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1
00:00:01,869 --> 00:00:03,447
Julie, I ever tell you about
My uncle socrates kotter?
2
00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:05,437
No, but I have a
Feeling you will.
3
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:08,073
Yes, in fact I'm
Gonna do it right now.
4
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:09,953
My uncle socrates kotter
Came from his neighborhood
5
00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:11,488
In chicago where
It was the fashion
6
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,845
To name all their kids
After famous greeks.
7
00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:17,115
In fact, his best friend's
Name was euripides feldman.
8
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:20,018
Euripides feldman.
9
00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:21,131
That was the guy's name.
10
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,087
And they were bosom buddies.
11
00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:23,300
They went everywhere together,
12
00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:24,968
But you know, they
Grew up, the separated,
13
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:27,159
And they hadn't seen each
Other for about 20 years.
14
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:29,272
Now, my uncle socrates
Opened up this tailor store
15
00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:31,363
In chicago and one
Day this guy walks in,
16
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,110
He's got a pair
Of pants with him,
17
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:36,101
And he looks exactly
Like euripides feldman
18
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,370
He hasn't seen for 20 years!
19
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:41,273
And my uncle throws
Up his hands, he says,
20
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:42,807
"Euripides!"
21
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,254
The guy hands him the
Pair of pants and says,
22
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:48,913
"Yeah, you menda these?"
23
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:54,853
♪
24
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:59,191
♪ welcome back ♪
25
00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:03,027
♪ your dreams were
Your ticket out ♪
26
00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:05,196
♪ welcome back ♪
27
00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:10,001
♪ to that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
28
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,170
♪ well the names
Have all changed
29
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,339
Since you hung around ♪
30
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,474
♪ but those dreams have remained
31
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:18,810
And they've turned around ♪
32
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:20,813
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
33
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:22,801
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
34
00:01:22,849 --> 00:01:24,782
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
35
00:01:24,851 --> 00:01:27,019
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
36
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,087
♪ yeah, we tease him a lot
37
00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:31,356
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
38
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,491
♪ welcome back ♪
39
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:38,830
♪ welcome back, welcome
Back, welcome back ♪♪
40
00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:46,838
♪
41
00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:03,795
Hi honey, how'd you
Make out at the dentist?
42
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:08,026
Well, it's a little thing
They call an abscess.
43
00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:10,261
One of your teeth is abscessed?
44
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,630
No, three.
45
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:13,898
It's an epidemic.
46
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:17,202
They must be giving
It to each other.
47
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,715
Honey, what are you gonna do?
48
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,205
Well, I have three choices.
49
00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:22,640
I can have root
Canal done for $1200,
50
00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:24,809
I can have 'em
All pulled for $50,
51
00:02:24,879 --> 00:02:26,811
I can go down to
Mr. Schmiel, the super,
52
00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:28,558
Tell him his wife looks
Like an old potato
53
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:31,416
And have them
Knocked out for free.
54
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:34,085
Gabe, don't worry about money!
55
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,922
Ask me what I'm doing
With these envelopes?
56
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,791
You became pen pals with china?
57
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:44,429
No, I get five dollars for
Every thousand I stuff.
58
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,765
What are you stuffing in there?
59
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:51,936
These are samples of
Polyester leisure suits.
60
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,206
You might not believe this,
61
00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:57,309
But you can wash that 100 times
62
00:02:57,377 --> 00:02:59,377
And it will look
Exactly like this.
63
00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:00,545
Amazing.
64
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:02,192
That 'cause it looks
Like it's been washed
65
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,949
100 times!
66
00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:05,583
You're right.
67
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:06,796
Honey, why don't you
Just call one of those
68
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,419
Finance companies?
69
00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:10,589
You kidding? The kind that
Advertises on television
70
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:12,491
With those testimonials
From people?
71
00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:15,660
- yeah.
- I need a loan.
72
00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:18,863
A friend recommended
Bondage finance.
73
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:21,333
It was so simple I
Couldn't believe it.
74
00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:23,168
I just picked up the phone
75
00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:28,173
And dialed the words, "Pay up."
