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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,523 ♪ come and knock on our door ♪ 2 00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,092 ♪ come and knock on our door ♪ 3 00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,693 ♪ we've been waiting for you ♪ 4 00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:18,161 ♪ we've been waiting for you ♪ 5 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,964 ♪ where the kisses are Hers and hers and his ♪ 6 00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:23,433 ♪ three's company too ♪ 7 00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:25,168 ♪ come and dance on our floor ♪ 8 00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,037 ♪ come and dance on our floor ♪ 9 00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:30,040 - ♪ take a step that is new ♪ - ♪ take a step that is new ♪ 10 00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:33,143 ♪ we've a lovable space That needs your face ♪ 11 00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:35,700 ♪ three's company too ♪ 12 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:45,622 - ♪ down at our rendezvous ♪ - ♪ down at our rendezvous ♪ 13 00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,479 ♪ three's company too ♪ 14 00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,834 - ♪ down at our rendezvous ♪ - ♪ down at our rendezvous ♪ 15 00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:00,225 ♪ three's company too. ♪ 16 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:06,176 - good morning, chrissy. - morning. 17 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:09,112 - your breakfast is ready. - oh, thanks. 18 00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:12,115 Say, aren't you a little bit old To be cutting out paper dolls? 19 00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:13,783 I'm clipping coupons. 20 00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,785 It's my turn to do The shopping this week 21 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,620 And I save a lot Of money this way. 22 00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,622 Oh, yeah? Let's see. 23 00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:21,624 Save 10¢ on paper towels. 24 00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,626 Save 7¢ on coffee. 25 00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:25,862 Save 5¢ on flour. 26 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:28,865 Save $5? 27 00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:30,967 Chrissy, what are we going to do 28 00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:33,537 With a 20 lb. Bag of birdseed? 29 00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:36,139 Put it in our bird feeder. 30 00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:38,542 We don't have a bird feeder. 31 00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:40,999 I know, but we can for $19.95. 32 00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:46,583 We cannot afford $19.95 for a bird feeder. 33 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:50,587 Yes we can. This coupon says Save $5 on a 20 lb. Sack of birdseed. 34 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,589 So? 35 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:55,459 so? we buy four Sacks of birdseed, 36 00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:57,461 We save $20, we spend $19.95 37 00:01:57,485 --> 00:02:01,005 On the birdfeeder and Have a nickel leftover. 38 00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:09,072 Good morning, ladies. Janet, I believe this is yours. 39 00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,808 Hey! Oh, my sweater! 40 00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:14,777 - hey, where did You find this? - in my bedroom. 41 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:17,647 In your bedroom? What Was it doing in there? 42 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:20,517 Oh, come on. You remember. 43 00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:23,086 Last night, with the Moonlight beaming 44 00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:25,388 Through my bedroom Window, just you and me 45 00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:28,372 And me and you and nothing Between us but your sweater. 46 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,062 Boy, janet, and you told me 47 00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:35,587 You were only going For a glass of water. 48 00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:38,301 You know, I tried To fight her off, 49 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:41,138 But there's just no stopping A love-starved woman. 50 00:02:41,162 --> 00:02:42,727 Mercy. 51 00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,942 Jack, come back here! 52 00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,944 Ooh, boy. 53 00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,514 He has got some kind of Imagination, doesn't he? 54 00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:52,471 Yeah. 55 00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:56,741 How did your sweater Get in jack's bedroom? 56 00:02:58,145 --> 00:02:59,623 I don't know, chrissy. 57 00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,924 It must have gotten mixed Up in the dry cleaning. 58 00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:03,760 Okay, I got to get Going to school. 59 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:06,062 - you guys coming? - not me, I've got To do things here. 60 00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:08,998 - I'll go with you. - great, I'll give you A lift to your office. 61 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,967 - jack, we don't have a car. - I know. 62 00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:12,969 Jack! 63 00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,926 Honk, honk. 64 00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:21,800 Ah... 65 00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:26,816 - hi, lana. Come on in. - oh, janet! 66 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,686 Oh, poor dear janet. 67 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:32,789 I just found out And I'm so sorry. 68 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,057 - lana... - is there anything I can do to help? 69 00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:36,926 I don't know what You're talking about. 