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1
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:04,160
Marlon.
2
00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:06,100
Marlon.
3
00:00:06,133 --> 00:00:08,266
What's up, man?
What's wrong with you?
4
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:09,366
I haven't seen you
this sad since
5
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,300
Run D.M.C. turned Christian.
6
00:00:11,333 --> 00:00:13,266
I'm just worried
about pop and mom, man.
7
00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:16,116
They never had a fight
that lasted this long.
8
00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:18,330
Marlon, how many times
I gotta tell you?
9
00:00:18,660 --> 00:00:19,200
Forget about it, alright?
10
00:00:19,233 --> 00:00:21,216
Married people
have they own language.
11
00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:23,366
Ma calls pop,
a broke down old walrus.
12
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,100
And pop calls ma,
a stank old witch.
13
00:00:26,133 --> 00:00:29,660
It's their way of saying,
I love you.
14
00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:32,330
Oh, so when mom kicks pop
outta the house
15
00:00:32,660 --> 00:00:34,330
she's really sayin',
I want you to come
16
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:37,366
pull me by my nappy weave,
you Mandingo warrior.
17
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:38,366
[snarling]
18
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,166
Yeah.
Somethin' like that.
19
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,366
[theme song]
20
00:00:44,333 --> 00:00:46,133
♪ We're brothers ♪
21
00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,383
♪ We're happy
and we're singin' ♪
22
00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:50,330
♪ And we're colored ♪
23
00:00:51,330 --> 00:00:53,830
♪ Give me a high five ♪♪
24
00:00:53,116 --> 00:00:54,250
(male #1)
'Alright cut and print.'
25
00:00:54,283 --> 00:00:56,133
'Beautiful guys!
Dynamite, that is--'
26
00:00:56,166 --> 00:00:58,150
[theme music]
27
00:01:02,233 --> 00:01:04,133
[hip hop music]
28
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,830
Okay, let's get to work.
29
00:01:08,366 --> 00:01:10,250
(Dee)
Lookie, here.
30
00:01:10,283 --> 00:01:13,383
Look at you,
you mighty dapper, Pops.
31
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,500
You know, usually your outfits
give me a little headache
32
00:01:16,830 --> 00:01:18,333
but today you look
damn right studly.
33
00:01:18,366 --> 00:01:21,160
Well, thank you, kindly, Dee,
so are you.
34
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:24,183
Damn, pop, you went
a little crazy
35
00:01:24,216 --> 00:01:26,500
with that bathroom
air freshener.
36
00:01:26,830 --> 00:01:28,660
Did you tear it up
in there?
37
00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:30,233
Yeah, what'd you do,
rub yourself with a sani-cake?
38
00:01:30,266 --> 00:01:31,366
[laughing]
39
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,366
No, but if I had
known
it would work
40
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,116
I would've saved myself $6
41
00:01:35,150 --> 00:01:37,133
on this cologne concentrate.
42
00:01:37,166 --> 00:01:38,383
Cologne concentrate?
43
00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:42,116
Yup. Just add water
make five gallons.
44
00:01:42,150 --> 00:01:43,316
I got a dentist appointment.
45
00:01:43,350 --> 00:01:45,500
- I'm closin' up early.
- Alright.
46
00:01:45,830 --> 00:01:46,250
- I'll see you boys later
on.
- Peace.
47
00:01:46,283 --> 00:01:49,216
♪ Ta-da I'm gonna
get my novocaine ♪
48
00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:51,333
♪ Novocaine ♪
49
00:01:51,366 --> 00:01:53,233
♪ Novo novo novo novocaine ♪♪
50
00:01:53,266 --> 00:01:56,200
I never seen nobody
that happy to go to the
dentist.
51
00:01:56,233 --> 00:01:58,300
I mean, I like nitric oxide too.
52
00:01:58,333 --> 00:01:59,333
But I'll be damned
if I'mma put on
53
00:01:59,366 --> 00:02:01,000
some church clothes for it.
54
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:02,133
[chuckles]
55
00:02:02,166 --> 00:02:04,350
You guys don't recognize
the signs, huh?
56
00:02:04,383 --> 00:02:06,300
- What?
- New style..
57
00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:09,830
Cologne,
the skip in the step.
58
00:02:09,116 --> 00:02:12,000
They all add up to one thing.
59
00:02:12,330 --> 00:02:14,660
Oh, my God.
60
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:15,200
Pops is gay.
61
00:02:16,283 --> 00:02:17,333
No.
62
00:02:17,366 --> 00:02:20,300
Not that there's anything
wrong with that.
63
00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:22,366
He's not gay, stupid.
64
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,383
- Right, Dee?
- No.
65
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:27,316
Now..
