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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,802 --> 00:00:05,403 [ joe cocker's "With a little Help from my friends" plays ] 2 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,185 -♪ baby ♪ 3 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,921 -♪ high with a little help From my friends ♪ 4 00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:25,090 -♪ said I'm gonna make it With my friends ♪ 5 00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:27,859 -♪ try with a little help From my friends ♪ 6 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,894 -♪ oh, oh, I'm gonna keep on tryin' ♪ 7 00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:32,797 -♪ get by with a little help From my friends ♪ 8 00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:35,066 -♪ I'm gonna keep on tryin', Now, babe ♪ 9 00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:38,737 -♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 10 00:00:40,006 --> 00:00:41,139 [ wagner's "Bridal chorus" Plays ] 11 00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:42,674 -it seems to me 12 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:46,077 a wedding means something different to everyone. 13 00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:50,882 to some, it's an occasion for simple pleasures. 14 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:55,152 and for others, a wedding's implications are more profound. 15 00:00:55,154 --> 00:00:56,254 -[ snoring ] 16 00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:59,157 -for some, it's a time for contemplation. 17 00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:03,561 for others, a time for regrets. 18 00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:07,499 a chance to measure just how far we've come in life... 19 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,000 -so beautiful. 20 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:11,970 -...Against the promise of those just starting out. 21 00:01:23,783 --> 00:01:26,418 -we are gathered here today 22 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:31,989 To join candy and peter In holy matrimony. 23 00:01:31,991 --> 00:01:34,759 Who gives this bride away? 24 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:35,526 -I do. 25 00:01:35,528 --> 00:01:37,228 -the bride was the daughter 26 00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:40,565 of arthur jensen, my dad's boss. 27 00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:43,668 fortunately for my father, jensen liked him enough 28 00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:46,904 to send an invitation to him and his immediate family. 29 00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:51,909 unfortunately for me, I qualified as immediate family. 30 00:01:51,911 --> 00:01:55,413 -...For richer or poorer, For better or worse, 31 00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:57,983 In sickness, and in health... 32 00:01:57,985 --> 00:02:00,151 [ coins clatter ] 33 00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:02,320 -...Till death do you part? -can it! 34 00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:03,421 -I do. 35 00:02:03,423 --> 00:02:07,392 -I now pronounce you Man and wife. 36 00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:11,396 [ mendelssohn's "Wedding march" Plays ] 37 00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:16,033 -mm. Mm. 38 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,103 -and with that, 39 00:02:19,105 --> 00:02:23,408 miss candy jensen became mrs. Peter rotelli. 40 00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:26,844 and my mother completely lost it. 41 00:02:26,846 --> 00:02:28,646 -[ sobbing ] 42 00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:36,487 [ sobbing ] 43 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:39,657 -norma, you okay? It's been 20 minutes. 44 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:43,093 -weddings always do this to me. 45 00:02:43,095 --> 00:02:44,863 -weddings, bar mitzvahs, 46 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:48,199 detergent and fabric softener in one... 47 00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:53,871 -it was just so beautiful! They're so perfect together. 48 00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:57,108 -I guess you could say we were all pretty impressed. 49 00:02:57,110 --> 00:03:00,245 -I just want To get this over with. 50 00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:00,978 -me too. 51 00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:02,780 -what are you talking about? 52 00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:05,984 Don't you know weddings are The best places to meet babes? 53 00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:08,353 -yeah, right. Like you'd know. 54 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,553 -[ chuckles ] 55 00:03:09,555 --> 00:03:10,789 In order -- 56 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,423 Weddings, uh, funerals, 57 00:03:12,425 --> 00:03:15,459 Uh, airport lounges, Uh, laundromats... 58 00:03:15,461 --> 00:03:17,996 -but wayne's field experience aside, 59 00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:20,732 that day, I was looking to forget about women. 60 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:23,334 -...Bus stops, uh... -well, one woman, anyway. 61 00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:25,770 -you know very well What you did, kevin. 62 00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:26,971 -what?! 63 00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:28,773 -honest to god, if you asked me today, 64 00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:31,075 I couldn't tell you what I'd done. 65 00:03:31,077 --> 00:03:32,743 -winnie, what did I do? 66 00:03:32,745 --> 00:03:35,613 -[ scoffs ] -just give me a little hint. 67 00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:37,916 -maybe if you just Slowed down a little, 68 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,517 You wouldn't need a hint. 69 00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:41,252 -but, winnie, I -- 70 00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:44,421 -and don't tell me you love me. It's not gonna work. 71 00:03:44,423 --> 00:03:47,859 -and there you had it -- tried, convicted, and hung, 72 00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:50,161 all of which led me to... 73 00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:51,395 this. 74 00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:54,132 -...Public auctions, Uh, taxi stands, 75 00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:56,000 Animal shelters. 