70 00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:40,630 Oh, you must not have read "Dear abby" in today's paper. 71 00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,632 I don't read advice columns. 72 00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:44,634 - I don't believe in them. - oh. 73 00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,703 There's something In "Dear abby" today 74 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,894 That I think you just Might be interested in. 75 00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:52,509 Okay, I'll read "Dear abby." 76 00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:59,482 Oops. No, I can't. 77 00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:02,284 Chrissy was cutting Up the paper earlier. 78 00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:05,287 I figured she would. That's Why I brought my paper. 79 00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:07,891 You did? 80 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,726 Okay. 81 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:12,795 "Dear abby, I am a siamese twin. 82 00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:14,797 I like going out with boys. 83 00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,988 How can I keep my sister From tagging along?" 84 00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:22,060 No, no. The one below it. 85 00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:27,977 "Dear abby, I am a single man 86 00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,013 Sharing an apartment With two girls. 87 00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,781 I'm having an affair With one of them. 88 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:35,117 How can we get the other girl to Move out without hurting her feelings? 89 00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:36,819 Signed, 'cookie'" 90 00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:38,821 That's it? 91 00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:41,279 Oh, it's so sad! 92 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:47,986 Lana, exactly what is It that's troubling you? 93 00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:52,035 I thought chrissy Was the dumb one. 94 00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:54,358 Don't you see that letter? 95 00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:58,708 A single man living With two girls. 96 00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:01,365 - mm-hm. - that's jack and you And chrissy. 97 00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,714 What?! 98 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,716 Lana! 99 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:10,019 I'm not having an Affair with jack. 100 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:14,112 Well... Somebody is. 101 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:19,062 Who? Chrissy? 102 00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:21,764 Oh, come on. Jack and Chrissy having an affair? 103 00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:23,766 - no. - well... 104 00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:26,302 Why did chrissy Cut out this paper 105 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,604 So you couldn't read it? 106 00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:29,706 She was cutting out coupons. 107 00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,708 - oh, coupons. - besides, this article 108 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:34,032 Was written by Somebody named "Cookie." 109 00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,779 Cookie. 110 00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:38,737 Jack is a cook. 111 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,656 It's getting late, lana. 112 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,992 I'm terribly sorry, but You'll have to excuse me. 113 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,860 I have to get ready For work now. 114 00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,195 Well... 115 00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:54,096 Aren't you going to Do anything about this? 116 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,532 About what? 117 00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:59,135 There isn't anything To do anything about. 118 00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:02,338 Oh. Well... 119 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,108 I guess people believe What they want to believe. 120 00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:07,165 ciao. 121 00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:25,436 How you doing, chrissy? 122 00:06:26,352 --> 00:06:29,665 Huh? What? Oh, I see. 123 00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:32,368 Larry, this is probably The most exciting day 124 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,370 Of my entire life! 125 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,995 More exciting than the Day you met me? Ha ha ha! 126 00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:40,342 I was at the market And the box boy 127 00:06:40,366 --> 00:06:43,279 Gave me one of those envelopes That you open on the dotted line 128 00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,281 - and I opened it And guess what?! - what? 129 00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:48,751 I was an instant winner in The supermarket sweepstakes! 130 00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:51,320 Oh-ho! Chrissy, fantastic! 131 00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:53,322 What did you win? 132 00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:55,524 - the trip to hawaii? - well, not exactly. 133 00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:57,026 Oh, oh, oh. I know, I know. 134 00:06:57,050 --> 00:07:00,062 - you won the station wagon. - no. 135 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:02,965 A month's free groceries, right? 136 00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:04,588 Nope. 137 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,070 - what did you win? - you're holding it. 138 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,028 It's in the bag. 139 00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:18,069 You won a giant eyedropper? 