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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Dear Starla,how are things in solitary?
2
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:13,388
Is it true that they throw youin the hole naked?
3
00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:19,073
Anxiously awaiting your reply, Bud.
4
00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:23,156
Daddy, I love Lonnie.
And I'll die if I can't have him.
5
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,875
Suit yourself.
A funeral's cheaper than a wedding.
6
00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:30,675
Dad, don't worry. Kelly can't wait
for Lonnie to get out of prison.
7
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:34,316
I mean, she cheats on a guy
if he takes too long in the bathroom.
8
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:36,555
Good point, son.
9
00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:40,036
Besides, he's a vicious criminal.
They probably locked him up for life.
10
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,276
They turned me loose.
11
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:45,631
They said the prison
was too overcrowded.
12
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:49,469
God forbid prisoners don't
have enough legroom.
13
00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:53,036
Oh, look how much he loves her.
14
00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:54,719
The man just got out of prison.
15
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:57,673
He'd be happy kissing anything
without stubble.
16
00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:01,953
Sir, I have come to ask
for your daughter's hand.
17
00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:03,434
Is that all?
18
00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:07,872
Yeah, why stop there?
No one else does.
19
00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:12,756
Sir, I may not be the smartest man
in the world or the most successful...
20
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:16,236
...but I love your daughter
and I would give my life for her.
21
00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:17,429
Deal.
22
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,871
Dad, what are you doing?
Get your hands--!
23
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,592
He tried to strangle me.
24
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:28,349
Well, that's just how
we show affection.
25
00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:35,275
Hey, Mom.
26
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,955
Do you see that shade of blue
that Dad's turning?
27
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,516
Don't you think that would be a good
color for the bridesmaids' dresses?
28
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:45,397
Actually, I was thinking
a little more purple-y.
29
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,111
There, that's it.
30
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,794
Oh, speaking of the wedding,
I almost forgot.
31
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:57,629
Kelly, this is for you.
32
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,990
That is the biggest cubic zirconia
I've ever seen.
33
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,237
Genuine cubic zirconia? Oh, Lonnie.
34
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,396
Oh, my God.
35
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:17,038
You stole my daughter
an engagement ring...
36
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,959
...and it's not even a real diamond?
37
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,553
Sir, I love Kelly very much...
38
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:27,070
...and I promise you, she'll be
very happy as Mrs. Lonnie Tot.
39
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,836
Wait a second.
Did you say your name was Tot?
40
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:36,076
I don't know. Did I?
41
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:41,273
Tot, as in the Tots,
owner of Tot Industries...
42
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:44,790
...maker of Weenie Tots,
nature's most perfect food?
43
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,388
Yeah, that's us.
44
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:52,390
Al, Al. This ring is real.
45
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,838
- Son!
- Dad!
46
00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:36,989
Or perhaps you would prefer
our platinum elite account?
47
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,998
Now, that requires
$100,000 minimum balance...
48
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:44,591
...but you get free cheques
and a SaladShooter.
49
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,352
- I love you.
- I love you.
50
00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:52,394
- I love you.
- I love you.
51
00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:55,398
I love you both.
52
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,949
Kelly. Kelly.
53
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:01,957
Kelly.
54
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:04,909
Hey, isn't that Big Bird?
55
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,712
- Where?
- Where?
56
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:08,873
You missed him.
57
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,958
Now, Kelly, honey,
on this very special occasion...
58
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:16,870
...I want you to wear the dress that
I wore on the happiest day of my life.
59
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:20,072
Unfortunately,
the football team kept it.
60
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:24,873
But I do have my wedding dress.
61
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:28,390
And it is very nice too.
62
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,477
Gee, Mom, it's...
63
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:31,995
What is it?
64
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:36,910
Genuine snow leopard.
Isn't it stunning?
65
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,079
Peggy, as the wedding coordinator...
66
00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:46,558
...may I suggest
something a little less whorish?
67
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:49,355
Oh, come on, Kelly.
68
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,516
We better go color
our wedding invitations.
69
00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,631
- Dibs on magenta!
- Dibs on magenta!
70
00:04:56,280 --> 00:05:00,034
My God.
Their children will be rutabagas.
71
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:04,392
Yeah, it's possible.
Root vegetables run in my family.
72
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,079
Now, about the wedding dinner.
73
00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:11,149
I was thinking an open bar,
hors d'oeuvres and six courses.
74
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:16,275
Yeah, well, Al was thinking
a cash bar and a cover charge.
75
00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:20,153
Well, that's what we're planning
for his funeral.
76
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,398
Thanks.
77
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:34,390
I can't believe how cheap they are.
They got me a bowl with holes in it.
78
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:39,115
Honey, don't be silly.
That's not a bowl.
79
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:40,958
It's a hat.