76 00:03:56,002 --> 00:03:58,302 -in matters of women and weddings, 77 00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,538 I was pretty sure where I stood. 78 00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:03,875 -[ sighs ] I hate this. 79 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:06,511 [ blows nose, Continues sobbing ] 80 00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:10,815 -arnolds! [ laughs ] 81 00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,149 -art jensen. 82 00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:15,052 when it came to my family, he was all heart. 83 00:04:15,054 --> 00:04:18,790 -norma. Oh, norma, look at you. 84 00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,692 [ cork pops ] Ohh. 85 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:23,394 -and when it came to my mother... -oh! 86 00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:24,295 he was all hands. 87 00:04:24,297 --> 00:04:26,497 -ahh... Norma, norma, norma. 88 00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:30,201 When are you gonna Leave this guy and Run away with me, huh? 89 00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:31,436 -uh, arthur... -[ laughs ] 90 00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,004 -jackie boy, Good to see you. 91 00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,205 Where's beverly? 92 00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,441 -well, she's crying her eyes out In the bathroom. 93 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,508 She's so happy. 94 00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:39,243 I spent three months' salary On this wedding -- 95 00:04:39,245 --> 00:04:40,645 My own wife's Not gonna see it. 96 00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:41,779 -[ chuckles ] 97 00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:44,549 -you remember kevin, Our youngest. -I do. 98 00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:45,550 -kevin. -hi. 99 00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:46,551 -and wayne. 100 00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:48,486 Wayne, wayne, Wayne, wayne. 101 00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:52,624 Wayne, this may not be the best Place to tell you, but... 102 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,159 Well, w-we're cutting back At norcom, 103 00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:57,795 And we're gonna have to Let you go. 104 00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:03,768 Just kidding! [ laughs ] 105 00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:05,536 Just kidding, wayne! 106 00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,572 -[ groans ] 107 00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:08,640 -[ laughs ] 108 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:11,142 Candy, you remember Wayne from work, don't you? 109 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,845 -actually, I don't believe We've ever met. 110 00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,079 -well, sure we have. 111 00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:17,314 We went out last august, Remember? 112 00:05:17,316 --> 00:05:19,784 -uh...No. 113 00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:22,086 -[ clears throat ] Thank you, arthur. 114 00:05:22,088 --> 00:05:24,054 -beautiful wedding. -thank you for coming, jack! 115 00:05:24,056 --> 00:05:26,090 -and with that, the festivities got under way. 116 00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:27,758 -you look beautiful. -officially. 117 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:31,395 not that I was a stranger to these things. 118 00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:34,999 I knew the drill -- the fake smiles, the small talk... 119 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,000 -hi! 120 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,535 -...The incredible women... 121 00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:39,237 -linda carr. 122 00:05:40,806 --> 00:05:43,708 -hi. Kevin. 123 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:45,109 Kevin arnold. 124 00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:47,979 -hi, kevin-kevin arnold. 125 00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:51,149 -so...Quite a place, huh? 126 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,418 And how about that ceremony? 127 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:56,454 -hey, nothing wrong with being friendly, right? 128 00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:58,556 -this is aunt muriel. 129 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:03,027 -aren't you a peach! 130 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,529 I was just gonna say 131 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:07,899 I couldn't shake another hand If you paid me. 132 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:10,701 But for you, I'll make an exception. 133 00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:11,970 [ chuckles ] 134 00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,471 [ "Bad, bad leroy brown" plays ] 135 00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:14,472 -thanks. 136 00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:15,473 -uh-huh. 137 00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:17,575 all in all, it was clear 138 00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:20,712 this night was gonna be some fun. 139 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,781 there was mixing and dancing and music... 