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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:13,690 ♪ come and knock on our door ♪ 2 00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:15,192 ♪ come and knock on our door ♪ 3 00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,693 ♪ we've been waiting for you ♪ 4 00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:18,195 ♪ we've been waiting for you ♪ 5 00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:21,031 ♪ where the kisses are Hers and hers and his ♪ 6 00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:24,201 ♪ three's company too ♪ 7 00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,602 ♪ come and dance on our floor ♪ 8 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,037 ♪ come and dance on our floor ♪ 9 00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:28,505 ♪ take a step that is new ♪ 10 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:30,007 ♪ take a step that is new ♪ 11 00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:33,376 ♪ we've a loveable space That needs your face ♪ 12 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,667 ♪ three's company too ♪ 13 00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:45,555 - ♪ down at our rendezvous ♪ - ♪ down at our rendezvous ♪ 14 00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,513 ♪ three is company too ♪ 15 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:57,901 - ♪ down at our rendezvous ♪ - ♪ down at our rendezvous ♪ 16 00:00:57,925 --> 00:01:00,859 ♪ three is company too. ♪ 17 00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:05,574 I got it. 18 00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:08,244 Oh, I'll get it. I've been Listening to the radio. 19 00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:10,246 A lot of stations Are having contests. 20 00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:13,016 You can win stuff just by Answering the phone the right way. 21 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,952 Krbq plays all the hits! 22 00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:18,955 Cindy, do you know what the odds Are of them calling our number? 23 00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:20,791 - janet, I won! - you did? 24 00:01:20,815 --> 00:01:22,459 - yeah! - what did you win? 25 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:25,094 What did I win? 26 00:01:25,118 --> 00:01:27,864 A weekend in paradise with The america's greatest lover. 27 00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:30,433 Give me that. 28 00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:32,537 Get off the phone, larry! 29 00:01:35,462 --> 00:01:37,440 I'm sorry, cindy. That was just larry 30 00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:39,442 And he is no prize. 31 00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:41,444 That larry sure Has a quick mind. 32 00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:43,547 Not as quick as his hands. 33 00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:47,283 - janet: hi, jack. - hi. 34 00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:48,718 - cindy: hi, jack. - hi. 35 00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,821 How was your first day At the sandwich shop? 36 00:01:50,845 --> 00:01:53,456 Oh, come on. 37 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,458 How tough can it be Making sandwiches? 38 00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:58,461 No, no. I just helped the new Tenant up with her groceries. 39 00:01:58,485 --> 00:02:01,230 Three big bags up Three flights of stairs. 40 00:02:01,254 --> 00:02:04,601 Three bags of groceries? She must be rich. 41 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,070 No, no. She's a Sweet, little thing. 42 00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:09,472 - older woman, you know. - older, huh? 43 00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:11,474 What are we talking, jack, 22? 44 00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:13,476 No. 45 00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:16,312 She must be almost 70. She Barely beat me up the stairs. 46 00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,450 - you lost one here. - oh, thanks. 47 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,652 So how was everything At the sandwich shop? 48 00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:26,323 Oh, frantic. The guy I'm working With kept going out for a smoke. 49 00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:28,425 Why didn't you Complain to the boss? 50 00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:30,493 He is the boss. 51 00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:32,228 Don't worry about It. You'll get used to it. 52 00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:34,865 By tomorrow night, you're going To think everything's wonderful. 53 00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:37,266 You're absolutely right Because tomorrow night, 54 00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:40,570 - katy williams is coming over For a little din-din. - oh? 55 00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:42,838 Oh, I knew a katy Williams in high school. 56 00:02:42,862 --> 00:02:45,008 She was captain of The debating team. 57 00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:47,010 N-no, couldn't be the same one. 58 00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:50,013 This katy never argues, If you know what I mean. 59 00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:53,282 I gotcha. 60 00:02:53,306 --> 00:02:55,418 You sure did. 61 00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:57,854 Just make sure that Both of you are long gone 62 00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,222 When cutie katy comes A'calling tomorrow. 