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1
00:00:01,266 --> 00:00:02,383
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:05,383
So, Shawn, what time are
you
leavin' for Philadelphia?
3
00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:07,830
Eight o'clock.
4
00:00:07,116 --> 00:00:09,330
What're you going
to Philadelphia for?
5
00:00:09,660 --> 00:00:11,660
Oh, I'm goin' to this
little
entrepreneur
convention
6
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:13,166
to come up with couple
of ideas for my
business.
7
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:16,000
Well, I should be goin' too.
I got some ideas.
8
00:00:16,330 --> 00:00:17,300
Come on, pop, how many times
I gotta tell you?
9
00:00:17,333 --> 00:00:20,333
Nobody wants a
8-track Walkman.
10
00:00:20,366 --> 00:00:24,660
Yo, what's the dilly, people?
Hey, guess what.
11
00:00:24,100 --> 00:00:27,133
Agent just called. I just
landed
a part in this big war movie.
12
00:00:27,166 --> 00:00:29,383
- What?
- Whoa.
13
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:32,160
[indistinct chatter]
14
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,166
A brother in a war movie.
What's it called?
15
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,366
Leavin' Private Leroy?
16
00:00:37,366 --> 00:00:39,233
Here you go, boy.
Here's your slingshot.
17
00:00:39,266 --> 00:00:42,283
You go fight the Germans,
we'll be in the tank.
18
00:00:42,316 --> 00:00:45,250
Ha ha ha. For your information
I should play this soldier
19
00:00:45,283 --> 00:00:46,350
who saves his whole troop.
20
00:00:46,383 --> 00:00:49,250
- Ooh, you playin' a hero.
- Yeah.
21
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:51,383
That could be a
big opportunity for you.
22
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:54,500
Yeah, well, actually
I'm kinda nervous
23
00:00:54,830 --> 00:00:56,000
'cause the last guy that
had the role got fired
24
00:00:56,330 --> 00:00:57,300
'cause he wasn't
convincin' as a soldier.
25
00:00:57,333 --> 00:01:01,330
Huh, and you are?
Come on, Marlon.
26
00:01:01,660 --> 00:01:02,283
In order for people
to believe you are the
soldier
27
00:01:02,316 --> 00:01:05,250
you gotta be strong, tough
and masculine-lookin'.
28
00:01:05,283 --> 00:01:06,383
You know, like Dee.
29
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,316
[laughing]
30
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,500
- Yeah.
- That is not funny.
31
00:01:13,830 --> 00:01:15,500
I am a lady and I'll bust
32
00:01:15,830 --> 00:01:18,200
anybody's head who says I'm not.
33
00:01:18,233 --> 00:01:21,233
- Alright.
- Okay, Miss Lady..
34
00:01:21,266 --> 00:01:23,100
Hey, Marlon, for real though,
if you really wanna
35
00:01:23,133 --> 00:01:25,333
rip this part, you should
go to a real military base
36
00:01:25,366 --> 00:01:27,116
and do some research.
37
00:01:27,150 --> 00:01:28,366
Man, Shawn, that's a great idea.
38
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,183
Yes, son. You can
even take my car, here.
39
00:01:35,330 --> 00:01:37,383
- What the hell is this for?
- To get the boot off.
40
00:01:39,250 --> 00:01:41,283
[theme song]
41
00:01:42,316 --> 00:01:44,133
♪ We're brothers ♪
42
00:01:44,166 --> 00:01:45,383
♪ We're happy
and we're singin' ♪
43
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,333
♪ And we're colored ♪
44
00:01:48,366 --> 00:01:51,660
♪ Gimme a high five ♪♪
45
00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:52,250
(male #1)
'Alright, cut and print.'
46
00:01:52,283 --> 00:01:54,216
'Beautiful, guys. Dynamite'
47
00:01:54,250 --> 00:01:57,500
[theme music]
48
00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:23,316
[instrumental music]
49
00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:28,216
(Dee)
'Marlon.'
50
00:02:28,250 --> 00:02:32,150
That is the fifth military
magazine you read this morning.
51
00:02:32,183 --> 00:02:34,300
Oh, Dee, I don't wanna
embarrass myself at the base.
52
00:02:34,333 --> 00:02:36,366
It says here that
all soldiers should have
53
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,330
a war face. How's this?
54
00:02:41,166 --> 00:02:43,830
Here you go, son,
I forgot to give you the
keys.
