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This programme contains very
strong language and adult humour.
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The year of our Lord 1645.
England is on its knees.
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A kingdom blighted by civil war,
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plague,
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but most of all,
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witchery.
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Yet God has sent forth a breed
of man to hold these wretches
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to the cleansing fires of justice.
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Witchfinder!
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Yes, I'm the Witchfinder,
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here to tell the true tale
of a wretch called Elizabeth Snell.
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She worshipped the devil,
got down on her knees,
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and used his dark powers
to murder her niece.
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Hang her!
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Hang her!
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Can't hear you!
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Hang her!!
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That's better!
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Her windpipe gives way,
the neck starts to crack.
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The weight of her body
fractures her back.
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CHEERING
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Her eyes start to bulge,
her bowels open wide,
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the last meal she had
is no longer inside.
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Oh, I didn't know they
shat themselves.
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For women like Elizabeth
are easily led.
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She was an only child who never wed,
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and if there are
no further questions...
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I've got a question.
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What?
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I thought you said
she murdered her niece.
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Yes... If she was an only child,
how did she even have a niece?
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Oh, for God's sake.
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Well, he said if anyone's
got any questions...
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The Witchfinder is meant
for the children.
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If you had any respect,
you'd shut your mouth.
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You know that's not Witchfinder.
That is a man in a tent.
37
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Well, don't ruin it!
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Is it really a man in a tent?
Oh, well done!
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It's not a tent. It's a booth!
40
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:20,679
What is wrong with you?
41
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Why not let it go?
42
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,399
I'm just interested. Yeah, well,
you would be, wouldn't you?
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And what's that supposed to mean?!
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Witches!!
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They've found a coven of witches!!
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SHOUTING
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Hey! I've not passed the hat round!
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What about the...?
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Oh, hello.
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SINGING
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♪ Write them on
the wishing wall... ♪
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♪ If you be a man of
old world... fame
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♪ Then tell me
all their father's names
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♪ Of the well below the valley
55
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♪ Green grow the lilies... ♪
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Now, that's a lovely hat.
57
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,000
With genuinely lovely, um...
58
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..I want to say angles.
59
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It's by Charles Booth of London.
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Of course it is.
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One can't skimp on a hat.
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It's very much the, um,
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shoe of the head. The, er...
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00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:28,679
..the glove of the, um...
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..head again.
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It's classic Booth, is what it is.
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Would you mind
if I took it for a stroll?
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00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:38,400
A stroll? Just four minutes.
Just, er, see how she wears.
69
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,239
We've got five minutes. Four!
Thank you!
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Fuck off. I just don't
see the need for this.
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We are talking about
a whole coven.
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Four witches
and a pact with the devil.
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You think the magistrate's going
to employ me with my old hat?!
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The brim droops
like a dog's tongue.
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I like dogs.
76
00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,119
I like dogs!
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I just don't want their tongue
slapping against my forehead.
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OK, there he is. Ready?
79
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:06,239
Ready?
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00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,799
Yes... Yes, I'm ready, Gideon!
81
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:09,919
Oh! Little curtsy?
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Goodbye.
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Good Lord.
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MUTTERS TO HIMSELF
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LOUD COUGH
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Good Lord! Magistrate!
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I'm so sorry. Forgive my haste.
88
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I will, of course, have my
book-keeper reimburse you
89
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,159
for any crumpling to your garments.
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00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:40,599
You have a book-keeper?!
I have a book-keeper, yes!
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00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,839
For all the work that's come in
since I last saw you.
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00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:44,399
Still, good day.
93
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,319
Something you wanted?
94
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:47,959
Oh, no. No, no.
95
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,039
Just passing through.
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00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:51,759
I'm on my way to Snetterton
to question a suspected witch.
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Is it Snetterton...?
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00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,839
Constantin on the Monday
for the trial,
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00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,719
then off to Norwich
for the possessed chorister,
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00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,679
so yes, Snetterton. Snetterton, as
a favour to the magistrate, really.
101
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,879
He's worried that witchery running
amok will reflect badly upon him.
102
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The last thing a magistrate needs
is panic spreading around the town
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like the pox.