63 00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:02,191 I'll get it. 64 00:03:02,215 --> 00:03:04,127 Tell us how long you Want to be alone with her, 65 00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:05,595 And then we'll know where to go. 66 00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:08,664 Have you ever been to hong kong? 67 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,935 - hello. - oh, hello. Is jack tripper he... 68 00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:15,038 - yes... - oh, there you are. 69 00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:16,540 Hello, mrs. Moore. 70 00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:19,209 Oh, he was such a Big help to me before. 71 00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,377 Such a dear, sweet, darling boy. 72 00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:23,879 Yes, well... 73 00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:25,881 - this is janet. - both: hello. 74 00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:27,717 - this is cindy. - how do you do? 75 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:30,653 - glad to meet you. - is there anything That we could do for you? 76 00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:34,224 Oh, no. I just wanted to bring Jack a little "Thank you" present. 77 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:37,827 Home-baked cookies, three kinds. 78 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:40,730 - oh, mrs. Moore, you didn't have to do... - oh, call me gladys. 79 00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:43,500 - gladys. - "Mrs." makes me Feel like an old lady. 80 00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:46,236 Is that the kitchen? 81 00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,359 Hello? Uh... 82 00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:52,396 Yeah, hello? 83 00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:56,912 Oh, don't let me Interrupt your visit. 84 00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:59,504 Oh, we're not Visiting. We live here. 85 00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:05,589 - all three of you? - janet: yes. 86 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:09,047 No wonder you got pooped Climbing those stairs. 87 00:04:10,483 --> 00:04:12,295 Uh, uh... 88 00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:14,830 No, uh, yeah, mrs. Moore, excuse me, 89 00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:17,567 Gladys, uh, we are Just good friends. 90 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:20,670 Oh, well you call It what you want. 91 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,938 No, come and sit down. 92 00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:25,709 - yes. - I don't understand. 93 00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:27,711 I hope you're taking vitamins. 94 00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:30,947 - no, I don't believe in... - oh, well maybe you better have some milk. 95 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:33,282 - oh, well, that's fine. - yes... And try 96 00:04:33,306 --> 00:04:35,785 One of my whole grain cookies. 97 00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:38,621 A little wheat germ to Go with your wild oats. 98 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,726 See, the living Arrangement we have here 99 00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:45,462 - is strictly platonic. - oh. 100 00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:47,964 - does she think that we... - excuse me, ci... 101 00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,066 - you broke my button. - now that's all right. 102 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,068 - I can match that. - she ripped my button. 103 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,636 - take off your shirt. - no, it's all right. 104 00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:55,638 No, it doesn't... 105 00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:57,640 Oh, it's just one button. 106 00:04:57,664 --> 00:04:59,576 - you don't have to. It's an old shirt. - oh, no. 107 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,680 - whoo-hoo! No, no! - but I have a question. 108 00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:05,147 Well, I have a washing Press... You won't know it. 109 00:05:05,171 --> 00:05:07,650 Now, which do you like? On hangers or folded? 110 00:05:07,674 --> 00:05:09,652 No, can I just Have my shirt back? 111 00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:11,153 Oh, you'll get quick delivery. 112 00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:13,155 - oh, good. - sit down. Here, sit down. 113 00:05:13,179 --> 00:05:15,090 Now let me see... 114 00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:17,160 - have your little milk... - my little milk. 115 00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:19,162 - and a cookie... - a big cookie. 116 00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,564 And I'll be right back. 117 00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:24,166 ♪ oh, yes sir, that's my baby ♪ 118 00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:25,857 ♪ no sir... ♪ 119 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,546 Okay, which one of you ordered The little cucumber finger sandwich 120 00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:39,003 - with the nutmeg tea? - right here, mac! 121 00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,523 - I guess this is yours. - I guess so. 122 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:49,525 - there you go, thanks. - thanks a lot. 123 00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:52,027 I'm going out for a smoke. You take care of things? 