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1
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Julie.
2
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:04,769
- your forgot...
- my lunch again!
3
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,758
Well, as long as you're here,
4
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:09,174
I'll tell you about
One of my uncles.
5
00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:11,043
Terrific.
6
00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:12,922
My uncle jonas, he was a doctor.
7
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:14,379
Okay.
8
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,348
What kind of doctor was he?
9
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:18,550
A very strange doctor.
10
00:00:18,618 --> 00:00:20,230
One time, this guy
Came in to his office,
11
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,387
Uncle jonas says,
"Stick out your tongue
12
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:23,888
And go to the window!"
13
00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:27,059
The guy sticks out his tongue.
14
00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:28,327
Goes to the window.
15
00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:29,705
He's standing for
About five minutes,
16
00:00:29,729 --> 00:00:31,841
Looks back at my uncle,
He says, "Will this help me?"
17
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:32,965
My uncle said, "No,
18
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,233
But I'm mad at the guy
Across the street."
19
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:45,543
♪
20
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:48,246
♪ welcome back ♪
21
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:51,983
♪ your dreams were
Your ticket out ♪
22
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,152
♪ welcome back ♪
23
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:58,990
♪ to that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
24
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,192
♪ well the names
Have all changed
25
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:03,328
Since you hung around ♪
26
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,497
♪ but those dreams have remained
27
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,766
And they've turned around ♪
28
00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:10,002
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
29
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,847
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
30
00:01:11,871 --> 00:01:13,838
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
31
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,074
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
32
00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:18,076
♪ yeah, we tease him a lot
33
00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:20,312
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
34
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:22,547
♪ welcome back ♪
35
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:28,520
♪ welcome back, welcome
Back, welcome back ♪♪
36
00:01:31,791 --> 00:01:37,662
♪
37
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,805
Hi there.
38
00:01:46,873 --> 00:01:49,974
Freddie boom-boom, the dry look.
39
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:57,249
There, perfect.
40
00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:59,184
What did you do that for?
41
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:01,686
Oh, you see, freddie, I
Like it to look messy,
42
00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:03,600
Like I didn't have to do nothin'
43
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:04,768
And I happen to look this cute
44
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:09,928
Just by accident.
45
00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:14,832
Hey, listen to what
Somebody wrote on the wall.
46
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:18,737
"Sincere sensitive
Cultured young man
47
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:24,076
Seeks meaningful
Relationship with trashy blonde.
48
00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:31,116
Must have references."
49
00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:32,929
Well, what kind of a loser
Would write something
50
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,286
Like that?
51
00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:38,590
Me.
52
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:44,396
Gentlemen.
53
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:46,598
Come on, that was the bell.
54
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,300
Combing period is over.
55
00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:50,146
Can we go and do
Some work on the inside
56
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,870
Of your heads?
57
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,483
Come on, mr. Kotter,
Just a couple little
58
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,452
Last-minute touches
Here, all right?
59
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:57,320
You see, when you're
The sweathog heartthrob,
60
00:02:57,344 --> 00:03:00,645
You got a responsibility
To look perfect.
61
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:04,483
Let's go, come on, no
More stalling, pronto!
62
00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:07,151
Hey, uh, vinnie.
63
00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:09,554
If you keep teasing
Your hair, your scalp
64
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:14,059
Is gonna leave
You for a hot-comb.
65
00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:15,827
Come on, come on.
66
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:18,563
Yeah, come on, juan,
We don't wanna be tardy.
67
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,343
All right, I'll
Be right with ya.
68
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,167
Soon as I grab a smoke.
69
00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:25,670
Oh, juan, juan, juan.
70
00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:34,545
I am surprised at you!
71
00:03:34,614 --> 00:03:37,148
Don't you know that
Cigarette smoking
72
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:41,019
Is against school rules?
73
00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:44,389
Ah!
74
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,127
So why don't you
Report me, arnold?
75
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:50,862
What, report?
76
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:56,568
Oh no!
77
00:03:56,637 --> 00:04:00,839
I would never report
You for smoking, juan.
78
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:04,008
What cigarette, I
Don't see a cigarette.