76
00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:30,475
Gabe, why don't
You just call and see
77
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,743
If you are qualified.
78
00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:32,744
Go ahead!
79
00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:33,678
All right, I don't believe...
80
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:34,890
I don't believe I'm doing this.
81
00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:35,780
You want me to call?
82
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:37,882
All right I'll call, okay?
83
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:38,961
I never did anything
Like this before
84
00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:42,020
In my life.
85
00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:43,355
Hello? Yeah.
86
00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:44,423
Just a second.
87
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:45,357
It worked, I dialed "Pay up"
88
00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:46,469
There's a guy on the phone.
89
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:47,892
Amazing.
90
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,205
Uh, yes, I'd like to find out
91
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,262
About getting a $1200 loan.
92
00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,664
For my teeth.
93
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:57,769
He's transferring me to
The guy in charge of teeth.
94
00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:01,773
Yes, I'd like to find
Out about... I need $1200.
95
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,074
I'm a teacher.
96
00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:04,976
Ask him if you
Qualify, go ahead!
97
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:09,347
I will as soon as he
Stops laughing, all right?
98
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:12,184
Uh, yes, uh, what? My assets?
99
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:16,888
Well, I'm a fun guy and uh,
100
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:18,857
I got a good sense of humor.
101
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:22,861
And I'm easy to dance to.
102
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,297
Listen, if I borrow $1200,
How much would I have
103
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,865
To pay every month?
104
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:30,502
$110 a month for a year?
105
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:32,404
And what?
106
00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:35,807
First born son?
107
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:37,186
All right, well,
We'll let you know.
108
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:40,145
Buh-bye.
109
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:41,680
Well?
110
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:42,881
Now what?
111
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,061
Well, I just don't think
That's too hot a place.
112
00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:47,029
I mean, what kind of
Company has a slogan,
113
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:48,853
"We'll give you a
Piece of the rock
114
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,989
Through your window"?
115
00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:57,362
Anderson.
116
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:58,363
Anderson!
117
00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:00,732
Anderson is here! Anderson.
118
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,167
All right!
119
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:05,403
Barbarino.
120
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:08,139
Barbarino!
121
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:11,777
Boy, that sounds familiar.
122
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:15,580
I know it like I know
My own name, you know?
123
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:20,118
Excuse me, mr. Kotter!
124
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:25,990
How come you are talking
Without moving your mouth?
125
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,426
I am really a ventriloquist
126
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:31,196
And my dummy
Just phoned in sick.
127
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:32,363
Huh?
128
00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,933
Oh, come on!
129
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:43,742
Hey, mr. Kotter, you okay?
130
00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:45,650
I just had a problem
With my teeth.
131
00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:46,611
Oh yeah?
132
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,915
What's the other guy look like?
133
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:51,950
It wasn't a fight, epstein.
134
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,229
I had to get my
Teeth fixed otherwise
135
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:55,220
I would have to
Learn to like jell-o.
136
00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:56,632
Now all I have to do is
Come up with the money
137
00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,690
To pay for it.
138
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:00,336
Come on, mr. Kotter, I
Mean there's lots of ways
139
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,360
To make extra money.
140
00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:04,762
Hey, I understand that
The marines are looking
141
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:08,433
For a few good men.
142
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:11,470
Please don't anybody
Tell them where I am.
143
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:17,108
Tell you what I'm gonna do!
144
00:06:17,176 --> 00:06:18,921
You lay a little of
Your bread on me,
145
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:22,247
And I'll invest it in you in
My phony note business.
146
00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:26,317
It's my big season
Coming up: mid-terms.
147
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,654
And if I could offer a
Note with your signature,
148
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,023
Gonzo, we'd go
Through the ceiling!
149
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:33,092
I could see it!
150
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,126
We can go national!
151
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:37,629
Epstein's note business:
152
00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:41,699
When you care enough
To forge the very best.
153
00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:44,235
Oh yeah, yeah, I like
It, I like it, I like it.
154
00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:46,337
Sit down epstein!
155
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,874
Okay, I got a better
Idea, all right?
156
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,743
You hold the raffle
For all the girls, right?
