Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,743 --> 00:00:05,783
- Max?
- No.
2
00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:08,000
Don't come over here with that
"I'm the boss,
3
00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:09,201
"you're the waitress" look.
4
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:11,674
Cause I could just as easily give you
the "I'm the murderer,
5
00:00:11,794 --> 00:00:13,480
"you're the victim" look.
6
00:00:14,506 --> 00:00:16,356
The muscular woman at table two
7
00:00:16,358 --> 00:00:17,840
is sending her bagel back.
8
00:00:17,842 --> 00:00:19,809
She said she ordered
a plain one.
9
00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:22,195
I'm sorry, did you say
she wanted a multi-grain?
10
00:00:22,197 --> 00:00:22,937
No, plain.
11
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:23,816
Whole grain?
12
00:00:23,936 --> 00:00:24,955
No, plain.
13
00:00:25,075 --> 00:00:26,726
Garlic?
No.
14
00:00:26,846 --> 00:00:28,651
The plain! The plain!
15
00:00:33,124 --> 00:00:34,491
It took me two years,
16
00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:37,076
but I finally got him
to say it.
17
00:00:38,829 --> 00:00:41,047
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
18
00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:48,121
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
19
00:00:59,026 --> 00:01:01,094
Are you telling meyou don't hear that cat?
20
00:01:01,753 --> 00:01:02,820
We have to let it in.
21
00:01:02,821 --> 00:01:04,555
It's clearly a stray,
22
00:01:04,556 --> 00:01:09,360
or this Marine I met last week
at a blood drive.
23
00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:11,996
Last week there was a man
outside our door screaming,
24
00:01:11,997 --> 00:01:13,397
"I've been stabbed,"
25
00:01:13,398 --> 00:01:16,167
and all you did was yell,
"Shut up."
26
00:01:19,004 --> 00:01:23,908
Because he said, "I think
I've been stabbed."
27
00:01:23,909 --> 00:01:26,610
You're either stabbed,
or you're not stabbed, my friend
28
00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:31,515
Listen, it sounds like
the cat's saying hello.
29
00:01:35,620 --> 00:01:38,455
Hello, hello.
30
00:01:40,859 --> 00:01:42,293
Listen, it's talking.
31
00:01:42,294 --> 00:01:45,930
It's saying, "Help.
Can I come in?"
32
00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:47,231
Really?
33
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:48,599
'Cause I think it's saying,
34
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,635
"I'm fine.
Go back to sleep."
35
00:01:53,138 --> 00:01:54,939
Come on, it clearly just said,
36
00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:57,141
"Let me in.
Ignore the blonde.
37
00:01:57,142 --> 00:01:59,210
She's a bitch."
38
00:01:59,211 --> 00:02:01,078
Look, you can't just
let in everything
39
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,947
that shows up at our door
and says hello.
40
00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:04,748
Yeah, I can.
I've done it.
41
00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:06,584
Max, we can't.
42
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,319
We can't become cat ladies.
43
00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,421
And it always starts
out innocently,
44
00:02:10,422 --> 00:02:11,789
rescuing a stray,
45
00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:13,157
but then you have
to get another one
46
00:02:13,158 --> 00:02:14,291
so that they can
entertain each other
47
00:02:14,292 --> 00:02:15,559
while you're at work.
48
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:16,727
And then somewhere
along the line,
49
00:02:16,728 --> 00:02:17,995
four more sneak in,
and you think,
50
00:02:17,996 --> 00:02:19,496
"We're good.
We're cool.
51
00:02:19,497 --> 00:02:21,131
We're the cute girls
with six cats."
52
00:02:21,132 --> 00:02:24,001
And then, one day, there
you are on Animal Cops,
53
00:02:24,002 --> 00:02:27,438
screaming,
"Don't take my babies!
54
00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:31,408
These 27 angels
is all I got!"
55
00:02:33,979 --> 00:02:35,346
That's how it goes, Max.
56
00:02:35,347 --> 00:02:38,315
Once you get one, you get 27.
57
00:02:38,316 --> 00:02:39,416
Not true.
58
00:02:39,417 --> 00:02:40,417
Really?
59
00:02:40,418 --> 00:02:41,418
How many garden gnomes
60
00:02:41,419 --> 00:02:43,320
do you have under your bed?
61
00:02:43,321 --> 00:02:45,689
27.
62
00:02:45,690 --> 00:02:47,258
What?
63
00:02:47,259 --> 00:02:48,259
They understand
I'm only keeping them there
64
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:51,095
until I get a yard.
65
00:02:51,096 --> 00:02:53,264
Come on.
I want a kitty.
66
00:02:53,265 --> 00:02:55,199
Kitty for Max.
Kitty for Max.
67
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,201
Max, we already have a horse.
68
00:02:57,202 --> 00:02:58,702
We can't afford another animal.
69
00:02:58,703 --> 00:02:59,770
We're broke.
70
00:02:59,771 --> 00:03:00,771
Come on.
71
00:03:00,772 --> 00:03:02,373
Chestnut needs a friend.
72
00:03:02,374 --> 00:03:04,375
He is dying to
trash us to someone,
73
00:03:04,376 --> 00:03:05,676
and all he's got is that rat
74
00:03:05,677 --> 00:03:08,345
who is super
self-involved.
