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1
00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:12,046
Yo, ted, laura.
2
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,281
What's up?
Hi, waldo.
3
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:14,882
Are you an usher here?
4
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:16,317
Yep.
5
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:17,751
I thought you worked with
6
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:19,187
The ground crew
At the airport.
7
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:22,256
I did, but they fired me when
I directed a jumbo jet
8
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:23,524
Into the luggage carousel.
9
00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:29,029
Wait here.
10
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:49,950
Now, remember--
11
00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:52,120
In the unlikely event
Of a water landing,
12
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,655
Your cushion may be used
As a flotation device.
13
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:57,258
Thanks, waldo.
14
00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:58,626
No problem, laura.
15
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:03,431
Excuse me.
16
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,503
Wow!
17
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:10,571
This is fantastic.
18
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:13,307
Yeah.
C & c music factory live.
19
00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:16,177
No, I mean us--
You and me
20
00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:18,679
And no steve urkel.
21
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,349
You mean
No steve urkel yet.
22
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,284
He's followed us
On every date.
23
00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:24,852
He just
Won't give up.
24
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,120
You know what we need?
25
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:28,189
An urkel-size roach motel.
26
00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:33,327
Hey, what about introducing
Him to another girl?
27
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:37,298
Get real, ted, who would be
Willing to go out with urkel?
28
00:01:37,365 --> 00:01:39,700
My cousin myra might
Want to meet him.
29
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,034
Really?
30
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,471
What's wrong with her?
31
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:46,574
Nothing. She's just
Attracted to brainy guys.
32
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,109
Well, that sounds good,
But there's one problem.
33
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:50,644
Steve is obsessed
With me.
34
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:09,363
Yo, man.
35
00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:11,165
Dock them boats, man.
36
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,901
Don't worry, be happy.
37
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,703
Everything
Gonna be alright.
38
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:19,873
Hey, man.
39
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:23,110
You used to drive
A blue toyota, man?
40
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,746
Yeah, what do
You mean "Used to"?
41
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,215
It's on fire, man.
42
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,498
* it's a rare condition *
43
00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:46,334
* in this day and age *
44
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,437
* to read any good news
On the newspaper page *
45
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,906
* and love and tradition
Of the grand design *
46
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:57,911
* some people say
Is even harder to find *
47
00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:01,014
* well, then, there must be
Some magic clue *
48
00:03:01,081 --> 00:03:05,018
* inside these gentle walls *
49
00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:08,722
* 'cause all I see
Is a tower of dreams *
50
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:12,693
* real love burstin'
Out of every seam *
51
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:16,564
* as days go by *
52
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:20,934
* it's the bigger love
Of the family **
53
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:33,814
Oh, pretty lady,
54
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,284
Dump the pretty boy,
And we be jammin'.
55
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:39,186
Steve, that's enough!
56
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,421
Ow!
57
00:03:40,488 --> 00:03:42,523
That was bobby-pinned.
58
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:45,726
Urkel!
59
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,495
Wha--oh!
60
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:50,564
My car was not on fire.
61
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:54,768
Go home, urkel.
62
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,036
I paid for my seat.
63
00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,271
I said, go home.
64
00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:58,639
Calm down.
65
00:03:58,706 --> 00:03:59,707
Go home!
66
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:00,741
Go home!
67
00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:02,009
Go home!
68
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:09,049
I don't have
To take this.
69
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:10,418
I'm going home.
70
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,621
My dreadlocks,
If you please.
71
00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:15,723
Hmm.
72
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:33,307
Bill, bill, bill.
73
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:34,575
Hey, judy.
74
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:35,476
Hi.
75
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:38,011
What's the matter,
Sweetheart?
76
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,246
I'm dead meat.
77
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,548
You remember mom's dress
78
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,483
With all the sparkly
Things on it?
79
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,051
You mean sequins.
80
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,252
Yeah.
81
00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:47,087
Well, I sort of
Tried it on,
82
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,589
I sort of
Got it dirty,
83
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:51,224
And I sort of put it
In the washing machine.