157
00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:55,847
And the winner gets to
Go out on a date with me.
158
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,149
What does the
Loser get, two dates?
159
00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:00,084
Oooh.
160
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:06,625
Mr. Kotter, there is nothing
In the whole wide world
161
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:09,427
That I wouldn't do for you.
162
00:07:09,496 --> 00:07:12,597
If you like, I will
Even sell my body
163
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:16,802
To medical science.
164
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,271
Thank you arnold, but
That's not necessary.
165
00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:20,339
Oh.
166
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:21,984
Well, then how
About if I sell some
167
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:26,845
Of the parts I don't use?
168
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:30,381
Yeah, like your head.
169
00:07:32,652 --> 00:07:33,762
All right, see you tomorrow.
170
00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:34,719
Stay mellow, man.
171
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:35,898
- take it easy.
- buh-bye.
172
00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:39,056
Be brave little buckaroo!
173
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:45,897
Car wash employee.
174
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:49,467
Must enjoy standing in water.
175
00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:51,236
Hearse driver.
176
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:54,639
Should not mind
Driving alone... Sort of.
177
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:58,343
You not planning on
Moonlighting, are you kotter?
178
00:07:58,412 --> 00:08:00,912
Principal lazarus
Frowns on that.
179
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,080
The teacher's salary
Is quite sufficient
180
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,249
For his needs.
181
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,550
Oh sure, mr. Whitman.
182
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:07,563
Unless the teacher
Wants to indulge in certain
183
00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:11,589
Luxuries, like chewing.
184
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,826
Take those marbles out
Of your mouth, kotter.
185
00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:16,605
I can't, three of my
Marbles are having
186
00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:19,063
Root canals.
187
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:22,066
Well, I'm lucky, I have
No trouble with my teeth.
188
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:23,679
Unless they fall
Out of the glass
189
00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:26,771
Where I keep them at night.
190
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:28,084
Mr. Whitman, I don't understand,
191
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,652
You don't make
Much more than I do,
192
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,510
How do you make ends meet?
193
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:35,713
My ends have never met, kotter.
194
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:38,783
That's why I look the way I do.
195
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,451
Look at me, kotter.
196
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:44,589
This is what you're
Gonna look like in 30 years.
197
00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:49,860
Please, mr. Whitman,
I'm in enough pain today.
198
00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:51,073
I just don't know what to do.
199
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:52,141
By the time I get my check,
200
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:54,231
I barely have enough
For necessities.
201
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:56,567
I mean, forget
About things like fun.
202
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:58,502
Fun, kotter?
203
00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:00,571
I'll tell you about fun.
204
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,474
There's more to life than fun!
205
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:08,747
There's hard work,
Sacrifice, and revenge!
206
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:17,588
Very sick man.
207
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:20,591
Bald headed man wanted
For tv commercial.
208
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:25,096
Must enjoy getting head
Shine with steel wool.
209
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:28,466
No weirdoes please.
210
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:30,735
Mr. Kotter, we were
Just talking about it,
211
00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:32,837
And we'd really
Like to help you.
212
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,573
Yeah, we don't like
Seeing you in pain.
213
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:39,110
Unless of course, we cause it.
214
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,789
Anyway, we pooled all
Our money together,
215
00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:42,247
You know, all our savings?
216
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:46,985
We got five dollars
And 72 cents, yup.
217
00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:50,521
And... Chiclet.
218
00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:54,325
Ain't much, but it's
A start, you know?
219
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,627
Thanks a lot, guys,
But I don't think
220
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:58,096
I'm gonna need it.
221
00:09:58,165 --> 00:09:59,463
Listen to this:
222
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:03,535
Opening for a taller
Man with sense of humor,
223
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,737
Experience in public relations.
224
00:10:06,806 --> 00:10:08,306
What do you think?
225
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:12,310
Don't give up your day job.
226
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,145
Just in case.
227
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,214
Stay mellow fellow.
228
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:16,325
Take it easy, all right?
229
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:17,648
Talk to you later.
230
00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:23,187
Hey, your money, you forgot
Your $5 and your chiclet!
231
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,723
Ow!
