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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,869 --> 00:00:03,447 Julie, I ever tell you about My uncle socrates kotter? 2 00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:05,437 No, but I have a Feeling you will. 3 00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:08,073 Yes, in fact I'm Gonna do it right now. 4 00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:09,953 My uncle socrates kotter Came from his neighborhood 5 00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:11,488 In chicago where It was the fashion 6 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,845 To name all their kids After famous greeks. 7 00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:17,115 In fact, his best friend's Name was euripides feldman. 8 00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:20,018 Euripides feldman. 9 00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:21,131 That was the guy's name. 10 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,087 And they were bosom buddies. 11 00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:23,300 They went everywhere together, 12 00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:24,968 But you know, they Grew up, the separated, 13 00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:27,159 And they hadn't seen each Other for about 20 years. 14 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:29,272 Now, my uncle socrates Opened up this tailor store 15 00:00:29,296 --> 00:00:31,363 In chicago and one Day this guy walks in, 16 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,110 He's got a pair Of pants with him, 17 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:36,101 And he looks exactly Like euripides feldman 18 00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,370 He hasn't seen for 20 years! 19 00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:41,273 And my uncle throws Up his hands, he says, 20 00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:42,807 "Euripides!" 21 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,254 The guy hands him the Pair of pants and says, 22 00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:48,913 "Yeah, you menda these?" 23 00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:54,853 ♪ 24 00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:59,191 ♪ welcome back ♪ 25 00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:03,027 ♪ your dreams were Your ticket out ♪ 26 00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:05,196 ♪ welcome back ♪ 27 00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:10,001 ♪ to that same old place That you laughed about ♪ 28 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,170 ♪ well the names Have all changed 29 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,339 Since you hung around ♪ 30 00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,474 ♪ but those dreams have remained 31 00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:18,810 And they've turned around ♪ 32 00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:20,813 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead ya ♪ 33 00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:22,801 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead ya ♪ 34 00:01:22,849 --> 00:01:24,782 ♪ back here where we need ya ♪ 35 00:01:24,851 --> 00:01:27,019 ♪ back here where we need ya ♪ 36 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,087 ♪ yeah, we tease him a lot 37 00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:31,356 'cause we got him on the spot ♪ 38 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,491 ♪ welcome back ♪ 39 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:38,830 ♪ welcome back, welcome Back, welcome back ♪♪ 40 00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:46,838 ♪ 41 00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:03,795 Hi honey, how'd you Make out at the dentist? 42 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:08,026 Well, it's a little thing They call an abscess. 43 00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:10,261 One of your teeth is abscessed? 44 00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,630 No, three. 45 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:13,898 It's an epidemic. 46 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:17,202 They must be giving It to each other. 47 00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,715 Honey, what are you gonna do? 48 00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,205 Well, I have three choices. 49 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:22,640 I can have root Canal done for $1200, 50 00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:24,809 I can have 'em All pulled for $50, 51 00:02:24,879 --> 00:02:26,811 I can go down to Mr. Schmiel, the super, 52 00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:28,558 Tell him his wife looks Like an old potato 53 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:31,416 And have them Knocked out for free. 54 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:34,085 Gabe, don't worry about money! 55 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,922 Ask me what I'm doing With these envelopes? 56 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,791 You became pen pals with china? 57 00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:44,429 No, I get five dollars for Every thousand I stuff. 58 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,765 What are you stuffing in there? 59 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:51,936 These are samples of Polyester leisure suits. 60 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,206 You might not believe this, 61 00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:57,309 But you can wash that 100 times 62 00:02:57,377 --> 00:02:59,377 And it will look Exactly like this. 63 00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:00,545 Amazing. 64 00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:02,192 That 'cause it looks Like it's been washed 65 00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,949 100 times! 66 00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:05,583 You're right. 