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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:10,620 --> 00:00:12,417
Man, I love COPS.
2
00:00:12,620 --> 00:00:14,497
Yeah, definitely the best show on FOX.
3
00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:16,770
Yeah, like that's saying much.
4
00:00:18,420 --> 00:00:20,456
The American justice system
at work.
5
00:00:20,660 --> 00:00:23,970
Beating the crap out of people
before judges let them go.
6
00:00:28,220 --> 00:00:31,257
Almost makes me want to pay taxes.
7
00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:33,452
Or vote.
8
00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:36,497
You know, I could have been
a great cop.
9
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:39,453
Well, with my catlike reflexes
and keen senses.
10
00:00:39,660 --> 00:00:42,493
I got eyes in the back of my head,
you know.
11
00:00:42,700 --> 00:00:48,218
Peg. Peg, could you keep it down?
We're trying to watch TV, here.
12
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:57,531
Do you believe that show is still
on the air?
13
00:01:04,140 --> 00:01:06,495
It's a classic. I love it.
14
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,931
- Except for the stupid neighbors.
- Yeah.
15
00:01:47,860 --> 00:01:51,489
So use Extra extra virgin olive oil.
16
00:01:51,860 --> 00:01:55,739
It's 100 percent pure like me.
17
00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,452
Not pure enough. Next.
18
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:02,094
Are you kidding?
19
00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:05,133
Kelly is the perfect spokesmodel
for your olive oil.
20
00:02:05,340 --> 00:02:06,898
No one is more innocent.
21
00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:11,093
Hey, time out, boys.
My thong is riding up.
22
00:02:13,740 --> 00:02:16,129
It's a chastity thong.
23
00:02:16,340 --> 00:02:19,332
Young man, this is a national
advertising campaign.
24
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:23,055
Our spokesperson has to be as pure
as the oil itself.
25
00:02:25,780 --> 00:02:28,533
Sister Claire, I assure you,
Kelly is so pure...
26
00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:32,050
...she makes Mother Teresa
look slutty.
27
00:02:32,260 --> 00:02:35,457
I could tell you stories.
28
00:02:35,660 --> 00:02:36,809
Really?
29
00:02:37,780 --> 00:02:41,489
Sister, I hate to play hard ball
with you but--
30
00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:44,897
Sonny, I spend every day
wrestling with Beelzebub.
31
00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:47,409
I think I can take your best shot.
32
00:02:47,620 --> 00:02:50,896
Well, Kelly's got a firm offer
from the Jehovah's Witnesses...
33
00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:53,011
...to be their new watchtower girl.
34
00:02:53,220 --> 00:02:54,369
So, what's it gonna be?
35
00:02:54,580 --> 00:02:55,535
Sold.
36
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:59,369
I love putting the screws
to those jerks.
37
00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:02,333
Deal?
38
00:03:03,060 --> 00:03:05,290
But she will have to sign
this morals clause.
39
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:11,132
And remember, I will be watching.
And so will he.
40
00:03:13,420 --> 00:03:15,854
Hey. So did you get me the job?
41
00:03:16,060 --> 00:03:17,459
Is the Pope Catholic?
42
00:03:17,660 --> 00:03:21,175
How should I know?
Hello, I'm not really a nun.
43
00:03:24,140 --> 00:03:26,700
No, but you play one on TV.
44
00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:28,219
- You got the job.
- Oh, my God.
45
00:03:28,420 --> 00:03:31,537
- You got the job.
- We're gonna be rich. Yeah me.
46
00:03:31,740 --> 00:03:34,698
But, unlike your bra, there's a catch.
47
00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:38,094
See, you're gonna have to sign
this morals clause.
48
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:39,528
You have to be chaste.
49
00:03:39,740 --> 00:03:41,935
Well, do I get a head start?
50
00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:45,733
Kelly, to get a head start,
you have to have a head.
51
00:03:46,220 --> 00:03:49,098
But my point is, until the sister
goes back to the convent...
52
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:51,734
...you have to act like
you're not interested in men.
53
00:03:53,140 --> 00:03:56,098
This is gonna be
my most challenging role yet.
54
00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:59,895
Except, of course, when I played Dino
in Flintstones in the Park.
55
00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:01,215
Oh, yeah, big stretch.
56
00:04:01,420 --> 00:04:03,251
You jumping a guy
and licking his face...