79
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:08,347
Hello, mr. Woodman
And mr. Kotter.
80
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,782
It smells like smoking,
It won't work, epstein.
81
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,751
I saw you with a cigarette.
82
00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:19,924
What cigarette?
83
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,593
That cigarette.
84
00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:25,229
And I oughta make
You go after it.
85
00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:27,010
Come on, epstein, let's
Go, get outta there.
86
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,167
Come on.
87
00:04:29,235 --> 00:04:30,613
When did you start smoking?
88
00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:32,203
What smokin', hey.
89
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:36,108
I'm just enjoying a few
Moments of privacy, you know?
90
00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:39,077
I mean, when you got nine
Brothers and sisters like I got,
91
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,090
The only time you get to
Use the bathroom by yourself
92
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,248
Is on your birthday.
93
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:45,950
Nine brothers and
Sisters living in the ghetto.
94
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:48,331
Don't bother, epstein, that
Underprivileged kid stuff
95
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:50,722
May work on kotter,
But it won't work on me.
96
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,335
Now remember,
You're talking to a man
97
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:55,093
Who hates captain kangaroo!
98
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:57,322
Takin' you over to
Principal lazarus's office.
99
00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:58,508
Wait a second, I didn't
Even get a chance
100
00:04:58,532 --> 00:04:59,897
To wash my hands!
101
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,766
How about personal hygiene?
102
00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:07,705
♪
103
00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:09,352
Principal lazarus is
Really gonna give it
104
00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:11,409
To epstein this time,
You know, kotter,
105
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,489
I haven't had this much
Fun since I suspended
106
00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:15,291
A cheerleader for
Showing her pom-poms
107
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:18,683
To a rotary club.
108
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,752
Yeah, yeah, yeah, jack.
109
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,364
Look, there's no
Need to take woodman
110
00:05:22,388 --> 00:05:23,888
Off restroom patrol.
111
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:27,658
It, uh, makes his day, you know?
112
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:30,095
By the way, jack, don't
Forget what I told you.
113
00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:33,331
This week, take the
Jets and the points!
114
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,400
How'd you do, juan?
115
00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:36,346
I'm free, I just got a warnin'.
116
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:37,468
Well, all right.
117
00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:39,604
I just don't understand.
118
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:42,374
Lazarus doesn't like anybody.
119
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:43,608
Except epstein.
120
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:44,676
Why?
121
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:49,281
Well, that's because,
Uh... Why is that?
122
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:52,050
That's because jack
Thinks of me like a son.
123
00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:53,785
Doesn't he have a son?
124
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,965
Oh, yeah, harold, but
Harold's a real disappointment
125
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:57,188
To jack, you know?
126
00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:58,767
Since he moved to
Oregon and joined that
127
00:05:58,791 --> 00:06:02,293
Vegetarian nudist colony.
128
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,840
Oh, right, the
Vegetarian nudists,
129
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:04,896
I read about them.
130
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,165
They have their own religion.
131
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,044
They believe that after you die,
132
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:12,737
You return as a cesar salad.
133
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:15,173
A vegetarian nudist colony.
134
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:18,576
Wow.
135
00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:20,489
I bet you could have
One wild weekend
136
00:06:20,513 --> 00:06:24,449
With just a couple of
Bottles of roquefort dressing.
137
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:27,919
Huh?
138
00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:29,298
What does that mean,
That I can get back
139
00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:31,922
Into the dance?
140
00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:33,758
It's not fair.
141
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,694
I don't want much out of life.
142
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:39,464
Just to transfer to
A school in scarsdale
143
00:06:39,532 --> 00:06:43,401
And my real teeth back.
144
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:45,414
Come on, vinnie, how
About lunch, I'm buyin'.
145
00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:47,117
Uh, juan, wait a second.
146
00:06:47,141 --> 00:06:48,451
You know, just 'cause
You didn't get in trouble,
147
00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:49,919
That's no reason
You should smoke,
148
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:51,609
In school or anyplace else.
149
00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:52,978
Just not healthy.
