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1
00:00:01,041 --> 00:00:05,000
♪♪♪
2
00:00:06,083 --> 00:00:08,416
(Children shout)
3
00:00:08,791 --> 00:00:11,000
- Right this second!
- Whoa!
4
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,625
- Stop! Please!
I'm trying to shoot you!
5
00:00:13,625 --> 00:00:15,916
Please! I'm gonna shoot you!
- Hey! Whoa, whoa! Hey!
6
00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:18,166
Hey! Hey! Hey! Guys, guys!
Come on, come on, hey! Ah--
7
00:00:18,166 --> 00:00:19,916
- But Dad!
8
00:00:19,916 --> 00:00:21,791
- Now, it's Felix's birthday,
he's gonna shoot you guys.
9
00:00:21,791 --> 00:00:24,000
- Awwww!
- Okay, here you go.
10
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,875
- Ow! Ow!
- Oops, sorry, sorry.
11
00:00:25,875 --> 00:00:27,833
You're good, you're good.
- Follow me upstairs!
12
00:00:27,833 --> 00:00:29,875
- That birthday cake
was so good!
13
00:00:29,875 --> 00:00:32,000
- Yes, thanks again
for making it.
14
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,791
- It was really sweet
that Felix wanted
15
00:00:33,791 --> 00:00:35,666
just his family here.
16
00:00:35,666 --> 00:00:37,750
He has friends at school,
doesn't he?
17
00:00:37,750 --> 00:00:39,833
- Yes, Mom, it's his friends
party this weekend.
18
00:00:39,833 --> 00:00:41,791
- Another party?
Oh, wow!
19
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,750
- Yeah, well, the poor kid
lost two birthdays
20
00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:46,000
to the pandemic, so this,
this is special.
21
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,041
- Should I get another present?
- No, no.
22
00:00:48,041 --> 00:00:50,166
No, one toy gun is enough.
(Glass shatters)
23
00:00:50,166 --> 00:00:52,041
And the one thing I asked
you not to get.
24
00:00:52,041 --> 00:00:54,000
- I'll get him more bullets,
then.
25
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,291
- So um, is Corey coming
to the party this weekend?
26
00:00:56,291 --> 00:00:58,416
- He's been saving newspapers
and fruit stickers for weeks.
27
00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:00,833
- Oh, that's awesome. Why?
28
00:01:00,833 --> 00:01:02,875
- You know, instead of wrapping
paper and scotch tape,
29
00:01:02,875 --> 00:01:04,833
which is choking the planet.
30
00:01:04,833 --> 00:01:07,000
- Well, in that case, shouldn't
you not be buying newspapers
31
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,708
anymore as well?
32
00:01:08,708 --> 00:01:10,375
- And stop supporting
print media?
33
00:01:10,375 --> 00:01:11,791
Right.
34
00:01:13,375 --> 00:01:14,875
- Hey, we should go.
35
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,916
Corey's still recovering,
we don't wanna push him.
36
00:01:16,916 --> 00:01:19,250
- Recovering from what?
- No, he was just a little...
37
00:01:19,250 --> 00:01:21,708
just a little sick.
- What?!
38
00:01:21,708 --> 00:01:24,208
- It's not Covid, okay?
We're all vaccinated.
39
00:01:24,208 --> 00:01:26,416
- You brought him here, sick,
40
00:01:26,416 --> 00:01:28,458
knowing that Felix's party
is in two days?!
41
00:01:28,458 --> 00:01:30,500
- It's fine, he's on a natural
immune booster.
42
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:33,375
My own brew, it's like a face
mask for your whole body.
43
00:01:33,375 --> 00:01:35,208
- Oh, good, Bo made a potion.
My mind's at ease.
44
00:01:35,208 --> 00:01:37,333
- We would've never come here
45
00:01:37,333 --> 00:01:39,583
if we thought there was any
chance of getting you all--
46
00:01:39,583 --> 00:01:42,208
- (Coughs)
Astrid: Being sick sucks.
47
00:01:42,208 --> 00:01:44,625
But before kids, you could atleast focus on healing yourself
48
00:01:44,625 --> 00:01:46,541
with your favorite remedies.
49
00:01:46,541 --> 00:01:48,666
James: Sleep, watch "The Shield," snack, sweat,
50
00:01:48,666 --> 00:01:51,083
spend hours on the toilet, oh, it was glorious.
51
00:01:51,083 --> 00:01:53,291
Astrid: But kids don't care if you're sick.
52
00:01:53,291 --> 00:01:55,666
They need Mummy and Daddy. They want lunch,
53
00:01:55,666 --> 00:01:57,250
and clean underwear, and to scream at you
54
00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:59,416
when you forget that they're pretending to be a horse.
55
00:01:59,416 --> 00:02:01,375
And they're usually the ones making you sick!
56
00:02:01,375 --> 00:02:03,625
They literally grab viruses and put them in their noses.
57
00:02:03,625 --> 00:02:06,041
We used to have time to get to take care of ourselves.
58
00:02:06,041 --> 00:02:07,791
Now...
59
00:02:07,791 --> 00:02:09,500
I have to plan a birthday
party today.
60
00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:11,833
(Clatters) Aah!
- You're dead!
61
00:02:12,916 --> 00:02:16,916
♪♪♪
62
00:02:16,916 --> 00:02:19,083
- (Coughs)
63
00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:21,083
(Deep, hacking coughs)
- Hon, what can I do to help?
64
00:02:21,083 --> 00:02:22,791
You should take it easy today.
65
00:02:22,791 --> 00:02:25,000
- Take it easy?
You want me to take it--
66
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,250
Do you have any idea
what I have to do?