104
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,919
For God's sake, Mr Bannister.
Is that what this is?
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Hmm? You grubbing for work?
106
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No! Work?!
107
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Ha-ha! I already explained.
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I'm on my way to Snetterton.
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Yes. Snetterton's that way.
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From over there.
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Honestly.
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00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,319
If I wanted to investigate
the coven, don't you think
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I'd come round and ask?
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No, because you've been told
to not come round and ask,
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00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,119
and this is your way of dangling
yourself in front of me
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00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:34,279
without doing that. Popping out
on some prearranged signal!
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00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:35,640
The woman has a cough!
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- If I needed...
- SHE COUGHS
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Jesus wept.
120
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If I needed a witchfinder,
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there's plenty of them around.
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Fine!
123
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:50,159
I don't have a book-keeper
and this is...
124
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..a borrowed hat. It's borrowed hat,
yes, which I may ultimately buy.
125
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,799
But what I do have is knowledge,
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expertise,
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and, quite frankly, balls.
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Two of them. Massive.
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Enough to tackle the gravest
cases of witchery, like your coven.
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Oh, well, I've no coven for you.
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But...
132
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But I do have one thorny case
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if you think you and your balls
can handle it.
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00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:21,000
Oh, the three of us will
be just fine, I'm sure.
135
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:23,239
What's this?
136
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This is the victim.
137
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It's a pig.
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A pig killed by sorcery.
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You should have heard him.
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00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,119
He said I was the town's
pre-eminent witchfinder.
141
00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,999
What, you are?! Trusted
with the gravest witchery.
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SHE SQUEALS
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Decorum, decorum, decorum.
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And he said there were a couple
of rooms at the tavern
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waiting for us -
just say his name.
146
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:40,879
Mr Topcliffe.
147
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To the landlady. Oh!
Wouldn't be to me, would it?
148
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Oh! Decorum, decorum.
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Do you remember when you used
to ride that little pig
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00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,239
in the village? Genevieve.
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00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,800
Vaguely. Had a heart attack,
didn't she? All right, all right.
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May God have mercy on her soul.
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There weren't enough for you.
154
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,359
Oh, don't apologise, master.
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Don't think I did. Oh, and, er...
156
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:30,999
Yes, Master? Oh...
157
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,880
Watch out for that shit.
Thank you, Master.
158
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,199
I said I'll trim your beard.
It's what you pay me for.
159
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,239
It's actually not
what I pay you for.
160
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Last time you did it,
you gave it corners.
161
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,839
It's Hebble!
Come away from the window!
162
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Oh, let him see.
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Your beard's looking full.
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At least he can grow one!
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Great to see you, Mr Hebble.
166
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,679
You here to lobby
for this coven job?
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00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,359
There is no coven job.
Yours was a wasted journey.
168
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Then why take a room?
169
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Oh, nothing much.
170
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Just being offered another job.
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I'm delighted for you.
What is it this time?
172
00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:03,679
Someone else cursed with eczema?
173
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,399
A goat that cries like a baby?
174
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,959
Remember that fruit picker
who had a demon in his hedge?
175
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There wasn't a demon in his hedge.
176
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You'd know. You interrogated it.
To rule it out.
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How's my work going?
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I don't remember asking you that.
Good question.
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Which I didn't ask.
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Fucking well. You probably heard
about the three witches I convicted
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near Mattishall for destroying
a village in a mudslide.
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I've been awarded
the freedom of Girton.
183
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:26,239
Oh, the freedom of Girton! Wow-ee!
What does that entail?
184
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:30,199
Is there a fenced-off bit that the
rest of us aren't allowed into? No.
185
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,759
So identical to NOT having
the freedom of Girton then.
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You must be thrilled.
187
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HE CHUCKLES
188
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Is there something else.
189
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No.
190
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Do feel free to go!
191
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I will.
192
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And yet you haven't.
193
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Just enjoying the town.
194
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:51,920
Toss pot.
195
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SHOUTING
196
00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:56,919
Yes! The baying mob. Oh, lovely.
197
00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:59,159
What is baying?
198
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,359
Um... It's just something mobs do.
199
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:02,560
Egg.
