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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:07,620 --> 00:00:10,180
Hey, Al,
have you seen my curling iron?
2
00:00:10,380 --> 00:00:12,416
Now, Peg, think.
3
00:00:12,620 --> 00:00:15,578
Why would I take something
that makes you look better?
4
00:00:17,620 --> 00:00:20,293
Now, stop bothering me.
I'm on vacation.
5
00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:23,492
You know, that one week out of
the year I get to sit on my butt...
6
00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:26,533
...allowing yours to experience light
and air.
7
00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:30,817
You know, honey, what we need to do
is take a family vacation.
8
00:00:31,020 --> 00:00:33,773
Don't you want your kids
to have at least one happy memory...
9
00:00:33,980 --> 00:00:35,857
...besides your funeral?
10
00:00:36,860 --> 00:00:39,658
Peg, you gonna bury me
when I'm dead?
11
00:00:39,860 --> 00:00:43,296
Dead, napping, not looking.
12
00:00:44,140 --> 00:00:46,096
Once again...
13
00:00:49,860 --> 00:00:51,771
...I have to deliver your mail...
14
00:00:51,980 --> 00:00:55,177
...just because the mailman
is afraid of getting attacked.
15
00:00:55,860 --> 00:00:57,009
Our dog doesn't bite.
16
00:00:57,220 --> 00:00:59,290
It's not the dog he's afraid of.
17
00:01:00,940 --> 00:01:02,658
Oh, Peg, not again.
18
00:01:02,860 --> 00:01:06,136
We just got the pizza boy
to drop the charges.
19
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:11,135
Oh, look, my travel brochure came.
20
00:01:11,340 --> 00:01:13,376
Why would you send away
for a travel brochure?
21
00:01:13,580 --> 00:01:15,696
You know I never take you anywhere.
22
00:01:16,940 --> 00:01:19,693
Al, I wanna go to Branson, Missouri...
23
00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:24,052
...entertainment capital of Missouri.
24
00:01:26,140 --> 00:01:29,291
Peg, I can't take you
on a vacation now...
25
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:32,378
...because Larry, there,
would miss us.
26
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,930
That's Lucky.
27
00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:38,612
And I'd be happy to feed him.
28
00:01:38,820 --> 00:01:40,333
To what?
29
00:01:42,620 --> 00:01:45,134
Do you think that if I could
afford a family vacation...
30
00:01:45,340 --> 00:01:46,978
...I would take this family?
31
00:01:48,060 --> 00:01:50,415
Come try our vein-clogging...
32
00:01:50,620 --> 00:01:54,533
...heart-stopping, all-fried buffet.
33
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,537
All-fried?
34
00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,537
Even the lettuce?
35
00:01:59,740 --> 00:02:01,810
Oh, but look, Al, I guess we can't go.
36
00:02:02,020 --> 00:02:05,217
The rooms only have twin beds.
37
00:02:08,180 --> 00:02:11,252
Peg, saddle up, lasso the young'uns,
we're Branson-bound.
38
00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:52,215
Yeah.
39
00:02:52,420 --> 00:02:56,493
I told you we'd make it to Branson
on less than a gallon of gas.
40
00:02:56,860 --> 00:02:57,929
Oh, please.
41
00:02:58,140 --> 00:03:01,371
You chained our car
to the back of a Greyhound bus.
42
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:11,140
Dad, why can't we just have suitcases
like normal people?
43
00:03:11,540 --> 00:03:15,533
Well, we did, till the handles came
off those detergent boxes.
44
00:03:18,580 --> 00:03:21,777
Howdy.
Welcome to the Deliverance Inn.
45
00:03:21,980 --> 00:03:25,734
You'll squeal like a pig
at our hospitality.
46
00:03:27,780 --> 00:03:29,611
Especially you.
47
00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:36,813
We're on a family vacation...
48
00:03:37,020 --> 00:03:39,932
...and we want
the best accommodations 20 bucks...
49
00:03:40,140 --> 00:03:42,449
...and these aluminium cans will buy.
50
00:03:42,660 --> 00:03:46,778
May I suggest the Ned Beatty suite?
51
00:03:46,980 --> 00:03:49,619
There's a back door.
52
00:03:54,780 --> 00:03:57,419
Dad, I wanna go home now.