55
00:02:43,116 --> 00:02:44,116
Oh, thank you, pop.
56
00:02:44,150 --> 00:02:45,216
And here's
the direction to the base.
57
00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:47,000
Now, you talk
to my old war buddy
58
00:02:47,330 --> 00:02:49,100
Sergeant Pattisson,
he'll take care of you.
59
00:02:49,133 --> 00:02:51,166
Thank you, pop.
Man, I'm
excited.
60
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,660
Hey, you think they'll
let me fly a submarine?
61
00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:56,000
Now, hold on, Marlon,
people in the military
62
00:02:56,330 --> 00:02:57,233
take their job seriously.
63
00:02:57,266 --> 00:02:59,830
They risk their lives everyday.
64
00:02:59,116 --> 00:03:00,350
Pops is right, Marlon.
65
00:03:00,383 --> 00:03:03,150
Don't go down there
and do nothin' stupid.
66
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:06,300
Come on, Dee, I'm just gonna
go down there and be myself.
67
00:03:06,333 --> 00:03:08,133
That's what I mean.
68
00:03:09,166 --> 00:03:11,166
[instrumental music]
69
00:03:15,116 --> 00:03:16,300
[knock on door]
70
00:03:16,333 --> 00:03:19,150
Eh, hey, there, Captain Crunch.
71
00:03:19,183 --> 00:03:21,183
I'm lookin' for
Sergeant Pattisson.
72
00:03:21,216 --> 00:03:24,500
He retired last year.
Can I help you?
73
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:25,350
Yeah, as a matter of fact,
you could.
74
00:03:25,383 --> 00:03:27,200
How you doin'?
I'm Marlon Williams.
75
00:03:27,233 --> 00:03:30,116
I star in a show called
"Everybody Loves Everybody."
76
00:03:30,150 --> 00:03:33,830
I play, uh...Lucius!
77
00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:36,830
Oh!
78
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:39,000
I carved every one of those!
79
00:03:39,330 --> 00:03:41,316
Dang, brother, you need a hobby.
80
00:03:41,350 --> 00:03:45,216
I'm sorry, um, uh,
let me help you out there..
81
00:03:45,250 --> 00:03:48,200
What're you doing?
Please don't. Leave
it.
82
00:03:48,233 --> 00:03:51,150
Okay, um, I'm-I'm-I'm starrin'
83
00:03:51,183 --> 00:03:52,383
in this move, right?
84
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:54,283
And it's about the military.
85
00:03:54,316 --> 00:03:56,183
And I wanna study your troops
86
00:03:56,216 --> 00:03:58,200
so that I can become
a real soldier.
87
00:03:58,233 --> 00:04:00,366
You know, I wanna be mean
and ugly like..
88
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,830
...like this guy right here.
89
00:04:03,116 --> 00:04:05,383
That's my wife.
90
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,316
My bad. The goatee
kinda threw me off.
91
00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:13,000
Uh, any.. I'm sorry, let me
just make all this up to you.
92
00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:15,133
Let me hook you,
spit shine on your
Timberlands.
93
00:04:15,166 --> 00:04:18,160
What are you doing?
94
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:19,350
[mumbling]
All comes to the spit..
95
00:04:19,383 --> 00:04:22,133
You got to come up
in here where the acid is..
96
00:04:22,166 --> 00:04:23,283
...through the urethra..
97
00:04:23,316 --> 00:04:26,116
[snorts]
98
00:04:29,830 --> 00:04:31,100
Look at this spit shine on that.
99
00:04:32,233 --> 00:04:34,383
If you don't
get the hell out of here
100
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,133
I'mma put my foot
so far up your behind
101
00:04:37,166 --> 00:04:40,333
you gonna have to open up
your mouth to tie the laces.
102
00:04:40,366 --> 00:04:42,250
[imitating]
"Tie the laces."
103
00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:46,366
That's the attitude
I'm lookin' for, that was
great!
104
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,830
Now, if I could just study
that for a couple of hours
105
00:04:49,116 --> 00:04:52,160
I'll be fine, see,
'cause unlike most of y'all
106
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,100
I actually graduated
high-school.
107
00:04:54,133 --> 00:04:57,283
Look, I do not allow
civilians on my base.
108
00:04:57,316 --> 00:04:59,250
- So get out of here.
- Well, hook a brother up.
109
00:04:59,283 --> 00:05:02,266
Look, my father is a veteran.
His name is John Williams.