200
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:07,919
Right.
201
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,679
We pray for protection against
the wickedness and sins
202
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,479
of the devil. May God rebuke him.
203
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,079
We pray for protection against the
wickedness and sins...
204
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,560
DOOR CREAKS OPEN
205
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Yup.
206
00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,480
Thank you.
207
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:29,200
It's like that, is it?
208
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,280
I see women like you...
209
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..all the time.
210
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,319
Hard, impenetrable,
211
00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:40,839
revealing none of what's inside.
212
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:44,560
But then I set to work
and all of a sudden...
213
00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:49,159
Oh, look. She's broken.
214
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,119
And it all comes out.
215
00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:52,959
I fucking told you!
216
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,359
Oh, I see.
217
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:55,719
I'm so sorry.
218
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:56,879
I thought you were...
219
00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:58,719
I thought she was...
220
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,279
I've done nothing! Silence!
221
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,879
Do you have to be that close?
Your dick is in my armpit.
222
00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:05,599
My dick is not in her armpit.
Some of it is.
223
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,639
It's not love, I wouldn't.
Careful! Don't goad the witch!
224
00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:08,839
I'm not a witch!
225
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,159
Tell that to my pig!
I never wanted him to die.
226
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,759
And how are you planning on getting
the pork out? Shit bacon, does he?
227
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,719
You have the devil in you, lady!
228
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:17,679
Contrary, idle...
229
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:18,839
And why does she live alone?!
230
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,599
What sort of woman
remains unmarried?
231
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,919
Lots of women are unmarried.
Your sister's unmarried!
232
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,959
She's not unmarried
the way you're unmarried.
233
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,999
There's something not right
about the way you're unmarried.
234
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,799
I agree, actually...
Oh, fuck off, Anne.
235
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,319
I swear to God, I will hit you...
236
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,400
Put the jug down.
237
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:37,279
No-one leaves this room
without my express permission.
238
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:40,999
Old Myers will now bag the suspect's
possessions as evidence while I...
239
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,159
Sorry, who are you?
I'm the witchfinder.
240
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,679
Oh, finally! You know, they
said a witchfinder was coming
241
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:47,839
and I thought,
"Do you know what? Good.
242
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,959
"Someone with half a brain
to sort this out."
243
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,879
I said, "As long as he knows what
he's going on about, then that's
great."
244
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,599
As long as I... know what you're
going on about, then that's great.
245
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,079
I do know what I'm going on about.
Then that's great.
246
00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:01,439
My name is Gideon Bannister.
247
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,840
Some of you may have heard the name.
248
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:10,199
That's a no. My job is to determine
whether the suspect,
249
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,359
one, Thomasine Gooch,
250
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:15,479
has pledged herself to the devil.
251
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:20,639
Because let me tell you,
I see women like you all the time.
252
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,239
Hard.
253
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:23,439
Impenetrable...
254
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,239
Another egg? No, cheers.
255
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,519
But then I set to work...
Another egg?
256
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:28,879
So that's your egg on the floor?
257
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,039
Well, regardless of that, I'm...
Never mind regardless,
258
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,519
you just dropped egg on my floor.
259
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,239
Can we please get back
to talking about
260
00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:36,359
the maleficium
that you're accused of?
261
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,999
I think we should, yeah. Yeah,
I think we should, too, yeah.
262
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,399
After you've picked up that egg.
263
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,639
Myers, clear it up.
She didn't drop the egg.
264
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:44,559
Look, you have two options here.
265
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,119
The first is you just admit
to the crime and we move on...
266
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,479
Look, I want to work with you,
you want to work with me...
267
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:52,399
The one that we don't want to do
really, if we can avoid it...
268
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,879
..pick up the egg.
..would be to start stalling
269
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,159
so that I have to use more and
more imaginative means
270
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,359
trying to squeeze the confession out
of you... I want to work with you.
271
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,959
Do you see that?
So which course do you want to take?
272
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,479
Which course? I can see it there.
273
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,440
THEY STOP TALKING SIMULTANEOUSLY
274
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,920
Now... Some there. OK.