53
00:03:57,620 --> 00:03:59,975
What do you mean,
you wanna go home? It's great here.
54
00:04:00,180 --> 00:04:03,411
We've only been here 10 minutes,
you made a new friend.
55
00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,975
We'll take it. Where's my wallet?
56
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:09,058
Howdy, y'all.
57
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:12,409
Oh, God, the gift shops.
58
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,736
Al, it is worth all your money.
59
00:04:14,940 --> 00:04:17,738
The salesgirl says
it's a Bransonie original.
60
00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:19,089
One of a kind.
61
00:04:28,460 --> 00:04:29,813
Now, what are we gonna do?
62
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:33,137
First, thank your mother
for finding a new way to ruin our lives.
63
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:35,410
Thanks, Mom.
64
00:04:35,740 --> 00:04:37,458
And second, this vacation is over.
65
00:04:37,660 --> 00:04:39,890
Now, help me push the car back
to the bus station.
66
00:04:42,460 --> 00:04:44,530
When does
the next bus to Chicago leave?
67
00:04:44,740 --> 00:04:46,059
Tomorrow.
68
00:04:46,260 --> 00:04:51,573
Which means you can join us
for our complimentary canoe trip.
69
00:04:57,180 --> 00:04:59,410
I can't believe
they didn't lock their door.
70
00:04:59,620 --> 00:05:01,929
Would you lock a landfill?
71
00:05:02,940 --> 00:05:04,498
Oh, poor Lucky.
72
00:05:04,700 --> 00:05:08,818
Look, he's so hungry,
he's chewing on one of Peggy's bras.
73
00:05:09,340 --> 00:05:11,934
Yeah, well,
he's probably looking for crumbs.
74
00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:18,089
Well, Jefferson, let's go home.
75
00:05:18,300 --> 00:05:21,576
It's Saturday night,
and you know what that means.
76
00:05:23,260 --> 00:05:26,616
The Romanian coach
and the limping gymnast?
77
00:05:30,660 --> 00:05:32,571
We did that last week.
78
00:05:35,380 --> 00:05:37,371
Hey, hey,
how about Woody and Soon-Yi?
79
00:05:37,580 --> 00:05:39,889
- Too much talking.
- Yeah.
80
00:05:40,940 --> 00:05:44,012
I wanna do something
really different.
81
00:05:44,620 --> 00:05:47,498
Something dirty...
82
00:05:47,820 --> 00:05:49,617
...and trashy...
83
00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:52,858
...and cheap.
84
00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:57,494
Peg.
85
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,856
I'm home.
86
00:06:11,060 --> 00:06:13,449
Hi, Al.
87
00:06:20,820 --> 00:06:23,209
Gee, where's dinner?
88
00:06:24,180 --> 00:06:27,809
Working its way
through my small intestine.
89
00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:32,130
I'm surprised any part of your body
is willing to work.
90
00:06:35,620 --> 00:06:38,817
Whoever thought being them
could be so much fun?
91
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:42,168
Al.
92
00:06:43,340 --> 00:06:44,978
I want you to come upstairs...
93
00:06:45,180 --> 00:06:49,014
...and try to last longer
than a new Fox sitcom.
94
00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:54,133
Peg, I don't want to.
95
00:06:54,340 --> 00:06:55,853
Who cares what you want?
96
00:06:56,060 --> 00:06:58,130
Pleasure me, shoe drone.
97
00:07:06,220 --> 00:07:08,336
Okay.
I got some more pennies, Dad.
98
00:07:08,540 --> 00:07:10,417
Forget the pennies,
go for the quarters.
99
00:07:10,620 --> 00:07:12,178
There's a silver dollar out there.
100
00:07:12,420 --> 00:07:13,933
Go on out there and get it, Bud.
101
00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:16,256
- Go out there and get it.
- Dad, I'm drowning!
102
00:07:16,460 --> 00:07:17,609
You big baby.
103
00:07:17,820 --> 00:07:21,529
Brain damage doesn't set in
for four minutes. Ask your sister.
104
00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:26,058
What kind of idiots would throw
good money into a fountain?
105
00:07:26,260 --> 00:07:29,457
I hope we meet somebody
really famous...