67 00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:06,796 Honey, why don't you Just call one of those 68 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,419 Finance companies? 69 00:03:08,488 --> 00:03:10,589 You kidding? The kind that Advertises on television 70 00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:12,491 With those testimonials From people? 71 00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:15,660 - yeah. - I need a loan. 72 00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:18,863 A friend recommended Bondage finance. 73 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:21,333 It was so simple I Couldn't believe it. 74 00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:23,168 I just picked up the phone 75 00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:28,173 And dialed the words, "Pay up." 76 00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:30,475 Gabe, why don't You just call and see 77 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,743 If you are qualified. 78 00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:32,744 Go ahead! 79 00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:33,678 All right, I don't believe... 80 00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:34,890 I don't believe I'm doing this. 81 00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:35,780 You want me to call? 82 00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:37,882 All right I'll call, okay? 83 00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:38,961 I never did anything Like this before 84 00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:42,020 In my life. 85 00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:43,355 Hello? Yeah. 86 00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:44,423 Just a second. 87 00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:45,357 It worked, I dialed "Pay up" 88 00:03:45,425 --> 00:03:46,469 There's a guy on the phone. 89 00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:47,892 Amazing. 90 00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,205 Uh, yes, I'd like to find out 91 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,262 About getting a $1200 loan. 92 00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,664 For my teeth. 93 00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:57,769 He's transferring me to The guy in charge of teeth. 94 00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:01,773 Yes, I'd like to find Out about... I need $1200. 95 00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,074 I'm a teacher. 96 00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:04,976 Ask him if you Qualify, go ahead! 97 00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:09,347 I will as soon as he Stops laughing, all right? 98 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:12,184 Uh, yes, uh, what? My assets? 99 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:16,888 Well, I'm a fun guy and uh, 100 00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:18,857 I got a good sense of humor. 101 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:22,861 And I'm easy to dance to. 102 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,297 Listen, if I borrow $1200, How much would I have 103 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,865 To pay every month? 104 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:30,502 $110 a month for a year? 105 00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:32,404 And what? 106 00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:35,807 First born son? 107 00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:37,186 All right, well, We'll let you know. 108 00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:40,145 Buh-bye. 109 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:41,680 Well? 110 00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:42,881 Now what? 111 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,061 Well, I just don't think That's too hot a place. 112 00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:47,029 I mean, what kind of Company has a slogan, 113 00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:48,853 "We'll give you a Piece of the rock 114 00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,989 Through your window"? 115 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:57,362 Anderson. 116 00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:58,363 Anderson! 117 00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:00,732 Anderson is here! Anderson. 118 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,167 All right! 119 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:05,403 Barbarino. 120 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:08,139 Barbarino! 121 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:11,777 Boy, that sounds familiar. 122 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:15,580 I know it like I know My own name, you know? 123 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:20,118 Excuse me, mr. Kotter! 124 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:25,990 How come you are talking Without moving your mouth? 125 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,426 I am really a ventriloquist 126 00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:31,196 And my dummy Just phoned in sick. 127 00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:32,363 Huh? 128 00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,933 Oh, come on! 129 00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:43,742 Hey, mr. Kotter, you okay? 130 00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:45,650 I just had a problem With my teeth. 131 00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:46,611 Oh yeah? 132 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,915 What's the other guy look like? 133 00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:51,950 It wasn't a fight, epstein. 