275
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:19,839
Right, now,
276
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:21,719
you can see, if you ask around,
277
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:25,399
there really is nothing to it. Yes,
well, there's not nothing to it,
278
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:26,919
is there? Her pig's dead.
279
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,079
It was like 100.
280
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,399
And then we have
your ungodly behaviour,
281
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:31,999
your repellent character.
282
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,919
I like a drink. Yes, and this
is before we even discuss
283
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,679
Brown Peter... My chicken.
284
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:37,799
Your imp!
285
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:41,239
Witnesses saw a demon
in animal form
286
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,879
approaching your dwelling
to suckle at your teat!
287
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:48,079
Be gone foul creature!
In Christ's name be gone!
288
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:49,399
It's a chicken.
289
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:50,439
Oh! Myers?
290
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:55,199
"The beast strode to the door
with a purposeful gait."
291
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,239
That's how they walk.
They don't stroll around whistling.
292
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,799
Then one wonders how this
whole thing has arisen.
293
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:05,399
Know what you could do instead
of wondering? Ask something.
294
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,159
Yeah, you'd love that, wouldn't you?
295
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,919
Always twisting and pulling at
things with unnecessary questions.
296
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:12,479
It's a necessary question.
297
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:13,919
Do I have a plough behind me?
298
00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:15,519
Are you done with that chicken?
299
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:16,639
Do I have a lump?
300
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,599
I thought witchfinders
were meant to ask questions.
301
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:19,799
You're just saying stuff.
302
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,679
That witchfinder looking into the
coven, he asked loads of questions.
303
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,759
Well, for your information,
there is no coven.
304
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:26,879
For your information,
there is a coven.
305
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:27,999
I thought there was, yeah.
306
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,479
Then why would your magistrate
307
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,319
specifically tell me
there is no coven?
308
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,719
Well, maybe he didn't
want to give you the work
309
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:37,000
because he didn't want to give you
anything serious.
310
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:44,600
Fucking hell.
311
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,240
Is it not true...
312
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,679
..that you did enter into a pact
with these women
313
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:57,519
to do the devil's bidding?!
314
00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:58,799
The devil!
315
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:02,239
That you convened a sabbot
316
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,919
and together put a pox
upon the fairest children?
317
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:08,040
God rest their souls.
318
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:12,399
It is clear to me
that you have allowed the...
319
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:16,599
You look like the cat who's watching
the other cat get the cream.
320
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,359
A real sour puss.
321
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:19,919
Fuck off.
322
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,399
Excuse me.
323
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,920
..and who sealed this pact...
324
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,560
Did you not lie with Satan...
325
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:30,959
..Connolly?
326
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,599
CROWD GASPS
327
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:37,519
Did you not lie
with Satan Connolly?!
328
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:38,999
Simple question, love.
329
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,199
Did you fuck the devil?
330
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,479
I did.
331
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,679
I did!
332
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:47,279
Two words that are truly damning.
333
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,680
Two words that point to one word.
334
00:13:55,960 --> 00:14:00,599
Witch!
335
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,760
CROWD SHOUTS AND CHANTS
336
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,879
Oh! He's good, isn't he?
337
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:10,559
Yeah, fantastic. He's good!
338
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:12,959
You know, different from you.
Different.
339
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,479
He is different. Not better,
not better, just different.
340
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,559
You wouldn't want this case,
though, would you?
341
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:19,039
Three dead kids.
342
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,040
I would bloody love three dead kids!
343
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,719
I'd love three dead kids.
344
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,959
Some proper witchcraft!
345
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:30,519
Rather than this "he said, she said"
domestic quarrels,
346
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:34,599
while all the best work
goes to this bellowing ape.
347
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:35,879
I like apes.
348
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:36,999
I like apes!
349
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,719
I just don't like them
nicking my bloody work. Mm.
350
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:40,999
Topcliffe.
351
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,239
Excuse me.
352
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,559
You said there was no coven.
353
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,359
Those were your exact words.
354
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:47,999
No, no. My exact words were...
355
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,919
"There's no coven for you".
356
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,359
That's cute.
357
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:54,399
Come on. Everyone has their level.