75
00:03:09,347 --> 00:03:10,347
Who the hell is that?
76
00:03:10,348 --> 00:03:11,382
It's so late.
77
00:03:11,383 --> 00:03:12,983
It's probably the cat,
78
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:14,318
or the guy who's raping
girls in Brooklyn.
79
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:17,721
Open the door,
and roll the dice.
80
00:03:17,722 --> 00:03:20,090
Oh, please.
81
00:03:23,728 --> 00:03:25,796
Please, somebody tell me
82
00:03:25,797 --> 00:03:29,800
they killed that damn cat.
83
00:03:29,801 --> 00:03:32,636
And where did it learn
how to say hello?
84
00:03:32,637 --> 00:03:33,971
Told you.
85
00:03:33,972 --> 00:03:36,640
It's been keeping
me up all night.
86
00:03:36,641 --> 00:03:39,209
This poor cat has been
crying at our door
87
00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:40,744
every night trying to get in,
88
00:03:40,745 --> 00:03:41,912
trying to get
a little warm milk,
89
00:03:41,913 --> 00:03:43,847
maybe a skosh of tuna.
90
00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:46,984
Max, that's our
dinner tomorrow.
91
00:03:46,985 --> 00:03:48,752
Wait.
Be careful.
92
00:03:48,753 --> 00:03:52,056
A cat is not always a cat.
93
00:03:52,057 --> 00:03:54,825
Oh, please continue.
94
00:03:54,826 --> 00:03:57,995
In Poland, we believe
if you die outside,
95
00:03:57,996 --> 00:04:02,066
you're reincarnated as a cat.
96
00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:03,701
Am I the only one
who thinks Poland
97
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:06,337
sounds like a real freak show?
98
00:04:06,338 --> 00:04:07,938
So never let a cat in,
99
00:04:07,939 --> 00:04:08,939
because it's just a person
100
00:04:08,940 --> 00:04:10,941
that's been reincarnated
101
00:04:10,942 --> 00:04:14,411
and will bring in
all the bad jus.
102
00:04:16,181 --> 00:04:18,415
I think you mean juju.
103
00:04:18,416 --> 00:04:21,051
Oh, do I?
104
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:23,287
Nighty-night.
105
00:04:25,123 --> 00:04:26,757
Look, we just have to put up
with it,
106
00:04:26,758 --> 00:04:28,892
and after a while,
it'll go away on its own.
107
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,461
Go away on its own?
108
00:04:30,462 --> 00:04:32,863
It's a stray cat,
not my father.
109
00:04:32,864 --> 00:04:34,798
Good night, Max.
110
00:04:34,799 --> 00:04:36,700
Fine.
No kitty for Max.
111
00:04:36,701 --> 00:04:37,835
No kitty for Max.
112
00:04:40,805 --> 00:04:44,375
See, Max, I told you
the cat would stop.
113
00:04:44,376 --> 00:04:47,144
Max?
114
00:04:49,381 --> 00:04:50,647
Max.
115
00:04:50,648 --> 00:04:52,649
Can we keep it, ma?
Can we keep it?
116
00:04:57,789 --> 00:04:59,390
Earl, you don't want
a cat, do you?
117
00:04:59,391 --> 00:05:00,824
A cat?
God, no.
118
00:05:00,825 --> 00:05:03,961
Cats steal your weed.
119
00:05:03,962 --> 00:05:05,129
See, Caroline?
120
00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:06,730
Nobody wants the cat.
121
00:05:06,731 --> 00:05:08,399
We're keeping it,
122
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,734
and I think we should start
celebrating right meow.
123
00:05:10,735 --> 00:05:13,170
Max, you didn't even try
to convince him.
124
00:05:13,171 --> 00:05:14,238
Come on, Earl.
125
00:05:14,239 --> 00:05:15,339
Don't you want a cat?
126
00:05:15,340 --> 00:05:17,741
Kitty for Earl.
Kitty for Earl.
127
00:05:17,742 --> 00:05:19,143
I'm too old to have a cat.
128
00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:20,844
I'm about six months away
129
00:05:20,845 --> 00:05:23,080
from crapping in a box myself.
130
00:05:26,418 --> 00:05:28,252
Oleg, how do you
feel about cats?
131
00:05:28,253 --> 00:05:32,990
Loved it.
Saw it nine times on Broadway.
132
00:05:32,991 --> 00:05:34,024
Very clever show,
133
00:05:34,025 --> 00:05:35,659
but a little expensive.
134
00:05:35,660 --> 00:05:39,163
The most I've ever paid
to see a pussy dance.
135
00:05:43,168 --> 00:05:46,537
So far we're keeping the cat.
136
00:05:46,538 --> 00:05:48,172
Hey, Han, do you want a cat?
137
00:05:48,173 --> 00:05:51,008
You could finally have
a friend your own size.
138
00:05:51,009 --> 00:05:53,343
Come on, you could
ride it to work.
139
00:05:53,344 --> 00:05:55,379
No, I can't have a cat.
140
00:05:55,380 --> 00:05:57,147
They're lazy, moody,
and judgmental.
141
00:05:57,148 --> 00:06:01,452
I don't need another you.
142
00:06:01,453 --> 00:06:03,554
Plus, they don't
show affection.
143
00:06:03,555 --> 00:06:05,289
Sure they do.