84
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,827
Uh-oh.
Was it damaged?
85
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,507
Well, don't worry,
Sweetheart.
86
00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:08,175
The next time we go out,
87
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:10,411
We'll just glue these
On to your mother.
88
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:14,114
Daddy,
Mom will kill me.
89
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:17,284
Well, take it easy,
Sweetheart. I'll tell you what,
90
00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:19,520
Wait till your mama's
In a real good mood,
91
00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:21,789
Then I'll
Explain things to her.
92
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,323
You're the best.
93
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,561
Hey, dad,
94
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:29,096
Can I borrow 20 bucks?
95
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:30,364
20 bucks?
96
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:33,634
Edward, do you see
This stack of envelopes?
97
00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:35,803
This is not
Fan mail, son.
98
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:36,870
These are bills.
99
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:39,707
How about 15?
100
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:44,277
Edward,
Do you see this bill?
101
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,279
It's from the land
Of lincoln casualty--
102
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,550
$400 for your
Car insurance.
103
00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:52,219
Whoa! Hey,
That's a lot of money.
104
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:53,286
You said it.
105
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,122
I wouldn't pay it.
106
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,824
Uh, edward,
107
00:05:56,890 --> 00:06:00,661
You're always complaining
How I treat you like a kid.
108
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:04,097
I'm going to give you some
Real adult responsibility.
109
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:08,168
From now on,you're going
To start paying part
Of your car insurance.
110
00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:09,202
But, dad--
111
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,438
No buts.
112
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,706
The quarterly premium
Is $400.
113
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:15,042
You'll pay
1/4 of that amount
114
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,143
Out of your paycheck.
115
00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:19,580
But that's 60 bucks.
116
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:23,050
100.
Nice try, son.
117
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,686
Do you know how many times
I'll have to say,
118
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,921
"How about some mustard
On that mighty weenie"
119
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,022
To make 100 bucks?
120
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,092
No, but, keep track.
121
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:35,829
The guys at the precinct love
Interesting facts like that.
122
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,831
Oh, sure, mock me,
123
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,000
But let me tell you
Something, dad
124
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:43,036
I didn't get
This part-time job
To be responsible.
125
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,705
I got it
To impress chicks.
126
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,063
Laura, my pet?
127
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,364
Thanks for coming,
Steve.
128
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,766
Oh, sorry, I'm tardy.
129
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,802
But, I just got back
From the optometrist.
130
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,369
He dilated
The old peepers,
131
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,138
So things are
A little foggy.
132
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,480
Is that a new hairdo?
133
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,852
Steve, I'm over here.
134
00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:33,086
Ah!
135
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:36,824
So,
136
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,692
What's on your
Gorgeous mind?
137
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:42,930
Oh!
138
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,899
I have tickets
To the dave koz concert.
139
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,134
I want you to go--
140
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,236
Oh, yes, yes, yes!
141
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:54,575
A thousand times, yes!
142
00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:58,011
Why, this is the greatest
Day of my life!
143
00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:00,848
Well, ted's coming, too.
144
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:02,783
Oh.
145
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,418
Well, ordinarily
Three's a crowd, but--
146
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,855
It's not just
The three of us.
147
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:10,090
Ted's bringing
His cousin myra.
148
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,424
Oh?
149
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,695
Well, in some mountainous
Regions of the country,
150
00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:16,296
That sort of thing
Is acceptable,
151
00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:20,500
But here in the city
We have regulations.
We have protocol.
152
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,502
Uh, steve...
153
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:26,774
Oh, darling,
What difference
Does it make
154
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,777
If two or a thousand
People tag along
155
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,580
As long as we're together?
156
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,482
Laura?
157
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:36,984
Have you been eating?
158
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,055
Why, you're nothing
But skin and bones.
159
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:46,894
Oh!
160
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,396
Listen,
It's a double date.
161
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:50,564
I'll be with ted.
162
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:51,599
You'll be with myra.
163
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,166
Ted told her
All about you,
164
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,936
And despite that,
She's looking forward
To meeting you.