140 00:06:23,783 --> 00:06:25,116 such as it was. 141 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,952 -♪ bad, bad leroy brown ♪ 142 00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:30,522 -there was food and flowers and booze everywhere. 143 00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:32,757 -♪ baddest man In the whole damn town ♪ 144 00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:36,427 -people who could barely walk got up and danced. 145 00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:40,164 small children skidded across the floor like hockey pucks. 146 00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:42,900 and friendly folk from all walks of life 147 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:46,070 sat down to break bread. 148 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,206 -since we'll be Sharing a table together, 149 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,408 I think we should Introduce ourselves. 150 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,743 -somehow...I couldn't wait. 151 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:56,080 -I'll start. My name is morgan. 152 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,950 I enjoy old movies And listening to albums. 153 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:02,453 I'm also pre-law. 154 00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:06,090 -I'm cynthia. I'm pre-med. [ chuckles ] 155 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:09,493 And how about you? 156 00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:11,629 -I'm wayne. 157 00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:13,597 Pass the a1. 158 00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:20,104 -yeah, nothing like the patented arnold ice-breaker. 159 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,206 -I'm missing an ovary. 160 00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:25,309 -what? 161 00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:27,078 -I like to be Right up front about it 162 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,480 Because it really doesn't Bother me at all. 163 00:07:30,484 --> 00:07:32,016 -that's good. 164 00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:35,053 -hi. Everybody Having a good time? 165 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,821 -great. -you look beautiful. 166 00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:38,422 -you're so lucky, candy. 167 00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:41,292 -[ sighs ] are you Enjoying yourself, kevin? 168 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,192 -yeah. 169 00:07:42,194 --> 00:07:43,594 It's... 170 00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:44,863 [ cork pops ] It's... 171 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:46,163 It's great. 172 00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:47,631 -well, good. 173 00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:49,800 Uh, don't forget, There's more food over at the -- 174 00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:51,435 -hi. 175 00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:55,506 -uh [chuckles] At the, uh...Buffet...Table. 176 00:07:57,844 --> 00:07:59,777 -I guess she didn't see me. 177 00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:01,145 -yeah. 178 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:03,948 -does anyone mind If I take this centerpiece? 179 00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:06,951 They just throw it out At the end anyway. 180 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,455 -so much for dinner. 181 00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:13,624 I decided to lay low, remain inconspicuous... 182 00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:16,360 -♪ for once I can say this is Mine, you can't take it ♪ 183 00:08:16,362 --> 00:08:19,530 -...You know, blend in with the crowd. 184 00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:22,233 -♪ I got love, I can make it ♪ 185 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:23,634 -[ clears throat ] 186 00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:25,436 -though, while I was blending... 187 00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:27,772 -come on. Dance with me One time, please? Just one time. 188 00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:30,108 -maybe later, arthur, I promise. -later? Why? 189 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,742 -...Mom was fending... 190 00:08:31,744 --> 00:08:33,444 -come on. One dance, all right? 191 00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:34,445 -oh! -oh! 192 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,813 -...For all she was worth. 193 00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:38,349 -[ laughs ] that's okay. That's all right. No problem. 194 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:41,419 -hi, kevin-kevin arnold. 195 00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:45,022 -oh! Hi. 196 00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:47,225 It's just "Kevin," you know. 197 00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:49,626 -so, having The time of your life? 198 00:08:49,628 --> 00:08:51,029 -yeah, it's great. 199 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,497 -well, I'm just bored crazy. 200 00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:56,401 You know, I think couples Should do everyone a favor 201 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:58,202 And just elope. 202 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,805 -yeah. I know what you mean. 203 00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:02,106 -please don't walk away, 204 00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:04,541 and I promise I'll say something interesting. 205 00:09:04,543 --> 00:09:07,311 -so, how old are you, anyway? 206 00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:08,946 -let's see, here. 207 00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:09,947 -19. 