124 00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:53,985 You can count on me, boss. 125 00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:02,272 Mrs. Moore... 126 00:06:02,296 --> 00:06:04,274 Oh, gladys, hi. What Are you doing here? 127 00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:06,709 Well, I just took a little walk 128 00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:09,412 - and here I am. - oh, good. 129 00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:12,048 - did you get your shirt? - yes, thank you. 130 00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,751 I just took a chance You'd like heavy starch. 131 00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:16,252 Yeah. 132 00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:20,723 So, that's why it broke When I was putting it away. 133 00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:23,959 Waiter, would you Please take our order? 134 00:06:23,983 --> 00:06:26,983 Yes, exc... I'm sorry, We're very busy. 135 00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:31,500 May I help you, ma'am? 136 00:06:31,524 --> 00:06:34,270 Let's see, what did we get The last time we were here? 137 00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:36,927 Probably heartburn. 138 00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,744 It's just... I was Just making a, um... 139 00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:43,746 Whew, just nothing. 140 00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:46,048 Seriously, can I Take your order? 141 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:49,151 We'll have the soup and Sandwich combination. 142 00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:51,109 Okay, thank you. 143 00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:56,525 - gladys, what are you doing? - oh, well, you need help. 144 00:06:56,549 --> 00:06:59,095 - but-but-but... - no, now you ladle out the soup 145 00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:01,464 - and I'll make The sandwiches. - wait, gladys. 146 00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:03,466 Oh, who carved this roast beef? 147 00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:05,935 It's thin enough to see through. 148 00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:09,706 - hey, come here. - mind your manners! 149 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:11,775 There are other People ahead of you. 150 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:13,777 - boss, boss... - tripper, what did you do, 151 00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,779 Get your mommy to help you? 152 00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:17,613 She's not my mommy... My mother, 153 00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:19,783 - she's a customer. - a customer? 154 00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:21,951 What do you think I'm Running here, a smorgasbord? 155 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:24,455 - get rid of her! - I was just about to, sir. I'm sorry. 156 00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:28,158 Two combos, pick up! 157 00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:30,160 I've always wanted to do that. 158 00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:32,962 Gladys, I'm afraid You'll have to leave. 159 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:35,131 Oh, well no, no. I Can stay here all day. 160 00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:37,967 No, I want you to get Out of here right now. 161 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:41,971 Oh, well, uh... I Can take a hint. 162 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,035 I... I was only trying to help. 163 00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:47,598 Well, look. I Appreciate it, but it's... 164 00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:51,547 Oh, don't look so sad. 165 00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:55,818 Come on, before I go, Give me a nice big smile. 166 00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:58,802 Oh, no. A real big one. 167 00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:02,324 That's it. 168 00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:04,326 That's just the Way my son looked 169 00:08:04,350 --> 00:08:06,910 When he kicked me Out of the house. 170 00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:18,875 Katy's gonna love this. 171 00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:21,344 Okay, come on, let's Go! Out, out, out! 172 00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:23,346 - katy's gonna be here In any minute. - nag, nag, nag. 173 00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,614 I left my jigsaw puzzle on The coffee table. Is that okay? 174 00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:27,183 - fine, fine. - but don't touch it. 175 00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,852 - I want to put it together. - aww! 176 00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:33,422 Then what are katy and I Going to do all evening for fun? 177 00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:35,758 - oh, jack. - it's all right, I'll think of something. 178 00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:37,760 That's her. 179 00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:40,629 - you two are just On your way out. - both: okay. 180 00:08:40,653 --> 00:08:42,932 - hello. - jack: gladys! 