144
00:06:05,290 --> 00:06:07,024
You just have to know
how to get it out of them.
145
00:06:07,025 --> 00:06:09,293
Cats love to be lightly
spanked on their bottom.
146
00:06:09,294 --> 00:06:12,029
I don't understand why
a cat would like that.
147
00:06:12,030 --> 00:06:14,531
It's so mysterious.
148
00:06:14,532 --> 00:06:16,867
Kitty. Kitty.
Kitty-kitty-kitty.
149
00:06:16,868 --> 00:06:20,504
Kitty. Kitty.
Kitty-kitty-kitty.
150
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,306
Hmm.
151
00:06:22,307 --> 00:06:23,240
Well, I can't have a cat.
152
00:06:23,241 --> 00:06:26,310
I work all the time.
153
00:06:26,311 --> 00:06:29,379
Why did I like that so much?
154
00:06:29,380 --> 00:06:30,747
I don't know.
155
00:06:30,748 --> 00:06:32,483
Something with boobs
was touching you.
156
00:06:32,484 --> 00:06:34,418
People with boobs touch me.
157
00:06:34,419 --> 00:06:36,253
She means aside from your mom.
158
00:06:36,254 --> 00:06:37,754
Then, no.
159
00:06:39,724 --> 00:06:41,859
Well, we've asked
everyone we know,
160
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,727
and now I'm depressed,
because this
161
00:06:43,728 --> 00:06:45,729
is everyone we know.
162
00:06:45,730 --> 00:06:47,264
Let's start asking people
in the diner.
163
00:06:47,265 --> 00:06:48,832
We need to find it
a place to live.
164
00:06:48,833 --> 00:06:50,400
Why?
165
00:06:50,401 --> 00:06:51,735
Why can't it live
right here in my arm
166
00:06:51,736 --> 00:06:55,105
in between my hot and naturals?
167
00:06:55,106 --> 00:06:57,508
Kitty. Kitty.
Kitty-kitty-kitty.
168
00:06:57,509 --> 00:07:00,844
I have to admit, that
does feel kind of good.
169
00:07:00,845 --> 00:07:02,546
Excuse me.
170
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:03,881
I overheard you two
asking people
171
00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:05,282
if they want a cat,
172
00:07:05,283 --> 00:07:08,418
and I'd really love one.
173
00:07:08,419 --> 00:07:10,053
Really?
Well, we have your cat.
174
00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:11,855
Whoa. Whoa.
Not so fast.
175
00:07:11,856 --> 00:07:13,056
I got a couple
of questions first.
176
00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:14,091
Do you smoke?
177
00:07:14,092 --> 00:07:15,092
Yes.
178
00:07:15,093 --> 00:07:16,173
- Drink?
- Yes.
179
00:07:16,286 --> 00:07:17,286
Prescription drugs.
180
00:07:17,287 --> 00:07:18,287
Occasionally.
181
00:07:19,277 --> 00:07:20,086
Forget the cat.
182
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:21,557
Will you take me home?
183
00:07:30,195 --> 00:07:31,762
Kitty, you're gonna
love this lady.
184
00:07:31,763 --> 00:07:34,511
She smokes, drinks,
does prescription drugs,
185
00:07:34,631 --> 00:07:36,634
which we all know means Oxy.
186
00:07:36,635 --> 00:07:37,802
Hi.
187
00:07:37,803 --> 00:07:40,204
Oh, my God.
These she is.
188
00:07:40,205 --> 00:07:43,407
She's purr-fect.
189
00:07:43,408 --> 00:07:46,517
Come in.
Welcome home, you.
190
00:07:46,637 --> 00:07:47,878
See, Max?
It's great.
191
00:07:50,048 --> 00:07:52,583
What the hell is
going on in here?
192
00:07:53,153 --> 00:07:54,453
Look at all these cats
193
00:07:54,454 --> 00:07:55,454
crammed in this little space.
194
00:07:55,455 --> 00:07:56,956
It's so sad.
195
00:07:56,957 --> 00:07:58,624
The only thing missing
is Sarah McLachlan
196
00:07:58,625 --> 00:08:00,826
singing in the corner.
197
00:08:00,827 --> 00:08:01,827
What?
It's fine.
198
00:08:01,828 --> 00:08:02,862
There's not that many.
199
00:08:02,863 --> 00:08:05,531
They're attacking!
200
00:08:05,532 --> 00:08:08,300
Sorry.
He loves blondes.
201
00:08:08,301 --> 00:08:10,403
And apparently pooping
on the carpet.
202
00:08:10,404 --> 00:08:12,705
No, Twinkles, no.
203
00:08:12,706 --> 00:08:14,874
Oh, okay, quick introductions.
204
00:08:14,875 --> 00:08:16,876
That's Bethany,
Radford, Cellars,
205
00:08:16,877 --> 00:08:18,377
Franklin, Eleanor,
206
00:08:18,378 --> 00:08:20,146
Pudding, Mustachio,
Mitzi, Meredith,
207
00:08:20,147 --> 00:08:22,214
Baxter, Bernie.
208
00:08:22,215 --> 00:08:24,483
She remembers
all of their names?
209
00:08:24,484 --> 00:08:26,051
I don't even remember
the name of the guy
210
00:08:26,052 --> 00:08:27,486
I lost my virginity to.