110
00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:03,383
Come on, he served
with Pattisson.
111
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,216
Isn't there somethin'
you can do?
112
00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:09,100
Wait a minute.
113
00:05:09,133 --> 00:05:12,830
- Williams?
- Affirmative.
114
00:05:12,116 --> 00:05:14,500
The cook?
115
00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:16,000
Well, if you
wanna
call him that.
116
00:05:16,330 --> 00:05:19,500
Yeah, yeah, well,
I served with him myself.
117
00:05:19,830 --> 00:05:21,233
We have quite a history
together.
118
00:05:21,266 --> 00:05:22,383
Oh!
119
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,500
Runnin' hoes in Beijing, huh?
120
00:05:25,830 --> 00:05:27,316
[speaking in Chinese]
121
00:05:27,350 --> 00:05:31,830
So you wanna get a
little taste of army life?
122
00:05:31,116 --> 00:05:34,500
- Yes, sir!
- I can't hear you!
123
00:05:34,830 --> 00:05:37,200
- Yes, sir!
- Are you sure?
124
00:05:37,233 --> 00:05:39,100
As sure as your breath smells
125
00:05:39,133 --> 00:05:42,160
like bowel movement, sir!
126
00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:45,250
Alright.
127
00:05:45,283 --> 00:05:49,183
I just need to see
your John Hancock.
128
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:52,333
Okay, if that's
what you guys do..
129
00:05:52,366 --> 00:05:55,330
I meant your signature, fool.
130
00:05:55,660 --> 00:05:57,116
Oh, my bad, wrong Hancock.
131
00:05:57,150 --> 00:05:59,166
That's the Herbie.
132
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:00,366
It's for insurance purposes.
133
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,300
Oh, you wanna ensure the Herbie.
Most definitely.
134
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:05,500
- Here you go.
- Alright.
135
00:06:05,830 --> 00:06:07,366
- So when do we start?
- Right now, maggot.
136
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,233
Hey, man. I ain't no maggot.
137
00:06:09,266 --> 00:06:12,283
You the one who asked
to see my Hancock.
138
00:06:17,366 --> 00:06:20,200
[gasps]
Whoo!
139
00:06:20,233 --> 00:06:23,100
That was about a ten-mile hike.
140
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,183
For a minute there
141
00:06:24,216 --> 00:06:26,160
I didn't think you guys
were gonna make it.
142
00:06:27,133 --> 00:06:28,166
I'll tell you one thing though.
143
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,100
I really liked those songs.
144
00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,166
♪ Soldiers aren't
scared to death ♪
145
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,150
♪ We're just scared
of Scully's breath ♪♪
146
00:06:36,183 --> 00:06:39,366
One, two, three, four.
Break it all down now.
147
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,366
- One, two, three..
- Hey, hey, hey.
148
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,500
You know, usually we
don't
have to walk this far.
149
00:06:45,830 --> 00:06:46,266
But I think you
upset
the sarge when you
150
00:06:46,300 --> 00:06:48,660
filled up his canteen.
151
00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:50,100
Hey, man. Canteen, latrine..
152
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,500
I had to go to bathroom, right.
153
00:06:54,830 --> 00:06:56,200
Besides, I ain't up
on all that military terms.
154
00:06:56,233 --> 00:06:58,133
Yeah, well, you should
be,
'cause those terms
155
00:06:58,166 --> 00:07:01,000
establish respect
and discipline among the
ranks.
156
00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:03,660
Hey, hey.
Orale Holmes!
157
00:07:05,166 --> 00:07:08,250
[speaking in Spanish]
158
00:07:08,283 --> 00:07:11,166
Wow, you really into
all of this, huh?
159
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,333
Hey, I live for this.
Right?
160
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:17,333
Military is gonna be my
career.
Just like my forefathers.
161
00:07:17,366 --> 00:07:20,383
Wow, you havefour
162
00:07:23,266 --> 00:07:26,183
Your mama a freak!
163
00:07:26,216 --> 00:07:28,266
I need to get me abarricua.
164
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:30,333
- Marlon.
- What's up?
165
00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:31,333
I'm serious.
166
00:07:31,366 --> 00:07:33,660
I believe in defending
167
00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:35,660
and fighting for democracy.
168
00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:36,166
I ain't fighting for Dammaxi.
169
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,133
She owe me five dollars.
170
00:07:39,166 --> 00:07:41,383
All in for inspection.
171
00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:56,330
What-what are we doin'?