140 00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,984 No, silly, it's a turkey baster. 141 00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:23,607 Oh. 142 00:07:24,744 --> 00:07:26,989 - congratulations. - oh, thank you! 143 00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,991 You know, I have never Won anything before 144 00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,492 In my whole entire life. 145 00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:32,556 I must be getting smarter. 146 00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:43,973 - lana: chrissy! - huh? 147 00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,975 Oh... 148 00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:48,511 I just wanted to say "Congratulations." 149 00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:51,470 Oh, thanks, but it Was really only luck. 150 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,952 Well... Don't be so modest. 151 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,987 The best woman won. 152 00:07:58,011 --> 00:07:59,989 You could win too! 153 00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,991 You still have a chance. 154 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:04,160 - I do? - yeah! 155 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:07,744 With a little luck, you can Win your own turkey baster. 156 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,267 Turkey baster? 157 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:14,270 What's that got to do with You having an affair with jack? 158 00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,840 Me having an affair with jack? 159 00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:19,504 - where'd you Get that idea? - right here! 160 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,014 Two girls living With a guy. Huh. 161 00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:28,551 - that sounds familiar. - well, it ought to. It's you. 162 00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:30,553 Me? 163 00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,897 I'm not having an Affair with jack. 164 00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:35,625 Then I was right all along! 165 00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:37,393 It must be janet. 166 00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:39,128 Janet and jack? 167 00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:40,864 I don't believe it. 168 00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:43,533 Have you noticed Anything different 169 00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,502 About them lately? 170 00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:48,771 Little things that you Wouldn't ordinarily notice, like... 171 00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:51,307 Looks that they give each other? 172 00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:53,498 Oh, you mean like this? 173 00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,149 Yes! 174 00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,106 Nope, they never do that. 175 00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:05,788 Oh. 176 00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:07,790 Well... 177 00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:10,459 What about the things That they say to each other, 178 00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,461 They talk to each other about. 179 00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:14,864 Like, at breakfast, For instance? 180 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,866 Breakfast? No. 181 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,636 The sweater! 182 00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:22,772 Janet left her sweater in Jack's bedroom last night! 183 00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,729 You see? 184 00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:29,367 The roommate is Always the last to know. 185 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,512 Who's there? Hello, who... 186 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,929 Oh. It's you. 187 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,053 Expecting someone else? 188 00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:53,592 - like jack? - no, not really. 189 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,074 - janet... - hm? 190 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,944 Do you think when two people Have been very, very close 191 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:03,179 And one of them has Something to tell the other, 192 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:05,470 Even though it might Hurt, they should tell them? 193 00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:09,808 Yes, I do. 194 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,877 So do I. 195 00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,400 Well? 196 00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:26,057 Well? 197 00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:29,872 Don't you have Something to tell me? 198 00:10:29,896 --> 00:10:32,041 Don't you? 199 00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,710 No! 200 00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:36,001 Neither do I! 201 00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:42,818 Have a good time shopping? 202 00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:45,476 Use up all your little Coupons, did you? 203 00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:48,924 You know, dear, 204 00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:50,926 You really should Be more careful 205 00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:53,462 When you leave your Clothes lying around. 206 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,119 especially at night. 207 00:10:57,023 --> 00:10:59,068 I don't see why that's Any of your business. 208 00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:02,004 Oh, well... I wasn't the one 209 00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:05,741 Who supposedly went for A glass of water last night. 210 00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:08,977 Supposedly? Chrissy, If it's water you want, 211 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,247 - I think that Can be arranged. - don't you dare! 212 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:13,782 Ah, chrissy! Don't you Dare, chrissy! I'll throw... 