106
00:07:29,660 --> 00:07:32,538
...like Tammy Wynette.
107
00:07:42,140 --> 00:07:45,212
Spit out the fish.
Spit it up.
108
00:07:45,420 --> 00:07:47,012
Either we all eat
or none of us eat.
109
00:07:47,220 --> 00:07:48,414
I can't breathe.
110
00:07:48,620 --> 00:07:51,259
I know CPR.
111
00:08:00,860 --> 00:08:02,532
Dollar ninety-eight...
112
00:08:02,740 --> 00:08:04,458
...dollar ninety-nine.
113
00:08:04,660 --> 00:08:08,050
Gentlemen, start your fryers,
I'm buffet-bound.
114
00:08:09,220 --> 00:08:11,780
Hey. Hey, you.
115
00:08:12,060 --> 00:08:14,176
Mama, I'm hungry now.
116
00:08:14,380 --> 00:08:17,178
Well, get out your snack, dumpling.
117
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:23,778
Haven't you ever heard
of sugarless gum?
118
00:08:23,980 --> 00:08:27,370
Oh, no, Mama says
that's the devil's candy.
119
00:08:31,820 --> 00:08:33,811
Sorry, folks, we're closed.
120
00:08:34,020 --> 00:08:36,295
What do you mean you're closed?
You let them in.
121
00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:39,572
And now we've reached
our weight limit.
122
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:44,374
Oh, Peg, I'm starving. This is just like
being at home but with fringe.
123
00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:47,378
Oh, now, Al, so we don't get to eat.
124
00:08:47,580 --> 00:08:50,777
I mean, this is Branson. I'm sure we
can find something else fun to do.
125
00:08:50,980 --> 00:08:54,416
Like what?
Like sneaking into Hicks on Ice?
126
00:08:56,180 --> 00:08:57,659
Where are we gonna sleep tonight?
127
00:08:57,860 --> 00:08:59,134
I'm cold, I'm soaked.
128
00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:02,491
The desk clerk just offered
to blow-dry me.
129
00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:09,737
Well, you guys are on your own.
I'm covered.
130
00:09:12,460 --> 00:09:15,099
Sweetheart, I'm surprised at you.
131
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,211
Where have you been?
132
00:09:18,740 --> 00:09:20,935
Come on, Daddy,
I'm not that kind of girl.
133
00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:24,052
I was just gonna slip them a Mickey
and roll them.
134
00:09:24,540 --> 00:09:25,973
That's my pumpkin.
135
00:09:26,180 --> 00:09:28,535
Hey, now, wait a minute.
Nobody's rolling anybody.
136
00:09:28,740 --> 00:09:30,458
We're on vacation.
137
00:09:32,020 --> 00:09:34,739
Look, they're having
a country music talent contest tonight.
138
00:09:34,940 --> 00:09:37,659
Yeah, and the first prize is $500.
139
00:09:37,860 --> 00:09:41,011
- Why don't we enter?
- Because we don't have any talent.
140
00:09:41,820 --> 00:09:43,617
Dad, what are you talking about?
141
00:09:43,820 --> 00:09:46,015
Bud, here, does a solo act
every night.
142
00:09:48,420 --> 00:09:53,448
Although he hasn't won a contest
for it since the Cub Scouts, but...
143
00:09:55,380 --> 00:09:58,258
Hey, Al, this talent show
could save our vacation.
144
00:09:58,460 --> 00:10:01,099
We don't know anything
about country music.
145
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,336
We're just poor, simple folk...
146
00:10:03,540 --> 00:10:05,895
...with busted dreams
and a broken Dodge...
147
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:08,773
...driving down the turnpike of tears.
148
00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:14,569
Let's have a hand for our last entry.
149
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:19,615
A new mother and daughter
singing sensation, the Juggs.
150
00:11:18,340 --> 00:11:20,900
Well, pickle my eggs.
We got us a winner.
151
00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:24,297
- The Juggs.
- We won, we won.
152
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:26,252
They won, they won.
153
00:11:26,460 --> 00:11:29,532
Three, four, five hundred dollars.
154
00:11:29,740 --> 00:11:33,096
Actually, I handle the Juggs.
I'm Pa Jugg.
155
00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:35,538
I-- I created the Juggs.