211
00:08:27,487 --> 00:08:29,555
Best I can do
is "Coach" something.
212
00:08:29,556 --> 00:08:31,524
Well, Catherine,
I think it's lovely
213
00:08:31,525 --> 00:08:34,693
that you have such a big,
loving hairy family,
214
00:08:34,694 --> 00:08:37,696
kind of like the Kardashians.
215
00:08:37,697 --> 00:08:40,332
There's only 24.
216
00:08:41,368 --> 00:08:43,402
Oh.
217
00:08:43,403 --> 00:08:46,272
31.
218
00:08:46,273 --> 00:08:48,574
Let's go before one of
these rabid cats bites us
219
00:08:48,575 --> 00:08:50,709
and we become half-human,
half-cat hybrids
220
00:08:50,710 --> 00:08:53,345
who wander the streets
but are never cold.
221
00:08:53,346 --> 00:08:55,181
We're just gonna go have
a little conversation
222
00:08:55,182 --> 00:08:56,348
in the hall.
223
00:08:56,349 --> 00:08:57,850
And F.Y.I.,
the mother looks
224
00:08:57,851 --> 00:08:59,885
like she's eating
the little one.
225
00:08:59,886 --> 00:09:01,854
Just a thought.
226
00:09:01,855 --> 00:09:03,389
I'm only saying that
'cause it's in her mouth.
227
00:09:03,390 --> 00:09:06,125
Mitzi, release!
228
00:09:06,126 --> 00:09:07,126
Let's go!
229
00:09:07,127 --> 00:09:08,194
In less than five minutes,
230
00:09:08,195 --> 00:09:09,595
it went from 24 to 31,
231
00:09:09,596 --> 00:09:10,863
and I saw two cats
in the corner
232
00:09:10,864 --> 00:09:12,565
doing it doggie style,
233
00:09:12,566 --> 00:09:14,767
so in two months, we could
be looking at 50 cats.
234
00:09:14,768 --> 00:09:18,137
Max, you can't get pregnant
doggie style.
235
00:09:18,138 --> 00:09:19,972
Right?
236
00:09:24,244 --> 00:09:25,611
We can't go back in.
237
00:09:25,612 --> 00:09:26,946
There's so much hair in there,
238
00:09:26,947 --> 00:09:30,583
I saw a cat using
a lint roller.
239
00:09:30,584 --> 00:09:32,051
Okay, but if we don't
leave her here,
240
00:09:32,052 --> 00:09:33,385
we only have one other option.
241
00:09:33,386 --> 00:09:35,754
No, Kitty is not
going to a shelter.
242
00:09:35,755 --> 00:09:38,257
Why?
Lots of cats get adopted
243
00:09:38,258 --> 00:09:39,625
and end up in beautiful homes.
244
00:09:39,626 --> 00:09:41,794
Look, I didn't want
to say this,
245
00:09:41,795 --> 00:09:45,064
but she's not pretty enough.
246
00:09:45,065 --> 00:09:46,599
What are you talking about?
247
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,568
She's not pretty enough.
248
00:09:49,569 --> 00:09:53,105
Come on, she doesn't have
classic good looks,
249
00:09:53,106 --> 00:09:55,341
but she's adorkable.
250
00:09:55,342 --> 00:09:56,742
We cannot take her
to a shelter.
251
00:09:56,743 --> 00:09:58,110
She'll die there.
252
00:09:58,111 --> 00:09:59,778
And, yeah, everyone
says they want one
253
00:09:59,779 --> 00:10:01,514
with a nice personality,
254
00:10:01,515 --> 00:10:03,516
but they really just want
a hot, sexy, young kitten
255
00:10:03,517 --> 00:10:05,651
who still gets excited
about balls in her face.
256
00:10:08,989 --> 00:10:10,823
Everything okay, ladies?
257
00:10:10,824 --> 00:10:13,259
No, everything
is far from okay.
258
00:10:13,260 --> 00:10:14,627
My boots are now UGGs,
259
00:10:14,628 --> 00:10:16,662
thanks to all
the cat hair in there.
260
00:10:16,663 --> 00:10:18,664
Ow!
Stop it!
261
00:10:18,665 --> 00:10:20,533
Sorry, that's Gina.
262
00:10:20,534 --> 00:10:22,535
She's bipolar, and she refuses
to take her meds.
263
00:10:22,536 --> 00:10:24,470
Ow! Ow!
Stop it, Gina!
264
00:10:24,471 --> 00:10:25,638
I'm sorry, Catherine.
265
00:10:25,639 --> 00:10:26,639
This isn't gonna work out.
266
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,040
It's nothing personal.
267
00:10:28,041 --> 00:10:29,708
It's just that you're crazy.
268
00:10:29,709 --> 00:10:31,310
Truly, I'm heartbroken.
269
00:10:31,311 --> 00:10:32,811
Ow! Ow!
270
00:10:32,812 --> 00:10:34,547
I already have a name
picked out for her.
271
00:10:34,548 --> 00:10:35,714
Veronica Two.
272
00:10:35,715 --> 00:10:37,449
Ow! Stop it!
273
00:10:37,450 --> 00:10:38,984
Ow! Ow!
274
00:10:38,985 --> 00:10:40,185
I got to go!