57
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,337
...as soon as he walks
through the door.
58
00:04:05,540 --> 00:04:09,738
Excuse me. I had to play
a hyperactive dinosaur.
59
00:04:09,940 --> 00:04:13,455
That bitch Pebbles
kept trying to upstage me.
60
00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:17,011
Kelly, can you please try
and concentrate?
61
00:04:17,220 --> 00:04:20,576
If you can do this,
we can make $20,000.
62
00:04:20,780 --> 00:04:22,850
Who needs men?
63
00:04:23,060 --> 00:04:25,654
Except for this one over here.
64
00:04:25,860 --> 00:04:27,213
Hey.
65
00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:29,980
What? You expect me to quit
cold turkey?
66
00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:33,092
I think I'm gonna need a patch
or something.
67
00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:35,768
So let me get this straight.
68
00:04:35,980 --> 00:04:38,130
You were sitting not more than
four feet away...
69
00:04:38,340 --> 00:04:40,410
...while a criminal bound
and gagged your wife?
70
00:04:40,620 --> 00:04:42,690
I feel terrible about it.
71
00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:48,691
He took my lucky bowling shirt.
72
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:52,172
The one you've never washed?
73
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:55,372
You sure it didn't just walk off
on its own?
74
00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:58,853
No, I think the shoulders
were a little broader.
75
00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:03,133
The jaw was a little more chiseled,
and there was a dimple.
76
00:05:03,340 --> 00:05:04,898
There, that's him.
77
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:08,615
So you were robbed by a pirate
who looks like Brad Pitt?
78
00:05:09,460 --> 00:05:11,530
Are you sure this is who we're
looking for?
79
00:05:11,740 --> 00:05:15,016
Well, he's who I'm looking for.
80
00:05:16,020 --> 00:05:20,218
Okay. For your insurance report,
we got you down for a bowling shirt...
81
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:22,729
...a Maserati and a Picasso.
82
00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:26,771
Make that two Picassos.
Write one down for yourself.
83
00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:29,615
Thanks, buddy.
84
00:05:29,820 --> 00:05:30,969
Hey.
85
00:05:31,180 --> 00:05:32,898
And speaking of objects de art...
86
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:36,809
...I'll see you at the Jiggly Room
on Saturday.
87
00:05:37,260 --> 00:05:39,854
I can't go. I'm on duty.
88
00:05:40,060 --> 00:05:41,493
What do you mean you can't go?
89
00:05:41,700 --> 00:05:44,897
If you're not there,
we can't do the strip searches.
90
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:50,534
I know. But that stupid show COPS
is following me around.
91
00:05:50,740 --> 00:05:52,412
COPS?
92
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:54,133
You're gonna be on COPS?
93
00:05:54,340 --> 00:05:56,615
It's my life's dream to be on COPS.
94
00:05:56,820 --> 00:05:59,414
But, Al, I work alone.
95
00:05:59,740 --> 00:06:01,332
You lose three partners in a week...
96
00:06:01,540 --> 00:06:04,259
...and suddenly nobody wants
to ride with you.
97
00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:08,808
I do. See, every great cop
works with another guy.
98
00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:10,658
Starsky and Hutch, two guys.
99
00:06:10,860 --> 00:06:12,578
Jake and the Fatman, two guys.
100
00:06:12,780 --> 00:06:15,294
Cagney & Lacey, two guys.
101
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,574
- I don't know.
- Hey, Dan.
102
00:06:21,780 --> 00:06:26,171
Does the captain know you rent
the patrol car out for prom dates?
103
00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:28,132
Pick you up at 8.
104
00:06:29,580 --> 00:06:33,209
How did you develop
such a rich fantasy life?
105
00:06:44,580 --> 00:06:46,332
How do you think?
106
00:06:48,220 --> 00:06:50,859
Gee, thanks for such a fun evening,
sister.
107
00:06:51,060 --> 00:06:53,938
I don't know Apostle Bingo
could be so exciting.
108
00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:56,096
Well, tomorrow night we're going to
play...
109
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:58,894
...the mother superior's favorite game.
110
00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:01,409
What? Spin the Candle Stick?
111
00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:04,373
No. Messiah Mystery Date.
112
00:07:04,580 --> 00:07:09,256
Will he be a dud,
or will he rise again?
113
00:07:14,340 --> 00:07:17,013
Come on, sister,
I'll drive you back to your hotel.