67
00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:29,875
I have to bake a cake,
I have to get decorations,
68
00:02:29,875 --> 00:02:32,708
loot bags, take it easy, huh?!
What?
69
00:02:32,708 --> 00:02:34,750
- You know, even if you
weren't sick,
70
00:02:34,750 --> 00:02:36,125
that kinda sounds last minute.
71
00:02:37,375 --> 00:02:39,458
Which is why it's so amazing
72
00:02:39,458 --> 00:02:41,041
that you do a killer job
every year.
73
00:02:41,041 --> 00:02:42,791
All-- every time.
74
00:02:42,791 --> 00:02:44,708
Which is why I should do it
this year.
75
00:02:44,708 --> 00:02:46,333
- No, I'm fine, I'm just...
76
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:49,000
I just feel a little weak
and pukey,
77
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,375
and my bones are cold.
78
00:02:51,375 --> 00:02:53,125
- Well, then,
let me do it, Honey.
79
00:02:53,125 --> 00:02:55,166
- (Children scream)
- Ow! Oh, my cold bones.
80
00:02:55,166 --> 00:02:57,250
- Viv put Play-Doh down
my pants, and said,
81
00:02:57,250 --> 00:02:59,708
it was cow plop, so now
I get to do it to her!
82
00:02:59,708 --> 00:03:01,291
- No!
83
00:03:01,291 --> 00:03:03,708
- Viv, stop sneaking things
in people's pants!
84
00:03:03,708 --> 00:03:06,083
- Yeah, I had broccoli fall out
of my pant leg at work.
85
00:03:06,083 --> 00:03:08,541
That's hard to live down.
- Give Viv the Play-Doh.
86
00:03:08,541 --> 00:03:12,208
Viv, put it down your own pants.
87
00:03:12,208 --> 00:03:14,333
There you go, now there's cow
plop in Viv's pants,
88
00:03:14,333 --> 00:03:16,416
you're even.
- That's not fair, Mom!
89
00:03:16,416 --> 00:03:18,583
(Echoing) Mom! Mom! Mom!
90
00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:20,458
- Did he just call me...
Mom?!
91
00:03:20,458 --> 00:03:22,458
Did he call me Mom?
- It's okay. Okay.
92
00:03:22,458 --> 00:03:24,250
- Hey, ah, guys?
Your Mom-Mom's- Maaah--
93
00:03:24,250 --> 00:03:26,750
Mummy-Wummy's not feeling well.
94
00:03:26,750 --> 00:03:29,833
So just go upstairs and get
ready for-let's go, let's go,
95
00:03:29,833 --> 00:03:31,375
put some clothes on.
96
00:03:31,375 --> 00:03:33,000
And hey, bup, bup, bup!
What are you doing?
97
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,833
That cow plop stays in those
pants until you're all the way
98
00:03:34,833 --> 00:03:36,333
upstairs-- yes!
- No!
99
00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:38,291
- I have a question.
Who is Mom?
100
00:03:38,291 --> 00:03:40,791
Because I'm Mummy.
I'm Mummy.
101
00:03:40,791 --> 00:03:42,750
- I know, Felix is growing up.
102
00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:44,708
The other day he told me
I was "being rude!"
103
00:03:44,708 --> 00:03:46,375
- You were checking your phone
at the dinner table.
104
00:03:46,375 --> 00:03:48,750
- I know, he was right!
He was so grown up about it.
105
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,916
- No, I don't, I don't want
him to grow up.
106
00:03:50,916 --> 00:03:53,041
- But it's kind of a disease
if he doesn't, Hon.
107
00:03:53,041 --> 00:03:55,291
- (Gasps) What if he doesn't
want his "Mom"
108
00:03:55,291 --> 00:03:57,375
to be "Dr. Bad Guy"
at the birthday party?
109
00:03:57,375 --> 00:03:59,250
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
110
00:03:59,250 --> 00:04:02,000
No, he absolutely wants
Dr. Bad Guy, that's tradition.
111
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,916
But everything else
I'm gonna do.
112
00:04:03,916 --> 00:04:05,666
I'm gonna get a cake
from Roncy Croissants.
113
00:04:05,666 --> 00:04:07,583
- Nope! Brrrr!
No, you're not.
114
00:04:07,583 --> 00:04:09,208
Remember Viv's birthday
last year?
115
00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:11,375
We asked for a Peppa
and they gave us Popeye,
116
00:04:11,375 --> 00:04:13,791
and you for some reason said
it was "Summertime Santa."
117
00:04:13,791 --> 00:04:15,583
- It's summer, he shaves the
beard, he wears a captain's hat
118
00:04:15,583 --> 00:04:17,583
because it's, like,
he's on vacay-- okay.
119
00:04:17,583 --> 00:04:19,583
So I'm not going to call
Roncy Croissantsy.
120
00:04:19,583 --> 00:04:21,666
But everything else I'm going
to do, I've got this.
121
00:04:21,666 --> 00:04:23,791
- Okay, thank you, I love you.
- Mmm!
122
00:04:25,458 --> 00:04:26,875
Sss...
123
00:04:28,291 --> 00:04:30,375
just ah... I love you.
124
00:04:30,375 --> 00:04:31,875
Tssst. Tssst.
125
00:04:34,583 --> 00:04:36,541
- Ready for school, Felix?
- I guess so.
126
00:04:36,541 --> 00:04:38,583
- This about the cow plop
incident?
127
00:04:38,583 --> 00:04:41,541
- Mm-hmm.
- Principles, good for you.
128
00:04:41,541 --> 00:04:43,333
Listen, I want to talk to you
about something.
129
00:04:43,333 --> 00:04:46,791
Mummy is feeling a little sick,
so, wait for it...