275
00:10:40,186 --> 00:10:42,221
Who wants to eat?
276
00:10:43,390 --> 00:10:45,391
Um, just so we all know,
277
00:10:45,392 --> 00:10:48,961
Veronica One committed
suicide, right?
278
00:10:48,962 --> 00:10:51,697
Kitty, we're gonna
find you a nice home.
279
00:10:57,304 --> 00:11:00,739
Want a cat?
280
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:04,143
Free cat?
281
00:11:04,144 --> 00:11:07,680
Want a cat?
282
00:11:07,681 --> 00:11:09,348
You are going to love it here.
283
00:11:09,349 --> 00:11:13,719
Park Slope is like the
Beverly Hills of Brooklyn.
284
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,521
Here comes a good one.
285
00:11:15,522 --> 00:11:18,090
Hey.
Want a cat.
286
00:11:18,091 --> 00:11:19,158
Excuse me?
287
00:11:19,159 --> 00:11:21,860
Cat?
288
00:11:21,861 --> 00:11:24,430
Yeah, I'll take some crack.
289
00:11:24,431 --> 00:11:25,864
She said "cat."
290
00:11:25,865 --> 00:11:28,167
We're looking for
a nice home for a cat.
291
00:11:28,168 --> 00:11:29,268
Oh, so no crack.
292
00:11:29,269 --> 00:11:30,536
No.
293
00:11:30,537 --> 00:11:32,004
Well, why would I want a cat?
294
00:11:32,005 --> 00:11:33,439
I'm a crackhead.
295
00:11:36,676 --> 00:11:37,943
Well, Kitty,
296
00:11:37,944 --> 00:11:39,211
as hard as this is,
297
00:11:39,212 --> 00:11:40,412
I think it's time to let you
298
00:11:40,413 --> 00:11:41,947
back out there into the world.
299
00:11:41,948 --> 00:11:43,716
At least we leave you
in a rich neighborhood;
300
00:11:43,717 --> 00:11:45,451
you'll have a
better shot at life.
301
00:11:45,452 --> 00:11:47,286
Max, you are okay with this?
302
00:11:47,287 --> 00:11:48,854
Well, I was more okay
303
00:11:48,855 --> 00:11:51,323
when I did this with
my cousin's baby.
304
00:11:54,594 --> 00:11:56,662
There you go.
305
00:11:59,633 --> 00:12:01,767
Oh, yeah.
Move him to the next house.
306
00:12:01,768 --> 00:12:03,469
South-facing sun.
Pre-war building.
307
00:12:03,470 --> 00:12:04,703
She'll love it.
308
00:12:04,704 --> 00:12:08,040
There you go.
309
00:12:08,041 --> 00:12:09,608
You live in Park Slope now.
310
00:12:09,609 --> 00:12:11,110
You can adopt an African baby
311
00:12:11,111 --> 00:12:14,046
and wheel it around
in a $900 stroller.
312
00:12:14,047 --> 00:12:17,750
Can you believe
that was my plan "B"?
313
00:12:17,751 --> 00:12:19,718
Run!
Run away.
314
00:12:19,719 --> 00:12:21,987
Go.
315
00:12:21,988 --> 00:12:24,156
Ah, screw it.
She lives here now.
316
00:12:28,395 --> 00:12:29,395
Ooh. Look.
317
00:12:29,396 --> 00:12:30,663
They have a piano.
318
00:12:30,664 --> 00:12:32,464
You can make videos.
319
00:12:32,465 --> 00:12:36,068
You'll be a YouTube star.
320
00:12:36,069 --> 00:12:38,137
Bye, Kitty.
321
00:12:40,073 --> 00:12:42,608
Wow, I'm shocked
you didn't stop me.
322
00:12:42,609 --> 00:12:43,909
Stop you?
323
00:12:43,910 --> 00:12:45,277
If I had known that was option,
324
00:12:45,278 --> 00:12:46,812
I would have had you
stuff me in there.
325
00:12:50,784 --> 00:12:52,518
I wonder what Kitty's doing
326
00:12:52,519 --> 00:12:54,119
in her fancytown house right now.
327
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,455
She's probably snuggling
with an older gay guy
328
00:12:56,456 --> 00:12:57,589
who likes to read.
329
00:12:57,590 --> 00:12:58,924
You know, 'cause gay guys
330
00:12:58,925 --> 00:13:00,626
are the only ones
who still read.
331
00:13:00,627 --> 00:13:02,194
They're probably
on the couch right now
332
00:13:02,195 --> 00:13:05,297
with A Tale of Two Kitties.
333
00:13:05,298 --> 00:13:06,932
I'm proud of us.
334
00:13:06,933 --> 00:13:08,600
We selflessly gave
that cat a better life
335
00:13:08,601 --> 00:13:10,269
than we could ever
afford for ourselves.
336
00:13:10,270 --> 00:13:12,037
Oh, don't try to get in
on that.
337
00:13:12,038 --> 00:13:13,272
I did the right thing.
338
00:13:13,273 --> 00:13:14,673
You tried to leave her
339
00:13:14,674 --> 00:13:17,643
at that crazy lady's
pussy riot.
340
00:13:17,644 --> 00:13:19,478
Hi. Excuse me.
341
00:13:19,479 --> 00:13:21,280
Would it be okay if I put this
flier next to your window?