232
00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:32,931
Julie, gotta go to work.
233
00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:33,999
See you later, huh?
234
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:35,199
Goodbye.
235
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,404
What's the matter, honey?
236
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,572
Every night this
Week you've gone out
237
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,942
With that suitcase,
You won't tell me
238
00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,454
What's in it, you won't tell me
239
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,546
Where you're going.
240
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:50,882
You're having an affair.
241
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:54,252
Julie, I told you I have
A public relations job
242
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,887
With a restaurant firm.
243
00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,767
Now, I only need to have
It a couple more weeks.
244
00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:00,158
This is just stuff
I need for the job.
245
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:02,238
It's not bad enough
You're having an affair,
246
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:04,295
But you're flaunting it!
247
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,464
I mean, I know that
I'm from nebraska,
248
00:11:06,532 --> 00:11:10,935
And maybe... Maybe
I'm a little square.
249
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,371
But a suitcase!
250
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:18,242
What is she, some
Sort of strange-o?
251
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:20,945
What do you need a
Suitcase for, gabe?
252
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,425
Well, you wanna
Know what's in it?
253
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:23,614
Yeah.
254
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,451
Batteries and an
Electric wetsuit.
255
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:32,602
Well, where did you meet her?
256
00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:36,528
At general electric freak-out?
257
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,696
Julie, I was only kidding.
258
00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:40,509
I bet I know, it's that strange
259
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,566
Hygiene teacher from school!
260
00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:43,567
You know, I know
Something about her
261
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:44,902
That you don't know.
262
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:46,849
She goes on consciousness
Raising weekends
263
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,840
To the catskills
Where all they do
264
00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:50,485
For three nights and two days
265
00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:54,612
Is play golf in their underwear!
266
00:11:54,681 --> 00:12:00,051
Julie, I'm not having an affair.
267
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,186
I gotta go to work.
268
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:04,622
See you later.
269
00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:06,257
Gabe!
270
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:10,828
What's in the suitcase?!
271
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,708
All right, I was trying
To spare you this,
272
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,698
But you wanna know
What's in the suitcase?
273
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:19,504
- yeah.
- here.
274
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:22,507
Tell me I didn't
See what I just saw.
275
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,949
I saw what I just saw.
276
00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:33,551
You satisfied?
277
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:37,688
Honey, I would rather
You were having an affair.
278
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:45,596
♪
279
00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:50,446
Good evening,
Ladies and gentlemen,
280
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:54,606
And welcome to the grand
Opening of mr. Chicken number 17!
281
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:58,543
And yes, now is the time
You have all been waiting for.
282
00:12:58,612 --> 00:13:00,545
As advertised, and
As is the practice
283
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:03,013
Of every mr. Chicken's
Grand opening,
284
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:05,816
We have a visit from that
Merry clucker himself!
285
00:13:05,885 --> 00:13:09,387
That deep, fat fried sucker
With the pluck pluck pucker
286
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,155
Just for you, here he is:
287
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,791
Captain chicken!
288
00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,434
Captain chicken is here!
289
00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:28,605
Cap'n chicken's here!
Cap'n chicken's here!
290
00:13:28,674 --> 00:13:31,442
And now captain chicken
Will make the opening speech
291
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:35,746
And will personally
Wait on you at your tables.
292
00:13:37,683 --> 00:13:39,161
Listen, can you
Wait a little bit
293
00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:40,462
Because there's not
Many people here.
294
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:41,530
I'd like, you know, more people.
295
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:42,831
Hey, look, I don't care how many
296
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,633
People are here, you go
Out and do that speech
297
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,858
Or you'll be
Looking at a fat beak.
298
00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:50,627
Come on, make with
The cluck cluck.
299
00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:53,798
Why don't you just go out
There and cluck yourself?
300
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:57,401
Get out there, turkey!
301
00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:58,747
Good evening,
Ladies and gentlemen,
302
00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,215
Boys and girls,
Welcome to the opening
303
00:14:00,239 --> 00:14:02,206
Of mr. Chicken number 17!
304
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,810
Captain chicken's here to
Personally greet all of you.