130
00:04:46,791 --> 00:04:49,666
this year Daddy is gonna finish
getting your party ready.
131
00:04:49,666 --> 00:04:51,458
Right? Beh-Bewww!
132
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:52,791
- Mm-kay.
133
00:04:54,958 --> 00:04:56,666
- Okay, so ah,
here's what I'm thinking.
134
00:04:56,666 --> 00:04:58,791
I'm thinking streamers, right?
I'm thinking balloons.
135
00:04:58,791 --> 00:05:01,375
- No streamers, no balloons.
136
00:05:01,375 --> 00:05:03,458
That's too "little kiddie."
137
00:05:03,458 --> 00:05:05,416
- Oh, you want like, a grown
man's birthday party.
138
00:05:05,416 --> 00:05:07,708
- Mm-hmm. Oh, and I can have
a unicorn cake?
139
00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:10,333
- Yeah, Buddy, I can do that.
140
00:05:10,333 --> 00:05:12,125
Like, a red unicorn with like,
141
00:05:12,125 --> 00:05:14,750
a big black horn and flames,
and body armor?
142
00:05:14,750 --> 00:05:17,166
- Uh, no, a rainbow one.
143
00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:20,500
- Oh. Oh!
144
00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:23,333
I'm, yes. Of course.
145
00:05:23,333 --> 00:05:25,125
Of course you can have
a rainbow unicorn, Buddy.
146
00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:26,416
Rainbow unicorns are awesome,
147
00:05:26,416 --> 00:05:28,375
and anybody who thinks they're
not is an idiot.
148
00:05:28,375 --> 00:05:30,750
Or dealing with like,
an orgy
149
00:05:30,750 --> 00:05:32,375
of toxic masculinity
conditioning,
150
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,041
that's their problem,
that's not your problem.
151
00:05:34,041 --> 00:05:35,750
- What's orgy?
152
00:05:35,750 --> 00:05:37,250
- Nothing much,
what's orgy with you?
153
00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:39,625
- Huh?
- Yeah, that's uh,
154
00:05:39,625 --> 00:05:41,333
come on, you're old enough
to get these jokes.
155
00:05:41,333 --> 00:05:43,500
Okay, let's go to school,
birthday boy's gotta get
156
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:45,250
to school and talk
about something else.
157
00:05:45,250 --> 00:05:47,375
- Okay.
158
00:05:47,375 --> 00:05:49,583
(Wooden blocks banging loudly)
159
00:05:51,833 --> 00:05:54,333
(Wooden blocks bang
and clatter)
160
00:05:54,333 --> 00:05:57,250
(Wood clanks loudly)
161
00:05:57,250 --> 00:05:59,000
Viv: ♪ I love blocks!
I love blocks! ♪
162
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,916
- Sweetie, Sweetie, Sweetie!
163
00:06:00,916 --> 00:06:03,083
Can-can you please play with
those on the carpet, please?
164
00:06:03,083 --> 00:06:04,916
- Who knows what I'll do.
- Cool.
165
00:06:04,916 --> 00:06:06,583
(Thudding, banging)
166
00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:09,333
Eva: Hello!
- Oh my God, finally.
167
00:06:10,875 --> 00:06:12,333
- (Shrill scream)
168
00:06:12,333 --> 00:06:14,250
- Mom! What are you doing?!
169
00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:16,375
- Well, I'm here to take Viv,
like you asked.
170
00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:18,791
- Why are you dressed like
a serial killer's mascot?
171
00:06:18,791 --> 00:06:20,875
- Uh, protecting myself.
172
00:06:20,875 --> 00:06:22,833
I have tickets to see
"Hamilton,"
173
00:06:22,833 --> 00:06:24,416
and you know
I'm a history buff, so.
174
00:06:24,416 --> 00:06:26,458
- I wanna stay here.
175
00:06:26,458 --> 00:06:29,041
- I put plexiglass around
your whole car seat!
176
00:06:29,041 --> 00:06:31,083
It's gonna be like a sterile
spaceship.
177
00:06:31,083 --> 00:06:32,791
- Mom, can you just stay here
and play with Viv?
178
00:06:32,791 --> 00:06:34,916
- In ground zero? No way!
179
00:06:34,916 --> 00:06:37,500
I have waited so long
to see this show.
180
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:39,750
Remember when I thought I had
tickets to see "Hamilton"
181
00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:42,000
in Chicago, but they turned
out to be tickets to see
182
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,875
"Chicago" in Hamilton?!
183
00:06:43,875 --> 00:06:45,875
No, horrible.
- I want to stay with Mummy.
184
00:06:48,166 --> 00:06:51,125
- All right, it's fine. Mom,
it's okay, you can just go.
185
00:06:51,125 --> 00:06:53,583
- Okay, well, yeah,
that works for me.
186
00:06:53,583 --> 00:06:55,375
Have a hot bath.
- Mm-hmm.
187
00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:57,208
- Get a good sweat, and you'll
feel like a million bucks.
188
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:58,541
Okay, bye! Bye!
- Bye!
189
00:06:59,958 --> 00:07:01,500
(Low hum of chatter)
190
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:03,500
- Yes, hello, I'm still here.
Man: Uh, we have one left.
191
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,333
- You do? You have one rainbow
unicorn cake left?
192
00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:07,125
- Yep.
193
00:07:07,125 --> 00:07:08,833
- And you're sure it's
a unicorn and not like,
194
00:07:08,833 --> 00:07:10,583
an alicorn,
or a garbage Pegasus?
195
00:07:10,583 --> 00:07:12,750
- Yeah, no way.
- Oh, you are a life-saver!
196
00:07:12,750 --> 00:07:14,958
I am a cake god!