66
00:02:27,350 --> 00:02:30,216
...you all didn't hear
this from me.
67
00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:33,133
But I believe your father
68
00:02:33,166 --> 00:02:36,183
is havin' an affair
with another woman.
69
00:02:36,216 --> 00:02:39,133
You better get
out of here, Dee.
70
00:02:39,166 --> 00:02:42,166
I think you must got your
panty drawers on too tight.
71
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,330
You better wear your size.
72
00:02:44,660 --> 00:02:45,330
Stop cheating.
73
00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:46,166
(Shawn)
'I'm with Marlon, Dee.'
74
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,233
Pops could never do
something like that.
75
00:02:48,266 --> 00:02:51,160
Besides, who would want
his ugly ass?
76
00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:54,330
Yeah, he had to trick mom
into marryin' him.
77
00:02:54,660 --> 00:02:56,166
[telephone ringing]
I got it.
78
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:57,366
He told her he was pregnant.
79
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,200
[laughing]
80
00:03:00,233 --> 00:03:02,100
Got you, boy.
81
00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:04,250
Casanova of the ghetto speaking.
82
00:03:04,283 --> 00:03:06,250
- Chello.
- Now, Dee.
83
00:03:06,283 --> 00:03:08,300
What're you basing
this on anyway?
84
00:03:08,333 --> 00:03:11,100
Shawn, when you've been
in law enforcement
85
00:03:11,133 --> 00:03:14,330
as long as I have,
you pick up the subtlest
signs.
86
00:03:14,660 --> 00:03:18,100
You know, sideward
glance,
one misplaced hair..
87
00:03:18,133 --> 00:03:19,300
'It's my job.'
88
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:22,330
I am a trained professional.
89
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:23,300
Nothing gets by me.
90
00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:25,166
Right.
91
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,233
Marl, what's the matter?
92
00:03:27,266 --> 00:03:29,250
Shawn, that was mom.
93
00:03:29,283 --> 00:03:30,316
She said pop called her
94
00:03:30,350 --> 00:03:33,000
and said he was workin'
late tonight.
95
00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:35,266
She just wanted to know
what time he was comin'
home.
96
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:37,300
Shawn, pop lied to mom.
97
00:03:38,283 --> 00:03:40,300
I told you.
98
00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:43,200
I'm a trained professional.
99
00:03:43,233 --> 00:03:45,330
Eh!
100
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:47,183
Somethin' not right here.
101
00:03:47,216 --> 00:03:49,830
Who stole my pencil?
102
00:03:49,116 --> 00:03:52,100
[hip hop music]
103
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:57,330
Shawn, I don't wanna
be
from no broken home.
104
00:03:57,660 --> 00:04:00,500
That means, I have a 50%
higher chance of joining a
gang.
105
00:04:01,316 --> 00:04:03,150
And I can't even
throw up gang signs
106
00:04:03,183 --> 00:04:05,000
'cause I got arthritis.
107
00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:11,200
And I can't do no drive-bys
'cause I'm cockeyed, see?
108
00:04:12,166 --> 00:04:14,266
What's up..
109
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,660
Will you hush up, silly?
110
00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:23,000
Look...pops and ma
is not splittin' up.
111
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:26,100
There could be a hundred reasons
why pop lied to ma.
112
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:28,830
Sure, name one.
113
00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:31,116
- Well, like..
- Mm-hmm.
114
00:04:31,150 --> 00:04:32,300
- Like..
- Ra.
115
00:04:32,333 --> 00:04:35,250
Like, maybe, he forgot he had
the dentist appointment.
116
00:04:35,283 --> 00:04:37,300
That's it. He-he forgot
he had a dentist appointment.
117
00:04:37,333 --> 00:04:40,133
I mean, he's been forgettin'
a lot of things lately.
118
00:04:40,166 --> 00:04:41,283
He's sick now.
119
00:04:41,316 --> 00:04:43,133
Yeah, that's it.
120
00:04:43,166 --> 00:04:46,200
Pop has Alzheimer's disease.
121
00:04:46,233 --> 00:04:48,300
Oh, I feel so much better now.
122
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,133
- Hey, wassup, pop?
- Hi, son.
123
00:04:53,166 --> 00:04:54,366
How're things goin'
with you and ma?
124
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,233
You still sleepin' out
on the fire escape?
125
00:04:56,266 --> 00:04:57,266
[laughing]
126
00:04:57,300 --> 00:04:59,366
No, I'm sleeping in my car.
127
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,160
Leavin' early again?
128
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:05,183
Yeah, got somethin' to do.
129
00:05:05,216 --> 00:05:07,300
- Don't we know?
- Let me guess, uh..
130
00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:09,300
Another one of them
dentist appointments?