114
00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:20,610
If you're not home by midnight,
you might turn into a Protestant.
115
00:07:21,780 --> 00:07:26,410
That would never happen.
I am a Bride of Christ.
116
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:30,056
Wow, that must have been
a fancy wedding.
117
00:07:31,180 --> 00:07:34,252
She's not the brightest bead
on the rosary, is she?
118
00:07:38,460 --> 00:07:39,813
Oh, God.
119
00:07:40,020 --> 00:07:41,692
Thank God.
120
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:48,697
- Oh, hi, sweetie.
- Hi, Mom.
121
00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:50,253
Hey, is something wrong?
122
00:07:51,540 --> 00:07:53,212
Well, you wanna talk about it?
123
00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:57,178
Oh, come on. Let's have
a little mother-daughter moment...
124
00:07:57,380 --> 00:07:59,735
...just like they do on TV.
125
00:08:00,140 --> 00:08:01,334
Thanks, Mom.
126
00:08:01,540 --> 00:08:03,451
It's really personal...
127
00:08:03,660 --> 00:08:05,139
...and it's kind of embarrassing.
128
00:08:05,340 --> 00:08:08,537
Oh, honey, you got your period.
129
00:08:10,540 --> 00:08:12,610
Mom, I'm 25.
130
00:08:12,820 --> 00:08:16,176
Well, don't be ashamed.
Every woman develops differently.
131
00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:18,530
You're just a late bloomer.
132
00:08:18,740 --> 00:08:20,537
Mom, it's not my period.
133
00:08:21,060 --> 00:08:23,733
Well, don't worry. It'll come.
I'm glad we had this talk.
134
00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:27,091
No, no, Mom. Wait, that's not it.
135
00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:28,892
Well, don't tell me you're pregnant.
136
00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:30,533
What would the neighbors think?
137
00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:33,379
Me, a grandmother at 35.
138
00:08:35,020 --> 00:08:37,659
Mars to Mom. I am not pregnant.
139
00:08:37,860 --> 00:08:40,294
Well, honey, then what is it?
140
00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:41,694
Bulimia?
141
00:08:41,900 --> 00:08:43,777
Anorexia?
142
00:08:43,980 --> 00:08:46,448
You found out about Santa Clause?
143
00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:49,131
What about Santa?
144
00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:51,492
Oh, nothing.
145
00:08:52,180 --> 00:08:53,374
Okay.
146
00:08:53,580 --> 00:08:55,730
It's about not having sex.
147
00:08:55,940 --> 00:08:58,977
Oh, my God, you got married.
148
00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:04,013
No, Mom.
149
00:09:04,220 --> 00:09:06,450
It's just that I'm having
a really hard time...
150
00:09:06,660 --> 00:09:08,810
...with that morals clause
I told you about.
151
00:09:09,020 --> 00:09:11,090
I miss boys.
152
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:12,415
Well...
153
00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:15,737
...you know what Grandma Wanker
always said.
154
00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:19,211
Pass the gravy?
155
00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:21,528
No.
156
00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:24,210
You gonna eat that skin?
157
00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:26,055
No.
158
00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:30,333
But, actually, what's she's talking about
is chocolate.
159
00:09:30,540 --> 00:09:33,771
That's right. Whenever you feel
the urge, you just take two of these...
160
00:09:33,980 --> 00:09:36,574
...and call QVC in the morning.
161
00:09:36,780 --> 00:09:39,419
Thanks, Mom, but I think it's gonna be
a long time...
162
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:42,259
...before I become that desperate.
163
00:09:47,060 --> 00:09:49,528
These bonbons are great.
164
00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:53,859
But you know, I can't get my leg
to stop twitching.
165
00:09:54,380 --> 00:09:55,972
Oh, you get used to that.
166
00:09:56,820 --> 00:09:58,014
Freeze, bitches.
167
00:10:02,980 --> 00:10:06,290
I haven't thought about men once,
I swear.
168
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:11,370
Damn. I always get this place confused
with the crack house.
169
00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:25,418
Oh, baby.
170
00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:29,249
Is that a night stick
or are you just happy to see me?
171
00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:34,289
It's a night stick, Peg,
and I'm not afraid to use it.
172
00:10:35,780 --> 00:10:38,817
Al, I thought we agreed
you weren't gonna carry a gun.