165
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:58,839
Wait a minute.
166
00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,708
This is
A transparent attempt
167
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,810
To pawn me off
On another woman.
168
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,713
It ain't going to work,
Never in a million years.
169
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,381
Please, stevie?
170
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:09,750
Okay.
171
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,188
Ooh, she touched me.
172
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,030
[doorbell rings]
173
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:32,105
And these are for you,
Sweetums,
174
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,307
And, uh, these are
For what's-her-name.
175
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:38,345
Her name is myra.
176
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,814
Yeah, well, you better write it
On your face,
177
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:43,951
'cause that's where I'll
Be looking all night.
178
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,754
Steve, give her a chance.
You might even like her.
179
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:50,090
Hah! I'd be
Very surprised indeed.
180
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,093
[doorbell rings]
181
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:56,063
Hi.
182
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,935
Arrgh.
183
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,306
Myra, this is laura.
184
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:07,808
Nice to meet you.
Hello.
185
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:09,509
And this is your date, steve.
186
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:11,511
Hello, steve.
Hello.
187
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:14,547
I'm sure you're aware
Myra was a seaport
188
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:15,816
In ancient lycia.
189
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:18,051
Oh, yes,
And I'm sure
That you're aware
190
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,288
That steve
Derives from
The greek stefanos,
191
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,622
I.E. Crown.
192
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,860
But of course.
193
00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:31,231
And these are por vous.
194
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,333
Oh, they're beautiful.
195
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,202
I just love ranunculus,
196
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:39,072
And look
At these lovely
Catananchi serulia.
197
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,808
What?
198
00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:43,610
Buttercups
And cupid's dart.
199
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:44,945
Read a book!
200
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,450
Uh, come on, guys.
We better get going.
201
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:53,687
Apres vous, my little
Ancient seaport.
202
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:55,689
Merci,
My handsome stefanos.
203
00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:56,957
Hee hee hee!
204
00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:58,058
[snort]
205
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,263
What a cute little snort.
206
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,698
Oh!
207
00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:17,811
Yes!
Yes!
208
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,255
Hey, honey, what's up?
209
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,090
What ought to be up?
210
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:33,927
But the good news is, richie has
Volunteered to skip his bath.
211
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:37,731
Now, there's a team player.
212
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,133
Wait a minute.
213
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,669
Are you paying edward's
Share of his car insurance?
214
00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:45,372
Yeah. He met this girl
And took her to dinner.
215
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:48,008
Don't worry,
He promised to pay me back.
216
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:49,142
Uh-huh.
217
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:53,380
Always coddling
That kid.
218
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:56,483
Carl, are you saying
That I'm coddling eddie?
219
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,718
Well, since
You brought it up...
220
00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:00,253
Carl,
I'm simply helping him.
221
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,990
Harriette,
That is not helping him.
222
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,092
Edward needs
To learn responsibility.
223
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:08,395
How's he gonna do that if
You let him off the hook?
224
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:09,429
Calm down.
225
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:10,730
I won't calm down.
226
00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:12,365
I mean, this is very important.
227
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,336
Carl,
228
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,737
Let me get this straight.
229
00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:19,239
If our kids screw up,
230
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:21,274
We should just let them
Take their lumps?
231
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,476
Absolutely. How else
Are they gonna learn?
232
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:24,845
No exceptions?
No exceptions.
233
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:27,614
Why are you
Covering for judy?
Say what?
234
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,716
You said my sequined gown
235
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,184
Was mixed up
In the laundry.
236
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:35,188
What you didn't tell me
Was judy ruined it.
237
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,225
Me helping judy is totally
Different from you
Helping eddie.
238
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,427
Oh? How?
239
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:43,563
You weren't supposed
To find out about judy.
240
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,698
Carl, our daughter
Has a conscience.
241
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:48,068
She confessed
The whole thing.
242
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,436
I see.
243
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:52,739
Well, I'm going to have
To have a talk with her,
244
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:54,908
Stamp out
That pesky honest streak.
245
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,545
Carl, let's face it.