305
00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:09,480
And remember, we
Have games and prizes
306
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,293
Like the person who
Can guess how many
307
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:13,784
Wishbones are in this
Little fish bowl here
308
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:14,863
And win a free dinner!
309
00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:24,072
This is ridiculous,
They're not even
310
00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:25,140
Paying attention to me.
311
00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:26,308
Hey, look, fella,
What do you do?
312
00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:28,599
I mean, for a living.
313
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:31,302
I'm a teacher.
314
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,303
Beautiful.
315
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,472
They sent me another teacher.
316
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:35,684
You guys are all alike,
317
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,153
I bet you think you're too good
318
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:38,454
To dress up like a chicken
319
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:41,512
And go out there and
Cluck for people, don't you?
320
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:42,747
Of course I do.
321
00:14:42,816 --> 00:14:45,350
Well, let me tell you
Something, teacher.
322
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,551
I never went to no college.
323
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,587
I worked six years
In this business
324
00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:52,957
Before I got to wear a
Suit without feathers.
325
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:55,059
I was around here
During the tough years.
326
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:58,897
I worked turkey joints
During the cranberry scare.
327
00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:01,032
I worked under the
Name of dickey drumstick
328
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:02,433
In those days.
329
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,502
Now, get on out there!
330
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,771
At the other openings,
There was more people...
331
00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:08,005
Kids, kids like this.
332
00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:09,418
Can we wait till we
Get some kids there?
333
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:10,852
I mean, look at
Those two people.
334
00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:12,310
I'm laying an egg!
335
00:15:12,378 --> 00:15:13,677
Might be a nice touch.
336
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,013
Go on.
337
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,359
Here, there's some more people.
338
00:15:17,383 --> 00:15:19,483
Happy now?
339
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:23,732
You know this place
Must have good food
340
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,923
Because I saw kotter
In here earlier today.
341
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:27,136
- oh yeah?
- yeah.
342
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,559
Oh, it's captain chicken!
343
00:15:28,627 --> 00:15:32,263
I can't believe it!
344
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,331
Captain chicken,
Please can I have
345
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:38,202
Your autograph, please?
346
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:55,619
Oh.
347
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:59,557
Well, you could knock
Me over with a feather.
348
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:04,996
Pardon me.
349
00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:10,368
Is there a human on duty?
350
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:15,439
When I'm sick my
Mother puts you in soup.
351
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:16,674
Now wait, look.
352
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:18,554
You guys know I
Need a part time job,
353
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,188
And this is what I could get,
354
00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:22,146
And this is what I have to wear.
355
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:23,547
How do you get home?
356
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:27,451
Do you take the subway or fly?
357
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,121
Hey, hey, we can't
Afford to buy anything.
358
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:34,858
So if you don't mind, we'll
Just lick your fingers.
359
00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:36,238
All right, come on, cut it out.
360
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:37,594
Enough's enough.
361
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,596
Excuse me mr. Kotter,
I hope I'm not
362
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,765
Getting too personal.
363
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,468
But are you regular, barbecued,
364
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:48,238
Or extra crunchy?
365
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:50,374
I'm steamed!
366
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,576
Now, cut it out.
367
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,189
All right, all right,
Don't get your giblets
368
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:55,980
In an uproar here.
369
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:59,150
Let's leave my
Giblets out of this!
370
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:02,586
Sit down!
371
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,254
You guys want something?
372
00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:07,591
Yeah, yeah, I'll have
A couple of wings.
373
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,360
Give me the regular dinner.
374
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,362
I'll have a leg and a thigh.
375
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:12,563
What about you arnold?
376
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:18,169
Uh, a...
- what?!
- a pair of breasts!
377
00:17:18,237 --> 00:17:20,037
Oh!
378
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,846
Hey arnold, don't you remember?
379
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,392
It's your birthday, remember?
380
00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:31,782
It is? Oh yeah, it is!
381
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:32,984
It's my birthday.
382
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,185
It's arnold's birthday,
We all chipped in.
383
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:38,456
Oh yeah, ey, 86 that
Last order, yeah.
384
00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:42,626
Okay, we're gonna buy
Arnold the gluten's gorge!