213 00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:16,718 Hey! Hi, chrissy. How's My favorite blonde? 214 00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:25,327 Hey, what's with her? 215 00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,285 She knows she's my Favorite brunette. 216 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,918 Hey, listen, if you guys Want to play with water 217 00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:51,302 What do you say we all Take a bath together? 218 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,367 It's a joke. You know, "Ha ha"? 219 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,228 Okay, what's going on? 220 00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,230 Ask janet. 221 00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:04,033 Okay, janet, what's going on? 222 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,990 Ask chrissy. 223 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,773 If there's something Going on around here, 224 00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:12,775 Don't you think I should know? 225 00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:15,712 If you don't know, Then nobody knows, 226 00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:18,603 But I know you know and You should know better. 227 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,518 Now I know. 228 00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:24,687 Okay, if you two want To play guessing games, 229 00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:26,689 Guess who's gonna Cook dinner tonight? 230 00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:28,591 - who? - if you don't know, I don't know, 231 00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,949 But I know it's not going To be me. Know what I mean? 232 00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,942 If you think I'm moving Out, you're crazy. 233 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,866 Don't call me crazy. 234 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,869 Then you were thinking it. 235 00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:56,674 Well, missy, I'm not Going anywhere! 236 00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:05,727 Janet... I think it's Time we had a talk. 237 00:13:05,751 --> 00:13:08,151 I think that's an Excellent idea. 238 00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:10,788 Good. 239 00:13:13,659 --> 00:13:15,537 Now you don't have To go into details, 240 00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:17,495 Just tell me yes or No. What's the answer? 241 00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,449 What do you mean, "What's the answer"? 242 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,450 I don't even know What the question is. 243 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:31,176 Oh, sure! Play dumb. 244 00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,690 Must you do that? 245 00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:51,773 - do what? - slurp your coffee. 246 00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:55,077 Slurping is a lot Better than what you do. 247 00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:57,221 You keep me up half The night, making noises. 248 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,418 What noises? 249 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:05,209 You mumble all the time. 250 00:14:11,884 --> 00:14:14,029 Is that supposed to mean 251 00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:16,031 That I talk in my sleep? 252 00:14:16,055 --> 00:14:18,567 If you talked in your Sleep, it would be fine, 253 00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:20,001 But you mumble all night long, 254 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:21,604 I can't understand A thing you say 255 00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:23,308 And it drives me crazy. 256 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:28,165 Well, at least I Know how to laugh. 257 00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,902 What do you do? 258 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,020 Oh... Really? 259 00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,978 Oh... Really. 260 00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:57,027 Hey, lana. Let me Have a beer, will you? 261 00:14:58,197 --> 00:15:00,175 How's it going? 262 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,845 That good, huh? 263 00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:20,095 It's jack. 264 00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:22,564 He's finally settled On a younger woman. 265 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,566 Anybody I know? 266 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:28,025 Next time I see janet, I'm Gonna scratch her eyes out. 267 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,408 Excuse me, did you say janet? 268 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,365 Yes, janet. 269 00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:37,401 Or chrissy. 270 00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,482 Huh? 271 00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:42,284 Here. Read it and weep. 272 00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:44,668 It's all there in Black and white. 273 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,956 "Dear abby, I am A siamese twin..." 274 00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:50,648 No, no! The one below it. 275 00:15:55,921 --> 00:15:58,041 Oh hi, guys. You Mind if I join you? 276 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:03,927 You stay away from Me, you... You beast! 277 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,311 That is the third time today. 278 00:16:09,335 --> 00:16:11,695 What, is my hair on Fire or something? 279 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,685 Boy, man, it just doesn't pay To get involved with women. 280 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:23,058 - which one? - what? 281 00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:25,516 - janet or chrissy? - both. 282 00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:30,198 - both? - larry, you Wouldn't believe 283 00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:32,534 What's been happening In that apartment. 284 00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:36,505 Yes, I would. I heard. 