173
00:10:39,020 --> 00:10:42,012
Well, don't worry,
I know how to handle this thing.
174
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:46,294
That's what he said
on our honeymoon.
175
00:10:49,740 --> 00:10:50,695
Let's ride.
176
00:10:56,660 --> 00:10:57,809
This is great.
177
00:10:59,020 --> 00:11:01,614
Car 54, where are you?
178
00:11:01,820 --> 00:11:04,698
Al, we're car 54.
179
00:11:05,620 --> 00:11:07,531
Hi. I'm Mike from COPS.
Nice to meet you.
180
00:11:07,740 --> 00:11:10,891
Just act natural
and pretend I'm not here.
181
00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:20,019
So why did you become a cop?
182
00:11:20,220 --> 00:11:23,132
It's in the blood.
183
00:11:23,340 --> 00:11:26,616
My pop was a cop.
Top cop just like his pop.
184
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,412
Grandpop. Both top cops.
185
00:11:29,620 --> 00:11:31,531
Make me stop.
186
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,528
As a cop, you're a flop.
187
00:11:36,740 --> 00:11:39,459
So when did your partner
get shot in the head?
188
00:11:40,260 --> 00:11:42,728
In about 30 seconds.
189
00:11:42,940 --> 00:11:46,649
Just like all good cops we start
every shift with an equipment check.
190
00:11:46,860 --> 00:11:50,216
Right. First, we check
to see if the safety's on.
191
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,738
It's not.
192
00:11:58,740 --> 00:12:01,777
Sometimes
we have to make an example.
193
00:12:01,980 --> 00:12:02,935
To who?
194
00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:06,450
The remaining two spotted owls
in this hemisphere?
195
00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:09,254
It's kill or be killed.
196
00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:11,459
Let's ride.
197
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,698
- Hey, Kel, how's it going?
- It's going great.
198
00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:20,573
I haven't thought about men once.
199
00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:28,458
You know, Mom was a big help.
200
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:31,333
She said all I have to do
is just channel my frustrations...
201
00:12:31,540 --> 00:12:33,258
...into arts and crafts.
202
00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:35,132
Finished.
203
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:40,935
I call it Death of a Shoe Salesman.
204
00:12:42,540 --> 00:12:44,929
You're doing great, Kelly.
I really am proud of you.
205
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,095
Thanks, Bud.
206
00:12:46,820 --> 00:12:49,459
Hey, you been working out?
207
00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:02,178
Thank God.
208
00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:06,169
Sister Claire.
209
00:13:06,380 --> 00:13:09,133
I just dropped you off at the hotel.
What are you doing here?
210
00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:13,458
I was sitting in my hotel room
when I had a haunting vision of sin.
211
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,890
You shouldn't have ordered
pay-per-view.
212
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:21,168
I mean, I thought there might be
sinning going on here.
213
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:23,769
Oh, what could make you
think such a thing?
214
00:13:23,980 --> 00:13:29,179
Oh, we make these
by the thousands at the convent.
215
00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:31,610
- May I?
- Oh, of course.
216
00:13:31,820 --> 00:13:34,857
The Pope has one
of my space needles.
217
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,377
Excuse me, sister,
the meter's running.
218
00:13:38,580 --> 00:13:39,899
Do you want me to go or stay?
219
00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:41,772
- Stay.
- Go.
220
00:13:41,980 --> 00:13:44,016
Hi. I'm Kelly.
221
00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:45,778
And I'm off-duty.
222
00:13:45,980 --> 00:13:48,448
Please, this commercial
could mean national exposure.
223
00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:50,776
Oh, this is all the exposure I want.
224
00:13:51,140 --> 00:13:53,608
Oh, my God.
225
00:13:55,060 --> 00:13:56,459
Oh, no.
226
00:13:56,660 --> 00:13:59,299
Look, I made Stonehenge.
227
00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:04,849
Dear Lord, I thank thee for my talents,
which are considerable.
228
00:14:07,220 --> 00:14:08,972
And Lord...
229
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,252
...bless these good, decent Bundys.
230
00:14:11,460 --> 00:14:15,294
Lead them not into temptation
and deliver them from evil. Amen.
231
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,532
Sinners.
232
00:14:22,100 --> 00:14:23,818
No, sister, this isn't what you think.
233
00:14:24,020 --> 00:14:26,580
Hey, Bud, get your hands off of him.