What's happenin'?
172
00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:57,266
Just a general
inspection
to keep us on our toes.
173
00:07:57,300 --> 00:08:00,216
- Shut it down there, Lopez?
- Sir, yes, sir!
174
00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:02,100
[imitating Lopez]
Sir, yes, sir!
175
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,160
You know, Lopez,
when Martin Luther King
176
00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:05,166
freed the slaves
177
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,250
he also freed the Puerto Ricans.
178
00:08:08,366 --> 00:08:11,250
You are a disgrace to this unit.
179
00:08:15,183 --> 00:08:16,266
I bet your family found you
180
00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:19,183
in a pile of fly-infested
dog feces.
181
00:08:19,216 --> 00:08:21,283
[imitating]
Dog feces!
182
00:08:21,316 --> 00:08:23,200
I like that.
Can you repeat that line?
183
00:08:23,233 --> 00:08:26,266
"Fly-infested dog feces!"
184
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:29,100
What are doing
out of my
formation?
185
00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:30,383
Drop and give me 50!
186
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,350
I would, but I'm
all out of cash.
187
00:08:33,383 --> 00:08:36,116
I meant push-ups.
188
00:08:38,830 --> 00:08:40,166
[grunts]
189
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,500
(Sergeant Scully)
What's the matter? This
shouldn't be so hard
190
00:08:42,830 --> 00:08:45,160
'for a tough city boy
like yourself, huh?'
191
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:46,283
It wouldn't be
if you didn't have that
192
00:08:46,316 --> 00:08:49,250
orthopedic shoe on my back.
193
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,000
[groans]
194
00:08:53,330 --> 00:08:55,266
Look here, Major Payne.
195
00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:57,166
I got to get out of here,
I think I've learned
196
00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,830
all I need to learn about
bein' all that I could be.
197
00:09:00,116 --> 00:09:02,166
Thank you very much.
Hey, Lopez.
198
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:05,183
Astak-delahoya-baby.
199
00:09:05,216 --> 00:09:06,333
- Williams!
- Yeah.
200
00:09:06,366 --> 00:09:08,216
If you don't get your
butt back in this formation
201
00:09:08,250 --> 00:09:12,160
I'll make you regret your
father
ever met your mother.
202
00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:16,160
Sergeant, believe me
he regrets it already.
203
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:19,166
Peace, y'all.
Hey, GI Jane, stay up.
204
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:22,160
Wait, hey, get off me,
get off me. Hey, get off me.
205
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:24,183
Y'all know me.
I'm crazy. Get off me!
206
00:09:24,216 --> 00:09:26,200
I drop the bomb like Nigoshima.
207
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,183
Get off me, boy.
208
00:09:28,216 --> 00:09:29,383
Yo, tell these idiots
to put me down, sarge.
209
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:31,366
They don't know me,
I'm from Brooklyn, yo.
210
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,233
So you still think
they're idiots, huh?
211
00:09:34,266 --> 00:09:35,383
At least they know
the difference between
212
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,350
insurance forms
and enlistment papers.
213
00:09:38,383 --> 00:09:40,100
What do you mean, sour mouth?
214
00:09:40,133 --> 00:09:42,200
You signed
the enlistment papers.
215
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,250
For the next four years
216
00:09:45,283 --> 00:09:48,233
your ass is mine.
217
00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:55,216
[instrumental music]
218
00:09:55,250 --> 00:09:58,500
[telephone ringing]
219
00:09:59,233 --> 00:10:01,116
Pop's Diner. You kill it,
we'll cook it.
220
00:10:01,150 --> 00:10:03,100
No questions asked.
221
00:10:03,133 --> 00:10:05,660
Fool, where the hell is my car?
222
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:07,316
Pop, you got to help
me.
I'm in big trouble.
223
00:10:07,350 --> 00:10:09,366
- You got to help me, pop.
- Now, now, calm down, son.
224
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,166
Just calm down,
tell me what happened.
225
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,660
- I'm here for you.
- Okay.
226
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:15,166
Well, pop, it all started when I
came down here to the army base.
227
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,660
Hold on, son,
there's another call comin'
in.
228
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:20,100
- Pop's Diner.
- Yo, pops, it's Shawn.
229
00:10:20,133 --> 00:10:21,316
Shawn, I can't talk to you
right now.
230
00:10:21,350 --> 00:10:23,166
Marlon is in some kind
of trouble, just hold on.
231
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:26,116
Let me find out what's going on.