181 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:45,097 Sorry we can't stay. We're just on our way out. 182 00:08:45,121 --> 00:08:46,402 You can stay! You can stay! 183 00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:49,705 - have fun you two. - no wait, wait, wait. You forgot, uh... 184 00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:52,542 - terrific. - oh. 185 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:55,712 Look, gladys, there's Something I'd like to tell you. 186 00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:59,682 Oh, apology accepted. No hard feelings. 187 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,751 - I'd love to visit... - well, good. 188 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,053 But I'm expecting a girlfriend. 189 00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:06,455 Oh, don't worry about Her. She won't bother us. 190 00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,557 What do you mean? 191 00:09:08,581 --> 00:09:10,559 Well, I met her downstairs... 192 00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:12,561 Oh, jack, you should Have seen her. 193 00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:14,864 I have! I have! Where is she? 194 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,233 A skirt slit up to here. 195 00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:19,235 Blouse down to here. 196 00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:22,205 - and chest out to... - that's her! Where did she go? 197 00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,207 Everything on display. 198 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:27,243 No romance, no mystery. 199 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,479 Jack, she's not The girl for you. 200 00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:32,081 Wh... What do you mean? 201 00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,816 I sent her away. 202 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:37,386 Have mercy. You didn't, You didn't, you didn't. 203 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,454 That girl could ruin your life! 204 00:09:39,478 --> 00:09:42,658 That was the whole idea! 205 00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:44,660 You are better off without her. 206 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:50,266 She's gone. I came so close. 207 00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:52,268 Oh, jack. 208 00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,937 I have just the Perfect girl for you. 209 00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:57,395 She's a librarian. 210 00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:00,776 A little on the heavy side, 211 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,778 But lots of fun. 212 00:10:02,802 --> 00:10:04,747 We'll talk about Her over dinner. 213 00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,415 Dinner? 214 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:09,285 - oh, yes, Just the two of us. - dinner? 215 00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:11,287 Oh, this isn't cold enough. 216 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,389 I'll pour it in a pitcher With some ice cubes. 217 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:17,627 Well, that's a burgundy. It Doesn't... That's all right. I don't care. 218 00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,962 A jigsaw puzzle, I just love them. 219 00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:22,598 Oh, aren't we going To have fun tonight? 220 00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,806 Oh, that's right. 221 00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:33,764 You rest. I'll take Care of everything. 222 00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,058 Isn't jack supposed To be home by now? 223 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,394 Yeah, cindy. I Wish he'd hurry up. 224 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,329 I am absolutely starving. 225 00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:56,299 - yeah, I'll start dinner. - okay, thanks. 226 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:59,835 No! We don't have That many dishes! 227 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,960 Ooh! 228 00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:07,110 You almost gave Me a heart attack! 229 00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:09,712 Just relax! You Scared me to death! 230 00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:11,046 - jack? - yes! 231 00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:19,021 I got it! Humphrey Bogart, right? 232 00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:22,191 No, I'm trying to Hide from gladys. 233 00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,793 If she doesn't know I'm home, Maybe she won't bother me. 234 00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:26,862 You know what I'm talking about? 235 00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:28,964 - aren't you over reacting A little? - yeah. 236 00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:30,966 Gladys seems like an Awfully sweet lady. 237 00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:33,369 Oh sure, she's an awfully Sweet lady all right. 238 00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:35,204 After we ate dinner last night, 239 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,373 She washed all the dishes, She cleaned the oven, 240 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,909 She even took home two Pairs of my pants to mend. 241 00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:43,868 She's driving me crazy! It's people Like her that give mothers a bad name. 242 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,784 - jack, take it easy. - she's ruining my love life. 243 00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:50,386 - last night Was just the beginning. - oh, come on, jack. 244 00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,888 - now, let's look on the bright Side of things. - yeah. 245 00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:55,792 Really, you could have Bombed out with katy williams. 