131
00:05:09,333 --> 00:05:11,383
Yup, gonna do a
little
drilling tonight.
132
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,660
Hmm.
133
00:05:17,316 --> 00:05:21,116
You're filling a pretty
deep cavity, aren't you?
134
00:05:24,330 --> 00:05:25,250
Yup.
135
00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:28,100
(in unison)
Mm-hmm.'
136
00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:32,150
Dentist, huh?
137
00:05:32,183 --> 00:05:33,350
[clicks tongue]
138
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:38,100
You should be more careful
how you treat your teeth.
139
00:05:38,133 --> 00:05:40,316
You know, you shouldn't be
out there.
140
00:05:40,350 --> 00:05:44,150
Samplin' sweets
and eating forbidden
fruit!
141
00:05:46,150 --> 00:05:47,300
Dee, I don't know
what you've been doin'
142
00:05:47,333 --> 00:05:49,660
but you better cut it out.
143
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:53,250
It's gonna show up
in your urine specimen.
144
00:05:53,283 --> 00:05:56,100
♪ Whoo yee-hee ♪
145
00:05:56,133 --> 00:05:57,366
♪ Well now let me
get on outta here ♪
146
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,350
♪ These people are crazy ♪♪
147
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:03,133
- Yo, Dee.
- 'What?'
148
00:06:03,166 --> 00:06:04,200
You know how to
close up a newsstand?
149
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,160
Yeah, why?
150
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:07,366
Me and Marl gotta
go
get some evidence.
151
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,383
Come on, kid,
we goin' on a
mission.
152
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,000
[upbeat music]
153
00:06:17,350 --> 00:06:18,383
Hey, Eddie Murphy.
154
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,000
[laughing]
155
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,316
Wow!
156
00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:28,250
This place is
fancy.
Real visquisite.
157
00:06:29,350 --> 00:06:32,116
Hey...look.
158
00:06:32,150 --> 00:06:34,300
These are real
crystal
ashtrays.
159
00:06:34,333 --> 00:06:37,116
You think they'd notice
if I take one of these?
160
00:06:37,150 --> 00:06:38,283
Marlon, you don't smoke.
161
00:06:38,316 --> 00:06:40,350
I would if I had
a nice ashtray.
162
00:06:42,233 --> 00:06:44,266
(Shawn)
There goes pops.
163
00:06:52,133 --> 00:06:55,500
Get off me, get off me,
get off me, get off me..
164
00:06:55,830 --> 00:06:56,150
- Shh.
- You okay?
165
00:06:56,183 --> 00:06:59,660
Yeah, I'm alright.
Get off of me.
166
00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:00,233
Stupid.
167
00:07:01,350 --> 00:07:03,660
What's he sayin'?
168
00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:05,660
I don't know,
I'm back here with you.
169
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:06,830
My bad.
170
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,116
Watch out!
Here he comes.
171
00:07:09,150 --> 00:07:10,316
[elevator dings]
172
00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:22,383
Cuckoo!
173
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:24,316
[imitates a bird]
174
00:07:24,350 --> 00:07:25,333
Hyah!
175
00:07:31,366 --> 00:07:33,330
John!
176
00:07:34,330 --> 00:07:35,183
Carmella!
177
00:07:37,283 --> 00:07:39,116
Good to see you.
178
00:07:39,150 --> 00:07:41,133
Pleasure's all mine.
179
00:07:42,150 --> 00:07:43,366
Marlon, look.
180
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,300
Yeah, she got afat
181
00:07:47,316 --> 00:07:48,266
No, stupid.
182
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:50,200
They're huggin'
and kissin'.
183
00:07:50,233 --> 00:07:52,250
Oh yeah,
but she got a fat
butt.
184
00:07:53,316 --> 00:07:55,830
I'm sorry,
I'm a little
late.
185
00:07:55,116 --> 00:07:57,500
Hey, would you
like
to get a little
drink
186
00:07:57,830 --> 00:07:58,283
before we get started?
187
00:07:58,316 --> 00:08:01,116
Well, I've been known
to perform better
188
00:08:01,150 --> 00:08:03,660
after a little taste.
189
00:08:07,830 --> 00:08:09,830
[instrumental music]
190
00:08:17,266 --> 00:08:20,160
Man, looks like
you was right.
191
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,366
Pop is cheatin' on mom.
192
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,100
Don't worry about it, kid.
Don't be depressed.
193
00:08:25,133 --> 00:08:27,830
We're gonna take care of this.
194
00:08:27,116 --> 00:08:28,166
It's not that.
195
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:31,300
Pop got two women,
I ain't got one.
196
00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:33,166
Well, will you stop thinkin'
about yourself, man?
197
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,183
We gotta save pops' marriage.
198
00:08:35,216 --> 00:08:37,000
Alright.
199
00:08:37,330 --> 00:08:39,100
After that can
we
get me a girl?
200
00:08:39,133 --> 00:08:40,250
Come on, man,
they're only 20
bucks.
201
00:08:40,283 --> 00:08:42,266
[hip hop music]
202
00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:46,100
[hip hop music]
203
00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:50,350
If mom finds out pop is cheatin'
on her, she's gonna divorce him.
204
00:08:50,383 --> 00:08:53,316
And we're gonna wind up in
court
at a ugly custody battle
205
00:08:53,350 --> 00:08:55,350
just like "Losing Isaiah".
206
00:08:57,330 --> 00:08:59,366
Except we ain't crack babies.
207
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,183
Marlon, will you stop
gettin'
all hysterical, alright?
208
00:09:02,216 --> 00:09:05,183
I would slap you,
but I'm saving it for
pops.
209
00:09:05,216 --> 00:09:08,160
Word?
You're gonna kick his butt, G?
210
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,166
Yeah.
I'm so mad right now,
G.
211
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:11,333
- Word?
- Yeah.
212
00:09:11,366 --> 00:09:13,300
How could pop do this to ma?
213
00:09:13,333 --> 00:09:16,660
How can he do this to us?
214
00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:17,383
You wait till I get
my hands on him.
215
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:21,383
You think he looks
like the WB frog
now?
216
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:24,250
Brother, I know exactly
how you feel.
217
00:09:24,283 --> 00:09:26,383
Except I ain't gonna fight him.
218
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,150
He too quick
with that belt, G.
219
00:09:29,183 --> 00:09:32,100
Look, I'm still havin'
nightmares about his name
belt.
220
00:09:33,183 --> 00:09:34,300
Everybody think
this is a tattoo. Look.
221
00:09:34,333 --> 00:09:36,316
- Hey, hey, come on.
- It's only skin.
222
00:09:36,350 --> 00:09:38,266
- Look.
- That's your business, okay?
223
00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:40,316
I don't wanna see that.
224
00:09:40,350 --> 00:09:42,100
Man.
225
00:09:42,133 --> 00:09:44,133
Yo, Marl, remember when
pops gave us that speech
226
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:46,216
when we first started
dating girls?
227
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:50,266
[imitating Pops]
Boy's, you gotta treat
the woman right.
228
00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:53,333
Honor them and respect them.
229
00:09:53,366 --> 00:09:55,250
What a hypocrite.
230
00:09:55,283 --> 00:09:57,200
What are you talking about?
231
00:09:57,233 --> 00:09:59,266
You don't respect women.
232
00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:02,200
Ain't you the one that said,
the best dates are the one's
233
00:10:02,233 --> 00:10:03,333
that don't order desert.
234
00:10:03,366 --> 00:10:05,660
That was you, wasn't it?
235
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:08,200
Oh, oh, well-well,
that was Quelene.
236
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:12,500
You know, the [indistinct]
kid.
She wanted ice cream and pie.
237
00:10:12,830 --> 00:10:14,166
Next thing you know
she'll be ordering
coffee.
238
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,830
- Cappuccino.
- Oh, see now, uh-uh.
239
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:18,250
- Yeah.
- Uh-uh, I ain't rich.
240
00:10:18,283 --> 00:10:20,660
Yeah, she..
That's what I'm saying.
241
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:22,830
She didn't have no money,
but when I take her out
242
00:10:22,116 --> 00:10:23,333
she goin' to get all French
with my money?
243
00:10:23,366 --> 00:10:25,333
- Mm-hmm. Get allbonjoui.
- Exactly.
244
00:10:25,366 --> 00:10:29,216
- I hear you, mm-mm-mm.
- Well, forget her man.
245
00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:32,183
Now, look, kid,
we gotta come up with a plan.
246
00:10:32,216 --> 00:10:33,366
Hey, but we can't
tell mom, Shawn.
247
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,330
It'll break her heart.
248
00:10:35,660 --> 00:10:36,150
[sighs]
249
00:10:36,183 --> 00:10:37,350
Well, then, I guess,
the only thing we could do
250
00:10:37,383 --> 00:10:39,233
is confront pop
and hope he'll give
251
00:10:39,266 --> 00:10:41,283
this lady up for
the sake of the family.
252
00:10:41,316 --> 00:10:43,250
Alright, and what
if
that don't work?
253
00:10:43,283 --> 00:10:45,133
Well, then,
I'm gonna have to break
254
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:48,660
my shoe off
in his behind.
255
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:49,183
Works for me.
256
00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:51,200
[hip hop music]
257
00:10:53,330 --> 00:10:54,233
Thanks for the coffee, John.
258
00:10:54,266 --> 00:10:56,333
Carmella, I wanna thank you
for last night.
259
00:10:56,366 --> 00:10:58,830
Oh, it's my pleasure.
260
00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,316
And you're really getting good.
261
00:10:59,350 --> 00:11:02,160
Well, I'm just lucky to have
a great teacher like you.
262
00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:04,350
Oh, well, you're
a good student, John.
263
00:11:04,383 --> 00:11:08,000
Uh, Carmella, you mind
if I extend my dance lessons
264
00:11:08,330 --> 00:11:09,350
a extra half an hour tonight?
265
00:11:09,383 --> 00:11:11,233
You see, my
anniversary
is tomorrow.
266
00:11:11,266 --> 00:11:13,316
And I wanna make sure
when I dance with my
wife
267
00:11:13,350 --> 00:11:15,250
my tango..
268
00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:18,330
...isn't...tired.
269
00:11:18,660 --> 00:11:19,330
And..
270
00:11:19,660 --> 00:11:21,100
♪ Rump pum pum ♪
271
00:11:21,133 --> 00:11:23,333
♪ Pa rum pum pum pa pum ♪♪
272
00:11:23,366 --> 00:11:25,133
Yeah.
273
00:11:25,166 --> 00:11:26,300
Really getting good.
274
00:11:26,333 --> 00:11:29,133
And after that I'm gonna
teach you how to make coffee
275
00:11:29,166 --> 00:11:31,160
without the grounds in it.
276
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:32,333
What?
277
00:11:32,366 --> 00:11:36,133
Hmm, I thought that filter would
last till the end of the month.
278
00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:40,183
Hey, good mornin', boys.
279
00:11:40,216 --> 00:11:42,100
What can I get you
for breakfast?
280
00:11:42,133 --> 00:11:45,660
Try my special,
oat meal omelet.
281
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:48,200
We're not here to
eat.
Right, Marlon?
282
00:11:48,233 --> 00:11:50,283
Oh, yeah,
we're here to talk.
283
00:11:50,316 --> 00:11:52,000
What do you wanna talk about?
284
00:11:52,330 --> 00:11:54,830
Well, first of all, mister..
285
00:11:55,830 --> 00:11:56,266
What belt you got on?
286
00:11:59,350 --> 00:12:01,233
Look, Kermit, we know what
you've been hoppin' around
287
00:12:01,266 --> 00:12:02,233
to do every night.
288
00:12:02,266 --> 00:12:04,133
- You do?
- Yeah.
289
00:12:04,166 --> 00:12:07,660
We followed you.
We saw everything.
290
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:09,500
- You saw me with Carmella?
- That's right.
291
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:10,166
Now, what do you have
to say for yourself?
292
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,233
- Oh, man, what a relief.
- What?
293
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:17,500
You have no idea how hard it
is
to keep a secret like that.
294
00:12:17,830 --> 00:12:20,200
Boy, now that you know, I feel,
I'm-I'm relieved, I feel good.
295
00:12:20,233 --> 00:12:23,133
But, pop, how can you lie
to mom like that?
296
00:12:23,166 --> 00:12:25,500
I know I shouldn't
lie
to your mama, son.
297
00:12:25,830 --> 00:12:27,330
But I'm doin' it to
try
to help my
marriage.
298
00:12:27,660 --> 00:12:29,330
And how is Carmella gonna help?
299
00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:31,830
Well, you know I've been
kinda rusty lately.
300
00:12:32,283 --> 00:12:34,300
And I know, I was thinkin',
you know, for my anniversary
301
00:12:34,333 --> 00:12:37,200
I can keep it with your mama.
302
00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:39,166
Well, pop, this ain't
the kind of thing
303
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,166
you practice with
another woman.
304
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,333
I mean, how do you think ma
is gonna feel if she finds
out?
305
00:12:44,366 --> 00:12:47,000
Oh, she don't care.
306
00:12:47,330 --> 00:12:49,000
Half the fun is
switching partners.
307
00:12:49,330 --> 00:12:50,266
[both gasp]
308
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:52,166
I don't know if you boys
noticed
but you know
309
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,300
your mama and I
were big time swingers
310
00:12:53,333 --> 00:12:54,366
back in the old days.
311
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,166
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Come on, pop.
312
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,830
I don't think
I wanna hear
this.
313
00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:05,100
But go on.
314
00:13:05,133 --> 00:13:07,200
And your mama was good.
315
00:13:07,233 --> 00:13:09,333
- Mama?
- Good.
316
00:13:09,366 --> 00:13:12,160
Much better than me.
317
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:13,216
I used to feel
so
self-conscious.
318
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:15,160
I would just sit
back
and watch the guys
319
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:16,300
line up and take
a whirl at her.
320
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:24,150
Now, you know your mama can
take
two or three at one time.
321
00:13:27,316 --> 00:13:30,283
That's disgustin', man.
That's sick.
322
00:13:30,316 --> 00:13:32,350
Nonsense, it's
good
healthy fun.
323
00:13:34,150 --> 00:13:35,350
That's why I'm taking lessons.
324
00:13:35,383 --> 00:13:38,216
I used to practice
in front of the mirror.
325
00:13:40,216 --> 00:13:42,350
You see, this is much better.
326
00:13:42,383 --> 00:13:44,316
Only thing is,
I just hate to pay
for it.
327
00:13:46,366 --> 00:13:49,000
Pay for it?
328
00:13:49,330 --> 00:13:52,000
Have you no shame,
old man?
329
00:13:52,330 --> 00:13:55,660
Why should I? Carmella
should
get somethin' outta this.
330
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:57,216
So-so you're telling us
you're not gonna stop?
331
00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:59,233
Hell, no,
I'm not gonna stop, man.
332
00:13:59,266 --> 00:14:02,500
Are you crazy?
I just got my move back.
333
00:14:02,830 --> 00:14:04,366
Look, if you wanna eat, eat
if not, get the hell outta
here.
334
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,000
I got my mornin' rush
coming in here.
335
00:14:08,330 --> 00:14:11,333
♪ Oh switch with me
and I'll switch with you ♪
336
00:14:11,366 --> 00:14:14,283
♪ Switch with me and I'll
switch
with your mama too ♪♪
337
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,216
I thought he was
crazy before
338
00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:24,166
but that man
completely lost his mind.
339
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,283
Oh, no.
What Pops do this time?
340
00:14:26,316 --> 00:14:27,300
Everything.
341
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:30,100
Dee, that man's a pervert.
342
00:14:30,133 --> 00:14:32,233
Yo, Dee,
I think you was right.
343
00:14:32,266 --> 00:14:34,350
Last night we seen
pops with another woman.
344
00:14:34,383 --> 00:14:36,160
Well, peep this.
345
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:37,316
We confronted
the old dude about it
346
00:14:37,350 --> 00:14:38,350
he gonna tell us
he was doing it
347
00:14:38,383 --> 00:14:40,160
to help his marriage. Hmm.
348
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,216
That's what they all say.
349
00:14:41,250 --> 00:14:43,366
Then they get lonely,
the next thing you know
350
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,330
he's on your doorstep
with a raincoat
351
00:14:46,660 --> 00:14:47,166
and a bottle of Wild Turkey.
352
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,333
- Hey! Hey, hey, hey..
- But I told him--
353
00:14:48,366 --> 00:14:50,366
[indistinct chatter]
354
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,216
Hey, girl,
we don't wanna hear the rest.
355
00:14:53,250 --> 00:14:54,283
This ain't Oprah.
356
00:14:54,316 --> 00:14:56,500
- Sorry.
- 'Now, look..'
357
00:14:56,830 --> 00:14:59,183
The point is,
pop ain't gonna stop.
358
00:14:59,216 --> 00:15:01,366
Now it's only a matter of
time
before mom finds out.
359
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,266
Yeah, and then
it's Lorena Bobbitt
360
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:07,830
snip-snip, chop-chop,
here we come.
361
00:15:07,116 --> 00:15:11,316
None of my business,
but it takes two to tango.
362
00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:14,300
And since you already
spoke to Pops..
363
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,116
Ow, God, no!
Ooh.
364
00:15:19,366 --> 00:15:22,830
I think, it's about time
we had a little chit-chat
365
00:15:22,116 --> 00:15:23,133
with Ms. Carmella.
366
00:15:23,166 --> 00:15:24,133
(Dee)
Hmm.
367
00:15:24,166 --> 00:15:26,150
[hip hop music]
368
00:15:32,330 --> 00:15:35,216
Would you look what the cat
just crawled into the bag.
369
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,160
Well, well, well..
370
00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:45,250
That's three wells.
371
00:15:45,283 --> 00:15:47,300
If it isn't the little
Ms. Spider-Lady
372
00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:51,350
looking for another fly
to catch in her web of
deceit.
373
00:15:51,383 --> 00:15:54,216
Phew, buzz-buzz.
374
00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:55,350
Do I know you?
375
00:15:55,383 --> 00:15:58,250
- Hmph.
- Oh-oh, do I know you?
376
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,233
Look at you
soundin' fresh, huh?
377
00:16:02,266 --> 00:16:04,300
Soundin' fast.
378
00:16:04,333 --> 00:16:07,160
Yeah, you know me,
we're practically family.
379
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:08,216
I mean, after all
380
00:16:08,250 --> 00:16:11,330
you're knocking boots
with our father!
381
00:16:11,660 --> 00:16:13,116
I'm sure, I don't
even
know your father.
382
00:16:13,150 --> 00:16:16,160
Oh, I see, so you're
a liar and a slut.
383
00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:19,216
- Oh, ahem.
- My kinda gal.
384
00:16:19,250 --> 00:16:22,283
Oh, so you deny
you know Pops Williams?
385
00:16:22,316 --> 00:16:24,660
Pops?
386
00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:26,150
Do you mean, John?
387
00:16:26,183 --> 00:16:28,200
Oh, you must be
Shawn and Marlon.
388
00:16:28,233 --> 00:16:31,133
Oh, how nice of you
to remember.
389
00:16:31,166 --> 00:16:34,350
What'd he do? Mention our name
in between grunts?
390
00:16:34,383 --> 00:16:36,330
You think,
your father and I--
391
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:37,283
We don't think, missy.
392
00:16:37,316 --> 00:16:40,160
We know what kind of filth
you're into.
393
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:41,283
Keep your voice down!
394
00:16:41,316 --> 00:16:43,100
You can't tell us what to do.
395
00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:45,266
You ain't our mother...yet.
396
00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:48,300
Hey, can you cook?
I love grits.
397
00:16:48,333 --> 00:16:51,330
Look, I'm teaching your dad--
398
00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:54,350
We know what you're
teaching him, you harlot.
399
00:16:55,383 --> 00:16:58,100
You adulterer.
400
00:16:58,133 --> 00:16:59,233
You Jezebel.
401
00:16:59,266 --> 00:17:01,660
You fornicator.
402
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:03,330
You...free Friday night?
403
00:17:03,660 --> 00:17:05,300
Okay, I do not have to
stand here and take
this.
404
00:17:05,333 --> 00:17:07,200
(Marlon)
Hey, girl, call me.
405
00:17:09,133 --> 00:17:11,200
- Carmella, where you goin'?
- I'll bill you.
406
00:17:11,233 --> 00:17:13,366
- Bill me?
- 'Call me. call me.'
407
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,150
- Boys, what have you done?
- We saved your marriage.
408
00:17:16,183 --> 00:17:18,000
- That's what we did.
- That's right.
409
00:17:18,330 --> 00:17:20,133
We just scared away
your little hoochie mama.
410
00:17:20,166 --> 00:17:21,183
You did what?
411
00:17:21,216 --> 00:17:23,133
Shawn did it, pop.
Shawn did it.
412
00:17:23,166 --> 00:17:24,250
That's right. I did it.
413
00:17:24,283 --> 00:17:26,116
And I'll do it again.
414
00:17:26,150 --> 00:17:29,116
That's right.
Two times.
415
00:17:29,150 --> 00:17:32,116
- You really let me down, pop.
- Down, down, down.
416
00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:33,166
I looked up to you.
417
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,383
Like Jack to the beanstalk.
418
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:37,116
- Son--
- I'm not finished.
419
00:17:37,150 --> 00:17:39,150
[speaking in foreign language]
420
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,216
- Now, you're nothing to me.
- Nothing.
421
00:17:43,250 --> 00:17:45,316
Nada,nada.
422
00:17:45,350 --> 00:17:47,160
I'm not gonna
stand here anymore
423
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,166
and let you
disrespect
my mother.
424
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,150
- R-E-S-P-E-C-T--
- Will you stop it?
425
00:17:53,216 --> 00:17:55,116
Now, if you got a
problem
with that, step to me,
dad.
426
00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:57,330
- Wassup? Wassup?
- Step to me, dad.
427
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:58,150
- Wassup? Wassup?
- Step to me, dad.
428
00:17:58,183 --> 00:17:59,283
- Wassup? Wassup?
- Step to me, dad.
429
00:17:59,316 --> 00:18:01,166
- Step to me, dad.
- Wassup? Wassup?
430
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,116
- Wassup? Wassup?
- Step to me, dad.
431
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:05,250
- Stop it, Marlon.
- Wassup? Wassup?
432
00:18:05,283 --> 00:18:07,166
Hey, hey, hey, hey..
433
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,366
Don't make me get my belt.
434
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,266
Now, put your dukes down.
435
00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:12,266
I wasn't cheating.
436
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,316
Carmella's my dance teacher.
437
00:18:14,350 --> 00:18:17,150
I decided to take some
ballroom dance lessons
438
00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:18,316
to...have a surprise
439
00:18:18,350 --> 00:18:20,830
for your mother
on our anniversary.
440
00:18:20,116 --> 00:18:23,166
I would've told you,
but I was a little
embarrassed.
441
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:24,300
[chuckles]
442
00:18:24,333 --> 00:18:26,366
O.J. had a better
alibi than that.