150
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:54,791
Yeah, well, that's what
Principal lazarus told me
151
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:57,616
So I promised him
I was gonna quit.
152
00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:58,816
Good boy, juan.
153
00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:00,552
That's smart thinkin'.
154
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,364
Besides, I'm sure
Sooner or later
155
00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:05,289
You'll pick up
Another bad habit.
156
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:06,702
Are you sure about
The jets and the points,
157
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:08,504
I bet 50 cents with
Julia, do you think...
158
00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:10,373
Hey, hey, look who
You're talking to, huh?
159
00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:12,563
The jets ain't a sure thing.
160
00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:16,501
♪
161
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,047
Freddie, I never tried
One of them things,
162
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:19,637
The fro comb, let me try that.
163
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:22,039
Go ahead.
164
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,742
Ow!
165
00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:28,045
I guess it don't
Work on italian hair.
166
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,948
Hello, chaps!
167
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,758
Oh.
168
00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:42,627
Smoke.
169
00:07:42,695 --> 00:07:45,363
Well, as they say,
Where there's smoke,
170
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:46,898
There's fire!
171
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,533
Fire in the school!
172
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,702
Fire in the school!
173
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,637
Ah!
174
00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:58,220
You know, arnold, you're
Gonna have a hard time
175
00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:01,179
Gettin's this baby lit.
176
00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:05,950
What's goin' on
Here, what is this?
177
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:09,621
Epstein, I thought you said
You were gonna stop smoking.
178
00:08:09,689 --> 00:08:13,157
Look, I tried, mr. Kotter,
But I can't, okay?
179
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,237
I mean, I've been smokin'
Since I was 12, you know,
180
00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:17,461
On and off, on and off.
181
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:19,864
All of a sudden, I can't quit.
182
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:21,176
You can quit, juan,
It just might be
183
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,945
A little bit more
Difficult this time.
184
00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:24,614
Do you know that since the
Surgeon general's report
185
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:28,973
On smoking in 1964, over
30 million people have quit?
186
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:32,043
Really?
187
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,946
That's right, I think I
Read it in cosmopolitan.
188
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,752
Well, I don't buy it.
189
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:42,932
Julie buys it, so it's
Layin' around the house,
190
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,422
So I read it.
191
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:47,626
So what, I mean, it's got
Some interesting articles.
192
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:51,630
"How costumes
Saved my marriage."
193
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:55,700
"Menu planning if you're
Dating a soccer team."
194
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:58,003
You know, mr. Kotter.
195
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:01,739
It ain't easy to
Break a bad habit.
196
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,486
Let me tell you
Guys a little story.
197
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:04,510
Oh.
198
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:05,911
Here we go again.
199
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:09,948
You know, for a young
Guy, he's got a lot of stories.
200
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:13,552
Can't you wait until you
Get home and tell your wife?
201
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,820
No, I never told
You this one before.
202
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,389
When I was about 12, I
Had a monkey on my back.
203
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:22,961
That's right, I was
Hooked on potato knishes.
204
00:09:23,029 --> 00:09:24,262
It all started out innocent.
205
00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:26,376
I was in coney island, a
Young kid walkin' around
206
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,633
Coney island, this guy
Came up to me, he said,
207
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,468
"Hey kid, come here.
208
00:09:30,537 --> 00:09:32,537
Want a free knish?"
209
00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:34,105
I said, "Sure why not?"
210
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,506
It was free, so I took it.
211
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:36,708
Next day, same guy.
212
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,154
"Hey, kid, come here,
You want another
213
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,244
Free knish?"
214
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,593
I said, "Great," it
Was free, it was easy,
215
00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:44,349
I was rolling in clover,
Free knish every day,
216
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,584
When was it gonna stop?
217
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:48,886
I'll tell ya when it
Stopped, two weeks later.
218
00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:50,466
I went up to the guy
And said, "Hey, mister.
219
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,824
Where's my free knish?"
220
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:55,259
"Hey, I'm sorry kid.
221
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,395
I gotta make a living.
222
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:59,931
Knishes aren't free anymore."
223
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,233
From that day on, all
My money went on knishes,
224
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:03,935
My whole allowance.