246
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:02,549
Edward has always
Been able to get away
With anything with me,
247
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,886
And laura and judy
Have you wrapped
Around their fingers.
248
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:08,655
I guess, that's true.
249
00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:10,557
Whenever I put my foot down,
250
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,526
They bat their pretty little
Eyes, and I crumble.
251
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:15,795
That's okay, honey.
252
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,630
Our children need
To learn responsibility.
253
00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:21,334
They also
Need to know that
We're there to help.
254
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:22,702
You know something?
255
00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:25,805
You are a very wise woman,
Mrs. Winslow.
256
00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:27,941
Why, thank you,
Mr. Winslow.
257
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,910
I think we make a great team.
258
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,344
I foul everything up,
259
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,080
And you straighten
Everything out.
260
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,516
You're being little
Hard on yourself.
261
00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:38,218
I mess up sometimes,
Too.
262
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:39,419
Oh?
263
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,288
Well, I can't think
Of any examples,
264
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,556
But I'm sure it's
Bound to happen someday.
265
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,604
These are
Great seats.
266
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,606
Well, ted
Got the tickets.
267
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:03,476
No, they're great
Because I'm sitting
Next to you.
268
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,016
[announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen,
269
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:14,087
Wjgz radio and
The chicago concert series
Are proud to present
270
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:17,657
The sultan
Of the sensuous saxophone--
271
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,426
Dave koz!
272
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:32,039
[saxophone plays]
273
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:33,974
Laura, you look
Fabulous tonight.
274
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,311
Oh, puh-lease.
275
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:41,548
Laura's too smart
To fall for that
Trite bait.
276
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,952
Oh, ted,
You're so sweet.
277
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:54,127
Uh-oh. I hope she doesn't
Notice that huge zit
Behind my ear.
278
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,000
That's a nice tie.
279
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,702
Oh, thanks.
It's a clip-on.
280
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,637
Oh, why did I say that?
281
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:09,109
Would it have been a crime to
Let her think I could tie my
Own tie?
282
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:17,417
Ew! I wonder
If laura's noticed
Ted's humongous zit.
283
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,923
Let's see. If ivana trump
Married neil diamond,
284
00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:26,126
She'd be ivana diamond.
285
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:34,001
Do you mind?
286
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,303
Oh, not at all.
287
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:39,106
Uh-oh. Ted almost
Caught me staring
At his zit.
288
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:47,580
Oh, I wish steve
Would put his arm
Around me.
289
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:52,119
Hmm, maybe I
Can give him some
Encouragement.
290
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:57,124
Oh, my god.
Did I use deodorant?
291
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:04,031
Yes, fresh
As a pine forest.
292
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:07,534
I wonder if I should
Put my arm around
The little vixen.
293
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,005
Oh, go for it,
You studster.
294
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:21,981
Yes! Touchdown!
295
00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:25,885
I really like him.
296
00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:27,287
She really likes me.
297
00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:30,290
She really likes him.
298
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:32,459
She really likes him?
299
00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:38,565
Now, if ivana divorced
Neil diamond and married
Jack nicklaus,
300
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:41,068
She'd be ivana
Diamond nicklaus.
301
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:49,709
Laura, isn't this romantic?
302
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:51,044
It sure is.
303
00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,486
Myra...
304
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:02,489
Isn't this romantic?
305
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,291
It sure is.
306
00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:20,340
Oh! Oh!
307
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,113
Stop the music!
308
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:27,480
Stop the music!
309
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,249
Stop the music!
310
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:32,652
[music stops]
311
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,053
Steve, what are you doing?
312
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:36,189
I'll tell you
What I'm doing.
313
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,291
I, steven q. Urkel,
314
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:41,194
Am guilty
Of emotional adultery.
315
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:42,429
Ohh!
Ooh! Ohh!
316
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,303
Ever since kindergarten,
317
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:54,241
I've loved one girl
And one girl only--
318
00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:57,144
The lovely laura winslow.
319
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,946
Stand up, laura.
Take a bow.
320
00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:01,214
Well, come on.