385
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,762
- yeah!
- all right!
386
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:47,799
You sure you want
The gluten's gorge?
387
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:51,568
Mm-hmm.
388
00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:53,570
One gluten's gorge.
389
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:56,840
Now you're cooking
With gas, teacher.
390
00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:05,515
Uh, 450 captain chicken.
391
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:06,683
Can't be.
392
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,086
It sounds like him
But it couldn't be.
393
00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:11,154
It is.
394
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:12,456
Kotter!
395
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:15,159
What are you doing
Here and in that costume?!
396
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:18,696
Well, my dog suit
Was in the cleaners.
397
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,309
What was that
Number you guessed?
398
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,698
450.
399
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,067
Do I get a free dinner?
400
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:26,570
No, I'm sorry, you're
A few bones shy.
401
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,038
Oh, look at this.
402
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:31,609
I see the other barnyard
Creatures are here.
403
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:35,779
- moo.
- oink oink!
404
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,459
A brand new place
Opens in the neighborhood
405
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:40,885
And they're already in here
Lowering the property values.
406
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,820
What can I get for
You, mr. Whitman?
407
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,022
A dinner platter to go.
408
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:47,191
One dinner platter to go.
409
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:48,670
Mr. Whitman, I'm a
Little surprised.
410
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:49,805
What are you doing
Eating at a cheap
411
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:52,597
Chicken joint like this?
412
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,577
Kotter, I know every
Cheap restaurant
413
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:55,666
In this neighborhood.
414
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,112
The diner down on the corner,
415
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,214
They give me a special
On the 39 cent breakfast
416
00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:01,505
If I sit in the wobbly stool.
417
00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:02,817
Maybe you sit on the
Floor they wouldn't
418
00:19:02,841 --> 00:19:05,643
Charge you anything.
419
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:09,491
Here you go, mr. Whitman.
420
00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:11,815
Look at you.
421
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:15,619
Dressed like a chicken.
422
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:20,591
Watch out for the
Roosters on your way home.
423
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:24,995
The roosters!
424
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,631
All right, here you
Go, do your stuff.
425
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,501
Listen, I know these guys,
Can we skip it just for now.
426
00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:31,880
I don't care if you
Know these guys,
427
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:33,415
The company policy at openings
428
00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:35,639
Is whoever orders
The gluten's gorge
429
00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:38,108
Gets the full treatment
From captain chicken.
430
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,310
Now, do it!
431
00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:40,588
Earn those captain bars,
432
00:19:40,612 --> 00:19:43,447
I wanna see the feathers fly.
433
00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:47,151
You're not a nice guy.
434
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,786
Ladies and gentlemen,
Can I have your attention?!
435
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:52,122
Somebody has ordered
The gluten's gorge!
436
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,658
He gets the special
Treatment from captain chicken
437
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:56,260
In person!
438
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,463
♪ you'll be swell ♪
439
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,098
♪ you'll be great ♪
440
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:05,135
♪ gonna have the whole world...
441
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,372
♪ starting here, starting now ♪
442
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:12,009
♪ arnold, everything's
Coming up chicken ♪
443
00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:15,145
♪ clear the decks,
Clear the lights ♪
444
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:18,249
♪ we got nothing to
Hit but the heights ♪
445
00:20:18,317 --> 00:20:19,850
♪ turkey time ♪
446
00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:21,385
♪ wing to mouth ♪
447
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:24,388
♪ here's your chicken
For you and your pals ♪♪
448
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:36,133
Soon available on cluck records
449
00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:38,168
And 8-track tapes.
450
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:39,414
Hey kotter, you know,
451
00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:41,338
In all my years in
The chicken business,
452
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,874
That was the worst
I have ever seen.
453
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:46,276
Thank you.
454
00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:47,389
All right, guys,
Look, in this place
455
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:48,791
You gotta pay
Before you're served.
456
00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,125
- oh yeah.
- sure, mr. Kotter.
457
00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:52,060
Hey, mr. Kotter, you know,
You've been a good sport.
458
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,161
You know, we was only...
459
00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:55,519
We was only goofing
On you, you know?