225
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:07,238
I was up to five
Knishes a day, barbarino.
226
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:09,073
Five a day.
227
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,886
Then I found out I
Didn't get the same kick
228
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:13,144
From knishes.
229
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,346
Had to move on to harder stuff.
230
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:18,482
Real junk food, horshack.
231
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:21,853
Mallomars.
232
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:24,255
Devil dogs.
233
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:26,557
Twinkies.
234
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:30,328
And even indiana fried chicken!
235
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:32,964
Got so bad, one
Morning, I woke up,
236
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:36,968
I had half a burrito
Hanging out of my mouth.
237
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:41,773
And I had no idea
How it got there.
238
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,843
Well, I had to make
A decision, epstein.
239
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:46,689
I had to decide whether
Or not I was gonna let
240
00:10:46,713 --> 00:10:48,679
Junk food rule my life.
241
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:50,448
What did you do?
242
00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:52,316
I went cold turkey.
243
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,051
Cold turkey.
244
00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:56,354
That's right, for five
Days, instead of junk food,
245
00:10:56,423 --> 00:11:01,559
I ate nothing but cold turkey.
246
00:11:01,627 --> 00:11:03,094
That's how I kicked.
247
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,530
Oh.
248
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:10,601
Truly inspiring
Story, mr. Kotter.
249
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,003
It oughta be a movie.
250
00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:16,574
"Man with the golden knish."
251
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:19,344
"A hat full of knishes."
252
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:22,480
"The knish connection."
253
00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:24,215
"The knish connection 2."
254
00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:27,385
Enough already!
255
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:29,020
Look, juan, you can quit.
256
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,200
People quit every day at
Those clinics, you know?
257
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,224
Wait, wait, wait a
Minute, mr. Kotter.
258
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,071
Epstein, man, he don't
Got the kind of money
259
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:40,698
They be payin' in
Them smoking clinics.
260
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:42,800
Epstein's family is so poor
261
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:48,273
That on thanksgiving,
They have to rent a turkey.
262
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:49,674
Look, we'll help you.
263
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,253
I mean, we'll do it ourselves.
264
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:52,921
We use the same
Principle they use at those
265
00:11:52,945 --> 00:11:55,946
Smoking clinics, it's
Called aversion therapy.
266
00:11:56,015 --> 00:12:00,318
Oh, yeah, the
Perversion therapy.
267
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,820
We just torture juan
Until he quits smoking.
268
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:06,290
It's not torture,
Barbarino, it's just therapy
269
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,693
To help juan
Break his bad habit.
270
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:09,806
Look what you get,
Look in the mirror.
271
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:10,995
I can't look at that.
272
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,309
Look in the mirror,
And get a look at you!
273
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,166
The toughest kid in school.
274
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,868
A slave to a little
Stick of tobacco.
275
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,771
Beside that, look,
You need a haircut.
276
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,641
Juan, tomorrow, we shall open up
277
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:27,211
The sweathog clinic
For the cure of smoking!
278
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,580
Are you ready?
279
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:30,682
I'll be right back.
280
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:31,683
Where are you going?
281
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,118
Going outside to have a smoke.
282
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:40,024
♪
283
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,995
"Up mr. Kotter's nose
With miss fishfeck's
284
00:12:44,063 --> 00:12:45,964
Support hose"?
285
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:49,934
♪
286
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:53,838
Well, it's not a
Bad picture of me.
287
00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:58,776
♪
288
00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:01,056
Do you think this
Will really get me
289
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,525
To quit smokin', mr. Kotter?
290
00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:04,326
Well, we're gonna try, juan,
The guys are gonna be here
291
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,095
As soon as they
Finish their last period.
292
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,251
Come on, sit down.
293
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,131
Now all we're gonna
Do is try and help you
294
00:13:09,155 --> 00:13:10,388
Unlearn a bad habit.
295
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:11,901
Well, I'm good at that,
I already unlearned
296
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:14,425
The whole tenth grade!
297
00:13:14,493 --> 00:13:15,993
Epstein.