246 00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:59,796 The only guy that ever Bombed out with katy williams 247 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,900 Was a guy who lost her address. 248 00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,469 - say I'm not here. - both: but jack! 249 00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,003 I want you to go to the door, 250 00:12:08,027 --> 00:12:10,139 - open it and say, "Jack's not here!" - jack. 251 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,407 - hide me. Hide me! - okay. 252 00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,130 - ow! - sorry. 253 00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:17,080 Jack's not here! 254 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:20,516 Well, in that case, this Could be our lucky day. 255 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,751 - no, I'm here. - he's here. He's right here. 256 00:12:22,775 --> 00:12:25,988 Hey, old buddy, lucky larry Has a story about last night 257 00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:29,591 That's going to put the Pink back in your cheeks. 258 00:12:29,615 --> 00:12:31,660 And it might bring A blush to yours, 259 00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:34,163 So if you two little girls Will excuse us for a minute, 260 00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:35,797 - guy talk here. - cindy: no. 261 00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:37,900 My whole life I've been Sent out of the room. 262 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,157 - I want to listen. - no, you don't. 263 00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:44,941 - you mean it'll be that bad? - that dull. 264 00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:48,211 - larry is the lawrence welk Of storytellers. - oh. 265 00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:50,947 Thank you, thank You, lovely janet. 266 00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:53,738 Thank you so much, the lovely Janet, ladies and gentlemen. 267 00:12:56,142 --> 00:12:57,787 Hey, hey, hey, you okay, pal? 268 00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:00,756 You look as shaky as that '58 chevy I sold yesterday. 269 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,192 Never mind, larry. What Happened last night? 270 00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:04,993 It started out pretty tame. 271 00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:06,929 I had arranged to Spend the whole evening 272 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,631 With this month's Centerfold girl. 273 00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:10,566 What's tame about that? 274 00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:14,136 Ah, there's just so much You can do with a picture. 275 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,139 Anyway, I was coming Back from the newsstand, 276 00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:20,876 I saw this gorgeous, young thing Standing in front of our apartment. 277 00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,344 - last night? - yeah, yeah, yeah. 278 00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:24,146 She got stood up or something. 279 00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:26,882 Larry... I don't think I want to hear this. 280 00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:29,318 Just tell me she was a Red head or brunette 281 00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:31,653 - or she was very short. - no, no. 282 00:13:31,677 --> 00:13:33,655 Tall luscious blond. 283 00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:36,859 - I knew I didn't Want to hear this. - wait, wait, wait! 284 00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:39,862 It has a happy ending. Next thing I know, we're in my apartment, 285 00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:43,165 The whole evening is gone and I Felt as if I'd known her all my life. 286 00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:44,867 You talked a lot, huh? 287 00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:47,637 - I don't even know If she speaks english. - perfect. 288 00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:51,007 But wait a second, Here's the lucky part. 289 00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:53,009 Katy's got this Mean, older brother... 290 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,810 - katy? - yes, nice name Isn't it? 291 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,179 I just dropped her off When her crazy brother 292 00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:59,014 Starts chasing after my car. 293 00:13:59,038 --> 00:14:01,016 Yelling that he knows my name. 294 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,018 Screaming that he's going To be coming after me. 295 00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:05,955 Only it wouldn't be you he'd Be coming after, it would be... 296 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:09,246 - the poor chump she had A date with last night. - good night. 297 00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:13,362 Hey, hey, hey, hey, jacko... 298 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,531 You know, you're Not looking so good. 299 00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:18,801 You oughta start spending some Quiet evenings at home for a change. 