134 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,229 I had to get my Teeth fixed otherwise 135 00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:55,220 I would have to Learn to like jell-o. 136 00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:56,632 Now all I have to do is Come up with the money 137 00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,690 To pay for it. 138 00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:00,336 Come on, mr. Kotter, I Mean there's lots of ways 139 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,360 To make extra money. 140 00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:04,762 Hey, I understand that The marines are looking 141 00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:08,433 For a few good men. 142 00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:11,470 Please don't anybody Tell them where I am. 143 00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:17,108 Tell you what I'm gonna do! 144 00:06:17,176 --> 00:06:18,921 You lay a little of Your bread on me, 145 00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:22,247 And I'll invest it in you in My phony note business. 146 00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:26,317 It's my big season Coming up: mid-terms. 147 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,654 And if I could offer a Note with your signature, 148 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,023 Gonzo, we'd go Through the ceiling! 149 00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:33,092 I could see it! 150 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,126 We can go national! 151 00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:37,629 Epstein's note business: 152 00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:41,699 When you care enough To forge the very best. 153 00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:44,235 Oh yeah, yeah, I like It, I like it, I like it. 154 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:46,337 Sit down epstein! 155 00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,874 Okay, I got a better Idea, all right? 156 00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,743 You hold the raffle For all the girls, right? 157 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:55,847 And the winner gets to Go out on a date with me. 158 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,149 What does the Loser get, two dates? 159 00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:00,084 Oooh. 160 00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:06,625 Mr. Kotter, there is nothing In the whole wide world 161 00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:09,427 That I wouldn't do for you. 162 00:07:09,496 --> 00:07:12,597 If you like, I will Even sell my body 163 00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:16,802 To medical science. 164 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:19,271 Thank you arnold, but That's not necessary. 165 00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:20,339 Oh. 166 00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:21,984 Well, then how About if I sell some 167 00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:26,845 Of the parts I don't use? 168 00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:30,381 Yeah, like your head. 169 00:07:32,652 --> 00:07:33,762 All right, see you tomorrow. 170 00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:34,719 Stay mellow, man. 171 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:35,898 - take it easy. - buh-bye. 172 00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:39,056 Be brave little buckaroo! 173 00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:45,897 Car wash employee. 174 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:49,467 Must enjoy standing in water. 175 00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:51,236 Hearse driver. 176 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:54,639 Should not mind Driving alone... Sort of. 177 00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:58,343 You not planning on Moonlighting, are you kotter? 178 00:07:58,412 --> 00:08:00,912 Principal lazarus Frowns on that. 179 00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,080 The teacher's salary Is quite sufficient 180 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,249 For his needs. 181 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,550 Oh sure, mr. Whitman. 182 00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:07,563 Unless the teacher Wants to indulge in certain 183 00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:11,589 Luxuries, like chewing. 184 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,826 Take those marbles out Of your mouth, kotter. 185 00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:16,605 I can't, three of my Marbles are having 186 00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:19,063 Root canals. 187 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:22,066 Well, I'm lucky, I have No trouble with my teeth. 188 00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:23,679 Unless they fall Out of the glass 189 00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:26,771 Where I keep them at night. 190 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:28,084 Mr. Whitman, I don't understand, 191 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,652 You don't make Much more than I do, 192 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,510 How do you make ends meet? 193 00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:35,713 My ends have never met, kotter. 194 00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:38,783 That's why I look the way I do. 195 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,451 Look at me, kotter. 196 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:44,589 This is what you're Gonna look like in 30 years. 197 00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:49,860 Please, mr. Whitman, I'm in enough pain today. 198 00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:51,073 I just don't know what to do. 199 00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:52,141 By the time I get my check, 200 00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:54,231 I barely have enough For necessities. 201 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:56,567 I mean, forget About things like fun. 202 00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:58,502 Fun, kotter? 