298
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:17,973
What are you doing here,
Figured after three o'clock,
299
00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:19,175
You'd be running
Around the neighborhood,
300
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:22,466
Clickin' your beak.
301
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:25,436
Mr. Woodman, juan's
Gonna try and stop smoking.
302
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,038
Oh?
303
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:28,973
Well, it's not that easy.
304
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,042
I remember when I quit.
305
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:32,111
You smoked?
306
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,411
Yes, years ago, kotter.
307
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,680
I smoked king size.
308
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:40,551
I thought they'd
Make me look taller.
309
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,031
You know why I never smoked?
310
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:43,365
I think it was those
Cigarette commercials
311
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:45,356
On television,
They turned me off.
312
00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:49,360
I could never picture myself
Living in marlboro country.
313
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:50,973
You know what
Commercial always got to me
314
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,009
Was the one with the,
Uh, dancing cigarettes.
315
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,743
All I could see was the
Girls' legs sticking out
316
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:57,101
Of the big cigarette box.
317
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,938
Kotter, they drove me crazy.
318
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,284
For three years,
I wanted to marry
319
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:05,543
A six-foot tall pack of
Mentholated old golds!
320
00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:07,523
That's not bad, mr. Woodman,
I heard about a guy once
321
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:09,480
Who had a crush on a camel.
322
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,115
A crush on a camel!
323
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,318
That's funny, kotter.
324
00:14:18,224 --> 00:14:20,035
Relax, juan, all we're gonna do
325
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:22,359
Is try and help you
Unlearn a bad habit.
326
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:23,973
Yeah, well, I'll do
Anything it takes
327
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:27,832
To stop smoking.
328
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:29,178
What are you gonna do with that?
329
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,213
Don't worry about it, it's
The wall-to-wall carpeting
330
00:14:31,237 --> 00:14:32,403
From mr. Woodman's office.
331
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,905
Get him on the carpet.
On the carpet, okay.
332
00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:36,419
Okay, juan, I tell you
What we're gonna do.
333
00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:38,387
Me and vinnie, we're gonna
Start a little bit electricity,
334
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:40,444
You know, like,
Create a shock, okay?
335
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,658
Light up, your favorite
Blend, light 'em up.
336
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,660
Now every time you
Take a puff of this,
337
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:45,764
We're gonna shock you.
338
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:47,196
So you won't wanna
Smoke no more.
339
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,731
Okay, start, let's go.
340
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:50,021
You ready? Ready?
341
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,610
- okay.
- okay.
342
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,895
Ah!
343
00:14:57,964 --> 00:14:59,642
So when are you
Guys gonna shock me?
344
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:01,544
Something's wrong,
Get up, sit over there.
345
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:02,645
Come on, try it on me.
346
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:03,846
- you ready?
- ready.
347
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:05,737
Okay.
348
00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,775
Ow!
349
00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:13,310
Okay, sport, sit
Down. Let's do it.
350
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:14,457
You gotta have both
Your feet on the carpet.
351
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:15,558
Put your feet on the carpet.
352
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:16,582
All right.
353
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,696
One, two, three,
Four, five, six,
354
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,918
Seven, eight, nine, ten.
355
00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:23,688
Ow!
356
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,401
All right, this isn't
Workin', we have to go with
357
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,425
Drastic measures.
358
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:28,192
Let's get the specialist!
359
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,193
Send in the specialist!
360
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,262
All right, send
In the specialist.
361
00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:37,847
Hello, are you the specialist?
362
00:15:37,871 --> 00:15:39,014
Are you the doctor, yeah?
363
00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:40,337
I'm the doctor.
364
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:42,072
I'm the specialist.
365
00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:43,274
Nice to meet you.
366
00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:44,675
How do you do?
367
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:46,144
How about the patient?
368
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:47,292
What about the patient?
369
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,091
I want to see the patient!
370
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:53,117
I'm telling you, with you,
I'm losing my patience!
371
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,353
Is this the patient?
372
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,588
This is the patient.
373
00:15:57,656 --> 00:15:59,701
The spots on your hand,
You ever had them before?
374
00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:02,193
- yeah.