358
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,639
Look, if you think
I'm going to ask John Stern,
359
00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,599
one of the most respected
witchfinders in the country,
360
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,199
who happens to be passing
through town
361
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,479
and offers us his assistance...
John Stern?
362
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,119
That man was John Stern?!
363
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,919
But he's the right hand man
to Matthew Hopkins,
364
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:10,440
the Witchfinder General.
365
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,159
Is there something you wanted?
366
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,679
Me? Yes.
367
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:18,360
No, no. Just thinking about
the Witchfinder General.
368
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,959
RAUCOUS LAUGHTER
369
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:28,440
And because they were twins,
you couldn't tell which was which!
370
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,519
There you go, boys.
371
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:34,359
Yeah, another bowl of cherries
for the table.
372
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:35,879
You've not paid for these yet.
373
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:38,119
Paid?! This is John Stern.
374
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,159
Is that supposed to mean
something to me?
375
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:41,320
Well, let's see.
376
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:45,039
Does your daughter
mean anything to you?
377
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,119
What?
378
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,559
Your daughter. The one
who sneaks off every night
379
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,719
to fetch off the devil? My daughter?
380
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,159
Fetching of the devil?
381
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,559
Who's saying that...?
Well, I did and you just have,
382
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:55,679
so that's two already.
383
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:58,560
I only said it... See how quickly
these things catch fire?
384
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,919
That's how quickly your
daughter's hair will catch fire
385
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,199
when I have her burned as a witch.
386
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,160
I'll get your cherries.
387
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,279
I hate having to do that,
but it's just quicker.
388
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:12,879
LAUGHTER
389
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,999
Sorry, you were saying
about scripture...
390
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,639
Ah, now. It's important.
I could quote scripture.
391
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:18,919
I could say,
392
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:24,039
"A woman that hath a familiar spirit
shall surely be put to death."
393
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:28,879
Now, some witchfinders will be able
to tell you the chapter and verse...
394
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:30,399
Leviticus 20:27.
395
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,879
..whereas others, like me,
like Matthew -
396
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,119
that ilk - we're not bothered. No.
397
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,839
We're more focused
on the bigger picture.
398
00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,359
Who cares? Yes, might not
be Chapter 20 in the end.
399
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:41,799
It might not be Chapter 20.
400
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,559
I'm not sure.
Not sure about what?
401
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,879
Well, which one - what he was
saying about the bigger picture.
402
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,079
You need to... In fact,
I'll talk to him.
403
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:53,039
I have to say, I have written
a witchfinding pamphlet myself,
404
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:54,719
which I've got here.
405
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:56,239
I'll just find a seat.
406
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:59,439
It is called
"An Observation of the Study
407
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,239
"of the Nature of the
Foulness of witches".
408
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,919
Maybe one too many "of the" there,
but my plan is...
409
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:06,759
You're in my seat. Off I go. Lovely.
410
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:08,359
Happy to stand. Love standing.
411
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:11,519
Now. My name is Gideon Bannister.
412
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:14,079
I loved...
413
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,359
..loved your prosecuting earlier.
414
00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:17,799
Some lovely scripture.
415
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,159
Lovely scripture.
Crowd in the palm of your hands.
416
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:21,959
Fantastic peppering of Latin...
417
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,519
And a little tonic
for loosening the tongue.
418
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,599
Red Cap mushroom, crushed and dried.
419
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:27,999
GIDEON LAUGHS
420
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,519
You will excuse Mr Hebble.
421
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,639
You might have to resort
to the use of intoxicants
422
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,119
to secure a conviction,
423
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,199
but witchfinders like John and me
424
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:41,679
prefer to rely on scriptures,
scruples and scrutiny.
425
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:43,639
The three "scrus".
426
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,639
And I believe, if I'm not wrong,
427
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,039
that belongs to you.
428
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,919
And apologies for that.
429
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,199
Now, if you'll excuse us, Mr Hebble,
430
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,479
John and me are talking about
my witchfinding pamphlet...
431
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,519
That's the second time
you've said "John and me".
432
00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:58,880
There is no "John and me".
433
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,359
It's not like
you're a proper witchfinder.
434
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:06,919
Well, I am a witchfinder.
435
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,079
Because you have
a witchfinder's hat?