Can you hold it for me?
197
00:07:14,958 --> 00:07:16,416
- No, someone's just asked
about it now.
198
00:07:16,416 --> 00:07:18,541
- Hmm? What do you mean?
No, no! No, no!
199
00:07:18,541 --> 00:07:20,458
What do you mean someone's
looking at it, it's mine,
200
00:07:20,458 --> 00:07:22,500
it's my cake, I'm--
- You're not here.
201
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:24,375
- I'm coming right now, okay!
- Well, that--
202
00:07:24,375 --> 00:07:27,166
- Hmm!
203
00:07:27,166 --> 00:07:29,166
- Okay, shit show
in the boardroom.
204
00:07:29,166 --> 00:07:31,041
Our avocado supplier
just went tits up,
205
00:07:31,041 --> 00:07:33,375
and we need an action plan
ASAP or we're effed.
206
00:07:33,375 --> 00:07:36,666
- Uh, Marla? I was gonna pop
out for some food real quick.
207
00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:38,833
- This is grocery empire,
not a goddamn lunch club!
208
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,625
You eat after we put out
this fire!
209
00:07:41,666 --> 00:07:43,291
James?
210
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:47,041
- (Coughs)
211
00:07:50,166 --> 00:07:52,958
Viv: Be careful, it's hot tea.
Hi, Snoopy.
212
00:07:52,958 --> 00:07:55,208
Astrid: A surprising amount of parenting is done
213
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,666
with your ears, it's your keenest sense,
214
00:07:57,666 --> 00:07:59,791
especially when a cold makes your nose stuffed up,
215
00:07:59,791 --> 00:08:01,708
and your eyeballs ache.
216
00:08:01,708 --> 00:08:03,666
(Viv talks quietly, loud crash)
217
00:08:03,666 --> 00:08:05,500
Every noise give you intel.
218
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,458
(Dishes crash)
- Uh-oh.
219
00:08:07,458 --> 00:08:10,708
Oh no! Mummy!
220
00:08:10,708 --> 00:08:12,791
I spilled a little bit.
I need to wipe this.
221
00:08:12,791 --> 00:08:14,291
(Dishes clatter)
222
00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:16,083
(Toilet paper thumps)
223
00:08:17,666 --> 00:08:19,833
Thank you, Mommy!
224
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,500
- Ahhh...
225
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:23,791
(Viv playfully chatters)
226
00:08:23,791 --> 00:08:25,666
(Loud crash, clatter)
227
00:08:25,666 --> 00:08:27,458
Astrid: The only thing worse than a crash or screaming...
228
00:08:27,458 --> 00:08:29,458
is dead silence.
229
00:08:31,458 --> 00:08:33,333
- What was that?
230
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,916
Viv?
231
00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:39,750
Viv: I took some chocolate chips, and something broke.
232
00:08:39,750 --> 00:08:41,625
(Crickets chirp)
233
00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:44,541
(Door shuts)
234
00:08:44,541 --> 00:08:46,541
- (Sighs)
235
00:08:46,541 --> 00:08:48,708
- Oh my God.
No! No!
236
00:08:51,250 --> 00:08:52,750
You're gonna die
on our son's birthday,
237
00:08:52,750 --> 00:08:54,916
and he's gonna grow up
so weird!
238
00:08:54,916 --> 00:08:57,125
- You look like a moist zombie.
239
00:08:58,375 --> 00:09:00,333
We need to cancel this
birthday party.
240
00:09:00,333 --> 00:09:02,458
- (Sighs) Yeah, you're right.
241
00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:04,916
We can't-we can't do it!
Why-we can't do it.
242
00:09:04,916 --> 00:09:07,458
He'll just have-he'll have two
birthdays next year.
243
00:09:07,458 --> 00:09:09,375
- Pay it forward, we'll just
prepare for two--
244
00:09:09,375 --> 00:09:11,458
we'll-we'll cancel-
what else can we cancel?
245
00:09:11,458 --> 00:09:14,250
(Both murmur quietly)
- Mom? Dad?
246
00:09:14,250 --> 00:09:16,916
- Hey there, little guy!
- Hey, there he is!
247
00:09:16,916 --> 00:09:19,416
There's my special fella.
- That's a bit over-the-top.
248
00:09:19,416 --> 00:09:22,083
- I actually do want streamers
and balloons at my party.
249
00:09:22,083 --> 00:09:24,416
But camouflage streamers,
250
00:09:24,416 --> 00:09:26,791
and balloons
that look like bombs!
251
00:09:26,791 --> 00:09:29,541
- Okay Felix,
I'm sorry, Buddy, but...
252
00:09:29,541 --> 00:09:32,458
I just have bad news.
We can't do your party--
253
00:09:32,458 --> 00:09:35,291
- Yeah, we can't do them
without the camouflage
254
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:37,083
streamers, and the balloon
bombs.
255
00:09:37,083 --> 00:09:38,916
- (Gasps) Yes!
256
00:09:41,875 --> 00:09:43,333
- Ugh!
- Cold bones.
257
00:09:45,333 --> 00:09:46,791
(Birds chirp)
258
00:09:46,791 --> 00:09:48,750
♪♪♪
259
00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:50,666
(Astrid coughs loudly)
James: Ohhh!
260
00:09:50,666 --> 00:09:52,916
Does oatmeal always look
like chunky spit?
261
00:09:52,916 --> 00:09:55,583
- Yeah, that's just the stomach
element of the sickness.
262
00:09:55,583 --> 00:09:57,875
But don't worry, there's also
a willingness to die element
263
00:09:57,875 --> 00:09:59,750
that really takes the edge off.
- Okay.