300 00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:21,704 - I'll see you later, buddy. - help. 301 00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:25,041 Help... In serious Trouble here. Help. 302 00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:27,877 - jack? - help. 303 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,545 - are you okay? - what's wrong? 304 00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,980 No, that sweet, little Old lady has done it. 305 00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:35,751 First she ruins my life, and Now she's trying to end it. 306 00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:38,087 Gladys: jack! 307 00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,089 - that's her That's her. - janet: jack. 308 00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:41,423 Okay, I know why she's here. 309 00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:43,558 She wants to give me a Haircut or something. 310 00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:46,061 Say I'm sick, Okay? Say I'm sick. 311 00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:50,599 Jack? Oh, golly, I wish we Could just tell her the truth. 312 00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:53,235 - let me try. - okay. 313 00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:56,404 Hi, gladys. I'm sorry, But jack's in his room. 314 00:14:56,428 --> 00:14:58,841 He's been exposed to Something he can't get rid of 315 00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,575 And he's just about Out of his head. 316 00:15:00,599 --> 00:15:03,946 - and that's the truth. - oh my god, 317 00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:05,948 - I'm just in time. - oh, mrs. Moore! 318 00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:09,151 - I just... - please? Please? 319 00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:10,986 - gladys: jack! - janet: mrs. Moore... 320 00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:14,089 Gladys: jack! 321 00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:18,760 oh, the poor boy needs Me. I'm going to go in. 322 00:15:18,784 --> 00:15:20,762 Ja... 323 00:15:20,786 --> 00:15:23,499 Oh, you poor thing. 324 00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:26,268 Gladys is here now and Everything's going to be all right. 325 00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:29,104 You better leave me alone. What I've got is awfully catchy. 326 00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:32,274 Oh, I've had everything already. 327 00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:33,775 Where's the thermometer? 328 00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:36,612 Ah, you're not putting Anything in my mouth. 329 00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:39,156 Well, that's not how I take a temperature. 330 00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:47,456 I put it under the arm. 331 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,958 Well, sorry, I'm All out of arms. 332 00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:51,960 Oh, here. 333 00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:54,630 No, no fever. I wonder If you have a rash. 334 00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:57,533 Well, you didn't Even get undressed. 335 00:15:57,557 --> 00:16:00,469 Well, that's in case I have to Make a dash to the hospital. 336 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:02,971 Oh, don't talk like that. 337 00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:04,973 Now, the first thing We're going to do 338 00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:07,809 Is get you in your Nice, warm jammies. 339 00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:09,978 Yes, now, take off your shirt, 340 00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:12,481 - and I'll pull off your pants. - no, wait, wait, wait. 341 00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,483 Oh, now don't be embarrassed. 342 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:17,819 I've had a husband, a Son. I've seen it all before. 343 00:16:17,843 --> 00:16:19,821 No, gladys, let go! 344 00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:22,591 Would you leave me alone?! 345 00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:25,260 Oh, well... 346 00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:27,696 When we're sick, we're Always a little irritable. 347 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,967 Gladys, every since you've come Here, you've been driving me crazy. 348 00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:32,968 Just stay away from me! 349 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:36,338 Well, that's just the Way my son sounded 350 00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:40,342 When I paid a surprise Visit to him and his wife. 351 00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:44,513 Only two days and He just blew up at me. 352 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:47,404 He said I ruined Their honeymoon. 353 00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:52,388 Gladys, look, I... 354 00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,856 Oh, well, no... 355 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,814 No, you don't have To say anymore. 356 00:16:58,717 --> 00:17:00,718 I won't ever bother you again. 357 00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:17,212 Jack? 358 00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:19,047 Hey, come on. 359 00:17:19,071 --> 00:17:22,217 You can't spend the rest of your Life feeling guilty about gladys. 360 00:17:22,241 --> 00:17:26,176 Yeah, people her age are Used to being mistreated. 