321
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:04,184
Stand up and show
That funky bod.
322
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:11,224
Is this a raving beauty
Or what, huh?
323
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,801
In a perfect world,
324
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:24,604
Laura and I
Would be a couple,
325
00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:27,474
An item, a pair,
326
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:28,741
But alas,
327
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:31,244
It's not
A perfect world,
328
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,480
And laura's here
With another man.
329
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:37,717
Oh, stand up,
Pretty boy.
330
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:44,056
Ted's an okay guy,
331
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,593
But he's got two things
I don't have--
332
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:47,594
My woman
333
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,862
And a humongous zit
Behind his ear.
334
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:58,271
Dave koz,
Ladies and gentlemen!
335
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,740
Dave koz.
336
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:09,081
Hey, you, could you
Wrap this up already?
337
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,717
I'm trying to
Give a concert.
338
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:12,885
Oh, hang tight, davie.
339
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:15,054
Folks, laura and ted
340
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:18,991
Arranged for me to date
This lovely, intelligent
Girl right here.
341
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:20,893
Stand up, myra.
Take a bow.
342
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:31,271
Park it.
343
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:37,510
She's a delightful,
Sweet young lady,
344
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:40,146
But enchanting
Though she is,
345
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:42,249
My heart will always
And forever
346
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:44,751
Belong
To the lovely laura.
347
00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:51,991
Laura lee winslow,
348
00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:53,593
The girl with the smile
349
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,695
That can light
The darkest corners
350
00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:56,796
Of my heart...
351
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,736
Her lovely eyes sparkle
352
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,573
With the eternal promise
Of happy tomorrows.
353
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:14,847
Her ripe, full lips
354
00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:17,350
Could kiss away all
The sorrows and worries
355
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:18,618
Of my weary soul.
356
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:24,090
Tonight I was tempted
357
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:26,125
By the effervescent
Personality
358
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:29,596
And bodacious bod
Of another.
359
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,764
By god,
I nearly succumbed,
360
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,600
But I hereby declare,
361
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:36,503
And all of you
Are my witnesses,
362
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,238
That I shall never,
Ever stray.
363
00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:40,540
Nay, I say.
364
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:43,310
Instead, I shall
Redouble my efforts
365
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:44,944
To win laura's heart.
366
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:47,680
I shall pursue her
Relentlessly
367
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:51,651
Until I hear those
Three magical words
368
00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:55,522
I have waited
My entire life to hear--
369
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:56,556
"I...
370
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:58,558
Give up."
371
00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:30,590
I wonder if I'd have the guts
To make a speech like that
To win a girl.
372
00:21:30,657 --> 00:21:34,594
Fortunately,
With my looks,
I'll never have to.
373
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:41,968
I'm going to kill steve.
374
00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:43,736
Yep. He needs to be killed.
375
00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:45,472
He's dead.
376
00:21:45,538 --> 00:21:49,842
I'm going to kill him.
I'm going to kill him.
I'm going to kill him.
377
00:21:52,845 --> 00:21:55,448
I think I really
Impressed laura tonight.
378
00:21:55,515 --> 00:21:57,850
Yep. She wants me bad.
379
00:21:59,752 --> 00:22:02,855
Oh, it's a pity
I had to hurt myra.
380
00:22:02,922 --> 00:22:04,857
After tonight,
She'll never forgive me.
381
00:22:10,597 --> 00:22:13,433
God, I want steve.
382
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,368
I know size
Isn't important,
383
00:22:15,435 --> 00:22:18,671
But I bet his brain
Is huge.
384
00:22:20,106 --> 00:22:23,410
I don't know what
He sees in that laura.
385
00:22:23,476 --> 00:22:26,178
But I swear,
I'll never rest
386
00:22:26,245 --> 00:22:28,415
Until I make him mine.
387
00:22:33,886 --> 00:22:36,589
If ivana divorced neil diamond
And jack nicklaus
388
00:22:36,656 --> 00:22:38,124
And married ron darling,
389
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:40,660
She'd be ivana diamond
Nicholas darling.
26335
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