208 00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:11,349 -excellent. 209 00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:13,384 -I'm a sophomore at state. 210 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:16,987 -oh, a state man, huh? 211 00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:19,189 -yep. That's me. 212 00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:23,561 -you know what would be A lot of fun -- 213 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,730 That is, if you're a fun guy. 214 00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,599 Are you a fun guy, Kevin-kevin? 215 00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:32,503 -yeah. Sure. 216 00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:34,438 I love fun. 217 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:39,610 -well, um... 218 00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:42,213 You got any grass? 219 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:45,016 -grass? 220 00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:47,952 Here? 221 00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:54,659 -yeah, I stashed a kilo in the hat-check room. 222 00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:57,828 -sorry. Fresh out. 223 00:09:57,830 --> 00:10:01,231 -hmm. That's too bad. 224 00:10:01,233 --> 00:10:02,833 That would have been fun. 225 00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:05,770 Well...Bye! 226 00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:10,341 -it may have been a turning point. 227 00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:13,544 sure, I had winnie. but this was a wedding. 228 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:15,880 and if weddings were a time for romance, 229 00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:17,715 a time for possibility, 230 00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:20,050 a time when we might embrace the unexpected... 231 00:10:20,052 --> 00:10:21,118 -linda. 232 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,353 -...Then this was my time. 233 00:10:23,355 --> 00:10:24,488 -yeah? 234 00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:27,792 -I think I can get us Some champagne. 235 00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:33,998 -meet me at the gazebo In half an hour. Okay? 236 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,800 -sure. The gazebo. 237 00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:38,669 -whatever that was. 238 00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:43,841 and suddenly, with linda's words, 239 00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:45,776 everything changed. 240 00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:49,279 the annoying guests, arthur jensen... 241 00:10:49,281 --> 00:10:52,149 all became none other than harmless prologue 242 00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:54,351 to the day's main event. 243 00:10:54,353 --> 00:10:57,188 there was no other way to put it -- 244 00:10:57,190 --> 00:11:00,024 things were definitely looking up. 245 00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:06,897 -♪ I am invincible ♪ 246 00:11:06,899 --> 00:11:09,333 -as afternoon turned into night, 247 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:12,035 things began to change. 248 00:11:12,037 --> 00:11:15,339 the music got slower, the champagne flowed, 249 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,408 romance took center stage... 250 00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,210 for arthur jensen, anyway. 251 00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,878 -norma, this dress Really flatters you. 252 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:23,914 -[ sighs ] It's nothing. 253 00:11:23,916 --> 00:11:25,216 -nothing? 254 00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:28,085 If this is nothing, I'd like to see something. 255 00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:29,953 -oh! 256 00:11:29,955 --> 00:11:31,155 -as for me... 257 00:11:31,157 --> 00:11:32,223 -bartender! 258 00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:35,293 -...I was on a mission. 259 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:37,061 -excuse me. 260 00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:39,697 Excuse me! 261 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,032 -just one little hitch. 262 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,901 -hey, what does it take To get a drink around here?! 263 00:11:45,404 --> 00:11:47,237 -hey, kev. 264 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:49,373 -dad! 265 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,041 What are you doing here? 266 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,510 -what do you mean? 267 00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:55,746 -well, you know, Shouldn't you be dancing 268 00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:57,548 With mom...Or someone? 269 00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,484 -can't -- She's already dancing. 270 00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,785 -your wife's a regular ballerina Out there, jack. 271 00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:04,121 Now, look at you -- You're standing around here. 272 00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:06,657 What's the matter? Your corns Acting up or something? 273 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:07,658 -bartender! 274 00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,660 Let me tell you Something, jack. 275 00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,829 Everything costs At these things. 276 00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:13,097 Flowers? 277 00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:15,066 You have no idea how expensive A couple of tulips are. 278 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,301 -hm. -you know, you want the napkins Folded to look like birds? 279 00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:18,702 That's extra. 280 00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:22,106 Maybe I should quit norcom And get into catering. 