203 00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:00,571 I'll tell you about fun. 204 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,474 There's more to life than fun! 205 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:08,747 There's hard work, Sacrifice, and revenge! 206 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:17,588 Very sick man. 207 00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:20,591 Bald headed man wanted For tv commercial. 208 00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:25,096 Must enjoy getting head Shine with steel wool. 209 00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:28,466 No weirdoes please. 210 00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:30,735 Mr. Kotter, we were Just talking about it, 211 00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:32,837 And we'd really Like to help you. 212 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,573 Yeah, we don't like Seeing you in pain. 213 00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:39,110 Unless of course, we cause it. 214 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,789 Anyway, we pooled all Our money together, 215 00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:42,247 You know, all our savings? 216 00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:46,985 We got five dollars And 72 cents, yup. 217 00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:50,521 And... Chiclet. 218 00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:54,325 Ain't much, but it's A start, you know? 219 00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,627 Thanks a lot, guys, But I don't think 220 00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:58,096 I'm gonna need it. 221 00:09:58,165 --> 00:09:59,463 Listen to this: 222 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:03,535 Opening for a taller Man with sense of humor, 223 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,737 Experience in public relations. 224 00:10:06,806 --> 00:10:08,306 What do you think? 225 00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:12,310 Don't give up your day job. 226 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,145 Just in case. 227 00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,214 Stay mellow fellow. 228 00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:16,325 Take it easy, all right? 229 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:17,648 Talk to you later. 230 00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:23,187 Hey, your money, you forgot Your $5 and your chiclet! 231 00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,723 Ow! 232 00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:32,931 Julie, gotta go to work. 233 00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:33,999 See you later, huh? 234 00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:35,199 Goodbye. 235 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,404 What's the matter, honey? 236 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,572 Every night this Week you've gone out 237 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,942 With that suitcase, You won't tell me 238 00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:45,454 What's in it, you won't tell me 239 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,546 Where you're going. 240 00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:50,882 You're having an affair. 241 00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:54,252 Julie, I told you I have A public relations job 242 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,887 With a restaurant firm. 243 00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,767 Now, I only need to have It a couple more weeks. 244 00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:00,158 This is just stuff I need for the job. 245 00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:02,238 It's not bad enough You're having an affair, 246 00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:04,295 But you're flaunting it! 247 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,464 I mean, I know that I'm from nebraska, 248 00:11:06,532 --> 00:11:10,935 And maybe... Maybe I'm a little square. 249 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,371 But a suitcase! 250 00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:18,242 What is she, some Sort of strange-o? 251 00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:20,945 What do you need a Suitcase for, gabe? 252 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,425 Well, you wanna Know what's in it? 253 00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:23,614 Yeah. 254 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,451 Batteries and an Electric wetsuit. 255 00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:32,602 Well, where did you meet her? 256 00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:36,528 At general electric freak-out? 257 00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,696 Julie, I was only kidding. 258 00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:40,509 I bet I know, it's that strange 259 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,566 Hygiene teacher from school! 260 00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:43,567 You know, I know Something about her 261 00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:44,902 That you don't know. 262 00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:46,849 She goes on consciousness Raising weekends 263 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,840 To the catskills Where all they do 264 00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:50,485 For three nights and two days 265 00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:54,612 Is play golf in their underwear! 266 00:11:54,681 --> 00:12:00,051 Julie, I'm not having an affair. 267 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,186 I gotta go to work. 268 00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:04,622 See you later. 269 00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:06,257 Gabe! 270 00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:10,828 What's in the suitcase?! 