156
00:11:35,740 --> 00:11:40,530
Hey, Jughead, I had to sleep
with these jugs to create that jug.
157
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:44,051
Not only are you gonna open
for Tammy Wynette tomorrow night...
158
00:11:44,260 --> 00:11:46,854
...in the big room,
but if she takes a shine to you...
159
00:11:47,060 --> 00:11:49,574
...she'll take you
on her next world tour.
160
00:11:49,780 --> 00:11:52,453
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I always wanted to drive to Europe.
161
00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:53,615
Oh, my God.
162
00:11:53,820 --> 00:11:58,211
And I'm gonna make millions
and see the Great Mall of China.
163
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,649
I'll audition the backup singers
and learn to say...
164
00:12:01,860 --> 00:12:04,977
..."Can we try it topless?"
in 40 different languages.
165
00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:06,613
Hey, in Japanese it's:
166
00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:23,098
Al.
167
00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:26,178
- Get me some bonbons.
- Get them yourself.
168
00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:33,617
- Pathetic loser.
- Human tar pit.
169
00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:35,055
Take me.
170
00:12:41,820 --> 00:12:44,493
Oh, I finally understand
why they're still married.
171
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:47,931
Yeah. Okay, I think we've hit
all the Bundy basics.
172
00:12:48,140 --> 00:12:49,971
- What's left?
- Well...
173
00:12:50,180 --> 00:12:56,016
...we haven't let the dog detail
the D'Arcy's Mercedes lately.
174
00:12:56,980 --> 00:12:58,936
Let's do it. Who's gonna stop us?
175
00:12:59,140 --> 00:13:01,893
That candy-ass Jefferson?
176
00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:07,536
Or Marcy,
that pinstriped henpecker.
177
00:13:11,940 --> 00:13:15,057
Do you ever wonder
why that lazy parasite, Jefferson...
178
00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:17,774
...can never hold down a job?
179
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,656
Other than being Marcy's
human rotisserie, and trust me...
180
00:13:23,860 --> 00:13:26,772
...whatever she's paying him,
it's not enough.
181
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:31,610
Jefferson,
you went past the safe place.
182
00:13:34,060 --> 00:13:36,620
Oh, I'm sorry, lambykins.
183
00:13:36,820 --> 00:13:40,256
You're so good at this,
I got carried away.
184
00:13:40,740 --> 00:13:44,255
- So you were just role-playing?
- Of course.
185
00:13:45,140 --> 00:13:46,459
Get away from me, Peg.
186
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:49,572
You hopeless Oprah-holic.
187
00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:53,373
- Oh, Al.
- Peg--
188
00:13:55,060 --> 00:13:56,175
Oh, Peg.
189
00:13:56,820 --> 00:14:00,859
There's my little musical meal ticket.
190
00:14:03,740 --> 00:14:05,571
Now, look what I had
made up for you.
191
00:14:06,940 --> 00:14:08,168
They're great, Daddy.
192
00:14:08,780 --> 00:14:11,214
Compliments
of Ms. Tammy Wynette.
193
00:14:11,420 --> 00:14:13,695
You know, Al, I'm so excited
about going on tour...
194
00:14:13,900 --> 00:14:16,858
...but I hate the thought of leaving you
at home for a year.
195
00:14:17,060 --> 00:14:21,338
Your career comes first, pooky.
I don't mind sacrificing.
196
00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:25,209
Mom, Kelly...
197
00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:27,372
...Tom Arnold.
198
00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:32,055
Hey, he earned his money.
199
00:14:35,380 --> 00:14:38,611
I, as your agent, your creator,
the sole reason you exist...
200
00:14:38,820 --> 00:14:41,254
...would like to present to you
your future.
201
00:14:44,740 --> 00:14:45,775
Oh, my God.
202
00:14:45,980 --> 00:14:49,097
Ninety-nine cent shrimp cocktails.
203
00:14:49,740 --> 00:14:52,698
Hey, what's the big deal?
Anybody can put up a sign.
204
00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:55,778
I got your name mentioned
in the Branson Bugle.
205
00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:57,777
Let me see this.
206
00:14:58,380 --> 00:15:00,211
This is so low.
207
00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:03,332
You're both six months pregnant
by Billy Ray Cyrus.