264
00:09:59,750 --> 00:10:01,500
We have to admit that this
party is gonna suck.
265
00:10:03,041 --> 00:10:05,625
We just have to survive.
- I don't like our chances.
266
00:10:05,625 --> 00:10:08,791
- Okay, what are we...
should we do something, or?
267
00:10:08,791 --> 00:10:11,333
- Yes. Yes. Um...
(Clears throat) All right.
268
00:10:11,333 --> 00:10:13,250
Let's divide and conquer.
269
00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:14,625
I'll start the clean-up,
you get the birthday cake.
270
00:10:14,625 --> 00:10:16,208
- Mm, right. Um...
271
00:10:17,041 --> 00:10:18,875
the cake thing is gonna take
a little bit longer
272
00:10:18,875 --> 00:10:20,625
because I had to use
Roncy Croissantsy.
273
00:10:20,625 --> 00:10:22,791
- What?!
- I, uh,
274
00:10:22,791 --> 00:10:25,000
your place didn't have
unicorn cakes, so I had--
275
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,708
you know,
I didn't have a choice.
276
00:10:26,708 --> 00:10:28,666
- That place butchers birthday
cakes,
277
00:10:28,666 --> 00:10:30,458
and murders kids' dreams.
278
00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:32,583
It's their literal
business model!
279
00:10:32,583 --> 00:10:35,250
Felix: Can I have chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast?
280
00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:36,958
- (Whimpers)
281
00:10:36,958 --> 00:10:38,958
- I was hoping he'd wake up
sick so we could just cancel.
282
00:10:38,958 --> 00:10:40,916
- I was hoping the same thing.
283
00:10:40,916 --> 00:10:42,750
And that's why we make
such a good team.
284
00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:44,541
- Mm! (Loud stomach gurgle)
285
00:10:44,541 --> 00:10:46,916
Sorry.
286
00:10:46,916 --> 00:10:48,291
Ohhh...
287
00:10:50,208 --> 00:10:51,500
(Streetcar bell dings)
288
00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:53,041
(James coughs)
289
00:10:53,041 --> 00:10:54,833
- Yeah, you can't be in here
if you're sick.
290
00:10:54,833 --> 00:10:57,291
- No, no, I'm not- (coughs)
I'm just, I'm a smoker,
291
00:10:57,291 --> 00:10:58,875
and I just smoked a whole pack
of big cigarettes.
292
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:00,458
- Ewww!
293
00:11:00,458 --> 00:11:01,708
- (Coughs) What'd you say
it would cost?
294
00:11:01,708 --> 00:11:03,916
- $42.75.
- Okay.
295
00:11:03,916 --> 00:11:05,875
I wonder what kind of milk and
sugar and flour you're using.
296
00:11:05,875 --> 00:11:08,333
- Yeah, and I wonder what kind
of payment you'll be using.
297
00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:10,833
- You know what, can I just see
the cake real quick?
298
00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:12,833
Just to make sure that
it's a unicorn, you know,
299
00:11:12,833 --> 00:11:14,708
and not like, an alicorn,
or a stupid Pegasus.
300
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:16,250
- Sure. (Sighs)
301
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,958
- That's a goddamn wizard.
302
00:11:22,958 --> 00:11:25,541
- Louie! You messed up again!
Louie: What?!
303
00:11:25,541 --> 00:11:28,125
- I need a cake, but I refuse
to pay for this.
304
00:11:28,125 --> 00:11:30,541
- Anyone in here want
a wizard cake?
305
00:11:30,541 --> 00:11:32,916
- What color is it?
- No! I- I'm gonna--
306
00:11:32,916 --> 00:11:34,833
it's fine, I'm gonna take it,
it's fine, I'm gonna--
307
00:11:34,833 --> 00:11:36,791
it's my cake,
it's my cake, sorry.
308
00:11:36,791 --> 00:11:38,541
Can you just-is--
can you fix it?
309
00:11:38,541 --> 00:11:40,916
- How?
- I don't know,
310
00:11:40,916 --> 00:11:42,750
you're the guy who... mmm!
311
00:11:42,750 --> 00:11:44,791
Make it like...
312
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:46,625
unicorn.
313
00:11:49,708 --> 00:11:51,375
- (Coughs)
314
00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:53,750
(Sniffles)
315
00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:58,416
(Sniffles)
- Mom?
316
00:11:58,416 --> 00:12:01,125
- Yeah?
- What does orgy mean?
317
00:12:01,125 --> 00:12:03,583
- Um-what, Sweetie?
What, hmm?
318
00:12:03,583 --> 00:12:06,250
- What's orgy mean?
- Okay, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
319
00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:08,833
Um, it's when a- it- mm...
320
00:12:08,833 --> 00:12:10,958
it's when a group of people
321
00:12:10,958 --> 00:12:13,541
who are-who are close
together physically, just...
322
00:12:14,875 --> 00:12:17,333
have a special and fun time.
323
00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:19,250
- Okay.
- Yeah.
324
00:12:19,250 --> 00:12:21,041
James: I'm home!
325
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:22,916
- All right, go get ready
for your party,
326
00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:25,333
I want- (gurgles) I want you
look cute for your--
327
00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:27,208
(retches) for your special day.
328
00:12:27,208 --> 00:12:28,708
(Sniffles)
329
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:31,791
Is that the cake?
330
00:12:31,791 --> 00:12:33,791
Did we pull this off?
331
00:12:33,791 --> 00:12:37,166
- (Thuds) Not quite.
332
00:12:37,166 --> 00:12:38,666
(Box lid clatters)
333
00:12:42,666 --> 00:12:44,625
- Oh my God!