436
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:10,759
And the cloak?
437
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,679
Put a scarecrow
in a farmer's hat and coat,
438
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,080
does that make it a farmer?
439
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,079
I'm engaged in a case
across the square.
440
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,959
Oh. Let me know
if it comes to trial.
441
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,959
I'm sure Mr Hopkins will be keen
to hear of a good new witchfinder.
442
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:26,039
Tomorrow morning.
443
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,879
They're going to try her
tomorrow morning? Yup.
444
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,479
On stage, or... On stage.
All welcome.
445
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,479
I might come to that.
Please do.
446
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:33,880
Please do.
447
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,160
Please do.
448
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,999
COCKEREL CROWS
449
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,680
HE BREATHES DEEPLY
450
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,279
Does your head fill the whole hat,
451
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,439
or have you paid
for more hat than you need?
452
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,079
If I were you, I'd concern
myself with the charges
453
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:52,639
levelled against me.
454
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,359
And try not to be intimidated
by my manner up there.
455
00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:56,719
I'll try not to be.
456
00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,479
I can be a little fearsome,
especially when I hit top volume.
457
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:01,679
Yes. Understood.
458
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,079
Equally, don't be thrown by the...
459
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:06,920
..flourishes that accompany my work.
460
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,519
Dare say I'll manage.
461
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,199
You do realise
you're on trial for witchery?
462
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,279
You do realise I've lived here
my whole life?
463
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:15,799
I drink in the tavern.
464
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:17,519
My dad used to sell meat
to everyone here.
465
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,559
I'm Meaty Gooch's girl.
Meaty Gooch?
466
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,839
When they find out what the
Griffins have been saying,
467
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,199
you're just going to get laughed at.
468
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:24,479
Oh Master Gideon, Master Gideon!
469
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,079
You know how I've been
looking for Mr Stern?
470
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:27,679
You found him? No. Staggering.
471
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,679
But his horse is still here.
472
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,359
So he's still in town.
473
00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:32,999
But "in town" is no good to us!
474
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,279
He needs to be out there
bloody watching!
475
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:39,999
This is how John Stern came
into the employ of Matthew Hopkins!
476
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,719
Public prosecution like this
could be the making of me.
477
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,239
So stand up and go and find him!
478
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,199
KNOCKING
479
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,599
Does that mean it's starting?
Yes! Come on, let's go.
480
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,639
Head held high. Out we go.
481
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,559
Oh, Mary's here! Shut up.
482
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:54,839
Mary! Shut up!
483
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:56,439
You are a woman of God, are you not?
484
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,399
Yes.
485
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,519
Testifying under oath
before the Lord?
486
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:01,599
Yes.
487
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,679
And you've seen this woman
at close quarters?
488
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:04,719
Yes.
489
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,839
Formed a view of her character?
490
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:07,959
Yes.
491
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:11,679
Shaped, no doubt, by the
inexplicable death of your pig?
492
00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:12,879
Yes.
493
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,959
Do you believe Thomasine Gooch
to be a witch?
494
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,119
Yes, I do.
495
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:18,439
Yes.
496
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:19,600
SHOUTING
497
00:20:19,601 --> 00:20:20,759
"Yes, I do.
498
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,120
"Yes."
499
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:24,560
Four words...
500
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,840
..or two words...
501
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,119
..twice bookended by a third,
502
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:32,639
that are truly damning.
503
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:33,760
Thank you.
504
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,280
Bit quicker.
505
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:40,440
My name is Gideon Bannister.
Some of you may know me.
506
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,520
..and I'm here today...
That's unbelievable.
507
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:50,039
And I'm here today in the presence
of your magistrate, Mr Topcliffe,
508
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,879
and I believe Mr John Stern
is with us today...
509
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,079
Um...
510
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,879
No, not quite yet.
511
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,919
..to present the case
against Thomasine Gooch,
512
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,359
who used sorcery,
513
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:06,359
which led to the demise
of Goodwife Griffin's pig,
514
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:10,399
cherished as it was
like a member of her own family.
515
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,919
Definite likeness. Pardon me?
516
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,199
Nothing.