285 00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:39,241 Come on, buddy. Tell Me, how did it start? 286 00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:42,865 Well, first of all, janet Let me have it in the kitchen. 287 00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,617 In the kitchen? 288 00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:52,001 And after she left, Chrissy gave it to me, too. 289 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:57,281 - in the kitchen? - yeah, over by the stove. 290 00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:01,485 Damn, I'm gonna Learn how to cook. 291 00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:06,468 Larry, I just can't Take much more of it. 292 00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:08,470 - that's all. - wow. 293 00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:10,428 Oh, is that why you Wrote the letter? 294 00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,731 - what letter? - this letter. 295 00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:17,327 "Dear abby, I'm A siamese twin..." 296 00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:20,549 One below it. 297 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:23,151 Boy, jack, you are One heck of an actor. 298 00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:25,454 All this time you Had me believing 299 00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,956 There was nothing going On between you and the girls. 300 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,958 There isn't. I didn't Write this letter. 301 00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:31,960 - you didn't? - no. 302 00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:33,796 But janet and chrissy Must have read it 303 00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,465 And now each thinks I'm Having an affair with the other. 304 00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:38,467 - wow. - that really burns me up. 305 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:41,970 You'd think after living together For three years, they'd know me better. 306 00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:43,972 How are you going To handle this? 307 00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:46,708 I'm gonna teach them a Lesson they won't forget. 308 00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,248 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 309 00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:56,485 As long as we're returning Things, give me back my tights. 310 00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,720 - you gave me these. - I did not. 311 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,289 I just loaned them to you. 312 00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:02,624 Well, I'm not finished Borrowing them yet. 313 00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,427 Chrissy, give me my tights. 314 00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:07,095 - they are my tights And you know it! - you gave them to me! 315 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,097 - I didn't give them to you. - you did too! 316 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,725 Here, keep them. 317 00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:20,542 Janet... Chrissy... 318 00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:23,712 I know I've messed Up your lives, 319 00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:26,348 But I couldn't help myself. 320 00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:30,986 I was stupid, selfish And unthinking. 321 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:33,489 Don't forget low and disgusting. 322 00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:35,445 Yes, those too. 323 00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:39,043 And that's why... 324 00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:42,631 I'm not fit to live with you. 325 00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:44,735 In fact... 326 00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,970 I'm not fit to live 327 00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:51,373 And I'm going to put an end To this miserable life of mine! 328 00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:54,042 - what? - do we have any Rope in the house? 329 00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:56,226 - do we have any rope in the... - no! 330 00:18:57,169 --> 00:18:59,609 Then there are other ways! 331 00:19:00,439 --> 00:19:03,619 - you don't think that he... - no, I don't think so... 332 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,587 Jack! Hey, jack! 333 00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:07,589 - no, jack, don't! - don't stop me! 334 00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:09,547 Don't! 335 00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,661 A knife! That'll do it. 336 00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:14,805 Jack, no! You'll cut yourself! 337 00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,802 Jack, are you crazy? 338 00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,804 My mind is made Up! I'm gonna do it! 339 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,806 - over my dead body! - no, over mine. 340 00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,808 Oh, jack! 341 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,810 Will you give me a break here? 342 00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,812 Oh! 343 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,814 - jack? Jack? - where'd he go? 344 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:35,478 Let's check the bedrooms. 345 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,622 Where is he? He just couldn't Disappear into thin air! 346 00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:42,913 - jack: check the bathroom! - both: the bathroom! 347 00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:45,983 Oh! Chrissy! Jack! 348 00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,387 - jack, come out of there! - no! 349 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,668 At least he can't Kill himself in there. 350 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,670 Of course he can. 351 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,134 What's he gonna do, wash himself to death? 