208
00:15:04,460 --> 00:15:09,454
Really? Well, then how come
Mom's showing and I'm not?
209
00:15:11,420 --> 00:15:12,978
I am not showing.
210
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,613
And you're grounded.
211
00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:17,129
Calm down, Mom.
It's bad for the baby.
212
00:15:17,340 --> 00:15:18,375
Hello?
213
00:15:18,580 --> 00:15:20,616
Kelly, you're not really pregnant.
214
00:15:21,460 --> 00:15:23,849
We squeaked by that one, hey, Mom?
215
00:15:25,060 --> 00:15:27,016
Bud, you got that sign all wrong.
216
00:15:27,220 --> 00:15:28,858
I shouldn't be your mother.
217
00:15:29,060 --> 00:15:31,574
That's what child welfare said.
218
00:15:32,340 --> 00:15:34,296
Why can't Kelly be the mom?
219
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:35,728
I can't be your mother.
220
00:15:35,940 --> 00:15:38,170
I mean, that would make me
my own grandmother.
221
00:15:38,380 --> 00:15:41,816
Well, we are in Branson.
These things happen.
222
00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:44,053
Why are you taking her side?
223
00:15:44,260 --> 00:15:46,569
Now, you told me I was the talented,
pretty one.
224
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:50,739
Hey, and you told me that that stupid,
cheap blond was holding me back.
225
00:15:50,940 --> 00:15:53,374
Wait, you added a stupid,
cheap blond to the act?
226
00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:54,854
Why wasn't I told? Hello.
227
00:15:55,060 --> 00:15:58,450
Now, see, that's the reason
why you shouldn't be the manager.
228
00:15:58,660 --> 00:16:02,335
You are driving a wedge
between the Juggs.
229
00:16:05,740 --> 00:16:06,889
You're fired.
230
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,533
You can't fire me.
231
00:16:08,740 --> 00:16:10,139
Only they can fire me.
232
00:16:10,340 --> 00:16:12,410
- You're fired.
- You're fired.
233
00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:14,368
Fine. And you know what?
234
00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:16,491
You can go on the road with them,
Dad.
235
00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:19,737
You see, it's bad ideas like that
got you fired.
236
00:16:31,060 --> 00:16:34,609
I'm Tammy Wynette, and I wanted to
stop by and meet my new opening act.
237
00:16:34,820 --> 00:16:35,935
Hi.
238
00:16:36,140 --> 00:16:37,653
Which Jugg are you?
239
00:16:37,860 --> 00:16:39,851
She's the junior Jugg.
240
00:16:40,060 --> 00:16:42,130
And she's the Jurassic Jugg.
241
00:16:42,340 --> 00:16:44,137
Now, girls, girls, girls.
242
00:16:44,340 --> 00:16:45,614
I'm Colonel Jugg...
243
00:16:45,820 --> 00:16:48,050
...and it's a thrill to meet you,
Ms. Wynette.
244
00:16:48,260 --> 00:16:50,251
Oh, yeah. We just love your music.
245
00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:53,975
As a matter of fact, Al and I can't
make love without listening to your CD.
246
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:55,613
As long as you're listening.
247
00:16:55,820 --> 00:16:59,335
Well, she listens.
I stare at your picture.
248
00:17:00,180 --> 00:17:03,889
I'm delighted and disgusted
at the same time.
249
00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:07,888
Well, now you know
what sex with Al is like.
250
00:17:08,300 --> 00:17:11,053
I think it would be cute to have a
mother and daughter duo...
251
00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:12,295
...to open up my show.
252
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:16,095
Well, you know, actually,
we're more like a sister act.
253
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:19,212
Oh, you do comedy too?
254
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:21,978
Colonel, handle this.
255
00:17:22,180 --> 00:17:24,774
Hey, you guys, I have an idea.
256
00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:26,936
Ms. Wynette can be our mother.
257
00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:29,017
- Yeah.
- No, I can't.
258
00:17:29,220 --> 00:17:30,892
You don't have to decide right now.
259
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:34,456
Take them on the road for a year.
Give them a try, free of charge.
260
00:17:34,660 --> 00:17:37,458
Hey, what kind of manager are you?