281 00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:23,841 [ both laugh ] Ah, jack, listen. 282 00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:26,544 I love your lifestyle, man. You keep it real simple. 283 00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:28,479 Plus, you have norma. 284 00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:32,349 Boy! Sometimes I wish I were in your shoes. 285 00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:36,087 Providing, of course, I could keep my own salary. 286 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,287 [ laughs ] 287 00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:41,592 -but somehow, if dad was looking for me to help... 288 00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,027 -I got to go. 289 00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:45,195 -...I'm afraid he was on his own. 290 00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:47,330 -would you like a drink? 291 00:12:47,332 --> 00:12:48,833 [ up-tempo music plays ] 292 00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:50,601 -please? 293 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,436 [ scoffs ] come on, wayne. Let me have some of yours. 294 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,338 -get your own champagne. 295 00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,672 -I'd do it for you! 296 00:12:55,674 --> 00:12:58,142 -you know, I believe you would. 297 00:12:58,144 --> 00:12:59,610 I could give you this bottle. 298 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,645 As a matter of fact, If it was up to me, 299 00:13:01,647 --> 00:13:03,380 I'd give it to you Right now. 300 00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:05,016 -bingo. 301 00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:08,686 -but according to the state Drinking law, you're underage, 302 00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:11,522 So if I did, I'd be committing a crime, 303 00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:12,790 And that would be wrong. 304 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,124 -great. 305 00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:16,894 suddenly, my brother had become joe friday. 306 00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:19,563 -hi. 307 00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:21,332 [ chuckles ] hi. 308 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,800 -candy! 309 00:13:23,936 --> 00:13:26,570 Candy, wait up! 310 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,407 'scuse me. 311 00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:32,743 -and...I was in the bubbly. 312 00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:35,045 -hi. How about one dance With the bride? 313 00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:37,648 -no, I don't think That would be possible. 314 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,483 -w-- h-how about later, then? 315 00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:42,420 -no. I don't think That would be possible, either. 316 00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:46,356 -[ chuckles ] Smooth move, ex-lax. 317 00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:49,760 -possibly...A mistake. 318 00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:51,995 -give me that. 319 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,631 -hey! 320 00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,032 -and there it went -- 321 00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:58,902 my last chance at romance, intrigue, adventure. 322 00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:03,340 my last chance at linda. 323 00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:05,609 -thanks. Yeah. 324 00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:06,676 Here you go. 325 00:14:06,678 --> 00:14:09,546 -and then, just as things looked hopeless, 326 00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:10,814 a miracle. 327 00:14:10,816 --> 00:14:13,751 suddenly, nothing stood between me and destiny. 328 00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:16,186 -there you are, handsome! 329 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:19,423 -nothing but mrs. Robinson's stunt double. 330 00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:21,892 -is it time for my dance yet? 331 00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:23,794 -uh... 332 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,330 [ "I am woman" plays ] 333 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,470 -ooh, your arms are so strong! 334 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:35,138 I bet you could pick me up Like a feather. 335 00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:38,576 -sure. One of those rare, 180-pound feathers. 336 00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:39,877 -you want to try? 337 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:40,878 -no! 338 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,613 Uh...No, I'd better not. 339 00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:45,348 -[ chuckles ] Why don't you lead for a while? 340 00:14:45,350 --> 00:14:48,986 -uh, actually, I got to go. Thanks for the dance, though. 341 00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:50,854 -sure thing, lamb chop. 342 00:14:50,856 --> 00:14:54,425 -and, once and for all, I was on my way. 343 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,260 driven, unrelenting, 344 00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:58,362 determined to get that champagne, 345 00:14:58,364 --> 00:14:59,763 no matter what it took. 346 00:14:59,765 --> 00:15:01,098 -look! 347 00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:06,370 -as it happened, it didn't take much. 348 00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:09,540 and with that, I was on my way. 349 00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,742 [ crickets chirping ] 350 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,946 I took a moment to contemplate my good fortune, 351 00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,480 my incredible luck, 352 00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:19,951 the remarkable turn of events that had brought me here. 353 00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:25,823 sitting with a cold bottle of champagne, waiting... 