361 00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:31,260 - you better let me Do the cheering up. - okay. 362 00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:33,729 Jack, come on. You Know what time it is? 363 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,965 - what? - happy hour down At the reagle beagle. 364 00:17:35,989 --> 00:17:38,868 Why don't we mosey on down there And destroy all the hors d'oeuvres? 365 00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:40,569 - I don't know... - janet's treating! 366 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:43,072 I am? Yeah, I am! Come on. 367 00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:45,975 - in that case, okay. - okay, give us a second To get gorgeous. 368 00:17:45,999 --> 00:17:48,878 Give me two seconds. 369 00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,835 I'll get it. 370 00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,586 - hi. - katy! 371 00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:00,256 What are you doing... I Mean, come in, come in. 372 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,626 I just went to see a friend Upstairs, but he's not home. 373 00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,627 Do you know larry? 374 00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,629 Who, larry, sure. 375 00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:10,765 Yeah, we bump into each Other once in a long while. 376 00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:12,601 Well, do you know When he'll be back? 377 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,870 How, larry the world Traveler? Could be weeks. 378 00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:16,605 Weeks, months, months, weeks. 379 00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,840 Come in, sit down and Let's wait for him. Okay? 380 00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:21,276 Do you really want me too? 381 00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:22,944 Your mother told Me what you said. 382 00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:25,613 My m-mm-mot... What did she say? 383 00:18:25,637 --> 00:18:28,850 She said you didn't think we Were right for each other. 384 00:18:28,874 --> 00:18:31,620 No, no, no. 385 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:34,122 She must have thought you Were one of the other girls. 386 00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:35,957 - other girls? - well, see, 387 00:18:35,981 --> 00:18:37,693 There's this crazy Horde of females. 388 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:40,562 They're very pushy. They're Following me all over the city. 389 00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:42,831 Trying to get into my Apartment. It's horrible. 390 00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,666 Just to see you? 391 00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:48,459 Yeah. I don't know why They find me so attractive. 392 00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:51,906 Well, let's sit down and See if we can find out. 393 00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:55,143 Wait, wait, wait. Wait a second. 394 00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:58,502 - first I want To show you something. - ah-ha, I bet you do. 395 00:19:01,173 --> 00:19:02,606 Come here. 396 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,822 - here it is! - the kitchen? 397 00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,523 Well, if you get hungry, There's the stove 398 00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:11,126 And if you get thirsty, There's el sink-o. 399 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,128 Janet: jack, where are you? 400 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:16,398 That's more girls. They must have Come through the bathroom window. 401 00:19:16,422 --> 00:19:20,335 You stay here and I'll go get rid Of them, okay? Excuse me, I'll be back. 402 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,437 - janet: hey. - have fun, good bye. Take care. 403 00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:24,373 - what? - go, go, go. 404 00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:27,409 - you're coming With us, aren't you? - no, I just want to be alone! 405 00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,344 But we got all fixed up for you. 406 00:19:29,368 --> 00:19:32,248 What's a guy to do to get a Little privacy around here? 407 00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:35,284 - jack? - I want to be alone. Don't you understand? 408 00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:37,286 Okay, okay, we understand. 409 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,521 Come on, cindy. 410 00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:42,023 Boy. 411 00:19:42,047 --> 00:19:44,247 Good bye. 412 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:48,819 And don't think we don't know About the girl in the kitchen. 413 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,038 Wow! 414 00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:58,541 Groupies. 415 00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:00,609 And you're not even a rock star. 416 00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,611 It's just my curse. 417 00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:07,983 I don't know. What is it about me? 418 00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:10,219 I don't know, but now I've got to find out. 419 00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:12,688 Be gentle. 420 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,390 Oh, hi. Excuse me, lady, 421 00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:17,058 I'm looking for jack tripper. 422 00:20:17,082 --> 00:20:19,394 Top of the stairs, Apartment 201. 