334
00:12:44,625 --> 00:12:46,750
What happened to that unicorn?
Bath salts?
335
00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:48,458
- These ding-dongs
gave us a wizard.
336
00:12:48,458 --> 00:12:51,291
- This is why we don't use
Roncy Croissantsy!
337
00:12:51,291 --> 00:12:53,458
- I made 'em fix it.
338
00:12:53,458 --> 00:12:55,958
I paid-I paid extra.
- You paid extra for this?!
339
00:12:55,958 --> 00:12:58,041
- I promised Felix
a unicorn cake,
340
00:12:58,041 --> 00:12:59,916
and I didn't want him to think
that anything was wrong
341
00:12:59,916 --> 00:13:01,750
with asking for a unicorn cake,
342
00:13:01,750 --> 00:13:03,708
and now I'm understanding
the emotional labor
343
00:13:03,708 --> 00:13:05,916
that goes into planning
these birthday parties,
344
00:13:05,916 --> 00:13:08,583
and thank you, thank you, thank
you for doing it every time.
345
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,958
- Well, that's nice.
346
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,833
(Sighs) I don't--
- Okay, this is--
347
00:13:13,833 --> 00:13:14,875
- Oh my God,
this doesn't feel good.
348
00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:19,041
- I feel atrocious.
349
00:13:19,041 --> 00:13:21,125
- Oh Honey,
you feel atrocious?
350
00:13:21,125 --> 00:13:23,708
(Viv sobs, James groans)
- Oh no, she's burning up.
351
00:13:23,708 --> 00:13:25,500
- Okay. Um...
352
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,833
take Viv upstairs, I'm gonna
wipe down every surface.
353
00:13:27,833 --> 00:13:30,000
- Okay. Okay, all right,
let's go, come on.
354
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,083
(Viv coughs, doorbell rings)
355
00:13:33,750 --> 00:13:35,750
- (Gasps) They're here?
356
00:13:35,750 --> 00:13:37,750
(Door creaks open)
Oh, hey, guys!
357
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,125
- Hey!
- Come on in.
358
00:13:39,125 --> 00:13:40,916
Early bird gets the uh...
- Ohh!
359
00:13:40,916 --> 00:13:42,916
- Wow, wrapped in newspaper.
360
00:13:42,916 --> 00:13:44,791
I don't know whether to read it
or throw it out!
361
00:13:44,791 --> 00:13:46,083
I'm just joking,
this is really great.
362
00:13:46,083 --> 00:13:48,666
Up top--
- Ow!
- James!
363
00:13:48,666 --> 00:13:50,833
- He doesn't know what
this means? Okay.
364
00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:53,333
Sorry, Corey.
- Now, is Astrid okay?
365
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,500
- Uh, yeah, why?
Why do you ask?
366
00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:58,416
- She requested the recipe
to Bo's immune booster.
367
00:13:58,416 --> 00:14:00,916
- Oh, you know what, that's--
she's trying to find
368
00:14:00,916 --> 00:14:03,083
the secret ingredient to your
husband's witch juice.
369
00:14:03,083 --> 00:14:04,833
(Sniffles)
370
00:14:04,833 --> 00:14:06,958
- You know, the insinuation
that Bo is a witch
371
00:14:06,958 --> 00:14:09,833
simply because he accepts
health practices from a large
372
00:14:09,833 --> 00:14:12,583
swath of cultures is incredibly
ignorant, James.
373
00:14:14,208 --> 00:14:16,125
- Come on, that stuff
doesn't really work,
374
00:14:16,125 --> 00:14:18,041
I mean, do you even have any
on you that I could try?
375
00:14:18,041 --> 00:14:20,041
Like, sarcastically?
- Are you okay?
376
00:14:20,041 --> 00:14:22,500
- Yes! I'm... tip-top.
377
00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:24,166
- You look undead.
378
00:14:24,166 --> 00:14:26,625
- Dracula was undead,
379
00:14:26,625 --> 00:14:28,583
and he was the most amazing
person in the world.
380
00:14:28,583 --> 00:14:30,458
- I'll be back in two hours.
381
00:14:30,458 --> 00:14:32,333
Try not to hurt Corey.
382
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,166
- Mm, you try not to...
383
00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:36,708
forget that I respect you
and your husband very much.
384
00:14:36,708 --> 00:14:39,250
- Bye, Corey.
Corey: Bye, Mom!
385
00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:40,875
- Remember, no soda!
- (Sick groan)
386
00:14:43,375 --> 00:14:45,791
♪♪♪
387
00:14:45,791 --> 00:14:47,125
(Children laugh
and shout playfully)
388
00:14:47,125 --> 00:14:54,125
♪♪♪
389
00:14:54,125 --> 00:14:59,500
♪♪♪
390
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,208
- Hey Felix, come here.
391
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:05,333
- Yeah?
- Hey, everything okay?
392
00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:07,708
You having a good time?
- Yeah. Sort of.
393
00:15:07,708 --> 00:15:09,041
- Mm-hmm?
- Where's Mum?
394
00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:10,750
Can she do Dr. Bad Guy?
395
00:15:12,333 --> 00:15:14,208
- Absolutely!
It might take a few minutes,
396
00:15:14,208 --> 00:15:16,125
and maybe a couple stimulants,
397
00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:18,250
but yes, I have an announcement
to make!
398
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:20,250
I have heard from
the Chief of Police
399
00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:22,458
that there is trouble
a brewin',
400
00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:24,666
so everybody needs to get
their bonk-bats ready,
401
00:15:24,666 --> 00:15:27,583
because Dr. Bad Guy
is in the area!
402
00:15:27,583 --> 00:15:29,625
(All cheer)
- Yeah!