342
00:13:21,281 --> 00:13:23,382
No.
Sure.
343
00:13:23,383 --> 00:13:25,184
We lost our cat, Jinxy,
like, a week ago
344
00:13:25,185 --> 00:13:26,452
in this neighborhood.
345
00:13:26,453 --> 00:13:28,554
Have you seen her?
346
00:13:28,555 --> 00:13:29,988
No. No.
347
00:13:29,989 --> 00:13:31,323
I haven't seen a cat
in a long time.
348
00:13:31,324 --> 00:13:32,858
I was just saying
to her yesterday,
349
00:13:32,859 --> 00:13:35,627
"I haven't seen a cat
in a long time."
350
00:13:35,628 --> 00:13:38,797
Um, how come you didn't
have a collar on her?
351
00:13:38,798 --> 00:13:40,165
And where's her I.D. tag?
352
00:13:40,166 --> 00:13:42,301
Even my mother had
an I.D. tag on me.
353
00:13:42,302 --> 00:13:45,304
Well, it was
a flea collar, but...
354
00:13:45,305 --> 00:13:47,873
Why did it take you so long
to put the signs up?
355
00:13:47,874 --> 00:13:50,909
Um, what's happening?
356
00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:52,177
Um, here's what's happening:
357
00:13:52,178 --> 00:13:53,412
We are more than happy
358
00:13:53,413 --> 00:13:54,913
to put up this
flier of your cat,
359
00:13:54,914 --> 00:13:56,381
which we have never, ever seen.
360
00:13:56,382 --> 00:13:58,884
I mean, seriously, where
did all the cats go?
361
00:13:58,885 --> 00:14:00,586
Queens?
Staten Island?
362
00:14:00,587 --> 00:14:02,988
'Cause they're not
in this neighborhood.
363
00:14:02,989 --> 00:14:04,590
Okay.
364
00:14:04,591 --> 00:14:08,093
This was weird.
365
00:14:08,094 --> 00:14:10,729
Is there any way
this cat isn't Kitty?
366
00:14:10,730 --> 00:14:12,030
Nope, that's her.
367
00:14:12,031 --> 00:14:14,166
Same green eyes,
same notch in the ear.
368
00:14:14,167 --> 00:14:16,602
Hello.
Hello.
369
00:14:16,603 --> 00:14:19,338
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
370
00:14:19,339 --> 00:14:21,240
Hey, girls.
What's shaking?
371
00:14:21,241 --> 00:14:25,344
Not me, 'cause I'm all held in.
372
00:14:25,345 --> 00:14:26,712
Sorry, Sophie,
the cupcake window
373
00:14:26,713 --> 00:14:28,113
isn't open during the day.
374
00:14:28,114 --> 00:14:29,548
I don't need your life story.
375
00:14:29,549 --> 00:14:32,618
I just need a damn cupcake.
376
00:14:32,619 --> 00:14:34,052
Sophie, do you
remember that cat
377
00:14:34,053 --> 00:14:35,687
that was crying outside
our building?
378
00:14:35,688 --> 00:14:38,090
Yeah, you put it down?
379
00:14:38,091 --> 00:14:39,391
We thought it was a stray,
380
00:14:39,392 --> 00:14:40,626
so we tried to find
a home for it,
381
00:14:40,627 --> 00:14:41,927
but couldn't.
382
00:14:41,928 --> 00:14:43,862
So you put it down.
383
00:14:43,863 --> 00:14:45,264
No.
384
00:14:45,265 --> 00:14:47,299
We left it in a really
nice neighborhood.
385
00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:50,369
Oh, so a rich person
put it down?
386
00:14:50,370 --> 00:14:52,571
It turns out it
wasn't a stray at all.
387
00:14:52,572 --> 00:14:53,872
We just met its owner.
388
00:14:53,873 --> 00:14:56,141
This is the cat, Sophie.
389
00:14:56,142 --> 00:14:57,643
Her name's Jinxy.
390
00:14:57,644 --> 00:14:59,478
Oh, wait a minute.
391
00:14:59,479 --> 00:15:02,314
Wait a minute.
392
00:15:02,315 --> 00:15:03,982
You remember how I told you
393
00:15:03,983 --> 00:15:05,584
that if you die outside
in Poland,
394
00:15:05,585 --> 00:15:07,386
you come back as a cat?
395
00:15:07,387 --> 00:15:09,388
Yeah, that's kind of
hard to forget.
396
00:15:09,389 --> 00:15:13,292
That's not Jinxy.
That's my friend Nancy.
397
00:15:16,062 --> 00:15:17,062
Look at her.
398
00:15:17,063 --> 00:15:18,630
Same green eyes,
399
00:15:18,631 --> 00:15:20,065
same notch in the ear.
400
00:15:20,066 --> 00:15:22,234
Same whiskers.
401
00:15:22,235 --> 00:15:23,769
I don't think that
this is Nancy.
402
00:15:23,770 --> 00:15:24,970
Oh, yes.
403
00:15:24,971 --> 00:15:27,105
She and I got in a big fight
404
00:15:27,106 --> 00:15:29,675
and how she's come back
to haunt me.
405
00:15:29,676 --> 00:15:32,811
She died waiting for
an apology from me,
406
00:15:32,812 --> 00:15:34,646
and now she's back.