I saw him first.
234
00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:29,169
Lady, you are fired.
235
00:14:29,380 --> 00:14:32,850
Wait, sister, sister.
She's not my only client.
236
00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:35,051
Can you act?
And will you wear a dress?
237
00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:37,535
No and yes.
238
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:44,417
I've seen more action
in a shoe store.
239
00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:46,612
Not-- Not--
Not that I work there.
240
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:49,380
No, I mean, I'm a cop
and a damn good one.
241
00:14:49,580 --> 00:14:53,971
Attention patrol car 54,there's a 6-3-3 in progress.
242
00:14:54,180 --> 00:14:55,579
Finally.
243
00:14:55,780 --> 00:14:58,931
We're on it. Floor it, Danno.
244
00:14:59,140 --> 00:15:01,017
Wait. Wait. Wait.
245
00:15:01,220 --> 00:15:03,609
Let's be careful out there.
246
00:15:06,540 --> 00:15:09,930
Help. Help. Someone help.
247
00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:14,772
Help.
248
00:15:18,420 --> 00:15:20,980
Ma'am, what seems to be
the problem?
249
00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:23,740
It's my Stanley. He's going to jump.
250
00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:28,092
We've got a jumper.
Everybody stay calm.
251
00:15:29,460 --> 00:15:31,894
Is your husband depressed?
252
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:34,614
I'll say. He's dead.
253
00:15:35,460 --> 00:15:38,179
We've got a dead man up a tree.
254
00:15:38,380 --> 00:15:40,769
No. Stanley's my cat.
255
00:15:40,980 --> 00:15:42,811
A-- A cat?
256
00:15:43,020 --> 00:15:45,693
I became a cop to rescue cats?
257
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:47,970
Be careful. He's very high-strung.
258
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:51,138
Ma'am, just step aside.
Let me handle this.
259
00:15:52,780 --> 00:15:53,974
Call for backup.
260
00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:58,133
Officer down. Call 911.
261
00:15:58,340 --> 00:16:00,092
Officer down. Officer down.
262
00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:04,612
Quit, Stanley.
Stop playing with that, it's dirty.
263
00:16:05,900 --> 00:16:07,049
Don't pull.
264
00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:09,057
Don't pull.
265
00:16:14,220 --> 00:16:17,929
Man, how many doughnuts
can your partner eat?
266
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:21,370
I think he's near his record.
267
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:25,539
You can tell because the buttons
on his shirt are just about to pop.
268
00:16:25,740 --> 00:16:27,776
You might wanna take cover.
269
00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:34,659
Man, talk about the ugly underbelly
of society.
270
00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:37,495
All right, that's it. I'm out of here.
271
00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:41,090
I haven't been on a shoot this lame
since COPS in Amish Country.
272
00:16:42,260 --> 00:16:44,251
You mean, I'm not gonna be
on COPS?
273
00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:46,337
Any available unit.
Burglary in progress...
274
00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:48,496
...at 9766 Jeopardy Lane.
275
00:16:49,620 --> 00:16:50,689
Hey, that's my neighbor.
276
00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:53,255
That must be that punk
who stole my bowling shirt.
277
00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:57,131
Aren't you gonna wait for your partner?
278
00:16:57,340 --> 00:16:59,695
If you were in trouble,
would you want me to wait for him?
279
00:16:59,900 --> 00:17:02,255
You, specifically? Yeah.
280
00:17:03,260 --> 00:17:08,129
Strap yourself in, camera boy.
We're going for a ride.
281
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:36,896
Hi. This is Jefferson.
282
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:38,169
And Marcy.
283
00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:45,051
Officer? Officer?
284
00:17:45,900 --> 00:17:47,572
Don't shoot.
285
00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:49,930
We just saw the burglar
right next door.
286
00:17:50,140 --> 00:17:53,450
You mean he tied you up and
smeared you with marshmallow fluff?
287
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,412
Oh, that is sick.
288
00:17:55,620 --> 00:17:57,099
Yeah.
289
00:17:59,420 --> 00:18:01,809
The pervert.
290
00:18:04,820 --> 00:18:05,855
Al...
291
00:18:06,060 --> 00:18:08,938
...is that you?
Why are you dressed--?
292
00:18:14,820 --> 00:18:17,778
She was hysterical.
Clearly needed to be subdued.