460
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,188
Wait... Wait a minute,
Mr. Kotter, wait a minute.
461
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,257
Mr. Kotter.
462
00:21:00,326 --> 00:21:02,559
Why'd you take this job?
463
00:21:02,628 --> 00:21:06,630
Well, there's two
Things that I enjoy in life:
464
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:09,700
Teaching sweat hogs and chewing.
465
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:12,603
So, I could get another
Job during the day,
466
00:21:12,671 --> 00:21:16,240
But this was the only
Job I could at night.
467
00:21:16,309 --> 00:21:17,619
So I came down here
And I caught a few
468
00:21:17,643 --> 00:21:19,510
Ranks from you guys.
469
00:21:19,579 --> 00:21:21,156
Look, there are
People in this world
470
00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:22,824
That are worse off than I am.
471
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:24,648
Oh, I know!
472
00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:27,351
There's a man down the
Block in the hot dog stand
473
00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:29,687
Who's dressed like a weenie!
474
00:21:35,094 --> 00:21:39,329
And he don't even work there!
475
00:21:39,398 --> 00:21:42,065
Hey, come here, hey!
476
00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:43,312
I don't like the
Looks of these guys,
477
00:21:43,336 --> 00:21:44,546
They look like
Delinquents to me.
478
00:21:44,570 --> 00:21:46,203
Get 'em outta here.
479
00:21:46,272 --> 00:21:48,050
Hey, wait a second,
These guys just happen
480
00:21:48,074 --> 00:21:49,384
To be my students, all right?
481
00:21:49,408 --> 00:21:50,919
And they're also my friends.
482
00:21:50,943 --> 00:21:52,643
That's right, sir!
483
00:21:52,712 --> 00:21:55,780
And this man here in this
Ridiculous chicken outfit
484
00:21:55,848 --> 00:21:57,414
Is not really a chicken.
485
00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:58,827
- yeah.
- thank you, arnold.
486
00:21:58,851 --> 00:22:00,651
No chicken could
Last a day with us.
487
00:22:00,686 --> 00:22:04,955
That's right, he's 100%
Man inside that stupid suit.
488
00:22:05,024 --> 00:22:08,092
So, up your gizzard
With a rubber lizard.
489
00:22:12,932 --> 00:22:16,233
As for me.
490
00:22:16,301 --> 00:22:17,645
Let me tell you
Something, kotter.
491
00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:19,047
You don't have much of a future
492
00:22:19,071 --> 00:22:20,470
In the chicken business.
493
00:22:20,539 --> 00:22:22,050
You know something,
I think you're right.
494
00:22:22,074 --> 00:22:23,618
I mean, there's some
Guys who can do it,
495
00:22:23,642 --> 00:22:25,076
And some guys who can't.
496
00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:27,511
You don't even deserve
To wear that beak!
497
00:22:27,580 --> 00:22:29,057
All right, well, I'll tell
You what I'm gonna do.
498
00:22:29,081 --> 00:22:30,492
I'm gonna turn my beak in,
499
00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:31,960
I'll go home and
I'll stuff envelopes
500
00:22:31,984 --> 00:22:33,150
With my wife.
501
00:22:33,218 --> 00:22:34,696
Doesn't pay as much,
But at least I don't
502
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,086
Have to dress up.
503
00:22:36,155 --> 00:22:37,466
I'll return the
Rest of this outfit
504
00:22:37,490 --> 00:22:38,556
To the main office.
505
00:22:38,624 --> 00:22:40,424
Come on, guys,
Let's get outta here!
506
00:22:40,492 --> 00:22:43,928
Yo, mr. Kotter, we didn't
Eat our gluten's gorge.
507
00:22:43,996 --> 00:22:46,230
Yeah, look at all that chicken.
508
00:22:46,299 --> 00:22:47,675
What do you say we
Get some chinese food?
509
00:22:47,699 --> 00:22:49,366
Come on!
510
00:22:49,434 --> 00:22:50,901
♪ you'll be swell ♪
511
00:22:50,970 --> 00:22:53,571
♪ you'll be great ♪♪
512
00:23:03,316 --> 00:23:09,186
♪
513
00:23:12,458 --> 00:23:13,802
- honey.