271 00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,708 All right, I was trying To spare you this, 272 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,698 But you wanna know What's in the suitcase? 273 00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:19,504 - yeah. - here. 274 00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:22,507 Tell me I didn't See what I just saw. 275 00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,949 I saw what I just saw. 276 00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:33,551 You satisfied? 277 00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:37,688 Honey, I would rather You were having an affair. 278 00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:45,596 ♪ 279 00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:50,446 Good evening, Ladies and gentlemen, 280 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:54,606 And welcome to the grand Opening of mr. Chicken number 17! 281 00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:58,543 And yes, now is the time You have all been waiting for. 282 00:12:58,612 --> 00:13:00,545 As advertised, and As is the practice 283 00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:03,013 Of every mr. Chicken's Grand opening, 284 00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:05,816 We have a visit from that Merry clucker himself! 285 00:13:05,885 --> 00:13:09,387 That deep, fat fried sucker With the pluck pluck pucker 286 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,155 Just for you, here he is: 287 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,791 Captain chicken! 288 00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,434 Captain chicken is here! 289 00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:28,605 Cap'n chicken's here! Cap'n chicken's here! 290 00:13:28,674 --> 00:13:31,442 And now captain chicken Will make the opening speech 291 00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:35,746 And will personally Wait on you at your tables. 292 00:13:37,683 --> 00:13:39,161 Listen, can you Wait a little bit 293 00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:40,462 Because there's not Many people here. 294 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:41,530 I'd like, you know, more people. 295 00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:42,831 Hey, look, I don't care how many 296 00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,633 People are here, you go Out and do that speech 297 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,858 Or you'll be Looking at a fat beak. 298 00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:50,627 Come on, make with The cluck cluck. 299 00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:53,798 Why don't you just go out There and cluck yourself? 300 00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:57,401 Get out there, turkey! 301 00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:58,747 Good evening, Ladies and gentlemen, 302 00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,215 Boys and girls, Welcome to the opening 303 00:14:00,239 --> 00:14:02,206 Of mr. Chicken number 17! 304 00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,810 Captain chicken's here to Personally greet all of you. 305 00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:09,480 And remember, we Have games and prizes 306 00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,293 Like the person who Can guess how many 307 00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:13,784 Wishbones are in this Little fish bowl here 308 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:14,863 And win a free dinner! 309 00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:24,072 This is ridiculous, They're not even 310 00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:25,140 Paying attention to me. 311 00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:26,308 Hey, look, fella, What do you do? 312 00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:28,599 I mean, for a living. 313 00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:31,302 I'm a teacher. 314 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,303 Beautiful. 315 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:34,472 They sent me another teacher. 316 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:35,684 You guys are all alike, 317 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,153 I bet you think you're too good 318 00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:38,454 To dress up like a chicken 319 00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:41,512 And go out there and Cluck for people, don't you? 320 00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:42,747 Of course I do. 321 00:14:42,816 --> 00:14:45,350 Well, let me tell you Something, teacher. 322 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,551 I never went to no college. 323 00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,587 I worked six years In this business 324 00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:52,957 Before I got to wear a Suit without feathers. 325 00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:55,059 I was around here During the tough years. 326 00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:58,897 I worked turkey joints During the cranberry scare. 327 00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:01,032 I worked under the Name of dickey drumstick 328 00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:02,433 In those days. 329 00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,502 Now, get on out there! 330 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,771 At the other openings, There was more people... 331 00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:08,005 Kids, kids like this. 332 00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:09,418 Can we wait till we Get some kids there? 333 00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:10,852 I mean, look at Those two people. 334 00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:12,310 I'm laying an egg! 335 00:15:12,378 --> 00:15:13,677 Might be a nice touch. 336 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,013 Go on. 337 00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,359 Here, there's some more people. 