293
00:18:17,980 --> 00:18:21,734
Yeah, whatever you say, chief.
This is gonna look great on COPS.
294
00:18:21,940 --> 00:18:26,809
Wait a minute. You mean, I'm gonna be
on TV all covered in fluff?
295
00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:32,215
Our work here is done.
296
00:18:32,420 --> 00:18:34,775
Let's go get that punk.
297
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:46,132
Hey. Extra extra virgin olive oil
now available virgin-free.
298
00:18:46,340 --> 00:18:49,013
Take some home tonight.
299
00:18:49,220 --> 00:18:51,893
This is Sodom and Gomorrah.
300
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:55,138
And I am not hiring
any of your harlot clients.
301
00:18:55,740 --> 00:18:57,219
Hey.
302
00:18:57,420 --> 00:19:00,332
Hey, Tina Yothers is not a harlot.
303
00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:04,098
She was the best thing
on Family Ties.
304
00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:06,894
I preferred Skippy.
305
00:19:08,220 --> 00:19:11,417
Young man, I insist you take me
back to my hotel.
306
00:19:11,620 --> 00:19:14,692
Thanks, but you're not my type.
307
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:17,573
Caught you, you dirt bag.
308
00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:21,889
Give me back my bowling shirt.
309
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:24,819
Mike, you getting this?
This is my good side.
310
00:19:25,020 --> 00:19:27,614
Are you kidding? Nuns in an orgy.
311
00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:31,130
Do you have any idea
what Hard Copy will pay for this?
312
00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:35,369
There he is, officer. Arrest him.
313
00:19:35,580 --> 00:19:38,970
- Yeah, book him.
- No, not him. Him.
314
00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:42,092
He destroyed my home,
he shot my cuckoo...
315
00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:43,938
...and he's not even a real cop.
316
00:19:44,140 --> 00:19:45,573
Or a real father.
317
00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:47,133
Or much of a host.
318
00:19:47,340 --> 00:19:48,739
Or very photogenic.
319
00:19:48,940 --> 00:19:52,057
Doesn't it mean anything that
I apprehended this vicious criminal?
320
00:19:52,260 --> 00:19:56,299
Yeah. It means, that you're going
away for impersonating an officer.
321
00:19:59,860 --> 00:20:03,455
- I hope you fry.
- Back at you.
322
00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:09,533
- Officer, can I have a ride?
- Wait, wait, sister.
323
00:20:09,740 --> 00:20:11,731
I just thought
of the most brilliant idea.
324
00:20:11,940 --> 00:20:14,090
I have the perfect client
for your olive oil.
325
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:17,372
- That's what you said before.
- No. This time, I'm telling the truth.
326
00:20:17,580 --> 00:20:19,775
I mean, she's beautiful,
her schedule is open.
327
00:20:19,980 --> 00:20:23,290
And I promise you complete
and total abstinence.
328
00:20:23,860 --> 00:20:27,899
So use Extra extra virgin olive oil.
329
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:32,252
It's 100 percent pure. Like me.
330
00:20:33,340 --> 00:20:35,137
I can't believe it. You were right.
331
00:20:35,340 --> 00:20:37,331
She is perfect.
332
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:38,529
So the deal's still on?
333
00:20:38,740 --> 00:20:40,378
Absolutely.
334
00:20:43,940 --> 00:20:45,896
Next.
335
00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:47,569
Ma.
336
00:21:01,580 --> 00:21:03,457
What kind of agent are you?
337
00:21:03,660 --> 00:21:06,697
That commercial was perfect for me
and you sent in your mother?
338
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,973
Tina, baby, I got bigger plans for you.
339
00:21:11,180 --> 00:21:13,330
Right, like that last great job
you got me...
340
00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:16,577
...playing Pebbles
in Flintstones in the Park?
341
00:21:17,940 --> 00:21:20,135
Well, you said you wanted to return
to the stage?
342
00:21:20,340 --> 00:21:23,013
That was a lame gig.
It rained all week.
343
00:21:23,220 --> 00:21:26,769
And that bitch Dino
kept trying to upstage me.
344
00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:30,614
I've had it with you. You're fired.
345
00:21:32,380 --> 00:21:35,053
Tina, I thought
you were happy with me?
346
00:21:36,140 --> 00:21:39,291
Bud, I'm sure this isn't the first time
you've heard this.
347
00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:41,377
I faked it.
25871
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