354 00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:29,760 pouring... 355 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,997 sipping... 356 00:15:32,999 --> 00:15:36,400 slurping... 357 00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:39,170 guzzling... 358 00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,939 chugging... 359 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:45,676 sprawling... 360 00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:47,979 sitting there one hour later, 361 00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:51,548 three sheets to the wind, drunk as a skunk, 362 00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:54,352 watching my amazing hand. 363 00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:00,757 -kevin. 364 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,761 You know very well What you've done. 365 00:16:04,763 --> 00:16:06,863 How could you? 366 00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:08,432 -uh-oh. 367 00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:13,737 -kevin? 368 00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:15,973 -linda. 369 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:16,841 -kevin. 370 00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:18,475 [ pop! ] -I had only one choice -- 371 00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:21,712 attempt to play it straight. 372 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:25,015 -I brought you Some champagne. 373 00:16:30,555 --> 00:16:34,858 -look. I didn't really feel Much like champagne, anyway. 374 00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:39,096 -oh. 375 00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:40,831 Yeah. 376 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,499 Right. 377 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:48,572 -and I guess that's when I realized a couple of things. 378 00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:51,808 one -- I'd just lost out to a guy in a really bad tux. 379 00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:54,978 -I better be going now. 380 00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:59,950 -and two -- for 16 years, I'd taken standing up for granted. 381 00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:05,789 -kevin, are you Gonna be all right? 382 00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:07,358 -[ snorts ] 383 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,726 Yeah. 384 00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:11,995 Yes. No problem. 385 00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:19,002 -even in my stupor, I knew what I'd done. 386 00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:23,274 I'd behaved like an idiot, betrayed my girlfriend. 387 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,442 I'd acted like a fool. 388 00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:27,044 and now... 389 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,045 -linda. 390 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,880 -yes, kevin? 391 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:33,183 -...It was time to face the truth... 392 00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:36,153 about myself, about my past. 393 00:17:36,155 --> 00:17:38,923 time to stand up and act like a man. 394 00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:42,393 but maybe most of all... 395 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,660 it was time to come clean. 396 00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:45,161 -I... 397 00:17:45,163 --> 00:17:47,664 -yes, kevin? 398 00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:49,533 -[ gags, retches ] 399 00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:51,935 -aah! Ugh! -so I did. 400 00:17:51,937 --> 00:17:54,070 [ feedback ] 401 00:17:54,072 --> 00:17:56,773 -excuse me. [ chuckles ] excuse me. 402 00:17:56,775 --> 00:17:57,975 Excuse me. 403 00:17:57,977 --> 00:18:01,411 Uh, before you all go, I just want to say a few words. 404 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,781 -by the time I got back from the men's room, 405 00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:06,083 I wasn't feeling too good about anything. 406 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,752 about weddings, about marriage... 407 00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:11,689 about human nature. 408 00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,657 and at that moment, I couldn't help but think 409 00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:15,926 that all the proposed romance behind a wedding 410 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:16,961 was just a sham. 411 00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:18,462 -you gonna dance With me later? 412 00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:20,164 -[ sighs ] -huh? 413 00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:23,433 -for those of you who don't know Me, I got married here today. 414 00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:24,434 [ rimshot ] 415 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,069 -yeah, and I paid for it. 416 00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:29,306 [ laughter ] 417 00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:30,407 -there it was. 418 00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:31,808 an empty ritual, 419 00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:35,211 dressed up in lies and hypocrisy and greed. 420 00:18:35,213 --> 00:18:38,214 -not many of you know the story Behind candy and me. 421 00:18:38,216 --> 00:18:39,983 I'm not gonna tell it now. 422 00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:43,086 I just wouldn't want anyone To leave here today 423 00:18:43,088 --> 00:18:46,290 Not knowing How I feel about her. 424 00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,926 I feel, uh... 425 00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:52,062 Very lucky today. 