- well, you got 'em again!
375
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:06,464
Doctor, do you have
The patient's file to sign?
376
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:08,599
Got the patient's file.
377
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:13,971
File the patient's file.
378
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,784
The patient's file is filed.
379
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,553
Now let's file the patient.
380
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:18,809
File the patient.
381
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:21,078
Doctor, this reminds me
Of a case I heard about.
382
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,225
A delicatessen owner
Who was only interested
383
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:26,183
In his wife when she
Dressed like a smoked salmon.
384
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:27,797
Ah, was it hard on the wife?
385
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:32,256
Yes, especially when
He tried to filet her.
386
00:16:33,058 --> 00:16:34,124
Here's the patient.
387
00:16:34,193 --> 00:16:36,494
Was in here before.
388
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:40,964
Where is it, hello?
389
00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:43,367
So, tell us about your sex life.
390
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:46,136
What?
391
00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:47,304
Your sex life.
392
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:49,073
Horshack.
393
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,253
What does his sex life
Have to do with smoking?
394
00:16:51,277 --> 00:16:53,644
Nothing.
395
00:16:53,712 --> 00:16:57,481
I just thought it would
Be fun to hear about it.
396
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,528
Horshack, let's leave
People's sex lives
397
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:00,684
Out of this.
398
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,913
At least until you
Get one of your own.
399
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:08,759
Okay, therapy,
Let's go, first of all,
400
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:10,194
Sight aversion!
401
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:14,164
Sight aversion!
402
00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:17,602
Hi, there.
403
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:21,238
I been smokin' four
Packs for ten years and...
404
00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:26,744
I feel perfectly fine.
405
00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:28,079
Sound aversion!
406
00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:31,215
Sound aversion!
407
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:34,418
Don't smoke!
408
00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:38,989
Don't smoke!
409
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,662
All right, smell aversion!
410
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,063
Smell aversion!
411
00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:47,132
What?
412
00:17:47,199 --> 00:17:49,199
Smell that!
413
00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:51,046
Cigarette butts
Grounded together.
414
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,103
Terrible!
415
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,438
Smell this cigar,
Soggy with terrible,
416
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,473
Disgusting... Smell that!
417
00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:58,675
Ah, that's the worst of the lot!
418
00:17:58,744 --> 00:17:59,955
I know we went
Into your gym locker
419
00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:01,846
And got your sweat socks.
420
00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:08,919
You think this is easy for us?
421
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:12,056
Now, juan, we are
Not here to judge you.
422
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:15,259
There is no right and no wrong.
423
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:18,429
No juan, do you
Truly wish to give up
424
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:21,932
Your disgusting,
Repulsive smoking habit?
425
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:23,100
Yes.
426
00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:25,014
Do you think that you can live
427
00:18:25,038 --> 00:18:27,771
Without the flavor and the aroma
428
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,474
Of your favorite blend?
429
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:30,641
Yes.
430
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:35,413
And you will not miss
A long, satisfying puff?
431
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,482
I don't know.
432
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,582
Oh, so you still like to smoke.
433
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:39,651
Here, have one.
434
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:41,563
- give 'em two.
- hey, have three.
435
00:18:41,587 --> 00:18:43,254
Have four, all right.
436
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:50,594
What do you have
To say now, mr. Puff?
437
00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:54,298
Doesn't taste so
Good, does it, mr. Puff?
438
00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:57,368
Hey, freddie, you want to trade?
439
00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:59,703
I got liverwurst
And chocolate sauce
440
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:03,307
On date nut bread.
441
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,209
No.
442
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:08,578
I don't even want
To think about it.
443
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,407
- did you hear that?
- yeah.
444
00:19:10,449 --> 00:19:13,984
It's the dumbest
Sandwich I ever heard of.
445
00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:16,453
Now this, this is lunch.
446
00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:20,391
Peanut butter and squid.
447
00:19:20,459 --> 00:19:23,260
On pumpernickel.
448
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:26,430
Hold the pickle,
Hold the relish.
449
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:29,934
Yeah, but you
Can't hold it down.