407
00:15:34,647 --> 00:15:36,648
Guess what.
408
00:15:36,649 --> 00:15:39,651
She's not gonna get it.
409
00:15:50,255 --> 00:15:53,339
Jinxy!
Jinxy!
410
00:15:53,459 --> 00:15:55,460
Jinxy, come on, girl.
411
00:15:55,461 --> 00:15:57,028
Look, I said on the phone,
412
00:15:57,029 --> 00:15:59,897
this area is where we
randomly spotted her.
413
00:15:59,898 --> 00:16:02,633
I wonder how Jinxy got
all the way to Park Slope.
414
00:16:02,634 --> 00:16:04,335
Just wait.
She's here, I promise.
415
00:16:04,336 --> 00:16:05,737
Jinxy!
416
00:16:05,738 --> 00:16:07,572
Jinxy!
417
00:16:07,573 --> 00:16:09,307
Nancy.
418
00:16:10,709 --> 00:16:12,477
Nancy!
Nancy!
419
00:16:12,478 --> 00:16:14,078
Nancy!
Nancy!
420
00:16:14,079 --> 00:16:16,514
Come on, Nancy!
421
00:16:16,515 --> 00:16:19,016
Nancy, it's Sophie!
422
00:16:19,017 --> 00:16:22,653
I'm here to apologize!
423
00:16:22,654 --> 00:16:25,056
Um, what's happening?
424
00:16:26,592 --> 00:16:28,159
Oh, my God.
It's Nancy.
425
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:29,327
I mean, Jinxy.
426
00:16:29,328 --> 00:16:31,529
I mean, Kitty.
427
00:16:31,530 --> 00:16:33,331
Ooh...
428
00:16:33,332 --> 00:16:35,767
Hello.
Hello.
429
00:16:35,768 --> 00:16:38,002
Hi, baby.
430
00:16:38,003 --> 00:16:40,505
Kitty, kitty.
Kitty-kitty-kitty.
431
00:16:40,506 --> 00:16:41,739
What she's doing, they like it.
432
00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:43,574
I know, because I liked it.
433
00:16:43,575 --> 00:16:45,243
Anyway, we found your cat.
434
00:16:45,244 --> 00:16:46,744
Isn't that great?
435
00:16:46,745 --> 00:16:49,080
Actually, she's
my boyfriend's cat.
436
00:16:49,081 --> 00:16:50,615
I'm keeping her.
437
00:16:50,616 --> 00:16:52,517
Max, just close your
eyes and look away,
438
00:16:52,518 --> 00:16:54,118
like you do whenever
those people ask you
439
00:16:54,119 --> 00:16:56,087
if you have a minute
to save the earth.
440
00:16:59,391 --> 00:17:00,725
Just stick it in here.
441
00:17:00,726 --> 00:17:02,427
"Just stick it in here"?
442
00:17:02,428 --> 00:17:04,796
That's what I say when
my hand gets tired.
443
00:17:17,309 --> 00:17:20,178
Maxy. Maxy.
444
00:17:21,380 --> 00:17:23,181
Maxy, Maxy, Maxy.
445
00:17:36,261 --> 00:17:40,164
Now do me.
446
00:17:40,165 --> 00:17:42,300
First of all,
447
00:17:42,301 --> 00:17:46,070
I own the diner now.
448
00:17:46,071 --> 00:17:50,141
Secondly, don't ever
do that again.
449
00:17:50,142 --> 00:17:54,445
I guess I'll just
have to spank myself.
450
00:17:54,446 --> 00:17:56,881
No surprise there.
451
00:17:59,017 --> 00:18:00,485
I hope you're happy.
452
00:18:00,486 --> 00:18:02,320
I found Jinxy's owners
on Facebook.
453
00:18:02,321 --> 00:18:03,621
Not one pic of Kitty,
454
00:18:03,622 --> 00:18:04,789
not even a status update
455
00:18:04,790 --> 00:18:05,957
saying,
"We found our cat."
456
00:18:05,958 --> 00:18:07,325
But she is more than willing
457
00:18:07,326 --> 00:18:08,993
to talk about her
reverse French manicure
458
00:18:08,994 --> 00:18:10,595
and posts pictures of a meal
459
00:18:10,596 --> 00:18:12,864
I know she's gonna make
herself throw up later.
460
00:18:12,865 --> 00:18:14,432
Come on, Max.
461
00:18:14,433 --> 00:18:16,634
There's got to be
one photo of Kitty.
462
00:18:16,635 --> 00:18:17,702
Oh, wow.
463
00:18:17,703 --> 00:18:18,970
You found one?
464
00:18:18,971 --> 00:18:21,005
No, that manicure is heaven.
465
00:18:21,006 --> 00:18:22,640
Max, photos or not,
466
00:18:22,641 --> 00:18:24,208
we need to focus on the fact
467
00:18:24,209 --> 00:18:26,210
that the cat is back with
the guy who loves her.
468
00:18:26,211 --> 00:18:27,278
The guy who loves her?
469
00:18:27,279 --> 00:18:28,980
He doesn't love Kitty.
470
00:18:28,981 --> 00:18:30,448
If he did, why aren't
there any pictures of her
471
00:18:30,449 --> 00:18:31,883
at his first wedding?