261
00:17:37,660 --> 00:17:38,695
Yeah, Daddy.
262
00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:41,494
You're fired. Bud, handle this.
263
00:17:45,900 --> 00:17:48,539
Tammy, babe.
264
00:17:50,180 --> 00:17:52,296
Let me put it to you this way.
265
00:17:52,660 --> 00:17:54,730
You give my girls your best shot...
266
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:57,932
...and I'll give you my best shot.
267
00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:02,378
But I thought you were dating
the desk clerk.
268
00:18:02,660 --> 00:18:05,333
I read it in the Branson Bugle.
269
00:18:11,860 --> 00:18:14,135
Damn you, Dad.
270
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:18,050
Tammy, the colonel has a better idea.
Why don't you just take me?
271
00:18:18,260 --> 00:18:21,536
I can't dance, sing, or play an
instrument, but how tough can that be?
272
00:18:21,740 --> 00:18:23,571
Besides, I look great in this outfit.
273
00:18:23,780 --> 00:18:25,657
Forget it, forget it. The deal's off.
274
00:18:25,860 --> 00:18:28,328
Oh, Lord, save me
from the wannabes.
275
00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:30,258
Now, you can call us a lot of things.
276
00:18:30,460 --> 00:18:33,577
You can call us worthless, lazy,
sloppy-- And that's just the wife.
277
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:34,974
Right.
278
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:38,297
But the one thing you can't call us
is wannabes.
279
00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:40,730
We may not be
big country superstars...
280
00:18:40,940 --> 00:18:45,968
...with a big fancy house
or a car that runs or food or...
281
00:18:46,180 --> 00:18:49,217
Oh, my God, we don't have anything.
282
00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:50,895
Not true, son.
283
00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:53,694
Lady, we have something
that you'll never have.
284
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:57,654
What?
Worse foot odor than Boxcar Willie?
285
00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:00,609
Okay two things.
The odor, of course...
286
00:19:00,820 --> 00:19:04,017
...but more importantly,
the security of knowing...
287
00:19:04,220 --> 00:19:08,611
...that we can never fail
because we never try.
288
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:16,849
You people are nuttier
than a pecan log at Stuckey's.
289
00:19:20,220 --> 00:19:21,175
Now what do we do?
290
00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:23,496
I suppose you're going
to blame this on me.
291
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:29,928
Excuse me, folks.
292
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:34,776
Seeing as how you're no longer
on Miss Wynette's tab...
293
00:19:34,980 --> 00:19:37,335
...how do you propose
to settle this bill?
294
00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:52,975
Great vacation, Peg.
295
00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:56,414
The highlight had to be begging
for gas on the corner...
296
00:19:56,620 --> 00:19:59,009
...of Tony Orlando and Dawn.
297
00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:01,049
Quit complaining.
298
00:20:01,260 --> 00:20:04,491
At least you didn't have to take
a canoe trip with the desk clerk.
299
00:20:06,780 --> 00:20:09,010
By the way, Bud,
I gave him our address.
300
00:20:09,220 --> 00:20:10,812
Well, he said he wanted
to write you.
301
00:20:11,020 --> 00:20:14,615
Well, as soon as someone
learns him his letters.
302
00:20:19,140 --> 00:20:21,608
You know,
I thought it was great vacation.
303
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:24,892
I mean, we went to Branson
and told off Tammy Wynette.
304
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:28,615
It's kind of like going to Disneyland
and giving Mickey the finger.
305
00:20:29,860 --> 00:20:31,851
Al.
306
00:20:32,060 --> 00:20:35,291
Get back here.
We're not finished yet.
307
00:20:43,140 --> 00:20:45,608
Yes, we are.
308
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:48,413
Hi.
309
00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:49,939
What you doing?
310
00:20:51,540 --> 00:20:53,258
Oh, it's...
311
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:56,816
...just a long, boring story.
312
00:20:58,020 --> 00:21:01,490
Does it end with,
"We're degenerate perverts"?
313
00:21:03,380 --> 00:21:05,098
Oh, so you've heard this one. Bye.
314
00:21:07,940 --> 00:21:10,613
Hey, Mom, Dad, wait up. Wait--
315
00:21:10,820 --> 00:21:12,094
Kelly!
23908
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