232
00:10:26,150 --> 00:10:28,133
- What's wrong, son?
- Well, pop.
233
00:10:28,166 --> 00:10:31,160
Some army sergeant made me
enlist for four years.
234
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,216
Well, did you talk to Sergeant
Pattisson like I told you to?
235
00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:36,233
Pop, Pattisson
retired.
I talked to Scully.
236
00:10:36,266 --> 00:10:38,350
Scully? Oh-oh.
237
00:10:38,383 --> 00:10:41,000
Pop, I don't like that oh, oh,
that's the same oh, oh you said
238
00:10:41,330 --> 00:10:42,300
when you dropped
that rat in the
chili.
239
00:10:42,333 --> 00:10:46,830
- What does that mean, pop?
- Uh, hold on, son.
240
00:10:46,116 --> 00:10:48,300
Shawn, your brother
done done it now.
241
00:10:48,333 --> 00:10:50,216
- What?
- The fool got enlisted.
242
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,350
- Four years.
- He did what?
243
00:10:52,383 --> 00:10:54,166
Well, you tell
him,
he's still
responsible
244
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,166
for his half of the
rent,
he signed the lease.
245
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,316
I'll sue his ass.
246
00:10:58,350 --> 00:11:00,116
Shawn, you gotta
get back here quick.
247
00:11:00,150 --> 00:11:01,333
We gotta help your brother.
248
00:11:01,366 --> 00:11:03,366
That's what I'm callin' you
for, Pops. I'm stuck here.
249
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:07,116
Somebody stole my briefcase
with all my stuff in it.
250
00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:08,350
I must have two
of the dumbest boys.
251
00:11:08,383 --> 00:11:10,160
What'd you say?
252
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:12,660
I said, I can't hear
over all this noise.
253
00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:13,366
Hey, look, pop.
Don't worry about me,
okay?
254
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,300
Just take care of stupid,
I'll
find a way back there,
okay?
255
00:11:16,333 --> 00:11:20,830
- Okay, son. I'll see you.
- Alright, bye.
256
00:11:20,116 --> 00:11:22,000
- Marlon.
- 88.
257
00:11:22,330 --> 00:11:24,660
- Marlon?
- 89.
258
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,000
(Sergeant Scully)
You better start
moving faster than that
259
00:11:26,330 --> 00:11:27,383
if you expect
to hit a 1000 by noon.
260
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:29,283
A 1000? 91, 92, 93.
261
00:11:29,316 --> 00:11:32,166
Hold on, son. I'm coming.
I'm coming, son.
262
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,183
Dee, you gonna have to
close up for me.
263
00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:37,116
- Marlon is in trouble.
- What happened?
264
00:11:37,150 --> 00:11:38,350
He got into a spat
with a-a sergeant
265
00:11:38,383 --> 00:11:40,183
that hated me
ever since the
war.
266
00:11:40,216 --> 00:11:43,160
Probably blamed me for
that metal plate in his head.
267
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:45,830
What happened? In the
heat of the battle
268
00:11:45,116 --> 00:11:46,100
you couldn't cover him?
269
00:11:46,133 --> 00:11:47,333
No, Dee, I was tryin' to flip
270
00:11:47,366 --> 00:11:49,150
a omelet and the skillet
slipped out of my hand
271
00:11:49,183 --> 00:11:51,500
and it hit
that sucker upside his head.
272
00:11:51,830 --> 00:11:52,266
And his head rang like a bell.
273
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,660
[imitating a bell ring]
274
00:11:58,830 --> 00:12:01,000
Hey, thanks for
pickin' me up, Ernie.
275
00:12:01,330 --> 00:12:04,283
Hey, no problem, used to
be
a big hitchhiker myself.
276
00:12:04,316 --> 00:12:07,660
Now you're just big.
277
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:10,116
- What?
- Big-hearted.
278
00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:13,200
Okay, thought you
were
calling me f-f-fat.
279
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:16,350
My stepfather
called me f-fat
once.
280
00:12:16,383 --> 00:12:19,183
It was right before he
committed suicide by chopping
281
00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:21,350
his own head off with an axe.
282
00:12:23,383 --> 00:12:26,116
Uh, no, no, man,
you-you ain't fat.
283
00:12:26,150 --> 00:12:29,830
You just, uh, you know..
284
00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:31,660
...very voluptuous.
285
00:12:32,233 --> 00:12:34,150
Ah, yeah?
286
00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:38,233
Do you wanna get a room?
287
00:12:41,166 --> 00:12:45,150
What we have here
is an M16A2 service rifle.
288
00:12:45,183 --> 00:12:48,350
- It's a gat, fool.
- Soldier, on your feet!
289
00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:55,183
You have one minute to make
this weapon operational.
290
00:12:55,216 --> 00:12:58,150
Um, I'm so sorry,
can-can Lopez do it?
291
00:12:58,183 --> 00:13:00,283
He got four fathers, I'm
pretty
sure one of them had a gun.
292
00:13:00,316 --> 00:13:03,366
- Fifty-nine,
fifty-eight..
- Oh, man. Um..
293
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,166
- Fifty-six, fifty-five.
- Wow.
294
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,383
- Fifty-four, fifty-three.
- You got some glue?
295
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,133
Fifty-two, fifty-one..
296
00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:12,266
And time.
297
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,200
Boy, you are the worst excuse
298
00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:19,000
for a soldier I have ever seen.
299
00:13:19,330 --> 00:13:20,100
Sir, yes, sir!
300
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,283
Were your parents first cousins
301
00:13:21,316 --> 00:13:24,100
you stupid waste of skin.
302
00:13:24,133 --> 00:13:25,283
Get the hell away from my boy.
303
00:13:25,316 --> 00:13:28,100
Nobody calls him stupid
but family.
304
00:13:28,133 --> 00:13:32,330
For your information, my wife
and I are second cousins.
305
00:13:32,660 --> 00:13:34,500
Yeah, tell him, Pops.
306
00:13:34,830 --> 00:13:37,233
Don't let nobody talk
about Aunt Ma like
that.
307
00:13:37,266 --> 00:13:38,383
- Nobody talks about..
- Yeah.
308
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,830
It's not about Marlon,
it's about me
309
00:13:41,116 --> 00:13:42,200
and that metal plate
in your head.
310
00:13:42,233 --> 00:13:44,500
You're damn right, it is.
311
00:13:44,830 --> 00:13:45,283
Because of what
you did in Vietnam
312
00:13:45,316 --> 00:13:49,160
I wasn't fit for combat and
now I'm stuck here in New
Jersey
313
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:50,333
teaching basic training.
314
00:13:50,366 --> 00:13:53,830
But look on the bright side,
now you can stick your finger
315
00:13:53,116 --> 00:13:56,266
in a socket, shake your big
head
and pick up the Spice Channel.
316
00:13:56,300 --> 00:13:59,200
- Yeah.
- Your son is just like you.
317
00:13:59,233 --> 00:14:02,166
Disrespectful,
undisciplined loser.
318
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,830
Hey, man, uh,
ain't it hard for you
319
00:14:05,116 --> 00:14:07,100
to drive with your foot bustin'
320
00:14:07,133 --> 00:14:09,233
outside of your shoe like that?
321
00:14:09,266 --> 00:14:12,100
Your feet look like
a pack of biscuits.
322
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:15,383
It's ventilation.
323
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,350
That's it. We gonna
settle this right now.
324
00:14:21,383 --> 00:14:24,160
My son will tackle anything
you throw at him.
325
00:14:25,333 --> 00:14:27,283
Except math.
326
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,333
And reading.
327
00:14:31,366 --> 00:14:33,383
Sit down your dumb ass.
328
00:14:35,266 --> 00:14:37,133
While we here now.
329
00:14:37,166 --> 00:14:39,216
Alright, I'll tell you what.
330
00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:41,216
He's got to do this whole
obstacle course
331
00:14:41,250 --> 00:14:43,000
here in three minutes.
332
00:14:43,330 --> 00:14:45,300
- And then ring this bell.
- Deal.
333
00:14:45,333 --> 00:14:47,830
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
334
00:14:47,116 --> 00:14:49,300
What do I get
if he don't make it?
335
00:14:49,333 --> 00:14:51,200
You get to keep
him
and my other son
336
00:14:51,233 --> 00:14:53,233
who's on his way
down here right
now.
337
00:14:53,266 --> 00:14:56,830
- Alright, deal.
- 'Uh, uh, time out.'
338
00:14:56,116 --> 00:14:59,250
Uh, pop. I can't do it, man.
339
00:14:59,283 --> 00:15:02,660
I can't make it over that
wall,
I tried it all morning, pop.
340
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:04,383
- I can't do it.
- Marlon, you can do it.
341
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:06,266
You can do it, son,
remember the story I told you
342
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:09,216
about that train? The little
red
train that was tryin' to
climb
343
00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:12,166
this hill, thick hill,
he tried and tried and tried
344
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,116
and then finally made it.
345
00:15:14,150 --> 00:15:17,133
So you sayin' I should
take
a train over the wall?
346
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,133
Marlon, you think those
four years you spent
347
00:15:19,166 --> 00:15:21,166
in second grade was hard?
348
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,316
You're in for a big surprise.
349
00:15:28,330 --> 00:15:29,366
Hey, uh, aren't they
supposed to give you
350
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,133
a hat after chemotherapy?
351
00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:38,330
So, Shawn, what do you
think
of that OJ, huh?
352
00:15:38,660 --> 00:15:40,133
Let me tell you
somethin' about OJ.
353
00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:46,166
I thought he was hilarious
in "Naked Gun."
354
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:49,233
Oh, he fell down the stairs,
in the wheelchair, doin'
that..
355
00:15:50,233 --> 00:15:52,383
OJ crazy. Hoo!
356
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,166
He could golf too.
357
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,300
I don't wanna
talk about that anyway.
358
00:15:56,333 --> 00:15:58,000
Anyway, let's,
let's just listen to some
music.
359
00:15:58,330 --> 00:16:00,150
[hip-hop music]
360
00:16:00,183 --> 00:16:03,000
♪ Kill the white man
not the brother man ♪
361
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,150
♪ Because the white man
is the devil man ♪
362
00:16:05,183 --> 00:16:07,383
♪ Kill the white man
not the brother man ♪
363
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:11,100
♪ Because the white man
is the devil man ♪♪
364
00:16:20,830 --> 00:16:22,250
Son, take these
shoes
for good luck.
365
00:16:22,283 --> 00:16:24,330
These shoes got me
through the war
366
00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:25,283
without a scratch on
me
or them.
367
00:16:25,316 --> 00:16:28,250
Okay, pansy, if you can
get through this course
368
00:16:28,283 --> 00:16:30,830
in three minutes
and then ring that bell
369
00:16:30,116 --> 00:16:32,350
you're a free man.
Now take your mark.
370
00:16:35,830 --> 00:16:37,250
Good luck, Williams.
371
00:16:37,283 --> 00:16:40,316
Hey, Lopez..
Dear old Taco Bell.
372
00:16:40,350 --> 00:16:43,160
My friend.
373
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:45,000
[speaking in Spanish]
374
00:16:48,333 --> 00:16:52,133
- You can do it!
- Oh, really?
375
00:16:52,166 --> 00:16:54,183
You like to make
a little wager?
376
00:16:55,350 --> 00:16:58,366
Alright, on your mark.
377
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,316
Get set.
378
00:17:00,350 --> 00:17:01,333
Go!
379
00:17:07,250 --> 00:17:09,330
[screaming]
380
00:17:17,250 --> 00:17:19,250
[groans]
381
00:17:26,350 --> 00:17:29,000
I got five bucks on the dummy.
382
00:17:29,330 --> 00:17:30,200
Which one?
383
00:17:32,316 --> 00:17:33,350
[grunts]
384
00:17:53,216 --> 00:17:55,333
Marlon, hurry.
You're runnin' out of
time.
385
00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:58,183
Go help him, young man.
386
00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:11,333
God...if I...just..
387
00:18:11,366 --> 00:18:13,166
I can't make it.
388
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:17,160
If you don't do it now,
you'll
have four years to practice.
389
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:18,333
If I just..
390
00:18:18,366 --> 00:18:21,133
...make it over the wall.
391
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:22,300
Now grab that rope and climb
392
00:18:22,333 --> 00:18:25,330
like you've
never climbed before.
393
00:18:25,660 --> 00:18:28,150
If I can just..
394
00:18:28,183 --> 00:18:31,166
...reach the top.
395
00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:34,116
Here, let me help you
a little bit.
396
00:18:34,150 --> 00:18:37,133
Oh, I got something
for you, here.
397
00:18:37,166 --> 00:18:41,100
[screaming]
Oh, oh.
398
00:18:41,133 --> 00:18:42,216
I did it, pop.
399
00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:44,283
You're home free, son.
400
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,266
You have to get
through me first.
401
00:18:52,183 --> 00:18:54,233
What am I supposed
to do Will Smith's
Q-tip?