517
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,879
I'm ever so sorry,
does this amuse you?
518
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,919
A bit, yeah. A bit? Does it?
519
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,079
Then it might amuse you to hear
that you are charged
520
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,119
with the crime of maleficium,
or harm by sorcery!
521
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,240
Well, which one is it?
522
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,799
What? Maleficium or harm by sorcery?
523
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,639
Maleficium is harm by sorcery!
524
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,879
Would it not just have been easier
to say "harm by sorcery"?
525
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,039
Quicker to say Maleficium.
526
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,399
Not if you have to explain
that it's harm by sorcery.
527
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:38,159
I wasn't to know that you
didn't know what maleficium was.
528
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,679
Maybe next time
just say "harm by sorcery",
529
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,519
unless you think
it sounds better in Latin.
530
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:43,959
Up to you.
531
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,280
English or Latin...
532
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,279
..you made a pact with the devil.
533
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:50,559
I'm not being funny,
534
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,199
but the only ones that have
accused me of being a witch
535
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:54,519
are the Griffins.
536
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:55,719
Ask anyone.
537
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:56,839
Susan!
538
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:58,599
Susan Archibald!
539
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,199
Or the Murrows.
540
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:01,599
John Murrow! Judy Murrow!
541
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,799
Ask any of them,
and they'll vouch for me.
542
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,959
The Murrows described you
as "ungodly".
543
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,039
What?!
544
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,640
Goodwife Archibald refers to you
as a, um...
545
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:13,399
Well, I won't say the word,
546
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:14,919
but it becunts with the letter C.
547
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,119
You people!
548
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:19,159
My God!
549
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:23,119
If I was a witch,
you lot would know about it!
550
00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:27,439
I'd cast a spell to put ale in
the well to liven you lot up a bit!
551
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:30,319
Maybe get you to admit
to the ungodly stuff that you do.
552
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:33,439
Like sneaking across the square
at 5am to get back
553
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,319
into bed before your wife wakes up.
554
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:36,439
I sleepwalk!
555
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:39,559
Or telling your sister that her hair
looks nice piled up like that,
556
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:42,159
when actually she looks like
she's got a pie on her head!
557
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,439
All of you lot have
got something to hide,
558
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:45,759
but no...
559
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,399
..I'm the witch!
560
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,559
Oh, at last a confession!
561
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:51,359
No! No, no, no... No, I...
562
00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:53,879
I think we're still waiting
for John Stern.
563
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,439
I think the case for the
prosecution rests.
564
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,559
Right now, prepare the defendant.
565
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,199
JEERING AND SHOUTING
566
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:01,919
Gideon, where are you going?!
567
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:04,199
They're just about to announce it!
568
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:08,479
Pointless. I'm fed up, traipsing
around to these stupid towns -
569
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,159
your Snettertons and your Banhams
and your...
570
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,799
Girton. Yes, Girton. Exactly!
571
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,159
Poxy little towns
with stupid little cases.
572
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:17,639
Are you hungry, Gideon?
573
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,199
I'm hungry for more!
574
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,159
I thought you did very well
up there.
575
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:22,599
Very well.
576
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,799
You were up all night
writing that speech.
577
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:28,080
Yes, for John Stern to hear,
and he didn't even show up!
578
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,240
Is that not him? Is that not him?!
579
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:38,879
Mr Stern!
580
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:40,679
So you saw the trial then?
581
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,799
Sorry if you heard any of that.
582
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,519
Truth be told, I've had a bit
of a fallow period,
583
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:47,719
an annus calamitous,
if you like.
584
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:49,000
I'm sure you've been there.
585
00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:52,640
Just saying,
I'm sure you've been there, John.
586
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,159
In fact, I'll take that back.
587
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,079
I'm not sure you've been there.
588
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,799
In fact, I'm positive you haven't.
589
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,880
And I know that you won't, John.
590
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,959
Have I upset you, John?
591
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:07,120
John?
592
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,039
Oh, God!
593
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,519
I think you've hurt yourself
a little bit, John.
594
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,719
There are one or two flies
just near your mouth.
595
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,159
Yup. One's gone in.
596
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:17,879
It's gone into your mouth, John.