352 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,842 - he could take pills. - he could take... 353 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,800 He... Jack! 354 00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:07,449 Jack, why are you doing this? 355 00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:10,018 to make up for what I've done. goodbye, all! 356 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,020 Oh, janet... 357 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,855 Janet, tell jack you love him! 358 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:15,691 - don't let him die! - me?! You tell him! 359 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,426 You're the one who Drove him to this. 360 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:20,262 How could I? You're the one Who's having an affair with him! 361 00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:22,920 - I am not. You are. - I am? 362 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,969 - aren't you? - no, I thought you were. 363 00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:30,239 - no. - that letter in the Newspaper this morn... 364 00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:32,974 You mean that "Dear abby" thing? 365 00:20:32,998 --> 00:20:34,932 You read it too? 366 00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:39,329 Do you know what this means? 367 00:20:41,307 --> 00:20:44,208 Jack's living with two Other girls behind our backs! 368 00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:52,074 Chrissy! It means that We were both wrong. 369 00:20:53,553 --> 00:20:55,664 Then why's he Trying to kill himself? 370 00:20:55,688 --> 00:20:58,534 He isn't. Don't you see? 371 00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:01,136 Well, if he isn't, he Sure has me fooled. 372 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,138 I think that's the whole point. 373 00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:05,682 He's trying to fool A couple of fools. 374 00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:08,510 Yeah, you and... Of Course us, who else?! 375 00:21:08,534 --> 00:21:11,813 Oh. Well what are we gonna do? 376 00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:13,982 Let's just play along, chrissy. 377 00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:16,006 I got an idea. Come on. 378 00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:20,344 Oh, chrissy! We'd better Call an ambulance! 379 00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:23,726 Don't bother to Call an ambulance. 380 00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:26,662 It's too late. Nothing Can save me now. 381 00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:28,452 I've taken all of these. 382 00:21:33,593 --> 00:21:36,538 - oh, poor jack! - oh, poor jack. 383 00:21:38,564 --> 00:21:40,498 I'm getting so light-headed. 384 00:21:44,671 --> 00:21:47,516 My life is passing Before my eyes... 385 00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,976 Aren't you mrs. Wilkinson, My first grade teacher? 386 00:21:54,914 --> 00:21:56,647 Mommy! 387 00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:01,530 Don't worry, mommy. I'll bring home the milk. 388 00:22:01,554 --> 00:22:03,554 Don't cry. 389 00:22:04,924 --> 00:22:08,337 It's a far, far better Place that I go to, 390 00:22:08,361 --> 00:22:11,307 Where you trust The people you love, 391 00:22:11,331 --> 00:22:14,677 And I love you both so much. 392 00:22:17,704 --> 00:22:19,637 Goodbye. 393 00:22:21,974 --> 00:22:23,452 Well... 394 00:22:23,476 --> 00:22:25,810 - I guess he's gone. - at least he didn't suffer. 395 00:22:28,815 --> 00:22:32,528 Chrissy, you know all those Terrible things I said to you, 396 00:22:32,552 --> 00:22:34,430 I'm sorry, I didn't mean them. 397 00:22:34,454 --> 00:22:36,799 Oh, I know you didn't... 398 00:22:36,823 --> 00:22:39,034 And I didn't mean it Either and you know what? 399 00:22:39,058 --> 00:22:41,637 - hm? - I'm sorry about Your tights. 400 00:22:41,661 --> 00:22:43,605 I'll buy you a new pair. 401 00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:46,475 Chrissy... It was my fault 402 00:22:46,499 --> 00:22:48,877 - I'll buy The new ones. - no, no, no. 403 00:22:48,901 --> 00:22:51,613 I ruined them. It's my fault. I'll buy you new tights. 404 00:22:51,637 --> 00:22:53,114 Tights?! Tights?! 405 00:22:53,138 --> 00:22:54,616 I'm gasping my last breath 406 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,520 And you're talking about tights? 407 00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,190 Get back down there. You're dead, remember? 408 00:23:03,115 --> 00:23:05,549 Jack, we know what you're doing. 409 00:23:06,619 --> 00:23:08,263 - you do? - yeah. 410 00:23:08,287 --> 00:23:12,122 And why you're doing it. We Acted really dumb and we're sorry. 411 00:23:13,860 --> 00:23:15,940 Yeah, but you didn't Even try to save me. 412 00:23:17,930 --> 00:23:20,008 Oh my. He's right. 413 00:23:20,032 --> 00:23:23,366 Well, let's give him some Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. 414 00:23:36,048 --> 00:23:38,293 I'm sorry, janet. I Didn't mean to slurp. 415 00:23:38,317 --> 00:23:41,129 - honest, I didn't. - that's okay, chrissy. 416 00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:43,131 The truth is, it really Doesn't bother me. 417 00:23:43,155 --> 00:23:45,133 Well, you know what? 418 00:23:45,157 --> 00:23:47,636 It doesn't bother me when You mumble at night, either. 419 00:23:47,660 --> 00:23:49,871 What's the matter? Chrissy slurps her coffee, 420 00:23:49,895 --> 00:23:51,673 You mumble at night. Big deal. 421 00:23:51,697 --> 00:23:53,797 Yeah and you suck Your thumb in your sleep. 422 00:23:56,601 --> 00:23:57,979 No, I don't. 423 00:23:58,003 --> 00:23:59,937 You do so. 424 00:24:03,209 --> 00:24:05,854 I should know if I suck My thumb in my sleep. 425 00:24:05,878 --> 00:24:08,089 If you're asleep, How would you know? 426 00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:11,526 Yeah. Wait a minute. 427 00:24:11,550 --> 00:24:14,095 How do you guys know What I do in my sleep? 428 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,097 Huh? 429 00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:18,099 Ha ha ha-ha! 430 00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:20,368 Wait a minute, how Do you know what I do 431 00:24:20,392 --> 00:24:22,370 In my own bedroom, When I am asleep?! 432 00:24:22,394 --> 00:24:24,328 Get back here! 433 00:24:47,619 --> 00:24:50,098 Ritter's voice: "Three's Company" was videotaped 434 00:24:50,122 --> 00:24:52,002 in front of a studio audience. 31364

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