338 00:15:17,383 --> 00:15:19,483 Happy now? 339 00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:23,732 You know this place Must have good food 340 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,923 Because I saw kotter In here earlier today. 341 00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:27,136 - oh yeah? - yeah. 342 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,559 Oh, it's captain chicken! 343 00:15:28,627 --> 00:15:32,263 I can't believe it! 344 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,331 Captain chicken, Please can I have 345 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:38,202 Your autograph, please? 346 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:55,619 Oh. 347 00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:59,557 Well, you could knock Me over with a feather. 348 00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:04,996 Pardon me. 349 00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:10,368 Is there a human on duty? 350 00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:15,439 When I'm sick my Mother puts you in soup. 351 00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:16,674 Now wait, look. 352 00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:18,554 You guys know I Need a part time job, 353 00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,188 And this is what I could get, 354 00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:22,146 And this is what I have to wear. 355 00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:23,547 How do you get home? 356 00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:27,451 Do you take the subway or fly? 357 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,121 Hey, hey, we can't Afford to buy anything. 358 00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:34,858 So if you don't mind, we'll Just lick your fingers. 359 00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:36,238 All right, come on, cut it out. 360 00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:37,594 Enough's enough. 361 00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,596 Excuse me mr. Kotter, I hope I'm not 362 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,765 Getting too personal. 363 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,468 But are you regular, barbecued, 364 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:48,238 Or extra crunchy? 365 00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:50,374 I'm steamed! 366 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,576 Now, cut it out. 367 00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,189 All right, all right, Don't get your giblets 368 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:55,980 In an uproar here. 369 00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:59,150 Let's leave my Giblets out of this! 370 00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:02,586 Sit down! 371 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,254 You guys want something? 372 00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:07,591 Yeah, yeah, I'll have A couple of wings. 373 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,360 Give me the regular dinner. 374 00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,362 I'll have a leg and a thigh. 375 00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:12,563 What about you arnold? 376 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:18,169 Uh, a... - what?! - a pair of breasts! 377 00:17:18,237 --> 00:17:20,037 Oh! 378 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,846 Hey arnold, don't you remember? 379 00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,392 It's your birthday, remember? 380 00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:31,782 It is? Oh yeah, it is! 381 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:32,984 It's my birthday. 382 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,185 It's arnold's birthday, We all chipped in. 383 00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:38,456 Oh yeah, ey, 86 that Last order, yeah. 384 00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:42,626 Okay, we're gonna buy Arnold the gluten's gorge! 385 00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,762 - yeah! - all right! 386 00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:47,799 You sure you want The gluten's gorge? 387 00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:51,568 Mm-hmm. 388 00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:53,570 One gluten's gorge. 389 00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:56,840 Now you're cooking With gas, teacher. 390 00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:05,515 Uh, 450 captain chicken. 391 00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:06,683 Can't be. 392 00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,086 It sounds like him But it couldn't be. 393 00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:11,154 It is. 394 00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:12,456 Kotter! 395 00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:15,159 What are you doing Here and in that costume?! 396 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:18,696 Well, my dog suit Was in the cleaners. 397 00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,309 What was that Number you guessed? 398 00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,698 450. 399 00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,067 Do I get a free dinner? 400 00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:26,570 No, I'm sorry, you're A few bones shy. 401 00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,038 Oh, look at this. 402 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:31,609 I see the other barnyard Creatures are here. 403 00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:35,779 - moo. - oink oink! 404 00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,459 A brand new place Opens in the neighborhood 405 00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:40,885 And they're already in here Lowering the property values. 406 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,820 What can I get for You, mr. Whitman? 