.

I have to have it now.

That's a little
more than a face lift.

And on-the-job training
is what separates decorators

from actual designers, sweetie.

Besides, I thought you wanted
to contribute something.

[upbeat rock music]

(SINGING) I had
foolish expectations.

I got slapped.

Here comes a slap.

These are the wrong tiles.

Yes, but marblex looks
identical to marble

and it's half the price.

And quality is
priceless, Jessie.

A home isn't bought; it's made--

remember?

And I'm making
mine out of marble.

Oh my god-- what is that?

PAINTER: What's what, ma'am?

We said chocolate, not mocha.

PAINTER: Oh.

Ugh-- Now how are we
supposed to tie in the island?

Jessie, bring me
my color samples--

stat!

Okay, okay.

Your mom sure is excited
about the whole kitchen thing.

I just didn't realize that her
tastes were quite so upscale.

Well good thing she had
the right woman for the job.

Ooh, recessed lighting--

wouldn't that look great
over the new island?

I'm not paying for it.

I know, dear.

Tom is.

You know, it's going to cost
more than the initial quote

even with me as
contractor, so I understand

if you want to pull the plug.

Really?

So you can't do it.

No, no-- I can do it.

But I understand if
you want to hold off.

Why would I want to hold off?

Pedal to the metal, baby.

Paying for it is one thing.

Flaunting it is
another-- the way

he's strutting around
in his skivvies.

They're called boxers--

and I say, whatever works.

He's making a lot of
people very happy.

Ooh, you look smokin'
hot in that hairdo, babe.

The best money can buy.

What happened to the turtle?

The turtle can wait.

I'm late for the carpenters.

Go get 'em, hot shot.

You betcha.

Listen, you got
to go deep, throw

long, and stick the landing.

It's the bottom of the ninth.

We're five strokes over par.

And I don't like the looks
of that Russian judge.

I have no idea what
your son's talking about.

All I know is I need my nap.

Tom should be able to
give you a demo on that.

That boy doesn't
know what work is.

You hear me?

Those phones aren't
going to call themselves.

You need to stay focused--

you know, learn the trade and
make something of yourself.

All right.

Taking a page from the
Bellow handbook, huh?

Is that Hugo Boss?

You like?

Jess picked it up for me.

Aha-- dress for the
job you want, right?

Well exactly-- no more
cheapo two-for-ones for me.

Phil and I are going big time.

See you later, Pops.

Huh.

[singing] Everything is fresh.

I love my new fridge.

Ben, I thought
you left for work.

It's after 10.

Aren't you due in court?

What's the point?

This is the stupidest
thing I've ever seen.

I love you, Wendy.

[upbeat instrumental music]

Gentlemen, lady--
the wait is over.

Your green catchers
have arrived.

Oh, right.

Did we forget to
cancel that order?

Cancel?

Well this is awkward.

- The wealth cactus?
- Wealth cactus, yeah.

They're all the rage in Korea,
which-- as everyone knows--

is the new Japan.

Hey, um, please
don't take my job, OK?

I just got a nameplate.

OK, so I'm thinking it should
start from the north wall

and cross at a sexy diagonal
into the living room.

You're the boss.

I guess we've
come full circle.

You're not on the phone.

It's over, dude.

I know.

I just got a sneak preview
of the wealth cactus.

We got outplayed
by a houseplant.

Yeah, and we've had
some cancellations.

How many?

All of them.

You know, it's OK.

I'll create a new campaign.

We'll come at this
from a different angle.

That's the least
of our worries.

Apparently-- and this is kind
of funny if you think about it--

it's a federal offense
to deface currency.

So what now?

We're gonna need
a good lawyer.

It's bad, Jess.
JESS: I know.

You heard about the charges?

Charges?

What's important is that
we're together, right?

Right, yeah, and I'm sure
we'll find a way to pay

for the latest developments.

Developments?

[music playing]

Apparently-- and
this is kind of funny

if you think about it--

there's something called
a load bearing wall.

JUDITH: At least
no one got hurt.

Tell that to the eco fridge.

OK, I made a few calls, and
I got the charges dismissed.

But even with the
refund on Tom's suit,

we're still going to
be short eight grand.

How do you expect
Tom and Jessie to come

up with that kind of dough?

I'm not an
unreasonable man, so I'm

willing to work out a
rotating chore payout system--

you know, weeding, laundry,
dinner with Judith's mother.

With a little elbow grease, you
should be able to pay us back

in 15 years--

18 if you take weekends off.

OK then.

Tom--

Yeah, Dad?

There was a moment back there
during your little adventure--

somewhere buried amidst the
reckless decision making,

unbridled , arrogance and
really just flat-out stupidity.

Where was I going with this?

Oh yeah-- There
was a moment back

there when you were impressive.

So-- Why are you still here?

I'm going.

I just hope I
inhaled enough paint

fumes to erase the whole
ordeal from my memory.

I'm sorry.

It was all my fault.

Nope, me again.

It just felt so
good, you know.

For one shining nanosecond,
we were actually independent.

Yeah, it'll happen
for real someday.

And when it does--

Your dad is so
mowing our lawn.

Bingo.

I just hope it happens
before we're 30.

Don't worry.

I have a feeling we might be out
of here sooner than you think.

[theme music]

THEME SONG: I never thought
you'd go so far-- no no no.

How can I travel
to where you are?

No no no.

Things are looking up now
that we're looking forward

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