403
00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:32,083
- I'm gonna murder something!
404
00:15:32,083 --> 00:15:34,000
- Nope, nope, nope, nobody's
gonna murder anyone, Corey,
405
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,375
but uh, good energy.
I appreciate you, Buddy.
406
00:15:36,375 --> 00:15:40,291
Kids: (Chanting) Dr. Bad Guy!
Dr. Bad Guy! Dr. Bad Guy!
407
00:15:43,166 --> 00:15:45,041
- What-what-what?
Is everything okay?
408
00:15:45,041 --> 00:15:46,666
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
better than okay.
409
00:15:46,666 --> 00:15:48,500
Kids: (Chanting) Dr. Bad Guy!
Dr. Bad Guy! Dr. Bad Guy!
410
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:52,000
- They want Dr. Bad Guy?
411
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,958
- No, no, Felix wants
Dr. Bad Guy.
412
00:15:55,125 --> 00:15:57,375
- Oh! That- that's so nice!
413
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,375
- He needs his Mommy.
414
00:16:00,375 --> 00:16:02,291
- (Sighs) I can't move.
415
00:16:02,291 --> 00:16:03,875
- No, look, look, look.
416
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:05,458
You're amazing at pushing
through.
417
00:16:05,458 --> 00:16:06,833
- (Whimpers)
418
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,458
- Remember when we drove
to B.C.?
419
00:16:08,458 --> 00:16:10,375
and we were supposed to sleep
in the car in Saskatchewan,
420
00:16:10,375 --> 00:16:12,250
when I woke up, and you had
driven all the way there,
421
00:16:12,250 --> 00:16:14,875
because you didn't like
how big the sky was.
422
00:16:14,875 --> 00:16:16,250
- Nobody needs that much sky.
423
00:16:16,250 --> 00:16:18,833
- You conquered a whole
province in a night.
424
00:16:18,833 --> 00:16:21,166
You can be Dr. Bad Guy
for half an hour.
425
00:16:21,166 --> 00:16:23,125
(Heroic music plays)
426
00:16:25,041 --> 00:16:28,041
(Viv groans)
- James, let's do this.
427
00:16:28,041 --> 00:16:29,333
- No, I'm gonna lie down
actually,
428
00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:31,333
coming up the stairs
was very taxing.
429
00:16:31,333 --> 00:16:33,583
And then I gave a speech
and everything, and it was...
430
00:16:33,583 --> 00:16:35,166
(Drum roll)
431
00:16:35,166 --> 00:16:37,125
(Clothes hangers rattle)
432
00:16:37,125 --> 00:16:43,291
♪♪♪
433
00:16:43,291 --> 00:16:44,916
(Lid bangs)
434
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,250
(Rope whooshes,
rubber squelches)
435
00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:52,291
♪♪♪
436
00:16:52,291 --> 00:16:54,041
(Heroic fanfare plays)
437
00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:57,166
(James snores)
438
00:16:59,750 --> 00:17:02,250
Kids: (Chanting) Dr. Bad Guy!
Dr. Bad Guy!
439
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:04,875
Dr. Bad Guy! Dr. Bad Guy!
440
00:17:04,875 --> 00:17:07,083
- Hmm! Hmm!
(Stomach gurgle)
441
00:17:07,083 --> 00:17:09,041
(Retches)
(Chanting fades away)
442
00:17:09,041 --> 00:17:11,333
(Running steps thud)
Kids: Awww!
443
00:17:14,916 --> 00:17:17,833
(Toilet flushes)
- (Breathing hard)
444
00:17:19,666 --> 00:17:21,125
- Are you okay?
445
00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:24,708
- Dr. Bad Guy is totally
gonna kill you
446
00:17:24,708 --> 00:17:27,083
and all your friends,
he just needs just one moment.
447
00:17:27,083 --> 00:17:29,250
Just-he's got it,
just one moment.
448
00:17:29,250 --> 00:17:31,375
- I can be Dr. Bad Guy.
449
00:17:31,375 --> 00:17:32,916
- What?
450
00:17:35,375 --> 00:17:38,208
Oh, Sweetie, no!
No, no, no, ohh!
451
00:17:38,208 --> 00:17:40,583
- Here, it's ginger ale.
452
00:17:40,583 --> 00:17:42,125
It'll make your tummy
feel better.
453
00:17:43,458 --> 00:17:45,125
I love you, Mummy.
454
00:17:45,125 --> 00:17:46,625
- (Laughs)
455
00:17:47,958 --> 00:17:49,833
- I love you, kiddo.
456
00:17:49,833 --> 00:17:52,166
- Now, if you'll excuse me,
457
00:17:52,166 --> 00:17:54,583
my friends and I are
gonna orgy together.
458
00:17:55,916 --> 00:17:57,583
- Nope.
459
00:17:57,583 --> 00:17:59,125
(Retches, vomits)
460
00:17:59,125 --> 00:18:01,333
(Coughs)
461
00:18:01,333 --> 00:18:03,333
Kids: (Chanting) Dr. Bad Guy!
462
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:07,041
Dr. Bad Guy! Dr. Bad Guy!
463
00:18:07,041 --> 00:18:08,666
(Kids shouting and laughing)
464
00:18:08,666 --> 00:18:10,916
Astrid: Kids will bring sickness into your house.
465
00:18:10,916 --> 00:18:13,000
Your family will pass the bug around.
466
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,166
James: Like a bottle of schnapps at a bush bash.
467
00:18:15,166 --> 00:18:17,125
Astrid: We had very different high school experiences.
468
00:18:17,125 --> 00:18:19,708
And when it feels like your body is shutting down,
469
00:18:19,708 --> 00:18:21,791
your kids need you to take care of them,
470
00:18:21,791 --> 00:18:23,875
so no rest for you.