- what?
514
00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:15,671
Do you know you slept with
Your mouth open last night?
515
00:23:15,695 --> 00:23:18,929
No, but if you hum a few bars.
516
00:23:18,997 --> 00:23:20,241
I'm getting to be so funny.
517
00:23:20,265 --> 00:23:21,332
You're a funny lady.
518
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:22,777
But don't sleep with
Your mouth open,
519
00:23:22,801 --> 00:23:23,945
Because you know what
Happened to my aunt sophie?
520
00:23:23,969 --> 00:23:25,201
No, what?
521
00:23:25,270 --> 00:23:26,681
Well, one night she's
Sleeping with her mouth open
522
00:23:26,705 --> 00:23:28,316
And a mouse runs in her mouth.
523
00:23:28,340 --> 00:23:29,439
You're kidding.
524
00:23:29,508 --> 00:23:30,886
My uncle earl, he got so excited
525
00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:33,610
He called the doctor,
He said, "Doctor, mr. Md.
526
00:23:33,679 --> 00:23:34,679
You gotta help me!
527
00:23:34,713 --> 00:23:36,713
A mouse ran in my wife's mouth!"
528
00:23:36,782 --> 00:23:37,926
Doctor said, "We
Gotta waive a piece
529
00:23:37,950 --> 00:23:39,427
Of cheese in front of her mouth.
530
00:23:39,451 --> 00:23:41,062
Get the mouse out,
Waive a piece of cheese,
531
00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:42,486
And I'll be right over."
532
00:23:42,555 --> 00:23:43,932
- smart.
- he was smart, the doctor.
533
00:23:43,956 --> 00:23:45,021
Yeah, smart man.
534
00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:47,458
So he takes a car and
He runs over there,
535
00:23:47,527 --> 00:23:50,261
And he gets there fast,
And he knocks on the door,
536
00:23:50,329 --> 00:23:52,174
And he walks in, and
My uncle earl is waiving
537
00:23:52,198 --> 00:23:54,009
A fish in front of my
Aunt sophie's mouth.
538
00:23:54,033 --> 00:23:54,898
Why was he doing that?
539
00:23:54,967 --> 00:23:56,010
That's what the doctor said!
540
00:23:56,034 --> 00:23:57,078
"Why are you doing that?
541
00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:58,435
I said a piece of cheese!"
542
00:23:58,503 --> 00:23:59,848
My uncle earl says,
"I know, but I gotta
543
00:23:59,872 --> 00:24:01,404
Get the cat out."
544
00:24:01,473 --> 00:24:04,174
♪
545
00:24:09,014 --> 00:24:14,885
♪
546
00:24:16,555 --> 00:24:19,255
♪ welcome back ♪
547
00:24:19,324 --> 00:24:22,993
♪ your dreams were
Your ticket out ♪
548
00:24:23,062 --> 00:24:25,196
♪ welcome back ♪
549
00:24:25,264 --> 00:24:30,034
♪ to that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
550
00:24:30,102 --> 00:24:32,269
♪ well the names
Have all changed
551
00:24:32,338 --> 00:24:34,404
Since you hung around ♪
552
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:36,573
♪ but those dreams have remained
553
00:24:36,642 --> 00:24:38,876
And they've turned around ♪
554
00:24:38,944 --> 00:24:40,856
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead you ♪
555
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,824
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead you ♪
556
00:24:42,848 --> 00:24:44,781
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
557
00:24:44,850 --> 00:24:47,017
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
558
00:24:47,085 --> 00:24:49,086
♪ yeah we tease him a lot
559
00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:51,354
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
560
00:24:51,423 --> 00:24:53,557
♪ welcome back ♪
561
00:24:53,625 --> 00:24:57,828
♪ welcome back, welcome
Back, welcome back ♪
562
00:24:57,897 --> 00:24:59,963
♪ welcome back, welcome back ♪
563
00:25:00,032 --> 00:25:02,766
♪ welcome back ♪
564
00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:06,236
♪ we always could
Spot a friend ♪♪
39811
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