450
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:33,070
Now this is lunch.
451
00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:36,908
Pig knuckles on jewish rye.
452
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,809
With virgin island dressing.
453
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:39,944
Nice.
454
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:44,293
Oh... What do you
Got, mr. Kotter?
455
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:45,928
Oh, nothing, it's just
Something julie made,
456
00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:49,586
I don't know what it is.
457
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:50,521
Hey, juan.
458
00:19:50,589 --> 00:19:53,024
Hey, how you doin'?
459
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:54,536
Hey, it's been seven
Days since I had
460
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:55,960
My last cigarette.
461
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:59,563
Yay!
462
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:00,564
You miss cigarettes?
463
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:01,898
Nah.
464
00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:04,901
I got this pipe.
465
00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:06,170
What do you think?
466
00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:11,275
Frankly, juan, you look
Like sherlock sheephead.
467
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:13,188
Juan, look, I'm a little
Disappointed in you.
468
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,157
Mr. Kotter, I read
That smokin' a pipe
469
00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:17,514
Is a lot less harmful
Than smokin' cigarettes.
470
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:19,394
Oh, yeah, well,
Where'd you read that?
471
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:21,185
I think it was cosmopolitan.
472
00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:22,352
All right, look, juan.
473
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:23,665
You got to make up
Your own mind, I mean,
474
00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:24,889
You're old enough to smoke.
475
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:26,468
If you want to smoke,
That's your business,
476
00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:28,926
You can make your own decisions.
477
00:20:28,994 --> 00:20:31,695
What is that?
478
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:33,864
What?
479
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:36,433
That's a potato knish, I
Thought you kicked the habit.
480
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:41,972
Oh... Very disillusioning,
Mr. Kotter.
481
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,552
All right, so I'm hooked,
I have to have a knish
482
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,609
Once in a while, so
What's the big deal?
483
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:47,222
Well, gentlemen,
There is only one thing
484
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:50,181
We can do to help this
Poor, tortured creature now.
485
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,249
Smell aversion!
486
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:53,317
Smell aversion!
487
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:54,985
Get away!
488
00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:56,353
I'm your teacher.
489
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:59,256
Not your ordinary knish junkie.
490
00:20:59,325 --> 00:21:01,169
Look, if you had to eat
Julie's tuna casserole
491
00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:03,461
Twice a week, you'd
Sneak a few knishes
492
00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:06,063
Once in a while, too.
493
00:21:06,131 --> 00:21:09,132
All right, look, epstein,
I got a proposition.
494
00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:11,836
I'll give up knishes if
You give up smoking,
495
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:13,570
What do you say?
496
00:21:13,639 --> 00:21:15,506
You got a deal.
497
00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:23,881
♪
498
00:21:48,374 --> 00:21:49,640
What is that?
499
00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:52,776
This is a bicentennial knish.
500
00:21:52,845 --> 00:21:58,716
♪
501
00:22:20,506 --> 00:22:21,571
Julie.
502
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:22,917
Did I ever tell
You about my uncle
503
00:22:22,941 --> 00:22:26,843
Who is a famous explorer,
Famous frontiersman?
504
00:22:26,912 --> 00:22:28,556
You mean he was in
All the history books
505
00:22:28,580 --> 00:22:29,580
And everything.
506
00:22:29,648 --> 00:22:31,760
Oh, I mean, alongside
Daniel boone
507
00:22:31,784 --> 00:22:34,218
And davy crockett,
You'll find the name
508
00:22:34,286 --> 00:22:37,355
Of hawkeye kotter.
509
00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:38,634
Yes, you look in
Any of the books,
510
00:22:38,658 --> 00:22:41,258
He's in all of these
Books, and hawkeye kotter
511
00:22:41,327 --> 00:22:43,661
Was famous, in fact,
I remember one time,
512
00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:44,807
My uncle hawkeye,
This was written
513
00:22:44,831 --> 00:22:46,308
In history books, I
Didn't know about it,
514
00:22:46,332 --> 00:22:47,676
But I read about
It in history books.
515
00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:49,867
He is riding along
On his horse, right?