471
00:18:23,875 --> 00:18:25,750
James: But as they grow, they need you less and less.
472
00:18:25,750 --> 00:18:29,041
Which is fantastic, but also sad.
473
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:30,708
Astrid: Hey, no, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
474
00:18:30,708 --> 00:18:32,875
Nobody's moving out just yet. (Laughs)
475
00:18:32,875 --> 00:18:35,083
Still wiping butts around here. (Chuckles)
476
00:18:35,083 --> 00:18:37,333
But yeah. Enjoy being needed while you can.
477
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:39,125
It goes quick.
478
00:18:39,125 --> 00:18:43,416
♪♪♪
479
00:18:43,416 --> 00:18:45,666
(Sirens wail)
- Thank you.
480
00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,375
- Don't worry about it, Bud.
481
00:18:47,375 --> 00:18:49,291
- Yeah, Corey totally jumped
the gun on that 911 call.
482
00:18:49,291 --> 00:18:50,875
I had that napkin fire
under control.
483
00:18:50,875 --> 00:18:52,791
We didn't the- ah, ah,
you're the real hero.
484
00:18:52,791 --> 00:18:54,416
- Thank you so much.
485
00:18:54,416 --> 00:18:56,500
- Should we go hand out
the goodie bags?
486
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:58,375
- Oh yeah, uh, do you want
my help with that, Buddy, or?
487
00:18:58,375 --> 00:19:00,000
- No, I'm okay.
- You...
488
00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:03,083
- Hey guys, do you want
a goodie bag?
489
00:19:03,083 --> 00:19:05,125
- Maybe this new phase
isn't so bad after all.
490
00:19:05,125 --> 00:19:06,333
- Yeah, speak for yourself.
491
00:19:06,333 --> 00:19:08,083
Love you, Felix!
492
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,708
- What happened? Corey!
493
00:19:12,708 --> 00:19:14,250
What happened? Are you okay?
494
00:19:14,250 --> 00:19:15,958
- Mom.
- Oh! Oh! Oh! Ohhh!
495
00:19:17,125 --> 00:19:19,250
What did you do to my son?!
496
00:19:19,250 --> 00:19:21,500
Oh! Stop! Did he have soda?!
497
00:19:23,791 --> 00:19:25,583
- So it's called kava.
K-a-v-a.
498
00:19:25,583 --> 00:19:27,458
- Kava.
- Very good.
499
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:29,541
Now, two tablespoons
of Manuka honey.
500
00:19:29,541 --> 00:19:32,000
- That's from an animal?
Manuka animal?
501
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,875
- No, no, it's a type of honey.
- From the Manu-from a Manuka?
502
00:19:34,875 --> 00:19:37,458
- You can go to the store,
you'll see it says Manuka.
503
00:19:37,458 --> 00:19:39,416
- Okay.
- Okay, one teaspoon
504
00:19:39,416 --> 00:19:41,583
of goji berry extract.
- I mean...
505
00:19:41,583 --> 00:19:43,500
- Not the powder, the extract.
506
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,208
- No, I would never
with the powder.
507
00:19:45,208 --> 00:19:47,125
- Extra virgin... coconut oil.
- Yep, uh, mm-hmm.
508
00:19:47,125 --> 00:19:48,541
- Okay?
- Okay, yep.
509
00:19:48,541 --> 00:19:50,416
That's just an oil from
the coconut, I don't--
510
00:19:50,416 --> 00:19:52,541
- Right, and then I would add
five peppercorns.
511
00:19:52,541 --> 00:19:54,625
- (Sighs)
- Three star of anise.
512
00:19:54,625 --> 00:19:56,750
- I'm not sure we have
the star--
513
00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:59,583
- It's a spice, it's dry.
It's called star anise.
514
00:19:59,583 --> 00:20:01,333
- Hmm? Sure.
- One tablespoon of powdered
515
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:03,125
reishi mushrooms.
- Yep, that's uh, I mean,
516
00:20:03,125 --> 00:20:05,708
okay, if I just take a mushroom
and smash it around, then--
517
00:20:05,708 --> 00:20:07,583
- No, no, it's different,
reishi mushrooms.
518
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,500
- Well, I can powder
a mushroom, I can just--
519
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,416
- Astragalus is also fine if
you can't find powdered reishi.
520
00:20:11,416 --> 00:20:13,333
- I've got a wooden spoon,
I, I'll figure that part out.
521
00:20:13,333 --> 00:20:15,250
- Okay, not dried mushrooms,
it has to be the powdered ones.
522
00:20:15,250 --> 00:20:16,750
- No, I'm just gonna smash
random-I get it.
523
00:20:17,041 --> 00:20:18,875
♪ I love my kids
But kids ruin everything ♪
524
00:20:18,875 --> 00:20:21,583
♪ Everything
Kids ruin everything ♪
525
00:20:21,583 --> 00:20:24,541
♪ I love my kids
But kids ruin everything ♪
526
00:20:24,541 --> 00:20:26,333
♪ Everything
Kids ruin everything ♪
527
00:20:26,333 --> 00:20:28,458
♪ No more sleeping in ♪
528
00:20:28,458 --> 00:20:31,208
♪ I've got kids in my bed ♪
529
00:20:31,208 --> 00:20:34,375
♪ I never knew but now I see ♪
530
00:20:34,375 --> 00:20:37,500
♪ Children ruin everything ♪
531
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:42,708
♪♪♪
532
00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:45,250
♪ I never knew but now I see ♪
533
00:20:45,250 --> 00:20:46,833
♪ I really hate this sh-- ♪
40561
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