Gideon...
597
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,159
It was on your lip, and then
it's just marched into your mouth,
598
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:21,279
bold as brass.
599
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:23,919
Gideon. Don't inhale, John.
Gideon, he's dead!
600
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:25,679
He must have drunk all the ale,
601
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,439
come in, slipped on the straw,
and then impaled himself on that...
602
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,039
Oh, that metal thingy.
603
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:33,759
What an idiot. What an idiot!
Showing off, probably!
604
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:36,439
Well, someone's going to have
to tell the Witchfinder General
605
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,359
he's going to need a new
right hand man.
606
00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:42,319
I mean, yes, although goodness knows
where Matthew Hopkins is.
607
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,279
He's not an easy man to pin down.
608
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:47,279
Well, it says here Mr Stern
is going to meet him in Chelmsford
609
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,999
on Friday for a big
showpiece witch trial.
610
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,199
Shame you're here.
611
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,759
Well, there won't be a shortage
of qualified witchfinders
612
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:54,879
far closer to hand.
613
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,959
Yeah, but then again, they don't
know that Mr Stern's dead, do they?
614
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,879
Or that Mr Hopkins
is headed for Chelmsford.
615
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:02,919
You'd have been able
to break the news.
616
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,839
You'd have been the first
witchfinder on the spot,
617
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,999
with the witch
who killed his friend.
618
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,879
I thought you said
he slipped on the hay.
619
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:10,959
You told me,
620
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:13,399
witches make puppets...
621
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:15,679
..of the people
they want to bewitch!
622
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:19,639
She made this to put a hex on him.
Look.
623
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:23,039
I found it in her house.
It's a shame the trial's done.
624
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:25,079
I don't think they'd take
too kindly to you
625
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:28,240
whisking that witch away - they're
going to want to see her burn!
626
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:31,600
Gideon?
627
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:34,340
SHOUTING AND JEERING
628
00:25:34,341 --> 00:25:35,679
Topcliffe!
629
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,360
Magistrate Topcliffe!
630
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,440
Excuse me, excuse me!
631
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:45,919
Magistrate Topcliffe,
I need the suspect! What?!
632
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:47,559
I've got to take the suspect!
633
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,399
Why?! I've got a letter!
634
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:50,999
What letter? This one!
635
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,119
CROWD FALLS SILENT
636
00:25:53,120 --> 00:25:54,520
Received it just now.
637
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,359
It's from the Court of Assizes
saying,
638
00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:00,359
and this is bloody annoying,
639
00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:04,199
I need to take the suspect there
640
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:05,559
to have a trial there.
641
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,080
What? No, no!
642
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,759
The worst of it, I need
to take her immediately.
643
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,279
What does it say?
644
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:15,359
Actually, yeah.
Let's hear the letter.
645
00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:17,119
You want me to read the letter?
646
00:26:17,120 --> 00:26:18,199
Yes!
647
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:19,520
Read it!
648
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:22,440
I'll happily read the letter.
649
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:26,359
It says...
650
00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:28,639
.. "To Mr Bannister."
651
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:30,400
Pardon me, a bit of phlegm.
652
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:35,239
"You shall immediately please
transport the defendant,
653
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,399
"Thomasine..."
654
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:38,679
Gooch. Gooch.
655
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,919
Which is what it says here
in black and white.
656
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:42,919
"to the Court of Assizes,
657
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,800
"where she will be tried... by
a judge..."
658
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:49,439
Obviously.
659
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:53,959
"that we may more swiftly
expunge the
660
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:55,999
"pernicious shadow of witchery
661
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,120
"that looms long
over this large land..."
662
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:04,319
Which I thought was rather florid,
but still quite nicely phrased.
663
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:08,239
All of the Ls -
"looms", "long", "large".
664
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,479
You know what makes it florid?
665
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,239
"Yours..." Wrapping it up now.
666
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:19,720
"the Master of the Rolls
and Lord Chancellor of the... Bar."
667
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:22,799
There's your letter.
668
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:24,639
I don't have any questions,
669
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:26,239
unless you guys do?
670
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:29,120
CROWD SHOUTS ANGRILY
49012
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