472
00:18:31,884 --> 00:18:34,352
What, he couldn't spring
for a cat tuxedo?
473
00:18:34,353 --> 00:18:36,521
They're, like, 20 bucks.
474
00:18:36,522 --> 00:18:39,357
I know because I have one
on my garden gnome.
475
00:18:39,358 --> 00:18:41,158
This is not a loving home.
476
00:18:41,159 --> 00:18:42,493
Pics, or it didn't happen.
477
00:18:42,494 --> 00:18:44,128
Okay, Max.
Okay, just say it.
478
00:18:44,129 --> 00:18:45,696
I put the cat
in an abusive home.
479
00:18:45,697 --> 00:18:47,532
You put the cat
in an abusive home.
480
00:18:52,704 --> 00:18:55,139
I have a gift for you.
481
00:18:56,808 --> 00:18:59,210
No way!
No way!
482
00:18:59,211 --> 00:19:01,178
Oh, yeah, it's Jinxy.
483
00:19:01,179 --> 00:19:03,814
It's Nancy.
Jinxy was her slave name.
484
00:19:05,851 --> 00:19:08,419
Oh, Nancy, I missed you.
485
00:19:08,420 --> 00:19:10,521
I missed you so much.
486
00:19:10,522 --> 00:19:12,924
What did you do?
How did you get her?
487
00:19:12,925 --> 00:19:14,659
Well, it was
really complicated.
488
00:19:14,660 --> 00:19:16,193
I went to their apartment,
and I said,
489
00:19:16,194 --> 00:19:17,695
"You don't love that cat,"
490
00:19:17,696 --> 00:19:19,931
and they said,
"You're right. Take it."
491
00:19:21,533 --> 00:19:23,100
Oh, my God!
492
00:19:23,101 --> 00:19:26,437
Is this what happiness
feels like?
493
00:19:26,438 --> 00:19:28,673
So what made you
change your mind?
494
00:19:28,674 --> 00:19:31,375
Because two years ago
I was outside your door,
495
00:19:31,376 --> 00:19:35,846
saying,
"Hello. Hello."
496
00:19:35,847 --> 00:19:38,449
And you let me in,
and it changed my life.
497
00:19:38,450 --> 00:19:39,917
That's kind of different,
though,
498
00:19:39,918 --> 00:19:41,385
because I didn't want
to let you in,
499
00:19:41,386 --> 00:19:44,388
and I did want to let
the cat in.
500
00:19:44,389 --> 00:19:46,023
But you did let me in.
501
00:19:46,024 --> 00:19:47,625
You let me in,
and you gave me food
502
00:19:47,626 --> 00:19:49,226
and shelter and love.
503
00:19:49,227 --> 00:19:52,196
Not the way I wanted
to give to the cat.
504
00:19:52,197 --> 00:19:54,198
Max, are you trying
to equate a person's love
505
00:19:54,199 --> 00:19:55,199
with a cat's love?
506
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:56,200
Not really.
507
00:19:56,201 --> 00:19:58,102
A cat's love is eternal.
508
00:19:58,103 --> 00:19:59,870
Hey, girls.
509
00:19:59,871 --> 00:20:02,206
I'm heading over to
the bodega salad bar.
510
00:20:02,207 --> 00:20:04,241
They just added hot ribs
and a sneeze guard.
511
00:20:04,242 --> 00:20:06,577
You need anything?
512
00:20:06,578 --> 00:20:08,479
Sophie, we got the cat back.
513
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,948
She was in a house
where she wasn't wanted.
514
00:20:10,949 --> 00:20:12,216
Oh, yeah.
515
00:20:12,217 --> 00:20:14,986
That is so Nancy.
516
00:20:16,955 --> 00:20:19,223
Sophie, do you want
to see the cat?
517
00:20:19,224 --> 00:20:22,193
She's in the apartment?
518
00:20:24,963 --> 00:20:27,431
No, no, no.
519
00:20:27,432 --> 00:20:28,599
No, no.
520
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,267
I can't see her right now!
521
00:20:30,268 --> 00:20:32,403
It's too much!
522
00:20:32,404 --> 00:20:34,772
I'm happy for you, Nancy!
523
00:20:34,773 --> 00:20:36,741
But I can't do this right now!
524
00:20:44,583 --> 00:20:46,484
Wait, where did the cat go?
525
00:20:46,485 --> 00:20:48,252
Oh, no, Chestnut.
526
00:20:48,253 --> 00:20:49,754
I left the back door open.
527
00:20:53,692 --> 00:20:55,926
Oh, my God.
Look.
528
00:20:55,927 --> 00:20:57,795
She's on top of Chestnut.
529
00:20:57,796 --> 00:20:59,664
They like each other.
530
00:20:59,665 --> 00:21:00,665
Why wouldn't they?
531
00:21:00,666 --> 00:21:01,699
She's a foxy redhead,
532
00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:04,035
and he's a stud.
533
00:21:04,036 --> 00:21:05,703
You did the right thing.
534
00:21:05,704 --> 00:21:08,039
Kitty, kitty.
Kitty-kitty-kitty.
535
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,274
Why do I like that so much?
536
00:21:10,275 --> 00:21:12,777
'Cause something with boobs
is touching you?
537
00:21:13,401 --> 00:21:18,267
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
36004
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof