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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Previously on
Married With Children:
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00:01:17,020 --> 00:01:21,411
The only time I got petted was whenwe were out of towels in the bathroom.
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00:01:21,740 --> 00:01:25,699
Also, Al got a satellite dishand tried to install it himself.
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00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:28,368
Watch it, now!
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00:01:31,780 --> 00:01:35,375
And proving once again that the nutdoesn't fall far from his father...
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00:01:35,620 --> 00:01:38,896
...Bud decided to makean exercise video starring Kelly.
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Raphael is the only star.
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00:01:41,380 --> 00:01:45,089
Well, if I am not the star,
then I am walking.
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00:01:47,220 --> 00:01:49,131
However, Bud's biggest problem is...
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00:01:49,340 --> 00:01:51,900
...he borrowed money from alittle man named Capone...
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00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:56,173
...who left a big man named Ginoto see that the video is done by 5.
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00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:58,456
Yo, Gino!
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00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:07,452
And now, back to theadventures of...
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00:02:07,660 --> 00:02:10,413
...Lucky: The Hungriest Dog
in the World.
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00:02:10,660 --> 00:02:14,369
Or as you humans call it,
Married With Children.
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00:02:21,260 --> 00:02:24,058
Remember, Bud, 5:00.
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00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:36,170
Look, Gino...
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00:02:36,420 --> 00:02:37,853
...let's say I don't make the--
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00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:40,170
Cutoff point?
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00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,650
Look, let's just say--
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00:02:43,860 --> 00:02:46,055
What happens if I don't
finish the video on time?
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00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,894
Vito said there was some kind
of easy-payment plan?
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00:02:49,140 --> 00:02:52,655
It is easy.
You don't pay us, we kill you.
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00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:55,530
It don't get no easier than that.
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00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,931
What do you got in there?
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00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:02,490
Vito said I had until 5.
It's not 5:00 yet.
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00:03:02,740 --> 00:03:06,369
No! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
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00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:09,259
Take it easy, Spiel-bug.
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00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:11,377
I'm just checking my e-mail.
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00:03:18,580 --> 00:03:20,457
Oh, gee, a PowerBook?
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00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,497
I never thought computers were for--
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00:03:22,740 --> 00:03:24,810
Big, dumb thugs?
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00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:29,652
See, we use computers now because
the family is very much into recycling.
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00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:32,858
Oh, you mean, like
glass, papers, cans?
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00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:35,489
No. Body parts.
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00:03:36,380 --> 00:03:39,099
Say, for a hypothetical, it's 5:00...
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00:03:39,340 --> 00:03:41,092
...Vito walks in, he ain't got no tape.
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00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,256
So I look up in my PowerBook...
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00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:46,060
...and see that Jim in Jersey
needs a spleen.
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00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:49,417
So we recycle your spleen into Jim.
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00:03:49,940 --> 00:03:52,534
Problem, solution.
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00:03:55,420 --> 00:03:57,980
Can I live without a spleen?
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00:03:59,060 --> 00:04:04,054
Perhaps, but little Joey in New Haven
needs a brain.
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00:04:06,940 --> 00:04:10,899
Kelly, Raphael, it's showtime.
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00:04:11,580 --> 00:04:14,140
- Hi, Officer Dan.
- Break a leg.
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00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:17,092
Ante up.
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00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:20,134
Peggy, thank you so much
for having us over to watch...
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00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:25,892
- ...our husbands fall off the roof.
- Yeah, my Dan does so little work...
49
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,773
...around the house I never get to
see him step on a nail...
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00:04:28,980 --> 00:04:32,416
...or accidentally shoot himself
cleaning his gun, or anything.
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00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:36,729
Well, at least you get to see
your husband's gun.
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00:04:39,260 --> 00:04:44,175
Okay, girls, now it's time to play
Who's Next to Fall...
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00:04:45,580 --> 00:04:49,209
...where we will bet on
which husband will fall next.
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00:04:49,460 --> 00:04:51,610
And where they'll land.
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00:04:51,860 --> 00:04:53,976
I'll take Al on the patio.
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00:04:54,220 --> 00:04:55,653
Bring a book.
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00:04:56,660 --> 00:05:01,609
Oh, I'll take Bob Rooney
on the birdbath.
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00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:05,260
Give me Ike on the garden rake.
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00:05:07,460 --> 00:05:11,578
Okay, I'll take Officer Dan on Ike.
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00:05:18,180 --> 00:05:22,219
Ike got the garden rake.
We have a winner!
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00:05:30,380 --> 00:05:35,295
Officer Dan on Ike.
We have two winners!
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00:05:36,140 --> 00:05:39,769
Maybe I should just paint a target
on my back the next time.
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00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:46,495
Hey, gentlemen!
Gentlemen, gentlemen.
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00:05:47,540 --> 00:05:50,976
Now we've all hit the ground
at least twice.
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00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:55,738
- Well, I haven't.
- Well, give us a second.
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00:06:07,420 --> 00:06:09,297
All right, now.
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00:06:09,540 --> 00:06:11,974
Now that we've got that
out of our systems.
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00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:15,496
- No more fooling around.
- All right, all right. Let's see here.
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00:06:15,740 --> 00:06:20,211
I've got bracket S and washer T.
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00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:24,417
Hey, Dan, hand me screw U.
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00:06:26,580 --> 00:06:29,970
- What?
- I said, screw U.
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00:06:30,220 --> 00:06:31,812
Up yours, you--
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00:06:32,020 --> 00:06:36,093
Hey, focus, gentlemen! Focus, focus.
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00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:43,373
Now, we've all got a job to do.
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00:06:44,180 --> 00:06:47,252
Well, I guess Al won't be needing
this old antenna anymore.
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00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:49,968
Hey, wait, you can't tear that down.
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00:06:50,220 --> 00:06:53,178
This is the home
of a future baby bird.
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00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:59,574
The only future for this baby
is in an omelet for me.
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00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:02,653
You're making a big mistake,
Bob Rooney.
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00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,128
You touch an egg...
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00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:07,292
...that makes the mama bird
really mad.
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00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:11,493
Well, I don't see no
mama bird around.
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00:07:11,740 --> 00:07:13,173
Maybe not...
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00:07:13,420 --> 00:07:16,776
...but there's a B-52 with a beak.
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00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:25,297
Hey! Hey! Put me down!
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00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:28,373
Let me go!
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00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:34,179
Who would have thought a bird could
lift Bob Rooney 70 feet in the air?
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00:07:35,020 --> 00:07:38,171
Well, she won't make 100.
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00:07:45,020 --> 00:07:47,580
Oh, it's Bob Rooney on Griff.
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00:07:47,820 --> 00:07:50,175
Daily double.
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00:07:53,380 --> 00:07:55,211
Do you have "Mortal Kombat" in there?
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00:07:55,460 --> 00:07:58,770
Are you kidding?
I got the highest score in the mob.
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00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:03,329
Gino, good news.
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00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:05,536
I can kill you now?
95
00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:09,339
No, I meant good news for me.
I patched things up...
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00:08:09,540 --> 00:08:11,770
- ...between Kelly and Raphael.
- How?
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00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:14,090
I did what any respectable director
would do.
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00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:17,098
I lied to them and offered them points
in the film.
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00:08:18,180 --> 00:08:21,138
- Net?
- Of course.
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00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:27,174
Okay, guys.
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00:08:27,420 --> 00:08:29,650
If we're ready, everybody
on their opening marks.
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00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:32,016
Places, babes.
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00:08:32,460 --> 00:08:34,018
Okay! Let's cue the music.
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00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:36,728
- Who brought the music?
- I did.
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00:08:37,380 --> 00:08:39,450
Raphael did.
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00:08:40,660 --> 00:08:41,979
This isn't a problem.
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00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:44,688
I'm gonna listen to them both
and choose the best one.
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00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:48,057
If you don't use my music,
then I am walking.
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00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:51,451
If you don't use Raphael's music,
he is walking.
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00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:54,453
And do not try to stop us.
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00:09:04,820 --> 00:09:06,299
Bud, I got good news.
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00:09:06,540 --> 00:09:09,100
You're gonna see Paris.
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00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:16,658
You're gonna send me to Paris?
114
00:09:16,900 --> 00:09:18,697
No, just your eyes.
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00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:28,978
Look, guys, we said
we'd give it a try.
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00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:32,292
Raphael, I promised you your
name would come first...
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00:09:32,540 --> 00:09:35,100
...when I report him to the INS.
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00:09:36,620 --> 00:09:40,454
And, Kelly, I promised you a star
on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
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00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:43,089
Right next to Garfield, right?
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00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:46,458
Okay.
121
00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:50,090
Raphael will do it,
but he will not smile.
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00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:53,298
Okay. I will do it, and I will smile.
123
00:09:53,540 --> 00:09:57,533
But when I am facing Raphael, I am
going to stick out my tongue like this.
124
00:09:59,220 --> 00:10:02,132
Okay, okay. Now, that we're
all adults...
125
00:10:02,380 --> 00:10:04,848
...can we please start
this damn exercise video?
126
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:07,933
Kelly, you won the toss,
we'll open the number with your music.
127
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:12,179
Okay, okay? Ready, and...
128
00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:32,692
Cut! Cut! Cut!
129
00:10:37,260 --> 00:10:38,898
Raphael.
130
00:10:41,260 --> 00:10:42,739
What's the matter?
131
00:10:42,980 --> 00:10:44,618
Raphael is much man.
132
00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:47,818
He cannot work out to this noise.
133
00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:52,338
He would much rather give
CPR to Rosie O'Donell.
134
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:57,335
Fine. Then let's see what you
have, munch man.
135
00:10:57,580 --> 00:11:00,378
That is much man.
136
00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:03,611
Not from here.
137
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,018
Okay, okay, okay. Fine.
138
00:11:07,260 --> 00:11:10,696
Let's just dance
to Raphael's music, okay?
139
00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:15,009
Ready. Five, six, seven, eight.
140
00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:30,052
All right, stop the music!
141
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:31,699
Cut!
142
00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:36,778
Now what?
143
00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:40,410
Is it just me or does anybody else here
feel like sneaking into Canada...
144
00:11:40,620 --> 00:11:43,054
...under the cover of darkness?
145
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:45,377
That is it.
146
00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:47,099
We are walking.
147
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,615
So are Kelly.
148
00:11:57,260 --> 00:11:59,216
Good teeth, Bud.
149
00:11:59,740 --> 00:12:01,890
I like that in a dead guy.
150
00:12:06,820 --> 00:12:09,539
Hey, Gino, how's the kid doing?
151
00:12:09,780 --> 00:12:12,692
He's not that talented, Bebe,
but he's got a lot of heart.
152
00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:17,377
That's good, because I got a guy
in Chattanooga that needs one.
153
00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:23,409
Gino, you'll never guess what me
and Vito did.
154
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,093
You're gonna love this.
155
00:12:25,340 --> 00:12:26,295
Guys, can we just--?
156
00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:30,209
Can we just, please, work together
and decide on a song?
157
00:12:30,460 --> 00:12:33,930
I mean, we're talking about something
even more valuable than your pride.
158
00:12:34,140 --> 00:12:35,255
My life.
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00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:38,697
Raphael would rather have you die
a thousand deaths before he dances...
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00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:40,970
...to her trashy music.
161
00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:43,688
Yeah? I would rather have him die
a million deaths...
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00:12:43,940 --> 00:12:47,410
...before I dance to your
coochie-hoochie music.
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00:12:47,820 --> 00:12:50,971
Then Raphael would rather beat him
to death with his very own hands--
164
00:12:51,180 --> 00:12:52,818
- I'd rather--
- Thank you, thank you!
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00:12:53,060 --> 00:12:55,779
Look, before my internal organs...
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00:12:55,980 --> 00:12:59,655
...absolutely, positively
have to be there overnight...
167
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:04,897
...I just wanna say,
I hate you both. Okay?
168
00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:07,170
Kelly, you want to dance
to your music? Fine.
169
00:13:07,380 --> 00:13:09,496
Dance to your music.
170
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:13,690
And, Raphael, you can dance
to your music. Here.
171
00:13:15,860 --> 00:13:17,851
Okay. Okay, guys,
you can kill me now.
172
00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:20,056
But just do me one favor, okay?
173
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,053
Tell me where to stand so the bullet
goes through them too.
174
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:25,575
- Not a problem.
- It would be a pleasure.
175
00:13:25,820 --> 00:13:29,096
Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.
These musics sound good together.
176
00:13:29,340 --> 00:13:30,375
I could dance to this.
177
00:13:30,580 --> 00:13:33,538
Raphael could dance
to this musics too.
178
00:13:40,860 --> 00:13:42,373
Hold it. Hold the killing.
179
00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:44,531
They're dancing.
180
00:13:44,860 --> 00:13:46,657
- Damn.
- Damn.
181
00:14:12,340 --> 00:14:16,253
I can't believe those idiots still
haven't got that satellite working.
182
00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:20,459
And look at this reception.
The more they try, the worse it gets.
183
00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:22,975
Just like in bed.
184
00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:29,057
Let's face it, girls, they are never
gonna get that dish hooked up.
185
00:14:39,540 --> 00:14:42,418
Man, this satellite dish is great.
186
00:14:42,660 --> 00:14:45,049
Look at all these
different channels. There's...
187
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:47,530
...the wrestling channel.
188
00:14:48,780 --> 00:14:51,089
There's the oil-wrestling channel.
189
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,889
The mud-wrestling channel.
190
00:14:56,220 --> 00:14:58,415
The violence channel.
191
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:03,129
And best of all, no wife channel.
192
00:15:05,660 --> 00:15:08,811
The wives don't even realize
we've got the dish hooked up.
193
00:15:09,740 --> 00:15:14,894
What a bunch of fools,
living down there, inside the house.
194
00:15:15,300 --> 00:15:17,575
Hey. Hey, you know, Captain Kirk
was wrong.
195
00:15:17,820 --> 00:15:21,972
The final frontier isn't space.
It's the roof.
196
00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:25,975
All those years lying on my back
staring at the ceiling...
197
00:15:26,220 --> 00:15:28,370
...just praying my misery
would go away...
198
00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:30,895
...how could I know
that my little bit of heaven...
199
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:33,853
...was a mere 10 feet
above my head?
200
00:15:35,260 --> 00:15:37,694
How's it coming, Al?
201
00:15:37,940 --> 00:15:40,295
Oh, about five minutes, Peg.
202
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,771
And cut it.
203
00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:52,580
Oh, that was beautiful.
204
00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:54,811
Great job, Kelly.
205
00:15:55,340 --> 00:15:57,900
Great job, Raphy baby.
206
00:16:00,180 --> 00:16:03,377
I just love you babes.
207
00:16:07,620 --> 00:16:12,933
Listen, when the dim blond
and El Boy-o Loco leave...
208
00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:18,379
...you guys stick around
and we'll make us a real movie.
209
00:16:20,820 --> 00:16:22,139
All right, that's a wrap.
210
00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:25,975
Except for you chicks,
who will soon be unwrapped.
211
00:16:27,860 --> 00:16:31,216
Excuse me, but Raphael
never leaves a shoot...
212
00:16:31,460 --> 00:16:36,739
...until he is certain the director
has featured his good buttock.
213
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:40,337
Whoa, there, stomach, settle down.
214
00:16:42,260 --> 00:16:45,332
Well, since we finished
an hour early...
215
00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:48,299
...I guess we have time
to replay my masterpiece.
216
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:50,098
Let's check it out.
217
00:17:09,860 --> 00:17:11,612
Oh, man.
218
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,611
Hitchcock...
219
00:17:16,780 --> 00:17:18,452
...if you have a free hand...
220
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:22,010
...would you mind rewinding the tape
so that we can see me dancing?
221
00:17:22,260 --> 00:17:25,013
Or Raphael dancing.
222
00:17:29,860 --> 00:17:33,409
Gino, you'll never guess what meand Vito did.
223
00:17:33,660 --> 00:17:35,139
You're gonna love this.
224
00:17:35,380 --> 00:17:37,450
You remember Alderman Harris?
225
00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:39,372
The guy that stiffed us for 20 G's?
226
00:17:39,620 --> 00:17:41,576
Well, you know what our motto is.
227
00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:45,017
He who stiffs us becomes one.
228
00:17:45,660 --> 00:17:49,335
So Vito sends his kidneys to Texas.
229
00:17:49,580 --> 00:17:52,253
- He killed him?
- Not yet.
230
00:17:54,860 --> 00:18:01,333
Bud, I'm starting to get the feeling
that these guys may be, you know:
231
00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:07,532
What, really annoying?
232
00:18:08,660 --> 00:18:11,652
No. Mobsters.
233
00:18:11,900 --> 00:18:14,016
Wise guys.
234
00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:17,334
Jolly goodfellas.
235
00:18:19,820 --> 00:18:21,697
Do you think, Kel?
236
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:25,775
If they find out
we have this on tape...
237
00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:27,897
...they will kill Raphael
in such a way...
238
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,853
...that he cannot have
an open-casket funeral.
239
00:18:31,620 --> 00:18:35,374
Listen, we got one hour. All we have to
do is edit out the incriminating stuff...
240
00:18:35,580 --> 00:18:37,969
...before Vito gets here,
and there's no problem.
241
00:18:38,460 --> 00:18:40,178
Hey, Bud.
242
00:18:40,860 --> 00:18:44,011
- Now there's a problem.
- I know I'm a little early...
243
00:18:44,220 --> 00:18:47,132
...but I couldn't wait
to see the tape. Here, give me.
244
00:18:47,420 --> 00:18:49,138
I would but...
245
00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:55,169
Raphael, tell him why we
can't give him the tape.
246
00:18:55,580 --> 00:18:59,459
Oh, well, you see, because--
247
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:02,254
Kelly, why don't you tell them
why we can't give the tape.
248
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:07,016
Because we recorded stuff about you
sending the guy's kidneys to Texas.
249
00:19:10,420 --> 00:19:12,809
Way to throw them off track, Kel.
250
00:19:13,740 --> 00:19:14,695
Do them.
251
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:17,334
And when you're done, Bebe,
do yourself.
252
00:19:17,580 --> 00:19:19,093
Can do, boss.
253
00:19:19,340 --> 00:19:22,093
Wait, wait, wait. Look, look,
Mr. Capone.
254
00:19:22,340 --> 00:19:26,333
Please, look, I can understand you
wanting to kill us...
255
00:19:26,580 --> 00:19:28,616
...but please spare my sister.
256
00:19:28,860 --> 00:19:30,578
She's harmless.
257
00:19:30,780 --> 00:19:32,372
I mean, she could never
identify you.
258
00:19:32,580 --> 00:19:36,289
She can't even grasp the concept
of up and down.
259
00:19:37,460 --> 00:19:39,769
Down yours, Bud.
260
00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:43,979
Sorry, kid, but as they
say in Hollywood...
261
00:19:44,220 --> 00:19:46,017
...you'll never work
in this town again.
262
00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:48,216
Or any town.
263
00:19:48,460 --> 00:19:51,770
Hold it, Capone! Police.
264
00:19:56,900 --> 00:19:59,334
Put your guns down
and your hands against the wall.
265
00:19:59,580 --> 00:20:02,219
- Frisk them, Farrah.
- You got it, Kate.
266
00:20:02,460 --> 00:20:04,530
Come on, Jaclyn.
267
00:20:08,580 --> 00:20:10,775
I'd thank you,
but it's not proper for stars...
268
00:20:11,020 --> 00:20:14,092
...to associate
with background dancers.
269
00:20:21,140 --> 00:20:25,338
Where could you have possibly
concealed those weapons?
270
00:20:26,580 --> 00:20:28,138
I touched you all over.
271
00:20:28,380 --> 00:20:32,293
We know. That's why you're
going to jail.
272
00:20:32,860 --> 00:20:36,011
Soon you, too, will be
touched all over.
273
00:20:36,220 --> 00:20:39,132
Wait, wait! No!
274
00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:52,612
Good neighbor. Good neighbor.
275
00:20:57,020 --> 00:21:00,774
All right, lights out. Watch the news.
276
00:21:00,980 --> 00:21:04,097
And in local news,three organized crime figures...
277
00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:07,053
...whose names have been withheldto protect their privacy...
278
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,655
...were convicted of murderand racketeering...
279
00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:14,451
...fined $10 and given 50 hoursof community service.
280
00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:17,058
In a related crime story...
281
00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:19,655
...video directorBud Franklin Bundy...
282
00:21:19,900 --> 00:21:23,256
...whose home address isavailable upon request...
283
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:27,095
...was the first man to be givena life sentence under the new...
284
00:21:27,300 --> 00:21:31,418
..."one strike and you're out"sexual-harassment law.
285
00:21:32,260 --> 00:21:33,534
Don't worry...
286
00:21:33,780 --> 00:21:36,738
...I have corrupt friends downtown.
287
00:21:37,060 --> 00:21:38,288
Let's go get him out.
288
00:21:40,620 --> 00:21:42,019
Hey, wait, guys.
289
00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:43,579
I see hooters.
290
00:21:43,820 --> 00:21:45,936
Hooters, hooters, hooters!
291
00:21:46,180 --> 00:21:49,456
Hooters, hooters, hooters!
22543
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