423 00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:21,396 - thanks a lot, lady. - yeah. 424 00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,235 Excuse me, who was That guy looking for? 425 00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:28,237 - jack tripper. - oh, no. 426 00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,239 Why are you so upset? 427 00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:33,242 - I don't want anything To happen to my best friend. - oh. 428 00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:35,711 He owes my 50 bucks. 429 00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:40,571 - what's that? - just the beat, beat, Beat of my heart. 430 00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:49,257 - take your hands Off of my sister! - kenny? 431 00:20:49,281 --> 00:20:52,227 Stay out of this! Okay, tripper. 432 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,263 I'm going to teach you not to fool Around with an innocent, young girl. 433 00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:59,301 Kenny, I'm 25 and I'm not innocent. 434 00:20:59,325 --> 00:21:01,205 Oh, hey, she's right about that. 435 00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:05,274 - what? - about being 25. 436 00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:08,109 Listen, you. Now I Missed you last night. 437 00:21:08,133 --> 00:21:09,182 But I got you now. 438 00:21:09,206 --> 00:21:11,780 Wait a minute, man. I Wasn't with your sister! 439 00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:14,950 - well, I don't believe you. - well, then believe me! 440 00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:17,786 - who are you? - well, who are you, 441 00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:19,721 And what are you Doing in our apartment? 442 00:21:19,745 --> 00:21:21,156 Kenny: this is your apartment? 443 00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:23,291 Yes, I live here with my son. 444 00:21:23,315 --> 00:21:25,961 I can't leave him Alone for a minute 445 00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:28,964 Without some girl bothering him. 446 00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:30,687 Thanks, mom. 447 00:21:32,659 --> 00:21:35,270 Okay, sis. Now who's Been bothering who? 448 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,940 I came to see the guy I Had a date with last night, 449 00:21:37,964 --> 00:21:39,908 - but he wasn't home. - uh-huh. 450 00:21:39,932 --> 00:21:42,745 You see, my jackie is Perfectly innocent. 451 00:21:42,769 --> 00:21:44,713 Okay, I'm sorry. I Guess it's my mistake. 452 00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:49,673 Yes, he was just sitting here Studying for his bible class. 453 00:21:53,679 --> 00:21:56,759 - mom, we're clear. Let's not over do it. - okay. 454 00:21:56,783 --> 00:21:58,761 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 455 00:21:58,785 --> 00:22:01,263 I guess I got all Her guys mixed up. 456 00:22:01,287 --> 00:22:02,898 Come on, sis. 457 00:22:02,922 --> 00:22:05,002 We got to find you A different hobby. 458 00:22:14,867 --> 00:22:18,402 - gladys, I guess You saved my neck. - I guess I did. 459 00:22:21,039 --> 00:22:22,906 I want to apologize. 460 00:22:24,543 --> 00:22:26,855 Well, who's stopping you? 461 00:22:28,748 --> 00:22:32,227 - sorry I can't stay. I brought you this. - larry! He left. 462 00:22:32,251 --> 00:22:34,863 - left? - right. 463 00:22:34,887 --> 00:22:36,865 Well, it's a good thing for him. 464 00:22:36,889 --> 00:22:39,367 I would have knocked The guy into left field. 465 00:22:39,391 --> 00:22:41,369 Excuse me, the game is over. 466 00:22:41,393 --> 00:22:43,205 Yeah, well, in that Case, I better go. 467 00:22:43,229 --> 00:22:46,108 Can you believe running up Here just now, I ripped my pants? 468 00:22:46,132 --> 00:22:49,566 You poor dear! 469 00:23:02,247 --> 00:23:03,992 Hello? 470 00:23:04,016 --> 00:23:06,828 Operator: I have a collect call For anyone from chrissy snow. 471 00:23:06,852 --> 00:23:09,397 - will you Accept the charges? - yes, operator, sure. 472 00:23:09,421 --> 00:23:11,800 - go ahead. - hello, chrissy. How's your mom? 473 00:23:11,824 --> 00:23:14,770 Hi, she's fine, but janet, you Weren't supposed to accept the call. 474 00:23:14,794 --> 00:23:16,971 - I wasn't? - no. 475 00:23:16,995 --> 00:23:19,574 That's why I called Collect. It's a signal. 476 00:23:19,598 --> 00:23:23,011 See, I call you collect and if somebody Answers, then I know you're home, 477 00:23:23,035 --> 00:23:27,082 Then I call right back Station to station, it's cheaper. 478 00:23:27,106 --> 00:23:30,252 Yeah, but if you called station To station in the first place, 479 00:23:30,276 --> 00:23:32,921 And there wasn't any answer, You'd know nobody was home, right? 480 00:23:32,945 --> 00:23:35,145 Yeah, but then I'd Have nobody to talk to. 481 00:23:39,619 --> 00:23:41,597 Okay, chrissy. 482 00:23:41,621 --> 00:23:43,432 You called collect, I Accepted the charges. 483 00:23:43,456 --> 00:23:45,434 Here we are on the Phone, let's talk. 484 00:23:45,458 --> 00:23:48,770 about what? 485 00:23:48,794 --> 00:23:51,406 I don't know. You're The one who called me. 486 00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:53,775 Oh, yeah. 487 00:23:53,799 --> 00:23:55,944 - is jack home? - oh, no. 488 00:23:55,968 --> 00:23:58,447 - oh, will you give him A message for me? - sure. 489 00:23:58,471 --> 00:24:01,631 Will you tell him the next time I Call, I want him to answer, okay? 490 00:24:04,810 --> 00:24:07,389 Chrissy, how will He know it's you? 491 00:24:07,413 --> 00:24:10,058 Listen, if he doesn't Recognize me by now, 492 00:24:10,082 --> 00:24:12,215 Then I don't want To talk to him at all. 493 00:24:41,347 --> 00:24:44,793 John ritter: three's company was Videotaped in front of a studio audience. 38285

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