80
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,156
Oh, okay.
81
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:48,157
Yeah! Thanks.
82
00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:51,636
Kelly,
you really shouldn't be wearing that.
83
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,668
Oh, yeah, right. Bad luck, huh?
84
00:05:56,120 --> 00:06:00,033
Anyway, you know, it's so nice
of you guys to give me this shower...
85
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,549
...and I wanna give something to you.
86
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:06,759
My little black book.
87
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:20,072
Johnny Parker, David Petrocelli,
Max Pullman.
88
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,635
Hey, that name sounds familiar.
89
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,637
That's your father.
90
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,672
And Mr. Owens,
our chemistry teacher?
91
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:34,156
Yeah, well, I passed, didn't I?
92
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:40,996
I love Lonnie so much that
it's worth giving up all those guys.
93
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,755
Even page 41.
94
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,359
You know, honey, I never wanted
another man after I met your father.
95
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:54,269
Every time he would look at me,
I'd get butterflies in my stomach.
96
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,232
Well, does that still happen?
97
00:06:56,440 --> 00:07:00,479
Well, now it's more like a churning.
98
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,389
But at least
something's going on down there.
99
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,477
You guys are still in love, aren't you?
100
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,113
Absolutely.
101
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,995
You know, after 25 years,
we may not be as lovey-dovey...
102
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,111
...but at least two times a year...
103
00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:17,757
...your father makes me feel
like a teenager all over again.
104
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,428
That's because he has no money
and a bad car.
105
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,312
True, but he's still
my Prince Charming.
106
00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:30,229
Behold the power of Beercules.
107
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:41,032
Damn, you've blown
a lot of dough, Al.
108
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:45,677
I've never seen you buy a drink,
even for yourself.
109
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,358
Well, when you're part of one
of America's wealthiest families...
110
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,994
...it's your responsibility
to show a little class.
111
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,351
Hey, Cheez Doodles for everyone,
the puffy kind.
112
00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,876
No one listens, just like at home.
113
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,510
Some guy must have
more money than you.
114
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:05,871
Who'd have more money
than a Tot-in-law?
115
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,910
A Tot in heat.
116
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,240
Hey. What are you doing here?
117
00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,591
Dad, I'm here every Friday night.
I can't believe I've never seen you.
118
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:22,116
Oh, well, Friday is full-price night.
119
00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,992
But I'm surprised at you,
a soon-to-be-married man.
120
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,760
Well, you're here, Dad,
and you've been married, what...
121
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,757
...50, 60 years?
122
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,239
At least.
123
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,749
Yeah, but that's my whole point.
I've earned it.
124
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,155
See, your future wife
deserves more respect.
125
00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:39,588
Well, what about your wife?
126
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:44,430
That's different. My wife is my wife,
and your wife is my daughter.
127
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,312
Get out.
Don't let me catch you again.
128
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:50,559
- But I already paid for a lap dance.
- Don't worry, I'll put it to good use.
129
00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,670
The sacrifices I make for this family.
130
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:08,832
Oh, Al, we got a welcome-to-the-family
present from the Tots.
131
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:12,476
Remind me to send them
a go-to-hell thank-you card.
132
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:14,717
There will be no wedding, Peg.
133
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:19,516
I saw our former future son-in-law
tonight at the nudie bar.
134
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,278
He's a dog, Peg.
135
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:25,155
Al, you go to the nudie bar all the
time and you don't cheat on me.
136
00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:28,670
That's right, because I show
the nudie bar its due respect.
137
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:33,351
A man looks, drools, dreams,
but does not cheat.
138
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,109
Technically,
they're not even married yet.
139
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,914
They're engaged,
and that's the same thing.
140
00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:44,234
An engagement ring is circular.
It means "out of circulation."
141
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,833
Well, it's all hooked up.
142
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,554
Dad, did you see our gift
that our new in-laws sent us?
143
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,955
They're not going to be our in-laws.
144
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,716
You lie.
145
00:09:56,920 --> 00:10:00,515
Your father thinks
that Lonnie's cheating on Kelly.
146
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,590
Mom, Dad...
147
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:08,157
...there's a rumor floating around town
that Kelly herself is no longer a virgin.
148
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:11,511
A rumor that's been
a-floating since '79.
149
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:16,274
I know that Kelly has sown
a few wild oats...
150
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,153
...among God knows
what other things.
151
00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:21,669
But I cannot knowingly allow
my pumpkin...
152
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,269
...to marry a rogue and a scoundrel.
153
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:30,510
He's not, Dad. He can't be.
He's a Tot. Tots are good people.
154
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:36,317
Would bad people send us
a gift like this?
155
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:38,114
What is it?
156
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:41,517
It's a big-screen projector, Dad.
157
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:47,590
Isn't that worth the small sacrifice
that we laughingly call Kelly?
158
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,392
No, Bud, your dad's right.
159
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:55,709
We can't sacrifice our only daughter's
happiness, even for a big-screen TV.
160
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:59,356
Exactly. How big?
161
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,595
It's 10 feet wide, Dad.
162
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,232
Ten feet?
163
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,519
And they sent over
a LaserDisc player too...
164
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:12,156
...with a movie, Dad,
a John Wayne movie.
165
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:14,518
The Duke?
166
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,873
Well, I'm sorry. They're just
going to have to send it back.
167
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:23,150
Let's not lose our heads here, Dad.
168
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:25,874
Now, do you have any proof
of your accusations?
169
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:27,798
Well, no.
170
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:32,357
Shame, Dad. Shame, shame, shame.
171
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:34,838
You know, Bud's right, Al.
172
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:38,271
Well, I'm not sure.
173
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,355
Let's just ask the Duke.
174
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:49,830
My Lord in heaven.
175
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,678
Oh, I've seen this one.
176
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:56,317
This is where the Duke kills a bunch of
Indians who are really asking for it.
177
00:11:57,680 --> 00:11:59,432
Hello, family.
178
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:00,755
Look who's here.
179
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:04,032
Kelly, I think Dad has something
he'd like to say to you.
180
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:07,596
- What is it, Daddy?
- Kelly...
181
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,075
Kelly, go to your room.
182
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:18,909
All of you, go to your rooms.
183
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,869
Friend of the bride.
184
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:35,355
Friend of the bride.
I think you know where to sit.
185
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:43,234
Wedding video,
Kelly's First Marriage.
186
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:48,430
Un film de Jefferson D'Arcy.
187
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,955
Yes. Luckily, I have my bazoom lens.
188
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,670
There's the villain of our little story.
189
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:09,315
Al, I don't see
any of my relatives here.
190
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,956
- Didn't you send out the invitations?
- Well, of course I did, pookie.
191
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:17,271
Hey, hey,
what do you got there, boy?
192
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,713
Al, Peggy,
I'd like you to meet the Tots.
193
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,273
I've just been telling them...
194
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:29,031
...about the wonderful investment
opportunities at Kyoto National Bank.
195
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:34,430
There's a line to kiss their ass,
and it starts behind me.
196
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:38,918
So while you're back there,
why don't you kiss mine too?
197
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:42,391
Enjoy the wedding.
198
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,876
- Hi. I'm Earl Tot.
- And I'm Pearl Tot.
199
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:47,911
And I'm Al Bundy.
200
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,918
- Who's this pretty little creature?
- Where?
201
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,715
This creature. Well, this here's Peg.
202
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,192
You have such a lovely home.
203
00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:00,392
It reminds me of when we started out.
204
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:06,470
Earl had nothing but 2 pounds of cow
lips, a bucket of nitrates and a dream.
205
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:11,311
You know, that's funny. Al had all that.
Except for the dream.
206
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:13,636
And the bucket.
207
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:18,638
Well, just being here
just brings tears to my eyes.
208
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,035
Al, I told you to close your hamper.
209
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:25,553
So, Lonnie, tell me again.
What does your sister look like?
210
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:29,275
Well, kind of like her,
but with bigger waloobies.
211
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,713
I think we may just be related twice.
212
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,275
Oh, Mama, Daddy, this is Bud.
213
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,995
Remember? He's the one I told you
would be perfect for Tatum.
214
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,598
Here's my little sugar bear now.
215
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:46,918
- Lonnie!
- Tatum!
216
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,559
I thought you said
she had big waloobies.
217
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:56,719
Oh, she does. In my family, waloobies
is a pet name for butt cheeks.
218
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:03,076
You're right, Lonnie. He's a cutie-pie.
219
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,838
Now, don't they make
a darling couple?
220
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,830
She makes a darling couple
all by herself.
221
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:19,318
Al, if we can get both our kids hitched,
I'd have to make you a partner.
222
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:24,078
Attention, everyone. I would like to
announce the engagement of my son.
223
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,800
Damn you, Dad.
224
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,751
Come on, people.
We have a wedding to do.
225
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,234
Al, go check on the bride.
226
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:39,036
And remember, when you walk
down the aisle, try to walk upright.
227
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,879
No problem.
I only double over when I see you.
228
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:46,709
Oh, Marcy. I have more butterflies now
than I did for my own wedding.
229
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:50,591
I would have thought you would have
been nauseous for your wedding.
230
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:54,789
Well, I was that too.
But that was from morning sickness.
231
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:59,189
Hey, Peg, you look great.
Can I take you out now?
232
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,755
Griff, we have a wedding to go to.
233
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,350
But you can call me tomorrow.
234
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,749
I was talking about
taking you to your seat.
235
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,119
Sure.
236
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:20,076
Now, where is my best man
and my maid of honor?
237
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,955
Oh, God! The horror! The horror!
238
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:27,789
Come back here
and let me finish that hickey!
239
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,471
She moves a lot faster
since she lost all that weight.
240
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,236
Oh, here. Let me help you with that.
241
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:39,876
Okay, that's good.
Gee, you look very handsome.
242
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:43,550
Well, thank you, Mrs. D'Arcy.
You look handsome too.
243
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,074
- Pretty.
- Well, thank you again.
244
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,271
You look pretty too.
245
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:51,195
Listen, Lonnie.
246
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,676
I want you to know that I wanna be
more than just your banker.
247
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,108
I wanna be your friend.
248
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,756
So if you ever need or want anything,
I'm available.
249
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,996
Well, that's good,
because I gotta tell you...
250
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:06,990
...there's something about a little
bony banker that really turns me on.
251
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,591
What are you, crazy?
You're about to get married.
252
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:18,278
That'll only take about 10 minutes.
What are you doing after?
253
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,316
Not you.
254
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:40,511
Your sister looks beautiful, Bud.
255
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:43,712
The white dress is a bit of a stretch.
256
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,074
It wouldn't be on me.
257
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,999
No, I think it would be.
258
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,229
Dearly beloved...
259
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:02,877
...we are gathered together to join
this man and woman in holy matrimony.
260
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:07,593
And if anyone can show just cause
why they may not be joined together...
261
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,917
...let him speak now
or forever hold his peace.
262
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:15,117
Okay, that's it. This wedding's off.
263
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:21,079
Well, good. I still have time to make
the Edelstein funeral.
264
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,795
Daddy, you're ruining my wedding.
265
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:27,515
He's ruining your wedding.
How dare you?
266
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:29,790
How dare he what?
267
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,993
I now have proof that
this no-good idiot jailbird...
268
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,909
...while coming from a fine,
upstanding weenie family...
269
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,191
...is a two-timing snake.
270
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:41,435
Hear, hear.
271
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:45,713
What are you yammering about?
Our son has done nothing wrong.
272
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:51,438
Your boy, madam,
who I like to refer to as Dummard...
273
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,274
...is still hitting on
good-looking women.
274
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:55,549
Thanks, Al.
275
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,797
And on top of all that, he just
hit on one who looks like a man.
276
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:05,994
Is that all? Lonnie here is just--
Oh, you know. --fickle.
277
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,270
Sure. Who cares?
278
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:09,908
Well, I care.
279
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,475
- You do?
- Yeah.
280
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:17,193
Well, now that I think about it,
it kind of upset my other wives too.
281
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:22,677
Your other wives? His other wives?
282
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,917
Yeah, well, I said he was fickle.
All of us Tots are.
283
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,111
I've been married five times myself.
284
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,788
And I got a boyfriend.
285
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:38,359
So that's the kind of lowlife scum
you people are.
286
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:42,439
No respect for the torturous
sanctity of marriage.
287
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,631
Well, let me tell you something.
288
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:47,149
We Bundys may have our faults--
289
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,396
- Oh, yeah.
- You said it.
290
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,751
--but we believe that marriage
should be forever.
291
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,349
No matter how pitiful
or disgusting it may be...
292
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:58,870
...to wake up to the same
horrifying face each day...
293
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,992
...that's what the marriage vows
are all about.
294
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:06,637
And anyone who can't stand
the nagging, bonbon-eating heat...
295
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:11,152
...should stay out of the
whining, sex-starved kitchen.
296
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,516
You tell them, Al.
297
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:18,510
Mom, he just called you
fat and whiny.
298
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,191
Well, I just heard the part
about staying out of the kitchen.
299
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,391
Lonnie, we do not have to take this.
We are Tots.
300
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:31,230
Gee, I'm sorry, Kelly. Are you sure
you don't wanna be a Tot?
301
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,670
You know,
I never thought I'd ever say this...
302
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,440
...but right now,
I'd rather be a Bundy. So:
303
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:42,949
Thanks, Dad.
304
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:48,833
There went my last chance
at unlimited wealth. Unless...
305
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,116
I just can't do it.
306
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:57,278
Are you okay, honey?
307
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:02,197
Yeah, I guess so.
I mean, I'm gonna miss Lonnie...
308
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,472
...but at least I have something
that'll always remind me of him.
309
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,672
A $10,000 wedding debt?
310
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,597
No, Daddy, that's yours.
311
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,551
I've got this.
312
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:19,196
And, of course,
my loved ones to console me.
313
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,313
We're here for you, Kel.
314
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,511
Not you.
315
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:26,998
Them.
25157
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