516
00:22:49,935 --> 00:22:51,613
And he sees a man on the prairie
517
00:22:51,637 --> 00:22:53,381
With his ear to the ground.
518
00:22:53,405 --> 00:22:55,639
What was he doing with
His ear to the ground?
519
00:22:55,707 --> 00:22:57,486
My uncle hawkeye
Figured he must be listening
520
00:22:57,510 --> 00:22:59,610
To something, so
He gets off his horse
521
00:22:59,678 --> 00:23:01,089
And puts his ear to the ground.
522
00:23:01,113 --> 00:23:03,113
Doesn't hear a thing.
523
00:23:03,182 --> 00:23:06,183
He says, uh,
"Excuse me, partner,
524
00:23:06,252 --> 00:23:08,051
I don't hear a thing."
525
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:09,364
Guy looks at him,
He says, "I know,
526
00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:11,155
It's been like that all day."
527
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:15,437
All right, you
Didn't like that one?
528
00:23:15,461 --> 00:23:17,405
I'll tell you another
One about uncle hawkeye.
529
00:23:17,429 --> 00:23:19,897
Uncle hawkeye is riding
And he sees an indian.
530
00:23:19,966 --> 00:23:22,406
This time, the indian's got
His ear to the ground, right?
531
00:23:22,468 --> 00:23:24,768
Same as the guy before, okay?
532
00:23:24,837 --> 00:23:27,003
So he says, the
Indian... Getting funnier.
533
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:28,905
Shh!
534
00:23:28,974 --> 00:23:30,541
"Covered wagon.
535
00:23:30,609 --> 00:23:34,578
14, soldiers, cavalry.
536
00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:36,447
Woman in covered wagon.
537
00:23:36,515 --> 00:23:38,415
Have baby.
538
00:23:38,484 --> 00:23:43,687
14, wagon, one blue."
539
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:45,422
Uncle says, "That's amazing!
540
00:23:45,491 --> 00:23:47,324
You can hear them coming?"
541
00:23:47,393 --> 00:23:48,959
Indian says, "No.
542
00:23:49,027 --> 00:23:51,962
Ran over me a half hour ago."
543
00:23:52,030 --> 00:23:57,901
♪
544
00:24:00,439 --> 00:24:06,310
♪
545
00:24:08,046 --> 00:24:10,780
♪ welcome back ♪
546
00:24:10,849 --> 00:24:14,551
♪ your dreams were
Your ticket out ♪
547
00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:16,786
♪ welcome back ♪
548
00:24:16,856 --> 00:24:21,558
♪ to that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
549
00:24:21,626 --> 00:24:23,727
♪ well the names
Have all changed
550
00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:25,862
Since you hung around ♪
551
00:24:25,931 --> 00:24:28,032
♪ but those dreams have remained
552
00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:30,434
And they've turned around ♪
553
00:24:30,503 --> 00:24:32,503
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead you ♪
554
00:24:32,571 --> 00:24:34,571
♪ who'd have thought
They'd lead you ♪
555
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,480
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
556
00:24:36,542 --> 00:24:38,642
♪ back here where we need ya ♪
557
00:24:38,710 --> 00:24:40,578
♪ yeah we tease him a lot
558
00:24:40,646 --> 00:24:42,813
'cause we got him on the spot ♪
559
00:24:42,881 --> 00:24:45,015
♪ welcome back ♪
560
00:24:45,084 --> 00:24:49,386
♪ welcome back, welcome
Back, welcome back ♪
561
00:24:49,455 --> 00:24:51,589
♪ welcome back, welcome back ♪
562
00:24:51,657 --> 00:24:54,391
♪ welcome back ♪
563
00:24:54,460 --> 00:24:58,195
♪ we always could
Spot a friend ♪
564
00:24:58,264 --> 00:25:00,297
♪ welcome back ♪
565
00:25:00,366 --> 00:25:02,533
♪ and I smile when I think
566
00:25:02,602 --> 00:25:05,068
How you must've been ♪
567
00:25:05,137 --> 00:25:07,017
♪ and I know what a scene... ♪♪
39372
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