407 00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,022 A dinner platter to go. 408 00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:47,191 One dinner platter to go. 409 00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:48,670 Mr. Whitman, I'm a Little surprised. 410 00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:49,805 What are you doing Eating at a cheap 411 00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:52,597 Chicken joint like this? 412 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,577 Kotter, I know every Cheap restaurant 413 00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:55,666 In this neighborhood. 414 00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,112 The diner down on the corner, 415 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,214 They give me a special On the 39 cent breakfast 416 00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:01,505 If I sit in the wobbly stool. 417 00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:02,817 Maybe you sit on the Floor they wouldn't 418 00:19:02,841 --> 00:19:05,643 Charge you anything. 419 00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:09,491 Here you go, mr. Whitman. 420 00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:11,815 Look at you. 421 00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:15,619 Dressed like a chicken. 422 00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:20,591 Watch out for the Roosters on your way home. 423 00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:24,995 The roosters! 424 00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,631 All right, here you Go, do your stuff. 425 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,501 Listen, I know these guys, Can we skip it just for now. 426 00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:31,880 I don't care if you Know these guys, 427 00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:33,415 The company policy at openings 428 00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:35,639 Is whoever orders The gluten's gorge 429 00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:38,108 Gets the full treatment From captain chicken. 430 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,310 Now, do it! 431 00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:40,588 Earn those captain bars, 432 00:19:40,612 --> 00:19:43,447 I wanna see the feathers fly. 433 00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:47,151 You're not a nice guy. 434 00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,786 Ladies and gentlemen, Can I have your attention?! 435 00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:52,122 Somebody has ordered The gluten's gorge! 436 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,658 He gets the special Treatment from captain chicken 437 00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:56,260 In person! 438 00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,463 ♪ you'll be swell ♪ 439 00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,098 ♪ you'll be great ♪ 440 00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:05,135 ♪ gonna have the whole world... 441 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,372 ♪ starting here, starting now ♪ 442 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:12,009 ♪ arnold, everything's Coming up chicken ♪ 443 00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:15,145 ♪ clear the decks, Clear the lights ♪ 444 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:18,249 ♪ we got nothing to Hit but the heights ♪ 445 00:20:18,317 --> 00:20:19,850 ♪ turkey time ♪ 446 00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:21,385 ♪ wing to mouth ♪ 447 00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:24,388 ♪ here's your chicken For you and your pals ♪♪ 448 00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:36,133 Soon available on cluck records 449 00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:38,168 And 8-track tapes. 450 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:39,414 Hey kotter, you know, 451 00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:41,338 In all my years in The chicken business, 452 00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,874 That was the worst I have ever seen. 453 00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:46,276 Thank you. 454 00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:47,389 All right, guys, Look, in this place 455 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:48,791 You gotta pay Before you're served. 456 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,125 - oh yeah. - sure, mr. Kotter. 457 00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:52,060 Hey, mr. Kotter, you know, You've been a good sport. 458 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,161 You know, we was only... 459 00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:55,519 We was only goofing On you, you know? 460 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,188 Wait... Wait a minute, Mr. Kotter, wait a minute. 461 00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,257 Mr. Kotter. 462 00:21:00,326 --> 00:21:02,559 Why'd you take this job? 463 00:21:02,628 --> 00:21:06,630 Well, there's two Things that I enjoy in life: 464 00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:09,700 Teaching sweat hogs and chewing. 465 00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:12,603 So, I could get another Job during the day, 466 00:21:12,671 --> 00:21:16,240 But this was the only Job I could at night. 467 00:21:16,309 --> 00:21:17,619 So I came down here And I caught a few 468 00:21:17,643 --> 00:21:19,510 Ranks from you guys. 469 00:21:19,579 --> 00:21:21,156 Look, there are People in this world 470 00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:22,824 That are worse off than I am. 471 00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:24,648 Oh, I know! 472 00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:27,351 There's a man down the Block in the hot dog stand 473 00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:29,687 Who's dressed like a weenie! 474 00:21:35,094 --> 00:21:39,329 And he don't even work there! 