402
00:18:56,283 --> 00:18:58,350
Now, you about to get it.
403
00:18:58,383 --> 00:19:01,660
'Cause I'm goin'
drunken monkey on you.
404
00:19:13,660 --> 00:19:14,250
You've only got
ten seconds left.
405
00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:17,283
You ain't never gonna make it.
You are a loser!
406
00:19:17,316 --> 00:19:19,183
Just like your father.
407
00:19:19,216 --> 00:19:23,000
Use the shoe, boy.
Use the shoes.
408
00:19:26,350 --> 00:19:29,166
[instrumental music]
409
00:19:51,133 --> 00:19:52,283
[cheering]
410
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,133
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
411
00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:03,166
Looks like you made a
whole lot of friends here
today.
412
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,233
You kidding, we're
cheering
'cause he's leaving.
413
00:20:05,266 --> 00:20:07,233
[speaking in Spanish]
414
00:20:09,660 --> 00:20:11,116
Well, you beat me.
415
00:20:11,150 --> 00:20:14,333
I guess that makes you
a free man.
416
00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:20,300
Thank you, sergeant.
I appreciate that.
417
00:20:20,333 --> 00:20:23,500
Well, I was thinking
about retiring anyway.
418
00:20:23,830 --> 00:20:24,316
I don't think
my body could stand
419
00:20:24,350 --> 00:20:26,166
another Williams in the army.
420
00:20:27,316 --> 00:20:29,133
Hey, well,
to tell you the truth.
421
00:20:29,166 --> 00:20:32,116
Your mouth still stinks.
422
00:20:32,150 --> 00:20:33,316
I was jokin', man.
423
00:20:33,350 --> 00:20:37,150
Look, I just want to
apologize
because I insulted you.
424
00:20:37,183 --> 00:20:41,500
And I just wanna say I'm sorry
and I shouldn't make fun of
guys
425
00:20:41,830 --> 00:20:43,133
who put their life on the line.
426
00:20:43,166 --> 00:20:44,333
You guys a'ight.
427
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:52,660
Word up, big love.
You take care..
428
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,233
Okay, ladies, we've got
three hours of hiking
429
00:20:56,266 --> 00:20:59,133
before lights out, come on,
let's get on, let's get on
it.
430
00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:01,283
Let's move it, let's move.
431
00:21:01,316 --> 00:21:03,116
Let's move!
432
00:21:03,150 --> 00:21:06,283
Hey, pop, I ain't never been
so exhausted in my whole life.
433
00:21:06,316 --> 00:21:09,133
Well, let your
old pops help
you.
434
00:21:09,166 --> 00:21:10,283
- I'm proud of you, son.
- Thank you.
435
00:21:10,316 --> 00:21:13,150
- You never gave up.
- Thank you, father.
436
00:21:13,183 --> 00:21:15,300
I wish Shawn was here to see me.
437
00:21:15,333 --> 00:21:17,333
Hey, I wonder
what happened to Shawn.
438
00:21:17,366 --> 00:21:20,660
He was supposed to
be here before me.
439
00:21:20,100 --> 00:21:23,000
- I wonder where he is.
- I don't know.
440
00:21:23,330 --> 00:21:25,116
- My hero.
- Come on, son.
441
00:21:25,150 --> 00:21:27,660
♪ Lord lift us up ♪
442
00:21:27,100 --> 00:21:29,233
♪ Where we belong.. ♪♪
443
00:21:31,266 --> 00:21:35,150
- Sorry about getting lost.
- Ah, it's alright, man.
444
00:21:35,183 --> 00:21:39,150
Hey, man, thanks for turnin'
the heat on. It was freezin'.
445
00:21:39,183 --> 00:21:40,350
You wouldn't mind if I get
a little more comfortable
446
00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:43,160
would you?
447
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:45,660
Right, sure. Whatever.
448
00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:04,500
Let's, let's just,
um, listen to music.
449
00:22:04,830 --> 00:22:05,350
[hip-hop music]
450
00:22:05,383 --> 00:22:08,166
♪ Kill the white man
not the brother man ♪
451
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:11,660
♪ Because the white man
is the devil man ♪
452
00:22:11,100 --> 00:22:13,233
♪ Kill the white man
not the brother man ♪
453
00:22:13,266 --> 00:22:16,333
♪ Because the white man
is the devil man ♪♪
454
00:22:26,383 --> 00:22:29,160
(Shawn)Look up, Marlon, say"Cheese."
33720
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