426 00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:54,331 I don't know what you guys Are gonna remember 427 00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:55,966 About this wedding today, uh... 428 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:58,168 So I'm gonna ask you to remember One thing -- 429 00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:01,438 That you know how happy... 430 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:05,142 And lucky, uh, fortunate... 431 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:10,347 I feel, that I get to say That candy is my wife. 432 00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:11,915 [ applause ] 433 00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:17,621 We did things kind of The old-fashioned way -- 434 00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:19,623 Oh, for 1972, anyway. 435 00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:21,491 I'm glad we waited. 436 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:22,792 Honey? 437 00:19:22,794 --> 00:19:24,961 [ applause ] 438 00:19:24,963 --> 00:19:26,964 -aww! -aww! -aww! 439 00:19:29,401 --> 00:19:33,837 -it was a testament to romance at its finest and most pure. 440 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,706 it was a declaration of virtue -- 441 00:19:36,708 --> 00:19:39,810 simple and gracious and real. 442 00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:42,579 and after a day of infidelities... 443 00:19:42,581 --> 00:19:47,318 some proposed and planned, some more subtle... 444 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,718 I felt for the first time 445 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,655 that someone believed in something a little different... 446 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,925 ...In love... 447 00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,161 ...In commitment... 448 00:19:58,163 --> 00:19:59,195 -all right. 449 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,132 You ready? 450 00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:04,801 -arthur. 451 00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:06,603 -yeah? 452 00:20:06,605 --> 00:20:09,206 -...In each other. 453 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:12,042 -if you don't get your arm Off my wife... 454 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,378 I'm gonna break it off. 455 00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:18,581 -jack, what... 456 00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:21,418 -come on. Let's dance. 457 00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:26,890 -jack. 458 00:20:28,493 --> 00:20:32,029 -it almost made me glad to be there. 459 00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:33,297 -♪ fly me to the moon ♪ 460 00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:34,764 -I guess you could say 461 00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:38,234 that weddings mean a lot of things to a lot of people. 462 00:20:38,236 --> 00:20:39,703 [ camera shutter clicks ] 463 00:20:39,705 --> 00:20:42,238 -♪ let me see What spring is like ♪ 464 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:46,442 -we might cry at the romance unfulfilled in our own lives 465 00:20:46,444 --> 00:20:49,679 and shrink at the unforeseen compromises 466 00:20:49,681 --> 00:20:52,649 our lives have held for us. 467 00:20:52,651 --> 00:20:55,786 but weddings also bring out hope... 468 00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:57,187 and promise... 469 00:20:57,189 --> 00:20:58,889 and possibility. 470 00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:02,459 -♪ baby, kiss me ♪ 471 00:21:02,461 --> 00:21:06,162 -after all, as we choose our partners, 472 00:21:06,164 --> 00:21:10,166 some of us make our choices for life. 473 00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:17,006 and some of us dance with just one of many. 474 00:21:17,008 --> 00:21:21,211 and sometimes, for the lucky ones, 475 00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:24,581 we remember why we picked who we did. 476 00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:26,316 and after years of fighting 477 00:21:26,318 --> 00:21:28,752 over burnt toast and bounced checks, 478 00:21:28,754 --> 00:21:32,022 we might, for a brief moment, 479 00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:34,758 look at each other as we once did, 480 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:40,030 before kids and mortgages and routine conspired against us. 481 00:21:46,838 --> 00:21:50,140 and others are content to postpone their choices... 482 00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:53,277 knowing somehow that the future, 483 00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:55,512 like that saturday afternoon, 484 00:21:55,514 --> 00:22:01,285 will tempt us with dances both slow and fast. 485 00:22:01,287 --> 00:22:03,587 -come over here, barbara! 486 00:22:03,589 --> 00:22:06,089 -♪ fill my heart with song ♪ 487 00:22:06,091 --> 00:22:08,592 -that was a really nice Speech, huh? 488 00:22:08,594 --> 00:22:10,427 You know, The stuff about love 489 00:22:10,429 --> 00:22:12,529 And that whole part About waiting. 490 00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:15,232 -♪ you are all I long for ♪ 491 00:22:15,234 --> 00:22:19,269 -maybe he waited, but... She didn't. 492 00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:22,038 -♪ in other words ♪ 493 00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,342 ♪ please be true ♪ 494 00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:26,876 -you? 495 00:22:28,781 --> 00:22:30,247 -where? 496 00:22:31,583 --> 00:22:33,050 -at a wedding. 497 00:22:33,052 --> 00:22:37,087 -♪ in other words ♪ 498 00:22:37,089 --> 00:22:39,222 ♪ I ♪ 499 00:22:39,224 --> 00:22:41,258 ♪ love ♪ 500 00:22:44,396 --> 00:22:45,562 ♪ you ♪ 36331

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