475 00:21:39,398 --> 00:21:42,065 Hey, come here, hey! 476 00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:43,312 I don't like the Looks of these guys, 477 00:21:43,336 --> 00:21:44,546 They look like Delinquents to me. 478 00:21:44,570 --> 00:21:46,203 Get 'em outta here. 479 00:21:46,272 --> 00:21:48,050 Hey, wait a second, These guys just happen 480 00:21:48,074 --> 00:21:49,384 To be my students, all right? 481 00:21:49,408 --> 00:21:50,919 And they're also my friends. 482 00:21:50,943 --> 00:21:52,643 That's right, sir! 483 00:21:52,712 --> 00:21:55,780 And this man here in this Ridiculous chicken outfit 484 00:21:55,848 --> 00:21:57,414 Is not really a chicken. 485 00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:58,827 - yeah. - thank you, arnold. 486 00:21:58,851 --> 00:22:00,651 No chicken could Last a day with us. 487 00:22:00,686 --> 00:22:04,955 That's right, he's 100% Man inside that stupid suit. 488 00:22:05,024 --> 00:22:08,092 So, up your gizzard With a rubber lizard. 489 00:22:12,932 --> 00:22:16,233 As for me. 490 00:22:16,301 --> 00:22:17,645 Let me tell you Something, kotter. 491 00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:19,047 You don't have much of a future 492 00:22:19,071 --> 00:22:20,470 In the chicken business. 493 00:22:20,539 --> 00:22:22,050 You know something, I think you're right. 494 00:22:22,074 --> 00:22:23,618 I mean, there's some Guys who can do it, 495 00:22:23,642 --> 00:22:25,076 And some guys who can't. 496 00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:27,511 You don't even deserve To wear that beak! 497 00:22:27,580 --> 00:22:29,057 All right, well, I'll tell You what I'm gonna do. 498 00:22:29,081 --> 00:22:30,492 I'm gonna turn my beak in, 499 00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:31,960 I'll go home and I'll stuff envelopes 500 00:22:31,984 --> 00:22:33,150 With my wife. 501 00:22:33,218 --> 00:22:34,696 Doesn't pay as much, But at least I don't 502 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,086 Have to dress up. 503 00:22:36,155 --> 00:22:37,466 I'll return the Rest of this outfit 504 00:22:37,490 --> 00:22:38,556 To the main office. 505 00:22:38,624 --> 00:22:40,424 Come on, guys, Let's get outta here! 506 00:22:40,492 --> 00:22:43,928 Yo, mr. Kotter, we didn't Eat our gluten's gorge. 507 00:22:43,996 --> 00:22:46,230 Yeah, look at all that chicken. 508 00:22:46,299 --> 00:22:47,675 What do you say we Get some chinese food? 509 00:22:47,699 --> 00:22:49,366 Come on! 510 00:22:49,434 --> 00:22:50,901 ♪ you'll be swell ♪ 511 00:22:50,970 --> 00:22:53,571 ♪ you'll be great ♪♪ 512 00:23:03,316 --> 00:23:09,186 ♪ 513 00:23:12,458 --> 00:23:13,802 - honey. - what? 514 00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:15,671 Do you know you slept with Your mouth open last night? 515 00:23:15,695 --> 00:23:18,929 No, but if you hum a few bars. 516 00:23:18,997 --> 00:23:20,241 I'm getting to be so funny. 517 00:23:20,265 --> 00:23:21,332 You're a funny lady. 518 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:22,777 But don't sleep with Your mouth open, 519 00:23:22,801 --> 00:23:23,945 Because you know what Happened to my aunt sophie? 520 00:23:23,969 --> 00:23:25,201 No, what? 521 00:23:25,270 --> 00:23:26,681 Well, one night she's Sleeping with her mouth open 522 00:23:26,705 --> 00:23:28,316 And a mouse runs in her mouth. 523 00:23:28,340 --> 00:23:29,439 You're kidding. 524 00:23:29,508 --> 00:23:30,886 My uncle earl, he got so excited 525 00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:33,610 He called the doctor, He said, "Doctor, mr. Md. 526 00:23:33,679 --> 00:23:34,679 You gotta help me! 527 00:23:34,713 --> 00:23:36,713 A mouse ran in my wife's mouth!" 528 00:23:36,782 --> 00:23:37,926 Doctor said, "We Gotta waive a piece 529 00:23:37,950 --> 00:23:39,427 Of cheese in front of her mouth. 530 00:23:39,451 --> 00:23:41,062 Get the mouse out, Waive a piece of cheese, 531 00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:42,486 And I'll be right over." 532 00:23:42,555 --> 00:23:43,932 - smart. - he was smart, the doctor. 533 00:23:43,956 --> 00:23:45,021 Yeah, smart man. 534 00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:47,458 So he takes a car and He runs over there, 535 00:23:47,527 --> 00:23:50,261 And he gets there fast, And he knocks on the door, 536 00:23:50,329 --> 00:23:52,174 And he walks in, and My uncle earl is waiving 537 00:23:52,198 --> 00:23:54,009 A fish in front of my Aunt sophie's mouth. 538 00:23:54,033 --> 00:23:54,898 Why was he doing that? 539 00:23:54,967 --> 00:23:56,010 That's what the doctor said! 540 00:23:56,034 --> 00:23:57,078 "Why are you doing that? 541 00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:58,435 I said a piece of cheese!" 542 00:23:58,503 --> 00:23:59,848 My uncle earl says, "I know, but I gotta 543 00:23:59,872 --> 00:24:01,404 Get the cat out." 544 00:24:01,473 --> 00:24:04,174 ♪ 545 00:24:09,014 --> 00:24:14,885 ♪ 546 00:24:16,555 --> 00:24:19,255 ♪ welcome back ♪ 547 00:24:19,324 --> 00:24:22,993 ♪ your dreams were Your ticket out ♪ 548 00:24:23,062 --> 00:24:25,196 ♪ welcome back ♪ 549 00:24:25,264 --> 00:24:30,034 ♪ to that same old place That you laughed about ♪ 550 00:24:30,102 --> 00:24:32,269 ♪ well the names Have all changed 551 00:24:32,338 --> 00:24:34,404 Since you hung around ♪ 552 00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:36,573 ♪ but those dreams have remained 553 00:24:36,642 --> 00:24:38,876 And they've turned around ♪ 554 00:24:38,944 --> 00:24:40,856 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead you ♪ 555 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,824 ♪ who'd have thought They'd lead you ♪ 556 00:24:42,848 --> 00:24:44,781 ♪ back here where we need ya ♪ 557 00:24:44,850 --> 00:24:47,017 ♪ back here where we need ya ♪ 558 00:24:47,085 --> 00:24:49,086 ♪ yeah we tease him a lot 559 00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:51,354 'cause we got him on the spot ♪ 560 00:24:51,423 --> 00:24:53,557 ♪ welcome back ♪ 561 00:24:53,625 --> 00:24:57,828 ♪ welcome back, welcome Back, welcome back ♪ 562 00:24:57,897 --> 00:24:59,963 ♪ welcome back, welcome back ♪ 563 00:25:00,032 --> 00:25:02,766 ♪ welcome back ♪ 564 00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:06,236 ♪ we always could Spot a friend ♪♪ 39811

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