443
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:31,100
You expect us
to believe you, huh?
444
00:18:31,133 --> 00:18:34,830
You don't have to.
I'll show you.
445
00:18:34,116 --> 00:18:35,250
Get out of my way, son.
446
00:18:35,283 --> 00:18:39,166
You just hold me
tight.
I'll lead!
447
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,183
[tango music]
448
00:18:59,316 --> 00:19:02,300
[music continues]
449
00:19:09,366 --> 00:19:10,350
Ow!
450
00:19:19,183 --> 00:19:22,183
[music continues]
451
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,116
[screaming]
452
00:19:45,233 --> 00:19:48,216
[music continues]
453
00:19:54,283 --> 00:19:56,100
Whoo, wow!
454
00:19:56,133 --> 00:19:58,200
So I guess, you really are
takin' dance lessons?
455
00:19:58,233 --> 00:20:01,660
Yes, I was taking
dance lessons.
456
00:20:02,350 --> 00:20:05,000
Well, then, I guess,
I owe you an apology.
457
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,366
Hey, look, pop, all that
stuff
I said to you about
458
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,500
not respecting you and--
459
00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:11,133
No need to apologize, son.
460
00:20:11,166 --> 00:20:12,366
Your heart was in
the right place.
461
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:16,830
I just needed that last night
with Carmella to get my move
on.
462
00:20:16,116 --> 00:20:18,500
I just hope your mama'll
like the surprise.
463
00:20:18,830 --> 00:20:20,183
Oh, trust me, pop,
she gonna like it.
464
00:20:20,216 --> 00:20:22,183
[sobbing]
465
00:20:23,183 --> 00:20:25,500
[mumbling]
466
00:20:25,830 --> 00:20:27,183
Yo, kid.
Everything's alright.
467
00:20:27,216 --> 00:20:29,216
Everything worked out.
It's cool.
468
00:20:29,250 --> 00:20:31,100
What are you still crying for?
469
00:20:31,133 --> 00:20:33,233
I got a thorn in my tongue.
470
00:20:36,216 --> 00:20:39,000
I got a thorn
in my tongue,
see.
471
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:46,116
Well, come on, I'mma take you
to the hospital.
472
00:20:46,150 --> 00:20:48,133
[tango music]
473
00:20:52,166 --> 00:20:53,200
[sobbing]
474
00:20:56,183 --> 00:20:58,100
[knocking on door]
475
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,266
[groaning
]
Oh, ah.
Hi, boy.
476
00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:03,133
- Hey, wazzup, pop?
- How are you doin'?
477
00:21:03,166 --> 00:21:05,333
Where'd you get that old
prom suit from?
478
00:21:05,366 --> 00:21:07,316
You gotta co-ordinate. See, you
don't know how to co-ordinate.
479
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:08,383
[indistinct]
480
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:12,000
What you doin' here, man?
481
00:21:12,330 --> 00:21:13,660
Don't tell me you and
mom
got in a fight
482
00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:14,166
on your anniversary.
483
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:15,383
No, your mama's down
in the car, son.
484
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:17,350
We just come from
ballroom dancing.
485
00:21:17,383 --> 00:21:20,350
Well, besides them ugly
shoes,
what happened to your feet?
486
00:21:20,383 --> 00:21:22,233
Your mama's what happened
to my feet.
487
00:21:22,266 --> 00:21:25,500
Last time, we went dancing,
she was 10 years younger
488
00:21:25,830 --> 00:21:27,183
and a 100 pounds lighter.
489
00:21:27,216 --> 00:21:29,660
- Looking for some ice, son.
- I'll get it.
490
00:21:29,100 --> 00:21:30,350
And a bandage
for your mama's head.
491
00:21:30,383 --> 00:21:32,250
- Oh.
- What happened to ma's head?
492
00:21:32,283 --> 00:21:34,200
Somebody dropped a chicken wing
under the table.
493
00:21:34,233 --> 00:21:37,216
Well, huh,
you know your mama.
494
00:21:37,250 --> 00:21:40,200
Hey, pop, sorry,
your anniversary turned out
bad.
495
00:21:40,233 --> 00:21:41,266
Who said it turned out bad?
496
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,100
We had a wonderful time.
497
00:21:43,133 --> 00:21:46,133
I haven't seen your mama smile
and laugh so much in years.
498
00:21:46,166 --> 00:21:48,830
You know, the best
is yet to come.
499
00:21:48,116 --> 00:21:52,160
(together)
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
500
00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:54,330
[tango music]
501
00:21:56,266 --> 00:21:59,500
[tango music]
502
00:22:16,283 --> 00:22:18,266
[screaming]
503
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,383
(Shawn)Look up, Marlon, say cheese.
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